WEBVTT - Conversations with... Part 2 0:00:02.400 --> 0:00:06.880 This is Conversationous with Olivia Jade in My Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:14.600 Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode. Happy New Year. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:19.520 I cannot believe is over. It flew by um. But 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:23.079 if you guys do remember my very first episode, I 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:26.239 had a special guest and amazing therapist and somebody that 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:29.960 really helped me. And honestly from the feedback, it seemed 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:32.800 like a lot of you took something positive out of 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:36.320 this episode. And so in today's episode, I'm bringing back 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:39.720 Dr Hillary Gulture. She is here, and I really want 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:42.239 to talk about how to set us up for success 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:46.240 in the new year, talk about stress trauma. She specializes 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:48.519 in trauma with relationships, and I get a ton of 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:52.760 questions like that on my Instagram and TikTok and YouTube comments. 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:54.760 So I thought you would be great, kind of the 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:57.120 perfect person to ring in the new year with and 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:59.760 give us some advice because I know I could use it. 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:01.760 I'm sure some of you guys could use it. So 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:06.880 with that being said, please welcome Dr Hillary. Hello, Dr Gulture, 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:11.120 Welcome back to the podcast. Hi Olivia, thanks for having me. 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:13.200 Thank you so much for coming back on. I know 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.000 that she was on my first episode. If you guys 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:18.360 didn't listen. It was a really great episode, I think, 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:21.839 not just for me, but the response was amazing. And 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:24.039 I kind of said in the beginning, like, you know, 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:25.720 if you guys are into this and you like it, 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.080 then we'll have her back. And the response was great, 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:30.800 So here we are again. Thanks for having of course, 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:32.800 and it's perfect timing. I feel like because of the 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:35.160 New year, this will be we're filming this a few 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:37.800 days before New Year's Eve, but this will be up 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:42.120 beginning of January, and I feel like a lot of people, um, 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.760 you know, could just use some good practices or something 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:47.280 to help them ring in the new year in a 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:50.560 more positive light. Obviously, the last few years for everybody 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:54.000 has been quite the challenge, and with COVID and now 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:56.440 it's spiking again like crazy, and all the new strains 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:59.040 I think caused so much stress for so many people, 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:01.280 and and on top of that, I guess I'll just 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:02.840 kind of lay it out. I want to talk to 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:05.120 you about kind of just kicking off the new year 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:08.400 right and starting the episode with practices that maybe you 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.079 use or that you tell your clients are hopeful. And 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.800 then I also did a little Q and A on Instagram, 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:17.320 and we got flooded with questions and a lot of 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:21.400 them are similar to one another, so I definitely wanna 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:23.840 answer some of those and talk about that. But I 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.240 guess just to start off, maybe give a little background 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:28.120 on who you are if you guys missed the first 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:30.600 episode she was in, and how we can kind of 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:35.079 start the new year with some success. Yeah. So I'm 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:38.080 Dr Hillary Culture as you introduced me, and I'm a 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:41.639 clinical psychologist. I normally say in Beverly Hills after that, 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:44.840 but now I work out of my home because of COVID. 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:50.560 I specialized in anxiety, depression, trauma, and couples as well, 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:53.600 and you can also find me on Instagram at Dr 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:58.160 Hillary l A. And I love this question and might 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:02.080 give an answer that feels a little bit paradoxical, but 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:06.800 but hear me out. I think the way for all 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:10.640 of us to start the new year outright, ironically, is 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:14.480 to be really in touch with our full range of 0:03:14.520 --> 0:03:18.839 feelings and not to seek to suppress feelings that are 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:24.079 scary or difficult or uncomfortable or vulnerable, but really lean 0:03:24.280 --> 0:03:27.359 into the totality of sort of where we're at and 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:29.800 who we are, and that force ourselves to be in 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:32.800 a place that we're not, because doing that creates a 0:03:32.840 --> 0:03:37.200 lot of dissonance, cognitive