WEBVTT - How to Stop Wasting Your Evenings and Get Sh*t Done 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.600 Forty five days of the year we spend watching TV. 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:07.040 If we watch an average of three hours of TV 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:11.920 every single day, isn't that insane? I'm Raley Wukiah and 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:16.120 on my podcast A Really Good Cry, we embrace the messy. 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:17.960 And the beautiful, providing a space for. 0:00:18.000 --> 0:00:22.000 Raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you to 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:26.400 tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together. Hi everyone, 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:28.640 and welcome back to this week's episode of A Really 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:31.080 Good Cry. I hope you've all had such a lovely, 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:34.120 lovely week. I have had a pretty great one. Actually, 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:37.519 it's been really busy, but all good busy, you know, 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:39.239 like the kind of busy that you want to be. 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:41.360 Every time I do feel like my life is getting 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:45.960 a little bit hectic, I always remember this quote that 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:50.400 says an idle mind is the devil's playground, and I 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:52.440 was like, you know what, in that tro whenever I 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.200 have too much time on my hands, which honestly haven't 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:57.680 had for a while, it definitely allowed too much space 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:01.840 for overthinking and also so doing things that weren't necessarily 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:04.040 at the frequency I wanted to be doing the mat 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:08.160 So being busy islways a good thing. So today I 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:12.000 wanted to talk about how to not waste your evenings 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:16.560 because I heard this one statistic and it literally changed everything. 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:19.720 It changed how I spend my evenings, Like it has 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:24.280 been embedded into my mind and I now cannot unhear it. 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:26.920 It is that the average person watches three hours of 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:27.959 TV per evening. 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:29.560 That's twenty one hours. 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:33.240 A week, which totals to one thousand and ninety five hours, 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:37.880 which is forty five days of the year watching TV. 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:41.600 Forty five days of the year we spend watching TV. 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:45.000 If we watch an average of three hours of TV 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:50.720 every single day, isn't that insane? Forty five days of 0:01:50.760 --> 0:01:54.280 the year. Now, imagine if you even spent just half 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:57.520 of your evening on things that you've been dreaming of doing, 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.680 trying to find the time to finish or create something 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:04.240 that you've always wanted to. That's over twenty more days 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:07.200 that you just freed up for yourself, twenty days your 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:09.079 evenings of the time that you get for yourself. 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:09.640 I get it. 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:12.880 It's those few hours after work, maybe after your kids 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.320 go to sleep. You know, that little bit of time 0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:17.920 that you get just to yourself. And for years, I 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.520 honestly felt like I was trapped between this feeling of 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:24.560 wanting to wedge out and do absolutely nothing, because yes, 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:28.600 I was tired from my busy days, but also wanting 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:30.800 to do all the things that I haven't had time 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:33.960 to do during the day, or finishing things that I 0:02:34.000 --> 0:02:36.560 haven't completed yet. And honestly, I got to a point 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:38.720 where I was just tired of not reaching the goals 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:41.840 that I had or starting things that I've always wanted to, 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:46.760 and also feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled spending every single night 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:51.680 watching TV after TV show after show, and it didn't 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:55.120 make me feel inspired or excited or positive about life. 0:02:55.560 --> 0:02:58.400 Watching TV is quite a low frequency thing, especially with 0:02:58.520 --> 0:03:00.440 the things that we end up watching. If you're watching 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:03.840 a documentary, if you're watching something educational, if you're watching 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.080 something that makes you feel good, that's one thing. But 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:09.560 most of the things that people are watching nowadays are 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:13.520 actually pulling at the lower frequency versions of ourself. And 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:16.920 what I mean by that, it's our lower tendencies gossiping. 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:17.639 Like if you think. 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:20.520 About reality TV, it's all based on gossip. If you 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.160 think about a lot of the shows that are famous 0:03:23.240 --> 0:03:26.720 right now, they're all scary and dark or a lot 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:28.200 of them just have a lot of sex in them. 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:31.760 And I think that a lot of these things that 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:35.280 we end up watching become us. Every single thing that 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:37.920 we put into our mind or let through our senses 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:41.720 becomes us, and so I always try to think. Look, 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.400 of course, there are days where I love just sitting 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:46.560 and watching a bit of Love Island, but I'm also 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:48.520 aware of what it does to my mind, because if 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:51.200 I'm watching gossip, I'm more likely to gossip. I'm more 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:53.320 likely to get excited by gossip in real life if 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.240 I'm getting excited about it while watching it. And now listen, 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:58.400 I'm really not saying that you're wasting time if you're 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:01.280 watching a show every single night or scrolling on Instagram 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:04.000 all night. If you are happy and content about it, 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.640 then that's great, But I feel like most of us 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:09.120 are not. Deep down, if you think about it, you're 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.520 probably not really happy that that's how you're spending your 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.440 nights and it is not fulfilling you. So, if you're 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:16.640 like me, and you're someone who keeps wishing that they 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:18.880 had time to do all the things they wanted to do, 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:21.440 the dreams, the goals, or the things in your life 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.200 that you feel you just don't get the time to 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:26.200 do during the day, or if at the end of 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:28.440 the night you're thinking, what did I even do with 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.120 my evening? I wish I had done this, this or this. 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:34.080 Then these few hours are your golden hours, and this 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:36.320 episode is specifically made for you. 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:37.679 This is the first step. 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:40.920 If you've chosen to click on this, it means that 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:43.880 you want to change how you are spending your evenings. 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.080 I've been there, and so I know how frustrating the 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:49.000 cycle can be. You finish work, you're tired, and I 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:50.960 can't even imagine once you have kids, you then have 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.279 to look after them, and then that means you just 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:55.960 want to sit in front of the TV and decompress, 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:59.000 switch off, and not use your mind or body for anything. 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:00.800 I've been saying for months. 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.039 I wanted to start a course, and I wanted to 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.280 read this book, and I wanted more time to be 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.960 creative or to dance classes or try new things. But 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.520 I kept wasting my evenings doing the thing that I 0:05:11.560 --> 0:05:13.839 was used to over and over again that I actually 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:15.640 don't want to be doing. So I looked into some 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:17.640 of the psychology behind this, and there was something I 0:05:17.680 --> 0:05:20.760 came across called the reward system trap after a stress 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:25.159 all day, our brain craves instant gratification like scrolling or 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:28.599 streaming to just activate some sort of dopamine feeling. The 0:05:28.600 --> 0:05:30.920 feel good chemical that's in our brain is called dopamine. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.960 And so every single time we feel restless or tired 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:36.520 or exhausted or not in a good mood, we're trying 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.000 to find instant gratification where we can get this little 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.000 hit of dopamine. And if we've already created the reward 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.719 system being foods that are bad for us TV that's 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:48.200 not stimulating us but gives us some sort of excitement 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:51.080 or a sensation like that, that's what we end up 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:51.520 going to. 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:52.640 But then I came. 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.920 Across something which is called the future self reward plan. 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:58.880 It's basically when you choose to delay your gratification and 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:02.360 then that strengthens your self control and motivation, and actually 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:06.600 delaying gratification isn't deprivation. I always like I grew up 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:08.719 not doing a lot of things in my life. I 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:12.440 grew up deciding not to do drugs or do alcohol 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:14.760 or a lot of the things that people were trying 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:18.200 to find instant gratification for. When I was younger, and 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:20.880 I spent a lot of my life being in discipline. 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:23.280 And I remember when I was in discipline and people 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.719 would see me, they'd be like, why are you restricting yourself? 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:29.520 Why are you restricting yourself? Why you're not letting loose 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:34.599 and having fun. And people really saw discipline and delayed 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:39.880 gratification as me stopping myself or limiting myself, and they 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:44.400 saw spontaneity and indulging in every single thing as being free. 0:06:44.920 --> 0:06:47.400 But actually, as I've gotten older, the thing that I've 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:51.480 realized most is that discipline gives freedom. And actually, when 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:54.839 you're controlled by your senses, when you're controlled by the 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:57.320 things around you, when you're controlled by the things that 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:03.040 you're eating or drinking or the things around you, you're actually. 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:03.440 Not in control. 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:08.159 And so my whole mindset around deprivation has completely changed 0:07:08.200 --> 0:07:13.120 because actually controlling yourself is actually empowering. And so when 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.960 you have the ability to not say yes to your 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:21.120 senses every single time they come knocking, this delayed gratification actually. 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.160 Makes you feel so empowered. You end up building trust 0:07:23.240 --> 0:07:23.840 with yourself. 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:26.880 You prove to yourself that you can set goals, that 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.440 you can stick to them, and that you can enjoy 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:33.080 the rewards without impulsive decisions. Every single time that you 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:36.560 follow through, you're essentially training your brain to prioritize long 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:38.560 term success over short term comfort. 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:40.160 I've also realized. 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:41.600 When we say we're so tired and we want to 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:43.560 wear out in front of the TV, a lot of 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:46.320 the time it's saying I need some rest. But there's 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.280 so many different types of tired and so many different 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.040 types of rest. So let me explain what I mean 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:53.560 by that. You have to reset your view of what 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.800 rest actually means. I actually don't think people realize this, 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:59.160 but there are different types of tired and different types 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:01.640 of rest. So the different types of tired, what I 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:05.120 mean by that is mental, physical, and emotional. And so 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:07.280 in the same way, there are different types of rest 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:10.080 that we might need, physical, mental, or emotional, and usually 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:12.480 our solution to all of them is wodging out and 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:16.120 watching something. But if you are mentally tired, actually stimulating 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:18.880 your mind by watching TV may actually end up with 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:22.320 you feeling more tired after watching it. So distinguishing what 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:24.840 kind of tired you are and noticing the symptoms is 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:27.560 so important. So, for example, the next time you feel 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:29.880 physically exhausted, maybe you've had a hard day on your feet. 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.000 That could still mean you could read a couple of 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:34.040 pages of a book while you've got your feet in 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:37.040 a foot massage, or you could sit cozy on your 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:40.240 sofa and map out your next business plan. Physical rest 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:42.439 means your physical body needs rest, but think, oh, it 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:44.840 is my mind actually still ready to read a few 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:48.320 pages or plan something or write something. You may still 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.760 have that mental juice left in you. And if you're 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:53.200 mentally tired, that might mean, oh, maybe I just need 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:56.040 to close my eyes and listen to some music. Maybe 0:08:56.080 --> 0:09:00.240 I need to not think about anything and actually put 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:03.960 on a beautiful audiobook that I've been meaning to listen to. 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:07.160 And so you're receiving things without having to actually put 0:09:07.200 --> 0:09:10.640 an effort to do anything mentally. And if you need 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:12.920 emotional rest, maybe that means you just don't want to 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:14.520 be around people, You want to lock yourself in the 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.800 dark room, and you just want to be with yourself. 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:20.160 And so distinguishing between the three and then having solutions 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.520 for the different ones stops you from just having the 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:25.760 automatic go to of just sitting on the sofa watching something. 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:29.640 I think we also need to reset our view of 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:32.480 what rest means like there's something called active rest, So 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:35.920 over time, I really think that we've conditioned ourselves to 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:40.160 associate evenings with passive consumption rather than meaningful rest. So 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.559 we kind of have to reframe our evenings as more 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:46.280 of a space for active rest, not passive consumption. What 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:47.960 I mean with that it's passive consumption is what I 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:50.560 said watching up front of the TV. Active rest are 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.079 the other options. What can I do that actually makes 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.000 me feel fulfilled by the end of the day, The 0:09:55.040 --> 0:09:57.160 things that are going to make me feel like I've 0:09:57.160 --> 0:10:00.560 achieved the things I want to while still feeling like 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:03.679 I'm doing it in a non anxious state, because I 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:05.720 think a lot of our day also we go through 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:09.360 it doing these activities anxiously. So maybe resting for you 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.200 is just doing things slower in the evening, still doing 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:13.800 the things you want to be doing, but doing them 0:10:13.840 --> 0:10:16.120 at a slower pace. We tend to base our standards 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:18.720 and definitions of things based on what we've either seen 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:21.520 others do in our family or what society encourages us 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.840 to do. But something I remind myself of regularly is 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:27.400 that just because it's the norm does not mean it's 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:29.560 the right thing to do well, at least the right 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.560 thing for me to do so, realizing that just because 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:35.440 eighty percent or ninety percent of the world are sitting 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:37.840 there watching TV after they've had a long day at work, 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:39.559 does it mean that something you have to do if 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:42.080 that's not what you actually want to do. The next 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:44.680 thing I think can really help to get out of 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:46.959 the patterns that you have created in the evening is 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:50.000 a pre commitment strategy. Do not make it an option 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.959 or a decision to make. Have a pre committed strategy. 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:56.640 What that means is you pre plan. Nothing happens without planning. 0:10:56.880 --> 0:10:59.120 You will go back to your automated response if you 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:02.080 do not make a alternate plan for you to stick to. 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:05.760 So if I feel like this, I will do ex excess. 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:08.760 If I feel physically tired, I will do this. If 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:10.839 I feel mentally tired, I will do this. If I 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.120 don't feel like doing any of them, the last resort 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:15.960 is this, have a plan A, a plan B, and 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:16.520 a plan C. 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:18.520 So you just don't give up. So you know that 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:19.480 you tried doing A. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.360 I wasn't ready for it. I'm too tired for that. 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:24.880 But maybe let me try a plan B. And last 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:26.679 off if that doesn't work, let me try Plan C, 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.560 and if all else fails, then I will go to 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:30.000 the TV. 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:32.640 But usually you'll get to. 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:34.360 Plan A or at least Plan B, and you'll feel 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:36.080 like you'll have got at least a little bit more 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:38.720 done than you normally would have. So for me, it's like, Okay, 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:41.080 I want to read ten pages of this book, but 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:43.280 if I feel too sleepy to read and I'm falling asleep, 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:46.120 I'll say, okay, maybe I'll just read five pages. And 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:47.880 if I really can't do that, I'll say, okay, maybe 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.240 I'll listen to an audiobook. And if I can't do that, 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:52.520 I'll say, okay, maybe then I'll just watch a documentary 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:54.880 of something that I'm really interested in. Maybe I'll watch 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:57.600 the Food Network and watch something where I can learn 0:11:57.640 --> 0:11:59.760 and make get inspiration from for the things that I 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:01.839 want to me And I'm like, okay, fine, if I 0:12:01.880 --> 0:12:03.680 don't want to do that, maybe I'll flick through a 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:05.920 cookbook and I'll plan my meals for next week. And 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.120 so like, I have all these little things that I 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:09.360 know I want to do, and I'll try and stop 0:12:09.400 --> 0:12:12.280 them into Plan ABC. Ord also decide in the morning 0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:15.240 how you will spend your evening, start prepping your mind 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:19.200 for the evening schedule activities like exercise, reading, even a 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:22.720 mindful reset, and start telling your brain that this is 0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.120 what we're going to be doing in the evening. Next up, 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:29.400 it's creating friction for distractions. We make our distractions so 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:33.720 readily available to us. They look juicy and tempting constantly. 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.000 So really we're just setting ourselves up for failure. And 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:39.400 I know you can relate to the feeling of sitting 0:12:39.400 --> 0:12:41.360 down with a book. You're so excited to sit down 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.480 with this book. You start reading a couple of lines, 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:45.480 and then your phone lights up next to you, and 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:47.360 you're like, okay, fine, I'll just check it. 0:12:47.280 --> 0:12:48.319 It might be important. 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.160 Next thing you know, it's been an hour and you've 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.600 only made it to chapter one, line two, but you've 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:57.400 scrolled through one hundred reels. So ideally, leave all your 0:12:57.400 --> 0:13:00.400 distractions in another room. Create an area in also on 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:03.000 your flat, or in a little space, a little pillow 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:06.040 where you know when you're sitting on it, you will 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:08.040 not be touching your phone. We have that in our 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.680 meditation era. We really try to not take any devices 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:12.760 into there. Sometimes I fail, but. 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:14.560 The idea is there. 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.800 Let's not take any devices into our meditation area, and 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.400 therefore we create a sacred space where we know we're 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:23.600 just connecting to our meditation practice there. And it can 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:24.839 be the same for the things that you want to 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.360 do in the evening, whether it's writing something you just 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.880 have the pen and the paper there, or whether it's 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.480 reading something and you just have your book there. So 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:34.320 ideally put your phone in another room, or at least 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.120 on do not disturb so you don't constantly have those 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:38.880 notifications popping up and trying to distruct you. I also 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:41.800 read about something called identity based habits, and it says 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.160 that we're more likely to stick to our new habits 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:47.280 if they align with how we see ourselves. So instead 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:49.920 of saying I should read instead of scrolling, say I'm 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:51.840 the kind of person who likes to read in the evenings. 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:55.000 It's almost like creating this personality that you want to become, 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:57.560 rather than saying that you should or shouldn't do something. 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.560 It's like, yeah, I'm the kind of person who reads 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.600 every day. I'm the kind of person who plans had 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:04.720 dreams in the evening. And so you almost like start 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.000 to identify with this new narrative that you want to 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:08.280 create next up. 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.079 If all fails, bargain with yourself. 0:14:10.120 --> 0:14:13.120 Okay, we all love a good negotiation, and tell yourself 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.080 you'll do twenty minutes of the thing that you want 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:17.480 to do, and then you can wedge out and do 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:20.600 absolutely nothing. Usually when I tell myself that, I'll actually 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:22.560 end up getting into it and spending way longer than 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:24.440 I said. So I'll be like, Okay, you only have 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:26.640 to read five pages, So I'll read the five pages, 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.440 then I'll read another five, then I read another vibe. 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:31.400 It really doesn't have to be your whole evening that 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:35.280 you're spending doing these things that are life changing. You 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.040 can decide that you only want to spend half an 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.760 hour or an hour that you dedicate to these things, 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:42.040 and then the rest of the time is free for 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:44.360 you to do whatever else you want, including watching TV. 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:48.960 Habit stacking one of my favorite ones. Okay, so I've 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.920 gotten into this habit. Every single day I'm like, I 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.000 want to walk more, and sometimes I don't want to 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:56.520 walk at night my body is physically tired. I usually 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:58.200 have my workout in the morning, but then I also 0:14:58.280 --> 0:14:59.920 know I want to try and get ten thousand steps in. 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.600 So what I've started doing is I have to work 0:15:02.640 --> 0:15:04.880 a lot on my laptop when I'm writing or writing 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:08.200 for episodes like this, and so I've started doing a 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:10.840 minimum of sixty minutes every single day after I eat lunch. 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:13.400 I've got a treadmill and I've got a little working 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:14.960 desk that you can put on top of the treadmill. 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:17.160 I can put my laptop and I can actually write 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:20.400 while I work, and I absolutely love it. Sixty minutes 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.160 tends into ninety sometimes it turns into two hours that 0:15:23.240 --> 0:15:26.520 I'm walking and working. And let me tell you, I 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:30.280 get so much creative juice flowing just by walking. And 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.800 I think there's something too doing an activity or while 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.640 you're also trying to think, because I think it removes 0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:39.840 distractions because you're already doing two things at once. But also, 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:44.280 I truly believe in physical movements stimulating mental movement, and 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:48.120 so when you're physically moving, it's also like you get endorphins, 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.560 your adrenaliness pumping, and more oxygen is flowing in your body, 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:53.440 and actually it makes it so much so it makes 0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:56.840 me so much more productive. So habit stacking is essentially 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:01.120 adding something new with something that you already do. So 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:04.240 you're anchoring new habits to existing ones, which makes it 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:07.480 easier to essentially add into your routine. You don't feel 0:16:07.480 --> 0:16:10.680 like you're having to take out extra time to do it. So, 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:12.360 for example, if you want to listen to a podcast, 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.440 you might do it while you're washing dishes, fifteen minutes 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:18.200 of it. If you like to walk and you're already 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:20.640 on the treadmill and you want to read a book, 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:24.320 maybe you have your iPad up on your treadmill while 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:27.160 you're reading, I mean while you're walking. I really find 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:30.760 that's helpful because you're already doing something anyway, and so 0:16:30.800 --> 0:16:32.520 you're just adding it into the time period that you 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:35.280 would usually do that. One thing, like given in the morning, 0:16:35.600 --> 0:16:37.240 I'll brush my teeth, but at the same time, I'll 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:39.240 step on my Mama Matt. If I thought about doing 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.120 that rundom me throughout the day, it probably wouldn't happen. 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.080 But I'm brushing my teeth, and when I'm brushing my teeth, 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.000 I'm standing on my Mama Matt, and so two things 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.480 get done at once, which also makes you feel really efficient. 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:51.200 The next thing I've gotten really into is intentional entertainment 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:53.040 and what I mean by that is what I was 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:57.320 saying before choosing entertainment with intention, which also prevents you 0:16:57.360 --> 0:17:00.360 from feeling guilty from watching and also kind of stops 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:03.280 you from overwatching, because eventually you get tired of watching 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:06.960 things like documentaries or things that are actually educational because 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:08.520 you have to use your brain for it. And so 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.240 instead of default scrolling, you could pick one meaningful show, 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:13.919 a movie, or online class to watch. Also setting a 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:16.919 timer to limit your consumption. It is called consumption for 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:20.720 a reason. It consumes you. And so whether it's Netflix, 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:26.280 whether it is any kind of online platform, is made 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:28.879 to keep you hooked, to keep you watching. 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:31.360 Oh do you like this show? You might like this one, 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:32.480 this one, and this one. 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:36.960 It is called consumption for a reason because it consumes you. 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:39.920 Set a timer because, let me tell you, one show 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:43.000 will turn into five. It's not called binge watching for 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.120 no reason. You will sit there and you will end 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:48.480 up binging, and hours and hours will pass. And so 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.480 make a choice to just say, hey, I'm watching this 0:17:51.520 --> 0:17:53.600 for an hour, and that is it. No matter whether 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:55.919 I get through an episode or not, an hour is 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:59.440 my limits, and then switch to another activity afterwards. Another 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:03.399 thing I absolutely love that has helped me accountable for 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:06.240 my reading in the evening is accountability Partners. 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:08.000 I now have a WhatsApp group. 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:09.919 It's kind of like a book club, but really we 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:13.200 just share accountability by sending tics or checkmarks every single 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.119 day that we read. And then people will be like, oh, 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:17.960 I'm really struggling right now. I didn't make it through. 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:19.920 I'm still catching up, and so you kind of get 0:18:19.960 --> 0:18:23.080 to see you get people. You feel like you're not 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:25.199 the only one struggling. Number one and number two. It 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.480 also helps when people are sending in their tics, You're like, Okay, 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:29.639