Speaker 1: This is Conversationous with Olivia Jade in My Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode. Happy New Year.
Speaker 1: I cannot believe is over. It flew by um. But
Speaker 1: if you guys do remember my very first episode, I
Speaker 1: had a special guest and amazing therapist and somebody that
Speaker 1: really helped me. And honestly from the feedback, it seemed
Speaker 1: like a lot of you took something positive out of
Speaker 1: this episode. And so in today's episode, I'm bringing back
Speaker 1: Dr Hillary Gulture. She is here, and I really want
Speaker 1: to talk about how to set us up for success
Speaker 1: in the new year, talk about stress trauma. She specializes
Speaker 1: in trauma with relationships, and I get a ton of
Speaker 1: questions like that on my Instagram and TikTok and YouTube comments.
Speaker 1: So I thought you would be great, kind of the
Speaker 1: perfect person to ring in the new year with and
Speaker 1: give us some advice because I know I could use it.
Speaker 1: I'm sure some of you guys could use it. So
Speaker 1: with that being said, please welcome Dr Hillary. Hello, Dr Gulture,
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Hi Olivia, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming back on. I know
Speaker 1: that she was on my first episode. If you guys
Speaker 1: didn't listen. It was a really great episode, I think,
Speaker 1: not just for me, but the response was amazing. And
Speaker 1: I kind of said in the beginning, like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you guys are into this and you like it,
Speaker 1: then we'll have her back. And the response was great,
Speaker 1: So here we are again. Thanks for having of course,
Speaker 1: and it's perfect timing. I feel like because of the
Speaker 1: New year, this will be we're filming this a few
Speaker 1: days before New Year's Eve, but this will be up
Speaker 1: beginning of January, and I feel like a lot of people, um,
Speaker 1: you know, could just use some good practices or something
Speaker 1: to help them ring in the new year in a
Speaker 1: more positive light. Obviously, the last few years for everybody
Speaker 1: has been quite the challenge, and with COVID and now
Speaker 1: it's spiking again like crazy, and all the new strains
Speaker 1: I think caused so much stress for so many people,
Speaker 1: and and on top of that, I guess I'll just
Speaker 1: kind of lay it out. I want to talk to
Speaker 1: you about kind of just kicking off the new year
Speaker 1: right and starting the episode with practices that maybe you
Speaker 1: use or that you tell your clients are hopeful. And
Speaker 1: then I also did a little Q and A on Instagram,
Speaker 1: and we got flooded with questions and a lot of
Speaker 1: them are similar to one another, so I definitely wanna
Speaker 1: answer some of those and talk about that. But I
Speaker 1: guess just to start off, maybe give a little background
Speaker 1: on who you are if you guys missed the first
Speaker 1: episode she was in, and how we can kind of
Speaker 1: start the new year with some success. Yeah. So I'm
Speaker 1: Dr Hillary Culture as you introduced me, and I'm a
Speaker 1: clinical psychologist. I normally say in Beverly Hills after that,
Speaker 1: but now I work out of my home because of COVID.
Speaker 1: I specialized in anxiety, depression, trauma, and couples as well,
Speaker 1: and you can also find me on Instagram at Dr
Speaker 1: Hillary l A. And I love this question and might
Speaker 1: give an answer that feels a little bit paradoxical, but
Speaker 1: but hear me out. I think the way for all
Speaker 1: of us to start the new year outright, ironically, is
Speaker 1: to be really in touch with our full range of
Speaker 1: feelings and not to seek to suppress feelings that are
Speaker 1: scary or difficult or uncomfortable or vulnerable, but really lean
Speaker 1: into the totality of sort of where we're at and
Speaker 1: who we are, and that force ourselves to be in
Speaker 1: a place that we're not, because doing that creates a
Speaker 1: lot of dissonance, cognitive dissonance between like how we're feeling
Speaker 1: and where we actually are and where we think that
Speaker 1: we should be. We don't want to exile parts of
Speaker 1: us that are having a tricky time, that are having
Speaker 1: a messy set of feelings. And so going into the
Speaker 1: new year, I would just really encourage everyone to mobilize
Speaker 1: kind of the full sense of who they are, the
Speaker 1: parts of them that are feeling like hopeful and free
Speaker 1: and um and full and expand said in the parts
Speaker 1: them that are feeling afraid and vulnerable, because it's really
Speaker 1: only when we sit in and our full robust set
Speaker 1: of feelings that were kind of truly who we are. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what if? What would you tell somebody if they're like
Speaker 1: primary feelings or just what they feel the most are
Speaker 1: negative thoughts? And because I feel like but that I've
Speaker 1: been there too, I can totally relate to somebody feeling
Speaker 1: that way. But it's hard, at least for me personally
Speaker 1: to focus on my full feelings and every single part
Speaker 1: of me when I feel like the negative is just
Speaker 1: clouding my head. Yes, yes, that's such a good follow
Speaker 1: up question, because there are things that we can do
Speaker 1: to interrupt the sort of marinating and difficult, tricky feelings
Speaker 1: to help ourselves, and I think it's really important to
Speaker 1: do so when we're struggling. Compartmentalization and guiding ourselves to
Speaker 1: do things that lift us as a really important part
Speaker 1: of healing, as well as sitting in the original feelings
Speaker 1: that we were just talking about. So some of the
Speaker 1: tools that I use and recommend with my clients were
Speaker 1: really struggling and like you said, are really sitting in
Speaker 1: a full sense of anxiety or loneliness or depression or isolation.
Speaker 1: Is to find waste for respite, and so that respite
Speaker 1: might look like meditation, getting into with our breath, really
Speaker 1: sitting with ourselves to just calm our body, finding ways,
Speaker 1: uh to connect with friends or family members who feel
Speaker 1: soothing and supportive and don't require you to be anywhere
Speaker 1: that you're not, and absolutely finding professional support if that
Speaker 1: isn't something with which you're already engaged at The feelings
Speaker 1: are really invasive and really consuming and really overwhelming in
Speaker 1: these sort of ways that I'm pretty briefly talking about.
