1 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to another episode of You Need 2 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: Therapy Podcast. This is a podcast that I Cat my 3 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: name is Cat created a little over a year ago 4 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: to help bridge the gap between mental health, getting help, 5 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:26,240 Speaker 1: and discovering deeper parts of who we were created to be. Now, 6 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 1: I'm a licensed therapist, and per usual, I would like 7 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: to give a little disclaimer that this podcast is not 8 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: therapy nor a substitute for therapy. It is a conversation starter. 9 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: And like I said, I'm a therapist and for those 10 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:43,040 Speaker 1: of you new to the show, I specialize in body 11 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,560 Speaker 1: image and eating disorders, though that is not the only 12 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,519 Speaker 1: thing I work with. It's something that I have some 13 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 1: extra training, expertise, and experience with. And this week is 14 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: nit A Week. Need a Week is National Eating Disorders 15 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: Awareness Week, and it is a week that attempts to 16 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: spread awareness and knowledge through the universe so that more 17 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:06,280 Speaker 1: humans can have access to more help and just information. 18 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,679 Speaker 1: So you are getting an episode of Just Me and 19 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: My Voice today. I'm doing a solo episode, which doesn't 20 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: happen that often. I hope you enjoy it. I did 21 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: a lot of thinking about what kind of episode I 22 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: wanted to put out this week and I even asked 23 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 1: y'all on Instagram to let me know what you wanted 24 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 1: to hear. F y I, if you don't follow me, 25 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: you can do that at at cat dot defata or 26 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: at you Need Therapy podcast. A lot of you told 27 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: me you wanted to hear recovery stories. Some of you 28 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: wanted advice on how to help people you love who 29 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: are struggling. Some just wanted any information as possible. And 30 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:40,479 Speaker 1: I thought about what to go with for a while. 31 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: This week is so special to me, not just because 32 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: of what I do, but because of the life that 33 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 1: I have lived in my own experience, and I mean 34 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: I played with the idea of different guests or experts 35 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: and doing recovery stories, and I thought about doing many 36 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 1: episodes every day at one point. What I'm trying to 37 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: say is I thought about this episode a lot, and 38 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: as someone who specializes in this area, I always feel 39 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: such an immense sense of pressure this time of year, 40 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 1: and I think, honestly, that's pressure I put in myself. 41 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: But you see, there's actually so much to cover and 42 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,960 Speaker 1: talk about when it comes dating disorders, and also there 43 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: are so many outlets to get that information, and I 44 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: don't know I used to feel like there's a lack 45 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: of resources out in the world, but now maybe because 46 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: of the pandemic pushed a lot of humans onto online 47 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 1: platforms that are more accessible, and social media is just 48 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 1: bigger than ever. I don't feel that way, and with that, 49 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: I've been feeling really weird about social media and the 50 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: platforms that are helpful and that I normally love. I've 51 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 1: just been feeling really weird about them. And what I'm 52 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: gonna try to do is get these thoughts out in 53 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:40,959 Speaker 1: a way that makes sense without being too careful, because 54 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: I've kind of danced around this in the past couple 55 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: of weeks or months now. When I was trying to 56 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 1: decide on't want to do this week, I kept thinking, 57 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,440 Speaker 1: I have nothing new or interesting to say. That's one 58 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 1: of the things that kept popping in my head of 59 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: like I have nothing new or interesting to say. One 60 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: because I feel like I've done an episode on eating disorders, 61 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 1: I've done body image episodes, I've done a lot of 62 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 1: that stuff. And at the same time time, it seems 63 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: also very saturated, like there's a lot of stuff, at 64 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 1: least in my world on social media, because that's more 65 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: of the kinds of things that I follow and pay 66 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 1: attention to. With that, I have been getting exhausted with 67 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 1: some of the anti diet social media and eating to 68 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,079 Speaker 1: sort of recovery social media. What does the word I'm 69 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: even trying to use. I'm trying to be thoughtful when 70 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 1: I talk about this, because it's not that I don't 71 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 1: like that that's out there. I'm very grateful for it. 72 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: But I'm getting exhausted with this because a lot of 73 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,640 Speaker 1: it is very polarizing and that's one of the issues 74 