dissonance between like how we're feeling 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:39.800 and where we actually are and where we think that 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:42.400 we should be. We don't want to exile parts of 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:44.880 us that are having a tricky time, that are having 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:48.600 a messy set of feelings. And so going into the 0:03:48.640 --> 0:03:51.840 new year, I would just really encourage everyone to mobilize 0:03:51.880 --> 0:03:54.240 kind of the full sense of who they are, the 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:56.840 parts of them that are feeling like hopeful and free 0:03:57.080 --> 0:04:00.720 and um and full and expand said in the parts 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:04.040 them that are feeling afraid and vulnerable, because it's really 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:08.200 only when we sit in and our full robust set 0:04:08.240 --> 0:04:10.840 of feelings that were kind of truly who we are. Yeah, 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:13.240 what if? What would you tell somebody if they're like 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.800 primary feelings or just what they feel the most are 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:18.440 negative thoughts? And because I feel like but that I've 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:20.960 been there too, I can totally relate to somebody feeling 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.479 that way. But it's hard, at least for me personally 0:04:23.520 --> 0:04:26.480 to focus on my full feelings and every single part 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:28.080 of me when I feel like the negative is just 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:31.960 clouding my head. Yes, yes, that's such a good follow 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:34.279 up question, because there are things that we can do 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:39.560 to interrupt the sort of marinating and difficult, tricky feelings 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:41.719 to help ourselves, and I think it's really important to 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:46.479 do so when we're struggling. Compartmentalization and guiding ourselves to 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:49.000 do things that lift us as a really important part 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:51.799 of healing, as well as sitting in the original feelings 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:54.080 that we were just talking about. So some of the 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:56.880 tools that I use and recommend with my clients were 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.359 really struggling and like you said, are really sitting in 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:03.920 a full sense of anxiety or loneliness or depression or isolation. 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:07.640 Is to find waste for respite, and so that respite 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:11.640 might look like meditation, getting into with our breath, really 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:15.120 sitting with ourselves to just calm our body, finding ways, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:19.000 uh to connect with friends or family members who feel 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:22.719 soothing and supportive and don't require you to be anywhere 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:27.640 that you're not, and absolutely finding professional support if that 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:30.679 isn't something with which you're already engaged at The feelings 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:34.440 are really invasive and really consuming and really overwhelming in 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:37.599 these sort of ways that I'm pretty briefly talking about. 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:42.040 But these ways and self soothing um and inviting kind 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.000 of calm and respite into your life, are giving you 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.800 any relief, that's a sign, that's that's important for us 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:49.280 to note and to bring in some professional resources in 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:56.640 that case. Yeah, Hey, guys and Ashley from the Almost 0:05:56.680 --> 0:06:01.040 Famous podcast, it's that time of year where rama fills 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:04.039 the air. The Bachelor is back with an all new 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.920 season premiering January three. There's a new host, Jesse Palmer, 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:11.960 and a brand new Bachelor, Clayton. Clayton is a Midwest 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:15.280 boy that has that great smile, nice teeth, and he's 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:18.200 really tall. Ash Let's call it what it is. He's 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:23.040 a beefcake. Okay. Well, Clayton seems to be a good 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:27.240 guy though, and he can't wait to find love, get married, 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:30.479 and have kids. And he believes more than anything that 0:06:30.560 --> 0:06:32.919 his future wife is on this show. It sounds like 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:36.000 a fairy tale but also a bit of an emotional 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:40.200 world coaster, because Clayton tells three different women he's falling 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:44.480 in love with him. Technically, he told one, I couldn't 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:46.920 be more sure that I'm falling in love with you, 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:50.480 and another one I'm falling in love with you, and 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:53.919 the third one I am in love with you. You 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:57.240 don't miss a thing. It's some years of over analyzing 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:00.159 everything that guys say. But his heart is in the 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:05.440 right place. But other parts of him as we find 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:08.039 out what he admits to two different women that he 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:11.040 was intimate with both of them, Yeah, I don't think 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:13.080 it's gonna go over Well, we'll be breaking down it 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:16.400 all on the famous podcast Ben is Married Now Well 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:20.320 Ashley's a mom will change our opinions of what we 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.600 think is acceptable single behavior. Good question find out on 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:27.680 the almost famous podcast on iHeart Radio and wherever you 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:41.000 listen to podcasts. I got a lot of questions to 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.040 asking like how do I know if I need therapy? 