1
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,280
Speaker 1: I just was like a knee jerk reaction. I was

2
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:18,440
Speaker 1: a nerve walking around reacting to this external stimuli that

3
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:23,240
Speaker 1: I thought, it's everything outside of me is what's ruining

4
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:27,160
Speaker 1: my life. I had no sense of like self responsibility

5
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:32,400
Speaker 1: and because of that, no sense of like self efficacy.

6
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:39,680
Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to another episode of You Need

7
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:43,239
Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. My new is Cat and I am the

8
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 1: host of this podcast. If you don't know me, Hello,

9
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,360
Speaker 1: it's nice to um. What is this virtually? Is this virtually?

10
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,839
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but it's nice to

11
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,640
Speaker 1: kind of somehow meet you. Um. I'm gonna make this

12
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,760
Speaker 1: intro really really short today because the episode is pretty long,

13
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,480
Speaker 1: but it is a good freaking episodes. So today we

14
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,240
Speaker 1: are talking all about trauma and the body and messaging

15
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,320
Speaker 1: and this thing called somatics and it's a lot of

16
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:15,480
Speaker 1: good information. So I have my friend on Her name

17
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,320
Speaker 1: is Elena, and we talked about how we met in

18
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,800
Speaker 1: the episode. But she's one of my friends that I

19
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:25,360
Speaker 1: met working at a treatment center. And in this episode

20
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,960
Speaker 1: you'll hear her tell part of her story and then

21
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,760
Speaker 1: how she found her own journey of healing and what

22
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,800
Speaker 1: worked for her, and we kind of explain the connection

23
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,360
Speaker 1: of the body and the brain and movement with trauma

24
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,760
Speaker 1: and with our our messaging. So I'm gonna let the

25
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,520
Speaker 1: episode do all the work. It is an amazing episode.

26
00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,240
Speaker 1: I do want to say, I'm so grateful for Elena

27
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,560
Speaker 1: and taking a big chunk of time out of her

28
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,480
Speaker 1: day to come in and and will not come in

29
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,600
Speaker 1: because we did this over zoom um, which you can

30
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,800
Speaker 1: kind of tell with the audio part. But I'm so

31
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 1: grateful that she took a chunk of time to do that.

32
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,920
Speaker 1: She is one of the most joyful, lovable people you

33
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,519
Speaker 1: will ever meet. She's very honest person, she's very fun person.

34
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:11,400
Speaker 1: She's a very real person, and you'll be able to

35
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,360
Speaker 1: see that very quickly when she starts to talk. But

36
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,520
Speaker 1: before we get to the episode, I'm gonna tell you

37
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,919
Speaker 1: because you're gonna want to know her is you can

38
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:23,600
Speaker 1: follow her on Instagram at lane so it's u H

39
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:27,880
Speaker 1: underscore l A I N underscore you H. And I'll

40
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,680
Speaker 1: put that in the notes. And then she actually hosts

41
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:34,519
Speaker 1: hip hop dance classes on Facebook that are free twice

42
00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,240
Speaker 1: during the week Tuesday and Thursday at five thirty pm,

43
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,119
Speaker 1: and you can search Elena diver Fitness, and I'll put

44
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,079
Speaker 1: a link to that in the show notes as well,

45
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,560
Speaker 1: so you can find that. Other than that, I'm just

46
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:49,280
Speaker 1: gonna let this episode do the work again. Follow us

47
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:53,520
Speaker 1: at You Need Therapy Podcasts, follow me at Three Courts Therapy,

48
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,320
Speaker 1: and share this episode if you love it. And here's

49
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:07,320
Speaker 1: my conversation with Lena. Oh my gosh, how's it going?

50
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:14,080
Speaker 1: Pretty good? I'm like nervous. Really, I don't know why.

51
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:20,000
Speaker 1: We're really just talking. I love podcasts, so I'm really excited.

52
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,680
Speaker 1: Is this your first guest appearance? This is my first time.

53
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:30,360
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, wow, this is a special. Um. Okay,

54
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,840
Speaker 1: so first we can just talk for a little bit

55
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,400
Speaker 1: until we like get into the juice of things. Yeah,

56
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,360
Speaker 1: what is your life? What are you doing in this

57
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,480
Speaker 1: quarantine land? Oh my gosh, dude, I live in my

58
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:48,600
Speaker 1: house and I never leave. That's that's what it feels like. So,

59
00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I've gotten out a few times and I've

60
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:56,480
Speaker 1: started actually grocery shopping. I was having like groceries delivered,

61
00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,160
Speaker 1: so I recently started buying my own groceries. So it's

62
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,320
Speaker 1: pretty cool. Okay, like a big deal. You're like, I

63
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:07,560
Speaker 1: went to Kroger and it was amazing. It was so enlightening. No,

64
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:12,360
Speaker 1: it's weird, like what is this existence that we're loosing in? Um,

65
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,920
Speaker 1: you know, I'm just I I'm staying home with Jonah,

66
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,200
Speaker 1: like that's my gig most of the time. I mean,

67
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,360
Speaker 1: he's taking a nap, so I can't promise that we

68
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,080
Speaker 1: won't hear him. My mother in law's here, but we'll

69
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:27,000
Speaker 1: keep it moving. But yeah, like I keep him all

70
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,560
Speaker 1: day and then I'm teaching my classes right on Facebook,

71
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,960
Speaker 1: which I'm thinking I'm going to have to adjust that

72
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,800
Speaker 1: a little bit. I don't know Facebook what you do

73
00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,799
Speaker 1: a lot of the classes though, I'm doing Tuesday Thursday.

74
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,040
Speaker 1: I just I kind of a little bit get like

75
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,960
Speaker 1: I just wanted to go away when it's done. I

76
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,960
Speaker 1: like to just replace. Yeah, I mean people want that.

77
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,240
Speaker 1: I've had people ask me that for years, like is

78
00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:54,680
Speaker 1: there a way would you put your stuff on YouTube

79
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,240
Speaker 1: or whatever? People used to ask me that at the

80
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,080
Speaker 1: ranch all the time, like to do my movement stuff

81
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,920
Speaker 1: that way, and I'm always weird it out. I think

82
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:08,200
Speaker 1: that I've got to get over myself, you know, Yeah,

83
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,880
Speaker 1: you gotta get over yourself. I really do. I know

84
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:13,839
Speaker 1: it's a problem. People ask me. I've had My friends

85
00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:15,440
Speaker 1: have been saying I wish that you guys would do

86
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,440
Speaker 1: a YouTube channel. I would watch it all the time.

87
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,240
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I've I have this sense of maintaining myself,

88
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,000
Speaker 1: Like Burnet Brown talked about that, like I want to

89
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,560
Speaker 1: be small and stay in my bubble and said this

90
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,040
Speaker 1: thought of like putting actually putting myself out there. For

91
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:33,280
Speaker 1: some reason, I'm I have this block about it, which

92
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,440
Speaker 1: is actually really weird to hear you say that. I know,

93
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:40,279
Speaker 1: like You're the last person I would think or to

94
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:45,240
Speaker 1: expect to hear that people say that small personality at

95
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:50,400
Speaker 1: all in a good way. I know, but I mean

96
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,920
Speaker 1: I'm telling you I've even like sort of had this.

97
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,240
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's I've gotten a lot of awareness

98
00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,240
Speaker 1: around it, Like where why don't I create a professional,

99
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,520
Speaker 1: like social media presence where I talk about these things

100
00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,359
Speaker 1: in a more you know, put myself out there in

101
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,880
Speaker 1: that way because I'm at home, I don't really have

102
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,479
Speaker 1: a job I go to right now, and it's like

103
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,120
Speaker 1: I have this block about it. I have to just

104
00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:19,200
Speaker 1: walk through that fear. I don't know what I'm afraid of. Well,

105
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,880
Speaker 1: I do know a little bit I have this like

106
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:26,200
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. But I know about one of my favorite

107
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,159
Speaker 1: this was I heard this on a podcast. It was

108
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:32,719
Speaker 1: Tim Ferris podcast and it was What's his Face? Vince

109
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,000
Speaker 1: Vaughn was on it and they are talking about fear

110
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,000
Speaker 1: because I think that he had had some show called

111
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:44,240
Speaker 1: Fearless or something, and he said, I believe that the

112
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,919
Speaker 1: woods we create around our fear is bigger than the

113
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:51,680
Speaker 1: actual fear itself. So like it's like all the stuff

114
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,159
Speaker 1: we build around the actual things. So if I'm afraid

115
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,480
Speaker 1: of getting like if I'm afraid of getting rejected from

116
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,560
Speaker 1: a job, it's like we hype ourselves up. But then

117
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,039
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, I got rejected and I was sad

118
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:05,960
Speaker 1: and then I moved on. You know, it's it's so interesting,

119
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:10,160
Speaker 1: but then that's that's anxiety as the woods. But you

120
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,640
Speaker 1: need to have it, well not you need If you

121
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,080
Speaker 1: want to, you should, but if you don't want to,

122
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:18,400
Speaker 1: that's okay. You would have the best if you had

123
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,920
Speaker 1: like an Instagram account like a I would be on

124
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:27,160
Speaker 1: that all the time. Stocking new. I was telling my

125
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,760
Speaker 1: friend that I was doing this, and I said, I

126
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,960
Speaker 1: sort of feel like I should have my professional stuff

127
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,560
Speaker 1: set up. We could totally plug it, but I don't, like,

128
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,080
Speaker 1: I need to just do it, which would be such

129
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,400
Speaker 1: a smart thing to do right now when I can't

130
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:44,640
Speaker 1: have a traditional job right now, Like yeah, well okay,

131
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,480
Speaker 1: so today it's what I was thinking, which you can

132
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,800
Speaker 1: shift things. But so I was thinking we would talk

133
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,200
Speaker 1: about is really trauma in the body because I have have

134
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: a lot of people that have one episode on trauma.

135
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,720
Speaker 1: Then I was like, who can I really have that?

136
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:02,800
Speaker 1: Would one really talk about things and not around things?

137
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,200
Speaker 1: Would be like fun? And also you have all of

138
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,400
Speaker 1: that the movement part, like doing all that therapy and

139
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,280
Speaker 1: doing all like everything you did the rant. Not a

140
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,160
Speaker 1: lot of people have that part. So I wanted to

141
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,920
Speaker 1: talk about that. But really it can go anywhere. Just

142
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,320
Speaker 1: record and we can you can like, I don't know,

143
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,160
Speaker 1: work your editing match. Yeah yeah, well just so you

144
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,040
Speaker 1: know we've been recording this whole time. Okay, that works too,

145
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,440
Speaker 1: but let's just put let's just put my therapy session out.

146
00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:32,760
Speaker 1: Why I have all this fear about people knowing who

147
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,800
Speaker 1: I am? Okay, so thank you for saying that, because

148
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,800
Speaker 1: I feel like most people are really nervous before they record.

149
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 1: Really just we're having a conversation, but everybody is afraid

150
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,280
Speaker 1: of what they're gonna say. If they're gonna say it

151
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,200
Speaker 1: the right way, they're gonna come off, if they're going

152
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,960
Speaker 1: to think about if they could say it better later,

153
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,960
Speaker 1: feeling put on the spot, not knowing the answer, like

154
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,480
Speaker 1: it's just a conversation. Yeah. I kept having to remind

155
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,880
Speaker 1: my ego of that this whole last week, you know,

156
00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:00,800
Speaker 1: after we decided and that this was like I had

157
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,200
Speaker 1: to stop, step back and be like, listen, Ego, I

158
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:07,600
Speaker 1: know you're freaking out right now because of your intense

159
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:14,200
Speaker 1: desire for image management. However, like just sit down. It's

160
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,880
Speaker 1: okay to say the wrong thing. It's okay to like

161
00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,520
Speaker 1: not know all the answers. I don't know all the answers,

162
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,760
Speaker 1: Like that's just bottom line as a human being living

163
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,960
Speaker 1: in this experience. But it's so hard, I think in

164
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,400
Speaker 1: our culture of this competitiveness of you know, cancel culture

165
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,719
Speaker 1: and social media and like feeling like I have to

166
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:39,839
Speaker 1: present myself in a way where I know everything and

167
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,200
Speaker 1: that and I and the other. I think the other

168
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,200
Speaker 1: belief is I can't put myself out until I have

169
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 1: all the boxes checked. I know all the answers, because

170
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,800
Speaker 1: then I can help people and do the right things

171
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,400
Speaker 1: and say the right things and not offend anyone and

172
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,640
Speaker 1: do all the right stuff. But that's just not it's

173
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,000
Speaker 1: never gonna happen. I just won't. I'll just stay in

174
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,360
Speaker 1: the in the box whatever. Well I think, yes, because

175
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:05,520
Speaker 1: one you're you're never going to know everything. You're always

176
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,040
Speaker 1: going to offend somebody because there's too many people that

177
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,280
Speaker 1: are different for everybody to agree with you. So it's

178
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,960
Speaker 1: really I believe what I believe, and I know what

179
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,400
Speaker 1: I know, and I'm gonna do with what I can

180
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,600
Speaker 1: with what I believe in what I know, Like that's

181
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:21,120
Speaker 1: all we can do. I mean, I am a trauma

182
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,440
Speaker 1: therapist and any sort of therapist. I don't know everything

183
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,680
Speaker 1: there is. You probably know a lot about stuff that

184
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,240
Speaker 1: I don't even know. So I have podcasts. I don't

185
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,360
Speaker 1: know what the funk I'm talking about. That should be

186
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:38,720
Speaker 1: your intro, like in every I have a podcast, but

187
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:44,040
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm talking about. It just I'm

188
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:48,280
Speaker 1: making this stuff up that I go, right, Okay, well

189
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:50,640
Speaker 1: let's just start and we'll see where we go. Because

190
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,880
Speaker 1: I I want to also go back and like you

191
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,320
Speaker 1: know in times because I loved I love talking about

192
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,440
Speaker 1: like my first impressions of people, and I was thinking

193
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,600
Speaker 1: about the first time I was introduced to you. You

194
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,040
Speaker 1: probably don't remember this, but it was that wind song

195
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:12,040
Speaker 1: you had short hair. I remember we're upstairs and you

196
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,359
Speaker 1: came to talk about the movement thing that they were implementing,

197
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,679
Speaker 1: and we're like, what the hell is this? None of

198
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,640
Speaker 1: us knew what it was. And then I I don't

199
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,200
Speaker 1: think I knew you, but I think everybody else knew

200
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,199
Speaker 1: who you were. But you also had really cool glasses.

201
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:31,160
Speaker 1: I remember. I think they were like the teal like

202
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:37,240
Speaker 1: cat I one, okay, and I just remember being so confused.

203
00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 1: It's one of those imposter things because I was probably

204
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,360
Speaker 1: really really knew so I was like, well, I have

205
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,760
Speaker 1: to act like I know what she's talking about, and

206
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,280
Speaker 1: so I probably didn't ask any questions, but it was

207
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,160
Speaker 1: when but I was like, who is this girl? What

208
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,360
Speaker 1: is she talking about? Why don't I know what it is?

209
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,920
Speaker 1: And she seems really fun, but you were like very

210
00:11:57,040 --> 00:12:00,760
Speaker 1: um excited, like you were just excited about what you

211
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,599
Speaker 1: were going to do, and that was like refreshing of

212
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,760
Speaker 1: like somebody because I was a new therapist, and a

213
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:10,520
Speaker 1: lot of therapists get burnt out, specifically working in certain

214
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,400
Speaker 1: areas or places, and so I don't remember. It's like

215
00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:16,760
Speaker 1: it was excitement and it was like cool, and then

216
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,800
Speaker 1: like the clients all loved like I'm going with the Lena.

