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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Happy hump Day, my love. How

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Speaker 1: are you. I'm good, I'm good, I'm warm. I got

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Speaker 1: my skims on. Oh yeah, you look very like a

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Speaker 1: cat catwoman's today. If you guys are watching on YouTube,

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Speaker 1: check out my outfit. You also see I got my

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Speaker 1: good Mom's merch on. I also have my new good

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Speaker 1: Mom's merch on. It's our holiday drop. It's our baseball jersey.

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Speaker 1: We designed it ourselves, like everything that we drop, and

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Speaker 1: it's really cute. I got my little cleavage. Oh, come

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Speaker 1: on YouTube and check it out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: If you guys don't know, we have like really beautiful

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Speaker 1: merch that we sell on our website. Ah, we have

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Speaker 1: a website, I know, gravy we design us we.

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Speaker 2: Do and it's really high quality.

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Speaker 3: We really we just really take the time to create

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Speaker 3: things that we would want to wear and.

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Speaker 1: Not just slap our logo and shit and sell it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so make sure you check out our website. It's

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Speaker 3: in this episode description. Good Momsbad Choices dot com slash

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Speaker 3: shop to check out the merch. Lots of goodies for

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Speaker 3: the holidays. Lots of great gifts for moms.

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Speaker 2: We have our Good Mom's Love Flowers crew neck bestseller.

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Speaker 1: We have some stuff for the kids too, so make

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Speaker 1: sure you check out the merch we have for the kids.

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Speaker 1: We have our Good Kids necklace and our Bad Choices necklace.

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Speaker 1: It's really high quality gold. You know we love gold.

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Speaker 1: We do. So it's holiday season. Match with your kids

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Speaker 1: and we camped.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: Also, you guys, if you are watching this episode, we

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Speaker 1: are in a new space. And guess what, it's ours.

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Speaker 1: It's our, not Erica's moms.

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Speaker 2: I don't even think they it with Erica's moms.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well they know now now we have our own space.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: We were recording for many I don't know, maybe a

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Speaker 3: year and a half, two years in the Beauty Blunder's office.

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Speaker 1: In office and the Bloody venders.

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Speaker 3: We were having to move everything in and out of

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Speaker 3: the room every fucking time.

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Speaker 2: And now we don't have.

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Speaker 1: To shit because we bought this couch.

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Speaker 2: We bought this couch. This is good, good media.

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Speaker 3: So if you are in the LA area and want

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Speaker 3: to record a podcast, want to record voiceover, a little

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Speaker 3: photo shoot, just looking for a space, then make sure

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Speaker 3: you go follow our Instagram at good underscore Good Media.

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Speaker 2: And that's also in this episode description because we are

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Speaker 2: podcast experts.

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Speaker 1: How we are podcasts experts, and we are offering our

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Speaker 1: expertise alongside our high production quality, alongside our personal videographers

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Speaker 1: slash photographer who shoots all of our bomb ass shit,

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Speaker 1: and he too can shoot your shit. You can even

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Speaker 1: create a clip, you can have a headshet. I will

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Speaker 1: personally write you a bio. Whatever you need, we got it.

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Speaker 1: So check out good Good Media. God damn good good media.

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Speaker 2: God damn good good media. Goddamn. That's gonna be the commercial.

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Speaker 1: So good it makes you want to slap your mom.

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Speaker 1: How are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm good. Same.

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Speaker 1: We have a special guest today. I know YouTube you

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Speaker 1: hate when we ignore our guests, but guess what, bitches,

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Speaker 1: We're a podcast, so this is the run of show,

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Speaker 1: but we do. We have a very special guest today.

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Speaker 1: I'm very excited to have our dear friend and love

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Speaker 1: and marriage black therapist Max Stanley the Mac, the therapist and

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Speaker 1: co host of My Man's podcast Menage Mind here with

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Speaker 1: us today. Thank you so much for joining us on

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Speaker 1: the show. I'm really excited to have you this month.

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Speaker 1: This month, I really trying to dive into the power

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Speaker 1: of different different things. Vulnerability. We had Jamel hill on

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Speaker 1: last week.

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Speaker 2: This week we're talking about therapy.

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Speaker 1: We love therapy.

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Speaker 3: If you guys didn't know, we do, I mean, I've

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Speaker 3: you know, I was thinking about therapy the other day

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Speaker 3: because I was like, when did I My entry into

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Speaker 3: therapy was actually in high school and I didn't even

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Speaker 3: realize I was going. I mean, I kind of knew

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Speaker 3: I was going in therapy, but like I was going

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Speaker 3: to therapy to really get out of class. But when

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Speaker 3: I went to when I went to high school, like

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Speaker 3: you know, you have to meet with the counselor, at

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Speaker 3: least in my school, you have to move with the counselor.

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Speaker 3: All the students moved the counselor, and I told her

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Speaker 3: that my parents weren't together and that like I really

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Speaker 3: didn't like know my dad, and at that point in

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Speaker 3: my life, anytime I would talk about my dad, I

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Speaker 3: would cry. Yeah, and probably that's probably what happened. I

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Speaker 3: probably cried like day one of school about my dad.

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Speaker 3: And so they developed these like I didn't. I don't

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Speaker 3: know even know how many different groups they had, but

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Speaker 3: they had a group specifically for children whose parents were

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Speaker 3: either going through divorce or were no longer together. And

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Speaker 3: so when I found out I was part of this group,

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Speaker 3: I was like, that's weird. But also I get out

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Speaker 3: of class once a week for an hour to go

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Speaker 3: talk in the church. We're in some sort of weird

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Speaker 3: like nun chapel or something. But it was actually really

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Speaker 3: it ended up being really healing and helpful for me

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Speaker 3: to just kind of talk it out. And I did

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Speaker 3: it actually all four years of high school.

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Speaker 1: You're like, I'm gonna get out of class. Got damn.

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Speaker 3: I was like, my parents are still not together. So

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Speaker 3: that was actually my entry into therapy. So maybe that's

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Speaker 3: why I guess traditional therapy never really I was never

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Speaker 3: scared of it. I know a lot of people are like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know, Yeah, I know if Jamila like kind

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Speaker 3: of resisted for a while for a long while, no

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Speaker 3: you think.

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Speaker 1: So, yeah, I just you know, I didn't really resist.

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Speaker 1: And more so that I thought that, like no.

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Speaker 3: You literally would say, I don't know, I'm really reasonable,

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Speaker 3: like I know how to like, I'm like i know

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Speaker 3: when I'm fucking up my my part.

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Speaker 4: I may add, you would purposely fuck up.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah, I mean not in purposely. I

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Speaker 1: would just like I knew I was fucking up, but

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Speaker 1: also like I knew there was issues, but I was

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Speaker 1: just like, I'm gonna get to them when it's time.

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Speaker 1: I was I was doing shit with the knowledge that

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Speaker 1: I could be doing better things and that I was

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Speaker 1: probably doing because there was some other deeper roots, but

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Speaker 1: at the time I wasn't really ready to address those roots.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, I when I'm ready to move

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Speaker 1: up out of this, I will. But my first, my

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Speaker 1: first encounter with like professional real therapy was in my

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Speaker 1: relationship with my baby daddy. I was just like willing

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Speaker 1: to try anything all all things, and I really just

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Speaker 1: wanted someone to tell him that he was wrong. I get,

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Speaker 1: I mean, and I was right, like I should have

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Speaker 1: been a therapist. If I had to wherewithal to go

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Speaker 1: to school very long, I could have done it. Because

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Speaker 1: the one time I got a solo session, I was like,

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Speaker 1: so I just say, she was like, you're right. Everything

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Speaker 1: he said right. I was like, I know, Okay, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna move on now. And that's what happened. But now,

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Speaker 1: because Erica did tell me over and over and over

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Speaker 1: and over again, I think you probably should call the therapists.

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Speaker 1: Now I finally broke down and I did call the therapists,

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Speaker 1: and I was supposed to go for a year straight.

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Speaker 1: That was my plan. I think I made it like

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Speaker 1: eight months consistently. I need to call her again, but

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Speaker 1: we've been moving around a lot, and also I feel

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Speaker 1: like it helped tremendously. And then I went for eight months.

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Speaker 1: And then when I got a relationship with Orlando, he

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Speaker 1: was like, do you want to get married? I was like,

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Speaker 1: I do, but you have to go to therapy consistently

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Speaker 1: for a year in order for that to be an option,

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Speaker 1: and then he resisted, but then he went. So I

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Speaker 1: believe in therapy, talk therapy, but also I also believe

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Speaker 1: in alternative methods of therapy, like doing mushrooms and Mollie

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Speaker 1: and yoga, yoga, streaming, going retreats, going out into nature,

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Speaker 1: and like being naked and during cartwheels. Those are also

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Speaker 1: forms of therapy for me. Also, LSD.

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Speaker 2: Mac, how did you get into therapy or like, what

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Speaker 2: was your experience.

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Speaker 3: In therapy were you? Did you go to therapy as

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Speaker 3: a young man.

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Speaker 4: Or as I actually did not go to therapy until

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Speaker 4: I became a therapist because I have this theory that

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Speaker 4: most therapists go into this field looking to find certain

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Speaker 4: things about themselves that they need to address. Right, So

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Speaker 4: for me, I like to say, therapy chose me because

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Speaker 4: I never never was planning on being a therapist. I

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Speaker 4: just like psychology, and I kept on following that until

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Speaker 4: one der else, So, oh, you're a therapist. Oh so

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Speaker 4: what now what do I do? Because the whole time

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Speaker 4: I was trying to get an understanding of women. That's

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Speaker 4: why psychology was so intriguing to me, Like why do

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Speaker 4: we act the way that we do? What do women

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Speaker 4: think about? What's the best way to approach them? All

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Speaker 4: of high school and college. I was trying to we're.

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Speaker 2: Trying to get host, We're trying to get host mad.

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Speaker 1: I was trying to say that he became say.

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Speaker 2: That that was a very expensive ploy.

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Speaker 4: But then I met my girl early on at the

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Speaker 4: age of twenty, and we've been to you for like

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Speaker 4: ten years, so technically I didn't get to really live

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Speaker 4: on my prime. Do you I'm thirty to thirty one,

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Speaker 4: thirty one, yes, your birthday August ten, I'm Malia with

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Speaker 4: the best.

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Speaker 1: So you've been with your wife for.

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Speaker 4: Ten years, ten years, ten years strong.

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Speaker 2: You just said you'd feel like you didn't get to

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Speaker 2: live out your.

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Speaker 4: Prime, meaning you know, as young men like, we have

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Speaker 4: this idea that, yeah, at a young age, you want

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Speaker 4: to just go around and date and and and et cetera.

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Speaker 4: But for me, I had met her, I fell for her,

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Speaker 4: but I sucked at relationships. I didn't know how to communicate.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know how to be vulnerable and being honest.

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Speaker 4: I never learned how to be in a relationship. So

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Speaker 4: I went around me and I'm talking to my mentors,

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Speaker 4: all the men around me, Yo, how do I fix this?

