Speaker 1: Hello everyone. This is a really special midweek mom chat
Speaker 1: because I have one of my best friends, longest lifetime
Speaker 1: friends joining me. Amanda Satcher formerly known as Amanda addis
Speaker 1: from Waco, Texas, where I grew up. What's up? Hello, Well,
Speaker 1: this is kind of an unexpected reason that we're together
Speaker 1: right now. I spent the night at her house last
Speaker 1: night because for all of you guys following the news,
Speaker 1: Nashville got hit by tornado. Um on what days today?
Speaker 1: Monday night? Monday night. It got hit on Monday. Yeah,
Speaker 1: national guys, today's Wednesday. Nashville got hit by tornado on
Speaker 1: Monday night. It came out of the blue. It hit
Speaker 1: downtown Nashville, then it really wrecked German Town, and then
Speaker 1: it hit East Nahville where I live, and really messed
Speaker 1: up our neighborhood. We our house was not hit. We're
Speaker 1: so thankful, but so many other people's were. And it's
Speaker 1: just crazy when you go through a natural disaster like that.
Speaker 1: So our powers out and so Amanda and Bill her husband,
Speaker 1: Bill plays guitar, four thousand horses. UM let us come
Speaker 1: stay with them and pack up our entire life and
Speaker 1: bringing over their house. So thanks for the us to
Speaker 1: move in. It's been really fun. We used to live together,
Speaker 1: so it's kind of like a little fun um sleepover union.
Speaker 1: That was really fun when we lived together. How long
Speaker 1: do we live together? A couple of years? I like
Speaker 1: four sho out of your apartment. You had great apartment,
Speaker 1: and I was like, just like break your rent and
Speaker 1: coming in with me. I think it was like two years.
Speaker 1: Good times. And the funny thing about Amanda and I
Speaker 1: is our moms are best friends also, so we got
Speaker 1: a deep lineage here. And then my dad recently had
Speaker 1: a lot of heart situation and Michael's and Amanda's dad
Speaker 1: was right there by my dad's side because he's a
Speaker 1: heart surgeon and all sorts of stuff. So our families
Speaker 1: are super intertwined. And I introduced Bill in Amanda. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're the reason for my marriage. Okay, you gotta tell
Speaker 1: you gotta tell that story. Um, So I just moved
Speaker 1: to Nashville and I was coming out of a really
Speaker 1: long relationship and I moved here for graduate school and
Speaker 1: I was like really focused and so excited to be
Speaker 1: single after being in a relationship for like four years
Speaker 1: in college. You're like, I moved to Nashville, I want
Speaker 1: to get my date on. Yeah. I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm gonna kiss everybody. And I moved to
Speaker 1: Nashville and I ran into Caroline and Michael at pet
Speaker 1: Smart and um, she said, my boyfriend's in this band
Speaker 1: and they have a show tonight. Do you'all do you
Speaker 1: want to come? And I was like, well, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know anybody. I had moved to Nashville like
Speaker 1: two or three days before, so I was like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: I'll go. And I met Bill that night and we
Speaker 1: just like sat and talked about Saved by the Bell
Speaker 1: and I don't know, it was kind of like awkward
Speaker 1: because we were both a little bit shy. And then
Speaker 1: he asked you to dinner afterwards, but he had no
Speaker 1: dollars in his banking Yeah, he asked me. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1: He asked me if we could, like if I wanted
Speaker 1: to go somewhere, um, and I was like sure, like
Speaker 1: go grab like some food or something. And then we
Speaker 1: went and then I guess while we were there, they
Speaker 1: had an a t M at the back. When you
Speaker 1: still have to check your balance on a t M,
Speaker 1: I was like ten years ago, and he went and
Speaker 1: checked his balance and he had like three dollars in
Speaker 1: his bank account, and so he didn't end up ordering anything.
Speaker 1: So what can't you even order on the menu for
Speaker 1: three dollars? I ordered to Booley because it was like
Speaker 1: ten pm and we went to a restaurant called to Bouley?
Speaker 1: And how much did that cost? You bought your own?
Speaker 1: I just it wasn't because it wasn't a date and
Speaker 1: he didn't order anything. So then it was like, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna pay for my own to Boley, you know.
Speaker 1: So um. But yeah, and then um, that was kind
Speaker 1: of that was it. And then I remember at the
Speaker 1: end of the night that Michael said, uh, Bill Sacher,
Speaker 1: think about it, and I was like, yelled that across
Speaker 1: the parking lot and I was like, I that's so funny.
Speaker 1: I hadn't. I had not really thought about it, but
Speaker 1: I guess I'll think about it. So um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: here we are ten years later. Was that the start
Speaker 1: of true love? Like? Did just start dating exclusively? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you remember? Like you? I guess he was so
Speaker 1: shy and he he was so nervous around girls, and
Speaker 1: he'd never I'm sure he would love me, saying that
Speaker 1: he had never had a real girlfriend. And he asked me, um,
Speaker 1: you had a barbecue at your house. I probably planned
Speaker 1: it for y'all, you did. And so he asked me
Speaker 1: if I would go to the barbecue with him. He
Speaker 1: called me on my home phone and as if I
Speaker 1: would go to the barbecue, and I said yeah, And
Speaker 1: so he came and picked me up and knocked on
Speaker 1: the door and like the whole thing, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: did he bring me flowers? He didn't bring me flowers.
Speaker 1: But we were helping, like to cut like an onion
Speaker 1: in the kitchen, and he held my hands. Did you
Speaker 1: get Tingley? Yeah? I was like, dang it. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be single so bad, but really think you're so cute.
Speaker 1: So that was it. That was it, And I felt
Speaker 1: so bad because I'm like, here comes Amanda. She's coming
Speaker 1: to school to be an occupational therapist, Like she's got
Speaker 1: a bright future, and let me just go ahead and
Speaker 1: introduce her to my rock and roll boyfriend and his bandmate.
