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Speaker 1: Hey, hey va fam.

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Speaker 2: All right, this is our last episode of twenty twenty one.

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Speaker 2: I cannot believe it. This has been a year of

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Speaker 2: so many ups and downs, twist and turns, and especially

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Speaker 2: these last few weeks, as we have been throwing our

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Speaker 2: love and our support and our condolences to our beloved

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Speaker 2: Tiffany in her time of need after such an unimaginable loss,

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Speaker 2: it just got me thinking how grateful I am for

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Speaker 2: this space that we have created, this community that we

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Speaker 2: have created these past six and a half years, And

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Speaker 2: I just wanted to say thank you to each and

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Speaker 2: every one of you who has listened to the show,

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Speaker 2: supported our show for so long. Thank you for your

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Speaker 2: patience as we give Tiffany the time that she needs

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Speaker 2: to heal, and we look forward to seeing you again

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty two. Now, to close out the year,

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Speaker 2: what better way than by sharing the very first episode

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Speaker 2: of Brown Ambition. For a long time, I thought this

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Speaker 2: episode was lost forever. I thought the Internet had gobbled

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Speaker 2: it up and it is just gone. But thanks to

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Speaker 2: a beloved member of the BA team I'm talking to you, Dennis,

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Speaker 2: we managed to dig up this old original episode of BA.

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Speaker 2: And when I tell you these babies. The way that

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Speaker 2: we talked about everything from love and money to work

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Speaker 2: and family. It honestly gives me chills when I look

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Speaker 2: back and listen to this first episode, and I hope

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Speaker 2: you guys enjoy it. After the show, stick around to

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Speaker 2: hear one of our favorite guest interviews with doctor Imani Walker.

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Speaker 2: If you guys haven't had a chance to listen to

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Speaker 2: our interview with doctor Imani Walker, this is one, especially

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Speaker 2: after another year where the forbidden Panini continues to rage on.

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Speaker 2: We've all been through so much highs and lows, twist

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Speaker 2: and turns. As I've said, doctor Emani has some really

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Speaker 2: useful advice on how we can protect our mental health

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Speaker 2: heading into the new year. Thank you again for always listening,

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Speaker 2: and we'll see you next year.

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Speaker 3: Y'all. Hey everyone, I'm Mandy.

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Speaker 1: Hey, it's Tiphany and this is Brown Ambition.

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Speaker 2: I've been a reporter in New York City for five years.

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Speaker 2: Right now, I'm a writer at Yahoo Finance. I write

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Speaker 2: about money, business career, basically anything to do with the

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Speaker 2: world and.

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Speaker 3: How it impacts your wallet.

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Speaker 4: And I am Tiffany but much better known as the

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Speaker 4: Budget Lista and I'm a financial educator, bestselling author, speaker, teacher,

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Speaker 4: all things personal finance.

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Speaker 1: Basically, on this podcast.

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Speaker 4: We're going to be talking about career, relationships, life and

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Speaker 4: living in this brown skin.

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Speaker 2: We work, we start businesses, we help one another. We

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Speaker 2: do everything we can to make a better life for ourselves.

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Speaker 2: And that's what Brown Ambition.

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Speaker 3: Is all about.

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Speaker 2: So here are some topics you might hear us talk

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Speaker 2: about on the podcast.

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Speaker 1: How to deal with office bullies and microaggressions.

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Speaker 2: Coping with being the only one in the.

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Speaker 4: Office, Yes, how to get money for a new business

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Speaker 4: even when you have no idea what you're doing. Should

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Speaker 4: you care if people think you have resting bitch base guilty?

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Speaker 3: What to do when bee earns less.

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Speaker 4: Than you guilty guilty, Whether or not we should use

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Speaker 4: the word bae in everyday conversation.

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Speaker 3: I have a lot of thoughts about this. Well, thank

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Speaker 3: you so much for joining us.

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Speaker 2: Guys. We're going to start off the podcast by talking

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Speaker 2: about some buzzworthy headlines that are cropping up in our lives,

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Speaker 2: and we want to talk.

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Speaker 3: More about this week's buzzworthy.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I'm excited about this one.

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Speaker 2: I think I know. I'm excited to have a lot

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Speaker 2: of opinions about this, and.

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Speaker 3: So does the rest of America.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so many opinions on how a young woman today

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Speaker 2: decides the right time to step into motherhood.

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Speaker 1: Yes, baby limbo, baby.

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Speaker 3: Limbo, it's this, you know.

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Speaker 2: I kind of came up with this terminology for a

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Speaker 2: story I did on young people millennials eighteen up to

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Speaker 2: their mid thirties who are stuck between do I have

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Speaker 2: this college debt or do you know, pay that off

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Speaker 2: and focus on my career, or do I also have

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Speaker 2: a baby or you know, what should come first? And honestly,

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Speaker 2: it's such a difficult question because mother nature doesn't wait

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Speaker 2: for you to pay off your student linked debt. And

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Speaker 2: I think that women have to recognize that fact. And

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Speaker 2: it's maybe not so comfortable because you know, obviously we

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Speaker 2: want to talk about how much control we should have

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Speaker 2: over our own bodies, which is absolutely true. You should,

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Speaker 2: you know, be your own body's boss. But at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, like that clock is ticking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's true.

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Speaker 4: So I'm thirty five and I turned thirty six in October,

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Speaker 4: which is not far away, and I mean, I've been

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Speaker 4: thinking about it a lot because I am in a

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Speaker 4: serious relationship me and my boyfriend Superman, he already has

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Speaker 4: a daughter.

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Speaker 1: She's eight.

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Speaker 2: She's great daytaking a man with a daughter. That's some

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Speaker 2: grown up dating.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but I love it, honestly, because one, I'm at

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Speaker 4: an age now and because I work for myself, I

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Speaker 4: realize I don't necessarily want a huge family. I came

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Speaker 4: from a family there was five girls. My mom and

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Speaker 4: dad raised all five of us. And I don't know

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Speaker 4: that I want a big family, but I at least

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Speaker 4: think I'm pretty sure I want at least one kid

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Speaker 4: of my own. I mean, according to my mom, I

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Speaker 4: really need to get on it. And I kind of

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Speaker 4: feel like that too. My best friend just had a baby,

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Speaker 4: and my sister just had a baby, and so their

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Speaker 4: babies are all under a year.

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Speaker 1: Old, and so I've been like, yeah, a little bit,

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Speaker 1: But sometimes you're overt.

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Speaker 4: More so than I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna be thirty six,

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Speaker 4: so when are you gonna make a choice. A friend

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Speaker 4: of mine had she made her choice at thirty six

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Speaker 4: and had her baby at thirty seven, and she said,

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Speaker 4: I wish I would have started sooner.

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Speaker 3: That's what I hear.

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Speaker 2: I'm afraid, yeah, sooner would be I'm twenty eight right now,

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Speaker 2: and I feel like, am I going to regret not

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Speaker 2: having a baby now? I don't know, but it seems

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Speaker 2: like I just don't want to do it.

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Speaker 4: Her reason for saying she wish she would have started

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Speaker 4: sooner is that she wished She really wants to have

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Speaker 4: a second, and she doesn't know if she can. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: she can. So that's why I don't know that I

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Speaker 4: want to have a second. I mean, I would want

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Speaker 4: to have two kids, but between his one and my one,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, well, there it goes one plus one.

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Speaker 1: Max two for free.

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Speaker 4: Yes, she's the bonus kid and so and plus I

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Speaker 4: do so much work and I really want to and

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Speaker 4: I know this might sound a little selfish, but I

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Speaker 4: want to maintain my individual personality and maintain okay, you know,

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Speaker 4: as long as you know. I mean, I think selfish

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Speaker 4: would be more so having ten kids and still wanting

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Speaker 4: to fly around.

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Speaker 1: The country and speak and teach. And you don't have

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Speaker 1: enough time for your children. So I don't want to

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Speaker 1: spread myself super thin.

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Speaker 2: Right m h, Well, hopefully you just have one kid

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Speaker 2: to start.

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Speaker 1: I know, Well, my boyfriends are twins, so.

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Speaker 4: He is, Oh jesus, I'm like yo, he told me.

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Speaker 4: I already Like, so I'm aiming for this.

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Speaker 2: Does that gene come from the male line or that

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Speaker 2: is more likely.

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Speaker 1: To go somebody, somebody email us.

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Speaker 3: At Brown Ambition Podcast, yes.

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Speaker 4: And tell us how exactly are twins formulated? Does that

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Speaker 4: come from the male line, the female line? Is that? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Is it hereditary or is that like some sort of

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Speaker 1: random I do.

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Speaker 2: Think it skips a generation. So you might be good. Okay,

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Speaker 2: maybe you're If you have a daughter, then she's got

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Speaker 2: to worry.

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Speaker 1: But you're good. So so you say.

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Speaker 4: And so I come back to the next podcast and

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Speaker 4: I'm like, so, y'all, I'm having twins.

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Speaker 1: Thanks Manny, I can talk well.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm twenty eight, and I don't necessarily feel

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Speaker 2: pressure to have a baby, Okay, but I feel I

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Speaker 2: guess that's not true. I don't feel pressure from myself, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I don't. I look at puppies and I feel my

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Speaker 2: my ovaries twins, like I really want a puppy very badly.

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Speaker 2: Babies not so much, but they're cute. What I do

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Speaker 2: feel is intense pressure from you know, I'm dating. I've

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Speaker 2: been dating my partner boyfriend for through over three years. Now,

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Speaker 2: which is my longest relationship, and you know, we live

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Speaker 2: together and we're kind of we're kind of playing it

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Speaker 2: as we you know by ear. His family, however, is

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Speaker 2: not waiting, especially his mother. He comes from a very traditional,

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Speaker 2: close knit community and family. I guess it's not giving

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Speaker 2: away too much if I says Dominican. So I'm in

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Speaker 2: a mixed race relationship. And his mother is very Catholic

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Speaker 2: and very old school and she is like the mother

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Speaker 2: of mothers. She lives to nurture her son's two sons.

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Speaker 2: They are schooled rotten. But you know, I feel her

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Speaker 2: looking at me and wondering. Not just feel, but I

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Speaker 2: hear it because she tells me, Mandy, Amanda, why why

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Speaker 2: no baby? Why? Her English isn't very good, but she

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Speaker 2: can she gets her point across.

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Speaker 1: Where's the baby yet?

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Speaker 3: Where it's been three years?

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Speaker 2: I asked her, you know, uh, don't she want us

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Speaker 2: to get married first and get married and do all

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Speaker 2: that and you know, the right order of events.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, no, just have a baby.

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Speaker 2: Wow?

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Speaker 1: Would this be her first grandchild?

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Speaker 3: This will be her first grandchild.

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Speaker 1: There's so much pressure.

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Speaker 4: I know, what how about you come from a family

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Speaker 4: of five girls, and no one has kids. My mother

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Speaker 4: every day on the phone, so my my Nigerian name

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Speaker 4: is Adoci.

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Speaker 1: My mother would call me and say, it's so adult.

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Speaker 4: She's still not married, still no baby, and I'm like,

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Speaker 4: good oldest, no second oldest, Okay.

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Speaker 1: So they're just like so somebody that the oldest.

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Speaker 4: Is married and she's working on it, and I'm the second.

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Speaker 4: The third is not married, the fourth is married and

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Speaker 4: she just had a baby, so we're like whoo, and

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Speaker 4: but just watching her. She's literally like the milk machine.

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Speaker 4: So she's only allowed to take ten paces away from

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Speaker 4: the baby before the milk machine has to return and

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Speaker 4: dispense milk.

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Speaker 2: You mean, it's not glamorous, and she's not like Blake

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Speaker 2: Lively taking selfies of herself, you know, breastfeeding in a

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Speaker 2: field of sunflowers.

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Speaker 4: That is a straight because honestly, she's like, I'm so tired.

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Speaker 4: Her feet are swollen, and she's just like, how can

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Speaker 4: I My mom is like, my mom is a nurse,

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Speaker 4: and her my mom was telling her you need to

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Speaker 4: put your feet up.

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Speaker 1: She's like, oh, when when I'm beeting the milk machine.

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Speaker 2: I work for a company and obviously y'allhoo has very

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Speaker 2: generous maternity and paternity benefit programs, which isn't the norm nationwide.