Speaker 1: But these ways and self soothing um and inviting kind
Speaker 1: of calm and respite into your life, are giving you
Speaker 1: any relief, that's a sign, that's that's important for us
Speaker 1: to note and to bring in some professional resources in
Speaker 1: that case. Yeah, Hey, guys and Ashley from the Almost
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Speaker 1: the air. The Bachelor is back with an all new
Speaker 1: season premiering January three. There's a new host, Jesse Palmer,
Speaker 1: and a brand new Bachelor, Clayton. Clayton is a Midwest
Speaker 1: boy that has that great smile, nice teeth, and he's
Speaker 1: really tall. Ash Let's call it what it is. He's
Speaker 1: a beefcake. Okay. Well, Clayton seems to be a good
Speaker 1: guy though, and he can't wait to find love, get married,
Speaker 1: and have kids. And he believes more than anything that
Speaker 1: his future wife is on this show. It sounds like
Speaker 1: a fairy tale but also a bit of an emotional
Speaker 1: world coaster, because Clayton tells three different women he's falling
Speaker 1: in love with him. Technically, he told one, I couldn't
Speaker 1: be more sure that I'm falling in love with you,
Speaker 1: and another one I'm falling in love with you, and
Speaker 1: the third one I am in love with you. You
Speaker 1: don't miss a thing. It's some years of over analyzing
Speaker 1: everything that guys say. But his heart is in the
Speaker 1: right place. But other parts of him as we find
Speaker 1: out what he admits to two different women that he
Speaker 1: was intimate with both of them, Yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's gonna go over Well, we'll be breaking down it
Speaker 1: all on the famous podcast Ben is Married Now Well
Speaker 1: Ashley's a mom will change our opinions of what we
Speaker 1: think is acceptable single behavior. Good question find out on
Speaker 1: the almost famous podcast on iHeart Radio and wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcasts. I got a lot of questions to
Speaker 1: asking like how do I know if I need therapy?
Speaker 1: Or how do I find a lot of people asked
Speaker 1: I've tried therapy and I feel like I can't find
Speaker 1: a therapist that works for me. Or how do I
Speaker 1: how do I know if I need it? And then
Speaker 1: if I do need it, how do I find somebody
Speaker 1: that I genuinely can connect with and that I can
Speaker 1: vent to and that I can trust? And what do
Speaker 1: you tell somebody I was wondering Those are such a
Speaker 1: good questions. So one of the um non clinical, non
Speaker 1: technical sort of ways that I like to think about
Speaker 1: whether or not someone should consider pursuing therapy. Is the
Speaker 1: phrase like more often than not, more often than not,
Speaker 1: so more often than not my feeling sad Am I
Speaker 1: feeling anxious? Am I feeling frustrated? And I feeling isolated?
Speaker 1: Am I not feeling okay? More often than not? Is
Speaker 1: not really an acceptable standard for us. We want more
Speaker 1: often than not that you feel okay or content or
Speaker 1: satisfied or hopeful, and so like I I sort of said,
Speaker 1: not not a clinical gauge, but an important one in
Speaker 1: terms of, like what your life this really feels like.
Speaker 1: And then a more clinical way to think about it is,
Speaker 1: to what extent are difficult feelings, difficult relationships, difficult circumstances,
Speaker 1: difficult episodes kind of interrupting your ability to function in
Speaker 1: primary areas of your life, whether that be academically, professionally,
Speaker 1: um socially, in relationships, ETCeteras. If thoughts and feelings, behaviors,
Speaker 1: actions are invading your space, your ability to think, and
Speaker 1: how you move through the world, that's absolutely a time
Speaker 1: to think about seeking professional services. Yeah. I really like
Speaker 1: that phrase more often than not, because I think that
Speaker 1: is a really good gauge for somebody like do. I
Speaker 1: feel this way way too often and way too much,
Speaker 1: to the point where it's actually like getting in the
Speaker 1: way of my life. And I think also with me
Speaker 1: when I first started therapy. I started a few years
Speaker 1: ago when things went sideways, um in my family and
Speaker 1: with the college scandal, and I just needed somebody to
Speaker 1: talk to. And I would I mean, if you have
Speaker 1: the resource and you can, I would really recommend it.
Speaker 1: And obviously that's why I want to do episodes like
Speaker 1: this for people that can't access therapy, you know, That's
Speaker 1: why I want to go in and do the Q
Speaker 1: and A and ask what I mean, ask you what
Speaker 1: the personal questions some fans have. But I also feel
Speaker 1: like for me when I first started, it was it
Speaker 1: was isn't normal to almost feel frustrated by not by therapy,
Speaker 1: but maybe by like the process Because for me, like
Speaker 1: I first started, I wanted it to be good and
Speaker 1: everything to be healed and all this to work like
Speaker 1: overnight or within a week span. And I feel like
Speaker 1: that's it's been years and I'm still dealing with things,
Speaker 1: and I still have so many questions for you and
Speaker 1: for my personal therapist that, um, would you say it's normal?
Speaker 1: It takes a lot of time, and you have to
Speaker 1: be patient with yourself, not just normal, but really engage
Speaker 1: that therapy is working. Frankly, is the idea that it
Speaker 1: gets a lot harder before it gets easier. From most
Speaker 1: people who are seeking therapy, they go at a tipping
Speaker 1: point right where more often than not they're struggling and
Speaker 1: feeling away in their lives that they don't want to
Speaker 1: and in order to uncover how and why that's happening,
Speaker 1: we have to look at typically some pretty difficult issues
Speaker 1: and it brings up more difficult feelings and a greater
Speaker 1: sense of feeling kind of out of control and messy,
Speaker 1: and maybe maybe even increased feelings of hopelessness or helplessness.
Speaker 1: But it's that very process sort of really looking at
Speaker 1: where we are and what's ailing us and the origins
Speaker 1: of those pains, whether they are from our early childhood,
Speaker 1: whether they're from current relationships, current social relationships, or professional lives, etcetera.
Speaker 1: You know, an intersection of all the above. Looking at
Speaker 1: that can be really painful, really herful, disoriented, really unsettling,
Speaker 1: But it is in that process that we face those
Speaker 1: truths and that we begin to mobilize kind of our
Speaker 1: internal resources of like, who do I want to be
Speaker 1: in the face of these wounds, in the face of
Speaker 1: these pains, and how do I start finding my way back?
Speaker 1: And to address kind of the back half of what
Speaker 1: you were saying, I often say this to my clients
Speaker 1: that many of us have what I like to call
Speaker 1: kind of core wounds, like a core wound that we
Speaker 1: identify as our our primary struggle. We don't feel good enough,
Speaker 1: or we don't feel seeing, we don't feel validated, um,
Speaker 1: we struggle with imperfection. We don't all have the same
Speaker 1: court wound, but we all have kind of a core
Speaker 1: wound that we often struggle with throughout our journey in life.