Speaker 1: And God knows, like this is every parent's nightmare. Long
Speaker 1: Hair didn't go to college. Three dollars in the big
Speaker 1: account of cool, super cool and charming. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: those rock stars will get you, and my dad said,
Speaker 1: don't go to Nashville and just fall in love with
Speaker 1: a musician. And then like a week later, it's like, sorry, Dad,
Speaker 1: I felt so guilty about it. For I'm like, oh gosh,
Speaker 1: because I have known your parents a whole life. I'm like,
Speaker 1: they're gonna kill me. Oh, but now my dad and
Speaker 1: Bill are like basically the same person. They are so
Speaker 1: similar it's eerie. Yeah, it really is eerie, Like to
Speaker 1: talk on the phone about music and fly fishing all
Speaker 1: the time. They call each other on the phone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just talked to my dad on the phone. He's like,
Speaker 1: it's Bill still on the plane. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: give him a call here in a little bit. Oh.
Speaker 1: It's been fun. This journey has been fun, and it's
Speaker 1: been fun to do it with you because we've had
Speaker 1: our whole life together growing up, even though I've been
Speaker 1: older than us, four years older than you, so it's
Speaker 1: like we weren't like quite in the same circles, but
Speaker 1: always went to church together and knew each other. And
Speaker 1: then having this band life together, it just it has
Speaker 1: made a big difference because it is a rot ride
Speaker 1: to be a band wife to be in the music industry,
Speaker 1: to be married to musicians, and now you were seven
Speaker 1: months pregnant twenty nine weeks weeks on Thursday with a
Speaker 1: little baby. Pretty crazy. I'm wanna talk about your journey
Speaker 1: because you and I both had journeys to get to
Speaker 1: being pregnant. So tell me about your journey to get here,
Speaker 1: because I know that was an emotional journey for you,
Speaker 1: and so many women go through this and it is
Speaker 1: so painful and emotionally painful. Well, I only ever really
Speaker 1: really wanted to be a mom, like growing up, Like
Speaker 1: when people are like, what do you want to be
Speaker 1: when you grow up, I'm like, I don't just a
Speaker 1: mom really, Like I mean, I love being an occupational therapist,
Speaker 1: but I really just that has always been something nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I guess um, I was surprised. I was surprised
Speaker 1: that it wasn't easy for us to get pregnant, and
Speaker 1: which is very surprising because you go your whole life
Speaker 1: trying not to get pregnant, and oh, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: get pregnant. Yeah. And I had an i U D.
Speaker 1: And when I took it out, I got I was
Speaker 1: glad I took it out. Maybe a little bit sooner
Speaker 1: than I thought I was maybe ready for because some
Speaker 1: people had said like, oh, sometimes it will take you
Speaker 1: like six months to kind of get regulated again. Well
Speaker 1: it was like a year and a half plus and
Speaker 1: four rounds of clod and six months of progesterone, which
Speaker 1: makes you feel pretty terrible, it does. And finally, like
Speaker 1: you know that that just whole journey is just really frustrating.
Speaker 1: Tell me about that season, Like how you feel in
Speaker 1: that season, Like tell me like the different stages, because
Speaker 1: I know you, like it's for me, it was stages
Speaker 1: like in the beginning, you're kind of like lighthearted about it,
Speaker 1: like okay, like yeah, it takes a while, that's fine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the first like I was fine until about
Speaker 1: six months and then I started getting like that and
Speaker 1: after six months, I was like really just kind of frustrated,
Speaker 1: and like, I guess the couple of things that got
Speaker 1: me through are like one, my faith and to knowing
Speaker 1: that like I was never opposed to like adopting or anything,
Speaker 1: so I knew like one way or another, I was
Speaker 1: going to be a mom. So like that was like
Speaker 1: it was just like wow, this really sucks, but I
Speaker 1: know this is not like this is just part of
Speaker 1: the journey, however it ends up. How did you feel
Speaker 1: though after the six months happened, Because I know, for me,
Speaker 1: like we had a dear friend, Brie lending and like
Speaker 1: I had just confided in you guys, like my closest friends.
Speaker 1: Like I think it was like you, Andrea and Bree
Speaker 1: that I had to hit that six month mark. And
Speaker 1: I was like, I think I cried everything now, but
Speaker 1: like I was so frustrated because I'm like, it's just
Speaker 1: never going to happen, and like I felt so frustrated,
Speaker 1: and I was like, everyone's just getting pregnant and I
Speaker 1: can't get pregnant. And at that very same moment, Bree
Speaker 1: had just found out she was pregnant and got pregnant
Speaker 1: first try, and it's like you are so happy for them,
Speaker 1: and then you feel so weird because you're in this
Speaker 1: really sad place and it's like everyone starts popping up
Speaker 1: pregnant and literally it's a blessing and a miracle, and
Speaker 1: you have so much love for all the women getting pregnant,
Speaker 1: but you're like, why am I not getting pregnant? Why
Speaker 1: is it not happening? And I had just taken my
Speaker 1: I d out like um, maybe like a week or
Speaker 1: two before Brie, And so I mean, like, like you said,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for her, like like, and I didn't
Speaker 1: really expect to get pregnant on the first Chary or
Speaker 1: even the second or the third. Like I felt like
Speaker 1: I knew it was going to take a little bit
Speaker 1: of time, but I did not know it was going
Speaker 1: to take like almost two years. Because I remember having
Speaker 1: one like really heart about conversation with you, like right
Speaker 1: before you got pregnant, and you were like it was
Speaker 1: like a hard moment, you know. I was like I
Speaker 1: would go through like waves like you said, and like
Speaker 1: I would be okay some of the time. And then
Speaker 1: one time we went to church and we like it
Speaker 1: was super crowded and we ended up sitting on the
Speaker 1: wrong side whatever, the wrong side is not our normal side.
Speaker 1: And I looked around and I we were we were
Speaker 1: like in the middle somehow we had I had never
Speaker 1: noticed that we sat in the middle of like the
Speaker 1: family section, like back left, all the kids, and we
Speaker 1: were just like sitting in there, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, and I just like lost it and like
Speaker 1: started crying and I was like I don't I can't
Speaker 1: never sit on this side again. This is like until
Speaker 1: I have my own family because this is a way
Speaker 1: too hard. And what is that? Because it's like what
Speaker 1: is that feeling? Because you never know you could experience
Speaker 1: that until you're in it. Yeah, is it just like
Speaker 1: is it the feeling that like you're never gonna get it?
