WEBVTT - Checking In Replay: Sarah Jakes Roberts 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:21.720 iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Hey, everybody, it's Michelle Williams. 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:26.159 Welcome to my podcast Checking In with Michelle Williams, a 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:30.880 part of iHeartMedia and The Black Effect. My next guest 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:36.839 is such a boss. Okay, not just a boss for 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:41.400 the Graham. She's a real boss. But the most important 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:44.560 part of her that's boss to me is that she's 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:48.080 a boss in prayer. She's a boss as an entrepreneur, 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:54.240 She's a boss as a pastor. She is a absolute boss. 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.960 And guess what, she just may inspire you to take 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:01.520 the next step in your life right now on Checking 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:17.560 In with Michelle Williams. Listen, everybody, I am just really, really, 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:22.319 really happy to have this awesome guest. I'm trying not 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:26.800 to say all the churchie words on this auspicious occasion, 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.600 but listen, I'm happy to know this woman. I'm happy 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:35.440 to know this amazing wife, media mogul mother. I probably 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:38.280 didn't say it in the correct order because I'm not 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:42.320 looking at a piece of paper. Not only wife mother, 0:01:42.920 --> 0:01:47.600 media mogul, but founder of Woman Evolved. Did I say 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:52.000 author of amazing books? You guys, I want y'all to 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:57.400 welcome my friend, my girl, Miss Sarah Jakes Robert come 0:01:57.440 --> 0:01:58.280 on podcast. 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:02.600 I am really digging podcast Michelle. I like all of 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:05.120 them Michelles, but podcast Michelle is doing a thing for me. 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:09.680 I like her word. Come on in affirm, come on, 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:13.919 give it all, give it all. Last time I think 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:17.520 I was on your podcast or I'm sitting down with 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:21.519 you for your digital series, we talked about affirming one 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:24.120 another and you did not know how to take it. 0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:26.800 I was like, Sarah, you are a bomb. 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:30.920 You know, I don't know. Here we go see and 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:33.760 I'm yeah, that happened. 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:34.000 You know. 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:37.359 I'm receiving it. I am receiving it. 0:02:37.960 --> 0:02:41.440 I think that I have to allow myself to receive 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:45.320 those truths about me, because you know, when you've had 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:48.640 self doubt or insecurities, like those are the thoughts that 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.960 are at the forefront of your mind. And when someone 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.640 speaks something that like wages war with that thought, you 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.680 have to like wrestle it down to receive it as truth. 0:02:58.000 --> 0:02:59.840 And so what you caught me in was the middle 0:02:59.880 --> 0:03:02.880 of my wrestling process. But I'm receiving it. 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:03.480 I love it. 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.560 Okay, y'all, we are two minutes and twenty five seconds 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:11.720 into this podcast, and she already dropped about three tweetable 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:16.280 nuggets instagram worthy caption I'm a love on her for 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:23.320 a second. She's a boss, okay, b a wse just 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:27.960 doing so many things? How are you balancing it all? 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.360 I don't think that I am, you know, I feel 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:36.120 like I have relieved myself from the pressure of feeling 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.800 like balance means that everything is running at the same 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:43.280 case and same speed and same efficiency all at the 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:47.280 same time. I think that my new goal is to 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:50.760 really make sure that I am being attentive to what 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:55.280 needs my attention the most and delegating in the areas 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:58.720 where it allows me to perhaps grow someone else or 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:02.280 handover the ranks to different part of it. But I 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.040 just feel like balance can be a little bit of 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:08.120 an illusion, and sometimes balance makes me feel pressure like 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.640 I like the idea I'm doing the best that I 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:13.080 can more than this pressure of I need to make 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:15.480 sure everything is moving at the same case. For me, 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:18.039 that creates a little bit of a sense of anxiety. 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:21.600 It's from the place of center, with me being balanced 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:24.359 and angered within myself, that I can then execute what 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:27.040 needs to be done outside of me, and that is 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:29.000 what brings me the most peace. So I don't think 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:32.000 I'm balancing everything at the same time. I think I'm 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:34.880 finding in their balance and then executing based off of 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:37.800 what comes to mind from that place of peace. 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:43.040 Wow. So do you feel like that eliminates the difficulties 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:44.279 of you building you? 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:47.960 Well, it does in a way, because I feel like 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:51.400 everything that I build is organic. 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:51.880 To who I am. 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:55.240 I think that when I am trying to balance everything 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:58.279 at the same time that I find myself building for 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:00.839 other people or building at the case of what other 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:01.560 people need. 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:03.560 But I feel like when I am. 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:07.000 Balanced on the inside of myself that I'm able to 0:05:07.120 --> 0:05:10.200 produce what is organic to who I am, So there's 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.200 not pressure to perform. 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:13.280 If that makes. 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.719 Sense, Come on somebody, So it sounds like to me 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.200 then too, Then you are able to even build the 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:22.960 atmosphere around you and train the people around you to 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.520 like uh uh, and you're building your atmosphere of how 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:27.920 you want to thrive. 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:30.800 Some days I can cook and work out at six 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:34.080 thirty and go and film and record and preach. Some 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:36.520 days I can do that. Some days all I can 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:41.000 do is taking that, you know what I mean? 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:42.400 Some days. 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:44.800 This is all I have for you today is rest 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:48.520 and learning to be okay with that. For me is 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:51.239 balanced because I have to. I think it's all about 0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:53.800 knowing your triggers. It's easy for me to fall into 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:57.279 this idea of performing for other people and not knowing who. 0:05:57.120 --> 0:06:00.760 I want listen. I think you've brought up that word 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:04.200 performance about three times, and there is a such thing 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:08.919 as a person being a performance oriented person where I 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.360 will do this for this type of response, even it's 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.839 for a response that you think you owe yourself instead 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:17.479 of saying no, baby, sit down. You don't have to 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:21.240 perform for anybody else's type of response. Just make sure 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:25.920 that you're doing everything from an organic and authentic place 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:27.719 and just from a place where you feel like, no, 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:31.560 this is necessary for me to do. You also talked 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:36.800 about balance. You are showing that you can be all 0:06:36.880 --> 0:06:39.560 of those things that you are and still have a career. 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:43.680 I guess, as they're saying redefining what a woman's role 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:47.599 has to be in this world, you know you just 0:06:47.640 --> 0:06:50.080 don't have to well, I hope I don't get in trouble, 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:53.640 but you just don't have to stay home. You just 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:57.159 don't have to be putting the turkey in the oven. 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:59.440 You just don't have to be making sure that when 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:02.680 he comes home you're readily accessible for whatever he needs. 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.800 You're showing no, no, no, I can work. I can 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:10.680 have the career you say you're you said working preaching 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.880 the podcast. You have a clothing boutique, you are a mother, 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:19.119 you are a wife. And I just remember some years 0:07:19.120 --> 0:07:21.280 ago I was telling someone that was working with me 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:23.600 at the time about all these things that I wanted 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:26.720 to do, and they were like, no, that's too much. 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:29.760 I think you should just focus on one thing. While 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:32.720 I do agree, we have to focus on one thing 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:36.000 and every now and then and master that area. As 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:38.160 they say, you don't want to be jack of all 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:41.720 trades and master of none of them. I totally get that, 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.840 but just to know that you are encouraging people. Of course, 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:49.640 we got to have structure that you can do it all. 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.320 What advice can you give to women today who want 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.640 to take it to the next level with their career 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:57.000 or aspirations. 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:00.800 I think that next level is always an inside job, 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:03.520 like to really come to a place where you understand, 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:05.040 like why do I want to take it to the 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:06.880 next level? Because you can say I want to build 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:09.200 the vehicle. I know where the destination is, but like, 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:11.679 what is going to be your fuel to the next level? 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:14.960 And armed with that to really create space in your 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:17.880 world for you to get there? Right, So if we 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:20.920 use this car analogy, like there are certain times when 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:23.640 you don't drive in la there are some places you 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.480 go to the other side of the city at a 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:28.840 certain time because you just know traffic. So you have 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:31.240 to really assess, Okay, this is where I want to go. 0:08:31.520 --> 0:08:35.120 What is going to motivate me to withstand whatever resistance 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.400 is going to be a part of that path? And 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:40.160 then how am I going to execute this practically? What 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:42.240 does that mean about my job? What does that mean 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:44.120 about what time I wake up in the morning. I 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:48.160 think it starts from the inside with external ponents that 0:08:48.200 --> 0:08:50.800 we begin to incorporate to make sure that we're able 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:51.600 to move to that. 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.920 To that next level. But it's not enough to just 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:56.120 want to go to the next. 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.560 Level if you don't know why, because when you do 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:01.480 meet resistance, and you will meet resistance, you have to 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:03.640 be able to popify whether or not you have what 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.080 it takes to overcome it. And so why am I 0:09:06.120 --> 0:09:09.320 doing this? Why is this important to me? And understanding that, 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.200 I believe is really I'm going to say three quarters 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:16.080 of the battle from there. Execution is a Google you know, 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:19.880 search away, but that why you can't find on Google? 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:21.520 That why is down on the insight? 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:25.480 Come on, come on, and I think you're already helping 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:31.400 me transition over into while doing all of that. How 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:36.040 you're managing the stress of it all? Even during this 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:39.640 time during the pandemic, we see how the state of 0:09:39.640 --> 0:09:43.480 the country is, and we see anxiety and depression rates 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:47.560 are on the rise. If you don't mind sharing, just personally, 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:52.080 what are you doing to manage your stress during this time? 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:57.880 I am kind of known around my house for suppressing 0:09:57.880 --> 0:09:59.560 my functions. 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:02.319 Because sometimes I nobody got time. 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.280 To feel things, all right, I have to get things 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:08.400 done right, that's that performance thing, right. So what I 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.600 am learning to do is to create space for me 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:17.079 to feel and to identify what I'm feeling and to 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:20.319 be okay with feeling that, because one, I need to 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:22.720 figure out what I'm feeling, and for me, that takes work. 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:25.199 For other people it might just be like there for them, 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.400 but like I need to understand why am I feeling 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.760 the way that I'm feeling, how can I love myself 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.320 from where I am right now? How can I love 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:37.600 this brokenness? How can I understand this brokenness? And then 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:40.600 how can I allow myself to be loved and to growth? 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:43.400 What do the perspectives look like? What does worship look like? 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:46.080 Do I need to let someone into this moment? But 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:48.960 it is about stillness for me, Like I was just 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:52.520 sharing a message about how important it is for us 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:56.680 to really take time to be intentional about being slow 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:01.800 because we have such a microwave, rapid crashit boss culture 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:04.880 and it is amazing. But the truth is that if 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:08.480 we don't take time to cultivate being slow, then we 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:12.440 will end up being machines when we were created to be. 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.280 Being Well, you know that I hate. I've been hating that, 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:20.640 saying while you was sleeping, I was grinding. Well, you 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.199 crazy because I'm gonna take a nap. Well, I'm tired 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:26.560 and I'm gonna take a nap. I'm gonna arrest. You 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.600 were saying how you were allowing yourself to just be 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:33.560 and allowing yourself to feel. Is it easy for you 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.160 to be vulnerable? 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:41.280 You know, I think being transparent and being vulnerable are 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:42.160 two different thing. 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:45.360 Two different things, yes, because I feel, especially as women, 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.440 I think sometimes we are always on watch, and I 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:51.199 believe we build these walls that we don't even know 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:54.679 we're building. You know, that's just a way of coping, 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:59.880 that's just the way of protecting ourselves. My mother never 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.200 said you gotta be a strong woman. I just saw 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.800 her strength. I never saw her crumble. I never to 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:09.640 this day. I saw my mom cry for the first 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:12.000 time in like two thousand and nine or ten at 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:15.880 my grandmother's funeral. I never, in my forty one years 0:12:15.880 --> 0:12:19.320 of life have seen my mother cry. And I just 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:22.600 remember that was a complaint in a relationship of mine, 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:28.040 is that I'm not vulnerable. Although I feel Out'm transparent, 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.000 I'm very honest, but I'm like vulnerable. So what do 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:34.200 you mean? You want me to cry when the sun rises? 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.960 You want me to cry when the birds are chirping. 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.080 I don't know, but I feel like as I begin 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:44.240 to do some healing of my own heart, I found 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:48.559 myself being vulnerable to the point where a couple weeks ago, 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:50.920 I was like, oh Lord, no, I need you to 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.000 hearten my heart again. I don't want to feel this. 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:55.720 Is it easy for people to be vulnerable, Like, I 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.679 don't think it's like easy, like it's not my default setting, 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.680 but it is a less space in which I know 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.720 I must live in and it just requires humility, it 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:09.880 requires grace, it requires courage, and don't even talk about 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.240 inviting someone else into that space. That's when it gets 0:13:13.280 --> 0:13:14.240 real real. 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:18.359 What have been some of your coping strategies during this pandemic? 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:21.040 Have you? Are you a homebody? Has the pandemic been 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:22.680 working for you? It's been working for me because I 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:23.320 like being home. 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:24.600 I love being home. 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:28.640 Home, home is my and I think before the pandemic, 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:31.560 I was traveling and moving so much that it took 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.840 me some time to accept that I didn't have to 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:35.960 move anymore. 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:37.199 And it was really like. 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:40.320 It was emotional for me even like it's on a 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:44.280 spiritual level, because it gave me time to finally accept 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:47.160 my life. And that's why I think that idea of 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:50.800 like embracing the slow is so important because your life 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.880 is changing and you're moving, and sometimes we miss out 0:13:54.240 --> 0:13:57.559 on what has really transpired inside of us. 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.320 And so it has been working for me. Yeah, I 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:01.320 love being home. 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:04.280 It's allowed me to really prioritize my health, like At 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:06.120 first I was eating all of the next and then 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:08.960 I was like you for not taking your You're always 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.920 on the move, so like, let's really determine like who 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:14.280 we're going to be in this moment. And it's made 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.360 me a better mother, a better wife. I'd like to say, 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:19.920 it's made me a better and more intentional friend too. 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:25.240 That is awesome. And that's what checking in has been about, 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.560 is making sure you are checking in with you, yeah, 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:34.120 checking with others, and of course more importantly checking in 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:37.120 with God. I know you've had your share of counseling 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:39.560 single women, and I know just a few days ago 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:44.520 you posted the most beautiful dope picture of you and 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:48.400 Terree Pastor Terrey Roberts, your husband. I know you have 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:52.200 many thoughts on women and singleness, and I just think 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:57.560 that that question could It's so it's so broad. If 0:14:57.560 --> 0:14:59.960 you had one thing to say today as a relation 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:04.440 to women in singleness, whether it's waiting, whether it's not 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:10.080 worshiping the desire of marriage or investing in yourself, just basically, 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:11.920 what should we be doing right now? 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:18.080 I think that one of the things that we haven't 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:22.560 done the best job at doing in the really affirming 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.120 a woman in her identity outside of marriage. And I 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:30.720 think marriage has become like this arrival, this trophy, this 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.840 awar that you get for doing things the right way 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.640 if you leave it up to religion. Yes, yes, I 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:42.160 believe this single woman should really take the time to 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:47.440 really love and embrace who they are without the validation 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:52.400 of a relationship or a man that makes them feel better. 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:57.760 Like I think my most treasured moments with myself happened 0:15:57.760 --> 0:15:58.600 when I was single. 0:15:58.880 --> 0:16:00.520 Now I share my life with my. 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:04.120 Husband and I have a life that I love because 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:06.880 I married someone who was worthy of me sharing my 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:07.440 life with. 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:10.480 But I would have never made that decision had I not. 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:13.440 Taken the time to really love and understand my own 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.160 self worth and value. And that doesn't come from being 0:16:16.200 --> 0:16:18.280 with someone. That comes from being with yourself. 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:20.480 Come on, because I feel like when you have a 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.840 need to be with someone, maybe that's where you settle. 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.320 So much of your identity is then wrapped up into 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:30.600 that person you know, and so like, I know who 0:16:30.680 --> 0:16:33.400 I am unless I am with you. And I think 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:35.360 that one of the reasons I know, for in fact, 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:37.920 one of the reasons my husband loves me is because, 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.880 like I know who I am outside of our marriage, 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.600 so I know who he's receiving. I know what I 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:45.640 can do, I know what I can't do, I know 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:48.480 when I'm off center, what I need he to Our 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:53.360 marriage is successful because it depends on an awareness like 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:56.160 about our self. And if you don't have that self 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:58.800 awareness going into a marriage, you're going to abuse the 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:00.880 person you're with because you're going to ask them to 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.840 be medicine for your soul twenty four to seven because 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.080 you don't know what it takes to heal you yourself. 0:17:06.240 --> 0:17:09.879 Absolutely. So basically we have to have a way where 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:16.120 we are soothing ourselves. We are not asking them to 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.600 fill us up. Although it's nice because affirmation fills you up, 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:22.600 protection fills you up, respect fills you up. But at 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.919 the same time, you're not coming into the relationship so 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:28.520 empty like this cup I hold in my hand, and 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:32.879 you're expecting them to fill you up so much and 0:17:32.960 --> 0:17:35.960 you don't have anything to fill them back up with 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.960 in return. And I will say when you look at 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:43.119 that that that is definitely not fair. You spoke about 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:47.359 the church's response to singleness and marriage. I want you 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.919 to know that I appreciate on your podcast when you 0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:53.639 have doctor Anita Phillips on there talking about mental health. 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:56.239 What do you think overall the church's response to the 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.040 topic of mental health has been lately. 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:01.480 Lately, I think that we have come to a place 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.240 where we have accepted that we are outleads when it 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.159 comes to helping people walk through mental health issues, and 0:18:07.240 --> 0:18:09.040 I think that's a beautiful space to be in. 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:10.240 I can tell you. 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.320 About Bible study, but at the end of the day, 0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:15.480 I am not a clinical professional who can help you 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:17.760 understand the way that your brain works, the way that 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:19.200 your mind responds to trauma. 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:19.960 And I think that we. 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:22.439 Are allowing ourselves to be okay with that, which is 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:25.800 freeing so many people to use prayer and therapy or 0:18:26.200 --> 0:18:28.760 weapon and not feeling like I have to choose one 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:30.879 or the other, or that makes me less of a believer, 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:35.040 because I've seen so many people now embracing mental health 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:38.040 perspectives that just five years ago we would have said, 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:39.880 you need to pray that away, or you just need 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:41.560 to turn on the worship music and that out of 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.640 go away. When you feel the Holy Spirit empowering you, 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.800 it may not mean that the depression breaks you instantly 0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:50.640 in that moment, but they could definitely, Spirit is empowering 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:53.280 you to call that therapist to finally be Okay, we're 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:56.520 going to get that medication. And that's like the Holy 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.919 Spirit can work in a number of ways, and I 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:01.040 feel like that's important for you people to know, even 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:03.480 if you don't get that immediate breakthrough in the moment, 0:19:03.520 --> 0:19:05.960 if you feel like now I feel empowered to call someone, 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.000 Now I feel empowered to get help. That is the 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:10.560 Holy Spirit too, like we're going to take what he 0:19:10.680 --> 0:19:12.720 gives us an apply it to the tools that are 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:13.800 available to us. 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:17.600 Absolutely, I always say prayer and therapy go hand in hand. 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:22.919 Every Monday around noon has been my standing appointment. And 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:26.399 when I get off of my therapy, zoom, I know 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:29.800 I can take more specific things to God in prayer, 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:32.160 be like, now God, you hurt the therapist, you hurt 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:36.240 what she said. And I really just encourage people that 0:19:36.400 --> 0:19:38.960 Sarah said, you can do both. You can pray and 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.399 have a therapist. Because we have to also know that 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:46.840 we cannot put everything on the minister or the pastor. 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:51.199 You know, every minister and pastor they're not trained in 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:53.320 that area of mental health. But I do feel like 0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:57.200 some churches are now having in house therapists in their ministry, 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:00.479 or they have more contacts when they come in and say, pastor, 0:20:00.520 --> 0:20:02.240 this is what I'm doing this, this is what I'm 0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:04.640 going through. And instead of him just reading you a 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:07.439 scripture or praying for you, he can do that, but 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:10.200 he also can go into his contact list and say, hey, 0:20:10.320 --> 0:20:14.600 I want to refer you to this trusted clinical practitioner 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:17.840 to help you in whatever area you need, and that 0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:20.919 does not diminish the God in you. I don't want 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:23.280 people to feel like, well, if I go to therapy 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:26.040 or if I talk to somebody about it, that I'm 0:20:26.200 --> 0:20:29.160 leaving God out the equation if I don't talk to him. 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:33.480 I think that we are able to do both. Sarah, 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:36.000 thank you so much for joining us. If you can 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:41.040 just encourage everybody out here about keeping their faith and 0:20:41.160 --> 0:20:44.399 how to empower us during this time. We don't know 0:20:44.440 --> 0:20:47.119 how long this pandemic is gonna last. We don't know 0:20:47.160 --> 0:20:49.520 if things are going to go back to normal. Can 0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:52.280 you give us just a moment of encouragement. 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:55.560 What has been encouraged me encouraging me in this season, 0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:59.000 whether it's the political division, or the pandemic or the 0:20:59.119 --> 0:21:02.359 racial undrest, is that God has not been caught by 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:05.840 surprise by any of it. That he may look at 0:21:05.920 --> 0:21:08.480 it and his heart is breaking, but he's not looking 0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:11.080 at it as the way that I am, and that 0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:13.520 he knows the end from the beginning. And if He 0:21:13.640 --> 0:21:16.880 chose for us to be alive in this season, at 0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:20.840 this time, in this generation, it's because we can be 0:21:21.000 --> 0:21:24.480 a part of bringing the change and the transformation that 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:27.640 is so desperately needed. And so you're listening to this, 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:30.679 and maybe you've been feeling stressed, maybe you've been feeling 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:33.199 lost in computer. I want you to know that you 0:21:33.240 --> 0:21:36.600 are here by design, on time, that God has a 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:39.840 strategy and a plan, and I want to empower you 0:21:40.000 --> 0:21:43.439