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Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't too terribly long ago that Amy Roback and

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Speaker 2: I were hosting our own daytime television show.

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Speaker 3: We wish we still were so.

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Speaker 2: We could just crush our next guest in the rating

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Speaker 2: every single day. Welcome to this episode of Amy and TJ.

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Speaker 1: Rope.

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Speaker 3: That's that's the right intro.

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Speaker 2: We we love, right, but we we would have loved

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Speaker 2: the opportunity to crush him.

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Speaker 4: Every day to talk. Yes, brand that makes sense, But.

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Speaker 2: He ultimately can talk the the most because he got

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Speaker 2: a show and we don't.

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Speaker 4: He got a third season.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and we get to the other that's all.

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Speaker 2: But look, a lot of folks have been following Chromo

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Speaker 2: for a long time in his career, and I had

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Speaker 2: to Robes. I forgot about the the MTV stuff.

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Speaker 3: I forgot he was on.

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Speaker 4: The rail world.

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Speaker 2: I completely forgot about that. So of course rose to

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Speaker 2: like day in, day out household prominence with KERRAI for

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Speaker 2: the straight guy. But since then has been doing the

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Speaker 2: kind of work personally that you and I I know, appreciate,

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Speaker 2: and I know a lot of people might not be

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Speaker 2: that familiar. He talks about it openly, but a lot

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Speaker 2: of people might not be familiar with a lot of

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Speaker 2: the story of Cromwell Brown and what he had to

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Speaker 2: go through to get to where he is. I hate

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Speaker 2: we talk about all the time people just see the

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Speaker 2: success at the end and they don't go figure out

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Speaker 2: the story that got folks to where they are. And

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Speaker 2: he is a great example of that.

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Speaker 5: He is a living example and of life is messy,

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Speaker 5: but you can take that mess and you can connect,

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Speaker 5: and you can help people along the way with what

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Speaker 5: you've learned, and you learn from them as well. And

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Speaker 5: I just love his message of inclusiveness. You know, we're

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Speaker 5: all messy, We're all works in progress. None of us

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Speaker 5: have figured it all out, none of us are perfect.

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Speaker 5: I love that Coromo is a big part of that

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Speaker 5: and wants to share that with everyone while entertaining us

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Speaker 5: at the same time, because let's be honest, we all

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Speaker 5: need to have some fun while we're maybe even sharing

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Speaker 5: in collective misery, right.

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Speaker 4: That's part of it.

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Speaker 2: So we are happy to introduce the guy who now

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Speaker 2: needs to introduce about twenty five other people boy in

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Speaker 2: studio with him, because Coromo rolls deep.

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Speaker 3: Corona runs this studio. First of all, what a sweet introduction.

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Speaker 3: I feel you and I'm going to say this. I've

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Speaker 3: been saying this. I said this at the moment I

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Speaker 3: wish I were un air still, Oh, thank you, And

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Speaker 3: I said this all the time because you two are

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Speaker 3: two people that I love watching. I think you're smart, charismatic, beautiful.

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Speaker 3: But also what you've done and in your transparency of

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Speaker 3: your love is show people that love comes in different

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Speaker 3: forms and that we should understand that things change. And

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Speaker 3: I think sometimes people get so stuck and they're so

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Speaker 3: scared of change that they freak out. And I think

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Speaker 3: they freaked out in the wrong way with me too,

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Speaker 3: And let me know who I need to talk to

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Speaker 3: persuading people. I know you do know what do we

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Speaker 3: do with folks to get them out of like? It

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Speaker 3: doesn't have to look like your life look to the

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Speaker 3: way you think it looked.

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Speaker 2: Well, I didn't expect to jump right into this with

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Speaker 2: you now, but you get what I'm saying to you

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Speaker 2: made a very good point.

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Speaker 3: There that folks just you look it's supposed to be

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Speaker 3: a certain way. I don't know anybody whose love looks.

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Speaker 2: Like the white picket fence. Marry my high school sweetheart

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Speaker 2: had two kids and who got a dog.

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Speaker 3: I don't know anybody, well, see, that's what you do.

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Speaker 3: You remind them of their own journey. And that's one

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Speaker 3: of my greatest gifts. I tell people, well, before you

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Speaker 3: even talk about me or somebody else, want to judge them,

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Speaker 3: Let's let's talk about you. What Let's remind you of

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Speaker 3: those moments in your life where you didn't have all

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Speaker 3: the tools, you didn't know how to handle situation to

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Speaker 3: the best of your ability. And now that we have

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Speaker 3: that on, now that that hat is on, that vulnerability hat,

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Speaker 3: that that real hat. Now let's talk about what I'm

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Speaker 3: going through. And now you can't judge anymore. And I

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Speaker 3: think sometimes people forget that. It's so quick to look

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Speaker 3: in judge because that's what people want to do, and

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Speaker 3: that's what we've been trained to do. And I always

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Speaker 3: tell people comparison. Comparison is the thief of joy. And

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Speaker 3: when you compare your life to someone else and then

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Speaker 3: judge it, you're stealing your own joy and then you're

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Speaker 3: taking away other people's joy.

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Speaker 5: I love that quote. It's one of my favorites. I

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Speaker 5: love that you brought that up. I also think sometimes

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Speaker 5: when you've made the choice that you've made for your life,

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Speaker 5: what's best for you or your family. Scary as it was,

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Speaker 5: and it may have been, sometimes it threatens.

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Speaker 4: Other people's choices, Yes, it does, and I.

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Speaker 5: Think that is where you know, so as to not

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Speaker 5: take it so personally, you have to remember everyone's looking

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Speaker 5: through their own lens and justifying their choices. Yeah, and

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Speaker 5: I think that's what ends up happening. And that's why

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Speaker 5: people it's easier to point the finger and say you

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Speaker 5: made the wrong choice because I made the right choice.

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Speaker 4: And I think sometimes and I'm learning.

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Speaker 3: Well, can't be real with I don't understand y'all two

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Speaker 3: consenting adults.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I noticed that.

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Speaker 3: I appreciate that, Like when did like when to consenting adults,

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Speaker 3: I hear it.

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Speaker 1: Well, there's no power dynamic.

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Speaker 3: Your equals can't make their choice used to be who

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Speaker 3: they want to be with, Like that's the stuff that

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Speaker 3: I don't appreciate, Like that's what I And also, your

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Speaker 3: relationship has nothing to do with your talent and how

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Speaker 3: you've entertained us for years.

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Speaker 1: But I'm gonna off my soul box.

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Speaker 3: But that's that's my feeling, and most people feel that way,

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Speaker 3: thank you, most all.

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Speaker 2: So we've gotten more comfortable in our skin and our love.

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Speaker 2: And we've talked about this before, and Grandma, you would

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Speaker 2: get onto me for this. We didn't bring you on

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Speaker 2: to be a counselor for us.

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Speaker 1: I'm here. I want to give you myself on him.

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Speaker 1: We're hanging out.

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Speaker 2: We have Actually I have stopped posting on social media

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Speaker 2: about the woman I'm in love with because I'm worried

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Speaker 2: about how it's going to be viewed by somebody else,

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Speaker 2: Like my love for her is being judged in some way.

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Speaker 2: I'm embarrassed to say that out loud, but that's the

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Speaker 2: truth of the matter. But we appre so I say

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Speaker 2: that to kind of button up there, that your words matter,

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Speaker 2: and it means any supports.

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Speaker 3: Ability, right, because honestly, I think you even saying that,

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Speaker 3: I think again, what is so great about John, which

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Speaker 3: I think there was a missed opportunity, is a relatability

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Speaker 3: of people saying, like, when things don't work out the

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Speaker 3: way you thought it was going to work out, and

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Speaker 3: things are shifting, watch us grow through this, and the

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Speaker 3: vulnerability of you being like, I feel embarrassed about my love,

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Speaker 3: Like this is a different scenario, but as a gay man,

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Speaker 3: that's how I was taught to be embarrassed by my love.

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Speaker 3: I was taught because someone else doesn't view my love

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Speaker 3: as equal or as important. I should be embarrassed because

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Speaker 3: I'm going to be received in these new ways that

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Speaker 3: are negative. And that is a journey of self worth

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Speaker 3: and self esteem that you have to fight through. And

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Speaker 3: the fact that you were able to fight through that

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Speaker 3: with your partner but also as a man, because men don't.

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Speaker 1: Speak about that enough.

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Speaker 3: It's pretty powerful because there is many men that I

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Speaker 3: know who experienced that where they're like, well, how do

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Speaker 3: I talk about what I'm feeling in this moment without

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Speaker 3: feeling judged or seeming weak? And I think I applaud

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Speaker 3: you for what you just did there, because the more

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Speaker 3: you talk about the more you be able to.

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Speaker 1: Grow through it.

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Speaker 4: I love that.

