Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3: Scrub Dub Dub in the tub, Tub Tub.
Speaker 4: We have our special guest from earlier this week.
Speaker 2: She's backing. Maybe Paulina is here. She couldn't stay away.
Speaker 2: We didn't let her. I couldn't and we thought this
Speaker 2: episode would be like a dear Bonnia slash game. Since
Speaker 2: we haven't done a game in a while, Mark, I.
Speaker 5: Have said, I think from the very beginning when you
Speaker 5: told us what your maids of honor were going to be,
Speaker 5: I wanted.
Speaker 6: To play who knows Tanya best?
Speaker 4: I'm stressed.
Speaker 5: Oh and by the way, the answer to the question
Speaker 5: is me because all of your questions save a few
Speaker 5: I came up with just from my own memory. So
Speaker 5: I win. But we're gonna see which maid of honor
Speaker 5: knows you best. Here's how it's gonna work. I try
Speaker 5: to keep this simple because I've made the mistake in
Speaker 5: the past, have overcomplicated these games. I have five categories.
Speaker 5: There are five questions in each category. They are in
Speaker 5: order of difficulty one through five. You'll get pretty similarly. Yes,
Speaker 5: you'll get a point for each one that we're not
Speaker 5: doing five hundred, twelve hundreds, one point two point three points,
Speaker 5: four points, five points. You cannot lose points, and you're
Speaker 5: not gonna buzz in. You're gonna yell the answer. If
Speaker 5: you don't, oh, I love, And if you go at
Speaker 5: the same time, then the points will carry over to
Speaker 5: the next question. If I determine that it's the same time,
Speaker 5: that it's a tie, because it could be. All right,
Speaker 5: so here we go. This is gonna be fun. We
Speaker 5: have a bonus question at the end. It's very good.
Speaker 4: Okay, so I have anything about me. I am very
Speaker 4: competitive when it comes to games.
Speaker 6: I think Beca is too, and that's what I was
Speaker 6: hoping for.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's on Beckatilly all right, moving back up a
Speaker 5: little bit, just so I can make sure I don't
Speaker 5: want her to be louder than you, because that could,
Speaker 5: you know, change. Yeah, good, okay, we're good, all right,
Speaker 5: all right, here we go here the category. Let me
Speaker 5: give you the categories. You're going there's some of them
Speaker 5: you will have to write things down.
Speaker 4: For oh, but not right now, now, right now, and
Speaker 4: you let us know.
Speaker 5: Here are the categories I will categories are family radio, love, life, favorites,
Speaker 5: and childhood. Tanya, you may choose the first category.
Speaker 7: Let's go radio.
Speaker 6: Gonna go with the radio, all right, Here we go.
Speaker 5: For one point, Tanya's first radio job was in this city, Phoenix, Arizona.
Speaker 5: Tucson is the correct answer. Arizona is a state. I
Speaker 5: said city.
Speaker 6: That is a point.
Speaker 5: Rebecca hing up through my cities. For two points, what
Speaker 5: are the reports called that Tanya does every day on
Speaker 5: the Kiss Morning Show.
Speaker 8: She has to send her h every day she has
Speaker 8: to send her answering reports.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, I help her out sometimes.
Speaker 9: All right.
Speaker 5: Next, every morning Tanya starts her day by singing a
Speaker 5: rendition of this her theme song when she enters the
Speaker 5: Kiss studio.
Speaker 6: Correct, Bejeweled.
Speaker 5: Every single day sings Bejeweled.
Speaker 6: That shoe walks in the room, the light switch thing
Speaker 6: that's included, that's a big part of it.
Speaker 5: For four points, Tanya got a job at Kiss after
Speaker 5: sending this object in the mail to then promotions director
Speaker 5: Tim Martinez.
Speaker 6: Shoes. Shoes is correct?
Speaker 5: A shoe.
Speaker 6: I will accept shoes very nice.
Speaker 4: Put your foot in the door the door.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: And the five point radio question. Here we go.
Speaker 5: A former boss of Tanya's once diminished her by saying
Speaker 5: she was nothing more than this a.
Speaker 2: Pretty pretty face.
Speaker 8: Nope, too happy, but a blonde blind.
Speaker 4: She was she was simply had nothing more than.
Speaker 5: Blank, nothing more than yeah blank, yes, nothing, nothing more
Speaker 5: than a voice, Nope.
Speaker 2: Nothing more than a girl college.
Speaker 7: I don't think they're going to get it.
Speaker 6: I don't think said there. I think hint.
Speaker 5: Uh sure, Homer Simpson is one of these.
Speaker 2: Cartoon nothing but a cartoon character.
Speaker 6: Cartoon character. I gotta go back down. I got very.
Speaker 2: Close because you did, but I came out with character.
Speaker 4: I don't like this game.
Speaker 5: All right, Well on one category down, it's back in
Speaker 5: nine Paula six so far and I'll.
Speaker 6: Just do that. Not so bad. Plenty of time to.
Speaker 5: Come back next category. Because you took that category, you
Speaker 5: can choose the next category. We have family love life
Speaker 5: favorites and childhood love life love life.
Speaker 6: It is.
Speaker 4: This is not going to be fair because you never
Speaker 4: mind go ahead.
Speaker 5: From one point, okay. In twenty twelve, Tanya made out
Speaker 5: with this CW actor at the IHET Radio Music Festival.
Speaker 4: Oh what's his name?
Speaker 2: In something call in?
Speaker 6: We interviewed him recently.
Speaker 2: What's the last name start with any hint, Colin.
Speaker 6: I think you should get Callin okayay, I think Paul.
Speaker 4: I didn't get Arizonia.
