Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow, it's summertime, that wonderful
Speaker 1: time of the year when the sun is out, kids
Speaker 1: are playing, and I slept so much my shirt turns
Speaker 1: into a map by the Middle East. My nipple is
Speaker 1: the Gaza Strip. You don't want to go anywhere near it.
Speaker 1: And on the hottest days, you have a few options.
Speaker 1: You can hidrate, you can stay indoors, or you could
Speaker 1: always go to the beach, but only if you want
Speaker 1: to die. Sharks summertime close encounters scareses feet from shore.
Speaker 1: In South Carolina, a shark in knee deep water just
Speaker 1: feet away from swimmers, and in New Jersey, a sixteen
Speaker 1: foot great white feasting on a bag of bait before
Speaker 1: swimming away. This year, Hawaii has already seen twice as
Speaker 1: many attacks as they did all of last year, and
Speaker 1: just last week, this great white was tracked near New
Speaker 1: York's Long Island. When a white shark bites a person,
Speaker 1: it is a mistake because it thinks that that person
Speaker 1: is a sealed Wait a minute, So if a white
Speaker 1: sharks biting you, it's a mistake. But if a black
Speaker 1: shark gets caught with just a little bit of weed,
Speaker 1: it goes to jail for life. That doesn't seem fair.
Speaker 1: And also, what do you mean if I get bitten,
Speaker 1: it's because I look like a seal? So now I'm
Speaker 1: getting eating and body shame. Talk about adding insult to injury.
Speaker 1: And if you're thinking no problem, I'll just stay in
Speaker 1: the shallow water where it's safe, well, good luck, sucker.
Speaker 1: There are new concerns about rare but potentially deadly flesh
Speaker 1: eating bacteria found in warm waters. Potentially deadly bacteria can
Speaker 1: enter the body through a cutter of screen. According to
Speaker 1: the CDC, the bacteria causes eighty thousand illnesses and a
Speaker 1: hundred deaths in the US every year. Just pay attention.
Speaker 1: Don't be afraid of the ocean, but be aware of
Speaker 1: what's going on. Be aware it's bacteria. What am I
Speaker 1: supposed to do? Snorkle with a microscope? At least with
Speaker 1: a shark. I can hear the fin and and the
Speaker 1: and the jaws music, I can see the Finn. But
Speaker 1: flesh eating bacteria is a silent killer. Like Jason, It's
Speaker 1: what I've always respected about him. He's in it for
Speaker 1: the stabbing, not the chit chat. Also, what's with these bacteria?
Speaker 1: They never eat the flesh that I don't want. How
Speaker 1: about instead of my leg, why don't you guys take
Speaker 1: a nibble on my love handles. That way you still
Speaker 1: get to eat, and I don't look like a seal.
Speaker 1: So so it's dangerous in the water. It's danger is
Speaker 1: close to the water, and you think you're safe way
Speaker 1: up on the beach, you better duck. Warning about a
Speaker 1: surprising summer danger beach umbrellas flying through the air, seriously
Speaker 1: injuring beach goers in Ocean City, Maryland, and a bystander
Speaker 1: filming as the wind picks up these umbrellas and turns
Speaker 1: them into projectiles. The videos wild and the situations incredibly dangerous.
Speaker 1: Over the last ten years, there have been reports of
Speaker 1: over thirty two thousand injuries related to umbrellas across the country.
Speaker 1: Did you see that it's an umbrella uprising? We always
Speaker 1: thought it was gonna be the robots. We never suspected
Speaker 1: the umbrellas, and who can blame them for organizing? We
Speaker 1: treat them like shit. They only get pulled out in
Speaker 1: the extreme heat of the rain. We're never like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a beautiful day, Ma Brella deserves a walk. But
Speaker 1: on the plus side. If you survive an umbrella in Paling,
Speaker 1: at least you'll never need to buy sunscreen again. So,
Speaker 1: whether it's sharks or bacteria or umbrellas, everything on the
Speaker 1: beach once you dad. But don't worry, kids, you can
Speaker 1: just simulate the experience at home. Just turn off your
Speaker 1: air conditioning, stand in the tub with a peanut colata,
Speaker 1: and shove a fistful of sand up your ass. Happy summer, everybody.
Speaker 1: The Daily Show with Trevor no Ears editions. Subscribe to
Speaker 1: the Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive contents, and stream
Speaker 1: full episodes anytime on Paramount Plus. This has been a
Speaker 1: Comedy Central podcast