1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Before we begin this week's episode, please make sure to 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 1: support the Patreon page by clicking the link and the 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:12,440 Speaker 1: show notes below. Y'all know, the kid research, edit, record, 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:17,279 Speaker 1: and produce the podcast by myself. This will definitely help 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 1: with the continuous growth of PhD and y'all know I 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 1: am appreciative of y'all holding me down and never up. 7 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: So as always, thank you so much and until next time, 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: everyone and Georgia this week's episode later, welcome, come, you 9 00:00:35,880 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: are now listening to ye Hey, Professional Home Girls is 10 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: the kid of a name from the PSD podcast, the 11 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: only place where you would hear interviews from black women 12 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: anoynestly on stories that will enlighten, and expand on taboo topics. 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If you are 23 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: all caught up with episode, listen to the bonus episodes 24 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account. To support, please 25 00:01:55,560 --> 00:02:00,240 Speaker 1: visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the Yes 26 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 1: She podcasts Now. Please keep in mind that all of 27 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: my guests are nonness. So let's again this week's episode. 28 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: That's always. I am super excited about this week's episode 29 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,959 Speaker 1: when it comes to certain topics. I really do try 30 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,359 Speaker 1: to find guests that would be informative and have personality, 31 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: and I know my guests today will deliver. Plus, I 32 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: just told her this. I watched the majority of her 33 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,040 Speaker 1: YouTube videos and I learned so much about the lifestyle swaging. 34 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: So to my guest, thank you so much for being 35 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,519 Speaker 1: a part of the p A C Podcast. And how 36 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: are you feeling? I am feeling highly favorite and blessed. 37 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: Thank you. Okay, don't forget black now right, How has 38 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 1: the pandemic men training you pretty damn well? I must say, yeah, 39 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: I think last year was my best year. So how yeah, yeah, 40 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: I mean a lot of events got closed down or 41 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: you know, it was shut down due to timing of 42 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: the event. Of the pandemic and all that. But um, um, 43 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 1: my events took off and and has grown immensely since 44 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:15,120 Speaker 1: the pandemic. And um, yeah, well my research you like 45 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: the gods to person for SWINGA in the Midwest, should say, yes, 46 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: definitely in the Midwest. Yes. Why do you think this 47 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: fantasy for most people? Um? A fantasy. I don't know 48 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: if it's a fantasy for most people, but it is 49 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 1: the place where your fantasies can come true. M hm. 50 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: So um, I think that it is um exploration of 51 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: your thoughts that you've been having and you could be 52 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 1: yourself or who you want to be. So it's very free, 53 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: very free once you get into the groove of it. 54 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: So when I was on my research, I saw that 55 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: a lot of people were saying that swinging isn't what 56 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,040 Speaker 1: it used to be. What do they mean by that? 57 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: That's not nothing is what it used to be? Um? Right? 58 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,640 Speaker 1: But um, I believe they mean because back in the day, 59 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:22,280 Speaker 1: when it first started, it was very top secret type 60 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:25,280 Speaker 1: of like fraternity type of thing, like you had to 61 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: know somebody to know somebody, to know somebody to know somebody, 62 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: and then get approved and go through this whole process 63 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 1: and then before you can even you know, be around 64 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: other people who were like minded. So let's start from 65 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: the beginning. Because I watched one of the videos and 66 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 1: I was like, damn, like that, I didn't even know 67 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,480 Speaker 1: it was history to this. So what is swinging and 68 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: when did it start? Swinging? Is where I would say, 69 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,680 Speaker 1: now it's it's for me. I feel like it's two 70 00:04:56,680 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: different stories in the history part of it, because it's 71 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: it's word. Swinging is actually where two couples swap. That 72 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: is my definition of swinging. It's where two couples actually 73 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:14,440 Speaker 1: swap partners, fool swap and have sexual relationships with each 74 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: other for recreational fund That is my definition of swinging. 75 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:24,840 Speaker 1: Um when it first started, I am a little confused 76 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:29,200 Speaker 1: because on one end they said it started on the military. Uh, 77 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: you know, in the military where the husbands were dying 78 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 1: and the wives were left without you know, a sexual partner. 79 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: So they would have parties and bring the wives without 80 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:47,159 Speaker 1: husbands and too mix and have sexual intercourse with these 81 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: other couples. So is it for couples, there is there 82 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:54,119 Speaker 1: for single females, you know. And then on the other hand, 83 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:58,200 Speaker 1: it was where you know, just couples couples getting together 84 00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: and having fun for the night, swapping keys, doing stuff 85 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: like that. So the term actually came from a pastor 86 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,560 Speaker 1: who got wind of what was going on on these 87 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: you know, what the couples were doing, and in his 88 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: sermon and he actually said that, you know, people were 89 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: swinging from bed to bed like monkeys, and that's where 90 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: they came up with the terms. They called them swingers. Now, 91 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: I know your research. You stated that this goes back 92 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: to the nineteen fifty You think this thing going on 93 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 1: longer than that? Oh yeah, I most definitely think so. Yes, 94 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 1: I most definitely do believe that it's been going on. 95 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:41,920 Speaker 1: There's nothing new under the sun. So um, I think 96 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:46,119 Speaker 1: there was you know, private, very private sessions and things 97 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: that go on. So somebody had to come up with it, right, 98 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 1: Like he just wasn't indevndent the other day, right. So 99 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: one of the misconceptions of swinging that we're all here 100 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 1: just to have sex with everybody, that when you walk 101 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 1: into a club or a party, it's just a whole 102 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: bunch of neck people having sex, unprotected sex with each other, 103 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: with anybody. And also, like a lot of misconceptions is 104 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,720 Speaker 1: for men that if they show up to a party 105 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: that they're just going to have sex with any women 106 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 1: that they want that's available, and that it's a free 107 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 1: for all. And I think one of another one that 108 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 1: you said was a lot of people don't think that 109 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 1: black people do this exactly well, and I would say 110 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,800 Speaker 1: that was probably that was back in two thousand and 111 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: sixteen or seventeen. We're finding black people people who look 112 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,440 Speaker 1: like us, um at these parties or clubs. Was it was? 113 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 1: It was It didn't exist in the Midwest at all. 114 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 1: Like I would literally go to the club and be 115 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 1: the only black one there, or um, it might be 116 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: two or three of us and we came together, or 117 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: you know, just it was just spotty. H And another 118 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: one you said, because I wanted to bring this one 119 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 1: up is women are the only ones that are bisexual, 120 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: but bisexual men are not accepted like the women are. 121 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: Oh that's true, Like um so, I s so in 122 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: the black community. In the black community, for a man 123 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:33,079 Speaker 1: to be by sexual and open with it is not 124 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:37,920 Speaker 1: quite accepted yet. And in the black community as far 125 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: as swing goes now and then other communities, I think 126 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 1: it's a little bit more open. It's just not said 127 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: it's never really just said, but they do have a 128 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: special parties just for that. So, but you will rarely 129 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: ever see a black party that's dedicated to by men 130 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: by couples. Right, Would you say that slinging just just 131 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: came up to top of my dome? Would you say 132 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: that slinging and polyamorous is the same thing in a sense? No, no, no, 133 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:20,679 Speaker 1: no no. Um one Polly is is like a relationship 134 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:25,679 Speaker 1: that has to deal with emotions and feelings. Yeah, so 135 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 1: swinging and it's supposed to be just recreational fun sex 136 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: and and they can't go hand in hand if that's 137 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: what the uh you know that particular couple wants to do. 138 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:44,079 Speaker 1: H But it is it is a lifestyle in itself. 