217
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go see Elena, and I'm like, I also

218
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:27,800
Speaker 1: want to go see Lane. And then I think it

219
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,920
Speaker 1: was probably soon after that I went to Adventure and

220
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:37,280
Speaker 1: then how did you get? So basically what had happened

221
00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:43,120
Speaker 1: was what had happened. A bunch of people read Dr

222
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:47,120
Speaker 1: Bessel bander Kolk's book The Body Keeps the Score and

223
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 1: they were like, we need to be doing more of

224
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 1: these like move body based therapies, body based you know things,

225
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,840
Speaker 1: what can we do? And when I interviewed to be

226
00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:02,800
Speaker 1: I literally came to that job to test dip my

227
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,080
Speaker 1: toe in the water of working in treatment. And so

228
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:10,800
Speaker 1: I applied to be a resident assistant and I was

229
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:16,840
Speaker 1: studying somatic movement therapy and I had my own like

230
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,040
Speaker 1: background in recovery, which I don't know how like where

231
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,720
Speaker 1: we want to go with this, but I had my

232
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,240
Speaker 1: own story and what I would like my personal work,

233
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,280
Speaker 1: you know, I was dancing, and then I had started

234
00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:31,319
Speaker 1: in somatic movement therapy, and I thought, do I want

235
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:36,440
Speaker 1: to like pursue dance movement therapy or just somatic movement

236
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,400
Speaker 1: therapy on its own thing? Do I want to, you know,

237
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,280
Speaker 1: become a therapist? Like I don't know. I just had

238
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,000
Speaker 1: like I was in this world and so I was like,

239
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,719
Speaker 1: how can I combine all these things I love? And

240
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,760
Speaker 1: so I had applied to be a resident assistant to

241
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,040
Speaker 1: see what it was like to be in the environment

242
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,120
Speaker 1: and to live it was. It was a tip that

243
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,480
Speaker 1: my mother in law gave me. She had previously worked there,

244
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,360
Speaker 1: and she said, why don't you just apply and then

245
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,480
Speaker 1: that way you can see what it's like. And I

246
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: mean even as a resident assistant, Like I went into

247
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,600
Speaker 1: the interview and I was like, this is what I'm doing,

248
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,800
Speaker 1: this is my long term goals. And literally from that

249
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:15,120
Speaker 1: interview process, they it was like, hey, I think I

250
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,680
Speaker 1: started leading groups like week two, You've got a job

251
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:22,840
Speaker 1: at are A. Yeah, oh okay, okay, so then this

252
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,560
Speaker 1: is great, So let's go backwards and then forwards because

253
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,080
Speaker 1: I have no idea who you are, so um, but

254
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,560
Speaker 1: I like always forget that. I'm like these people don't

255
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,040
Speaker 1: know who this is, even though I've known you for

256
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:37,360
Speaker 1: a very long time. So tell us, UM, who you are,

257
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:41,400
Speaker 1: where you're from, um, anything that you just want to

258
00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,880
Speaker 1: say about yourself, and then UM, we'll go back and

259
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,120
Speaker 1: talk about how we met and then how you started

260
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:54,400
Speaker 1: the life that you're living right now. I know life

261
00:14:54,720 --> 00:15:02,560
Speaker 1: is not a linear path, no, okay, yeah, well I

262
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,000
Speaker 1: it's just so interesting. I think growing up, I had

263
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,800
Speaker 1: this idea like, Okay, this is how my life is

264
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,160
Speaker 1: going to go right, you know. And I think we're

265
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,880
Speaker 1: taught that in our culture. You you go you're a toddler,

266
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:16,560
Speaker 1: and then you go to kindergarten and then you at

267
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,280
Speaker 1: school is such a big what's the word I'm looking for,

268
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:24,000
Speaker 1: like milestones and yeah, and you just you keep following

269
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,400
Speaker 1: the path it's laid in front of you. And so

270
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,800
Speaker 1: then you know, after high school, well for me, it

271
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 1: was like, I guess I'm going to go to college.

272
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,040
Speaker 1: That seems like the right thing to do, you know.

273
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,480
Speaker 1: But anyways, I'm saying all of that to say, at

274
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:41,520
Speaker 1: some point you just fall off that path that way

275
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:45,200
Speaker 1: and travel all these different ways. But I'm Elena Deaver

276
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:51,200
Speaker 1: and I am a dancer. I love hip hop music,

277
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,600
Speaker 1: um so matic practitioner and uh my latest and greatest

278
00:15:55,640 --> 00:16:01,800
Speaker 1: title is mother and my being out of high school

279
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:06,080
Speaker 1: and into college, I actually thought that I was going

280
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:14,080
Speaker 1: to um study improv and be an improv actor and

281
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 1: go to Chicago and study its second city, and then

282
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 1: maybe audition for Saturday Night Live, and then from there

283
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:26,320
Speaker 1: I might do some Broadway. And then I literally like

284
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:31,160
Speaker 1: had you know, as a kid, you have the big things,

285
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:35,720
Speaker 1: and I, you know, college seemed like the comfortable choice.

286
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 1: A lot of all of my friends were going to college,

287
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:41,360
Speaker 1: and I thought, okay, I'll do that. Um, I'll study

288
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:45,240
Speaker 1: theater and see where it takes me. And I had

289
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:49,400
Speaker 1: always loved to dance, and I grew up in a

290
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:53,120
Speaker 1: really small town and we didn't really have access or

291
00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:57,000
Speaker 1: I didn't have access to dance as you know, taking

292
00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,240
Speaker 1: classes and stuff. It just wasn't It wasn't around very

293
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,560
Speaker 1: much like there were dance studios here and there, and

294
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,280
Speaker 1: I took class you know when I could. Really wasn't

295
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:08,439
Speaker 1: something that my parents could afford. So dance for me

296
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:14,160
Speaker 1: became this thing that I did with watching music videos

297
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:17,920
Speaker 1: and recording. I can remember recording music videos and imitating

298
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 1: you know. And I became a cheerleader because they danced

299
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:25,240
Speaker 1: and I could do that night choreographed dances and um,

300
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 1: I had no formal training whatsoever throughout my childhood. Or

301
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,120
Speaker 1: I was nineteen years old, I did my first year

302
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:38,359
Speaker 1: of theater at Austin p State University, and then my

303
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:43,800
Speaker 1: second year they introduced a dance program to the theater program. Uh.

304
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 1: And so I took my very first technique class introduction

305
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,040
Speaker 1: to dance, and I was like, Oh, this is it.

306
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 1: I can do this. And so from there, I mean,

307
00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:57,239
Speaker 1: I just I totally shifted. I went from wanting to

308
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:59,919
Speaker 1: like pursue acting and and all of that to be

309
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,399
Speaker 1: and like, no, I want to do dance. Um. And

310
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:08,159
Speaker 1: so I studied dance and I had this um idea

311
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,359
Speaker 1: in my head that I was going to pursue dance

312
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,160
Speaker 1: in higher education. I wanted to teach at the collegiate level.

313
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,800
Speaker 1: I wanted to make dance and maybe have a dance company.

314
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,800
Speaker 1: At that time, I was still really I love I've

315
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:24,600
Speaker 1: always loved hip hop dance and the history of it

316
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 1: and the culture and how it moves and and really

317
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,000
Speaker 1: how it shapes our you know, social dances kind of

318
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,639
Speaker 1: you know, we've into our lives. I love all of

319
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,000
Speaker 1: that stuff, and so I and I was also studying

320
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 1: modern dance, and within dance I found somatics and I

321
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,680
Speaker 1: sort of came about it in a little bit of

322
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 1: a sideways way, and that you know, I heard people

323
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: say that word. I didn't know what it meant. I

324
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 1: took my first yoga class and I think two thousand six,

325
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, this is something that's for me,

326
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:01,439
Speaker 1: you know it. It helped me, and I was like,

327
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,320
Speaker 1: I like the way it feels when I'm practicing this.

328
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,080
Speaker 1: So that in two thousand six is when I started

329
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:11,360
Speaker 1: practicing yoga on a personal level. So I'm dancing and

330
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 1: doing yoga. And then somewhere in about two thousand and ten,

331
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,200
Speaker 1: so I don't know how old I was then, Uh,

332
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 1: in my twenties, I was having like incredibly severe panic attacks,

333
00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 1: and so I would just have these moments where I

334
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 1: felt so out of control, so much anxiety and panic,

335
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 1: and I was like, what is this feeling? I want

336
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 1: to get away from it. So of course, you know,

337
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,480
Speaker 1: the tools I had in my toolbox were numb out,

338
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,800
Speaker 1: work more, do whatever I can to not feel this way.

339
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,480
Speaker 1: But I had no tools on where this comes from

340
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 1: or how to fix it, Like I just had nothing,

341
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,920
Speaker 1: And when's the first time you ever went to therapy?

342
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,919
Speaker 1: So that's down the road a bit. So I was

343
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,920
Speaker 1: having I was having these anxiety attacks. I'm trying to think,

344
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,879
Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm zooming around the professional side

345
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:12,880
Speaker 1: to personal side, so paralleling um, you know, studying in college.

346
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:16,600
Speaker 1: And then I'm I'd had a couple of bad relationships

347
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 1: where I was seeing like some of my own personal

348
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: issues playing out. You know, you don't know what that is.

349
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 1: But regardless, I graduated college, I started working as a

350
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:33,960
Speaker 1: professional actor, and then and I'm still like making dance

351
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 1: and teaching dance. And then my who was my boyfriend

352
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,439
Speaker 1: at the time we lived together, who's my husband now

353
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 1: went to treatment for substance abuse. And that was like

354
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: this pinnacle moment of like something's not right with the world.

355
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 1: So I was having all this anxiety while at simultaneously

356
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: he was dealing with his own issues, and we were

357
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 1: like these to even know what you would call it,

358
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,360
Speaker 1: we were on this roller coaster of chaos. I would say,

359
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,159
Speaker 1: what was it? What was that like for you? Because

360
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 1: when he goes to treatment, are you thinking that your

361
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 1: anxiety is about his substance a views. Are you both

362
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: having your own problems that are just kind of bumping

363
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 1: up against each other. Well, the truth of the story

364
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: is that we both were like messed up adult type

365
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 1: human beings who didn't have the capacity to live in

366
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 1: homeo stasis. But if you would have asked me at

367
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 1: that time what was wrong, I would have said, if

368
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: he would just do the right stuff, I would feel better.

369
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 1: And I went about my whole life like that. It

370
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: was all about external. If this situation would go the

371
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 1: way I believe it should, then I'll be okay. If

372
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 1: this if X half or you know, if not self

373
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,240
Speaker 1: regulation and like you all regulate your yourself, and then

374
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,199
Speaker 1: I don't have to do anything. It's the fact that

375
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: all messed up that you're making me just regulated, but

376
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: I'm actually perfect exactly that is what I would have

377
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,920
Speaker 1: told you. I don't even know if I could have

378
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 1: articulated that. I just knew something wasn't right and it

379
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: was because of all these external factors. And if all

380
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 1: of the planets and stars would align in the way

381
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 1: that I believe they should be, then I could be

382
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,879
Speaker 1: happy and none of this would be a problem, I

383
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: wouldn't have this anxiety. And but the truth is is

384
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: that you know, through that was like a process that

385
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,920
Speaker 1: kind of catapulted me into my own healing journey. So

386
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,879
Speaker 1: he went to treatment, and I went to my first

387
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 1: alan On meeting, and that was what because these people

388
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 1: probably don't know that, some people don't know what that is. Yeah,

389
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: So Alanan is for families and friends of alcoholics and addicts.

390
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 1: It's a support group based on the twelve Steps. So

391
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 1: it's it comes from Alcoholics Anonymous, but it's specifically geared

392
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 1: towards the family. And that was kind of my um

393
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:20,359
Speaker 1: step into my own healing journey. And so I attended

394
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 1: my first alan On meeting, and I mean within seconds

395
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 1: of like reading the first introduction, it was like this

396
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 1: is me, This is all me, I mean, and I

397
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 1: thought I was going to learn how to fix the

398
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: people in my life and to fix everything outside of me.

399
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 1: I still had that idea in my first meeting, like

400
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,199
Speaker 1: they're gonna tell me what to do and how to

401
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 1: keep him from using and to keep you know, at

402
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: the I at the time, I still wouldn't have known this,

403
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: but in hindsight, looking back, I had such this fear

404
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:57,320
Speaker 1: of abandonment, which is part of that like chaos. I

405
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 1: was like, oh, don't leave me. I need your tension.

406
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,360
Speaker 1: You know. I always joke like I go into performance

407
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 1: because I'm like tinker Bill, please clap for me and

408
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 1: tell me I'm good. I need everybody to like clap

409
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: so I can live, you know, like I can't live

410
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 1: if you don't tell me that I'm good or that

411
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: I'm worthy. And your actions are what I'm using as

412
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,159
Speaker 1: the kind of air you breathe, as people's admiration for

413
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: you exactly. I need it not so much today, but

414
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 1: at that time, I really that was where I was

415
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 1: constant validation. And so I through my work in the

416
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: Twelve Steps and through my work and alan On, I

417
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 1: learned that it was about me and healing myself and

418
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:48,399
Speaker 1: how learning about my triggers, my issues and staying in

419
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 1: my hula hoop. You know, that's like a pretty traditional

420
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 1: alan on things like how can I stay in my

421
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 1: hula hoop and not worry about what other people are doing?

422
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: And that was like a huge wake up call. But

423
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,400
Speaker 1: how uncomfortable was that though? Like, how does nobody learn

424
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: to stay in there hula? Who if they like need

425
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: people because it's like you don't need to be in

426
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: his hula who It's almost like you want him and

427
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: your hula hoop. Absolutely, Actually, I don't want to be

428
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 1: in a hula hoop. I want to go around telling

429
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,399
Speaker 1: people how to live in there hula hoops? How do

430
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 1: you do? Like, how would how uncomfortable? I wonder for

431
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 1: you as you're trying to work on all those things?

432
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 1: How do you not just whack a mole things and like, Okay,

433
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to fix my boyfriend or my significant other.

434
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fix this or I'm gonna work on I'm

435
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: gonna look perfect. Like how what other things I wonder

436
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: popped up as you're trying to work on this one

437
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 1: problem Because as we know, if we like go to

438
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 1: therapy and were like I need help with my I

439
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,959
Speaker 1: am just really anxious about this test and then like

440
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,120
Speaker 1: two sessions later, we're talking about when you were six

441
00:25:55,200 --> 00:26:00,919
Speaker 1: years old in Walmart. Oh um, that is exactly what happened. Like,

442
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: I didn't avoid that situation. I didn't avoid that experience.

443
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 1: I absolutely had that experience of you know, I went

444
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 1: thinking it was one thing and finding out it was me,

445
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 1: you know, and my stuff, and then through alan On,

446
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 1: I found adult Children of Alcoholics, which you know, a

447
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: lot of people come to that and they're like, well,

448
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 1: my family was fine and everything was fine, and you

449
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: know a lot of us grow up in dysfunction. Doesn't

450
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 1: have to be look like one thing or the other things.

