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Speaker 1: So if you had a chance to play beside Denzel,

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Speaker 1: would you do it?

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Speaker 2: It depends if I had to be married to him.

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Speaker 2: My husband might be like, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Now, hello, family, I'm TD Jakes and I am the

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Speaker 1: host of Next Chapter, and boy, have we got a

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Speaker 1: special special podcast for you. She is a woman whose

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Speaker 1: voice has become a guiding light for millions around the world.

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Speaker 1: And I don't mean that figuratively. She is a New

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Speaker 1: York Times bestselling author, a powerhouse motivational speaker known for

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Speaker 1: her death, clarity and conviction. She's also grace a big

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Speaker 1: screen starring in a number of high grossing films that

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Speaker 1: have inspired audiences globally. She continues to lead with passion,

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Speaker 1: purpose and authenticity, but beyond the spotlight, she is deeply grounded.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome the Magnificent Forcilla.

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Speaker 2: Sharon, who wrote that.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't enough, said, really, it's absolutely amazing how you

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Speaker 1: have done so many things with your life and been

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Speaker 1: so used in such a dynamic way through so many

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Speaker 1: different cultures and circles and denominations, transcended every kind of barrier.

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Speaker 1: How does it feel to be you?

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Speaker 2: Very regular?

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Speaker 1: Very regular?

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Speaker 2: Because you know, I know my regular life I'm doing

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Speaker 2: laundry and trying to figure out what to cook these

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Speaker 2: kids for dinner.

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Speaker 1: And stuff, right exactly.

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Speaker 2: But I am grateful. It's been an adventure for sure.

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Speaker 1: People don't know that people that they see on stage

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Speaker 1: are really real people, yeah, with real lives, And if

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Speaker 1: you're not careful, they'll rob that from you and take

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Speaker 1: that away from you. And that's the best part of

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Speaker 1: life is not what you do on stage, it's what

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Speaker 1: you do when you get off.

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Speaker 2: It's yes, it's easier for us to make caricatures out

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Speaker 2: of people, create in our imagination what we perceive them

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Speaker 2: to be.

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Speaker 1: Right, good or bad? Right, and we make a decision

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Speaker 1: about people we don't even really know. And we've got

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Speaker 1: a lot to come regu just a whole lot. I've

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Speaker 1: been waiting to talk to you. I have been waiting, So

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be some really good things. Chapter one, Daughter

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Speaker 1: of a Preacher. We're gonna talk about different chapters of

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Speaker 1: your life. And I want to go back to the beginning,

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Speaker 1: before everybody knew you and you became a household name,

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Speaker 1: you were a preacher's daughter. You don't think you're a

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Speaker 1: household naw, yeah, yeah, Well you're you're becoming. You can't

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Speaker 1: do films and do movies and keep yourself a secret

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Speaker 1: at the same time, do interviews, the on talk shows,

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Speaker 1: show up everywhere, preach all over the world, and still

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Speaker 1: remain anonymous. So you're the last one to realize it,

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Speaker 1: and your humility does not allow you to acknowledge it.

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Speaker 1: But in reality, more and more people of different spheres, denominations,

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Speaker 1: walks of life are finding your message relative to their situations,

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Speaker 1: solving problems, producing answers, and transcending barriers. I mean, you're

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Speaker 1: showing up in every circle. You're not in any one circle,

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Speaker 1: You're everywhere. I want to go back. I want to

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Speaker 1: go all the way back to a little girl with

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Speaker 1: pigtails in her hair and being a little girl and

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Speaker 1: being a preacher's daughter. What was it like for you

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Speaker 1: to grow up with your famous father and all that

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Speaker 1: he has done and all that he has built right

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Speaker 1: here in Dallas? What was it like to be a

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Speaker 1: part of a preacher's family and grow up in that environment?

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Speaker 2: Well, you know that sort of a sphere, as you

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Speaker 2: and your family know, it has its blessings and then

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Speaker 2: it has the responsibilities that sometimes can feel like burdens.

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Speaker 2: When you're in the fish bowl of it. But our

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Speaker 2: family was incredibly playful. Dad is incredibly playful, So a

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Speaker 2: lot of joking, a lot of you know, getting on

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Speaker 2: his back and riding, you know, horseback rides in the house,

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Speaker 2: and family talent show nights. We're just a very playful family.

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Speaker 2: So while my parents believed in the scriptures and wanted

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Speaker 2: us to honor God's word and all that, they also played.

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Speaker 2: We grew up feeling like ministry is a fun place

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Speaker 2: to be. Loving God doesn't rob the fun out of

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Speaker 2: your life, and I'm grateful for that. They also had integrity,

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Speaker 2: which I realized the older and older, I get that

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Speaker 2: that's actually rare, Yes, that you've seen someone's life up close,

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Speaker 2: that actually for real loved Jesus and weren't just playing church.

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Speaker 2: We saw that, and I'm grateful for that. So they

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Speaker 2: weren't perfect, my parents, but they played with us. They

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Speaker 2: were consistent, They for real loved Jesus, And I think

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Speaker 2: that's why all four of us still love the church

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Speaker 2: and love his word, because we saw people who work

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Speaker 2: for real.

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Speaker 1: As you grow up and go through adolescents, you know,

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Speaker 1: I think that Jesus, I think faith, I think maturity

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Speaker 1: means different things at different stages and ages of life.

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Speaker 1: Were there times that she felt pressured to be perfect?

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's interesting you're asking me that, because even just yesterday,

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Speaker 2: my youngest son and I were having this conversation that

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Speaker 2: he's feeling that pressure from others on him. And I

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Speaker 2: remember that feeling when a Sunday school teacher would point

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Speaker 2: at me, Priscilla, you know the answer, don't you? You

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Speaker 2: should know the answer. And I remember my Mama, Lois Evans,

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Speaker 2: pulling the teacher aside and being like, no, no, she's

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Speaker 2: a kid like everybody else. And Mom freed us up

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Speaker 2: from that because she would say to us, you are

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Speaker 2: not the church's kid, you were our kid. You do

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Speaker 2: not have a responsibility to rise up to their expectations.

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Speaker 2: And she just set it point blank, and it just

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Speaker 2: freed us up to not feel the need to be

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Speaker 2: what everybody else expected or wanted us to be. I'm

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Speaker 2: grateful for that.

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Speaker 1: Your mother was an amazing person. She was truly amazing

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Speaker 1: every time I ever encountered her. She was always always gracious,

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Speaker 1: always kind, always thoughtful, always a lady. You think she

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Speaker 1: was always a lady? Do you? Was there ever a

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Speaker 1: time that you felt disappointed in yourself, like you didn't

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Speaker 1: live up to her expectations, or the church's expectations, of

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Speaker 1: the world's expectations, or your dad's expectations. And if so,

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Speaker 1: how how does one overcome being disappointed in oneself?

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Speaker 2: Yes, there are many seasons. I can point back to,

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Speaker 2: one of them being in college when I, you know,

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Speaker 2: kind of was out of the bubble of home life

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Speaker 2: and church life and my life sort of being wrapped

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Speaker 2: bubble wrapped in this culture that my parents had cultivated

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Speaker 2: for us, and I went off to college and disappointed

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Speaker 2: myself because there decisions that surprised me. I was making

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Speaker 2: relationships I was allowing that surprised me. I was allowing

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Speaker 2: and in the moment of it, it's not even some

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Speaker 2: life decisions you look back in hindsight and regret some

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Speaker 2: of them. You're in it and you like I knew

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Speaker 2: before I said that I shouldn't have said, and I

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Speaker 2: shouldn't allowed that. I remember being disappointed at myself in

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Speaker 2: it and just having to surround myself. I think this

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Speaker 2: was honestly for me. What helped was surrounding myself with

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Speaker 2: people who reminded me that choice is not who you are.

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Speaker 2: It's a choice you made. You have to rectify their

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Speaker 2: consequences from it, But that's not who you are. And

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Speaker 2: hearing them separate the two reminded me that there's still

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Speaker 2: something here that God can work with. There's still something

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Speaker 2: here useful despite the mess that I may have made,

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Speaker 2: there's still something here worth worth pressing on towards. You know.

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Speaker 1: One of the things I love about air and becoming

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Speaker 1: the high priests after having everybody dance and naked around

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Speaker 1: the calf and then God chooses him to be the

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Speaker 1: one that has access to the holies of holies. One

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Speaker 1: of the things I take away from that text is

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Speaker 1: the fact that some of the best preachers have had

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Speaker 1: some of the worst experiences. And I think it's by

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Speaker 1: design so that no matter how high you go, there's

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Speaker 1: a certain humility they kind of because yeah, exactly exactly,

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Speaker 1: you know who you are and you don't believe your

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Speaker 1: own press, and yet anybody can come and talk to

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Speaker 1: you who sees you now and can't imagine that you

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Speaker 1: could relate to what they're going through. But God chooses

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Speaker 1: people who who are kin to the people they want

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Speaker 1: to redeem. Yeah, Yeah, Ken Kinsman redeemers kinswoman's redeemers.

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Speaker 2: It gives you a compassion, yeah, because you remember, you

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Speaker 2: remember with the feeling of being stuck or right since

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Speaker 2: that maybe it's unredeemable now and you see God's grace

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Speaker 2: carrying you through, so you can have compassion for where

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Speaker 2: somebody's at.

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Speaker 1: I think that's very important. I'm afraid of people who

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Speaker 1: have never failed. I'm afraid of people who have always

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Speaker 1: been perfect and there are no wrinkles and no spots anywhere.

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Speaker 1: Why would God make him a high priest after he

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Speaker 1: had miserably embarrassed Moses and God and everybody's dancing naked

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Speaker 1: around idolatry. They've broken the law before they ever got it.

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Speaker 1: And God says, this is a guy I want to

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Speaker 1: have access to me and the people and to bring

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Speaker 1: Israel into my presence. And I think, I just think

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Speaker 1: that no matter what they brought into Moses's tabernacle to

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Speaker 1: offer up sins or oblations for he could never turn

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Speaker 1: up his nose right because he had made the kinds

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Speaker 1: of mistakes that made him able to intercede for other people.

