Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nicky's Hello Here I am
Speaker 1: I'm thirty eight. I'm Nicky Glazer, The Nicky Glazer Podcast.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the show. It's Thursday. Andrews here in my
Speaker 1: apartment with me also joining me in St. Louis. Here
Speaker 1: in studio is my best friend from UM, I guess
Speaker 1: I started in middle school? Right? Yes? Um, it's Taylor.
Speaker 1: Do you want to say your last name? M Taylor McGraw. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't know it. That's my secret. That's that's how
Speaker 1: I I forget my best friends last names, and then
Speaker 1: I go, do you want me to say it? And
Speaker 1: then I make them say it. It's a it's a
Speaker 1: new trick to figure out your best friends last name.
Speaker 1: What was that dog name in high school that would
Speaker 1: scare you from drugs or whatever? Um? Something McGraw McGraw, yeah,
Speaker 1: scruff mc Yes, was there a face? I hated that guy?
Speaker 1: Why did he creeped me out? He was in a
Speaker 1: trench coat. He seemed like I was gonna say, like
Speaker 1: the Barberry trench. It made me like, No, I didn't
Speaker 1: like it. He was always sneaky. It was just like
Speaker 1: be out and open. Why are you undercover, you're teaching
Speaker 1: us about drugs. I don't know. I just didn't like
Speaker 1: he seems like to be, you know, coming out of
Speaker 1: the shadows or like a dark bar, and he was
Speaker 1: up to no good. Talk to him when you're high,
Speaker 1: Yeah after smoking a little weed with McGruff, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. Like he seems like what a high
Speaker 1: guy would do to teach. That's probably what they came
Speaker 1: how they came up with him when they got high.
Speaker 1: What if we had a Bassett hound in a trench coat, dude,
Speaker 1: and he had a badge that he would flash. Is
Speaker 1: he on a leash? No, dude, He is upright. He
Speaker 1: walks on two legs. He has like an attitude like
Speaker 1: a grizzled cop that's been at it for like twenty
Speaker 1: five years who's like on the beat. Still should have retired,
Speaker 1: but he's just too good to give it up. Maybe
Speaker 1: their idea was like, look, we're gonna give two kids,
Speaker 1: when they look at a normal dog what they would
Speaker 1: see when they're high. We're gonna give it to them
Speaker 1: when they're not high, so they don't need to get Yeah,
Speaker 1: you got it on with MCB like all the like
Speaker 1: Smokey the Bear, the bandit, the like animal that they
Speaker 1: tried to teach us a lesson through. Yeah, they're like, um,
Speaker 1: you know, you're burning down my house. He just had
Speaker 1: big eyes. He looked like Teddy ruck Spin. He just
Speaker 1: looked animatronic. But I think they Yeah, he just wanted
Speaker 1: to prevent forest fires. Trying to think of anyone else Dare.
Speaker 1: There was no face of Dare. The only people that
Speaker 1: wore Dare shirts were people that got high. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was like the first ironic thing the day after I
Speaker 1: got stabbed. What It's a whole long story if you've
Speaker 1: never listened. Someone told me they were in New Orleans
Speaker 1: and they drove past the hospital where you went when
Speaker 1: you were stabbed, and they were I was like a
Speaker 1: landmark tour, just different places. Taylor lived in New Orleans
Speaker 1: a year. It seemed like you wrote a story about it,
Speaker 1: and it seemed like the story I read it felt
Speaker 1: like you were there for seven years running your bike. Mccroth.
Speaker 1: I was very grizzled and leaning against brick walls all
Speaker 1: the time. How old were you, Taylor? Like she was
Speaker 1: just surviving on nothing like she was. You were basically
Speaker 1: like homeless, kind of just like making it home, but
Speaker 1: I had nothing else. I played car check. That's how
Speaker 1: I got money. That's where you go and you check
Speaker 1: the door of cars and if they are open, you
Speaker 1: may steal anything you find there. You may. That's the law,
Speaker 1: that's the rule. What did you what made you convince
Speaker 1: yourse something that's okay? Uh? But you used to used
Speaker 1: to go around? Would you ever make would you ever
Speaker 1: make cars go? Yeah? And then you run? But or no?
Speaker 1: What we would do actually as we would just tip
Speaker 1: a bunch of garbage cans and around it and like
Speaker 1: create a distract. Should they go oh that's why yeah,
Speaker 1: and be like, oh I phone? What stuff is that?
Speaker 1: Did you find in people's cars? And what would you
Speaker 1: I mean you never broke up Big Mac. No, like
Speaker 1: we would find I found like cigars, I don't know,
Speaker 1: just straight up fresh my friend ate it, um I
Speaker 1: c d s and stuff. I don't know. There wasn't
Speaker 1: like that much stuff change stuff that I did. I
Speaker 1: would sell anything because Big Mac was not touched. I
Speaker 1: think it was a trap. Yeah, have to stop getting
Speaker 1: in your car? Who's not? And I'm just sitting like, er,
Speaker 1: where would you sell stuff? That's why I couldn't be
Speaker 1: a criminal because I would whenever like I see these
Speaker 1: groups of people that are now going into malls in
Speaker 1: like groups of seven people and just like all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, ransacking everything very slowly and no one can
Speaker 1: do anything about it. I get stressed out for them
Speaker 1: because I'm like, they have to list that on eBay,
Speaker 1: Like they have to list that thing, Like they have
Speaker 1: to look up the go number. I like, really, I
Speaker 1: literally get stressed out about like are they gonna use
Speaker 1: eBay or Poshmark? Like I think of all the clerical
Speaker 1: work that is on the other side of them scooping
Speaker 1: things off of shelves into trash bags and then running out.
Speaker 1: I think pawn shops for that kind of stuff, right,
Speaker 1: For like perfumes. Maybe one time I stole two bottled
Speaker 1: perfume and I put it in the butt crack. We
Speaker 1: sold it on eBay. It was like almost empty. It
Speaker 1: was the most expensive perfume in the world. Where was
Speaker 1: it Lord and Taylor or something it was? I would
Speaker 1: I would just see all the testers of the expensive
Speaker 1: thing caught stealing. When I was five, No, I wasn't wait, yeah,
Speaker 1: I was Chicago Bill. What I did was at some
Speaker 1: point I just became like sticky fingers MacGregor's and I
Speaker 1: just took a sushi and then just like went right
Speaker 1: outside and made it. And then the cop came. I
Speaker 1: was like, you can't you just stole it. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: there is because they took me in the back and
Speaker 1: the size of this whole wall I'm not joking was
Speaker 1: a blown up picture of me stuffing it in my purse.
Speaker 1: I was like, I got it from CBS. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't sail it CBS. That was like that was
Speaker 1: like a roller coaster ride at the end when you
Speaker 1: see the photo, do you want the framed version? That
Speaker 1: would be hilarious to get a picture of you like
Speaker 1: getting caught like I did ask. I did ask if
Speaker 1: I could take a picture of the picture. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: was like absolutely not this did you get? Like did
Speaker 1: they just mailed me a ticket for that which I
Speaker 1: just obviously didn't pay. Yeah, that's what I happened to
Speaker 1: urban uppers Um. But like, isn't that That's the thing
Speaker 1: that happens when you start to just steal so much
Speaker 1: you just think it like is a thing you can
Speaker 1: do because you get away with it so much that
Speaker 1: you just forget to have any kind of precaution because
Speaker 1: you're just getting away with things so brazenly that it
Speaker 1: becomes like, especially when you're living in New Orleans and
Speaker 1: you even phrased opening the car doors like you may
Speaker 1: take anything you want, Like you created a moral rule
Speaker 1: in your head that it lacked it, didn't. You gotta
Speaker 1: stop stealing? Do you still shoplifts? Yeah, Taylor, why do
Speaker 1: you do that? I'm just if you want to hate,
Speaker 1: I don't do from people I know, but like businesses
Speaker 1: are still trying to thrive, and there's people that like
Speaker 1: Walmart is trying to thrive, Walmart's driven. I'm I'm the
Speaker 1: one who's never living. You're doing a crime. You're living
Speaker 1: a I mean, I guess you're being honest about it,
Speaker 1: so you're not living at there's no lies involved here.