Speaker 5: That's not a city, all right, one, Rebecca one point
Speaker 5: for Colin Donald was the.
Speaker 4: Man Donald I would have never gotten. I would have
Speaker 4: gotten the last name.
Speaker 5: For two points. In twenty seventeen, Tany went down a
Speaker 5: date with a guy she met at this grocery store.
Speaker 5: I'll go tie on that one. I'll go tie on
Speaker 5: that one. That means the two points. That means the
Speaker 5: two points rolls over to the next one. So this
Speaker 5: is worth five points. Number three. In twenty eighteen, Tanya
Speaker 5: had designs on this former NFL quarterback and even started
Speaker 5: texting j Allen. He ended up engaged to someone else.
Speaker 5: In twenty nineteen, Jered golf, this is now a five
Speaker 5: point question.
Speaker 4: I know I know the story, Jered, that's not the
Speaker 4: correct answer. I don't know the name. Yes, I don't
Speaker 4: know the name.
Speaker 5: His first and last to start with the same initial,
Speaker 5: but that as the final clue I will give.
Speaker 4: I also don't know sports. So can you guess initial starts.
Speaker 7: The song about him?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 7: One that got.
Speaker 6: Away all right time was I don't know Tim Tebow
Speaker 6: was the name.
Speaker 5: Now those points now rolled over again, so that's now
Speaker 5: a nine point questions. In twenty thirteen, Tany went on
Speaker 5: a date, which you can watch on YouTube, with an
Speaker 5: Olympic athlete. In what event did he compete?
Speaker 4: Michael Phelps? Swimming?
Speaker 6: I don't even try, Yes you do, huh nope?
Speaker 2: Oh, swimming, nope, gymnastics.
Speaker 5: In what winter Olympic events? Snowboarding is the correct answer.
Speaker 5: And you don't remember that guy? Don't you remember him?
Speaker 5: But I don't remember his name or his Olympic name.
Speaker 4: But not even you know is the answer.
Speaker 5: Well, see that's why I win, all right, number five,
Speaker 5: five point question, final question in Love Life. In twenty eighteen,
Speaker 5: Tany and Ryan Seacrest concocted a plan that technical difficulties
Speaker 5: would require that you share a microphone with this in
Speaker 5: studio guests. Correct answer, and that's a clean sweep on
Speaker 5: that category fifteen.
Speaker 4: I said, it's gonna be unfair because they have a podcast.
Speaker 6: Well you can catch up still Becca.
Speaker 1: Family favorites or childhood. I'm gonna go family, all right,
Speaker 1: Family it is. Paulina is the upper hand here, but
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 6: Maybe she will, I hope so it'd be good to
Speaker 6: make it a game. Here we go.
Speaker 5: So far it's not going great, but you've got plenty
Speaker 5: of time to come back.
Speaker 4: You know I love a comebackstraight.
Speaker 6: That's right? Yeah?
Speaker 5: For one point, Tany's parents spend multiple months every year
Speaker 5: in Serbia.
Speaker 4: Yes, hold on a second, hold on, you need to
Speaker 4: finish the question. Waiting for you to finish the question.
Speaker 6: I don't need to. If you know what you should
Speaker 6: blurt it. Well, okay, I'm sorry, blurt away.
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna blurt. Now, finish the question, all right?
Speaker 5: For two points? What is Tanya's father's first name? Okay,
Speaker 5: there we go.
Speaker 6: Who she comes?
Speaker 9: For?
Speaker 6: Three points?
Speaker 5: How many nieces and nephews does Tanya Havert.
Speaker 4: Marco has one kids?
Speaker 6: Four points?
Speaker 5: How did Tanya's mother get to college in Long Beach
Speaker 5: since she didn't have a car at the time?
Speaker 4: Bus?
Speaker 2: Walking, biking?
Speaker 6: Biking is correct?
Speaker 4: Did you guess that? You guessed that?
Speaker 5: All right, write this down? Get ready to write this down.
Speaker 5: There's the five point questions. You can each get five points.
Speaker 5: No blurting on this one. Write it down. Spell Tanya's
Speaker 5: complete last name. My god, I will not accept rad
Speaker 5: I need the entire name spelled correctly, you will each
Speaker 5: potentially get five point if you can do it.
Speaker 4: There's this is so wrong. I can't even explain that
Speaker 4: to you.
Speaker 5: I love that we're playing who knows there veft and
Speaker 5: last name is the sticking point.
Speaker 2: I don't have a single I might have the three first, right,
Speaker 2: all right?
Speaker 4: I think I have the first five.
Speaker 5: Well, I don't know that we'll give any points, but
Speaker 5: let's have Paulina go first.
Speaker 6: Go ahead, what can you read it? Off? Please?
Speaker 7: R A D I S A v I O.
Speaker 5: V J.
Speaker 6: Strong and then fell apart.
Speaker 4: R A d I Z A B I B I see.
Speaker 4: I knew there was a.
Speaker 9: J.
Speaker 6: Can you say it?
Speaker 3: Some people are a say you say by Savia Beach
Speaker 3: and you spell it R A D I S.
Speaker 6: A V l J E v I C l JP.
Speaker 4: I have the first nine, right? Wait?
Speaker 2: What the last three letters?
Speaker 6: E V I C.
Speaker 4: I knew there was a J and.
Speaker 2: She did not do a good job on that one.
Speaker 6: All right, Well the score is currently.
Speaker 4: No I don't know.
Speaker 5: Okay, great, we have two more categories.
Speaker 6: Becca, you may choose it is what do we have?
Speaker 5: We have child because she won that category childhood and favorites.
Speaker 6: That's all we have left.
Speaker 4: Let's do childhood, all right.
Speaker 6: For one point, Tanya started a fan club in high
Speaker 6: school called the Musical.