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Speaker 1: Chapter number two, losing ten family members. Do you find

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Speaker 1: yourself to be the kind of person that other people

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Speaker 1: can confide in and talk to in a way that

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Speaker 1: they couldn't talk to had you not gone through the

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Speaker 1: things you've been through.

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Speaker 2: I think so, I think that my willingness to be

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Speaker 2: open and vulnerable in an appropriate way to share in

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Speaker 2: messages or in my writing what it is that has

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Speaker 2: gone on in my life even recently with as you know,

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Speaker 2: the losses we've had in our family. Yeah, sharing that grief,

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Speaker 2: like you know, losing Mom and we lost ten people

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Speaker 2: actually in five years, wow, back to back. And I

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Speaker 2: don't know what people's perception is that we just sort

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Speaker 2: of went through that grief and we pulled ourselves up

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Speaker 2: by our bootstraps and we're okay, No, we turned our

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Speaker 2: head and our eyes upward and say, God, are you

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Speaker 2: for real?

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Speaker 1: Right right?

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Speaker 2: And we cried all the tears, and we're disappointed that

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Speaker 2: we know he can heal, and he chose not to

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Speaker 2: on this side of heaven with Mom in particular, and

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Speaker 2: then others in our family. So that's disappointing, that's hard,

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Speaker 2: that's difficult, and yet we're choosing to fix our eyes

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Speaker 2: on Jesus and to believe that he is still good

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Speaker 2: and he's still kind but to share the struggle. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think that has been helpful and folks realizing, oh

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Speaker 2: y'all a gree for real. Yeah, and we're struggling for real,

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Speaker 2: but we believe and trust in God.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad you

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Speaker 1: said that because we lost over a million people to KOBD. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: We're losing people every day to shootings and killings and murders,

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Speaker 1: and people are bearing their children. They're stuck between parents

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Speaker 1: with Alzhemmer's and children that are in the street getting shot.

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Speaker 1: And everybody thinks, y'all to just get over it, y'all,

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Speaker 1: to just be okay. And they see people like your

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Speaker 1: family who sing the epitome of strength and optimism. And

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Speaker 1: you sing and you worship and you clap your hands,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes we feel like, how can you smile? I mean,

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Speaker 1: even at your mother's funeral, you or were gracious and

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Speaker 1: composed and like her, she probably wouldn't have it any

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Speaker 1: other way. But it is nice to hear you say

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Speaker 1: we cried. Oh yeah, we heard, we suffered. I missed

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Speaker 1: my mama. Yeah, you know, I missed my mama. And

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Speaker 1: because there are many people who are watching us, right,

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Speaker 1: now who lost a husband they've been married to for

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Speaker 1: fifty years, or a wife they've been married to for

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Speaker 1: thirty years, or a spouse they just married, or a

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Speaker 1: boyfriend or whatever, and there's struggling. They've buried a baby,

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Speaker 1: they've had a still born, they've gone through some terrible things,

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Speaker 1: and they're angry and they are asking God, why, how

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Speaker 1: do you? How do you resolve that? Are you still

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Speaker 1: in the process of resolving that, losing that many people

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Speaker 1: that quickly? Are you still in process? How do you

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Speaker 1: talk to you? That's what I want to hear.

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Speaker 2: Well, the direct answer to your question is yes, I

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Speaker 2: think I am still in process, and think I always

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Speaker 2: will be. That there's this constant wrestle, and I think

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Speaker 2: part of the beauty of our relationship with the Lord

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Speaker 2: is relaxing into the wrestle. That he knows we're human,

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Speaker 2: He knows that we're wrestling, that we're frail, that we're struggling,

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Speaker 2: that we don't understand, that we take one step forward

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Speaker 2: two steps back. Sometimes he knows that, and his grace

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Speaker 2: is sufficient for that, that he's not waiting for us

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Speaker 2: to rise up to some elevated standard of holiness before

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Speaker 2: his grace is sufficient. No, it's sufficient for the wrestle that.

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Speaker 2: In fact, one of the most anchoring things that I've

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Speaker 2: learned during this season is that he lets me ask

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Speaker 2: my questions, and I can do that without questioning his character.

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Speaker 2: And yet he lets me come with all my questions

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Speaker 2: and he receives all of them. And while I might

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Speaker 2: not get the clarity of response on this side of

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Speaker 2: eternity that I would prefer, he reminds me that He's

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Speaker 2: with me. I got you. Nobody can tell me now

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Speaker 2: that God is not real. I would like to think

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Speaker 2: they couldn't have convinced me of that before, but now

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Speaker 2: I know because the only way we can still function,

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Speaker 2: have some sense of sanity, have some sense of ability

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Speaker 2: to get dressed and serve other people and keep going

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Speaker 2: the devastating realities that you mentioned about people losing babies

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Speaker 2: and burying their sons or daughters that have been killed,

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Speaker 2: and you can still function, right. That means He is

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Speaker 2: able to sustain you. And that's a miracle as well,

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Speaker 2: not just him healing, but also him carrying you through

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Speaker 2: what didn't work out the way you prefer and you

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Speaker 2: still are in your right mind. Yeah, that is a miracle.

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Speaker 1: Yeah right, that's a miracle. Right.

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Speaker 2: Some folks are hopeless to the point that they literally

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Speaker 2: cannot get upright and work, take care of their other

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Speaker 2: children and function, and they're in any healthy way and

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Speaker 2: their other dynamics. But those of us who have a

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Speaker 2: relationship with God and recognize him to be real, the

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Speaker 2: proof is in the pudding, not just that he rescued

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Speaker 2: us out of the situation, but that we're still alive

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Speaker 2: to tell the story.

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Speaker 1: You know that that is true. And I also think

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Speaker 1: that we should have grace for those that have a

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Speaker 1: relationship with God. But it's not showing up the way

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Speaker 1: you wanted to show up at this time. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you're angry. You know. My theology leaves room for therapy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, got that right. Jesus and therapy.

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Speaker 1: Jesus and therapy. And if you need therapy, and if

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Speaker 1: you're going through grief and it's an inordinate amount of time,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with getting somebody to talk to and

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Speaker 1: airing out those problems and being real, because, after all,

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Speaker 1: we are a spirit, soul, and body, and that solely

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Speaker 1: that mental, that psyche, that human part of us doesn't

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Speaker 1: always heal as quickly as our spirit does your spirit

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Speaker 1: can can immediately receive the word, and they were pricked

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Speaker 1: in their hearts. It goes right into your heart. But

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Speaker 1: that solely spart where we get psyche, where we get

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Speaker 1: the word psychology, where we get mine. It can be

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Speaker 1: getting signals from the flesh and from the spirit, and

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Speaker 1: from the situation and from the crazy world that we're

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Speaker 1: living in. And you don't have to be ashamed to

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Speaker 1: be hurting. You don't have to be ashamed to be hurting.

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Speaker 2: As you were saying that, it's like it reminds me

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Speaker 2: of being in college in college algebra. You know, the

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Speaker 2: math wires in my brain don't work very well. I

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Speaker 2: remember being in college algebra and he's got the book.

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Speaker 2: He's telling us what to do. But I needed tutoring.

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Speaker 2: I need someone to help me outwork what he just

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Speaker 2: taught me. But I need practical I need some regiment

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Speaker 2: to be put in place to help me to figure

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Speaker 2: out how what he taught me is supposed to work

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Speaker 2: on paper and in real life. This, to me is

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Speaker 2: what therapy counseling, that depth of conversation is. It's like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: you have the book. You know God is really you

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Speaker 2: have the book you have the outline for how to

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Speaker 2: work the problem, but now you need someone to walk

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Speaker 2: with you to show you how to apply this faith

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Speaker 2: to the regular rhythms of your everyday living. And you

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Speaker 2: shouldn't be ashamed that you need a tutor.

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Speaker 1: I think that sometimes it has a lot to do

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Speaker 1: with generations, the way we're taught generationally regionally. Culture plays

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Speaker 1: a part into it where we're gender plays a part

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Speaker 1: into it, where we're afraid to open up for help.

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Speaker 1: I've seen couples where the wife would come, but the

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Speaker 1: man wouldn't come, you know, or they only come on

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Speaker 1: the way to divorce court, you know, And giving yourself

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Speaker 1: permission to not be okay, that it's okay to not

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Speaker 1: be okay, whether you're a person of deep faith or

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Speaker 1: whether you're a person that's agnostic or We're not suggesting

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Speaker 1: that accepting Christ means you don't hurt anymore, or that

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Speaker 1: you're not confused anymore, or that the molestation and the

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Speaker 1: after effects of it has gone away with baptism. We're

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Speaker 1: suggesting that the Christ gives you a leverage and a

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Speaker 1: rock to stand on, but that does not mean that

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Speaker 1: holding up the or doesn't get heavy, and that you

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Speaker 1: don't need somebody to assist you because your arms are

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Speaker 1: getting tired, you know. And I don't know about you,

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Speaker 1: but there's been times in my life I got tired. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was tired of being the strong guy, tired of

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Speaker 1: being superman, tired of fixing everybody else's problem as if

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Speaker 1: I didn't have any of my own. Sometimes they called

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Speaker 1: me to tell me what's wrong with them, and I

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Speaker 1: want to say, wait, could would somebody please call me

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Speaker 1: and ask me about Okay? Yeah, somebody check on me.

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Speaker 1: And that doesn't happen easily. Chapter number three, Lessons from Mom.

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Speaker 1: You know you told a story. I think it was

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Speaker 1: you or one of your siblings, but I think it

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Speaker 1: was you that when we were having prayer vidials for

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Speaker 1: your mother in the final days of her life, and

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Speaker 1: everybody was praying, and our church and all kinds of

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Speaker 1: churches were praying. People were standing out the house praying

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Speaker 1: like Stalker's And you came in the room now and

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Speaker 1: your mother was crying, yes, And and she was crying.

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Speaker 1: She said she was crying because if the Lord didn't

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Speaker 1: heal her, maybe they would lose their faith in God.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 1: That was such an amazing story.

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Speaker 2: She was thinking about other people. Yeah, how will their

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Speaker 2: faith be affected if God doesn't answer the way they're praying?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and to crowd, and she's dying of cancer and

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Speaker 1: she's crying about us having faith. How much of her

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Speaker 1: is in you? Oh?

