WEBVTT - “Surrender is not in my DNA” 0:00:08.000 --> 0:00:08.440 Pushkin. 0:00:21.680 --> 0:00:24.639 I felt like I was invincible. There was nothing I 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:28.520 couldn't conquer. That idea is nurtured when you jump out 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:31.120 of an aircraft or you get all these advanced capabilities. 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:34.880 There's this feeling that I alone can do anything. 0:00:35.760 --> 0:00:39.239 Brad Snyder was part of the US Navy's most elite 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:42.960 bomb squad. In his role, Brad was rewarded for his 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:47.800 intense independence, but then a bomb blast left him blind. 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:51.400 This idea of surrender is just like not in my DNA. 0:00:52.360 --> 0:00:55.680 So to kind of wrap my head around giving up 0:00:56.000 --> 0:01:00.800 pieces of this fierce dedication to lone wolfness, my previous 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:02.720 life was not easy. 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:11.560 On today's episode, when change forces us to surrender our independence, 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:16.600 I'm Maya Shunker and this is a slight change of plans, 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:19.279 a show about who we are and who he become 0:01:19.600 --> 0:01:33.680 in the face of a big change. Brad grew up 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:37.840 near the beach in Saint Petersburg, Florida. He loved bodysurfing 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:40.880 and swimming in the ocean. When he was eleven, he 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:44.200 was the slowest kid on his first competitive swim team, 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:47.280 but he kept at it. He swam in high school 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.400 and then became captain of the Naval Academy's swim team. 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.120 I started my conversation with Brad by asking why he 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:55.480 decided to join the Navy. 0:01:56.320 --> 0:01:58.600 I don't remember a moment where I didn't think that 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:02.240 that was probably the direction I was going, And the 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:06.360 reason was my earliest memories all revolved around my grandfather, 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.120 and most of them were just kind of looking up 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:13.080 to this figure and just knowing to my core that 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:15.239 I wanted to be like him. He was the model 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.000 of who I wanted to be when I grew up. 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:19.120 I think the thing that was clear to me was 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.560 this notion of respect. Like my grandfather commanded a lot 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:25.680 of respect. My grandfather was a veteran of World War Two, 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.720 he had served in the Pacific. That's my lineage, So 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:32.160 I grew up kind of understanding that, you know, my 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.040 job was to be a kind of new version of 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:36.040 the Greatest Generation. 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:38.800 What kind of training did you end up doing in 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:39.280 the Navy? 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:41.880 When I was at the Naval Academy, they asked me 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:44.359 early on what do you want to do in the Navy, 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:47.119 And my answer to that was, well, I'm really good 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:49.960 in the water. I've been swimming my whole life. What 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:54.000 job in the Navy needs you to be a great swimmer. 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:56.400 And the answer I got back from the powers that 0:02:56.440 --> 0:03:01.600 be was Navy seals and EOD officers. EOD is explosive 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:06.120 Ordnance disposal, which is a misleading and nondescriptive acronym for 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:08.200 the bomb squad of the Navy. The job of the 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:12.480 EOD community is to mitigate render safe any explosive hazard 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:15.040 you might imagine from a bomb that was supposed to 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:17.720 go off that didn't go off, or it improvised explosive 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:21.200 device in places like Iraq or Afghanistan. And I just thought, Oh, 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:24.440 this is incredible, Like this is a day in, day out, 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.600 day in the life of an EOD technician. Sign me up. 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:30.959 I felt like I was invincible. There was nothing I 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:35.840 couldn't I couldn't conquer, and I can do everything. That 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:38.640 idea is nurtured when you go to jump school and 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:40.200 you learn how to jump out of an aircraft or 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:43.040 you get all these advanced capabilities. There's this feeling that 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:45.800 I alone can do anything. 0:03:47.320 --> 0:03:50.720 I'd love to fast forward Brad to twenty eleven when 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:53.480 you were deployed to Afghanistan and you embedded with a 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:56.760 Navy seal team. Can you tell me more about your 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:57.360 job there. 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:02.880 We were embedded with a seal team doing assault missions. 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:05.680 It's very stressful and the stakes of your job are 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.200 very high. And oh, by the way, at this point, 0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:13.920 this was in twenty eleven in Afghanistan, the ied threat 0:04:13.920 --> 0:04:17.960 improvised explosive device threat in Afghanistan was very, very high. 