Speaker 1: Okay, well, hello Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty good. I spent the weekend last weekend with my
Speaker 1: parents who were passing through Californian. My husband and I
Speaker 1: went up and stayed with them in Newhole Ranch near
Speaker 1: Santa Clarita, which was all cowboy themed. My dad, as
Speaker 1: you know, it was a big cowboy. Um. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: whole the whole town was like cowboy themed. It was
Speaker 1: very fun. I mean, if you want to see cowboys,
Speaker 1: can't you just watch Yellowstone? Yeah? You know what, I
Speaker 1: just need to do it. I do need to buite
Speaker 1: the bullet and watch Yellowstone. Yeah yeah, Yellowstone is is
Speaker 1: where all the cowboys are at. People in Whistler love
Speaker 1: Yellowstone and my girlfriend Wendy Grilloh well sorry, Wendy monies
Speaker 1: as on the show Yellowstone, and so I am legally
Speaker 1: obligated to watch that out of friendship. So but she's
Speaker 1: so good in it, and the show just got nominated
Speaker 1: for a bunch of like awards, SAG Awards. So yeah,
Speaker 1: really no reason not to watch a Catherine at this point. Okay,
Speaker 1: after I brought it up, I've been home for a
Speaker 1: week from Whistler or two weeks. I'm a little break
Speaker 1: because I had some business to tend to in the
Speaker 1: l A area, and it was very hard for me
Speaker 1: to leave Whistler. I'm not gonna lie. My only incentivization
Speaker 1: really was seeing Burton Bernice and coming home to them
Speaker 1: and making sure that they still know who I am,
Speaker 1: which they do, and they're actually really really cute and
Speaker 1: they really love Joe now, so it's really sweet. Like
Speaker 1: Bernice is is a little bit of a huja, you know,
Speaker 1: she only likes men. She doesn't support she does not
Speaker 1: support other women. She is not a champion of women.
Speaker 1: And she started following him around. And then I said, but,
Speaker 1: I said bert, I said, it's confusing because I call
Speaker 1: them all Buddha. I called Joe Buddha. I don't think
Speaker 1: I love that is squeezable is a Buddha? Where does
Speaker 1: that come from? Just like bud I don't know. Like
Speaker 1: I call my dogs Buddhas. I call my nieces and nephews,
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm like pinching their bodies, well I
Speaker 1: do a little bit more than their cheeks. But I
Speaker 1: call everything that I love Buddha's. So I don't know
Speaker 1: where that comes. I'm sure it makes Joe feel very
Speaker 1: special that he's not the only one called that. But anyway,
Speaker 1: Bernice has taken to Joe and she followed us in
Speaker 1: the room and I told Joe that Birt had to
Speaker 1: sleep in the bed with us because that's yeah. And
Speaker 1: he said, I said, does that do you like when
Speaker 1: Bert sleeps in the bed with us? And he said, well,
Speaker 1: I like whatever you like. And I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, Joe, every answer is the right answer with him,
Speaker 1: he really does. I really am going to write a
Speaker 1: handbook for men, because he just says. The other day
Speaker 1: I was I was doing a zoom for like two hours,
Speaker 1: and you know that's a little bit much for me.
Speaker 1: Two hours straight. I was like, whoa, And I just
Speaker 1: needed my Canada Dry, like my diet. Canada Dry is
Speaker 1: my like elixir for everything. And he I was thinking
Speaker 1: about I was sitting at the table and was so
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh God, I want that. I
Speaker 1: when can I get a break to get up and
Speaker 1: get that an addict? And then he I am, I'm addicted,
Speaker 1: And he all of a sudden just came upstairs, walked
Speaker 1: right to the fridge, took out in ginger ale and
Speaker 1: put it in front of me, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're my ginger ale all mate. He's
Speaker 1: just like, fully read your mind. He does it all
Speaker 1: the time. He does yesterday. He goes, I I was.
Speaker 1: I kept putting my lip bomb down and he kept
Speaker 1: picking it up, you know, because he always wants to
Speaker 1: have my lip bomb for me, which is so sweet
Speaker 1: because I'm also addicted to lip Bomb Canada Dry and
Speaker 1: lip Bomb, and I'm an elderly woman. There are worse things.
Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, and then I had my
Speaker 1: purse and I went to grab my purse. He goes,
Speaker 1: I am not going to tell you this again. You
Speaker 1: are not ever carrying anything in my presence. And I
Speaker 1: was like, honey, you are just too much. He's a hero.
Speaker 1: Even my own purse he refuses to let me carry.
Speaker 1: It's so cute. I like, how many women in America
Speaker 1: are now in love with jokoy Oh? I think so,
Speaker 1: I think so yeah. I got a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of d m s about it. It's really cute.
Speaker 1: He's so lovable, Like I'm so in yeah, I'm so
Speaker 1: into him, And it was nice. We just did a
Speaker 1: show in Seattle. He was performing at that Sonics where
Speaker 1: the Sonics used to play. It's called the Climate Pledge Arena,
Speaker 1: but it was used to be called something else. And
Speaker 1: he saw Eddie Murphy there when he was fifteen years
Speaker 1: old and sat in like row fifteen, and so he
Speaker 1: was able to have like that full circle moment. And
Speaker 1: he sold out fourteen thousand tickets, four hundred actually in
Speaker 1: this arena. And I got on stage as like a
Speaker 1: surprise guest, and then he got on stage and it
Speaker 1: was like the most incredible thing to see. It was emotional,
Speaker 1: it was amazing. The guys from Boys two Men came
Speaker 1: out and sang with him at the end. It was
Speaker 1: just so cool. And he got really choked up during
Speaker 1: his performance because I'm looking at just that is such
Speaker 1: an insane amount of people to do stand up to
Speaker 1: tell me this. I'm curious. Is there like a different
Speaker 1: kind of comedy that you feel like plays to those
Speaker 1: like massive arenas versus like more intimate venues or is
Speaker 1: it just sort of like what you can sell out,
Speaker 1: you can sell out. Yeah, No, I do think I
Speaker 1: thought that because I was I was going up. I
Speaker 1: was like, fuck, I gotta buck up. I'm like fourteen
Speaker 1: thousand people, this is a line, and then I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, you know, and I was like, this doesn't
Speaker 1: really play, Like what jokes do you tell? Because you're
Speaker 1: us not convinced that that amount of people are going
Speaker 1: to be able to hear everything you're saying, even though
Speaker 1: it's acoustically set up for them to hear you. So
Speaker 1: it does play. It did work, And I said that
Speaker 1: to him. I go, you know, I've always thought that
Speaker 1: there was too many people for stand up, like it
Speaker 1: doesn't provide the intimacy that stand up needs. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think some comics wouldn't play, and that kind of
Speaker 1: big of a thing because there are different types of comics.
Speaker 1: But it was great and he certainly count and I
Speaker 1: actually was like, oh, I like this too. I didn't
Speaker 1: think I would. I thought it would be too big.
Speaker 1: He's so easy to be happy for, and it's it's
Speaker 1: so easy to root for, you know, he's just like
Speaker 1: kind and wonderful, like when it's actually funny. When he
Speaker 1: helped us out the other week setting up and he
Speaker 1: was our he was our producer for the day. Honestly,
Speaker 1: that was the smoothest it's ever gone. I know, you
Speaker 1: know what I was saying, I was talking to someone
Speaker 1: about it, and I was like, the thing I love
Speaker 1: about him so much is that he's so engaged with
Speaker 1: every single person he speaks to, and that he pays
Speaker 1: attention to everyone. It doesn't matter if it's a kid
Speaker 1: or a relative or a stranger. He's always interested and
Speaker 1: engaged and like present, and I'm always so like, I
Speaker 1: love that sexy. Where do you think that comes from
Speaker 1: for him? Is that upbringing? Is that just he's just
Speaker 1: so humble? I guess you know, he's so humble. He's
Speaker 1: just so sweet, and he really takes people in, you know,
Speaker 1: like I've had so many boyfriends that just never really
Speaker 1: took in my family or took the time. Like he's
Speaker 1: on the phone with my sisters without me, with my nieces,
Speaker 1: he's texting. It's just so sweet. And I kind of like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I have a team member now I'm
Speaker 1: not just on my own. So that's that's the best
Speaker 1: part too. That's wonderful. And he's ripped now, he's ripped
Speaker 1: from skiing. He's like he lost six every morning I
Speaker 1: weigh yourself. I don't understand what's going on. He would
Speaker 1: lose a pound six ounces to a pound every day.