Speaker 1: Or like is it that you want it so badly?
Speaker 1: And I think it's just like wanting it so badly
Speaker 1: because like I really like and almost like I mean jealousy,
Speaker 1: like totally like just like you hate that you're jealous
Speaker 1: and yeah, and like like it's so it's such a
Speaker 1: weird thing, like like you're so happy for your friend,
Speaker 1: but you're just like jealous. It's not you and I
Speaker 1: really try to not should not be jealous. And so
Speaker 1: that's like that was that's like a hard thing to accept.
Speaker 1: You're like why do I feel like this? And it's
Speaker 1: burning feeling and it makes you just like then you're
Speaker 1: like disappointed in yourself that you feel like that, that
Speaker 1: you let yourself get to that point and like you
Speaker 1: can't help it because you want it so badly and
Speaker 1: you don't want their child, you don't want their blessing
Speaker 1: to go away. You just want it for your total
Speaker 1: more than anything. Yeah, it is. And I have like
Speaker 1: loved being able to talk about this on this platform
Speaker 1: and like, I'm so grateful that you will talk about
Speaker 1: it and other women because so many women. Once I've
Speaker 1: started like talking about it, you realize how common this is.
Speaker 1: It is so hard to get pregnant. Some people get
Speaker 1: pregnant right away and that is such a blessing. Others
Speaker 1: it is a journey, and like it sometimes it never
Speaker 1: even happens. And then you're in this journey and you're
Speaker 1: like why why I just like you just cannot wrap
Speaker 1: your head around why it's not you and what everyone
Speaker 1: else is getting it. It's like why are they winning
Speaker 1: the power Ball and I'm not. Yeah, And then it's
Speaker 1: weird like being on the other side of it now,
Speaker 1: like the light at the end of the tunnel, and
Speaker 1: like at first you kind of almost like, I mean,
Speaker 1: I have other friends that have been struggling to get pregnant,
Speaker 1: and you like almost don't want to feel so happy
Speaker 1: for yourself because you don't want to make anybody else
Speaker 1: feel sad for for themselves, you know, And that is
Speaker 1: also a hard thing, like because yeah, you want and
Speaker 1: you want that for everybody you know that wants that
Speaker 1: for themselves. So I know, I know it's just a
Speaker 1: hard it's just a hard journey. It is, Yeah, But
Speaker 1: I always have like thought this. I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is pessimistic or just I don't know, but I've
Speaker 1: always thought, like, you know, if it's not one thing,
Speaker 1: it's another. So like on the like to pregnancy and
Speaker 1: having children, and it's like you never know what hardship
Speaker 1: you're going to go through at what point, So like
Speaker 1: this is just part of the story, and like it
Speaker 1: wasn't easy, but here we are, and if it wouldn't
Speaker 1: have been this, it could have been something else exactly.
Speaker 1: I mean I've talked to you about that too, because
Speaker 1: like right now, Sonny, like she's like coming into personality.
Speaker 1: We're getting vaccines, and like there's all that fear about
Speaker 1: like autism and all sorts of stuff. But it's just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you can worry about like autism because that pops up
Speaker 1: right now in the beginning phases. And then so you
Speaker 1: get through that phase, then it's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: what about drugs and alcohol driving and school shootings and
Speaker 1: I mean freaking a tornado hits your town. You know,
Speaker 1: it's just like what is next, Like if if it's
Speaker 1: not one thing, it's another, So really like why worry? Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: because like you can worry yourself sick and then something
Speaker 1: else is coming right behind it. And the things that
Speaker 1: you really worry about sometimes aren't even what you deal
Speaker 1: with totally, you know, right yep. It's so it's like
Speaker 1: you're worrying. You're like that's so fear based, you know,
Speaker 1: and not like the truth. So how do you get
Speaker 1: out of that fear based mentality? Gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean praying, I mean that, I don't know, praying
Speaker 1: and just trying to be like optimistic and not letting
Speaker 1: like that all that like just fear sink in and
Speaker 1: just trying to like just trying to think about like
Speaker 1: life is our our a journey, I guess, And it's
Speaker 1: just not it's not like just an easy straight road.
Speaker 1: It's just a little windy and everybody everybody has like
Speaker 1: their struggles that they go through. So like even if
Speaker 1: like someone else looks like they have like you know,
Speaker 1: it was very easy for them to get pregnant, and
Speaker 1: like it's just everybody has one thing or another that
Speaker 1: they're worried about, struggling with whatever. So we're all just
Speaker 1: kind of like human in in it together, you know.
Speaker 1: So you have that awareness. I also have that awareness.
Speaker 1: But what do you do when you're in the valley?
Speaker 1: Because I have found myself Like when I was younger,
Speaker 1: I look back and I know everything is relative. I'm like, dang,
Speaker 1: stuff I was stressing about. Girl, Oh, I wasn't even
Speaker 1: stressing about that. But now I'm like, when you start
Speaker 1: bringing a life into the world and you're married and
Speaker 1: you have a house payment, and you have jobs and
Speaker 1: you are not supporting your family, and then you're supporting
Speaker 1: a child and you have like careers and it's all
Speaker 1: the stuff like stuff so that kids like freaking real. Yea,
Speaker 1: what do you tell yourself when you're in those stressful seasons,
Speaker 1: even though you know it's a journey and it's a
Speaker 1: bigger picture, I don't know, it's like so hard to navigate. Sometimes.