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Speaker 5: And Caromo was I didn't realize that when you did

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Speaker 5: the Real World you were the first black gay male

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Speaker 5: ever to represent that. And what was that back in

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Speaker 5: two thousand, two.

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Speaker 3: Thousand and four, there's no none of these on TV's before,

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Speaker 3: none of me.

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Speaker 4: Were you prepared for what came with that?

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Speaker 3: Hell? No, I was going to the railroadhouse because they

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Speaker 3: told me there was gonna be free liquid at a hotel.

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Speaker 1: That's the only reason I did it. Like I wish

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Speaker 1: I had.

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Speaker 3: Some foresight to be like I want to go on

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Speaker 3: here and make history. I was like, we are getting

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Speaker 3: turned up, Like I just finished college. I'm like, this

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Speaker 3: is the best time ever. It was until I got

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Speaker 3: off the show that the response was we have never

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Speaker 3: seen someone, We've never seen it. We didn't have that,

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Speaker 3: and that's when I was like, oh, now I'm supposed

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Speaker 3: to be responsible for my actions, and before then I didn't.

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Speaker 3: I didn't realize you had to be responsed for your actions.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I can just live my life and

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Speaker 3: I'm glad for the experience. But there was no pre

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Speaker 3: meditation of like, this is something greater than me going

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Speaker 3: on a reality show.

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Speaker 1: A few years.

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Speaker 2: He's going to be making a speech somewhere, he said.

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Speaker 2: I knew I was going to be a pioneer.

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Speaker 1: Completely changing I won't. I won't.

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Speaker 5: You also talk is, Look, we have had some extra

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Speaker 5: time on our hands. I never really had a lot

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Speaker 5: of time to watch reality TV up until the last

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Speaker 5: few years. We've really gotten into it. But I was

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Speaker 5: really fascinated by what you talked about. The mental health

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Speaker 5: that isn't considered or regarded or thought about with all

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Speaker 5: of these reality shows and all of these younger folks

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Speaker 5: thinking they're going to come in, have a career, find stardom,

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Speaker 5: kickstart whatever it is they want to do. But what

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Speaker 5: they aren't prepared for is what the reality of the

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Speaker 5: aftermath of reality TV is, what is that likes and

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Speaker 5: for those of us who enjoy it, it has real

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Speaker 5: implications for the people who are involved, because this is the.

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Speaker 3: Problem with our society is that people get stuck. And

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Speaker 3: this is why the one of the piece of advice

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Speaker 3: I get people is stop talking to your friends and

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Speaker 3: family about your intimate relationships, especially those who don't know

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Speaker 3: how to grow with you, because you and a partner

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Speaker 3: have a fight and learn how to get through it,

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Speaker 3: and everybody else is stuck where you were, and you're like,

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Speaker 3: and they're still judging your relationship.

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Speaker 1: They're still judging it. I mean exactly, prime example.

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Speaker 3: Like people they get stuck and now you're not on

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Speaker 3: the headlines, so they don't know your growth, they don't

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Speaker 3: know where you're at, and so they're stuck. And so

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Speaker 3: for me, people watch these reality shows and then they

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Speaker 3: forget that it's done now and that person might have

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Speaker 3: grown through that experience, but now that memory of that show.

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Speaker 1: Is stuck in people's heads.

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Speaker 3: And so I made comments of the twenty three year

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Speaker 3: old that it took years for people to forget. It

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Speaker 3: took years because I had people thinking I was racist

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Speaker 3: because I spoke about race in a way which is

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Speaker 3: the way that I learned about in my house that

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Speaker 3: you can't trust white folks. And so when I'm this

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Speaker 3: white person on my show, comes in this reality show

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Speaker 3: when I'm twenty three, comes in front of me, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I can't trust you. I've been taught to my household.

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Speaker 3: I can't trust you or your intentions for me. And

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Speaker 3: I had to grow through that to see them as

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Speaker 3: individuals and to understand how to use what history has

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Speaker 3: taught me, but not to use that as the benchmark

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Speaker 3: for people who are in front of me today. And

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Speaker 3: that stayed with me, where people are like, oh, you

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Speaker 3: don't like white folks. We heard what you said when

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Speaker 3: you was twenty three, and I'm like, I am forty

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Speaker 3: three years old, now, I like that is those are

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Speaker 3: two completely different people. Also, like I used to make

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Speaker 3: comments about like I grew up in a time where

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Speaker 3: femininity in a man was considered a weakness. You were weak,

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Speaker 3: and especially as gay men who were trying to fight

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Speaker 3: for some place of being seen, if you didn't show

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Speaker 3: that you were masculine, that was the only way in

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Speaker 3: your house you could survive because it was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: you're not one of those gays, and everybody has heard

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Speaker 3: that before, and for me, I would I perpetuated that

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Speaker 3: sort of ideal because that's what I used to survive.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I grew out of that.

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Speaker 3: Now anybody who can show their femininity, however they sap

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Speaker 3: in this world is beautiful and great. But people still

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Speaker 3: saw me for a long time as oh, you don't

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Speaker 3: like people who are feminine, and it's like no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: And that caused a lot of mental health issues. I

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Speaker 3: want to I mean, I got off that show and

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Speaker 3: I wanted to kill myself. I try to commit suicide.

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Speaker 3: People thought because I was on reality show, I have money.

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Speaker 3: I walked down the show more broke because now employers

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Speaker 3: that I wanted to get from so only saw me

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Speaker 3: as that reality star and they thought I was gonna

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Speaker 3: bring that drama into their establishment, into their business. And

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Speaker 3: people think like, oh this five minutes of fame is great,

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Speaker 3: but it has detrimental effects on your mental health. Imagine

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Speaker 3: waking up and everyone in the world judging you. Y'all

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Speaker 3: know what it is and how that does for your

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Speaker 3: self esteem and your mental health. And I think sometimes

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Speaker 3: I speak about this because reality shows are not going away.

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Speaker 3: They're popular, but there should be some managing of how

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Speaker 3: we're treating these guests. Like on my talk show, I'm

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Speaker 3: So Proud season one, and you know, NBC people are here.

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Speaker 3: I gave away so much therapy. NBC was not used

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Speaker 3: to it. I was like, I'm paying for therapy. I'm

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Speaker 3: paying for therapy because I was like, if you're gonna

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Speaker 3: come out here and expose yourself and be vulnerable, I

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Speaker 3: want people at home, if they see you on the street,

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Speaker 3: to know someone has given you a resource to be better,

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Speaker 3: so that maybe in your back of your mind you

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Speaker 3: can say, oh, yeah, I saw them act crazy there,

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Speaker 3: but I know they're getting help and they're being better,

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Speaker 3: and that is not the catalyus. We need to show

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Speaker 3: people that they don't deserve to be judged. But I

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Speaker 3: wanted people to know, like on my show, at least

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Speaker 3: you have that. And I think when it comes to

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Speaker 3: reality shows. We need more support for these young reality.

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Speaker 2: Kids, don't What would you say to somebody who now

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Speaker 2: thinks that. I mean, we've seen so many from the show. Look,

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Speaker 2: we'll tell you we're ninety day fiance and Love Island.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's my two favorites. Okay, I love

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Speaker 1: it right, Oh my god, and.

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Speaker 3: Y has got too many tentacles that.

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Speaker 1: Much.

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Speaker 2: We'll talk about Jasmine Gay all right. But we have

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Speaker 2: seen so many shows to where the same people keep

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Speaker 2: showing up on show. They're making a career out of

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Speaker 2: being a reality star. What do you say to those

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Speaker 2: folks who have that in mind? If you want to

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Speaker 2: give away free therapy here or advice, yes, because it

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Speaker 2: almost is like I feel bad. That sounds like pity

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Speaker 2: of some kind, but I feel bad, like, Wow, this

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Speaker 2: is the avenue they're choosing to put them seals out

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Speaker 2: there to look like this and do this because they

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Speaker 2: think this is the way to start them.

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Speaker 3: Well, we'll be seeing now, especially now being you know,

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Speaker 3: thirty years into reality television, is that those who have

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Speaker 3: made a career out and I say this outside of

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Speaker 3: those that are like I think the only world that

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Speaker 3: it works is like in the Bravo World.

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Speaker 1: And I say that because in.

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Speaker 3: The Bravo World, most of these people have money and access,

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Speaker 3: and so they're not being judged like that young person,

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Speaker 3: that person on Nine Day Fiance, who doesn't have this

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Speaker 3: money and who doesn't have this access. And so for

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Speaker 3: those who are on those younger shows, first of all,

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Speaker 3: or are on those shows that you don't have that

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Speaker 3: money and wealth, I first of all say you have

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Speaker 3: to make sure that in this time you're advocating for

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Speaker 3: your own mental health, because most producers won't do it,

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Speaker 3: and so especially as a career, they're going to want

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Speaker 3: to keep you in drama. And so it's a producer's

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Speaker 3: job to say you're coming on this show and whisper

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Speaker 3: in your ear and say, but did you know this happen?

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Speaker 3: And it's going to keep you in a perpetual state

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Speaker 3: of turmoil. And yes, you're making a career out of it.

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Speaker 3: Yes you think I'm making a little money out of it,

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Speaker 3: but you have to understand that you have to do

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Speaker 3: the work to prepare yourself. Until until reality shows are unionized,

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Speaker 3: which I believe and I support, you're going to have

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Speaker 3: to be in a space where you are advocating for

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Speaker 3: your own mental health health and and I think that's

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Speaker 3: the biggest key understanding how to do that. And then secondly,

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Speaker 3: I would say for those like those briball shows where

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Speaker 3: you have money, this is where like you're unionizing, reality

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Speaker 3: shows works because now these pays. I was on the

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Speaker 3: Real World for five months out of my life and

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Speaker 3: I walked off that show and did not have any money.

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Speaker 3: And the perception around everybody on me was that I

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Speaker 3: have money because I'm in the real world and I

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Speaker 3: walked off. I think, what are they paying me for

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Speaker 3: those four months? Ten thousand dollars? And then you got

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Speaker 3: fined if you did things. People don't know this, so

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Speaker 3: like if you left the house without you know, telling them,

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Speaker 3: because you're not really free, if you turn off your

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Speaker 3: mic because you were in the restroom, they would sign

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Speaker 3: you one hundred dollars.

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Speaker 1: One hundred. Yes, that's all these reality shows, y'all don't

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Speaker 1: know what.

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Speaker 5: Yes did not know that you didn't buy mic off

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Speaker 5: when you use the rest because you.

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Speaker 3: Have been signed up to do so. We used to

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Speaker 3: turn it off and they then put microphone in the restroom.

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Speaker 3: Because the thing is that if for unless it's a

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Speaker 3: scripted one like again, these housewives, they know they're they're

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Speaker 3: here for a scene and they're doing it. But most

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Speaker 3: of these shows, they're living in a house for twenty

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Speaker 3: four hours and their job is to capture every moment.

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Speaker 3: And so if you go in a bathroom to have

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Speaker 3: a private conversation, now the audience doesn't know that. So

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Speaker 3: we need to put a like, there was cameras in

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Speaker 3: the shower. There's things in the bathroom and if you

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Speaker 3: turn it off for your own profile in the bed,

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Speaker 3: if there was if you turn it off, sorry, My

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Speaker 3: best friend Trade. Best friend Trade makes appearances on my

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Speaker 3: talk show as well, so on our show as well, exactly.

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Speaker 3: But he so he was there. He was on the

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Speaker 3: railroad with me. He came in with my visiting guest.

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Speaker 3: And it was surprising because I want to have private

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Speaker 3: moment in the bathroom. I want to have private moment

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Speaker 3: in the shower, and they're like, you cannot, and if

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Speaker 3: you try to have that private moment, they find you.

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Speaker 3: And that's still to this day they find reality stars

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Speaker 3: who try to have private moments.

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Speaker 2: We talk about this all the time every time we

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Speaker 2: see a scene and sayd why don't they just turn

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Speaker 2: off the mic?

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Speaker 3: Why would they let it. You would because they don't

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Speaker 3: mess with your money, and so you ain't making done

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Speaker 3: in the first place. And now they don't take away

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Speaker 3: one hundred dollars every time you do that. That then

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Speaker 3: you're you're intimidated into keeping your mic on. You're intimidated

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Speaker 3: into not having any moments for your own mental health.

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Speaker 3: And again that's the issue.

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Speaker 2: We would owe the show money. We would be in

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Speaker 2: a deficit.

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Speaker 3: The amount of.

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Speaker 4: Times I had to constantly turn my mic off. Oh,

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Speaker 4: Good Morning America is like.

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Speaker 3: Off off all my talk show, They're always like krma's

382
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Speaker 3: mic is off again. Because I learned from twenty three

383
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Speaker 3: how to turn that mic off. Listen, I turn it

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Speaker 3: off all the time.

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Speaker 4: I had a hot mic moment one time in my

386
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Speaker 4: career didn't go well.

387
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Speaker 5: So moment, Well, you can google Ita.

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Speaker 3: Please don't do this.

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Speaker 4: Congratulations on your third season. That is a huge deal.

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Speaker 5: Most people don't get a second season and even more

391
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Speaker 5: don't get a third. What do you think it is

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Speaker 5: about your show, Karamo that makes it, distinguishes it and

393
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Speaker 5: makes it what it is.

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Speaker 3: I think, first, I think people know that I'm transparent,

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Speaker 3: so they know they're getting me I'm the same twenty

396
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Speaker 3: four to seven. But I think also people know now

397
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Speaker 3: through my career is that they've seen me since twenty

398
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Speaker 3: three and they see my growth and they know that

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Speaker 3: my only intention is.

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Speaker 1: To help people.

401
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Speaker 3: I really believe that the only reason I'm on this

402
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Speaker 3: earth is to help. I say this, and I believe

403
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Speaker 3: it because I think the things that I went through.

404
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Speaker 3: God didn't put me through all these things for me

405
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Speaker 3: not to use it as a tool to help.

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Speaker 1: And so.

407
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Speaker 3: I think that people know that, Like you know, my

408
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 3: slogan for this season that I came up with is

409
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Speaker 3: embrace the Mess. And the reason I said this is

410
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Speaker 3: because I want people to know they can embrace those moments.

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Speaker 3: Like I grew up in a household where like I

412
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Speaker 3: was taught, it happens in this house. Stay in this house.

413
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Speaker 3: You can't talk about it. And I remember how lonely

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Speaker 3: and isolating that felt. And I felt like no one

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Speaker 3: understands me, and no one's here to help me and

416
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Speaker 3: support me and connect with me. And so I let

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Speaker 3: my guests come on there with their mess say it.

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Speaker 3: But now that we have the mess, now that's just

419
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Speaker 3: where other shows end. That's the beginning for me. Now

420
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Speaker 3: we can figure out how to talk about what's going on,

421
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Speaker 3: what's next, How do you be better from this moment?

422
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Speaker 3: You know, my grandny used to tell me, you got

423
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Speaker 3: two ears and mouths. We're supposed to be doing one

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00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,119
Speaker 3: of those things double time. And so I listened to

425
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Speaker 3: my guests, and I hear them, I hear them do

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Speaker 3: the mess. And so that way, it's like, now I

427
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Speaker 3: got it. You can be better, you can do better

428
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Speaker 3: than this. And that's why I think people resonate with it.

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Speaker 2: Gay, black, Christian yes, male yes.

430
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Speaker 3: Growing up in Texas. Growing up in Texas, I didn't

431
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Speaker 3: go you imagine about that. I mean, oh my gosh,

432
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Speaker 3: so my parents and I'm from this country. And so

433
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Speaker 3: that was a big piece as well, because I grew

434
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Speaker 3: up in neighborhoods where they were like karama kakuma, like

435
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Speaker 3: that's her my entire life. I never had a regular

436
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Speaker 3: peanut butter, jant penny butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.

437
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Speaker 3: I used to get tuppleware at third grade, fourth grade,

438
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Speaker 3: no embarrassing, that is, in third grade fourth grade to

439
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Speaker 3: walk and be like I need the lunch lady to

440
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 3: warm up this oxtale or curry goat. You're like, kids

441
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,600
Speaker 3: were not friendly with that, you know what I mean.

442
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,440
Speaker 3: Now as an adult, I'm proud of it. I'm like,

443
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,840
Speaker 3: you know, I brought my I think, But in the moment,

444
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 3: I was like, I want to. So I used to

445
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,520
Speaker 3: go by the name Jason for the longest. That was

446
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 3: my name, Like, I don't know where that came up,

447
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 3: because I don't got that my name is Caromo Korea

448
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,800
Speaker 3: where Jason wait Jay stopped up one day and I

449
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:07,440
Speaker 3: probably I had everybody call me Jason.

450
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,480
Speaker 4: That's so funny that that's your son's name.

451
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:11,159
Speaker 3: That is my son name. But I didn't know at

452
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 3: the time. I didn't know, and so I just would

453
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 3: have my best friend hair again. So I would go

454
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,320
Speaker 3: in the club and people would be like, what's your name?

455
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,439
Speaker 3: Would be like, Jason Rain.

456
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:18,200
Speaker 1: That was my name.

457
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 4: What was your last name?

458
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 3: Jason, Jason j A Y S O N. I. I

459
00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,760
Speaker 3: don't know why I came up with Jason Rain. I

460
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,840
Speaker 3: was and so I did that because now I love

461
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 3: myself and I love my name, and I love where

462
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,199
Speaker 3: I came from. But there was a moment that I

463
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,399
Speaker 3: was I was challenging my own self worth and so

464
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 3: to conform and just be accepted. I was like, let

465
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 3: me get first thing it starts with is the name,

466
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,080
Speaker 3: And so I was like, y'all calling me Jason Rain.