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:46.720 Or how do I find a lot of people asked 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.120 I've tried therapy and I feel like I can't find 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:50.960 a therapist that works for me. Or how do I 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:52.360 how do I know if I need it? And then 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:54.239 if I do need it, how do I find somebody 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.840 that I genuinely can connect with and that I can 0:07:56.920 --> 0:08:00.080 vent to and that I can trust? And what do 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.160 you tell somebody I was wondering Those are such a 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:07.040 good questions. So one of the um non clinical, non 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:09.800 technical sort of ways that I like to think about 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:12.880 whether or not someone should consider pursuing therapy. Is the 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.920 phrase like more often than not, more often than not, 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:19.080 so more often than not my feeling sad Am I 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:22.280 feeling anxious? Am I feeling frustrated? And I feeling isolated? 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.360 Am I not feeling okay? More often than not? Is 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:28.760 not really an acceptable standard for us. We want more 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.040 often than not that you feel okay or content or 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:34.440 satisfied or hopeful, and so like I I sort of said, 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.760 not not a clinical gauge, but an important one in 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:39.680 terms of, like what your life this really feels like. 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.880 And then a more clinical way to think about it is, 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:48.480 to what extent are difficult feelings, difficult relationships, difficult circumstances, 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:52.200 difficult episodes kind of interrupting your ability to function in 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:56.679 primary areas of your life, whether that be academically, professionally, 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:02.119 um socially, in relationships, ETCeteras. If thoughts and feelings, behaviors, 0:09:02.160 --> 0:09:05.680 actions are invading your space, your ability to think, and 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.720 how you move through the world, that's absolutely a time 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:12.360 to think about seeking professional services. Yeah. I really like 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.520 that phrase more often than not, because I think that 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.200 is a really good gauge for somebody like do. I 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:20.240 feel this way way too often and way too much, 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:21.880 to the point where it's actually like getting in the 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:24.320 way of my life. And I think also with me 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:27.240 when I first started therapy. I started a few years 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:30.840 ago when things went sideways, um in my family and 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:33.960 with the college scandal, and I just needed somebody to 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:35.800 talk to. And I would I mean, if you have 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:38.200 the resource and you can, I would really recommend it. 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:40.280 And obviously that's why I want to do episodes like 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:43.000 this for people that can't access therapy, you know, That's 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:44.160 why I want to go in and do the Q 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.360 and A and ask what I mean, ask you what 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:49.520 the personal questions some fans have. But I also feel 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:52.320 like for me when I first started, it was it 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:56.680 was isn't normal to almost feel frustrated by not by therapy, 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.800 but maybe by like the process Because for me, like 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:01.920 I first started, I wanted it to be good and 0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:04.840 everything to be healed and all this to work like 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.480 overnight or within a week span. And I feel like 0:10:07.559 --> 0:10:10.120 that's it's been years and I'm still dealing with things, 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:11.800 and I still have so many questions for you and 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:15.040 for my personal therapist that, um, would you say it's normal? 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:16.920 It takes a lot of time, and you have to 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:21.559 be patient with yourself, not just normal, but really engage 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:24.600 that therapy is working. Frankly, is the idea that it 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:28.520 gets a lot harder before it gets easier. From most 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:31.840 people who are seeking therapy, they go at a tipping 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:35.480 point right where more often than not they're struggling and 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:37.600 feeling away in their lives that they don't want to 0:10:37.720 --> 0:10:40.679 and in order to uncover how and why that's happening, 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:44.520 we have to look at typically some pretty difficult issues 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:48.319 and it brings up more difficult feelings and a greater 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.760 sense of feeling kind of out of control and messy, 0:10:50.880 --> 0:10:54.559 and maybe maybe even increased feelings of hopelessness or helplessness. 