Speaker 1: Does it get better with therapy and the support of
Speaker 1: loved ones and our individual real growth of yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: But oftentimes we return back to that scene during times
Speaker 1: of dress and times of stress, during times of trauma.
Speaker 1: The intensity and duration of how it impacts us changes,
Speaker 1: But like that core issue reveals itself kind of over
Speaker 1: and over again. And I say this to normalize a
Speaker 1: lot of people's truths that they're like, oh, it's always
Speaker 1: comes up for me, you know, I always struggle nothing
Speaker 1: good enough, and it's well unpleasant, It's okay that that's true.
Speaker 1: And the more that we don't try to exile those
Speaker 1: parts of us and we lean into them, and we
Speaker 1: lean into, as I was saying before, kind of who
Speaker 1: we want to be in the face of these core struggles,
Speaker 1: the stronger we become over time. Right, What if you're
Speaker 1: I think for me, I can speak personally, but I
Speaker 1: know I got questions like this too. If you're in
Speaker 1: a position where you feel so fortunate or so lucky
Speaker 1: that you almost feel guilty for having these negative thoughts
Speaker 1: or feelings, and you're like, well, somebody else has it
Speaker 1: so much worse than I do. Why am I sitting
Speaker 1: here complaining about my life when you know, on paper
Speaker 1: or to somebody else might look or seem really good
Speaker 1: or it is really good compared to most. I would say,
Speaker 1: especially for me, like the world, I have it so
Speaker 1: so easy in a sense where it's like I almost
Speaker 1: feel guilty talking about it. And I even remember in
Speaker 1: the first episode we did together, like I would I
Speaker 1: told you, I feel I feel nervous to talk about
Speaker 1: these types of things and be so open because I
Speaker 1: don't want to offend anybody. I don't want somebody to
Speaker 1: take it like, oh, she's complaining. But then at the
Speaker 1: same time, I also have to cut myself a little slack,
Speaker 1: and you know, admit that I am a human and
Speaker 1: I have these feelings and certain things do bother me
Speaker 1: or you know, drive my anxiety up a little bit.
Speaker 1: And so I saw some other people also kind of
Speaker 1: relating to that and just saying, I feel kind of
Speaker 1: terrible and I have these feelings, but you know, my
Speaker 1: neighbor or somebody I love or somebody I just met
Speaker 1: has it so much worse. Am I allowed to feel
Speaker 1: this way? Yeah? My sort of um uh paradigm around
Speaker 1: that is the notion that things not only should coexist,
Speaker 1: but they must co exist. That two things can be
Speaker 1: true at the same time, and that doesn't mean they
Speaker 1: aren't hard to hold next to each other, but difficult,
Speaker 1: conflicting things must co exist. They do coexist. And that
Speaker 1: sort of kind of a macro response to this very
Speaker 1: specific issue that you're raising. Being a human being always
Speaker 1: means that people have struggle and face difficult things, and
Speaker 1: if we suppress it or don't allow ourselves to look
Speaker 1: at it or face it, we're looking at compromising kind
Speaker 1: of our internal self and our internal resources, and we
Speaker 1: don't want to do that to ourselves. So the idea
Speaker 1: that both things can be true, that you can be
Speaker 1: someone who recognizes your your privilege in all sorts of
Speaker 1: ways and holds that with you as you simultaneously look
Speaker 1: at things that ail you. And I certainly understand and
Speaker 1: want to deeply acknowledge the uh action that it might
Speaker 1: cause another people to hear someone of privilege talk about
Speaker 1: their struggles. There is, um the hierarchy of privilege, both
Speaker 1: financially and socially, is a real thing in our country,
Speaker 1: and um it is. It is not a division that
Speaker 1: is equal, and there are a lot of people that
Speaker 1: struggle because of that. And that's just the truth that
Speaker 1: we want to honor and and lean into and regularly
Speaker 1: acknowledge and at the same time allowing ourselves to say, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with my own anxiety, my own vulnerability, my
Speaker 1: own depression, And only in the deep acknowledging of our
Speaker 1: own personal truth can we really be of service not
Speaker 1: only to ourselves, but of other people. So it's just
Speaker 1: an equation that that that has to be like filled,
Speaker 1: meaning that in order for you to you individually to
Speaker 1: rise to your own full potential. You have to take
Speaker 1: on your struggles and your ailments too. It's just it's
Speaker 1: just like a necessary truth that like an edict that
Speaker 1: you have. I think that's kind of a perfect way.
Speaker 1: Because I have some like podcast reviews, and there's some
Speaker 1: negative ones. Obviously, I'm so grateful for the positive. And
Speaker 1: I feel like even when I started YouTube, like pre
Speaker 1: college scandal, pre being in the media so much, I
Speaker 1: felt like I always promised myself, you know, you're going
Speaker 1: to focus on the positive and we're going to try
Speaker 1: and stay away from the negative, just for like my
Speaker 1: own mental sanity. But given the episode, I definitely want
Speaker 1: to like highlight some of this just for your advice,
Speaker 1: and also because I do think that if you know,
Speaker 1: I want people to relate to this and get something
Speaker 1: out of it, I too have to be vulnerable and
Speaker 1: open for that to happen. So we kind of wrote
Speaker 1: down a little list of some reviews and questions to follow.
Speaker 1: So I'm just going to read the first one, and
Speaker 1: I hope I don't get triggered. Um, but it says,
Speaker 1: so this was one review I had from the podcast,
Speaker 1: and it says, try to give a listen despite her
Speaker 1: sketchy past, but this podcast is objectively terrible. She sounds
Speaker 1: flat and it seems obvious that she's just reading questions
Speaker 1: somebody else wrote. There really isn't dialogue, but more like
Speaker 1: the show intends to show a predetermined narrative in a
Speaker 1: fake Q and A format. It reminds me of those
Speaker 1: long commercials on YouTube made to look like a news
Speaker 1: report or educational video, except even more boring. If this
Speaker 1: wasn't meant to be a vehicle for her, it wouldn't
Speaker 1: exist and we'd be better for it. And then, um,
Speaker 1: I guess, like obviously, it's it's hard when I read
Speaker 1: stuff like that because a I think I'm numb to
Speaker 1: it and I'm used to it at this point where
Speaker 1: it doesn't maybe affect me as harshly as it might
Speaker 1: affect somebody else reading a negative review or response or
Speaker 1: somebody's opinion like that. But what is the right way
Speaker 1: to react to a comment like that? Or what does
Speaker 1: one do? Because I can sit here and say, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me, but
Speaker 1: I'm human. There's a part of me that reads that
Speaker 1: and I'm like ouch, yeah, yeah, I think, actually, what
Speaker 1: you just said your last sentence is probably a place
Speaker 1: to begin, which is that who who amongst us, whatever
Speaker 1: your status, whatever your level of privilege, who amongst us
Speaker 1: would not hear negative personal feedback about our work or
Speaker 1: our passions and not feel something about it, not fell hurt,
Speaker 1: not feel upset, not question yourself? Right who amongst us?
