WEBVTT - Q&A with Jana K 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine down with Jane Kramer, and I heard radio podcast 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:10.360 had a little technical difficulties to start this podcast, which 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:14.360 made me wonder do we do a question and answer podcast? 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:17.400 Was that God's way of saying you know what you 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:20.439 just need? I was already in my car headed home, 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:22.480 so I felt like that was fine. I took the 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:28.720 sign and we're out. Oh hey Chris, Hi, Hey Chris. 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:30.639 Do you hate when people shorten your name? No? I 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:32.720 love Chris. I think it's cute. Really, I think Kris 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:34.480 Jenner actually did it for me. Do you know she's 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:39.000 a Kristen? Really? I thought she was Chris No this 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:41.640 entire time. I thought, I'm pretty positive false information. I'm 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:43.800 probably putting it out there like Google. I don't know. 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:48.200 I think she's Kristen. So she made it hot to me. Wow, Yeah, 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:51.319 I think Chris is actually cute. You know, I think 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:53.960 it's so cute. But I used to get so annoyed 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.120 with my friend Rachel. I'm sorry if you're listening, but 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:00.160 she loved to shorten people's names, like loved it. What 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:04.360 were you Joe? Jan? No, No, that doesn't count. She 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:07.959 just put a different vowel at the end. I was like, no, no, 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:10.399 I was like I was because she was like least 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:15.959 odd Chell, you know, Jen, who are the other girls 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:18.680 in our group? Ash or whatever, and she'd be like Jan, 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:24.520 I ah, stop it right there, like the plastics, stop 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:29.040 trying to But yeah, I know that was but I 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:31.280 never really got to. Some people just called me like Ray, 0:01:33.160 --> 0:01:35.760 So I really love that. I call you Ray. I 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:38.360 kind of think it's cute. Okay, you guys live with 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:44.160 Chris and Ray is the most basic conversation. Maybe we 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.039 should do that. We should just go by our nicknames 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:48.960 day because truly, that's like when we answer question answered, 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.400 it's not really us, it's it's like a bar name. Yeah, 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:53.880 it's like a bar name. It's not really from Janna 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.320 and Chris, and it's from I'll tell you what Chris 0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:02.200 would say? What would Ray do? Yeah? I love it. 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:07.080 We also have Mark on I want a cool name. Okay, um, 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:11.840 but do people call you Marky, Marky, Marcus, Marky mark 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:15.520 a lot? I know I wanted to original. Yeah, no, Marco. 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:18.160 There's a lot of variations to Mark. You can't really 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:20.760 say mark. It was mar is not great. Can you 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:26.280 be like M money or M Ditty or something, M diggity, 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:28.400 no doubt. But that's a hard one to to like 0:02:28.680 --> 0:02:31.240 because our names are only four letters, so it's like 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.679 those are our names are hard to like make a 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:36.520 nickname or like not a nickname but shortened like a 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:39.320 Chris with a Kristen. Well. I also just like you 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:41.639 could be J and I think that's so cute. Love J. 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:47.160 I know, love J the name to clarify, Oh, you 0:02:47.160 --> 0:02:49.240 have quite a history, Cramer. I gotta keep these nice 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:58.080 and clean, the boundaries nice and clean it now there 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:03.320 was never any love there, yes, and moving forward quickly. Well, 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:06.840 she is Kristen Mary Jenner. And also I don't think 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:09.080 you should blame God for you keeping the volume down 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:10.919 on your computer. I think that's on you. And we 0:03:10.919 --> 0:03:12.640 should do a Q and A and we should not 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:17.280 second guess it. Okay, okay um does what was his nickname? 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:18.639 We have to give him niame. I was gonna say 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:20.760 Marky Mark, but that's you can't do that because that's Walburg. 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:23.440 I like like M dog or M diggity. Yeah, I 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:27.959 don't know, Like, who do you want to be? Mark? M? 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:30.760 Who have you always wanted to be? About that? What 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:34.480 your last name? Last name is Molnitsky, which is complicated her. 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.520 I used to get a lot a lot of people 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:44.760 called me mo or Mr Mo. What about Ni? I 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:52.120 don't know what you're saying, Hey, ski about Mark Mo? 