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Speaker 2: It's actually America is one of the only developing nations

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Speaker 2: that doesn't have a federally mandated and paid maternity or

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Speaker 2: paternity leading law. But I'm lucky enough to work for

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Speaker 2: y'allhoo and we have sixteen weeks off. That's awesome, And

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Speaker 2: dads get eight weeks off, and at least I know

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Speaker 2: I have that, Yeah, sort of if I'm still working,

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Speaker 2: you're gonna have a baby, have that kind of cushion.

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Speaker 2: But can you talk about, like I'm curious as an

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Speaker 2: entrepreneur's self, you know, you own your own business, how

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Speaker 2: are you going to plan your leave?

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Speaker 4: So I've been like, honestly like kind of like planning

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Speaker 4: now because I'm going to be thirty six, like I said,

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Speaker 4: and I mentioned, and my boyfriend and I have been

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Speaker 4: talking about marriage and kids. So right now, the way

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Speaker 4: my business is is that I start off at zero

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Speaker 4: basically like every month, meaning like my income, I never

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Speaker 4: know what's going to come in. People would just email

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Speaker 4: me and call me and say we want you to

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Speaker 4: speak or teach or whatever, and so as a month

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Speaker 4: rolls on I make money. I cannot do that and

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Speaker 4: the kid because one, you know, I'm gonna have to

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Speaker 4: be home. I do a lot of speaking around the country,

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Speaker 4: you know, so that's a worry for me. So I thought, well,

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Speaker 4: how am I going to make this work? So one

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Speaker 4: of the things I'm implementing is I'm looking for other

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Speaker 4: ways to make passive income. So I have two books

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Speaker 4: that do fear really well. I'm coming out with a

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Speaker 4: children's book hopefully that will boost up my income. In

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Speaker 4: two I'm launching this academy called the Live Richer Academy,

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Speaker 4: where it's going to be like a monthly fee and

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Speaker 4: you can take classes on investing and business and all

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Speaker 4: this kind of stuff. And so the Live Richer Academy

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Speaker 4: will definitely help to put regular income into my stream

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Speaker 4: without me having to leave the house because I'm not

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Speaker 4: going to be able to, at least not for a while.

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Speaker 4: So I'd love to hear what the BA audience has

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Speaker 4: to say. Tweet us at the BA Podcast. You can

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Speaker 4: find us on Facebook at Brown Ambition, and you can

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Speaker 4: email us at Brownambitionpodcast at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: Let us know are you and baby Limbo? What is

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Speaker 1: your story.

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Speaker 4: We'd love to hear it, maybe share it next time

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Speaker 4: we're on. So next up, this is one of my

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Speaker 4: favorite segments. It is brown break.

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Speaker 3: Brown bread, some music.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's like break.

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Speaker 4: Man's gonna really how about you share? Like what what

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Speaker 4: is a brown bakman?

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Speaker 2: A brown break is just something in your life that

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Speaker 2: you are tired of having to deal with or explain

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Speaker 2: as a.

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Speaker 3: Person of color. And this week, my brown.

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Speaker 2: Break is white feminism. This is a very uncomfortable issue.

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Speaker 2: I know, we like to keep things light and fun

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Speaker 2: as much as we can, but white feminism is something

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Speaker 2: that I'm starting to learn a little bit more about

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Speaker 2: and just to give some background on what brought me

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Speaker 2: to this necessary break in my life. So two of

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Speaker 2: my favorite authors for very different reasons. These authors couldn't

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Speaker 2: be more different. Erica Jong amazing author, very popular in

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Speaker 2: the seventies and popular even now. She's a new book

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Speaker 2: coming out. She was seen as sort of like one

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Speaker 2: of the first female writers to really embrace women's sexuality,

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Speaker 2: writing about a woman who's had sex and saying curse

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Speaker 2: words and sleeping around with no apology. And she did

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Speaker 2: a talk recently at the Decatur Book Festival shout out

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Speaker 2: to Atlanta, my hometown with Rox Sane Gay, another one

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Speaker 2: of my favorite authors. She's the author of Bad Feminist.

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Speaker 2: And someone asks Erica Jong how she feels about white

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Speaker 2: feminism and the concept of white women generally speaking about

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Speaker 2: feminists in a way that can sometimes exclude women of color.

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Speaker 2: And this is not a new issue. It's been around

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Speaker 2: since the seventies, when the first or not even the seventies,

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Speaker 2: but you know, when women were trying to get the

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Speaker 2: right to vote. Cut to the seventies, when women were

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Speaker 2: fighting for equal pay and things like that, and generally

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Speaker 2: white women would speak of feminism as if it only

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Speaker 2: applied from their point of view, and we weren't hearing

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Speaker 2: so much from black and brown women. So this is

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Speaker 2: something that I care a lot about. And I have

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Speaker 2: to say as someone who really respects Erica John, Erica

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Speaker 2: John from like the bottom of my heart, and I

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Speaker 2: love her writing.

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Speaker 1: The way that she.

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Speaker 2: Handled that wasn't I think the best way she could

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Speaker 2: have handled things. She got really defensive, and I can

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Speaker 2: understand why you'd be defensive because if you identify as

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Speaker 2: a feminist. And I give her so much respect, she

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Speaker 2: has done so much for the cause for feminism in

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Speaker 2: America and supported so many women, but she immediately was

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Speaker 2: discounting the whole white feminism thing.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, of course not.

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Speaker 2: You know, Oh, We've done so much for all women

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Speaker 2: of color, all women of color. You know, everything I've

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Speaker 2: done has been through this lens of you know, all women,

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Speaker 2: all women, And it just seemed like a second iteration

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Speaker 2: of the whole all lives matter thing. And you know,

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Speaker 2: we kind of saw this play out with the whole

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Speaker 2: Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift beef on Twitter where Nikki's

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Speaker 2: trying to make a statement about how black women are

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Speaker 2: treated in the music industry, and then Taylor comes in

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Speaker 2: and talks about, why are you.

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Speaker 3: Trying to make it about you?

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Speaker 2: All women in music industry are marginalized and you know,

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Speaker 2: sexualized in different ways and disenfranchised. But no, Taylor, No,

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Speaker 2: Black women and women of color are way more likely

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Speaker 2: to be marginalized in the music industry and not just there.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about in terms of like the wage gap.

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Speaker 2: That's a huge cornerstone of the feminist movement today is

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Speaker 2: the fact that women are still earning less than eight

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Speaker 2: eighty cents on the dollar for a man. What gets

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Speaker 2: lost when you stop the conversation. There is the fact

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Speaker 2: that Latina and black women are much more likely to

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Speaker 2: make less than that. And yeah, I'm just over I'm

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Speaker 2: over people stopping the conversation. At here's what it looks

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Speaker 2: like for all women, because all women don't have the

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Speaker 2: same story exactly.

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Speaker 1: So you need a brown break from white.

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Speaker 4: So my brown break is this whole debate of perm

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Speaker 4: versus natural rap.

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Speaker 2: So I am sitting with my fed up like my

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Speaker 2: half perm, half relaxed awkward transition face.

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Speaker 4: So many's half and half right, And here I am

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Speaker 4: fully natural. I have locks for the last like seven years.

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Speaker 4: But honestly, I've been natural since I want to say,

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Speaker 4: two thousand and one. I don't Matt good so I

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Speaker 4: know how many years.

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Speaker 3: I fifteen years.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was honestly natural for the majority of my life.

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Speaker 4: I had a perm. Yeah, I was like totally like

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Speaker 4: the natural girl before it became cool when I went natural.

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Speaker 4: At first, I had honestly, here's where I went natural.

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Speaker 4: So all throughout high school I had I had a

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Speaker 4: natural hair. I had braids, the Brandy braids for those

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Speaker 4: of you who can remember Brandy Norwood.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I want to be damn.

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Speaker 4: So so I had the braids because I played sports.

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Speaker 4: I played tennis, and so it didn't make sense for

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Speaker 4: me to have a perm and have palms hair and

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Speaker 4: played sports, and so I was natural mostly all my life.

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Speaker 1: And then when I went away to college, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I want a PERM.

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Speaker 4: I felt like perm was like the next level of

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Speaker 4: like womanhood for black women, and so I got a

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Speaker 4: PERM and two years in my hair.

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Speaker 1: Started to fall out, like I had alopecia. So alopecia

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Speaker 1: is really.

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Speaker 2: Wet putting a very toxic chemical and your hair wasn't.

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Speaker 4: Good for it, I know, And so my styl of

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Speaker 4: was like, you know what, Tiffany, your texture of hair.

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Speaker 4: It's just like I have really really tightly coiled hair

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Speaker 4: and it just was not blending well with the perm.

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Speaker 4: So literally the side started good go first, and then

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Speaker 4: the back and the front, and then finally she was like,

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Speaker 4: you're just gonna have to let the perm go, and

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Speaker 4: so I cut off all of the perm and I

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Speaker 4: was left with this spiky fro, and I realized it

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Speaker 4: was too short to get braided, so I was kind

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Speaker 4: of forced to walk around with spike fro, and I had,

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Speaker 4: so it started to grow out, and I kind of

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Speaker 4: liked the fro.

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Speaker 1: It was cute.

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Speaker 4: It was a cute little afro mini afro. But women

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Speaker 4: and older black women started stopping me in the street

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Speaker 4: and literally saying, why would you do that to yourself?

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Speaker 4: My my wasn't my mother and my father either one

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Speaker 4: of them. One of them said to me, so you

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Speaker 4: don't plan to Maddy, I'll translate, so you never want.

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Speaker 1: To get married.

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Speaker 4: I was like, excuse me, So you don't want to, Mattie,

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Speaker 4: that's what this hair is seen, that's what this is

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Speaker 4: what my so.

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Speaker 3: You're putting out there.

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Speaker 4: Yes, so this is what I was told. So I

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Speaker 4: couldn't believe how. I don't know, just like how politicized

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Speaker 4: my hair was. I literally just stopped getting a perm

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Speaker 4: because I was going bald. I wasn't trying to make

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Speaker 4: a statement. I wasn't trying to, I don't know, trying

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Speaker 4: to like prove my blackness. It was, hey, I'd like

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Speaker 4: not to be bald. Let me go back to the

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Speaker 4: where my hair was.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very practical.

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Speaker 4: But what I found was with time, as time went on,

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Speaker 4: I found that people were politicizing it.

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Speaker 1: For me. I would go to like Harlem or New York,

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Speaker 1: and people.

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Speaker 4: Would say hey, sister, like they would treat me differently

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Speaker 4: than my friends who I was walking with who had

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Speaker 4: a perm. You know, I wasn't when men even would

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Speaker 4: approach me, it wasn't the same like hey, shorty, what up?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 1: It was like Hi, I just want to tell you

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Speaker 1: that you're so beautiful.

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Speaker 4: And it was different, and I thought that was so yeah,

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Speaker 4: so strange, and but now what's happened. At first it

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Speaker 4: was like I was so happy to see that people

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Speaker 4: were embracing their natural hair, and I was like, yeah, yeah, yay,

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Speaker 4: But now what's happened. It's like there's two camps. There's

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Speaker 4: the perm camp and there's their natural camp. And sometimes

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Speaker 4: I find that each camp is like looking down on

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Speaker 4: each other, right, And I'm like, to me, it's just hair.

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Speaker 4: It's just a choice, like a dress or pants or shoes,

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Speaker 4: and you should be able to make your choice, and

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Speaker 4: you shouldn't be shamed for having a perm. You shouldn't

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Speaker 4: be shamed for being natural. When to me, it should

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Speaker 4: just be an expression of like just how you want

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Speaker 4: to look today, you know, or even if you want

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Speaker 4: to make it, if you want to make it politici.

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Speaker 1: That's fine, but that's just not me.

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Speaker 4: And we're here and we're back, and we are going

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Speaker 4: to give you some tips brown ambition tips for today.

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Speaker 3: So what are your tips for today? Tips?

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Speaker 4: So my main tip for today really is for those

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Speaker 4: of you who are starting a business. If this is

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Speaker 4: a very first kind of stage of your business, you

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Speaker 4: have to make a decision of whether or not you

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Speaker 4: want to be.

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Speaker 1: A business or look like a business. Right, so this

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Speaker 1: is a business.

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Speaker 4: There's a fourteen year old girl on your block who

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Speaker 4: babysits and she gets paid to. She has a business,

442
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 4: no very informal, but a business nonetheless, because a business

443
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 4: is just when you have a product or service that

444
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,919
Speaker 4: somebody wants to buy and they do. Now, if you

445
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 4: look like a business, looks all fancy. You have your

446
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 4: business cards and pens and everything, but haven't made a sale.