451
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 1: So I found that program because I fit the laundry list,

452
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 1: which people can find online, and those traits I took

453
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 1: into adulthood and I found that program, and then in

454
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 1: that program, I got a little bit deeper into some

455
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 1: of the things that I carried carried over. You know,

456
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: I like to say that I don't blame my family

457
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 1: for how I react to things as an adult, but

458
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: I took some things, some lessons from childhood that did

459
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,439
Speaker 1: not serve me at all, and beliefs and core beliefs

460
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 1: and programming and and not Its not necessarily about just

461
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 1: my family, but also just our culture and how we

462
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: do things and how at large. Right, I came out

463
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 1: of that childhood experience with some core beliefs that just

464
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: were not good. So A c A helped me get

465
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: a little bit deeper. And I think I had been

466
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 1: in that like I've been in my own my own

467
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: recovery journey for about four years. I had gone through

468
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,640
Speaker 1: the pink cloud phase. I was getting into my real,

469
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,160
Speaker 1: the real deal stuff of UM, my own personal work,

470
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: and I was like, I feel terrible, and I was pissed.

471
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,679
Speaker 1: I was mad. I was like, I'm doing all of

472
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 1: this work. I'm you know, I'm working the twelve Steps,

473
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to meetings. I'm like meditating and doing yoga.

474
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 1: And at that time I was had already UM sort

475
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: of started my a somatic movement therapy journey. I'd found

476
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: that work, which I think, maybe we can get into

477
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: a little bit deeper in a minute. But I did

478
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: that and then I was like, I can't do this anymore.

479
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 1: And I picked up the phone and I called and

480
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,160
Speaker 1: found a therapist. I mean it was just like and

481
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,880
Speaker 1: I remember it was so funny. They answered the phone. Um,

482
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: I don't know if I should divulge where it was,

483
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 1: but they answered the phone and was like, what are

484
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: you looking for? I said, I don't want a female

485
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 1: therapist who deals with trauma specifically. I want to work

486
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: do E M D R. I want like, I want

487
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 1: to work on internal family systems. And they're like, oh,

488
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: okay me and what to do and right, it's just

489
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 1: another Those are my favorite emails or calls when it's

490
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: like I'm looking for a therapist specifically I would like

491
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: to do CBT with a mixture of three sessions involved

492
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: DBT and maybe some Braden spotting. And during the sixth

493
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: session and I'm like, oh, this is gonna be real fun. Yeah,

494
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:58,200
Speaker 1: I was still trying. I'm still grasping at the control.

495
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: We right, So any ways, um, long story, much longer. No.

496
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: I I started therapy and I was doing that work

497
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: and then that got me even deeper. And it's like

498
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,240
Speaker 1: the deeper I get, the more I realized, I think

499
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 1: I get stuck in the story that I tell myself,

500
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: the stories that I'm telling myself about the people in

501
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: my in my life, the stories I tell myself about situations,

502
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: about things, the ideas, the concepts. What were your stories? Well,

503
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: that I'm not good enough that I have to perform that,

504
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 1: you know, It's like it just embodied itself in my work,

505
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 1: that I have to be perfect, that I have to

506
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: present myself in a way that I like, I have

507
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: to know everything. I can't ask questions about things. I

508
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 1: have to Just like we were talking about a second ago,

509
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: I have to know all the answers before I even

510
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: show myself. I can't show weakness. I can't show vulnerability.

511
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 1: Like those were all the I had all this armor,

512
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 1: you know, and all these things I built up, and

513
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: and if you know me, I had to be happy

514
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 1: and positive and like funny. I use humor to deflect everything,

515
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 1: like I have to be funny and bubbly, and oh, Lena,

516
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 1: she's just like out there, you know, it's I don't know,

517
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: so that was just another form of armor. Do you

518
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: have a memory or an experience of you remember feeling

519
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: not good enough? I don't know. I don't really have that.

520
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 1: I do remember a lot as a kid getting validation

521
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: from performing or being cute and funny and like singing

522
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,800
Speaker 1: or dancing or whatever, and liking that attention. I mean,

523
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: that's just the truth. I think kids want attention. Yeah,

524
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 1: it's almost well, and we need attention to And I

525
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: wonder one part of that could be if we are

526
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: used to getting all of this, if we grew up

527
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: getting this attention, and this attention was good, and when

528
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: when I did something it was I got congratulated or

529
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 1: bragged on or whatever. It's almost like that becomes a norm,

530
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 1: and it's like, um, that becomes baseline. And so then

531
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 1: when you're not getting it, there's something wrong. Nobody said anything,

532
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: But why is nobody telling me I'm good? And I

533
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: only hear people say I'm good when I do something extravagant.

534
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 1: So I need to be good because that's what the

535
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: world says. And so if I'm just myself and just here,

536
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: there's something wrong. So I need to keep doing all

537
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,360
Speaker 1: of these things. So it's not it's maybe that nobody

538
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 1: told you you were bad, but it's like the world says,

539
00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: you need to hear you're good, and I only here

540
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: I'm good when I'm doing all of these things. So

541
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: I must continue to do all these things. Absolutely. Yeah,

542
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 1: And especially like when I look at my own personal

543
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 1: like healing and recovery journey, Um, a lot of and

544
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 1: you know in the way I show up in relationships

545
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 1: had something to do with that too. But you know,

546
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 1: again that school being a touch point as I'm coming

547
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: out of undergrad and thinking about I applied for some

548
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 1: graduate programs and they were like, you need to go

549
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 1: live and be in life and then come back. And

550
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 1: so the thought of like being in the real world

551
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 1: and having to make my own path, make my own

552
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: decisions UM was terrifying, and I think that was part

553
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,680
Speaker 1: of it too. It's like, oh, I need these this

554
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: external motivation of people telling me what to do and

555
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: then tell me I'm good at it, Like show me

556
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 1: the rules and then I'll follow them, and then you

557
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: can tell me I'm good, and then I'll know it

558
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: that I'm good. It's just so interesting to hear you

559
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: say that, because knowing you, and maybe it was the

560
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: part of in your story where I met you, I

561
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: never would think of you as somebody who like always

562
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: has to follow the rule. Yeah, well it made on

563
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: your own path like that. My idea was like Elena

564
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: does what Elena wants to do. Yeah. I think when

565
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: we met, I was like, I mean, I was probably

566
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: four or five or six years into my own, you know,

567
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: my own healing journey. And when I say rules, I

568
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 1: don't necessarily mean like you know, I don't know. It's

569
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 1: more of the underlying rules, not the things. It's like,

570
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 1: more of like the unspoken agreements that we have within

571
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: our family systems and within um, our school cultures and

572
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 1: those sort of things. It wasn't necessarily I don't know,

573
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: I can't think of anything specifically tangible to give language

574
00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:34,880
Speaker 1: to it, but it was it's definitely all of the

575
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 1: unspoken things or my again, it's the stuff my my

576
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: imagination is runs rampants. So I get to if I

577
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 1: don't know what people are thinking, I'm going to tell

578
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: myself what they're thinking. And so that was something I

579
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: had to really break down, was all the meaning making

580
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: and storytelling and specifically in regard to like, what are

581
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: people going to think? Did you know when you went

582
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: to there? Well, maybe knew it when you went to therapy,

583
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,760
Speaker 1: but when did you realize that you had experienced trauma,

584
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: whether it's big to your little t trauma. Honestly, I

585
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,280
Speaker 1: think it was when I started working at the ranch,

586
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: after you started going to therapy, right, Yeah, well I

587
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:18,759
Speaker 1: had started. I can't remember if I started therapy before

588
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 1: I started working at the ranch or if that happened

589
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 1: right after. Now that that timeline is a little fuzzy,

590
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: and I'm going to therapy when we worked together, yes,

591
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 1: so I think my first six months or whatever at

592
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,839
Speaker 1: the Ranch, I wasn't in therapy. I was just in

593
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,879
Speaker 1: recovery in twelve step recovery rooms. I wasn't actively seeing

594
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 1: a therapist, and we I sat in on orientation with Buddy, Yeah,

595
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: and I remember I was like he talked about the

596
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,880
Speaker 1: big T trauma, little T trauma, and the it was

597
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,359
Speaker 1: again here we go. It was the feelings behind it

598
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: I did. I don't Again, I don't have those things

599
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 1: like I wasn't physically abused, I wasn't hungry, like I

600
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 1: didn't have that stuff in my story. And so in

601
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,960
Speaker 1: my head, I'm like, it wasn't that, it wasn't bad,

602
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,719
Speaker 1: like you know all those things we tell ourselves, but

603
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 1: I don't really I couldn't pinpoint it was. I feel

604
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,239
Speaker 1: so when we talk about like and you can add

605
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 1: to this, but like we say, when I say big

606
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,759
Speaker 1: tea trauma and little T trauma, Big T traumas the

607
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 1: trauma that everybody thinks about, like I was abused, or

608
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 1: I was I was severely neglected, or I was in

609
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 1: this natural disaster, or I had this really great, large

610
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: like loss like where a parent or a sibling or

611
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: somebody dies, and it's like those big things that it's

612
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 1: almost like we are like, well that makes sense, you

613
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:47,240
Speaker 1: would feel that way. But that's when we have comparative suffering,

614
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: and when we're sitting there and we're like, I don't

615
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:51,879
Speaker 1: have trauma, so I don't have a reason to feel

616
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: this way, and this is my own like all that stuff.

617
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: But little T traumas are those more like emotional wounds,

618
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 1: and they can be just as I full, depending on

619
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 1: when they happen, how often they happen, where you are

620
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 1: in life, when it's happening, who's around you, who's in

621
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: your life, And so those little T traumas aren't necessarily

622
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:15,240
Speaker 1: like this one large event. It's almost like Chinese water torture.

623
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:19,879
Speaker 1: You know. It's like little over and oh yeah, drip drip,

624
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 1: drive over and over until you're like, there's a hole

625
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 1: in my head. But like that's just a drop of water,

626
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:29,279
Speaker 1: so I shouldn't be upset about it. And so you're

627
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 1: sitting there in this orientation with which where we work.

628
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:35,799
Speaker 1: We worked at a treatment center and every client has

629
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,440
Speaker 1: to go to this orientation, and I don't know what

630
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 1: it's like now, but I remember I still I will

631
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 1: not throw away my notebook from my first day there,

632
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,680
Speaker 1: because the notes in it, I'm like, I love reading.

633
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: It's like my world was blown up. And I remember

634
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:53,000
Speaker 1: drawing that pac Man thing. Do you remember that? Yes,

635
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 1: So he drew a pac Man and it had like

636
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:58,400
Speaker 1: it was like a circle with like the little like

637
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: pizza cut out of it, and it's look like that's

638
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: who we are, and we show up at at in

639
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 1: treatment or wherever. We're like this circle that's missing a

640
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: piece and we're going around trying to like grab other

641
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,239
Speaker 1: things to fill it, but like we don't even know

642
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: what we're missing a lot of the times, right anyway,

643
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 1: So you're sitting there and you're like, wait a second,

644
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 1: I don't have big T trauma, but I feel some

645
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,879
Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, and that's I mean, yeah, that's that's

646
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 1: exactly it. And it's it was more like a feeling

647
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: in my body. And the whole anxiety thing for me

648
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 1: was I would have these like it was a real

649
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:40,239
Speaker 1: visceral experience. And so the way it manifested for me

650
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 1: was I would have this physical sensation of oh, my

651
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 1: chest is tight. I get that, I feel this heat

652
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: on my body, my fists wanted to clinch, my jaw

653
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 1: would clinch. I would have this like not in my

654
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: stomach and just be sweating and like sometimes shaking and

655
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 1: have this like real The truth is that I couldn't

656
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,800
Speaker 1: articulate where is this coming from? What is this about?

657
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: Where did this? How? Why is this happening to me?

658
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: And the truth is is that my brain would then

659
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 1: go off and make up it's because this person is

660
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 1: doing this and this is why I feel this way,

661
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 1: or it's because of school and this thing in school.

662
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 1: You know this, I don't know it was. I had

663
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 1: all of these like create all these stories and external

664
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 1: stories of why why I'm feeling this, why this is happening.

665
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: I have these present day external reasons, and that's why

666
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:39,640
Speaker 1: you're like, well, if my boyfriend would go fix his ship,

667
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: or if I would just wandered on this test, or

668
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,719
Speaker 1: if this teacher would stop being such a whatever, or

669
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,959
Speaker 1: this friend would take care of her stuff, I would

670
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,240
Speaker 1: be fine. But really has nothing to do with any

671
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: of that, right. I like that you're bringing into the

672
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: body part did you have when did you have a

673
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:03,240
Speaker 1: connection of my amans and my feelings also are changing

674
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:04,960
Speaker 1: the way I feel in my body because a lot

675
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: of people are like, I'm anxious, and they don't even

676
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 1: realize that when they're anxious they have tightness in their

677
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 1: chest until somebody asked them, like, well, what is your body? Well,

678
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,799
Speaker 1: I think part of that has to do with the

679
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 1: fact that I was a dancer, or I should say

680
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 1: I am a dancer, but at the time i'd been dancing.

681
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: I'm like I said, So, when when I started therapy,

682
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 1: let's I think it was like two I want to

683
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 1: say it was two thousand fourteen. So at this point

684
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:37,760
Speaker 1: I had been practicing yoga for like almost ten years.

685
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:42,560
Speaker 1: I had already started my training in somatic movement therapy.

686
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 1: I knew what it felt like to watch my breathing

687
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 1: and to be in my body. It wasn't until so

688
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,320
Speaker 1: I had that. I came to it with that first.

689
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 1: I had the body stuff first, and then I learned, oh,

690
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: my thoughts are creating this story and my body is

691
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,800
Speaker 1: responding to it, and also my body when my sometimes

692
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,319
Speaker 1: my body is making having the experience, and so my

693
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 1: mind's making up the story. It was all like opening up. Really,

694
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: that's a great awareness. But did you with all of

695
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,360
Speaker 1: your training, did they connect the back like your nervous

696
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: system and what's really going on? Or are you just

697
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 1: knowing that, like my body is doing something, in my

698
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 1: brain is doing something. I didn't have that language at

699
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,879
Speaker 1: that time. That came a few years later when I

700
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: started well, I was working at the ranch and I

701
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 1: did uh somatic experiential therapy training. My mentor in somatic

702
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: movement therapy, Sundra Freili, she started adding that stuff into

703
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,320
Speaker 1: our our work as well. So talking about the nervous

704
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: system and all that, because this is a good part

705
00:40:54,719 --> 00:41:00,359
Speaker 1: for you to one explain what somatic me. I think

706
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: it would be cool and I can talk about this

707
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,160
Speaker 1: or I'm okay with you doing this. When people are

708
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,399
Speaker 1: asking you to breathe, and when your breath is either

709
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 1: shallow or deep or fast, what's actually going on inside

710
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 1: of your body and how is that adding to the

711
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: story in your brain or how is your story in

712
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 1: your brain adding to the breathing in your body. I

713
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: kind of want to touch on both of those. So one,

714
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: what is semantic so um? Yeah, somatic. It comes from

715
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 1: the words soma um, which is a Greek word, and

716
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:37,399
Speaker 1: it's about the body. So people think, okay, so much body,

717
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: but it's not necessarily just this solid form. It's the

718
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: living body, it's the lived experience, it's the embodiment. Thomas

719
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:48,560
Speaker 1: Hannah coined that term in the seventies and he was

720
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 1: a philosopher and and a somatic educator. Um and he said,

721
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,799
Speaker 1: the soma is alive. It's the individual embodiment of a

722
00:41:56,840 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 1: process which endures and adapts through time. It remains soma

723
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 1: as long as it lives. So the moment we die,

724
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:07,000
Speaker 1: we're no longer a soma, We're just a body. So

725
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 1: this concept of like this lived embodied experience, it's the

726
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: living body and its wholeness. So so matics is about

727
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 1: being aware of our body right, our lived experience. Who

728
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: we're doing somatic movement before you went to the I

729
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 1: think we did that training together, Yeah we did. Yeah,

730
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 1: Somatic movement therapy is well. According to ISMETA, I pulled

731
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: their definition because sometimes I have trouble it's so funny.