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Speaker 4: What's the knowledge? No one had it? Nobody, So I said, Okay, cool,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna go find it.

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Speaker 1: Is that what made you venture into couple's therapy specifically

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Speaker 1: because you needed the tools in your own relationship.

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Speaker 4: I needed to fix my relationship, so I went to

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Speaker 4: look for the answers, and now I get to provide

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Speaker 4: it to everybody else.

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Speaker 1: Well that's a that's a good method. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: think men have such a difficult time being vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: just accessing they're accessing their emotions to like verbalize it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I share in this Sometimes I can communicate,

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Speaker 1: but sometimes I don't want to, so I get it.

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Speaker 1: But men really just like don't have any space for it.

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Speaker 1: And I find that even in their close friends, Like

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Speaker 1: you said, you asked around and no one had the answers.

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Speaker 1: I feel like men don't ask and then like they

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Speaker 1: don't have friends, don't feel comfortable to check other men

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Speaker 1: like your fucking up or this is this is what

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Speaker 1: I did, Like what do you think that's about?

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Speaker 4: I disagree with what I disagree because I do think

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Speaker 4: that us men, like we'll go to each other and

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Speaker 4: we'll talk about certain things. It's just that the answers

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Speaker 4: we're looking for, like we're not getting them in the

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Speaker 4: traditional way. Right. You would see men like I'm taking

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Speaker 4: you out because i noticed that your mood is down,

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Speaker 4: but I'm not going to say that you might be

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Speaker 4: going through it through a depressive state or anything like that.

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Speaker 4: But I'll engage in activities that can help you increase

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Speaker 4: your mood. And in terms of relationships, I do think

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Speaker 4: that men do a very poor job of holding each

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Speaker 4: other accountable. But that's because of guy code, right, Like

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Speaker 4: they could do some dirt and were aware of it,

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Speaker 4: but due to this concept of guy code. I'm gonna

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Speaker 4: just tell you just do not get caught. Hmm, all right,

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Speaker 4: versus saying, bro, you should not be doing this or

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Speaker 4: it's that.

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Speaker 1: What are like? What are guy codes?

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Speaker 2: I mean?

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Speaker 3: Besides that, Like I'm curious to know because I mean,

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Speaker 3: I think women know a few of them, but like,

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Speaker 3: what are what are actual guy codes? And what is

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Speaker 3: the reason behind them? Is it because you just don't

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Speaker 3: want to look like a bit chazz nigga?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 2: Is that what it is?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: You want to look like you're not supposed to get

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Speaker 2: another man's business?

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Speaker 4: That too, I think it's it's a social construct that

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Speaker 4: was created created by men for men to protect each other.

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Speaker 4: The whole dating game was never created for women to succeed,

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Speaker 4: hence why men have always been the oppressor, the aggressor, right, So,

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Speaker 4: I think that social construct was also developed to ensure

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Speaker 4: that certain things can happen, but if it happens between us,

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Speaker 4: it's okay. For for a long time in society, men

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Speaker 4: were allowed to do whatever they wanted because women didn't

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Speaker 4: have the financial capabilities that they do now, So it

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Speaker 4: was accepted. Because I needed my husband to sign for

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Speaker 4: a car, I needed my husband to go to the

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Speaker 4: doctor's office. But nowadays that has changed. So the field

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Speaker 4: is more level now, and I would say that us

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Speaker 4: men are some of us like we do a very

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Speaker 4: great job of holding each other accountable. Now conversations around

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Speaker 4: me are changing. If I'm somewhere the toxic convos is

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Speaker 4: not taking place, I will label it or call it out.

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Speaker 4: I don't care how you feel about it, but we're

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Speaker 4: going to address it in a loving manner. So the

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Speaker 4: tie to some degree is changing.

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Speaker 3: Do you think that that's because of the people, like

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Speaker 3: the company that you keep or is that just an

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Speaker 3: everyday conversation with like men that you meet out and about.

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Speaker 4: I think the tag therapist nowadays earns me a certain

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Speaker 4: respect and allows me to be comfortable to challenge certain

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Speaker 4: things that are being stated. Like in the locker rooms.

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Speaker 4: You can't do that. Now. You can't say that I

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Speaker 4: walk into a barbershop or men, the therapist is here, yo,

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Speaker 4: I need help right wherever we go. Now there's more

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Speaker 4: men seeking assistance because, for one, they know that, oh,

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Speaker 4: I can actually do better. And since there's more black

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Speaker 4: male therapists, they can understand me and they can see

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Speaker 4: me for who I really am. So the biggest issue

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Speaker 4: to black men going to therapy is the lack of

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Speaker 4: therapists available. There's only four percent of therapists that are black,

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Speaker 4: only one percent that are black mail, right, so we

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Speaker 4: cannot meet the men as of yet.

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Speaker 3: Do you think that that's because well, I mean, I

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Speaker 3: guess just this the taboo around therapy in general. So

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Speaker 3: like most black men are not going to go into

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Speaker 3: that field, Like there's like, why would I go into

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Speaker 3: a field that I don't even I don't.

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Speaker 2: Even want to participate in?

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Speaker 4: I agree one because.

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Speaker 3: Like I've had a lot of I've had different men

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Speaker 3: approach me or asked me like do you know black therapists?

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Speaker 3: And I know black female therapists, even those are hard

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Speaker 3: hard to come by as well, but a black mail therapist,

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Speaker 3: like I think I found one and he was really old,

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Speaker 3: like I it was really I hadn't I had no

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Speaker 3: real resources to give.

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Speaker 4: And also, like it has been said that the therapeutic

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Speaker 4: field don't pay, so a lot of men that are

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Speaker 4: grow that are growing up and hearing that based on

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Speaker 4: societal conditioning, a man is supposed to be the earner.

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Speaker 4: So why would I enter a field where I'm told

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Speaker 4: we don't make money, right, we're making fifty k a

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Speaker 4: year or et cetera. I'm here to tell you that's

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Speaker 4: not true.

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Speaker 2: I was gonna say, because.

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Speaker 4: Therapy, that's true.

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Speaker 1: First of all, I read my numbers in my therapist

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Speaker 1: as your therapist bekking I know for hour.

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Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, it's changing now, and that might be

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Speaker 4: due to the demand of therapy and the representation of

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Speaker 4: it as well, and also like therapy is needed.

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Speaker 1: I feel like men don't go to therapy because they

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Speaker 1: just have like bigger egos and they generally think that

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Speaker 1: they can solve their own problems or that they have none,

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Speaker 1: and they're like just like a little bit less likely

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Speaker 1: to be like I'm going to do the shadow work

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Speaker 1: and go back to my childhood. It's not like first

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Speaker 1: on their list. How do you even deal with that?

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Speaker 1: Like the just the belief that they don't need it,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't need that shit. I'm good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, very curious about that.

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Speaker 4: I get that all the time, very curious about that.

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Speaker 4: The wife calls me, Hey, we need couple therapy, but

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Speaker 4: he doesn't want to show up. What do I do?

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Speaker 4: Get him in for the first session? Then, as the therapist,

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Speaker 4: it is my job to engage everybody that's in front

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Speaker 4: of me. By session five, ninety percent of males are

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Speaker 4: crying in session that's a fact. It's the first time

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Speaker 4: they get a space where they could really express themselves

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Speaker 4: how they really feel. Also gain the language, the vocabulary

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Speaker 4: to say I'm feeling blank. That's where most men get stuck.

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Speaker 4: I feel blank. Now you're bring out the feeling chart,

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Speaker 4: Hey brother, how do you really feel? And they're seeing

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Speaker 4: their feelings in a word for the first time ever.

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Speaker 4: Because men are comfortable with three emotions, anger, sadness, and happiness,

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Speaker 4: women have millions of emotions. That's why a man will

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Speaker 4: only listen for two point five seconds before moving to

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Speaker 4: problem solving. Because if you're complaining about something an emotion

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Speaker 4: that I'm uncomfortable with, my mind directly goes, Okay, how

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Speaker 4: can I solve this as quickly as possible so I

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Speaker 4: don't have to sit in that discomfort that I'm experiencing now.

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Speaker 4: So by session five, we're having the uncomfortable conversations that

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Speaker 4: most couples tend to avoid. The man is voicing how

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Speaker 4: he really feels, and I'm also coaching the partner on

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Speaker 4: how to properly respond to a man, respond to a

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Speaker 4: man expressing themselves. That's a missing piece.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. I know that

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Speaker 3: I fail at that all the time. I've been single

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Speaker 3: for five years. I have mostly dealt with women and

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Speaker 3: the way that we communicate. So then having a man

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Speaker 3: enter my space and having to communicate with him in

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Speaker 3: another way, it feels like pulling teeth. And I was

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Speaker 3: having this conversation with my trainer that sounds so Hollywood.

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Speaker 2: Matrena shout out to six Pac City.

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Speaker 3: I love that man, and he he's kind of like

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Speaker 3: a he's not a therapist, but he be coaching both

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Speaker 3: of most of his clients are women, and he's super

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Speaker 3: intelligent and coaching us. And I was telling him about

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Speaker 3: a situation that was happening with my partner, and he

360
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Speaker 3: was saying, you know, a lot of times women fuck

361
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Speaker 3: up because they don't realize that how they can disarm men.

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Speaker 3: They can disarm you. You can disarm us with your

363
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Speaker 3: sensuality and your sexuality, but you always go to aggression.

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Speaker 2: You always go to.

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Speaker 3: You're not doing this, this, this, and this, and instead

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Speaker 3: it's like if you basically prop your man up, make

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Speaker 3: them feel like a king, tell them all the things

368
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Speaker 3: they are doing right more consistently than that they're doing wrong.

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Speaker 3: That when they actually do something wrong, you really don't

370
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Speaker 3: have to do much to make them understand. It's really

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Speaker 3: a matter of just saying, like that really disappointed me. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And that would be like crushing for them because you've

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Speaker 3: done so much to make them feel like on this

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Speaker 3: I guess essentially on this pedestal, whereas women a lot

375
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Speaker 3: of times were like, you didn't do this, you didn't

376
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Speaker 3: take out the trash, you didn't do this, and they're like, well, shit,

377
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Speaker 3: I'm already not doing all this shit anyway, I might

378
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Speaker 3: as well just keep doing what I'm not doing.

379
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Speaker 4: A lot of men feel invisible in their relationships. It's

380
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Speaker 4: like they're not seeing what they do is not being

381
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Speaker 4: recognized or celebrated. And you set a key term.

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Speaker 1: God, I was just telling you to pull back a

383
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Speaker 1: little bit.

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Speaker 4: Sorry. Yeah. So there's a racial five to one for

385
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Speaker 4: every negative thing you say or do in a relationship,

386
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Speaker 4: you need five positive things just to counter that one thing. Right, So,

387
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Speaker 4: our brains job is to remember what hurt us so

388
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Speaker 4: it can protect us in a relationship. Our brain does

389
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Speaker 4: a very good job of noticing everything that our partner.

390
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Speaker 1: Do wrong, keeping the score exactly.

