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Speaker 1: You don't, he confession. I can't take that arms mouth speak.

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Speaker 2: Someone texted into seven eighty five, nine to two. I

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Speaker 2: once say three legos and only two came out.

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Speaker 3: Where did the other one go? I'm not sure who

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Speaker 3: texted that? But how old were you when this happened?

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Speaker 3: Are we talking five or thirty five?

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Speaker 4: I don't be judge, okay, and that's not what this.

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Speaker 1: Space is for.

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Speaker 3: You're right, no judgment here.

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Speaker 2: But if you do have something lodged deep inside of

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Speaker 2: you that needs to come out, you can expunge it

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Speaker 2: right here on our show. And one of our listeners

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Speaker 2: wants to release his inner lego. He's chosen the fake

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Speaker 2: name William. So William, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, wow, your voice doesn't even need to

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Speaker 2: be filtered.

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Speaker 3: Do you have a wonderful voice? Okay, okay, but anyway,

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Speaker 3: all right, William, we do.

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Speaker 2: We are turning the voice changer on for you. You

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Speaker 2: are now the mass speaker. So let's hear your confession.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So I take the train to work, you know

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Speaker 1: it's it's nice and convenient, and I get my exercise,

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Speaker 1: get my steps in walking to and from the station.

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Speaker 1: It's it's pretty good.

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Speaker 4: It always seemed like such a like cool, like hipster

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Speaker 4: thing to do. You know, it's like listening to a

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Speaker 4: record player and taking the train to work.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, save me money. It saves me money on both

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Speaker 1: the car and like I don't have to go to

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Speaker 1: the gym. It's pretty great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a lot of friends that take the

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Speaker 3: train and they love it.

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Speaker 4: Because sounds nice just to sit kind of ease into

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Speaker 4: your day.

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Speaker 1: But on a train since I was a kid, so

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Speaker 1: for some reason, like there's been kind of like an

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Speaker 1: uptick and like older people taking the train and that's

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Speaker 1: that's great. But my only real gripe about that is

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Speaker 1: that they take up all the seats. Oh yeah, because

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Speaker 1: you know, old person gets on the train, you're gonna,

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Speaker 1: you know, get up and give them your seats. They

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Speaker 1: end up standing the rest of the ride.

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Speaker 4: And I mean that, But how did those old ladies

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Speaker 4: carry around such big bags?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of people do, like their grocery shopping

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Speaker 1: or stuff like that. A lot of them they have

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Speaker 1: bags with them, so like they'd really like to sit down.

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Speaker 4: Oh god, those old people are really taking that away

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Speaker 4: from you.

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Speaker 1: I know, they'd have to have everything right.

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Speaker 2: Selfish, I mean, but what can you really do? You

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Speaker 2: need to be courteous.

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Speaker 1: Well, I found a workaround. And this is terrible, and

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Speaker 1: I know you're gonna judge me, but that's why I'm

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Speaker 1: calling you. Guys. I started wearing a baby beorn on

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Speaker 1: the train.

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Speaker 3: No, oh, a baby.

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Speaker 4: I didn't understand, like a like a baby, A front

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Speaker 4: carrier for a baby.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, but the backpack you wear in your front

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Speaker 1: to carry around the baby?

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Speaker 3: Okay, sorry, I don't have kids.

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Speaker 1: I got yeah, yeah, I went to the third store.

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Speaker 1: I got like a life sized baby doll. No, got

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Speaker 1: it all waddled up. Oh my god. I would do

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Speaker 1: it for about three buds and it's been going pretty well.

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Speaker 3: No, I don't want.

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Speaker 4: To hear that. And I bet you get all the attention.

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Speaker 4: It's like when I would carry my babies around, no

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Speaker 4: one would give me the time of day. It's just another.

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Speaker 3: Mother with another crying kid.

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Speaker 4: When my husband would carry those babies, it was like

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Speaker 4: he was a golden angel walking.

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Speaker 1: You poor man, You are bad. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean, is it good attention or is it bad attention?

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Speaker 2: Because I feel like if I was on the train,

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Speaker 2: i'd be like why is this dude taking his baby

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Speaker 2: into work every day?

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Speaker 1: Look, you don't know my daycare situation.

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Speaker 3: Some work some workplaces do offer daycare and just.

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Speaker 4: The only person on the train judging and active participating for.

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Speaker 3: The third baby, the baby.

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Speaker 4: I mean, what do you do when the old people

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Speaker 4: obviously are fawning over you?

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Speaker 1: Great question, And I've had people give me that look,

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Speaker 1: like show me your baby. And so when I do

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Speaker 1: is I haven't swaddled, and I'll occasionally give it a

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Speaker 1: little bounce and if someone starts talking to me, I'll

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Speaker 1: give them the baby sleeping boy.

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Speaker 3: And they can't tell that it's a doll.

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Speaker 1: Even if somebody caught me, right, they don't know that,

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Speaker 1: Like you know, we live in the age of like

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Speaker 1: mental health awareness. They don't know this might be like

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Speaker 1: a coping mechanism.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that could be like a port doll. Actually that's

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Speaker 3: a good idea.

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Speaker 2: Okay, God, I mean it's it's risky. Like you you're

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Speaker 2: telling me you've never been caught and no one's busted

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Speaker 2: you for this.

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Speaker 1: I almost got caught a few weeks ago. So basically

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Speaker 1: what happened with this is that I was drinking some coffee.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, and we hit like a bump and I

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Speaker 1: spilled some coffee and it spilled on like the baby's head.

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Speaker 4: Baby, you guys, I have actually gotten chastised by a

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Speaker 4: total stranger for drinking coffee while having my baby on

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Speaker 4: my chest.

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Speaker 3: What what happened when you spilled on your fake baby?

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Speaker 1: Didn't? Everyone kind of like looked at me all crazy,

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Speaker 1: and fortunately we were coming up for a stop. So

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Speaker 1: what I did was I just matched their panic and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh oh no oh, and I ran

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Speaker 1: out of there as fast as I could.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, baby, my baby, that's not crying.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so that brings me to stepping my game up

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Speaker 1: because I have this suspicious lady now who's always there?

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Speaker 3: Oh, there's a suspicious lady.

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Speaker 1: There's this a lady that was on the train to

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Speaker 1: watch this happen. Okay, So because of this happening, what

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Speaker 1: I did was I got one of those like a

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Speaker 1: little voice recorder, kind of like a tiny little one

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Speaker 1: that I could keep hidden, and I keep it hidden

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Speaker 1: in the baby beorn and it has just like an

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Speaker 1: hour of periodic baby shop.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, this is elaborate.

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Speaker 2: You don't sound like you're ashamed of this or embarrassed

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Speaker 2: at all.

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Speaker 1: I honestly think I'm an innovator.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like he.

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Speaker 4: Is one step away from using that baby to get

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Speaker 4: on a plane early.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, don't give them the idea.

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Speaker 1: And I'm the Elon Musk of mass.

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Speaker 4: Transit sponsored by cabbage Patch.

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Speaker 1: Sponsored by cabbage Patch.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, gosh, we'll text into seven eight, five nine two.

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Speaker 2: If you have a confession you've been holding on to,

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Speaker 2: we can hide your identity by masking your voice and

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Speaker 2: you could become the next mass speaker. Phone tab coming

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Speaker 2: up next