447
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 1: The fourteen year old has a business. You do not.

448
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,119
Speaker 4: So here's how I can help you get to a

449
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 4: place where you can actually make money on your business. First,

450
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 4: you want to make sure that that your return on

451
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,840
Speaker 4: there's a direct return on investments in the things that

452
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 4: you buy. So what that means is this that anything

453
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 4: that you're buying in the beginning stages of your business

454
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,320
Speaker 4: should directly make you money.

455
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 1: So let's just say you want to be a baker.

456
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,440
Speaker 1: If you want to be a baker.

457
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 4: Getting a bakery is not going to directly make you money.

458
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 4: Having business cards is not going to directly make you money.

459
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 4: That looks like a business. That's not a business. Eggs, flour,

460
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,640
Speaker 4: sugar shortening, vanilla seasoning, whatever, those things will directly make

461
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 4: you money because you can bake them, to make bake

462
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 4: goods and sell them. So in the beginning, I really

463
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 4: urge new entrepreneurs to really only put your money into

464
00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 4: things that you can directly repackage and make you money.

465
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 2: You're speaking to my dad right now, I think, Hey,

466
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 2: Manny fat big Al, who also does photography, find at

467
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 2: Alton Windriff dot com.

468
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 3: Excellent. Thank you, that's a great tip. Thanks.

469
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 2: So I want to talk about how to save on

470
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 2: rent and make rent more affordable. And these are tried

471
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,520
Speaker 2: and true tips that I've actually done to lower my rent.

472
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 2: In fact, I moved into a new place about a

473
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 2: year and a half ago and I managed to save

474
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 2: It will be twelve It'll be two four hundred dollars

475
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,919
Speaker 2: once we hit our two year mark because I got

476
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 2: them to shave one hundred bucks off their asking price

477
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 2: for the rent, which I was really proud of. And

478
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,159
Speaker 2: again it's just like I said, those little asks. Just

479
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:42,880
Speaker 2: ask for the little stuff. You never know what they're

480
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 2: going to say. My first tip to save on rent

481
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 2: is obviously, don't be afraid to negotiate, especially if you

482
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,280
Speaker 2: know that maybe you're moving to a place where there's

483
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,120
Speaker 2: not as much demand for rental places.

484
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 3: Ask your landlord.

485
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,120
Speaker 2: You know, let's say you know, for example, your rent

486
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,600
Speaker 2: is sixteen hundred dollars a month, you have excellent credit,

487
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,960
Speaker 2: you have references, you come correct with references, and you're

488
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 2: ready to show your landlord what a responsible tenant you are.

489
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,360
Speaker 2: If you can show them how responsible you are, then

490
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 2: ask them for one hundred dollars or ten percent deduction

491
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 2: in the rent. It can work, but again you have

492
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 2: to come prepared with those references and with that good credit.

493
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 4: A tenant of mine did that once. Oh really, yeah,

494
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 4: she was twenty six years old.

495
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:25,160
Speaker 1: I remember.

496
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 4: I was like, I don't know, but because she came

497
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 4: so prepared with everything, and she actually pre wrote the

498
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 4: checks a year in advance to me so when she

499
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 4: asked for less, I was ahead, but she was like, amazing, No,

500
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 4: But that works because I used to be a landlord

501
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 4: and her coming so prepared, I was willing to offer

502
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 4: her less just to have a good tenant in there.

503
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 2: Offering months in advance rent payments, that's a good tip,

504
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 2: a good strategy, And I don't know if it's so

505
00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,359
Speaker 2: common outside of New York, but a lot of landlords

506
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 2: asked for first and last month's rent plus security deposit,

507
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 2: which I know is hard to come up with. But

508
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 2: if you can, if you can offer to pay two

509
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,119
Speaker 2: or three months, maybe even half a year's rent in

510
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 2: advance upfront, they'll be willing to shave money off your

511
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 2: rent if you ask them.

512
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:09,679
Speaker 3: They might be.

513
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 2: At the end of the day, a landlord has a

514
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 2: product that he's trying to sell and he wants someone

515
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,679
Speaker 2: who's going to be living there and be responsible to

516
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,199
Speaker 2: be and not going to move out, you know, and

517
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 2: break your lease early. And if you show that kind

518
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 2: of commitment, paying in advance can really help you. Another

519
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 2: strategy that I've used is picking a good time of

520
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 2: year to rent. Studies show and my experience shows that

521
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 2: the winter, winter and early spring are some of the

522
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,360
Speaker 2: more dry seasons, and as a landlord, there's less competition

523
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 2: out there, which means that they're more desperate to rent

524
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,880
Speaker 2: their place out. And I think that's probably a lot

525
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 2: of the reason why I was able to negotiate my rent.

526
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 2: On top of having when was it you good credit?

527
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 2: I moved in. We were looking for an apartment in February.

528
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:52,480
Speaker 2: Moved in March first, so it was a great time.

529
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 2: It's way more difficult to negotiate a rent because there's

530
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: so many people looking for places in May and in September,

531
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:02,639
Speaker 2: end of college and begin in the school year exactly, definitely,

532
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 2: So think about your timing and if you can time

533
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 2: it around winter time. It sucks to move in the cold,

534
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 2: but money keeps me way.

535
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 4: I was gonna say that what I'll wear a money jacket,

536
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 4: And my last tip would be protect your belongings.

537
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,639
Speaker 2: This is like, please eat your vinom, meet your vitamins,

538
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 2: and like eat your vegetables and stuff. But seriously, Renters

539
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 2: insurance is no joke. You need to have it. It

540
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 2: costs like ten to fifteen dollars a month. You can

541
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 2: easily get a policy. If you have car insurance, call

542
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 2: your I'm sure your insurance company probably offers a renter's

543
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,360
Speaker 2: insurance policy. You can go through your bank. You can

544
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,120
Speaker 2: go to just random bank and ask them like USAA

545
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 2: has a great renter's policy and get renter's insurance. Here

546
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 2: is why if something were to happen to your apartments,

547
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 2: they a fire, or a flood or the spring. You know,

548
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 2: someone's bathtub overflows up above, which has happened to people

549
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: before that I know, and it drips down and ruins

550
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 2: all your furniture. Your landlord is going to definitely pay

551
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: to repair this structure, sure, and to repair the floor

552
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 2: in the ceiling. But he has or she has no

553
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 2: obligation to take care of your stuff, which is why

554
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 2: you have to have renter's insurance. And one of the

555
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 2: perks of renters insurance is that it won't even it

556
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 2: won't just cover the stuff in your apartment. If you

557
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,680
Speaker 2: take your laptop computer, you leave it at a friend's

558
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 2: place or in your car and it gets stolen, really

559
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 2: it'll still cover it.

560
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: Thatll be awesome. Yeah, And it's not even all that expensive.

561
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,960
Speaker 2: It's literally ten to twelve dollars. You can do estimates online.

562
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 2: You can go to Traveler's insurance. They have a cool

563
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,200
Speaker 2: tool that you can use. Bank Rate has a cool

564
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 2: I think retros insurance calculator you can use.

565
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 3: Just call and get a quote.

566
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 2: All you have to do is go through your apartments,

567
00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 2: start with your closet and work you through each room

568
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 2: and get a rough estimate of how much you think.

569
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 2: Like I think for our place, I have a policy

570
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 2: for fifteen thousand dollars. Okay, you know, just something that'll

571
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 2: cover your stuff. Yeah, in the event of an accident.

572
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 2: Insurance hip excellent return on investment.

573
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 1: Yes, I like that tip.

574
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,359
Speaker 4: So hopefully if you like our tips, you will let

575
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 4: us know. Tweet us the BA podcast at the BA

576
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 4: Podcast at the BA Podcast, Facebook, Brown Ambition and email.

577
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: Podcast at GAI. We should be a singing.

578
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:14,199
Speaker 4: Great So we are closing out this week's podcast with

579
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 4: our winds.

580
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 1: All I do is win, win, win, no matter what.

581
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 2: But you like that one, right, Gonna save that for

582
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 2: every every single segment we do of the winds.

583
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 4: Oh, we should let me practice my notes first, but

584
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 4: you know what's good? So this wind is near and

585
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 4: dear to my heart. We talked about baby Limbo. I

586
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 4: am a first time auntie and we have a little

587
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 4: boy and a family full of women who are ready

588
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:38,719
Speaker 4: to spoil.

589
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 1: She told me, she told me before the baby came.

590
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 4: You know, I'm not buying anything, right, and true to form,

591
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 4: she didn't have to, not with four aunties who are

592
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 4: just doting on this little baby. He's the cutest and

593
00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 4: I love my little peanut, that's my nickname for him.

594
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: And yeah, so that's my win for the week.

595
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 3: Good for her, Good for you. New babies are great.

596
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 2: Yes, if you're ready for that, yes, Okay, my win

597
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 2: of the week. I need to call out a I

598
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 2: would say this associate to mine. We went to college together,

599
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 2: and you know how you go to school with someone

600
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 2: you know them well, and then you leave school and

601
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 2: then you kind of drift apart and you go do

602
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 2: your own thing, and but you still follow each other

603
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 2: on social media. Like I still kind of social media

604
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 2: stock her, and I've been following her career and I'm

605
00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 2: really proud of her. I think she's doing our school proud.

606
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 2: Her name is Macy Peterson, and she has this app

607
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 2: which is pretty genius. It's called on Second Thought. It's

608
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 2: for Android users, and this is going.

609
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:34,640
Speaker 3: To solve one.

610
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,679
Speaker 2: It pretty much solves the problem all of us have

611
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 2: faith with our texting. It allows you to take back

612
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 2: a text. Really yeah, not take it back in the

613
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 2: sense that you send it and you can get it back.

614
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 2: But I think how it works is that you send

615
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 2: a text through the app and then you have like

616
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 2: an hour delay or a twenty four hour delay, like

617
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 2: if you think you might regret sending it in the morning. Okay,

618
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 2: let's say you had a couple glasses of wine. You're

619
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,880
Speaker 2: not toasted, but like you're just needing anything. Maybe I'll

620
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 2: send it to a second and have like a five

621
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 2: second delay. Nice. Nice, and you feel like you feel

622
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 2: some kind of way about what your mom said to

623
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 2: you about you know, your hair last week, and you

624
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 2: want to let her know how you feel. You can

625
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 2: send it you on second on second thought the app

626
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 2: and have a day or an hour delay before the

627
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 2: app the text actually gets sent. Okay, pretty smart idea

628
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 2: is So she presented this at I think it started

629
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 2: at south By Southwest last year, and in just a

630
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,880
Speaker 2: year's time she's raised hundreds of thousands of dollars and

631
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 2: she's moving the app and her startup from DC to

632
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 2: Silicon Valley. She's like living the entrepreneur's dream. She's a

633
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 2: brown girl, and she's a brown girl in tech, which

634
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 2: is so rare and so necessary, and it's awesome to

635
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 2: see her doing so well.

636
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 3: So I just want to give Macy a shout out.

637
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 1: Yes, Macey Virtual Color. Yeah right, maybe.

638
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 3: I'll stop just stalking her, let her know.

639
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 1: How I really feel. No, that's awesome, Macy.

640
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 2: We should have her on Monday. I'm sure she has

641
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:51,040
Speaker 2: lots of tips to share.

642
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd love to hear that. So hope you enjoyed

643
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 4: this week. Show Me and Mandy enjoyed being here with you.

644
00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 4: If you'd like to find us, where can they find us?

645
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 2: You can find us on Twitter at the BA podcast,

646
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 2: on Facebook at Brown Ambition, or please send us emails, compliments, complaints,

647
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 2: send us your wins of the weeks, your brown breaks.

648
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 2: So email us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.

649
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: See you soon, and we're back and browner.

650
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 4: We have the amazing, the beautiful, the intelligent, and the

651
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 4: real doctor Emiani.

652
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 3: Okay, now I like that hire everybody and hire to

653
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 3: you guys. I like that, though, Yes, it is browner

654
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 3: just because I'm here, uh so, so yeah, I'm totally

655
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 3: like I'm so highed to like meet you guys virtually

656
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 3: because new normal. But yeah, like this is this is great.

657
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 3: I'm super happy to be here.

658
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 2: So doctormani, you have been a practicing psychiatrist for how long?

659
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 3: Now, let's see my I'm like looking at one of

660
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 3: my degrees on the wall in my office. Yeah, okay,

661
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 3: that's all right. Sorry, yeah, like that really wasn't a flex.

662
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 3: But I realize now it sounds like one of my degrees,

663
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 3: one of my four things on.

664
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,760
Speaker 2: The wall, you pay for them. Let's let's respect. Well, okay,

665
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 2: I will.

666
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 3: I will admit, like, honestly, I didn't pay for them.

667
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 3: My parents did, right, So so I actually spoke about

668
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 3: my mom. I spoke to my mom about this because

669
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 3: we have a YouTube show actually that we usually do

670
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 3: it every Monday, so I have to do that in

671
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:44,959
Speaker 3: a couple hours. But I never let anyone know in

672
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 3: school that I didn't receive financial aid or that I

673
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 3: had a scholarship. So I would always memorize where the

674
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 3: financial aid office was because at the end of the year,

675
00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,719
Speaker 3: apparently you have to do like your financial aid wrap up,

676
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 3: and I don't know anything about like I've heard of

677
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 3: loans like stafford loans and stuff, but that didn't apply

678
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 3: to me, so I would just memorize where the financial

679
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 3: aid office was because I didn't want people to know,

680
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 3: you know that my basically my parents saved up for it.

681
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 3: And I did have a scholarship. My alma maters is

682
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 3: Xavier University in New Orleans, and I had an academic scholarship. Yes, yes,

683
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 3: but yeah, I never My mother told me when I

684
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 3: was a senior in high school. She was like, well,

685
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 3: you know, if you want to go to a school

686
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 3: in the Northeast, and I'd gotten into like Wesleyan and Vassar,

687
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 3: which is my mom's alma mater, she was like, you

688
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 3: can do that. But she like she was really really

689
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 3: adamant about me going to Xavier because I wanted to

690
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 3: be a doctor and it's basically a black doctor factory

691
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,960
Speaker 3: and has been for decades. So she was like, here's

692
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 3: the thing. We can pay for your college because it's

693
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 3: significantly cheaper, like it was much much cheaper than Northeast

694
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 3: like Ivy League suition. She was like, I can pay

695
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 3: for you college. You can get a car, you know, basically,

696
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 3: like you can be out here. But when but if

697
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 3: you go to a school in the Northeast, You're gonna

698
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 3: have to take out loans. And I was like, well

699
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 3: then no, I was like, I'm not doing that, so

700
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 3: my my. So basically that's what happened. So when I

701
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 3: would be at a college, like I said, at Xavier,

702
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 3: and then when I was in med school, I knew,

703
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 3: I mean, the majority of people that I knew who

704
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 3: were my med school class were on scholarship or you know,

705
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 3: received financial aid. But and I knew where the office was,

706
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 3: I knew the building, but I had just never been

707
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 3: in the office because it didn't apply to me.

708
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 1: So it's amazing.

709
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: I love that story.

710
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 2: And also how odd that you were ashamed of something

711
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 2: that was so amazing.

712
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 3: Yes, it was. I mean honestly, it wasn't that I

713
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 3: was fearful of anyone shaming me, and I wasn't. I

714
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 3: wasn't ashamed of having like my friends, know, like the

715
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 3: brown and black, you know friends that I had. It

716
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 3: was more so like I was like, I don't want

717
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 3: these white people to know because then like it's like,

718
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 3: oh so, because the assumption is you're on financial aid

719
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 3: when we all know that white women benefit the most

720
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,239
Speaker 3: from you know, affirmative action, and in those types of scholarships, right,

721
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 3: or those types of situations. I just didn't want to

722
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 3: have the conversation of like, Okay, you know, my parents

723
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 3: are very they're they're very what's the word I'm looking for.

724
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 3: They're very austere. And that's what they taught me, and

725
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 3: that's what they taught like, you know, my cousins and

726
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 3: everybody else in my family. So I always saw money

727
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 3: as a tool and not something to just be spent.

728
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 3: And I guess I didn't want anybody to think that, like, oh,

729
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 3: so you think you're all that. So I actually I

730
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 3: haven't admitted this to anybody outside of my circle of friends.

731
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 3: I don't think until like this year, because I just didn't.

732
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 3: I just didn't want. I just didn't want people to know.

733
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 3: I'm like, if that's my personal business. And then also

734
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 3: the way I grew up, it was like, you know,

735
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 3: you keep your financial business to yourself. So we always

736
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 3: I guess, I mean, like we were solidly middle class.

737
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 3: Then we became middle upper class, but we still you know,

738
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,359
Speaker 3: went to Sam's Club, went to Costco. Like my mom

739
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 3: grew up on welfare. My dad wasn't on welfare, but

740
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 3: he he you know, just had two hard working parents

741
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:16,879
Speaker 3: that weren't getting a lot of money in the Jim

742
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 3: Crow South. So I was just taught to you know,

743
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 3: like yes, money but like it you know, it ain't

744
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 3: for you like you, Oh you want outfit, that's that's cute,

745
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 3: Go get a job. So I've been working since I

746
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 3: was fourteen ever since you could have get your working

747
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 3: papers in New York.

748
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 1: Yes, I remember that.

749
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, work, go to the high school and get your

750
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 4: market papers working this summer.

751
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I used. I went to this. There was a school.

752
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 3: I went to Calhoun on eighty first in West and

753
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 3: Manhattan and there was like a I don't know if

754
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,240
Speaker 3: it was like a special needs school or something similar.

755
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:47,839
Speaker 3: It was like a block away. And I remember when

756
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 3: I was fourteen, I went over there and got my

757
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 3: working papers. And I've been working. So if I'm forty

758
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,839
Speaker 3: four now, I've been working for thirty years. Wow. Yeah.

759
00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 3: So anyway, I'm sorry how to answer your question because

760
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:03,760
Speaker 3: I just did I even ask a question this story.

761
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 3: I have so many follow ups I have, like I

762
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 3: can go on Tannis, so just like you know, be

763
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 3: like Emani okay, tap.

764
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 2: Out you do from your own podcast? Can we just

765
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 2: say Imani's state of Mind.

766
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:16,759
Speaker 3: Check it out. I love it.

767
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 2: I listened to the one of the most recent episodes yesterday.

768
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 2: Oh nice, nice, iocast on today. It's super fun. I've

769
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 2: been So I've been a practicing physician since two thousand

770
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 2: and nine.

771
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 3: That's all right, that was my question.

772
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, but no, I love it.

773
00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 3: No ten years. Wait, two thousand and five, so fifteen years, No,

774
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 3: two thousand and nine. So two thousand and nine, I've

775
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 3: finished my fellowship in forensic psychiatry. So since then pretty

776
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 3: much I've been treating psychiatric patients.

777
00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 2: So you are well, so business must be booming.

778
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 3: Yes, business is booming, I would say. I mean, like

779
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 3: straight up, when this when all this happened, like I

780
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: freaked out like everybody else, because it was basically it

781
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 3: was like Friday, and I'm out here in LA so

782
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 3: it was like I think it was March thirteenth or

783
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,879
Speaker 3: something like that. Friday, it was like, okay, so we're

784
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 3: probably gonna be on quarantine and I was like, okay, well,

785
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 3: I don't really know what that means, like as it

786
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 3: pertains to me. And then Monday we were all on lockdown,

787
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my god, like, do I

788
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 3: have a job, Stille, what am I gonna do? So

789
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 3: I've pretty much been exclusively seeing patients via telehealth, so

790
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 3: either by video conferencing or by the via telephone. And

791
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 3: is business booming? Yes? I work at a hospital. I

792
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 3: am the medical director and also the chief medical officer

793
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 3: at a mental health hospital out here in Los Angeles

794
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:51,360
Speaker 3: called Gateways Hospital. And the patients that I see, because

795
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,839
Speaker 3: I have a forensic psychiatry background, these are patients who

796
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 3: came from jail or came from the state mental hospital.

797
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 3: They might have committed some really like really egregious crimes,

798
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 3: but it was due to their symptoms from mental illness.

799
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 3: So I basically get them stable and keep them stable.

800
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:12,439
Speaker 3: So it hasn't it hasn't necessarily increased for me. It's

801
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 3: it just I had to change the mode with I

802
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 3: had to change the mode of how I was seeing

803
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 3: my patients, which honestly, I really I really like being

804
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,879
Speaker 3: at home. Honestly. I mean, I think we've both talked

805
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 3: about how we were introverts.

806
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:23,920
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

807
00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

808
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 2: The intersection between mental health and what's happening right now,

809
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 2: I mean, everything happening in the world is just a lot,

810
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:34,760
Speaker 2: right now, and I feel like it is the exact

811
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 2: right moment to have you on because we're like five

812
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 2: or six months into this thing, and I was telling Tiffl, like,

813
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,560
Speaker 2: we really haven't taken a step back to pause and

814
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: examine sort of how has this affected us all?

815
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 3: So, I mean, what would you say.

816
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,440
Speaker 2: I know that your you know your patients have like

817
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,880
Speaker 2: you were saying, you know, severe mental illness, But what

818
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 2: are sort of like, can you break down, like mentally

819
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 2: sort of what it is, what's happening to us, what's

820
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 2: going on?

821
00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 3: Why?

822
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 2: Why anxiety is up? It feels like people who had

823
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 2: maybe low grade depression before probably more prone to having

824
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 2: it pop up now. I mean, like, tif, how's it

825
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 2: been for you? Like, I feel like we just need

826
00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 2: someone to explain to us what's happening and how we

827
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 2: can like cope, Yes.

828
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:14,479
Speaker 1: It's been.

829
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 4: There were especially in the beginning. At first I was like,

830
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 4: I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. I'm not good, you know,

831
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 4: And then so there's just been this wave of good

832
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 4: not good, good not good. And I remember last night

833
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 4: I was scrolling through social and I literally had to

834
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 4: say no. My husband wanted to show me one of

835
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 4: those videos we all know what I mean, what we

836
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 4: mean by like, you know, black dead, black beaten bodies.

837
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 4: And I said, honestly, babe, I refuse, I refuse. I'm

838
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 4: not looking at any more of those videos.

839
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:42,239
Speaker 3: I'm not.

840
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 4: It's too much, it's too much, And yeah, that's how

841
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 4: I'm feeling that, I'm feeling that, I'm feeling in a

842
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 4: place where I feel like I'm striving hard to protect

843
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,479
Speaker 4: my peace because it's just all too much.

844
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I.

845
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 3: Have always known that, Like I'm not good with seeing

846
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 3: people in the act of being hurt or being tortured, Like, don't.

847
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,720
Speaker 3: I don't want to invite that into my Space'm loud.

848
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 3: I'm fine with, you know, picking up the pieces and

849
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 3: helping someone after the fact. But for me, all I

850
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 3: need to know is like, okay, so tell me what happened. Okay, great,

851
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 3: those are the facts, all right, now, how do we

852
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:27,240
Speaker 3: get it better? I haven't watched one video, probably since

853
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 3: I'm not even lying, probably since Rodney King. I'm like,

854
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 3: I'm not watching this shit, like I'm not. I don't

855
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 3: need to invite that into my space. So, you know,

856
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:38,560
Speaker 3: I'll look at the news, like not look at it,

857
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 3: but I'll read the news from my news app on

858
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 3: my phone for like fifteen minutes and a day and

859
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 3: then that's it because everything else is like speculative and

860
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 3: conjecture and things that you know. I don't know if

861
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 3: you guys have been noticing this, but like the news

862
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 3: that bubbles up through the COVID cracks, if you will,

863
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 3: is some wild shit.

864
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:06,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it has to take away the headlines from

865
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 2: COVID's wild.

866
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 3: I saw us like apparently there's like I mean, it's summertime,

867
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 3: but you know, kids in cars overheating and dying and

868
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 3: some there was some woman who like kills her grandparents.

869
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 3: Like it's just it's so much weird ness that's going on.

870
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 3: So I purposefully don't like if there's a video, I'm like,

871
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 3: I'm watching that, like I'm not trying.

872
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 2: It's not just that pandemic. It's also it's this reckoning

873
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 2: we're happening. We're happening, Yeah, I can talk. We're having

874
00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 2: with the reality of what it's like to be black

875
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:43,360
Speaker 2: in America, black and brown in America, and that is

876
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 2: happening at the same time where like everyone's lives are

877
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 2: at risk and the world's on fire and the pandemic's happening.

878
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 2: I mean, so you mentioned killer Locus.

879
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 3: I'm just kidding. There's no killer Locus. There's killer wasps

880
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:54,879
Speaker 3: or something, right, Like.

881
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 1: There's aliens on Venus today, I was.

882
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 2: There's aliens on Venus. Can we join them? They like,

883
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 2: you know, you know, can I apply for admission?

884
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: I don't know.

885
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 3: I saw that, but I was like, and this is

886
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,240
Speaker 3: the nerd in me. I'm like, is that possible? Because

887
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:15,839
Speaker 3: I think Venus is like a gaseous planet. But whatever, whatever, again,

888
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 3: let's not even focus on that because I'm super nerd.

889
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 3: I'll nerd out.

890
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 2: So let's my knowledge of Venus is like sailor Moon

891
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 2: from you know, high school. That's where as it goes.

892
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,200
Speaker 2: But so okay, But but fifteen minutes so limiting news.

893
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 2: I think that's something that I need to do that

894
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 2: because I am obsessed with telling my Google. Like I'm like, hey, Google,

895
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 2: tell me the news just whenever I have downtime or

896
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 2: I'm cooking or like walking the dog.

897
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 3: I just ime kind of obsessed with listening tones.

898
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 2: But you're right, like it doesn't really change, but something

899
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 2: about that has become like a tick for me to

900
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,680
Speaker 2: want to consume it just to see if something new

901
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:52,759
Speaker 2: has happened, or if there's new information.

902
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,359
Speaker 3: There's something I was told last week I was doing this.

903
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 3: I was being recorded for this document about millennials and

904
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,400
Speaker 3: mental health, and my topic was anxiety. And there was

905
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 3: an interesting term the producer used, which was what do

906
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 3: you call it? Doom scrolling? And I was like, I

907
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 3: was like, what's doing scy app? But it sounded like,

908
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 3: I mean again, I'm a nerd. It sounded I was like,

909
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 3: is that like Ninja scroll? Like the anime movie from

910
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:24,600
Speaker 3: back in the day. He was like, Now, I was like, okay, sorry,

911
00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 3: but it was but he so who What he explained

912
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 3: was doom scrolling is the act of basically like what

913
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,680
Speaker 3: you what you explained, like you're in your in your

914
00:42:34,719 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 3: news app, or you know, you ask you your nearest AI,

915
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,880
Speaker 3: you know, machine, alexis, Siri, whoever, like, oh, tell me

916
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 3: the news because it's it's everything is so out of

917
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 3: our control, and just being able to at least, you know,

918
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 3: ask and ask your phone or ask your device, hey,

919
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 3: can you tell me the news is somehow comforting because

920
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,399
Speaker 3: it's something we can control. But then when we start

921
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 3: to actually read or it's we're told the news, we

922
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:08,720
Speaker 3: consume the news. We are trying to gain more control

923
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 3: of our lives. But the problem is that, like I

924
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 3: said before, there are certain things that are factual in

925
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 3: the news. There are a lot of things in the

926
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 3: news that are factual, but there's a lot that there's

927
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 3: a lot of a lot of news stories that are

928
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 3: very speculative, like we think Biden might win, Oh, but

929
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 3: we think Trump might win. We might think that, and

930
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 3: it's and it's it's not doing us any good. I

931
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 3: understand that these news outlets need content, but it's not

932
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:38,040
Speaker 3: doing us the public, any favors because it's just creating

933
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 3: this this creating this mood of like I don't give

934
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 3: a fuck, but then I'm mad anxious all the time.

935
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, it's like, well, I'm anxious because

936
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 3: I don't know what's going to happen day to day.

937
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 3: But then at the same time, it's like, well, okay,

938
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 3: well what do you want to do? Like I don't

939
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,280
Speaker 3: know what can I do? Like I can't go outside,

940
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:58,440
Speaker 3: I can't go do hood rashit with my friends. I

941
00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 3: can't like you know, like like I can't like I

942
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 3: can't like be me so to answer your question from

943
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 3: like five minutes ago, my bad. I think what's been

944
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:12,359
Speaker 3: happening as far as let's you know, let's use doom

945
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,720
Speaker 3: scrolling as an example, is very similar to what happened

946
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 3: in the beginning of the pandemic with the toilet paper, right, So,

947
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 3: why did everyone suddenly want toilet paper? Why did everyone

948
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 3: suddenly want bottled water? Like, it's not like, oh, we

949
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 3: have a pandemic now the water is the water is poisoned.

950
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 3: It's not poisoned. It's just that we wanted to be

951
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 3: able to have control of something when everything else was

952
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,439
Speaker 3: completely chaotic, like our world's turned upside down. I went

953
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 3: from you know, being a work on a Friday and

954
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,080
Speaker 3: now I'm home on a Monday, like, oh, what am

955
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 3: I supposed to do now? And that was really that's

956
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 3: that was really scary to a lot of us because

957
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 3: we maintained schedules and our mind our minds were maintaining

958
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 3: routines that even if the routine we're annoying, like sitting

959
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 3: in traffic or you know, having to go to work

960
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 3: and talk to your coworker who you don't like, they

961
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 3: were still things that your mind could count on. So

962
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 3: humans are first of all, social creatures, and we're also

963
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 3: creatures of habit, and when you take away both, you're

964
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 3: gonna have what we now have, which is probably the

965
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 3: largest global mental health crisis that we've ever encountered. So

966
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 3: if we're going to talk about, you know, why do

967
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,359
Speaker 3: people feel this way? Even why do I feel this way?

968
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:36,239
Speaker 3: Sometimes because again, we're used to habit and we're used

969
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 3: to structure, and it's gone. It's gone. Like we're trying to,

970
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 3: you know, six seven months in, I can honestly say

971
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 3: that I have a better structure, but it's still not

972
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: what the what I'm used to for the majority of

973
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,760
Speaker 3: my life. So we're kind of just looking for things

974
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:57,320
Speaker 3: to you know, gain control over. I think for you know, honestly,

975
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 3: for people who are anti masks wearers, Yes, it's silly

976
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 3: to me as a physician, like why would you not

977
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 3: wear a mask? Like I respect myself and even if

978
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 3: you don't respect me, like you should respect yourself and

979
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,640
Speaker 3: not want to get sick potentially for me. But I

980
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 3: think a lot of it is that they're like, Okay,

981
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,239
Speaker 3: I can this is something I can control. I can

982
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 3: control whether I want to wear my mask or not.

983
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 3: Even though you know, maybe I'll get a ticket depending

984
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 3: on the town or the city, or you know, maybe

985
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 3: somebody will yell at me, you know, depending upon the

986
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:35,319
Speaker 3: business they answer. But it's I mean, it's become, unfortunately

987
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:39,400
Speaker 3: and overwhelmingly very political. But it just reminds me a

988
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 3: lot of like we have to hold toilet paper and

989
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 3: water because you know, what's like, what's going to happen.

990
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 3: I'm like, I have no idea what was up with

991
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 3: the toilet paper thing, but I actually have like obsessive

992
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 3: compulsive personality disorder, so I have a habit of hoarding

993
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 3: cleaning products. Anyway, So I was actually pretty good, you said.

994
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:02,239
Speaker 2: I do feel like theirs, the Survivalists, they really came

995
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 2: out on top. Oh listen, but they were life and

996
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:08,480
Speaker 2: like second their can beans for months.

997
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,759
Speaker 4: Yes, they're like I told you. And someone like my

998
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 4: mom who's a nurse and who.

999
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 1: Was like I've been told y'alln't watched him filthy.

1000
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:20,200
Speaker 3: And exactly like yeah that daybody. I mean, as a physician,

1001
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 3: I've been around a lot of sticky, you know, nasty

1002
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 3: kind of situations, but it really was until this pandemic

1003
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 3: that I was like, damn, Like, people are nasty, like

1004
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 3: y'all like collectively, like y'all do not wash your hands

1005
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 3: like it used to be, you know, like I would

1006
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,080
Speaker 3: go out to the movies and then you know, I

1007
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 3: would you know, go use the bathroom and go wash

1008
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 3: my hands in the in the restroom, and then if

1009
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 3: there would always be like somebody in there who wouldn't

1010
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 3: and we would all be like, oh, like she's nasty.

1011
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 3: But you know it was because of you know, like

1012
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 3: people like that are people who you know, oh, let

1013
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 3: me drink after you, let me be all up in

1014
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:58,320
Speaker 3: your face. I mean that's you know, unfortunately, how you

1015
00:47:58,400 --> 00:47:59,479
Speaker 3: know some of us got sick.

1016
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,359
Speaker 2: Well, let's talk about healthy ways of coping. I mean

1017
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 2: you mentioned sort of like you want to control something,

1018
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 2: So like, what are the things we can do to

1019
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,399
Speaker 2: bring back some sense of normalcy and control in our

1020
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 2: lives when everything feels like it's batshit crazy?

1021
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 3: Right? So, I think the first thing to do is,

1022
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 3: and this is kind of the hard the hardest thing

1023
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 3: to do is to admit that your stress. Admit that

1024
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 3: you're anxious, Admit you're depressed, Admit that you can't sleep,

1025
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:31,319
Speaker 3: Admit to yourself that you know, even though we've been

1026
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 3: in this for a long time. We're now at the

1027
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:39,680
Speaker 3: point where we're quote unquote used to it. We're not

1028
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 3: on like a fundamental level, but it's like, Okay, today's Monday,

1029
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:45,280
Speaker 3: I'm going to do this. I look at my schedule,

1030
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:48,080
Speaker 3: I'm going to do that. But it's not an ideal situation.

1031
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 3: So admitting that you have an issue, admitting that you

1032
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 3: are not comfortable, like things are not right to the

1033
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 3: point where it might be interfering with your day to

1034
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 3: day and interfering with your mental well being is key.

1035
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 3: After that, I would think that the best thing to

1036
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 3: do is for someone to talk to someone they trust,

1037
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 3: because you'd be surprised. And I'm speaking as somebody who

1038
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:20,320
Speaker 3: has a history of depression and anxiety, you'd be surprised.

1039
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 3: Or I was really surprised at how helpful it was

1040
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:26,879
Speaker 3: to get my feelings out of my body. And when

1041
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,399
Speaker 3: you're dealing with depression and anxiety, a lot of it

1042
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 3: is guilt driven. It's like, well, I don't want to

1043
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:34,399
Speaker 3: burden this person, you know, with my personal issues because

1044
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 3: they're going through all this stuff too. And you know what,

1045
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,239
Speaker 3: if that person is a real, real friend to you

1046
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 3: and they really care about you, and love you. They'll

1047
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 3: listen to you and they'll you know, kind of help

1048
00:49:43,800 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 3: you through it. And that person might also be going

1049
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 3: through things and you could also serve as an inspiration

1050
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,759
Speaker 3: but that you know, for your friend the loved one

1051
00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:52,400
Speaker 3: to be like you know what, like I you know, like,

1052
00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 3: let's talk about this. I think the third thing to

1053
00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 3: do is to really set a routine. And Mandy, you

1054
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 3: and I spoke yesterday and I definitely agreed with you

1055
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 3: at the time. Like I like routine versus schedule. Like

1056
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 3: a schedule sounds like, oh, this is my class schedule

1057
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,359
Speaker 3: for the day, like these are things that like I

1058
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:17,319
Speaker 3: have to do, but I don't really want to do.

1059
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 3: Versus a routine, which is like, oh, I'm gonna wake

1060
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 3: up at this time because that's when I want to

1061
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 3: wake up or that's when I might need to wake up.

1062
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 3: It's a routine to me sounds I mean, it's semantics,

1063
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 3: but it sounds like it's more it's something that I

1064
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 3: can control. It's more manageable, so you know, depending upon

1065
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 3: you know, the person's you know, lifestyle or what they

1066
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 3: need to do. I mean, I remember in the beginning

1067
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 3: of the pandemic, I actually was trying to schedule like

1068
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 3: cocktail hour during during the early evening, like I can

1069
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 3: maybe not yeah, like maybe not even drinks, but like

1070
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 3: cannopis like something like I was just like I need

1071
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:58,919
Speaker 3: something to just make my day feel like, oh, look

1072
00:50:58,920 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 3: at this, we're having a good time. And then I think,

1073
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 3: you know, the other thing that people really need to consider.