Speaker 1: I feel like we're really lucky with like our friends
Speaker 1: in Nashville that we have like a super great community
Speaker 1: of people that are actually like so real and can
Speaker 1: be like honest with each other. So just like relying
Speaker 1: on friends and like God, and that's it, like and
Speaker 1: of course my sweet husband, like that's just like trying
Speaker 1: to and you know, working at a hospital gives me
Speaker 1: like a real good dose of reality pretty you know,
Speaker 1: like just seeing uh, like all the real hardships that
Speaker 1: are not that like true hardships, you know, physical physical
Speaker 1: hardships and like people rebuilding their bodies and strokes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like it's so sad and like yeah, just like
Speaker 1: you know, adults who have been abused and like I
Speaker 1: don't know just all of that. I'm just like, wow,
Speaker 1: I sent Bill a text message last week. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what I think it's hard right now is so not hard,
Speaker 1: you know, And like that I think helps me keep
Speaker 1: it in perspective how like grateful, how lucky and like
Speaker 1: blessed we are and how that's not you know, so
Speaker 1: even like when things feel stressful and hard, they're just
Speaker 1: like just keeping it in perspective that our life is
Speaker 1: pretty dang good. I know. I know I'm talking with
Speaker 1: that right now because I am and anyone who listens
Speaker 1: to this podcast knows I am always trying to find
Speaker 1: the positive. I'm always trying to see the light within
Speaker 1: the tunnel, Like I feel so blessed in my life
Speaker 1: and right now I'm in a very stressful season with
Speaker 1: just like trying to get my career going, Like I'm
Speaker 1: putting so much work into my career and like just
Speaker 1: trying to get it going because you have to pay bills.
Speaker 1: Our husbands are in a band and they're amazing, and
Speaker 1: it's like they have this very creative job and then
Speaker 1: it makes them be gone and like it makes their
Speaker 1: schedules different and just like never nothing is ever consistent,
Speaker 1: which is what we love about them. Now you have
Speaker 1: a life in the world and it's like thinking about
Speaker 1: all these things for her and you have one coming,
Speaker 1: and like I just feel like I have so many
Speaker 1: and this is just some of them. These are like
Speaker 1: my main ones. I have so many like balls in
Speaker 1: the air that I feel like I don't know how
Speaker 1: to catch them all. And it's not that I'm not grateful,
Speaker 1: because I am grateful, but it's like I'm stressed, and
Speaker 1: like I just let myself being a moment these past
Speaker 1: couple of days actually where I just like I'm speaking
Speaker 1: out loud where it's like I am happy and I
Speaker 1: am blessed, Like I'm stressed right now and like I
Speaker 1: think that's okay to feel that every now and then
Speaker 1: because I'm always trying to push through it and get
Speaker 1: to the blessing and get to the light. But like
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just freaking overwhelmed and it's hard. It's just
Speaker 1: like I think it's okay to be there, Like obviously
Speaker 1: you've got to figure out ways to get out of it.
Speaker 1: But those are seasons, you know. And like you said
Speaker 1: that like perspective, like there are real problems in life,
Speaker 1: and so it's like, okay, be grateful, get stay in check.
Speaker 1: But like it's God, life is like real on any level. Yep.
Speaker 1: So how have you navigated working, being pregnant. Now you're
Speaker 1: about to have this baby, You're going to continue working,
Speaker 1: you are finding a nanny, and like that's a whole
Speaker 1: new chapter like a working mom, Like what is that
Speaker 1: going to look like? I don't know, we'll see And
Speaker 1: how are your feelings about all that? Um uh, I'm torn.
Speaker 1: I mean, so being pregnant and working has been fine luckily,
Speaker 1: Like my job has been super great and flexible and
Speaker 1: so like I have been able to work like a
Speaker 1: lot of time alongside like a partner. Do you have
Speaker 1: a physical job yeah, Like I do a lot of
Speaker 1: lifting and like, and it's like super emotionally demanding. But
Speaker 1: I've been able to have a partner, so like have
Speaker 1: a physical therapist with me, so we can, like I
Speaker 1: can let somebody else take a lot of like heavy lifting,
Speaker 1: and I'm just asking for help more. But because I've
Speaker 1: been new for you to ask for helper, are you
Speaker 1: okay to ask for help? Yeah, it's new to like
Speaker 1: not be able to feel like I can give, Like
Speaker 1: this is a percent of my effort that I can
Speaker 1: give right now, but it's not of my normal effort,
Speaker 1: you know, So just like being okay with that, And
Speaker 1: like I took that indiogram test yesterday and I'm a
Speaker 1: two with a one wing. One wing, so helper with
Speaker 1: the perfectionist wing. Yeah, so perfectionist. So like and you're
Speaker 1: connect and neck with like perfectionism too. Yeah yeah, so
Speaker 1: that's kind of like hard for me. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is just I just have to realize, like this
Speaker 1: is the best that I can do right now. Like
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm like I'm not slacking off
Speaker 1: or anything, but I'm not probably like you know, you know,
Speaker 1: your regular body can do more but you can't do
Speaker 1: that right now. Yeah, and even just like you know,
Speaker 1: I think like the first, um, the first trimester was
Speaker 1: just so tired. So it's just like going in and
Speaker 1: going leaving, and like I am really grateful that I'm
Speaker 1: like way too type A to like leave it and
Speaker 1: have to take work home with me. So like all
Speaker 1: you creative people, I totally admire that, but I like
Speaker 1: to be just like clocked out at the end of
Speaker 1: the day. Um So, but now like I just finished
Speaker 1: the like sweet spot, and now like the second trimester
Speaker 1: is the sweet man, And I felt like I was
Speaker 1: just like doing really great and cute because you kind
Speaker 1: of got a little bump, but it's not so big
Speaker 1: that it's like weighing you down and hurting your hips. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then like we're right around twenty seven weeks, as
Speaker 1: I was like turning the corner to move into the
Speaker 1: third trimester, I like couldn't get my legs up into
Speaker 1: the car without like lifting them with my hands because
Speaker 1: my growing and my hips hurt so bad. So I
Speaker 1: started going to physical therapy myself. And now I'm it's
Speaker 1: just like it's um, you know, funny to be I
Speaker 1: guess I'm like this is now the second I broke
Speaker 1: a finger last year and had to go to occupational therapy.