Speaker 1: What are like things you do to make it look
Speaker 1: like you're buying something because this be the way you
Speaker 1: were in high school, but we all dropped it and
Speaker 1: you did it because now your bag I'm old and
Speaker 1: I don't from now, and I would just be like,
Speaker 1: oh golly, all like go into lows and like just
Speaker 1: steal every single thing instead of buying it. And if
Speaker 1: I got cottage, go gee whizz, Like I'm thirty nine,
Speaker 1: that's not what happens. Well, gonna get You're gonna get arrest.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been cuffed? Not for steel? Really can't
Speaker 1: catch me. You're gonna get so fucking busted. What's the
Speaker 1: biggest thing? What's the what's the most the biggest almost expensive?
Speaker 1: And also we're gonna have to like modulate her voice
Speaker 1: to be like my back lit. The biggest thing makes
Speaker 1: me laugh, because what's the biggest thing you've ever sold? Uh? Large?
Speaker 1: I stole a car. I stole a cop car and
Speaker 1: row it around for a while. I put it back.
Speaker 1: I put it back in a different spot to drunk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was at the Jimmy but it wasn't like on
Speaker 1: the street. It was the Jimmy Buffett Show parking lot,
Speaker 1: which I wasn't going to go in the show. I
Speaker 1: just go to hang out in the parking lot. Me
Speaker 1: steal all this stuff out of the car cop car.
Speaker 1: Taylor don't know that that's probably a family. She didn't
Speaker 1: steal it. Though I didn't steal it. I stole was bad,
Speaker 1: But you did steal because you can because his name
Speaker 1: was Taylor coincidentally, then my friend like he had were
Speaker 1: passing to be like you could be beheaded in our
Speaker 1: It's like hitting a like a horse, cop or something.
Speaker 1: It's probably on that level. It's probably really bad. You
Speaker 1: didn't do that. You allegedly did it. Your full tall tales. Um,
Speaker 1: what's the most expensive thing you've ever stolen? Or like
Speaker 1: the one that you know? But you didn't. I don't
Speaker 1: know why would you don't think you stole a cop car?
Speaker 1: You have to admit that. That is so dumb. If
Speaker 1: you had children, would you say, yes, mom, stole a
Speaker 1: cop car? Like god it Please say it was some
Speaker 1: level of like I was an idiot, nous you're saying
Speaker 1: it like it was a normal be friends with It's not.
Speaker 1: How old were you? You were not allowed to steal
Speaker 1: a cop car? I don't I don't allow that. I
Speaker 1: don't want you going to jail. It was I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what doing. Why were you It
Speaker 1: would have been funny if you drove yourself. It was
Speaker 1: because it wasn't okay. Actually, I'll tell you why. The
Speaker 1: reason we did it is because he left the lights
Speaker 1: on and we jumped the car. You were helping it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we drove our car all the way across the
Speaker 1: Jimmy Buffett parking lot through people brought sand. We're skinning
Speaker 1: in it, you know, like they lay out and the
Speaker 1: coolers were just drinking everybody's beer. And then so we
Speaker 1: decided to be nice and we jumped his car. But
Speaker 1: then we're like, we're going to just drive it around
Speaker 1: and then we'll say we were just making sure that
Speaker 1: we keep running, but we probably where I would always
Speaker 1: have the excuse when they did catch me, like I
Speaker 1: was trying on bracelets. I didn't realize I left this
Speaker 1: one on exactly, you know, like I would create a
Speaker 1: scenario around we helped the cop in reality, because you
Speaker 1: got out of the parking lot, it would have been
Speaker 1: dead and he would have been in troubler. You need
Speaker 1: to do better than this. It's kind of a pretty good.
Speaker 1: Jimmy Buffett stole a cop car just helping him. Stole
Speaker 1: a bunch of les and coconut bras out of the
Speaker 1: back seat before we told the car. Okay, are you
Speaker 1: at a point that when you're feeling that you do
Speaker 1: do you steal down to resell or do you steal
Speaker 1: like to keep things, or do you steal just for
Speaker 1: the thrill of it, because I do know that, really
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't think. I don't. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't get like a thrill. I'm not like, oh, titilating.
Speaker 1: I like need stuff because I'm impoverished usually just like
Speaker 1: for some reason, I don't mind that, Like, it doesn't
Speaker 1: hit me if you're stealing and you don't have that
Speaker 1: much money and it's a little thing here and there,
Speaker 1: maybe some toilet paper, a top car. I guarantee you,
Speaker 1: I guarantee you through that. You can said everyone about
Speaker 1: capitalism and I'm getting back at the man, but I
Speaker 1: guarantee you it's it goes down to hurt the lower
Speaker 1: classes that trickled down. I bet you could if if
Speaker 1: big companies are losing money because of people stealing stuff,
Speaker 1: who do you think they're going to punish in their companies.
Speaker 1: They're not going to take a bonus there here, They're
Speaker 1: gonna lower wages and they shouldn't be that big of
Speaker 1: a company in the first place. They're also they're never
Speaker 1: gonna Taylor McGruff over here, she's breaking down the big
Speaker 1: business anti crime fighting dog kids. You get sticky pass
Speaker 1: old go to Ikea and like go like grabbing a
Speaker 1: dresser and then going around and around and then just
Speaker 1: walking right and ma'am, what are you doing. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: another arrow outside by my house. I didn't following the
Speaker 1: arrows arrows. I just then I went out on the
Speaker 1: street and there were also arrows there at the light. Um,
Speaker 1: you asked, well, I just used this eyebrow gell and Taylor,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you can just have it, and
Speaker 1: she was like, no, I'll get something. I was like,
Speaker 1: I knew you were going to steal it. I had
Speaker 1: a feeling. I was like, That's why I wanted to
Speaker 1: give it to you, because I'm like, please do not
Speaker 1: steal from e LF. They do cheap cosmetics. I don't
Speaker 1: want them to up their child labor. I don't want
Speaker 1: them to up their prices because they are cheap for
Speaker 1: a reason. And I hate when I go in there
Speaker 1: and I see people have ripped things out of packages.
Speaker 1: You're such a loser to do that, like just buy
Speaker 1: it or don't have it, like they're gonna be like Okay. St. Louis, Missouri,
Speaker 1: on the second of June, somebody stole this brow jail,
Speaker 1: which is three dollars. We're up in the price, but
Speaker 1: trickle down. People do that because they see it's just
Speaker 1: you know, well if everyone went out and just like
Speaker 1: throw their ship on the ground, it would add up
Speaker 1: to a lot of trash. So it's just it's small things.
Speaker 1: Please stop. What's the most other than in the cop car?
Speaker 1: Like you ever get jeweled, like you do a heist
Speaker 1: a level at which it becomes a felony of like
Speaker 1: a merchandise. Yeah, it's way more, way more than you say,
Speaker 1: people to lows and you steal everything. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: a vague none also nice, like it's amazing, Okay, I
Speaker 1: mean I cannot if you've only been caught once and
Speaker 1: it was sushi and you sat in front of the
Speaker 1: grocery store, you store from the sushi, Yeah, because I
Speaker 1: didn't think either was a camera behind the cereal box?