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:22.000 And the culture you must imagine in this environment is 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:27.240 very sort of macho. It's very type A, very aggressive. 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:31.240 The tolerance for failure is very low. You know, it 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:33.680 was really scary to go out into these missions and 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:37.200 know that basically anywhere, buried in the earth or on 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:40.480 a rooftop or on a pathway, there might be an 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.320 ied lurking beneath the surface that might have the ability 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:45.640 to kill or mame one on my team. 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:50.520 Yeah, do you mind bringing us back to September seventh, 0:04:50.600 --> 0:04:54.280 twenty eleven. This was about six months into your deployment. 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.880 You were out with your patrol, which was half American 0:04:58.080 --> 0:04:59.520 and half Afghan So. 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:01.840 The way that most missions would work in Afghanistan, we 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:03.599 would walk out in front of the patrol with a 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:06.560 metal detector to make sure that we were taking the 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:10.800 highest level of precaution possible against any potential improvised land mines, 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:13.760 a rock paper scissor with my buddy Adam to see 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:15.600 who would have to lead our patrol from point A 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:19.039 to point B. He lost I one, so I watched 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:22.560 him navigate this really difficult terrain in this valley of Afghanistan, 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:26.920 and then he disappeared behind a wall. And then shortly 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:29.160 thereafter I saw a giant blast plume shoot up into 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:32.240 the air. We saw that one of the Afghans in 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:35.239 our patrol had stepped off of the path that Adam 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.200 had cleared, and he had stepped on a forty pound ied. 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:42.000 This is a very big explosion by virtue of comparison, 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.840 A hand grenade is about a quarter pound of explosives, 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:47.080 so a forty pound blast, you can imagine, is a 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:50.600 pretty big ied that really badly hurt the fellow who 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.240 stepped on it, and really badly hurt the guy standing 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.960 behind him. So Adam and I were able to figure out, oh, 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:57.960 we have two casualties. We need to quickly get these 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:00.440 guys out of here, so we need to move really quickly. 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:02.359 I was running back up to the front of the 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:05.600 patrol when I stepped on another ied that was located 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.880 about a meter away from the first blast sight. So 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:10.440 I committed the cardinal sin. I made our problem two 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:14.160 times worse by missing an ied. And there was a 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.560 brief pause, like a skip in the tape. And then 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:19.920 I'm laying there in the fetal position on the ground. 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:27.240 There's no sound, there's nothing, and I remember I could 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:29.039 just barely see out of my left eye, and I 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:32.839 looked down and I saw my hands, and behind it, 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:39.640 I saw my boots. And what I didn't see was 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:45.520 any blood or any damage or anything apparently wrong. And 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:48.719 that didn't make any sense to me, because I knew 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:54.120 that I had just stepped on this big bomb, But 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:57.400 how can I not be hurt? And the only way 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:00.120 I was able to make sense of that was that 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:03.400 I must be dead. I must be dead, and I'm 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:08.120 now in between. I'm in between life and death, and 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:14.520 I'm waiting here for whatever happens afterward. And I had 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:20.000 this really remarkable opportunity to sort of think everything through 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:25.640 and reflect, to just sit and think about my whole 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:28.400 life up to that point, twenty seven years on this planet. 