Speaker 1: And so I think carving out of space, like a
Speaker 1: real space, an authentic, true space to just sort of say,
Speaker 1: like exactly what you just said was like, Oh, that hurts,
Speaker 1: like it hurts, and maybe I'll never get to a
Speaker 1: place where it doesn't penetrate me a little bit. I'll
Speaker 1: never get to a place where I don't want to
Speaker 1: be pleasing to everyone. I'll never get to a place
Speaker 1: where it doesn't hurt that everyone can't lean and or
Speaker 1: at least be kind. Um you know in their assessment
Speaker 1: that that hurts. And I think allowing for that space
Speaker 1: is really important because, as you've alluded to, you are
Speaker 1: human with real feelings and care about what other people
Speaker 1: think of you. And I think at the same time,
Speaker 1: this idea of holding um uh, the the side by
Speaker 1: side narrative of like alongside that that you're grateful for
Speaker 1: your platform and for what you do and for the
Speaker 1: support that you do receive to kind of counterbalance. And
Speaker 1: I know you get a lot of support as well,
Speaker 1: so that can help lift you, and you deserve to
Speaker 1: be lifted in the face of of of sort of
Speaker 1: negative personal opinions. But I think the most important thing
Speaker 1: is to allow yourself space to go like, yeah, it hurts,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm human, and to claim that that it's it's
Speaker 1: okay to say out loud to yourself and to your
Speaker 1: listeners that like that hurts. I'm. I'm not really asking
Speaker 1: for anything in return, but I'm just letting you know
Speaker 1: that my experience when I read something like this is
Speaker 1: that it hurts, and that's my true yeah totally, because
Speaker 1: I also feel like for me personally, I'm just so
Speaker 1: the type of person and I think everybody is like
Speaker 1: this to a certain degree, but I swear I've been
Speaker 1: like cursed with it where I feel like I need
Speaker 1: everybody to like me, and I want everybody to like me,
Speaker 1: and if you don't like me, then I'll spend hours,
Speaker 1: all hours talking to you and letting you get to
Speaker 1: know me and hopefully I'll change your opinion. But I'm
Speaker 1: like so hyper sensitive and hyper focused on getting people's
Speaker 1: approval that it's very interesting that I chose this career
Speaker 1: path at such a young age because that's always been
Speaker 1: just a part of who I am. So with comments
Speaker 1: like that, it can be difficult, difficult because a part
Speaker 1: of me wants to take every single comment that's in
Speaker 1: that range and just be like, wait, this isn't true,
Speaker 1: or I'll show you this about me, and and it's
Speaker 1: just like it's almost exhausting trying to like prove yourself.
Speaker 1: But there's also a part of me that, like my
Speaker 1: brain won't forget it or let it go until I'm
Speaker 1: like okay, like now they get me, now they understand
Speaker 1: who I am. And I really want to work on
Speaker 1: that because I mean, chances are of everybody liking you
Speaker 1: on the planet is so slim and it's so impossible.
Speaker 1: And I know that it's even more important, like the
Speaker 1: people that are actually in your life and know you,
Speaker 1: those are the ones that you want to have a
Speaker 1: good relationship with and treat with respect and have those
Speaker 1: mutual benefits in a relationship. But it is really hard
Speaker 1: even when it does come from a stranger. Well, and
Speaker 1: it's possible, like I was alluding to a few moments
Speaker 1: ago that that is is one of our your core wound.
Speaker 1: You know, this idea that you have to sort of
Speaker 1: um elicit the affection or approval of everyone, and when
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen, that it collapses you to a certain extent.
Speaker 1: And I often talk about this concept and in therapy
Speaker 1: with my individual clients, and it applies to someone kind
Speaker 1: of in your position and to someone who's not in
Speaker 1: the public eye, which is the idea that we can
Speaker 1: go through life never disappointing somebody else is is fiction
Speaker 1: and really damaging, right. It just is um part of
Speaker 1: being human and in relationships with others that we're gonna
Speaker 1: do things that are disappointing, offensive, not understood, not validated,
Speaker 1: not accepted because we all have our own stuff going on.
Speaker 1: We're all triggered and impacted by different stimulus and different
Speaker 1: experience is and so that idea that e X that
Speaker 1: I can go through life gaining everyone's approval not discapplining
Speaker 1: everyone is as you said, exhausting and can really change
Speaker 1: who we are and how we move through the world.
Speaker 1: So I'm sure it's something you're working on and your
Speaker 1: something to keep thinking about because that um that that
Speaker 1: sort of primitive pull can kind of change how we
Speaker 1: show up in the world. That can lose a bit
Speaker 1: of ourselves each time um that kind of feed that
Speaker 1: comes in, we lose a bit of ourselves to that
Speaker 1: moment that person in the service of trying to change
Speaker 1: other people's opinions about us. It's really important to accept that, Like,
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm not going to land on other people in
Speaker 1: spite of my best intentions. Right, do you think I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if beneficial is the right word, but
Speaker 1: do you think it's beneficial to read the negative comments?