Speaker 1: Now I'm like, I can't even walk without a wattle
Speaker 1: and my hips hurt so bad. So now I'm in
Speaker 1: physical therapy and it's funny to be on this side
Speaker 1: of it as a patient. Yeah, but um yeah, so
Speaker 1: now it's getting a little bit harder to work just
Speaker 1: because I'm just really uncomfortable. But I know, but it's
Speaker 1: still fine. But I you know, um, I work some
Speaker 1: weekends and stuff, so that gives me. That gives me
Speaker 1: like a day off during the week. And I kind
Speaker 1: of like working weekends actually when like our husbands are gone,
Speaker 1: because I don't know, it's just like I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't mind it. I've never minded working like an
Speaker 1: occasional weekend here and there. And then I like having
Speaker 1: a day off during the week, like a week day
Speaker 1: like today off to be just like do whatever, lay
Speaker 1: around and be kind of like lazy and get some
Speaker 1: errands run on a on an actual week day like
Speaker 1: most working people parents don't have that luxury, you know.
Speaker 1: And then um, going back to work. I'm gonna start
Speaker 1: going back to work just like three days a week. Um,
Speaker 1: you're gonna take a few months off. I'm gonna take yeah,
Speaker 1: to be determined, probably like ten or twelve weeks off
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna go back to work three days
Speaker 1: a week. But then I still will work like one
Speaker 1: or two weekends a month, so I end up being
Speaker 1: like four days at least a couple a couple of
Speaker 1: weeks out of the month. So and um, and what
Speaker 1: our thoughts about that? Like, I know, you just have
Speaker 1: to get there to feel it, like going back to
Speaker 1: work with the baby finding nanny. Well, I mean, like
Speaker 1: I said, like I've only ever wanted to be a mom,
Speaker 1: So I mean, like I would love to never work again.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, like I know, I'll be
Speaker 1: glad to have like something for myself and like I
Speaker 1: enjoy my job when I'm there. I never like, but
Speaker 1: I know I'm not gonna want to go there, you know,
Speaker 1: but I, um, yeah, and um, having a nanny. I
Speaker 1: knew that I wanted to have a nanny, And you
Speaker 1: know this is just like this is just my personal
Speaker 1: like journey and preference like this does not I don't
Speaker 1: like think that you have to have a nanny or
Speaker 1: anything like that, but Um, I decided that I wanted
Speaker 1: to have a nanny because this is odd because I'm
Speaker 1: a therapist and I have weird opinions about like putting
Speaker 1: kids in chairs for long periods of time or like
Speaker 1: being constrained or anything. And I'm like, oh gosh, it's
Speaker 1: just so much sensory stimulation in a loud room, and like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm kind of weird about that. You're
Speaker 1: the mom, You're the that's right, and you know, I'm
Speaker 1: sure that they'll change significantly after like six months. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, really realize what's more realistic. You know, you
Speaker 1: can start, you can have any opinions that you want
Speaker 1: though for your child and your experience with your child.
Speaker 1: I feel like this is the one time when nobody
Speaker 1: else gets to tell you what you're good. Yeah. So,
Speaker 1: um been, we're um gonna do a nanny share with
Speaker 1: another family in our neighborhood. And um so we'll have
Speaker 1: like the both babies together so they'll get like a
Speaker 1: little bit of socialization, but in a very like you know,
Speaker 1: safe contained environment. Um So that's kind of our plan
Speaker 1: for now. See how it goes. Would have been the
Speaker 1: highs of pregnancy and the loads of pregnancy. Um, the
Speaker 1: high the highs, like every time I feel uncomfortable, honestly
Speaker 1: even just like I never have been mad about being
Speaker 1: uncomfortable because it's like I'm so grateful to be here
Speaker 1: that like even all the discomfort, I'm like, how freaking
Speaker 1: cool that my body is doing this? And like my
Speaker 1: hips are because they're getting wide and huge. But that's
Speaker 1: like awesome, you know, like what it's so cool like
Speaker 1: that my body is capable of this. It's pretty amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and every like kick even the ones all night that
Speaker 1: like we're really keeping me up and kicking my ribs,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just like, wow, like this is so awesome.
Speaker 1: You're just like moving around in there and like who
Speaker 1: are you know? That is pretty cool and special. Um,
Speaker 1: And I haven't minded. I really haven't minded getting like
Speaker 1: I've loved having a bump. It's actually so fun. Um
Speaker 1: the lows. I'm only going to say this because now
Speaker 1: I know this is like comment. I didn't know if
Speaker 1: you're gonna talk about this or not. I was gonna
Speaker 1: set where you can choose, well, hemorroids, it's just not
Speaker 1: there's some farts that just aren't sexy. Yeah, So I would.
Speaker 1: I didn't. I like did not know that was the thing.
Speaker 1: And then I went to a prenatal yoga yoga class
Speaker 1: and I, uh, they asked us a similar question. They're like,
Speaker 1: what's the least like great physical part about being pregnant?
Speaker 1: And like four people said hemorrhoids and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you like it's only happened to me
Speaker 1: twice now, like you know, since I've been pregnant, but
Speaker 1: like both times I was like, what the freak is happening?
Speaker 1: This is horrible and um so yeah, that that and
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I didn't have hemorhids, but I was
Speaker 1: like constipated out to the wazoo, like I could not
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom ever, and that was so frustrating
Speaker 1: to me. It's funny because then I asked like two
Speaker 1: of my best girlfriends, like very closest friends, our closest friends,
Speaker 1: and I was like, y'all, like I have hemorrohid What
Speaker 1: the freak do I do? And somebody was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I get them all the time. And I was like,
Speaker 1: but you've never told me that, and they were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: people don't talk about that. I know, people don't talk
Speaker 1: about this stuff, but everyone had deals with it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: but we talk about everything, but I was kind of
Speaker 1: shocked that, you know, this is funny how like we
Speaker 1: try to keep some stuff private because we're like not embarrassed.
Speaker 1: But it's just like it's the gross ugly parts of life.