732
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 1: I have trouble like articulating with language this felt experience,

733
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:49,280
Speaker 1: so I went ahead and pulled. They're from their website.

734
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: So as META is the International Somatic Movement Education and

735
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 1: Therapy Association. So their definition is it enhances human function

736
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: and body mind integration through mindful and restorative movement. Our

737
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: practices incorporate postural and movement evaluation, experienceial anatomy, guided movement

738
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 1: patterning to increase increase efficiency, all while developing kinesthetic and

739
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 1: ap proprioceptive sensitivity. What yeah, that makes sense, sense right

740
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,879
Speaker 1: the language. So let's give it some Let's let's break

741
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 1: it down, shall we. So basically, and I'll go ahead

742
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 1: and say that my personal experience with somatic movement therapy

743
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: comes from the School East West somatics Um, which is

744
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 1: developed by Sandra Freeley. And we can talk or put

745
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: somewhere where people can find the website or whatever. But

746
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 1: Sandra breaks it down. So matics is how we move,

747
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,799
Speaker 1: how we feel, and how we do. So if we're

748
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: talking about appropriate reception, it's the perception of our own body.

749
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 1: It's how we perceive ourselves. And then kin esthetic awareness

750
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 1: is like how we move, and that's how how we

751
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: move in the world and how we perceive that movement.

752
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:17,399
Speaker 1: And so somatic movement includes like movement patterning. So how

753
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 1: do you habitual patterns of holding? And if we come

754
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 1: back to talking about trauma, how do you hold your

755
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: body all the time? Where are you holding tension? I've

756
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: been seeing a lot as I scroll through my news feed,

757
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: these little memes where it's like drop your shoulders, take

758
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 1: a deep breath, like you know, notice yourself that's somatic.

759
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 1: That's like noticing how we hold our body. How do

760
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 1: you get up every day? How do you get out

761
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 1: of bed? How are you walking? Do you lean more

762
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,400
Speaker 1: on your right side? So from a physical this is

763
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 1: strictly physical standpoint, are your shoulders dropped down? You know?

764
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 1: And then if we're looking at it from a therapeutic standpoint,

765
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 1: it's like a nay, I hold my body this way?

766
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 1: What does that mean? How did we get here that

767
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 1: we're closed off? Or so you can there are a

768
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,800
Speaker 1: lot of different things that come into play with somatic

769
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:15,040
Speaker 1: movement therapy in that it's a lot of converging, right,

770
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:20,960
Speaker 1: So there's dance, there's um. Yoga therapists use these tools

771
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: um in traditional psychotherapy, people in physical therapy. The medical

772
00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 1: community is like finding this stuff beneficial, right, It's like

773
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:37,319
Speaker 1: science and creativity together and that's where we are and

774
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: you know, we'll probably get to this. But I think

775
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: what a lot of people come into therapy or or

776
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 1: just have even if they're not in therapy. It's like

777
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: walk through life, thinking that we hold our experiences in

778
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,359
Speaker 1: our brain and in our thoughts. A lot of us

779
00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 1: who have trauma, we might hold the messaging we might

780
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 1: hold the lesson in our brain, but we don't hold

781
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:02,359
Speaker 1: that experience and what happened in our brains so much,

782
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: but we hold those in our body. And I always

783
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 1: come back to the idea of you know how in

784
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 1: training they showed that video of the polar bear, and

785
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 1: so there's this video of this polar bear and he's

786
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 1: getting chased and you can fill on gaps in the

787
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,040
Speaker 1: story if I tell it wrong, but they end up

788
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: shooting him with a tranquilizer. I guess, yeah, it's actually

789
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 1: quite a traumatic video to watch. I don't recommend watching

790
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 1: it at but and then they they show him go

791
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 1: through the motions of like fight or flight, and then

792
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:38,759
Speaker 1: they shoot him and so it's frozen. Then they show

793
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 1: him waking up and what happens. And I think this

794
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 1: is what happens with this is what I know what

795
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:48,919
Speaker 1: happens with basically every animal except humans, is that when

796
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 1: we experienced some kind of traumatic experience, they like, when

797
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: we experience that, we get tight. We go into this

798
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 1: like tightness, we hold it together, we're strong, we move forward,

799
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: and then we forget about it and then we go

800
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: on with our lives. But what we don't realize is

801
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:05,799
Speaker 1: we are meaning making people. So we might take that

802
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 1: experience and go on with our lives, but we also

803
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 1: made a meaning out of it. And what animals do

804
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: other species do is they go somewhere where they feel

805
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 1: safe and they shake. And in this video see that

806
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,520
Speaker 1: pull over, a waking up shaking, and it's like a

807
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 1: discharge of all of this energy and emotion and feelings.

808
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: And we don't do that. And that's when you're talking

809
00:47:27,680 --> 00:47:30,080
Speaker 1: about you sit hunched over what is that? It's like,

810
00:47:30,200 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 1: I don't know, there might be something in our back

811
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:36,439
Speaker 1: that we need to shake out, but we don't do that.

812
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 1: And and I'm fine, yeah, And I think it comes

813
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 1: down to scope of practice um as a semantic movement therapist,

814
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna sit down and talk to somebody

815
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 1: about their trauma, you know. I'm We're looking at the

816
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 1: body and in my work specifically, you know, through shin

817
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: so metics we learn about we don't have to know.

818
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 1: We can find comfort, find the path of least resistance,

819
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: find what feels good. You know. I think that a

820
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:12,360
Speaker 1: lot of times where we get so focused on the

821
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,320
Speaker 1: trauma or whatever. And Dr Bessel vander Cole kiss trauma

822
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 1: is not a memory about the past. The past is over.

823
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: It sits inside of you and makes you feel and

824
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,919
Speaker 1: behave as if it is still going on, and that

825
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 1: right there is. We don't have to know we it's

826
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:30,839
Speaker 1: in our bodies, just like with me, Like I don't

827
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 1: have that memory to pinpoint, but I had a lot

828
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,840
Speaker 1: of feelings in my body that I just wanted to

829
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 1: run away from a numb out, and I think a

830
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:42,200
Speaker 1: lot of people do. It's like I feel uncomfortable, so

831
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:45,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go drink or use drugs or have sex

832
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 1: or you know, eat numb out. Watch Netflix for five

833
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 1: hours and eat a cupcake or whatever your ways of

834
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 1: numbing out and some of those things. Actually, all of

835
00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 1: those things can be good until they're not good, until

836
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: you're just using it to avoid because those feelings are

837
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: going to come out. I think for somatic movement it's

838
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: about um bringing awareness to the unconscious patterns. If it's unconscious,

839
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: I may not be able to even tell you what

840
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:19,959
Speaker 1: I'm doing. But as a somatic practitioner, if I come

841
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 1: in and sit with you as a regulated nervous system,

842
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: and I can help you get to your regulated nervous system,

843
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 1: and then together we can sort of uncover those unconscious

844
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 1: habitual patterns and habitual states of holding tension or holding whatever,

845
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 1: and let it really find its way out, just like

846
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:46,040
Speaker 1: the polar bear and shaking it out or even you know,

847
00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 1: it doesn't even have to be vigorous like that, it's

848
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 1: like and through that process we can develop the capacity

849
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 1: to have choices. You know. I think for me, in

850
00:49:56,600 --> 00:50:00,320
Speaker 1: my story, I just was like a knee jerk create action.

851
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 1: I was a nerve walking around reacting to this external

852
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 1: stimuli that I thought, it's everything outside of me is

853
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 1: what's ruining my life. I had no sense of like

854
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 1: self responsibility, and because of that, no sense of like

855
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:22,240
Speaker 1: self efficacy, I didn't feel like I could do set

856
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 1: goals for myself. I was always waiting on somebody to

857
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 1: tell me what to do and somebody to tell me

858
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: how to feel. I was looking outside of myself. And

859
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: I think that's part of that traumatic response of like

860
00:50:34,160 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: that fight flight or freeze, and we go into this

861
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 1: place of and not realizing that everything we need to

862
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: heal ourselves is within us. We just need another you know.

863
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we just need another regulated nervous system

864
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 1: to tell us it's safe, it's safe to just be

865
00:50:51,040 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 1: comfortable and to be okay. And I think through that

866
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 1: safety we're able to to let go into process. And

867
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: then also some times that means those things come up

868
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 1: and we learn the stories of our past or even

869
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 1: you know, the things that are holding us back. And

870
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,919
Speaker 1: you know, you're talking about um just to put some

871
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: more words to it, you're talking about the autonomic nervous

872
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 1: system where you have essentially what there was. And I

873
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 1: want to say it's in the body keeps the score

874
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:23,240
Speaker 1: that they talk about this, but where I would assume

875
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,880
Speaker 1: they do. But at one point, the autonomic nervous system,

876
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 1: which is the fight, flight or freeze part of your body,

877
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,879
Speaker 1: had two parts. It was the sympathetic and the paara sympathetic.

878
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 1: And the sympathetic nervous system is your fight or flight

879
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:38,839
Speaker 1: and that's the part of your body. It's really like

880
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 1: I describe that that's the inhale part that's like revving

881
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,919
Speaker 1: you up. And then the parasympathetic is the excel part

882
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 1: that that's more of like the break, but that's also

883
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: a freeze that's a shutdown. And we have this ability

884
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 1: to speed up and then we have this ability to

885
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: slow down. But there isn't a part to help what

886
00:51:57,040 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 1: you're talking about is this regulated person out side of you.

887
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 1: We can do all of the self help we can,

888
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:08,719
Speaker 1: we can read every book, we can like do every

889
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: online course we can do, we can go meditate, we

890
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:15,839
Speaker 1: can do this, but until we sit with somebody that

891
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 1: is regulated, a lot of that doesn't shift. And that's

892
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 1: where there is this third part of the nervous system

893
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 1: brought in. Then this was poly Bagel theory, and it

894
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 1: comes from the vagus nerve. And this is probably way

895
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:31,440
Speaker 1: to science for a lot of people, but it's just giving,

896
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 1: like this is the background of kind of what you're

897
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 1: talking about. And so that's nerve is a nerve that

898
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: it's like a I think it's a cluster of nerves

899
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:40,799
Speaker 1: that comes from the brain and that goes into your

900
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:44,279
Speaker 1: organ So it connects literally your brain your thoughts to

901
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 1: your body where you have all your feelings and it's

902
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:52,279
Speaker 1: controlled by a tunement. And so when this theory came out,

903
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: basically this poly Bagel theory said relationships are the things

904
00:52:56,560 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 1: that cause us the most disregulation and help us to

905
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 1: regulate the most, Like relationships are going to be your

906
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: biggest problems and also your biggest healers, and it is

907
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 1: through relationships and attunement to people where we actually are

908
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,800
Speaker 1: able to soothe our nervous systems. So we're not numbing

909
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,920
Speaker 1: out going too far to the parasympathetic, and we're not

910
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 1: revving up going to and running and and all that

911
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,800
Speaker 1: in the sympathetic. It's bringing those into like a balance

912
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:28,279
Speaker 1: um where you can breathe in and you can breathe out.

913
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:31,000
Speaker 1: And that is why this makes me think of the

914
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:34,319
Speaker 1: like typical therapist voice, which I don't feel like I have,

915
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 1: so sometimes I'm like, damn it. But like the like

916
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: in yoga, when somebody gets their yoga voice, it's like

917
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 1: there's a reason that that helps you because it's somebody

918
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,799
Speaker 1: is calming you down, and like that, you hear that

919
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 1: calming voice and it's calming down into your body and

920
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 1: you're able to breathe slower, and then you notice things,

921
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: and it's that attunement to other humans that it's helping

922
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: you heal. All of that is somatic. It's being in

923
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,720
Speaker 1: your body and realizing what's going on with your body,

924
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 1: and being with people and being alive and hearing all voices,

925
00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:13,200
Speaker 1: and it's it's through that we're talking about trauma, even

926
00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 1: whether it's the little T traumas or the big T traumas,

927
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: but it's that is how trauma is work through. And

928
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 1: we rewired because that's all your emotional brain that we're

929
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: talking about. This all emotion. We're not talking about the

930
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,839
Speaker 1: part of your brain that's like I know that when

931
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:34,279
Speaker 1: I yell at my husband he gets mad, or I

932
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,759
Speaker 1: know I hear a loud voice. It scares me because

933
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 1: it reminds me of that logic brain. That part of

934
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:45,279
Speaker 1: your brain doesn't really turn on if your emotional brain

935
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 1: is hyperactive or shut down. Like that's focus. So reworking trauma,

936
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,359
Speaker 1: we have to bring both parts of those brains, those

937
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,799
Speaker 1: brains together, and in order to do that, we have

938
00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 1: to start with the emotional brain. So we have to

939
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: start with all of the stuff that you're talking about.

940
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 1: And so that was a lot. Is there anything you

941
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 1: want to add? I don't know like it. I mean

942
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:12,919
Speaker 1: it is a lot, and I think it's a lot

943
00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 1: to be uh unpacked. I mean, you're exactly right. And

944
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 1: I think my personal belief um which is backed by

945
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 1: some of those science, right, is that we have to

946
00:55:23,800 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 1: be in this regulated nervous system to even be able

947
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 1: to get into that place, like if you if I

948
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:34,560
Speaker 1: go straight into the sensations or feelings, even without WI

949
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 1: or without the story attached, if it feels like I'm

950
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:41,000
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to process that, like you're just

951
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 1: too much. It's too much. Yeah, And so as you

952
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 1: were talking, I immediately started thinking about my son, who's

953
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 1: twenty two months. He's almost two, and out of all

954
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:55,600
Speaker 1: of my work, one of the biggest lessons on this

955
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:58,360
Speaker 1: stuff that I've gotten is dealing with him on a

956
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: day to day basis. So I stay with him that

957
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 1: I'm a stay at home mom for the most part,

958
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: and I'm with him all day. And if I show

959
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 1: up with him and I'm disregulated, whether I'm thinking about

960
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:15,840
Speaker 1: things not to do list or whatever, he acts out,

961
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 1: and I have that awareness enough to know. I realized

962
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 1: it one day. I was like, why is he He's

963
00:56:23,080 --> 00:56:25,359
Speaker 1: just It's like the more he acted out, the more

964
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:29,359
Speaker 1: disregulated I became. The more disregulated I became, the more

965
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 1: he was throwing fits and not wanting to like not

966
00:56:32,520 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 1: wanting any of the food I gave him or whatever

967
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: the thing is, or just it was like nothing satisfies him.

968
00:56:38,040 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 1: And so then I'm getting frustrated and like, I don't

969
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 1: know what you want from me, but what do you

970
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:45,879
Speaker 1: want me to know? You know? And he's too right,

971
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 1: they can't or what almost two, he can't articulate that.

972
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 1: He is the perfect example of just the this little

973
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:59,359
Speaker 1: um being who is only seeking pleasure. Right, He's just like,

974
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 1: it's whatever it feels good, I'm going to follow that.