Speaker 2: John Mayor and Shakira Synergy Club.
Speaker 6: John Mayer and Shakira is The.
Speaker 5: Musical Synergy Club was dedicated to which two musicians, John
Speaker 5: Mayer and Shakira.
Speaker 6: Very good.
Speaker 5: For two points, Tanya's first kiss was with a boy
Speaker 5: who had this significant first name.
Speaker 2: The heck he had this significant first name Taylor.
Speaker 6: No, but that's a good guess. That's a good guess. Also,
Speaker 6: that is correct, very good.
Speaker 2: Life only two.
Speaker 6: No other students named Fronco. I don't think no.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 5: In eighth grade, Tanya got in trouble at school for
Speaker 5: doing this.
Speaker 6: Throw not happy.
Speaker 2: You got in trouble for throwing apples at people's heads.
Speaker 7: No, they would throw apples at my head.
Speaker 4: Wait, what did you do in high school in eighth grade?
Speaker 2: Eighth grade, you probably got in trouble for did you
Speaker 2: kiss someone in school?
Speaker 4: Cheating?
Speaker 6: Cheating is the correct thing.
Speaker 5: Let me tell you.
Speaker 2: I don't think the guessing shook, but my guesses have
Speaker 2: just been what after the next?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 5: Number four four points. When Tanya was in high school.
Speaker 5: She pulled her pants down in front of her mom,
Speaker 5: her older sister, and her sister's boyfriend to show them
Speaker 5: what assist or like.
Speaker 8: Angered hair, no puberty, no hair on her bruise.
Speaker 5: She was concerned it was a possible U t I,
Speaker 5: but she wasn't sure. She was saying, what do you
Speaker 5: guys think is this? Could this be a I don't know,
Speaker 5: could this be.
Speaker 4: It's not.
Speaker 5: There's only so many things down there. Yeah, they've got
Speaker 5: to think bigger than a pimple.
Speaker 4: It's not assist.
Speaker 6: It's not assist. It's not it might have been assessed. Yeah,
Speaker 6: it's not the word I'm looking for. She thought it
Speaker 6: was you know, you t I.
Speaker 4: It's not.
Speaker 7: They're not going to get it, all right.
Speaker 5: She thought it was a hemorrhoid.
Speaker 7: We just told me this story two days ago.
Speaker 6: All right, This one's a tough one. I don't know
Speaker 6: if they'll get this.
Speaker 4: The other ones haven't been.
Speaker 5: For five points. Tanya's favorite teacher at Los Alamedo's High.
Speaker 6: School the hell.
Speaker 4: Music teacher. Mister is it mister.
Speaker 2: Rodriguez, Mister Robert Close, mister mister Rogers.
Speaker 5: Mister I actually mentioned this name earlier in the quiz
Speaker 5: because the Kiss promotions director had the same last name
Speaker 5: that she sent the shoe to. Mister, I'm gonave you
Speaker 5: one more clue starts with an m mister Martinez favorite
Speaker 5: in high school.
Speaker 6: Shout out. All right, here we go, final round.
Speaker 5: It's favorites, and we'll start with a one point question.
Speaker 4: You know, it is not.
Speaker 2: About the points, Paulina, it is it really is you
Speaker 2: have us having fun?
Speaker 6: You have ten points? Ten points is a nice round number.
Speaker 4: That nine pointer really killed me anyway.
Speaker 6: That was tough.
Speaker 5: All right, get ready to blurt what is Tanya's favorite
Speaker 5: TV show of all time?
Speaker 6: Friends? Is correct?
Speaker 4: Your podcast is called Spread.
Speaker 7: Amongst Friends?
Speaker 6: What is Tanya's favorite Taylor Swift song? And Paulina, you
Speaker 6: gotta be faster.
Speaker 4: Honestly, I don't know Taylor Swift, so I wasn't sure
Speaker 4: if it was like what I do tell me to
Speaker 4: memorize this weekend. He's just not that, is it.
Speaker 5: You talked about it on Monday about how I.
Speaker 4: Thought it was a ten minute and I don't know
Speaker 4: the name of that.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, what is Tinya's favorite movie of all time?
Speaker 4: He's just not that into there.
Speaker 6: You go, very nice, nice?
Speaker 5: What is Tanya's favorite way to have her eggs prepared
Speaker 5: sunny side up. Scrambled, correct me, no, scrambled. You both scrambled.
Speaker 5: Did you know I did exactly the same time?
Speaker 6: So you both think that?
Speaker 5: Then apparently it was a tie nine point Final question,
Speaker 5: that's a tough one. What is Tiny's favorite alcoholic beverage?
Speaker 2: Killing the rocks?
Speaker 4: I like to Martini, like.
Speaker 6: Tortini, Martini. We have a winner just named it.
Speaker 4: I'm blaming my lock of sleep on this. My brain
Speaker 4: slightly delayed.
Speaker 7: No, some of them are very hard, but like the
Speaker 7: Leechi Martini.
Speaker 3: Okay, but let me drink on Friday night a Leachi
Speaker 3: Martinis vs.
Speaker 7: Significant Martini.
Speaker 4: To be honest with you, you never drink them, so
Speaker 4: I wasn't sure if that was actually your favorite.
Speaker 3: Oh so the only reason I don't drink them is because, No,
Speaker 3: A lot of restaurants don't make them delicious.
Speaker 5: They make yeah Jim Martinez the original answer.
Speaker 6: She changed it this morning.
Speaker 7: Martini with two olives, two onions and a twist.
Speaker 4: All of Yadigar special. Yeah, it's special, I said, all
Speaker 4: of Yadigar. I was like, who's all of Yadagar? I
Speaker 4: don't know didn't meet her this week.
