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Speaker 1: Dame Bread Show is on. It's stay or go.

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Speaker 2: I can't share things, man, because it's like now people saying,

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Speaker 2: oh you know you got cancer, you got all this stuff?

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Speaker 1: Somebody just someboddy. I honestly can't stop looking at it

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Speaker 1: right now. You can't see it. I can see it.

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Speaker 1: No you hut up, No you can't.

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Speaker 3: Maybe she's cleaned the microphone. I know your your mouth

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Speaker 3: is really close to the microphone.

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Speaker 2: It might be some some it's the same color. Nobody

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Speaker 2: would know, trust me, no one would know it was there.

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Speaker 2: I am a weirdo. Stop looking at me. Why do

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Speaker 2: I share anything with you people? The point was, I'm

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Speaker 2: frantically communicating with doctor sonya now, and I'm frantic, and

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Speaker 2: I'm just staring at my phone waiting but a little

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Speaker 2: bubbles to pop up so she can tell me that

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Speaker 2: I'm not dead.

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Speaker 1: You're fine, No, I know that. And I got ruby

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Speaker 1: over here so you can't see which side of my No,

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Speaker 1: you'd never mind right here. No, you can't see it

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Speaker 1: because I've been touching it. That's why you know that.

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Speaker 1: Don't bite it, yeah, say it's to make it worse.

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Speaker 2: Sanitize, please, says the guy that eats sticks his hands

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Speaker 2: in his mouth and touches everything.

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: I got no momps though.

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Speaker 1: We don't know that I'm we don't know what's down there. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: he's moved like a ten dollar.

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Speaker 2: The fact that the fact that we know that is frightening.

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Speaker 2: Amy saved me him. I want to go home, Amy, Can.

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Speaker 1: I go home? Hello?

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Speaker 4: Hi? How are you?

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Speaker 1: Amy?

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Speaker 2: Change the subjects day or ago? What's going on with

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Speaker 2: you and your husband? We're going from giving medical advice

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Speaker 2: that you shouldn't follow to now giving psychological and life

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Speaker 2: advice that you probably shouldn't follow either.

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Speaker 1: But what's going on with your husband? Please?

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Speaker 4: Well, I don't want to say his name or anything,

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Speaker 4: but basically, we got married kind of recently, about six

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Speaker 4: months ago, and we moved in together, and I started

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Speaker 4: to slow We realized that, I don't know, things are

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Speaker 4: just kind of off. He was acting weird and he

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Speaker 4: didn't seem like himself. And then I started to find

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Speaker 4: empty liquor bottles, like all over the house, the little

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Speaker 4: ones and the big ones. And then I like, even

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Speaker 4: outside of the property, I would find them, you know,

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Speaker 4: in the bushes. There was a couple in the garage. Well,

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Speaker 4: after you know, pushing him a little bit, he he

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Speaker 4: did finally admit that he has a problem, and you know,

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Speaker 4: he was like, I'm willing to work on it, et cetera.

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Speaker 4: But I think for me, I just can't get past

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Speaker 4: the fact that he kept it from me for so long,

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Speaker 4: and I don't know, I just I feel lost and

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Speaker 4: I need advice.

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Speaker 1: Wow. I mean, that's a very that's very serious, and

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Speaker 1: so has he.

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Speaker 2: So he says he's going to work on it. But

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Speaker 2: does that mean has he taken any like sort of

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Speaker 2: steps as far as is he talking to anybody? I mean,

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Speaker 2: is he is there any kind of a program? I mean,

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Speaker 2: is he is he taking any sort of like regimented

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Speaker 2: steps towards fixing this or is it just I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: do it. But he's been hiding, so it's hard to

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Speaker 2: know if he really is well.

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Speaker 4: He said he's done a in the past, which is

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Speaker 4: strange to me because when we first started dating, he

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Speaker 4: was drinking wine on our dates, et cetera. So he

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Speaker 4: said he's done it in the past, and he said

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Speaker 4: he's willing to try it again and go to therapy, But.

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: It just seems like such a big lie from the beginning.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, but then again, I do think that

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Speaker 2: if you're married to this person, that might have been

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Speaker 2: something that would have come up. You know that the

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Speaker 2: guy struggled in this way, But I also know that

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Speaker 2: it's a lifelong battle for a lot of people. It's

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Speaker 2: not something that's just cured. You know, sometimes people relapse.