Speaker 1: Are yes, I do, But it was not. There wasn't one.
Speaker 1: It was the picture was straight on, like it was
Speaker 1: actually behind a cereal box or something. I don't know
Speaker 1: how that didn't. Didn't that make you worried like for
Speaker 1: the rest of time that they were like cameras beon cereal.
Speaker 1: We can't be living like that. Yeah, I know you don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want to join. Where are you going next
Speaker 1: later tonight? What do you want a brow jewel to?
Speaker 1: Can you get an iron? How would you steal a
Speaker 1: golf club? I just take it walk out. If you
Speaker 1: just you just have some coffid alls, they won't catch.
Speaker 1: There have been times where I'm like the other day
Speaker 1: I went to Amazon to return some like or not Amazon,
Speaker 1: but the Whole Foods where you can return things from Amazon,
Speaker 1: and I got the wrong flavor of this protein powder
Speaker 1: and I see the flavor I went on the shelf,
Speaker 1: and they're like, they won't do it because it's the
Speaker 1: time has lapsed because I forget to return everything. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, but can I just can I just swap out?
Speaker 1: These two do it? No, because it's in their system.
Speaker 1: It'll be like, okay, a chocolate one's missing and now
Speaker 1: we have an extra. It's I'm not trying to be
Speaker 1: like a goody two shoes. I just think that that
Speaker 1: stuff a trickles down to like the people in the
Speaker 1: warehouses being punished or the people being like they're already punished.
Speaker 1: I don't think okay, so just add on to kick
Speaker 1: a horse when it's down. Okay, Why add more punishment
Speaker 1: just because they're already being punished. That's a dumb argument.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you if you ask every single person that
Speaker 1: wear us if I if I saw something, if they
Speaker 1: would be mad, there would be You can't steal from Amazon.
Speaker 1: I mean you would have a field day in there.
Speaker 1: I bet you steal packages off doorsteps. No, I don't
Speaker 1: steal stuff from people. And also I only st stuff
Speaker 1: that I need right now. I usually don't steal packages,
Speaker 1: because that is like the most that's like, that's like
Speaker 1: I don't see undy from heaven. I steal from corporations
Speaker 1: watch out if you are one. But also I don't
Speaker 1: do from human people package downstairs. And sometimes I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: I could just take one of these and no one
Speaker 1: would fucking know. Then you're even more fu But but
Speaker 1: I don't do it. But there is some part of
Speaker 1: me that's like, I don't know any of these people's people.
Speaker 1: I don't know their faces, so they can seem as
Speaker 1: entity less or impersonal as a corporation. Really, you can
Speaker 1: think a person like that, you have a little bit
Speaker 1: of a moral code. Peter Pan or Peter Rabbit, whatever
Speaker 1: business okay, Robins, right, we'll be back with Ra and
Speaker 1: uh and and Colin when we get back. Everyone steals
Speaker 1: a little bit at a time. But though over time
Speaker 1: does it add up? It doesn't. When you said, drap
Speaker 1: Y that Mike will be gone today, all right, we're back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just take a conventory of all of our equipment here
Speaker 1: because yeah, I'm justifying it. Well, they support you, and
Speaker 1: that might trickle. I'm gonna get some trickle, like it's
Speaker 1: gonna trickle to me or no, Nikki's fine, I love
Speaker 1: you and no, I would never trickle. Dude, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: get it. I still a Chick fil a sandwich almost
Speaker 1: in college was every day from now you're talking, but
Speaker 1: I didn't even think anything. Grow up and you realize that,
Speaker 1: like that's not the way you want to and you
Speaker 1: can get in trouble. That can lead to like a
Speaker 1: lot of money being spent in court and arrested down
Speaker 1: the road. I don't want to record, Yeah, I barely
Speaker 1: want to. You know, an MP three already got a
Speaker 1: record by I have Spotify. I don't need a record
Speaker 1: old dad joke in New Orleans. Though you could you
Speaker 1: can do a lot and get it off your record
Speaker 1: like we had this um lawyer name because you like
Speaker 1: rich dad Fred King. Yeah, but you have to pay
Speaker 1: Fred King a lot to get it off the record.
Speaker 1: My record now, but the record got Katrina. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: had a record in New Orleans and I got Katrina.
Speaker 1: I called one day. I was like, I need my records,
Speaker 1: and they're like they are gone. I was like, are
Speaker 1: you kidding? They all got wet. Yeah, they got stopped.
Speaker 1: I called the courthouse and yeah I did. For having jobs,
Speaker 1: you have to like prove what your record is. And
Speaker 1: so I would call him and they be these are
Speaker 1: the crimes, and then crimes come on publication. Hopping freight trains.
Speaker 1: Who is this hobo? Do you know? Honestly, she was like,
Speaker 1: just not changed. I didn't even think. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to know this happened. And why are you hopping trains?
Speaker 1: It's so dangerous. I don't do it free old and
Speaker 1: rickety company trains. It's a big railroad from a hobby shopping.
Speaker 1: Why do you what's going on? How a train just
Speaker 1: pop right on pop top? Because it's fun? Because fun? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Was it? You and your friends? Yeah? Because you don't
Speaker 1: have to pay, because you could go wherever it's fun
Speaker 1: because wherever you know where this train is going, because yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to like what if you fall off
Speaker 1: and fall onto? I would never well, I don't think
Speaker 1: anyone thinks start going to do it. I don't go
Speaker 1: in a part where you could fall. You go deep
Speaker 1: within What do you mean? How do you hop on? Then?
Speaker 1: When it's no? I would not get on off this movie.
Speaker 1: You want to still running someone who's trying to say
Speaker 1: goodbye to their you know, sweetheart going to war, No John,
Speaker 1: and then you jump on getting on there. I'm not
Speaker 1: Dane Joe. I hate wherever characters inside the a caboose
Speaker 1: or whatever what do they call them? The freights that
Speaker 1: that box cars block card box cars. Did you meet
Speaker 1: other hoboes? Yeah? How are they chill? We'd like just
Speaker 1: hang out with hoboes whenever we would be on the trains.
Speaker 1: You drink a wild Irish rose and stuff like probably
Speaker 1: saying Bob Dylan, So you got busted by the cops.
Speaker 1: How did you get arrested for that? Because? Uh, we're
Speaker 1: like sleeping on the train and these cops game they're
Speaker 1: they're called sleeping on the called an a railroad. Guys
Speaker 1: are called bulls, balls, bol bowls and they saw like
Speaker 1: little heads pop up and he came like a sleeper car.
Speaker 1: Is this an Amtrak with like people on it? Are
Speaker 1: you on like like trains? So it's like delivering like
Speaker 1: you know, goods And they were brow gel you believe
Speaker 1: had good My eyebrows left on that train got back? Uh? No,
Speaker 1: that we get on like empty box cars or grainers
Speaker 1: are the ones they have Like a little bit in
Speaker 1: the bowl caught you and they're looking specifically for hob
Speaker 1: It was like you, they said, they put in my face,
Speaker 1: took a gun out. Yeah, and they said I thought
Speaker 1: she was the Mexicans. It's been stealing mess sandwiches. And
Speaker 1: he was like, but I already called duns, so I
Speaker 1: have to take it to sandwich. But you're in Mexican.