467
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 3: And then years later when I found out I had

468
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,280
Speaker 3: a son and I realized his mother had named him

469
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,399
Speaker 3: Jason Rashad, I was like, that was like one of

470
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 3: the moments for me that was crazy. But I say

471
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,879
Speaker 3: to people, I went through this moment of like not

472
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 3: loving every part of me, and it was difficult growing

473
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 3: up in the South and being having all these identities.

474
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,200
Speaker 3: But now what I've realized is those identities and where

475
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 3: they intersect is what made me great. That's why I

476
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: walk down to shows in my authentic self because I

477
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,880
Speaker 3: know the intersection of all of my identities is where

478
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,400
Speaker 3: my power lies. And I think every time someone tries

479
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,240
Speaker 3: to hide a part of who they are is when

480
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 3: they don't see the success they deserve in life. And

481
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 3: I don't want any more moments where I'm not getting

482
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,920
Speaker 3: what I deserve because I've been through enough and I

483
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 3: deserve everything that's coming in front of me.

484
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 5: I love and you and your success and your ability

485
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 5: to connect with people is your willingness to be vulnerable

486
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 5: and talk about all of that mess, and I was

487
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 5: blown away because you you came out.

488
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 4: I don't know, if to yourself or to everyone. At

489
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 4: sixteen is that yeah?

490
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:45,520
Speaker 1: Fifteen?

491
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:46,720
Speaker 4: Actually the fifteen is.

492
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 5: When you had what you had a relationship with the woman,

493
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:54,360
Speaker 5: your only relationship. Yeah, and it resulted in a sum

494
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,200
Speaker 5: that you didn't know about until he was ten.

495
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 3: Yes, So I mean back up. So one of the

496
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,640
Speaker 3: things that I'm trying to I'm on my own pedestal

497
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,639
Speaker 3: and my my own soapbox. One of the terms that

498
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 3: I'm trying to destroy is coming out, because I think

499
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,960
Speaker 3: at one point coming out was a term that was

500
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 3: empowering people need to come out. Now we're not in

501
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 3: that same space. And what the act actually is is

502
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:17,240
Speaker 3: letting people in. I deserve to let you in when

503
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,040
Speaker 3: I respect you and I know I can trust you.

504
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,679
Speaker 3: And so these things of teaching gay people that they

505
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 3: have to make grand announcements to family members or strangers

506
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 3: to prove their self worth, I don't believe in anymore.

507
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 3: I get to let you into my life when I

508
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 3: know I can trust you in my life. And the

509
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 3: fact that if I don't want to let you in,

510
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean I'm ashamed. It means that you're not

511
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,960
Speaker 3: worthy of knowing. Like I think about it, when somebody

512
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,320
Speaker 3: knocks on my door and they say I don't want

513
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 3: to come in, that doesn't make me.

514
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 1: Close my door and say, oh my god, I'm so sad.

515
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 3: I walk in my house and I'm happy because I

516
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 3: built a home of love and respect and the same

517
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,920
Speaker 3: thing for myself. And so like I try to encourage

518
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 3: kids like you don't got to make these grand announcements.

519
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 3: You want to come out to nobody. You get to

520
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,879
Speaker 3: let people in when you're ready, and that takes the

521
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 3: power away from somebody else rejecting or denying you. And

522
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 3: I think that's so important. And also just one last thing,

523
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 3: if there's a closet that did come out of, I

524
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 3: want to find that closet that it'd be a pot

525
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 3: of gold in there that I for all this shit

526
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 3: I went through. And then I'm gonna burn that closet down.

527
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 3: Somebody else else has to come out because I didn't

528
00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,160
Speaker 3: come out in no closet, and I'm tired of it.

529
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 3: But anyway, that's my digress. Beautifully, thank you, But honestly, yes,

530
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 3: so I let everybody in when I was fifteen which

531
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 3: was hard because I grew up in a Caribbean household

532
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 3: and people did not accept my father and I didn't

533
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 3: speak for seventeen years after. You know, I let him

534
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 3: in and I let my best friend at the night

535
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 3: time in. Her name is Stephanie. We were best friends.

536
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 3: She had a boyfriend that was a senior and this

537
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 3: gonna sound stupid, but she wanted to She didn't want

538
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 3: to lose virginity to him because she thought it was

539
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 3: going to be She didn't want to be bad, so

540
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 3: she's like convinced me for us to lose a virginity,

541
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 3: even though she knew I was gay and I'm fifteen.

542
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 3: I was like, sure, this makes sense to me. You

543
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 3: know I'm gay, but let's do it. And at the time,

544
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,199
Speaker 3: I could be aroused by the wind, so you know,

545
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 3: it was like, sure, let's go for it. Wait did

546
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 3: I hear right? She considered you like a rehearsal.

547
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: A rehearsal. I love the rehearsal. I was the side

548
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:08,640
Speaker 1: chick out of fifteen.

549
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,320
Speaker 3: Okay, I was a side chick and so crazy that

550
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 3: we really went for it. I look at it like,

551
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 3: why did we think that was smart? But it lasted

552
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 3: for four seconds, all of four seconds, not even joking,

553
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 3: and I sat on the side of the bed, rocket like.

554
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: I can't do that. No, I don't want to do that. No, no,

555
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,679
Speaker 1: And this is no shame to a woman's body. I

556
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 1: just wasn't for me. This wasn't for me.

557
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 3: And this is at a time, this is ninety five.

558
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 3: She moved away and there was no internet. Unless you

559
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 3: have somebody's house phone or address, you couldn't just google them.

560
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 3: And so when she moved away, I went home with

561
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 3: school and I went on with my gay, married life.

562
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: And then when my son was nine, I got these

563
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 3: paper on my door set for back child support for

564
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 3: this kid that I didn't know existed, and I thought

565
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 3: I was being punked. I thought, Ashton Kutch it was

566
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 3: gonna be in my house because that was the I

567
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,640
Speaker 3: was like, they're punking a gay dude from MTV. They're

568
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,800
Speaker 3: punking at gaydo you know what I mean? And then

569
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 3: I opened the paperwork and I saw her name and

570
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 3: I hadn't seen her names was for fifteen, and then

571
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 3: my name, and then my son's name, and it blew

572
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 3: my mind. I had to move back to Texas to

573
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 3: confirm praternity. And then once I did. They gave me

574
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 3: her address and I showed up on her doorstep. And

575
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 3: when I showed up, she had no idea that I

576
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,239
Speaker 3: was coming, because she didn't come after me. She had

577
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 3: applied for state benefits for her other children. She had

578
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 3: five children at this point, and the State of Texas

579
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 3: found me because she'd applied for benefits. So when I

580
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,640
Speaker 3: showed up at a door she was she was crying.

581
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 3: She was like, I didn't want to hurt you. Her

582
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 3: exact words were, I wanted one of us to make it,

583
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 3: and the sacrifices young fifteen year old woman made was

584
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,439
Speaker 3: and unfortunately, you know, I wasn't there to support her.

585
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,359
Speaker 3: I was there for those first nine years with my son.

586
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 3: But I think about how great our life is now,

587
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 3: and truly it's because she gave me the gift of

588
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 3: me being able to make it. And that's why I

589
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 3: give her everything she needs and we have such a

590
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,080
Speaker 3: great family dynamic. That's why I adopted her second son,

591
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 3: her other son, different father's, same mother, because I wanted

592
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 3: to support her and help her. And it's wild because

593
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 3: my journey to fatherhood. You know, my son's are twenty

594
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 3: seven and twenty four now, and we're still close. They

595
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 3: live down the street from me, and I think to myself, like, wow,

596
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 3: you know, there's a bigger purpose for our life. And

597
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 3: so now even when I have guests on my show

598
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 3: who are like, you know, like they know I'm gay,

599
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:18,080
Speaker 3: they'd be like.

600
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 1: You don't know what it's like to be a parent.

601
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I know what it's like to be

602
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: a parent. I know it's like to be a parent.

603
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 3: I know it's like to deal with a baby mama

604
00:25:23,880 --> 00:25:25,680
Speaker 3: that you don't get along with all the time.

605
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:27,879
Speaker 4: You know what it's like to take a paternity time.

606
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 3: I don't know it's like to take a paternity test.

607
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, I know what it's like for all of this.

608
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 3: So like you can't sit in front of me and

609
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 3: be like you don't get it. No, I get it.