391
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Speaker 4: So now we need to retrain ourselves to also focus

392
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Speaker 4: on what are the positive things that they're actually doing

393
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Speaker 4: and labeling that more on a five to one ratio

394
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Speaker 4: at all times. So think of your relationship as an

395
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Speaker 4: emotional bank account. Are you making deposits or you're making withdrawals.

396
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Speaker 4: The more deposits you have when it's time to have

397
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Speaker 4: a conflict, it's not going to be that bad because

398
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Speaker 4: you have a long leeway due to the deposits. But

399
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,320
Speaker 4: if the bank account is overdrawn, any small fight feels

400
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Speaker 4: like a big deal cheat code.

401
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Speaker 1: M Yeah. I think also, like even for me, it's

402
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Speaker 1: hard for me to do to use words of affirmation

403
00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 1: because I didn't receive that a lot as a child.

404
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Speaker 1: So it's like it's like I can think kind thing.

405
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Speaker 1: It makes me selling a bit, but it's hard for

406
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Speaker 1: me to constantly affirm because I'm not used to that

407
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,160
Speaker 1: type of communication. And yes, I like hearing it and

408
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,280
Speaker 1: receiving it and it feels good, but sometimes it's hard

409
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Speaker 1: for me to be like to have a vocabulary even

410
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: for that, like you so I love you. That's like

411
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 1: I love you. That's like you don't know that I

412
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 1: love you, instead of like you're so smart, or you're

413
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 1: like doing this so you do really good at this,

414
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Speaker 1: or like even with my child, I realize like I'm

415
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Speaker 1: just assuming that she knows that she's great. But I've

416
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Speaker 1: had to really work on using my language and use

417
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Speaker 1: my words to affirm and make people feel good because

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Speaker 1: it's just it hasn't it's not my necessarily in my

419
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Speaker 1: nature because I haven't been I haven't been raised that way.

420
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Speaker 1: So it's like communication is a big fucking deal. And

421
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Speaker 1: I know, like even for me it's difficult, So for men,

422
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Speaker 1: I can only imagine how difficult it is. Yeah, I

423
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Speaker 1: know that you primarily have a couple like marriage and

424
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Speaker 1: couple clients. What do you in their primarily black couples? Yes,

425
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Speaker 1: what do you? What would you say, like your top

426
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 1: two issues that you get? Like, what are when people

427
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 1: come to you? What are the top two or three

428
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 1: things that are usually the prime issues at hand in relationships?

429
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Speaker 4: You're ready for this. So my specialty is in fidelity

430
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 4: of recovery. And the second most issue that nowadays that

431
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Speaker 4: most couples are coming to me with is porn addiction

432
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 4: after transitioning from being a parent, from being a couple

433
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Speaker 4: to a parent.

434
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Speaker 1: Wait, so the first one.

435
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,640
Speaker 4: Is in fidelity recovery. He or she cheated and they

436
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 4: want to make their relationship.

437
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,880
Speaker 1: Are the men or the women primarily cheating? More?

438
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:41,200
Speaker 4: I get both. It's even, it's even okay.

439
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: And then the second one is poorn addiction after post baby. Yes,

440
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: so they were so they were addicted to porn before.

441
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 1: The addicted woman isn't giving them any pussy. Correct, they

442
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: develop a porn addiction, and then now the wife is upset, Yes.

443
00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 4: Because they're not performing well in bed, right, they're not

444
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,040
Speaker 4: seeking intimacy at all? Right, why go and try to

445
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 4: get laid when I could just go over there after

446
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 4: for five minutes, have millions of choices and get that

447
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 4: done with.

448
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, men and women are different in that.

449
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 3: And also the woman's body has changed and her needs

450
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 3: of change and the access he has to her has changed.

451
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 4: She's tired, the kids are you're not sleeping.

452
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: Well and irritable, your hormones are off. You're expecting more

453
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,680
Speaker 1: from your partner and he doesn't really know maybe how

454
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: to provide that, or.

455
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,679
Speaker 4: He don't want to burden you by asking you for

456
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 4: intimacy when you just had a long day, Like it's

457
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 4: unfair for him to come be like, hey, so let's

458
00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 4: have sex now when you finally get the chance to sleep.

459
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 1: I remember the like this one particular moment after I

460
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 1: gave birth, probably like six eight weeks after I gave birth,

461
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 1: and I was like holding the baby and I was

462
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 1: like on edge and my baby daddy asked me for

463
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 1: like some head, and I was like.

464
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 4: How dare you?

465
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: I literally wanted to shoot him, Like I never felt

466
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: so violent against some of my Yeah.

467
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,360
Speaker 3: I remembered like trying to just he would come home

468
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 3: late and like come and like try to cuddle me,

469
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 3: and I would just try to act like I was

470
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 3: like I don't make one move. If I just don't

471
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 3: even breathe, he'll know like no, no, and he'll get

472
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:21,399
Speaker 3: the picture.

473
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 4: And I was like, and that feeling can last up

474
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 4: to three years.

475
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: It did?

476
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: It did?

477
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 1: I did.

478
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 2: I was like unhorny when I was pregnant.

479
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 1: I was unhorny during pregnancy after after a pregnancy. And

480
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 1: I mean, granted, there was a multiple of things happening.

481
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: Obviously it was a new mother, and there were things

482
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: happening in our relationship. But it was just like I

483
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: was concerned for my own self though. I was like,

484
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: and what's wrong with me?

485
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 3: Like I because I would look at him and I'd

486
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 3: be attracted to him, but I'd have no desire.

487
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 4: Did you breastfeed?

488
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 2: Not very very long? Not very long, only three months?

489
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: That was that was my thing. I brested for a

490
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: long time. But in that moment when he asked me

491
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: for something I literally had, I already felt like my

492
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 1: body was not mine. I felt like I had just

493
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 1: gone through this crazy process and that now and I

494
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: just I did. I felt like a cow. I was

495
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 1: like not like physically, but just like I was a

496
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 1: giving tree, like a giving well and like him asking

497
00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: me for something else, I literally had this like doom,

498
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 1: a moment of like my whole existence now is to

499
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 1: give me to other people.

500
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 4: Correct, And that's when and fidelity tend tend to start.

501
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 1: That's like the worst time of all time to ever cheat,

502
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 1: Like cheating on a bit you just had a baby

503
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:35,439
Speaker 1: is like, I'm pretty sure there's domestic violence that like

504
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,400
Speaker 1: that's happened significantly both of those because of.

505
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 4: That, Yeah, because they're not having sex, he feels like

506
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 4: his needs is not being met. She feels like as

507
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 4: a mom, she's doing everything, and on his side, he

508
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 4: feels like he's doing everything else. But no one is

509
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 4: giving each other any recognition, any grace, and any positive affirmation. Right,

510
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 4: And what most men need to realize is that in

511
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 4: order to continue that intimacy, you have to be able

512
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 4: to help her move away from being a mom. If

513
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,960
Speaker 4: the child is around, she's in mom mode. She's not

514
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:08,800
Speaker 4: your woman.

515
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,440
Speaker 2: Removing that she can remove the kid.

516
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: But you know what I find too, which this has

517
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,920
Speaker 1: been like super appalling for me, Like, I mean, I'm

518
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 1: sure everybody has this, like when we're when you're around

519
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 1: people and they say things and you're like, wow, this

520
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: is really how people think. But you know, we went

521
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: on this terrible fucking show one time and the men

522
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,439
Speaker 1: I'll never forget, like we mentioned that we wanted to

523
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 1: be happy. We were like, well we became single moms

524
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: because we weren't happy, and they like they they were like.

525
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 2: You're not supposed to be Like basically you're supposed to

526
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 2: suck it up.

527
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,120
Speaker 1: You made the choice, like, as a mother, our role

528
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 1: is to be selfless and to sacrifice, and like you're

529
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 1: not going to be happy all the time, and obviously

530
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 1: this is life like happiness is not going to be

531
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 1: all the time, but basically like live in it, sit

532
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 1: in it, and like be happy. The word the term

533
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: that was was like were you getting beat? And like

534
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: if you're not being beat and you're being taken care

535
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 1: of and like your basic needs are met like food

536
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,800
Speaker 1: and water, like and you've chosen to be a mother,

537
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 1: then that's all you're like deserving. And I couldn't I

538
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 1: was trying to articulate like how crazy this statement was,

539
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: and they were literally looking at me like I was

540
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 1: the dumbest bitch alive. And it dawned on me like

541
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 1: a lot of men feel this way. And even in

542
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 1: comments like this is a terrible reflection, but an accurate

543
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 1: reflection of the world. All the comments on the Shade

544
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,239
Speaker 1: Room and other big like black outlets when they were

545
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 1: talking about single mothers even had we had a Rolling

546
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: Stone article come out recently on Rolling Stone and the

547
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 1: title of the article is like, I don't know, like

548
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: black like making bringing black motherhood to the mainstream, bringing

549
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 1: black motherhood to this mainstream. In the opening couple opening sentence,

550
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 1: it's something about celebrating single motherhood instead of it being

551
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: this you know, dire hardship to you know place where

552
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 1: it's been you know significantly in media, if you're a

553
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: black single mom, you're fucking struggling, You're a welfare you're

554
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:14,880
Speaker 1: tele a Perry movie getting beat. But like, fuck, I'm high.

555
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: What I was gonna say? Oh so I Orlando showed

556
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 1: me the tweets, and some of the tweets were like

557
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 1: this is the reason, Like this is the problem with

558
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,880
Speaker 1: the black family, Like women don't feel like they need

559
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: the men. Women are celebrating single motherhood. That's the problem

560
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,719
Speaker 1: with the dynamic. And it was just like it's so crazy.

561
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 2: Hop you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

562
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 2: Basically is what it is.

563
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: Right, Like women are really really we're really programmed to

564
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,240
Speaker 1: feel like we have to figure it out. We have

565
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 1: to make the relationship work. We have to like and

566
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: if you have a baby and then you have a

567
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 1: you know you and it doesn't work, it's on you.

568
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: You fucked it up. And I just like there's no

569
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: accountability on both sides. And my question for you is

570
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: do would you recommend people orbs that are thinking about

571
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 1: having kids just like pre marital therapy, have pre pre

572
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: like pre natal therapy.

573
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 4: Well, like, you can prepare for a child, but let's

574
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 4: be honest, until you're out there with them, you really

575
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 4: don't know. I under two highly do not recommend, do

576
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 4: not recommend, do not do, do not do it to yourself.

577
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 4: And everybody's asking me, are you're going to have a

578
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 4: third I'm like, hell no, I finally got my wife back.

579
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 1: Oh they're both like, how old are your kids?

580
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 4: Two point five? And I don't one? Just just turn one?

581
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 4: Like last week, I finally is getting my wife back.

582
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 4: We're finally going on a lustication next week.

583
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 1: What is a lustication?

584
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 4: Lustication?

585
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: You're just gonna do lusty shit on vacation.

586
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 4: Shiit twenty four seven Fashion over card looking crazy right now?

587
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,440
Speaker 4: The game ten years in the game. You gotta find

588
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 4: ways to keep it funky and to keep it sexy.

589
00:29:56,200 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 4: But again, what you said is very meaningful because most

590
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 4: men tend to benefit from being in a relationship compared

591
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,680
Speaker 4: to women. If a man is in a healthy, long

592
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 4: lasting relationships, his life spent increase for up to six years.

593
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 4: He's less likely to have a mental health issue or

594
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 4: physical health issue.

595
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: Without a partner with a partner, he's more likely to

596
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: not have those, He's.

597
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 4: Less likely to have that because you guys, hey go

598
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 4: to the doctor. Hey you got to eat.

599
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 2: Because women are nurturing men.

600
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 4: Correct, we tend to do better financially, right, because we're

601
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 4: not out there going on days, going on this buying unnecessary.

602
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: I can't for you to tell me what happens to women.

603
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 1: We dive faster. I'm dying faster. This is a good question.

604
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 4: I don't have the data.

605
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:44,840
Speaker 1: Data.

606
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, but the reason why most men tend to not

607
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 4: favor women that are taking ownership of their lives and

608
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 4: choosing not to be in unhealthy relationships is because it

609
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 4: does not benefit them. They want you to continue to

610
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 4: play that role. You should just be lucky to be

611
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 4: with me. You should want to be with me no

612
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 4: matter what's happening, because we have a child together, even

613
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 4: though I'm not meeting your needs and I'm not showing

614
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,440
Speaker 4: up properly. It's called emotional intelligence. That's the number on

615
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:18,479
Speaker 4: red flag in all of dating. So the people that

616
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 4: you're talking about, if they can even grab that concept,

617
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 4: why even have a conversation with them. You're wasting your time.

618
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 1: It's literally like speaking to someone who doesn't speak the

619
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 1: same language.

620
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 2: It was a waste of.

621
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 3: Time, which is why if you watch that episode, I

622
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 3: literally stopped talking. I was really trying me lat what going.

623
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 3: I was like, bitch, you know what, you better, you

624
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 3: better go for a girl you know.

625
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 1: And no brains were sparked because they weren't smart enough.

626
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: But and she I looked at her after like I'm

627
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 1: embarrassed that. I'm sorry guys that your husband is participating

628
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: in this in this way, and she looked sad.

629
00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 4: Also, with infidelity, when the men cheat, most women tend

630
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 4: to try to make it work.

631
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: Wait, most women try to make it.

632
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,720
Speaker 4: Work, yes, because society has taught women that you should

633
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 4: fight for your relationship. And if the relationship does not work,

634
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 4: you're a single mom. You're taking care of the child primarily, right, Financially,

635
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 4: you're more responsible for that child as well for the

636
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 4: daily cost. Right. So, technically speaking, a woman loses a

637
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 4: lot of privileges by being a single mom. For the men,

638
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 4: if the women cheats, they want out. Men are taught

639
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 4: to replace whoever caused them the injury, not work through it.

640
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 4: So you will see a lot of men that will

641
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 4: basically walk away from a relationship if the women to

642
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 4: some degree committed an infidelity, right, because how dare you

643
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 4: do that to me? It's my ego to talking now,

644
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 4: I cannot work through this because somebody has had access

645
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 4: to you. So it's very interesting to see you has

646
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 4: society has conditioned both men and women to deal with

647
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 4: the similar experience.

648
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 3: So I believe that people can work through in fidelity.

649
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 3: I mean, and you obviously know more this, more about

650
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 3: this than I do. I do believe that though, like

651
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 3: when trust is broken, it is so difficulty to get

652
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 3: it back. I know, for me in my relationship with

653
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 3: my child's father, you know, and he cheated. I consciously

654
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 3: made the choice. I said, Okay, I'm choosing to stay here,

655
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 3: and I'm making the conscious choice to stay here, and

656
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 3: I'm not going to bring up the past. Like I'm

657
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 3: not going to do that.

658
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:38,959
Speaker 4: It's impossible to do.

659
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 3: I did it, but not right. So I didn't bring

660
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 3: up the past verbally. I didn't bring up the past verbally.

661
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 3: It came out through other ways. And that's what I

662
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 3: realized is that like, I'm still holding you to this,

663
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 3: and you know, I like, how do you I guess

664
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,880
Speaker 3: with your with your clients, like where trust has been

665
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:07,440
Speaker 3: like drastically broken. Like, what is like the foundation that

666
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:09,360
Speaker 3: has to happen or like the steps that have to

667
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 3: happen to kind of get that back, because I feel

668
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 3: like so many people will experience this, and so many

669
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 3: people have walked away from relationships that were probably really

670
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 3: good for them just based on you know, in an infidelity,

671
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,960
Speaker 3: they've decided to kind of uproot their entire life and

672
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 3: say fuck this when it really could have probably been

673
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:26,840
Speaker 3: worked through. So what are the kind of like beginning

674
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:29,920
Speaker 3: steps to getting trust back on either side?

675
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 2: So, and is it different for men and women?

676
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 4: It's the same concept, right, And also like infidelity can

677
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 4: bread a healthier, stronger relationship because it forces you to

678
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,479
Speaker 4: have the conversations on it that we were avoiding which

679
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 4: led to the enfidelic the first place. But the first

680
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 4: step is you got to be honest about everything. Right.

681
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 4: I get to sit there and ask you all the

682
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,279
Speaker 4: questions that I want to ask because I have a

683
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 4: narrative in my mind of what took place and I

684
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 4: need to make sense of it. And you have to

685
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 4: be completely honest about every single thing that I'm asking you.

686
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 4: So now everything is on the table. And then I

687
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 4: can decide on whether or not I want to try

688
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 4: or exit. The second thing that most men have the

689
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 4: most issue with is realizing how much time it's going

690
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,400
Speaker 4: to take to build back that trust after they committed

691
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 4: an infidelity. They're like, oh, it's a year and you

692
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,839
Speaker 4: still bring that up. No, she's going to experience those

693
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 4: PTSD symptoms for up to five years, right, and you

694
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:36,279
Speaker 4: got to input the proper boundaries. I want access to

695
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 4: your phone, I want your location at all times. I

696
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,919
Speaker 4: want to be able to show up to your job

697
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 4: at any time.

698
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 1: So this is healthy.

699
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 4: Yes, you committed a crime. Now you have to do

700
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:51,360
Speaker 4: the time. That's how I can learn to trust you again.

701
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 4: I need evidence that I can trust you. So I'm

702
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 4: going to look at different things to see what or

703
00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 4: not my desire to trust you can be honored. I

704
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 4: need you to switch out that car because you had

705
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 4: that bitch in that car.

706
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: I agree, Like, my PTSD is so fucking high. Like

707
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 1: I can have a fight, I can remember some shit.

708
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: I can't remember some shit in my head and get

709
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 1: mad all over again, and I'm like, I know it's

710
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: not healthy.

711
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 4: Five years.

712
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can hold onto some shit and the

713
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, and I realized for me, it's a it's

714
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 1: been a a defense mechanism. If I can relate to

715
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: something that they've done to me that made me not

716
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: trust you, then when you do something that makes me uncomfortable,

717
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:38,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what I want to It makes

718
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: me want to rid myself of you. It gives me

719
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: an excuse to be like I'm good, Like in my

720
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: past and other relationships that I didn't think were going

721
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: to be long like forever, I can build up the

722
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 1: tallies so then I'm like, all right, I'm done with you.

723
00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: But in this relationship with Orlando, when I know we're

724
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,479
Speaker 1: not leaving each other, it's really had to It's really

725
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,239
Speaker 1: made me have to pull some shit because fuck, like

726
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 1: I am irritated with you. You did fuck you did

727
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 1: do some shit that I didn't trust that and fuck

728
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 1: with but I'm not leaving you. I don't want to

729
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 1: leave you. And now it's making me deal with that

730
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 1: more like a why can't I, like, shit go be

731
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 1: if I really love and forgive someone, like the forgiveness

732
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: is hard for me and it's like I'm realizing, like

733
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 1: it's deeper than that, you know, like it's easier for

734
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 1: me if I feel like you could, Like, it's just

735
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: it's easier for me to be like rid myself of

736
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: people than to work on stuff. And so being in

737
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: a relationship that I know I'm gonna I have to

738
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,760
Speaker 1: work through stuff, and like the bigger scheme of forever

739
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 1: has been really challenging but also really healing, because it's like, bitch,

740
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: why are you so insecure right there? Do you believe

741
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:42,439
Speaker 1: he doesn't love you? Do you believe you can't trust him?

742
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 4: Like?

743
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: What are those things? And why is it easier for

744
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 1: you to dispose of someone that you love rather than

745
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: work through it? And it's because I've never seen that.

746
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:52,840
Speaker 1: I've never seen it, Like I've seen craziness. I've seen chaos.

747
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: I've seen like my mom not forgive for probably a

748
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 1: lot of fucked up things that were done in her,

749
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: you know, to her and her relationship. But just like,

750
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: changing the dynamic of how you like want to respond

751
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 1: to things innately is very difficult.

752
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 4: Anxious attachment and he's a secure attachment. So when you're

753
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 4: having these anxious thoughts and when you want to run

754
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 4: away and when you're feeling uncomfortable, he can do a

755
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,839
Speaker 4: very good job of reminding you, hey, I ain't going nowhere, yo,

756
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,720
Speaker 4: this is forever. Okay, you're tripping right now, It's okay,

757
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 4: let's sit, let's chill, Let's pick that back up at

758
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 4: a later time. So we have to be very mindful

759
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 4: of exactly how we are wired for relationships and who's

760
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 4: the best partner to help us get into a secure attachment.

761
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 4: You're not really healed, well, you're never healed. You're always healing, right,

762
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 4: But the final step is a relationship because that person

763
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 4: is a mirror of you. Can you find a way

764
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 4: to make that relationship work? Like did your relationship fail

765
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 4: or did you fail to make your relationship work? And

766
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 4: that's where the work really begins.

767
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 3: Did your relationship fail or did you fail to make

768
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:04,319
Speaker 3: your relationship work?

769
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 1: I think it to be careful with that too, especially

770
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: saying that to women, because, like we've talked about before,

771
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 1: it's it seems like it's constantly always our responsibility to

772
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: make it work. And I see a lot of times

773
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: with like friends and even with myself, where you overextend

774
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:22,280
Speaker 1: when a person's not emotionally mature or intelligent and you're trying,

775
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 1: and you're trying, you're trying. You're trying to do magic

776
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: and witchcraft and prayer and anything in your fucking power

777
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:31,359
Speaker 1: to make this person understand you. But like, even back

778
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: to what we were talking about about women, the benefit

779
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: of men and women's lives, the inconclusive, fucking inconclusive proof

780
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: that we benefit from it. But it's like even in

781
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,840
Speaker 1: my relationship now, like I when I'm single, I feel comfortable,

782
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like unless I get lonely

783
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,399
Speaker 1: one night, but like mostly like I get to move

784
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 1: this way, I get to do this. Like for a

785
00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,440
Speaker 1: long time, I always said, like a man has to

786
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: come to me and be super clear, like I want you,

787
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 1: we want to I want to do this or else

788
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be the one to initiate it.