Speaker 1: I was getting ready. I'm getting ready for this big
Speaker 1: like campaign I'm doing with this athletic wear company, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm the one who needs to get my
Speaker 1: body together, and he's just every day he's like more
Speaker 1: and more shredded. I'm like, oh God, yeah, so hot
Speaker 1: Joe Coiler. Watch out, guys, his underwear campaign is coming.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited for our guest, as always, I'm always
Speaker 1: excited for our guests because I just love doing this
Speaker 1: podcast and seeing what people can contribute. A friend of
Speaker 1: mine who's also a comedian, because I feel like female
Speaker 1: comedians are pretty insightful. They have a lot of good
Speaker 1: things to offer up, I think, and they're filled with
Speaker 1: a lot of self confidence and self doubt, so you
Speaker 1: get the best of both worlds. Please welcome comic and
Speaker 1: writer Beth Stelling. So, Beth, you took a little break
Speaker 1: after your most recent stand up special came out on
Speaker 1: HBO Max. Right Call Her Daddy, Um, Girl Daddy, Girl Daddy, Sorry,
Speaker 1: Ship call Her Daddy's Another podcast, So Many Dad, Too
Speaker 1: many daddy's. It's called girl Daddy on HBO Max and
Speaker 1: a lot of daddy's running around thinks for the queer eyes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did. I just I just had something weird happened.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Obviously, the weird part was the pandemic.
Speaker 1: I just I don't know how to explain it, and
Speaker 1: I don't want to be depressing. Well, you know, don't
Speaker 1: worry about that, but I'm curious to know. I mean,
Speaker 1: that was an amazing special. You're so thoughtful, you're so smart,
Speaker 1: you're a great stand up. Like I loved that special.
Speaker 1: So when he told me that, I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I have to ask or why and what happened?
Speaker 1: And don't worry about being depressing. Yes, so go back
Speaker 1: to like starting and stand up. It was oh seven
Speaker 1: for me, and I just remember thinking like how do
Speaker 1: I want to do this? And I knew all the stereotypes,
Speaker 1: and this sad part is they never leave. It's just
Speaker 1: you know, like fourteen or fifteen years later, it's just
Speaker 1: like women aren't funny. Women only talk about sex. And
Speaker 1: so when I first started, I really felt like a
Speaker 1: young person who wanted to just be part of the solution,
Speaker 1: meaning like I'm just going to not talk about sex.
Speaker 1: I had all these rules for myself when I first
Speaker 1: started as a young and where I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to talk about sex. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: hook up with the other comedians. And then I had
Speaker 1: other dumb ones like I'm never going to take a
Speaker 1: notebook on stage and I'm never going to repeat a joke,
Speaker 1: and then you realize, well, that's not what stand up is.
Speaker 1: It's so funny you say that. Let me just interject there,
Speaker 1: because I remember when I signed with my managers, when
Speaker 1: I was really starting out, they took me down to
Speaker 1: Irvine to the Improv to see Janine Garoffalo and she
Speaker 1: had our notebook on stage, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that is not professional, you know. And here I was like,
Speaker 1: not knowing my ass from my elbow, judging somebody who
Speaker 1: had been doing this for fifteen to twenty years already
Speaker 1: going how could she ever do that? Cut to that's
Speaker 1: exactly what you do when you're working out material. Let's
Speaker 1: bring a notebook on stage. I mean they had to
Speaker 1: convince me to not have my little notebook when I
Speaker 1: was filming My special. I mean, I just it is
Speaker 1: like a comfort thing. And also getting to tour with
Speaker 1: Sarah Silverman, she always has the like this is why
Speaker 1: I I am like this, you know, like she always
Speaker 1: has her legal pad, and so it made it okay.
Speaker 1: And also she I one time heard her say like
Speaker 1: forget if somebody said something about the pad or something,
Speaker 1: she said something like forgive my notes, Um, I don't
Speaker 1: respect you. So it was just like it was a
Speaker 1: way to like dispel that because because I remember being
Speaker 1: at Laughed in Seattle after my first half hour on
Speaker 1: Comedy Central that was like or something, and I had
Speaker 1: my notebook with me and some guy in the crowd
Speaker 1: at Laughed in Seattle was like, why are you reading notes?
Speaker 1: And somebody in the audience was like, she's just like
Speaker 1: so many different came to my defense and at that
Speaker 1: time and my how I was on stage and my
Speaker 1: persona or whatever, I actually kind of needed them to
Speaker 1: come to my defense because I was just I'm so
Speaker 1: sensitive and they're like, she just were filmed special, she's
Speaker 1: just working stuff out, like leave her alone. I always
Speaker 1: just say I'm doing my taxes. I mean, I love that.
Speaker 1: And also I remember opening for Verbiclea even when he
Speaker 1: was at the Irvine. He was letting me run my
Speaker 1: half hour before the stand ups on Netflix, and he
Speaker 1: was it was called working it out at the time,
Speaker 1: and somebody yelled at him from the crowd, even, what
Speaker 1: do you why are you reading that? It's so funny
Speaker 1: because like people have this idea of stand up of
Speaker 1: what it's supposed to be, and I guess they still
Speaker 1: believe that we're just like coming up with it all
Speaker 1: off the top of our head. And in some ways
Speaker 1: you are, you know, if you're doing crowd work or improvising.
Speaker 1: But I had all these little ideas when I started,
Speaker 1: and I didn't like going up a bit. It open
Speaker 1: my twenty two years old Chicago seeing a girl go
Speaker 1: on stage and just talk about getting like butt fucked
Speaker 1: and ship going everywhere, And to me, I was like,
Speaker 1: it's not that I was a prude or I thought
Speaker 1: like it was more me being judgmental and thinking like,
Speaker 1: why are you doing this to us? Why are you
Speaker 1: going up there, and just leaning into the stereotype. It's
Speaker 1: just exhibitionists. Where's the joke? You know? I'm being all
Speaker 1: very on my high horse. And as time went on,
Speaker 1: I tried to stick to that because I thought, well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna beat this stereotype by just being funny, and
Speaker 1: by being funny as a woman and not talking about sex.
Speaker 1: That's feminist because it will show that that is what
Speaker 1: we can do and be. And so I stuck to
Speaker 1: that for a long time until really this last hour.
Speaker 1: It's not that I never talked about anything sexual, but
Speaker 1: this last hour. At the beginnings of it, I remember
Speaker 1: being at the Funny Bone in Dayton, and that's what
Speaker 1: I mean. I'm from Dayton, Ohio, so I have like
Speaker 1: my friends family in the front row. I have my
Speaker 1: whole family, their teachers that I grew up with, and
Speaker 1: a lot of this stuff I wanted to talk about
Speaker 1: was sex and like not dirty what I believe to
Speaker 1: be exhibitionists and not okay like but jokes. Like I
Speaker 1: felt like I held it in for so long that
Speaker 1: I earned it. That was like, no, I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk about it because I'm so tired of not and
Speaker 1: I can do it well. So I fought that for
Speaker 1: a long time, and the early parts of it, of
Speaker 1: course weren't as funny as I wanted them to be.
Speaker 1: So that was an uncomfortable weekend beat, like doing the
Speaker 1: sex stuff in front of those people until I'm working
Speaker 1: out the jokes until they're good enough. So that was
Speaker 1: already the entry into this hour. I felt obviously I
Speaker 1: guess we could name it as like shame or I
Speaker 1: don't even know. And then once I felt good about
Speaker 1: it and I was really rolling with it. A lot
Speaker 1: of it was driven by anger by watching male comics
Speaker 1: specials and then almost writing retorts to them. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I feel irritated that even though it's been so long
Speaker 1: and women have been funny for so long, for decades,
Speaker 1: that we're still not granted individuality when we walk on
Speaker 1: stage like men are. So it just bothered me that
Speaker 1: they don't get named social justice warriors for talking about
Speaker 1: some of the same topics that were mulling over or
Speaker 1: trying to create jokes out of. So yeah, that bothered me,
Speaker 1: and I wrote a lot of retorts to that. So
Speaker 1: it was almost fueled by rage. And then but that
Speaker 1: was before I filmed March seven, so I filmed truly
Speaker 1: the weekend before the world sort of shut down. I
Speaker 1: remember you and I had a conversation and we at
Speaker 1: my production company because we were talking about you filming
Speaker 1: or special and we were talking about certain male comics,
Speaker 1: and you were actually debating about going after someone I
Speaker 1: don't even remember who, or you know, calling him out specifically,
Speaker 1: and I was like, that's a great idea of it.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, yeah, exactly, So I mean that
Speaker 1: does take guts and balls, and like, I love that.
Speaker 1: I think that's brave. Well, thank you. That means a
Speaker 1: lot coming from you. I definitely don't regret it at all.
Speaker 1: I think I'm just like I looked at like even
Speaker 1: during the pandemic, I watched Richard Pryor, so like back
Speaker 1: when I started, I didn't watch a ton of stand
Speaker 1: up because I was terrified of stealing, you know, in
Speaker 1: that same naive way that when you first start, you're like,
Speaker 1: I better not putting in my material online because people
Speaker 1: might steal it. It's like nobody wants it, you're not funny.
Speaker 1: But I just was terrified of stealing someone's persona or
Speaker 1: jokes or anything. So I didn't watch. I wasn't a
Speaker 1: student of stand up and I never really like dreamed
Speaker 1: of being when growing up. I kind of just wanted
Speaker 1: to be an actress. So I watched in the pandemic
Speaker 1: Prior's like Long Beach set from seventy nine, and I
Speaker 1: had never been like a huge Prior fan because I
Speaker 1: just didn't watch a ton of it. And then as
Speaker 1: I was watching it, I thought it was incredible, and
Speaker 1: I was also saddened because he's talking about police brutality
Speaker 1: and at the time, I'm sure that was potentially scary
Speaker 1: and controversial. And then what made me even sadder is
Speaker 1: how long it's been and nothing's changed. So I began
Speaker 1: to feel really depressed and downtrodden about the fact that
Speaker 1: what we think we do might change people and it doesn't.
Speaker 1: So I know I've reached people. I'm like, I also
Speaker 1: don't want to be like a sad sack. That's like,
Speaker 1: why what I do doesn't make a difference, because I
Speaker 1: know I have. I have had cool people come up
Speaker 1: to me afterwards and say so, so I know it
Speaker 1: means something. I just think after it came out it
Speaker 1: was in August, I just didn't feel like much changed.
Speaker 1: I don't know, and it's not like I expected. It's
Speaker 1: not like I think so highly with myself by that
Speaker 1: it would change the world or something. I know what
Speaker 1: you mean, though, I you know, when you're going into
Speaker 1: like an artistic endeavor like these, you know, a stand
Speaker 1: up special is a big endeavor. It's you, you, you,
Speaker 1: and you. There's nowhere else to blame anything on. So
Speaker 1: and when you're it's an undertaking, because I remember my
Speaker 1: special evolution came out like shortly right after yours, so
Speaker 1: I was watching yours like closely because we had had
Speaker 1: that conversation too. And I think it's so true that
Speaker 1: you think that you're always kind of disappointed by the
Speaker 1: reaction something gets. I mean, when are we ever pleased
Speaker 1: with the reaction something gets? You know? I get my
Speaker 1: podcast numbers every month. I'm like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: can't believe all these people are listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1: This is the easiest thing I've ever done with almost
Speaker 1: no intention, you know, I'm just having like conversations. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: is it is that what you're supposed to do, how
Speaker 1: you're supposed to handle everything with just kind of off
Speaker 1: the seat of your pants. But I think what you're saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I can relate to on so many levels about wanting
Speaker 1: to listen to other comedy stand up, specifically because you
Speaker 1: don't want to mimic others accidentally, because you can do
Speaker 1: it so accidentally anyway. But the one thing I've learned
Speaker 1: over the last many years is we all are talking
Speaker 1: about the same ship. It doesn't make you less of
Speaker 1: a comic it's you know, it's all of our what's
Speaker 1: our angle? Everyone is talking about sex and parents and
Speaker 1: family and religion and anal and whatever you're talking about.
Speaker 1: It's it's not unique the subject matter. What's unique is
Speaker 1: your take on it, or your strength or your weaknesses
Speaker 1: or you know, your p o V. So that's something
Speaker 1: we always have to remind ourselves of, right, Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I think that's what got me. Sorry, I just and also,
Speaker 1: of course everything with what felt like, you know, this
Speaker 1: racial recording in that early which of course I felt
Speaker 1: like what do I have to add? So so that
Speaker 1: also contributed to it where I felt like I should
Speaker 1: just shut up and it. And then I was further
Speaker 1: added TATD by some of the people who I had
Speaker 1: originally been fueled with some of that material because they
Speaker 1: didn't shut up. And it's like you're just gonna keep
Speaker 1: tweeting and you're just gonna keep making jokes that are
Speaker 1: so trivial about some of these like really important things
Speaker 1: like why can't we all why can't you guys just
Speaker 1: sit down? I even felt that way materialized or just
Speaker 1: everybody during the pandemic, where I was sort of like,
Speaker 1: oh good, the world telling us to take a nap,
Speaker 1: but all these kids are getting up and running around.
Speaker 1: I'm like, could you guys just fucking lay down for
Speaker 1: a bit, you know. And then from home, everybody's doing
Speaker 1: stand up shows and getting green screens, and I realized
Speaker 1: that's pivoting and like taking charge of career. And so
Speaker 1: I think I just was going through something personally that
Speaker 1: made me feel like we can we all just please
Speaker 1: rest because we're supposed to, Or maybe I just went
Speaker 1: so hard for so long when the world said stopped,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, thank you. Yeah. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people thought that way for sure, Yeah, which
Speaker 1: stopped me from writing. And and there's so much content,
Speaker 1: so so like when we're supposed to be resting and
Speaker 1: then you open your phone, it's like everybody's doing stuff
Speaker 1: from home from a green screen, doing these things, and
Speaker 1: I'm like sitting here, thinking, already, you know this after
Speaker 1: a special comes out. You know, I've never given birth,
Speaker 1: but but it sometimes did feel like that you just
Speaker 1: can't control once it gets away from you and then
Speaker 1: it's gone, and people's immediate reaction is that was so good,
Speaker 1: I can't wait for the next one. And instead of
Speaker 1: me taking that as like thank you. I'm going there
Speaker 1: is no next one. That took me so long. And
Speaker 1: then I'm also just looking at people's special feeling like
Speaker 1: shouldn't it be special? You know, instead of what was
Speaker 1: just you on your podcast, you've now put into a
Speaker 1: special And so people were watching going well, I've already
Speaker 1: heard that, and I'm over here thinking like I don't
Speaker 1: want to be some sort of like sound like some
Speaker 1: sort of martyr. That's like, aren't we supposed to work
Speaker 1: on our craft for so long? Because it's just like
Speaker 1: that's part of what's changed is and I should adapt.
Speaker 1: I'm basically not adapting, I think, is what is happening.
Speaker 1: I'm going I meticulously work on jokes for years and
Speaker 1: then I will give you something special, and I can't
Speaker 1: really participate that any longer. I'm sure. It's It's almost
Speaker 1: reminds me of the guy I dated in Chicago who
Speaker 1: was a photographer who went to school for photography, and
Speaker 1: then Instagram happened. It's like, what the fuck? I'm like
Speaker 1: developing photos for people to get, you know, way more
Speaker 1: attention followers jobs work from just a filter. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I am just sort of not keeping up. Well,
Speaker 1: that's a product of social media. Right, that's the impact
Speaker 1: that social media has on each of us and how
Speaker 1: we deal with it. You wouldn't be thinking those things
Speaker 1: about yourself if you weren't looking at other people and
Speaker 1: what they were doing. Absolutely, and I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I don't like how that feels. Like. I'm someone who
Speaker 1: does believe there is room for everybody and you shouldn't
Speaker 1: be out there comparing yourself to others. But I just
Speaker 1: think it's hard when it feels like it's part of
Speaker 1: the job now, and and then if I am resistant
Speaker 1: to it, then it makes me seem like some sort
Speaker 1: of bitter person who's just doesn't feel like they're successful enough,
Speaker 1: when what I really want to do is create stuff
Speaker 1: that I care about, that is good, that matters. And
Speaker 1: I think sometimes I'm a little too precious about all
Speaker 1: of it. Yeah, I hear what you're saying. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: would probably do you some good to just not pay attention,
Speaker 1: you know, like keep your head in your stuff and
Speaker 1: focus on your stuff without looking around, even like cutting
Speaker 1: that stuff in a half. Because there's no positive impact
Speaker 1: from looking at social media. There hasn't been anything proven
Speaker 1: that that that anything positive comes out of it, and
Speaker 1: we're we're all victims of it. We're all victims of
Speaker 1: crolling mindlessly. I mean, I wanted to a test on
Speaker 1: myself to see how many times I went to Instagram
Speaker 1: without even thinking, like in the middle of my day,
Speaker 1: because I put it in an like its own folder
Speaker 1: to prevent myself from so easily accessing it, because all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, you're watching something and you're like, wait,
Speaker 1: when did I get on Instagram? You know, three minutes ago.
Speaker 1: I was supposed to be reading a book. What happened.
Speaker 1: So it's just a matter of trying to kind of
Speaker 1: limit your exposure to that because that's what it is.
Speaker 1: And I definitely have and I'm back to writing and
Speaker 1: I'm like getting out again and I have been for
Speaker 1: the last year. But that's that's a weird part of
Speaker 1: it too, is wait, you're you've remained COVID free, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're a gold star. I know, I know, I'm not
Speaker 1: going that's well, I'm a medical director, so that's why
Speaker 1: I love it. Well, I was back doing shows again,
Speaker 1: and I was vaccinated, fully vaccinated, and then I got
Speaker 1: to had a breakthrough case in August. It's like a
Speaker 1: mixture of things. It's like all of a sudden, two
Speaker 1: years went by in a blink. I wasn't writing as much.
Speaker 1: My life changed so much by not touring. I'm still
Speaker 1: writing for people and doing punch up and stuff a lot,
Speaker 1: and writing a show and writing on shows. So like,
Speaker 1: I am grateful to keep my mind going and joke
Speaker 1: writing and being comedy. So it's not like I'm down
Speaker 1: for the count or something. But I guess after you
Speaker 1: do something for so long and you have that weird
Speaker 1: relationship or break with it, I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: COVID brain fog or what's going on, but like I
Speaker 1: have trouble remembering things, like there's a lot adding to
Speaker 1: all of it, and then the fear of getting back
Speaker 1: out again after not doing it for so long. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I have to shift my mindset a bit,
Speaker 1: because I like listening to you when you say things
Speaker 1: like how happy people. You're giving people this service, like
Speaker 1: you're going to perform for them and give them jokes,
Speaker 1: And oddly I have this other mindset that's like, oh no,
Speaker 1: am I going to be good enough? It will be
Speaker 1: worth their money. I don't want to waste their time,
Speaker 1: you know, Like something's I need to sort of shift
Speaker 1: before I go back out and remember, like, I know
Speaker 1: this job is fun. I know it. I was happy
Speaker 1: to be doing it. But something's happened to me over
Speaker 1: the years where I've grown more introverted and I and
Speaker 1: I think also it has to do with like vulnerability.
Speaker 1: It's almost like I feel like I owe it and
Speaker 1: it's a strange divulging thing that I have where I
Speaker 1: feel like I have to tell you everything you know,
Speaker 1: and I think that's taken a toll as well. My
Speaker 1: mom always be like it's your strength and and and
Speaker 1: also a weakness of yours. And I know you're also
Speaker 1: like you're vulnerable. You've been most vulnerable in this last special.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if you've shifted into wanting to
Speaker 1: do that more or if you felt exhausted by it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I I did, like I I when I
Speaker 1: put that special out, I was like, Okay, now let's
Speaker 1: get back to like stand up, stand up, Like I
Speaker 1: had to say all of that for my my own
Speaker 1: peace of mind and everything you just said. I can
Speaker 1: totally relate to taking a break. I didn't do it
Speaker 1: for six years. Getting back on stage. I had to
Speaker 1: like go in the back door. You know. I went
Speaker 1: on a book tour. I say that in quotes because
Speaker 1: it was like my own psychic way of allowing myself
Speaker 1: to be on stage but not alone, because I had
Speaker 1: someone interviewing me. And then eventually, once I gathered all
Speaker 1: the stories that I was telling on stage, I knew, okay,
Speaker 1: this is a new hour of material. Now let me
Speaker 1: kick the interviewer off the stage and I'll just go
Speaker 1: up there. But it was very back door, like, you know,
Speaker 1: getting back into stand up, which is something my agents,
Speaker 1: my managers, everyone on my team had been telling me
Speaker 1: that I have to do. You have to do stand up.
Speaker 1: You can't take breaks from stand up, you know, And
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck it, I don't need to listen
Speaker 1: to anybody, and I'll do it on my own terms.
Speaker 1: So I can definitely relate to what you're saying about
Speaker 1: not thinking you were worthwhile, not thinking I was good enough,
Speaker 1: not thinking people are gonna get it, or they're gonna
Speaker 1: forgive me for taking such a long break, or they're
Speaker 1: gonna say, oh, I'm too serious now, I'm not funny enough,
Speaker 1: all of those things. And I think the only way
Speaker 1: to combat that is by being on stage. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: that's what I've basically come to now two years later,
Speaker 1: is I'm getting back out locally for sure, and I've
Speaker 1: started getting back on the road, and I'll in my
Speaker 1: first club in the long time. Well, I did like
Speaker 1: the Fort in Fort Collins in Colorado, like I keep
Speaker 1: dipping my toe like once a month, and like places
Speaker 1: where I feel good or run by people I feel
Speaker 1: good about. And so then I'll be at Comedy Works
Speaker 1: in Denver the fourth weekend of February. And you know
Speaker 1: that club is just the best, the best, the best.
Speaker 1: I love that that Zaney is in Nashville. Are I
Speaker 1: agree with you? Those are favorites for sure. They're just
Speaker 1: they feel good and I almost feel like I can
Speaker 1: try anything. So I am thankful that that's my first
Speaker 1: club back in a really long time. And then also
Speaker 1: just I'll always get in my head about new material
Speaker 1: where I'm like I has to be all new. And
Speaker 1: years ago, after our half hours in neat Barghatty and
Speaker 1: I were talking and he was saying, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing on the road is I'm saying up top,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go as long as I can with my
Speaker 1: new stuff and then I'll tell you when we got
Speaker 1: to dip into the old, which I really liked because
Speaker 1: it just is like I put a lot of pressure
Speaker 1: on myself to always bring like new material. And then
Speaker 1: going back to what you just said, like I gotta
Speaker 1: get back to stand up. Part of me is like
Speaker 1: can I write just like an hour on burritos or something,
Speaker 1: you know, just like, let's I just want to do.
Speaker 1: I got fun topics like find instead of trying to
Speaker 1: dismantle the patriarchy. Well, I think also, yeah, you do
Speaker 1: that at your last special, you know, you kind of
Speaker 1: like I had to do a certain thing. And I
Speaker 1: think the good reminder is that you're doing this because
Speaker 1: stand up is supposed to be fun. It's not supposed
Speaker 1: to be so grueling, right, It's supposed to be fun.
Speaker 1: At least the time you're on stage should be fun.