Speaker 1: First of all, there was no photo of it, Nikki,
Speaker 1: What do you mean, giant? You can't prove it? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love it. Yeah. So did you go to did
Speaker 1: you go to a jail cell? Yeah? And what happened
Speaker 1: to go to a day of my Life? Uh no,
Speaker 1: because no, I skipped out on that. I went because
Speaker 1: it was so you had a war it out for
Speaker 1: you because you skipped a court for sure. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: I didn't. At the time, I didn't live in New Orleans.
Speaker 1: I had hopped the train to New Orleans and I
Speaker 1: was hopping it back and I got buzzets. It was
Speaker 1: stuck in jail. We're going to drive the train too,
Speaker 1: like St. Louis, like go back with you. Caught it
Speaker 1: in St. Louis and wrote it, get fucking greyhound bus
Speaker 1: for twenty and I have twenty bucks. Do any But
Speaker 1: I had a Megabus scam that was so good. I
Speaker 1: remember that. Yes, I remember Megau. I decoded the like
Speaker 1: code and back then we didn't have smartphones, so I
Speaker 1: figured it out. Yes, that's right. She has a flip phone.
Speaker 1: By the way, I did like the like dealing her
Speaker 1: math like where I put put all the things on
Speaker 1: the wall and drop put like a string around it,
Speaker 1: and I figured it out the code and then I
Speaker 1: could just change it and then I would just show
Speaker 1: the guy the code and it worked every time. You
Speaker 1: like here it was one dollar huh because they would
Speaker 1: always offer one dollar rides. Yeah, I was too slow
Speaker 1: for that or something, or I wouldn't have paid it.
Speaker 1: I would have done the code got free, right. I
Speaker 1: don't think anymore that you probably have to have a
Speaker 1: scan your people, do you. I think there's a part
Speaker 1: of you that likes being broke, so that like you're
Speaker 1: like my mom like you, My mom could be a
Speaker 1: millionaire tomorrow and she would still go to Goodwill. She
Speaker 1: would still like nicky, we can't get those stickers to
Speaker 1: seven dollars not doing it now. I don't need them again.
Speaker 1: I'll have a couple, but I'm not getting them. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're a million you have endless money. Like
Speaker 1: my mom yelled at my dad the other day for
Speaker 1: getting strawberries for four dollars e J, Why did you
Speaker 1: get those? And my dad was like it's insane, Nikki,
Speaker 1: Like she can't she's single. Yeah, it's like this obsessive.
Speaker 1: Don't you think you're like that? You would still go
Speaker 1: to good Well you don't like to pay for ship.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm like that. I raised with that,
Speaker 1: but I just feel like, if you have money, you
Speaker 1: should I like paying for things that. I like supporting
Speaker 1: things if I can afford if I can afford them,
Speaker 1: But I don't know, I'm just not if you had
Speaker 1: if you have millions of dollars, would you still be hobo?
Speaker 1: I don't think i'd ever have millions of dollars. I
Speaker 1: can't what if you stole a lot of a lot,
Speaker 1: I'm saying you would steal it first, I wouldn't get
Speaker 1: caught one a million dollars, No, I would still. I
Speaker 1: would just spend it on taking my friends places and
Speaker 1: I would Yeah, so good to good will the will? Um?
Speaker 1: What else did you get arrested for? All kinds of ship? Like? What? Uh?
Speaker 1: D w? I? Oh yeah, well conducting? Wait don't wait?
Speaker 1: What how many do you guys? Have you gotten to? Um?
Speaker 1: And aren't those fucking miserable? Yeahs bad as getting caught stealing.
Speaker 1: Like whenever I've been in trouble with cops, it's like
Speaker 1: it makes me want to just walk follow McGrath and
Speaker 1: just do what he says, because I have ever deal
Speaker 1: with that. Again, I haven't been to jail and like
Speaker 1: fifteen years because now I'm just good Okay, So what
Speaker 1: were your do you guys? Like? Bang? When I was
Speaker 1: under twenty one and I was not drunk, it was
Speaker 1: like a zero torrance one. The other one was not
Speaker 1: fair because my friend we only brought to this winery
Speaker 1: because she didn't drink, and then she refused to drive
Speaker 1: my old chitty car. She was like, I can't make
Speaker 1: me marryvous the way I drove it, which I only
Speaker 1: got pulled over because of tail was out, which it
Speaker 1: wasn't out. It fell back into the car because car
Speaker 1: was shitty. Wasn't my fault? Yeah, some a victim of circumstances.
Speaker 1: You were a victim. So your friend was hammered too,
Speaker 1: and me but wouldn't know if she was over. But
Speaker 1: she wouldn't drive her shitty car because she was scared
Speaker 1: that she wouldn't be able to. But it was yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never heard of a car eating it's on tail.
Speaker 1: And then they said, do the alphabet backwards? I'm like
Speaker 1: what I could not? C Y X W v U
Speaker 1: T S R Q and Nicky's m D D. But life,
Speaker 1: that's another disease. That's another reason why you should. I
Speaker 1: used to say that my mom drank so much that
Speaker 1: when we were little, she taught us the alphabet backwards,
Speaker 1: trying to save forward and you really good at walking Australia.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means, but no, like she's
Speaker 1: trying to save forwards. But it's just a good thing
Speaker 1: that drunk people have to say when they do field
Speaker 1: sobriety tests. This guy you have to do, Yeah, Andrew's
Speaker 1: done crime. I've done some kind No, he gets because
Speaker 1: he's he does things that like he doesn't know our crimes.
Speaker 1: Like you know, he'll get caught in fight or something
Speaker 1: and like get arrested for fighting, like stuff, the crimes
Speaker 1: of passion. You're like, I'm going to hop on this
Speaker 1: little train. No, no, no, no, I like crime. I do,
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm not like railed him in crime. It's
Speaker 1: time for a reason. What's the last crime? We're gonna
Speaker 1: have to disagree on that right there. Crime is crime
Speaker 1: for a reason. It is reason stupid a lot of
Speaker 1: the time. Um, okay, crime. See you don't like crime.
Speaker 1: That's why a person who doesn't want to funk up
Speaker 1: their life because crime it doesn't pay. You pay crime.
Speaker 1: You end up paying and you have to deal with
Speaker 1: lawyers and you just like go show a bit of
Speaker 1: courtroom at a time and like stand at a certain time.
Speaker 1: It sucks like a dog owner's couch. Something that's not
Speaker 1: a crime should be. It should be. But sitting on
Speaker 1: a freight train going like we need and singing Bob Dylan.
Speaker 1: I don't get the freight train thing. I don't think
Speaker 1: that that neither anything that I've done. It's a crime
Speaker 1: because everyone did it, then there will be millions of
Speaker 1: people hopping hobo like hopping trains, living on trains that
Speaker 1: are being used to carry stuff that you can't take
Speaker 1: up space with bodies. What are you talking about? That's
Speaker 1: why it's a fucking crime. I don't I think I'm
Speaker 1: living in acceptable. I feel like tomorrow people go, hey,
Speaker 1: man trains open season. You maybe ten percent increase. I
Speaker 1: don't think think millions of people are scared of coule
Speaker 1: of people are going to be living in trains. Why
Speaker 1: wouldn't you want that? And we have a homes times
Speaker 1: people live on the street. They think they could live
Speaker 1: in a train, right, no one stopping them from living
Speaker 1: in a train be dangerous and that people would fall
Speaker 1: into the train. I mean people are drunk. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but people who are homeless are oftentimes being drunk or
Speaker 1: doing opioids to get through the hard I don't blame
Speaker 1: them for doing it, but you're not supposed to hop
Speaker 1: a fucking train when you're opioids. It leads to destruction
Speaker 1: and death and people to clean up your fucking severed head.