789
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 1: Like I don't feel like that's a woman's responsibility to

790
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: be like I want to be Like obviously you can

791
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: have needs and wants. I want to be married, but

792
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna go. I don't feel like it's my

793
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,840
Speaker 1: responsibility to choose the man. I think he's supposed to

794
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: choose me. And thankfully I found a man who chose me,

795
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,320
Speaker 1: like out loud, or else I would have been single

796
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: and mingling for the rest of my life.

797
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,359
Speaker 4: I actually think that's the biggest mistake that most women make.

798
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 4: They allow men to be the chooser, meaning I'm choosing

799
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 4: you so you get to be with me, versus the

800
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 4: woman having a say into who they end up with.

801
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 4: And he did choose you, but you also chose him, right,

802
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 4: so it was vice versa. But in the dating world, right,

803
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:44,920
Speaker 4: men tend to be the one that are multi dating.

804
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,319
Speaker 4: They tend to be the one that decide when we're

805
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 4: exclusive or whether or not we're in a relationship. What

806
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 4: the shift that needs to take place is that women

807
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:57,879
Speaker 4: need to stop waiting to be chosen and start being

808
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 4: the chooser themselves. That's why most days the books right

809
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,800
Speaker 4: are written for men. Hey, here's how you pick up women,

810
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,720
Speaker 4: Here's how you do this. The game was never given

811
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 4: to women. So it's now that's changing because we have

812
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,439
Speaker 4: apps where women are the one initiating and the one

813
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 4: that that are starting the interactions. That's empowering women to

814
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 4: decide exactly to play a pivotal part into who there

815
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 4: are actually dating. And for the record, women always make

816
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 4: the first move.

817
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 1: I'm women, Yes, I do always make the first move

818
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 1: pretty much. I feel like I do the choosing a lot,

819
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: but I don't know, like if my choosing is always great,

820
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,440
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that the choosing is great, you know,

821
00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: just because you become a chooser to mean that you're

822
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: choosing is always wonderful. Although I mean I said, I

823
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: don't regret any of any relationship I've ever had. I

824
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 1: feel like it's led me to where I'm at in

825
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: this moment. It will continue to do that.

826
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 2: But I feel like it does have to be an equal.

827
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 2: It has to be you do.

828
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 3: He has to be doing the choosing, You have to

829
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 3: be doing the chose, or else there's just an imbalancing relationship.

830
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 3: And granted there will inevitably be imbalances in relationships, but

831
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 3: I feel like that that foundational part like has to

832
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 3: be equal at least for me in order to feel

833
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,360
Speaker 3: like safe in ways. And that's where I feel like

834
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,920
Speaker 3: I've struggled to find that or have like clear understanding.

835
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,399
Speaker 3: If did I do the choosing, I mean, I did

836
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 3: kiss you first, but then you told me this, and

837
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 3: then I said, oh my god, like he chose, like

838
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,960
Speaker 3: he's I'm special. Like this bitches are basic, but like

839
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 3: also we just it's not even basic. It's like, we

840
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 3: have this innate need as humans to feel connected or wanted,

841
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 3: and I don't know if that leans heavier with women ways,

842
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:42,959
Speaker 3: because I feel like the man is a little bit

843
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 3: more like impulse driven, ego driven, you know.

844
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 1: But women want to be chosen though, and we will

845
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: go great lamps to be chosen. Even if then we

846
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 1: get chosen, we're like, I don't even really want you, yeah,

847
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And it's like, it's this

848
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: weird it's this weird thing. I don't know why we

849
00:42:59,280 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: do that.

850
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 4: For number of reasons. We also have to think back

851
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:07,319
Speaker 4: to how things started, how the culture was, how society was. Right,

852
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 4: these mindsets have been passed down from years to years, right,

853
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 4: so now the desire to be chosen speaks to the

854
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 4: security of having a husband, having a home, But all

855
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 4: of that is changing. It's twenty twenty two, twenty twenty three.

856
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 4: Women are making way more money than men. Podcasters are

857
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:32,120
Speaker 4: killing the game right now. So you get to have

858
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 4: a bigger say into what your relationship looks like and

859
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:38,400
Speaker 4: who you are with, and you have the freedom to

860
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 4: exit whenever you feel you're not getting what you want.

861
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,960
Speaker 4: Because most women are not holding men accountable are you

862
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 4: who you say you are? Are you going to do

863
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 4: what you say you're going to do? What is your

864
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 4: emotional intelligence level? What's your communication skills? Have you gone

865
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 4: to therapy? Oh no, and you want to get married? Nah,

866
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 4: take your black ass there and shit.

867
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:02,560
Speaker 1: A lot of men, like I think women also are

868
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 1: choosing men that are not necessarily saying they're ready for

869
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: marriage or ready for relationships. Like that's step one, Like

870
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 1: are you even ready for is that what you want?

871
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 1: Because that's a whole choice in itself. I do want

872
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship. I want to be in

873
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 1: a relationship with you, and my goal is that will

874
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,360
Speaker 1: be married. You know what I mean? Bitches be chasing

875
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,839
Speaker 1: I mean people be chasing people. But like I think

876
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 1: the need to be married and to be are like

877
00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:31,320
Speaker 1: the value being related to your relationship status weighs much heavier,

878
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: and for women it's much more important. I know so

879
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,359
Speaker 1: many women who like that's like women we obsess, you know,

880
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 1: And it's just like sometimes you're chasing men that are

881
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 1: not even do they even want that? Are they ready

882
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 1: for that? And it's like he could be a great guy,

883
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,320
Speaker 1: but this is not the time. He's not even thinking

884
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: of that because there's twelve bitches on his line or whatever,

885
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 1: So it has to really you have to find a partner.

886
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: I think also that really is clear that that's what

887
00:44:55,239 --> 00:44:56,359
Speaker 1: they want too, and.

888
00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 4: Most couples need to start talking about monogamy. We actually

889
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 4: monogamous or we pursuing monogamy because a number of us

890
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:08,879
Speaker 4: are saying we're monogamous, but in reality we're pursuing monogamy

891
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 4: or we're trying to be monogamous, we're actually not monogamous.

892
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:15,439
Speaker 4: Does that make sense?

893
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:18,280
Speaker 1: What is the other thing though?

894
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 4: Like?

895
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 1: Is it they're open?

896
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:20,920
Speaker 2: Are they like?

897
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 1: What are they like? Non monogamous?

898
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 4: So to me, I think that a lot of couples

899
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,279
Speaker 4: want to be in a monogamous relationship. But what when

900
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:35,400
Speaker 4: when I'm saying pursuing monogamy is that eventually there's there's

901
00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 4: there's gonna be times when there's a lack of intimacy,

902
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 4: when there's other people that that you're interested in, or

903
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 4: when you make a mistake because you're not really monogamous,

904
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 4: you're pursuing monogamy. Is to define exactly what does monogamy

905
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 4: mean to you? Right? Does that mean it's just you

906
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 4: and I forever? If that's the case. Are you are

907
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,839
Speaker 4: we able to say know to each other? Because if

908
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 4: we're monogamous and we're in a relationship, I'm seeking intimacy

909
00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 4: from you and you're saying no, then what what am

910
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 4: I supposed to do? Because I have no other option? Right?

911
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 4: Or the conversation that I've been having a lot lately

912
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 4: is women telling me a monogamous meaning that we are

913
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:26,439
Speaker 4: pursuing monogamy. But if one of us mess up, as

914
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,279
Speaker 4: long as it's not no woman, it's coming to me

915
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:33,760
Speaker 4: as a woman or no man is dming me, It's okay.

916
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 4: Just take care of home and whatever else you do

917
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 4: outside of home is done respectfully. So is monogamy working

918
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 4: or is monogamy felling?

919
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 1: Are you saying be realistic with your expectation. You're saying

920
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:53,120
Speaker 1: the reality that I'm going to meet somebody and we're

921
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: going to one hundred percent be monogamous in the entire

922
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:01,120
Speaker 1: our entire rest of our lifetimes. Can maybe that may

923
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,360
Speaker 1: be slim to none. The truth is they may be

924
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 1: times you may not want to feel intimate. They'll be

925
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 1: changed in on relationships. But a let's talk about this

926
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: respect me. Let's be honest with each other and then

927
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: let's go from there and maybe it looks different at

928
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,080
Speaker 1: different parts of time because we're gonna evolve and things

929
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 1: are going to change. But let's be realistic about our expectations.

930
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 1: If you step out or if I step out, and

931
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,920
Speaker 1: its solely just get these other things I'm not getting

932
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 1: right now. Am I gonna leave you? No, Let's agree

933
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 1: to that, Like we have a I do. I think

934
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 1: people don't look at marriage enough in this light.

935
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 3: It's like, well, that's it's because it's very drawn to

936
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 3: religion and these others. There's so many other factors involved

937
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 3: into why people can't accept that.

938
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 1: But it's like, think about it. Think about it, Like

939
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: if I we're gonna me and you, we're gonna be

940
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 1: together forever we're married, bitch, sorry, got it. You know

941
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 1: we're never getting divorced. It's not an art vocabulary. And

942
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: like we have to expect that we're going to disagree

943
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: at times, We're gonna get annoyed with each other. We're like,

944
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 1: she's gonna find some other friends sometimes, maybe shouldna go

945
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 1: on vacation with somebody else? I can't dumper, you know

946
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like it's flow relationships. Yeah, like and

947
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:10,359
Speaker 1: just just ships or lovers, especially as lovers because you're

948
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: living with someone and in the like bigger scheme of forever,

949
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:17,439
Speaker 1: you have to like if you really want to be married, like, Okay,

950
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,439
Speaker 1: this is like let's be real. Obviously I'm not trying

951
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: to hurt you and vice versa, but like, let's just

952
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 1: be open to knowing that this is going to require

953
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: work and neither of us are going to be perfect

954
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: and maybe like, no, I'm not going to sign up

955
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,360
Speaker 1: to go fuck somebody else, but like if I'm on

956
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: vacation and you're never going to fucking think, know about

957
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 1: it or hear about it ever in life, are you

958
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: gonna fucking divorce me because I did it? No, you

959
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And I'm not saying like, be

960
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 1: a sneaky bitch, but I'm just like, there's a difference

961
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: between being a sneaky Life happens, yeah, Like and it's

962
00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: just like you can't leave. You can't leave people. And

963
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 1: that's the thing I think with women and like with women,

964
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 1: and I've learned this and just having trial and error

965
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: and not and all the relationships I've ever been in,

966
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: if we don't feel safe, I don't feel safe that

967
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 1: I can fuck up, like women don't get the grace

968
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,799
Speaker 1: to fuck up or sleep with somebody. Now you're a slat,

969
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:10,680
Speaker 1: Now you're contaminating. Now you've let someone enter you. And

970
00:49:10,719 --> 00:49:12,400
Speaker 1: it's like the truth is is like bitch is lo

971
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 1: wan to fuck sometimes too and sometimes and I can

972
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 1: do it sometimes. Not attached to emotion, but the thought

973
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: that someone could like that, I that someone will leave me.