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Speaker 2: Some people, they they can be sober for a long

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Speaker 2: time and then fall back into it again. And so

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Speaker 2: the fact that you didn't know anything about it before,

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Speaker 2: I think is a little bit weird.

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Speaker 1: But the fact.

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Speaker 2: That he's having a problem with it and had a

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Speaker 2: problem with it in the past, I don't necessarily And

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Speaker 2: again I'm not educated in this. This is not my

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Speaker 2: area of expertise. But I do know that for some

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Speaker 2: people it's a lifelong struggle. It's not just like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: you know, go to treatment, all right, good, you're cured,

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Speaker 2: and then you'll never drink again or never use any substances,

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Speaker 2: and you know what I mean. So I don't know

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Speaker 2: that that in itself, the fact that he's relapsed is

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Speaker 2: necessarily a problem. I guess for me it would be

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Speaker 2: one are the steps he's taking to help himself and

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Speaker 2: how can you help him do that? But I guess

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Speaker 2: that's why you're calling because you don't really know how

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Speaker 2: to approach it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know how to approach it, and like,

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Speaker 4: I just feel like I've been lying to you for

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Speaker 4: so long? Is the real thing for me? Like I understand,

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Speaker 4: I'm empathetic about someone having a problem, but you know,

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Speaker 4: we were drinking through our whole relationship. I mean, he

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Speaker 4: was never a big drinker. It would be like, you know,

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Speaker 4: whine every once.

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Speaker 1: In a while.

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Speaker 4: But like, I mean, he should have told me that from.

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Speaker 2: The because that's concerning if you're drinking together and then

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Speaker 2: you're finding excess elsewhere, you know, So whatever it is,

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Speaker 2: whatever sort of social drinking or whatever you guys are

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Speaker 2: doing together, isn't isn't enough. He's supplementing it with enough

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Speaker 2: alcohol that he thinks he has to hide it, right, huh.

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Speaker 2: So let me take some phone calls on this because

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Speaker 2: I want to know. I know that people have been

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Speaker 2: through this and and have more information to share than

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Speaker 2: we do.

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Speaker 1: But eight five five five one three five.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if if he takes the steps and tries

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Speaker 2: to help himself, and you support him in that, then

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Speaker 2: I assume you want to stay.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, I just don't want any more lies.

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Speaker 2: What if you, as someone who's texting, being married to

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Speaker 2: an alcoholic is a stressful road. If you had known

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Speaker 2: that he had this problem, would you have married him?

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Speaker 1: Still?

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Speaker 4: I would have.

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Speaker 5: I love him, you know, like, I've never fallen in

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Speaker 5: love with anyone like this, And I think if he

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Speaker 5: had been honest from the beginning, I would have been

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Speaker 5: able to help him, not drink around him and not

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Speaker 5: go like I planned us a trip to California and

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Speaker 5: we went to the winery like I never would have

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Speaker 5: done that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you can't beat yourself up for that because

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Speaker 2: he didn't share it with you. But I guess the

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Speaker 2: fact that you would have been with him either way

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Speaker 2: means that you would have taken this on with him.

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Speaker 2: And it sounds like maybe you're still willing to. But

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Speaker 2: obviously you need to see him take the steps because

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Speaker 2: you don't want him hiding things from you that he

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Speaker 2: has a problem with.

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Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, all right, let me take some calls. Amy.

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Speaker 2: I wish you the best. This is a heavy one,

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Speaker 2: but good luck. Okay, Yeah, no, thank you for calling us. Tara,

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Speaker 2: Yeah no, Tara's been through this, you were in the

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Speaker 2: same spot. Good morning, Good morning. So what do you do? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: if you're an amy, I.

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Speaker 6: Think she's kind of screwed because she got married and

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Speaker 6: if she's going to stay, he's going to.

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Speaker 7: Be in for a long haul.

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Speaker 8: I think she should go.

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Speaker 1: What now.

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Speaker 3: I mean, my stepdad is sober.

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Speaker 9: He was sober when my mom and him met, and

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Speaker 9: he was honest about it. He did relapse throughout their relationship.

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Speaker 9: I'm not going to take away the fact that it

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Speaker 9: is a very long road. It's actively you have to

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Speaker 9: fight to be sober every day, and your partner has

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Speaker 9: to change sometimes the way they behave or how they

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Speaker 9: support you. So it is difficult, but it can be

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Speaker 9: done well.