Speaker 1: It's dangerous. There's crime for a reason. I understand what
Speaker 1: you are with. This is like trickle up crime. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. I don't like everywhere. I don't know
Speaker 1: when I became that goody two shoes. But right now
Speaker 1: you're saying it's a crime. That's why people don't jump
Speaker 1: on trains. Yes, it's too spains are there for a
Speaker 1: reason for people to sleep on the business, But the
Speaker 1: homeless people right now sleep on the streets and stuff.
Speaker 1: You think they don't go on trains because they think
Speaker 1: there's a law against going on a train. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: it's it's it's Yeah, Taylor arrested immediately by guys that
Speaker 1: look for hoboes on train, specifically because it's a sandwich.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And it wasn't immediately. Oh my god, got
Speaker 1: away with My birthday party was last night. It was
Speaker 1: really fun. Andrew, why didn't you see karaoke? We were
Speaker 1: talking about it earlier. It wasn't feeling it. I wasn't
Speaker 1: feeling I wasn't feeling like I don't know, I was
Speaker 1: feeling insecure about I can't sing that well sometimes I
Speaker 1: get shy like that was a moment. I don't know.
Speaker 1: There was only like fifteen people in the room at
Speaker 1: a time. It just felt very like it didn't feel judgy.
Speaker 1: I just didn't want to I didn't. I don't know why.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get up. And then we left
Speaker 1: without saying goodbye, which is a very weird move because
Speaker 1: I left. There were fifteen people there. You could just go.
Speaker 1: That was so weird. It was annoying. I thought you
Speaker 1: went to go play basketball or something. No, I was.
Speaker 1: I was doing that. And then you have your phone.
Speaker 1: Well I could have gotten home and scene, Hey, I
Speaker 1: know you don't have your phone, but I left. I
Speaker 1: guess I could have done that. I just I risk
Speaker 1: goodbyes when it's like a hundred people party and you're
Speaker 1: not my best friend or fine, but like it's just weird.
Speaker 1: It's I thought, oh, no, is he mad at me?
Speaker 1: Like oh no, no, no, no, I mean not at all.
Speaker 1: I was just really tired, and uh, and I just
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like you exact reason I didn't
Speaker 1: want to have a party. You shouldn't have gone, because
Speaker 1: what you're talking about I was very I'm talking about No,
Speaker 1: I'm just saying because I thought, my friends are going
Speaker 1: to feel like they have to go and they don't
Speaker 1: want to be there, and that's that's example. But that's
Speaker 1: not I think I didn't want to be there, You
Speaker 1: didn't want to sing awkward, and then you left early.
Speaker 1: You're bringing you were tired. You're bringing up all the
Speaker 1: negative it's because the train hopping and not bringing up
Speaker 1: any of the positives. But I'm just saying I was
Speaker 1: great for the first I would say I was extremely
Speaker 1: involved and a great fan, singing along, being the number
Speaker 1: one supporter, getting the party going, like it's true, and
Speaker 1: then I just fell off a little bit. I was
Speaker 1: just tired and it's a long drive. I had two
Speaker 1: drinks over the night. Yes, I didn't want to have
Speaker 1: another drink, and I was like, stopped drinking. No I did,
Speaker 1: I did know I did, And then I just to
Speaker 1: stay there. You gotta keep drinking, I know. But you're
Speaker 1: looking a lot of the negatives when there were a
Speaker 1: lot of I'm just saying that everyone goes no Nikki,
Speaker 1: everyone wants to be there, and it's like I just
Speaker 1: got confirmation someone didn't want to be there. They left
Speaker 1: early in a sneaky way to like not have to
Speaker 1: say goodbye and not make it a thing because they
Speaker 1: didn't want to be there. That's why I don't like parties.
Speaker 1: It's because of the expert I think you're I think
Speaker 1: you're putting that on that. I think the idea that
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: be there past a certain time, that's all. And then
Speaker 1: you were about to sing um uh Stevie Nicks, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to. I don't know you were about
Speaker 1: to have a moment with your mom, and just felt
Speaker 1: very like, Okay, they're not gonna mind me being gone,
Speaker 1: like I just didn't feel. But literally everyone said goodbye
Speaker 1: there except you. You could have just literally gone like this.
Speaker 1: It's not like we would have going Andrews leaving right
Speaker 1: before that. I was getting shipped that I didn't sing
Speaker 1: a song, So then I think, if you should I
Speaker 1: just go more other people did. Okay, well, that's not
Speaker 1: my fault. I I want to know exactly what happened.
Speaker 1: I and I apologize for not saying bye. Think I
Speaker 1: did say that, thank you. That's how the conversation started. Yeah,
Speaker 1: across the board, but you're still going to do it now?
Speaker 1: I don't. I am, oh, well, are you going to
Speaker 1: get that brow gel? And I could pay two bucks? Okay,
Speaker 1: it'll be very embarrassing if any Well I did at
Speaker 1: Fusing party last night, despite um now realizing someone didn't
Speaker 1: want to be there. But it's okay. You did rally
Speaker 1: and you were really fun and you did My mom
Speaker 1: did stand up comedy. My mom was the m v
Speaker 1: P of the party. It was insane. She is so funny.
Speaker 1: I can't even take it. She was doing she literally
Speaker 1: was doing stand up comedy. I was just giving her
Speaker 1: prompts to talk about and she was killing. I think
Speaker 1: I have to get her into doing stand up because
Speaker 1: it was a form of expression for her that I've
Speaker 1: never seen. And my dad was like, we need to
Speaker 1: give her a mike more often, because she was just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what do you want to talk about? I mean I
Speaker 1: just had her like list all her brothers and sisters
Speaker 1: and then rank them from her face and that was
Speaker 1: pretty fun. And then she was down to do any
Speaker 1: of it. And then she was talking about she was
Speaker 1: just going off like she was just telling stories and
Speaker 1: and just being like, what do you bit just doing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was kind of heckling. Chris yawned at one point
Speaker 1: during her like performance and she just goes wake up
Speaker 1: to like like really quickly to him, and it was
Speaker 1: like really like pretty great crowd work. I was kind
Speaker 1: of impressed, so I want to encourage her to maybe
Speaker 1: do what Yeah, but she had like jokes. I think
Speaker 1: like this time, like she just needs to tell stories,
Speaker 1: Like I need to get her to tell stories. And
Speaker 1: then because Chris was saying to me, like, I know
Speaker 1: would be annoying if your mom like started doing stand
Speaker 1: up and I'm like, no, I would fucking love it.
Speaker 1: I would love it on stage and do like a
Speaker 1: Q and A yeah, that would be And what do
Speaker 1: you know about Q and I? I don't even want
Speaker 1: to talk about it. That was my mom's like whole thing,
Speaker 1: which she was. She was getting a little like, uh
Speaker 1: felt kind of cornered into having to like a political
Speaker 1: statement against Yeah, she's she is. I'm just disgusted want
Speaker 1: to talk about it, um, but she was. She was
Speaker 1: singing a lot, and she was also she just she
Speaker 1: wants to sing every song. She's just and she's taking
Speaker 1: singing lessons and singing teacher was there my art the
Speaker 1: oneman that Aria that helps my mom and gives her
Speaker 1: singing lessons was there and like encouraging her long and
Speaker 1: she was singing like really hard songs. Was pretty impressed. Um,
Speaker 1: but overall it was good, Taylor, what was your favorite
Speaker 1: part of the evening? Um? I really liked what ass
Speaker 1: Pussy done? My Nikla very like a sweet she just
Speaker 1: had a baby. It's um Chris's brother's wife, Emma. She
Speaker 1: has like a you know, four month old at home,
Speaker 1: and she was singing wet s Pussy And it was
Speaker 1: funny because Tim was like kind of blushing her husband,
Speaker 1: but she was like smiling and like, it's just so
Speaker 1: funny to see this like sweet mom singing this song.