139 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: M hmm yeah. No, do you have to have sex 140 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: with swinging? That is ideal, It is ideal to um, 141 00:09:56,480 --> 00:10:00,559 Speaker 1: you wouldn't be swinging if you're not having sex. Um. Now, 142 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: you can come to a swinger event or a club 143 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: and not have sex, but that actual act of it. Yeah, yeah, 144 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 1: all right, So what are some dudes and don't I 145 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: know one that you said was you need to bring 146 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: some condoms? Oh yes, yeah, Rather rather you meet someone 147 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: and what you guys agree upon. After you get into 148 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: you know, the bedroom or wherever you're at, you need 149 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 1: to bring condoms. You cannot assume that the that the 150 00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 1: person that you're about to play with doesn't want to 151 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: wear a condom, you know, so UM, definitely have to 152 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:45,200 Speaker 1: have condoms with you. We encourage that people use condoms 153 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: in a particular brand at that UM and the lifestyle 154 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 1: which your skins. It's non latex. There's a lot of 155 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: people out here who are allergic to latex, so we 156 00:10:55,760 --> 00:11:01,200 Speaker 1: prefer skins in the lifestyle. And I don't want you said, 157 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 1: was quite on the set quiet on the set that 158 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,960 Speaker 1: goes for open play areas because you don't want to 159 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 1: you don't you don't wanna be in a room having 160 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 1: any sex and there's a whole crowd of people talking 161 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 1: or laughing or having their own conversations going on at 162 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: the same time where you're trying to right. And that's 163 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 1: on one. I mean, what I thought was obvious is 164 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 1: no means no. Yeah, yeah, there's and that goes for both, 165 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 1: that goes for females and males. Uh. You would think 166 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: that the obvious thing to do is to say no 167 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,360 Speaker 1: and also to accept the word no. But sometimes no 168 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: comes in many different forms, and there's a lot of 169 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,680 Speaker 1: females out there in males who don't know how to 170 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 1: directly say no. Mm hmm, so it looks more so 171 00:11:55,679 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 1: like not right now, or um, you know how back 172 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: with you later something like that, instead of saying directly no, 173 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: and then um, it's basically if you don't have a yes, 174 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 1: don't do it right. So I know there are different 175 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: types of groups, can you explain each one? This is 176 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 1: when I really was learning what groups as far as 177 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: the right terminology. But when it comes to full swap 178 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:31,440 Speaker 1: soft swap, okay, yeah, so there's there's soft swap which 179 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 1: if you go by the nothing is it called groups 180 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: or it's no, it's just they call them labels and 181 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:47,200 Speaker 1: a lot of veterans do not like to use labels. Um, 182 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: I use labels as a signpost for newbies, like we 183 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 1: all have to have something to start off with, you know, 184 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,479 Speaker 1: get a better understanding, and then once you get that understanding, 185 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 1: the labels will go away because there's variations to all 186 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 1: of them. So um, technically, book wise, soft swap is 187 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 1: interactions without intercourse. That's the book term for it now 188 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: and and putting it into practice. Soft swap is where 189 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: it's just the female does not get penetrated by another male. Like, um, 190 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: it could be threesomes with two females and a guy, 191 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,319 Speaker 1: but the wife or the partner does not get penetrated 192 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: by another man. Mm hmm. So they call that soft swap. 193 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: And full swap is where you're a couple and both 194 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 1: of you guys get to have interactions and intercourse with 195 00:13:44,679 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: other people, male and female, whatever you wanna, whoever you 196 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 1: want to have it, um, intercourse with you're you're allowed 197 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: to do that, mm hmm. And then the other two 198 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: terms is bulls and uniforms. Yeah, so unicorns um is 199 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:08,440 Speaker 1: single by females and the lifestyle. And I throw the 200 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: terms the word in thereby because those are the rarest 201 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: ones that you're going to find, which is why they 202 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: call them unicorns because they you know, they like to 203 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: be with both female and the male mm hmm. And 204 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: then um, the bulls. Technically book term is a very 205 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:33,920 Speaker 1: is a hung black a black male, single hung black male. 206 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: Technically book term, that's what it is. But now what's 207 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,600 Speaker 1: the what's the other term If it's not the book term. 208 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: If it's when I say book terms, that means that's 209 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: the definition that they came up with like fifty years ago. Okay, 210 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: now we don't call it anything but single female, single females, 211 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 1: and single males. Okay, yeah, but a lot of newbies 212 00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 1: will refer to themselves as I'm a unicorn because us 213 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: I like to play with couples, and I'm a bull 214 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: because I like to play with with couples. I'm single male, 215 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: I like to play with couples. And I know that 216 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: you said that there are more bulls in this lifestyle. 217 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 1: So if a man wants to start swinging, what do 218 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 1: you think you should do to stand out? Um? I 219 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 1: think that he needs to get a mentor uh, learned 220 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 1: proper etiquette as far as how to approach couples, Um, 221 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: how to approach females in this lifestyle, being the best 222 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: representative that he can for other single males in this lifestyle. 223 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 1: Because there's so many single males in this lifestyle that, um, 224 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:49,840 Speaker 1: they get overlooked, they get judged, they get talked about 225 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: a lot. But the ones that stand out are the 226 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 1: ones who aren't afraid to talk to couples, the ones 227 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: who are in this of the right reasons. They're not 228 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 1: in here just to get or to have sex with, 229 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: you know, with females, because I run across a lot 230 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,200 Speaker 1: of single males in all life. That's say, I'm lifestyle 231 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: and lifestyle and lifestyle lifestyle. But when it comes to 232 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 1: playing with couples, they refused to play with couples, or 233 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 1: they refused to even speak to the man to try 234 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 1: to you know, and and all that stuff. But if 235 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: they were to get into a relationship, they would want 236 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 1: that from a single male who's trying to play with 237 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: their female. Soy're not get back, they're not giving what 238 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,800 Speaker 1: they would want had they put themselves in those shoes. 239 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: M hm. So if they can develop that mindset, they 240 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: will start standing out for sure. Would you say the 241 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 1: same thing for uniforms or is it difference? Yes, I 242 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,600 Speaker 1: would say the same thing, because there are single females 243 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,720 Speaker 1: in this lifestyle who just want to be with single 244 00:16:55,760 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: males and the lifestyle which I mean it happens more 245 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,880 Speaker 1: frequently here than it would in the vanilla world. Being 246 00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 1: at a rail club, it's more acceptable to be sexually 247 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:14,600 Speaker 1: open and this lifestyle. So that's therefore that it is 248 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 1: a good place for single females to be at. But 249 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 1: if you want to be more on the swingers side 250 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 1: of things, Like I would call myself a swinkle because 251 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 1: I will play with couples. I will approach couples. I 252 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 1: don't cut them off like I'm never gonna play with 253 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,479 Speaker 1: a couple. I don't like couples. You know, I'm not 254 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 1: just here for the single being. When I do become 255 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 1: in a relationship, I want to become a couple that swings. 