0:10:54.600 --> 0:10:57.960 But it's that very process sort of really looking at 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:01.760 where we are and what's ailing us and the origins 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:05.080 of those pains, whether they are from our early childhood, 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:09.880 whether they're from current relationships, current social relationships, or professional lives, etcetera. 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.800 You know, an intersection of all the above. Looking at 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:17.359 that can be really painful, really herful, disoriented, really unsettling, 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:19.960 But it is in that process that we face those 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:22.320 truths and that we begin to mobilize kind of our 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:24.640 internal resources of like, who do I want to be 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:26.400 in the face of these wounds, in the face of 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:29.160 these pains, and how do I start finding my way back? 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:31.679 And to address kind of the back half of what 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.120 you were saying, I often say this to my clients 0:11:34.120 --> 0:11:37.000 that many of us have what I like to call 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.360 kind of core wounds, like a core wound that we 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.840 identify as our our primary struggle. We don't feel good enough, 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:47.040 or we don't feel seeing, we don't feel validated, um, 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:49.560 we struggle with imperfection. We don't all have the same 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:51.240 court wound, but we all have kind of a core 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:55.320 wound that we often struggle with throughout our journey in life. 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:58.839 Does it get better with therapy and the support of 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:01.960 loved ones and our individual real growth of yes, yes, yes, 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:05.200 But oftentimes we return back to that scene during times 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:08.160 of dress and times of stress, during times of trauma. 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:11.560 The intensity and duration of how it impacts us changes, 0:12:11.720 --> 0:12:15.120 But like that core issue reveals itself kind of over 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:18.720 and over again. And I say this to normalize a 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:20.800 lot of people's truths that they're like, oh, it's always 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:22.680 comes up for me, you know, I always struggle nothing 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:27.400 good enough, and it's well unpleasant, It's okay that that's true. 0:12:27.440 --> 0:12:29.640 And the more that we don't try to exile those 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:31.440 parts of us and we lean into them, and we 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.600 lean into, as I was saying before, kind of who 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:35.840 we want to be in the face of these core struggles, 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:39.400 the stronger we become over time. Right, What if you're 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:41.440 I think for me, I can speak personally, but I 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.560 know I got questions like this too. If you're in 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:47.240 a position where you feel so fortunate or so lucky 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:50.319 that you almost feel guilty for having these negative thoughts 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.600 or feelings, and you're like, well, somebody else has it 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.199 so much worse than I do. Why am I sitting 0:12:56.280 --> 0:12:59.120 here complaining about my life when you know, on paper 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.440 or to somebody else might look or seem really good 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.360 or it is really good compared to most. I would say, 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:08.080 especially for me, like the world, I have it so 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:11.000 so easy in a sense where it's like I almost 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:13.880 feel guilty talking about it. And I even remember in 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:17.240 the first episode we did together, like I would I 0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:19.680 told you, I feel I feel nervous to talk about 0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:22.160 these types of things and be so open because I 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:24.440 don't want to offend anybody. I don't want somebody to 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:27.360 take it like, oh, she's complaining. But then at the 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:30.120 same time, I also have to cut myself a little slack, 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.360 and you know, admit that I am a human and 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.280 I have these feelings and certain things do bother me 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.880 or you know, drive my anxiety up a little bit. 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:39.920 And so I saw some other people also kind of 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.320 relating to that and just saying, I feel kind of 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:44.600 terrible and I have these feelings, but you know, my 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:47.560 neighbor or somebody I love or somebody I just met 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:49.679 has it so much worse. Am I allowed to feel 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:57.960 this way? Yeah? My sort of um uh paradigm around 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:03.160 that is the notion that things not only should coexist, 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:05.200 but they must co exist. That two things can be 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:07.679 true at the same time, and that doesn't mean they 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.199 aren't hard to hold next to each other, but difficult, 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:15.679 conflicting things must co exist. They do coexist. And that 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.920 sort of kind of a macro response to this very 0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:24.960 specific issue that you're raising. Being a human being always 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:28.560 means that people have struggle and face difficult things, and 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:31.240 if we suppress it or don't allow ourselves to look 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:35.440 at it or face it, we're looking at compromising kind 0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.360 of our internal self and our internal resources, and we 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:40.520 don't want to do that to ourselves. So the idea 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:42.520 that both things can be true, that you can be 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:46.560 someone who recognizes your your privilege in all sorts of 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:50.440 ways and holds that with you as you simultaneously look 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:55.640 at things that ail you. And I certainly understand and 0:14:55.720 --> 0:15:01.400 want to deeply acknowledge the uh action that it might 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:04.840 cause another people to hear someone of privilege talk about 0:15:04.840 --> 0:15:10.640 their struggles. There is, um the hierarchy of privilege, both 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:13.160 financially and socially, is a real thing in our country, 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.080 and um it is. It is not a division that 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:18.120 is equal, and there are a lot of people that 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.520 struggle because of that. And that's just the truth that 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:25.040 we want to honor and and lean into and regularly 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:29.040 acknowledge and at the same time allowing ourselves to say, like, yeah, 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:31.840 I'm struggling with my own anxiety, my own vulnerability, my 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:35.520 own depression, And only in the deep acknowledging of our 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:38.680 own personal truth can we really be of service not 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:41.800 only to ourselves, but of other people. So it's just 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:45.160 an equation that that that has to be like filled, 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.240 meaning that in order for you to you individually to 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:50.640 rise to your own full potential. You have to take 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:54.120 on your struggles and your ailments too. It's just it's 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:57.240 just like a necessary truth that like an edict that 0:15:57.320 --> 0:16:00.320 you have. I think that's kind of a perfect way. 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:04.000 Because I have some like podcast reviews, and there's some 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:07.360 negative ones. Obviously, I'm so grateful for the positive. And 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.520 I feel like even when I started YouTube, like pre 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.440 college scandal, pre being in the media so much, I 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.720 felt like I always promised myself, you know, you're going 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:17.560 to focus on the positive and we're going to try 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.360 and stay away from the negative, just for like my 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:23.280 own mental sanity. But given the episode, I definitely want 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:25.280 to like highlight some of this just for your advice, 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:29.280 and also because I do think that if you know, 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:31.800 I want people to relate to this and get something 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:33.720 out of it, I too have to be vulnerable and 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:37.600 open for that to happen. So we kind of wrote 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:42.280 down a little list of some reviews and questions to follow. 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.480 So I'm just going to read the first one, and 0:16:45.680 --> 0:16:49.400 I hope I don't get triggered. Um, but it says, 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:52.880 so this was one review I had from the podcast, 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.400 and it says, try to give a listen despite her 0:16:56.480 --> 0:17:01.040 sketchy past, but this podcast is objectively terrible. She sounds 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:04.000 flat and it seems obvious that she's just reading questions 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.359 somebody else wrote. There really isn't dialogue, but more like 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:10.480 the show intends to show a predetermined narrative in a 0:17:10.520 --> 0:17:13.200 fake Q and A format. It reminds me of those 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:15.720 long commercials on YouTube made to look like a news 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:19.919 report or educational video, except even more boring. If this 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.240 wasn't meant to be a vehicle for her, it wouldn't 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:26.400 exist and we'd be better for it. And then, um, 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:29.800 I guess, like obviously, it's it's hard when I read 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.359 stuff like that because a I think I'm numb to 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:34.040 it and I'm used to it at this point where 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.240 it doesn't maybe affect me as harshly as it might 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:42.240 affect somebody else reading a negative review or response or 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.520 somebody's opinion like that. But what is the right way 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:48.040 to react to a comment like that? Or what does 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:51.000 one do? Because I can sit here and say, you know, 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:52.760 I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me, but 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:54.639 I'm human. There's a part of me that reads that 0:17:54.680 --> 0:18:00.439 and I'm like ouch, yeah, yeah, I think, actually, what 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:04.040 you just said your last sentence is probably a place 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:08.800 to begin, which is that who who amongst us, whatever 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:12.199 your status, whatever your level of privilege, who amongst us 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:16.919 would not hear negative personal feedback about our work or 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:21.640 our passions and not feel something about it, not fell hurt, 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:27.320 not feel upset, not question yourself? Right who amongst us? 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:30.880 And so I think carving out of space, like a 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.840 real space, an authentic, true space to just sort of say, 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.119 like exactly what you just said was like, Oh, that hurts, 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:39.399 like it hurts, and maybe I'll never get to a 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:41.960 place where it doesn't penetrate me a little bit. I'll 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:43.320 never get to a place where I don't want to 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.320 be pleasing to everyone. I'll never get to a place 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:49.600 where it doesn't hurt that everyone can't lean and or 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:52.840 at least be kind. Um you know in their assessment 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:56.280 that that hurts. And I think allowing for that space 0:18:56.359 --> 0:19:00.000 is really important because, as you've alluded to, you are 0:19:00.080 --> 0:19:03.080 human with real feelings and care about what other people 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.200 think of you. And I think at the same time, 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:11.879 this idea of holding um uh, the the side by 0:19:11.880 --> 0:19:14.840 side narrative of like alongside that that you're grateful for 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:16.480 your platform and for what you do and for the 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:18.960 support that you do receive to kind of counterbalance. And 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:20.520 I know you get a lot of support as well, 0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:22.960 so that can help lift you, and you deserve to 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:26.879 be lifted in the face of of of sort of 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:30.520 negative personal opinions. But I think the most important thing 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:33.359 is to allow yourself space to go like, yeah, it hurts, 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:36.960 I'm I'm human, and to claim that that it's it's 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.120 okay to say out loud to yourself and to your 0:19:39.160 --> 0:19:42.000 listeners that like that hurts. I'm. I'm not really asking 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:44.040 for anything in return, but I'm just letting you know 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:46.240 that my experience when I read something like this is 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:49.680 that it hurts, and that's my true yeah totally, because 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:52.760 I also feel like for me personally, I'm just so 0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:55.359 the type of person and I think everybody is like 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:57.520 this to a certain degree, but I swear I've been 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.280 like cursed with it where I feel like I need 0:20:00.440 --> 0:20:03.000 everybody to like me, and I want everybody to like me, 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:05.159 and if you don't like me, then I'll spend hours, 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:07.080 all hours talking to you and letting you get to 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:09.200 know me and hopefully I'll change your opinion. But I'm 0:20:09.240 --> 0:20:13.840 like so hyper sensitive and hyper focused on getting people's 0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:17.439 approval that it's very interesting that I chose this career 0:20:17.480 --> 0:20:20.280 path at such a young age because that's always been 0:20:20.320 --> 0:20:22.600 just a part of who I am. So with comments 0:20:22.640 --> 0:20:24.920 like that, it can be difficult, difficult because a part 0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:28.399 of me wants to take every single comment that's in 0:20:28.440 --> 0:20:30.880 that range and just be like, wait, this isn't true, 0:20:30.960 --> 0:20:33.040 or I'll show you this about me, and and it's 0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:36.080 just like it's almost exhausting trying to like prove yourself. 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.320 But there's also a part of me that, like my 0:20:38.440 --> 0:20:41.040 brain won't forget it or let it go until I'm 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:43.720 like okay, like now they get me, now they understand 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:45.280 who I am. And I really want to work on 0:20:45.320 --> 0:20:48.080 that because I mean, chances are of everybody liking you 0:20:48.119 --> 0:20:50.720 on the planet is so slim and it's so impossible. 0:20:51.240 --> 0:20:53.560 And I know that it's even more important, like the 0:20:53.600 --> 0:20:55.679 people that are actually in your life and know you, 0:20:55.720 --> 0:20:57.639 those are the ones that you want to have a 0:20:57.680 --> 0:21:00.720 good relationship with and treat with respect and have those 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.400 mutual benefits in a relationship. But it is really hard 0:21:03.440 --> 0:21:06.119 even when it does come from a stranger. Well, and 0:21:06.160 --> 0:21:09.119 it's possible, like I was alluding to a few moments 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:12.919