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Speaker 2: Man. The older and older I get, the more I

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Speaker 2: realize a whole. But yeah, you look just like your

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Speaker 2: mother after all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, but so.

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Speaker 2: Much of the weight her outlook on life, so much

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Speaker 2: of the grace that she carried. That's what I hear

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Speaker 2: from people. Just my stature is like hers, my composure

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Speaker 2: is like hers. But I will tell you a lesson

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Speaker 2: I learned from her that I'm intentionally incorporating during the

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Speaker 2: last couple of months of her life, and of course

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Speaker 2: she was saying very specific things to us. One of

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Speaker 2: them was she would say, kids, you have to stop

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Speaker 2: and smell the roses. She said, I wish I would

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Speaker 2: have done that sooner. And what she meant was keep

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Speaker 2: doing ministry, but along the way, enjoy your life.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 2: Don't be so purposeful and purpose driven that you miss

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Speaker 2: out on the fun.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 2: And I heard her basically saying to us that sooner

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Speaker 2: she would have recognized the importance of just enjoying all

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Speaker 2: that God has given us opportunity to enjoy. So I've

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Speaker 2: taken that to heart that I want to be busy

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Speaker 2: and productive for the kingdom and what God has assigned

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Speaker 2: for me to do, but also right, but also I

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Speaker 2: want to laugh, yeah, yeah, and figure out what my

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Speaker 2: passions are and my interests aren't just do those for fun.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, you know it's funny you should say that

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Speaker 1: because one of the most things, I'm a grandfather now

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Speaker 1: you are several times over, Yes, sir, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how I got to be a grandfather. I cannot figure

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Speaker 1: it out. I was doing you jubilee services and things

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Speaker 1: like that, and the next thing I know, you know, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it sneaks up on you like a ghost Casper, the

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Speaker 1: friendly ghost, and you look around and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: my hair it seemed like it didn't turn great gradually.

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Speaker 1: It's like I will one morning and I looked in

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Speaker 1: the mirror and I thought, who are you? You know,

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Speaker 1: because everything is so fast now, everything's moving so fast,

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Speaker 1: and AI has sped it up, and technology has sped

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Speaker 1: it up, and all of these wonderful conveniences that we

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Speaker 1: now have have made time put on his tennis shoes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 1: And it's rolling in such a way that a decade

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Speaker 1: will pass by you, and it seemed like a year,

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Speaker 1: you know. And so what your mother is saying about

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Speaker 1: really taking the time to really, really really pull yourself

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Speaker 1: together and say I matter. I matter. It's such an

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Speaker 1: important thing. And we don't give ourselves enough permission, especially

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Speaker 1: those of us who have a calling rather than a career. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we have a tendency not to take the time to

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Speaker 1: do that. What do you do for fun?

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Speaker 2: I love to read, really, I love to watch movies.

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Speaker 2: I love to walk. Walking is my love language. Walking.

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Speaker 2: I make up excuses to walk. I'll walk to the

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Speaker 2: post office, walk to target, walk, you know, find the

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Speaker 2: nail shop that's four miles away, so I can walk

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Speaker 2: to it, even if it's not my favorite one. Walking

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Speaker 2: is my love. I love the sounds of nature. I

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Speaker 2: love listening to worship music. I love praying and walking.

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Speaker 2: I love the exercise for my body and what it

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Speaker 2: does for my mental and emotional health as well. So

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Speaker 2: solitude is point I'm getting at walking in solitude, reading

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Speaker 2: a book and quiet. I love solitude and enjoying those

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Speaker 2: practices that allow me to just be with myself. It's

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Speaker 2: rejuvenating for me.

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Speaker 1: You know. She immediately had a recipe for what she

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Speaker 1: does for fun, And most people when I ask him

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Speaker 1: what they do for fun, they stammer, they stutter. I

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Speaker 1: want you to make it your business to sit down

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Speaker 1: and write down at least five things you do for

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Speaker 1: nobody but you and not feel guilty and not feel

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Speaker 1: bad about it. And I feel like you're robbing the

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Speaker 1: kids or robbing your spouse, are robbing somebody. Just five

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Speaker 1: things that you do, and you don't have to do

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Speaker 1: them all in repetition. Maybe one a day that you

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Speaker 1: do for you that keeps your head on straight, that

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Speaker 1: causes you not to go postal. They causes you not

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Speaker 1: to go in a place and drive your car through

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Speaker 1: a plate glass window. You've got to be intentional about

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Speaker 1: your mental health as well as your spiritual health and

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Speaker 1: your physical health. And what she's talking about works on

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Speaker 1: all three.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, you know. And I should add and I

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Speaker 2: also eat Mexican food because that blesses my life.

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Speaker 1: All right, all right, all right, that's a little comfort. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm with you. I've got a brother and a sister

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Speaker 1: and had a mom and a day that was five

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Speaker 1: of us. When my mom died, all of us lost

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Speaker 1: somebody different because even though it was the same person

434
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: in the box, we did not all have the same relationship.

435
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 1: We all were close, and we all had a relationship,

436
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 1: but they were a unique relationship. What was your unique

437
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: relationship like with your mother?

438
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 2: Ooh, that is a good question. I think my mother

439
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 2: and I our friendship was complicated because in some ways

440
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 2: we were so similar that we tads, and in some

441
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,479
Speaker 2: way we were so opposite that we bubed heads. So

442
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 2: our friendship was melding together more as I was getting

443
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:15,399
Speaker 2: older and I was learning acceptance. To me, one of

444
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 2: the most important parts of any deep friendship and relationship,

445
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 2: whether familial or just in a friendship relationship, is acceptance

446
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 2: of the other person. Instead of trying to change them

447
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,399
Speaker 2: or mold them, or listening in order to correct or

448
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 2: just so you can prepare your response, you actually are

449
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 2: just absorbing who they are. That's what I was learning

450
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:45,600
Speaker 2: from my mom, that that as she is is enough,

451
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,919
Speaker 2: and that what God gave her to give to me

452
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,679
Speaker 2: is enough. And it was and it is and sometimes

453
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 2: as a teenager you don't realize it, and then you

454
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 2: grew up and you realize, oh, they're regular, they're humans

455
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,640
Speaker 2: with deficiencies and weaknesses and a journey with God and

456
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,199
Speaker 2: things that the Lord entrusted to her just for me

457
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 2: because he knew I was going to be her girl, right,

458
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 2: And so you know here I, you know, get into

459
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 2: my forties when she was coming to the end of

460
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,480
Speaker 2: her life, and it was just in that good part

461
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 2: where you're seeing your parent as a human right, right feelings,

462
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:22,919
Speaker 2: right emotions, and again their own story and journey with

463
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: God and appreciating that, yeah, yeah, that she's a whole

464
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 2: person outside of being my MoMA.

465
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yes, Because when you're a kid, it's like

466
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:33,159
Speaker 1: all about you.

467
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, what else you got to do? Parents?

468
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, you didn't have a life before. You

469
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 1: weren't ever a little girl, you were ever hurt, You

470
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 1: weren't ever from selfishness of youth. Yes, yes, all about it.

471
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 1: Oh that's the book right there, Yeah, chapter number four.

472
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: Don't troup the time when my mother got sick. My

473
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,200
Speaker 1: mother had Alzheimer's and when she got sick, she moved

474
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: I moved her to my house. She was into my

475
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: house for the last two and a half years before

476
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 1: she died. And it's the thing that I'm probably most

477
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: proud of that I got to show her that if

478
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: the shoe was on the other foot, yeah, I would

479
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: do for her what she did for me. And that's everything.

480
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 1: Eventually it got to where it was everything. But the

481
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,480
Speaker 1: thing that she did that was amazing is she narrated

482
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: death to me. She talked to me about every stage

483
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 1: of it, she said. She told me one day, she said,

484
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 1: you know, the only thing that got old on me

485
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 1: was my body. She said, inside, I'm the same little

486
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 1: girl that was playing in the clay Hills of Alabama.

487
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: And she said, though people can't see it for the

488
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: wrinkles on your skin, or the needles in your body,

489
00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: or the circumstances in your memory, she said, that little

490
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: girl is still in there. And she says, in other words,

491
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 1: that ward man is perishing, but the inward man is

492
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 1: renewed from day to day. And I can still to

493
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: this day feel her hand on my head where I

494
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: was sitting on the floor. She was sitting in a

495
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: chair and she was stroking my head. Are you going

496
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: to be okay? She said, every story doesn't have a

497
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: happy ending. Cool, and she just was talking to me

498
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: all the way to the grave. You know what it

499
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: was like. She said, I believe I'll be all right,

500
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,600
Speaker 1: but if I don't, I had a good time. Oh

501
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: you know those kinds of things. Were there any things

502
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: that your mother said and she was leaving that gave

503
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 1: you perspectives that changed you, that they gave you some insight?

504
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: You know?

505
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 2: A couple things come to my mind. One is that

506
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 2: her conversations about the Lord escalated as she got closer. Okay,

507
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 2: I always feel like you really know what's in a

508
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 2: person by what they're talking about at the most devastating times.

509
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 2: I realized then that if her walk with the Lord

510
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 2: wasn't for real, that's not what she would be talking about.

511
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 2: She'd be terrified, there would be hopelessness. But she literally

512
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 2: would just wake up and say the name Jesus, as

513
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 2: if she had just seen him in a bit of

514
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 2: a dream state maybe, and then she'd come back to

515
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 2: alertness and just say his name. And it made me

516
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 2: want that kind of friendship with him, that is substantial

517
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: enough for that kind of organic connection when it's not

518
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 2: easy to make it, but it's just in me. So

519
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 2: I appreciated that. And then she said to us don't

520
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 2: drop the baton, which I know you have said, But

521
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 2: the concept of legacy, that's what was on her mind.

522
00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:02,239
Speaker 2: She wanted her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren around, right,

523
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 2: I mean, bring that baby to me, put the baby

524
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,959
Speaker 2: right here. She was very intentional about physically touching her people.

525
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 2: And I have on video my son was so uncomfortable.