Speaker 6: Now, shall we take a break and come back with Yeah.
Speaker 2: Let's let's come back with the score and some.
Speaker 9: Dear All right, we are back.
Speaker 2: We have a few Dear Bonnier questions and we thought
Speaker 2: it would be fun to have Paulina in giving advice.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you know this, but every week,
Speaker 2: or almost every week, we do a Dear Bonnie episode
Speaker 2: where people write in. We give advice, sometimes great advice,
Speaker 2: sometimes questionable.
Speaker 4: Hopefully they go do.
Speaker 2: Go elsewhere, to go go elsewhere to source advice. But
Speaker 2: you'll idle, you'll add something new.
Speaker 7: A new perspective, new perspective.
Speaker 5: Let's do it all right this one, Becca, Tanya Becka.
Speaker 5: I've been a fan of yours since your first season
Speaker 5: of The Bachelor. We were in the same sorority, different schools.
Speaker 5: We all rooted for you because of that and how
Speaker 5: genuine you were, that nice Tanya. I love a full
Speaker 5: of life you are, and you bring such warmth and
Speaker 5: energy to the podcast. It's so fun listening to you
Speaker 5: and learning about your experiences with love and life. I
Speaker 5: will say, Tanya. Doing the half marathon at Disney, I
Speaker 5: ran by you and pointed Tanya, I'm such a huge fan,
Speaker 5: and then just kept running. I'm hoping I didn't scare
Speaker 5: you too much, not at all. My question, would you
Speaker 5: ever run a half or full marathon? If so, which one?
Speaker 5: Thanks for all you do, love Ariel. If you're ever
Speaker 5: in the Boston area, I teach a cycling studio part time.
Speaker 5: Would love to have you in my class.
Speaker 7: Wow, thank you, I love Boston. Shout out's great. Yeah.
Speaker 2: If I ever got the that's the that's the location,
Speaker 2: shouldn't have Flintania Pete and the hydroflask in the car?
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh on one.
Speaker 2: Of the highways or freeways and lustily.
Speaker 3: I did no because if we literally walked onto the plane,
Speaker 3: had we pulled over for me to go to the bathroom,
Speaker 3: would have missed our flight.
Speaker 2: I said, you got to find the hydro you gotta.
Speaker 7: Do the hydroflask. Yeah, And I was like, well, spect,
Speaker 7: this is.
Speaker 2: An interesting question having here because you literally just did
Speaker 2: the half marathon.
Speaker 4: Sure did. Let me tell you guys, I am not
Speaker 4: a runner. I'm really not, but I have a newfound
Speaker 4: love for running. I have. I've told you this before.
Speaker 4: Anyone can run after doing a half marathon, anyone can run,
Speaker 4: and I think I'm trying to get you to do
Speaker 4: it with me and you and Robbie. I already signed
Speaker 4: up for another one in September. It's so fun.
Speaker 2: What made you, as someone who's not a runner? What
Speaker 2: made you want to do that? Because I there's no
Speaker 2: single ounce of my soul that wants.
Speaker 4: To do that. I I have this. I've always had
Speaker 4: like a weird inkling of like wanting to be a runner,
Speaker 4: but every time I did it, I hated my life
Speaker 4: and I thought it was a joke. Honestly, I told
Speaker 4: a coworker joking, like we do have marathon and we
Speaker 4: were like sure, And then I had two and a
Speaker 4: half months to train. I think one I had like
Speaker 4: this goal in mind that like if I don't like
Speaker 4: not being good at things, so when I have, I
Speaker 4: had to do it in order to achieve this thing
Speaker 4: that I signed up for unpaid for. But in the process,
Speaker 4: I like found like a total love for running.
Speaker 2: How many miles before you realize you loved it?
Speaker 4: Like how the first day, like my first run, I
Speaker 4: did two miles around like my neighborhood and I got
Speaker 4: back and I was like, this is so fun and
Speaker 4: By the way, I'm just as shocked as anyone else
Speaker 4: because I don't even like walking down the block. Like
Speaker 4: my sister can't fathom that I did this because in
Speaker 4: New York, I'm like, where's the uber? Like I don't,
Speaker 4: I don't do cardio.
Speaker 2: I'm shocked you haven't had interest in it, because you
Speaker 2: know you would do long runs for a long time.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I've ran nine miles. I have no desire.
Speaker 3: To be around hundreds of people sweaty running around.
Speaker 6: But you're not.
Speaker 4: You're not close enough to feel.
Speaker 3: Anyone running these miles waking up at five am on
Speaker 3: a Sunday like none of it, yeah, three thirty, Like,
Speaker 3: none of it to me is something that I want
Speaker 3: to do. If I want to run, I'm going to
Speaker 3: go on a run around my house. Yeah, Like there,
Speaker 3: I just there's nothing in me that wants to do that.
Speaker 4: See I'm the opposite. I haven't ran since because now
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, well, I don't have this thing that
Speaker 4: I have to do. Yeah, I think you should do it.
Speaker 4: It's like a weird like sense of accomplishment that I
Speaker 4: didn't expect because any most things like do you rather.
Speaker 3: Be my black belt in jiu jitsu than like run
Speaker 3: a marathon. I think, do that well, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I feel like you can. You're a natural. Very few
Speaker 4: people can run nine miles for fun, and you were
Speaker 4: doing that. I wasn't.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say I was doing it for fun. I
Speaker 3: was like super depressed, sad.
Speaker 4: Actually, I was like, yes, but I'm saying like, very
Speaker 4: few people can actually hit nine miles.
Speaker 2: With that's been really sad and I've never ran the same.
Speaker 2: The last thing I felt to do.