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.600 A lot of good things, a handful of bad things, 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:38.360 some regrets, but some things I'm really proud of. I 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.280 was really sad that I wouldn't be able to say 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:43.520 goodbye to my mom and my family, but I thought 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.000 that they would be proud of the life that I 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:49.680 had lived, too, And I remember feeling like kind of excited, 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:53.560 like I've read a lot of books and have perused 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:57.200 all the different philosophies and religions and been searching for 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:59.960 truth my whole life about what happens after you die. 0:08:00.000 --> 0:08:02.320 And here I am right on the precipice. I'm about 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.600 to find out. But then I didn't. I came back, 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:07.960 I came back to the consciousness. I could hear my 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:12.640 buddy Adam calling to me, Brad, Brad, that sound is 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:16.200 what brought me back to reality. And two things hit 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:20.240 me at once. One panic, and so I grabbed at 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:22.920 him and I said, how bad is it? And he said, Brad, 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:24.680 your face is pretty messed up, but the rest of 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:26.760 you looks fine. Do you think you can stand up? 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.280 The other reality to hit me really fast, was I 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:33.839 have screwed up. I have essentially failed at my job. 0:08:34.200 --> 0:08:37.160 My job was to protect these guys. I'm supposed to 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:39.679 be the one who can find these IEDs. I've got 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:41.960 the metal detector. I'm the one walking out in front 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:44.000 of the patrol and here I missed. 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:47.520 One m so I know that you were transported back 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:50.720 to Walter Reed, a medical center that takes care of 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:54.559 military service members in Maryland. How did those next few 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:55.600 days and weeks unfold? 0:08:57.280 --> 0:08:59.400 I woke up in Maryland, you know, half a world 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:01.880 away from where I went to sleep in Afghanistan, and 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:05.760 I was on a heavy drip of painkilling medication, sleep medication, 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:10.160 very strong drugs, and it caused me to hallucinate really badly, 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.559 and so I was very confused the whole time. About 0:09:13.559 --> 0:09:16.920 a week into being at Walter Reed, the surgeons were 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:19.800 in my room describing to me the last surgery that 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:22.240 I was going to have to go through, and they 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:25.280 kept using this phrase, hopefully we'll get some of your 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.040 vision back, And I remember being very perplexed by that, 0:09:28.080 --> 0:09:29.800 what do you mean get some of my vision back? 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:31.760 And so I think at the end of the presentation, 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.240 I asked, essentially that what do you mean get some 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.720 of my vision back? And the surgeon said, Lieutenant Snyder, 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:38.880 you have a less than one percent chance of being 0:09:38.880 --> 0:09:41.560 able to perceive light and dark with your right eye. 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.240 We're going to have to remove your left entirely due 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:48.080 to our risk of infection. And I realized what that 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:51.560 doctor's saying, like, that's very complex talk for your blind 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:53.640 and you will likely be blind for the rest of 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:54.040 your life. 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:59.800 How did you react to this news spread so we. 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:03.840 I did try that surgery and the result was not favorable. 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:07.280 I ended up completely blind in both eyes. Do you 0:10:07.320 --> 0:10:09.920 start to think about all the things that you'll never 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:12.400 be able to see or do? Or how am I 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:14.760 going to be able to be a bomb tech? Where 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:16.439 the trope is do you cut the red wire or 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:18.280 the green wire? Well, I can't do that job anymore 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:19.640 because I can't tell what the red wire or the 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:20.280 greenwire is. 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:25.840 I was really struck by the fears you had in 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.400 seeing your little sister in particular, and it seems like 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:32.080 you had to reckon with a new type of psychological 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.800 challenge in that moment. Can you tell me more about that. 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:38.440 I remember my mom or somebody telling me my sister 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:41.320 and Lisa's going to be here, and I remember feeling like, no, 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.280 don't let her in here. I don't want her to 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:47.079 see me this way. I don't want this image I 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:50.520 think she has of me to be broken. I'm eight 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:53.319 years older than my sister, and so for our entire 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:56.679 life I was her brother, but there was sort of 0:10:56.720 --> 0:11:00.520 like a paternal edge to my brother relationship with her. 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:04.000 I was always looking after her or taking care of her. 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:06.800 She's going to come into the hospital room and I'm 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:10.000 not going to be this hero version of myself wearing 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.280 the white uniform and the gold buttons and the metals 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.720 on my chest. I'm going to be laid up in 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:17.240 a hospital room with stitches all over myself and tubes 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.440 coming out, and I can't even get up to go 0:11:19.480 --> 0:11:22.199 to the bathroom by myself. How am I going to 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:25.360 live up to this hero notion of myself when she 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:27.400 has to see me like this? 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:30.960 What was it like when she finally came into your 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:31.840 hospital room. 0:11:32.440 --> 0:11:36.360 Yeah, she came in and I was expecting for her 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:40.840 to be sad or devastated or upset, and she wasn't. 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:44.120 She was none of those things. She was loving and 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.040 she held my hand. She said, it was so great 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:48.000 to see you, and I'm just so glad I have 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:49.520 the opportunity to be here with you, and I'm so 0:11:49.559 --> 0:11:52.760 happy you're alive. And the way she embraced me in 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:57.760 that moment was really you know, kind of a paradigm 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:02.559 changing for me, realizing that this brother sister relationship wasn't 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:06.120 exactly what I thought it was. It wasn't that I'm 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:10.720 this hero, role model, kind of perternal figure for her. 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:14.520 How's her brother? And that's like unconditional love. She's going 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:16.640 to love me no matter what. She loves me when 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:18.240 I'm a hero, and she loves me when I can't 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:21.280 get out of bed, and I remember feeling unburdened. I 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.480 guess like to feel like she's not going to be 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.440 disappointed and I haven't let her down. In fact, I 0:12:27.480 --> 0:12:29.840 think we're closer now as a result. 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:35.200 So, Brad, about three weeks after you first arrived at 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:38.720 Walter Reed, you were then discharged and sent to a 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:41.480 hospital in Florida, which is where you grew up and 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.240 it was also where your mom still lived. Can you 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:46.600 tell me a bit more about this transition? 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:51.400 So, I think at the tactical level, blindness is sort 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:53.520 of about like how do you do these normal things, 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:55.319 like you know, on a day to day basis. I 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:56.559 have to get up, I have to get dressed, I 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:58.600 have to feed myself, I have to brush my teeth, 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:00.319 I have to look presentable and I go out into 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:02.600 the world and I do a variety of things, and 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.560 that's very challenging. But all the while there's sort of 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:09.240 a bigger, more internal struggle about well, who am I? 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:13.120 Who am I? What is my identity? And much of 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:17.000 our identity revolves around what value do you bring to society? 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.720 And I felt like, up until that point in my life, 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:23.840 my value was this really elite capability as a bomb 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:27.320 disposal technician. There was a lot of prestige associated with 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:33.120 wearing the naval uniform, and I kind of ostensibly a badass, right, 0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:35.520 So when I first started to wrap my head around 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.800 being hurt, I didn't want blindness to hold me back. 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:42.600 I wanted to burst out of that box as quickly 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.000 as possible. I don't want to be in the hospital. 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.000 I want to be moving as fast as possible. Where 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.360 am I going? I don't know, but I just want 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.160 to be moving. And so being discharged from wal to 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:54.400 Reed felt like progress, And in fact, there was a 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:56.440 lot of ups to being in Florida. The upside was 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.880 I was near my mom's house. So once I was 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:02.280 sufficiently healed, they started saying, you can go on essentially 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:04.960 like weekend pass, you know, you're an impatient during the week, 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:08.480 but when the weekend rolls around, none of the therapists 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:10.240 are here anyway, so you might as well go home 0:14:10.240 --> 0:14:12.480 with your mom. And I thought, that's great, That's exactly 0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:15.480 what I want to do. And the first Friday that 0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:19.000 I was let out coincided with this recurring event in 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:22.200 downtown Saint Petersburg, where it's essentially a block party in 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:26.200 the kind of active area of the downtown. And somebody 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:28.000 had whispered to so and so to whisper to so 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:29.960 and so that this was going to be my opportunity 0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.360 to get out of the hospital, and someone had arranged 0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:34.720 it that the benefit of all the beers or whatever 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:37.560 sold would be a benefit to us my family in 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:41.400 my rehab. And everyone was there to celebrate me. It 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:44.280 was awesome, but there was It was an interesting sort 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:46.960 of dichotomy to what was going on. 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:47.400 You know. 0:14:47.960 --> 0:14:51.040 On one hand, everyone was really excited that I was 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:52.920 alive and they were there to celebrate me and be 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:55.720 there for my family, but there was a very palpable 0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.920 sadness to many of the people who are hugging me, 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.080 like I'm so happy you're alive, But boy, oh boy, 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:06.080 what is this blindness thing going to be like and 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:08.520 that I don't know that that was spoken, but it 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:09.640 was definitely felt. 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:12.880 Yeah, I read that there was someone at that event 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.480 who ended up changing your life from that point on. 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:17.880 Can you tell me more about this person? 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:22.600 Yeah, interstage left my swim coach, Fred, who was a 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:26.640 very stoic, sort of gruff guy, had really pushed us 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:29.440 hard when we were young, and so it would have 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.880 been weird for him to come over and you know, 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:36.400 be huggy and cryy or whatever. And all he said was, 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.120 you know, Brad, it's great to see you. Hey, we 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:41.200 have practice tomorrow. Do you want to come to our practice? 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:44.160 And I felt like it was it was his way 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.440 of kind of trying to wrap his heads around the 0:15:46.560 --> 0:15:50.480 uncertainty of the future. And his way was, you battle it, 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:52.520 just come come to practice and we're going to start 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:56.000 figuring this out. And I said, Yeah, this is my opportunity. 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.320 This is how I'm going to prove to myself, to you, 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.240 to my family, to all these people that everything is fine, 0:16:01.360 --> 0:16:05.080 everything is the way it was. I just can't see it. 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:09.160 We'll be back in a moment with a slight change 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:25.520 of plans. The day after the block party, Brad's mom 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:28.920 drove him to swim practice, something she'd done countless times 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:32.080 when he was a kid. His old swim coach, Fred 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:33.760 was waiting for him at the pool. 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:36.240 He set up a pool noodle on the edge of 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:38.920 every lane so that when I'd get close to the wall, 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:41.160 I'd bump the pool noodle with my head so that 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.400 I wouldn't hit the wall. And when I'd bump the 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:45.000 pool noodle, I'd reach out with my arm and the 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.240 wall would be right there. And I was like this, 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:50.640 this is perfect. And getting into the pool was the 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:53.960 first time I felt like I could wrap my arms 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:57.120 around normal. This was me. I was free, and I 0:16:57.200 --> 0:16:59.640 felt there's a future here and I'm going to find 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:03.080 my way. And I feel like for my mom and 0:17:03.160 --> 0:17:05.280 other folks, they could see that what. 0:17:05.359 --> 0:17:07.800 Made you feel free in a way that you hadn't before. 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:12.480 There's something about swimming. You know, it's a very sensory experience, 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:16.040 and it's a sensory experience that is not necessarily visual. 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:18.920 I mean, in fact, you know, growing up in Florida, 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:21.960 you know, the fashionable goggles at the time were these 0:17:22.000 --> 0:17:24.600 little pieces of plastic you jam in your eye sockets 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.399 and the sun's always very shiny, and you actually can't 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:30.399 see that well anyway, And when you can see, all 0:17:30.440 --> 0:17:32.399 you're staring at is a black line on the bottom 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:35.280 of the pool. Like, the visual component of swimming laps 0:17:35.720 --> 0:17:38.920 is not its primary component. It's the feeling of water 0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:43.320 going across your body and rotating across and pulling and 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.720 feeling powerful as you stroke over stroke over stroke. So 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:51.119 I jumped in and I felt graceful, I felt strong. 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:54.560 I felt like I had before, you know, I'd swam 0:17:54.640 --> 0:17:57.840 so many laps in that exact pool. It felt like home. 