526
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 2: He didn't even know what to do. You know, when

527
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 2: you're thirteen, you're not sure what to do when your

528
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 2: grandmother's laying in the bed talking to you. But I

529
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 2: have her. We can barely even make out what she's saying,

530
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 2: but you can see her talking to her grandson and saying,

531
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 2: my life is for your life. Don't drop the baton.

532
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 2: And I thought, what beauty and power in that that

533
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 2: you see that legacy is on her mind. Yes, that

534
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 2: she knows it doesn't end here, that it's just the

535
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 2: passing of a baton and her charging all of us.

536
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 2: Don't you dare drop this. I don't work too hard

537
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 2: for y'all to mess around and drop this baton. Right,

538
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 2: But family traditions, legacy of faith as well, just on

539
00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 2: and on the things that she sowed seed into. She's

540
00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 2: like a shehall's turn right, do well when.

541
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: You had family dinners and things like that, does she

542
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: do all the cooking or.

543
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 2: She did do a lot of the cooking. We should

544
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 2: have lightened that load earlier. We tried to, but you

545
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,640
Speaker 2: know sometimes the mama she says she wants the load lighter,

546
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 2: but then now she want to cook. She want to

547
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 2: cook the whole.

548
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: You're doing. You know who carries on now that she's

549
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 1: gone and holding the family together.

550
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 2: You know, all four of us do in different ways.

551
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 2: Me and Crystal very much in those family tradition ways

552
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 2: with Christmas and the cooking of certain dishes. Mom was

553
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 2: from Guyana, South America, so the Guyanese dishes, my aunt's.

554
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:37,960
Speaker 2: You know, we're all sort of around trying to keep

555
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 2: that part cultivated, and we would count it as a

556
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 2: privilege to be able to do that.

557
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 1: That's amazing. That's one way of keeping the legacy going. Uh.

558
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,560
Speaker 1: There are certain things that I cook that I will

559
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: only show my kids how to cook them, you know, because.

560
00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 2: They're saying you sting you with the recipe.

561
00:32:56,240 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: Just the family. It's my grandmother taught my my mother

562
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 1: da you know that sort of thing.

563
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 2: Well, we see your dishes on your Instagram page. You

564
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 2: have us all salivating when you cook.

565
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 1: Bishop. Let me tell you somebuddy about that. My mother

566
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 1: taught me how to make banana pudding and uh, and

567
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: when she was sick, I made one and fixed it

568
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: and brought it to her. I said, Mama said, is

569
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:31,560
Speaker 1: as good as yours? She said almost. Oh. She wasn't

570
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,320
Speaker 1: gonna give you all the way to the grave. She

571
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 1: was she was gonna be the king. What advice would

572
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: you give to a child who is grieving right now

573
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,920
Speaker 1: at any age? Because because you can be fifty and

574
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: experience the death of your parent as an eight year old,

575
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: you don't experience it from an objective place of being fifty.

576
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: You you go back into your childhood and experience it

577
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: that way. What what advice would did you give to

578
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: a child, whether they look like a child or not.

579
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 2: Relax into the way that grief is manifesting itself in

580
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 2: your life. Relax into that. For me, yes, I have

581
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 2: cried tears and that sort of thing. It has been emotional,

582
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 2: but it's been less emotional and more of like. It

583
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,439
Speaker 2: looks like a lack of motivation. It looks a little

584
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 2: bit like lethargy. I've given myself through wise counsel permission,

585
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 2: as they've helped me to see this is what grief

586
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 2: looks like. You have permission not to be as productive

587
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 2: and hustle oriented as you may have been prior. It's okay, right,

588
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 2: Like this season is an incubator for something coming in

589
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 2: the next And if you rush this process and abort

590
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 2: what grief is birthing in you, then you're going to

591
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:58,919
Speaker 2: cut short the next part. So relaxing and giving yourself grace.

592
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 2: I think we give each other more grace. We give

593
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: another person more grace than we give ourselves. Right, right,

594
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 2: So whatever grief looks like for you, which again for

595
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 2: me has looked like a little bit of a lack

596
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 2: of motivation and get up and go that I'm used

597
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,919
Speaker 2: to in myself, and just accepting that and saying, Lord,

598
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 2: let this season. I want to milk out of it

599
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 2: everything you've got for me in it, And until you

600
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 2: release me, help me to trust you that this is

601
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 2: not a waste, that you're doing good stuff here too.

602
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 1: Chapter number five, lung surgery. You know the interesting thing,

603
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:38,719
Speaker 1: we see you in front of all of these crowds

604
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: and speaking to all these people, or turn on the

605
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 1: TV set or see you on Netflix, or see you

606
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: someplace like that. But in the words of Langston and Hughes,

607
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 1: life for you, it's not been no crystal stayres It's

608
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: been hard and tough and challenging. You've had lung surgery, yes, sir,

609
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: you know a sick person said to me, their disease

610
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: is a betrayal of your own body.

611
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 2: That's exactly what it feels like.

612
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, How to tell us about that time in

613
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 1: your life and how you cope with it?

614
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 2: Well, oddly enough, that happened at the same time my

615
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 2: mother was passing. Jerry, my husband, his mother passed six

616
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,720
Speaker 2: months after my mom. She was in our house taking

617
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 2: a nap and didn't get up. So we were experiencing

618
00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 2: all these griefs. And in the midst of that, I

619
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 2: had a regular annual cat scan done and they saw

620
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 2: something in my lung that they could not determine what

621
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 2: it was. I had all the pet scans and all

622
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 2: the things, but they couldn't determine exactly what they was

623
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: what it was. And you know, once anything starts shifting

624
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: or moving or growing even minutely, they're like, we gotta

625
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 2: take it out. It was in the middle of my lobe,

626
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 2: so they couldn't cut it off the side. They had

627
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 2: to take the whole lobe out, and I went in

628
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 2: for that surgery. They took the whole left lobe of

629
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 2: my lung out a week to the day of Mom's funeral,

630
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 2: one week after I was in the hospital, Yes, sir.

631
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 2: And then they did pathology on it and found out

632
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 2: that it was a car adenoid carcinoma, which is a

633
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 2: very very slow growing cancer. There's so many miracles in

634
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,720
Speaker 2: this because it's a slow growing cancer that you don't detect.

635
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 2: The only way you know you have it is once

636
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 2: you have symptoms. And if you have symptoms, it has

637
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 2: already mushroomed outside of your lung and it's too late.

638
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 2: So the fact that we even were able to determine

639
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 2: it was there. I wasn't coughing, There was no ill

640
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 2: effects on me at all that would make me go

641
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,280
Speaker 2: to the doctor to say something's wrong. So the fact

642
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:42,760
Speaker 2: that I'm alive is a miracle.

643
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:43,840
Speaker 1: Wow.

644
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 2: And so they took that out and I just had

645
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 2: a long recovery from that. But another little miracle in

646
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 2: that is they did pulmonary testing on me before the surgery.

647
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 2: I remember that day blowing in all the tubes because

648
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,320
Speaker 2: they got to measure your lung function. I remember the

649
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 2: doctor coming in with his clipboard and this piece of

650
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,120
Speaker 2: paper and saying, is your height this? And is your

651
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 2: weight this? Is that right? And he said, well, if

652
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 2: that's right, your pulmonary function is showing that you're at

653
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 2: one hundred and fifteen percent capacity.

654
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 1: Wow.

655
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,319
Speaker 2: He said, I don't know if you were born with

656
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,960
Speaker 2: extra lung capacity or if it's just what you've done

657
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:20,320
Speaker 2: in projecting for so many years that has increased it.

658
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 2: But he said the reality is when we take out

659
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 2: the upper lobe of your left lung, most people will

660
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 2: lose about thirteen to fifteen percent capacity. So when we

661
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 2: take your lung out, you're going to be at one

662
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 2: hundred percent capacity.

663
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: Wow.

664
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:34,360
Speaker 2: What a miracle.

665
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: That's amazing.

666
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 2: So every time I take a deep breath, yeah, with

667
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,000
Speaker 2: every breath, I just say thank you God.

668
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:47,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that's that's so wonderful. It's funny you should

669
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: bring up breathing because I've become much more intentional about

670
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:57,080
Speaker 1: deep breasts. Yes, and recognizing that everything for us started

671
00:38:57,160 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 1: with a deep breath. You know that you cannot say

672
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 1: your wah, that's right, without breathing, inhaling, exhaling, and that

673
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:09,839
Speaker 1: the epitome of life itself is a breath, and when

674
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: it goes, it goes with a breath. When it comes,

675
00:39:12,719 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: it comes with the crying breath. Is that that breath

676
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 1: is everything, and it causes oxygen to go through the body.

677
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 1: It's just everything. And if you don't do anything, it's

678
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:26,800
Speaker 1: keep breathing. My father told me, you know, he'd have

679
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 1: me carrying something up the stairs, as to be little

680
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 1: to carry, but he'd have me carry it up the stairs,

681
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: and in the strain of the weight I was carrying,

682
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: I would stop breathing to bear the weight. And he

683
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 1: would say to me, keep breathing, keep breathing. And we

684
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 1: want to say to you, no matter how heavy the

685
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 1: weight is that you're carrying right now, no matter how

686
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 1: difficult it is, no matter how stress you are, keep breathing.

687
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 1: Don't forget to breathe. She had a major attack. She

688
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 1: kept breathing, and look at her. Now. You're not just

689
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 1: giving a testimony. Your very breath is a testimony.

690
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 2: Amen. Every breath is a testing Yeah.

691
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: Yeah. If you didn't say nothing else, but just get

692
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: off in front of us and just breathe. I'm gonna

693
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: breathe for forty five minutes. You know, somebody would probably

694
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 1: get healed off of that breath. People think that sometimes

695
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:34,319
Speaker 1: witnessing is a hard thing to do, but sometimes survival

696
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,759
Speaker 1: is a witness It is.

697
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,240
Speaker 2: A living You're just the next day.

698
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,919
Speaker 1: Getting up the next day. Putting one foot in front

699
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 1: of the other helps you to keep breathing. Tell me

700
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: about the recovery period and what was that like.