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Speaker 1: And it also doesn't say I get it.

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Speaker 3: I get what you're saying, though it is hard.

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Speaker 2: She didn't come right out and say that there's like

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Speaker 2: severe behavioral issues or anger or abuse. I mean, she

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Speaker 2: didn't say that. That doesn't mean it's not there. But

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Speaker 2: I suppose that's a good sign because at least maybe

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Speaker 2: they can function together as a couple in a healthy

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Speaker 2: way as he battles this. I mean, I think where

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Speaker 2: a lot of people begin to have problems is when

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Speaker 2: the alcohol or the drugs or whatever fuel other types

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Speaker 2: of behavior that make the people unreachable or make it

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Speaker 2: such that somebody feels alienated. Like Amy didn't necessarily say

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Speaker 2: to us, I don't feel like I can talk to

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Speaker 2: him about it. It was more or how do I

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Speaker 2: be supportive? And a lot of it from her sounded

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Speaker 2: like guilt that she didn't know. But how could she.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if she didn't know what was she supposed

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Speaker 2: to have done, he should have told her.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, okay, at least I knew. I knew what

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Speaker 6: I was in for. I knew that I was in

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Speaker 6: for a long haul. But the fact that he's kept

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Speaker 6: it a secret and he's done a before in quote,

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Speaker 6: that's that's not a good sign.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think the whole thing hinges on his willingness to

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Speaker 2: get help and her and then of course her willingness

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Speaker 2: to support him and thank you, Tara, I have a

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Speaker 2: good day.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, which it sounds like she's willing to do.

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Speaker 2: But again, if she were, if she go to him

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Speaker 2: and say, hey, you can't be hiding alcohol, like we

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Speaker 2: got to get a hold of this, if he's like,

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Speaker 2: now I'm not doing it, I think that's where the

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Speaker 2: problems probably start start.

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Speaker 3: He's got to want it and show action, like not

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Speaker 3: just talk, you know.

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Speaker 2: And idea is troubling to me though, that he had

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Speaker 2: this sort of serious, serious enough of an issue that

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Speaker 2: he went to AA and that he saw treatment and

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Speaker 2: the rest of it and never shared it. Right, that's

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Speaker 2: you're married to this person exactly. Hey Josh, good morning.

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Speaker 8: Good morning, good morning.

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Speaker 1: Hi, so you heard the whole story. What do you think.

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Speaker 8: I think it's non negotiable. She needs to get out

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Speaker 8: of there. So I've been married twenty nine years. It's

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Speaker 8: been the act all my life, even though I quit

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Speaker 8: in ninety three. You've become addicted to anything else, anything else,

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Speaker 8: whether it be sure, gaming, gambling, porn, anything, and once

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Speaker 8: you once you're with an ad, you're with the added

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Speaker 8: and there's yeah, sure there's times and good seasons and

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Speaker 8: all that, but especially if they end up having kids,

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Speaker 8: it's over. The guy is gonna he's gonna drink, he's

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Speaker 8: gonna manifest in some other way.

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Speaker 1: So she shouldn't even buy it, you know, she's she

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Speaker 1: shouldn't even support him. She should just leave. And you're

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Speaker 1: certainly not not this early.

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Speaker 8: I mean, if she knew the whole story from the

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Speaker 8: get go, and she's like, I'm a rag. She's been

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Speaker 8: down that path to a you know, God bless her.

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Speaker 8: You know, go for it. You know she's a saint.

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Speaker 8: But yeah, if he's hiding it and she's finding this stuff,

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Speaker 8: now he comes up with, oh no, it's this that

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Speaker 8: poor me, blah blah blah. I'm telling you, we're manipulave,

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Speaker 8: we're sneaky will. It's just not negotiable.

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Speaker 1: Wow, all right, all true love.

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Speaker 8: True intimacy addicts. We're we're in love with ourselves and

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Speaker 8: with whatever we're playing with. So it's just unfortunate, but

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Speaker 8: it's the truth.

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Speaker 2: Hey, good luck to you man, Thanks for sharing. I

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Speaker 2: mean that's you know, yeah, Hey Sarah, Yes.

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Speaker 1: Hi Sarah, good morning. What do you think stare Go?

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Speaker 10: I think you should say I'm a recovering covering myself

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Speaker 10: and I don't know what I would have done without

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Speaker 10: my partner to get through.