1074
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:09,759
Speaker 3: And as terrible as this pandemic has been for a

1075
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 3: lot of people, the one thing that has really been

1076
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 3: great about it is that there are actually it's actually

1077
00:51:16,880 --> 00:51:21,800
Speaker 3: easier to get hooked up with mental health services because

1078
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 3: most mental health clinics aren't open, but they do see

1079
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 3: patients or you know, or referrals or clients via apps,

1080
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 3: via video chat, via telephone. Even so, it really has

1081
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:44,279
Speaker 3: at least in psychiatry and psychology, whereas telemedicine or telehealth

1082
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,479
Speaker 3: was something that some of us were into, Like now

1083
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 3: we all have to be into it because if that's

1084
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 3: if we don't get used to it, we don't get

1085
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 3: acclimated to it, we're not going to have patients. We're

1086
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 3: not going to be able to treat people and have

1087
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:00,319
Speaker 3: and help people feel better the way that we need

1088
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 3: to right now. And you know, I think the I

1089
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 3: think the last thing. And this is going to sound,

1090
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 3: you know, kind of obvious, like Captain obvious. But you know,

1091
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:11,799
Speaker 3: I tell people. I tell my patients like, you know,

1092
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 3: if you if you don't have a pre existing medical

1093
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 3: condition that's preventing you from going outside, like go outside,

1094
00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 3: like go outside. Because I'm as an introvert, I love

1095
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 3: being in the house. I'll stay in the house all

1096
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 3: day long. But when I finally am like, okay, we

1097
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,239
Speaker 3: got to go outside, I'm like, oh my god, it's

1098
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:31,920
Speaker 3: so nice out here, like look look at this, like

1099
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 3: look at these trees. Like I can feel the air

1100
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 3: now right now in La and in California, like the

1101
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 3: whole state's on fire. So that sometimes there's like, yeah,

1102
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 3: maybe don't bring you deeply out there. Yeah, like yeah,

1103
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 3: I mean I've been in the house for the past

1104
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,799
Speaker 3: like four or five days, so I'm starting to feel

1105
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 3: a little bit antsy. But you know, I think exercise

1106
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:52,800
Speaker 3: is important, like you like, we really need to find

1107
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:57,279
Speaker 3: what we can do to increase our levels of serotonin

1108
00:52:57,440 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 3: in our brains so that we don't end up dipping

1109
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,799
Speaker 3: into depression anxiety, but unfortunately a lot of us have.

1110
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 2: It almost brings up another important point you mentioned, like

1111
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 2: guilt and shame, And I feel like there was this

1112
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 2: something that happened with the pandemic where people who were

1113
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 2: at home. It wasn't just like let's go outside. It's like, Oh,

1114
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 2: I'm gonna this is what I'm going to train for

1115
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 2: a marathon, or I'm going to learn how I'm going

1116
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:23,360
Speaker 2: to start the triathlon. I always wanted to do myself personally.

1117
00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:25,680
Speaker 2: I got a peloton and I'm now it's something that

1118
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, why am I not on the peloton?

1119
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,680
Speaker 2: Why do I don't have a hundred rides yet? And

1120
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 2: it's almost like, you know, you can take these little

1121
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 2: things that maybe make you feel better, but then that

1122
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 2: becomes the stick that you beat yourself with a little

1123
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 2: bit when it comes to like guilt and shame.

1124
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:40,399
Speaker 3: So how do we like talk, How can we.

1125
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:44,399
Speaker 2: Just give ourselves a break for not going so over

1126
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 2: the top of this extra time that we perceive that

1127
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 2: we have. And you know, like there's this idea that

1128
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 2: you can win quarantine by learning.

1129
00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 3: A new hobby or a language. Why are we doing

1130
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 3: that to ourselves? We're doing that to ourselves because we

1131
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:04,399
Speaker 3: were so go, go go before the shutdown. So I

1132
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 3: remember distinctly, I'd wake up, I'd go work out at

1133
00:54:07,360 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 3: six am. I'd come home, help my son with his

1134
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 3: lunch and make him breakfast, take him school, come back home,

1135
00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 3: run four miles, check my schedule, seem you know, Like

1136
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 3: I was like, the amount of things I was cramming

1137
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 3: into a day was absurd. It was absurd. And it

1138
00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 3: wasn't until you know, I was as we all were

1139
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 3: forced to take a step back that I was like,

1140
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 3: what why are you doing this? Like like are you

1141
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:36,399
Speaker 3: gonna win something at the end? Like no. So once

1142
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,239
Speaker 3: I was able to slow down, it really afforded me

1143
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 3: the opportunity. I mean, it was hard, but once I

1144
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 3: was able to slow down, I was able to really

1145
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 3: just take stock up, you know, like what do you want?

1146
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,319
Speaker 3: Like what do you want out of life? Not out

1147
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 3: of Wednesday, not out of this job? Like what do

1148
00:54:53,760 --> 00:54:56,399
Speaker 3: you want? And I was like, honestly, I'm like, I'm

1149
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 3: I've been grinding since two thousand. I had a med

1150
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:00,600
Speaker 3: school in two thousand. I'm like a bit is tired.

1151
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 3: I'm tired. I'm tired, you know, Like I still want to,

1152
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 3: you know, see patients and make a difference, but you know,

1153
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 3: I don't need to, you know, start training for the

1154
00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 3: for you know, a bodybuilding competition or whatever, like these

1155
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 3: goals I had beforehand. It's it again, is is that

1156
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 3: it's that desire to have control of your life, but

1157
00:55:25,600 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 3: by distracting yourself. So there were a lot of things

1158
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 3: that I was doing just distract myself because I had

1159
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 3: to realize that I wasn't happy. And when I was

1160
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,440
Speaker 3: able to do all of those things during the day

1161
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 3: and just pack my day with stuff, did I feel better?

1162
00:55:44,160 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 1: Maybe?

1163
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 3: Superficially, like did I feel like I'd accomplished something? Yes?

1164
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 3: And I think I equated accomplishing whatever it was quote

1165
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:58,760
Speaker 3: unquote with feeling good about myself. And once that, once

1166
00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:02,120
Speaker 3: this pandemic pulled the rug out from under us, we

1167
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 3: were searching for things to do. Like like I saw

1168
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,920
Speaker 3: some some meme on Instagram that was going around like

1169
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,360
Speaker 3: if you don't come out of this pandemic with the skill,

1170
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:12,439
Speaker 3: then you wasted your time. I'm like, first of all,

1171
00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 3: don't tell me what to do. Okay, That's that's number one.

1172
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 3: Number two is number two is everybody should be allowed

1173
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,439
Speaker 3: and everybody is allowed to live their own life as

1174
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:29,360
Speaker 3: they see fit and you know, do I do I

1175
00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 3: want to learn how to knit? Do I want to

1176
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 3: learn how to you know, do needle? Point of course

1177
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 3: I do, But this may not be the right time

1178
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 3: because I'm not able to full I don't have Like honestly,

1179
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,239
Speaker 3: we're at a point where we don't know what's gonna

1180
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 3: happen tomorrow, Like I like, I legit, don't know whereas

1181
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 3: before the shutdown, like you know, people would say metaphorically like, well,

1182
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:54,440
Speaker 3: you know, tomorrow's not promised, so live for today, and

1183
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:56,319
Speaker 3: you would feel it on like a certain level. But

1184
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,840
Speaker 3: now I feel it and I know that on a

1185
00:56:57,840 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 3: cellular level, like I do not know what's going to

1186
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 3: happen tomorrow. I don't. Yeah, I don't know what's gonna happen. Politically,

1187
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,839
Speaker 3: I don't know what's gonna happen, you know, news wise,

1188
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,360
Speaker 3: I don't know what's gonna happen regarding COVID, Like you know,

1189
00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 3: are we due for the killer locuswarm that you know

1190
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 3: we should be experienced? What's the point of it all

1191
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 3: about it?

1192
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 2: Like why this is I'm like playing Devil's advocate, but

1193
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 2: this is like a small part of me inside my

1194
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 2: brain that I'm constantly trying to talk down off the

1195
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 2: ledge is like, what's the point in saving?

1196
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 3: Why don't you just blow your money now? Like I

1197
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 3: mean on what really?

1198
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 2: But you know, I feel like financially people are and

1199
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 2: you and I talked about this too, like the sense

1200
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 2: of the structure that you have with your budget, Like

1201
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 2: even something as simple as a household budget seems to

1202
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 2: feel so silly or like doesn't really compute with today's world.

1203
00:57:44,040 --> 00:57:46,840
Speaker 2: So how can you adjust, like mentally, how you look

1204
00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 2: at your finances and your financial planning. So much of

1205
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 2: that has to do with the future, which none of

1206
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 2: us can predict right now. A lot of it, like

1207
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 2: when we were talking before, a lot of for me,

1208
00:57:57,400 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 2: budgeting is very tied into my self worth because budgeting

1209
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 2: involves money and I have you know, we're in a

1210
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 2: capitalistic we're in a capitalist society, so I have oftentimes

1211
00:58:08,680 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 2: equated more money equals you know, better better self worth,

1212
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 2: which is really terrible in hindsight for me to have

1213
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 2: even thought that, But that's really what we're taught, right

1214
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 2: I would say that I'm sorry I asked me that question.

1215
00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 4: Again because I totally forgot you are so much likely

1216
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 4: I'm like doctor money.

1217
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 3: Are we like, uh no, it's cod yesterday. I'm like

1218
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:36,959
Speaker 3: this may like I'll be like yeah, and then I'm like, wait,

1219
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 3: what the future? The future?

1220
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 2: How do we like make decisions today when it's so

1221
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 2: hard for us to like remind like Wanda, we were talking,

1222
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:48,480
Speaker 2: Tiffany imagines herself in the future as Wanda, and everything

1223
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 2: she does is for Wanda, so Wanda can be happy

1224
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:51,440
Speaker 2: and you mean, like.

1225
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:55,080
Speaker 3: Love Wanda, Like I got you.

1226
00:58:54,600 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 4: Right, because Wanda sounds like the sassy old lady dad,

1227
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 4: because I just see Wanda custoder I made.

1228
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 3: I mean, I've always I've always I've always contended my

1229
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 3: spirit animal. Yes, because honestly, I mean, and that's that's

1230
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 3: kind of a good point to make right now. Shannane

1231
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 3: was is I'm guessing she's still alive in our consciousness.

1232
00:59:17,560 --> 00:59:20,960
Speaker 3: Shnane is a small business owner. She does very well

1233
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:24,720
Speaker 3: with her salon. She has support. She had key Lo

1234
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:28,000
Speaker 3: Lo and her other friend and every you know, and

1235
00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 3: she every so often she got to, you know, have fun.

1236
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,480
Speaker 3: But for the most part, Shannane was a hard worker.

1237
00:59:32,520 --> 00:59:34,560
Speaker 3: So I think, you know, if I imadgine it myself

1238
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 3: as Bartin's character art Lawren's character on Shanne like that

1239
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 3: that actually, I mean real talk, That honestly is probably

1240
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 3: what I'm gonna do when I get off this phone call,

1241
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 3: because I do need to like work on my budget,

1242
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 3: but I think that that's a good thing to do.

1243
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:54,120
Speaker 3: Like what like imagining yourself as Wanda, Yes it's you. Yes,

1244
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 3: I mean we're kind of used to in this day

1245
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 3: and age with social media, imagining ourselves as an avatar.

1246
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 3: But there's something in psychiatry psychology that we call like

1247
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 3: like you. When I'm talking to somebody, let's say, who's

1248
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 3: experiencing depression or has in the past, and I will

1249
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 3: sometimes ask questions to determine if their goal oriented or

1250
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 3: future oriented. Right A lot of us are not goal

1251
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:21,960
Speaker 3: or future oriented right now because we don't know what's

1252
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 3: going to happen from day to day. But if we

1253
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 3: can kind of imagine ourselves not as our Oh, I'm

1254
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 3: going to be my best self. I'm going to run

1255
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:31,800
Speaker 3: this marathon. I'm gonna have like a thousand rides on

1256
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 3: peloton this month. Like it's not that it's not it's

1257
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 3: not like a goal oriented like I hit this goal.

1258
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 3: It's more so needs to be about imagining yourself in

1259
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 3: a happy place despite what's going on, because we are

1260
01:00:47,280 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 3: we're in a new normal. It's not going to be

1261
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 3: the same way as it was before. It isn't. I mean,

1262
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:56,160
Speaker 3: I don't know anybody personally who would feel comfortable walking

1263
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 3: around without a mask, like in the airport, in a

1264
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:02,919
Speaker 3: rest and you like anything like that. So I think

1265
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 3: it is. I think it's good to focus on what

1266
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 3: do I like. I want to be someone who is

1267
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 3: at peace. I want to be someone who definitely feels confident.