Speaker 4: In the middle of a breakup, I'm like, I want
Speaker 4: nothing to do with exercise for me.
Speaker 3: I feel like running was like therapeutic. Yeah, Like I
Speaker 3: remember when Robin and I broke up. That was all
Speaker 3: I did was I would just like run every day,
Speaker 3: And before I knew it was like nine miles.
Speaker 7: I was like, oh, dang, I.
Speaker 4: Think that's so impressive. Anyway, I really I'm trying to
Speaker 4: convince and Robbie to do it with you.
Speaker 2: I think if that if you can hit nine miles
Speaker 2: and you can go.
Speaker 4: A lot of people by the way train up until
Speaker 4: nine and then do the full thing the day of
Speaker 4: so you can, you aren't working right, You're just not
Speaker 4: They're just people do it by themselves.
Speaker 2: They just kind of go, well, I can't wait to
Speaker 2: hear about that when you do it?
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah, no, oh.
Speaker 5: No, not yeah, okay, sorry, you know I'm Tanya and
Speaker 5: hard maybe from Becca righty?
Speaker 4: Yes for me?
Speaker 5: Anonymous, Hi Becka, Tanya, Mark, and Paulina. I've been listening
Speaker 5: to the pod for a year or so now, and
Speaker 5: I've been catching up on episodes I missed as well,
Speaker 5: and y'all bring so much joy and laughter to my workdays.
Speaker 5: My friends and I just went on a Gallentine's Day
Speaker 5: weekend trip. We're screaming Tailorwhift in the car while driving
Speaker 5: through National Parks and made me think of you guys
Speaker 5: and appreciate you sharing.
Speaker 6: All your girlhood stories.
Speaker 5: Long story short, I'm living in Utah for a few
Speaker 5: months with my best friend who's out here for clinical
Speaker 5: for grad school. I work remote, so I decided to
Speaker 5: join her. I'm from Minnesota. Don't worry, Mark, I'm a
Speaker 5: huge Packer fan.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 9: So.
Speaker 5: I love getting this opportunity to live somewhere cool with
Speaker 5: so many outdoor options. I can't imagine moving back to
Speaker 5: my suburban Midwest town in a few weeks. I love it.
Speaker 5: Here in Utah, but I would also consider somewhere else
Speaker 5: with similar things to do. I'm in my mid twenties.
Speaker 5: I don't have anything tying me down. I rent, I'm
Speaker 5: not in a relationship, but I do think it'd be
Speaker 5: hard to move so far away from my family friends.
Speaker 5: A lot of people where I'm from stay close to
Speaker 5: home or at least a few hours away for their
Speaker 5: whole lives, so it's not really typical with my friends
Speaker 5: and family to be so far away. It's also different
Speaker 5: right now because I'm my best friend here and i'd
Speaker 5: be moving by myself instead. Mark and Becca, I know
Speaker 5: you both moved far away from home but a somewhat
Speaker 5: similar age. Do you have any advice on how you
Speaker 5: came to those decisions? And once you did move away,
Speaker 5: how hard was it to start over in a new
Speaker 5: place without friends and family?
Speaker 6: Any advice?
Speaker 4: M I actually worked.
Speaker 2: I mean I moved with my sister and my brother
Speaker 2: in law, so I had I did have family. I
Speaker 2: was nineteen when I moved, and I think it's hard.
Speaker 2: I mean, anything new is hard, in my opinion, like
Speaker 2: there's always an adjustment period, but I think having family
Speaker 2: with me made the adjustment so much easier.
Speaker 4: I'm sure do you fill out too. I had the
Speaker 4: same experience. I'm from Miami and I moved to LA
Speaker 4: when I was nineteen as well. Wow yeah, so oh
Speaker 4: my gosh, eleven, ten years ago. But my sister, yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: but my sister already lived in LA, so it made
Speaker 4: the whole thing so much easier. I now, I've like
Speaker 4: jokingly told you that I'm moving to New York and
Speaker 4: I can't imagine moving somewhere alone, but I will say,
Speaker 4: and it's kind of perfect that we're here. But like
Speaker 4: I think the minute I met Tanya, everything kind of
Speaker 4: clicked for me in LA. I think I always had
Speaker 4: my sister, but then it takes a second. But then
Speaker 4: once you find your people, everything gets easier. And I
Speaker 4: we've cried all weekend about it, but like we're chosen family,
Speaker 4: and I do think that it's uncomfortable, it's not easy,
Speaker 4: but then like you find your footing, yeah, I mean,
Speaker 4: I miss I have.
Speaker 2: I sometimes go through the feeling of having guilt living
Speaker 2: so far away from my parents, knowing that they're getting
Speaker 2: older and like my nieces and nephews and not being
Speaker 2: there for that, and that's I think something that you're
Speaker 2: always going to wrestle with if you have a healthy,
Speaker 2: good relationship with family or even friends that live far away.
Speaker 2: But I think that's the joy of getting to go
Speaker 2: visit on the holidays like you do.
Speaker 9: Mark.
Speaker 5: I was twenty six when I moved out, but I
Speaker 5: had friends here and that helped a lot. I think
Speaker 5: they'd be tough to not have friends someplace. But also,
Speaker 5: but what it came down to for me was am
Speaker 5: I going to regret staying or am I going to
Speaker 5: regret going? And I decided that I would regret not
Speaker 5: coming out here and giving it a shot. And I
Speaker 5: came out here with big dreams. I achieved none of them,
Speaker 5: but things have worked out great. I've still got a
Speaker 5: great life out here, and I'm really happy that I
Speaker 5: moved out here. So I think you gotta try it,
Speaker 5: don't you. I think that's great.
Speaker 6: Well, your twenties is four or four.