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.719 It felt like me, and it didn't feel like a 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:05.159 constrained or compromised version of me. It felt like the 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:08.320 full expression of me. And to be able to have that, 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:11.959 even just for a moment stroking across that lane, it 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:15.280 gave me the confidence to say, yes, I'm going through 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:19.520 an epic transition, but it's gonna work. It's gonna be fine. 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.800 I am still me and I just got to keep 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:23.040 moving down this lane. 0:18:23.400 --> 0:18:26.480 Yeah, it's kind of a big leap to go from 0:18:26.520 --> 0:18:31.840 that initial swim to competing in the Paralympics. So tell me, Brad, 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:33.720 how did that all come to be? 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:38.880 So I get a call from Rich Cardillo, a retired 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.800 Army colonel who worked at the Association of Blind Athletes, 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:45.920 whose job was to deliver resources to wounded vets suffering 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.760 from blindness to get into sports as a function of 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:52.040 the rehab. This idea of rehabbing vets through sports is 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:55.679 not a new one. In fact, just quick aside, the 0:18:55.720 --> 0:19:00.639 genesis of the modern Paralympics came from a hospital in 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:04.280 the UK after World War Two, four wounded vets. They 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.879 actually created a set of small competitions as a function 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:11.040 of rehab, and the modern Paralympics grew out of that 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:13.720 after math of World War Two. And I remember Rich 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:16.640 called me. I was still in the hospital and he said, hey, 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:19.080 you were a good swimmer in college, right, Yeah. 0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:20.800 I swam at the Naval Academy. I was captain of 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:22.280 the swim team. You were captain of the swim team 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:25.000 at the Naval Academy. Yeah, you know, you might be 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:28.359 pretty good at this Blind Paralympics thing. And oh, by 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:30.520 the way, we need to do this basically now, because 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:34.000 the last opportunity to qualify would be at the end 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:38.080 of February. So my Paralympic journey began, you know, before 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:40.800 i'd even really discharge from the hospital, because there was 0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:42.760 a sense of urgency that if I wanted to compete 0:19:42.760 --> 0:19:44.440 at all, I needed to start it right away. 0:19:45.000 --> 0:19:47.439 What did that training look like for you, Brad, I mean, like, 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:51.560 that's an extremely intense process to throw yourself in so 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:57.280 soon after such a massive physical and psychologically brutal injury. 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:01.879 So I got really lucky. By twenty eleven, there were 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:05.760 a lot of resources available for wounded vets, specifically as 0:20:05.760 --> 0:20:09.159 it pertains to sports, and I really benefited from the 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:12.920 specific efforts of the Commit Foundation that helped me find 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:16.600 my way to Brian Leffler at Loyola University, who had 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:20.840 this rare, nuanced expertise in how to coach a blind 0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:24.679 swimming athlete in the Paralympics. He helped me learn a 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:27.440 variety of things, changing some of my stroke from the 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:30.240 way I used to swim to looking for the lane 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:32.479 line on either side with my arm strokes so that 0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:36.000 instead of catastrophically crashing in and rumble stripping on my 0:20:36.000 --> 0:20:39.120 shoulders and my side, I could delicately find the lane 0:20:39.119 --> 0:20:42.440 line and just guide myself in the lane very gracefully 0:20:42.440 --> 0:20:45.840 and fast without losing speed. That's in essence, like the 0:20:45.840 --> 0:20:49.639 most frustrating thing about blind swimming. Accepting help was something 0:20:49.680 --> 0:20:52.560 that was very uncharacteristic of me. I would not in 0:20:52.600 --> 0:20:55.000 my previous life have done that. I would have said no, no, no, 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:57.520 I'll figure it out and I'm going to go do X, 0:20:57.600 --> 0:20:59.840 Y and Z. I think there was sort of this 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:03.320 urgeoning acknowledgement that I do need help and I need 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:07.480 to be open to new opportunities and the council advice 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:10.680 and guidance of other folks, and I think in so 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:14.800 being open is what really allowed me to find that 0:21:14.880 --> 0:21:17.280 new pathway. I think if I had been my previous 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:19.320 self and wasn't open to growth, I don't think I 0:21:19.359 --> 0:21:20.400 would have gone anywhere. 0:21:21.080 --> 0:21:24.400 It's so important for us to talk about all those 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:27.639 moments in which you were forced to surrender some of 0:21:27.640 --> 0:21:32.119 that autonomy and that independence in order to stay safe 0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:35.040 and be healthy and survive. And so do you mind 0:21:35.040 --> 0:21:37.399 talking a bit more about what that experience was like 0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:40.080