Speaker 1: This very explicit and everyone can see what the lyrics
Speaker 1: are because they're like big on the screen. So this
Speaker 1: whole room of people is watching this sweet mother sing
Speaker 1: wet as pussy. And we were going back and forth
Speaker 1: with it, and it was funny because Chris goes Tim,
Speaker 1: you know how I feel now? Like because there Tim
Speaker 1: was feeling a little bit embarrassing like how raunchy Emma
Speaker 1: was being, and he was like, now you know what
Speaker 1: my world is, and it was like, oh, that's nice
Speaker 1: to see. Okay, we'll be back with some fan tracks. Alright,
Speaker 1: we're back. Let's do fan trax. M All right, let's
Speaker 1: get to it. Noah, what do you have for us? Sorry, Luigi,
Speaker 1: you can't get up here. Do you want to get
Speaker 1: up here? Come on up? Yeah. Let's start with a
Speaker 1: voicemail from Luke. Okay, Luke, Noah, Nikki, Andrew, this is
Speaker 1: Luke from Lincoln, Nebraska, and I'm calling about episode to
Speaker 1: nineteen and two twenty, about that college in Canada offering
Speaker 1: that Taylor Swift class. And I couldn't help but think
Speaker 1: what band might be least likely to have a class
Speaker 1: about it? And I couldn't help the thing about my
Speaker 1: favorite guilty pleasure band, Third Eye Blind, specifically that song
Speaker 1: semi Charm of Life. You know, I want something else
Speaker 1: to give me three of this simmy job con in life. Right.
Speaker 1: So the music sounds so that summer fun vibe. Yet
Speaker 1: the lyrics, if you read them, they're pretty dark and dirty.
Speaker 1: Maybe a fun game you guys could do is play
Speaker 1: is this a Third Eye Blind lyric or something from
Speaker 1: your mom's adult romance novel collection? I don't know, just
Speaker 1: a thought. So I love you, guys, don't be and
Speaker 1: had fashion. Oh my god, wait hold on, let's look
Speaker 1: at those lyrics. And I love that song. This guy
Speaker 1: was cold, there was no okay, so it says, and
Speaker 1: to speak to you like the of course, it's to
Speaker 1: the verse, chopping of a line like a coda with
Speaker 1: the curse come on like a freak show takes the stage.
Speaker 1: We give them the games we play, and then it
Speaker 1: goes on to this guy was gold. It was rose.
Speaker 1: I was taking SIPs of it through my nose and
Speaker 1: I wish I could get back there, someplace, back there, smiling,
Speaker 1: and the pictures you would take jing crystal meth would
Speaker 1: lift you up until you break. I won't stop. I
Speaker 1: won't come back down, and keep the TikTok rhythm, A
Speaker 1: bump for the drop and then a bumped up. I
Speaker 1: took the hit that I was given, then a bumped
Speaker 1: to get, then a bumped aget said how do I
Speaker 1: get back there too? And then I believe in the
Speaker 1: sand beneath my toes, the beach gives a feeling and
Speaker 1: earth and earthy feeling. I believe. Okay, so um meth.
Speaker 1: This song is about math. Yeah, it's about math. It
Speaker 1: is weird when you like, start singing songs and look
Speaker 1: up the lyrics to go, whoa, this is what it's about.
Speaker 1: What did you think there was some song yesterday that
Speaker 1: you were like. I always thought it was someone said
Speaker 1: they thought hey Jealousy was hey, Chelsea, you thought it
Speaker 1: was hair jealous, hair jealous, hair jel I see, um, okay,
Speaker 1: that was a great suggestion. And I love the band
Speaker 1: would be your least like like you Be forty, like
Speaker 1: Red Red One or um. Honestly, Maroom five Mos like
Speaker 1: Jagger is my least favorite song of all time, but
Speaker 1: they have a big catalog. Du teach maybe like a
Speaker 1: one hit wonder to do a hole actually like a
Speaker 1: lot of Room five. I just hate that song so much.
Speaker 1: I hated that. I'd like to know more about Mr Big.
Speaker 1: Come on, little Girl that Mr Big? I think? So whoa?
Speaker 1: I thought he was just about chumba womba. Oh I
Speaker 1: ohe the do you do a class on it? What
Speaker 1: song do they sing? I mean, it's hard to break
Speaker 1: it down. It's get knocked out, but I'll get help again.
Speaker 1: That's it's it's pissing the night away. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: when you really break down that, I mean, what's spend.
Speaker 1: What's he doing? She did, she needs club? She so
Speaker 1: we're going to professor stand up about her family? She
Speaker 1: just yeah, um yeah, I guess that that would be
Speaker 1: my least favorite. Is just a song a musician. I
Speaker 1: don't really hate any musicians, like the DJ Khalid okay
Speaker 1: let's and I'm calling him a musician is quite a
Speaker 1: strap would be the greatest because he said so. Okay,
Speaker 1: um no, next fan trax. Al Right, here is a
Speaker 1: story from Taylor. Okay, hey, besties, this is Taylor from Chicago.
Speaker 1: I was just listening to the Reddit dump uh Bukaki
Speaker 1: episode um, which it totally does sound like bullshit, and
Speaker 1: I think I might start using that as a synonym
Speaker 1: for bullshit. I wanted to call it a misuse of word. Story.
Speaker 1: I used to work at a salon as a receptionist,
Speaker 1: and it was at the front desk one day and
Speaker 1: the stylist brought up her client to get her all
Speaker 1: checked out and on her way, and the stylist said
Speaker 1: to the client like, oh, your hair is just so
Speaker 1: much brighter now, like it's very rejuvenating and blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and then she goes, yeah, it just really euthanizes your
Speaker 1: look and sit there with that straight face, and it
Speaker 1: was honestly one of the hardest things I've ever had
Speaker 1: to do. Um, I just wanted to share that with
Speaker 1: you because it's absolutely ridiculous and other people need to know.
Speaker 1: But I love you guys, love the pod, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure I got nothing. That's what was the days we
Speaker 1: don't either. That's so funny. I used to have a
Speaker 1: joke that I was like when I played a like
Speaker 1: kind of Sarah silverman ish joke where it was like
Speaker 1: I say things that I don't know that they're bad,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I took my dog into the
Speaker 1: you know vet and he was looking old. So I
Speaker 1: was like, is there anything you could do? Like I
Speaker 1: heard about this thing where you can euthanize him to
Speaker 1: make him younger, and they and so now I don't
Speaker 1: have a dog anymore, and they killed him and I
Speaker 1: actually surprised about it. But that is so funny. Yeah,
Speaker 1: really euthanized. You've got correct people on that you gotta
Speaker 1: go And it's so fun The two people that you
Speaker 1: listen to, it's like they both think that that's a word. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you could correct them. I don't because oh I know,
Speaker 1: or they just want to take it away. Well I
Speaker 1: don't know who, but that's too funny to go. You
Speaker 1: just picked a word that it's not like it means
Speaker 1: something that is it means to put to sleep forever.