Speaker 1: Or would you say to somebody, not even just as
Speaker 1: a somebody who's public on social media, but even in
Speaker 1: somebody's private life. That's whether it's feeding into the negative
Speaker 1: commentary uh faced face, or if it's you know, through
Speaker 1: social media or through zoom, through class like whatever it
Speaker 1: might be. Is it is there any benefit to like
Speaker 1: reading somebody else's opinion, even if it is negative. It's
Speaker 1: a really good question, and I think the answer is
Speaker 1: probably in the Unkno, But I want to clarify. I
Speaker 1: think it's really important to build a muscle to have
Speaker 1: dialogue or conversations with people in your life who know you,
Speaker 1: who have been interacted by you personally. To be able
Speaker 1: to sit down with someone who says like I didn't
Speaker 1: like what just happened back there, I didn't like the
Speaker 1: way that you talked to me, or I didn't like
Speaker 1: what you had to say about their it really is
Speaker 1: in conflict with a core belief of mine, meaning having
Speaker 1: dialogue with people who are giving you difficult feedback, who
Speaker 1: are actually in your life is a really critical skill
Speaker 1: to having healthy, strong relationships, whether they're romantic or friendships
Speaker 1: or with their families. So I don't want my answer
Speaker 1: to suggest that giving kind of negative quote negative feedback
Speaker 1: or critical feedback is I like to think about it
Speaker 1: is something that we shouldn't do as human beings in
Speaker 1: relationship with each other. We should That's how we grow stronger,
Speaker 1: that's how we work through things, that's how we get
Speaker 1: more intimate. But in the context that we're talking about
Speaker 1: even lots of people who don't know you, or others
Speaker 1: right who are providing this kind of feedback on a
Speaker 1: quote smaller scale or something, or or through social media,
Speaker 1: I think at some point it's important to say to
Speaker 1: ourselves like this, this isn't a useful dialogue in which
Speaker 1: I can discern some important information about myself and I
Speaker 1: can use it to make someone else feel better or
Speaker 1: improve how we move through the world. This is something
Speaker 1: else which is oftentimes kind of like hmm, someone blowing
Speaker 1: off steam or a bit mean spirited, or or just
Speaker 1: not about the person to whom it's targeted. So a
Speaker 1: long way to say that, I do think at some
Speaker 1: point in your case, in particular, if there's information about
Speaker 1: like your work that you think would be useful, like oh,
Speaker 1: they're working through the podcast, or engage my viewers or
Speaker 1: listeners more, great, cool, that might be interest thing to
Speaker 1: to interact with. But if it's just kind of personal
Speaker 1: stuff that is um more on the one sided sort
Speaker 1: of dump of negative energy, and I'm not sure that
Speaker 1: it makes sense to listen to it. It can't really
Speaker 1: be impacted by you by you simply reading it right,
Speaker 1: And I feel like for me personally, I always try
Speaker 1: and find ever since I was younger too, because I
Speaker 1: started my YouTube channel when I was fourteen, so I
Speaker 1: was really young, very impressionable, but I would always even then,
Speaker 1: I mean just the Internet in general, you're always going
Speaker 1: to have people that like what you do and you're
Speaker 1: always gonna have people that maybe don't relate, or don't
Speaker 1: really like it, or just you know, they want to
Speaker 1: let you know that they don't like it. But within
Speaker 1: that sometimes when I was younger, I would try and
Speaker 1: find the constructive criticism, even if it was said in
Speaker 1: a negative way. And I feel like, kind of to
Speaker 1: answer my own question, I guess or um, if somebody
Speaker 1: else can relate, I guess it would just be like
Speaker 1: for me, I think the best way to go about it,
Speaker 1: at least for my mental health. And what I found
Speaker 1: is the healthiest is to maybe not engage. Well, just
Speaker 1: don't engage in general is my number one rule of them,
Speaker 1: but not to engage personally, to like in my own
Speaker 1: head and really let that comment like consume my day
Speaker 1: or my week, and if there is something constructive within it,
Speaker 1: then maybe take from that and try and grow from it.
Speaker 1: But I think if it is just like a general
Speaker 1: negative comment that you know isn't benefiting you, and you
Speaker 1: kind of know that in your gut, it's probably best
Speaker 1: to try and focus on something a little bit more positive. Um.
Speaker 1: So with that being said, I guess we'll read I
Speaker 1: guess I'll read one more negative. There are positives on
Speaker 1: here too, but I think the negatives are probably more
Speaker 1: beneficial for everybody. And then, um, I definitely want to
Speaker 1: jump into some of the questions that some of the
Speaker 1: audience has, but will end on this. It says, what
Speaker 1: has she done to work hard? Ever, she's Laurie's daughter basically,
Speaker 1: but so is Bella. Bella is my older sister. Um.
Speaker 1: But this comment is something I definitely hear a lot.
Speaker 1: And I also want to acknowledge that I I am
Speaker 1: super aware that I've been given opportunities, um because of
Speaker 1: my parents, and I know that I live a very
Speaker 1: blessed and fortunate and privileged life. But then there's also
Speaker 1: a part of me that feels it's tricky because it's
Speaker 1: it's it's hard to speak on because I know that,
Speaker 1: you know, to the average human, I have it easy.
Speaker 1: I know that to myself as well, But there is
Speaker 1: something to be said for you know, there's a big
Speaker 1: misconception about me. I feel like, at least personally, where
Speaker 1: I get that comment of you don't work hard, and
Speaker 1: it's like I didn't have to start my YouTube when
Speaker 1: I was fourteen. I did put in a lot of work,
Speaker 1: and I there's always rumors floating around you know about
Speaker 1: my my grade. She clearly didn't work hard. You must
Speaker 1: have failed school. And I don't even think I've ever
Speaker 1: said this publicly, but um, in high school, I I
Speaker 1: had straight a's and I worked really hard at school.
Speaker 1: And it's just like about like debunking these like rumors,
Speaker 1: I guess are just these thoughts that people rightfully have,
Speaker 1: because I totally understand. But it is also like, is
Speaker 1: it worth even trying to clear that up for your
Speaker 1: own mental sanity or for mine in this situation or
Speaker 1: at this point do you just kind of go with
Speaker 1: the mindset of like I know what I know, and
Speaker 1: I can't let somebody else's opinion, you know, even if
Speaker 1: it's false get in my head to a certain degree. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think both of those can be true together, meaning
Speaker 1: that it probably makes sense in this moment for you
Speaker 1: to clarify like, hey, I actually took school really seriously.
Speaker 1: It happened to have strings in the high school, right
Speaker 1: that that that happens to be an important value of mine.
Speaker 1: And here's some evidence you know that that sort of
Speaker 1: backs that up, that that it's okay to state truth
Speaker 1: about yourself. But in general, whether you're a public figure
Speaker 1: or not. I think when you have people that um
Speaker 1: aren't believing in you or aren't leaning into um uh,
Speaker 1: important notions about yourself that you're trying to share, and
Speaker 1: it gets a little hairy when there are people that
Speaker 1: don't know you, but nonetheless right that my sort of
Speaker 1: my sort of notion around this is to state our
Speaker 1: truth once, right, you know, to stay our truth once.
Speaker 1: And in your situation, you're in public and private, and
Speaker 1: so it makes it a little more complicated. But to
Speaker 1: state our truths once and then move on in the
Speaker 1: knowingness that you alluded to, right, You know that maybe
Speaker 1: it is important for you, in this moment, at this
Speaker 1: particular season in your life, to put out there more
Speaker 1: publicly that like, actually, for example, education does matter to
Speaker 1: me and did matter to here's kind of how that's
Speaker 1: played out. And then to move on in that knowingness
Speaker 1: that you don't have to carry it around waving a flag, right,
Speaker 1: And that's where you lean into kind of your internal truth.
Speaker 1: So I think kind of both things can be true.
Speaker 1: That there's seasons or moments in our life when we
Speaker 1: feel like I need to say this, it matters to
Speaker 1: me to say it and we become less invested in
Speaker 1: what the feedback and responses to stating our truth, but
Speaker 1: more invested in like this is a moment where I
Speaker 1: say it kind of for me because it's my truth
Speaker 1: and it feels like it's it's it's not out there
Speaker 1: enough in a way that aligns with what I know
Speaker 1: about myself. And then I move on with a quiet
Speaker 1: or understanding of those things about myself. Right, I do
Speaker 1: want to get into these questions and just jump right
Speaker 1: into them. And one that I saw was a really
Speaker 1: really really common theme was a about holiday time and
Speaker 1: just you know, being back with family and how to
Speaker 1: deal with somebody in your life if they have a
Speaker 1: narcissism disorder or if they're bipolar or um. Basically just
Speaker 1: that was kind of like the tree branch question of
Speaker 1: how do I deal with that and how do I
Speaker 1: let them know they make me feel a certain way
Speaker 1: because every time I talk about it, I feel invalidated.
Speaker 1: I feel like we go back to square one. I
Speaker 1: don't know how to push forward. I don't even know
Speaker 1: how to coexist with this person or have a good relationship.
Speaker 1: And it's my mom for example, or wait, let me
Speaker 1: clear that up. I'm not talking about myself personally, and
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about my own mother. I don't want
Speaker 1: that to get twisted. But that was like a common
Speaker 1: theme of a question or a boyfriend or an ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend or whatever it is um And I feel like
Speaker 1: that also kind of went hand in hand with a
Speaker 1: lot of questions about trauma because I know people um
Speaker 1: or at least in my experiences of dealing with somebody
Speaker 1: with narcissism, is that it can create smaller traumas that
Speaker 1: like kind of later arise without you really realizing it.
Speaker 1: What would you say or what's the best advice to
Speaker 1: go about that? Yeah, there's there's a lot there, So
Speaker 1: I would say my answer is is twofold. I think
Speaker 1: it's it's really key to think upfront, although we're kind
Speaker 1: of in the middle or just post holidays, about boundaries,
Speaker 1: right that in the face of people around us that
Speaker 1: are toxic or potentially damaging that A it's really important
Speaker 1: to have kind of a quote safety plan in mind.
Speaker 1: And I know that this can be tricky when we're
Speaker 1: talking about mothers or fathers, or brothers or sisters who
Speaker 1: are in the same house which we're staying for the holidays, right, So, um,
Speaker 1: we may not be able to always leave or to
Speaker 1: come back the next day with a clearer mind, but
Speaker 1: having some ideas about how to set boundaries in the
Speaker 1: moment and to keep ourselves safe. So what do I mean?
Speaker 1: So you have um critical mother who is saying things
Speaker 1: to you that are are really hurtful and damaging, and
Speaker 1: you are kind of stuck in your family home. So
Speaker 1: being able to state your truth what's happening right now
Speaker 1: it feels really hurtful. I feel like I shouldn't stay
Speaker 1: in this moment with you because it's starting to feel
Speaker 1: really triggering. I'm going to go upstairs and just take
Speaker 1: a little break, right So being able to just state
Speaker 1: our truth in a moment, not having to elicit agreement
Speaker 1: from the other party that we're right and they're wrong
Speaker 1: necessarily because that usually ends in, uh, it not being
Speaker 1: very satisfying to either party, but to kind of own that,
Speaker 1: like this didn't feel good, or what you said back
Speaker 1: there didn't feel good. Are you available to like kind
Speaker 1: of hear about it. And if they're not um and
Speaker 1: arguing with you or gas lighting you or making you
Speaker 1: feel not validated, to sort of say some version of
Speaker 1: like it looks like we're not going to be aligned
Speaker 1: here or really understand each other. I'm just gonna take
Speaker 1: some time upstairs. I'm gonna go for a walk, I'm
Speaker 1: gon go for a drive, and just kind of setting
Speaker 1: myself I'll be back. So it's kind of a two
Speaker 1: pronged like setting a boundary and having a safety plan,
Speaker 1: even if it means, you know, going to the bathroom
Speaker 1: for ten minutes and doing some deep breathing. We often
Speaker 1: get stuck in the cycle of trying to change someone
Speaker 1: in the moment of trying to get them to understand
Speaker 1: how it is they made us feel, or to show
Speaker 1: up differently, or to admit wrongdoing. We all get in
Speaker 1: that moment, and it's very painful to walk away from
Speaker 1: a moment like that without that validation that like, wow,
Speaker 1: I hurt you. I didn't you know that, I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry that, and so as we have to let go
Speaker 1: of that in the service of protecting ourselves. And so
Speaker 1: if we find that we can't engage a person in
Speaker 1: conversation that like, hey, that hurt can we talk about that?
Speaker 1: That we sort of say, like, this is how I
Speaker 1: fount in this moment, and to kind of take care
Speaker 1: of myself on the step away for a bit. It's
Speaker 1: not going to feel amazing, it's not going to feel perfect,
Speaker 1: but it's a way to begin to build kind of
Speaker 1: self soothing and self protective skills that we need in
Speaker 1: the face of toxic people who aren't available for change.
Speaker 1: That's really interesting. So you would say, like the main
Speaker 1: thing would maybe be if you can try and get
Speaker 1: a little space for both parties to clear heads and
Speaker 1: then hopefully come together at a certain point. Or do
Speaker 1: you kind of just forget about the forget about the
Speaker 1: issue at hand in general, if you feel like if
Speaker 1: it's just like a you know, just a never ending
Speaker 1: cycle of you guys just saying the same thing back
Speaker 1: and forth, I think if it's the ladder to kind
Speaker 1: of start where you ended, if you find you've engaged
Speaker 1: in a version of this conversation over and over again,
Speaker 1: and you've done it in a way that's digestible, meaning
Speaker 1: instead of being like you're so mean, I can't believe
Speaker 1: you saying like you know, when you say that, that
Speaker 1: really hurts me. It really makes me feel not seeing
Speaker 1: or not loved. I just want to let you know that.