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Speaker 6: You know, I did relaugh a.

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Speaker 1: Couple of times.

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Speaker 10: It was rough, you know, it is it will be

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Speaker 10: along road. But if you're committed, because he married him,

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Speaker 10: because you love him, I think that it's fair to

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Speaker 10: give him the benefit of the doubt and he came clean.

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Speaker 10: You know, at least he did tell you that stuff,

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Speaker 10: so I would I would try to go down this

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Speaker 10: short with him and help him, you know, because he

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Speaker 10: is your partner. He married him, and I don't know

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Speaker 10: what I would have done. I mean I would have

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Speaker 10: if I if I didn't have my partner, you know,

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Speaker 10: through all of that, I might not have came out

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Speaker 10: as clean as I did. And our relationship is now

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Speaker 10: actually ten times stronger than it was.

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Speaker 2: Love that Yeah, good, good Sarah. Well, good luck with

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Speaker 2: your recovery and thanks for sharing.

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Speaker 8: No problem.

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Speaker 2: And see how I look again, not a physician, not

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Speaker 2: a counselor, this is not my air of expertise. But

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Speaker 2: this is an illness. This is a disease, no different

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Speaker 2: than a lot of others. What if this dude had

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Speaker 2: and again this is two different extremes. But what if

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Speaker 2: this dude had cancer and never told her and then

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Speaker 2: his cancer comes back and she just leaves him because

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Speaker 2: he's gonna because he might because he might die, because

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Speaker 2: it might not be treatable, because he might not want

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Speaker 2: to fight it. I mean, again, I'm not in a

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Speaker 2: position to say if those are exactly the same but

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Speaker 2: my thought process here is this is a sickness. This

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Speaker 2: is something he's battling with. This is something that he

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Speaker 2: was ashamed of, slash he thought he had control over.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what his reasons were for not telling

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Speaker 2: her ahead of time. He should have. They're married. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but they're married. So do you try and work on

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Speaker 2: it before you go? And if the guy refuses and

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Speaker 2: the behavior doesn't change, then do you go? That would

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Speaker 2: be That's kind of where I'm at is let's try.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 9: There's also support groups for people who love addicts which

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Speaker 9: are very helpful.

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Speaker 3: Alan On highly recommend that for her as well.

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Speaker 1: That'll help. Hey, Rosa, good morning. Yeah, hi Rosa.

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Speaker 2: You heard the whole scenario with Amy here Colin saying

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Speaker 2: that she's married to a man who she didn't know

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Speaker 2: had an alcohol problem until she found alcohol bottles and

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Speaker 2: things that he'd been hiding from her, usage that he'd

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Speaker 2: been consumption, that that he had been hiding from her.

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Speaker 1: What do you think?

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Speaker 11: I think she needs to run away as far as Hospiel,

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Speaker 11: especially if she's already hiding the bottles.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that's not good.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 11: I separated on my AX. It was a year and

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Speaker 11: a half later, I was still finding bottles.

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Speaker 3: Oh wow, well that's sorr. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so she should go right now, not even

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Speaker 2: not even see if he'll if he'll do anything about it.

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Speaker 11: If he's already hiding them, that's that's more of a

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Speaker 11: problem than anything. So no, I would I would not

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Speaker 11: go through that. I would never put anyone through that.

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Speaker 11: And I refused to date anyone with an addition problem

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Speaker 11: going forward in the future.

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Speaker 3: Terrible.

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Speaker 2: Okay, all right, thank you for sharing. Yeah, I'm sorry

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Speaker 2: you went through that. Have a good day.

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Speaker 8: Thanks.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: I mean the number of people here there just like

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Speaker 2: get out of there now. I mean, Emily, Hi, Emily,

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Speaker 2: good morning. So you're more of the let's see if

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Speaker 2: we can treat this camp.

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Speaker 7: Okay, So yeah, I think she should say.

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Speaker 5: But I think that.

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Speaker 12: They needed like a couple of counseling, and they also

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Speaker 12: need to do individual counseling, because I'm wondering if there

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Speaker 12: was like a trigger that made him all of a

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Speaker 12: sudden start drinking, you know more, because it sounds like,

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Speaker 12: you know, for however many months they dated, he was

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Speaker 12: in more control, you could say, so. And I guess

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Speaker 12: my other thought was I feel like his hiding at

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Speaker 12: this point, it is kind of like hiding like smoking almost,

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Speaker 12: like if he's not being you know, the other terrible

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Speaker 12: side effects that can come with you know, addiction and alcoholism.

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Speaker 12: And she really didn't notice.

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Speaker 4: It's kind of like, well, yeah, the.

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Speaker 12: Line is really bad. But like, you know, is it

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Speaker 12: affecting her day to day life?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean it's tough. It's it is tough.

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Speaker 2: But again, and I keep saying the same thing over

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Speaker 2: and over again, but it's like you gotta try, don't you.

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Speaker 7: I mean, six months is too six months is way

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Speaker 7: too soon to throw in the towel too for Like,

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Speaker 7: I don't know, I think she's not buying it up.

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Speaker 7: She's putting a little more right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she has a right to have her feelings, you know,

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Speaker 3: no doubt, no doubt.

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Speaker 1: And I mean.

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Speaker 12: Yeah, but like I feel like she was very much

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Speaker 12: from the I don't know, already half out the door.

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Speaker 1: Fun.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I hear you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it could be Thank you, Emily, have a

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Speaker 2: great day you too. Well, that's the thing, right, It's like, uh,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, we're not we're not living it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're not.

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Speaker 2: We're not in the midst of it, but I don't know. CJ.

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Speaker 2: Good morning, c J. How you doing. What do you

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Speaker 2: want to say?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you should go because if our was

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Speaker 3: cheating her with a woman, she would will definitely leave him.

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Speaker 8: So he's cheating on her with alcohol, and it's the

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Speaker 8: same thing.

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Speaker 2: But some people get through cheating. I mean not everybody,

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Speaker 2: but some people, right, I mean they meaning they can

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Speaker 2: work on it, So they could work on it. But again,

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Speaker 2: I think this whole thing hinges on his willingness to

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Speaker 2: acknowledge the problem now that it stits out and and

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Speaker 2: do some thing about it. But CJ, thanks, man, have

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Speaker 2: a good day. I think some people are also downplaying

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Speaker 2: And again, not an expert, not qualified to say this,

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Speaker 2: but I've been through it and not personally but well

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Speaker 2: yes personally, not with me. But I think people are

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Speaker 2: under underestimating a chemical component to this. Yes, it's not

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Speaker 2: as simple as someone's like, well, cancer, you didn't choose it. Well,

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Speaker 2: I don't know that people chose this life.

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Speaker 3: You're you're not that way very much.

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Speaker 2: And again that was a wild comparison. But at the

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Speaker 2: same time, it really is not as simple as I

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Speaker 2: I'm just simply going to make the choice not to

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Speaker 2: do it anymore. Yeah, it's like a it's a compulsion

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Speaker 2: in a.

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Speaker 3: Lot of these and people choose it over their kids.

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Speaker 9: You know, nobody would choose that life like nobody's going

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Speaker 9: to drink themselves to death because they want you.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's it's very difficult, and it's for life.

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Speaker 3: Like you said, this is a lifelong battle every day.

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Speaker 2: And I do believe, on the flip side, that she

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Speaker 2: had a right to choose whether or not she wanted

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Speaker 2: to do that with him, And maybe that's why he

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Speaker 2: did tell her because he was afraid she wouldn't. But

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Speaker 2: you know, those are the things they got to work

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Speaker 2: through now, or I guess not a lot of people

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Speaker 2: on the text and the calls are saying, just go wow,

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Speaker 2: because it's.

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Speaker 13: So early in their marriage for him to already be

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Speaker 13: lying and although, yes, this is a disease, and yes

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Speaker 13: it's something that he is really struggling with, but it

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Speaker 13: doesn't have to be her life. Like when you're married

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Speaker 13: to an addic, it becomes your issue as well, a

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Speaker 13: lifelong issue for you. And she didn't get there, She

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Speaker 13: didn't get the fair choice in the beginning to decide

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Speaker 13: if she wanted to commit to that life. She got

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Speaker 13: married and then got deceived that he had a whole

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Speaker 13: nother situation going on, and it's just not fair to

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Speaker 13: her because she didn't make that choice to commit to

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Speaker 13: an addict.

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Speaker 1: She committed and then found.

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Speaker 13: Out, So it's it's a really tough situation. Girls, stay

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Speaker 13: strong because it's not for the week.