256 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:49,360 Speaker 1: So therefore I call myself a swingle swing. So how 257 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,680 Speaker 1: important is it to understand educate yourself about the lifestyle 258 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: when you are a single person, Because I think you 259 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: made a good point where if you're gonna join this lifestyle, 260 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 1: you gotta know you gotta be for the couple and 261 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 1: not for this person or that person. Well it's not 262 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 1: really so when when we say joined the lifestyle, the 263 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: lifestyle is like umbrella, and underneath this umbrella is several 264 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 1: different types of lifestyles. There's Polly, there's the LGBT, there's swingers, 265 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,879 Speaker 1: there's um B, D s M. There's all kinds of 266 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:31,160 Speaker 1: little different departments that you could be a part of. 267 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 1: But when you say the lifestyle, the lifestyle is just 268 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 1: a mindset and as a mindset of being open and 269 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: free about your sexuality. And you have a different alternative 270 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 1: view for sex and relationships than other people in the 271 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: vanilla world, so you don't necessarily have to be with couples. 272 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 1: But if you want to call yourself a swinger, then 273 00:18:56,960 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 1: that's what swingers do. Because I was watching in videos 274 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: and I know you kept saying that a lot like 275 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 1: you kept putting emphasis on the meeting of lifestyle. But lifestyles, 276 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 1: like you said, a big umbrella, and there are so 277 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 1: many things that go within their umbre. But if you're 278 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: particularly talking about swinging, then you have to know the 279 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: is and not with swinging. And that's just it. Yeah, 280 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,200 Speaker 1: And that's part of educating yourself because if you just 281 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: don't really dive deep enough, you know, you people can 282 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,679 Speaker 1: I can tell when someone's new because of the terms 283 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: and dialogue that they use, um, you know, situations that 284 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,960 Speaker 1: they find themselves in. All that just dispels that you're 285 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 1: you're new to the lifestyle. So educating yourself is I 286 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,959 Speaker 1: would say the number one reason to educate yourself is 287 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: so you don't get duped mm hmm. Because I've literally 288 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:55,400 Speaker 1: been to parties and been in groups that for me 289 00:19:56,640 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 1: and my taste. We're not as lifestyle as I was 290 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: looking for mm hm. And you know, you don't if 291 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,879 Speaker 1: if the leaders of these groups and the and the organization, 292 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:17,640 Speaker 1: the organized organization, organimizers of these events. I hate that. 293 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 1: But when the organizers of these events aren't educated and 294 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,840 Speaker 1: they're not and they're just having parties and and they 295 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 1: have groups just because they want to they want to 296 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 1: make some money, you know what I mean. If you're 297 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:33,439 Speaker 1: not educated and you fall for those type of things 298 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: and you're in and you keep going to that, that's 299 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:38,520 Speaker 1: what you think the lifestyle is. And if you get 300 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 1: a bad taste in your mouth, then you didn't really 301 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:46,360 Speaker 1: get you know, you got duped, you got cheated because 302 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,399 Speaker 1: of your lack of education. And I wouldn't even blame 303 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,639 Speaker 1: it one the leaders or the organizers, the organizers of 304 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: these events. I would blame it on myself because I 305 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,440 Speaker 1: didn't take the time to get self educated on what 306 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: I was walking into. So how how and where can 307 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:10,879 Speaker 1: one get started? Um? If someone even thought about getting 308 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:15,199 Speaker 1: into the lifestyle, you've already started. So now it's just 309 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:21,760 Speaker 1: about um finding other like minded people and clubs to 310 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 1: go to. Like I'll tell anybody. If you're already thinking 311 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,679 Speaker 1: about it, you're already in it, You're already started. Your 312 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:31,199 Speaker 1: journey is begun. And the first thing I would do 313 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: is google a local swingers club and go look up 314 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,400 Speaker 1: the local swingers club, find out what are the rules 315 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: and what I need to do to get a membership. 316 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: Get a membership, and go on a Saturday night when 317 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 1: it's busy or Friday night when it's a little bit 318 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 1: slower and kind of feel my way in pool. You know, be, 319 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,080 Speaker 1: don't be shy. Be you gotta start introducing stuff, like 320 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: you can't sit down and wait for someone to come 321 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 1: up to you, like you have to in search yourself 322 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: into this lifestyle. M meet friends, talk people in the lifestyle, 323 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:14,680 Speaker 1: love too, collect people as as what I would say, 324 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:19,280 Speaker 1: we're like, they will literally adopt you and oh you're new, 325 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:24,680 Speaker 1: Well let me show you the ropes you know, or yeah, yeah, yeah. 326 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: That's why I'm telling people. It's like, if you're sincere 327 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:32,240 Speaker 1: about this and you have your intentions to join the lifestyle, 328 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: then you will find people that to help you along 329 00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,679 Speaker 1: the way. Mm hmm. I mean you you know, you 330 00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,159 Speaker 1: can run, you make you make lifelong friends. Some of 331 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 1: the people that I met when I first got here 332 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:49,120 Speaker 1: I'm still friends with today. M hm. So yeah, when 333 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: it comes of relationships, who would you say normally brings 334 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 1: up the idea of the male or a female. I 335 00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:03,160 Speaker 1: think the since I was I was a forty sixty 336 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 1: being females, because there's a lot of men who won't 337 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,120 Speaker 1: bring it up and they join the lifestyle alone even 338 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: though they're married. Yeah, yes, unfortunately, So then what do 339 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: you do in that situation? Or I'm pretty sure in 340 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,479 Speaker 1: some cases some people, some of their partners doesn't want 341 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,840 Speaker 1: to be a part of this lifestyle, So what do 342 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:33,680 Speaker 1: you do? Um? So if and man, and I'm gonna 343 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,840 Speaker 1: be completely honest with you, if I go to a 344 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: club and I see an attractive man and I walk 345 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,280 Speaker 1: up to them and I say, who are you here 346 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: with anyone? Are you married? You single? They at that 347 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,159 Speaker 1: point can tell me anything they want to tell me. 348 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:53,879 Speaker 1: M because how would you know? How would I know? So, my, 349 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 1: that's why your mindset has to be right. Because if 350 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,439 Speaker 1: I walk into a club and I see someone I'm 351 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,520 Speaker 1: attracted to and I asked them if they want to play? 352 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,679 Speaker 1: And I asked them, or you're married or you're single, 353 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,679 Speaker 1: are you here alone? They say, I'm here alone, I'm single. 354 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna play with them if they want 355 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,120 Speaker 1: to play, and then at the end of the day, 356 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna walk away and leaving where where I found them. Right, 357 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,479 Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know any different. And that's just 358 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:23,879 Speaker 1: the honest truth. I don't know any different. Now, if 359 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 1: I was inviting someone into my home, in my private space, 360 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 1: that's where it gets a little bit more different. You 361 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,159 Speaker 1: need to know who you're dealing with, especially in your 362 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 1: private spacemen. And you're not gonna be able to get 363 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,600 Speaker 1: a background check on everybody at a party or at 364 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,639 Speaker 1: a club. It's just it's not gonna happen, you know. So. Um, 365 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:46,159 Speaker 1: And that's anything anybody that's where, anything anywhere, at a 366 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 1: regular club, at a football game, anywhere anywhere. So it's 367 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,760 Speaker 1: the same. So I obviously communication is very important for 368 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,040 Speaker 1: all parties involved. So how we will be some the 369 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 1: vice she would be able when a constant handling jealousy, UM, 370 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 1: understanding what jealousy is. And I used to be a 371 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 1: very one old when I was married and in my 372 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:19,240 Speaker 1: last relationship, which was quite a while ago, about the 373 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,040 Speaker 1: one was like almost like what two years ago. No, 374 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 1: I call the I'm referring to more so a long term. 375 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,199 Speaker 1: So anything longer than a year or so it was 376 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:34,480 Speaker 1: was pretty far back. So I was so at least 377 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 1: ten years I was in, um, those relationships that I 378 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 1: were in ten or eleven years ago, I was extremely 379 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: highly jealous and I didn't know what why. I didn't 380 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: know why I didn't things that did. I didn't know 381 00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: why I felt the way I felt. But once I 382 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 1: became into the lifestyle, joined the lifestyle, I've learned so 383 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 1: much about myself. I I literally changed my entire life 384 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,800 Speaker 1: because of this lifestyle. And what I've learned about myself, 385 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,720 Speaker 1: and I will get my advice to people is because 386 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:10,159 Speaker 1: I've been there, so I know what it is. Understanding 387 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,760 Speaker 1: what jealousy is is the biggest thing you can do 388 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 1: because it starts to um, now you're becoming aware of 389 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: yourself and understanding what jealousy is. The fact that you're 390 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: comparing yourself with somebody else, and then you're you're making 391 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:34,120 Speaker 1: notes on how you match up with somebody else, which 392 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,959 Speaker 1: is very unhealthy because we're two different you know, I mean, 393 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 1: there's two different people here. So and then So if 394 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 1: I'm if I walk into a room and I see 395 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:48,280 Speaker 1: this woman who's fully naked. She doesn't have the greatest body, 396 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,439 Speaker 1: but she's confident in herself and she's the life of 397 00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:54,239 Speaker 1: the party, and all the men gather around her, and 398 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: then I start to feel this type of jealousy. It's 399 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: usually because I'm not allowing my health to do what 400 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 1: she's doing. I'm not allowing myself to take my clothes 401 00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,200 Speaker 1: off because of how I feel about myself. I don't 402 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,120 Speaker 1: have the confidence that she has because how I feel 403 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:17,800 Speaker 1: about myself, it's your own insecurities. So you're mad at 404 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,879 Speaker 1: this female who's living her best life. You're jealous of 405 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,439 Speaker 1: her talking. You don't want her nowhere near your man 406 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 1: because she's the life of the party and you're and 407 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 1: you feel like you're not. And you know Nigga's love 408 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 1: a vibe, right right, So that's that's what essentially, that's 409 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,200 Speaker 1: what jealous is. I don't want you. I'm jealous if 410 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,679 Speaker 1: you talk to her because she's this, she's that, she's this, 411 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,440 Speaker 1: and you can only say she's this and she's that. 412 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:53,400 Speaker 1: If you're telling yourself what you're not. And one thing 413 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 1: that I liked about um. One of your videos was um, 414 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:58,720 Speaker 1: and we will get to your story and a few 415 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:01,159 Speaker 1: but you were saying during your first experience when you 416 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,240 Speaker 1: walked into the club, there is pretty much no discrimination. 417 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: So whether if you oh, short, yellow, p weathercas maybe 418 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: or whatever you may be in secure about, it doesn't matter. 419 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 1: It doesn't And the and then everybody likes to use 420 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,720 Speaker 1: this phrase in the lifestyle that the lifestyle is supposed 421 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 1: to be a judgment free zone, a judgmental free zone 422 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 1: like and a lot of people will say, well, you know, 423 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 1: they're not supposed to judge you. You should be able 424 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 1: to do whatever you wanted to do. The almost let's 425 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 1: judge you. Um. What I've learned and the lifestyle is 426 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if the entire room is judging you. 427 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: The only person that matters is you judging yourself. Once 428 00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 1: you learn to stop judging yourself and become free, that's 429 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: where the that's when you're you're free, You're completely free. 430 00:28:55,400 --> 00:29:00,480 Speaker 1: Like I had to tell myself, Okay, I see, I 431 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: know what my body looks like. I know it is 432 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:07,000 Speaker 1: not the best body out here in the world, but 433 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:11,680 Speaker 1: damn it, and I want to walk around like this, 434 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: So I you don't. I'm like, if these people can 435 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: do it, I can do it too. And that changed 436 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: my confidence level from being a wall flower, you know 437 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 1: in the vanilla world, from from from just hiding feeling 438 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 1: like I didn't want to be seen two what I 439 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: am today. So what is the advice that when it 440 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 1: comes to like establishing rules and boundaries, because I can 441 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,560 Speaker 1: only imagine that, it's not as black and white or 442 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 1: is it? Um? No, and you go with what you're 443 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 1: comfortable with. And I always say that, remember it's a journey, 444 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 1: so wherever you start is not where you're gonna finish yet. 445 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 1: So if you're gonna make rules and boundaries or event 446 00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 1: and my advice is to put yourself in your partner's 447 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,960 Speaker 1: shoes because there's gonna be some things that you both 448 00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: are not gonna tell each other because you're not used 449 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: to that. You're not used to explaining what your sexual 450 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: desires are, what it is that you really want and 451 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:28,800 Speaker 1: all that. So to be compromising and understanding of each 452 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,520 Speaker 1: other is one. So when you and it's usually the 453 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 1: female that says I want the no kissing rule. That's 454 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: my number one rule, no kissing, um. But I guarantee 455 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 1: you nine times out of ten, the man wants to kiss, 456 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,920 Speaker 1: but he's not gonna say that, you know what I'm saying. 457 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:56,280 Speaker 1: He's not gonna Yeah, yeah, you're not. He's not gonna say. 458 00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,960 Speaker 1: You know. So, before you go to a party, before 459 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 1: you go to your first it, you do sit down. 460 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,680 Speaker 1: You have a conversation about what it is you want 461 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 1: out of this lifestyle, and then you come up with 462 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: your rules and your boundaries. What's okay, what's not okay? 463 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: And discuss each one in death, play it out, do scenarios, 464 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,480 Speaker 1: what does it look like? Does that really? Is it 465 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,200 Speaker 1: really gonna be? Is it really gonna work in reality? 466 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 1: Is it not? What can we drop off? What can 467 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 1: we add? And then you come up with your set 468 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,040 Speaker 1: of rules, and I encourage everyone to write them down 469 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,880 Speaker 1: and then revisit them nine months later. Every nine months, 470 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: revisit and see what you could drop off and what 471 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,560 Speaker 1: can change because you didn't know the first time you 472 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 1: made up these rules, especially when you're starting off in 473 00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: the nine years later, you are little bit more advanced 474 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: than comfortable. Yet oh yeah yeah, like nine you you 475 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: take a couple who starts today and their rules are 476 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 1: no kissing. Um, make sure you you're you're wearing conducts. 477 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,080 Speaker 1: You gotta ask permission for you you play with somebody, 478 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 1: we gotta play in the same room. Uh this that 479 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 1: in the third And they might have like a list 480 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:11,240 Speaker 1: of twenty rules, but ten years from now and they're 481 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:15,800 Speaker 1: still swinging, they might have one rule, call me when 482 00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 1: you get done, because at this point we're here. We're here, 483 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 1: and you're still with me. You didn't go nowhere, so 484 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: we're good. Right. When it comes to a couple of meetings, 485 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 1: someone or I guess someone meaning a couple, like, how 486 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:36,040 Speaker 1: do they start having sex? Because I'm pretty sure sometimes 487 00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 1: people just want to get to it, so like do 488 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,120 Speaker 1: you recommend it? Go out? They get drinks, they have conversations. 489 00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's the hardest thing. It's the hardest 490 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 1: I how nervous you are, but you really want to 491 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: just get to it. It's not really nervous, it's just 492 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,760 Speaker 1: making it happen. Like it's so much easier to make 493 00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,720 Speaker 1: it happen when you're at a party and that's what's suspect, 494 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:04,240 Speaker 1: and that's what everybody's there for. And you got the 495 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:07,960 Speaker 1: music playing, you're drinking, you might be high, you know 496 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,720 Speaker 1: what I mean. You're you're feeling the vibes. You're excited. 497 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: Everybody's dressed up in sexy and and everybody's touching on 498 00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 1: each other or or you know, walking around nude. It's 499 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,120 Speaker 1: the vibe that brings you together. And then you're just like, 500 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: you want to go play short, Yeah, let's go boom, 501 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 1: go play, and it's back to the party and then 502 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 1: back to go find somebody else to play with. It's 503 00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:34,280 Speaker 1: a and that excitement and all makes it happen easier 504 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:40,600 Speaker 1: versus you're finding somebody at a club and or you 505 00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,960 Speaker 1: find somebody online and you decide to go out to dinner. 506 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 1: Let's go out to dinner and and hook up. You 507 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 1: know what you want to do. But by the end 508 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 1: of the night, but getting there, you know, you're trying 509 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:55,480 Speaker 1: to learn each other, you're having conversations, and then eventually 510 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,720 Speaker 1: it gets later and later you get tired. You've had 511 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: so much whine in it, and it's like, you know what, Yeah, 512 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 1: let's just call it night, go to bed, you know. 513 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,240 Speaker 1: And then and then it may not it may not 514 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 1: even happen. But you always have to have a starter 515 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 1: on your team. And when I say a starter, like 516 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:22,239 Speaker 1: I'm a starter So if I'm really in the mood 517 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 1: and if i really want something to go down, I'm 518 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:29,040 Speaker 1: gonna get ship started, which means we might be sitting 519 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,640 Speaker 1: at a table talking and drinking or whatever. I'm just 520 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,439 Speaker 1: about the pool somebody's pants down and start sucking dick. 521 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:40,600 Speaker 1: And then once you do that, okay, that's what we're doing. 522 00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,319 Speaker 1: All right, everybody gets take your clothes off, let's go. 523 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:49,760 Speaker 1: She's really go. Some somebody has to get it started. Literally, 524 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,680 Speaker 1: y'all know what we were, what we invited y'all here 525 00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:57,359 Speaker 1: for at least y'all know why y'all accepted. Let's go. Well, 526 00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:03,520 Speaker 1: how do you not get dickmatized? Or see what? Oh? Hard? 527 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,480 Speaker 1: Hard again? People always want to say you leave your 528 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,640 Speaker 1: feelings at the door. It is extremely hard because we're human. 529 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:18,400 Speaker 1: We're human beings. We want connection, we want love. Um, 530 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,360 Speaker 1: So you have to go into every situation with the 531 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:27,080 Speaker 1: correct intentions. If you're at a party and you see 532 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,879 Speaker 1: someone that's extremely attractive, you want to have sex with them, 533 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,439 Speaker 1: have sex with them, you know, I mean, have sex 534 00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:36,200 Speaker 1: with them, make love to them if you want. But 535 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 1: your mindset needs to be when we finish and we 536 00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:44,080 Speaker 1: walk out this door, that that it's over until we 537 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:51,400 Speaker 1: meet again. But you get where it's a lot of 538 00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:56,200 Speaker 1: things go beyond the parties. Things go beyond the clubs. 539 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,279 Speaker 1: You've got groups out there and people hook up all 540 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:03,640 Speaker 1: the time, and they hook up with this mindset. They 541 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,680 Speaker 1: were lifestyle. Yet you're doing vanilla stuff because for me, 542 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,480 Speaker 1: anything outside of a club or a party is vanilla. 543 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,960 Speaker 1: I don't care how you say. I don't care if 544 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 1: you met in a lifestyle group. I don't care if 545 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 1: you met at a lifestyle party. You met at the 546 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:23,279 Speaker 1: lifestyle club. Once you take it outside of a party environment, 547 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:28,719 Speaker 1: it now becomes vanilla. So you're gonna get vanilla ship. 548 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:33,319 Speaker 1: Can you can you explain what vanilla is for some 549 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:34,840 Speaker 1: of the listeners, just in case that they don't know, 550 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 1: because a lot of them might be vanilla child. Vanilla 551 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 1: is anything outside of alternative view of sexual activities or 552 00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:49,000 Speaker 1: um a way of living. So it's just the normal, 553 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:51,879 Speaker 1: every day what you see on TV, Girl next Door 554 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:58,400 Speaker 1: type of stuff that's vanilla. It's plain where the lifestyle 555 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:05,280 Speaker 1: is all about being open minded sexuality and living alternative lives. 556 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: You might have two husbands, two wives, you don't know 557 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:12,279 Speaker 1: you know anything outside of the norm. So that's what 558 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:17,840 Speaker 1: that's the difference between vanilla and lifestyle. And that's why 559 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:20,879 Speaker 1: I mean, that's why I say that hooking up at 560 00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,799 Speaker 1: home what a man is vanilla because you can do 561 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:30,080 Speaker 1: that when you leave a club, a regular club. So 562 00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,640 Speaker 1: what would you say it's the best way to approach 563 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:38,640 Speaker 1: the topic of STVS. I mean, we talk about it, 564 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. It's a lot. You will 565 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:46,200 Speaker 1: find more people open about saying that they go regularly 566 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:50,879 Speaker 1: test in a lifestyle than anywhere else. Like I know 567 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:54,080 Speaker 1: that people in the vanilla world at a club, they 568 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,759 Speaker 1: don't talk about that stuff. You know what I mean 569 00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,920 Speaker 1: When I when I meet a guy and I'm like, 570 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:02,319 Speaker 1: if you to become a regular sexual partner for me, 571 00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,320 Speaker 1: then let's talk about how often you go get tested? 572 00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:11,000 Speaker 1: Mm hmm, Like I got papers, You got papers. You 573 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,000 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It's just you were just you know, 574 00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,279 Speaker 1: it's not it's not uncommon to talk about We talked 575 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,800 Speaker 1: about it. We talked about it in some some events 576 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:22,160 Speaker 1: and some parties you go to will have SUT testing 577 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:28,960 Speaker 1: right there. Mm hmm. Now let's get to you. Who 578 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:35,279 Speaker 1: are you before you doing this lifestyle regular? I was 579 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:43,239 Speaker 1: a divorce. Ee. I think I was thirty five when 580 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:47,160 Speaker 1: I before you know, I'm thirty five and just a 581 00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: single female just looking to get some get into something. 582 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:59,399 Speaker 1: Very shy, very shy, very shy, very um quiet. I 583 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:08,080 Speaker 1: was just insecure. Mm hmm. Yeah that was me. And 584 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,360 Speaker 1: how long have you been in this lifestyle? Eleven years? 585 00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,800 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And I know, um, one thing you said initially, 586 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,440 Speaker 1: you're looking for a don mm hmm. Yeah, I was 587 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,800 Speaker 1: looking for a dumb after I read fifty Shades of Gray. 588 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:29,640 Speaker 1: So I read fifty Shades of Gray and it led 589 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:34,640 Speaker 1: me to fat Life. Um. Once I got on fat Life, 590 00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,839 Speaker 1: I gotta ignored Facebook for a long time. And I 591 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:41,239 Speaker 1: was on fat Life every day, every day, and I was, 592 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,600 Speaker 1: you know, I started to learn about that, but I 593 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,400 Speaker 1: wanted to meet someone in person. I've always been the 594 00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,720 Speaker 1: type of person that I didn't like meeting people online. 