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Speaker 1: Hey, Alyssa, Sayale and this is Joe. Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast game show.

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Speaker 2: The show where you can hear the greatest stories on ours.

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Speaker 1: And luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the

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Speaker 1: best stories your ears could listen to. All you have

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Speaker 1: to do is wait for two minutes through these messages

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Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: My brother is secretly living with me now my mother

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Speaker 3: thinks I'm cheating.

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Speaker 4: You know he's living there though, Yeah?

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Speaker 5: What about two.

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Speaker 3: Weeks ago, my female twenty five sister in law, female

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Speaker 3: thirty two, dropped a bombshell on my brother, male twenty nine,

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Speaker 3: that their youngest five female might not be his child

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Speaker 3: because she had been sleeping with her ex boyfriend around

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Speaker 3: the time they got pregnant.

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Speaker 5: He showed up on my doorstep.

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Speaker 3: And asked if he could stay with me while he

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Speaker 3: figured this stuff out. I of course said yes and

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Speaker 3: made up the guest room for him. My brother asked

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Speaker 3: if I could keep his situation private while he figures

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Speaker 3: out his next moves, and especially not tell our parents.

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Speaker 3: My mom has an incredibly close relationship with my sister

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Speaker 3: in law and with how she treated her older sister

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Speaker 3: who divorced her husband after he cheated on her, so

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Speaker 3: she doesn't view cheating as someone worth divorcing over.

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Speaker 5: Basically.

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Speaker 3: The other day, my mom and I were on FaceTime

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Speaker 3: and I was showing her how my quarantine garden was

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Speaker 3: coming along. My back was facing the house, and during

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Speaker 3: the call, she briefly saw my brother pass by a

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Speaker 3: window without his shirt on. She ended up cutting the

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Speaker 3: call shorts and left me confused until she called back

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Speaker 3: last night and lectured me on how I was betraying

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Speaker 3: my husband and then marriage.

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Speaker 5: Is a promise for a lifetime. She said.

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Speaker 3: She understood I was lonely, but this was not the

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Speaker 3: way to handle things. My husband has been in Canada.

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Speaker 3: We live in the States since April with his father,

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Speaker 3: who was in kidney failure and struggling with other illnesses

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Speaker 3: and is looking like he won't make it past Christmas.

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Speaker 5: At this point.

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Speaker 3: He is aware of the situation and aware of not

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Speaker 3: telling my parents anything. I couldn't explain to my mom

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Speaker 3: and tried playing it off that she was just seeing things,

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Speaker 3: but she didn't buy it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's wild to say, too, Yeah seeing things.

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Speaker 3: There's no man with no shirt on imagh, Yeah, what's

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Speaker 3: going on. I told my brother what happened, and he's

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Speaker 3: frustrated about it. He asked for a few more days

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Speaker 3: to get his head straight and then he will talk

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Speaker 3: to our parents about it. But knowing him, those few

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Speaker 3: days could turn into weeks. I don't want to spill

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Speaker 3: to my parents, but the situation is incredibly uncomfortable.

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Speaker 5: What do I do? And we do have some relevant comments,

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Speaker 5: but what do you think she should do? I don't

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Speaker 5: even know what.

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Speaker 4: I don't know either. How do you get around that

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Speaker 4: without being like, yeah, brothers, stay in here, right?

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Speaker 3: Because what I'm kind of scared of is the mom

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Speaker 3: telling other people about it, right, Like she's gonna gossip.

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Speaker 3: But we were talking about like family gossip before and

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Speaker 3: how you are it's going to spread, you know, and

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Speaker 3: like imagine her just telling other family members about this, like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: she's cheating on her.

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Speaker 4: I want to know how different the brother and husband

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Speaker 4: look that she couldn't have just been like that was

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Speaker 4: my husband and mom?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, real different. Guessing they live like a garden away

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Speaker 3: from each other. That's what it kind of seemed like.

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Speaker 3: The setup was like the mom is in her house

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Speaker 3: calling Opie when Opie's in the garden and then in

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Speaker 3: Opie's house.

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Speaker 5: What's their living situation.

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Speaker 4: I thought they were like on a video call and

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Speaker 4: that's how she saw brothers Oh, okay, that would make

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Speaker 4: all That's how I took it, but I could that's

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Speaker 4: taking it wrong would make one. All I know is

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Speaker 4: Opie's living in their house, husbands in Canada. Yeah, they're

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Speaker 4: making a garden and somehow mother saw shirtless brother.

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Speaker 5: But we do have some comments.

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Speaker 3: One commenter says, as long as your husband knows what's

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Speaker 3: going on, I don't think this is a big problem.

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Speaker 3: It will eventually get sorted when your brother makes a

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Speaker 3: decision to deal with this, and then you can explain

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Speaker 3: the situation to her. Is your brother waiting for paternity

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Speaker 3: test results? And Opie says, my husband is aware. I

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Speaker 3: called him and told him what happened after my mother

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Speaker 3: accused me. My brother has been too depressed to do

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Speaker 3: a paternity test yet, but I am encouraging him to

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Speaker 3: have one done. But I think he's garret of the results.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't want to lose his daughter. And another commentary says,

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Speaker 3: you said his youngest. I'm assuming they have more than

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Speaker 3: one child. Do you think he should have all of

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Speaker 3: them DNA tested. How long has she been cheating and

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Speaker 3: is she still having her ex as in a fair partner?

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Speaker 3: Has he been taking any steps to speak with anybody? You,

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Speaker 3: your husband, friend, his wife, therapist. It's a lot to

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Speaker 3: take in and absorb. He needs to get out of

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Speaker 3: his head and use his words. Betrayal of her cheating

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Speaker 3: is hard to accept. Then the question of his daughter,

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Speaker 3: his name would be on the birth certificate. He will

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Speaker 3: not lose his daughter unless his wife goes to court

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Speaker 3: and amends it. Hugs to you both, and Opie says,

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Speaker 3: I haven't even thought about that as a possibility. His

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Speaker 3: oldest is nine. From what I know, she told him

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Speaker 3: she was seeing her ex for three months when she

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Speaker 3: got pregnant with my niece, but who knows if that's

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Speaker 3: the whole truth. Him and his wife are having very

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Speaker 3: limited contact. He calls at night to talk to the

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Speaker 3: kids and sort of ignores anything she says and hangs

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Speaker 3: up quickly when the kids are done. I have a

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Speaker 3: friend who is a psychiatrist and will be reaching out

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Speaker 3: to her for a recommendation of someone he can speak to.

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Speaker 5: So far, it's only been me, and he's telling me

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Speaker 5: more as he processes it.

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Speaker 3: Thank you for this, though, when I get home from work,

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Speaker 3: I will be researching for a lawyer to contact on Monday.

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Speaker 5: I don't think he will do it himself anytime soon.

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Speaker 5: And we do have an edit.

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Speaker 6: Okay, just to clarify, Okay, I already replied to one commenter,

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Speaker 6: But my husband is aware of what my mom thinks

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Speaker 6: is going on and why my brother is staying with me.

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Speaker 7: Okay, well, then you can just tell your mom that cheating.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, No, I mean is.

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Speaker 4: Like going around the town or something. Oh. I just

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Speaker 4: feel like if if we're gonna come out in some

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Speaker 4: way that somebody is cheating, why can't brother just be

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Speaker 4: like and my wife and I don't know that I

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Speaker 4: want to stay with her and the mom can get

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Speaker 4: over it.

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Speaker 5: It's not her relationship. Yeah, I give him.

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Speaker 4: The time to think it out, but like he's gonna

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Speaker 4: have to eventually.

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Speaker 3: Eventually, And I mean, it's not anything that he could

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Speaker 3: have stopped, you know, but I do.

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Speaker 5: Want like if he's getting even more scared from seeing.

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Speaker 3: Her reaction to opee cheating, like you know that hypothetical,

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Speaker 3: then I wonder if he's scared of like what the

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Speaker 3: how the mom will react to his own stud could

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Speaker 3: be though he wasn't the one that cheated, but still

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Speaker 3: edit number two. I really am thankful for everyone who

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Speaker 3: was commented. When I get home from work tonight, I

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Speaker 3: will be looking into getting mental and legal help from

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Speaker 3: my brother. Also for those asking why I didn't just

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Speaker 3: say it was him visiting, I will.

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Speaker 5: Be honest and panicked.

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Speaker 3: I was nervous if I mentioned him to our mother,

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Speaker 3: she'd call his home and talk to sister in law

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Speaker 3: and find out everything. Considering how much my mom loves

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Speaker 3: my sister in law, she'd take her side and try to.

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Speaker 5: Intervene and guilt my brother into going back to her.

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Speaker 3: Okay, now we're understanding, Okay, that's right because of that detail.

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Speaker 4: Doesn't accept it, sister or something that's right, that's right,

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Speaker 4: or now because the sister stayed with her partner who cheated.

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Speaker 4: She thinks that everybody should just stay with their partners

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Speaker 4: who cheated, right, so they're not.

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Speaker 5: Going to accept it. The brother leaves the yeah, it

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Speaker 5: won't be Yeah, I.

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Speaker 4: Get over it.

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Speaker 3: I could have been much smarter in that moment. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: I think those were valid fears.

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Speaker 4: Of the biggest thing is just like if brother knew

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Speaker 4: that Mom. It was like, hush, hush, I don't want

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Speaker 4: mom to know, like me as brother doesn't want mom

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Speaker 4: to know. Why would I walk past where I.

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Speaker 3: Know that Mom can see. Bad idea, Bro, that's on you.

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Speaker 3: You might have to fix it now, dude. But we

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Speaker 3: do have a second update two weeks later. It's been

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Speaker 3: about two weeks since I posted, and a lot has

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Speaker 3: happened since then. I guess to start off, about two

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Speaker 3: days after I made the post, the cat was out

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Speaker 3: of the bag about my brother and his wife. My

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Speaker 3: mom did end up calling over to my brother's house

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Speaker 3: and spoke with his wife, I think about something Christmas related,

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Speaker 3: and she ended up breaking down in tears and telling

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Speaker 3: her mom everything.

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Speaker 5: Wow. So the sister in law said, it not the

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Speaker 5: way I.

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Speaker 4: Thought that was gonna come out. But yeah, I.

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Speaker 5: Mean OP kind of guessed that like spot on for real.

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Speaker 3: Long story short, our mom is relieved I'm not cheating

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Speaker 3: on my husband and was upse that we felt we

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Speaker 3: couldn't trust her to side with my brother before decisions

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Speaker 3: were made. We had a big talk as a family

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Speaker 3: and understood why she felt the way she did towards divorce,

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Speaker 3: and she even admitted that she regrets how she acted

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Speaker 3: when her own sister was getting divorced. She felt like

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Speaker 3: her sister was ruining her child's life like her parents

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Speaker 3: did to them by having them live half lives in

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Speaker 3: different states. Overall, we grew closer as a family after that.

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Speaker 3: This is like best case scenario. It's amazing. What the heck?

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Speaker 5: Wow, wow, I'm impressed. Onto the other things.

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Speaker 3: We got a lawyer through one of our lawyer cousins

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Speaker 3: who has a colleague that specializes in family law and divorces.

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Speaker 5: Great again.

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Speaker 3: He also got a paternity test, and thankfully it came

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Speaker 3: back that his daughter is in fact his Okay, okay,

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Speaker 3: that is so funny.

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Speaker 4: Does that really change the results of what he's gonna do?

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Speaker 5: I think hopefully not.

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Speaker 3: But I think that's like so funny imagining the sister

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Speaker 3: in law being like, I could have kept.

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Speaker 5: It a secret.

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Speaker 3: My kids. I wonder how he found out it's not, yeah,

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Speaker 3: a fair part of his kids, but yeah, right, Like

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Speaker 3: that is honestly just so funny. Like, obviously I'm glad

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Speaker 3: that the sister in law outed herself as a cheater,

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Speaker 3: but like, can you imagine her just being like, oh, I'm.

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Speaker 5: Scared of gonna get caught.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's not your.

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Speaker 5: Kid, kid. Wow, that is that's so funny.

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Speaker 3: I had to do a bit of tough love to

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Speaker 3: get this rolling. And however, his wife isn't doing well.

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Speaker 3: After the paternity test came back, she thought they could

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Speaker 3: work it out. Now she's no longer in their share

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Speaker 3: at home and instead is living with her parents, while

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Speaker 3: my brother moved back in with the kids. I think

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Speaker 3: he's happier now that he has the kids around to

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Speaker 3: him again. Currently looking into getting therapy for the children

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Speaker 3: and my brother. We'll be starting therapy after the new year.

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Speaker 3: I'm optimistic that it will be okay.

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Speaker 5: My husband is still in Canada with his family.

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Speaker 3: His father is still doing bad, but he at least

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Speaker 3: gets to have one last Christmas with him before he passes.

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Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's a little sad.

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Speaker 4: Note in this story.

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Speaker 3: I think that's all we could ask for. I'm grateful

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Speaker 3: to everyone that commented and messaged me with advice, and

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Speaker 3: my mother appreciates it as well. I'm looking forward to

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Speaker 3: having Christmas dinner with my mom, my brother, and niece

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Speaker 3: and nephew. You are i'd be really stressed about that.

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Speaker 5: Dinner. Well, I mean they had a good family moment.

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Speaker 4: I know, but awkward. Yeah, true, Okay, sister in laws.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, still just check up all the kids, see how

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Speaker 3: they're doing.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: With all the heck that's been this year, it's been

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Speaker 3: nice to have this one moment.

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Speaker 5: And that's the end of that story. Merry freaking Christmas.

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Speaker 5: It's crazy.

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Speaker 4: I learned that my sister is adopted, and it made

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Speaker 4: me feel a lot worse.

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Speaker 5: You're not my sister anymore. Sorry.

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Speaker 4: I am a fifteen female and I have an older sister, Lilah,

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Speaker 4: seventeen female. Recently I found out that Lilah was adopted

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Speaker 4: before I was born. My mother was considered infertile, so

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Speaker 4: she and my father adopted Lilah. I was a one

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Speaker 4: in a million miracle baby that defied the odds throughout

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Speaker 4: my life. They were pretty good parents. They loved us both,

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Speaker 4: and they never treated Lila and me any differently. But

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Speaker 4: then Lilah discovered she was adopted, and no, they didn't

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Speaker 4: tell either of us. After some initial why didn't you

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Speaker 4: tell me an identity issues? Lia seemed fine. I don't

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Speaker 4: know if she really was, but she acted normal. She

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Speaker 4: was angry at them, at first for keeping a secret,

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Speaker 4: but eventually cooled off. But for the past four months,

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Speaker 4: my parents had been prioritizing Lila. They told me they

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Speaker 4: assured Lila that blood didn't change family or make up

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Speaker 4: for the fact that she was adopted from her I

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Speaker 4: think they felt guilty. I understood wanting to reassure Lila

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Speaker 4: that blood or not, she was part of this family,

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Speaker 4: but they were continuously favoring her for months. They missed

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Speaker 4: my high school play, instead staying home and serving snacks

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Speaker 4: to Lila and her friends during movie night. On my birthday,

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Speaker 4: they got Lilah car for my birthday.

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Speaker 5: Oh that's crazy. If I was Lila, I'd feel so uncoled.

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Speaker 5: I'd feel so uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: They kept going on dates with her, serving her favorite meals,

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Speaker 4: getting her little gifts, getting nothing for me, and missing

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Speaker 4: out on my things because of her. I wasn't trying

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Speaker 4: to sound spoiled, but I felt like in trying so

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Speaker 4: hard to come for Lila, they were neglecting me, And

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Speaker 4: I didn't think Lilah even wanted all of that. What

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Speaker 4: seventeen year old wants to spend the loads of time

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Speaker 4: with their parents. It all came boiling out last Monday,

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Speaker 4: there was traffic on my way home from school, so

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Speaker 4: my parents and Lila were already eating dinner. They had

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Speaker 4: gotten Chinese from Lila's favorite restaurant and were all eating

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Speaker 4: when I walked in. I overheard Mom telling Lila, we

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Speaker 4: chose you for our family. I loved you even without

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Speaker 4: birthing you, without hormones telling me too. Oh oh, I

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Speaker 4: feel like that's the most important thing of all. It

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Speaker 4: felt like a dig. It made me wonder if my

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Speaker 4: mom would love me less if she hadn't given birth

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Speaker 4: to me. If it wasn't me she gave birth to,

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Speaker 4: she wouldn't even know the difference. Would she just love

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Speaker 4: that child because hormones told her to? I blew up.

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Speaker 4: I ran into the room crying. I told my family,

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Speaker 4: I guess we're not really family, right, since you didn't

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Speaker 4: choose me. Then I ran into my room. My parents

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Speaker 4: said they were sorry if I thought Lilah was being prioritized,

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Speaker 4: but they also said I should apologize to Lilah because

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Speaker 4: they were having an emotional discussion that I interrupted by

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Speaker 4: barging in and yelling. They said I was old enough

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Speaker 4: not to act spoiled, that I knew this was hard

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Speaker 4: on Lilah and I should be nicer. I was just done,

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Speaker 4: exhausted and fed up. I barely spoke to them since Monday,

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Speaker 4: So am I the a hole? I wanted to clarify

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Speaker 4: one thing. When my parents got Lila a car from

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Speaker 4: my fifteenth birthday, they said it was for both of us,

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Speaker 4: but in my country and state, fifteen year olds can

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Speaker 4: only drive with a learner's permit. They said they got

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Speaker 4: me a car because it was my birthday and I

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Speaker 4: was going to get a learner's permit, but I couldn't

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Speaker 4: drive the car until I had one. Lila had a

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Speaker 4: license and the car was a pickup truck, a style

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Speaker 4: she had always wanted, so it was pretty clear it

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Speaker 4: was Alilah's car. Update time. I've been reading all your

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Speaker 4: messages and thank you so much. I thought the vote

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Speaker 4: would be more divided. Lila and I took a joy

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Speaker 4: ride reading my post. I think I was jealous and

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Speaker 4: a little angry at her what she didn't deserve. But

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Speaker 4: we talked. She mentioned wanting to find her birth parents,

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Speaker 4: which is how this whole mess started.

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Speaker 2: Oh, they're gonna go a little quest now in the car.

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Speaker 5: Take this car around town road.

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Speaker 7: The country because Ellila probably feels bad that she's the

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Speaker 7: favorite and she wants to like, not even be with

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Speaker 7: these parents. She wants to find her bio parents and

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Speaker 7: then oh, people want see the approval of her parents.

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Speaker 2: Dude, this is so nice.

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Speaker 5: Everyone's gonna be a happy family at the end.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is such a teenage movie. I love it.

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Speaker 4: I could see it.

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Speaker 5: Start writing everyone.

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Speaker 4: My parents flipped, taking her curiosity as an attack. Things

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Speaker 4: are still rocky, but Lila is on my side. We're

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Speaker 4: searching for her parents together. Some suggested showing this post

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Speaker 4: to my parents. I think I'll show it to my

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Speaker 4: grandmother or aunt at first and get their advice. I

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Speaker 4: just want my parents back. Update two things went down.

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Speaker 4: Lilah confronted our parents. Go oh my gosh, she blew up.

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Speaker 4: They both cried good. She said she wasn't over them

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Speaker 4: hiding her adoption and really let them have it. She said,

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Speaker 4: you're so scared of empty nest syndrome that you're gonna

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Speaker 4: push two daughters away.

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Speaker 2: I don't.

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Speaker 4: I don't feel like part of the family with you

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00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,920
Speaker 4: favoring me and acting like I'm going to run away.

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Speaker 4: Then she stormed off. Because of that, my dad gave

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00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:37,280
Speaker 4: me a real apology without butts. My mom hasn't exactly apologized,

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Speaker 4: but we talked about the we chose you hormones didn't

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Speaker 4: make us do it thing. I'm going to send them

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Speaker 4: this post. I'm not cutting them out. I'm still only fifteen,

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Speaker 4: but I have an escape plant. They aren't toxic, just

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Speaker 4: humans who made mistakes and are making more. Trying to

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00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,320
Speaker 4: fix it. I talked to my aunt and grandmother. They

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Speaker 4: gave me advice. Winter break is coming up, so I'm

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Speaker 4: staying with them for a week to let things cool off.

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Speaker 4: When I told my parents, my dad seemed resigned, while

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00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,680
Speaker 4: my mom cried. She said it felt like she was

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Speaker 4: losing both her daughters. I suggested family therapy. It seemed

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00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:16,000
Speaker 4: well received. I'll update if they schedule an appointment. For now,

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Speaker 4: I'm operating like I'm permanently moving out and seeing what happens.

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Speaker 4: And we have an update. Three two years and eight

357
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Speaker 4: months later.

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Speaker 5: Oh my god, we win.

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Speaker 3: On the trip driving trip around the day founty, they

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Speaker 3: found birth parents.

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Speaker 5: They found their parents.

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Speaker 2: God, okay, wait got adopted.

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Speaker 4: Do we think it's happy endings?

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Speaker 2: Probably not.

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Speaker 4: I don't know if anyone cares, but I reread my

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00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,600
Speaker 4: old post and wanted to update. In that post, I

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00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,760
Speaker 4: said my parents were kind of self absorbed. Not true.

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Speaker 4: That was just fifteen year old me going through teenage

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Speaker 4: angst and starting an EMO phase. Being self centered sometimes

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00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 4: is different from being a self absorbed person. My experience

371
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,760
Speaker 4: isn't close to someone actually raised under that. It's late,

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Speaker 4: but I'm sorry. Lyla and I are good better now

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Speaker 4: that she's a way at college, and I realized I

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Speaker 4: like spending time with her when I'm not forced to.

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Speaker 7: Oh dude, this is how me and my brother actually

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00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,840
Speaker 7: got better. Is like we started driving together, having forced

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Speaker 7: alone time together.

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Speaker 4: No, I feel like a lot of siblings seemed to

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Speaker 4: get closer when one like isn't just constantly in the

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Speaker 4: house too.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what I've heard too.

382
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,440
Speaker 4: We send memes and text, but rarely see each other.

383
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:26,760
Speaker 4: She reconnected with her biofamily. My parents and I flew

384
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 4: out to meet them. They were so nice. They gave

385
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,240
Speaker 4: her up because she had health complications that required surgeries

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00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 4: that they couldn't afford. Then she was still a baby.

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Speaker 4: They knew she'd likely be adopted and have a better life.

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00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:42,560
Speaker 4: We met her extended biofamily too, many cried seeing her

389
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,040
Speaker 4: walking and thanked my parents. Our families aren't close now,

390
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,520
Speaker 4: but it was nice. I stayed with my aunt for

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00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 4: two weeks. She was kind but busy, so I was

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00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,800
Speaker 4: alone a lot. I started journaling, which helped my mental health.

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00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,200
Speaker 4: That was the wake up call my parents needed. They

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00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,840
Speaker 4: looked for therapists, but it took months to find one

395
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:03,120
Speaker 4: by insurance. I moved back in and it was good

396
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 4: and bad. We argued because I was a kid, and

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00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 4: they started designated one bonding spot for each of us.

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00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:12,240
Speaker 5: What my wait wait what oh wait, I think it's.

399
00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 4: About we're about it. Mine was a spot thirty minutes

400
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 4: away with my dad and a dog park with my mom.

401
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,439
Speaker 4: We also adopted a dog.

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Speaker 5: Okay, great, a dog. I think that's nice. I get it.

403
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,840
Speaker 5: I'm following. I don't know, but you guys, I'm.

404
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 4: Following bonding spots and then they're just gonna be their parents.

405
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 5: Don't make it weird, righty.

406
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,480
Speaker 7: No, no, no, I'm not making it weird. It's just like,

407
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,480
Speaker 7: can we figure out a different terminology.

408
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:39,920
Speaker 2: What happened to hangouts?

409
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:40,199
Speaker 8: Was that?

410
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,160
Speaker 3: What happened to Hey, you're gonna go throw a baseball

411
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,440
Speaker 3: around family bonding.

412
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,359
Speaker 5: That's what that is, father daughter time. Yeah, why can't

413
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 5: we call it that? You can?

414
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,760
Speaker 4: And we have some top comments. Okay, Chicken two six

415
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,640
Speaker 4: zero zero says in your original post, you mentioned maybe

416
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,640
Speaker 4: showing it to your parents. Did you ever do that?

417
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 4: Opie says yes. I showed my amp first and asked

418
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,520
Speaker 4: to stay with her during winter break. I sent the

419
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,399
Speaker 4: post to my parents. That's when they started trying to

420
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,679
Speaker 4: get me to come home and looking for therapy. That

421
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:09,679
Speaker 4: is the end of that.

422
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,280
Speaker 5: Wow, okay, wow, okay.

423
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 4: Well we've got two gray movies laid.

424
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,440
Speaker 3: Out when they understands as all dogs find their owners.

425
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Speaker 5: Ha ha. And that's the end of this story. We're

426
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 5: going on to the next one.

427
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,479
Speaker 3: My friend demoted me from maid of honor after all

428
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,240
Speaker 3: I've done.

429
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 4: Why would you do that?

430
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,879
Speaker 5: It's been a while since this all happened.

431
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,760
Speaker 3: I thirty female, was asked to be the maid of

432
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,160
Speaker 3: honor to best friend's wedding about a year before the date.

433
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,000
Speaker 3: I said yes an express I have never been married

434
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 3: before or been in a wedding party, but I'll do

435
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:43,920
Speaker 3: my best. Everything was great, everything was going well. We communicated,

436
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 3: but not much was happening at this time, I planned

437
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 3: for all the bridesmaids to get together and go dress shopping.

438
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Unable Tension ninety nine fifteen.

439
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,719
Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

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00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,720
Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime, separate it and I'm Angie,

441
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,440
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

442
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We just know

443
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 3: what we would do in this situation. So let us

444
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:07,119
Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments, so Op says.

445
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 3: And then I lost my job about nine to ten

446
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 3: months before the wedding. Not realizing how horrible the job

447
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 3: market was, I assumed I would get.

448
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 5: A new job in a couple of months.

449
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 3: I got a roommate to help pay for bills and

450
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,840
Speaker 3: continue to help my best friend of nine years plan

451
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 3: her wedding. After about four months of being jobless, I

452
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,320
Speaker 3: started to get stressed, knowing my savings was running out

453
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 3: and if I don't find a job, I'll be broke

454
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 3: and helpless. I can admit I wasn't one hundred percent

455
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 3: all into the wedding planning and being on top of things.

456
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 3: But if I didn't have an answer for something, I

457
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 3: would go to the bride and ask even offered her

458
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 3: to help update the wedding website as I noticed it

459
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 3: wasn't up to date. I offered to take things off

460
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 3: her hands, like a signing day of jobs for the bridesmaids,

461
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 3: as the bridesmaids were getting antsy and not knowing what

462
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 3: their jobs were. Now I'm going to backtrack a little

463
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 3: bit because this is important. It was brought up by

464
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,159
Speaker 3: the bride that if I am nervous to do my speech,

465
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,119
Speaker 3: I can get the girls to help me or join me,

466
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,439
Speaker 3: as she knows that I wasn't the best of public speaking.

467
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,280
Speaker 3: The idea was thrown around, but eventually I wrote my

468
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 3: own speech and told the bridesmaids no need to worry,

469
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 3: I've written my speech.

470
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 5: There's more backstory.

471
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 3: Before the tea, the bride and I sat down and

472
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 3: planned the bachelorette as she wanted to be involved and

473
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 3: didn't want it to be a big surprise, just kind of.

474
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:17,160
Speaker 5: About a month.

475
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: After, we spent hours picking a location and figuring out transportation.

476
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 5: There's a text in.

477
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 3: The big group chat groom, bride groomsman's bridesmaids saying that

478
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 3: we were actually camping here on these dates. I gave

479
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,720
Speaker 3: the message a thumbs up and message to the bride.

480
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 3: Why the change, We're doing a combined party now, I

481
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 3: was planning for the other location.

482
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 5: She explained, Yeah, it's just.

483
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 3: Cheaper for everyone, and we were stressed we were going

484
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 3: to get a reservation for the other locations. I may

485
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 3: add I offered to pay for the bachelorette even though

486
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 3: I was still jobless. I offered to book and take

487
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,239
Speaker 3: the worry off her hands, but she wanted to do it.

488
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 3: We also didn't know at the time if I would

489
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 3: be able to make it, because if I got a

490
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 3: job that required me to work that weekend, I could

491
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 3: not pass it up. I had been jobless for almost

492
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 3: nine months. Yes, the combined bachelor slash bachelorette was the

493
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 3: weekend before the wedding.

494
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 5: Not my idea. Yeah, that sounds a little risky, but.

495
00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 4: Like understanding that, like, hey, I've been jobless for this

496
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 4: long kind of thing. I also would be shocked about

497
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:17,040
Speaker 4: a job not letting you go that weekend. Like if

498
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 4: you go in and you're like, listen, I will start

499
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,199
Speaker 4: first thing Monday morning, right, my best friend, I am

500
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 4: made of honor.

501
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 5: Please right?

502
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 4: Ninety percent of the time they're gonna be nice and

503
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 4: let you go. But like putting that up front and

504
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 4: having that out there, like by the way I might

505
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:32,680
Speaker 4: get a job.

506
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,280
Speaker 5: Always good, always good.

507
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 3: Anyhow, a month before the wedding, I got a job

508
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 3: woo requiring me to work weekends.

509
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 5: They said I could get a day off.

510
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,880
Speaker 3: For the bachelor's slash bachelorette as it was within driving distance,

511
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 3: so I was able to drive out after work and

512
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,399
Speaker 3: spend them one night and one day, but would have

513
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 3: to be back for my next morning shift. I also

514
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 3: got the week of the wedding off, but had to

515
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 3: work the morning after the wedding because it was a weekend.

516
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 5: I had to take the job.

517
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,240
Speaker 3: It was the only job offer I had gotten in

518
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 3: months that paid enough to pay the bills. That week,

519
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 3: the bride sat down with me and demoted me from

520
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 3: maid of honor.

521
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 5: Huh, why so it goes to the wedding?

522
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 4: Really, we're right there?

523
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 5: Well, I so right around the corner bit.

524
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 3: She said there had been too many things that she

525
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 3: felt I no longer deserved the title. I had made

526
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 3: her feel like she wasn't planning and being on top

527
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 3: of things by offering a takeover such as updating the

528
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 3: website and helping give out tasks for the bridesmaids, not

529
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 3: being available on the weekends as those are her days off.

530
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 3: Leading up to the wedding, miscommunicating about speeches, bridesmaids thought

531
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 3: they had to do their own speech because the idea

532
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 3: was thrown around that they'd do it with me, which

533
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 3: apparently she never wanted that.

534
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 5: She just wanted me.

535
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,199
Speaker 3: Bridesmaids were going to the bride and asked if they

536
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 3: needed to do speeches after I had told them that

537
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 3: they don't need to worry about it.

538
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 5: I wrote my own speech.

539
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 3: Another reason was not being on top of the bachelorette party.

540
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,399
Speaker 3: She had changed the location without really telling me, and

541
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 3: it's supposed to be a surprise, is it not? So yeah,

542
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 3: I was stressing on top of the month before, was

543
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,239
Speaker 3: still trying to find a job. I had communicated that

544
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 3: and the planning went to another bridesmaid already who was

545
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 3: very excited to plan it, and she expressed that she's

546
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 3: been as communicative as possible, so asking questions made her

547
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 3: feel inadequate. Another reason was that she heard that we

548
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 3: had no bride's chat and made her feel out of

549
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,160
Speaker 3: the loop as she is being honest and open to us.

550
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 3: I explained that the chat is regarding gifts and surprises.

551
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 5: We aren't talking behind her back.

552
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 3: In this same meeting, I found out that her bridal

553
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,560
Speaker 3: shower was being planned by her and her mom because

554
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 3: the person who was supposed to do it just decided

555
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:42,439
Speaker 3: to not plan it.

556
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 5: And this is when she decided to tell me, aren't.

557
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:48,679
Speaker 4: You this person that's supposed to do it isn't supposed

558
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:48,959
Speaker 4: to do it.

559
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 5: That's what she says.

560
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 3: She says, I could have stepped up and done it,

561
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 3: as that's my job as the maid of honor. If

562
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 3: she had told me at any point, it would have

563
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 3: been planned and done. Yeah, maybe they were just kind

564
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 3: of trying to be like people you're made of honor,

565
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 3: but like, yeah, just have her do this, and.

566
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 5: Then she backed out and then now the mom.

567
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 8: Is it just always sounds so messy because half the

568
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 8: time I'm kind of like, okay, like yeah, that's on

569
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 8: the bride, and then some things I'm like, I don't know, girl,

570
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 8: like maybe it's not that deep.

571
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 4: Right.

572
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 3: I didn't even know for like the longest time that

573
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,359
Speaker 3: the maid of honor had like a job, right, I

574
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 3: thought that was just like, oh, you're special, you just

575
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 3: get to stay Cebu. He was like, my bestie, these

576
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 3: are my besties, but you're best.

577
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 4: That's not that's someone that you like trust to plan

578
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 4: half the stuff.

579
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 5: I feel like that could be different questions. It was

580
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 5: best question.

581
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 3: Trust, like, seriously, don't tell your maid of honor. The

582
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 3: person who was supposed to plan it bailed. My mom

583
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,680
Speaker 3: even offered to host, but I told her, don't worry

584
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 3: about it.

585
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 5: There's nothing that we can do now they are planning it.

586
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 3: May I add that the bridal shower was the day

587
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 3: before the wedding because they had to wait for everyone.

588
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 2: To be in town.

589
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 4: I have heard of that before. Interesting, it's big families

590
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 4: that are like traveling from different places than you want

591
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 4: everybody there. Yea not the most convenient, but sometimes it

592
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 4: saves like multiple flights for people coming in from so

593
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 4: many places twice.

594
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess that makes sense if you want to

595
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:19,639
Speaker 5: day before.

596
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 4: Maybe not like I've heard of, like you have like

597
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 4: a long weekend. Maybe that Friday is one thing, and

598
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 4: then you married that Sunday or something.

599
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,679
Speaker 3: I think like for my family, it's just kind of like, well,

600
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 3: if you can't make it, it's just.

601
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 5: The brill party.

602
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,040
Speaker 4: You can just go to the the wedding.

603
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, now to the bachelorette end. Wedding day. Bachelorette

604
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,400
Speaker 3: was a couple of days before the wedding. I left

605
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,280
Speaker 3: work and pretty much drove right there. She didn't say hi,

606
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 3: thanks for getting here, nothing. Her future husband took the

607
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:50,160
Speaker 3: bigger room without really talking to her, even though there

608
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 3: were more girls there. We drove to the restaurant, which

609
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,159
Speaker 3: we had to take multiple cars. Even though there was

610
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 3: room in my car, she always decided on a different car.

611
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 3: Girls ended up sleeping separated because we didn't all fit

612
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 3: in one room.

613
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 5: Girls ended up getting another room. It was crazy.

614
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 3: Bride slept with the groom during the bachelorette party, yeah,

615
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 3: which I found crazy, Like it's supposed to be girl times, Like, I.

616
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 4: Mean, you're sleeping, what does it matter? Like?

617
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,520
Speaker 5: I feel like if you're doing a joint thing, what

618
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 5: is it really like?

619
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 3: She's not gonna have a sleepover with her girls, She's

620
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:22,120
Speaker 3: gonna be with her man.

621
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 5: I don't know. Anyways.

622
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,560
Speaker 3: The next day it was pouring rain, so we stayed

623
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 3: inside and painted flower pots and Bookmark's cute Bride wasn't

624
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 3: very happy about it. She said, I have so many pots,

625
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 3: I don't need more, which this was the part of

626
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 3: the bachelorette that I had spent money on going to

627
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 3: the store and getting pots and paint and so on.

628
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 3: During the end of the day, I had to leave

629
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,360
Speaker 3: because I worked the next morning. Everyone else was able

630
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 3: to stay one more night. As I left, I packed

631
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 3: all my things and tried to say bye. Bride ignored me,

632
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 3: didn't say bye, didn't say thanks for coming.

633
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 5: Nothing. I was exhausted and cried the way home.

634
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 3: I felt like everything I hadn't tried to do up

635
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,159
Speaker 3: until that point meant nothing to her, and she wanted

636
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 3: me gone. The next day, at work, it was slow,

637
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 3: so I spent the day finishing the dance floor lists,

638
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 3: listening to every song. My coworkers even gave me suggestions.

639
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 3: I knew it needed variety, so I googled and asked chatbebt,

640
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 3: which I know can be controversial for song ideas.

641
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 5: This was the job that I was given the hype girl.

642
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 3: Even though I had asked for song suggestions from the

643
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 3: big chat with the groom, bride, groomsmen, and bridesmaids, no

644
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 3: one had really given me any.

645
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 5: So I was on my own.

646
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 3: After I was happy with it and listened to the

647
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 3: six plus hour song list all the way through.

648
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 5: I shared it with the bride. She had no response

649
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 5: for days. Now. Four days before the.

650
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 3: Wedding, I knew the emergency kit hadn't been done, so

651
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 3: while I was grocery shopping, I texted the chat, Hey,

652
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:46,840
Speaker 3: I'm out shopping.

653
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 5: What should I grab?

654
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 3: They replied with no problems with me doing this, and

655
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 3: I bought all of the emergency kit. Three days before,

656
00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 3: we had a gathering to say, here is the home

657
00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 3: stretch party.

658
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 5: Here there is nothing, nothing else to do. Start the

659
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 5: partying party. It was the groom's mom's idea.

660
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 3: During the party, the best man said, I thought this

661
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 3: was my job to make the music list. So I said, oh,

662
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 3: maybe it's both our jobs. Do you have a list

663
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 3: of songs to add? I don't think the bride has

664
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 3: submitted it to the DJ yet.

665
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 5: He said no.

666
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 3: I said, okay, do you have suggestions? I shared the list.

667
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: He said to remove all the rap music. They said

668
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 3: during the bachelorette and bachelor party that they wanted no rap,

669
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 3: which I must have missed because I was there only

670
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:30,520
Speaker 3: for one day.

671
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 5: I was kind of pissed by this, but I moved on.

672
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 3: That same night, the bride asked me why did I

673
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 3: take other bridesmaid's jobs by buying emergency kit stuff. I

674
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 3: expressed that I didn't realize that just because she was

675
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,959
Speaker 3: the emergency person day of meant that she took on

676
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 3: that responsibility. I was out and could buy the stuff.

677
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,959
Speaker 3: I apologized to the bridesmaid for taking the job. That

678
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 3: wasn't my intention, and I gave her the emergency kit.

679
00:29:56,600 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 3: Two days before, a bride'smaid texted me asking if since

680
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,480
Speaker 3: we are all sharing the job of maid of honor,

681
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 3: we should do the speech altogether. I expressed to her

682
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 3: that I heard from the bride regarding the situation, and

683
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 3: she said she would tell us when she knows what

684
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 3: she wants. Also, she was upset with me suggesting this

685
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 3: months ago, so I'm.

686
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 5: Not sure if that's what she wants.

687
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 3: The bride texted me seconds later saying, Hey, because all

688
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 3: of you are sharing the job, I would like you

689
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 3: all to do a combined speech, which I said, okay, yeah,

690
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 3: sure we could do that, which then in the no

691
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 3: bride's chat, we talked about our speech. The day before

692
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 3: the wedding. I don't recall any problems. It went smooth

693
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 3: as possible.

694
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 5: The bridal shower, rehearsal, and then just chill out time.

695
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 3: Day of the wedding. Now we've made it to the wedding.

696
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 3: From my eyes, it went as well as a wedding

697
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 3: could go. We ran a bit behind schedule. Groom's family

698
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,240
Speaker 3: didn't show up at the time they were supposed to,

699
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,959
Speaker 3: so photos weren't done before the ceremony as the bride wanted.

700
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 3: Some photos were done before, but not all Anyhow, us

701
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:05,080
Speaker 3: bridesmaids were running back and forth helping set up the

702
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 3: venue as we were getting ready on site.

703
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 5: Lots going on before, during, and after the ceremony.

704
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 3: I felt like I did the best I could to help,

705
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:16,120
Speaker 3: but there was something clearly people didn't like, which I'll get.

706
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 5: To to express.

707
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 3: Because of everything the month leading up to the wedding,

708
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 3: I had already felt like I had a target on

709
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 3: my back. Two weeks after the wedding, the bride texted me,

710
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 3: apparently I left this at the hotel during the bachelor

711
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 3: and bachelorette party.

712
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 5: But I did not.

713
00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 3: I kindly said I could have sworn I took everything

714
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 3: when I left. Could you send me a picture just

715
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 3: a double check of.

716
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 5: Its mind it was not. She seemed upset that it

717
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 5: wasn't me.

718
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:48,080
Speaker 3: Well, sorry, you're mad at me for this, and sorry

719
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 3: I didn't do what you're mad at me.

720
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 4: You want to be mad at me?

721
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 8: Yeah?

722
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 2: Like what?

723
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 3: A month goes by and the bride texts me again. Now,

724
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 3: because of our nine year friendship, I would borrow things

725
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 3: all the time.

726
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 5: Books, clothes, shoes, streaming accounts, et cetera. She asked for

727
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 5: everything that I had.

728
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 3: Borrowed back, which is when everything blew up. I explained,

729
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 3: I'm not done with this book. When I'm done, I

730
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 3: can return it. She said, no, I'm in the area.

731
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 3: I want them back. So I asked, what's going on?

732
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 3: The bride explained everything that had happened that she heard

733
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 3: from the bride'smaids. She gave just one bride'smaid as an

734
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 3: example of the things that happened. Let's call her Stephanie.

735
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: Stephanie's the bridesmaid that's taken all the heat now. Stephanie

736
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 3: cried to the bride before we went out to do

737
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 3: pictures that I told her that her makeup looked bad.

738
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 3: From my end, I noticed her makeup was separating after

739
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 3: running around setting up, and I told her that she just.

740
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 5: Might want to fix it before photos, which there was time.

741
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 3: I unfortunately don't recall how I worded it properly.

742
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 5: Like, hey, your makeup is separating, you might want to

743
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 5: fix it.

744
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 3: And after many conversations with my boyfriend and others, they

745
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 3: would say that that's not you to just tell someone

746
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 3: their makeup looks bad with that. Apparently, Stephanie says that

747
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 3: I slapped her hand during the ceremony and she doesn't

748
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 3: know why. Unfortunately, I did not recall slapping, but I

749
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 3: did tap her hand. If she wasn't expecting a tap

750
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: on the hand, maybe it felt like a slap, but

751
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 3: she was standing on the bride's train. I first tried

752
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 3: to tell the bridesmaid between us, but she did nothing.

753
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 3: Then I just bent down and tapped her hand to

754
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 3: get her attention as there was someone between us, and

755
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 3: she didn't move, so I just tried to gently pull

756
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 3: it out from under her feet. It wasn't a lot,

757
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 3: but it could have been bad in my mind. Just

758
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 3: as I fixed it, the bridessmaid behind me tapped me

759
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 3: on the shoulder.

760
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,600
Speaker 5: I stood up and she said get ruining the pictures,

761
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 5: I explained. Stephanie was on the train.

762
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 2: I recall her.

763
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 5: Saying, doesn't matter.

764
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 3: Oh well, if the bride walked away in it ripped,

765
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 3: that would have been bad the big deal in my mind.

766
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 3: The bride just told me about Stephanie and told me

767
00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 3: that there were things. I immediately reached out to her

768
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 3: and apologized. It wasn't my intention to upset her, just

769
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 3: wanted to make sure that the day went perfectly. Stephanie

770
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 3: never replied to that text. I then went back to

771
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:09,720
Speaker 3: the bride and told her that I was so sorry

772
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 3: this all went down. None of this was intentionally done,

773
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 3: and I'm sorry I ruined her wedding.

774
00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:15,879
Speaker 5: This I remember specifically.

775
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 3: She said I didn't ruin her wedding and to not

776
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 3: put words in her mouth. She explained, all of it

777
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,319
Speaker 3: sounded out of character, but she can't be friends with

778
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,399
Speaker 3: someone who unintentionally hurts people like this, and so many

779
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 3: people said something. So then I spent the week leaving

780
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 3: chats because I wanted to have private conversations with people

781
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 3: and I didn't want any group activity, and I proceeded

782
00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 3: to reach out to the other bridesmaids. The first bridesmaid

783
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,279
Speaker 3: I reached out to you, replied and said, yeah, I

784
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:45,720
Speaker 3: didn't like how you talked to my partner.

785
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 5: You were snappy with them.

786
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 3: I apologized and didn't realize my words were rude. I

787
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 3: was stressed trying to make the day the best for

788
00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,839
Speaker 3: the bride. The second bridesmaid I reached out too, said

789
00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 3: some of your comments leading up to the wedding and

790
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,800
Speaker 3: on the day of made me feel uncomfortable, was stressful,

791
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 3: So I didn't think it was an intentional you should

792
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,239
Speaker 3: reach out to the other bridesmaids.

793
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 4: Girl, I think you had some attitude.

794
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,359
Speaker 5: I think I think maybe we're learning that you had.

795
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 4: Ay, we're learning that maybe, and maybe it's just the

796
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 4: tone you speak with, but maybe sometimes we gotta learn

797
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 4: that sometimes it sounds like attitude.

798
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 3: Some people get stressed when some people get stressed when

799
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 3: they're stressed, and I'm sure.

800
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 4: Most people will also forgive you for that, But it's

801
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 4: the reaching out to apologize, to be like, hey, I

802
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:29,640
Speaker 4: realized might have been a little snippy.

803
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think this as good that you're doing that.

804
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:35,799
Speaker 3: I informed her that I was already on it. The

805
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 3: third bridesmaid never replied to me, so I have no

806
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 3: idea what happened. Unfortunately, I haven't talked to any of

807
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 3: them since I feel like the day didn't go as

808
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,480
Speaker 3: smoothly as the bride and everyone wanted, so they chose

809
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 3: me as a scapegoat. I've gone back to therapy because

810
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 3: of all this. Therapist doesn't think that I'm the ahole,

811
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 3: but I haven't been able to sit down and talk

812
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 3: with the others, so I don't know what their side

813
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 3: of the story is. I was friends with the bride

814
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,840
Speaker 3: for nine years and two of the bridesmaids. I'm just heartbroken.

815
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 3: I just can't get it out of.

816
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 5: My head that I'm the a hole. So am I

817
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 5: the a hole? And that's the end of that story? Well, well,

818
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 5: I don't know.

819
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 4: It's one of those things. It's like we can't tell

820
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 4: we weren't there for the conversation.

821
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, I personally.

822
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 4: Am a big advocate of like, if everyone's coming back

823
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 4: that you might have been a little snippy, maybe we

824
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 4: have some self reflection. Yeah, it's like truthful self reflection.

825
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 5: Yeah.

826
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:26,720
Speaker 4: On the other hand, sometimes everybody just sucks.

827
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 5: Right, And that's the end of this story. We're going

828
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 5: on to the next one.

829
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam we're gonna get back to these stories,

830
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 1: but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

831
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 4: My friend became codependent on me and I'm tired of it.

832
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 5: I'm tired of this Grandpa.

833
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 4: That's too dang bad. I nineteen male, became friends with

834
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 4: Alyssa eighteen on binary a year ago. For context, Before

835
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 4: becoming friends, I followed them on Twitter because they're a

836
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,879
Speaker 4: popular artist of a niche ship, so they're no one

837
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 4: in the fan them. They post it getting tumbler out.

838
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 3: I thought that meant like a like a ship on

839
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 3: the water, and I was like, a niche fandom of

840
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:09,280
Speaker 3: a ship, like, is it the barriers.

841
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 4: For all of our listeners. Ship in a fandom is

842
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 4: like you're picturing two people in a relationship.

843
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah yeah.

844
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 4: We became friends through another friend of mine who has

845
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 4: long stopped talking to them for reasons that will be

846
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 4: clear soon. By the way, this comes from Imaginary chapter

847
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 4: sixty nine, And if you want to submit your own stories,

848
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 4: go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly,

849
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,880
Speaker 4: I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice. Gillfully,

850
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 4: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

851
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 4: we would do. Let us know what you would do

852
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 4: in the comments, and Opie says, at first it was fine.

853
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 4: I discovered we had very similar life experiences and opening

854
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 4: up to them was easy. They were a little awkward

855
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,080
Speaker 4: sometimes due to their autism, but overall they always treated

856
00:37:52,120 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 4: me with respect, apologized when they didn't understand social cues,

857
00:37:56,360 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 4: and we talked a lot about our shared interests. Theyrew

858
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 4: my original characters more than once, and listen to the

859
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:07,279
Speaker 4: story I created something I always appreciated because I can't draw,

860
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 4: and nobody has the time to listen to that. The

861
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 4: problem is, it became apparent to me very soon that

862
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 4: they are an emotionally immature person. I do not fully

863
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 4: blame them, because honestly, their home life is awful. Their

864
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 4: whole family is against them. Their parents treat them like

865
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 4: a stalker who can't do anything on their own because

866
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,280
Speaker 4: of their autism. They're not allowed to go out alone

867
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 4: because their parents think they'll follow people around. They can't

868
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 4: wear what they want. Alyssa is very into fashion of

869
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 4: music because their mother is very over controlling of everything

870
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,879
Speaker 4: they do. I went to their house once and their

871
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 4: mother forced them to stop eating bread in front of

872
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 4: me because they had a little pasta before. I'm in

873
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 4: mind what crazy? Of course, this resulted in Alyssa becoming

874
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 4: honestly a traumatized and paranoid person, unable to discuss things

875
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 4: normally with people, and constantly afraid everyone is out to

876
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 4: get them. This results in them agreeing with everyone and

877
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 4: trying to keep everything calm by not saying anything and

878
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,879
Speaker 4: not trying to speak up. More than once I had

879
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 4: to calm them down and tell them they didn't have

880
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 4: to constantly check what they said in front of me,

881
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 4: and that I wasn't their mother, so I was not

882
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:19,840
Speaker 4: going to judge them. Many times, I deeply empathized with

883
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 4: their situation and tried to give them advice and a

884
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:24,359
Speaker 4: listening ear in the hope that they could learn how

885
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 4: to cope and move on. Considering Alyssa is leaving home

886
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:29,880
Speaker 4: for university this year and I don't want them to

887
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 4: continue living like this even in their twenties. Something that

888
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 4: deeply bothered me is that Alissa will do nothing to change.

889
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,720
Speaker 4: They vented and shared the same things over and over.

890
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 4: Every time I gave them some kind of advice, like

891
00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,839
Speaker 4: learning to understand their family is wrong about them, or

892
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 4: that they're allowed to have their own opinion or simply

893
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 4: doing little things that would give them independence. Their answer

894
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 4: was always you're right, I will do that, yes, of course,

895
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 4: and they never did. It's the reason our mutual friend

896
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 4: got fed up at one point stopped talking to them.

897
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,719
Speaker 4: She kind of made fun of me more than once

898
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 4: about the fact that Alissa and I are codependent and

899
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,200
Speaker 4: that I'm dumb. But that's another thing. Now, I don't

900
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 4: live Alissa's life. But after your friend vents to you

901
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,959
Speaker 4: again about how awful their life is, after you gave

902
00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 4: them attention and advice, and they do nothing but tell

903
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,280
Speaker 4: you you're right, you start being fed up and feel

904
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,799
Speaker 4: taken advantage of, as I did for a year of friendship.

905
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 4: I have to address the elephant in the room. Alissa

906
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 4: had a year long relationship with a girl. They broke

907
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 4: up in the spring of the year we became friends,

908
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,480
Speaker 4: so about three months before me and Alyssa met. It

909
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 4: was their first relationship, and they never truly told me

910
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 4: why they broke up. They had an on off relationship

911
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 4: for some time, but ultimately Alyssa's ex dumped them. Alissa

912
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:51,440
Speaker 4: went insane over this actual obsession and depression that was

913
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 4: felt everywhere to put it into consideration. During the first

914
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 4: month of our friendship, Alyssa went on and on about

915
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,640
Speaker 4: their crush and their ex, both in the discord server

916
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 4: we were in and in private, and asked me to

917
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,560
Speaker 4: review a letter they wrote to her. Mind you, I

918
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 4: barely knew them and I didn't know anything about the relationship.

919
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 4: At every opportunity they mentioned her how they couldn't listen

920
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 4: to a certain album or song anymore because it reminded

921
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 4: them of her. They visited me once in my hometown

922
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 4: and they just had to go on a ramble for

923
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 4: thirty minutes about their ex and her friends at every opportunity,

924
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,680
Speaker 4: updating us on all of her friend's actions and still

925
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 4: insisting that they were over her. It turns out they

926
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,959
Speaker 4: broke up that same spring, and Alissa was so sure

927
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 4: that it was just upbreak. They told me obsessively about

928
00:41:37,560 --> 00:41:39,839
Speaker 4: the friends of their ex being mad at them because

929
00:41:39,880 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 4: Alissa was so obsessed over their ex that they completely

930
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 4: ignored what she said, constantly tried to get in touch

931
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 4: with her with any measure, and harassed her, writing on

932
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 4: and on about her in every conversation. Alissa had to

933
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 4: vent to me during their stay with their ex's friends

934
00:41:56,920 --> 00:41:59,720
Speaker 4: because they were being treated badly. When I told Alisa

935
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 4: to get in front them, they did nothing. Of course,

936
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 4: after that, Alyssa was still obsessed over their ex eight

937
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,919
Speaker 4: months after the breakup, and no matter how I tried

938
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 4: to tell them to please move on, they wouldn't budge.

939
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 4: The breaking point was this summer. I had to study

940
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 4: for an exam in July and they vented to me

941
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 4: at two am while I was studying because they were

942
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 4: on vacation and hadn't hooked up with any girl. I

943
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,280
Speaker 4: took the time to console them, telling them to please sleep.

944
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 4: I was incredibly tired and anxious about finishing high school,

945
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,400
Speaker 4: and they knew it. A week later, they had the

946
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 4: courage to tell me that same night that they followed

947
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 4: their ex on Instagram, describing it as pulling, as in

948
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 4: finding a girl to start a relationship with. I was

949
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 4: deeply angry. I called to them and told them to

950
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 4: stop bothering me with this story once and for all.

951
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 4: I tried to tell them we were codependent because I

952
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,440
Speaker 4: also shared way too much about myself and sometimes I

953
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 4: was angry and tone deaf on purpose. But they told

954
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 4: me they didn't mind and still loved me as a friend.

955
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 4: I was sincerely sad and didn't talk to them for

956
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 4: a day. Then we visited each other in the summer. Honestly,

957
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 4: when I visited them, it was kind of bad. They

958
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 4: weren't able to calm down because I was a guest

959
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 4: in their home, which, knowing their family, was my fault

960
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 4: in retrospect, they triggered my eating disorder. They didn't even

961
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 4: try to enjoy my company because they were very afraid

962
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 4: someone was going to recognize us on the street. When

963
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 4: Alissa came to my home city for my birthday, they

964
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 4: had a full panic attack because they forgot to call

965
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 4: their mother, who forces them to take pictures and call

966
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 4: her every night when they're out so she knows they're

967
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 4: having fun and not stalking, and went on and on

968
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,320
Speaker 4: about how she was going to get them. I tried

969
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 4: to calm them down and they still just said, oh,

970
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 4: well whatever, which they know I hate because it's a

971
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 4: way for them to not have a conversation and to

972
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 4: ignore everything. This just sounds to me like Alyssa needs

973
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:54,479
Speaker 4: a whole lot of therapy. Still, you're both super young. Yeah,

974
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 4: they're not coming from a great home life. Yeah, I

975
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,799
Speaker 4: think a lot of it is still stemming back to

976
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,799
Speaker 4: the fact that they probably lived at home.

977
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 3: Still, Yeah, I feel like depending on whatever high school

978
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 3: relationship you're in, Like I was definitely in codependent friendships

979
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,080
Speaker 3: for sure at that age, so I think feel like

980
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 3: that's it seems easy to fall into.

981
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:15,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, So you know, I don't.

982
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 5: Think it needs to be a whole thing of like we.

983
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:21,919
Speaker 3: Need to just stop, Like it just needs to be like, Okay,

984
00:44:21,960 --> 00:44:25,839
Speaker 3: maybe I can by myself for a second, yeah, or.

985
00:44:25,920 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 4: Try to sip more boundaries first, or something.

986
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 5: I don't know. Yeah.

987
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 4: Fast forward to a month ago, I had another conversation

988
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 4: with them, telling them I wanted to take a break

989
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:39,279
Speaker 4: from our friendship. I explained how I tried to help

990
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 4: them and give them advice, and they still ignored me

991
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 4: because they'd rather ignore everything instead of doing something. I

992
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 4: told them I was sorry for oversharing with them when

993
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 4: it was clear they didn't know how to help, but

994
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 4: that I wanted some space because I was afraid that

995
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 4: we were codependent and I was sad because nothing I

996
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 4: did seemed to help them. By this point, they said

997
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 4: they were over their ex, though I honestly do not

998
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 4: believe them, and wanted to still contact me at Christmas.

999
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 4: They told me I was afraid I was going to

1000
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 4: leave them, and I told them they needed to learn

1001
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 4: how to listen for once, because I stated during the

1002
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 4: conversation that I didn't want to abandon them. Honestly, I

1003
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 4: just feel a lot of resentment and guilt. I know

1004
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 4: they will contact me soon, and I feel like I

1005
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 4: may have saddened them for nothing. I don't know if

1006
00:45:23,480 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 4: I can be a good friend to them, and I

1007
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 4: don't know if I overreacted. We have some comments. Comment

1008
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 4: are one. This honestly reads like a situation where you

1009
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,399
Speaker 4: stepped into a parental role they never got, and that's

1010
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,760
Speaker 4: an impossible position for a peer to hold long term.

1011
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 4: Their home environment sounds crushing, but unless they want to

1012
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 4: change and seek real support, you can't fix it for them.

1013
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 4: Taking a break isn't overreacting. It's respecting your boundaries and

1014
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,800
Speaker 4: giving them the space to figure out their own life.

1015
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:57,239
Speaker 4: Someone replies, Nah, you're not overreacting at all. Sometimes people

1016
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 4: get stuck in trauma cycles and no amount of friendship

1017
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,040
Speaker 4: can pull them out. That's what therapy is for. You

1018
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 4: can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

1019
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 4: And it sounds like you were burning hard. The fact

1020
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,560
Speaker 4: that they kept doing the same stuff over and over

1021
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,800
Speaker 4: while ignoring your advice shows they weren't ready to change,

1022
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 4: which isn't your fault or responsibility to fix That is

1023
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 4: the end of that story, And I would agree with

1024
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 4: those commenters.

1025
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 5: I would agree too.

1026
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think, I mean, it's fine to learn

1027
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 3: that at this age totally, like this.

1028
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,040
Speaker 4: Isn't about when people figure it out too.

1029
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. Yeah, maybe you did step into that role.

1030
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 5: I think you might be right about the code pendency.

1031
00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 3: If that's their reaction of saying, like, I don't want

1032
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 3: you to leave me, it's like, well, I feel like

1033
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 3: we can't really worry about that with friends, Like I mean,

1034
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 3: I don't know if it probably still sucks if your

1035
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 3: friends do leave you, but like you can't beg like

1036
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 3: that in a way, you know.

1037
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

1038
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 5: to the next one. Hey, John og host here, We're

1039
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,360
Speaker 5: gonna get back to this episode.

1040
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 2: But a quick reminute break of ads from a sponsor's

1041
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:02,439
Speaker 2: keeping the show live.

1042
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 4: My friend made everything about herself, so I ended our

1043
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:14,280
Speaker 4: friendship exhausting. This comes directly from the Okay storytime subreddit. Yes,

1044
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 4: the story starts in September of twenty twenty three when

1045
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 4: I met Sasha at church. Although we were the same

1046
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:24,360
Speaker 4: age twenty one female. At the time, I was finishing

1047
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 4: up my senior year of college and Sasha was working

1048
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 4: full time. We were both still in the era of

1049
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:33,200
Speaker 4: our life where we were figuring out what our careers

1050
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 4: were going to be and what we wanted to do

1051
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 4: for the rest of our lives. I figured we'd get

1052
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 4: along really well, or so I thought. By the way,

1053
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 4: this comes from non Music Prodigy, and if you want

1054
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the our slash

1055
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 4: Okay storytime subreddit, which is wonder This is brom and I'm.

1056
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 2: Carly, I'm Dakota, and.

1057
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice.

1058
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 5: Goofu Lee.

1059
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

1060
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 4: what we would do. Let us know what you would

1061
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 4: do in the comments. Sasha, it seemed really shy when

1062
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,400
Speaker 4: I first met her. We'd have surface level conversations at

1063
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 4: church and that was it. She didn't seem to want

1064
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:10,239
Speaker 4: to hang out outside of church. I didn't push her,

1065
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 4: figuring she'd open up when she was ready. That's why

1066
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 4: I was excited. When Sasha texted me asking if I

1067
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 4: wanted to go to a concert with her in May

1068
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 4: of twenty twenty four, I very enthusiastically said yes. Now

1069
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 4: here's where things start to get complicated. Sasha lived in

1070
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 4: one city and I lived in another, and the concert

1071
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 4: was happening in a third city. When discussing plans for

1072
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 4: the concert, Sasha specifically pointed out that my home city

1073
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,360
Speaker 4: was closer to the concert than her home city. Was.

1074
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 4: Given this information, I suggested she picked me up and

1075
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 4: bring me to the concert in her car, but then

1076
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 4: she asked if we could use my car. I was

1077
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 4: confused and asked if she wanted me to pick her

1078
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 4: up in my car instead of her picking me up,

1079
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:00,799
Speaker 4: But then she said no, I just leave my car

1080
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 4: at your place. I asked if she wanted to leave

1081
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:05,840
Speaker 4: her car at my place while I drove us to

1082
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 4: the concert in my own car, and she said yes.

1083
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 4: This entire exchange had happened over text. That little guessing

1084
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 4: game was so complicated.

1085
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 2: Doesn't sound like a guessing game.

1086
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:18,399
Speaker 4: Sounded pretty straightforward.

1087
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 9: But pop off, She'll drive to your place and then

1088
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,960
Speaker 9: you'll drive to the concert. Yeah, sounds straightforward.

1089
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,840
Speaker 4: I still don't know why Sasha didn't just communicate that

1090
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:31,080
Speaker 4: from the start. She felt bad about asking it, so

1091
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 4: she wanted me to suggest it and then she could agree.

1092
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,919
Speaker 4: It still felt strange, but I tried not to think

1093
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:39,840
Speaker 4: too much of it. The day of the concert arrived

1094
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,720
Speaker 4: and we got there on time. It was a ninety

1095
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 4: minute drive. The concert itself was great, but then we

1096
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,680
Speaker 4: were out in the parking lot in my car waiting

1097
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 4: for post concert traffic to disappear. I was struggling to

1098
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 4: get out of my parking space because traffic was backed

1099
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 4: up so far, and Sasha made an offhanded comment about

1100
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 4: how I should learned to drive more aggressively. It felt

1101
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:06,040
Speaker 4: like a dig, even if it wasn't. It didn't seem

1102
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 4: like we were at that level of friendship yet. When

1103
00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 4: we finally got out of the parking lot, Sasha was

1104
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,799
Speaker 4: playing through all the videos she'd taken on her phone

1105
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 4: during the concert. I was struggling to stay awake as

1106
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,880
Speaker 4: I drove. Sasha noticed me struggling and kept asking if

1107
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 4: I was good. I said yes and turned on some

1108
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,760
Speaker 4: music to keep myself awake. Sasha was playing her videos

1109
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:30,240
Speaker 4: at eighty percent volume. So even if I wanted to talk,

1110
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 4: she probably wouldn't have heard me. Once the traffic disappeared,

1111
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 4: Sasha asked if we could stop for food. I thought

1112
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 4: this was inconsiderate, since she noticed I was tired and

1113
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,360
Speaker 4: I just wanted to get home. I didn't voice this,

1114
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 4: and I drove us to get the food. She got

1115
00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:49,239
Speaker 4: a whole meal and a PEPSI and I just got water.

1116
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 4: We finally got back to my house, where Sasha had

1117
00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 4: left her car. There's something else I forgot to mention.

1118
00:50:56,719 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 4: In addition to the little guessing game, Sasha had bade

1119
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:02,880
Speaker 4: me pl with the car arrangements. She had also asked

1120
00:51:02,920 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 4: if I wanted to ride to church with her the

1121
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 4: next morning. Since the concert was on a Saturday night.

1122
00:51:08,719 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 4: This meant she wanted to spend the night at my

1123
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,600
Speaker 4: place and I could drive her to church in the morning.

1124
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:16,440
Speaker 4: I answered that I didn't think i'd be going to

1125
00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 4: the church the next morning. I figured Sasha should have

1126
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 4: taken my reply as a gentle no to her asking

1127
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 4: to stay the night. I think you're assuming a lot

1128
00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:26,160
Speaker 4: of things.

1129
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:30,160
Speaker 9: Yeah, we're doing a lot of like really like psychic communication,

1130
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 9: and we should just be more clear about how we

1131
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 9: think and feel about stuff. You just tell Sasha, hey,

1132
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 9: you can't really stay the night at my place tonight,

1133
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 9: I'm not really feeling it.

1134
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:42,000
Speaker 4: And I mean, is it really that bad? If she

1135
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,080
Speaker 4: does though, I'm like, if you previously told her and

1136
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 4: she was planning to crash, like she'll just get up

1137
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:48,440
Speaker 4: and leave in the morning.

1138
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:50,200
Speaker 2: They're not so bad.

1139
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 4: Also, just confused at the gravity that we're putting on everything.

1140
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:58,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how far away was is Sasha from her place?

1141
00:51:58,400 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 4: We didn't get that.

1142
00:51:59,400 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 9: Yeah, if it's already late and then Sasha, Yeah, it

1143
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 9: might just make sense what.

1144
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 4: I'm saying if people are tired. But when we were

1145
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,719
Speaker 4: back at my place after the concert, Sasha asked to

1146
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 4: come inside for some water. I invited her in and

1147
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 4: poured her a glass of water. She took the water,

1148
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 4: sat down at the kitchen table, and started scrolling through

1149
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 4: her phone, making no move to leave. I couldn't punt

1150
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:24,279
Speaker 4: her out after inviting her in.

1151
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,960
Speaker 2: Nah, but you can. It's like you say, hey, you

1152
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 2: had your water, and now I think it's time to

1153
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:32,320
Speaker 2: mosey on home.

1154
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 4: Now. Yeah you go, ah really tired, I'm gonna go

1155
00:52:36,560 --> 00:52:41,959
Speaker 4: to bed. Are you gonna leave? I pointed out where

1156
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 4: our restrooms were, but she still didn't look up from

1157
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:48,359
Speaker 4: her phone. My younger brother, Jack nineteen mail at the time,

1158
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:51,920
Speaker 4: walked in. He had just come from the same concert

1159
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:55,319
Speaker 4: with his friends. Jack greeted us and asked what we

1160
00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,879
Speaker 4: thought of the concert. Sasha started telling Jack about all

1161
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 4: her favorite songs and moments of the concert while I

1162
00:53:01,560 --> 00:53:05,359
Speaker 4: stood there. It felt low key offensive because Sasha had

1163
00:53:05,400 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 4: barely acknowledged me during the two hour ride home. She

1164
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 4: didn't ask me about my favorite songs or moments. The

1165
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 4: conversation between Sasha and Jack continued. At one point, Sasha

1166
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 4: got really excited and spoke so loud. I had to

1167
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:23,160
Speaker 4: gently remind her that the rest of my family was asleep.

1168
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:26,439
Speaker 4: I said I was heading to bed, hoping she would

1169
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,240
Speaker 4: take it as a queue to leave, but she stayed

1170
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 4: for almost another hour, trying to talk to Jack until

1171
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:36,240
Speaker 4: he told her he was tired. I ended up going

1172
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 4: to church late the following morning, and Sasha didn't go

1173
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 4: at all. That was the first situation that rubbed me

1174
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 4: the wrong way. The second begins like this. I was

1175
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 4: talking to a guy named Mark in my senior year

1176
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:53,880
Speaker 4: of college. Mark and I started talking on discord trying

1177
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,040
Speaker 4: to schedule a meetup in my city. Mark and his

1178
00:53:57,120 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 4: friends planned to see a concert in my city in

1179
00:53:59,560 --> 00:54:02,920
Speaker 4: June time, twenty twenty four, and I suggested a group

1180
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 4: of my friends meet him and his friends the day

1181
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 4: after the concert. I texted Sasha about my special.

1182
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 2: Lad Mark Ooh, my special lad.

1183
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:18,680
Speaker 4: Since we weren't dating yet, and told her we were

1184
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 4: going to hang out afterward with my friends. She responded

1185
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:24,880
Speaker 4: by asking what concert Mark was coming to see. I

1186
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 4: told her it was Nile Horn Concert. She replied, is

1187
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 4: he white? I said, yes, Nile is white. Why she clarified,

1188
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 4: I meant the guy you're talking to. I told her

1189
00:54:38,120 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 4: Mark was also white, and she texted, I can tell

1190
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,799
Speaker 4: by the music he listens too, with a laughing emoji.

1191
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 4: This rubbed me the wrong way because Sasha and I

1192
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,200
Speaker 4: are both black, and I also listened to Nile Horn.

1193
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 4: He was my very first celebrity crush. I tried not

1194
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 4: to take it personally. I told her a little bit

1195
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:58,400
Speaker 4: more about Mark, but she didn't seem to approve. We

1196
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:01,600
Speaker 4: started a group chat on Instagram with my friends, Mark

1197
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 4: and his friends. Sasha was in the group chat, but

1198
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:08,320
Speaker 4: hardly active. One day, I added something to the chat

1199
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 4: at half past twelve am, and she privately texted me,

1200
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:15,719
Speaker 4: why are you awake? Go to sleep with laughing emojis.

1201
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,399
Speaker 4: I texted back, you're awake too, She replied I'm at work,

1202
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 4: though I considered replying you're on your phone at work,

1203
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 4: but thought better of it. The day of the group date,

1204
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 4: Mark Flake, Oh no, He texted the group chat that

1205
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,960
Speaker 4: something came up and he couldn't get off work. Less

1206
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:36,560
Speaker 4: than ten minutes later, Sasha sent me a private text

1207
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 4: is today canceled?

1208
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 5: Again?

1209
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 4: It fell off putting. I asked if she was all right,

1210
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:44,719
Speaker 4: remembering she worked tonight shift and our date was in

1211
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 4: the morning. I told her she could stay home if

1212
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:49,840
Speaker 4: she needed rest. I let her know I was running

1213
00:55:49,840 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 4: a bit late, implying she could come late if she wanted.

1214
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:56,040
Speaker 4: She then told me she wasn't coming. That was the

1215
00:55:56,120 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 4: second situation. There was a third situation That was the

1216
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:03,840
Speaker 4: final straw for me. But there were other minor things

1217
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 4: in between that I kept noticing, other little things that

1218
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:10,319
Speaker 4: rubbed me the wrong way. Here are a few. She

1219
00:56:10,480 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 4: never responded to my questions or comments in group conversations,

1220
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 4: but she would respond to other people's questions or comments

1221
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:20,800
Speaker 4: in front of me, and she'd give me an awkward

1222
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 4: smile when I would try to piggyback off her comment.

1223
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 4: Once I sat on Sasha's right during a church service,

1224
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 4: she chatted a lot with the young ladies sitting to

1225
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 4: her left. All she said to me was hi. She

1226
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,240
Speaker 4: texted me one morning saying she needed to ask something.

1227
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:42,359
Speaker 4: Turns out that something was Jack's phone number. Sasha came

1228
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 4: to my senior recital, sat in the front row, seemingly

1229
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 4: excited to be there. She spent the entire reception talking

1230
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:52,560
Speaker 4: to Jack. Okay, so your friend likes your brother.

1231
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 2: Your friend wants your brother.

1232
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 4: She arrived at my graduation party, Lee sat around on

1233
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 4: her phone the whole time and made zero effort to

1234
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:06,680
Speaker 4: join in any conversation. Then she left early. My twenty

1235
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,440
Speaker 4: second birthday fell on the same night as one of

1236
00:57:09,440 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 4: our youth group events at church, and both Sasha and

1237
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 4: I were there. Everyone else there who knew it was

1238
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 4: my birthday came up to wish me one in person.

1239
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 4: I saw Sasha cross the room and waved. She smiled

1240
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:25,360
Speaker 4: in my direction, turned to hug someone else goodbye, and

1241
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:28,960
Speaker 4: then left. She texted me happy birthday, five minutes later,

1242
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 4: this is weird.

1243
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 2: The energy is just weird.

1244
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 9: Energy is just off, and you probably have just always

1245
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 9: felt that, and it's like, yeah, this is a person

1246
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 9: you met through like a happenstance because you guys both

1247
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 9: went to church.

1248
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:45,520
Speaker 4: So it's like philia is just not a compatible friendship

1249
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 4: and that's fine. It happens sometimes.

1250
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1251
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 4: This third and final situation was the last straw for me.

1252
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:55,240
Speaker 4: It was February twenty twenty five, and I had invited

1253
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 4: Sasha to a youth group event in a city that

1254
00:57:58,240 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 4: was an hour's drive from my place as well as hers.

1255
00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 4: The event fell on a Friday, February seventh, and I

1256
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:08,600
Speaker 4: was driving home from work that afternoon. I was stuck

1257
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:11,760
Speaker 4: in traffic when Jack texted me that he was going

1258
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 4: to another city to spend some time with a friend.

1259
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:17,720
Speaker 4: This was a bit of a problem for me, because

1260
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 4: Jack was supposed to be my ride to this church event.

1261
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 4: Without him taking me, I'd have to make that long

1262
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 4: drive myself. After being stuck in traffic for an hour already,

1263
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 4: I was too exhausted to do any more driving that day.

1264
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 4: When I got home that Friday, I just went straight

1265
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:37,280
Speaker 4: up to my bed and collapsed. But then I suddenly

1266
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,600
Speaker 4: remembered i'd invited Sasha to the church event that I

1267
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 4: was no longer going to. So I sent her text apologizing,

1268
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:47,760
Speaker 4: telling her I couldn't make it anymore. I didn't give

1269
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,400
Speaker 4: a full explanation. I only told her I'd been stuck

1270
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 4: in traffic all day. She texted back, it's okay, and

1271
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 4: I figured that was her accepting my apology. But then

1272
00:58:57,880 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 4: Sasha and I planned to go to a music festival

1273
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 4: for Valentine's Day. Exactly a week later. I picked her

1274
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 4: up from her place to take her to the festival,

1275
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 4: and she spent the whole ride both to and from,

1276
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 4: complaining about how I ditched her the week before. She

1277
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:15,160
Speaker 4: said things like, you left me all alone at a

1278
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 4: church that isn't even mine. How could you? I got

1279
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:22,360
Speaker 4: defensive because first she made the impression that she'd accepted

1280
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 4: my apology, and second, she had flaked on me last

1281
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 4: minute so many times in the two years we'd known

1282
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 4: each other, and I'd never given her any grief. I

1283
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:33,680
Speaker 4: thought she'd be able to give me a little grace

1284
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 4: when I had to flake on her. Apparently I thought wrong.

1285
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 4: I did feel really bad about flaking on Sasha, so

1286
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,480
Speaker 4: I decided to make up for it by inviting her

1287
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:46,760
Speaker 4: to get together at a church friend's house. This time,

1288
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,400
Speaker 4: Jack actually drove me and we got there early. Forty

1289
00:59:50,440 --> 00:59:53,680
Speaker 4: five minutes into the whole thing, Sasha texted me that

1290
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 4: she couldn't find parking even though there was plenty of

1291
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 4: space in the host driveway, and that she was leaving.

1292
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,880
Speaker 2: It sounds like you guys never really linked up like that.

1293
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 4: Sounds like y'all just aren't really die close, and that

1294
01:00:06,240 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 4: maybe Sasha has a little crush on your brother.

1295
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:12,360
Speaker 9: The brother crush I can't relate as the only child,

1296
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:14,160
Speaker 9: but it would probably be.

1297
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 2: A little annoying.

1298
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 4: I'm sure it is.

1299
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 2: Don't crush on my brother. He's not there, He doesn't

1300
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 2: It's not real.

1301
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:22,400
Speaker 5: This was the last.

1302
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 4: Straw for me, because she had just spent the majority

1303
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 4: of our last hangout chewing me out for flaking on her,

1304
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:32,640
Speaker 4: and here she was again flaking on me again, with

1305
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 4: no apology. I snapped a little and texted her back,

1306
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:38,640
Speaker 4: I guess we're even now and added a smirk emoji

1307
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 4: to make it seem like a joke, but she immediately replied, technically,

1308
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:45,640
Speaker 4: I drove all the way over here before canceling, you

1309
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:48,320
Speaker 4: didn't even leave the house. I think she knew it

1310
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 4: wasn't really a joke. So yeah, that's where the friendship ended.

1311
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 4: We haven't really talked since then. I definitely haven't made

1312
01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:00,160
Speaker 4: any effort. I don't think she has either an and

1313
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 4: I'm fine with that. We've fallen out of each other's

1314
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 4: circles and that's that. We still go to the same church,

1315
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 4: though if she tries to hug me or anything, I

1316
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:13,440
Speaker 4: might stiffen up. But anyway, that's my super long and

1317
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:17,280
Speaker 4: crazy story of how and why I ended a friendship.

1318
01:01:17,680 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 5: Wow.

1319
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:20,760
Speaker 4: Wow, y'all were not compatible.

1320
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:23,760
Speaker 9: Yeah, that's that's I don't know if that story is

1321
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:27,680
Speaker 9: as crazy as you think it is, but it's that

1322
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 9: was definitely a story of one person who probably always

1323
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 9: felt a little slided by this other person, and that

1324
01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 9: person just kind of not caring.

1325
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:42,920
Speaker 2: Ever, and that's the end of this story.