701
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 2: I remember about four weeks after the surgery, getting on

702
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,399
Speaker 2: our treadmill, because you know, they want you to walk

703
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,840
Speaker 2: immediately after surgery, but that's in the most you know,

704
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:58,919
Speaker 2: you're just on a walk or just doing the best

705
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,799
Speaker 2: you can get from the kitchen to the bathroom. Then

706
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 2: four weeks after, I remember getting on the treadmill and

707
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 2: I told you walking is my love language. I love

708
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 2: walking miles. It's just a joy for me. And I

709
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 2: walked at a two point oh for seven minutes and

710
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 2: I could barely make it, and I just wept. I

711
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 2: remember Jerry coming in hearing me crying. I'm crawling, I'm

712
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 2: barely moving and I can't breathe. And I thought, in

713
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 2: that moment, is this my life? Am I now not

714
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 2: going to be able to enjoy one of the simple

715
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,400
Speaker 2: fundamental pleasures in life, just being able to walk and

716
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 2: catch my breath. And Jerry said to me, basically what

717
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 2: you just described. He said, if you'll keep doing it,

718
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 2: even at a two point oh tomorrow it'll be a

719
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 2: two point one. You'll go another minute, but you have

720
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 2: to be willing to persevere through what seems like exhaustion

721
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:54,280
Speaker 2: and an inability to do anything significant. It seems so small.

722
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 2: But if you'll keep doing it, and oh, he was right.

723
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 2: Every day he just encouraged me one more minute, go

724
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 2: up one point, go up one point. And before I

725
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,279
Speaker 2: knew it, over the course of you know, six months,

726
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 2: I was back to myself walking and breathing.

727
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 1: Chapter number six Marriage. You know what's funny. I was

728
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 1: in there changing clothes, getting ready for this podcast, and

729
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: I thought, I have seldom, if ever, seeing Priscilla without Jerry. Yeah,

730
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 1: we're always always together. Tell me about Jerry and what

731
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 1: what Jerry is her husband?

732
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 2: Yes?

733
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: What what does he mean to you? And is it

734
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: enriched by having walked you through that process? Oh?

735
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 2: Man, I don't know how hardship doesn't enrich any relationship.

736
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 2: We're two are so closely wound together as in marriage.

737
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 2: We've been married twenty six years wow, and twenty four

738
00:42:54,160 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 2: of those we've really been in this ministry together. And

739
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 2: he's sort of he's the businessman of the bunch, the

740
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 2: two of us. He's just the businessman with the business mind.

741
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,320
Speaker 2: And so the Lord has fitted us together kind of

742
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 2: like puzzle pieces, where his strengths take up where my

743
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 2: weaknesses are, and vice versa. He doesn't want to do

744
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 2: what I want what I do. He's not interested in that.

745
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 2: He's not trying to be up front. There's no competition, there,

746
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:24,360
Speaker 2: no no. He supports and encouraging what it encourages what

747
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 2: it is that God has given me to do and

748
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 2: wants me to cultivate that. I'm so grateful because I

749
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 2: know that's not every wife's story exactly. So I know

750
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 2: that the Lord. You know, when we got married, I

751
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 2: did not know i'd be in ministry. I had no

752
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: aspirations ministry, certainly not film or anything like that. Had

753
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,960
Speaker 2: no knowledge that that would be a part of the story.

754
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 2: So the Lord knew in advance with who he was

755
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 2: matching me up with that ten fifteen, twenty years down

756
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 2: the road that this guy would be able to handle

757
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 2: the story that the Lord was writing with my life

758
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 2: and vice versa. So it hasn't been easy because working

759
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,080
Speaker 2: together and being married is always has its challenges and

760
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 2: struggles in there. But through with wise mentors the Jenkins,

761
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 2: John and Trina Jenkins, they've kept us married. Talking with

762
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,799
Speaker 2: them through the struggles of trying to collaborate and make

763
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,960
Speaker 2: sure our lives are complementing one another. We've just had

764
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:22,960
Speaker 2: a close bond together and done most of what we've

765
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 2: done together, including raising our sons. My boys do not

766
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 2: know what it is for a dad to not be present.

767
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:35,240
Speaker 2: They think it's normal for dad to be a part

768
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 2: of the regular rhythms of everyday life because we were

769
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 2: both working together from home from our office which was

770
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 2: at home throughout their whole upbringing. And I've said to

771
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,359
Speaker 2: my husband so many times, what a gift for our

772
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 2: little black boys to have seen their black father so

773
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 2: present in the home. I'm hoping they will replicate that

774
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 2: when they have their own families. They just think this

775
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,840
Speaker 2: is what dad's supposed to do, be present with their children.

776
00:44:59,200 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 2: They've seen that.

777
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: Shout out to John and Trina, They're.

778
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:03,239
Speaker 2: Amazing, They're amazing.

779
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I love them very very much. Your boys

780
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: have the benefit of seeing your husband and seeing what

781
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,239
Speaker 1: he has been able to do in your life and

782
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: what you all have been able to do together, and

783
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 1: to see you go through struggles and survive them, disagreements

784
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: and surviving. I think that's part of the education, that

785
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: it's not like we're all running around on Halo's eating

786
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: ice cream. There are moments that we have conflict, but

787
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: to resolve those conflicts without choking each other to death

788
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 1: in the win, that's the win. That's the win, and

789
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: if we would become better. Part of our training for

790
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 1: people coming out of prison through our Tory program is

791
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: conflict resolution because right now, the way they resolve everything

792
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: is with a gun, yes, you know. And there's got

793
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: to be a way where we can resolve things without

794
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 1: killing each other and destroying each other's rights and dignity

795
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,240
Speaker 1: and that sort of thing. So I think it's good

796
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,360
Speaker 1: for them to see a realistic love and a realistic

797
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 1: relationship and see that it's natural, but it's not.

798
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 2: Easy, that's right, it's not easy. And to see us apologize, right,

799
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,399
Speaker 2: see us admit when actually we got that I got

800
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 2: that wrong. I should have done that differently. I did

801
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,560
Speaker 2: learn that from Mom and Dad. I was grateful to

802
00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 2: see their humanness in that way, and I'm hoping my

803
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 2: boys will see that in us. Dad and I are

804
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 2: we out here just in these streets doing our best. Yeah,

805
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 2: you know, this is the first time your kids, it's

806
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:31,480
Speaker 2: the first time we're.

807
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 1: Parents, right, right, right, We're just doing our best, right right.

808
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,760
Speaker 1: You don't get to practice, you don't get a trial run.

809
00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 1: You know, you just have to do the best you can.

810
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: That's why you're better at being a grandparent because by

811
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 1: then you had the.

812
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 2: Experience of But I heard, I heard the grandparents would

813
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 2: make the best parents because by then your patient. You're

814
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 2: more relaxed, you're more easy going about the whole thing.

815
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 1: Yes, and you're through building, so you're settled. You're settled.

816
00:46:57,239 --> 00:47:00,359
Speaker 1: The problem with raising children is you're raising them while

817
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:05,240
Speaker 1: you're building, and you can't stop either. One. You can't

818
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 1: stop raising them, and you can't stop building because if

819
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 1: you stop building, they won't have anything to be raised in.

820
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 1: So you can't just give yourself totally over to them

821
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 1: at the sake of them being homeless. And on the

822
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:21,520
Speaker 1: other hand, you'd be a great parent, but you're homeless,

823
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: or you'll be in a situation where you've built a

824
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 1: great house and lost the child. Built a great child,

825
00:47:29,320 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 1: lost the house. You know, how do you balance those?

826
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 2: Jake, What would you go back and do differently?

827
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god, how much time you got If.

828
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,000
Speaker 2: You say one thing that, if you could go back

829
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,160
Speaker 2: and you would rebalance that or renegotiate that, or reprioritize that,

830
00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 2: what would it be.

831
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: I think I would have spent more time with my kids.

832
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 1: And I spent a lot of time with my kids.

833
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,800
Speaker 1: I wasn't missing when they did their recitals and their concerts,

834
00:47:56,840 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 1: and there, this and that and the other. Then my

835
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 1: kids don't have that testimony. I was not abusive or

836
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: anything like that. But I think sometimes I would have

837
00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:08,880
Speaker 1: either taken them with me more or also gone into

838
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 1: their world more. I think one of the mistakes that

839
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:15,960
Speaker 1: I made is it was always about coming into my world,

840
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: not enough about coming into theirs and getting down and

841
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 1: meeting them where they were and going into their room,

842
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 1: rather than them coming into ours, so that they can

843
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 1: self identify as being significant, especially as a father, because

844
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 1: for Daddy to be there makes it important. You know,

845
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: Daddy came. They tell you that daddy came. That means

846
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,719
Speaker 1: it's important. I didn't realize the important role that I

847
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:50,959
Speaker 1: played beyond being protective and being provisionary in their life,

848
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:54,279
Speaker 1: that my presence was a gift. And I think that

849
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:58,720
Speaker 1: sometimes it's hard for a man or maybe a woman

850
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 1: to recognize it. Your presence is more important than your

851
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 1: presence that you give them, and it comes from a

852
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:11,680
Speaker 1: place of unconscious low self esteem where you don't know

853
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 1: what they get out of you just being in the

854
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: house or being in the room, or sitting at the table,

855
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 1: or drawing with them or coloring with them. You know,

856
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 1: I can't remember coloring with them much, doing things like that,

857
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 1: those little things like that. I wish I'd have done

858
00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 1: more things like that with them. I wish I would

859
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: have made them work harder summer jobs, greasy dirty washing hers,

860
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:44,720
Speaker 1: taking out the trash jobs, where everything wasn't so easy

861
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 1: and so simple. Because when they got adults and I

862
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: threw them out there into the real world, they were

863
00:49:50,239 --> 00:49:54,319
Speaker 1: shocked at some of what it costs to be me.