Speaker 1: But really we're all going through the gross ugly parts
Speaker 1: of life. And you feel so much better when you
Speaker 1: realize we're all going through the gross ugly parts of
Speaker 1: life together. Then when I had my C section and
Speaker 1: I could not once again, it comes back to go
Speaker 1: into the freaking bathroom. I could not go to the
Speaker 1: bathroom for weeks, and I was texting other friends who
Speaker 1: had c sections and they would like tell me their tips,
Speaker 1: like hold a pillow, like turn on your side, like
Speaker 1: doing these things. And I'm like, I'm so glad I
Speaker 1: can talk about shooting with you, Like, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for letting me talk about this. It's really funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you gotta know you're not alone in these things, because
Speaker 1: it's just like your body is changing so much and
Speaker 1: it's kind of like scary overwhelming sometimes because you don't
Speaker 1: know if you're normal or if this is no normal,
Speaker 1: or how to handle it and you're not like mad
Speaker 1: about it, but you just need to know. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: mad about that one. That's the only one I'm mad about.
Speaker 1: Hip pain and it's cool and I'm good with that,
Speaker 1: but the hypnorrhoids, Yeah, I don't like that part. Fair
Speaker 1: enough enough, fair enough, you don't have to love it all.
Speaker 1: So tell me about like you're in a really spiritual
Speaker 1: season of life right now, you're in a very real
Speaker 1: season life. I'm actually looking at this picture behind you
Speaker 1: and like just like just like tell me, explain to
Speaker 1: me this piece of art, because to me, this sums
Speaker 1: up how you kind of view life. Okay, well, this
Speaker 1: is um. This is a print from Dolan Guyman, who's
Speaker 1: like Colorado artists, and it's um St Francis St Francis
Speaker 1: of ASSISI and it's like super colorful um and he's
Speaker 1: just like holding all of the animals and butterflies are
Speaker 1: like flying free around him, and he has a deer
Speaker 1: laying at his um feet and I just love it
Speaker 1: so much. It's also um in the court we had
Speaker 1: to put our dog to sleep on New Year's Eve
Speaker 1: and it's now holding her corner keeping it coz. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So um that was Bill and I Christmas present to
Speaker 1: each other this year and animal he loves all the
Speaker 1: animal he loves all the animals and fans. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: the animal saint. And so isn't that weird, like letting
Speaker 1: go of one life? Kna your dog, he was such
Speaker 1: who was your baby, and it's like at the same time,
Speaker 1: you're making room for another life. Like that's so weird.
Speaker 1: I think that's the only way that we were like
Speaker 1: able to get through Kona's like passing is because we
Speaker 1: like it's just so the circle of life is so
Speaker 1: crazy and real, you know, because like Kona was like,
Speaker 1: I mean, Kona is my dog when I moved here,
Speaker 1: but really, like Bill spent more time with Kna than
Speaker 1: I did. You know. They were connected. Yeah, like they
Speaker 1: snuggled in bed every morning and like they were just
Speaker 1: like she was a lazy dog and she slept under
Speaker 1: the covers, so she you know, they just had like
Speaker 1: really had a connection. And so anyways that I think,
Speaker 1: just like I'm grateful see that that maybe God needed
Speaker 1: me to wait to have this baby until it was
Speaker 1: like time to let Kna go, because if I didn't,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I could have let her go.
Speaker 1: Like it was just the worst thing ever, you know,
Speaker 1: but holding on too like this I tried really hard,
Speaker 1: Like especially once we were getting towards the end, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I have to focus on this baby that I am
Speaker 1: carrying and not like let hang on to like the
Speaker 1: idea of Kona when she's suffering. Yes, and like I
Speaker 1: can't keep getting this worked up. I mean it was
Speaker 1: like there was like three days of just like insane
Speaker 1: crying and stuff, and I'm like, this is not I can't.
Speaker 1: This is not good for me or for my child,
Speaker 1: you know, So that maybe made it easier to like
Speaker 1: let her go when it was time. How do you
Speaker 1: now a gate? Because you are so faithful and spiritual
Speaker 1: and like you come from a very spiritual family, how
Speaker 1: do you navigate things like I'm still processing this tornado
Speaker 1: and like they're natural disasters that happen all over the world,
Speaker 1: and it's like it's so weird because these huge things
Speaker 1: happen cause so much destruction, disrupts so many people's lives,
Speaker 1: kill people like wreck situations, but yet you find God
Speaker 1: in them because people show up and they help and
Speaker 1: it draws people together as a community. But then like
Speaker 1: people go on with their regular lives and you have
Speaker 1: like I just struggle with that. Dichotomy is not even
Speaker 1: the right word of like feelings of feeling like Okay,
Speaker 1: I see the joy and in the love of the
Speaker 1: community coming together, I feel this intense pain and overwhelming
Speaker 1: feelings of like the wreckage that's happening, but yet then
Speaker 1: life is still moving on, Like sometimes I feel schizophrenic.
Speaker 1: How do you deal with stuff like this? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I guess I do think that. Like again,
Speaker 1: like working on a hospital setting gives me a lot
Speaker 1: of perspective because a lot of times, like well one
Speaker 1: like the circle of life that I see that like
Speaker 1: some thing's just come to an end, like we all
Speaker 1: actually everything, we're all coming to an end. You know,
Speaker 1: are are like earthly life. But also like it's really
Speaker 1: so the best part of my job is getting to
Speaker 1: see like people recover and like so that part, like
Speaker 1: even in this tornado, like watching our community come together,
Speaker 1: like like it was Mr. Rogers like find the Helpers.
Speaker 1: Like to me, that's like the most inspiring, like seeing
Speaker 1: our community come together and like everybody leaning on each other,
Speaker 1: and you said, like yesterday, it's like y'all came over
Speaker 1: here and like stayed here and we were all together,
Speaker 1: and it's like the same actually after the two thousand
Speaker 1: ten flood, we were all together, like we that's when
Speaker 1: you and I lived together and we had people coming
Speaker 1: and staying with us because like they couldn't get to
Speaker 1: their house, you know, And it's like it's just kind
Speaker 1: of like to me, I guess that's what's like real
Speaker 1: and that's how I get through it is like looking
Speaker 1: for the goodness and how it's like bringing people closer
Speaker 1: despite all the like super horrible nous of it because
Speaker 1: you deal with heavy pain a lot. You see people's pain.