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.960 Mo money. I think you're stalling at this point because 0:03:55.960 --> 0:03:58.880 you're scared of the questions. You're about like, we're going 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:07.600 to go a ski? Alright, ski like whatever? Answer questions? Alright, 0:04:08.680 --> 0:04:12.480 but we got well, we've got them in different categories. 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:15.760 Can we pick the category? Can I just say that 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:18.880 I feel unsafe because I thought we would have the 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.080 questions and we could look at each other and say 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:24.120 yes or no, And so you, being the keeper is 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:26.560 making me feel anxious. I just got a little naxious. 0:04:26.560 --> 0:04:29.440 Not gonna lie. Well, let me give you the categories. First, 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:37.960 mom questions, dating questions, sex questions, here for it, friendship questions, 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:45.680 and one more, the forbidden questions. The forbidden questions are 0:04:45.720 --> 0:04:49.840 ones we do not think you will answer and may 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:51.600 just ask me to edit them out of the whole show, 0:04:51.640 --> 0:04:54.160 which is fine. But we do have a fifth category 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:58.520 called asking sometimes to edit things. Um, okay, well, I 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:03.680 feel like a lot of these categor I'm just sitting down. Yes, 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:05.400 I thought that was the idea of the Q and 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:10.159 I episode was drinks. I mean, Chris and I would 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:11.719 have a glass if you want a glass? Or is 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:14.479 it too early blood work because I'm forty and I 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:19.159 need my hormone. That's a question. Alrey, Fine, we'll do 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:23.880 this stone colts over. Um, let's start with let's go 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:25.280 like light. I don't want to go for abidd and 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:30.960 yet let's go with friendship for one hundred marks. Here 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:37.160 we go. Let's see. Okay, Uh, this is from Catherine, 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.160 and you know this is funny. This may actually be 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:44.320 from Catherine. This is this is planted. The question is 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:46.440 do you have tips for setting boundaries with a friend 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.240 who always depends on you for advice but never takes it. 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.960 This maybe Catherine, this, this could be It could be 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:57.240 my alias because I felt this way about Cramer. Tell no, 0:05:57.480 --> 0:06:03.839 I really didn't Oh no, no, um on this episode 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:08.240 of Chris and Janna gett No, it's raining, Chris, Um no, 0:06:08.360 --> 0:06:10.119 tell me talk to me. No. I was just kidding. 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:13.479 I really do feel like you took my advice, but like, 0:06:13.680 --> 0:06:19.240 go for it. Um, hang on, I actually I say 0:06:19.240 --> 0:06:21.600 the boundary is just protect your own peace. Would you 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:23.919 agree with that like I at some point, I'm like, 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:26.600 I am always willing to listen and help, but at 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:28.960 some point when it becomes in detriment to yourself and 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:32.000 a waste of your time, it's like I'm all done. 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:35.080 I think, yeah, and I think there's a season two. 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:38.760 Like for example, like y'all heard me ruminate over and 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:40.840 over and poor Pam I'd walk with her every single 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:42.600 day and be like, what are you You know what 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:45.520 I mean? She's like yeah, like where it's like, I'm 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.320 I know I was wearing her out post divorce, like 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:51.239 in the process of all of it, but I think, 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:56.120 you know, friends are I think there comes upoint if 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.080 I was if I was still doing that, I think 0:06:58.240 --> 0:07:00.160 I think you or anyone would be like, hey, like 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:04.880 it's time you gotta um. It's hard to it's like 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:06.840 to phrase it where it's like it's really hard to 0:07:06.880 --> 0:07:10.520 watch you continue down this and like, you know, I've 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.600 I've kind of said what I could say, and you know, 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:14.720 I'm gonna have to place the boundary because it's really 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:18.040 hard to to see this like repetition right, well, it 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:19.760 just becomes I hate to say, like a waste of 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:21.720 your time. But at some point like we're all living 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.600 big lives. If I'm just it's the definition of insanity 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:26.920 doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:28.880 So if I'm saying the same thing and you're asking 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:30.480 the same thing or saying the same thing, then we're 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:32.800 just stuck. And I think it's how much the friend 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:35.000 takes it onto, like sometimes where it's like all right, 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:37.040 like I've said my piece and like you know, and 0:07:37.080 --> 0:07:38.640 I feel like we're really good. It's like we've all 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:41.120 set our pieces and our stuff and then we kind 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.040 of just check in sometimes, but we don't. We're not 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:46.080 bringing it up constantly, which I think helps the boundary. 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:47.480 So it's like my boundaries, I'm not going to bring 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:49.520 it up unless you bring it up. Well. I also 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:53.960 would say this is almost like flipping it inside out, 0:07:54.040 --> 0:07:57.960 but it's like don't yeah, don't make it your stuff 0:07:57.960 --> 0:08:00.360 and don't take it so personally. Like I remember with Mike, 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:02.560 I would always say to you, like, if you love Mike, 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:04.400 I love Mike, but the minute you hate him, I 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:09.840 have a garbage bag and a plan. Uh So I 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.280 feel like I think that's the more empowering position to 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:18.120 take in advice giving. You can't if you're giving advice, 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:19.240 you have to be doing it out of the right 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.280 intention and it doesn't need to be about you. It 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:24.280 just needs to be about helping someone. But I can 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.800 totally get it wearing someone down too or I think 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:28.760 that's when you have to step in and be like hey, 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:31.680 like I'm I've said my piece and and now like 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:36.520 you know, it's it's time to either you know. But again, 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:38.520 like you know, with Katherine to to me, it's like 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:41.640 she was like when when everything happened and I was 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.719 potentially thinking of not divorcing Mike again, Like that's when 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:46.959 she was like, I can't work with you anymore because 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:50.920 I can't watch you, can you know, continue doing something 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:55.040 that I know is like hurting you? Hurting you and 0:08:55.800 --> 0:08:58.520 l I too, right, so and now was the boundary, 0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:02.800 she said, you know, And I was like, oh, all right, yeah, Mark, 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:05.440 what do you think I think that's good advice for me? 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:07.120 I just think when my daughter is in this situation 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:09.040 and I always give them advice and somemes they don't 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:10.800 take it, and that's okay, you know. For me, it's 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.120 just kind of like I'm gonna give it, and then 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.080 you've got to make your own choices in life. So 0:09:15.120 --> 0:09:17.960 I think that the advice it's not about you is 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:19.920 good here. I think if they come to you for advice, 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:21.760 you give it, but don't put so much into it 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:23.520 that you're gonna beat your head into the law if 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:24.760 they don't take it. If they don't take it, they 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:32.280 don't take it. It's their life, exactly. Gentle pushed another 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:37.360 friendship question. Um Katie says, my friend's wife has been 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:39.440 cheating on him. What can I do or say to 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:45.000 help him? My friend's wife has been no Katie is, 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:47.800 but I think she's friends with a guy or could 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.360 be a girl. Her friend's wife has been cheating on him. Okay, 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:55.199 there we go. Katie has a male friend whose wife 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:57.240 has been cheating on him. What can she do to 0:09:57.280 --> 0:10:01.240 help him? So she's friends with the guy or she's 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:05.360 friends with the wife. She's friends with a guy? Does 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:08.520 she know? Do I have questions? There's a lot. Yeah, 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.560 there's more to the star than we know. Well, for 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.040 what friend who's being cheated on? What can you do 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:15.480 to help them? I don't know anything about that. Mark. 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:21.920 I say stay consistent and stay the safe space for 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:25.480 the friend, because I think it is a very lonely place. 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:30.640 Janna can speak more probably intuitively about that piece of it, 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:33.360 but I would say it's a lonely place to be in. 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:36.440 And if a friend can be the safe place where 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:38.800 you can keep going and turning and supporting and reminding 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:41.160 you of your strength and your dignity and your intention 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:45.440 and your future, then you just stay the safe space. 0:10:46.040 --> 0:10:48.240 And I would say just continue to speak the truth 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:49.800 because I think a lot of times when you're in 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:52.120 that position of being cheated on, you really start to 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:54.240 blame yourself and things that you could have done differently. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.760 And I think having someone that kind of just speaks 0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.120 truth into you and like be that truth seekert, it's like, 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:03.640 you know, um, listen and speak truth, like hey, you're 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:06.080 you're a good person because you are and you don't 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:08.719 deserve this, which you didn't and um, I think that's 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:16.240 important to yea um. But just again stay stay, keep 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.319 a boundary. But then, just like you said, safe space, 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:21.000 I love that. I also would say, like little energy 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:24.000 to the hatred of the other one. Yes, you know 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:26.560 it's so funny, You're like yeah, yeah, because I'm just 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.280 like it's it's like you already know that person is 0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:32.559 being you know, not a great person. So the last 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:33.959 thing you need to do is like hear that over 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:35.960 and over. Let's just like pour the effort into the 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.520 person being cheated on and like give them empowerment and 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:42.400 love and safety, and let's keep the focus away from 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:46.079 the dirt bags. Yeah, agreed. Can I have sex for one? Please? 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:49.160 Can we can move back? We can n back and forth? 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:52.120 Can I have a deodorant sponsorship for five? Because I'm 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:54.679 getting sweaty? I was going to add it that last one, 0:11:54.720 --> 0:12:13.240 don't sleep with him? Oh yeah, Joanna has requested a 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:21.360 sex question, and here it comes, no pun intended mark act. 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:27.000 We'll start general and then go specific. How long before 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:30.240 you have sex with a date? How long before oral? 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:35.920 I'm gonna mute my microphone and like grandmar digging from here. 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.800 I honestly think it depends on what you want for 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.160 the relationship, right, So like a lot of times like 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:50.400 I'm dying because I know too much. Go ahead, No, No, 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:54.440 I was gonna say, like for like hot Girl summer 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:59.040 for example. Um, it's like my girlfriends were like, don't 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:01.480 sleep with them on the first date. And it's like 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:06.800 and also it's like but when you know what it's 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:08.800 gonna be if it's just gonna be sex, like, I 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.440 don't think it matters what day or like what date. 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:13.360 To be truthful, if you really like the person, I 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.160 say wait, but if it's just gonna be sex, like 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:19.800 one of them was just sex. And for our younger listeners, 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:24.760 I would say, wait till you're married. Hi named him. Well, no, 0:13:24.920 --> 0:13:27.080 this is a really actually this is interesting because it's 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.319 going to go and like side swipe to faith for 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:33.719 a second, needs do quickly. But my so I want 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:41.920 to be a group leader for church and every but 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:46.120 my so I have I can't get the job. Listen. 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:52.839 So I've met with the pastors like the I've met 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:54.880 with the pastor's wife. We've sat down a few times. 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:56.680 And I've also sat down with I have a lady 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:58.600 that comes to my house every Wednesday and she's just 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:00.880 like disciple in me and talking me through the Bible 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:05.079 and when the check up. So one of the things 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:06.559 that if you know it's going to be sex, to 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:09.320 just go for it. But listen, one of the things 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.360 that we're talking about is one of the guidelines to 0:14:11.400 --> 0:14:14.280 be a leader is you can't have sex out of marriage. 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:21.080 And I was like, writing your resignation letter. She leaves, 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:25.120 thanks again, Kathy, appreciate all your time. But I'm also 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.360 speaking to another friend who again is very big into 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:30.000 the Christian world. She's in her you know, late forties, 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:33.800 and she's dating potentially someone, and you know, she's like, 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:35.400 I'm gonna wait to have sex till i'm married, And 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.560 I'm like, but you've already had sex even But it's like, 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:40.840 and so I really have to work through that with 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:44.080 Jamie today because I'm like, I'm struggling with like that 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.680 piece of it, because I'm like, why can't I still 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:51.720 be a follower? Like there's I don't know, Kristen, come on, 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:56.560 we'll listen. I can't not standing on some holy ground here. 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:00.120 My daughter was born January five and I was eight 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:03.400 September seven. So after you carry the one, it seems 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:06.120 like there's a remainder of unqualified to answer the question. 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.120 But like you're still you, We're still a Christian, you 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:12.760 still like so I think I just like, I'm really 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:16.120 like that piece. I'm actually really truly struggling with. I mean, 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:19.320 i'd struggle if I was dating again, i'd struggle, But 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:22.480 I'm also like the connection, it's important. I know, because 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:26.280 I know how important sex now is in a relationship 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:29.000 like it is, especially for me. It is very important, 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:32.800 and I think it needs to personally be there. And 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.240 I will say this when it go to the oral, 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:37.200 We're gonna hop back over on the lepisode of the ground. 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.320 We're gonna step off holy Land for a second. This 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:44.920 is really running the gamut. But like I've had sex, 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:49.280 Oh god, I mean, like guys, I can I am 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:55.160 blushing for you. I've had less oral than sex. Same 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.520 because I almost think it's more intimate. I do think 0:15:58.560 --> 0:16:01.480 it's more intimate. Oh, I feel like I can already 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:04.760 see the messages coming in, But I don't. I think 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.120 maybe women agree with that. I don't know. Um, not 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.080 a lot of women in Nashville's what I've learned to 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:14.040 agree with that. Well, they're just handing them out. Oh really, 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:20.720 no pun intended. Those two actually interesting and a bunch 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:25.520 of job offers. Okay, alrighty oh wait, I take that back. 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:27.480 Oh no, that actually is true too for the other 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.720 side too, So I'm flipping it so like I have. 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.200 If I'm going to be totally if we're gonna get 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.520 really honest here, I want to die already know, but 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:44.720 like I can't even say, oh good receiving. Receiving was 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:59.880 even lower really like my ex husband the third mark, 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:06.520 the quality of this audio is just ratchet. We are 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:09.119 all over and wanting to die. He didn't do that 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:14.680 for the first time until we were maybe getting back 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:17.439 together when he got out of rehab. Would that be 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:24.080 an intimacy issue maybe, but also like and then before that, 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:28.800 I mean maybe maybe one or two guys before that. Okay, 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:32.320 low when you know me another end of the spectrum. 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:37.359 So I lived in Los Angeles. I've had sex, you know, 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:42.639 yeah we had Yeah, but that piece was low and 0:17:42.680 --> 0:17:47.960 then ever since then, I've just been like, go ahead, no, 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:50.720 I still I don't know. It's still like for like, 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:55.520 I get like really insecure, insecure, but I get really shy. 0:17:55.600 --> 0:17:57.280 So I would say I would say, I aways like 0:17:57.320 --> 0:18:00.159 no, no no, no, no, no no, let's just have sex, like 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:04.720 come up, come on, come on, sending the elevator for you, 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.680 come on up. Um. I would say the same though 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:11.160 really very intimate. I just feel like it's such a 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:17.760 vulnerable maybe place to be time to move forward. Can 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:19.920 we take it? What do you? Marcus didn't have any 0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.480 any questions around any of this. Oh, certainly not. I 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:27.399 just come out just to clarify the answer to the 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:30.760 original question, which was, if you're laying a foundation for 0:18:30.800 --> 0:18:33.359 a long term relationship, you may want to wait a 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:36.439 few dates. But if you understand what's going on and 0:18:36.520 --> 0:18:38.879 neither of you and you both are on the same page, 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.639 there's nothing wrong with jumping in sooner. I agree. And 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:44.159 also like, listen, once you give I said this to 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:48.720 my uh younger girlfriend of mine. I said, once you 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:52.560 give them sex, they're kind of done with you. Some guys. 0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:54.680 It's true though, in the dating world, like I've had 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:57.439 I've waited and had sex with a few people and 0:18:57.480 --> 0:18:59.800 I was gone, Like they were just like all right, 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:02.280 what I wanted. I slept with so and so, and 0:19:02.320 --> 0:19:05.560 I'm done even if I waited. Okay, I'd like to 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:08.719 also say that I am too emotionally connected, Like I 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:10.480 am not one of those people that can do that 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:12.960 and not be emotionally connected. So if you know yourself 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:15.400 well enough, I think you have to answer your own question, 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:18.919 because to me, it cloud so much. I've never just 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.840 been DTF. If the kids still say that, so, it 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:25.800 would that would layer, and it would layer it up 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:28.119 for me and then I wouldn't be able to emotionally 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.960 disconnect when I think. That's where like my therapist and 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:33.000 we were talking about borning Jewish guy. She was like 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:36.680 that that whole thing was just a straight like you like, 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.199 you have to know what it is because after that, 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:41.280 it's like but then but they all everyone knows me. 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:45.280 I get connected once I'm having the sex was good. Yeah, 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:48.520 that's true. The only place he wasn't boring was that. 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:50.720 So that's what And I was like, well, unless everyone's 0:19:50.760 --> 0:19:52.879 having sex with him on Thanksgiving, he's not in the 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:58.199 mix anymore. Yeah, so okay, So so I would just 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:02.160 say wait and for me, like I've you know, for then, 0:20:02.600 --> 0:20:09.359 I'm waiting group leader. I'm going to be a Bible 0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:11.600 leader and I'm going to figure this out with Jamie today. 0:20:11.600 --> 0:20:12.920 Can you just give the name of the church so 0:20:13.119 --> 0:20:17.560 moms can know not where to send all impressionable children. No, 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:19.399 it's a single mom's group. That's the thing too. I'm like, 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:21.160 how you like, I want to lead a single mom's group. 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:23.159 That's great, that's like I'm trying to know them. The 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:25.160 purpose thing. I'm like, all right, I want to lead 0:20:25.200 --> 0:20:28.200 a group and like have community and and and talk 0:20:28.240 --> 0:20:31.720 about how you're not having sex. Apparently so good for you. 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:35.280 Kramer trying um, do you know who tinks is? No? 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.960 Thinks it's a TikToker talked about dating. She's got a 0:20:38.960 --> 0:20:41.920 podcast now. Anyway, she has a very interesting theory on this. 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:44.280 When do you sleep with someone? She says, it almost 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:47.280 doesn't matter because when you meet a guy, he puts 0:20:47.280 --> 0:20:49.919 you into a box. He either puts you into the 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:52.879 box of I want to date this person, and if 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:55.199 you're in that box, there's nothing you could do to 0:20:55.280 --> 0:20:57.240 change that. You could puke out his shoes, you could 0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:59.280 sleep with him the first night. It doesn't matter. He 0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:01.520 wants to date you, you're in that box, or he 0:21:01.600 --> 0:21:03.440 puts you in the hook up box, in which case 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:05.680 it doesn't matter. You can make him wait three months 0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:08.399 asleep with you. When he does, he's going to be 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:10.840 gone because you're in the hook up box and there's 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:13.120 very little you can do to get out of one 0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:15.680 of those boxes. Well, once he's in your box, I 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:18.200 decided which box you're in, He's out of your box 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:20.119 and out of your life. Is that what you're saying? 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:24.919 Once he stuck with you box Yeah, it's basically like 0:21:24.960 --> 0:21:26.719 he already knows that box is going to put you in, 0:21:26.760 --> 0:21:29.400 like you know, it's like and actually, that's a really 0:21:29.440 --> 0:21:31.120 good way to put it because I can definitely see 0:21:31.160 --> 0:21:33.000 the actually see that too, yeah, with like oh that 0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:35.520 he definitely put me just in this box or this person. Yeah, 0:21:35.560 --> 0:21:38.320 So that doesn't make sense. So then the bottom line 0:21:38.359 --> 0:21:41.320 is sleep with him when you're ready, because he's either 0:21:41.520 --> 0:21:57.400 a dick or he's super interested. Amen. Let's se another 0:21:57.400 --> 0:21:58.919 sex question. We've had a long time on that one, 0:21:58.920 --> 0:22:00.280 so I'm just kind of kind get to a good 0:22:00.280 --> 0:22:02.960 one here. What was it like being intimate for the 0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:07.600 first time with someone other than your husband? H like 0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:15.000 when we got divorced. I guess, yeah, um it was, 0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:21.800 you know what. I never felt sexy in that marriage. Um. 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:25.280 I remember before I found out about the affairs. I 0:22:25.280 --> 0:22:27.080 remember we were sitting at brick Tops, which I still like, 0:22:27.080 --> 0:22:29.119 it's not funny, like when you have a memory from something, 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:32.040 it's like, I will never forget when I sat at 0:22:32.080 --> 0:22:34.520 brick Tops and he was just like we I was 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:36.760 were talking about sex, and like, you know, I got 0:22:36.800 --> 0:22:38.600 a little emotional like why he wouldn't sleep with me? 0:22:38.640 --> 0:22:40.439 And he was like, well maybe if you wore something sexy, 0:22:41.480 --> 0:22:43.919 and I just remember being like, and I saw, I 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:46.760