Speaker 1: So it's like, it's it's funny that that's a funny
Speaker 1: correction to make to someone. I would I would think
Speaker 1: it's not like being like, well, excuse me, I think
Speaker 1: you mean that you think that, Yes, it's not that um,
Speaker 1: but that is so funny and it does sound like
Speaker 1: it should be. Yeah, you use For a second, I
Speaker 1: was like, what's wrong with that? Yeah? Right, Oh, but
Speaker 1: I like the two people were just like, it does
Speaker 1: euthanize you? But that does that does sound like a
Speaker 1: treatment I would want to have as the euthanizing face mask. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It just makes your hair look dead it Yeah. Do
Speaker 1: you know that's why you look shiny with botox is
Speaker 1: because when you become dead, your skin atrophies and it
Speaker 1: becomes very shiny and botox people you get shiny forehead
Speaker 1: when you get botox because your skin kind of thinks
Speaker 1: it's dead. I don't know the exact chemistry of it,
Speaker 1: but there's some kind of thing about that that yeah,
Speaker 1: with people on it. Well, there weren't because Tailor lapped
Speaker 1: for me, but open because Taylor, because it was if
Speaker 1: there's a casket that's opened, it is your duty to
Speaker 1: take the big mac. Wait what wait what? Wait? Who's
Speaker 1: who did you see dead? I mean my uh, my
Speaker 1: grandma's boyfriend, which sounds funny, but he was like nineties something. Um,
Speaker 1: because I've only seen one, he already looked dead. He
Speaker 1: already looked like he looks like the guy in seven
Speaker 1: Coughs up Dust and I think he's dead. He already
Speaker 1: looked like he looked alive. They gave him a little
Speaker 1: like bronzer um the I that my friend who shot
Speaker 1: his blew his head off, essentially. I could not believe
Speaker 1: they would do in an open gasket. But they really
Speaker 1: fixed him up in a way that like he just
Speaker 1: looked very pale, yeah, and like yeah, it was creepy.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't believe because I was just like where
Speaker 1: where is? I was trying to look for them because
Speaker 1: the back of his head. Yeah they can, they can
Speaker 1: do amazing things and dark. Yeah it's start as fuck.
Speaker 1: But listen, um, I saw my grandpa. I was like
Speaker 1: he's not in there, like there was nothing in there. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I just read this really sad story about a woman
Speaker 1: who was like writing about, you know, losing her child
Speaker 1: in Sandy Hook and writing like a kind of a
Speaker 1: letter to parents that lost their kids in this recent
Speaker 1: shooting about like here's what I went through and here's
Speaker 1: what to expect, and like she was talking about like
Speaker 1: holding her child's hand after it was like she could,
Speaker 1: and she was just like it's just it's it's they're
Speaker 1: not there. They're not there, you know. Oh, shush, I
Speaker 1: know children might be listening. Oh my god, I got
Speaker 1: a moment with your dad last night. This makes me ago.
Speaker 1: So your dad, you know, telling his story. He's like,
Speaker 1: I'm losing my voice, but I'm also going to talk
Speaker 1: the whole time. My dad was I mean, he sounds terrible,
Speaker 1: but it it sounds like that. So he sounds like
Speaker 1: he's drowning in mud constantly. He's fucking it's really awful.
Speaker 1: He was telling his story though, He's like this guy
Speaker 1: we were going around tayling stories. We were at the graveyard.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he went to his fifty year aa and
Speaker 1: then all of his friends walked around the graveyard friends,
Speaker 1: they took him on the life support and then he
Speaker 1: did he lived another four years, and Taylor goes, that
Speaker 1: doesn't really make sense, and you can just see your dad.
Speaker 1: I don't think you've ever been called out on like
Speaker 1: like everybody did say that the wife yanked the chord
Speaker 1: like she was starting a lawnmower. Definitely, guy said the
Speaker 1: joke of so this guy got taken off life support,
Speaker 1: which and lived for four years, and then about he
Speaker 1: said three times, No, that did not happen. First of all,
Speaker 1: my dad exaggerates by so if it's four years take off,
Speaker 1: take off, it was, it was at least two years,
Speaker 1: but not more than three. Everything my dad does is
Speaker 1: exaggerated everything, every number, every quantity, every length of time,
Speaker 1: any kind of number. It's always gaggerated because he knows
Speaker 1: that's not all a good story, is what he'll say.
Speaker 1: And I say, no, you know how to lie constantly. Well,
Speaker 1: it's funny the thief called out the liar. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: A moral code when it comes to telling tall tales.
Speaker 1: Is that what you guys do on the railroad. You
Speaker 1: make sure everyone tells the did you did you read
Speaker 1: the sober and as a child, No, I don't read fiction.
Speaker 1: It's like Taylor is sham because it's a lie. I
Speaker 1: hate you don't read fiction, No, because it's fucking made
Speaker 1: up lies. But they're just read things that are real.
Speaker 1: I understand that. I don't like fictionalize things either, but
Speaker 1: you have to understand. I under for me. It's not
Speaker 1: my preference. But don't act like it's not valuable in society. No,
Speaker 1: I just want to see it. No, I'm not saying
Speaker 1: you only need books about like Spider and how to
Speaker 1: pin them in a and Taylor's. Taylor's hobbies include um,
Speaker 1: collecting bug specimens, cartography of old rock quarries. This is
Speaker 1: real show. No, it's not the Taylor shame show. You're
Speaker 1: so interesting. I don't understand you and um and like
Speaker 1: you should. But Taylor loves collecting bugs, and you make
Speaker 1: your own. What's the best bug you've ever stolen? I
Speaker 1: stole his life a scar rub. Wait? Do you ever
Speaker 1: kill bugs to take them? Or do you think I
Speaker 1: just find them dead? Yes? You want to kill him dead?
Speaker 1: Damn it. Well, if you don't want to make this
Speaker 1: a shame show, we just walked into a territory. I
Speaker 1: don't have I don't kill dogs. It's just a little bug.
Speaker 1: I would protect you and you would be piste. How
Speaker 1: do you kill them? And I have a collection? Wait,
Speaker 1: how do you kill them? Do you have any centipedes?
Speaker 1: Oh that's not an insect, but I mean I do, actually,
Speaker 1: but an arthropod? Really? Is that right? Actually? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I only know about insects. Okay, let's do almost. And
Speaker 1: Taylor has given herself all of her tattoos. These are
Speaker 1: all her own. She does her own tattoos with pen
Speaker 1: on the freight train, on the freight train with a
Speaker 1: thunderstory to mosquitoes and put in her arm. It says
Speaker 1: obscure facts on here that doesn't see like my dad
Speaker 1: was trying to when you got you have an Apple Core.
Speaker 1: You have something that says mag maggot magic. I guess
Speaker 1: I'm not that you better euthanize that sentence. God. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's let's says maggots final thought. Let's go to another
Speaker 1: fan trax if we have time for it. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: So this is a message that came from Kira on Instagram,
Speaker 1: and you guys are going to be in Pittsburgh on Saturday.
Speaker 1: So she wanted to share some fun facts about Pittsburgh, please, Okay,
Speaker 1: has more bridges than any city in the world, fourty five,
Speaker 1: which is why it's called the City of Bridges. Didn't Okay,
Speaker 1: there's suicide joke TVD. Which one do you pick? The
Speaker 1: world's first t Rex skeleton is displayed at the Carnegie
Speaker 1: Museum of Natural History in Pittsburgh. Whoa it was until
Speaker 1: Taylor stolen and put in her favorite band is t Rex?
Speaker 1: Is it? There was one point? Yes? Score? Okay, how
Speaker 1: about this one. There is a gravity hill in North
Speaker 1: Park where your car will roll uphill. We know who's
Speaker 1: probably driving. It's going somewhere. It just took it for
Speaker 1: a spin around the law. I was borrowing it for
Speaker 1: gravity research. Crazy okay, So gravity like doesn't work somewhere
Speaker 1: the card maybe because of the moon or something. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: any other facts just famous people from Pittsburgh. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: hear him, all right, Jimmy Stewart, you can stop, all right?
Speaker 1: Yeah to Stewart. We like to be Stewart. Uh, you know,
Speaker 1: wonderful life. Harvey. I don't know that guy. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've heard you hear his name, but I don't know
Speaker 1: what I know. He's an actor comedian kind of thing, really,
Speaker 1: but I've never seen his work. Jimmy Stewart, he talked
Speaker 1: like this. I think they all back then. What you've
Speaker 1: heard of this? It's a wonderful life. Right, it's a
Speaker 1: it's a movie. It's another movie, but it's a wonderful life. Okay,
Speaker 1: who else? Um, Gene Kelly? Oh another oldie? Anyone within
Speaker 1: the last two centuries? Mr Rogers? Again? What about that's
Speaker 1: a Christina Aguilera. Oh there we go, Come on over. Um,
Speaker 1: who's do you have any like? Famis from Port St.
Speaker 1: Lucy besides Megan Megan Fox. Oh yeah, there's the thumb thing.
Speaker 1: It's something about their thumb. That's a good one to
Speaker 1: have from your town. Where about your from your own
Speaker 1: Oh wait, you're from here, Bob Costs. I mean, before
Speaker 1: we leave, I just want to say that Taylor was
Speaker 1: in the car with me when I hit a garbage man.
Speaker 1: Been through a lot. I cried, you were in the car,
Speaker 1: She was in the car. Can you do you want
Speaker 1: to tell what your perspective was? We were rocking out.
Speaker 1: We're going to an eighties game, basketball basketball game, eies
Speaker 1: because we're in the pup. Yeah, and he jumped right out.
Speaker 1: I mean I was I testified you did he jumping?
Speaker 1: So I don't like get in trouble. I've been to court.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. Yeah, why you don't start off
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes saying you're a thief and then is the
Speaker 1: person back? You know your one story when you killed
Speaker 1: a guy. I didn't kill him. I'm sure he got jacked. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't. Wasn't even really hurt. Yeah, dude, the stories
Speaker 1: me a little bit. He did flat, but it was
Speaker 1: like Superman through the like he jumped and was like
Speaker 1: literally it was like he hit the front of my
Speaker 1: mom's bad It was yea, what did you keep driving?
Speaker 1: We started laughing. We used my mom's cloth, We laughed.
Speaker 1: I laughed hysterically because and that's what happens a lot
Speaker 1: of times when you have a traumatic event, people just
Speaker 1: laugh hysterics. I think something weird is happening like that,
Speaker 1: Like I did. I remember feeling really guilty, like why
Speaker 1: am I laughing? But it was just so little. I mean,
Speaker 1: I know, I can remember exactly how he looked, and
Speaker 1: it was funny. Yeah we looked. We were in eighties
Speaker 1: gear and we were just like did you on with
Speaker 1: your mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I was like, there's
Speaker 1: a garbage man down and we got out of the
Speaker 1: car and there was a part of me that was
Speaker 1: like I should leave, Yeah, I should, just I didn't
Speaker 1: think that, Well that's what you think. Like, honestly, I
Speaker 1: understand hidden runs. Would people just run because you just
Speaker 1: like you're so You're not a bad person, You're just like,
Speaker 1: are so scared, like and you think they might be dead?
Speaker 1: So what are you gonna do? Like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's you do weird stuff. Oh my god, my Aunt
Speaker 1: Sally's calling and I've been avoiding her call. She gave
Speaker 1: me a card for my birthday from my mom that
Speaker 1: said pick up your fucking phone. In the middle of
Speaker 1: the card, you open the garden says happy thirty birthday,
Speaker 1: pick up your fucking phone, Love Aunt Sally. It was
Speaker 1: written like jail font chicken scratch. She was she's in
Speaker 1: a wheelchair and can barely write, and it could be
Speaker 1: why not jail It looks like one of your tattoos,
Speaker 1: magic callback and um any other memories from our childhood
Speaker 1: that you want to share tree court days we were
Speaker 1: we used to rule the roost it um. We were
Speaker 1: the mayors of the space called Court, and we were
Speaker 1: just that's where harassed people. Harassed people you have, like
Speaker 1: the all the lifeguards. My god, we were so in
Speaker 1: love with the would like stalk them and write poems
Speaker 1: about them. And there was one guy that looked like
Speaker 1: the Tom Everett Tom Scott Everett from American Werewolf in Paris,
Speaker 1: and so we called him a whip because it's American
Speaker 1: Werewolf in Paris Paris, So we called him a whip.
Speaker 1: And there was another guy that want sunglasses and we
Speaker 1: were like, he looked like cool, like zoot suit riot,
Speaker 1: so we called him Swinger and so swinging a whip
Speaker 1: board these like hot lifeguards that we were like drowning
Speaker 1: or whatever to get them to like pay attention to you.
Speaker 1: Taylor got like one of them. You started dating Swing
Speaker 1: Swing so jealous, and I remember one time I was
Speaker 1: like we were just I was so interested in sex, obviously,
Speaker 1: but none of my friends were having it. I wasn't
Speaker 1: having it, and I thought Taylor was a little bit
Speaker 1: more experienced than me. And I remember going over your
Speaker 1: house and being like, what did you would swing or do?
Speaker 1: And you drew a picture of a hand and you
Speaker 1: just circled the figure, and I was like, I was
Speaker 1: so crazy to talk about what we did. I can
Speaker 1: just go you circle a finger just one second. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. Well Taylor's here. I gotta go. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: going to another show. I'm going to a radio show.
Speaker 1: It's in Chesterfield. Taylor's going to drive me. Um. I
Speaker 1: don't know how I feel about that, but I actually do.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be fun. She's driving me in a car.
Speaker 1: Is it the one that she stole a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago from New Orleans. No, she had to give
Speaker 1: that back because it had a fucking siren on it.
Speaker 1: This one's her mom's Kia Sorrento. We're gonna have fun.
Speaker 1: Never let go. We've always ended this. Sometimes I think
Speaker 1: about jumping on a train, but I feel like I'll
Speaker 1: bring my parents so much pain. But I get back.
Speaker 1: I sit back and I relax when I eat the
Speaker 1: sandwiches like a Mexican boy who gets um. Told that
Speaker 1: he did it, but it was really me, and I
Speaker 1: feel really bad because he got hit. It won't be
Speaker 1: taken out of contact. Want to wrap about. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: about all the shame I've caused the Glazer name by
Speaker 1: telling you about my crime at this very hard time.
Speaker 1: That's good. I did not mean to shave you, but
Speaker 1: I do want you to stop stealing. And I thank
Speaker 1: you so much, and I thank you so much for
Speaker 1: being here. Like we've never had anyone this interesting on
Speaker 1: the podcast ever, Like I can't even believe how crazy
Speaker 1: your stories are. And I want to have you back.
Speaker 1: And I hope you don't feel like it was a
Speaker 1: shame fest. I can't use a little shame every once
Speaker 1: in a while. Well, shame is my That's what I did. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's what Well, that's what I love doing to myself,
Speaker 1: so I give to other people quite often. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: about that gay giving. Andrew, you should have said good
Speaker 1: bye to me last night, but you apologize. I apologize
Speaker 1: for my crimes. Um, I was just bringing that, but
Speaker 1: as a joke. I really wasn't. Not being again, I
Speaker 1: accept your apology. App thank you. It's a rap as
Speaker 1: a W A R P. Al Right, guys, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for listening to the show. Well, look at Luigi,
Speaker 1: he knows what I'm saying about. Don't be kidding out there.
Speaker 1: And what Jackson eyes Jackson eyes