Speaker 1: Like to me, like I sometimes get so overwhelmed with
Speaker 1: like taking on the feelings that I am perceiving as
Speaker 1: their pain and like creating my own story for it
Speaker 1: that like I get so lost in my feelings, like
Speaker 1: how do you keep how do you not? Don't I'm
Speaker 1: super empathetic, Like I think that's probably what like makes
Speaker 1: me good at my job is because like I really do,
Speaker 1: like I always think, like, oh my gosh, if this
Speaker 1: was my mom, Like if I'm caring for a patient,
Speaker 1: I'm like if this was my mom or if this
Speaker 1: was my sister, whatever, you know, if this was my friend.
Speaker 1: But so I do, but also I don't know. Also I,
Speaker 1: like I said, I get to see like the realness
Speaker 1: of the ending sometimes, you know, and I prove people
Speaker 1: probably change for the better, Like you see like the
Speaker 1: the blessing. Probably there is probably a blessing in the recovery,
Speaker 1: and you know, sometimes there is blessing in the end,
Speaker 1: like the end of the earthly life, and like it
Speaker 1: is like just the beginning of like their eternal life,
Speaker 1: you know. And so like I think you stay very
Speaker 1: connected to your faith a lot. I I feel like
Speaker 1: that's the only way I could ever get through a
Speaker 1: day in the hospital, because that would otherwise just be
Speaker 1: so sad, you know, and sometimes it is sad. But
Speaker 1: and you also are doing action steps every day, which
Speaker 1: I think action also helps you, like people to feel
Speaker 1: instead of just sitting around with their feelings, Like you're active,
Speaker 1: doing everything you can to help people every single day.
Speaker 1: And so it's like if it does comes in and
Speaker 1: you know, all the action was done that could have
Speaker 1: been done, and that probably has to give you some
Speaker 1: sort of peace, Yeah, totally. Yeah, and hopefully their families too,
Speaker 1: you know, like just making the right choices. Healthcare is
Speaker 1: hard making choices. Like you have to make hard choices,
Speaker 1: don't you. Yeah, And I have to like you know,
Speaker 1: see other see other people make hard choices for their
Speaker 1: loved ones, and that's really hard to you know and
Speaker 1: not qualified to like necessarily like guide them and their choices,
Speaker 1: but I can, you know. I feel like somehow therapists
Speaker 1: end up being like the listening ear, you know, like
Speaker 1: they just they just like let it all just out.
Speaker 1: We're like, you're kind You're become a therapist really, like yeah,
Speaker 1: it's funny. We really should get more like actual theory
Speaker 1: be classes and um, like you know psychology. Well we
Speaker 1: do take a lot of psychology classes in school, but
Speaker 1: we should probably even get more of it because we
Speaker 1: end up being like psychologists. I feel like some of
Speaker 1: the time, like people just pour their feelings. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: it's totally and especially like once you've developed like a
Speaker 1: rapport and you see the same patience over and over
Speaker 1: and you're like helping people get up, go to the
Speaker 1: bathroom shower, like you're very intimate stuff. Yeah, and you know,
Speaker 1: and like even things like um, talking about like with patients,
Speaker 1: like they when they ask you like, oh they want
Speaker 1: they want to get back to having sex, and you're like,
Speaker 1: well were they? So they feel like they can talk
Speaker 1: to you about anything, you know, So that is I
Speaker 1: mean it's I I like being a part of that story.
Speaker 1: So what do you do when you're having to have
Speaker 1: these very intimate, deep, hard conversations with people, like the
Speaker 1: therapy conversations like how do how do you when you
Speaker 1: find yourself in those? Do you just trust your instincts? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And I mean like yeah, and training, you know, that's
Speaker 1: what we're trained to do. So people probably hanging on
Speaker 1: your words. Yeah, day Amanda, this is a lot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's a high pressure job because when you
Speaker 1: are dealing with life and death and like it's just
Speaker 1: it's emotional, especially for like a seven months pregnant momau
Speaker 1: you know, like it just takes a lot to be
Speaker 1: there all day long, you know. So, but it's I
Speaker 1: think it's nice. That's probably maybe what it helps me
Speaker 1: keep going. Like like you're asking, like what about working pregnant?
Speaker 1: That's probably it. If I was doing it, if I
Speaker 1: was doing something that was just for myself, I probably
Speaker 1: would have a lot harder time. But because it's not
Speaker 1: like for me, you know, yes, And I'm like, what
Speaker 1: my number one right now? Number two, I'm a helper,
Speaker 1: So that like is what probably keeps me like a
Speaker 1: lot more motivated to keep going. How do you refuel
Speaker 1: and refuel yourself after like giving, giving, giving and helping,
Speaker 1: helping being and like being there and this rock for others?
Speaker 1: How do you fell back up? Why do I want
Speaker 1: to cry right now? Ice cream? I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: a horrible answer. No, it's not it it makes you
Speaker 1: feel good. I have really learned to give myself a
Speaker 1: lot more grace, like in the past, not just since
Speaker 1: being pregnant, just like really in the past couple of years,
Speaker 1: just like not over committing to having stuff to do
Speaker 1: every night, because I refill by sitting on my couch
Speaker 1: with my husband and like just relaxing and or with
Speaker 1: like close friends, but not necessarily like going somewhere or
Speaker 1: you have to be on you have to be in
Speaker 1: a cute outfit with heels on, talking in my pajamas
Speaker 1: with like ice cream, Yeah, with ice cream. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that's it. And I like and I like have really
Speaker 1: enjoyed also like being around babies, like now we have
Speaker 1: a lot of ends with like new little babies and
Speaker 1: that's super fun and like kind of fills me back up,
Speaker 1: you know, like I have a lot of fun with that.