595 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,600 Speaker 1: I'd like to meet people in person. So I started 596 00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:57,080 Speaker 1: going to their little events, their parties. There be meeting 597 00:39:57,120 --> 00:40:01,760 Speaker 1: greets and things like that. And a friend, a co worker, 598 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:04,920 Speaker 1: had introduced me to the Swearers Club and said, you know, 599 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,200 Speaker 1: you might want to check out the Swears Club. And 600 00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:09,760 Speaker 1: I thought that maybe that would be a good place 601 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 1: to find find a dom. I didn't know where to 602 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:19,879 Speaker 1: find one. They don't have badges or anything. So right, 603 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,520 Speaker 1: so then when you first though how it was when 604 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,960 Speaker 1: you first went to the arms swaying as well? Like 605 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 1: what it was curiosity? I'm just like my coworker was 606 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:36,520 Speaker 1: just like, man, I'd be going to this Wow party 607 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,040 Speaker 1: every weekend. I'm like, what Wow parties? And she's like, 608 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:46,000 Speaker 1: you know, she's um lesbian and she uses, uh, what 609 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 1: do you call it? Dang it to slip my mind 610 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:51,960 Speaker 1: a deal though, So she's like, yeah, I walk around 611 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,239 Speaker 1: with my deal to out and I'm like, what places 612 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,880 Speaker 1: this that you're going that you can do this? She 613 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:02,080 Speaker 1: was like it's a swearers club. You should go. I'm like, okay, 614 00:41:02,239 --> 00:41:05,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go. So you know, I went. She stood 615 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,319 Speaker 1: me up and she was supposed to get me in, 616 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:12,839 Speaker 1: you know. So I'm just like, I'm I'm here, I'm 617 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,479 Speaker 1: I'm excited. I want to get in there. I'm getting 618 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,800 Speaker 1: in there somehow. So I met somebody in the parking 619 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,160 Speaker 1: lot and I was like, you know, it was a 620 00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,359 Speaker 1: black man, and I was like, can I go in 621 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:25,040 Speaker 1: with you? Or you here by yourself? Like can are 622 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,320 Speaker 1: you remember? Can you get me in this place? And 623 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,799 Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, come on, come on with me, and 624 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,600 Speaker 1: he got me in and I walked in and I 625 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,640 Speaker 1: was just like, wow, it's nothing like I thought it was. 626 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:41,960 Speaker 1: But it was great because I don't know, you know, 627 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,800 Speaker 1: when I've heard someone tell me a story a long 628 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,920 Speaker 1: long time ago. They were telling me how you know, 629 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 1: they might walk past the room and someone was having 630 00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,600 Speaker 1: sex in there, or somebody might be sucking somebody's dick 631 00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:57,040 Speaker 1: against the wall or whatever, and that's more common now 632 00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 1: at parties, but it wasn't that day when I went 633 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,239 Speaker 1: into the club. So but when I went into the 634 00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:05,760 Speaker 1: club that day, it was just you know, a nice 635 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,880 Speaker 1: older crowd of white people and there who were all 636 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,400 Speaker 1: the women were all neckd and or they had on 637 00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:16,759 Speaker 1: lingerie and they were just having a blast dancing to 638 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:23,000 Speaker 1: music and Carmer saying and you know, having a nice time. 639 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,080 Speaker 1: And I and I just said, this is this is 640 00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:30,879 Speaker 1: my spot, this is me, this is my new home. 641 00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:35,880 Speaker 1: I am here every week. Yeah, what are your videos? 642 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:39,960 Speaker 1: You was like, you were shopping for man lingerie? Oh yes, honey, yes, 643 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,600 Speaker 1: and once I because I I just love to dress up. 644 00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:46,359 Speaker 1: But this was a different It was not going out 645 00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 1: to buy a dress and heels to match the dress 646 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:53,799 Speaker 1: and and you know all this this was, Oh I 647 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:57,719 Speaker 1: get to go lingerie shopping and put assessories with it 648 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,759 Speaker 1: and look like the baddest bitch there were walked in there, 649 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,480 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I just kept I 650 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:07,680 Speaker 1: took going. I just kept getting more popular and popular, 651 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,360 Speaker 1: and I knew everybody by name, and you know, I 652 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,480 Speaker 1: walk in and everybody was just you know, hug and 653 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,080 Speaker 1: I was like, this is my ship for real, this 654 00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:21,080 Speaker 1: is where I belonged. This is it. No I could 655 00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,520 Speaker 1: tell that because I didn't hear the excitement of your voice. 656 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:28,120 Speaker 1: It's like, you know, how you tell a story that 657 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,479 Speaker 1: you can see the person like reminiscent in a mind. 658 00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,719 Speaker 1: That's why I'm getting Yeah. But that's also how I 659 00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:38,200 Speaker 1: started the YouTube videos. It was part part reason why 660 00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,880 Speaker 1: I started blogging and doing blogs. It's because I was 661 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:46,200 Speaker 1: so excited about this that I didn't know how nobody 662 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:49,279 Speaker 1: else knew about it. And I was like, I'm gonna 663 00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,000 Speaker 1: tell the whole world because everybody needs to be a 664 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:56,120 Speaker 1: part of this. I was just like, this has helped 665 00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:58,759 Speaker 1: me out in my personal life. This is going to 666 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,839 Speaker 1: help out in relation ships. I was like, I had 667 00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,560 Speaker 1: no idea that this was even possible that people do 668 00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:08,840 Speaker 1: this for real. Would you say that you contribute to 669 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:14,440 Speaker 1: the growth of swingers in the Midwest. I do. I 670 00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:17,160 Speaker 1: would say so too, and I feel like you but 671 00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:20,200 Speaker 1: just because after the research I did, like you always 672 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:28,680 Speaker 1: came up. I said, I'm playing in the Midwest. Yeah, 673 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,080 Speaker 1: I've I've been to parties. I've went to parties in 674 00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:35,360 Speaker 1: Texas and I was at a swingers club at a 675 00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:39,120 Speaker 1: party and I walked into well. When I walked in, 676 00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,000 Speaker 1: like two ladies came up to me and was like, 677 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:46,560 Speaker 1: I watched your YouTube all the time, Like what I'm 678 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,960 Speaker 1: in Texas, you know what I'm saying, and so yeah. 679 00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,400 Speaker 1: And then I at the same that same night, I 680 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:57,120 Speaker 1: am walking outside the patio area and I hear this 681 00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,399 Speaker 1: group huddled up and they're like yeah, and we gotta 682 00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:02,400 Speaker 1: get to an Anapolis man. I heard there's a dope 683 00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:04,920 Speaker 1: party down there. I walked straight in. The conversation was like, 684 00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:08,439 Speaker 1: are you talking about me? It was like he was like, yes, 685 00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,600 Speaker 1: there she is her. I'm like, wow, this is this 686 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:18,479 Speaker 1: is crazy and there's not You're a black woman yeah, 687 00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:20,920 Speaker 1: I don't see any black woman doing what you're doing. 688 00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,160 Speaker 1: We're out there, They're out there, they are out there. 689 00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:30,640 Speaker 1: There's one in the East on the East Coast, and myself, 690 00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:36,279 Speaker 1: and then there are other groups like maybe um Maryland. 