974
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: I've never really felt safe that someone will not leave

975
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 1: leave me if I fuck up? You know what I mean?

976
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: Because but if I but knowing that on the vice versa,

977
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 1: I would, I would, you know? So I just I

978
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: think it's this like men have to make women feel safe.

979
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 4: Can you think of one person that you know who

980
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 4: has been faithful for over ten years? Yes, don't say

981
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 4: your parents, parents.

982
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 1: I wait, I don't know what they do, Okay, I

983
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 1: don't get in their business.

984
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 4: Do you know that has been faithful in a relationship

985
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,000
Speaker 4: for for for over ten years?

986
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 2: One of my friends and my closest friends is.

987
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 4: A male or female? Okay, do you know any male

988
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 4: that has been faithful for over ten years?

989
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 1: Can you call on the show if you're a man.

990
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,239
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think if I know anybody that's been

991
00:50:16,239 --> 00:50:17,840
Speaker 3: together for ten years. I'm trying to think, like, I

992
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:20,399
Speaker 3: don't know what her partner's done, you know, but.

993
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 4: Slam to none. Right, Hence why we need to start

994
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 4: having these conversations.

995
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 1: You are you and your wife in an open relationship.

996
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:33,240
Speaker 2: Now we're monogamous, you're monogamous or non monogamous.

997
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 4: Monogamous, anagamous. We're in the pursuit of anagamy to the

998
00:50:36,440 --> 00:50:38,720
Speaker 4: best of our ability. Is currently we're doing.

999
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 3: A great basically you're monogamous, but on the pursuit of monogamous.

1000
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: Meaning like, yeah, I get what you mean by that,

1001
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 1: that's the goal you're always trying for.

1002
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 4: That, Yes, like it's a daily decision choose to be.

1003
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 1: But we're pm like they the amount of cause I get,

1004
00:50:58,239 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 1: the amount of emails I get about in fidelity.

1005
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 4: That's someone I was I had to ask myself.

1006
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,399
Speaker 3: It's just kind of really the testament to like our

1007
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:11,880
Speaker 3: like genetic makeup of human design and what we are

1008
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 3: supposed to do instinctually and how we resist it. But

1009
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:18,280
Speaker 3: this is where like biology, you said, how we resist

1010
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:19,240
Speaker 3: it in all ways?

1011
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,080
Speaker 1: Well, I was thinking that, like, are men and women

1012
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: just fucking different? And you know, I don't want to

1013
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,399
Speaker 1: say that. You guys know, I don't want to say

1014
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:29,640
Speaker 1: it different. I mean, we are different, but like in

1015
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: the sense of like you're supposed to be we are different,

1016
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: but you know, men always use it against you, like

1017
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be fucking not you. You know that

1018
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 1: type of that's dumb, that's dumb. But like but in

1019
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 1: ways like I don't know, like that we have to be.

1020
00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 1: We have to be. Why would we why would we

1021
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 1: want to be the same. No, we can't.

1022
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 3: I'd be so boring. And also we would never there

1023
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 3: be no children. You have a fucking dick and I

1024
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 3: do not. Right, there's the biggest difference, right, like that

1025
00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 3: automatic you are genetically predesigned to have different impulses than

1026
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 3: I have.

1027
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 1: Period is the power of relationships.

1028
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,319
Speaker 4: I do have a solution. We need to move away

1029
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 4: from the term relationships because that comes with a set

1030
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:23,280
Speaker 4: of roles, a set of expectations that society has fed us. Instead,

1031
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 4: we need to move toward partnerships because partnerships are negotiated, right,

1032
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:31,080
Speaker 4: and it has a timeframe, so when one thing shifts,

1033
00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 4: we can renegotiate correct. So therefore it's two people agreeing

1034
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:41,960
Speaker 4: on exactly versus we have disagreement of relationships, but there's

1035
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 4: a bunch of things happening that I never agreed to,

1036
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 4: and that's where the betrayal comes in. That's where the

1037
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 4: trauma comes in. But if it's a partnership, right, we

1038
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 4: sit down, we agree for the next three months, this

1039
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 4: is what our partnership is going to look like, the

1040
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 4: next two years, the next three years, whatever the cases.

1041
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:03,800
Speaker 4: And when something shift that like children, new jobs, new location,

1042
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 4: long distance, age, medical issues, whatever it is, we get

1043
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,879
Speaker 4: a chance to restructure that partnership.

1044
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was having this conversation with my partner and

1045
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:19,319
Speaker 3: I was telling him that I, like, I want us

1046
00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:22,600
Speaker 3: to be such good friends that like betrayals don't feel

1047
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 3: like betrayals, you know what I mean. Like there's a

1048
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 3: level of like friendship of like I love you whether

1049
00:53:30,239 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 3: or not this like this happened or that happened, like

1050
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,799
Speaker 3: you know, like, and I think the foundation of even

1051
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:39,680
Speaker 3: being able to even like start that feeling is friendship.

1052
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 3: You have to have that with like, you have to

1053
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:43,439
Speaker 3: be my friend because like a lot of people don't

1054
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:45,960
Speaker 3: even like their partners. They just want their love. They

1055
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,000
Speaker 3: don't give a fuck if they're their friends. They don't

1056
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 3: actually want to be their friend at all. They're like,

1057
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:52,800
Speaker 3: just show me that you love me, show up for me,

1058
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 3: to be there for me. That's what did And it's

1059
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 3: like do you even like me? Like do you do

1060
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,440
Speaker 3: we even have the same interest at all? Like do

1061
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:01,960
Speaker 3: you even know anything about me?

1062
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,719
Speaker 1: Actually? Like why do you? Why do you actually like me?

1063
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,239
Speaker 4: Friendship tends to be a frust thing that goes in

1064
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 4: long term relationship well, and I.

1065
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 3: Think that's where people get confused. It's just because you've

1066
00:54:11,640 --> 00:54:14,600
Speaker 3: been together for a long time. Just mean that your friends, yes, and.

1067
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 2: They're like, well i've known him for like ten years, you.

1068
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:17,920
Speaker 1: Know we are No, Nika, you're not.

1069
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 3: I don't mean shit, because if there was another him

1070
00:54:20,239 --> 00:54:21,959
Speaker 3: walking around the street, you wouldn't.

1071
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,279
Speaker 2: Be like no, it wouldn't hear shit.

1072
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,400
Speaker 3: And but you know, it takes a level of like

1073
00:54:26,480 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 3: I don't know, therapy to kind of really be able

1074
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 3: to realize that in relationships like what is your how

1075
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 3: many people would you say, like get divorced, like go

1076
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 3: to therapy? Like do you think it's higher chance that

1077
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:41,879
Speaker 3: people stay together going to therapy or that they kind

1078
00:54:41,880 --> 00:54:45,839
Speaker 3: of like therapize themselves into understand understanding.

1079
00:54:46,800 --> 00:54:49,359
Speaker 4: So I do think that more people get divorced that

1080
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 4: don't go to therapy, and the number is one hundred

1081
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:56,799
Speaker 4: thousand couples in America alone get divorced with no therapeutic intervention.

1082
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,760
Speaker 4: And couples tend to wait six years too late before

1083
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:04,839
Speaker 4: going to therapy. They're playing defense, not offense. They wait

1084
00:55:04,920 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 4: until infidelity happens, until poor an addiction happens, until lack

1085
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:13,600
Speaker 4: of intimacy happens, prior to going and getting the tools.

1086
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:14,760
Speaker 1: Oh, I think that's.

1087
00:55:14,600 --> 00:55:16,239
Speaker 3: Too, Like you look at it as something fun, Like

1088
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 3: you get to go and like do this thing with

1089
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:20,960
Speaker 3: your partner, you know, and get to know each other

1090
00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 3: and like really like break down your relationship and like

1091
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 3: because that's what I think of when you say offense,

1092
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 3: Like instead of you know, going obviously going to therapy

1093
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 3: when there's something wrong, what if you went to therapy

1094
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 3: just to like out with a partner and have like

1095
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 3: another person like kind of just really break down and

1096
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:41,520
Speaker 3: make you really get thoughtful about you know, why this

1097
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 3: why you love each other?

1098
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, yeah, I do believe. I think like therapy

1099
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 1: while dating is healthy. I think therapy before marriage is

1100
00:55:49,960 --> 00:55:53,319
Speaker 1: super necessary and intend to be required required. I mean,

1101
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 1: you know on the church they require, but I just know,

1102
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 1: just with me and Mila, like talking is deeply therapeutic,

1103
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: deeply therapeutic. You know, we've we've grown exponentially simply because

1104
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 1: we started a podcast. We've been we've become much more

1105
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:12,000
Speaker 1: self aware of humans, simply because we decided to start

1106
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:15,600
Speaker 1: a weekly podcast. I feel like more comfortable talking about

1107
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:19,319
Speaker 1: my feelings here more than anywhere, because it's just this

1108
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 1: safe space we've created and like I and it's made

1109
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 1: me want to explore other realms of therapy and then

1110
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:30,799
Speaker 1: realize that like therapy is usually the most is the

1111
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 1: most basic tools. It's literally our words, our communication, like

1112
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:38,239
Speaker 1: even just our retreat, like thinking about the like even

1113
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:40,719
Speaker 1: in our workshop, thinking about how it was developed. Just

1114
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: like this worked for me because I went to Mexico

1115
00:56:43,719 --> 00:56:47,239
Speaker 1: once on a whim and then took some acid and

1116
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: it like unleashed some shit I didn't know was there,

1117
00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 1: and I screamed for eight minutes and then I felt

1118
00:56:53,960 --> 00:56:55,840
Speaker 1: a release that I've never felt in my life, you

1119
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It's like the most basic things

1120
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 1: like screaming, release of sound with even without words. You guys,

1121
00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 1: heavy gut belly fucking laughing, you know what I mean, crying, laughing,

1122
00:57:09,239 --> 00:57:12,760
Speaker 1: like doing cartwheels, Like there are some very basic shit

1123
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:15,399
Speaker 1: that like there's some very basic basically.

1124
00:57:15,040 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 2: What children do.

1125
00:57:15,960 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 3: It is, it's literally what kids do. It's like scream

1126
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 3: when they want they do fucking cartwheels.

1127
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 1: Saying what saying, however you feel I don't like it,

1128
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:32,440
Speaker 1: I don't want it. No, don't touch me, Daddy, you

1129
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:34,080
Speaker 1: did this thing.

1130
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 2: I'm uncomfortable. Yeah, it's true.