975
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 1: He's just like an empty, clean slate. And so when

976
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:10,680
Speaker 1: he even without me saying, I can pretend all day

977
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 1: long that everything's okay. But if I am a disregular

978
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:17,480
Speaker 1: nervous system, he senses that and so he acts out

979
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: because he doesn't feel safe. I mean, this is a

980
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 1: kid who I mean, I guess in relation to trauma.

981
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 1: We all have trauma because we've all been born. That's

982
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:31,480
Speaker 1: a traumatic experience, right. But for the most part, he

983
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 1: is with me. I'm his like primary caregiver. He's with

984
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 1: me all the time, like all of those things. But

985
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 1: he still has that reaction. If I'm a disregulated nervous system,

986
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 1: he's acting out, he's throwing tantrums, and so it because

987
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 1: of my background and because of my knowledge, I knew

988
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 1: I had this like aha moment one day of like,

989
00:57:53,680 --> 00:57:57,959
Speaker 1: this is my this is me. He's mirroring me. He's

990
00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:02,280
Speaker 1: mirroring my nervous system, and I'm not. I'm like using

991
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,200
Speaker 1: my happy voice and playing and doing all the things

992
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 1: and trying. And then as the more I go, he

993
00:58:08,160 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: can sense it. He senses my disregulation. And so I

994
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 1: have tried really hard and always I'm trying. I'm not

995
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 1: perfect by any means. But once I catch that, if

996
00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: he's throwing a tantrum, I step back and check in

997
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 1: with my body. How can I breathe and notice and

998
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 1: my holding tension and as my face is my jaw type,

999
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,040
Speaker 1: does he sense that that something's not right with me?

1000
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 1: Can I put away my phone? You know, if I'm

1001
00:58:39,920 --> 00:58:42,560
Speaker 1: like he's playing and I'm looking at Twitter and getting

1002
00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: a old tense, you know, like whatever happening, and I

1003
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 1: he's yeah, can I just let that all go for

1004
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 1: a minute and get fully present in the moment, Because

1005
00:58:54,120 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 1: that's how he lives every moment of every day. He's

1006
00:58:56,960 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 1: just present with what is, and one pent of the

1007
00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:08,160
Speaker 1: time he becomes a happy, glowing individual at that moment

1008
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:12,800
Speaker 1: because I'm showing up for him, and his regulated nervous

1009
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 1: system regulates my nervous system. And when he is like that,

1010
00:59:16,520 --> 00:59:19,080
Speaker 1: then I calmed down and I've just I mean, it's

1011
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 1: like mind blowing and a perfect experiential process for me

1012
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,600
Speaker 1: to understand this thing. I'm trying to teach people well,

1013
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 1: and I think that might give a lot of contacts

1014
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:31,000
Speaker 1: and it make a lot of sense to people living

1015
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 1: in the world right now. The world is disregulated and

1016
00:59:35,440 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 1: when we really like define trauma. To be honest, I

1017
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:41,920
Speaker 1: don't know what the actual definition of trauma is, but

1018
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: for me, what trauma I would define it as is

1019
00:59:45,040 --> 00:59:48,080
Speaker 1: anything less than nurturing. So anything that isn't nurturing to

1020
00:59:48,160 --> 00:59:51,960
Speaker 1: you is trauma. And holy hell, there's a lot of

1021
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 1: nurturing stuff going on, especially now. And yeah, there's a

1022
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:59,880
Speaker 1: lot of people are like, I've never experienced anxiety before.

1023
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 1: Now all of a sudden, I'm going crazy or like

1024
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 1: this is happening, or right, I don't know what's going on,

1025
01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:07,120
Speaker 1: And it's like, yeah, you are looking to a world

1026
01:00:07,200 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 1: to calm you down that is disregulated. So the polyvagal theory,

1027
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:15,240
Speaker 1: which I was just talking about, that says that like

1028
01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: we mirror, like we get cues from what we're looking at.

1029
01:00:19,520 --> 01:00:21,160
Speaker 1: So if we look at somebody and they have a

1030
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 1: scowl on their face, We're gonna be like, they're mad

1031
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 1: I did something wrong, like or if we look at

1032
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:30,880
Speaker 1: somebody and they look terrified, they're scared something bad is happening.

1033
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:35,040
Speaker 1: And so everywhere we go, whether it's Twitter or Instagram

1034
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 1: or the news or whatever, it's like everything is sending

1035
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:43,840
Speaker 1: us these messages that say fight, fight or freeze. You

1036
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:46,880
Speaker 1: need to run up to space because nowhere in the

1037
01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 1: world is say like safe, or we need to totally

1038
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:53,920
Speaker 1: numb out everything because the world is unsafe and the

1039
01:00:53,960 --> 01:00:58,080
Speaker 1: only way you'll be okay is if you're not experiencing

1040
01:00:58,080 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 1: the world. When like that may be is not true, true,

1041
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 1: but it feels real, Like that feels yeah. I was

1042
01:01:08,880 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 1: just talking about this yesterday and trying really hard, like

1043
01:01:13,480 --> 01:01:17,080
Speaker 1: not to focus on being self centered, right, so, and

1044
01:01:17,920 --> 01:01:21,600
Speaker 1: I think, like, why is this happening at me? Why

1045
01:01:21,680 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 1: is this happening at me? UM? And looking at my

1046
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 1: bubble so we can come back to this idea, you know,

1047
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 1: I talked about um using our bodies as a way

1048
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 1: to be aware of our surroundings and how that can

1049
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,960
Speaker 1: help us regulate and using our five senses, and I

1050
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 1: mean I've literally that comes back to me over and

1051
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:47,720
Speaker 1: over and over again in this situation, because yeah, it's

1052
01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:50,000
Speaker 1: like you wake up in the morning and you're you

1053
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 1: don't even have to look the news is popping up

1054
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:54,920
Speaker 1: or you know, it's I turn all that off, and

1055
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:57,280
Speaker 1: then if I get on Facebook to teach my class

1056
01:01:57,360 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 1: or whatever, it's like, oh, it's in my face, like

1057
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 1: it's in my text message. Just people are, you know,

1058
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:07,600
Speaker 1: shouting their opinions. It feels like shouting even with the texting, right,

1059
01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 1: everybody had an idea of how things should be, and

1060
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:14,160
Speaker 1: so I am like, we're not okay, We're not okay.

1061
01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 1: And that's how it feels. And so I have to remember, like, Okay,

1062
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:20,160
Speaker 1: what am I seeing right now? I'm in my house,

1063
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:26,440
Speaker 1: I have food in my fridge. I'm not sick today. Um,

1064
01:02:26,720 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 1: I you know, like I can know them, like I

1065
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 1: can smell, you know, the candle or the the food

1066
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:37,360
Speaker 1: I'm cooking. I what am I tasting? Can I, you know,

1067
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:40,000
Speaker 1: taste something? Can I open peel and orange and have

1068
01:02:40,120 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 1: all of those senses? Can I feel my feet on

1069
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:46,560
Speaker 1: the ground. Can I have this like sense of gravity

1070
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,600
Speaker 1: that I'm being held and supported by the earth? You know,

1071
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 1: to get a little woo out there, but when nine

1072
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:57,280
Speaker 1: percent of the time we're okay. But it's so easy

1073
01:02:57,360 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 1: for me to get lost in my brain when you know,

1074
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 1: there's only those few times that we're experiencing grief or

1075
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 1: a major trauma or you know what we call shock trauma,

1076
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:12,040
Speaker 1: those big t traumas. Um most of the time we're safe,

1077
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:16,920
Speaker 1: like even in my community, Like I'm having to, you know,

1078
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 1: make my community smaller right now, as I think a

1079
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 1: lot of us are, and that's really hard. But being

1080
01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 1: able to just stop and okay, I can't think about

1081
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,560
Speaker 1: what does the next six months look like? How who's

1082
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 1: I don't have to solve all the world's problems, although

1083
01:03:32,160 --> 01:03:35,560
Speaker 1: I want to and have this like self centered nous

1084
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:38,480
Speaker 1: about it. You know, what are actions I can take

1085
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,320
Speaker 1: in this moment to to be make a better world

1086
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 1: or whatever, But it's so hard because it feels like, again,

1087
01:03:45,200 --> 01:03:46,800
Speaker 1: if we go back to my story, I feel like

1088
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:48,720
Speaker 1: if I could tell everybody what to do and how

1089
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:50,840
Speaker 1: to love each other and how to like you know,

1090
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 1: fix the world, and everything would be okay. But that's

1091
01:03:53,040 --> 01:03:55,360
Speaker 1: not true. That's self centeredness, and I have to like

1092
01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:58,400
Speaker 1: be present in the moment. What I think that's like

1093
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 1: goes so much back to even you saying if I

1094
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:03,360
Speaker 1: can fix all of these things, if i can get

1095
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 1: my world to look this way, then I'll be okay.

1096
01:04:06,680 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 1: Is not about right now, It's about how you had

1097
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:13,120
Speaker 1: to survive when you were younger. And so credit Bobby

1098
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 1: Chapman to this oh UM, which he was a therapist

1099
01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:23,400
Speaker 1: that worked with us. We didn't talk about this, but

1100
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:28,200
Speaker 1: Len and I actually became UM two fourths of the

1101
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:34,520
Speaker 1: Adventure team, which is basically experiential therapy outside therapy ropes,

1102
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 1: courses like I remember when you made the building, the

1103
01:04:38,000 --> 01:04:40,480
Speaker 1: team building, all that stuff, like it was it's the

1104
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:45,680
Speaker 1: fun part of rehab. But anyway, so he he's the

1105
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:48,680
Speaker 1: first time he explained it this way, because we would

1106
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:53,200
Speaker 1: do these things that were really scary, like jump off

1107
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 1: of dams or telephone poles or all these we do

1108
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:59,920
Speaker 1: these adventure what are they called, just like an experience

1109
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:03,360
Speaker 1: tool the word like directives. I don't know there was

1110
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:04,720
Speaker 1: a word for them, but I don't know what the

1111
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:07,040
Speaker 1: word was. Well it's not important, but we would do

1112
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 1: these elements. I guess maybe yeah, yeah, that's a good word.

1113
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 1: And these were we did it. It was a treatment.

1114
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:17,720
Speaker 1: I was highly focused on trauma, and so he talked

1115
01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 1: about how we would we would create feelings in in

1116
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:24,600
Speaker 1: the clients and we would bring them places where they

1117
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 1: would feel feelings that they felt during their trauma, that

1118
01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:33,760
Speaker 1: they through that experience, have attached this feeling to their trauma.

1119
01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:36,200
Speaker 1: And so every time they like, let's say the feeling

1120
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 1: it's fear. So in my trauma, I felt fear and

1121
01:05:39,080 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to die. And so when

1122
01:05:41,320 --> 01:05:44,160
Speaker 1: now those things are married, and now when I feel

1123
01:05:44,200 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 1: fear in my life, I feel like I'm going to die,

1124
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:49,840
Speaker 1: even though that's not true. And that's what you're just

1125
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 1: talking about. It's like, I'm actually safe right now. Like

1126
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:55,400
Speaker 1: my fear that I'm feeling actually has nothing to do

1127
01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:58,320
Speaker 1: with me not being safe. It can be attached to

1128
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:02,680
Speaker 1: being passionate about something or anything. And so we would

1129
01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:05,760
Speaker 1: do these elements that would evoke fear. So let's use

1130
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 1: the dam We would jump off this damn and and um.

1131
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,800
Speaker 1: When the clients would go do that, there would be

1132
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:15,280
Speaker 1: somebody sitting next to them before they would jump that

1133
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:18,400
Speaker 1: would just like either prey with them or just like

1134
01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 1: talk with them, or sometimes it would be like a

1135
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:23,640
Speaker 1: deep conversation and sometimes it would be like what did

1136
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:25,400
Speaker 1: you have for lunch today? But it wasn't just like

1137
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 1: the soothing and it was with like one of us,

1138
01:06:28,120 --> 01:06:30,440
Speaker 1: So we like they knew what this and they trusted us,

1139
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:33,040
Speaker 1: and so we were almost we were like attuning to

1140
01:06:33,120 --> 01:06:37,960
Speaker 1: them during this experience where they're feeling fear, they feel terrified,

1141
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 1: they might have the thought that they're going to die,

1142
01:06:40,520 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 1: even though they know logically in their logic brain that

1143
01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:46,560
Speaker 1: they're safe. Well, then they do this thing and they

1144
01:06:46,640 --> 01:06:49,600
Speaker 1: jump off, and then they have this experience where they

1145
01:06:49,640 --> 01:06:53,200
Speaker 1: they're like, I'm having this emotion, this fear, and it's

1146
01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 1: attached to this lovely, like wonderful, caring memory if I'm

1147
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:01,760
Speaker 1: with these people who are whole ding me and and

1148
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:05,440
Speaker 1: um keeping me safe. And so that's how you detached

1149
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 1: those stories. So, and all of our emotions live in

1150
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 1: our body, so that's where it brings in this like

1151
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 1: and so now when we have this emotion of fear

1152
01:07:14,680 --> 01:07:16,880
Speaker 1: that we feel in our body, it's like, that doesn't

1153
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:20,360
Speaker 1: have to mean we're gonna die. That might have a

1154
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:23,600
Speaker 1: good thing attached to it in our brain. And so

1155
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:26,240
Speaker 1: when you're talking about all of that that's what that

1156
01:07:26,280 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 1: makes me think about, is um just peeling apart those

1157
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:33,360
Speaker 1: like I have to fix all of this right now

1158
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:35,600
Speaker 1: because in my head, I'm attaching this to my trauma.