Speaker 1: Can we chat about it and see if there's a
Speaker 1: way for you to say that differently to me. Like
Speaker 1: if we've said our piece of the way that's digestible
Speaker 1: and doesn't kind of promote defensiveness, and we keep getting
Speaker 1: the same response defensiveness or a lack of response, your understanding,
Speaker 1: your empathy, etcetera, then yes, I think at that point
Speaker 1: we're taking we're we're kind of trying to minimize the
Speaker 1: collateral damage and saying, Okay, there's not really anything for
Speaker 1: me to get here in terms of additional understanding or
Speaker 1: validation around this issue. So I'm gonna protect myself. I'm
Speaker 1: going to minimize my time. I'm gonna walk away if
Speaker 1: there's a moment that doesn't feel good, but I'm still
Speaker 1: gonna say, you know that doesn't feel good back there,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna go take a moment for myself
Speaker 1: and UM, while that might not elicit the validation we
Speaker 1: so desperately wanted, at least starts to build a sense
Speaker 1: of um self regulation and a kind of self advocacy
Speaker 1: that we're someone that can walk away from something that's
Speaker 1: hurtful or toxic and take care of ourselves. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: that can feel good in the face of a toxic relationship.
Speaker 1: Obviously what feels best is a person understanding and trying
Speaker 1: to heal with you. But in that which is often
Speaker 1: the case, by definition, being able to take care of
Speaker 1: ourselves is kind of like, well, it's ultimately the best thing,
Speaker 1: but the next best thing in the context that is
Speaker 1: just describing. Yeah, totally I relate to that too, And
Speaker 1: I feel like even in personal situations I've been in,
Speaker 1: you know, you can only control your half of things,
Speaker 1: and so it is every time I've ever been in
Speaker 1: a situation with somebody that maybe isn't the most healthy
Speaker 1: person to have in my life, I feel like if
Speaker 1: I do control my side of things and I say
Speaker 1: what I feel like I needed to say, like you're
Speaker 1: kind of saying in a way that's digestible and it's
Speaker 1: and it's and it makes sense for me, then I
Speaker 1: always walk away even if I didn't get that validation,
Speaker 1: like you're talking about that maybe somebody needs you do
Speaker 1: walk away feeling better than engaging in a huge blowout
Speaker 1: fight for sure, even though it's difficult. Regardless, Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: that is one of the things. One of the issues, um,
Speaker 1: one of the kind of set of coping behaviors that
Speaker 1: I talk often about in with my individual clients is
Speaker 1: the idea that often times we're surrounded by people that
Speaker 1: can't give us what we need or that are toxic
Speaker 1: or not good for us, and we find that we
Speaker 1: can't change how they respond to us. But there's something
Speaker 1: that feels very grounding about the way that we feel
Speaker 1: good about, very grounding and ultimately very healing, because really
Speaker 1: it's our internal resources UM which we have to ultimately
Speaker 1: rely and and so that is really the building block
Speaker 1: of a of a much stronger emotional and mental foundation.
Speaker 1: And even though we want to deeply acknowledge like it
Speaker 1: hurts if if our mother doesn't see that she's criticizing us,
Speaker 1: you know, boyfriend is disrespecting us in ways that he
Speaker 1: can't But that doesn't take away that pain, but it
Speaker 1: begins to help us feel more grounded and to make
Speaker 1: some better choices for ourselves or in terms of the
Speaker 1: relationships that we want to be in. And I wish
Speaker 1: that obviously we could go through and answer all these questions.
Speaker 1: So I do kind of want to end on another
Speaker 1: note that was UM very much highlighted in this Q
Speaker 1: and A. And I think a lot of people honestly
Speaker 1: because I learned about this recently within the year. But
Speaker 1: can you talk about because I kind of think it
Speaker 1: goes in theme with this last question of what exactly
Speaker 1: is a trauma bond for somebody that doesn't know? And
Speaker 1: then how can that relate to, you know, somebody in
Speaker 1: your life that you're close to um with you know,
Speaker 1: maybe in narcissism disorder something along those lines. Uh so maybe, yeah,
Speaker 1: we can do it in two parts of like what
Speaker 1: is a trauma bond? How do you know if you
Speaker 1: have a trauma bond with somebody? And then how do
Speaker 1: you get kind of away from that? Yeah? Yeah, So, um,
Speaker 1: when I talk about trauma bonds, I like to also
Speaker 1: bring in this notion which I think can help um
Speaker 1: illuminate it, which is the idea of in psychology, we
Speaker 1: call it like a wounded kids collusion. Wounded collusion, So
Speaker 1: the idea that two people who are wounded come together
Speaker 1: and verbally or non verbally clue to like become codependent
Speaker 1: on each other to move through the world in a
Speaker 1: way together that feels protective and healing and safe, but
Speaker 1: ultimately is a bit toxic and kind of um captures
Speaker 1: the trauma in like a bubble and keeps everyone that
Speaker 1: kind of stuck and paralyzed in it. And um to
Speaker 1: take it a bit out of like the more clinical
Speaker 1: terms and what it looks like in like a day
Speaker 1: to day basis or in a particular relationship is to
Speaker 1: people who are um you know, who have had a
Speaker 1: shared experience in terms of a of a core wound
Speaker 1: in terms of a trauma, whether it's sexual abuse or
Speaker 1: having a tendency to choose unavailable men emotionally, whether uh,
Speaker 1: two people who have parents who both divorced, who have
Speaker 1: been the victims of crime. To people who've been through
Speaker 1: difficult things and this is not to be the same
Speaker 1: difficult thing, but difficult things that have compromised kind of
Speaker 1: how they see the world, how they move through the world,
Speaker 1: the relationships that they choose and together sort of um
Speaker 1: are impacted by that trauma in a way that keeps
Speaker 1: them close and oftentimes keep them kind of codependent on
Speaker 1: each other. Interesting, and is there a way to break
Speaker 1: that or like, if you're in a situation like that,
Speaker 1: do you know at the forefront of your head, like
Speaker 1: this is a toxic is there like that gut feeling
Speaker 1: where you're like Okay, I'm really dependent, but I kind
Speaker 1: of know deep down that this isn't healthy. Or do
Speaker 1: some people go through life or periods of time having
Speaker 1: this trauma bond and you really don't know trauma bond
Speaker 1: I think, particularly initially, but throughout the course of the
Speaker 1: connection can feel almost like high. It can feel seductive
Speaker 1: and really compelling, and so I think oftentimes people, um,
Speaker 1: I'm like using air quotes right now, but like don't
Speaker 1: know or don't want to know, because it's so compelling
Speaker 1: they want to stay in it. It feels protect it
Speaker 1: feels enlivening, it feels less isolating, and it fills up
Speaker 1: the holes and the emptiness that the original trauma has caused.
