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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's given your sweet, happy child

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Speaker 1: a dose of reality with a fun new toy called

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Speaker 1: My Little Parking Enforcement Officer. Play set comes with a

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Speaker 1: mini ticket printer, frownie face stickers, and a tiny scooter

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Speaker 1: that only moves one mile per hour but still ruins

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Speaker 1: everyone's day. The this six year old will get cursed

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Speaker 1: out in no time thanks. Laser Stories a segment where

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Speaker 1: we read weird news stories around the globe, just like

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Speaker 1: everyone else does, except we've got a lasers that the

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Speaker 1: fire lane freeloaders just don't. His first Lazer story is

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Speaker 1: out of Georgia. A forty three year old man named

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Speaker 1: Tuck Laramie recently came across an injured raccoon on the

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Speaker 1: side of the road and decided to give the animal

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Speaker 1: a lift to a nature center. Oh that sounds nice.

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Speaker 1: He wrapped the raccoon in his coat and held it

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Speaker 1: against his chest as he drove for over an hour.

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Speaker 2: Was it alive? Was it's conscious?

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Speaker 1: It was alive.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's how you can carry him.

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Speaker 1: Just well, there wasn't doing well. He was trying to help. Okay,

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Speaker 1: It's unclear if Tuck was just a huge animal lover

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Speaker 1: or if the raccoon just looks super cutely, but either way,

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Speaker 1: it was wild and apparently did not want to be

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Speaker 1: driven around. Yeah, they don't understand cars.

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Speaker 2: Here we go.

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Speaker 1: Shortly after the ride began, the raccoon bit Tuck on

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Speaker 1: his face and his hands.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's very much active, so I was hoping for

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Speaker 2: a non active raccoon in his coach.

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Speaker 1: Tuck decided to give it some space and managed to

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Speaker 1: wrap it in a blanket with duct tape and then

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Speaker 1: continued driving.

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Speaker 2: Oh we don't just let it out now, Tuck and

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Speaker 2: kick ourselves.

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Speaker 1: You are going to this nature center whether you want

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Speaker 1: to or not, little man, dude. We need more renegade

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Speaker 1: animal lovers like this. So once he arrived to the

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Speaker 1: nature center, the staff put the raccoon in a kennel

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Speaker 1: and then sent it to a vet. They say nothing

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Speaker 1: was wrong.

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Speaker 2: With it, except for Tuck's bleeding from his face. I

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Speaker 2: don't know where you've missed this part.

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Speaker 1: He was bleeding profusely in several different places, so the

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Speaker 1: staff forcefully insisted he go to the hospital, and he

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Speaker 1: finally agreed. Turns out the raccoon had rabies. Yes, and

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Speaker 1: he's like, who would have known a while raccoon. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it was immediately euthanized the raccoon. Meanwhile, Tuck went

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Speaker 1: through all that trouble for nothing and got a few

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Speaker 1: shots to boot. Yeah. The Nature Center said that while

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Speaker 1: Tuck's heart was in the right place, no one should

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Speaker 1: ever do this because he put everybody he came into

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Speaker 1: contact with at risk. It's just a good reminder we

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Speaker 1: should all be kind to animals, but you shouldn't handle

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Speaker 1: potentially rabid wildlife yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I love that. That's a sentence we have to say.

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Speaker 1: The news lately specific Georgia records. I don't know what's

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Speaker 1: going on. This next lazer story is out of the Gore,

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Speaker 1: tex Grotto.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but I feel like I'm shopping there

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Speaker 2: for some season.

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Speaker 1: A new ad from Columbia Sportswear features CEO Tim Boyle

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Speaker 1: challenging flat earthers. Love it, He says, you guys claim

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Speaker 1: there's an end of the earth, Well, just go snap

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Speaker 1: a picture, then send it to us, and you get

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Speaker 1: the assets of the company. WHOA I'm going to.

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Speaker 2: Give you Columbia if you could prove this flat That's

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Speaker 2: what he says.

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Speaker 1: He claims they'll give away the entire company Willy Wonka

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Speaker 1: style to anybody who can go to the edge of

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Speaker 1: the flat Earth and take a photo of it. And

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Speaker 1: obviously he's not going to accept AI imagery. Oooh you suck.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that was going to be a quick,

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Speaker 2: quick way to do it.

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Speaker 1: The photo must be of a visible physical end to

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Speaker 1: the planet, showing the infinite sheer drop, then the giant

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Speaker 1: void into space and clouds cascading into infinity.

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Speaker 2: I mean I could see him framing it and putting

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Speaker 2: it in this office.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Time Magazines the year for sure. It is

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Speaker 1: interesting to note that, for legal reasons, in the fine print,

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Speaker 1: it says the company refers to quote the company LLC

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Speaker 1: with assets which are valued at one hundred thousand dollars,

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Speaker 1: which obviously would not be all of Columbia. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: for a flat earther, they're like dollars.