1159
01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 1: Even I don't know that I the world can be

1160
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:41,400
Speaker 1: out of control and I could be just fine because

1161
01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 1: I can smell this lavender oil and I have cinnamon

1162
01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 1: rolls baking in the oven. It's so true. Um, It's

1163
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:56,320
Speaker 1: just it's simple but not easy. And I you know,

1164
01:07:56,480 --> 01:08:00,640
Speaker 1: I I love thinking back on especially working on the

1165
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:04,600
Speaker 1: damn and like that idea of like people being afraid

1166
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:08,440
Speaker 1: and then getting caught, like jumping and having that moment

1167
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:10,880
Speaker 1: of oh, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, and then you get

1168
01:08:10,880 --> 01:08:12,680
Speaker 1: caught at the end of it. And so like you said,

1169
01:08:12,680 --> 01:08:17,320
Speaker 1: we hold them in attunement and and in a like

1170
01:08:17,439 --> 01:08:20,760
Speaker 1: metaphorical way and also in a very physical way. You're

1171
01:08:20,800 --> 01:08:24,000
Speaker 1: being held and supported even though you're afraid. You act

1172
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:27,320
Speaker 1: as if you're not afraid, and you jump anyways, or

1173
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:30,320
Speaker 1: act as if I'm not feeling anxiety and knowing that

1174
01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:35,080
Speaker 1: it's not really gonna kill us. And it's so hard. Yeah,

1175
01:08:35,160 --> 01:08:42,360
Speaker 1: it's it's a process, it's aces, it's a practice. It Um, Okay,

1176
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:44,400
Speaker 1: so you know that this this is going long. We

1177
01:08:44,439 --> 01:08:46,639
Speaker 1: could sit here and talk for eight hours about this,

1178
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:48,840
Speaker 1: I know, But now I feel like I've been I've

1179
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:51,599
Speaker 1: jumped all over the place. Well that's the that's part

1180
01:08:51,680 --> 01:08:53,800
Speaker 1: of how this goes. We started, so I told you

1181
01:08:53,800 --> 01:08:55,120
Speaker 1: in the beginning of this this is what I want

1182
01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:57,519
Speaker 1: to talk about. But we might be talking about god

1183
01:08:57,600 --> 01:08:59,960
Speaker 1: knows what. So I know, I feel like we spend

1184
01:09:00,000 --> 01:09:01,920
Speaker 1: it way too much time on my own personal So

1185
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:03,920
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you. I wanted you to

1186
01:09:04,200 --> 01:09:06,080
Speaker 1: I want you to come back full circle with that

1187
01:09:06,160 --> 01:09:08,679
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, you started doing this work, you started

1188
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:12,559
Speaker 1: getting into this somatic work. How did that, what happened

1189
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:14,680
Speaker 1: in you? How did that change? I think it'd be

1190
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:18,280
Speaker 1: really helpful for people to hear how like that actually

1191
01:09:18,400 --> 01:09:20,719
Speaker 1: being aware of your body and being in your body

1192
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:24,320
Speaker 1: really has helped change a lot of the way you

1193
01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:27,280
Speaker 1: live and think and breathe, because a lot of people

1194
01:09:27,280 --> 01:09:33,280
Speaker 1: are terrified to get in their body. Yeah, absolutely, I

1195
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:35,760
Speaker 1: mean the body can be a scary place if you're

1196
01:09:35,880 --> 01:09:43,000
Speaker 1: only connection to it is those extreme feelings, right, Like,

1197
01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:44,640
Speaker 1: I think that we spend a lot of time in

1198
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:48,120
Speaker 1: our heads, and it's like we only, I want to say,

1199
01:09:48,160 --> 01:09:53,240
Speaker 1: Dr Bessel Bandercote calls it the it's like a dashboard

1200
01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:56,080
Speaker 1: or a blinking system like that. It's like you only

1201
01:09:56,720 --> 01:09:59,880
Speaker 1: come into your body when you're already maxed out, right,

1202
01:10:00,240 --> 01:10:06,479
Speaker 1: like already oil. That's when you come in, right. Yeah,

1203
01:10:06,520 --> 01:10:08,439
Speaker 1: you come into your body and you're like, ow I

1204
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:11,840
Speaker 1: have pain, right, so you have an injury, ow I

1205
01:10:11,880 --> 01:10:15,200
Speaker 1: have pain or out. I don't notice that I feel

1206
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:17,759
Speaker 1: well every day. I don't notice that I feel good,

1207
01:10:17,800 --> 01:10:20,320
Speaker 1: but I sure as heck no when I feel sick

1208
01:10:20,600 --> 01:10:25,280
Speaker 1: and I don't feel good. And so if that is

1209
01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:29,400
Speaker 1: your only experience of being present with your body is

1210
01:10:29,880 --> 01:10:33,679
Speaker 1: just when it's too late and everything's popping off, then

1211
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:37,000
Speaker 1: of course you're like nope. And especially those of us

1212
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:39,920
Speaker 1: who have um trauma and anxiety to sort of like

1213
01:10:39,960 --> 01:10:42,439
Speaker 1: all those things, you don't want to be there. And

1214
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:46,680
Speaker 1: so as a somatic practitioner and or in a lot

1215
01:10:46,720 --> 01:10:49,719
Speaker 1: of somatic practices, you get to feel what it feels

1216
01:10:49,760 --> 01:10:54,960
Speaker 1: like to have ease, to have comfort to you know, uh,

1217
01:10:55,160 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 1: coming back to the somatic, we're not focusing on the

1218
01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:00,479
Speaker 1: where is it scary and terrible? We're focus see where

1219
01:11:00,479 --> 01:11:04,280
Speaker 1: does it feel safe? Yeah, resourcing, right. So I think

1220
01:11:04,320 --> 01:11:07,360
Speaker 1: that that comes back to that somatic experiential that we

1221
01:11:07,479 --> 01:11:10,679
Speaker 1: did that training, UM, which comes out of Peter Levine's

1222
01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:13,920
Speaker 1: work Somatic Experiencing, which you can feel free to do

1223
01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:17,639
Speaker 1: a google by all of this information podcast to get

1224
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:19,920
Speaker 1: into I I wanted to talk to all of them,

1225
01:11:19,960 --> 01:11:22,000
Speaker 1: but that's never gonna happen. Yeah, I think we don't

1226
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:25,280
Speaker 1: have enough time to really like fees all that out,

1227
01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:28,960
Speaker 1: But do a Google you'll be fine. Um. But the

1228
01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:31,920
Speaker 1: truth is is we go to the path of least

1229
01:11:31,960 --> 01:11:34,880
Speaker 1: resistance and feel what it feels like to be in

1230
01:11:34,920 --> 01:11:38,799
Speaker 1: our bodies and feel that sense of regulation and feel

1231
01:11:38,840 --> 01:11:44,920
Speaker 1: that sense of calm and comfort. And for me, what

1232
01:11:45,080 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 1: I learned is that it's not those external things that

1233
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:55,680
Speaker 1: those external things can be going on, And with these practices,

1234
01:11:57,040 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 1: I can be calm and I can find a sense

1235
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:04,200
Speaker 1: of peace. I don't have to go to the top

1236
01:12:04,240 --> 01:12:08,519
Speaker 1: of a mountain to meditate. It's within me. Like I

1237
01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:12,280
Speaker 1: don't have to have the perfect yoga space or yoga

1238
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:15,280
Speaker 1: room in my house with all of my meditation pillows

1239
01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:17,720
Speaker 1: and la la la la la, which if you're on

1240
01:12:17,800 --> 01:12:21,120
Speaker 1: social media you'll think you need, but you don't just

1241
01:12:21,520 --> 01:12:24,920
Speaker 1: like for me always, but it's not necessary. Yeah, it's

1242
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:28,160
Speaker 1: not necessary because it's not Again we I think in

1243
01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:31,599
Speaker 1: our culture, we're all about this external it's external motivation,

1244
01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:34,160
Speaker 1: it's external. I don't feel good, so let me go

1245
01:12:34,479 --> 01:12:37,120
Speaker 1: ask this doctor to fix my problem. And I mean

1246
01:12:37,160 --> 01:12:41,200
Speaker 1: even in psychotherapist, like something's wrong with my brain, fix

1247
01:12:41,320 --> 01:12:46,160
Speaker 1: me therapist, yeah or yeah, And it's like also I

1248
01:12:46,200 --> 01:12:48,160
Speaker 1: do obviously a lot of work with body image of

1249
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:51,200
Speaker 1: eating disorder is it's never really about what they look like.

1250
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:53,320
Speaker 1: They come in there, like I have a needing disorder.

1251
01:12:53,680 --> 01:12:55,559
Speaker 1: I have tried. I don't want to control the way

1252
01:12:55,560 --> 01:12:57,720
Speaker 1: my body looks like. And I'm like, guess what. This

1253
01:12:57,800 --> 01:12:59,519
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with what you look like. This

1254
01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:03,240
Speaker 1: is about what you think about yourself. So we're looking

1255
01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:05,120
Speaker 1: at an external. I don't want to go into my

1256
01:13:05,160 --> 01:13:07,680
Speaker 1: brain and in my body and think about what I

1257
01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:10,360
Speaker 1: think about myself and why I think that, because of

1258
01:13:10,439 --> 01:13:14,160
Speaker 1: my trauma and my experience in relationships and family. I

1259
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:16,599
Speaker 1: want this to be about what I look like like.

1260
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:23,560
Speaker 1: It's not it, No, And we're looking for the magic medicine,

1261
01:13:24,200 --> 01:13:27,400
Speaker 1: the book. Like you said, I can read all the

1262
01:13:27,479 --> 01:13:30,880
Speaker 1: things I have. I've read a lot of books. I've

1263
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:33,920
Speaker 1: you know, listen to all the podcasts and watch all

1264
01:13:33,920 --> 01:13:36,519
Speaker 1: the YouTube videos, and I know all the influencers who

1265
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:38,519
Speaker 1: are telling me that, you know, self help people are

1266
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:41,040
Speaker 1: going to tell me to do all the things. But

1267
01:13:41,240 --> 01:13:45,120
Speaker 1: until I am able to be in my body and

1268
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:48,000
Speaker 1: have the lived experience of what it feels like to

1269
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:53,560
Speaker 1: be okay, I'm never gonna feel okay. And so somatic

1270
01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:56,920
Speaker 1: movement therapy and other somatic therapies to like, they're all

1271
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,639
Speaker 1: they all have their their place, but particularly the work

1272
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:06,200
Speaker 1: I do, it's about this is your arm, and it's beautiful,

1273
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:07,840
Speaker 1: just the way it is. This is your leg, and

1274
01:14:07,880 --> 01:14:10,160
Speaker 1: it moves the way it is. And and from a

1275
01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:13,400
Speaker 1: place of comfort, what feels good? How can you move

1276
01:14:13,439 --> 01:14:17,000
Speaker 1: your body in a way that feels so good that

1277
01:14:17,160 --> 01:14:22,160
Speaker 1: these unconscious habitual patterns meld and mold and release and

1278
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:25,880
Speaker 1: and you have more patterns and more choices. I think

1279
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:29,120
Speaker 1: we get so stuck in the habits. Our brain loves

1280
01:14:29,160 --> 01:14:31,400
Speaker 1: a habit. That's why we do the same thing over

1281
01:14:31,439 --> 01:14:35,120
Speaker 1: and over and expect a different result because it's just habit,

1282
01:14:35,160 --> 01:14:38,559
Speaker 1: and it's comfortable. It's comfortable to sit and do the

1283
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:40,679
Speaker 1: things that we always do and I think it's why

1284
01:14:40,720 --> 01:14:43,799
Speaker 1: people get stuck in their patterns. It's like this worked

1285
01:14:43,800 --> 01:14:45,760
Speaker 1: for a minute, and I just kept doing it, and

1286
01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:48,599
Speaker 1: then one day it just stopped working. And so by

1287
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:52,320
Speaker 1: getting into our bodies, we're able to course correct and

1288
01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:57,480
Speaker 1: have choices. So maybe you bene Netflix one day, that's okay,

1289
01:14:57,560 --> 01:15:00,519
Speaker 1: but you don't do we don't do it every day,

1290
01:15:00,560 --> 01:15:02,840
Speaker 1: because what you're gonna learn, you're gonna be like, you're

1291
01:15:02,840 --> 01:15:04,400
Speaker 1: gonna wake up one day and be like, I don't

1292
01:15:04,439 --> 01:15:07,760
Speaker 1: feel good because those those lights have been blinking, but

1293
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:09,759
Speaker 1: you were so busy in your brain that you didn't

1294
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:13,000
Speaker 1: feel it or notice it. You didn't feel or notice

1295
01:15:13,000 --> 01:15:16,559
Speaker 1: you were in pain or or you know, you're I

1296
01:15:16,640 --> 01:15:19,760
Speaker 1: know that when I'm not practicing mindfulness, like I'll be like,

1297
01:15:19,800 --> 01:15:21,800
Speaker 1: where did this bruise come from on my arm? Because

1298
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:24,479
Speaker 1: I'm so outside of my body that I've just banged

1299
01:15:24,479 --> 01:15:27,960
Speaker 1: into something didn't even notice it. Right, And so that's

1300
01:15:28,000 --> 01:15:31,040
Speaker 1: the beauty of this work is that you can feel

1301
01:15:31,040 --> 01:15:33,320
Speaker 1: what it feels like to feel good. And I think

1302
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:36,680
Speaker 1: that those of us, by the time we feel like

1303
01:15:36,720 --> 01:15:39,679
Speaker 1: it's time to see a therapist, we're crying every day.

1304
01:15:39,720 --> 01:15:44,200
Speaker 1: We're miserable, we're in pain. Pain is a motivator, and

1305
01:15:45,479 --> 01:15:48,920
Speaker 1: so we need all of those things to help get

1306
01:15:48,960 --> 01:15:53,040
Speaker 1: us to a place of being able to say I

1307
01:15:53,160 --> 01:15:57,839
Speaker 1: need some help. But I think it's a somatic reaching

1308
01:15:57,880 --> 01:16:02,160
Speaker 1: things from a somatic person active says it's okay to

1309
01:16:02,280 --> 01:16:04,720
Speaker 1: be okay, it's okay to feel good too, because I

1310
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:06,720
Speaker 1: think we get in that trap as well, of like

1311
01:16:07,479 --> 01:16:11,160
Speaker 1: always looking for what's wrong instead of focusing on what's

1312
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:14,840
Speaker 1: right and attracting that. Yeah. Because also if you think

1313
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:17,240
Speaker 1: you come at this, for one, I love that you

1314
01:16:17,280 --> 01:16:21,400
Speaker 1: said that, because I just recently posted something about like

1315
01:16:21,600 --> 01:16:23,240
Speaker 1: there doesn't have to be something wrong with you to

1316
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:25,559
Speaker 1: go to therapy, and it's like you can go to

1317
01:16:25,640 --> 01:16:28,840
Speaker 1: therapy feeling just fine. But a lot of us don't

1318
01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:31,880
Speaker 1: want to do that because they are still trying to

1319
01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:35,000
Speaker 1: ignore the lights going off. So when they get to therapy,

1320
01:16:35,080 --> 01:16:37,880
Speaker 1: they're a hot puddle and they can't bring themselves back.

1321
01:16:38,520 --> 01:16:41,160
Speaker 1: But the other part that I was gonna say, when

1322
01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:44,200
Speaker 1: it comes to like paying attention to your body, is

1323
01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:47,120
Speaker 1: that a lot of us who have experienced or those

1324
01:16:47,160 --> 01:16:50,960
Speaker 1: who have experienced like significant like the shock trauma, when

1325
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:53,360
Speaker 1: they're not in there in their trauma and in their

1326
01:16:53,400 --> 01:16:57,000
Speaker 1: re enacting of the pain, they're in a withdraw because

1327
01:16:57,040 --> 01:16:59,479
Speaker 1: when when they're not in the pain, they're waiting for

1328
01:16:59,520 --> 01:17:04,680
Speaker 1: the pain. And so it's actually really really scary to

1329
01:17:04,800 --> 01:17:08,240
Speaker 1: actually do something different and take care of themselves and

1330
01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:10,759
Speaker 1: and and listen to the fact that the lights blinking

1331
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:13,320
Speaker 1: and to those are the people that are generally gonna

1332
01:17:13,439 --> 01:17:16,840
Speaker 1: gonna numb more. But because if I go work on

1333
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:19,519
Speaker 1: these things and I start focusing that that my legs

1334
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:24,000
Speaker 1: feel really safe for that like my back is aching

1335
01:17:24,120 --> 01:17:25,639
Speaker 1: all the time, and I don't want to pay attention

1336
01:17:25,640 --> 01:17:27,280
Speaker 1: to that, so I numb it. But when I don't

1337
01:17:27,360 --> 01:17:29,880
Speaker 1: numb out, I realized that, like my arms are really strong,

1338
01:17:30,040 --> 01:17:32,240
Speaker 1: or that like it can be even something about your

1339
01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:34,120
Speaker 1: senses of that, like when I don't numb out, I

1340
01:17:34,160 --> 01:17:38,160
Speaker 1: can like smell fresh air outside and feel like a

1341
01:17:38,200 --> 01:17:41,200
Speaker 1: cold breeze on my face that feels good. But they

1342
01:17:41,240 --> 01:17:44,439
Speaker 1: don't want to do that because if they're in those moments,

1343
01:17:44,520 --> 01:17:47,960
Speaker 1: they're withdrawing from the anxiety of waiting for another moment.