Speaker 1: So that's a good reminder. Anyway, you sound like you're
Speaker 1: in a great space to give advice to our callers today,
Speaker 1: So I mean the time it could not be better.
Speaker 1: Readers Digest most uplifting comic of the year. Here. We
Speaker 1: have callers that call in, we have people that write it,
Speaker 1: we have people that zoom in and we just give
Speaker 1: them our feedback, and people are really earnest and they
Speaker 1: call in with serious stuff. So we're just going to
Speaker 1: tell them what we think. And usually people call in
Speaker 1: when they've already made a decision and they need a
Speaker 1: nudge in that direction from like the braver, bigger sister
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, go take a leap of faith. So,
Speaker 1: but yeah, should we get started? Katherine, did you guys meet?
Speaker 1: Did I even introduce you? I don't think we officially did.
Speaker 1: I'm Catherine. I'm such a terrible host. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Catherine doing great. Catherine's great. I like your heir. Thanks,
Speaker 1: I loved your specials. I watched them. Thank you. So
Speaker 1: we'll a quick break and then we'll come back with questions. Okay,
Speaker 1: and we're back. Today's guest is best selling, really hysterical
Speaker 1: stand up comedian, and Catherine is our producer who is
Speaker 1: here every episode, and we are ready to get into it. Yes,
Speaker 1: our first question comes from DESI. Dear Chelsea, on one episode,
Speaker 1: you mentioned going to dinner with Joe and his ex wife.
Speaker 1: I've been in a lesbian relationship with my partner for
Speaker 1: the past eight years. She's divorced and has children. With
Speaker 1: her previous husband. Any tips on how you can initiate
Speaker 1: a relationship with her ex husband without being crazy jealous.
Speaker 1: I know for the sake of the kids it would
Speaker 1: be a great thing, but I don't know how to
Speaker 1: navigate the feelings I feel when he's around. The kids
Speaker 1: have expressed wanting to do functions with everyone, but my
Speaker 1: insecurities have stopped me from participating. Any tips would help.
Speaker 1: Thanks and keep kicking, ask DESI, Oh, well, that's so easy,
Speaker 1: Like don't you just want to be an addition, not
Speaker 1: a subtraction, right? You want to be in addition to
Speaker 1: people's lives and to the betterment of This is your partner,
Speaker 1: this is these are her children. Obviously you care about
Speaker 1: them and about being a positive influence and being a
Speaker 1: role model, and those are all the reasons you need
Speaker 1: to just reach out like there's nothing going on with them.
Speaker 1: You've been with her for eight years. Your insecurities you
Speaker 1: just have to put in a box and like visit
Speaker 1: them when you come home at night if you still
Speaker 1: want to go there, And my instinct is that you
Speaker 1: probably won't want to go there after you extend yourself
Speaker 1: like that with other people. You feel so good about
Speaker 1: yourself and you feel so good about the situation. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: I would say fake it till you make it, because
Speaker 1: you just need to get there, get yourself at the event,
Speaker 1: be pleasant, especially if the husband is not a monster
Speaker 1: and didn't do anything bad. You know, relationships come and go,
Speaker 1: and uh, it's sort of important that you are a
Speaker 1: positive force. Like Chelsea said, So, I think that you
Speaker 1: once you actually get yourself there and our kind and
Speaker 1: you're and you're doing going through the motions and actually
Speaker 1: come for real and you'll see the benefits of of
Speaker 1: a blended family. Yeah, and then you become a hero
Speaker 1: because then everyone's like, oh, look at her. You know,
Speaker 1: olive branch. Here, olive branch. It's not even an olive
Speaker 1: branch because this person probably never did anything to you.
Speaker 1: So it's just being decent. And then that act extends
Speaker 1: and extends and extends, and you're just gonna be happier
Speaker 1: for it, I promise you. I feel like maybe there
Speaker 1: is a small like this. I have all kinds of
Speaker 1: stuff like these relationships in my family with my sisters,
Speaker 1: like what this person is going through, and I think
Speaker 1: you have to remember that they're not with that person.
Speaker 1: The X husband for a reason. So they've they've been
Speaker 1: with you for eight years and that ended for a reason.
Speaker 1: And just by being there showing up, it will only
Speaker 1: solidify that that you are the right person for them
Speaker 1: and the great partner. So yeah, and at the risk
Speaker 1: of being another white lady recommending Untamed by Glennon Doyle,
Speaker 1: read Untamed by Glennon Doyle, like she talks about all
Speaker 1: this stuff like co parenting and dinners with her ex
Speaker 1: and her wife and it's really lovely and makes it
Speaker 1: not seems so gary. Also, yeah, it could potentially even
Speaker 1: strengthen your relationship with your partner. And also another thing
Speaker 1: to note is any time you're having any emotion related
Speaker 1: to jealousy, which many emotions lead to, then it's important
Speaker 1: to negate it, like to say, okay, that's not or invalidated.
Speaker 1: I should say, to remind yourself that jealousy is not
Speaker 1: a helpful or useful emotion and it will only hinder you.
Speaker 1: So whenever you're having misgivings about something, or you're feeling
Speaker 1: insecure or competitive or whatever however it presents, when you
Speaker 1: reduce it down and find out that it's jealousy, Oh
Speaker 1: I'm jealous of this, then you have to kind of
Speaker 1: act out against that. That's the only way to kind
Speaker 1: of extinguish jealousy from your life. Yeah. Well, our next
Speaker 1: question comes from Bells. Dear Chelsea, two months into my marriage,
Speaker 1: my husband found out that he's inheriting millions of dollars.
Speaker 1: Excellent update. It's enough to obviously make a significant change
Speaker 1: in our lives, but nothing crazy like we can quit
Speaker 1: our jobs and retire in our thirties. I feel insanely
Speaker 1: fortunate to have this new financial cushion in my life,
Speaker 1: especially since I'm quitting my job and going back to school,
Speaker 1: but I'm mostly feeling very lonely. He comes from some
Speaker 1: wealth and I come from a family of five living
Speaker 1: off forty dollars a year. I don't feel like I
Speaker 1: can tell anyone except my closest friend, because I have
Speaker 1: no idea how people would react. I have no idea
Speaker 1: how to feel about it. I'm crazy thankful for the
Speaker 1: opportunities that this springs, but lonely as fuck. I'm writing
Speaker 1: to you to hopefully get some insight as to how
Speaker 1: you handled coming to fame and the wealth that came
Speaker 1: along with it. XO XO Bells. Hi bells h Elsea,
Speaker 1: how's it going? Hi? I say hi to Beth today.
Speaker 1: She's our guest. Hi bell n Hi. So okay, so
Speaker 1: your your husband is coming into a significant amount of money. Yes, great,
Speaker 1: this is good news. But you seem very very fearful
Speaker 1: about this. Yeah, it's just kind of I've never known
Speaker 1: what that's like. I grew up without money, so it's
Speaker 1: kind of like growing up with financial trauma in a sense.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's not my money, but it's our money,
Speaker 1: I guess, and it's just a very odd place to be.
Speaker 1: I can relate, even just like having made money on
Speaker 1: my own my mom as a teacher and she raised
Speaker 1: me and my two sisters, and even like when I
Speaker 1: get a writing job and television and we find out
Speaker 1: how much I make per week, we squeal. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like and I've been doing it now for years.
Speaker 1: So I think it's something that's really hard to get
Speaker 1: used to, especially if you're when you're growing up, you
Speaker 1: were used to whatever it was, fast food, or every
Speaker 1: time you get to a register it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: a shock each time, or having to return things you
Speaker 1: know at the at the un till. So I think
Speaker 1: the thing that resonated with me that you said is
Speaker 1: the lonely part. Have you been able to talk about
Speaker 1: it with your husband yet or shared some of those feelings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely a bit. It's we had no idea that it
Speaker 1: was coming, and so it's definitely taken a lot of
Speaker 1: time to adjust, and throughout that adjustment we've been able
Speaker 1: to talk about it more. But I guess he's just
Speaker 1: in a different Money to him is a little bit different.