1131
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 1: And I just like, yeah, like all the therapy, all

1132
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: the time, and I'm so happy that we're on this

1133
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 1: journey together and we get to talk to people like

1134
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,080
Speaker 1: you Mac and have people like you in the community,

1135
00:57:50,120 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 1: because it just makes me really think now, like when

1136
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:56,360
Speaker 1: we have other babies, maybe in the future, like you know,

1137
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 1: you could think, hey, let's go to therapy before we

1138
00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:00,760
Speaker 1: have this baby. Hey, like I'm gonna go on a

1139
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:03,919
Speaker 1: fucking three months sabbatical after I have a baby because

1140
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 1: I gotta find myself, you know what I mean. Like

1141
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: maybe you guys can fly out twice, but you know,

1142
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 1: like normalizing things and creating like real situation, like now

1143
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:15,040
Speaker 1: we know better and that we can like have these tools.

1144
00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:20,479
Speaker 1: It's just I'm grateful that podcasting has made me more

1145
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:23,560
Speaker 1: in tune with like what's like my wellness and what's

1146
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:25,920
Speaker 1: gonna make it like make me heal and grow and

1147
00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 1: be in a relationship and like actually be actively aware

1148
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:33,360
Speaker 1: of the things that I do that are toxic and

1149
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,160
Speaker 1: that I can be toxic and why and where that

1150
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 1: shit comes from.

1151
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 2: And if you think about it, really just started with

1152
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 2: like saying hi, my name's Erica. Like just talking just

1153
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 2: one word sprouted into all these different experiences that you've

1154
00:58:47,400 --> 00:58:48,920
Speaker 2: had that have been therapy.

1155
00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: For you, hours of audio hours.

1156
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 3: It brought you to these other things that you know,

1157
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 3: and that's and that's why therapy in itself and talking,

1158
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:58,240
Speaker 3: I think is so important. And I think if we both,

1159
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 3: if we all just did it more often.

1160
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:05,160
Speaker 2: We would be in a much better place and position.

1161
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,520
Speaker 1: And you would find your people. And finding your people

1162
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 1: and communicating with them is in its self healing. But

1163
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:15,200
Speaker 1: you have to first be honest and then be honest

1164
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:17,520
Speaker 1: out loud in order to find those people, Like Erica

1165
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:22,400
Speaker 1: and I found each other because one day we're like, hey, bitch,

1166
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 1: I'm lonely and sad, you know, like and that that

1167
00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 1: sparked so fucking much. The ability to be honest is

1168
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 1: just really the medicine that is the therapy, Like the

1169
00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:38,840
Speaker 1: communication is literally the therapy. You just have to be

1170
00:59:38,880 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 1: willing to do it. And it seems hard sometimes. I

1171
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 1: understand that the simplest thing can be so difficult, but

1172
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: it's deeply healing. Like you, we are given this tool.

1173
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:54,240
Speaker 1: Utilize that shit, Yeah, use your voice anyway.

1174
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:55,720
Speaker 4: We just had a moment.

1175
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 1: I agree.

1176
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 2: I agree.

1177
00:59:57,320 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 3: I was thinking all these things. I was like, Wow,

1178
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:01,440
Speaker 3: she's so beautiful. Yes, so right, Damn I need to

1179
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:02,240
Speaker 3: call my therapist.

1180
01:00:03,480 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 2: How am me and my man in therapy? I need

1181
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:06,720
Speaker 2: to be you need to be on the offense. Are

1182
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 2: we gonna call mac? Is he like he's too young?

1183
01:00:10,360 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 4: I get that a lot.

1184
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 1: I was wondering.

1185
01:00:12,920 --> 01:00:15,600
Speaker 2: I was wondering about, well, he'll ask my man doesn't

1186
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 2: give your date of birth. He's a scorpio like me.

1187
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 3: But what is that I was gonna ask you as

1188
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 3: a therapist thirty Like with black men, I feel like

1189
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 3: there's there's another number of reasons why they're not going

1190
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 3: to go, and one of them is for sure going

1191
01:00:28,680 --> 01:00:28,920
Speaker 3: to be.

1192
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 4: Teach me how long you've been married?

1193
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:34,320
Speaker 1: For yeah.

1194
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:37,760
Speaker 4: And I've even had men ask me, are you Christian?

1195
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 4: Do you believe in God? Like how does that help

1196
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:42,400
Speaker 4: the therapeutic process?

1197
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,640
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean I think there's levels of like,

1198
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,439
Speaker 3: as a therapist, I'm sure you have to be.

1199
01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 2: Super what's the word, uh, ethical.

1200
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 3: Ethical, but also non biased and like as balanced as

1201
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 3: you possibly can in ways, you know, So I think

1202
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 3: there is a level of almost like disconnect. You have

1203
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 3: to have a therapist, right, because I feel if I

1204
01:01:03,840 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 3: was a therapist, like i'd like really feel for all

1205
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 3: my clients and be so concerned.

1206
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,000
Speaker 2: Like we need we need to start to go fund

1207
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:09,400
Speaker 2: me for her.

1208
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:11,480
Speaker 3: She's like okay, like we're gonna like try to like

1209
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:12,400
Speaker 3: save each one.

1210
01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:15,560
Speaker 1: I couldn't do it. So you have to disconnect in

1211
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:16,320
Speaker 1: ways too.

1212
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:19,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's why there's a certain population I would

1213
01:01:19,240 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 4: not work with, Like I have daughters. I would not

1214
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:26,240
Speaker 4: work with kids that have been sexually abused because I

1215
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:31,200
Speaker 4: will find whoever that was, and there's you know, your boundaries. Yeah. Yeah,

1216
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,760
Speaker 4: there's certain things that I can't take on too much trauma,

1217
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 4: Like I will lay in my office on the floor

1218
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 4: with the lights closed for hours. My wife was walking

1219
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:42,520
Speaker 4: like it was that bad. I'm like, you don't even

1220
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 4: known all right. So that's why like couples I enjoy

1221
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,160
Speaker 4: because they want to be together, they just don't know

1222
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:52,680
Speaker 4: how to. I know how to, right, So I can

1223
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:57,320
Speaker 4: use my artistry to deliver the knowledge and the exercise

1224
01:01:57,400 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 4: in a way that makes it very practical for you

1225
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 4: to get the skills so you can eventually move on.

1226
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 4: I see couples for bus six months, no more than that.

1227
01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:10,800
Speaker 3: Is your goal as a therapist to let them come

1228
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:12,760
Speaker 3: to their own conclusion or to.

1229
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:15,440
Speaker 2: Heal their relationship.

1230
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 4: So my goal, my job is to give you the

1231
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 4: skills that you need to make your relationship work, if

1232
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 4: that's what you want. Right. So people come to me

1233
01:02:26,000 --> 01:02:29,760
Speaker 4: because they want to make their relationship work. They can't communicate.

1234
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:34,320
Speaker 4: Their friendship is bad. There's too much fighting, they're not

1235
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:37,800
Speaker 4: having sex, they're not having fun. It is just a

1236
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 4: lot of things that are going wrong. So I get

1237
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 4: to come in and fix the puzzle to some degree,

1238
01:02:44,440 --> 01:02:46,560
Speaker 4: but also teach you on how to do it yourself

1239
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:50,520
Speaker 4: so the puzzle never gets broken again. Because now you

1240
01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:53,480
Speaker 4: get to decide do I allow the puzzle to be

1241
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 4: broken or can I actively fix it? Because you have

1242
01:02:57,160 --> 01:03:02,400
Speaker 4: the skills and knowledge that's up to you. Got it.

1243
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 4: It's fun have stories for days. No session is alike.

1244
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:07,560
Speaker 3: I used to think I want to be a therapist,

1245
01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 3: and then in college I went I started the major

1246
01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 3: of psychology and it was so intense.

1247
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:14,680
Speaker 1: I was like, this is too much. I loved. I

1248
01:03:14,720 --> 01:03:15,760
Speaker 1: think I had to get pat. No.

1249
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:17,440
Speaker 3: There was a lot of reading before you got to

1250
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 3: the good Ship. It was a lot of like brain.

1251
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:23,680
Speaker 2: Science stuff, and I was like, I'm not nerdy enough

1252
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 2: for this. Let's get to the talk part.

1253
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:28,959
Speaker 4: Since you brought that up, and I am a nerd.

1254
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:32,040
Speaker 4: I love learning. Right, let's talk about the role that

1255
01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:34,200
Speaker 4: brain plays into infidelity.

1256
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,680
Speaker 1: Right, the brain, Yes, there's something released. Is it maybe

1257
01:03:37,720 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 1: a hormone that No, it's the other one. It's the

1258
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 1: hormone that is like.

1259
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 4: Reward correct.

1260
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 1: So then it becomes like almost like an addiction not

1261
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:51,520
Speaker 1: to actually like to the action and not to the intimacy.

1262
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:53,880
Speaker 4: Of it correct, which is true. But the way that

1263
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 4: I was going is that our brain requires novelty. So eventually,

1264
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:01,360
Speaker 4: if you're exposed to the same thing, it no longer

1265
01:04:01,400 --> 01:04:03,760
Speaker 4: have the same impact on you as it once did.

1266
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:06,760
Speaker 1: Like new pussies always feels better because it's new and

1267
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 1: it's shiny, and you have the same What the fuck

1268
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:11,720
Speaker 1: are you over there about? You shut the fuck up.

1269
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 4: So that plays a lateral in atogic, that too, right

1270
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:18,240
Speaker 4: eighty twenty.

1271
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 2: But it's got to be I got to source it.

1272
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:22,280
Speaker 3: I gotta take it out. We gotta get a test

1273
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:23,720
Speaker 3: for we have to take a picture. We gotta see

1274
01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 3: test run then because then hour just sucking point just

1275
01:04:26,960 --> 01:04:28,560
Speaker 3: I feel like pussy has a higher chance of being

1276
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:29,520
Speaker 3: good than Dick does.

1277
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 1: It's a ninety nine point nine percent.

1278
01:04:31,680 --> 01:04:32,800
Speaker 2: Pussy's going to be fine.

1279
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not well chances.

1280
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a sizes people.

1281
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,480
Speaker 2: The sizes are come for us. We did that one

1282
01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 2: seventy seventh per it's for me.

1283
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 4: Seventy seventy seven percent of women do not do not

1284
01:04:48,680 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 4: orgasm from penetration.

1285
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:52,240
Speaker 1: Right, I know.

1286
01:04:52,400 --> 01:04:55,760
Speaker 4: So why would a woman want to cheat knowing that

1287
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 4: more than likely she's not going to have an orgasm?

1288
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:01,240
Speaker 4: A men's orgasm is guaranteed in most cases.

1289
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 1: It's another thing. That's it is. I told you to

1290
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:10,800
Speaker 1: be different. It's a setup. My grandmother confirmed it's a setup.

1291
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:13,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1292
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:18,040
Speaker 1: Usually we asked our guests an affirmation. Did you bring

1293
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:20,120
Speaker 1: an affirmation for us today? Matt? Can we tell you

1294
01:05:21,520 --> 01:05:22,360
Speaker 1: we warned you about it?

1295
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:27,120
Speaker 4: I did not bring an affirmation. Actually I do have one.

1296
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:30,200
Speaker 4: I think therefore I am.

1297
01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:38,000
Speaker 2: I think therefore I am Shakespeare. It's not I do before.

1298
01:05:38,000 --> 01:05:38,880
Speaker 1: I know you're right.

1299
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:40,040
Speaker 2: I think you're right.

1300
01:05:42,040 --> 01:05:42,760
Speaker 1: Therefore I do.

1301
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 2: That doesn't make any sense. That makes no sense at all.

1302
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 1: It's just the Shakespeare manifesting. I think it's true.

1303
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:52,040
Speaker 2: You're already there.

1304
01:05:55,280 --> 01:06:01,840
Speaker 1: Tarot time, Tarot time? Do was remembering some so today

1305
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 1: you pulled the card?

1306
01:06:03,160 --> 01:06:03,880
Speaker 2: What car did you pull?

1307
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 4: My dear the magician, the magician. That sounds fitting.

1308
01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:14,040
Speaker 1: It does. I was like, wow, magician, huh, I think

1309
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:19,080
Speaker 1: therefore I am. It's upright. Its manifestation, resourcefulness, power, inspired

1310
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:26,200
Speaker 1: action um. As a master manifestor, the magician brings the tools, resources,

1311
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,520
Speaker 1: and energy you need to make your dreams come true. Seriously,

1312
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,440
Speaker 1: everything you need right now is at your fingerships. You

1313
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 1: have the spiritual fire, physical earth, mental air, and emotional

1314
01:06:36,120 --> 01:06:39,720
Speaker 1: water resources to manifest your desires, and when you combine

1315
01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:42,360
Speaker 1: them with the energy of the spiritual and earthly realms,

1316
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:46,320
Speaker 1: you will become a manifestation powerhouse. The key is to

1317
01:06:46,320 --> 01:06:51,120
Speaker 1: bring these tools together synergistically to that the impact of

1318
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:54,000
Speaker 1: what you create is greater than the separate parts. This

1319
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:57,000
Speaker 1: is alchemy at its best. Now is the perfect time

1320
01:06:57,040 --> 01:06:59,560
Speaker 1: to move forward on an idea that you recently conceived.

1321
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:02,440
Speaker 1: This seed if potential has sprouted, and you're being called

1322
01:07:02,480 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 1: to take action and bring your intention to fruition. The skills, knowledge,

1323
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 1: and capabilities you have gathered along your life path have

1324
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:11,720
Speaker 1: led you to where you are now, and whether or

1325
01:07:11,800 --> 01:07:14,360
Speaker 1: not you know it, you are ready to turn ideas

1326
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:15,200
Speaker 1: into reality.

1327
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 4: That's very fitting.

1328
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:22,560
Speaker 1: It was very fitting all the balance. Let's go, let's

1329
01:07:22,600 --> 01:07:25,880
Speaker 1: go manifest some ship macifest.

1330
01:07:26,480 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 2: Maybe you know what we need to add mac to this.

1331
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:31,680
Speaker 1: Our secret mail retreat that we're not curating slash curating

1332
01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:34,960
Speaker 1: called primal. So we have a secret mail for a

1333
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:37,680
Speaker 1: retreat that we're not secret. Tough.

1334
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 3: We were in a kitchen full of men and were

1335
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:41,240
Speaker 3: there We're talking about therapy and they were like, we

1336
01:07:41,280 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 3: don't like we need like we want healing, but it's

1337
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,360
Speaker 3: not the type of healing y'all bitches do like we

1338
01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:47,400
Speaker 3: need basketball? Like we did a retreat what a male

1339
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,640
Speaker 3: retreat looked like, and I was like some wrestling, like

1340
01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:58,400
Speaker 3: some ATV, some like like chopping of wood yea, hunting, Yeah, punching.

1341
01:07:58,680 --> 01:07:59,880
Speaker 4: I'm down for that.

1342
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,440
Speaker 1: We got our fourth member. Yeh, I told you I was.

1343
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:05,960
Speaker 1: I was on the Good Vibe retreat call and then

1344
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:07,520
Speaker 1: man was in the backround. She's like, I know this

1345
01:08:07,560 --> 01:08:09,920
Speaker 1: is for the ladies, and I'm like, come, but I

1346
01:08:09,960 --> 01:08:12,040
Speaker 1: was just wondering and y'all gonna do something for the

1347
01:08:12,160 --> 01:08:16,040
Speaker 1: husband's because my husband was like, hey, y'all. She's like,

1348
01:08:16,160 --> 01:08:19,080
Speaker 1: is Orlando there. I was like, he's here. She's like hi.

1349
01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:23,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, we got the message. Primal, Primal coming

1350
01:08:23,880 --> 01:08:25,599
Speaker 1: to a retreat near you for the men's. I can't

1351
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:27,040
Speaker 1: wait to see the visuals for that. It's gonna be

1352
01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:31,760
Speaker 1: Orlando like shirtless, like walking through like the Jungle or something.

1353
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:32,559
Speaker 1: We're gonna curate it.

1354
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:34,599
Speaker 3: It's gonna be great. Don't worry, guys. It's gonna look really.

1355
01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:35,479
Speaker 3: You guys are gonna love it.

1356
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:37,880
Speaker 4: Nice.

1357
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:39,720
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

1358
01:08:39,920 --> 01:08:41,719
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you so much for coming, Thank.

1359
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:45,040
Speaker 4: You for having you. Thank you guys. I love your platforms.

1360
01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:46,760
Speaker 4: My wife is an avid fan.

1361
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:50,479
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, wifey.

1362
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:52,320
Speaker 4: Thank you again. I I knew that you guys were

1363
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 4: going to get a conversation out of me that I

1364
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:57,639
Speaker 4: haven't done before. So that's why I was very excited

1365
01:08:58,280 --> 01:09:01,799
Speaker 4: because I get to talk about things that I usually

1366
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:04,519
Speaker 4: don't get to talk about as much. So I thank

1367
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:05,240
Speaker 4: you guys for that.

1368
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:07,280
Speaker 2: Well that that makes me happy. I'm glad.

1369
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:09,720
Speaker 3: I'm glad that we are able to share space. I'm

1370
01:09:09,720 --> 01:09:13,479
Speaker 3: glad that you've brought you're bringing therapies to black people.

1371
01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:16,280
Speaker 3: And I have a question. Is there a resource that

1372
01:09:16,479 --> 01:09:18,559
Speaker 3: like where is the is there a resource for people

1373
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:21,040
Speaker 3: that like, obviously you're a resource, but like, is there

1374
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:24,600
Speaker 3: an actual resource too of all of the black therapists.

1375
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:24,960
Speaker 2: In the US.

1376
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 4: Blackmanheil dot com. Oh yeah, black girls Therapy, Black men Therapy.

1377
01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:33,519
Speaker 3: Okay, because I feel like a lot of people don't

1378
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 3: know where to go, you know, and obviously like there's

1379
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:42,520
Speaker 3: only there's only one percent, like like you can't therapize everyone,

1380
01:09:43,160 --> 01:09:44,080
Speaker 3: tell them that please?

1381
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:47,080
Speaker 2: But where where can the people find you? Mac?

1382
01:09:47,560 --> 01:09:50,160
Speaker 4: You can find me on Instagram ask talk to Mac

1383
01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:52,679
Speaker 4: on the scorad Therapist. Talk to you olkid the number

1384
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:55,720
Speaker 4: two Mac Mac on the scord Therapist. You could check

1385
01:09:55,720 --> 01:09:59,719
Speaker 4: out my new podcast with my boy manage your mind

1386
01:10:01,040 --> 01:10:04,920
Speaker 4: and for everything regarding therapy and my services, you could

1387
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:06,920
Speaker 4: find me as therapist for everyone dot org.

1388
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:11,519
Speaker 1: Gotcha. Mac also has a really cool relationship deck card

1389
01:10:11,560 --> 01:10:13,599
Speaker 1: deck that we like to play and ask each other

1390
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:16,320
Speaker 1: questions that gets you really deep with your partners. So

1391
01:10:16,360 --> 01:10:18,040
Speaker 1: that's always a fun date night at home.

1392
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:20,320
Speaker 2: What's it called love Unlocked.

1393
01:10:20,479 --> 01:10:23,320
Speaker 4: It's about the five concepts that most couple tend to

1394
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:27,040
Speaker 4: argue about, so the questions are curated to help them

1395
01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:29,800
Speaker 4: talk about these things so it doesn't turn into an

1396
01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:33,599
Speaker 4: argument of different It's also worth two years of therapy.

1397
01:10:34,080 --> 01:10:37,439
Speaker 1: Wow, get the cards out here made Hey, I love

1398
01:10:37,520 --> 01:10:40,840
Speaker 1: that two years of smart man man may get a

1399
01:10:40,880 --> 01:10:45,320
Speaker 1: game here, Babe. We're not even going look, I'm gonna

1400
01:10:45,320 --> 01:10:45,600
Speaker 1: doom it.

1401
01:10:45,640 --> 01:10:46,800
Speaker 2: We're gonna play that game again.

1402
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:52,360
Speaker 1: You guys know where to find us. Please, if you haven't,

1403
01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:54,719
Speaker 1: if you've been thinking about it, join us in Costa Rica.

1404
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:56,519
Speaker 1: Bitch is about to be really cold next year, and

1405
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:59,080
Speaker 1: you're gonna wish you were in the sun, which your

1406
01:10:59,280 --> 01:11:01,960
Speaker 1: titties out in your bathing suit on and barefoot.

1407
01:11:02,000 --> 01:11:03,839
Speaker 3: It's really gonna be mad when you see these pictures

1408
01:11:03,840 --> 01:11:05,080
Speaker 3: and these videos.

1409
01:11:05,360 --> 01:11:07,320
Speaker 1: For me in the jungle doing cart reels with us.

1410
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:10,920
Speaker 1: There's a couple of slots left, so if you've been

1411
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:13,280
Speaker 1: thinking about it, come with us to Costa Rica and

1412
01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 1: February twenty twenty three.

1413
01:11:15,360 --> 01:11:18,040
Speaker 3: Yes, the link is in this episode description. Make sure

1414
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 3: you check out our merch. It's the holidays. I hope

1415
01:11:20,840 --> 01:11:25,360
Speaker 3: you guys are happy, healthy, prioritizing yourself and.

1416
01:11:26,720 --> 01:11:27,400
Speaker 2: Buying our merch.

1417
01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:30,879
Speaker 3: As you can see Mila modeling it. It's so cute.

1418
01:11:31,000 --> 01:11:35,360
Speaker 3: The bag is so cute. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

1419
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:37,160
Speaker 3: show show a little ass, Show little ass with people.

1420
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, thank you.

1421
01:11:38,640 --> 01:11:41,800
Speaker 3: Okay, make sure you follow our YouTube channel so that

1422
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:44,200
Speaker 3: you can see all this amazing content of our outfits

1423
01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:48,839
Speaker 3: and Jamila shaking ass and everything's in this episode description.

1424
01:11:48,920 --> 01:12:00,080
Speaker 3: Because I'm high, So I love you.

1425
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:17,280
Speaker 1: Ellen j Solo ball record the las Ye