610
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 3: I understand. Like she and I are doing this co

611
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 3: parenting series now or so I'm so proud of It's

612
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 3: like one of the things that we're doing. And the

613
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 3: reason I came with this co parenting series because I've

614
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 3: guess that's in front of me and they don't know

615
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 3: how to put their child first. And I'm always like,

616
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 3: this child didn't ask to be in this world and

617
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 3: so our adult issues don't The child doesn't deserve to

618
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 3: have to deal with that, and so we talk about

619
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 3: everything transparently, like one of the things, I'll just give

620
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 3: y'all a preview. She believes that it's okay to smoke

621
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 3: weed with our child. It's legal in the state of California.

622
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 3: And she's like, he's of age, why not me. On

623
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 3: the other hand, I'm like, no, a boundary needs to

624
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 3: be set. I'm dad, I'm not smoking with you. I

625
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 3: don't care if me and best friend Trey might smoke

626
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 3: a little some every once in a while. Me and

627
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,639
Speaker 3: best friend Trey are the same age. You are a

628
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 3: child and I'm the parent, and I always need to

629
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 3: be coherent. She believes you do it anyway. You of age,

630
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 3: let's go outside and smoke. But how old is a child?

631
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 3: This is four twenty four. That's interesting.

632
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: So I want to know from y'all, what do you believe.

633
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: I want to know.

634
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 3: You were curious, Amy.

635
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 5: So, I was raised very strictly Catholic Germans. There was

636
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,239
Speaker 5: no drinking or hanging out with the parents. It just

637
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 5: not until we were of age. And it now we

638
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 5: have fun, yes, with my kids growing up in New York.

639
00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 5: I would rather have them have some of those experiences

640
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 5: while I'm there so that I can help them through

641
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:05,000
Speaker 5: some bad choices or some decisions that I would like

642
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 5: to be present for.

643
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 4: So I have I have been more where your mother is,

644
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 4: your son's mother is.

645
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 5: But I respect where people like my parents completely disagree

646
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:17,199
Speaker 5: with me.

647
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you're like a lot of people, a lot

648
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 3: of people are like you. They they're like, I wanted

649
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 3: to be there for the child.

650
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:24,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're gonna do it anyway.

651
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 2: And I that's maybe I'm from Arkansas. It's something old

652
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 2: school about there's a level of respect that always have

653
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,480
Speaker 2: of my parents. Yeah, and her parents. Now, I still

654
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 2: won't call them by their first names. It's just the

655
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 2: old school school and won't do it. And so it's

656
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 2: something about smoking weed with your kids.

657
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 3: No, we ain't that. We're not We're not that cool.

658
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 3: I'm not one of your little friends. Yeah, and I

659
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 3: get that.

660
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

661
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 3: But so, and the thing is they we in our crew,

662
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 3: we had like forty people on the crew when we

663
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 3: were having this conversation and it was divided. It was

664
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,439
Speaker 3: like I thought it was gonna be a very like

665
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 3: everyone was gonna be on my side to be honest

666
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 3: with you, and they were like, no, like, why not

667
00:27:57,720 --> 00:27:59,280
Speaker 3: have the kid with me so I can protect them,

668
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 3: understand about it, like teach them. And I'm like for me,

669
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,120
Speaker 3: I'm like, I've given them the tools, and I've kept

670
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,919
Speaker 3: the conversation, the ability to have open conversations open, so

671
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:10,880
Speaker 3: you can come to me and be transparent.

672
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna judge you.

673
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 3: Like one of the things that I did with my

674
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 3: kids growing up is that they told me the truth,

675
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 3: they wouldn't get in trouble. So even if they did

676
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 3: something bad, they told me the truth and I didn't

677
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 3: find out from somebody else, you wouldn't get in trouble

678
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 3: because then I can have a conversation with you because

679
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 3: you were honest and transparent. But if I found out

680
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 3: that your ass was in the street doing something and

681
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 3: someone else had to come tell me, now you're in trouble.

682
00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 3: And that has allowed me and my kids to have

683
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 3: the most transparent, open conversations about everything. And I feel

684
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,200
Speaker 3: like since I've groomed you in that way, taught you

685
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 3: how to be that way, I don't need to smoke

686
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 3: with you to find out what you're doing.

687
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 1: I can talk to you.

688
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 4: I appreciate that.

689
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 3: But yeah, but you know, the co parenting and so

690
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 3: we talk about that, and that's like one of the

691
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 3: things like I'm excited for people to get even a

692
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 3: lit learn more about me, but also use my life

693
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 3: as a tool to understand how to navigate their own.

694
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 5: You know.

695
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: I'm just curious about the You said there was a

696
00:28:56,880 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 2: split forty people. Was it a split geographically by age by.

697
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 3: If I think about it, I think I think it was.

698
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:10,760
Speaker 3: It was definitely most white people thought like you, Amy, Yeah,

699
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 3: it was. I saw race and I think I think

700
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 3: most of those most of the crew is from the East,

701
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 3: so yeah, so I guess geographically and racially there was

702
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 3: a yeah.

703
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean yeah, because my my whole family is

704
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 5: down in Georgia and I'm like the outlier I am.

705
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 4: I don't think like the others.

706
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I do think where you live and what

707
00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 5: your surroundings are, what you know your kids are experiencing

708
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 5: with other people's parents can impact how you also, because

709
00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 5: there's there is a when you're living in and bringing

710
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 5: up and I brought both of my daughters up in

711
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 5: New York City, which was completely the opposite of how

712
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 5: I grew up. But now you're and I hate to say,

713
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 5: competing with other people's values and parents, but you are

714
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 5: in a way, and it it does impact how you parents.

715
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, how many times you have.

716
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: To hear that?

717
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 3: Will so and son's parents.

718
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: Let her do that?

719
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, not that I want to fall prey to that,

720
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 5: because I was actually the strictest. Both of my daughters

721
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 5: will tell you I was the strictest of any of

722
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 5: their friend's parents because I grew up. Yeah, I had

723
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 5: a very strict upbringing. So I wanted to bring some

724
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,800
Speaker 5: of that to them. But it's hard. You can't go

725
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,000
Speaker 5: too strong the other way because now they're just gonna

726
00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 5: go do what they're gonna do. And so it just

727
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 5: it's a balancing act.

728
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 4: It always is a balancing always, And what do.

729
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 3: We do on the show, even though we had this

730
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 3: fun conversation, is at the end of the day, it's

731
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 3: about putting the child's first. So even though my son,

732
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 3: my son's mother sees a lot of things differently than

733
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 3: than I do, our children have never known that. Like

734
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 3: my son heard the first conversation and he never knew

735
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 3: that we were having arguments about their relationship. And I said,

736
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 3: the reason you never knew is because it wasn't your

737
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,520
Speaker 3: place to know. Your place was to be surrounded by

738
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 3: love and support and knew that you were secure, and

739
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,960
Speaker 3: us having a disagreement cannot take away from you feeling

740
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 3: like my parents are not united and there to support you.

741
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 3: And I think that was what every episode always comes

742
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 3: back to, like are you putting these kids first? Because

743
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 3: I don't agree with her, but I'm never gonna judge

744
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 3: her enough that it's going to affect my children's lives.

745
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 2: Well, is it possible? What if you're the mother of

746
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 2: your son never had applied for those benefits, would she

747
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: have gone on? Would she ever have met your son?

748
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 3: I don't think so. To be hones, wow and I

749
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 3: think wow. I think about that, like I would have

750
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 3: went through this world. And the sad part is when

751
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 3: I met my child, I had just gotten out of

752
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 3: off the real world. It was like only two years later,

753
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 3: and like I said, I was depressed, and I always

754
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 3: had my old father issues like I told you, my

755
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,080
Speaker 3: own daddy issues where we didn't speak, and so there

756
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 3: was there was something that my son's people always like,

757
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, you saved those kids' lives I'm like,

758
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 3: they saved my life because when I found them, there's

759
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 3: a peace that all of a sudden got sewed up

760
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 3: in me, like I can be better for somebody else.

761
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,800
Speaker 3: There's a greater purpose than my life now. And it

762
00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,440
Speaker 3: saved my life because I probably would have reckless because

763
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 3: let me tell y'all something, like I told you, I

764
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 3: was in the streets the summers. I can go wild. Okay,

765
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 3: I can't go wild. I can have a good time.

766
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 3: I could turn around at seven am and people are like, girl,

767
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 3: you don't want to go home, and I'm like nope.

768
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 3: And so having kids balanced that out in me and

769
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: made me realize, like I have to be better because

770
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 3: if I'm better, they'll be better.

771
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: And I just thank them every day.

772
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 3: I say on their birthdays, thank you to them every

773
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 3: year because I'm like, you saved my life.

774
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: You saved my life.

775
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 3: You made me a better man.

776
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 4: Children's books, yeah I do.

777
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 3: Yeah that I've co written with my son I love. Yeah,

778
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 3: yeah yeah, And they're based on things that he went through.