Speaker 1: He didn't have that fear growing up, so it's just
Speaker 1: we're coming at a different level. I would say. I
Speaker 1: would also, you know, urge you to like this has
Speaker 1: all the makings of being something positive. You know, it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to. I understand you don't come from money.
Speaker 1: I didn't come from money either, but I mean I
Speaker 1: was never starving or anything, but I didn't definitely didn't
Speaker 1: have wealthy parents. But it's a gift. You know. You
Speaker 1: have to look at it with positivity and like brightness
Speaker 1: and excitement, like you're gonna be responsible, You're gonna rely
Speaker 1: on yourself because you've had the life experience that you had,
Speaker 1: which was struggling financially, and that's why you're a great
Speaker 1: candidate for this to happen to you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: because you're going to be responsible about it. You're not
Speaker 1: going to blow all your money, you know. You make
Speaker 1: these commitments to yourself to kind of instill the confidence
Speaker 1: that you need to kind of handle this gift that's
Speaker 1: coming into your life. Does that make sense? Absolutely? Yeah.
Speaker 1: And it has been like such a gift. It's given
Speaker 1: us the opportunity to pursue career paths that we didn't
Speaker 1: have the opportunity to before. And that's just completely life
Speaker 1: changing and something that I would have never expected to
Speaker 1: be given. Yeah, yeah, that sounds awesome. Are you struggling
Speaker 1: with feeling like it's yours as a couple? Not so much?
Speaker 1: Not good? I think that's really good. Then that's a
Speaker 1: really good sign because I think that that would be
Speaker 1: my instinct to be like, oh gosh, well it's not mine,
Speaker 1: I'm not entitled to it, and I didn't earn it,
Speaker 1: and and those things, unfortunately, like Chelsea said, are those
Speaker 1: are the negative thoughts? And I think that taking a
Speaker 1: positive spin on this, like it is a gift, and
Speaker 1: because you're used to being more careful with your money,
Speaker 1: you will be responsible with it, you know, And you're
Speaker 1: not going to do anything crazy. And the other thing
Speaker 1: that comes to mind too is, of course it sounds
Speaker 1: like you're gonna be investing in careers that you guys
Speaker 1: are more attached to or connected to. And then the
Speaker 1: other way would be to make sure you give a
Speaker 1: little of it away and two things that you care
Speaker 1: about and that might also help make it feel positive.
Speaker 1: Definitely looking forward to that aspect of it. I have
Speaker 1: a lot of giving nature to me and I'm just
Speaker 1: like I I think the loneliness aspect of kind of
Speaker 1: like seeing the people around me just in my daily
Speaker 1: life struggle and it's like why why do I deserve
Speaker 1: this over these other people? Like here, take this please?
Speaker 1: But that's not necessarily responsible. I understand there's also a
Speaker 1: weight to it. I've struggled with where it's it's like
Speaker 1: it doesn't just mean nothing to me, you know, where
Speaker 1: if I if I am generous right to me. I've
Speaker 1: struggled with the line between getting taken advantage of and
Speaker 1: being generous because I do want to share and and help,
Speaker 1: But I think that that's something just to also be
Speaker 1: wary of, is not I'm not saying be head on
Speaker 1: a swivel people are going to take advantage of you.
Speaker 1: But I think that is like an aspect of it. Chelsea,
Speaker 1: what do you think about that? Yeah, I mean there's
Speaker 1: a definitely responsibility, and I think everything you're saying is
Speaker 1: right already. You're not talking about going and getting a ferrari,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You're not talking about blowing
Speaker 1: your money on bullshit. And of course there might be
Speaker 1: a couple of things that you are extravagant that you
Speaker 1: place into your life, but you're already having the dialogue
Speaker 1: with yourself that's responsible. So I think you should let
Speaker 1: go of some of this burden that you're placing on yourself.
Speaker 1: It's unnecessary and you're giving yourself kind of stress where
Speaker 1: there doesn't need to be. You know, you've had all
Speaker 1: the right thoughts and you're and you're in the right place,
Speaker 1: Like everything's lining up to be for you to be
Speaker 1: successful and responsible with this and not be an asshole.
Speaker 1: You can always press that button when you're getting your coffee,
Speaker 1: absolutely always, yeah, yeah, and you know you can't control
Speaker 1: who the You know, this isn't something that you is
Speaker 1: actively pursued, So stop also playing that narrative around about
Speaker 1: all your friends and why do you deserve this? And
Speaker 1: we don't know why anybody deserves what anybody gets, but
Speaker 1: just be responsible with what you do get. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: that's the thing about money is that allows us to
Speaker 1: have power in this society. And you can hit that
Speaker 1: h you know, give a little extra at the holidays,
Speaker 1: find some organizations that you really love to give to.
Speaker 1: But even in our pre interview call, you had mentioned like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm going back to school and I was gonna sign
Speaker 1: up for scholarships, but how can I do that when
Speaker 1: I have this gift? And you know, maybe the gift
Speaker 1: is you pay for your own school and someone else
Speaker 1: qualifies for that scholarship who really needed it. So you know,
Speaker 1: you just never know who is going to need exactly
Speaker 1: that in their life. A couple of books too, I
Speaker 1: just happened to be reading. This one is called Uneasy
Speaker 1: You're always reading books about finances because that's the fucking
Speaker 1: last thing I'm reading. So it's a great Well, this
Speaker 1: one I just thought was so fascinating. It's called Uneasy
Speaker 1: Street and it's by Rachel Sherman, and it reads a
Speaker 1: little bit like it was probably her doctoral dissertation at
Speaker 1: some point, so it's a little dry in parts, but
Speaker 1: it's a book about like not the point one percenters,
Speaker 1: but like one percenters in New York City who are
Speaker 1: like raising a family and doing a renovation and what
Speaker 1: you talked about with this loneliness around money. She interviews
Speaker 1: these people and most of them won't talk to anybody
Speaker 1: about how much they make, and so it's sort of
Speaker 1: like feels very secretive for them to be divulging this
Speaker 1: to this writer. But the way they talk about the money.
Speaker 1: She breaks down the different styles of how these people
Speaker 1: feel about the money that they have, whether they inherited
Speaker 1: it or have a high paying job or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: And I think it would be really a really good
Speaker 1: read for you to see that you're not alone and
Speaker 1: there are a lot of different ways that people feel
Speaker 1: about having quite a big sum of money. And then
Speaker 1: another one is you are a badass at making money.
Speaker 1: So obviously, at first blush that sounds like it's not
Speaker 1: what you're trying to do. But what she does is
Speaker 1: she helps you to reframe how you think about money
Speaker 1: so that it doesn't just feel like this kind of
Speaker 1: deadweight thing. It feels a little bit more like what
Speaker 1: can I do? How does this give me agency in
Speaker 1: the world to help others around me or to help
Speaker 1: myself in a way that I can be a light
Speaker 1: to those around me. Thank you. Well, there you go, Bells.
Speaker 1: So keep us posted and let us know. Okay, give
Speaker 1: us send us in an update and keep in touch
Speaker 1: so we can see what happens and all the great
Speaker 1: things you're able to accomplish. Cool. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Yeah, I love you. Good luck with school.
Speaker 1: Thanks all right. Our next caller is Kelsey. She's in
Speaker 1: her thirties. Dear Chelsea. Five years ago, I met a
Speaker 1: guy through a mutual friend and we had an instant connection.
Speaker 1: We dated for a few months, but ultimately I wanted
Speaker 1: a commitment and he was not ready for that as
Speaker 1: he had recently ended a long term relationship. It was heartbreaking,
Speaker 1: but several months later I started dating my crush at work.
Speaker 1: He was dreamy, tall, dark, handsome, well dressed, and mysterious.
Speaker 1: He pursued me, but I could never actually tell if
Speaker 1: he liked me. I was so nervous around him, I
Speaker 1: felt myself constantly seeking his approval. Whenever I saw a
Speaker 1: deeper connection, he was dismissive and made me feel like
Speaker 1: I was asking for too much. I started acting out
Speaker 1: in the relationship, yelling, slamming doors, doing things not in
Speaker 1: my nature at all. Eventually I broke things off. Several
Speaker 1: months after things ended with Guy Too, I bumped into
Speaker 1: Guy one and we rekindled things. He's been an amazing
Speaker 1: partner to me, and after years of failure in dating,
Speaker 1: I feel so safe and seen in this relationship we
Speaker 1: just moved in together. But Chelsea, I need your help.
Speaker 1: I still think about Guy Too constantly. I think about
Speaker 1: the what ifs and what our relationship could have been.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy with my current boyfriend, and he is funnier, smarter,
Speaker 1: and more emotionally intelligent than Guy Too ever was so
Speaker 1: why am I still so hung up on this guy?
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy and I've done a lot of
Speaker 1: personal growth. You even inspired me to do ayahuasca. But
Speaker 1: I can't take this obsession, Chelsea. I need a reality
Speaker 1: slap and some tough love. How do I let this
Speaker 1: guy go? Kelsey? Hi, Kelsey, Hi, Hi. This is Beth. Hi. Hello.
Speaker 1: Beth is using her bedroom voice today, and by the way,
Speaker 1: we're all we're all going by Kelsey from now on. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we're in this together. You need to read the
Speaker 1: book Attached, because it talks about exactly what the dynamic is.
Speaker 1: You're rejected blah blah blah, but you're from an anxious
Speaker 1: kind of attachment. He's from uh, an avoidant and anxious
Speaker 1: and avoid it. They basically, I mean, they paint this
Speaker 1: picture for you. It's perfect. You read about hundreds of
Speaker 1: different relationships and just there are three dynamics that are
Speaker 1: at play at all times, and when we are for
Speaker 1: some reason, we are addicted to that dynamic. When you
Speaker 1: are an anxious attachment, you're addicted to somebody who's avoided
Speaker 1: and the goal is to find a secure person, which
Speaker 1: it sounds like you've found. You've did together. You're happy,
Speaker 1: you're free. It literally is just your ego knocking at
Speaker 1: your door and you're beholden to it and you're allowing
Speaker 1: yourself to be So you just need to read a
Speaker 1: very like easy book to read and you will get it.
Speaker 1: I promise you after you read that book. Did you
Speaker 1: ever read that book, Katherine, No, I haven't. So it's
Speaker 1: just so, I mean, it's like paints every relationship dynamic
Speaker 1: you've ever been in. And then you're like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: it's the tale as old as time. We love to
Speaker 1: be addicted to our last rejection. Yeah, it's basically just
Speaker 1: like this taste like ship. Yeah, I will have some more.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I don't know that I need
Speaker 1: to read the book too, apparently I've written it down, Kelsey.
Speaker 1: Do you bring up your ex the guy number two
Speaker 1: to guy number one? Sorry? No, I don't talk about
Speaker 1: my ex to my current boyfriend. I wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: like burden him with that. But does he know anything
Speaker 1: about him? We've talked about exes in like loose terms before,
Speaker 1: but he certainly doesn't know that I still have an
Speaker 1: attachment to him. Are you in touch with him at all?
Speaker 1: So we do work together, so I do see him
Speaker 1: at work unfortunately, Oh well that's a big part of it.
Speaker 1: Then you're still seeing them, yeah? Is it every day
Speaker 1: you're back in the office or is it zooming? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Not every day okay, but still you're seeing them? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think mostly I just want to get I
Speaker 1: feel like really emotionally reactive when I see him, Like
Speaker 1: like my heartbeats faster and like my stomach turns, and
Speaker 1: I just want to let go of that emotional attachment
Speaker 1: I still have. Yeah, that's a tough one, the physical
Speaker 1: reaction and having to see them again, because that happens
Speaker 1: for a lot of people, but they're never like they
Speaker 1: might see them once, you know, in years, so still
Speaker 1: having to work with that person. I can imagine why
Speaker 1: that would why this is a little bit more ever
Speaker 1: present or having trouble letting go. See. The issue for
Speaker 1: me sometimes is social media. When you can tell what
Speaker 1: they're up to now, whether they've moved on or they're
Speaker 1: with someone new or like, it reveals too much. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: we know too much. Yeah, I had to even like
Speaker 1: on friends on Venmo. My ex blocked me on everything,
Speaker 1: including Venmo and Spotify. I mean I dunked them, but
Speaker 1: I think they just didn't want to know what I
Speaker 1: was up to at all. It's so funny to do
Speaker 1: the Venmo block. It reveals a lot. It's surprisingly reveals
Speaker 1: a lot. I know, like they paid this version for dinner,
Speaker 1: this person for weed slash cake, and then who else
Speaker 1: they're with. It is true, you're right, does Venmo allow
Speaker 1: you to see their other transfers? Yes? You better put
Speaker 1: yourself on private, Chelsea. I'm not on Venmo, Beth, you
Speaker 1: sink I know how to pay something like I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the funk that is. For a long time,
Speaker 1: I thought Venmo was a record store. I was like, what,
Speaker 1: there are those back? You know? I'm not. I can't
Speaker 1: believe you could watch other people's transactions. That's right, Hannibal.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we'll just comment. He just gets on Venmo and
Speaker 1: says cool, like that is funny. Anyway, Kelsie, listened to me.
Speaker 1: You are way better than this, and you are way
Speaker 1: tougher than this. Okay, so you have to find that
Speaker 1: inner part of yourself that is above this, and maybe
Speaker 1: it needs to be extinguished with this guy. Maybe you
Speaker 1: need to actually see him for longer periods of time
Speaker 1: so he can do the very thing that will turn
Speaker 1: your stomach and make you realize that you're with the
Speaker 1: right person, not the wrong one. But it's all ego.
Speaker 1: You're allowing your ego to control you, and that's never
Speaker 1: going to be your winning game. Right, You're cooler than that.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get past this. And yeah, allow yourself as
Speaker 1: much exposure as you think you need with this guy,
Speaker 1: because I guarantee you he will give you all the
Speaker 1: tools you need to get past it. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's true. I think reading the book will help. I
Speaker 1: do know about attachment theory, but I haven't actually read
Speaker 1: that book, so I'm sure that will help a lot.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I do think seeing him maybe for longer
Speaker 1: periods of time, just to remind myself of why things
Speaker 1: broke off in the in the first place. So yeah,
Speaker 1: and remind yourself every day, like, remind yourself how grateful
Speaker 1: you are to be in a healthy relationship where you're
Speaker 1: seen and loved and appreciate it. Keep reminding yourself of that,
Speaker 1: you know, because eventually that feeling will take over. Yes,
Speaker 1: for sure, for sure, Thank you, Chelsea. Oh you're welcome, Kelsey.
Speaker 1: It's actually Kelsey for you to have a good rest
Speaker 1: of the day. Thank you. Is it really? Am I
Speaker 1: really using a bedroom voice? Do you feel at the
Speaker 1: beginnings when you say hello, it's like your phone It
Speaker 1: must be your phone voice where you like think what
Speaker 1: it is is if I have a mic close to
Speaker 1: my mouth, I feel like I don't want to be harsh.
Speaker 1: There it is again, that's your bedroom voice. Well it's
Speaker 1: definitely not harsh, so I mean, go with it. It's good.
Speaker 1: There is nothing worse than having old feelings for someone
Speaker 1: that you're not with. It is the most It's like
Speaker 1: almost dehumanizing. It makes you feel so small when someone
Speaker 1: else controls you're feeling in that way, you know, the
Speaker 1: way like butterflies. I mean not in the good way,
Speaker 1: because butterflies can be right but true. But the what
Speaker 1: she described is that physical feeling, like because I've dated comics,
Speaker 1: so it's like you're gonna see him at the club
Speaker 1: again or whatever, or you know somebody on the other
Speaker 1: coast if you're over there, and it is that physical reaction,
Speaker 1: a heartbeat or your stomach turning, and you don't know
Speaker 1: how it's gonna go between you. You're just like, I
Speaker 1: don't know what they're gonna say to me, and the
Speaker 1: anxiousness of it. Yeah yeah, And they know you or
Speaker 1: that who you were at that time. That's the other part,
Speaker 1: the intimacy of knowing you in that certain way. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's more reckless with comics because they have
Speaker 1: a microphone in front of their mouth. I always like
Speaker 1: to get the first time out of the way with
Speaker 1: any awkward reinteraction with somebody or reintroduction or first time
Speaker 1: after something happened. I feel like it's important to get
Speaker 1: that out of the way so that you can move
Speaker 1: on to the next stuff, because it's always that that
Speaker 1: we put so much weight on and we think so
Speaker 1: heavily about, and if we could just like fast forward
Speaker 1: to it and just do it, like look forward to it,
Speaker 1: you know, because once you do that, then that's that's
Speaker 1: the last first time you're going to have to see
Speaker 1: them again. Yeah, that's true. We'll take a quick break
Speaker 1: for an ad and then we'll be right back with
Speaker 1: Beth selling. Hi, guys, we're back. We're back with Bath
Speaker 1: and Catherine and Beth. You've been such a delight. I
Speaker 1: love speaking with you. I'm so glad that we could
Speaker 1: arrange for you to be odd. I know, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for having me. I love the pod, and
Speaker 1: you know, I really I was gonna say I really
Speaker 1: care about you, which then started to feel weird. Um,
Speaker 1: but I am really happy to be here with you.
Speaker 1: It was just nice to talk, especially because I know
Speaker 1: you can understand, so I appreciate you even just sharing
Speaker 1: what you did about, you know, taking the break and
Speaker 1: I don't know coming back. I've thought about different ways
Speaker 1: to reinvigorate myself, and but yeah, I was struggling with
Speaker 1: what we were saying, which is you you're so prolific
Speaker 1: and you're writing in your books, I mean massively, and
Speaker 1: there has been part of me that's like, oh, I
Speaker 1: should write a book and all friend even Phoebe Robinson
Speaker 1: has an imprint and she's even mentioned to me like, hey,
Speaker 1: have you thought about And it's like, what's stopping me?
Speaker 1: Is it me? Am I being self sabotaged? You right now?
Speaker 1: Am I being a whiny baby after my special or
Speaker 1: is it? Really? It's not one way or the other.
Speaker 1: We just there's a pandemic going on, a lot of
Speaker 1: things going on in the world, and I just have
Speaker 1: to start over. And that's something that was delayed. And
Speaker 1: anytime you have to start over, it's difficult. So delaying
Speaker 1: it and not getting back on the road may have
Speaker 1: extended those feelings. There you go, that's exactly right. You
Speaker 1: just need a little fire under your ass and you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to unfortunately light it yourself, you know, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: Denver will hope, I think it will. It will. All
Speaker 1: you do is take a couple of like steps in
Speaker 1: the right direction, and then you're often you're running and
Speaker 1: everything starts going towards what you're working for, you know,
Speaker 1: And it's totally normal to feel you're the way you're feeling.
Speaker 1: Do you know how many people who have said this,
Speaker 1: you know, who are like, I can't do anything, you
Speaker 1: feel desultory. It's just like it's so list Yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, what's the point of anything? Yeah? But what
Speaker 1: if you know what you do is going to save somebody?
Speaker 1: What if what you right is going to save somebody?
Speaker 1: And it will most likely you know, you're going to
Speaker 1: have an impact on others. And if that's the motivation
Speaker 1: you need, then use that. Yeah I will. And just
Speaker 1: like we said, I remember, have a little more fun
Speaker 1: on the road, Like people are happy there to see you,
Speaker 1: and it's just there to have a good time because
Speaker 1: I am thankful for them every time they show up.
Speaker 1: It's just like that weird almost block I put up
Speaker 1: when you Sometimes it feels like that at the comedy store,
Speaker 1: like there's other you know, there's venues that you love
Speaker 1: that you feel comfortable and you can just get right
Speaker 1: into yourself. I feel very like much like that at
Speaker 1: Largo or but the store. Sometimes the dudes in the
Speaker 1: front I just get this vibe. It's like arms crossed,
Speaker 1: like we'll see if you can make me laugh. And
Speaker 1: that's the vibe that I'm almost projecting, which these people
Speaker 1: don't deserve. They paid to come see me. So I
Speaker 1: need to just sort of get a little more positive
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, and maybe stay away from the comedy
Speaker 1: store for a while if it's going to bring out
Speaker 1: those feelings in you. You know, I find the common
Speaker 1: I would never go to the comedy store. Watch I'll
Speaker 1: be there next week. But I mean, you know, don't
Speaker 1: like go to places that don't make you feel good
Speaker 1: until you can go there and feel good no matter
Speaker 1: what happens. Absolutely I agree with that. I've avoided Buffalo
Speaker 1: for years. I can't say any of the cities I'm
Speaker 1: trying to avoid because I'm about to go. I'm about
Speaker 1: to go to every single one. It's gonna say, you're
Speaker 1: facing your fears. Yeah, well that before we let you go.
Speaker 1: Do you have a piece of advice you'd like to
Speaker 1: ask of challenge? Well, I've milked it slowly throughout. I
Speaker 1: knew what I was, I got what I needed. But
Speaker 1: I ask a question would be how many times is
Speaker 1: the regular amount of times to pee in the night.
Speaker 1: Oh god, you know what, I think. I go too
Speaker 1: many times. I go. I've been going to be like
Speaker 1: four times every single night, and I feel like that's
Speaker 1: a lot. I think something's wrong. Well, Joe doesn't pea
Speaker 1: at all in the middle of the night, so it's
Speaker 1: definitely a female thing, which we know. But it used
Speaker 1: to be two times and now it's four times. I'm
Speaker 1: up there as well. I'll go to the doctor and
Speaker 1: find out for the both of us. Actually, I'm a doctor,
Speaker 1: so I don't. I just I look into it and
Speaker 1: i'll announce it on next week. You know. I need
Speaker 1: to go back and watch your special in the beginning
Speaker 1: and take the notes on what I need to take.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and when they I'll send you. I'll send
Speaker 1: you a special subscription. I mean prescription EXCT. Actually no,
Speaker 1: I'll send you a subscription and then I'm prescription. They
Speaker 1: go well together, all right. Thank you, Beth. Yeah, thanks
Speaker 1: for having me. I can't wait to see your new stuff.
Speaker 1: You'll need to see you in first and your new stuff. Okay,
Speaker 1: bye bye bye, Thanks Beth. Yeah, well, Charlsa, do you
Speaker 1: want to tell us about you? Show dates coming up? Guys,
Speaker 1: I'm coming February three. I have two shows in Portland.
Speaker 1: The second show still has tickets, so please get them.
Speaker 1: And then I'm coming to Eugene on the five, and
Speaker 1: then I am going back to Whistler, and then I
Speaker 1: have more dates coming up all over Canada in March
Speaker 1: and April, and then I'm coming back to the States
Speaker 1: for the remainder of my Vaccinated and Horny tour. I'm
Speaker 1: coming to Louisville, Kentucky, Birmingham, Alabama, Montclair, New Jersey, Santa Rosa, California,
Speaker 1: all sorts of ship So get your tickets and I
Speaker 1: will see you on my stand up tour. Also for
Speaker 1: tickets to Vancouver and Calgary. I really apologize for all
Speaker 1: the changing of dates, but now the Grammys have been
Speaker 1: rescheduled for the day that I was going to reschedule
Speaker 1: my Vancouver dates. And I don't get nominated for Grammys
Speaker 1: very often people, so I have to go to those.
Speaker 1: So we are rescheduling again the Vancouver and Calgary dates.
Speaker 1: They are most likely to be rescheduled in August. But
Speaker 1: you can always check my website we will update, or
Speaker 1: Instagram or Twitter. We updated all the time and as
Speaker 1: soon as we have those dates locked in, you will
Speaker 1: hear about it, so my apologies and any tickets you
Speaker 1: have will be nerd for those new rescheduled dates. And
Speaker 1: if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one
Speaker 1: of her guests, please write into Dear Chelsea Project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com