1268
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:16,520
Speaker 3: And when it comes to budgeting, I know that I

1269
01:01:16,600 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 3: was having a hard time last month because I actually

1270
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:21,760
Speaker 3: was starting to slip back into having some anxiety and depression.

1271
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 3: And so I was telling Mandy this yesterday. I was like,

1272
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 3: you know, I like there were some bills that they

1273
01:01:28,680 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 3: were like, Amie, are you gonna pay these bills? Or

1274
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:32,640
Speaker 3: like what's up? Cause you usually do and now you're not.

1275
01:01:33,040 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 3: And it was because I was just so cloudy with

1276
01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 3: my thoughts because some of my depressive and my depression

1277
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:44,320
Speaker 3: and anxiety symptoms came back. And honestly, I would say

1278
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:47,240
Speaker 3: over the past two weeks, as I had my medication adjusted,

1279
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 3: like I had an increased I have been more go

1280
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 3: with the flow, like water off a ducts back. But

1281
01:01:53,320 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 3: I was, I mean seriously, like stressing in bed, like

1282
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 3: damn you didn't pay you at and T cell phone bill,

1283
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 3: like look at you like like you like you really

1284
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:05,400
Speaker 3: fucking up right now. And it's not that serious. It's not.

1285
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 3: It's just that I needed to get to a better

1286
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 3: place where I felt better. So I think that when

1287
01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 3: it comes to budgeting, it's it's important, but I'm I'm

1288
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 3: gonna have to change my budget to reflect the fact

1289
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 3: that like I don't go nowhere, I don't have to

1290
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:26,000
Speaker 3: I don't have to include my restaurant the restaurant portion

1291
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,400
Speaker 3: of my budget where I that I would usually use. Now.

1292
01:02:28,440 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 3: I will say this last month, when I wasn't feeling

1293
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 3: that great, I was, I was like, oh, nobody's on

1294
01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 3: Postmates word okay, like and then it's like, oh, well,

1295
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:39,760
Speaker 3: that's going to cover it up. But then I ended

1296
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:41,720
Speaker 3: up like feeling bad about it later because I was like,

1297
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 3: you don't need to do that. So I think we

1298
01:02:43,960 --> 01:02:47,880
Speaker 3: need to really look at the at a budget or

1299
01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 3: this this new normal budget as things that we need

1300
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 3: not necessarily to feel happy and great because I bought

1301
01:02:57,800 --> 01:02:59,240
Speaker 3: a lot of dumb shit, and I'm like, where are

1302
01:02:59,240 --> 01:03:03,080
Speaker 3: you gonna go with them? Sneakers? Nowhere? Like you don't

1303
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:05,120
Speaker 3: need these things? But I think we really need to

1304
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,680
Speaker 3: just just look at you know, how can we make

1305
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 3: things easier for us? How? You know, do we need

1306
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 3: to outsource certain things? Does our budget allow for that?

1307
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 3: Because it wasn't really until like maybe last year that

1308
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,280
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, I really need to like outsource

1309
01:03:20,320 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 3: these things, like there are things that I can afford

1310
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,320
Speaker 3: to outsource, or you know, there were even things that

1311
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,760
Speaker 3: I would barter for other with other people with for

1312
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 3: other people with. So you know, I think we need

1313
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:34,360
Speaker 3: to get to a point, or people hopefully can get

1314
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:37,640
Speaker 3: to a point where they feel they feel better about themselves.

1315
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,640
Speaker 3: And that really might involve someone talking to a mental

1316
01:03:40,680 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 3: health therapist or a mental health clinician or a psychiatrist, psychologists,

1317
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 3: what have you, but also talking about like what are

1318
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 3: the things that make me me? What are the and

1319
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:56,080
Speaker 3: maybe what are the negative coping strategies that I was

1320
01:03:56,360 --> 01:04:01,120
Speaker 3: using before the pandit, before COVID that I've carried with

1321
01:04:01,240 --> 01:04:03,120
Speaker 3: me into this pandemic.

1322
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 2: Snacks, Yes, I was just looking all of that in

1323
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 2: to have you've been quiet, what are you thinking over there?

1324
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 4: I've just been thinking that, Like one of the what

1325
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 4: I love, Well, I guess if there is any bright

1326
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:24,480
Speaker 4: side to all of this darkness is how comfortable people

1327
01:04:24,560 --> 01:04:29,120
Speaker 4: have gotten talking about therapy and suggesting therapy to each other.

1328
01:04:29,160 --> 01:04:31,400
Speaker 4: And when I mean people, I mean black folks. That

1329
01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:33,760
Speaker 4: never was a thing. It was like, gree you better pray.

1330
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:37,680
Speaker 4: No one talked about therapy, and it's just become like

1331
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:39,080
Speaker 4: I just said it to someone the other day.

1332
01:04:39,480 --> 01:04:41,400
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, well, you know, have you considered therapy?

1333
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:42,880
Speaker 1: They're like yeah, yeah, even.

1334
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:46,240
Speaker 4: Like my churchy friends, which is like, I mean, you know,

1335
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 4: that was never a thing. Like when I have a

1336
01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 4: super churchy friend and she was like, oh I talk

1337
01:04:50,600 --> 01:04:52,960
Speaker 4: to my therapist today, so great. And I just thought,

1338
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:55,440
Speaker 4: you know, if there is a bright side, it's the

1339
01:04:55,480 --> 01:05:00,280
Speaker 4: fact that people are understanding that you need help and

1340
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:02,960
Speaker 4: that going to therapy is not a replacement for God

1341
01:05:03,040 --> 01:05:06,080
Speaker 4: in prayer, and that they can work in tandem together.

1342
01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:08,000
Speaker 3: Thank you, you know.

1343
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 4: And I'm loving because people like you know, like Sarah

1344
01:05:10,920 --> 01:05:12,800
Speaker 4: Jake's Robert, she says that all the time, which I

1345
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:15,960
Speaker 4: love because so many people look up to her TJ's daughter,

1346
01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:18,640
Speaker 4: and so, yeah, So I guess I was just thinking

1347
01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 4: about that because quite honestly, I've been dragging my feet.

1348
01:05:20,600 --> 01:05:22,560
Speaker 4: I've been needing a therapist. I want a black woman

1349
01:05:23,320 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 4: for the longest, just to there are what I do.

1350
01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,280
Speaker 4: I have several companies that I want. It could be

1351
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:32,560
Speaker 4: really stressful, and sometimes I won't even know that I'm

1352
01:05:32,560 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 4: stressed until I'm like, yeah, so, what's the last time

1353
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:37,840
Speaker 4: you slept fully? You know, So just having a place

1354
01:05:37,920 --> 01:05:40,800
Speaker 4: to because I'm like the go to for everyone. There's

1355
01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:43,360
Speaker 4: literally times when I feel like I'm everyone's pulling a

1356
01:05:43,400 --> 01:05:47,800
Speaker 4: finger a toe. Yes, I'm just like like what people

1357
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:49,520
Speaker 4: are like I text you, I'm like, I have fifty

1358
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,160
Speaker 4: unread text text is a new email?

1359
01:05:52,760 --> 01:05:53,120
Speaker 2: I mean?

1360
01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:56,360
Speaker 4: So yeah, So, I mean I just think that if

1361
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 4: if anything else is just is like tiven AAA to

1362
01:05:58,160 --> 01:05:59,880
Speaker 4: find a therapist. I don't know why I've been dragging

1363
01:05:59,880 --> 01:06:03,080
Speaker 4: my I guess I'm just like, ugh, I don't feel

1364
01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 4: like interviewing people and figuring out the right person and

1365
01:06:05,680 --> 01:06:06,920
Speaker 4: how am I going to make time for them? I

1366
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 4: don't even have time for myself.

1367
01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:11,240
Speaker 3: True, But then you know it's funny, there was something

1368
01:06:11,360 --> 01:06:13,680
Speaker 3: there there was like this work. It was like busy

1369
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:15,680
Speaker 3: work that I had to complete for my job, and

1370
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:17,880
Speaker 3: I finally got around to like finishing it today and

1371
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:20,120
Speaker 3: I was like, it's gonna say so long and I

1372
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:22,959
Speaker 3: don't feel like doing it. It literally was data entry

1373
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:26,040
Speaker 3: like this, It was not a big deal. And then

1374
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:28,200
Speaker 3: today when I was doing it now that like, I'm

1375
01:06:28,240 --> 01:06:30,960
Speaker 3: not you know, my motivation is better because I'm not depressed.

1376
01:06:31,240 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 3: I was like, eman, you could have been done that,

1377
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 3: But I didn't get on myself about it. I was like,

1378
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 3: you know what, we're going to use this as a

1379
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:41,480
Speaker 3: you know, a learning point, Like you didn't do it

1380
01:06:41,480 --> 01:06:44,160
Speaker 3: before because you weren't feeling right and you got some

1381
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:47,760
Speaker 3: help and now you feel better and that's okay, so

1382
01:06:48,360 --> 01:06:51,320
Speaker 3: I will. But something that you said just now reminded

1383
01:06:51,360 --> 01:06:54,240
Speaker 3: me of the fact that a lot of people, and

1384
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:57,439
Speaker 3: I think, especially like I'm Generation X because I'm I'm

1385
01:06:57,440 --> 01:07:01,800
Speaker 3: almost forty five, so but general X, the baby boomers,

1386
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:04,280
Speaker 3: they always get on millennials and Gen Z like, oh,

1387
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:06,480
Speaker 3: you are so lazy and youing your cell phones and this,

1388
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:09,919
Speaker 3: that and the third. But honestly, I think, not think,

1389
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:14,400
Speaker 3: I definitely know just by following social media trends and

1390
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:19,800
Speaker 3: whatnot that if it weren't for the black millennials, we

1391
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:23,280
Speaker 3: would not be talking about therapy like it's nothing like

1392
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,640
Speaker 3: oh yeah, like because they'll legit be like, oh, I

1393
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:28,040
Speaker 3: got a therapist, I got an individual therapist, I got

1394
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:30,360
Speaker 3: a group therapist. Then I have a therapist that I

1395
01:07:30,440 --> 01:07:33,320
Speaker 3: check in with like every two months. Like they're very

1396
01:07:33,520 --> 01:07:38,520
Speaker 3: pro therapy. And as much as they were maligned and

1397
01:07:39,240 --> 01:07:42,280
Speaker 3: for I guess for being like the quote unquote adderall generation,

1398
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:48,360
Speaker 3: they are really taking up the charge to just make

1399
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 3: it very normal. And I really appreciate that. You're welcome.

1400
01:07:55,120 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 4: Than millennial and I'm I'm generating next as well. I'm

1401
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:00,640
Speaker 4: forty doctor money, so I'm generation LM as well. So

1402
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 4: Mandi's are a local millennial. I'm almost like, what did

1403
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:06,080
Speaker 4: the millennials say? Even though sometimes Mandy's like an old lady,

1404
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,840
Speaker 4: I'm like, girl, get with it.

1405
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:17,160
Speaker 2: I'm a layered and complex individual like everyone else. I

1406
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:20,320
Speaker 2: guess it's just like, don't feel it's the it's the

1407
01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:23,160
Speaker 2: negative thought spiral, which is and this is for me

1408
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:26,760
Speaker 2: and food because listen, my coping mechanism is food. And

1409
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:29,720
Speaker 2: I am really appalled at how much weight I put

1410
01:08:29,720 --> 01:08:33,080
Speaker 2: on in this pandemic. But it's almost like the shame

1411
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:35,559
Speaker 2: of the eating habits that have plagued me for my

1412
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 2: entire life stops me from doing the things that I

1413
01:08:38,560 --> 01:08:40,760
Speaker 2: know I can do to make myself feel better, and

1414
01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:43,720
Speaker 2: then I feel bad. So then I just layered on

1415
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:47,400
Speaker 2: with more food. And it's this like self fulfilling negative

1416
01:08:47,439 --> 01:08:51,080
Speaker 2: prophecy that man, I'm just like and I start beating

1417
01:08:51,120 --> 01:08:53,559
Speaker 2: myself up because I'm like Jesus Christ, like, you're thirty

1418
01:08:53,600 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 2: something years old, shouldn't you be over this by now?

1419
01:08:55,880 --> 01:09:00,000
Speaker 2: This isn't cute, but again that we're just we're so hard,

1420
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:03,080
Speaker 2: hard on ourselves, and I this conversation right now is

1421
01:09:03,120 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 2: just reminding me like we just as much as as

1422
01:09:05,479 --> 01:09:07,479
Speaker 2: much as I say it, I know intellectually I need

1423
01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:10,240
Speaker 2: to be nicer to myself and just like one day

1424
01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:14,160
Speaker 2: after the next, but it's it's really hard to like

1425
01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:20,479
Speaker 2: be a human today, a black human, a woman, human, age, location, whatever,

1426
01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:23,799
Speaker 2: just a human in your specific part of the world.

1427
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:27,519
Speaker 3: Well, it's interesting that you mentioned like like you're trying

1428
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 3: to intellectualize your your desire to want to make yourself

1429
01:09:34,360 --> 01:09:37,439
Speaker 3: feel better by eating, right, So not that I mean

1430
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:39,800
Speaker 3: I'm using an eating disorder as an example. I'm not

1431
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,880
Speaker 3: saying you have a eating disorder, but yeah, but probably

1432
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:45,800
Speaker 3: I do go ahead when but when people are when

1433
01:09:45,840 --> 01:09:49,800
Speaker 3: people let's say, have binge eating disorder or even anorexia

1434
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:53,960
Speaker 3: nervosa or bulimia where they binge and then they purge.

1435
01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:58,719
Speaker 3: I used to actually work at a hospital, an inpatient hospital,

1436
01:09:58,920 --> 01:10:02,280
Speaker 3: with with a page who had really really severe eating disorders,

1437
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:04,200
Speaker 3: and the one thing that they all told me, whether

1438
01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:07,759
Speaker 3: they were binging, they're binging food or restricting their food

1439
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:11,519
Speaker 3: or purging their food, is that they would get high

1440
01:10:12,000 --> 01:10:18,040
Speaker 3: from the maladaptive behavior. So anorexics get high when they're

1441
01:10:18,040 --> 01:10:20,200
Speaker 3: not like when I guess when they're blood sugar drops.

1442
01:10:20,200 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 3: I don't know, because I'm not innarexic, but they do

1443
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 3: feel this state of euphoria, and it's kind of similar

1444
01:10:25,479 --> 01:10:29,120
Speaker 3: when you know. I would say most of us, myself included,

1445
01:10:29,200 --> 01:10:31,760
Speaker 3: have gained weight during this pandemic because it's like like

1446
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:33,800
Speaker 3: last month, I was like, donuts are amazing, and that's

1447
01:10:33,800 --> 01:10:36,200
Speaker 3: really it. So I'd like six and I'm gonna eat

1448
01:10:36,200 --> 01:10:38,400
Speaker 3: them every day. I'm gonna eat six donuts every day

1449
01:10:38,640 --> 01:10:44,080
Speaker 3: and that's that. Because it is boosting your serotonin in

1450
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:48,720
Speaker 3: your brain, and that's making you feel better, but temporarily,

1451
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:51,600
Speaker 3: and then the guilts and the shame sets in. So

1452
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:56,000
Speaker 3: it's interesting that you know, you, even me, we like

1453
01:10:56,080 --> 01:11:00,439
Speaker 3: we're we're creatures that we can't human beings are creatures

1454
01:11:00,439 --> 01:11:04,200
Speaker 3: that can you know, intellectualize anything. So it's like, oh, well,

1455
01:11:04,200 --> 01:11:06,000
Speaker 3: why do I keep doing this? I've been doing this

1456
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:08,680
Speaker 3: since I was a kid. It's not something that you

1457
01:11:08,720 --> 01:11:11,040
Speaker 3: can really, it's not something that you woke up one

1458
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:15,320
Speaker 3: day and decided to do. It's something that your brain decided, well,

1459
01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:18,120
Speaker 3: is your serotonin lo, then let's eat everything and then

1460
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:20,880
Speaker 3: and then we'll feel better for maybe like thirty minutes.

1461
01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:24,280
Speaker 3: So again, like what you just said in terms of,

1462
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:27,160
Speaker 3: you know, we need to stop beating beating each other

1463
01:11:27,320 --> 01:11:30,280
Speaker 3: up so much. It's that's really what it is. And

1464
01:11:30,439 --> 01:11:34,080
Speaker 3: I know it's easier said than done, but I've really

1465
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:38,759
Speaker 3: been trying to on the daily, like just think about

1466
01:11:38,800 --> 01:11:41,160
Speaker 3: things like you know what, like oh, you had to

1467
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:43,920
Speaker 3: pay that parking ticket. You know what it happens pay

1468
01:11:43,960 --> 01:11:45,960
Speaker 3: the parking ticket. Like whereas before I would just look

1469
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:48,000
Speaker 3: at it and then just get mad and then I

1470
01:11:48,080 --> 01:11:50,680
Speaker 3: flip it over and then you know, I'm like a

1471
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:52,720
Speaker 3: day before I'm gonna get you know, I have to

1472
01:11:53,040 --> 01:11:55,720
Speaker 3: owe the city double. Like, there's so many things that

1473
01:11:56,439 --> 01:12:00,519
Speaker 3: I have personally guilted myself over that comple deletely make

1474
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,799
Speaker 3: no sense, but that was a function of me having

1475
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:05,760
Speaker 3: symptoms of mental illness.

1476
01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:09,240
Speaker 2: I feel like we could keep talking and talking and

1477
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:13,960
Speaker 2: talking talking, Doctor Money. It's been really amazing you having

1478
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:16,880
Speaker 2: amazing you. It's been so amazing having you on the

1479
01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:20,360
Speaker 2: show today. I just mean, it's been amazing you both.

1480
01:12:20,439 --> 01:12:26,200
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you, thank you. Where can people find

1481
01:12:26,200 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 2: out more about you and what you have going on?

1482
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:34,720
Speaker 3: Now? Okay? Sure, So I'm doctor Emani. I have all

1483
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:37,320
Speaker 3: social media pretty much, but I would say the place

1484
01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:40,760
Speaker 3: that I'm most active is Instagram. So I can be

1485
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 3: found on Instagram at doctor d O C T O

1486
01:12:44,040 --> 01:12:48,880
Speaker 3: R dot Imani. I also have a website of the

1487
01:12:48,920 --> 01:12:52,960
Speaker 3: same name. It's but it's doctor Hyphenemani dot com. People

1488
01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:55,400
Speaker 3: can find me on YouTube just search for my name again,

1489
01:12:55,439 --> 01:12:58,920
Speaker 3: it's doctor the word spelled out Imani. And I have

1490
01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:03,040
Speaker 3: a podcast which is called emanis State of Mind, and

1491
01:13:03,240 --> 01:13:07,120
Speaker 3: it's pretty much everywhere there are streaming there's a streaming

1492
01:13:07,160 --> 01:13:11,320
Speaker 3: podcast platform. A mini State of Mind is essentially me

1493
01:13:11,479 --> 01:13:14,679
Speaker 3: and one of my best friends, and we talk about

1494
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:18,800
Speaker 3: mental health and mental illness and wellness, but we talk

1495
01:13:18,880 --> 01:13:23,840
Speaker 3: about it in a very casual, pop culture based situation.

1496
01:13:24,040 --> 01:13:28,680
Speaker 3: So it's it's not it's not it's not a sad podcast.

1497
01:13:28,760 --> 01:13:31,120
Speaker 3: Like we're definitely giggling the whole time and just like

1498
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:35,040
Speaker 3: just acting silly. But you know, I'm someone who that's

1499
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,280
Speaker 3: my personality. I'm just kind of goofy by nature, and

1500
01:13:37,320 --> 01:13:39,240
Speaker 3: that's how I am with my patients and my friends,

1501
01:13:39,800 --> 01:13:42,000
Speaker 3: and so I wanted to at least show people that

1502
01:13:42,160 --> 01:13:45,839
Speaker 3: mental health doesn't have to be dour and sad and scary.

1503
01:13:46,040 --> 01:13:49,280
Speaker 3: It actually can be a lot of fun. So that's

1504
01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,439
Speaker 3: that's really kind of like my baby, So that's why

1505
01:13:51,439 --> 01:13:54,479
Speaker 3: I spent so much time explaining that. But but yeah,

1506
01:13:54,520 --> 01:13:59,000
Speaker 3: Emani state of Mind, YouTube, Instagram, my website. I guess

1507
01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:01,760
Speaker 3: if you want to see me, you could always go

1508
01:14:01,840 --> 01:14:05,559
Speaker 3: to Bravo dot com, Sorry, BravoTV dot com. I'm one

1509
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:10,479
Speaker 3: of the cast members of Married to Medicine Los Angeles. Yeah,

1510
01:14:10,479 --> 01:14:12,479
Speaker 3: and I think I pretty much exhausted all of my

1511
01:14:13,400 --> 01:14:17,000
Speaker 3: oh my avenues, what's your address?

1512
01:14:17,400 --> 01:14:21,599
Speaker 2: I know, right, okay, so I'm just kidding. Well, thank

1513
01:14:21,640 --> 01:14:25,040
Speaker 2: you so so much. This was illuminating. I mean, I

1514
01:14:25,040 --> 01:14:27,719
Speaker 2: feel like if every therapist was like you, people would

1515
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:29,320
Speaker 2: not be afraid to go to therapies.

1516
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:32,760
Speaker 3: Yeah that's so nice. Yeah, I'm an open book because

1517
01:14:32,760 --> 01:14:34,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, I mean, the patients that I see, I

1518
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:37,280
Speaker 3: have clients, so because people are going to ask us

1519
01:14:38,320 --> 01:14:39,880
Speaker 3: the I'm sorry, what'd you say?

1520
01:14:39,920 --> 01:14:40,160
Speaker 1: I said?

1521
01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:41,640
Speaker 2: People are going to ask us. Yeah, how can I

1522
01:14:41,640 --> 01:14:43,200
Speaker 2: get an appointment with doctor Amani?

1523
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:48,360
Speaker 3: So okay, I have been I have been considering reopening

1524
01:14:48,360 --> 01:14:51,240
Speaker 3: my private practice because that actually has been occurring more.

1525
01:14:51,320 --> 01:14:54,960
Speaker 3: But the patients that I see are actually their referrals

1526
01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:59,400
Speaker 3: through the hospital I work for, so I would I

1527
01:14:59,439 --> 01:15:01,479
Speaker 3: would say probably the best way to get at a

1528
01:15:01,520 --> 01:15:04,280
Speaker 3: quote unquote appointment with me is to listen to my podcast.

1529
01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:06,080
Speaker 3: It's really good, y'all.

1530
01:15:06,120 --> 01:15:08,200
Speaker 2: Listen to the most recent when the New Normal, and

1531
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:09,880
Speaker 2: it felt like your friend on the other end of

1532
01:15:09,920 --> 01:15:11,920
Speaker 2: it was like everybody else just like, don't tell me

1533
01:15:11,960 --> 01:15:12,719
Speaker 2: it's the new normal.

1534
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:16,920
Speaker 3: I refuse to believe it. Yeah, Cam as well, but yeah,

1535
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:19,960
Speaker 3: we had we have a really good time. But yeah,

1536
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,280
Speaker 3: I just wanted to have somebody on my podcast. That

1537
01:15:22,680 --> 01:15:25,880
Speaker 3: would be the common person as opposed to me who

1538
01:15:26,439 --> 01:15:29,240
Speaker 3: you know, if if, if you you know, keeps talking

1539
01:15:29,240 --> 01:15:31,719
Speaker 3: to me, I'm gonna start sounding like, you know, a professor,

1540
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:35,000
Speaker 3: and I don't want to do that. You went to Xavier.

1541
01:15:35,479 --> 01:15:41,520
Speaker 4: True yeah true the doctor Fay true true true true.

1542
01:15:42,840 --> 01:15:46,560
Speaker 2: All right, Well y'all go check out Doctor and Money everywhere,

1543
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:49,360
Speaker 2: and thank you again Doctor Money for coming on Brown Ambition.

1544
01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:50,760
Speaker 1: Of course, thank you.

1545
01:15:50,840 --> 01:15:52,720
Speaker 3: This was super fun. I'm glad I got to meet

1546
01:15:52,760 --> 01:16:08,080
Speaker 3: you guys,