Speaker 4: My mom is every time I'm making like a really
Speaker 4: difficult decision, She's like, you can always go back, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: like worst case scenario, you move back. You can always
Speaker 4: like you know, get a new job, like things can
Speaker 4: always be different. So I think, just try, yeah, just
Speaker 4: do it, and if you also give it a second,
Speaker 4: because when I first moved here, I was like, what
Speaker 4: the hell did I do? Because I loved my family,
Speaker 4: I love being home. I'm such a homebody. But like
Speaker 4: three months in I was like, Okay, I like it here,
Speaker 4: I have good people around me. I'll stay, so give
Speaker 4: it a second. But I think, do it?
Speaker 9: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Why not?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I agree.
Speaker 2: I think I always had the mentality, specifically when I
Speaker 2: moved from San Diego to La, which I know is
Speaker 2: like a much smaller move, but I was very comfortable
Speaker 2: in San Diego and I was very scared to move
Speaker 2: to LA in the sense of it was this like new,
Speaker 2: big place and there's so much going on. And I
Speaker 2: remember my boss said to me, like san Diego is
Speaker 2: still going to be here, Like you can always come
Speaker 2: back to San Diego, but maybe La is where you
Speaker 2: need to be right now. And I always kept that
Speaker 2: in my mind of like, your family and the place
Speaker 2: that you come from is still going to be there,
Speaker 2: so why not go see and do something that you're
Speaker 2: craving to do rather than staying somewhere where you feel
Speaker 2: stagnant and never knowing anything different.
Speaker 4: I think there's a lot of beauty in that, so I.
Speaker 7: Never moved far.
Speaker 3: Like I grew up in Orange County, so it's like
Speaker 3: an hour and a half away from where I live now.
Speaker 3: But I feel like I moved to a totally different universe,
Speaker 3: like completely. It's different for me though, because my family
Speaker 3: is so like a drive so it's different.
Speaker 7: But I could not imagine living in the city that
Speaker 7: I grew up in.
Speaker 4: I don't. Yeah, I'm from Miami. Like Miami is like
Speaker 4: so fun and like really popping right now. But yeah,
Speaker 4: whenever I go, I'm like, oh, Ela is my home. Yeah,
Speaker 4: never saying ever, And I think I more think about it,
Speaker 4: like when I have kids. Yeah, Like I can't imagine
Speaker 4: not having my mom close by.
Speaker 7: That's why we got to get her to move out.
Speaker 4: Here one day day.
Speaker 6: I always think it's good to see the world I do.
Speaker 5: It just exposed you to more people, more things, more wonderful.
Speaker 5: My father in law, hooy I left dearly, has spent
Speaker 5: his entire life in a one block area, Like you
Speaker 5: can walk from what where's he grew up into the
Speaker 5: house where he lives now. And that's great for some people. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it sounds like from your email, you're not one of
Speaker 5: those people.
Speaker 2: I always say it's okay to stay.
Speaker 4: It's okay.
Speaker 2: I remember no a conpost that it's okay to stay
Speaker 2: where you where you love and and be with who
Speaker 2: you love. And it's also okay to want to leave
Speaker 2: and mix more different And how long do you know
Speaker 2: that you're going to have a remote job where you
Speaker 2: get to do that?
Speaker 4: You know you're an it?
Speaker 3: You want to scratch, scratch itratch it, Just scratch it,
Speaker 3: scratch it?
Speaker 4: Is that news?
Speaker 7: Just scratch it, scratch it. It's a song. No, I don't.
Speaker 6: Love that one.
Speaker 4: I don't know that one either personally.
Speaker 7: Maybe it's a different word than yeah.
Speaker 4: Maybe it's just a.
Speaker 7: RAMI just ram it.
Speaker 2: I don't like scratch it.
Speaker 4: I don't know I like any of that right word. Okay,
Speaker 4: we will be right back.
Speaker 2: We're taking a break, all right, we are back.
Speaker 4: Another dear Bonia.
Speaker 5: Here comes from Lily Hi, Beca, Tanya Mark and Paulina Hi.
Speaker 5: I've been in my third my mid thirties. I've been
Speaker 5: very ten years before me and my husband had a
Speaker 5: large group of friends of guys and girls. Most of
Speaker 5: those friendships have faded, except for one male friend I've
Speaker 5: known since I was ten. My husband's never had an
Speaker 5: issue with this guy till a few years ago. We
Speaker 5: were at a party together. A friend of my husband's
Speaker 5: told him I was all over my friend, which matched
Speaker 5: my husband's fears. Nothing inappropriate happened, just friendly hugs with
Speaker 5: our other friends. But my husband is convinced I hooked
Speaker 5: up with this friend in the past, which is not true.
Speaker 5: Ever since, any mention of my friend turns into an
Speaker 5: issue four days, my husband feels as disrespectful to maintain
Speaker 5: the friendship and wants to know every time we talk
Speaker 5: and the details of our conversations. I know the easy
Speaker 5: answer is to just stop being friends if it makes
Speaker 5: my husband uncomfortable, but part of me thinks I shouldn't
Speaker 5: have to end a twenty year friendship over something that
Speaker 5: isn't true. That said, this friend and I only talk
Speaker 5: or see each other once or twice a year. What's
Speaker 5: everyone's take and the friendship, out of respect from my
Speaker 5: husband's feelings, should have maintained it since there is no
Speaker 5: history there. And if I do end it, do I
Speaker 5: just let it fizzle out or do I have a
Speaker 5: direct conversation. I appreciate your perspectives.
Speaker 3: Thank you, rough I like a friend you see twice
Speaker 3: a year is not a really really good friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like it's more of like a friend
Speaker 2: that you like, right pick up where you left off.