691 00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:38,520 Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot in the East Coast though 692 00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,120 Speaker 1: on the East, on the East Coast, there's a lot 693 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:44,040 Speaker 1: more going on as big as yours. But maybe on 694 00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:47,719 Speaker 1: the party scene they does they yeah, yeah, something like that. 695 00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:53,040 Speaker 1: I also looked at you as a as a educator. Yes, yeah, 696 00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:56,520 Speaker 1: that's that was That's my first love. I wanted to well, 697 00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,960 Speaker 1: I wanted to bring people, bringing people together. It's my 698 00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,120 Speaker 1: first love in the lifestyle. And then my second one 699 00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:06,279 Speaker 1: is educating. Because I got flooded with my first group 700 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:10,200 Speaker 1: with so many questions and I was literally my whole 701 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:13,400 Speaker 1: day was spent answering questions. So I said, you know what, 702 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,560 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna make a video and I'm sending everybody 703 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:24,239 Speaker 1: to the videos. A bad experience, of course, everybody has 704 00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,160 Speaker 1: bad experience, but you learn from them all. You learn 705 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:31,800 Speaker 1: from every single one of them. And I would tell people, 706 00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,959 Speaker 1: if you have a bad experience in the lifestyle, don't 707 00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,120 Speaker 1: chop it up like don't I mean, don't just dismiss 708 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:43,160 Speaker 1: the entire lifestyle over one bad experience, because, if anything, 709 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,520 Speaker 1: use it as a tool to help you grow. Um, 710 00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:50,960 Speaker 1: you know my bad or you know understanding is it's 711 00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:53,640 Speaker 1: part of your growth in the In this lifestyle, it's 712 00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:58,560 Speaker 1: not all fun at all times. There's ups and there's downs. 713 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,360 Speaker 1: What does a bad experience look like? I mean, a 714 00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:05,239 Speaker 1: bad experience could be you're playing with someone with a 715 00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,960 Speaker 1: couple and they get into an argument over something that 716 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,600 Speaker 1: happened during the play that you were involved in, or 717 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,839 Speaker 1: maybe miscommunication, like you might be talking to a man 718 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:19,479 Speaker 1: and then find out that he's married or something like that, 719 00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:23,640 Speaker 1: you know, uh, Or you might get your feelings hurt. 720 00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:26,919 Speaker 1: You know, a lot of females get their feelings hurt 721 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:31,080 Speaker 1: in this lifestyle because they are vanilla minded and they 722 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:34,160 Speaker 1: haven't got to that level yet. So they do get 723 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,200 Speaker 1: their feelings hurt, and then they walk away from the 724 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,640 Speaker 1: lifestyle like this is not where I'm supposed to be at. 725 00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:43,920 Speaker 1: But they return, They returned. I was like that in 726 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:48,800 Speaker 1: the beginning. So it's a growth. You don't just become 727 00:47:48,800 --> 00:47:53,120 Speaker 1: a swinger or or lifestylear mindset overnight. It does not 728 00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:57,160 Speaker 1: happen like that. Mm hmm. So what have you learned 729 00:47:57,160 --> 00:48:00,040 Speaker 1: about yourself while on this journey, because you said that 730 00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,360 Speaker 1: this is the best journey that you've ever been on. 731 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:08,479 Speaker 1: I've learned that for one of the artists, who would 732 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:11,399 Speaker 1: have known, uh, you know, I make my own flyers, 733 00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:16,120 Speaker 1: I do my videos, you know all of that. Who 734 00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,600 Speaker 1: would have known that I had all of this talent 735 00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,160 Speaker 1: bottled up and had it not been for the lifestyle, 736 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,040 Speaker 1: what this talent had it even came out somewhere? I 737 00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:30,200 Speaker 1: don't know. Um, I've learned that. I've learned that it's 738 00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:33,520 Speaker 1: my passion. Yeah, that I am, that I'm capable of 739 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:35,920 Speaker 1: doing that. Some of the things that I've done, I 740 00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,360 Speaker 1: have never ever and in my life would have thought 741 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,480 Speaker 1: that I can bring seven hundred people to the state 742 00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:45,800 Speaker 1: of Indiana for a weekend to throw a party for them. 743 00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 1: Never and my imagination be too I think I was 744 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:50,600 Speaker 1: gonna be able to do that, you know, from all 745 00:48:50,600 --> 00:49:04,640 Speaker 1: over the world at that pole people literally, I literally 746 00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:07,680 Speaker 1: I am throwing one of the largest parties in the 747 00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:12,560 Speaker 1: United States. I know. I did my research, so that 748 00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,560 Speaker 1: is an accomplishment and I and I had to learn. 749 00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:18,120 Speaker 1: I also had to learn what I learned about myself 750 00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:24,480 Speaker 1: is is being okay with being good because there's a 751 00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:28,240 Speaker 1: lot of people and myself. When I would do something, 752 00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,279 Speaker 1: I just didn't want to be seen. I didn't want 753 00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,040 Speaker 1: to take up too much space in the world. I 754 00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:39,680 Speaker 1: didn't want to be recognized. And I felt that, yeah, yeah, 755 00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:43,839 Speaker 1: you know you. I don't know. It's I didn't believe 756 00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:48,160 Speaker 1: in myself for a lot of reasons, and now it's 757 00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:54,000 Speaker 1: it's it's different. It's different. So I've learned a whole 758 00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:58,920 Speaker 1: ton ship ton about myself literally changed my life completely. 759 00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:04,080 Speaker 1: M how I view relationships. I needed help so bad 760 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:08,680 Speaker 1: in that department. It I'm so grateful for this lifestyle 761 00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:13,560 Speaker 1: and the open communication, learning those skills. Do you feel 762 00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,120 Speaker 1: like swinging help you to become your true self? I 763 00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,600 Speaker 1: feel like it has this right m m mm hmmmm 764 00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:25,440 Speaker 1: mm hmm. Yeah. I mean I was afraid to I 765 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:30,120 Speaker 1: was afraid to be seen. I was afraid to have 766 00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:33,120 Speaker 1: a voice in any of my relationships, whether it was 767 00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,359 Speaker 1: a friendship or a romantic relationship or a work relationship. 768 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:41,799 Speaker 1: I was afraid to do a lot of things. And um, 769 00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:45,160 Speaker 1: becoming is At first, I used to say, you know, 770 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:52,160 Speaker 1: was my ego ego exside and was my lifestyle name. 771 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,920 Speaker 1: But I'm kind of starting to look at things a 772 00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:59,799 Speaker 1: little different. I think the impostor was mm hmm. That's 773 00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:03,799 Speaker 1: why do you say that? Because on this side, I 774 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:07,520 Speaker 1: am being what I want to be. I am becoming 775 00:51:07,520 --> 00:51:11,360 Speaker 1: who I want to be. On this side, what I wasn't, 776 00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:13,880 Speaker 1: what I didn't want to be, was the person that 777 00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,160 Speaker 1: I left behind. I didn't want to be her. I 778 00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,319 Speaker 1: didn't want to be that girl that sat in the 779 00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:21,080 Speaker 1: corner at every at every party, or who stayed at 780 00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,760 Speaker 1: home and eight because she didn't want to be seen 781 00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:27,920 Speaker 1: or be recognized, or felt bad about herself or was insecure. 782 00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,480 Speaker 1: You know, I didn't want to be I don't want 783 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:32,680 Speaker 1: to be that that was in a relationship and was 784 00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:37,320 Speaker 1: so freaking jealous and worried and concerned all the time 785 00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:40,720 Speaker 1: about everything. You know what I mean? I was driving 786 00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:44,880 Speaker 1: myself crazy, Like I don't I would never want to 787 00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,399 Speaker 1: be her again. I don't want to go back to that. 788 00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:53,400 Speaker 1: M no Z. So, now that you are an educator, 789 00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:55,680 Speaker 1: what do you want people to take away from this 790 00:51:55,800 --> 00:52:02,960 Speaker 1: lifestyle or from being a part lingers. I I want people. 791 00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:07,719 Speaker 1: What I really truly want is for people to not 792 00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:13,279 Speaker 1: just think of swinging as an activity, but as a 793 00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:18,799 Speaker 1: windell or adore to their life, to their journey, to 794 00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:23,960 Speaker 1: their to their true selves. Like everything that happens in 795 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:28,359 Speaker 1: this lifestyle, the good, the bad, and the ugly, use 796 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,800 Speaker 1: it to learn about yourself. Even if I was even 797 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:36,120 Speaker 1: if I had a husband, I would say, this lifestyle 798 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,160 Speaker 1: journey has nothing to do with him. It's going to 799 00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:43,799 Speaker 1: have everything to do with me, because I know how 800 00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,160 Speaker 1: I am. Like I'll give you. I'll give a great example. 801 00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:50,680 Speaker 1: In the past, even in the beginning of my swinging, 802 00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:57,120 Speaker 1: I was highly insecure in relationships. So when I got 803 00:52:57,200 --> 00:53:02,200 Speaker 1: with somebody, I didn't know how to be with them, 804 00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,080 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I was just afraid 805 00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:08,720 Speaker 1: about everything, and what I am I had to learn 806 00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:14,840 Speaker 1: was how do I become okay with sharing and being shared? 807 00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:20,000 Speaker 1: So the best thing to do is just to do it. 808 00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:24,200 Speaker 1: It's just to do it and then don't react, Like, 809 00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:29,000 Speaker 1: don't react on him. It's gotta it's all gotta be 810 00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:31,880 Speaker 1: about me. This is the most selfish journey I'm going 811 00:53:31,920 --> 00:53:33,960 Speaker 1: to be on because I need to learn about myself. 812 00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:37,640 Speaker 1: I need to learn that when I have those feelings 813 00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:41,319 Speaker 1: pop up, why am I having them? Why is it there? 814 00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:46,440 Speaker 1: It's always about learning about myself. Why do I feel 815 00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:50,840 Speaker 1: like that? Even now and even outside of being in 816 00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:54,120 Speaker 1: a relationship, Like if I go to someone else's event 817 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,160 Speaker 1: and I feel like, oh, they did that better than 818 00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:58,600 Speaker 1: I did, You know what I mean? I need to 819 00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:01,560 Speaker 1: I asked myself questions, why do I feel like that? 820 00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:03,320 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Why do I Why do 821 00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:05,160 Speaker 1: I do this? Or why do I do that? And 822 00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,759 Speaker 1: then I try to heal whatever it is that that's 823 00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,480 Speaker 1: going on with me. I feel like, when you became 824 00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:16,960 Speaker 1: a part of this lifestyle, it really made you deep. No, no, yes, 825 00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:19,839 Speaker 1: it makes you things that made you insecure. It made 826 00:54:19,880 --> 00:54:21,640 Speaker 1: you really dig deep and find out the why and 827 00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:26,759 Speaker 1: the root of it. Yes, yeah, yeah, And once I 828 00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:31,320 Speaker 1: start figuring figuring out myself, now I'm soaring. You know, 829 00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:33,920 Speaker 1: it's like, okay, you know what I'm like, I can 830 00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:38,160 Speaker 1: I can become and get in a relationship today. And 831 00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,640 Speaker 1: when we go to a party, that man has zero rules, 832 00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:45,880 Speaker 1: he has zero rules. You go do what you what 833 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:49,600 Speaker 1: you gotta do, come back when you're ready, you know, 834 00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:52,960 Speaker 1: the hook back up or whatever. You know. I gonna 835 00:54:52,960 --> 00:54:57,920 Speaker 1: have fun, because my my fun is not also me 836 00:54:58,080 --> 00:55:04,000 Speaker 1: doing my thing, but watching you be happy. Mm hmm. 837 00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,719 Speaker 1: We're ten years ago. There is no way I would 838 00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:13,520 Speaker 1: have did that, never ever, ever. I would have been 839 00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:17,400 Speaker 1: so torn up inside, you know what I mean. Butterflies 840 00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:23,520 Speaker 1: and anxiousness and just sick to my stomach all that too. Man, 841 00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:28,640 Speaker 1: that's a healing process right there. That's so free. So 842 00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,799 Speaker 1: could you be with somebody who is okay with you 843 00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:33,799 Speaker 1: being a part of this lifestyle but they don't want 844 00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:40,560 Speaker 1: to partake in it? No? Mm hmm, not for what 845 00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,640 Speaker 1: I do. Okay, Now, when you bring a seven hundred 846 00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:48,400 Speaker 1: people out, I need a king by my side. Who's 847 00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:54,799 Speaker 1: who's going to be just savage as I am. He 848 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:58,920 Speaker 1: needs to represent. So we would be your advice to 849 00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:03,760 Speaker 1: our listeners that want to start or be involving this lifestyle. 850 00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:09,359 Speaker 1: They want to become Smingers as you catch yourself and 851 00:56:09,400 --> 00:56:12,920 Speaker 1: get going. I don't know what everybody's waiting for, but 852 00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:15,200 Speaker 1: get going, you know what I'm saying, like, if you 853 00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:17,080 Speaker 1: really want to be a part of this lifestyle, don't 854 00:56:17,120 --> 00:56:20,680 Speaker 1: wait for a video, don't wait for somebody to tell 855 00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:23,120 Speaker 1: you how to do it or what to do. Get 856 00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:26,359 Speaker 1: out there and do it. It's I What I don't 857 00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:29,360 Speaker 1: understand is why people will ask will in box me 858 00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:33,520 Speaker 1: and say how do I get started? I'm like, you're 859 00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,000 Speaker 1: already started. Once you decided that this is what you 860 00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:39,359 Speaker 1: want to do, You're already started. Now what is it 861 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,120 Speaker 1: that you want to do? You want to go to 862 00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:48,600 Speaker 1: a club google swingers club in my city and go 863 00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:53,560 Speaker 1: go to the club, meet people, travel, get out there, 864 00:56:54,480 --> 00:57:00,200 Speaker 1: experience and learn. I'm just curious what's next for you, 865 00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:01,719 Speaker 1: because I feel like you need to come out with 866 00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:09,520 Speaker 1: like a book or something like if I know, if 867 00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,839 Speaker 1: you know, if somebody would would help me with that, 868 00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:15,080 Speaker 1: then I would do that. Because my thing is I 869 00:57:15,440 --> 00:57:19,800 Speaker 1: got a thousand things going on, a thousands like I 870 00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:23,480 Speaker 1: and I have a full time job. I'm here now, 871 00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,120 Speaker 1: I have a full time job. On top of that, 872 00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,840 Speaker 1: I have to go home and and prep for the 873 00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:33,800 Speaker 1: event and the website, the YouTube videos. I do my 874 00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:37,640 Speaker 1: own advertising, I make my own flyers. You know, I 875 00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:41,080 Speaker 1: got a lot going on. So if I had the time, Like, 876 00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:42,960 Speaker 1: if I could do this full time, then I probably 877 00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,040 Speaker 1: would have had a book or two out already. But 878 00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,760 Speaker 1: why don't think, why don't think that you haven't done 879 00:57:47,800 --> 00:57:49,720 Speaker 1: it full time? Because I feel like or it is 880 00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:53,160 Speaker 1: like is the party's like seasonal or well yeah, well 881 00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:58,040 Speaker 1: we throw our event twice a year, so um yeah, 882 00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,640 Speaker 1: I don't want to. I don't. I know how much 883 00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:04,560 Speaker 1: work it takes to throw one event, So to do 884 00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,600 Speaker 1: that every single weekend, like at a club or something, 885 00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:11,880 Speaker 1: it's exhausting. I would I would, I would not. I 886 00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:15,840 Speaker 1: couldn't make it. I don't think I could. Um. Kind. 887 00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:18,360 Speaker 1: I put a lot of heart and soul into everything, 888 00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:23,760 Speaker 1: and it literally one event literally takes everything I have 889 00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:30,600 Speaker 1: m hmm to the last drop. So we gotta get 890 00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:33,440 Speaker 1: some things going for you because I feel like, because 891 00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,960 Speaker 1: I mean I I knew little things about this lifestyle, 892 00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:41,000 Speaker 1: but I feel like after really watching your your YouTube page, 893 00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:45,200 Speaker 1: I learned a lot. Yeah, a lot. So we're gonna 894 00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,440 Speaker 1: put it out there and we're gonna definitely keep keep 895 00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:49,320 Speaker 1: in touch because I really feel like you can definitely 896 00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:52,040 Speaker 1: do something and just be in the face of it 897 00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:57,560 Speaker 1: like a black woman, you know, right. Yeah, So I 898 00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:00,280 Speaker 1: appreciate you. I think this is very informative. Like if 899 00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:02,720 Speaker 1: I have any questions, comment a concerns, please make sure 900 00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:05,560 Speaker 1: to email me and hello at the PhD podcast dot com. 901 00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:09,600 Speaker 1: I would definitely put you in connection with our guests. 902 00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:11,400 Speaker 1: And I'm pretty sure you have another party coming up 903 00:59:11,400 --> 00:59:16,120 Speaker 1: real song right October? Well, I have a big gass 904 00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:21,440 Speaker 1: cabin party. We got one coming up in July. But 905 00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:26,840 Speaker 1: other than that, um, yes, our falification kin Copia is 906 00:59:26,960 --> 00:59:30,440 Speaker 1: in October here in Indianapolis. And for somebody who want 907 00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,880 Speaker 1: to attend the party, obviously there's a fee. But do 908 00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:35,480 Speaker 1: they get like screened or like do you do like 909 00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:41,360 Speaker 1: checks on each person or just we have we have 910 00:59:41,520 --> 00:59:45,400 Speaker 1: an event page also so on it's a website, so 911 00:59:45,520 --> 00:59:50,000 Speaker 1: it's our events are more like the club like. We 912 00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,800 Speaker 1: have rules, so if you break those rules, as long 913 00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:56,280 Speaker 1: as you don't break them rules, you should be great. 914 00:59:56,480 --> 00:59:59,640 Speaker 1: And we have a newbie class for all newbies, newbie 915 00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:04,160 Speaker 1: to the lifestyle and newbies to fucation. You should definitely 916 01:00:04,160 --> 01:00:06,439 Speaker 1: be in that class. If this is if you're if 917 01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:09,720 Speaker 1: you're not, if you haven't been to an event before, 918 01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:14,680 Speaker 1: definitely be in those classes. Okay, So we make sure 919 01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:18,240 Speaker 1: well y'all have if you have any questions, make sure 920 01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:22,320 Speaker 1: you'll hit me up. And until next time, everyone labor