Speaker 1: I think oftentimes when people start to unravel a trauma bond,
Speaker 1: they often recognize, either in retrospect or had just been
Speaker 1: in some sort of original denial that like, something about
Speaker 1: this particular relationship and how it moved through the world
Speaker 1: together didn't feel quite right, Like there was some intuition
Speaker 1: that like this feels a little too relevant to me,
Speaker 1: This feels a little too important, this feels a little
Speaker 1: too central to me to feel right or healthy. I
Speaker 1: need it a little too much. Whatever the right words are, right,
Speaker 1: but oftentimes we go in and out of understanding that
Speaker 1: or acknowledging that, or like believing our intuition around it.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of a long way to answer your question.
Speaker 1: But I think oftentimes we we do know of what,
Speaker 1: we suppress that knowledge because it's it's like a salve
Speaker 1: to the wornd. It's having a like a hit of
Speaker 1: a drug or like a bunch of drinks. It feels
Speaker 1: okay for a period of time. So that's really interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I relate to that for sure. Um, I guess just
Speaker 1: to wrap it up, how would I guess we kind
Speaker 1: of talked about this at the beginning, but I want
Speaker 1: to give like a clear answer to somebody maybe that
Speaker 1: isn't living their life to the fullest. And now we're
Speaker 1: going into the new year. I hope that everybody has
Speaker 1: a better year than if you struggled or for that matter,
Speaker 1: But how can you set yourself up for success in
Speaker 1: the new year besides maybe just listening and validating your
Speaker 1: emotions and understanding that, like it's okay to be at
Speaker 1: rock bottom and it's okay to hurt and to feel
Speaker 1: these negative feelings. But is there something that, or is
Speaker 1: there a trick or besides, like maybe you're classic like
Speaker 1: meditation or something that you hear often. Is there something
Speaker 1: that you specifically have found, um is helpful, or something
Speaker 1: you tell your clients in order to set themselves up
Speaker 1: for success and just to attempt to feel happiness because
Speaker 1: we are only given one life and I know probably
Speaker 1: everybody wants to feel that a little bit. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, you've made me think of something that I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have thought had you not asked it that way,
Speaker 1: because I think in general, people in my line of
Speaker 1: work always answer a question like this was some mix
Speaker 1: of like, right, you have to lean into the reality
Speaker 1: of like what you're feeling, and you have to you know,
Speaker 1: sort of mobilize and facilitate as as many moments as
Speaker 1: possible of feeling connection and joy. But to someone really
Speaker 1: suffering and really stuck, all that can feel a little
Speaker 1: bit like dim and hard to lean into. So I
Speaker 1: have a thought that might be a little more practical,
Speaker 1: which is that oftentimes I say to my clients who
Speaker 1: are really struggling and really finding it difficult to like
Speaker 1: make in rows into feeling again, into feeling better. It's
Speaker 1: to kind of like make a plan to set aside,
Speaker 1: like if if you're struggling to connect, if you're struggling
Speaker 1: to even get yourself to meditate, to read a book,
Speaker 1: to go for a walk, to do something that would
Speaker 1: be mobilizing resources that could be beneficial to you. To
Speaker 1: kind of tell yourself to do five minutes five minutes.
Speaker 1: So it's five minutes of like I'm gonna do five
Speaker 1: minutes of deep breathing. I'm gonna do five minutes of
Speaker 1: a phone call to someone because I usually feel better
Speaker 1: after I connect. I'm gonna do five minutes of cleaning
Speaker 1: my bedroom. That's all I can do. I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: five minutes of cleaning out my emails. I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: five minutes of that work that I was piling out
Speaker 1: that I just haven't been able to do right, And
Speaker 1: they sat like a timer five minutes on your phone
Speaker 1: and egg time or whatever it is, five minutes to
Speaker 1: do something that you've been wanting to do or that
Speaker 1: you know that's good for you. And when that five
Speaker 1: minutes goes off, go back to what you were doing
Speaker 1: before to self soothe. And then the next day maybe
Speaker 1: you can do seven minutes. And then the next day,
Speaker 1: maybe it's nine. Then the next day maybe it's ten, etcetera.
Speaker 1: And people have reported really finding something soothing in the
Speaker 1: idea of having their energy contained and um not feeling
Speaker 1: so overwhelmed and vulnerable at the idea of leaning into
Speaker 1: resources or activities or behavior that might be beneficial because
Speaker 1: there's this endless struggle of life. Well, I don't feel good.
Speaker 1: How am I supposed to do to things that are
Speaker 1: supposed to make me feel good? Maybe this is a
Speaker 1: bit of a trick um to to bridge that gap
Speaker 1: when someone's really struggling. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: It's starting with the small things, even though it can
Speaker 1: be difficult. It definitely I think helps in the grand
Speaker 1: scheme of life into living your life to the fullest
Speaker 1: and trying to get the most benefits out of this
Speaker 1: lifetime because it is so shure and it is so
Speaker 1: easy to focus on those negatives. So I definitely will
Speaker 1: use that for myself for sure, and I'm I'm sure
Speaker 1: so many other people will also benefit from that advice.
Speaker 1: So guys, you heard it here first five minutes, just
Speaker 1: try it. Thank you so much for coming on again,
Speaker 1: and you know, giving advice and your wisdom. It's so helpful,
Speaker 1: not just to me, but I know so many young
Speaker 1: girls had great feedback on the first episode, and that's
Speaker 1: like everything to me. If it if it makes one
Speaker 1: person's day or it helps literal really just one person
Speaker 1: out of a funk or something, or they've benefited or
Speaker 1: learned something from this that maybe they don't have access
Speaker 1: to a therapist or somebody that they can talk to
Speaker 1: and get this um you know, licensed practiced advice. I
Speaker 1: think that this is really really helpful. So thank you
Speaker 1: so much. I'm so happy to be a part of it.
Speaker 1: Thanks and we have a million more questions, which means
Speaker 1: episode three will have to happen. I'm there for it perfect.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Happy New Year than you and
Speaker 1: stay healthy. Okay you too, Okay bye, thank you