Speaker 1: So you're really good with the babies. Well, I'm really
Speaker 1: excited that would get my own and something fun. Fact
Speaker 1: Amanda and Bill are not finding out the sex of
Speaker 1: their baby. I mean, you're going to have such a surprise.
Speaker 1: I know. I love surprises though, like I love surprises,
Speaker 1: and I knew that I never I've always known that
Speaker 1: I didn't want to know the gender so and people
Speaker 1: would be like, oh, you're gonna change your mind, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't think so. And I drive everybody
Speaker 1: else nuts, But it doesn't drive me not Like you're
Speaker 1: just like you are. You are so it's so worth
Speaker 1: it for that surprise for you that you just can't wait. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't, and I honestly, I mean my goal, um
Speaker 1: is to have a natural delivery. I think that's a
Speaker 1: great goal. What's your first hypno that class birth? Yes,
Speaker 1: we took a hypno birthing class. You're bolder in your
Speaker 1: book about it. It It sounds amazing. It's very um Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's yoga change reframing things, rephrase, Like, what are some
Speaker 1: of the words they tell you to rephrase, um, instead
Speaker 1: of contractions, you say waves, which I love. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: change like a lot of the scary words about like birth,
Speaker 1: like instead of pain, you say like tension, pressure, like
Speaker 1: changes in sensation. But you're trying to get out of
Speaker 1: that like pain, tension, fear cycle. I love that. So
Speaker 1: I'm really Yeah, we just had our first class and
Speaker 1: I'm really hopeful that it will be I don't know
Speaker 1: very much yet, but I'm hopeful that it will be.
Speaker 1: Really hopeful. Something I've noticed about you being pregnant is
Speaker 1: you have been very calm. You've been very calm. Have
Speaker 1: you noticed that about you? Yeah, like more. I don't
Speaker 1: know why you have been Like it's like a mother
Speaker 1: league calm, honestly, And I think it's like something that happens.
Speaker 1: I think it's like, honestly, like a mother's calmness, Like
Speaker 1: it's a comforting calm. Like you have this like piece
Speaker 1: about you that you've always been an amazing, one full,
Speaker 1: peaceful person, but like it's different, you've been very calm. Um.
Speaker 1: I think I have always known what kind of mom
Speaker 1: I wanted to be, you know, and what is that
Speaker 1: calm and fun and like um and like creative and
Speaker 1: so like, but not, I have never wanted to be
Speaker 1: like super anxious or high strung like that is that
Speaker 1: is definitely not what I want. I do not want that.
Speaker 1: That's kind of why what led me to like hypno
Speaker 1: birthing looking into that anyway, because I do not I'm
Speaker 1: not subscribing to the like birth has to be super
Speaker 1: stressful for anybody, for the baby or for the mom
Speaker 1: and so like that. I'm hopeful that that will not
Speaker 1: be my experience. I like you have a lot of
Speaker 1: confidence with with your birthing experience. I think you have
Speaker 1: to well, and you know what, regardless, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, like I'm not like dead set, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm not going to do this or
Speaker 1: I have to have it this way, Like my intention
Speaker 1: is to have a natural birth, like no medication, just
Speaker 1: just me and a that. But if it doesn't happen,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to beat myself up over it exactly. However,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day that I end up
Speaker 1: getting a healthy baby is like fine, totally, totally fine,
Speaker 1: But you want to have your intentions set in your mood.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I feel like you have a lot of
Speaker 1: confidence of like I just like I've seen you step
Speaker 1: in like you're always a confident person, but like you
Speaker 1: have a very knowing confidence. And I feel like that's
Speaker 1: the thing with motherhood is like you have to know
Speaker 1: what you feel is right well, and like like I think, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I've always wanted this, so like I know
Speaker 1: what I want and I'm just like that's I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna go try to do everything I can to get
Speaker 1: it to like make it what I want. You know.
Speaker 1: I love that, Kayle. We're gonna wrap up. This has
Speaker 1: been so great. I've loved this conversation. Tell me just
Speaker 1: because you've talked about a lot of the cycle of life,
Speaker 1: and we've talked about like you know, like you've struggle
Speaker 1: to get pregnant, getting pregnant, like all the different feelings, emotions,
Speaker 1: natural disasters, worrying, not worrying, like how things are going
Speaker 1: to happen. There's always the next thing, like what is
Speaker 1: the point of this experience, this life experience for us?
Speaker 1: Like what are we all doing here? That's not a
Speaker 1: big question or anything. Um, I mean the helper in
Speaker 1: me says, just to like make each other, like help
Speaker 1: each other through it. You know, I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's a real answer, but like that we're all here
Speaker 1: like as one collective and so like this is like
Speaker 1: the human experience, not just my experience or your experience,
Speaker 1: like all of our experiences together, and so like whatever,
Speaker 1: my contribution is to like the community into helping other
Speaker 1: people and to like being a friend and a spouse
Speaker 1: and a mom and like all of that. That's that's
Speaker 1: my earthly goal. You're such a beautiful soul, Amanda, so
Speaker 1: likely to be your friend. Yeah, well I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you too, and I in every podcast that
Speaker 1: will leave your life. So what do you want people
Speaker 1: to know? Gosh um m m that I guess. I
Speaker 1: guess that just to try to douce to like find
Speaker 1: a way to do to do something and like realize
Speaker 1: that most of the time it will make you feel
Speaker 1: better about whatever, like you're upset about by doing something
Speaker 1: for somebody else. And that is especially true. And it's
Speaker 1: like time of like the tornado, you know right now,
Speaker 1: And so I was just feeling stressed this morning and
Speaker 1: thinking like I should probably figure out how some way
Speaker 1: to go help some people like about this tornado, you know,
Speaker 1: like we need it already? Are you let us stay else? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, I know. I was just thinking they're
Speaker 1: going to think it's really weird if this woman who's
Speaker 1: like waddling around with a huge was like, hey, can
Speaker 1: I come and help you lift and move some stuff?
Speaker 1: Like no, go home lady. Yeah yeah, thank you for
Speaker 1: joining me, Amanda. Thanks Caroline so much. I love that baby.
Speaker 1: Thanks bab