Speaker 4: You know, you don't say.
Speaker 3: Them a lot, and you see them once or twice
Speaker 3: a year, like it was a it was a harm
Speaker 3: no foul.
Speaker 7: I mean, in my opinion.
Speaker 4: In what way no harm, no foul.
Speaker 2: You're saying, like, say goodbye to the friendship.
Speaker 3: But do you need to say goodbye to it? Like
Speaker 3: I feel like if you see someone once or twice
Speaker 3: a year.
Speaker 4: I think she's asking because her husband is very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: I need more details, like does she hang out with
Speaker 3: this guy wants to like, is it in a big party?
Speaker 6: Do they go get coffee?
Speaker 5: It's she's not saying I don't have feelings for this guy.
Speaker 5: I've never hooked up with this guy. There's nothing there.
Speaker 5: If it was a female, this would not be an issue.
Speaker 5: But her husband's being jealous and controlling this.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, this feels a little bit like
Speaker 4: the husband has like jealousy.
Speaker 7: She said somebody told her him something.
Speaker 5: Somebody said, hey, your wife was all over this guy.
Speaker 3: See that's not nice, I say, I think there's like
Speaker 3: a few sides like did you give him a reason to.
Speaker 4: Feel that way? Because I feel like if he's never
Speaker 4: had an issue, all of a sudden he doesn't have
Speaker 4: an issue, then something might have changed.
Speaker 3: I've been married for ten years and he was never
Speaker 3: controlling or jealous, and then this happens.
Speaker 4: My suggestion is couple's therapy. Oh oh, I do? I do.
Speaker 2: I think this is an issue that you could bring
Speaker 2: to a professional and say I did not do anything,
Speaker 2: but he doesn't trust me based on something that he heard.
Speaker 2: This has just recently become a problem. This is someone
Speaker 2: I see and talk to once or twice a year.
Speaker 2: We've known each other forever, We've never had any we've
Speaker 2: never crossed the physical boundary of friends.
Speaker 4: Like, there's nothing for him.
Speaker 2: To worry about, but I need to know what I
Speaker 2: can do to make him feel more secure in this
Speaker 2: because or is this a place where I endo friendship
Speaker 2: that I've had?
Speaker 4: I agree, because I also do think that there is
Speaker 4: a lot of value in prioritizing your relationship because like,
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, your husband says, like
Speaker 4: a friend that you see twice a year. But I
Speaker 4: feel like there's a deeper trust issue here.
Speaker 2: But if it was every time she went out and
Speaker 2: he was like, why did you talk to that's unhealthy
Speaker 2: and toxic. This makes me feel like he feels deeply
Speaker 2: insecure about someone and is this a person that's worth
Speaker 2: risking her relationship?
Speaker 4: Yeah, her marriage? Yeah, I would go to you're married you.
Speaker 5: If somebody said that me, boy, your wife's all over
Speaker 5: the sky, I'd be like, okay, like I'm not going
Speaker 5: to buy it.
Speaker 6: I'm not going to believe that.
Speaker 4: Trust your right of course, and it's there's like a
Speaker 4: level of like yeah, but it's also if you don't
Speaker 4: have the exact situation, it's hard to like.
Speaker 2: I would like to think I would be totally true
Speaker 2: because I also think I would it. I think i'd
Speaker 2: be like.
Speaker 3: Was all over someone? Like Yeah, if I heard those words,
Speaker 3: I'd be like, what the hell?
Speaker 4: I'm not easy breezy.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not. I'm never super.
Speaker 4: Jealous, but I'm not easy breezy.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it doesn't.
Speaker 2: Take much to im eazy breezy. Tell him not.
Speaker 7: Yea, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: So I feel like it's not black or white for
Speaker 3: me in this situation.
Speaker 4: I agree. I will say like I think if my
Speaker 4: partner was fighting me on keeping them in their life,
Speaker 4: it would make me even like the trust issues would
Speaker 4: be even more exaggerated. But so I mean less to
Speaker 4: you than this person twice a year, which is where
Speaker 4: he's probably like, what the hell I'm telling you. I
Speaker 4: don't like this person, I don't like you being there?
Speaker 4: Why not let it go? Like if that were me,
Speaker 4: I take it all back, I would lose my mind.
Speaker 4: I take everything I just out of back and I
Speaker 4: just put myself in her shoes and his shoes.
Speaker 7: Yeah, and I would lose my mind.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Sorry, Mark, this guy controlled.
Speaker 4: But there's truth to that. There is truth to that,
Speaker 4: because you do have to trust who you're with. But
Speaker 4: there's definitely something I think it makes question all on him, correct,
Speaker 4: I'm questioning if the all overness actually happened.
Speaker 6: Him to trust Lily. She says, nothing happened.
Speaker 2: If they've been friends forever and that's just how they interacted,
Speaker 2: and then someone saw it and they're like, hey, bro,
Speaker 2: like your wife was all over this guy, and in
Speaker 2: her mind, she's like, I've been like that with Timmy
Speaker 2: since I was ten.
Speaker 5: Well, right, because different people have different Like when my
Speaker 5: wife and I started dating. It was weird for her
Speaker 5: that because I was I did a lot of improv
Speaker 5: and theater and stuff, and it's a very huggy community.
Speaker 5: Everybody hugs everybody, and that's not where.
Speaker 6: She comes from.
Speaker 5: She's like, that's weird that he's talking all these women.
Speaker 5: Took her a minute to get over that. So maybe
Speaker 5: it's just that's the relationship she has with this guy.
Speaker 6: They hug. I don't know. I still don't like it.
Speaker 5: But let's say you guys. Let's say you guys. She
Speaker 5: duved I sits down with her husband. They talk it out.