864
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:58,359
Speaker 1: The place I paid and hid from them as a

865
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:03,439
Speaker 1: favor became a liability because they were shocked at how

866
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 1: hard it is to pay rent and insurance and pay

867
00:50:06,640 --> 00:50:08,560
Speaker 1: taxes at the end of the year, that while they

868
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:12,440
Speaker 1: were having Christmas, I was getting Christmas presents and paying

869
00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:17,000
Speaker 1: property taxes and paying employment taxes and doing business at

870
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 1: the same time. They had no idea that Christmas wasn't

871
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 1: the great joy for me that it was for them,

872
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 1: because I was trying to make sure I had enough

873
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: money to make all those ends of meat and then

874
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 1: coming in talking about ho ho, But my whole ho

875
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: wasn't really ho. It was boo humbug. You know. Uh

876
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 1: that that class of reality I think would have been

877
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:45,720
Speaker 1: important for them, for them to learn to Number seven

878
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:51,799
Speaker 1: favorite actors. Let's let's talk a little bit about use

879
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 1: the movie stars. The woman who came out of nowhere.

880
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 1: I don't think you had any movie formal turn, no, sir,

881
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 1: but you act like you did.

882
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:06,480
Speaker 2: I'm so glad to hear that, because I don't want

883
00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 2: to mess it up.

884
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,080
Speaker 1: No, you act like you do, and you start. You

885
00:51:10,120 --> 00:51:12,840
Speaker 1: got on there and they said Forcilla Shahs making movies.

886
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 1: And I was expecting you to get up there and

887
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:19,000
Speaker 1: be the person I see preaching. But you fell right

888
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 1: in the character and played the role. Did you enjoy

889
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 1: it so much?

890
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 2: I think because of the creative outlet of it. I

891
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 2: think because it's outside of my regular world. I'm not

892
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:33,640
Speaker 2: in Hollywood, I'm not in the industry, so I'm not

893
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 2: on sets all the time. It felt like being a

894
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 2: schoolgirl looking around. Forget the people in front of the camera,

895
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 2: all the people behind the camera. I was intrigued by

896
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 2: the lights and the person that's interested in continuity and

897
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,359
Speaker 2: the you know, the grip, and I mean I was

898
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 2: so drawn in to what everybody was doing and learning

899
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,920
Speaker 2: so much. Yes, and it gave me an appreciation for

900
00:51:56,960 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 2: people in the industry. I was like, it's a miracle.

901
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,240
Speaker 2: One scene gets filmed.

902
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:05,280
Speaker 1: One scene takes forever. Yes, I was doing a movie

903
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: with Kimberly Elise, and I didn't know that they were

904
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 1: going to have to shoot it four times. So I

905
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,279
Speaker 1: spent all my energy on the first time, given all

906
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:17,280
Speaker 1: this expression, only to find out that they were moving

907
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 1: the camera setting up to shoot it again, and then

908
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 1: I had to bring it on And Kimberly Elise looked

909
00:52:22,800 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: at me and she said, she said something that I

910
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 1: will never forget. It sounds real simple. She says, save

911
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:29,839
Speaker 1: it to the lights on.

912
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,960
Speaker 2: You save it for the close up.

913
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:36,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and I find out sometimes we have energy,

914
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:43,000
Speaker 1: but we spend it at the wrong time, saved it

915
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: for when the light's on you. You've done several movies,

916
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 1: Can you name them for me? Which one was your favorite?

917
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,240
Speaker 2: Well? I think war Room because it was the first, Okay,

918
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 2: and it just I just enjoyed every moment of that process,

919
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 2: and I thought that would be it. I thought this

920
00:52:57,239 --> 00:52:59,959
Speaker 2: was a once in a lifetime random thing that had happen.

921
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 2: And then I got a chance to little role in

922
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:07,839
Speaker 2: a movie called I Can Only Imagine? And then oh

923
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 2: my goodness, what was that? Overcomer? Yes, and then this

924
00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 2: last one was called The Forge. So I'm surprised and

925
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 2: shocked that four times I've gotten to be a part

926
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 2: of a film project.

927
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 1: So if you had a chance to play beside Denzel,

928
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:24,799
Speaker 1: would you do it?

929
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 2: It depends if I had to be married to him.

930
00:53:27,560 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 2: My husband might be like, yeah, now, if we were okay.

931
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,440
Speaker 1: Let's pick her girl, Angela Bassett.

932
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 2: Oh, I would give my left arm just to be

933
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 2: in her presence and be in the orbit of just

934
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:47,359
Speaker 2: to watch her do what she does. That's what I've heard.

935
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 1: She's amazing.

936
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 2: A couple of the cameramen and the crew that were

937
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 2: on the last film I was on. They had just

938
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 2: come off of shooting with Angela Basset somewhere and one

939
00:53:56,680 --> 00:54:00,440
Speaker 2: of them gave me the best compliment ever. In between shots.

940
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:02,840
Speaker 2: He came over to me and just said, you remind

941
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 2: me of Angela Bassett.

942
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:04,279
Speaker 1: Wow.

943
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 2: And I said, what take it?

944
00:54:07,520 --> 00:54:09,719
Speaker 1: Angela Bassett is such a pro.

945
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 2: Oh.

946
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,239
Speaker 1: She was doing a scene in a movie that we

947
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 1: were doing and the stem of the glass broke and

948
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 1: it wasn't supposed to break. It broke by accident. She

949
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,600
Speaker 1: worked it right into the moment.

950
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 2: Of course she did, and we.

951
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: Left it right in the film. She was just just

952
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:29,279
Speaker 1: amazing at her ability to adapt to any situation. And

953
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 1: all these new people that are coming in, Paula Patten

954
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:34,520
Speaker 1: and all of these people that are coming on the

955
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,719
Speaker 1: scene and doing so much. Would you take her role?

956
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 1: We want to do.

957
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:41,399
Speaker 2: It always just depends on the film and the role.

958
00:54:41,719 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 2: You know what it is. I do because, probably because

959
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 2: of the success of War Room, I did get a

960
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 2: lot of scripts that started coming and I didn't do

961
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:55,320
Speaker 2: most of them because I have an appreciation for actors.

962
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 2: I know that they didn't just stumble into that if

963
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 2: they're good at it, praying for this. There's a technicality

964
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:05,359
Speaker 2: behind it that I didn't realize and that people don't

965
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 2: realize when you're watching a movie and it's good. That's

966
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,520
Speaker 2: because this actor is thinking about blocking. They're thinking about

967
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:13,319
Speaker 2: it's not just saying some.

968
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 1: Words, right.

969
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 2: So I appreciate that, and I know that there are

970
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 2: people better equipped to do those roles for me. The

971
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 2: reason why up till now that i've done before I

972
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:27,359
Speaker 2: have is because there really are ministry. They're focused there.

973
00:55:27,920 --> 00:55:30,360
Speaker 2: It's a message that I would preach or teacher write.

974
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 1: It's just on exactly.

975
00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 2: It's another way.

976
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:37,320
Speaker 1: So here's the question. Okay, if they weren't overtly Christian

977
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 1: and it was just a life story or a love

978
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 1: story or a challenge, is somebody stuck in the Alps

979
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 1: on a mountain cliff, would you do it?

980
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 2: Possibly?

981
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:47,800
Speaker 1: Possibly?

982
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,240
Speaker 2: My children have been at the stage where I wouldn't

983
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 2: have done it. At this stage in their life. It

984
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 2: takes too much time and energy away from them to

985
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:58,439
Speaker 2: do it. And I wanted to be real intentional when

986
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 2: I choose to be away from my kids or do

987
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:03,520
Speaker 2: something that is going to take my full investment. I've

988
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 2: just wanted to be focused on what I know is

989
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:06,799
Speaker 2: the main thing the Lord has called me to do

990
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:09,359
Speaker 2: for now. In another season of life, which they're getting

991
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 2: there now where they're older, I have more freedom, more

992
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:15,359
Speaker 2: free time, I might do something like that just for

993
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:18,279
Speaker 2: creative fun, right right outlet? Yeah, what are the.

994
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 1: Boundaries you set for yourself? When I look at the

995
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 1: script there, I'll go so far. I'm a little edgy,

996
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 1: but I won't go too far. Yeah, yeah, I'm I

997
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:31,000
Speaker 1: thought Woman Are Loose was edgy. Yes, I mean it

998
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,240
Speaker 1: was about a girl being molested when she was little,

999
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 1: but it was true and it was true to life.

1000
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 1: And sometimes I think in the effort to be Christian

1001
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:44,440
Speaker 1: we compromise truth. Yes, and Christianity is supposed to be

1002
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,959
Speaker 1: built on truth. If you got molested, we can't make

1003
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,359
Speaker 1: that look pretty. That is what it is. It is

1004
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 1: not pretty. And so I was okay with that, But

1005
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 1: just gratuitous sex for the fun of I'm not okay.

1006
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:03,600
Speaker 1: So what have you thought about any boundaries of what

1007
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 1: you would and would not participate in.

1008
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 2: Well, I know that part of those cues come from

1009
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 2: my husband. I feel very passionate about the fact that

1010
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 2: I should be respectful of him and his comfort, and

1011
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 2: he should be respectful of me and my comfort in

1012
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 2: a marital relationship. So I know because you again, I

1013
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 2: wasn't an actor when we got married. This was not

1014
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 2: part of his plan of what his wife was going

1015
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 2: to be doing. So I know that his comfort. He

1016
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 2: would have a hard time with me being any sort

1017
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 2: of physical relationship with a man on screen. Gratefully, I've

1018
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:44,520
Speaker 2: worked with directors that have cared so much about the

1019
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 2: health and well being of the marriages of their actors that,

1020
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 2: for example, in war room, any scene where the husband

1021
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:55,920
Speaker 2: and wife are touching that is that man's wife, we

1022
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 2: would film the wide shot washing feet and all that

1023
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,520
Speaker 2: week thelm the wide shot than his wife that the

1024
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 2: actor's actual wife would put my clothes on, and they

1025
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 2: would do the close up of him washing her feet

1026
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 2: and holding her hands and kissing her because they cared

1027
00:58:11,280 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 2: so much about steering clear of the danger of that

1028
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 2: kind of connection. Twelve thirteen hours a day up in

1029
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,760
Speaker 2: somebody's face doing all that stuff, it would be hard

1030
00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 2: to draw a line in the sand.

1031
00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: It creates bonds or it creates chaos. A similar some

1032
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:27,440
Speaker 1: people you want to choke.

1033
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 2: Absolute and Jerry shyer.

1034
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:33,880
Speaker 1: Ain't about that life not having it. I could stand

1035
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,960
Speaker 1: it for me, but I couldn't stand it for Serena.

1036
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 1: You know, don't do that. Price God, don't do that.

1037
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 1: Were you on the red carpet? And how did you

1038
00:58:43,120 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 1: like that experience?

1039
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 2: I enjoyed it because, well two reasons. Number One, I

1040
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 2: got to watch my mama enjoy it, okay, taking her

1041
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:57,320
Speaker 2: with me and us walking together, seeing her face light up,

1042
00:58:57,360 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 2: the smile for both of us. Just the intrigue of

1043
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 2: being in a setting that's not our normal life, right,

1044
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 2: Just the fun of doing something different.

1045
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: Yes, the brave balance. You're quite a polymath from the standpoint.

1046
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,760
Speaker 1: You're an author, you're a speaker. You're a motivational speaker.

1047
00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:20,800
Speaker 1: You're a preacher, whether they want to call it that

1048
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 1: or not. You're an actress. You've done so many different things,

1049
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,960
Speaker 1: your wife, your daughter, you're all of those things that

1050
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 1: I named at first. How do you balance all of that?

1051
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 2: I say no a lot. Okay, I say no a lot.

1052
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 2: I I cannot do everything and have time and energy

1053
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 2: for the best things. So I'm literally weighing all the invitations,

1054
00:59:54,280 --> 00:59:58,439
Speaker 2: all the opportunities, which they're all good. There's nothing that's

1055
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:02,160
Speaker 2: a bad thing, or that would be negative necessarily, But

1056
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:06,360
Speaker 2: we have these filters, our children's schedules, our priorities that year,

1057
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 2: you know, and we're weighing them through that. And then

1058
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:10,960
Speaker 2: once they get through that filter, I want to make

1059
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 2: sure I have what my mom encouraged me to have,

1060
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:17,240
Speaker 2: time to stop and smell the roses. What will allow

1061
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,560
Speaker 2: me to still have margin, be able to have fun,

1062
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:24,040
Speaker 2: enjoy my relationship with my kids, be at they basketball games,

1063
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 2: me and Jerry have time for a vacation. And then

1064
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 2: I dot the yeses into that, which means ninety percent

1065
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 2: of the opportunities I'm having to say no toes so

1066
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,760
Speaker 2: that I can really enjoy the ten percent. Is that hard,

1067
01:00:37,880 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 2: We're saying, it's less hard. As I get older, the

1068
01:00:43,080 --> 01:00:47,120
Speaker 2: guilt of it sort of fades, the fear of lost opportunity.

1069
01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 2: You realize those opportunities are coming back around again. It's okay,

1070
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:55,600
Speaker 2: you know. So the older I get, the more to

1071
01:00:55,720 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 2: me the luxury in life is margin, time, freedom to check.

1072
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:04,360
Speaker 1: You are married to Jerry, and you also are in

1073
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 1: business with Jerry, so you have to really like him.

1074
01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: A lot depends on the day. It depends on what

1075
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 1: what what what do you think that you bring to

1076
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:24,400
Speaker 1: the table that's unique that he doesn't, And what does

1077
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 1: he bring to the table that you don't.

1078
01:01:26,640 --> 01:01:29,800
Speaker 2: He is a shrewd businessman. I am not as astute

1079
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:32,960
Speaker 2: and shrewd as he is by far. So there is

1080
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:36,960
Speaker 2: a attention to detail with the realities of business and

1081
01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 2: contracts and nuance that I might not see. I might

1082
01:01:41,480 --> 01:01:44,880
Speaker 2: not have clarity on. He will. He's going to sit

1083
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:48,400
Speaker 2: at the table with the powers that be with whatever

1084
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 2: company or publishing or whatever those things have to be discussed,

1085
01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 2: and he's going to say to them, this is a pie,

1086
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 2: and you're gonna get sick off all this pie. Make

1087
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 2: sure that the portion is a win win on both sides.

1088
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,640
Speaker 2: And because he loves the Lord, yes, but is a

1089
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 2: shrewd businessman, He's going to say what needs to be

1090
01:02:08,400 --> 01:02:11,520
Speaker 2: said to make sure that his wife and his children

1091
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 2: and his grandchildren are set up to win.

1092
01:02:13,880 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 1: See the reason why the table I answer you that

1093
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:19,960
Speaker 1: because I think it's really really important. In the last

1094
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 1: few months, over three hundred thousand African American women have

1095
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:30,120
Speaker 1: left the workforce, mostly involuntarily, laid off, plants shut down,

1096
01:02:30,240 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 1: ai replaced for whatever reason. It has hit our community

1097
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:38,720
Speaker 1: real hard. People are having to rethink the future in

1098
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 1: terms of entrepreneurship and opportunities, and in the process of

1099
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:46,840
Speaker 1: rethinking that, turning to your family for support and getting

1100
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 1: the business off the ground is important. What would you

1101
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:55,560
Speaker 1: say is the key for women or men going into

1102
01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 1: business with their spouse. Is it the clear delineation of

1103
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:01,680
Speaker 1: you do the this and I do that and we

1104
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:05,280
Speaker 1: stay out of each other's way. What's the key?

1105
01:03:05,760 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 2: I don't know that there is a key because I

1106
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,960
Speaker 2: feel like it would depend, wouldn't it on what the

1107
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 2: springs and the weaknesses are, because maybe they do overlap.

1108
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:18,360
Speaker 2: In our case, they've been clear, but I think in

1109
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:20,840
Speaker 2: some people's cases, I've watched it where there's a little

1110
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,120
Speaker 2: bit of both and they are able to kind of

1111
01:03:23,160 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 2: share the table on both sides or in different streams

1112
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 2: of their of their business and the way they have

1113
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:32,560
Speaker 2: it set up. So I don't know that there is

1114
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 2: a key. Do you do you have an answer for that?

1115
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 2: What do you think?

1116
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 1: That's a good question. Yeah, My wife and I are

1117
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 1: are very different. She si. We can go to a

1118
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 1: dinner party, for example, same party, same dinner, same host,

1119
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:50,400
Speaker 1: get in the car and come home and we had

1120
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 1: two completely different experienses. She said, did you see the

1121
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:56,600
Speaker 1: lady with the red shoes on? I don't know who

1122
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:59,400
Speaker 1: we had on red shoes. I didn't look at the

1123
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: red shoes. I see what kind of person you are

1124
01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:07,160
Speaker 1: quicker than I see what you've got on. So I

1125
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 1: don't look at the outside of you as much as

1126
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: I do the inside of you. Yes, and I'm very

1127
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:15,640
Speaker 1: discerning about what kind of person you are as a rule.

1128
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:20,480
Speaker 1: And uh, but my wife has an intuition and instinct

1129
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 1: that is completely different from my own. And I think

1130
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:29,080
Speaker 1: that's the sharpest difference and distinction between the two. I

1131
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:34,240
Speaker 1: spend more than she does. She's she's she's frugal. Yeah,

1132
01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 1: she's very frugal. I'm a little bit more lavish. I'll

1133
01:04:38,320 --> 01:04:41,680
Speaker 1: take a bigger chance than she wills me. I will, yea,

1134
01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 1: I'll take the risk. I'll invest capital, I'll invest into

1135
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:47,960
Speaker 1: a company. I'll take a chance on a piece of property.

1136
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 1: My wife is gonna stay prey close around Costcos yea, yeah, Okay,

1137
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,919
Speaker 1: it's gonna be Costcos or k Walmart or somethingody. I mean,

1138
01:04:58,120 --> 01:05:01,600
Speaker 1: she's not gonna go way out there unless she has

1139
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 1: two rooms to go She's not gonna go out there

1140
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:09,160
Speaker 1: where I would go and have some designed to custom made.

1141
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:13,280
Speaker 1: But that's the fact that she is so frugal makes

1142
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 1: me free to invest more into her. The less she

1143
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: asks for, the more I want to give it. That's right, Okay,

1144
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,480
Speaker 1: that's right. So she may be more in psychology. I mean,

1145
01:05:23,480 --> 01:05:24,360
Speaker 1: now that think.

1146
01:05:24,200 --> 01:05:27,920
Speaker 2: About it, she's been playing that Wow wow, and.

1147
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:31,840
Speaker 1: I didn't enjoy it. I think that I'm more outgoing

1148
01:05:31,880 --> 01:05:36,200
Speaker 1: and gregarious with people. She's more of an introvert than

1149
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:40,240
Speaker 1: I am. But an introvert doesn't mean that she doesn't

1150
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:43,840
Speaker 1: like people. It's just at being around people in large

1151
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:49,760
Speaker 1: quantities draining. That doesn't drain me. It invigorates me. And

1152
01:05:50,120 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 1: we have spent hours trying to understand each other and

1153
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:56,440
Speaker 1: articulate and get the language to explain what we are feeling.

1154
01:05:56,920 --> 01:05:59,880
Speaker 1: And I think we, after forty three years of being married,

1155
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:04,280
Speaker 1: understand each other pretty good. So I would say understanding

1156
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:09,640
Speaker 1: is the glue that holds the union together. That understanding

1157
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: each other and making allowances for each other. I know

1158
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:19,480
Speaker 1: when the holidays come, I'm gonna lose her. Listen, listen,

1159
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 1: everything in my house is gonna be blinking correct you know,

1160
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:27,240
Speaker 1: I already know that, and rather than being irritated by it,

1161
01:06:27,280 --> 01:06:31,800
Speaker 1: I just relax and enjoy her smiling and playing Christmas

1162
01:06:31,840 --> 01:06:34,800
Speaker 1: carols and the smell of food in the air. And

1163
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 1: I'm generally do the one cooking the food. And we've

1164
01:06:38,960 --> 01:06:41,840
Speaker 1: found our spot, and I think it's a wall. So

1165
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,920
Speaker 1: it's a dance, and you have to find your spot

1166
01:06:44,960 --> 01:06:48,480
Speaker 1: and your rhythm. Ye, your rhythm, your rhythm, your rhythm.

1167
01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 1: I get up earlier than she does, your rhythm, understanding

1168
01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:54,040
Speaker 1: your rhythm and not wanting her to get up when

1169
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:58,320
Speaker 1: I get up, which used to irritate the ever living daylight.

1170
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:02,080
Speaker 2: Tell me the person to be like us, wanting them.

1171
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:04,760
Speaker 1: To be like us, And so working together puts us

1172
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:09,120
Speaker 1: in a situation where she'll come over and support me.

1173
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:13,600
Speaker 1: And I had to learn that she's not trying to

1174
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:16,960
Speaker 1: take over. She's trying to support me even in doing

1175
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:19,600
Speaker 1: what we're doing today. She's been over here in the

1176
01:07:19,640 --> 01:07:22,320
Speaker 1: middle of it. She's trying to support what I'm trying

1177
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:24,800
Speaker 1: to do. And I had to learn how to read

1178
01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 1: her love language. And I'll say this for the people

1179
01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 1: that are watching, that are listening to this podcast. If

1180
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:34,320
Speaker 1: you don't learn to read each other's love language. The

1181
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:37,440
Speaker 1: person you marry could be giving you the love that

1182
01:07:37,520 --> 01:07:43,640
Speaker 1: you need and you can't interpret it the ability to

1183
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 1: understand that her love language is acts of service. So

1184
01:07:49,720 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 1: that's why she brought the dinner to the table or

1185
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:55,760
Speaker 1: to the bedroom or wherever I was. And my love

1186
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:59,400
Speaker 1: language may be touched, and we may be missing each

1187
01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:03,640
Speaker 1: other because you're speaking French and I'm speaking German. And

1188
01:08:03,720 --> 01:08:07,200
Speaker 1: you have to learn how to receive it the way

1189
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:09,640
Speaker 1: they're comfortable in giving it, and they have to learn

1190
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 1: how to learn how to give it in ways that

1191
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:12,960
Speaker 1: are easier for you.

1192
01:08:12,960 --> 01:08:16,040
Speaker 2: To receive, which takes a lot of work. Yes, it's

1193
01:08:16,080 --> 01:08:17,879
Speaker 2: work to speak the other language.

1194
01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:21,280
Speaker 1: It's not natural to you. It's like learning a foreign language.

1195
01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:24,800
Speaker 1: It's not natural to you, you know, and that has

1196
01:08:24,840 --> 01:08:30,960
Speaker 1: helped us an awful, awful lot. Chapter number nine, The Future.

1197
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:36,599
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this. When you look in your

1198
01:08:36,640 --> 01:08:40,519
Speaker 1: crystal ball, or you get on your knees and pray,

1199
01:08:41,840 --> 01:08:44,599
Speaker 1: and you look toward the future and that you might

1200
01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:49,040
Speaker 1: have the expected end, what do you see for you

1201
01:08:49,640 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 1: in the future.

1202
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:56,639
Speaker 2: I want to be in the position you are, where

1203
01:08:56,720 --> 01:09:01,599
Speaker 2: I've got grand babies sitting on mind lap, and I

1204
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:05,320
Speaker 2: have the health to enjoy them. Yeah, and I get

1205
01:09:05,360 --> 01:09:09,040
Speaker 2: to see my sons, my three boys come into manhood

1206
01:09:09,920 --> 01:09:14,360
Speaker 2: and feel purposeful and intentional and like their God's favor

1207
01:09:14,400 --> 01:09:16,679
Speaker 2: is on them in their marriage and with their families.

1208
01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 2: I want to see that. To me, that's that's a

1209
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:20,080
Speaker 2: win right there.

1210
01:09:20,280 --> 01:09:20,479
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1211
01:09:20,680 --> 01:09:24,559
Speaker 2: I want to be productive for the kingdom, but not

1212
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:30,280
Speaker 2: in just a hurried, frazzled success striving No, what do

1213
01:09:30,280 --> 01:09:30,840
Speaker 2: you want me to do?

1214
01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:31,120
Speaker 1: Lord?

1215
01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:33,240
Speaker 2: I want to do those things. I want to see

1216
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:36,439
Speaker 2: my family well, and then you know, I hope when

1217
01:09:36,479 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 2: I see him he says, you did, okay?

1218
01:09:39,200 --> 01:09:42,200
Speaker 1: Is that in part the privilege of being a married

1219
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:46,679
Speaker 1: woman that you don't have to scuffle with the fact

1220
01:09:46,720 --> 01:09:50,599
Speaker 1: of retirement and being taken care of that there's another

1221
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:54,439
Speaker 1: partner that gives you the privilege and the luxury to

1222
01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:57,920
Speaker 1: say no and be that selective. I mean, they ask

1223
01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:03,160
Speaker 1: you the place in Sinners, and you know you have

1224
01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:05,960
Speaker 1: to do it because it's one point five million dollars

1225
01:10:07,560 --> 01:10:12,559
Speaker 1: you Is that discretion a part of your the fact

1226
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:13,479
Speaker 1: that you're a married woman.

1227
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:16,400
Speaker 2: I will say for me, because I know some married

1228
01:10:16,439 --> 01:10:18,920
Speaker 2: women who still don't have that security, right right. It

1229
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:22,400
Speaker 2: depends on the husband, right, But I will say that

1230
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:25,640
Speaker 2: I just said to Jerry, even a couple of days ago,

1231
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:28,760
Speaker 2: the sexiest thing that man ever says to me is

1232
01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:32,240
Speaker 2: I got it. It don't matter what we're talking about.

1233
01:10:32,400 --> 01:10:34,600
Speaker 2: Can we talking about the dinner plans? We could be

1234
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:37,400
Speaker 2: talking about the finances for the future. Yeah, But when

1235
01:10:37,439 --> 01:10:40,600
Speaker 2: my husband says to me, I got it, there is

1236
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:44,400
Speaker 2: a sense of restfulness. Yes, and you rested it, yeah,

1237
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:45,240
Speaker 2: arrest in it.

1238
01:10:45,720 --> 01:10:48,839
Speaker 1: Final question, when you walk off the stage, whatever stage

1239
01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:52,479
Speaker 1: you're on, and I've seen you walk off the stage

1240
01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:59,559
Speaker 1: many times, alter ful, people crying, people weeping, what is

1241
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:04,639
Speaker 1: your thought sitting beside your husband with your head bowed?

1242
01:11:05,600 --> 01:11:09,960
Speaker 1: I often wonder what what are you praying? Are you

1243
01:11:10,200 --> 01:11:15,599
Speaker 1: thanking God? Are you asking him to Is there ever

1244
01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:18,880
Speaker 1: a moment where you wondered did I? Did I get it? Across?

1245
01:11:19,720 --> 01:11:23,400
Speaker 1: You know? I have those moments, do you? Oh? Yes,

1246
01:11:23,920 --> 01:11:27,640
Speaker 1: oh yes? I have those moments where I get in

1247
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:30,680
Speaker 1: the car and just think, God, you love today. You

1248
01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:34,920
Speaker 1: know what are your thoughts when you walk off?

1249
01:11:36,280 --> 01:11:39,720
Speaker 2: Partly what you just described, because I always feel like

1250
01:11:39,760 --> 01:11:43,559
Speaker 2: there are three messages. There's the one I intended to preach,

1251
01:11:43,920 --> 01:11:46,040
Speaker 2: There's the one I did and then there's the one

1252
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:48,080
Speaker 2: on the way home with all the stuff. I didn't

1253
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:48,439
Speaker 2: say that.

1254
01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:52,479
Speaker 1: I would have said, I'm remember that that's fair.

1255
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:55,120
Speaker 2: Going through that and releasing it, letting it go, look

1256
01:11:55,200 --> 01:11:58,880
Speaker 2: for take, take what is and use it in the

1257
01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:02,439
Speaker 2: hearts of people. So that releasing of it, and then

1258
01:12:02,479 --> 01:12:07,200
Speaker 2: also just gratitude fantastic, because sometimes you start and you

1259
01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:08,640
Speaker 2: don't know how it's going to go. You don't know

1260
01:12:08,640 --> 01:12:11,120
Speaker 2: if people are going to be impacted. You're not as

1261
01:12:11,200 --> 01:12:13,960
Speaker 2: congruent or clearing your thoughts as you would have wanted

1262
01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:17,720
Speaker 2: to be. And then somehow you get to the end

1263
01:12:18,439 --> 01:12:20,439
Speaker 2: and you maybe see a tear in someone's eye, or

1264
01:12:20,479 --> 01:12:23,840
Speaker 2: someone raise their hand for salvation, or come forward and

1265
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:26,519
Speaker 2: just gratitude, Lord, thank you that you took my little

1266
01:12:26,560 --> 01:12:28,639
Speaker 2: bit and did something with it.

1267
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:32,839
Speaker 1: You come across pretty clear to me. Ladies and gentlemen,

1268
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:36,320
Speaker 1: you've been listening to Priscilla Shower and we have had

1269
01:12:36,360 --> 01:12:39,080
Speaker 1: a great time having a wonderful conversation. I hope you

1270
01:12:39,120 --> 01:12:42,800
Speaker 1: have enjoyed sharing it with us. As we discover our

1271
01:12:42,880 --> 01:12:48,040
Speaker 1: next chapter. I challenge you to consider yours and understand

1272
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:50,960
Speaker 1: that the pen may be in your hand, though the

1273
01:12:51,080 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 1: incomes from God that determines how your next chapter is.

1274
01:12:56,040 --> 01:13:02,960
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, thank you for being. Hey everybody,

1275
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:05,000
Speaker 1: I want to take this time to thank you for

1276
01:13:05,120 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 1: watching the Next Chapter Podcast. If this conversation inspired you,

1277
01:13:10,520 --> 01:13:14,920
Speaker 1: helped you reflect on an idea, or spark something new

1278
01:13:15,320 --> 01:13:19,840
Speaker 1: inside of you, make sure to like, comment, and subscribe

1279
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:26,439
Speaker 1: so you don't miss future episodes. Remember, life isn't about

1280
01:13:26,439 --> 01:13:30,760
Speaker 1: how you begin, It's about how you finished strong. So

1281
01:13:30,960 --> 01:13:36,960
Speaker 1: start your next chapter with us right here every week