1344
01:17:48,960 --> 01:17:53,960
Speaker 1: Right only by experiencing those moments like jumping off the

1345
01:17:54,040 --> 01:17:57,640
Speaker 1: damn and experience and fear and having a new experience

1346
01:17:57,680 --> 01:18:01,160
Speaker 1: of fear that we learned that we are really more

1347
01:18:01,240 --> 01:18:07,479
Speaker 1: okay then we're not okay. Yeah, uh so okay. To

1348
01:18:07,520 --> 01:18:09,720
Speaker 1: bring this back to like, people are like, I don't

1349
01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:11,240
Speaker 1: know what the hell you guys are talking about now.

1350
01:18:11,479 --> 01:18:16,360
Speaker 1: But to bring this to like your story, how did

1351
01:18:16,640 --> 01:18:19,679
Speaker 1: how did getting in your body and you talked about

1352
01:18:19,720 --> 01:18:22,639
Speaker 1: all of the sensations around your anxiety, how did getting

1353
01:18:22,680 --> 01:18:27,479
Speaker 1: in touch with your body help you change your story? Well,

1354
01:18:27,600 --> 01:18:32,800
Speaker 1: for one thing, the more I'm the more I come

1355
01:18:32,840 --> 01:18:36,360
Speaker 1: back to my body, the more I am in touch

1356
01:18:36,439 --> 01:18:43,240
Speaker 1: with the internal version of myself. And it's for me.

1357
01:18:44,160 --> 01:18:48,240
Speaker 1: I was always on this external, like I said, external validation.

1358
01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:52,160
Speaker 1: So being in my body helped me. That's good, I'm

1359
01:18:52,200 --> 01:18:58,959
Speaker 1: running it down. Yeah, helped me to figure out that, Um,

1360
01:18:59,040 --> 01:19:01,479
Speaker 1: that's that some times my mind makes up a story

1361
01:19:01,520 --> 01:19:05,960
Speaker 1: that's not true, but my body knows the truth. It

1362
01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:10,000
Speaker 1: knows when you get into that deep sense of of

1363
01:19:11,760 --> 01:19:14,759
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's like this inner voice. I guess

1364
01:19:14,800 --> 01:19:18,120
Speaker 1: some people may call that God. Some people might call

1365
01:19:18,200 --> 01:19:22,280
Speaker 1: that just in touch with the you know, the wisdom

1366
01:19:22,320 --> 01:19:28,080
Speaker 1: of the human experience, that spiritual peace. Um. Getting in

1367
01:19:28,120 --> 01:19:32,040
Speaker 1: touch with the spiritual peace brings spiritual peace, right, UM.

1368
01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:36,360
Speaker 1: And it does. It just makes me realize that everything's

1369
01:19:36,360 --> 01:19:42,520
Speaker 1: okay and that I can have I I have self efficacy,

1370
01:19:42,760 --> 01:19:46,120
Speaker 1: I have I am confident that I can take care

1371
01:19:46,160 --> 01:19:49,680
Speaker 1: of myself. I have a sense of self responsibility that

1372
01:19:49,760 --> 01:19:52,519
Speaker 1: no matter what is going on outside of myself, even

1373
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:55,920
Speaker 1: if I if everybody left me, right, like I talked

1374
01:19:55,960 --> 01:19:58,720
Speaker 1: about that, I had this like sense of abandonment. I

1375
01:19:58,800 --> 01:20:01,240
Speaker 1: had never been abandoned, but I had that, you know,

1376
01:20:02,200 --> 01:20:05,880
Speaker 1: like the truth. That's the truth. And so I know

1377
01:20:06,320 --> 01:20:11,120
Speaker 1: I have I've told myself multiple times I'm gonna be

1378
01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:14,439
Speaker 1: okay because I'm gonna take care of myself no matter

1379
01:20:14,520 --> 01:20:19,320
Speaker 1: what happens. I can take care of myself and through

1380
01:20:19,360 --> 01:20:23,559
Speaker 1: somatic processes, I can catch myself and and through my

1381
01:20:23,640 --> 01:20:26,400
Speaker 1: therapy work with internal family systems. Right. I don't know

1382
01:20:26,400 --> 01:20:28,000
Speaker 1: if I can't remember I talked about that or not,

1383
01:20:28,439 --> 01:20:33,320
Speaker 1: but the parts I can act actually feel in my body. Oh,

1384
01:20:33,439 --> 01:20:35,840
Speaker 1: I'm not my adult self right now. I'm like seven

1385
01:20:35,920 --> 01:20:39,840
Speaker 1: year old me who's feeling afraid because she doesn't want

1386
01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:41,840
Speaker 1: to you know, X, y Z, whatever the stuff, It

1387
01:20:41,840 --> 01:20:44,000
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. But I still I feel like a child

1388
01:20:44,160 --> 01:20:47,080
Speaker 1: in this moment and cannot the adult may step forward,

1389
01:20:47,160 --> 01:20:48,519
Speaker 1: and so can I feel in my body what it

1390
01:20:48,560 --> 01:20:50,600
Speaker 1: feels like to be present in this moment and be

1391
01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:53,719
Speaker 1: an adult and say you don't have to be afraid.

1392
01:20:54,439 --> 01:20:57,559
Speaker 1: That was back then. This is now. You don't have

1393
01:20:57,600 --> 01:21:00,800
Speaker 1: to be afraid. It's okay. And it was until I

1394
01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:07,719
Speaker 1: accessed that the somatic principles of listening, witnessing my thoughts,

1395
01:21:07,880 --> 01:21:13,280
Speaker 1: witnessing my body without judgment, witnessing my relationships and giving

1396
01:21:13,400 --> 01:21:18,439
Speaker 1: creating space between an external stimuli or a trigger, whatever

1397
01:21:18,479 --> 01:21:21,719
Speaker 1: you wanna call it, and then how my body reacts,

1398
01:21:21,760 --> 01:21:25,000
Speaker 1: how my mind reacts, and then how I act out.

1399
01:21:25,800 --> 01:21:28,599
Speaker 1: And so now the more I do this work, the

1400
01:21:28,720 --> 01:21:32,080
Speaker 1: more space gets in between. And I'm not just that

1401
01:21:32,200 --> 01:21:36,599
Speaker 1: walking nerve moving around lashing out at people who trigger

1402
01:21:36,720 --> 01:21:39,759
Speaker 1: me or think situations that trigger me and acting out.

1403
01:21:40,560 --> 01:21:44,479
Speaker 1: I get to act in and ask myself what is

1404
01:21:44,520 --> 01:21:48,840
Speaker 1: the what is the best? You know this isn't about me, right,

1405
01:21:49,439 --> 01:21:53,479
Speaker 1: I don't take everything personally because I access okay this,

1406
01:21:54,240 --> 01:21:56,639
Speaker 1: I'm going to take care of myself no matter what,

1407
01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:59,479
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do what feels good for me in

1408
01:21:59,479 --> 01:22:02,280
Speaker 1: this moment it and that doesn't come from my brain.

1409
01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:08,640
Speaker 1: That comes from that deep connection to my inner self,

1410
01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:13,479
Speaker 1: that lived soma, that me consciousness well, and you are

1411
01:22:13,520 --> 01:22:16,920
Speaker 1: bringing another perspective in putting different words on something that

1412
01:22:17,720 --> 01:22:19,760
Speaker 1: I talked about with clients all the time, but we've

1413
01:22:19,760 --> 01:22:22,840
Speaker 1: talked about on the podcast before two is when you

1414
01:22:22,880 --> 01:22:25,880
Speaker 1: ask yourself, like, how old do I feel? I think

1415
01:22:25,920 --> 01:22:27,960
Speaker 1: people tint of think I'm crazy when they're like, I

1416
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:31,320
Speaker 1: feel why are you asking you that? I'm like, no, no, no,

1417
01:22:31,439 --> 01:22:34,559
Speaker 1: Like how old do you feel? Because your body is

1418
01:22:34,640 --> 01:22:37,719
Speaker 1: experiencing like you're you think that you're in the present,

1419
01:22:37,800 --> 01:22:42,240
Speaker 1: but your body is experiencing and seeing this external whatever

1420
01:22:42,720 --> 01:22:45,080
Speaker 1: as something from when you were seven years old, and

1421
01:22:45,160 --> 01:22:48,240
Speaker 1: so you are you are seven years old inside your

1422
01:22:48,240 --> 01:22:52,400
Speaker 1: body now having this reaction to this outside stimuli. But

1423
01:22:52,600 --> 01:22:55,599
Speaker 1: why don't you ask the person that is twenty five

1424
01:22:56,040 --> 01:22:58,760
Speaker 1: to come in and tell that seven year old what

1425
01:22:58,960 --> 01:23:02,519
Speaker 1: she needed to hear, because back then she might have

1426
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:06,200
Speaker 1: felt really unsafe, and maybe she was, but right now

1427
01:23:06,280 --> 01:23:08,439
Speaker 1: you are safe. So why don't you step up in

1428
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:10,519
Speaker 1: front of that seven year old or hold her hand

1429
01:23:11,000 --> 01:23:14,599
Speaker 1: or have her be present and then feel your presence too,

1430
01:23:15,040 --> 01:23:17,960
Speaker 1: and express to that little girl a little boy that

1431
01:23:18,080 --> 01:23:21,000
Speaker 1: like you're safe now, like there's nothing to be afraid

1432
01:23:21,040 --> 01:23:23,360
Speaker 1: of and I think that is I like that you

1433
01:23:23,400 --> 01:23:25,599
Speaker 1: brought that to light because we talk about that a lot,

1434
01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:28,840
Speaker 1: and a lot of people don't understand that. Like we're

1435
01:23:28,880 --> 01:23:32,639
Speaker 1: not woo woo like making shut up because we're therapists

1436
01:23:32,680 --> 01:23:34,360
Speaker 1: and we like to be weird. It's like no, like

1437
01:23:34,680 --> 01:23:37,880
Speaker 1: you're actually having your body is having experience from your past.

1438
01:23:38,320 --> 01:23:40,599
Speaker 1: It's time for you to sit in the present and

1439
01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:44,479
Speaker 1: reevaluate and re explain to yourself what's going on while

1440
01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:48,920
Speaker 1: you're attuned to somebody who's safe that too. But I

1441
01:23:48,960 --> 01:23:51,320
Speaker 1: also was gonna say, and once you have those tools

1442
01:23:51,320 --> 01:23:54,160
Speaker 1: in your tool belt, then here you are a regulate.

1443
01:23:54,320 --> 01:23:57,920
Speaker 1: You can come back to your oscillate between Okay, I'm

1444
01:23:57,920 --> 01:24:00,959
Speaker 1: in this disregulation of this seven year old version of myself.

1445
01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:04,080
Speaker 1: Can I get to a place of regulation through my tools,

1446
01:24:04,120 --> 01:24:08,400
Speaker 1: through my resources, and can I attune to this seven

1447
01:24:08,479 --> 01:24:12,120
Speaker 1: year old person and support in that vega ventral vagel

1448
01:24:12,280 --> 01:24:16,360
Speaker 1: branch of my nervous system and help reregulate, and then

1449
01:24:16,400 --> 01:24:18,880
Speaker 1: we get to integrate all that stuff and then maybe

1450
01:24:18,960 --> 01:24:22,799
Speaker 1: next time I have this trigger, I'm not gonna pop

1451
01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:26,200
Speaker 1: off and act a fool. And if you're going you're

1452
01:24:26,200 --> 01:24:30,160
Speaker 1: going everything's okay, Hey, you can do it naturally. It

1453
01:24:30,160 --> 01:24:32,360
Speaker 1: becomes something that just like you don't have to sit

1454
01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:34,479
Speaker 1: and think about, and the therapist isn't walk you through.

1455
01:24:34,800 --> 01:24:37,320
Speaker 1: You recognize because you are paying attention to your body

1456
01:24:37,640 --> 01:24:40,360
Speaker 1: and you're like, okay, this it's familiar. I know what's happening.

1457
01:24:40,560 --> 01:24:42,760
Speaker 1: That's seven year old me. Hey, hey, guess what we're

1458
01:24:42,760 --> 01:24:46,559
Speaker 1: okay exactly. I have to tell twenty one year old

1459
01:24:46,560 --> 01:24:49,479
Speaker 1: me to sit the f down all the time because

1460
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:52,840
Speaker 1: she wants to pop off, she wants to act out right.

1461
01:24:52,960 --> 01:24:55,840
Speaker 1: She's like, what are you talking about? We're fixing to

1462
01:24:56,080 --> 01:24:59,160
Speaker 1: drop everything. Who needs responsibility? Let's go to the beach.

1463
01:24:59,280 --> 01:25:01,599
Speaker 1: Like I can't tell you how many jobs I've quit

1464
01:25:01,640 --> 01:25:07,160
Speaker 1: in my life because she was driving the bush. Yeah,

1465
01:25:07,240 --> 01:25:10,519
Speaker 1: And it's so it's really like and that's what I

1466
01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:13,040
Speaker 1: mean when I say the space is somatic. It's like

1467
01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:16,880
Speaker 1: that space. It's bigger and bigger, and I'm quicker, like

1468
01:25:17,000 --> 01:25:22,160
Speaker 1: I before I actually hurt people I love and or

1469
01:25:22,520 --> 01:25:25,439
Speaker 1: mess up my life, but also people who aren't doing

1470
01:25:25,439 --> 01:25:28,800
Speaker 1: anything bad or wrong. Because when you just said that,

1471
01:25:29,000 --> 01:25:32,240
Speaker 1: we talked about attachment a lot, and we talk about me.

1472
01:25:32,400 --> 01:25:37,880
Speaker 1: I'm anxious, so I have so many experiences where I

1473
01:25:38,560 --> 01:25:40,120
Speaker 1: what I want to do is I want to end

1474
01:25:40,160 --> 01:25:42,479
Speaker 1: and I want to run away because I have an

1475
01:25:42,479 --> 01:25:45,800
Speaker 1: experience like or twenty seven year old me where like

1476
01:25:45,920 --> 01:25:48,880
Speaker 1: I was, I did get blindside and I did get

1477
01:25:48,960 --> 01:25:51,680
Speaker 1: hurt really bad, and I wasn't an unsafe relationship. And

1478
01:25:51,760 --> 01:25:54,879
Speaker 1: so any time that I have this like outward stimuli

1479
01:25:54,880 --> 01:25:57,800
Speaker 1: where I think something is off, I have to be like,

1480
01:25:58,600 --> 01:26:02,960
Speaker 1: hold up, you're first of all, you're not this isn't

1481
01:26:03,560 --> 01:26:07,840
Speaker 1: that person. This is a new person, and everything is fine.

1482
01:26:08,160 --> 01:26:10,840
Speaker 1: He they're not doing anything wrong. They're actually being very

1483
01:26:10,920 --> 01:26:14,519
Speaker 1: kind to you. But there might have been like a

1484
01:26:14,600 --> 01:26:18,439
Speaker 1: tone of voice or maybe a phrase or maybe something.

1485
01:26:18,479 --> 01:26:21,120
Speaker 1: But because I have also had that fear of abandonment,

1486
01:26:21,680 --> 01:26:24,920
Speaker 1: it's like I have to sit here and like, hey

1487
01:26:25,160 --> 01:26:29,639
Speaker 1: year old cat, you're okay. That relationship already ended. You're

1488
01:26:29,720 --> 01:26:33,360
Speaker 1: a new one now. And I said this the other

1489
01:26:33,479 --> 01:26:36,759
Speaker 1: day talking to the guy that I'm dating, and I

1490
01:26:36,840 --> 01:26:38,920
Speaker 1: gave this. I thought, I was, this is so funny,

1491
01:26:38,920 --> 01:26:41,120
Speaker 1: but I thought I had, like you get all this

1492
01:26:41,160 --> 01:26:42,960
Speaker 1: stuff out, and I was going to tell him all

1493
01:26:43,000 --> 01:26:45,400
Speaker 1: these things about and you know, I'm a therapist, so

1494
01:26:45,479 --> 01:26:48,800
Speaker 1: like I know and I explained to him, like why

1495
01:26:48,840 --> 01:26:51,479
Speaker 1: I was acting the way I was acting. I basically said, like,

1496
01:26:51,880 --> 01:26:55,000
Speaker 1: I feel like you're putting one hand out, and so

1497
01:26:55,040 --> 01:26:58,080
Speaker 1: I had my hands like stretched out with a stop sign.

1498
01:26:58,160 --> 01:26:59,599
Speaker 1: And then I was like, I feel like you're telling

1499
01:26:59,640 --> 01:27:01,559
Speaker 1: me to come here, but then you're also holding me

1500
01:27:01,600 --> 01:27:04,120
Speaker 1: out a little bit, and it's confusing because I don't

1501
01:27:04,120 --> 01:27:05,680
Speaker 1: know if I should come forward if you're trying to

1502
01:27:05,720 --> 01:27:09,439
Speaker 1: push me away, and he goes, that is not my hand,

1503
01:27:10,560 --> 01:27:15,360
Speaker 1: Like he goes, that was somebody else's hand from the

1504
01:27:15,360 --> 01:27:18,599
Speaker 1: past relationship. My hands not up. I'm sitting right here,

1505
01:27:18,840 --> 01:27:20,599
Speaker 1: asked you. I asked you to go to dinner with

1506
01:27:20,600 --> 01:27:23,439
Speaker 1: me tonight. Like I'm confused, Who's why you think that's

1507
01:27:23,439 --> 01:27:26,240
Speaker 1: my hand? And I was like, twenty six year old

1508
01:27:26,400 --> 01:27:29,599
Speaker 1: cat was just trying to explain this relationship and you're right,

1509
01:27:29,920 --> 01:27:33,640
Speaker 1: and that's not your hand. Yeah, And I'm like, and

1510
01:27:33,720 --> 01:27:36,160
Speaker 1: so that's why I think it's important one to know

1511
01:27:36,240 --> 01:27:39,320
Speaker 1: this stuff, but to continue because I'm a therapist and

1512
01:27:39,360 --> 01:27:41,680
Speaker 1: I studied this and I've known this for years, and

1513
01:27:41,760 --> 01:27:44,040
Speaker 1: I stall have to have experiences where I'm like, wait

1514
01:27:44,040 --> 01:27:48,320
Speaker 1: a second, that is not happening currently, and I need

1515
01:27:48,400 --> 01:27:51,639
Speaker 1: healthy people around me who I can attune to and

1516
01:27:51,680 --> 01:27:55,000
Speaker 1: hear and trust to remind me that, like, I'm safe.

1517
01:27:55,800 --> 01:27:59,000
Speaker 1: That old part of me not safe, but I'm pretty safe.

1518
01:27:59,760 --> 01:28:02,679
Speaker 1: That's a bully and the other thing about And even

1519
01:28:02,720 --> 01:28:04,960
Speaker 1: when people are like, oh, that's w wo that's out there,

1520
01:28:05,080 --> 01:28:09,920
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about. Like hello, This

1521
01:28:09,960 --> 01:28:11,880
Speaker 1: has been one of the most mind blowing things for

1522
01:28:11,960 --> 01:28:14,200
Speaker 1: me as I get more in tune with myself and

1523
01:28:14,240 --> 01:28:19,639
Speaker 1: my body. This is the same body. We didn't get

1524
01:28:19,640 --> 01:28:22,000
Speaker 1: a new one every year. We don't get it. It's

1525
01:28:22,439 --> 01:28:25,839
Speaker 1: I was born in this body. It grows, it changes

1526
01:28:25,960 --> 01:28:31,080
Speaker 1: and evolves, and so everything that's ever happened, it happened

1527
01:28:31,120 --> 01:28:38,400
Speaker 1: in my life, has evolved in this one body. I mean, hello,

1528
01:28:38,960 --> 01:28:41,080
Speaker 1: it's crazy when you think about it. And I got

1529
01:28:41,120 --> 01:28:45,200
Speaker 1: that little lesson from a coworker at the J. C. Penny,

1530
01:28:45,360 --> 01:28:48,240
Speaker 1: which I don't even know, Like, I mean, seriously, it

1531
01:28:48,360 --> 01:28:50,479
Speaker 1: was this woman that I worked with J C. Penny.

1532
01:28:50,560 --> 01:28:53,320
Speaker 1: She was older, and she said, you gotta take care

1533
01:28:53,320 --> 01:28:58,520
Speaker 1: of your body because you only get one. And I hadn't.

1534
01:28:58,560 --> 01:29:01,360
Speaker 1: You know, we get lost in our reins and I

1535
01:29:01,400 --> 01:29:04,599
Speaker 1: don't think we realize we only have this one and yeah,

1536
01:29:04,640 --> 01:29:06,639
Speaker 1: you can be like, so I've got to take care

1537
01:29:06,680 --> 01:29:09,400
Speaker 1: of it. But the truth is I also have to

1538
01:29:09,439 --> 01:29:12,800
Speaker 1: acknowledge that it's had a lot of experiences. It's been

1539
01:29:12,800 --> 01:29:18,439
Speaker 1: through some shot, you know, and so it's I mean,

1540
01:29:18,479 --> 01:29:20,640
Speaker 1: it's just like if you get stung by B and

1541
01:29:20,640 --> 01:29:22,920
Speaker 1: then a base warms, you react to it because your

1542
01:29:22,920 --> 01:29:24,760
Speaker 1: body has been stung by B. But it's like, for

1543
01:29:24,800 --> 01:29:27,720
Speaker 1: some reason, if my boyfriend breaks up with me and

1544
01:29:27,760 --> 01:29:30,880
Speaker 1: it's really hurtful or abusive or whatever the scenario is,

1545
01:29:31,280 --> 01:29:33,759
Speaker 1: and then I go into another relationship, it doesn't occur

1546
01:29:33,840 --> 01:29:36,439
Speaker 1: to me that I'm just reacting to that be from

1547
01:29:36,479 --> 01:29:39,720
Speaker 1: before that's on me. Yeah, that's good. Did you just

1548
01:29:39,840 --> 01:29:45,280
Speaker 1: make that up? I just made that up. Um, Okay,

1549
01:29:45,560 --> 01:29:49,000
Speaker 1: so this is again we can see her forever. But

1550
01:29:49,160 --> 01:29:51,160
Speaker 1: so what do you say? What would you suggest for

1551
01:29:51,240 --> 01:29:54,080
Speaker 1: people who are like connecting to the somatic part, who

1552
01:29:54,760 --> 01:29:57,120
Speaker 1: are in therapy and don't get any of that, or

1553
01:29:57,680 --> 01:30:00,280
Speaker 1: or just want to do something in conjunction with the

1554
01:30:00,280 --> 01:30:03,000
Speaker 1: therapy that they are doing that's being that's really helpful

1555
01:30:03,040 --> 01:30:06,920
Speaker 1: for them. What what would you say are good avenues

1556
01:30:06,960 --> 01:30:10,080
Speaker 1: to start to like look into noticing and getting into

1557
01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:14,400
Speaker 1: tune with their body and stuff more. Right. Um yeah,

1558
01:30:14,680 --> 01:30:17,439
Speaker 1: you know, I was just reading last night about how

1559
01:30:18,760 --> 01:30:23,840
Speaker 1: somatics is kind of not an easy thing to access.

1560
01:30:24,120 --> 01:30:26,640
Speaker 1: So that's one of my conundrums that I'm working with

1561
01:30:26,640 --> 01:30:29,160
Speaker 1: in my brain right now, especially as we explore all

1562
01:30:29,200 --> 01:30:33,280
Speaker 1: these technological avenues of quarantine. Right, how can we get

1563
01:30:33,360 --> 01:30:37,080
Speaker 1: this work to more people to help self regulate and

1564
01:30:37,360 --> 01:30:39,960
Speaker 1: not be something that's just a place of privilege that

1565
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:43,679
Speaker 1: you get to access these things? Right? So step one,

1566
01:30:43,920 --> 01:30:47,479
Speaker 1: like yoga is a somatic practice, and you can find

1567
01:30:47,520 --> 01:30:50,439
Speaker 1: it in a lot of ways, Like you can go

1568
01:30:50,479 --> 01:30:54,360
Speaker 1: on YouTube or Instagram or Facebook or whatever and find it.

1569
01:30:54,960 --> 01:30:59,800
Speaker 1: Um look for you know, somatic movement therapists. You can

1570
01:30:59,800 --> 01:31:05,640
Speaker 1: go to the SMETTA website that's International Somatic Movement Education

1571
01:31:05,720 --> 01:31:09,000
Speaker 1: and Therapy Association, and they have a database where you

1572
01:31:09,000 --> 01:31:12,600
Speaker 1: can type in where you are and find somatic practitioners

1573
01:31:12,640 --> 01:31:19,880
Speaker 1: in your area. Um uh, you can find somatic experiencing.

1574
01:31:20,360 --> 01:31:23,040
Speaker 1: I'm sure that they're you can do a Google. I

1575
01:31:23,080 --> 01:31:25,400
Speaker 1: think that, like what I'm hearing is the easiest number

1576
01:31:25,439 --> 01:31:29,040
Speaker 1: one way one. Ask your therapist and hopefully they'll have

1577
01:31:29,120 --> 01:31:32,080
Speaker 1: some idea what you're talking about. Hopefully they do. Um.

1578
01:31:32,160 --> 01:31:35,240
Speaker 1: If not then like yoga, go to like and there's

1579
01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:38,240
Speaker 1: a lot of trauma informed yoga too and so like,

1580
01:31:38,800 --> 01:31:41,920
Speaker 1: so try some of that and see where that takes you.

1581
01:31:42,360 --> 01:31:46,360
Speaker 1: And then who knows, maybe we'll do AU you Need

1582
01:31:46,360 --> 01:31:52,600
Speaker 1: Therapy podcast Elena Somatic intro Breathing Yoga movement. Because I

1583
01:31:52,680 --> 01:31:54,720
Speaker 1: did miss you know what song I put on the

1584
01:31:54,760 --> 01:31:58,400
Speaker 1: other day? What if a song used to play at

1585
01:31:58,400 --> 01:32:02,560
Speaker 1: the ranch all the time? Is it the Abundance song?

1586
01:32:01,960 --> 01:32:06,920
Speaker 1: The song? I was like, oh my god, I miss this.

1587
01:32:09,400 --> 01:32:14,400
Speaker 1: But yeah, and then of course, like, um, people can

1588
01:32:14,439 --> 01:32:17,320
Speaker 1: find me on social media and then just message me, right,

1589
01:32:17,400 --> 01:32:22,160
Speaker 1: so Lana Diver Um my Instagram is a Lena U

1590
01:32:22,520 --> 01:32:25,960
Speaker 1: h l A I n you h um. And then

1591
01:32:27,960 --> 01:32:30,640
Speaker 1: in the so all of that, we'll have links to

1592
01:32:30,920 --> 01:32:36,360
Speaker 1: everything and then can they do your your Facebook dance? Yeah,

1593
01:32:36,400 --> 01:32:39,120
Speaker 1: so people can message me or um. I think you

1594
01:32:39,160 --> 01:32:44,160
Speaker 1: can just search Lana Diver Dance Fitness on Facebook. And

1595
01:32:44,200 --> 01:32:47,520
Speaker 1: I teach on Tuesdays and Thursdays at five thirty that's

1596
01:32:47,760 --> 01:32:52,360
Speaker 1: uh Central time, right sore. I never know what happens,

1597
01:32:52,320 --> 01:32:55,479
Speaker 1: So what I'm in I never know. I've tried to

1598
01:32:55,520 --> 01:32:57,160
Speaker 1: be in my body, but I never know what times

1599
01:32:57,160 --> 01:33:03,280
Speaker 1: on my Okay, Well, thank you, Um, this was great

1600
01:33:04,200 --> 01:33:08,519
Speaker 1: and yeah, well okay, I'll see you soon, all right,

1601
01:33:08,720 --> 01:33:15,360
Speaker 1: bye bye. All right. So I told you guys that

1602
01:33:15,400 --> 01:33:17,439
Speaker 1: you're gonna like her and this was gonna be a

1603
01:33:17,520 --> 01:33:19,800
Speaker 1: good episode. This might be one that you took a

1604
01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:21,559
Speaker 1: couple of car rides or a couple of days to

1605
01:33:21,600 --> 01:33:24,840
Speaker 1: get through, but so worth it. Right and again, this

1606
01:33:24,920 --> 01:33:28,040
Speaker 1: is just a starting point for kind of getting to

1607
01:33:28,080 --> 01:33:30,599
Speaker 1: know about you and your body and all of the things.

1608
01:33:30,640 --> 01:33:33,720
Speaker 1: I always like to say, this is not therapy. This

1609
01:33:33,800 --> 01:33:36,800
Speaker 1: is just talking about what therapy can do. But if

1610
01:33:36,800 --> 01:33:38,519
Speaker 1: you connected with some of that and that hits some

1611
01:33:38,600 --> 01:33:42,720
Speaker 1: spots for you, call a therapist, reach out to somebody. UM.

1612
01:33:42,760 --> 01:33:44,919
Speaker 1: There are a couple of books that are really helpful

1613
01:33:45,000 --> 01:33:47,560
Speaker 1: that explain a lot of this. One Elena mentioned a

1614
01:33:47,600 --> 01:33:50,600
Speaker 1: couple of times. The Body Keeps the Score UM is

1615
01:33:50,600 --> 01:33:53,639
Speaker 1: a really good place to start. It's it's really heavy

1616
01:33:53,720 --> 01:33:55,880
Speaker 1: and it's really big. I had it. I used it

1617
01:33:55,920 --> 01:33:58,000
Speaker 1: as a textbook. It was like the book from my

1618
01:33:58,040 --> 01:34:02,520
Speaker 1: trauma class and UM grad school. So it's a pretty significant,

1619
01:34:02,520 --> 01:34:06,120
Speaker 1: heavy read, but it's full of good information. Again, you

1620
01:34:06,120 --> 01:34:08,799
Speaker 1: can reach out to Elena on Instagram. You can follow

1621
01:34:08,800 --> 01:34:13,040
Speaker 1: her on her the fitness classes on Facebook and elenaive

1622
01:34:13,200 --> 01:34:16,280
Speaker 1: Fitness and other than that. Thank you guys so much

1623
01:34:16,280 --> 01:34:20,519
Speaker 1: for tuning in. I love you right like, subscribe, comment

1624
01:34:20,840 --> 01:34:23,160
Speaker 1: all the things. If you like this episode, share it

1625
01:34:23,200 --> 01:34:26,360
Speaker 1: and tag us we want to see you. Um see

1626
01:34:26,360 --> 01:34:30,280
Speaker 1: who's listening. And other than that, have a good rest

1627
01:34:30,320 --> 01:34:32,880
Speaker 1: of your week. I will. I'll be back in two weeks.