Speaker 5: She says, Okay, I love you. I don't want you
Speaker 5: to be insecure. I'm going to let this go with
Speaker 5: this guy. Does she talk to the guy or does
Speaker 5: she just let it fizzle?
Speaker 4: I would let it.
Speaker 2: That's why I think you talked to therapists and say, hey,
Speaker 2: should I Is it worth? How do I need to
Speaker 2: have a conversation or is it just something that because
Speaker 2: here's the thing. If the guy comes around and he's like.
Speaker 4: What's going on?
Speaker 6: That's weird?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's weird. Why are you being weird?
Speaker 2: Why haven't we talked? Then she has I mean in
Speaker 2: my mind of a friendship of twenty years, I'd at
Speaker 2: least want to say, hey, I'm in a place where
Speaker 2: I don't have the capacity to be the friend you
Speaker 2: know to you and it I don't know, how do
Speaker 2: you hate it?
Speaker 4: I just don't think we know enough. Yeah, because I do,
Speaker 4: I don't know if I'm totally trusting that nothing's happened,
Speaker 4: if at all of a sudden.
Speaker 3: Because we're I think also having healthy boundaries is very important.
Speaker 3: I remember in the early like two years of my
Speaker 3: relationship with Robbie, there was a specific woman that was
Speaker 3: laying it on thick with him, and she would just
Speaker 3: lay it on thick trying to get back together with him.
Speaker 3: And this is someone that he would have to communicate with,
Speaker 3: and so I was like, this is a boundary that
Speaker 3: like you cannot cross for me. And so we had
Speaker 3: to like figure out these these boundaries. And he was
Speaker 3: like respectful of that, you know, because it was like
Speaker 3: it wasn't appropriate when you're in a relationship with somebody
Speaker 3: and your partner's uncomfortable, we.
Speaker 6: Don't know that anything inappropriate is happening.
Speaker 4: Though, I think it's a little different, but I agree
Speaker 4: with you. I think boundaries, and I think prioritizing your
Speaker 4: relationship is important.
Speaker 2: But she said, didn't she say that he gets upset
Speaker 2: if his name is brought up. Yeah, it's a trigger like.
Speaker 4: This man like there's something missing here because I don't.
Speaker 4: You don't get triggered unless something happened or maybe it
Speaker 4: wasn't with this guy, but maybe something has happened with
Speaker 4: someone else.
Speaker 2: Okay, here's the other thing, his trust. Regardless of if
Speaker 2: we think it's right or wrong, He's feeling insecure. So
Speaker 2: I think she needs to go, Okay, you're my partner,
Speaker 2: you're my husband. I'm going to make sure that you
Speaker 2: feel safe. What can I do on my end to
Speaker 2: make sure that you feel safe? Which is like if
Speaker 2: they are texting or have a phone call. I do
Speaker 2: think it's respectful to be like, hey, I talked to
Speaker 2: so and so today.
Speaker 4: This is what we talked about.
Speaker 2: Because if he just hears his name, he's automatically he's
Speaker 2: like making up stories in his head, and so he's
Speaker 2: already feeling like I agree with that. So I think
Speaker 2: it's just asking him what can I do to make
Speaker 2: you feel safer?
Speaker 4: Is it?
Speaker 2: Is it not having a friendship with this person?
Speaker 4: Is it.
Speaker 2: Is there something else that I can do that when
Speaker 2: I talk about him, I can reassure you.
Speaker 4: Like what I had to have that conversation. There was
Speaker 4: one X that I don't know why triggered me. I
Speaker 4: don't nothing ever happened. I was just like, I don't
Speaker 4: like you being around them, but I'm not. I don't
Speaker 4: want to be controlling. So I was like, I just
Speaker 4: ask that if you were to run into them, you
Speaker 4: tell me. I don't want to find out the social
Speaker 4: media through Instagram. I don't want to know. A week later,
Speaker 4: I just asked that if they're in the same room
Speaker 4: as you, you let me know. And it did make
Speaker 4: me feel better because I's okay, he's like understanding, but yeah,
Speaker 4: some people just trigger you.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 4: The best.
Speaker 5: I don't know I passed on that.
Speaker 3: No, I think we actually gave her some good insight
Speaker 3: that maybe shouldn't think about.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's true, I do good also the self reflection.
Speaker 4: We're done.
Speaker 6: We're done.
Speaker 3: No, Holena, Do you have any parting words for the scrubbers,
Speaker 3: any words of wisdom that you want to partake give.
Speaker 7: Out, share, partake to share advice on what life.
Speaker 6: There happiness, the wedding just a few weeks away.
Speaker 4: Actually this is so random, but I was having a
Speaker 4: conversation with someone recently, and I think, be grateful. I
Speaker 4: think live life with a lot of gratitude. I think
Speaker 4: we're missing a lot of that recently, just in life,
Speaker 4: in the workplace, in your personal life. Walk around with
Speaker 4: a little bit more gratitude.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Perspective is everything.
Speaker 4: Perspective is everything. So true. I love that. Nothing more
Speaker 4: needs to be said. I love you, guys, No notes,
Speaker 4: no notes? Next up?
Speaker 7: Do you want to come back next week?
Speaker 2: I'll just leap seconds. We'll have you back after the wedding. Yes,
Speaker 2: recap oh.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, yes, get rid of me?
Speaker 2: No no, no, everyone's say good bye to Paulina. We
Speaker 2: love you, love you.
Speaker 6: Sorry about the game.
Speaker 4: Whatever, I wasn't gonna bring it up. Final scores.
Speaker 6: Thirty four to thirteen.
Speaker 4: Triggers.
Speaker 2: We love you, somebody love you.