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Speaker 2: I thought I was going to finally get a gortex

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Speaker 2: tinfoil half. Yeah. I like that he doesn't go all in.

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Speaker 1: He still has to put the fine print. Yeah, get

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Speaker 1: your cameras out and get rich. This next laser story

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Speaker 1: is out of the era z Emporium. Let's be honest,

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Speaker 1: Taylor Swift can buy pretty much anything she wants, including

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Speaker 1: a wedding date.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love the story. Well, they just

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Speaker 2: set the date last week, like a date on a calendar. Yes,

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Speaker 2: so they thirteen.

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Speaker 1: No, you're engaged married. A popular news publication claims Tailor

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Speaker 1: is dead set on marrying Travis Kelcey on June thirteenth

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Speaker 1: of twenty twenty six, because if you didn't know, Taylor's

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Speaker 1: favorite number is thirteen.

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Speaker 2: Wells morology about how all the numbers add up to

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Speaker 2: eventually a factor of nine and nine is supposed to

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Speaker 2: represent new beginnings, and I'm following. Yeah, no, I mean

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Speaker 2: it's everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. While initial reports claimed they were going to get

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Speaker 1: hitched at her Rhode Island estate, plans have changed you. Instead,

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Speaker 1: she decided on a nearby venue called Ocean House, but

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Speaker 1: unfortunately another couple already had it booked for the thirteenth.

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Speaker 2: Dude, I have looked this place up. I've been on

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Speaker 2: the website. It is massive, that massive, beautiful massive.

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Speaker 1: So because it was booked, Taylor made them an offer

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Speaker 1: they couldn't refuse to give up that date. In other words,

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Speaker 1: she flooded the couple with cash. A couple.

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Speaker 2: Dude, I know, come on, I want to pay for

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Speaker 2: your wedding to move fourteen is their lucky number. No two.

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Speaker 2: Are we getting paid to get married?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? No word on exactly how much, but rumors are

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Speaker 1: it was in the mid six figures. Whoa, which is nuts,

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Speaker 1: And some say she also offered to cover their entire

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Speaker 1: wedding on.

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Speaker 2: Top of that.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, the billionaires.

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Speaker 2: Lucky peact I would totally work in like two invites

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Speaker 2: to your wedding tailor Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, let's go to your final laser story out of

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Speaker 1: Holiday headquarters, say Even the Queen of Christmas herself, Mariah

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Speaker 1: Carey says we should wait until after Halloween to start

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Speaker 1: spinning Christmas tunes. But Michael Boublay begs to differ. Oh,

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Speaker 1: he's got the best Christmas album ever.

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Speaker 2: Aren't you a big boo bla are you? Jeffrey?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a booble of knight, he says, bobs heads,

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Speaker 1: he says, quote, I'm not gonna lie. We should start

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Speaker 1: listening to Christmas music starting in June.

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Speaker 2: What ye are you kidding me?

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Speaker 1: I'm not, But Michael has selfish reasons for it. Quote

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Speaker 1: it would be great for my streaming recomend. Yeah, because

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Speaker 1: every year I think everybody streams that he gets a

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Speaker 1: big pop and revenue because he's a really good album.

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Speaker 1: It's the same thing that Brookes says about our podcast. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He went on to say that Christmas isn't just about

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Speaker 1: the money for him, though, He says, quote, I loved

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Speaker 1: it before when I was a kid, but now I

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Speaker 1: love it even more because I just see it through

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Speaker 1: the eyes of my children, who also make me money.

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Speaker 1: He's like millions every year.

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Speaker 2: His pr heard that money liner, like, uh, boogle, you

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Speaker 2: gotta follow up with something else, please, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Say something heartfelt hurry. Plus, he mentioned about how he

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Speaker 1: loves to build up those core memories with his family,

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Speaker 1: waking up and making cookies with the Christmas music playing

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Speaker 1: in the background.

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Speaker 2: Having someone else clean your kitchen for you, your open.

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Speaker 1: Present while counting the stack of hundreds over in the corner.

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Speaker 1: Are the Christmas cookies yet ready at Butler? Yeah? Really

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Speaker 1: nothing like it. The sweet, sweet sounds of holiday love.

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Speaker 1: These are the sounds you hear on Christmas morning at

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Speaker 1: this guy's place, while there's dozens of open shoe boxes

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Speaker 1: scattered everywhere around the tree. Good list, we sure was.

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Speaker 1: That's how means Laser Stories has come to an end

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Speaker 1: for the day. We'll do it again, same time on Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning,