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Speaker 1: Two hopeless one dating app then dares you, guys, swipe right.

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Speaker 2: The question is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 3: It's Battle Love the Tender Dates.

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Speaker 1: It's the dating game show that's teaching a preschool class

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Speaker 1: on how to make it rain for mommy. Oh, It's

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Speaker 1: Battle and Tender Dates, where two of our listeners square

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Speaker 1: off to find out whose love life is the most tragic. Well,

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Speaker 1: explain the rules in just a second. First, let's meet

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Speaker 1: today's contestants. In this corner, his ideal date is a

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Speaker 1: romantic encounter on the Teacups ride at Disney with a

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Speaker 1: certain curvy lady mouse.

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Speaker 3: And that's why the buddies call him Minnie Vinnie.

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Speaker 4: There's so many.

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Speaker 1: And in the other corner his dating profile lets all

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Speaker 1: the ladies know it's slants and leans to the.

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Speaker 3: Right talking about his chair. Meet itals Alex. Oh, we'll

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Speaker 3: see about that.

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Speaker 2: Is it a thing?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Here's out a game where it's one contestant will start

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Speaker 1: by telling one of their worst date stories. The other

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Speaker 1: will try and come back and counter with the nightmare

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Speaker 1: story of their own. We're going back and forth for

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Speaker 1: three rounds until we declare a winner. Let's get it

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Speaker 1: started with Minnie Vinnie, let's go.

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Speaker 5: Okay, So I met a girl in tender go out

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Speaker 5: and she ends up spending the night. Okay, next morning

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Speaker 5: she showers and leaves, and then later on the day

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Speaker 5: she texts me. She says she had a good time

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Speaker 5: and she made an improvement to my shower.

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Speaker 3: H like, reorganize something.

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Speaker 4: Oh did she make the pressure harder?

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Speaker 2: Because I hate it when.

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Speaker 4: It's like week Yeah, I'm hoping she's a female plumber

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Speaker 4: as well. And you just got done.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what did she do?

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Speaker 5: She kind of ended up doing the opposite of fixing

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Speaker 5: the pressure.

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Speaker 2: She took the shower.

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Speaker 4: Handle what he like, took it off and took it

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Speaker 4: with her.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, she just took it. She left a note, he said,

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Speaker 5: stop wasting the water. You're killing the seals. I'll give

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Speaker 5: it back if you promised the bait only once a week.

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Speaker 3: Gosh, he likes a dirty boy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, she's using her powers for good, all right, she

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Speaker 4: is alex you.

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Speaker 2: So I was at a bar and my date and

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Speaker 2: I wanted to play darts. So she was just the

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Speaker 2: worst at darts.

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Speaker 4: And is that the end of the story, Like it

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Speaker 4: was so embarrassing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it gets worse. So we're playing and she

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Speaker 2: throws a dart and it lands in the waitress's leg.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, how many points does that worse?

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Speaker 2: Well, I'll tell you what it was good for us,

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Speaker 2: getting kicked out.

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Speaker 5: Of the bar.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's a reason.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: What's crazy, though, is that she decided not to tell

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Speaker 2: me that she had in like an eye exam and

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Speaker 2: her eyes were like dilated and whatnot.

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Speaker 1: She is not going to give up on that. We're

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Speaker 1: on the round two, Vinnie, we're throwing it back to you.

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Speaker 5: Okay, we decided to go to an escape room.

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Speaker 4: Oh, an escape room just the two of you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, just the two of us. So while we're solving clues,

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Speaker 5: she becomes I think she thought this before. She thinks

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Speaker 5: the whole thing is a government's conspiracy. Wait, the escape room,

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Speaker 5: escape rooms in general?

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Speaker 4: Oh in general?

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Speaker 3: Well yeah, totally, So keep going.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, if she thinks the government is testing us for

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Speaker 5: some reason, and then like the people running the rooms

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Speaker 5: are going to send those reports back to the lizard

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Speaker 5: people or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the eighteen year old shower behind the desk is

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Speaker 1: all part of the point. That's how they hired Tom

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Speaker 1: Cruise in the mission Impossible films.

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Speaker 5: He escaped from a room, and at this point I realized,

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Speaker 5: Oh great, I'm trapped in an escape room with a

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Speaker 5: conspiracy and nut job.

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Speaker 3: That's good for you. They tend to be the wildest.

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Speaker 4: Wait are you telling me she didn't pass a government

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Speaker 4: test and wasn't able to get out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, She's like, I refuse to escape.

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Speaker 2: Can you counter please? I wish I went on the

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Speaker 2: day with lizard Girl.

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Speaker 3: What happened to you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So I went on a date with an aspiring

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Speaker 2: actress and I knew that she was like into the

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Speaker 2: film industry, but she wanted to be like a queen

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Speaker 2: of scream, like a horror film actress.

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Speaker 4: Oh okay, that's a good goal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, great goal. Until like every little thing that happened,

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Speaker 2: she would fate scream, like screaming at the top of

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Speaker 2: her lungs.

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Speaker 4: She's a method actress character.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it was so ridiculous. I never want

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Speaker 2: to see another horror movie again.

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Speaker 4: Gets to the table.

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Speaker 1: We're on to the third and final round here. So gentlemen,

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Speaker 1: we need your best stories. What have you got for us?

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Speaker 3: Vinnie?

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Speaker 5: We went to a state fair. Okay, I won a

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Speaker 5: goldfish for the prize. The first thing she told me,

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Speaker 5: I have to keep it alive forever because it symbolizes

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Speaker 5: our relationship.

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Speaker 4: No, can you replace it without her knowing? Like my parents?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's our love fish.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, well this leads into it. We go back to

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Speaker 5: my place, We start making out, and she starts crying.

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Speaker 5: I turn around and the fish is dead.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh god, it killed itself.

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Speaker 3: That's better than whatever story you're going to finish with.

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Speaker 2: Al So I went met up with this lady for

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Speaker 2: coffee and I sit down, We have our coffees, and

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Speaker 2: she's just straight up looking on her phone for like

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Speaker 2: ten minutes, like typing away. Did not acknowledge my existence

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Speaker 2: or anything like that. Okay, yeah, I mean like really

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Speaker 2: into our phone. So I was like about to leave,

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Speaker 2: and then she grabbed my hand and showed me her

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Speaker 2: phone screen. Yeah, and she typed out like this whole

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Speaker 2: long thing out shaving her voice until noon because she's

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Speaker 2: trying to get her voice to sound sexier.

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Speaker 4: Did you ever get to hear it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? So it was eleven fifty and she's like made

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Speaker 2: me wait ten minutes and then up to ten minutes

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Speaker 2: she said bye and left to hear.

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Speaker 3: The voice was it cool.

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Speaker 4: She said, bye, was it hot?

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Speaker 2: It was the least hot bye I've ever heard it is.

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Speaker 1: It's the final bell that means the match is over. Judges,

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Speaker 1: let's score at Alexis.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna go Alex trabbing to watch a waitress get hit.

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Speaker 5: With a dart.

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Speaker 4: We have one for italics, Alex Man, I'm going Vinnie

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Speaker 4: because of the shower handle feet.

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Speaker 3: We're all tied up, so it comes down to Jose.

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Speaker 1: Congratulations, Minnie, Vinnie. You did the impossible and you made

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Speaker 1: Brooks sad dating history look actually normal.

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Speaker 4: Wow, laughing at me after what you just like.

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Speaker 3: Last, crying tears of it is?

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Speaker 1: Whatever it is, We except you man and text in

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Speaker 1: seven eighty five nine too. If you want to up

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Speaker 1: here on the next edition of Battle of the Tender Days,

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Speaker 1: we got your phone tab coming up right after this.

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Speaker 2: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning,