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Speaker 1: Even if you're in a bit of a season or

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Speaker 1: a bit of a moment of that darkness or that storm,

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Speaker 1: there's always opportunity. There's always something excitable. There's good that

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Speaker 1: can come from such deep, deep feelings and deep sorrow

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Speaker 1: and deep chaos. Good morning, good afternoon, Good evening.

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Speaker 2: Emily, A body here coming to you live from the

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Speaker 2: Age Studio. You are listening to Hurdle, a wellness focus

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Speaker 2: podcast where I connect with everyone from your favorite athletes

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Speaker 2: to top experts and industry CEOs about their highest highs,

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Speaker 2: toughest moments, and everything in between.

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Speaker 1: We all go through hurdles in life.

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Speaker 2: And my goal through these discussions is to empower you

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Speaker 2: to better navigate yours and move with intention so that

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Speaker 2: you can stride towards your own big potential and of

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Speaker 2: course have some fun along the way.

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Speaker 1: Today, for episode one ninety nine, I.

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Speaker 2: Am chatting with Peloton instructor Kendall O'Toole a conversation that

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Speaker 2: has been a long time requested from you, the Hurdlers,

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Speaker 2: and do you want to make sure that I say

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Speaker 2: this upfront? We do talk about some sensitive topics within

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Speaker 2: today's conversation, including self harm and depression. As Kendall opens

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Speaker 2: up about her struggles with both OCD and depression through

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Speaker 2: her teenage years, so I just want to throw that

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Speaker 2: into the mix upfront, and I will be linking some

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Speaker 2: helpful resources in the show notes if today's conversation really

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Speaker 2: resonates with you and you too find yourself struggling. We

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Speaker 2: talk about the life changing Hurdle moment that Kendall experienced

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Speaker 2: involving suicidal thoughts and her choice to move home from

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Speaker 2: college and seek therapy. She also offers up a lot

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Speaker 2: of really great advice for anyone who is navigating negative

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Speaker 2: self talk, as well as some helpful tips for any

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Speaker 2: fellow raises hand in the air and gestures like let's

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Speaker 2: go a single thirty something woman who may be having

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Speaker 2: a hard time finding happiness on their own. Overall this conversation,

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Speaker 2: there is so much vulnerability. There's also so much joy

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Speaker 2: and happiness. I'm grateful to Kendle for being so transparent.

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Speaker 1: I know that this is the type.

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Speaker 2: Of conversation that is going to help a lot of people.

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Speaker 2: I want to again say a huge, resounding thank you

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Speaker 2: to all the Hurdlers that came out last week in DC.

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Speaker 2: I had the most fun with you, and I am

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Speaker 2: looking forward to doing it in both New York and

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Speaker 2: Los Angeles soon. New York, I am opening up an

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Speaker 2: extra ten spot to this Saturday, March twenty sixth Hurdle

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Speaker 2: Huddle at ten am. If you want one, send me

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Speaker 2: a DM including a review a screenshot of your review

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Speaker 2: of the show in Apple Podcasts, and I will give

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Speaker 2: you one, limited to the first ten people who take

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Speaker 2: the time to review the show and want in on

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Speaker 2: next weekend but weren't able to snag a spot before

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Speaker 2: they sold out again, ten spots only.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm so amped for this weekend, so get your reviews

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Speaker 2: in asap. Also Los Angeles, Saturday, April second. It's gonna

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Speaker 2: be let's call it for ten am and I don't

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Speaker 2: have a location yet, but hold Saturday April second, ten am.

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Speaker 2: I'm amped and I can't wait to bring the Hurdle

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Speaker 2: love over to the West Coast. Make sure you're following

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Speaker 2: along with Hurdle over at Hurdle podcast. I am over

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Speaker 2: at Emily a body and last little bit of housekeeping.

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Speaker 1: Subscribe to the Weekly Hurdle.

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Speaker 2: It is the Hurdle newsletter that comes out every single

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Speaker 2: Friday morning. With a lot of the same motivation and

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Speaker 2: inspiration that you love from the show directly in your

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Speaker 2: inbox before the sun comes up.

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Speaker 1: I would love to keep in contact with you over

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Speaker 1: there with that.

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Speaker 2: Today, I am sitting down with Kendall Toole. She is

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Speaker 2: a beloved Peloton instructor. How you do it today, Kenny.

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Speaker 1: I'm great. Oh.

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Speaker 2: I love that you just called me Kenny immediately. Yes, immediately, Yes,

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Speaker 2: we're on this level. We are, we really are. I

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Speaker 2: love that.

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Speaker 1: That is It's funny people who I meet sometimes they

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Speaker 1: just it slips out or even early on in like

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Speaker 1: my getting to know them, and I'm like, oh, you

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Speaker 1: get me, you get me. I love that. I am well,

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Speaker 1: how are you, Emily, I'm so good. You know.

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Speaker 2: It's funny because I am sure that when you meet

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Speaker 2: people who follow along with you, they take your classes,

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Speaker 2: they say stuff like that because they are under this

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Speaker 2: impression that they know the ins and outs of you.

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Speaker 2: And so when I meet people as well, people are

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Speaker 2: always like am Like I was on the street in

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Speaker 2: DC last month or the month before, and someone yelled

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Speaker 2: my name across the street that I had never met before,

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Speaker 2: and it was wonderful.

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Speaker 1: It was wonderful, and then it's also like you feel

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Speaker 1: really bad. I have this dreadful like anxiety that comes

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Speaker 1: up when that happens, because I'm like, did I go

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Speaker 1: to middle school with you?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: Did I go to college with you? Or it's like

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Speaker 1: are you related to me somehow? And I just haven't,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: So I always had that like first perpetual fear, and

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Speaker 2: then the conversation starts going. I'm like, oh no, they

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Speaker 2: ride with me, Okay, cool, okay, cool, We're good, We're.

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Speaker 1: Good, We're good, we're good.

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Speaker 2: Well, people that ride with you, and there are many

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Speaker 2: of them, know something that you say often, which is

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Speaker 2: that they can knock.

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Speaker 1: You down, but never let them knock you out.

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Speaker 2: Knowing that, I want to start this off by asking you,

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Speaker 2: when was the last time you actually felt borderline knocked out?

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Speaker 1: Oh? God, I'll be honest. I was going through a

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Speaker 1: rough patch recently, like this stuff kind of happens. I

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Speaker 1: think the concept of being knocked out isn't that everything

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Speaker 1: in life collapses, but something takes enough precedence that it

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Speaker 1: really shifts your perspective. It makes you feel like you're

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Speaker 1: on the ground. So candidly, I went through a breakup

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Speaker 1: not too long ago. It's been very interesting to go

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Speaker 1: through breakup more publicly because I was very open about

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Speaker 1: my relationship and was very proud of it, and there

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Speaker 1: were wonderful things with it. But going through that process

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Speaker 1: of having to continue to show up in the world

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Speaker 1: the way that I do with my job, with these

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Speaker 1: great responsibilities, and to stay this positive light knowing that

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Speaker 1: I was processing loss and transition and all of the

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Speaker 1: moments of a breakup. That was probably the most recent

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Speaker 1: one that was back in November, November December, and so

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Speaker 1: it took a bit of a shift.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can totally relate to that, And I love

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Speaker 2: the way that you framed that just now, saying great

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Speaker 2: opportunities and great obligations. That so often is a hard

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Speaker 2: way to look at what's going on in your life

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Speaker 2: through that positive lens, as you so eloquently put it,

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Speaker 2: because there is all of this pressure around you, is

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Speaker 2: this lingering sadness about what you're going through. But to

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Speaker 2: be able to spin it like that, that takes practice.

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Speaker 2: I would say, Oh.

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Speaker 1: It does.

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Speaker 2: Years of therapy, years of being on my own mental

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Speaker 2: health journey, and you know, of having some really honest,

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Speaker 2: pure conversations. I have great stakeholders and people in my

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Speaker 2: life and friends, and frankly like they'll kick me in

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Speaker 2: the ass and they'll be like, Kendall, I love you.

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Speaker 2: I'm here at to e vent I'm here for the space.

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Speaker 2: But okay, now, what are you going to do about it?

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Speaker 2: And not to say that we don't feel our emotions.

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Speaker 2: It's very important that we allow them and we meet

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Speaker 2: them where they're at. But there ultimately becomes a choice,

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Speaker 2: in my opinion, where do we allow this to be

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Speaker 2: our narrative or do we allow us to be a

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Speaker 2: segment of the story.

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Speaker 1: Right. Am I going to make this an entire focus

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Speaker 1: of who I am now I'm going to let this

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Speaker 1: experience shift my person? Or am I going to stay

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Speaker 1: in alignment and understand? Okay, this is just part of

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Speaker 1: the process. This is part of the growth, and it

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Speaker 1: is I think oftentimes we have obligations that we can

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Speaker 1: look at it like, oh my god, I'm so overwhelmed,

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Speaker 1: I'm so stressed. That's me. Often I'm like a chicken

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Speaker 1: with my head cut off. Sometimes I'm like, okay, wait,

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Speaker 1: hold on, write the list and then recognize, wow, I

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Speaker 1: have this list of things that I'm asked to do that.

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Speaker 1: I have the responsibility that the world was asking me

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Speaker 1: to show up in that years ago. I mean when

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Speaker 1: I was broke and living in like a basement and

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Speaker 1: Laurel Canyon and trying to figure out how to make

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Speaker 1: my car payment. You know, I would have dreamed of

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Speaker 1: having these obligations. So it's so funny how you know,

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Speaker 1: we're always kind of looking for that next element, that

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Speaker 1: next energy, but we forget how far we've come in

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Speaker 1: the process.

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Speaker 2: Well, speaking about how far you've come, and before you

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Speaker 2: were questionably broke living in the basement and Laurel Canyon,

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Speaker 2: you were originally from Texas, is that right?

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Speaker 1: I was born in Houston and lived there for about

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't remember much, I'll be honest. I

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Speaker 1: like to pull out the y'all though, so I think

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Speaker 1: that's my one connection back to the South. Kendall. I

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Speaker 1: like to pull out the y'all. And I was born

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Speaker 1: in Connecticut, so okay. It is a gender neutral, like

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Speaker 1: perfect term to address a large group of people in

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Speaker 1: like an effervescent way. You know, it's kind of like

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Speaker 1: a lexus rose of pronouns. You know, we're like of

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Speaker 1: group I don't know. I'm probably gonna mess it up,

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Speaker 1: but still I think y'all's great. And so I was

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Speaker 1: in Houston for about two years, and then we moved

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Speaker 1: to Atlanta, so I had a little bit more southern

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Speaker 1: and then we moved to California when I was about ten,

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Speaker 1: ten eleven, and that's really what I consider home because

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Speaker 1: I spent all of the developmental years, all the fun

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Speaker 1: teen years, you know, all the highs and lows in

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Speaker 1: California and was there until, you know, the job at

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Speaker 1: Peloton came knockin, and I moved to New York City. Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: don't speed us up too fast here.

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Speaker 2: You mentioned before the word therapy, and I know that

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Speaker 2: you actually started working with a therapist from a very

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Speaker 2: young age. So talk me through how that came to

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Speaker 2: be within your life, totally, so safe to say.

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Speaker 1: I was very much a high, strong, intense, was often

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Speaker 1: called bossy and chatty on the report cards type of

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Speaker 1: a kid. And I think that's what drew me to gymnastics, ironically,

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Speaker 1: was the perfectionism, the beauty, the overcoming these barriers. And

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Speaker 1: I loved it. I loved flipping, I loved doing things

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Speaker 1: that it looked like little girls couldn't do or were

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Speaker 1: supposed to do. So I was drawn into the sport.

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Speaker 1: But I definitely found that that perpetuated and kind of

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Speaker 1: ignited what was already existent within me, which was this

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Speaker 1: obsessive compulsive disorder. So I was diagnosed with OCD. Oh goodness,

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Speaker 1: I always am a butcher with time, but I want

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Speaker 1: to say it was around eight or nine years old

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Speaker 1: and incredibly obsessive thoughts and was a very anxious, high strung.

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Speaker 1: If not this, then that superstitious kid. And my parents

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Speaker 1: acknowledged like, Okay, Kenny has gone through stuff. She has

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Speaker 1: these rituals. I couldn't be barefoot. I had to wear

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Speaker 1: socks all the time. I had like a bedtime ritual.

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Speaker 1: And they got me into therapy and that was my

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Speaker 1: first that was my first foray into therapy. So in

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Speaker 1: my life process, it's just been a part of my growth.

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Speaker 1: It's been a part of certain seasons of my life.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, it's time time to go back. As

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Speaker 1: someone who's dealt with OCD.

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Speaker 2: Does it bother you when people make references kind of

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Speaker 2: flippantly being like, oh, I have so much OCD?

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Speaker 1: It does in the sense that I understand what it

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Speaker 1: feels like to when someone says that they don't understand

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Speaker 1: the gravity behind what OCD really is, and I'm still

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Speaker 1: guilty of it, like, oh, I'm being OCD today, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, no, no, let me let me,

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Speaker 1: let me change that narrative, let me change that way

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking, because it is a very it can be

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Speaker 1: a very debilitating experience. It's, you know, trying to control

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Speaker 1: your life, trying to control things around you, and you know,

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Speaker 1: we look to different elements of our lives where we

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Speaker 1: can do. That was where kind of OCD came into

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Speaker 1: play for me, and it was the precursor to what

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Speaker 1: would then come down the line. But whenever I hear

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Speaker 1: someone say I'm just being OCD, I would love if

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Speaker 1: that were removed from language, where we could say, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm being hyper focused or I'm being you know, intense today.

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Speaker 1: I think there's other words that express it in a

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Speaker 1: far better and a far better life.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's having that conversation right or saying

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Speaker 2: something like oh, I can totally sympathize with how you're

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Speaker 2: feeling that way or why you're feeling that way. But

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Speaker 2: maybe if we express it like this and coming from

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Speaker 2: a place that's with understanding and compassion rather than an

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Speaker 2: attacking place, so that you can have an educational, progressive

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Speaker 2: conversation about how to identify those feelings going forward completely.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's what's kind of lost and where

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Speaker 1: everybody feels afraid to say the wrong thing in today's

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Speaker 1: world is that it's not there's so often Oh, I

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Speaker 1: just don't want to be wrong. Well, that's not the

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Speaker 1: way we need to live our lives. We're not trying

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Speaker 1: to be here to be right all the time. That's

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Speaker 1: not being human. The whole point is to learn. But

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Speaker 1: if you're going to learn something, you're going to mess up,

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Speaker 1: or you're going to say something that you're like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I didn't understand the gravity of that until someone enlightened

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Speaker 1: me on this topic. So I'm all for that. I'm

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Speaker 1: all about going out a situation with empathy, understanding. Everybody

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Speaker 1: has their own context. But if you don't speak up,

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Speaker 1: you don't really have a right to be upset about

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Speaker 1: it either, right, Like, either you lean in and you

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Speaker 1: say something, or you can be offended, but then keep

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Speaker 1: that to yourself. I'm very much over people pontificating about

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Speaker 1: their about what they They're like, I'm so offended. I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 1: but what are you doing about it?

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Speaker 2: Like, come on, you said the phrase before foreshadowing what's

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Speaker 2: to come, So what's to come after? Kendall at eleven

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Speaker 2: years old, starts to speak to someone about her OCD tendencies.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So that was a great process, and I'm grateful

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Speaker 1: for the therapist that I had then. And what I

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Speaker 1: didn't know was down the pipeline was that this I

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Speaker 1: thought I had handled. You know, Okay, check Mark handled

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Speaker 1: the mental health thing that very much, don't we all

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Speaker 1: In the beginning, we all do. At the beginning, we're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I did it. Yeah, I'm fixed, And then down the

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Speaker 1: line it gets to about It's hard to say when

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Speaker 1: it really began, but it came to a very large

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Speaker 1: breaking point, inflection point my senior year of college. So

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Speaker 1: I had been so focused. I grew up as a

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Speaker 1: kid actor and was doing that very consistently in my

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Speaker 1: teen years. I graduated high school early so that I

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Speaker 1: could focus on acting. I was going to USC and

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Speaker 1: then what I thought would be the career that i'd

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Speaker 1: worked so hard for, right because in my mind, oh,

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Speaker 1: if you work hard. You get the things you want

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Speaker 1: not always the same way in certain industries and certain situations, right,

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Speaker 1: And that came to an inflection point my senior year

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Speaker 1: of college, and I was in a very dark place,

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Speaker 1: but I hid it from everybody. I mean nobody in

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Speaker 1: the world and none of my best friends I had

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Speaker 1: people from college. When I shared my story more openly

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Speaker 1: on my Instagram reach out of the blue and say

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Speaker 1: I had no idea, I wish you would have told me.

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Speaker 1: And that was a watershed moment. But I got to

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Speaker 1: a point my senior year of college where I was

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Speaker 1: suicidal and deeply, deeply, deeply depressed and anxious. And so

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Speaker 1: that's where I was diagnosed after that experience with anxiety

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Speaker 1: and depression, and really doubled down into therapy and double

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Speaker 1: down into treatment and what I needed to do to

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Speaker 1: get myself back on the road.

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Speaker 2: When you started first experiencing suicidal thoughts, did you have

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Speaker 2: one person that you finally told helped you, that helped

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Speaker 2: pull you out of let's call it this darkness, or

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Speaker 2: how did that unfold for you?

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Speaker 1: So for me, it was I kept operating off of this.

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Speaker 1: If I put on the happy face, if I play

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Speaker 1: the game, maybe something will get rid of the numbness.

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Speaker 1: What was odd about the experience, and what I really

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Speaker 1: want to talk to people about being in this mental

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Speaker 1: space is that it's a slow burn. It's a slow process.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't just one day I'm super depressed and it

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Speaker 1: was this dramatic feeling. It wasn't actually an overwhelm of emotions.

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Speaker 1: It was the absence of emotions time and time again.

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Speaker 1: So over the years, especially in college, I would I

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Speaker 1: was a college cheerleader, and so I'm a little miss

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Speaker 1: peppy and deep down there's something else going on. Right

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Speaker 1: I'm in this great film program that I'm in love

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Speaker 1: with and I'm passionate about storytelling and cinema. But that

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Speaker 1: didn't do it, And so I was trying to plug

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Speaker 1: these holes that were really there was a gaping wound

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Speaker 1: that I kept avoiding. It's like trying to put a

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Speaker 1: band aid on a deep flesh wound. It's like, no, no,

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Speaker 1: we need stitches and surgery. We don't need something to

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Speaker 1: play kate. So when I got to that point in

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Speaker 1: my senior year of college, I had hit it from everybody.

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Speaker 1: And one thing I look back on is the pain

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Speaker 1: that I you know you can't regret your experience. I

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Speaker 1: believe everything happens for a reason. I deeply believe this

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Speaker 1: is part of my purpose. But I didn't share it

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Speaker 1: with my family, who I'm closest with. So it came

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Speaker 1: to a moment just before I was close to completing

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Speaker 1: the act, and I had this flash of what my

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Speaker 1: family's life. I tell you, it's out of body experience.

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Speaker 1: It's a feeling of feeling so numb. It was an

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Speaker 1: emotional clarity and a very turbulent moment, and I almost

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Speaker 1: felt like I could see into the future for like

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Speaker 1: what would occur, Like what my parents' lives would be

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Speaker 1: like had I gone through with it, how the circles

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Speaker 1: around me would be affected. It was kind of like,

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Speaker 1: I hate to make light of this, but it's almost

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Speaker 1: like in a Christmas Carol.

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Speaker 2: It's like the ghost of Christmas future type of thing.

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Speaker 2: Like it's kind of ironic.

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Speaker 1: But I had this vision and I all of a

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Speaker 1: sudden just took this breath and I was like I

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Speaker 1: had someone shake me and wake me up, and it

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, what the hell am I doing?

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Speaker 1: And I look at my phone and crazily enough, my

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Speaker 1: mom had been calling me fifteen times. There were fifteen miscalls.

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Speaker 1: We hadn't talked since probably earlier in the day, like

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Speaker 1: around noon, and so she had an instinct something was deeply, deeply,

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Speaker 1: deeply wrong, which that is incredible, And they say there's

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Speaker 1: that mother's instinct, and I think that's very true. And

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Speaker 1: I picked up the phone and I said, I need

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Speaker 1: you to come pick me up. And that's where it

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Speaker 1: all began. So I didn't leverage the connections that I had.

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Speaker 1: And I have a wonderful connection to my family and

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Speaker 1: my parents. I have a wonderful connection to my friends.

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Speaker 1: But I think there was so much internalized shame that

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Speaker 1: I felt because I didn't want to be a burden.

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Speaker 1: I didn't want people to have to worry about me.

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Speaker 1: But the irony was I wasn't worried about myself because

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Speaker 1: my self help and myself being wasn't number one.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that, and it's so interesting hearing

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Speaker 2: what your experience was like. I truly feel that it's

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Speaker 2: so important for us to talk about this because the

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Speaker 2: more that we talk about mental health, and the more

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Speaker 2: that we open up using certain buzzwords, even it can

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Speaker 2: shed light on the struggles or the situation that someone

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Speaker 2: else is going through and doesn't know how to label

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Speaker 2: or articulate. The more that we have these open dialogues,

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Speaker 2: the better that we can all be about not making

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Speaker 2: it taboo to open up about our mental health. No

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Speaker 2: one should be made to feel as though something is

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Speaker 2: wrong with them because they are struggling, or that something

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Speaker 2: is wrong with them because they're questioning a feeling.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Yes, And it's the listening

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Speaker 1: to oneself. And that's really where I talk about it

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Speaker 1: so much because I understand it so much more now.

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Speaker 1: Is that it truly is getting to know yourself. But

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Speaker 1: getting to know yourself means accepting all of the pieces

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Speaker 1: of us, accepting the fact that there are days when

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Speaker 1: you wake up you could have everything in the world,

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Speaker 1: it could be a beautiful day, and just you're a

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Speaker 1: little off. There's just something something shifted. You don't know

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Speaker 1: what's going on. You don't have to know the why.

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Speaker 1: You just have to acknowledge that it's okay to feel

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Speaker 1: that way. But it is. And that's why we have

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Speaker 1: to have these conversations and these stories, because everyone experiences

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Speaker 1: it differently and it's not this DSM. Here's my symptoms.

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Speaker 1: I know I'm depressed or suicidal when X, Y, and

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00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 1: Z happen. It's not linear or kind of granular like that.

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Speaker 1: It's not easily packageable. Mental health is this very amorphous

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00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 1: concept that means different things to us at different times

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Speaker 1: in our lives. But it is get checking the pulse,

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Speaker 1: like checking where like and asking how how am I today?

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Speaker 1: How am I feeling today? Am I emotionally here? Or

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Speaker 1: if something really throws you off, I love like maybe

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00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,719
Speaker 1: you get cut off in traffic, or maybe you know.

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Speaker 1: I know in my world like social media, I could

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Speaker 1: get a wonderful comment and then I could get this berating, nasty,

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00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 1: awful DM and sometimes I have to check in with

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Speaker 1: myself and be like, oh, I've allowed that to hold

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00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 1: energy in space after that I received that comment, let

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00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,399
Speaker 1: me check in and say how am I feeling? And

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Speaker 1: then I can acknowledge what I'm going to do about it.

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Speaker 1: But you can't go mindlessly.

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Speaker 2: Someone asked me this question the other day, and I

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Speaker 2: feel like it's relevant here taking into consideration what you've

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Speaker 2: been through on your mental health journey. When you first

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Speaker 2: got the call from Peloton, were you in the space

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Speaker 2: that you were more scared of failure or more scared

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Speaker 2: of success because of what you just referenced, that exposure

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Speaker 2: point or those millions of exposure points and given opinions.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny. I used to think that failure is

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Speaker 1: what scared me. But failure is very comfortable because you

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Speaker 1: know that failure means that you've you're pretty much where

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Speaker 1: you're at now in a sense, because you haven't taken

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Speaker 1: on that next energy or that next responsibility or you know,

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Speaker 1: joyful obligation if we want to call it. That. Success

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00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 1: is probably the scariest thing, and people don't talk about that.

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Speaker 1: They don't talk about the fact that they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: just do it and get up and go. I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to placate somebody, especially as a fitness instructor and

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Speaker 1: someone who's in the space and a mental health advocate,

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Speaker 1: that oh, you just change your mind and you go.

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Speaker 1: It's very challenging because success means there's a different level

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Speaker 1: of responsibility that you don't know how you're going to handle.

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Speaker 1: Success means that your world is going to completely shift

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Speaker 1: and change and the way that you relate to it

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00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 1: and what you provide to it, and it's an massive

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Speaker 1: unknown so for me, when I got the offer at Peloton,

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Speaker 1: I was so immediately excited and the move was exciting,

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Speaker 1: and I'll say, like the fear of success really permeated

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Speaker 1: when I was training up for my premiere ride. I

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Speaker 1: really struggled in that training process. I had so much

433
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: of this imposter syndrome, like how am I here? Why me?

434
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: What is this? Let me try to be what I

435
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 1: thought a Peloton instructor was supposed to be, because I

436
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: had this perception of like these like superhumans, and I

437
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 1: felt like there was a dissonance there and I was

438
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: younger and less experienced in certain ways and experience in others.

439
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,400
Speaker 1: And it was funny. I remember I had a conversation

440
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: with Cody like about two weeks before my premiere ride,

441
00:22:57,119 --> 00:22:58,679
Speaker 1: and he just looked at me and he's like, Oh,

442
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: you've got to get it together, like you got this,

443
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 1: but you are here for a reason, like we chose

444
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,440
Speaker 1: you for you. We didn't choose you to be somebody

445
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: else or something else. And that was a really awesome

446
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,880
Speaker 1: moment because I think it was the first time someone

447
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: said I want you to be here for you, and

448
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:18,840
Speaker 1: then I realized, oh, I need to be here for

449
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: myself too, like myself needs to be enough for me

450
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: that premier ride, I don't know what happened, something clicked

451
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: in that room. I think maybe it was the build

452
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 1: up and the anxiety and then it was like the exhale.

453
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's fear. It's fear of being exposed. It's

454
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 1: fear of also being vulnerable. Success is very vulnerable.

455
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: There's a lot of vulnerability that comes with that, and

456
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 2: also a wisdom of the greater understanding that what success

457
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 2: means day in and day out can change.

458
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: Right.

459
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,160
Speaker 2: So, just because at one point you've accomplished the version

460
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,480
Speaker 2: of success that you thought was like the tippity top

461
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 2: of the mountaintop, then the next day you wake up

462
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 2: and you set new goals and you go after new challenges,

463
00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:00,439
Speaker 2: and then that definition of success shifts again. And also,

464
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 2: what I think is so interesting and hearing you talk

465
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,719
Speaker 2: about your experience and you know, wondering who is it

466
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:06,640
Speaker 2: that I should be.

467
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: Any One of the.

468
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 2: Instructors that I've had on the show literally had that

469
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 2: same you know, come to Jesus moment if you will,

470
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:19,720
Speaker 2: where every single person was like I was worried that

471
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 2: I needed to be X and they were reassured, but

472
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 2: we just want you to be you.

473
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: Yes, And that's the probably the most beautiful thing. And

474
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:31,160
Speaker 1: I'm so proud to be at Peloton because of that,

475
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: because the ethos behind it is like the sum is

476
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 1: really greater than its individual parts. But damn the individual

477
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 1: parts on this team, we're all very different. We all

478
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: have different energies, we have different experiences, But what makes

479
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 1: it work is that we're ourselves. You know, we were

480
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 1: all selected to fill a certain role that somehow, with

481
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: all these other incredible energies, it just adds more to

482
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 1: the pot. It doesn't subtract like it's And that's the

483
00:24:56,320 --> 00:25:00,640
Speaker 1: funny part is that the goal isn't to be more

484
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 1: than what you are. The goal is to just be

485
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 1: more of who you are. And that's what I'm reminded

486
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,959
Speaker 1: of every day, especially when I and I still do

487
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: shoot like I have. I'm an ambitious person, I'm fiery.

488
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: I want to do everything and live full, especially because

489
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 1: I've experienced not wanting to live at all. But I

490
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,640
Speaker 1: know that both of those energies I have to keep

491
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 1: them in check because sometimes like you can get ahead

492
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 1: of yourself, you can get at a little two forward

493
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: thinking and not be grounded and not be like rooted

494
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: in your purpose, and you just have to remember, like, oh,

495
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,879
Speaker 1: I just want to become more of myself. I just

496
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: want to reveal more of myself. I want to peel

497
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,720
Speaker 1: another layer back. I want to be more vulnerable with

498
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 1: more people. I want to be more acknowledging of the

499
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: fact that I'm shifting and changing and growing, especially as

500
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: a woman, and that I'm going to have chapters and

501
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: seasons of my life that are going to be incredibly challenging.

502
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,440
Speaker 1: But I don't want to hide that. I want to

503
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 1: understand that my success is in living as fully and

504
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 1: as authentically and as as much and full of myself,

505
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 1: full of me as I can be.

506
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 2: So I won't pretend that I don't know what happens

507
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 2: next in your story, but I do think that it's

508
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 2: critical for our conversation as we go forward. So once

509
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 2: you do go back home with your mom when she

510
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 2: picks you up after this hurdle moment, talk to us

511
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 2: about what happens for you and what the next few

512
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 2: months look like.

513
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,680
Speaker 1: I will say there is a concept that I've understood

514
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 1: in personal experience where when you go through something very traumatic,

515
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:35,880
Speaker 1: your brain protects yourself and you forget. I can tell

516
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: you definitively from that was right around just before Thanksgiving,

517
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: it is right around midterms. From that Thanksgiving to about

518
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 1: beginning of February, I don't remember any of those months.

519
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: I don't remember Christmas, and I'm a I love Christmas.

520
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,399
Speaker 1: Christmas is it. I'm Italian, we eat all the food.

521
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 1: Don't remember Christmas, don't remember New Year's. I don't remember

522
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: ringing in the New Year that year, Yeah, twenty fifteen.

523
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: New Year's twenty fifteen. I don't remember at all. And

524
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 1: from It's Piecemeil what I was told, so I know

525
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: my mom and dad mentioned that I was really struggling

526
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 1: getting out of bed. The irony is that I was

527
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: the OCD child who had to have clean feet, who

528
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 1: had to wear socks, and I got to a point

529
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 1: where I couldn't shower. So it showed you the range

530
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 1: and the depth of where we were at. And I

531
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,000
Speaker 1: remember my dad coming into my room. This is what's funny.

532
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: This is why I say this at the end of

533
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: the class, and it means so much. He came into

534
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: my room and I couldn't get out of bed, and

535
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 1: my mom was trying and he just leveled with me

536
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 1: and he said, honey, I need you to do this,

537
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 1: and I'm going to ask you to do it for me.

538
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 1: I really want you to do it for yourself, but

539
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: I know that's not possible right now. And he said,

540
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 1: if if you don't take these steps, you know, I

541
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 1: think we need to put you in in patient. Which

542
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 1: is fine. I think that program would have been great,

543
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: but I really didn't want to do that because I

544
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: didn't want to miss the opportunity to graduate on time.

545
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: I really wanted to graduate when I was supposed to

546
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 1: or when the kind of what I had worked so

547
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 1: hard for. I didn't want school to fall behind. And

548
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: he said, I know you want that, and he said,

549
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 1: I've said that since day one. They can knock us down,

550
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:22,119
Speaker 1: but we will never let it knock us out. You

551
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: are not knocked out. Get up, Get up.

552
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 2: Ooh, I'm gonna cry. So the beautiful thing about that

553
00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 2: is that was what stuck. I don't remember much.

554
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:42,040
Speaker 1: I remember that and being able to have that be

555
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: a motto that I've brought into fitness Glasses before I

556
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: was at Peloton, but even just into life really change

557
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: the game. And so that was what got me back.

558
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 1: Oh that's what got me over that hurdle. I had

559
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 1: that hurdle moment kept me moving forward inch by inch.

560
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: It was a slow process, let me tell you. It

561
00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: was three days of therapy a week. It was having

562
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 1: conversations and not wanting to talk at all. It was

563
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 1: completely isolating myself for my friends. I didn't go back,

564
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: really didn't go back to school. God blessed the professors

565
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: and the team at USC where I went to college.

566
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: My grades were so high. They were like, she's fine, Like, which,

567
00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: go figure? I mean, I had straight fricking a's like

568
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: you would have not nobody would have known. And I

569
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: just kind of dealt with this in kind of this

570
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: solitude and got back on track, moved into a new

571
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 1: kind of living situation, which is going to be even

572
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: better for me, more isolated. I had this lovely little

573
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,920
Speaker 1: studio that I called the Chateau because remind me of

574
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: chateau my mom, where I loved going to go and

575
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: write my papers before they got snooty and wouldn't let

576
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 1: people in. But no shade to them, kind of shade

577
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 1: actually because no, actually, because I loved getting French fries

578
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: and sitting with my laptop and writing papers and looking

579
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 1: at like Patti Smith across the way. I was like,

580
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 1: this is dope. So dope anyway, had my little, my

581
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 1: little studio and made it through that second semester senior year.

582
00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: And the funny part is, and it's a good gut

583
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: check for me is today, almost a decade later, is

584
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: being able to know whenever I get really stressed out

585
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: by something in life, I will have a stress dream

586
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 1: that I am not going to graduate from college and

587
00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 1: that I can't make it to my last final, which

588
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,840
Speaker 1: is so interesting to show. That was the motivator of

589
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 1: not I didn't want to fall behind. But what I

590
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: didn't recognize was that this process was actually what was

591
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,680
Speaker 1: going to shoot me forward. It would take many chapters

592
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: to get to that understanding, but I know that's why.

593
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: That's why I get to say what I get to

594
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 1: say and do what I get to do.

595
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 2: Now. Taking a break from today's episode to give some

596
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 2: love to my sponsors. First up, Whoop, a digital fitness

597
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:59,800
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598
00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 2: actionable feedback to optimize your performance via a monthly membership.

599
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: I have been wearing my Whoop. I actually looked at

600
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: this today.

601
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 2: Since April of twenty nineteen, so over two years now,

602
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 2: and but it's simply it makes me want to be

603
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:19,680
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604
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605
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606
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: Woopstrap provides ideal, a bet and wait times to help

607
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,360
Speaker 2: improve my sleep routine and performance the next day. Thanks

608
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 2: to the Whoop Journal feature, I also know what habits

609
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,080
Speaker 2: like eating too close to bedtime or slacking out my

610
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 2: daily water in date can really impact my overall recoveries

611
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 2: for and honestly, the gamification is fun and it keeps

612
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 2: me honest.

613
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,719
Speaker 1: I am hooked on my Woop data. That is an understatement,

614
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: and I know you will be.

615
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: To get in on Woop today with this exclusive offer

616
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,960
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617
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618
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:11,480
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619
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620
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:16,000
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621
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:17,400
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622
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,800
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623
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,719
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624
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 2: Also got to give some love to my friends at

625
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 2: AG one from Athletic Greens.

626
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 1: You know it. I love it. They're the token sponsor

627
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: of the show. With good reason.

628
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 2: Drinking AG one every single morning, it just makes me

629
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 2: feel whole. Honestly, there was one day earlier last week

630
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,840
Speaker 2: where I forgot to shake it up.

631
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 1: Like I was actually leaving my place for an early meeting.

632
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 2: I was in a rush after my workout, showering, getting dressed,

633
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 2: and I was sitting in my meeting about thirty minutes

634
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 2: in and being.

635
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: Like, why do I feel so foggy in this moment?

636
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:02,120
Speaker 2: And immediately like I knew exactly why I came home.

637
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 2: The first thing I did was shake it up. And

638
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 2: I not only do I love that it has so

639
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,640
Speaker 2: much good stuff for me in the mix. Literally, I'm

640
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 2: talking adaptogens, prebiotics, probiotics, superfoods, the antix, and an equivalent

641
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 2: of twelve servings of fruits and vegetables, but.

642
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: I also love the way it tastes.

643
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: Another new AG one user reached out to me the

644
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 2: other day and they said to me that they get

645
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 2: hints of pineapple, which tells you if you're wondering if

646
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,320
Speaker 2: this is a grassy thing. The answer is absolutely not.

647
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 2: It is Greens with a hint of sweetness, and I

648
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 2: crave it now.

649
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: Literally all the time.

650
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:48,239
Speaker 2: You too, I can get in on this deliciousness and

651
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 2: snacks of ag one for yourself today. Head on over

652
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 2: to athletics Greens dot com slash hurdle and get a

653
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,080
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654
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,040
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655
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 2: travel packs.

656
00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:05,120
Speaker 1: Again, that is Athleticgreens.

657
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 2: Dot com slash hurdle to get a year's supply Vitamin

658
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 2: D and five free travel packs with your first purchase today,

659
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 2: no code necessary. It's so interesting that conversation around your

660
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 2: mind protecting you and blacking out certain memories, because I

661
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 2: also certainly experienced that at a couple different points in

662
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: my life, specifically when I was the most unhappy in

663
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 2: my body back in my freshman year of college. And

664
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,200
Speaker 2: I think about a lot of my memories in between

665
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 2: ages sixteen and eighteen, when I was coming into my

666
00:34:45,160 --> 00:34:49,800
Speaker 2: own and dealing with bullying and just feeling really self conscious,

667
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 2: and the dialogue that was happening up in my mind

668
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:56,880
Speaker 2: was just so toxic and negative, and I remember just

669
00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 2: little blips and pieces of literally years of my life.

670
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 2: And then even I mean we were talking about you

671
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 2: going through a tough time recently myself as well, like

672
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,799
Speaker 2: at the at the front end of this year, just

673
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 2: navigating some personal stuff. There are conversations that friends reference

674
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 2: that we had that I don't even remember. It's the

675
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 2: most like concerning moment to be like, where where were you?

676
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,919
Speaker 2: You know, like and ask yourself like what was happening here?

677
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 2: We're we're like what was happening in my mind? But

678
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 2: being able to then sit down, reflect, gain an understanding,

679
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 2: and instead of feeling angry about the things that we

680
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 2: cannot control, focus on what you can do with what

681
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,439
Speaker 2: you have right now to move forward in a more

682
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 2: positive and beneficial direction. Yes, and it is, and it's

683
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 2: giving yourself the grace and the understanding Like.

684
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,239
Speaker 1: That will happen. There will be there will be time

685
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: periods or there will be those shift points. They'll get

686
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 1: to you. They will have that effect like I hear you,

687
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:58,239
Speaker 1: I'm same thing you know. Beginning of the year, I

688
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: think collectively a glow energy. We've all been going through

689
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: so much, this languishing through a pandemic, but on top

690
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 1: of it. You know, it's heavy out there. There's a

691
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 1: lot of very heavy energy, and we're all affected by it.

692
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 1: We're all affected by each other much more than we recognize.

693
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: And I think you know that's where that compassion and

694
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 1: that kind of empathy comes in. But I'm with you.

695
00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: It is those little winds. It's those little things that

696
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 1: you can do to ground yourself back. It's acknowledging the

697
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 1: asshole in your head. I mean, I get it. I like,

698
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: she's terrible. I would never be friends with that be

699
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 1: She's awful, like the worst person. And it's funny when

700
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: you kind of get down that spiral for a little

701
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 1: bit and you allow yourself to ruminate in that negative

702
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:45,759
Speaker 1: headspace and you recognize you're like, hold on, is that me?

703
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 1: Or is that something else? And a really a big

704
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: turning point for me was understanding that I didn't have

705
00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,920
Speaker 1: to believe everything that I thought. The thoughts that happen

706
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: in my brain are not me, They're a byproduct of

707
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 1: what's happening in my brain. And understanding that there's a

708
00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 1: difference between and this is where spirituality comes in for me,

709
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: but between like my soul and my deeper purpose and

710
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: the why that I'm here and operating in this little

711
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: vessel for the time I get to be in it

712
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:16,479
Speaker 1: and whatnot. There's a difference between that and my head,

713
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: which is the humanity and the ego, and that's important

714
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: to have that it's self protective. But oftentimes the ego

715
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 1: and that negative voice is the loudest in the room,

716
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:29,720
Speaker 1: but it's not the truest. So it's learning to listen

717
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 1: for that truer voice. It's learning to practice opening that

718
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: space for it. So that's where you know, therapy has

719
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: been helpful and acknowledging and separating what's that negative headspace,

720
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: that negative voice, and what's my real self as well

721
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: as you know, the little things during the day. The

722
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 1: more the rituals, the Okay, let me do some somatic

723
00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 1: breath work, let me make sure I'm moving my body,

724
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 1: let me you know, you're drinking a bunch of water.

725
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 1: You're like, yes, I'm going to take care of it.

726
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 1: You know, keeping everything in balance. That's important. It is important.

727
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 2: And you mentioned tools or small tools when for someone

728
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 2: who may be struggling navigating that be of a voice

729
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 2: that is inside of their head, do you have any

730
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 2: practices or go tos that you use personally to help

731
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,760
Speaker 2: you get through some of the really difficult echoe moments.

732
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 1: Yes, I will say I ask first and foremost, is

733
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: this fact like the second that I hear? And it

734
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:31,160
Speaker 1: could be I could see something on my body, It

735
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 1: could be like that around that time of the month,

736
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 1: and you know everything, the way our hormones work, everything,

737
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 1: you just feel disgusting and awful and terrible and lah,

738
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,919
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wait is this fact? Where's the fact

739
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: in the statement? And trying to pull out the emotion

740
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 1: and acknowledge the logic or the lack thereof, because usually

741
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: the bee in the head she is just responsive and

742
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: or she's reactive and she's just terrible and there's no

743
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,799
Speaker 1: fact there, or it's a fear. It's always rooted back

744
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:02,520
Speaker 1: in and then it goes back to control. So once

745
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: I acknowledge that's happening, I'm like, Okay, what am I

746
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: either afraid of doing and allowing fear to come in?

747
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: Or what do I need to take control over my life?

748
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 1: What do I have control over? And control is a

749
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,839
Speaker 1: wonderful thing, but also allowance and acceptances simultaneously. Right, there's

750
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 1: a lot we can't control. It's almost frightening when you

751
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 1: think about it sometimes, but it's also beautiful because somehow

752
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 1: we operate and we evolve into the people we're meant

753
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,120
Speaker 1: to be if we, you know, kind of stay on

754
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:33,640
Speaker 1: the course. So first thing when that happens, I would say, acknowledge,

755
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 1: what is fact? What is not? I write? I like

756
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: to write it down, getting it out of my head

757
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,880
Speaker 1: and onto paper. Journaling's really been great for me lately.

758
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,640
Speaker 1: I stepped away from it for a while, but recently

759
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:45,319
Speaker 1: I'm just like, let me just write it out. Let

760
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: me just get it out of me, like word vomit.

761
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 1: Just you're not going to exist in me anymore if

762
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: I get it out of my space, and then from

763
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 1: there I go back to my breath. Breathing and breath

764
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 1: work has been just a game changer for me in

765
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: a time of need. I love my therapist. We have

766
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: that four or five seven breath or sorry four seven

767
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 1: five breath or you inhale for four or you hold

768
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 1: for seven. I'm messing it up. It's one of the other.

769
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,760
Speaker 1: It's something like that, but it's an inhale, a hold

770
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 1: and a longer exhale. There's great work. Like I did

771
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 1: a TikTok about it, but it's you tap your shoulders.

772
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: It's kind of like butterfly taps, and you keep your

773
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 1: breath through it, and you just ground yourself back in

774
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: your body and take a moment to allow the head

775
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: not to operate and just get back into the space

776
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: you're in present. It's tough though. It's tough too because

777
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: I felt myself being having more of a challenge with

778
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: it lately. With you know, you turn on the news

779
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: and you want to be informed about what's happening in

780
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 1: the world. You get a constant set of stimulus from

781
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 1: like text messages and social media feeds, and we're so

782
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 1: plugged in that were turned off to us. So really

783
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 1: making sure it's like it's like spiritual emotional mental hygiene

784
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: to take take time to do nothing like and not

785
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 1: even TV, or just sit on your couch for five

786
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:04,760
Speaker 1: minutes and just scan the room, be present for a second,

787
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:06,799
Speaker 1: or like now that the weather's getting beautiful, like sit

788
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 1: in the sun. Those things. It's the simple acknowledgments that

789
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,719
Speaker 1: bring us back and it's okay, Shoot, you need a day,

790
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 1: take a mental health day. Your work doesn't like it,

791
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 1: you're sick, It's fine. You have a sick day, use

792
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 1: it encouraging. You know, I'd love to see this in

793
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: more workplaces, and I'm happy that Peloton does this. I

794
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,120
Speaker 1: want to see it happen everywhere. I want it to

795
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 1: be normalized. But taking care of your mental health is

796
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 1: just as important as taking care of your body when

797
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 1: you have a clold or a flu. And I will say,

798
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: negative mental health does affect the mental health of others.

799
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 1: So just like you wouldn't want your coworker coughing up

800
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: along at the desk or the shared office space next

801
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 1: to you, you also don't want your coworker in a

802
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 1: really challenging, dark, negative place and bringing that there either

803
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,319
Speaker 1: if they could be taking care of themselves and there's

804
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:53,200
Speaker 1: access for them to be better for sure.

805
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 2: And you know, recently on the show, I had a

806
00:41:56,920 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 2: woman on her name's Melissa Doman who talks all about

807
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:02,440
Speaker 2: out well being shaming and how to navigate that in

808
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 2: the office. So I really value and appreciate your point,

809
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 2: noting that if someone is in that bad headspace, then

810
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 2: it can permeate into everything else that all the other

811
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: individuals in your space are navigating on their own, and

812
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 2: then it can just become like a bigger problem. So

813
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:23,239
Speaker 2: prioritizing yourself, prioritizing your own mental well being, it's so important.

814
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 2: And I loved those actionable tips that you gave, including

815
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 2: journaling when it comes to addressing how you're feeling and

816
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:32,080
Speaker 2: how to.

817
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 1: Get out of that negative headspace.

818
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 2: I think that it's just so important to recognize that,

819
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 2: like little steps in the right direction are big steps

820
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,919
Speaker 2: in that if you are someone who maybe has never

821
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:48,280
Speaker 2: done breathwork before, or you've never journaled before, like start small,

822
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 2: and don't judge that start because starting is really really

823
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 2: intimidating and it's really really challenging. So being proud of

824
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:01,160
Speaker 2: yourself for being willing to go there like that, that's

825
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 2: huge completely. And look, when you start anything, you suck

826
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 2: at it. Honestly, I'm so tempted to pull out. I

827
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 2: don't think they would let me do it.

828
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: But I have a video of my first ever recorded

829
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: Peloton class day one of when I tell you this

830
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 1: is a dumpster fire train wreck. It was rough, It

831
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:25,399
Speaker 1: was really rough. It was a lot. I couldn't find

832
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,839
Speaker 1: the cameras I was babbling. I was like, wait, what

833
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: is cadence versus resistant? Like we were? It was bad.

834
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: It was real bad. But the coolest part is like

835
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: it's just like anything. It's it's a movement pattern, it's practice,

836
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:42,600
Speaker 1: it's understanding that it's it is little winds. So if

837
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 1: you're suck at it, be a sucker, like I want

838
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 1: you to suck because if you're not sucking, you're not

839
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 1: doing anything. Like no, you know it is is that,

840
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,320
Speaker 1: you know, opening yourself to that beginner's mindset. And it's funny,

841
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 1: the more we age, the more we feel like we

842
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 1: have to be pros and experts and you know, who

843
00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 1: am I to step into the space and give a

844
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 1: talk or give a speech? I had that happen recently.

845
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: I have this great opportunity upcoming.

846
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh god, why would they want to

847
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 2: listen to me?

848
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not even thirty yet, Like ah, I

849
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: feel like what can I tell these people?

850
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 2: You know?

851
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:16,759
Speaker 1: And then you recognize, hold on, there's value everywhere. There's

852
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 1: value from sitting down with your four year old niece

853
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 1: who can talk about unicorns and butterflies and rainbows, and

854
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: when you talk to her, you're like, oh my gosh,

855
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 1: I just feel like my imagination's back. Everybody, every person,

856
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: every being has value to provide. There is not one

857
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 1: person on this planet that doesn't have value. So add

858
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: to your value by sucking at everything for a little

859
00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 1: bit and have fun with it, Like you want to

860
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 1: go through pottery and learn how to you know, have

861
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 1: a ghost moment. I can't guarantee Patrick Swayzey will show up,

862
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: but go do it. Go suck at it, make a

863
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: little like mound and be like that was my first

864
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 1: piece of pottery. It is hideous, and I am so

865
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 1: damn proud of how much I sucked at that. I

866
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 1: love that.

867
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:01,399
Speaker 2: I'm so damn proud of how much I sucked at that. Right,

868
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 2: so terrible that it was so awesome. Well, you mentioned

869
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:09,040
Speaker 2: the buzzword movement again. I do know that you really

870
00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: got introduced to movement beyond your days of cheerleading at USC.

871
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 2: You started boxing when you were navigating a lot of

872
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 2: the trials and tribulations that came with confronting a lot

873
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:23,760
Speaker 2: of those mental health demons.

874
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 1: So talk us through what that looked like for you.

875
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: I will say thank God for the mentor that I

876
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:33,399
Speaker 1: have had. He just acknowledged like, ooh, you're a lot.

877
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 1: I've heard that a lot in my life that I'm

878
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: a lot. It used to bother me. It's my favorite

879
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,359
Speaker 1: compliment someone can give me now is that I'm a lot. Yes,

880
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: I'm very full of a lot of experiences and emotions,

881
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 1: and a lot is better than a little, so I'm

882
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: good with it. But he recognized there was something going

883
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: on deeper, and so he happened to own a boxing

884
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,560
Speaker 1: gym in the West side of LA and he's like,

885
00:45:57,600 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 1: come through. I'm like, okay, fine, And this is somebody that, like,

886
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 1: you know, I look up to this person. I want

887
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: to impress them. There's like this like paternal type of

888
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 1: energy where you're like, I want to make them proud.

889
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:11,359
Speaker 1: So I roll into this boxing gym. First things first,

890
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:14,880
Speaker 1: I am the only chick. I am proud. I'm a

891
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: lot shorter than people think. I'm grateful that they think

892
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:19,360
Speaker 1: i'm taller. I'm probably like five to four on a

893
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: good day. And so I walk in. There's these like

894
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:25,760
Speaker 1: six foot four, beastly sweaty men. There's blood on the floor,

895
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 1: there's sweat, and everyone's just going at it. There's two

896
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: guys sparring in the middle of the ring. There's people

897
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: working out on the heavy bags. There's people lifting these

898
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:35,959
Speaker 1: weights and hitting tires with sledgehammers, and I'm like, where're

899
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:40,399
Speaker 1: the FM I okay, okay, but they were playing heavy

900
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 1: hip hop, so I was like, I'm into that I

901
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 1: can buy. So sure enough, I put gloves on for

902
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 1: the first time and talking about sucking and the joy

903
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 1: of sucking. The only gloves that they had, mind you,

904
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: that were available were pink, which pissed me off because

905
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:55,240
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want to wear pink gloves

906
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:56,840
Speaker 1: and be the new chick in the gym. And everyone's

907
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: already looking at me, and I was so in my head,

908
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: and I was embarrassed, embarrassed, and then bless the trainer

909
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 1: that I had who trained me up on everything boxing

910
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 1: at the beginning. We finally he's like focus, focus, He's like, here,

911
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:11,680
Speaker 1: look at the mint. Look at the mint. And then

912
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 1: I remember, I will never forget you know it when

913
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: you do it, that first crack of the mit, when

914
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,320
Speaker 1: that glove hits that mint perfect and it makes this

915
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,480
Speaker 1: like actually it kind of sounds like a lightning strike.

916
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: Go figure, and it says crack and you and me,

917
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm addicted. Oh, I could create that

918
00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 1: power that could come from my body that could sound

919
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: like that, and it sounds similar when that six foot

920
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 1: four guy is doing the same thing. But I made

921
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 1: that sound oh okay, And then it became an addiction

922
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 1: because it was the only place at that point because

923
00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 1: I didn't know breath work. I didn't acknowledge what was

924
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:47,760
Speaker 1: the separation between what was my thoughts and my person.

925
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 1: I just wanted to unscrew my brain, my head from

926
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: my body and put it over in like another room.

927
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 1: And I would say that ironically. I said that to

928
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,240
Speaker 1: my mom a lot growing up, which if any parents

929
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 1: out there have children that are like my brain's just

930
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: too busy or too much or too chaotic, I would

931
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 1: say that's a bit of a sign because I still

932
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 1: feel that way at times. That's when I know, okay,

933
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: it's time to tap back in and you know, take

934
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 1: that breath and take that moment. But I got into boxing.

935
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 1: I would train three times a week, and it just

936
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: became both an empowering moment because I could take the

937
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: turmoil that was in my body. I could take the

938
00:48:24,120 --> 00:48:26,920
Speaker 1: chaos and the crazy. And I mean, I don't really

939
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 1: like the word crazy, but I like I've kind of

940
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: reframed it where it's this almost like a collage, is

941
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 1: how I look at it. It's like visually what crazy

942
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 1: looks like to me. And it's beautiful because it's all

943
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: these different pieces. But I could take it all and

944
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,239
Speaker 1: center that energy into one space, and that's when I

945
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: was throwing a punch, and then I fell in love

946
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 1: with the sport and all of the messaging behind it,

947
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: the metaphor, the metaphor of not draining your energy anticipating

948
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:54,319
Speaker 1: someone punching you, just staying present, ready, not being in

949
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,120
Speaker 1: your head, allowing and trusting in your body, trusting in

950
00:48:57,160 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 1: your training that when someone does hit you, you move

951
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 1: through it. When you get knocked right, you counter, or

952
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: you have defense, or you know it's coming so you evade.

953
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: There's so many life lessons in mental health metaphors that

954
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 1: come with that sport, and the most beautiful thing is

955
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: the community that you get with it. You meet people

956
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 1: from all walks of life who've been through all kinds

957
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,319
Speaker 1: of hell literally hell fire and a hand basket, and

958
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:25,239
Speaker 1: some of them are the funniest, strangest humans you're ever

959
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,839
Speaker 1: going to come across. It's like a circus troop, right,

960
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 1: It's kind of feels like the greatest Showman where it's

961
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:32,000
Speaker 1: like everyone's got these different experiences and you're like, Okay,

962
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 1: somehow we're all fam and we all work because we

963
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:40,240
Speaker 1: love the same thing. And truly, boxing was the physical

964
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 1: embodiment of the therapy that I needed for myself mentally.

965
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,280
Speaker 1: So it's a joy to get to bring that passion

966
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:50,359
Speaker 1: and that love to people at Peloton now and have

967
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,279
Speaker 1: them even though they're not hitting anything yet, they're punching air,

968
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 1: they're understanding that they can move their body in a

969
00:49:55,719 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 1: way that they created that power, They created that energy,

970
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 1: and they didn't need anything else. We all have that

971
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:03,760
Speaker 1: energy sometimes we just need someone to help us understand

972
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: how to harness it. You mentioned the word lightning.

973
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:12,280
Speaker 2: Talk to us about why the lightning and the lightning

974
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 2: bolt are so significant for you in your life for sure.

975
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 1: So just before I had that suicidal moment, and that

976
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 1: moment in my senior year, that summer before, I was

977
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: traveling in Italy for college, and that was the first

978
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 1: time I thought I was in love with somebody. And

979
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 1: you know, I was in Italy, he was back in

980
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: the States and we were going through a lot. But

981
00:50:36,600 --> 00:50:39,520
Speaker 1: I had kind of a gnarly weekend gnarly week weekend

982
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,440
Speaker 1: he broke up with me over text message, and I

983
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,800
Speaker 1: was in the Tinkwitarta with my two girlfriends and we

984
00:50:45,840 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 1: would travel every weekend. I lived in Rome at the

985
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 1: time for school, but we would travel, so we were

986
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: up there, beautiful area. But as those texts were coming through,

987
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: all of a sudden this I'm not joking, this storm

988
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 1: came out of nowhere and that area is kind of

989
00:51:01,360 --> 00:51:03,360
Speaker 1: known for it in the Mediterranean. But it was beautiful,

990
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 1: blue day, blue water, and I felt like storm. I

991
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 1: thought I controlled the weather because the more anxious I

992
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 1: was getting, the more I was wanting to talk to him,

993
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:13,319
Speaker 1: but he wouldn't pick up the phone. And then all

994
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:17,279
Speaker 1: these swelling emotions and probably years of what had been

995
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 1: building up, of the anxiety of where's my life going.

996
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 1: I'm about to go into senior year. My career didn't

997
00:51:21,600 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 1: happen the way that I thought it would. You know,

998
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: I've been hiding who I am from everybody, and I'm

999
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 1: not one hundred percent happy. But I'm going to try

1000
00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:29,719
Speaker 1: and go to Italy and make and have fun and

1001
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 1: maybe this will help, you know, trying to put band

1002
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:35,799
Speaker 1: aids on a deep wound. It all came to a hat.

1003
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:40,120
Speaker 1: All was just it was like everything piled up, and

1004
00:51:40,200 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 1: I remember there was a cute man that worked at

1005
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 1: the hotel that we were saying, and he runs into

1006
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 1: the room and he's like, oh, I had to take

1007
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 1: the umbrella because he's like like he was like freaking

1008
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,080
Speaker 1: out that the umbrella was going to break the window

1009
00:51:51,120 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 1: because the winds were so bad. So he pulls the

1010
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 1: umbrella in and as he does, I just escape out

1011
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 1: of the room. I'm like, I need to get out

1012
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 1: of here. And I don't know what. I was like,

1013
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 1: I just need to be in it. I need It's

1014
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 1: crazily enough. I wanted to be in that storm. So

1015
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 1: I went up. There was like a roof deck on

1016
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 1: the hotel. This hotel was like on a cliff in Monterroso,

1017
00:52:08,960 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 1: and I just stood out in the storm and then

1018
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:14,920
Speaker 1: I look across and there was a lightning strike. Every

1019
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 1: hair on my body stood up and it was just

1020
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:23,600
Speaker 1: this flash moment where I felt completely free of all

1021
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 1: of the stress and anxiety, the overwhelm in my head

1022
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 1: and my body. I was so present in myself. It

1023
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: felt like it just was this hopeful moment that I

1024
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 1: was like, oh, there's more. And then I pulled out

1025
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,320
Speaker 1: my phone and I'd still have a photo. It's blurry

1026
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: and terrible, but there was one more lightning strike. And

1027
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 1: I'm so happy I have that photo, and I go

1028
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: back to it whenever I need to, because in lightning,

1029
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:53,840
Speaker 1: in this storm and chaos, in darkness, there's always the ability,

1030
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 1: because of the high and the low, because of the

1031
00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,520
Speaker 1: hot air and the cold air, because of all the

1032
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:02,280
Speaker 1: contract and the duality and the pain and the purpose

1033
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 1: and the joy, something is created. And I didn't recognize

1034
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:10,799
Speaker 1: it until later. This moment was definitely kind of the

1035
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 1: precursor and I think was kind of the omen or

1036
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: alarm to what was about to come down the pipeline

1037
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,840
Speaker 1: in my personal life and in my mental health journey.

1038
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:22,320
Speaker 1: But it was ironic lightning I was always drawn to

1039
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: after that point because it reminded me that was there's

1040
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: light and such chaos and in such a storm. And

1041
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 1: so whenever I see a storm where I see lightning,

1042
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: and I love wearing it on my body to remind

1043
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 1: me like, Okay, even if you're in a bit of

1044
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 1: a season or a bit of a moment of that

1045
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:43,839
Speaker 1: darkness or that storm, there's always opportunity. There's always something excitable,

1046
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 1: and I mean.

1047
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 2: For electricity to come from rain and wind and water,

1048
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:51,000
Speaker 2: for something else to create, it is like alchemy. And

1049
00:53:51,040 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 2: I think that's kind of the purpose that I remind

1050
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 2: myself of, especially in those tough times, is like, Okay,

1051
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,879
Speaker 2: this is just a sign that there's clarity coming, there's

1052
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 2: alignment coming, there's good that can come from such deep,

1053
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 2: deep feelings and deep sorrow and deep chaos. For sure,

1054
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:13,839
Speaker 2: you at the top of our conversation mentioned recently going

1055
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:17,720
Speaker 2: through a breakup, and I know that on your Instagram

1056
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:20,399
Speaker 2: last month you put up some sort of a reel

1057
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,799
Speaker 2: or something that had some sentiment along the lines of

1058
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:26,440
Speaker 2: my teenage self would be shocked that I'm so happy single,

1059
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 2: even through a lot of heartbreak, and as a fellow single,

1060
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 2: proud woman, and.

1061
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: We'll go get dinner. We'll go ahead, girl, we will

1062
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: go get dinner.

1063
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 2: It's so interesting and I'm sure this happens to you

1064
00:54:40,040 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 2: as well, to get outreach and messages from women who

1065
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,479
Speaker 2: maybe are not yet and I'll use the word yet

1066
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 2: very purposefully, the same amount of secure and content with

1067
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:57,760
Speaker 2: their single season and with spending time on their own.

1068
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 2: For someone who hears that and there's taking their head

1069
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,600
Speaker 2: and they're like, yep, this is me, this is me.

1070
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 2: I'm working on it, but I'm not quite yet there.

1071
00:55:05,000 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 2: What do you say to them to maybe encourage them

1072
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 2: to find that level of comfort standing on their own

1073
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 2: two feet.

1074
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 1: I will say this, it is no one and no

1075
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 1: things job to give you your happiness but yourself. And

1076
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 1: it was a very I love the snap. It was

1077
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,839
Speaker 1: a very interesting moment for me to understand that. I

1078
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 1: think as women and in the world and the society

1079
00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:31,920
Speaker 1: we've been raised in, we're in this shift moment where

1080
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 1: traditionally we look at generations past. I look at you know,

1081
00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 1: so much of it was about finding your partner and

1082
00:55:37,640 --> 00:55:40,320
Speaker 1: you'll be happy when and you watch the Disney movies

1083
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:42,520
Speaker 1: and it's I found Prince Charming and then they ride

1084
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 1: off from the sunset f that number one. Hold on,

1085
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,160
Speaker 1: you're riding on a horse next to me. I'm not

1086
00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 1: on your horse, okay, Like we're partners in this in

1087
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:55,760
Speaker 1: this game called life. But even before that gets to happen,

1088
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 1: you have to know your value. You have to know

1089
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:00,799
Speaker 1: who you are, you have to know what makes you

1090
00:56:00,880 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 1: happy and understand that, like you're growing on your own.

1091
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:08,160
Speaker 1: A partner will be a wonderful thing to have, but

1092
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 1: it's not a necessity. It's not going to fill the

1093
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:15,440
Speaker 1: gap like the whole bs. I hate that you complete me, No,

1094
00:56:16,160 --> 00:56:19,280
Speaker 1: you complete to damn self. We are here to complete ourselves.

1095
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:23,160
Speaker 1: And when you are a complete, whole, imperfect, flawed but

1096
00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 1: human person, then that energy of the person that is

1097
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 1: meant to be with you will arrive because that's when

1098
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:34,720
Speaker 1: those two whole people come together and then they create

1099
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:37,439
Speaker 1: something greater than their individual parts. That's what I look

1100
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 1: for in whatever the next relationship will be is that.

1101
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:43,800
Speaker 1: But even before then, it's enjoying where I'm at right now.

1102
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:45,759
Speaker 1: You know, what do I want to do? What new

1103
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:48,640
Speaker 1: hobby do I want? Let me go travel solo, do

1104
00:56:48,719 --> 00:56:51,560
Speaker 1: it smartly, but shoot like I love hopping on a

1105
00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:53,879
Speaker 1: plan by myself and bringing books and just like all right,

1106
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:57,480
Speaker 1: I'll figure it out. There's something so beautiful about really

1107
00:56:57,520 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 1: taking the time, and you know it can be played

1108
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,680
Speaker 1: out and cheesy like fall in love with yourself first,

1109
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:06,560
Speaker 1: but it's very accurate. How do you know what you

1110
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 1: want or what would compliment the incredible being that is

1111
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:14,360
Speaker 1: you until you've spent time with yourself, you know. I

1112
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:16,600
Speaker 1: think we're always looking for oh, this seems like the

1113
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:18,560
Speaker 1: right fit, or like you know, you can see like,

1114
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 1: oh this person seems great, and then we find ourselves

1115
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 1: changing to fit what this person's energy is. Right. I

1116
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:31,000
Speaker 1: think what's key is that we hold our own energy,

1117
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,439
Speaker 1: we hold their own space. They hold their own energy,

1118
00:57:33,480 --> 00:57:35,760
Speaker 1: they hold their own space, and they compliment each other

1119
00:57:35,840 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 1: in a really beautiful way. That can work for a partnership.

1120
00:57:38,240 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 1: But you don't change your energy because they're there. It's

1121
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:45,080
Speaker 1: not You're not the moon and they're not the Earth,

1122
00:57:45,360 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: like you're not here to orbit around them. So I say,

1123
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:50,320
Speaker 1: hold yourself or your own damp planet, like, get to

1124
00:57:50,360 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 1: know it, make it beautiful, Explore all of the things

1125
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 1: you want to do, Suck at things, start new hobbies,

1126
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 1: Spend good quality time with the girlfriends or the friends

1127
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:01,400
Speaker 1: that just fill you.

1128
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 2: Dig into your spirituality, dig into exploring other parts that

1129
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,479
Speaker 2: you didn't think mattered. I think there's so much more

1130
00:58:07,520 --> 00:58:11,040
Speaker 2: to do on your own that frankly, it's helpful because

1131
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:12,920
Speaker 2: when you're really in love with yourself and where you're

1132
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 2: at and who you are, flaws and all, you don't

1133
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 2: f around with people who don't deserve your energy.

1134
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 1: Amen. When that right person comes along, you can acknowledge them. Like,

1135
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:24,440
Speaker 1: if you don't know who you are, you're not gonna

1136
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 1: know who your person is. You know, We're just gonna

1137
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:28,919
Speaker 1: keep kind of playing the game.

1138
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,880
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna pull up my horse, and you're gonna

1139
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 2: pull up your horse, and we're gonna go to a

1140
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:37,120
Speaker 2: pottery studio and make some crappy, sucky pottery.

1141
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm down. It's funny.

1142
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 2: I don't know where the pottery thing's coming from. I

1143
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:43,680
Speaker 2: probably should do it. Let's find a spot. There's got

1144
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 2: to be a place between you and I, like in

1145
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:45,880
Speaker 2: the city.

1146
00:58:45,920 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 1: We'll find it.

1147
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I mean I'm in I don't think I've

1148
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:50,640
Speaker 2: ever Actually, that's like one of the few activities I

1149
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:53,160
Speaker 2: don't think I've done in Manhattan. There's gonna be like

1150
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 2: a hurdler that walks by and like we're just like

1151
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 2: in the window making pottery, and they're gonna.

1152
00:58:57,040 --> 00:59:01,560
Speaker 1: Be like, I get it. Good for that.

1153
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, here we are starting to wind down here

1154
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 2: in doing that, Kendall. I want to know what excites

1155
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:09,760
Speaker 2: you right now.

1156
00:59:10,200 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 1: I mean, off the top of my head, the fact

1157
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,280
Speaker 1: it's you know, a bit of a lighter topic, but

1158
00:59:14,320 --> 00:59:17,920
Speaker 1: the fact the weather is getting warmer, my tropical plant self,

1159
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:21,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, ooh, she's opening, she's alive. I have like

1160
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,920
Speaker 1: a playlist for tomorrow's glass. I'm like, this is very summary.

1161
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:26,480
Speaker 1: I'm excited. I'm not wearing like twelve layers of clothing.

1162
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:31,160
Speaker 1: So the hopefulness of spring I'm very excited for. I

1163
00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: think this is going to be the hot girl summer

1164
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: that we all thought was going to be last summer. No,

1165
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:37,080
Speaker 1: now we're good, like the you know, there's certain things

1166
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:41,040
Speaker 1: that have been handled, so that's exciting. I am single now,

1167
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: so that definitely tracks. But you know, even beyond what

1168
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 1: I'm most excited for, I haven't tied it to outcomes anymore.

1169
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 1: I've learned not to. It's not about the attaining of

1170
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:54,360
Speaker 1: one goal. It's not about that. I'll be happy when

1171
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 1: I'm excited for who I'm evolving into as a woman

1172
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 1: and for how that's changing as I get into you know,

1173
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 1: almost thirty and looking at that time in my life,

1174
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 1: and I'm excited for the way that the world is

1175
01:00:07,680 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 1: unfolding before me.

1176
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 2: So I hate to say it. I used to be

1177
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:14,200
Speaker 2: the girl with a five year plan and the two

1178
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:17,320
Speaker 2: year plan and the ten year plan. All that is

1179
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 2: out the window at this point. I'm excited to continue

1180
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 2: to be in existence and be of service to other

1181
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 2: people and have these conversations and continue to talk about

1182
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:27,960
Speaker 2: mental health.

1183
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 1: And I'm excited to live my damn life. If that

1184
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:31,959
Speaker 1: makes that.

1185
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 2: Makes you a little bit anxious at all to kind

1186
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 2: of throw all that out the window.

1187
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:38,800
Speaker 1: Yes, And hence you could probably tell by the like

1188
01:00:38,880 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 1: word babble that happens when I say it, Yes, because

1189
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:45,360
Speaker 1: I really am working on getting rid of the constraints,

1190
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 1: and to me, having too much of a plan it

1191
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 1: limits the possibility and opportunity for what else is to come.

1192
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:55,840
Speaker 1: And I know I would love to tell you, okay

1193
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:58,160
Speaker 1: in two months or I'm excited for this project or

1194
01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 1: this that I'm excited for all of it and I'm

1195
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 1: excited for the parts that are going to suck about

1196
01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 1: it because I know either I'm growing, I'm learning, I'm

1197
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 1: throwing pottery for the first time, or when we're doing

1198
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:13,960
Speaker 1: it together, or it just means I'm further in that

1199
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:17,080
Speaker 1: evolution towards becoming even more of myself.

1200
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 2: I'm typically big on goal setting, but for some reason

1201
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 2: this year, what felt like a lot more purposeful for

1202
01:01:24,040 --> 01:01:26,880
Speaker 2: me was just to write down things that I want

1203
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:30,560
Speaker 2: in my life, like period not tied to I want

1204
01:01:30,600 --> 01:01:32,400
Speaker 2: this by the end of twenty twenty two. I want

1205
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 2: this by the end of twenty twenty four, Like, yes,

1206
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:37,000
Speaker 2: there are certain things that I hope to happen this year.

1207
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 2: But it was so much less rigid and so much

1208
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 2: more like an affirmation moment that I was like, this

1209
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:48,320
Speaker 2: is it, Like this is where we're going, this is

1210
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:51,520
Speaker 2: the territory that we're looking to traverse, and we'll figure

1211
01:01:51,560 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 2: it out from there.

1212
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:56,080
Speaker 1: Yes, it's the removal of the concept of control. And

1213
01:01:56,080 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 1: it's so funny. I had New Year's affirmations. I didn't

1214
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: have goals and resolutions, and I'm usually way too And

1215
01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 1: maybe that's one of the beautiful outcomes from a pandemic

1216
01:02:04,040 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 1: and from this very odd time that we've lived in,

1217
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:11,480
Speaker 1: is that we know we don't know what's next. Like

1218
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 1: I think we're coming to terms with the fact, Oh God,

1219
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 1: what now, Like someone's going to tell me there's a

1220
01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:19,560
Speaker 1: planet that they discovered and now there's alien life. Don't

1221
01:02:19,840 --> 01:02:22,959
Speaker 1: you know what? Be my guest, I wouldn't be surprised.

1222
01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:26,440
Speaker 2: At I'm open to it all right, but it's just like, well,

1223
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 2: it's the idea of like just stop being so like,

1224
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 2: don't worry so much about planning down to a tee

1225
01:02:34,560 --> 01:02:37,000
Speaker 2: and more so, just be open to the fact that

1226
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 2: again to your point, we can't control everything and we

1227
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 2: just can do the.

1228
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 1: Best with what it is that we have right now,

1229
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:47,880
Speaker 1: and that that energy is what will bring those affirmations,

1230
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:50,680
Speaker 1: those all of that towards you. It's the little wins.

1231
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 2: Every day someone comes to your Instagram page, they see

1232
01:02:54,720 --> 01:03:01,280
Speaker 2: a proud Peloton instructor, a strong woman with something like

1233
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 2: more than six hundred and fifty thousand followers. When you

1234
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:06,680
Speaker 2: look in the mirror, what is it that you see

1235
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:07,520
Speaker 2: looking back at you?

1236
01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 1: Ooh, I see a girl that chose to live her life.

1237
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:19,720
Speaker 1: And I will say, I think that's probably one of

1238
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 1: the things I will be most proud of, because when

1239
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 1: you know what it's like to be in a place

1240
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:30,400
Speaker 1: where you don't and to acknowledge, oh my gosh, I

1241
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 1: get to do this now and I'm actively choosing her

1242
01:03:33,160 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 1: every day. It just it's powerful, it's overwhelming. So all

1243
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 1: of that is wonderful and I enjoy all of the

1244
01:03:40,880 --> 01:03:43,400
Speaker 1: I'm honored by all of the connection and the outreach

1245
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:44,960
Speaker 1: and the way I get to be a part of

1246
01:03:44,960 --> 01:03:48,000
Speaker 1: people's special moments in their lives and their growth. But

1247
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:51,400
Speaker 1: I always have to remember, like I almost didn't have this.

1248
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:57,439
Speaker 1: I'm just grateful that I get to. So Yep, living big,

1249
01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 1: Living big.

1250
01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 2: Right now, you have the opportunity to offer the young

1251
01:04:05,320 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 2: woman who is wondering if this life is worth living

1252
01:04:10,640 --> 01:04:13,840
Speaker 2: any more a piece of advice from where you stand

1253
01:04:13,880 --> 01:04:17,680
Speaker 2: now looking back on that hurdle moment, What do you

1254
01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 2: tell her?

1255
01:04:20,320 --> 01:04:24,120
Speaker 1: You know what, my bee cliche, But I tell her

1256
01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 1: what my dad told me from day one, before I

1257
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 1: even really knew I needed to hear it. I tell her, girl,

1258
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 1: it can knock you down, but it can never knock

1259
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:38,080
Speaker 1: you out. Keep going, Just keep going, keep going.

1260
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 2: Kendall toool, so grateful for you, So grateful for your

1261
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:44,400
Speaker 2: time and your conversation. How do the hurdlers follow along

1262
01:04:44,400 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 2: with you? How do they keep up with you? Give

1263
01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 2: us all the details?

1264
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:51,800
Speaker 1: Yes, so they can follow me on Instagram. My handle

1265
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:55,600
Speaker 1: is fit ex Kendall. My TikTok is the same one.

1266
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,520
Speaker 1: We have lots of silly fun over there. So if

1267
01:04:57,560 --> 01:04:59,560
Speaker 1: you need a good laugh. There's lots of fun content

1268
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:02,240
Speaker 1: there and then as well, same thing on Twitter too,

1269
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,640
Speaker 1: So hit me up. Let me know, throw pottery with us.

1270
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 1: Whatever we're gonna do. I want to be in it.

1271
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 1: Let's live.

1272
01:05:08,680 --> 01:05:10,360
Speaker 2: We're gonna make the pottery and then we're gonna throw

1273
01:05:10,360 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 2: the pottery at the wall like some Greek stuff.

1274
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:15,440
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I can't wait to make pottery with you.

1275
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:18,160
Speaker 2: I'm over at Hurdle Podcast and at Emily a Body

1276
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:19,920
Speaker 2: another hurdle conquered.

1277
01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 1: Catch you guys next time.