779
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 3: So one of them is called I'm Perfectly Designed, and

780
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 3: it's because, like again, similar to me, he grew up

781
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 3: in a household where his dad was gay, and he

782
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 3: felt like I can't share these things. I'm going to

783
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 3: get judged. He was different. He my son is six seven,

784
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 3: so he was like already at ten years old eleven.

785
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 3: He was tall, and he felt awkward. He felt like

786
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:56,959
Speaker 3: out of place. And I remind him every day when

787
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 3: he was growing up, you're perfectly designed, perfectly designed. So

788
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 3: we wrote a book called PFC Designed. And then as

789
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 3: he got older, he did know how to express his

790
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,000
Speaker 3: emotions because every other male around him, on his teams,

791
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 3: his coaches, same thing I went through, didn't talk to

792
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 3: him about what he was feeling. I remember, like, there

793
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 3: was a time I was in high school where I

794
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 3: played football and I got hit and like my knee, like.

795
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:18,640
Speaker 1: Like it was done.

796
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 3: And I remember my coach screaming, brown, get up, run

797
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 3: it off, walk it off, and at that same moment,

798
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 3: this is not It stays in my mind. One of

799
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 3: the girls who's running track, she hit a hurdle and

800
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 3: she fell. She had a little scratch and everybody surrounded

801
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 3: her and I was.

802
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,479
Speaker 1: Like, bitch, you just told me to walk it off.

803
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 3: And I had a bone stick it out and like

804
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 3: and so like I just remember like, but I couldn't

805
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 3: say that out loud, but in my mind, I'm like,

806
00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 3: why did I get the same empathy? Why did I

807
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 3: get to learn to tell you what I'm feeling right now?

808
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 3: That I'm scared that I'm I'm scared at what it's

809
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 3: going to happen with me playing football was gonna happen

810
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,719
Speaker 3: to my friend groups. And so our second book was

811
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 3: called I'm Okay to Feel. And we did that because

812
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 3: he didn't know how to do it. And luckily he

813
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,239
Speaker 3: had a father who had the emotional intelligence and had

814
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 3: the training to say it's okay for you to express yourself.

815
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 3: And so we did the second book on how to

816
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,959
Speaker 3: teach people how to blow boys, little girls, everyone how

817
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,720
Speaker 3: to feel. And so to have my son writing books

818
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 3: like that, I'm like a proud dad, you know what

819
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 3: I mean. Like, really, to be honest with y'all, the

820
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:15,839
Speaker 3: most of Check one to him, because all I did

821
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 3: was put my name on it.

822
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 1: He wrote it, so.

823
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 3: He used me to like get it in there. But

824
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 3: now he doesn't need me anymore because.

825
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 1: He's doing well.

826
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 2: But like you mentioned a second ago, that people would

827
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 2: say to you, like, we don't know what you're talking about,

828
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:27,919
Speaker 2: you gay, You don't know anything about it. Is there

829
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 2: any difference, Like gay parenting is a different situation.

830
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 1: So the parents don't give a damn what's going on

831
00:34:33,760 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 1: in my bedroom?

832
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 3: No, all they know is what I want, what I need,

833
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 3: what's going on, what's happening, how's it affecting me? And

834
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 3: so you already know that's just what it is. Parenting

835
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 3: is parenting, And you know I've been working a lot

836
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:46,880
Speaker 3: in this is going a little political way. I've been

837
00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,279
Speaker 3: working for many years now, through the Obama administration, even

838
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 3: through Trump administration as well of trying to figure out

839
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:55,839
Speaker 3: how can we make adoption rights available because most people

840
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 3: don't know this. It is very hard for single women

841
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 3: or LGBT couples adopt in our country. It's extremely difficult,

842
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:03,880
Speaker 3: the hurdles they have to go through. And when you

843
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,959
Speaker 3: look at people who are looking for families and want

844
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 3: to have a family, it's usually single women who show

845
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 3: up and say, listen, I have a lot of love,

846
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: I have resources, I want to be here for the child.

847
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 3: Yet you make the hurdles for them because they don't

848
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 3: have a typical family unit. And then also LGBT couples

849
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:20,879
Speaker 3: who are here and they're like, I've went through every

850
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 3: background check, every screening, and then they still have to

851
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,240
Speaker 3: wait and wait to find adoption. That breaks my heart

852
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 3: because people have this assumption who have been fed this

853
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 3: story of that like a parent's love has to look

854
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 3: a certain way, the parents have family and the structure

855
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 3: have to look a certain way. And what I am

856
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,280
Speaker 3: is I was a single gay man raising two children

857
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 3: who have now turned out to be exceptional human beings.

858
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 3: And my love for them is because I was there

859
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 3: for them and I showed up for them and had

860
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:48,120
Speaker 3: nothing with my sexuality, had nothing with my race, and

861
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 3: just the same way, I have girlfriends who have adopt

862
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 3: the kids, and those kids are great. There are still

863
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 3: male presences in their life. Just because there wasn't one

864
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 3: in the home didn't make that child less than worse

865
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 3: any of those things. And so I bring the subject

866
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 3: to say thank you for that question about gay parenting,

867
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 3: because you would be surprised at how many people assume

868
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 3: that I am unworthy of parenting or then I'm not

869
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,000
Speaker 3: going to be as good as a parent, And I'm

870
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,239
Speaker 3: like ya, just watch the Cromwell show. You'll say how

871
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 3: many straight couples who have been together for twenty years

872
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 3: who are not good.

873
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 5: Parents live a little bit of life, then you'll see that.

874
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 3: Thank you, you know what I mean, And so thank

875
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 3: you for being that up because I always try to advocate, like,

876
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 3: if we're going to have rules in this country, which

877
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:25,919
Speaker 3: I don't agree with, that to take what a woman

878
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,319
Speaker 3: can do with her body, then unite. If you're going

879
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,400
Speaker 3: to have those rules, then there should be rules that

880
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:31,880
Speaker 3: are going to make sure that the kids that you

881
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 3: have now forced to be here have equal support and

882
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,839
Speaker 3: are going to be adopted in loving homes. And so

883
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:38,880
Speaker 3: now when you've told a woman she can't control her body,

884
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 3: and then also you're making it difficult for children to

885
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 3: be in loving homes, that's where I.

886
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:43,760
Speaker 1: Have an issue.

887
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean that's all well said and very apropos

888
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 5: given the times we are in. So it's an important

889
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,359
Speaker 5: thing for everyone to remember. You can't have it both

890
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 5: ways and you cannot cannot wait. You talked about being

891
00:36:55,760 --> 00:37:01,240
Speaker 5: you know, in a gay couple, love love love boyfriend Cary.

892
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 3: My man, he fine girl, Yeah, and I saw it.

893
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm right here, right.

894
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 5: Here, But I read I read that you were like,

895
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 5: I drop hints, but I don't want a pressure.

896
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,280
Speaker 4: Wait are you waiting for him to propose to you.

897
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: No, I'd always be the one proposing. But he's younger.

898
00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:27,240
Speaker 1: You know you would be the one, so you know i'd.

899
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,399
Speaker 3: Be the one, okay, because he's younger, there's a nine

900
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,040
Speaker 3: age difference, and so he's the living life. Like I

901
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 3: remember when being thirty three and he was in thirty

902
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,960
Speaker 3: four he was I remember thirty he was thirty two

903
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 3: when we got like but I remember in that age,

904
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 3: I was still trying to forget my career. I was

905
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 3: trying to still hustle and do whatever. He's in that phase.

906
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 3: But I'm also like, girl, there's a ticking time bomb.

907
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 3: You're like, I'm ready to go, Like, so what's the tea?

908
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: Are we gonna do this?

909
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,719
Speaker 3: But I also have to make sure there's space. We've

910
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 3: had open conversations about like what is this change in

911
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 3: the dynamics, and for me, y'all have those same conversations.

912
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,680
Speaker 3: Hold on he who does he?

913
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:01,280
Speaker 1: Immediately?

914
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,040
Speaker 3: She immediately gestured when you say that we've been having

915
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 3: this conversation.

916
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,439
Speaker 4: Oh, like, we have that conversation sometimes daily.

917
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: But please, no, I need to know.

918
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 3: I need to know who wants to marriage, who's ready,

919
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:13,920
Speaker 3: and who's not who's ready, who's not.

920
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 2: I have said this plenty of times to her. I

921
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 2: for the first time in my life, Right, I always

922
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,399
Speaker 2: thought I should get married, and I wanted to get married.

923
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 2: This is the first time I have somebody that I

924
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 2: want to marry. It's a different mindset. I want to

925
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 2: be married to you, versus you're in a relationship and

926
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 2: you say, feel okay, now it's time. It's two years,

927
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 2: this is the next step. And this makes sense on

928
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 2: paper and all these types of things. So but the

929
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,880
Speaker 2: argument is always what what does it change? Does it change?

930
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 2: I just said before I any issue being She always

931
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 2: says that the commitment or the piece of paper makes

932
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 2: it harder for you to just be able to walk out.

933
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 3: Yes, no, that makes sound and sad as a joke, right, No,

934
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 3: I know, And it's.

935
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 5: A little embarrassing because there is a safety in that.

936
00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 5: I get that there's no guarantee. Clearly we've been both

937
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 5: been divorced, so there's not some like, well, once you

938
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:07,040
Speaker 5: get married, that's it. But I also love the romantic

939
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 5: idea of choosing each other every day, you know. So

940
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 5: it's like and we were we've been asking what would change.

941
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 4: We spend every night together. We spend twenty three hours.

942
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 5: A day together work together right now, So I've never

943
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 5: spent more time with any other human being in my life.

944
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 4: And we've known each other for ten years.

945
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 5: We've been good friends for ten years, so there's nothing

946
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 5: left to figure out or find out about each other like.

947
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 4: We know each other.

948
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:34,879
Speaker 5: So then also, you get to a point where you'd

949
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 5: a certain age in your life, you don't have to

950
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 5: start a family, you don't have to prove anything to anybody.

951
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 5: You don't have to do it for your family or

952
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 5: your parents because they disapprove.

953
00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 4: So all of the pressure's gone. So then it really

954
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 4: is just a choice. And I don't know, Like we

955
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:52,879
Speaker 4: we're back and forth.

956
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 1: Where do you come?

957
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 3: So I have to tell you when I hear what

958
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 3: you say, I love the romantic idea, and I do

959
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 3: think there's something special about choosing each other, and I

960
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 3: think that that's working for y'all right now. But what

961
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,720
Speaker 3: I did hear within you said is fear. Yeah, there's fear,

962
00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 3: and that fear is probably based off of a past

963
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 3: relationship that where you've either been hurt or didn't work.

964
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 3: And so what I would tell you is that the

965
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:14,759
Speaker 3: choice you're making right now. If it's not a love

966
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 3: based decision, if it's a fear based decision, it's not

967
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:17,360
Speaker 3: a healthy decision.

968
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:18,880
Speaker 1: And so I would.

969
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 3: Encourage you to figure out where that fear is, heal

970
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 3: that fear, and then you're clearer about making it. Because

971
00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,720
Speaker 3: there's so many couples that I know that stay together

972
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:31,400
Speaker 3: for years and don't have marriage. But if that decisions

973
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 3: be made out of fear, then it could cause conflict

974
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,000
Speaker 3: later on, because there's a part where TJ. You could

975
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 3: feel like, I'm here, we're choosing each other and how

976
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,320
Speaker 3: do we how do you not see me and know

977
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,520
Speaker 3: that you can trust me in this moment? Yeah, yeah,

978
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 3: it's true, it's no.

979
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 4: I hear you, absolutely spot on.

980
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 2: So they're nothing better in couple's therapies when the therapist

981
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 2: actually side that thing, ever, it's the best.

982
00:40:58,320 --> 00:40:59,960
Speaker 3: But this is the part about we might have said

983
00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 3: her fast friendship is now you let us go get drinks,

984
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 3: and I could be helping her through this. So I'm

985
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 3: saying to hear you because because also what you feel.

986
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 1: Is very valid. Let me be real, it's very valid.

987
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 3: There's something exciting about knowing what choosing yourself and the

988
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 3: romance and that passion and like, well, here because we

989
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:17,760
Speaker 3: want to be here, and I don't think that should

990
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 3: go away, but I do think as that is there,

991
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 3: you can also figure out what that fear is and

992
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 3: heal that did.

993
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: You catch you?

994
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 2: Every time she tells the story, she'll say, you know,

995
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 2: I'm almost embarrassed to even say. She always that's a

996
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 2: your base.

997
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 4: Statement, and you're absolutely true. And I have said that

998
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 4: this has been the.

999
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:41,359
Speaker 5: First time where there's no rush, and so it's kind

1000
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 5: of awesome to be able to take your time and

1001
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,919
Speaker 5: really make the right call either way.

1002
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 4: And I agree, I'm really like leaning.

1003
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 5: Into that and being excited at not feeling any There's

1004
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 5: zero pressure, I agree, coming from anyone anywhere.

1005
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:58,560
Speaker 4: It's only about us.

1006
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 3: So you say, if you am a talk, just let

1007
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 3: you know. I take notes. So you've said pressure four

1008
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 3: times now. Yeah, so pressure is a big thing.

1009
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 4: It had been in my life in my other relationships.

1010
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 3: I heard it so because I track language, and so

1011
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 3: that means pressure is where we have to start from.

1012
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 1: And so what is that pressure?

1013
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 3: Is there moments of pressure that he gives you that

1014
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 3: triggers you.

1015
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 4: No, he does not. He does not pressure me at all.

1016
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,800
Speaker 1: Agreeing. So do you think so do you think that?

1017
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 1: Do you so? Do you think that he's going to

1018
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 1: start pressuring?

1019
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 5: No?

1020
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: Okay, no, I do not.

1021
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 3: So, then where's that fear coming from.

1022
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 5: It's because we have a different dynamic then i've and

1023
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 5: it's the right dynamic for me. It's the healthy dynamic.

1024
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 5: It's the one I I I know had been searching

1025
00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:46,840
Speaker 5: for my whole life. But it's different.

1026
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 3: And fear, but a fear that we've heard this before.

1027
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 3: Fear is false evidence appearing real, and so it's appearing

1028
00:42:54,920 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 3: real in your mind. There's somewhere about that. Even though

1029
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: you just said, no, he doesn't pressure me, No, he

1030
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 3: doesn't do these things. It's been different. There's a part

1031
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 3: of you that's still it's appearing real to you because

1032
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 3: again you said pressure for times, and so that means

1033
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:08,800
Speaker 3: there has to be something there that we got to

1034
00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 3: work through.

1035
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: Listen when we have.

1036
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 4: But that's on me, and that's from my past, and

1037
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:18,279
Speaker 4: that is part of you know where I am.

1038
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 5: And I think it's an interesting thing when people when

1039
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 5: you go through upheaval or like we literally had our

1040
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 5: lives completely blown up, and so many people have been

1041
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:33,240
Speaker 5: through this, where you start from scratch from you're coming

1042
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 5: up from the ashes, but that is how you learn

1043
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:38,919
Speaker 5: and grow, and you have to go through what got

1044
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 5: you to that low point to build back up.

1045
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 4: So that's where we are.

1046
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 2: Where we are, it sounds like that's what you come

1047
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 2: something's happening with you now, according to coming the expert.

1048
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 2: I'm not mean apparently something, So you all should go.

1049
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 2: I don't need to come to the therapy.

1050
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, it's all drinks. We haven't drinks.

1051
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 1: We haven't drinks.

1052
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 4: Do you have any so I know that you did

1053
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 4: social work, but do you have any credentials? Yes, therapy

1054
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 4: criticial Yes, I mean you're amazing.

1055
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, so basically so in clinical social work you get

1056
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 3: all of that training in there, you know what I mean,

1057
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:12,800
Speaker 3: And then you can get certificates to help you to

1058
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 3: learn how to be better in like therapy and psychotherapy

1059
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 3: and those things. And so I've done every single one

1060
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 3: of those things. And that's why I can drop this

1061
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,279
Speaker 3: advice like that. Yeah and that.

1062
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 2: But we got to get back to we were talking

1063
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 2: about you and your potential conversation. Okay, yes, conversation, Well,

1064
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 2: let's around you listen.

1065
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 1: I would like it.

1066
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,840
Speaker 3: But again, like he has he has to grow, he

1067
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:36,080
Speaker 3: has to grow. And I'm also at a place right

1068
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:38,359
Speaker 3: now where I'm also making a decision.

1069
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: Like do you have to grow?

1070
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 3: Do we have to grow apart?

1071
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: Or can we grow together?

1072
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 3: And that is a transparent conversation we're having and like,

1073
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 3: so y'all can come in here in the next couple

1074
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 3: of weeks. I'm me like I'm single because we've been

1075
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 3: together for a long time now, but I also know

1076
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 3: it's unfair to him to not have someone. And and

1077
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 3: the thing is, he always says, I'm so thankful for

1078
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 3: a partner who knows communicate honestly with me and who

1079
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 3: can oh, I don't make decisions. And so it's like,

1080
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 3: you got to grow and you're going to have to

1081
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 3: figure out how to be you without me, and am

1082
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 3: I going to be a hindrance to that growth? And

1083
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:11,240
Speaker 3: we're having that conversation right now because like I again,

1084
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:14,200
Speaker 3: I've already had kids. My kids are older, they're successful,

1085
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 3: I have my career. I've dreams as a child to

1086
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 3: be a talk show host.

1087
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: I got it now.

1088
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,320
Speaker 3: I got a wealth of friends and family around me,

1089
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 3: surrounded by love. And you're still trying to figure all

1090
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 3: that out and so I can't say, well, you got

1091
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 3: to be on my level. Like I remember the other day,

1092
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 3: I was like, let's go to Fiji, and literally he

1093
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:32,839
Speaker 3: said we were going to go to Fiji for that thing.

1094
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 5: And so and so.

1095
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 3: Literally when I first told me it wasn't confirmed, I

1096
00:45:36,960 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 3: still skipched scheduling and stuff. And I was like, babe,

1097
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 3: let's go to Fiji. And he was like, he's like,

1098
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 3: but I got a hustle. And I was like, I

1099
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 3: remember being a mindset, but I'm not there no more.

1100
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:46,239
Speaker 3: A trip to Fiji is cute for me, you know

1101
00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like I got it, like I want

1102
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 3: to be on the beach in my little speed Don't

1103
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 3: look at cute, you know what I mean?

1104
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,879
Speaker 1: Like I just got his speedos, like I never goten

1105
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 1: his speedos before.

1106
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 3: And I went to Europe for time. You got to Madrid,

1107
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 3: all of y'all man come back and wearing speed Oh

1108
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 3: we have a place for you in port.

1109
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Gaby, amazing.

1110
00:46:02,880 --> 00:46:04,839
Speaker 3: Yes, that's why that's my spot.

1111
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 4: It's amazing.

1112
00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:09,719
Speaker 1: Literally, you gotta go there.

1113
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 3: And like so now I'm like, Fiji speed out, Let's

1114
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 3: go to this, you know, but it's one of those

1115
00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 3: things that he has me on his journey. And so

1116
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 3: again I tell people all the time, like this might

1117
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 3: not be my forever person because my favorite person might

1118
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 3: need to still grow.

1119
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: Oh man, that's.

1120
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:25,279
Speaker 3: Something you want.

1121
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 2: You have somebody you want to marry and want to

1122
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:29,879
Speaker 2: spend your life with, and you might not be able

1123
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 2: to because they ain't where you are.

1124
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:31,800
Speaker 1: And that's fine.

1125
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:34,040
Speaker 3: And that's fine because I think again you said at

1126
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 3: the beginning, your life's got uphewed because people forgot that

1127
00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 3: you're human beings who came in this world naked and

1128
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 3: who are every day trying to figure out how to

1129
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,240
Speaker 3: navigate this. No one gave any of us a manual

1130
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 3: of how to do this. But what I stick what

1131
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 3: I stick true to is that as individuals, we know

1132
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,840
Speaker 3: when someone is the healthiest and when they're the happiest

1133
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:54,839
Speaker 3: is when relationships work. And so for my partner, if

1134
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 3: you're happy and healthy, and if I'm going to do

1135
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 3: anything to hinder that, it's not because I don't love you.

1136
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 3: I need to see you happy and healthy. And so

1137
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 3: if you need room to hustle and grow and be

1138
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 3: your best self.

1139
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: Good for you.

1140
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 3: And if I was not a real partner I would

1141
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 3: try to stifle you and say get on my team,

1142
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:11,759
Speaker 3: and it's like no, no, no, no. At the end

1143
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:13,239
Speaker 3: of the day, you came in this word alone. Your

1144
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 3: team is most important and that's team you, and so

1145
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 3: I want to encourage Team you to be the most

1146
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 3: successful because when team you is most successful and you

1147
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 3: mess up with team I guess, well, it's heaven. And

1148
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 3: so like that's where we're at.

1149
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 4: Well, that's love. What you just described was love is

1150
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:28,280
Speaker 4: actual love exactly.

1151
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,879
Speaker 3: It's not control, it's not control. Yeah, and so, yeah,

1152
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 3: we're happening right now. But yeah, I want I want married.

1153
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 3: I want I want married. I want married.

1154
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 5: You know, I love so I to what TJ said,

1155
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 5: I want to I want to be with him. But

1156
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,200
Speaker 5: I do love the idea of partnership.

1157
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 4: I want that and I not everybody does. Everybody's ready

1158
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:51,800
Speaker 4: for it.

1159
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so we're figuring it out. We're figuring it out,

1160
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 1: you know, from when we're going out and listen, I

1161
00:47:56,520 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 1: told you myself we're about to hang out. I love it.

1162
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:01,879
Speaker 1: This has happened.

1163
00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 3: We'll put everybody'll notice. We are going to be in

1164
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 3: the streets.

1165
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 1: We're not gonna do seven am I can't do it.

1166
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: I can't do it.

1167
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 3: I've had a couple and I can't do it. Like

1168
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,800
Speaker 3: I need to be on my couch watching some reality television,

1169
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 3: which we can't say it enough.

1170
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: Man.

1171
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:22,399
Speaker 2: We have followed and we have applauded, and we knew

1172
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,760
Speaker 2: somewhat of your journey before you came in here today.

1173
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 2: But in reading up and studying and taking a deeper

1174
00:48:28,680 --> 00:48:30,480
Speaker 2: dive like we did today, there is a there is

1175
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 2: a level of respect now we have that is through

1176
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 2: the roof because we know what it's like for people

1177
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,719
Speaker 2: to go through hell and to come out of it.

1178
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 2: And you're in a perfectly tailored suit and look great

1179
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 2: today and looking sharp and gorgeous over there. But everybody

1180
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 2: sees this final package and they think that's it and

1181
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 2: that's what they want, and they miss that journey and

1182
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:54,000
Speaker 2: that hell you went through. So we applaud you personally

1183
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 2: after seeing the hell and the have the smile on

1184
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:00,560
Speaker 2: your face and the perspective you have. And I don't

1185
00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 2: know what you charge per hour, but we will cover you.

1186
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 3: It's it's tree, it's true, it's great. All my payment

1187
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 3: is is a good laugh like we already have. So like,

1188
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 3: let's watch some reality television food, some good food, and

1189
00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 3: that's it.

1190
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:18,360
Speaker 5: That's all just Also it's one thing to go through it,

1191
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 5: to live it and to have success, but then to

1192
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 5: share it, to be vulnerable, to expose all of the

1193
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:29,800
Speaker 5: not so pretty parts of your life so that people

1194
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:31,800
Speaker 5: can connect and think, if he can do what I

1195
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 5: can do it. That takes courage and so thank you

1196
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 5: for doing that, because if more people would do that,

1197
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 5: Like the power of one person story is.

1198
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:42,880
Speaker 4: So much greater than anyone could imagine.

1199
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 5: And what the lives you're changing, Yes you might see

1200
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:47,799
Speaker 5: it there in studio with you, but all the people

1201
00:49:47,840 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 5: who were watching you won't even know all the lives

1202
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 5: you've affected and changed and helped and put in the

1203
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 5: right direction. So thank you, We applaud you and all

1204
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:00,760
Speaker 5: that you do, and we wish you thing but success

1205
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:02,400
Speaker 5: in many many more seasons.

1206
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:04,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hope. So thank y'all to y'all as well,

1207
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 3: because of what you've done and been vulnerable has has

1208
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 3: done the same thing. And thank y'all so much. And

1209
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:10,839
Speaker 3: I end every single one of my shows with come back.

1210
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 3: Let's keep talking and growing, because I really believe the

1211
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 3: more we talk about what we're going through is it

1212
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:16,240
Speaker 3: more will grow.

1213
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 1: And so I appreciate that and we.

1214
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 2: Borrow that line for the day.

1215
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you got it, got it.

1216
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 2: Sure, we just need to keep talking and growing. Yeah,

1217
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 2: we hope y'all will continue to do that here with

1218
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 2: us on Avy and TJ.

1219
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: Again.

1220
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 2: Brother, thank you so, and remind folks catch the shows.

1221
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 3: It can check your local listens, you know, like y'all

1222
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 3: understand how that is. Just see what time it is

1223
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 3: on in your city. He's a TV host that wants

1224
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 3: to be a rapper. Introduce usual entourageage. I got best

1225
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,240
Speaker 3: friend trade here. I got the homeinage. That's a catfish.

1226
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 3: She does my makeup. I say she's a catfish because

1227
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 3: she dresses like a boy. And then tomorrow you'll see

1228
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 3: him the most fly hide outfit. She does not look

1229
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 3: like that girl who does that. She's a catfish. I

1230
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 3: got my other best friend Amory in here, who's going

1231
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:59,279
Speaker 3: into TV. I'm so excited for his career. And I

1232
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,600
Speaker 3: have the two publics is from NBC, Molly and Sarah

1233
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 3: who do everything. I'm rolling deep Listen, listen, Jay z

1234
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 3: Ain't got none on me in my entourage. You can

1235
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 3: all come back here.

1236
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening folks, Lets se y'all say