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 1: when it comes to eating. Disort of recovery is getting 75 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: out of this black or white state. And what I've 76 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: really come to realize is I think that it's very 77 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:39,480 Speaker 1: dangerous to Paara. Mental health was something that also has 78 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,320 Speaker 1: subconscious motivation, and when it comes to social media, a 79 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: lot of the underlying motivation is more about getting reposted 80 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: and going viral than it is about spreading awareness and 81 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: helping humans. That's what social media does. It's about likes, 82 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 1: it's about who's seen it, it's about how many followers, 83 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: and all of that. I've just seen it in my 84 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: world just get very and what happens is a lot 85 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: of misinformation gets out there. It's like playing a giant 86 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: game of telephone almost and polarizing. Extreme things get attention, 87 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: and so those things are the things that people are posting, 88 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 1: so they get reposted, so they get more what's it called, 89 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,479 Speaker 1: like their their profiles viewed more. Yeah, and so it 90 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,760 Speaker 1: ends up like exploiting something that's supposed to be good, 91 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: or like it ends up exploiting like something that's bad. 92 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: I don't know. I hope this is making sense. It's 93 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:30,040 Speaker 1: like we're exploiting the opportunity to help people. And helping 94 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: people isn't about becoming famous or going viral. It's about 95 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: helping people. And that's one of the things with this podcast, 96 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: even like I started it on in my living room 97 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 1: thinking that like, probably not a lot of people would 98 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,799 Speaker 1: ever really listen to it, but at least it would 99 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 1: help the people in my circle and my clients. And 100 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 1: what I've been frustrated with is that, like in these realms, 101 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,920 Speaker 1: it has become very difficult to navigate the why behind 102 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: the what when we're posting, like am I posting this 103 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: because I think it's going to get me views? Or 104 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: am I posting this because this is information that I 105 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 1: know is true and that I've I'm trained and knowledgeable 106 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: to handle. I think also a lot of information is 107 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: being put out in the world that like the general 108 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 1: public shouldn't have. Like I think there's a lot of 109 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,359 Speaker 1: stuff around trauma and stuff. I think that we have 110 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,119 Speaker 1: to be careful what we say to just everybody, because 111 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: we don't want people to be practicing therapy on themselves. 112 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: You know what I have learned in the last couple 113 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: of years is there's no right thing to do or 114 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,599 Speaker 1: say in these moments. There's no like right thing for 115 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 1: me to put out for need a week. There's just 116 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: the most authentic thing. And if that helps people, that 117 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: helps people of that hits, that hits, if that gets 118 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,159 Speaker 1: listens and downloads, great, but that's not the reason that 119 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: we're doing this. And still with that, I ended up 120 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: texting a friend, Lisa Haim, who she has her own 121 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,919 Speaker 1: She's Too podcasts, She does Outweigh with Amy Brown and 122 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 1: then she has The Truth Is Life. And I was 123 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: texting her because I just was like kind of stuck, 124 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 1: and she said something that was very simple but blew 125 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: my mind. And she said, Honestly, I've never wanted to 126 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: get involved in Awareness Weeks when it comes to this 127 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: stuff because I'm actually always just talking about it anyway. 128 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 1: My response was woe, Like, WHOA, Maybe that's why I 129 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: feel like I have nothing new to say, because I'm 130 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: always talking about this stuff like this is what I do, 131 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 1: and this will never feel like an extreme attention grabbing 132 00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: thing for me because it already is who I am 133 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: and what I do, and I really don't do it 134 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,159 Speaker 1: for attention. I do it to give attention to what 135 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: the issue is. So all in that to say, I 136 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: really just want us to be careful about what we're 137 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: putting out into the world because I have somewhat of 138 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 1: a privilege to have the information and the knowledge that 139 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 1: I have about eating disorders and just mental health, and 140 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: I have to be careful with what I do with that. 141 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: And that goes to all professionals. And that also goes 142 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,240 Speaker 1: to like, if you don't have the expertise in the knowledge, 143 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: we might need to stay in our lanes more. I 144 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,039 Speaker 1: know my lane when it comes to mental health. I 145 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: don't help with all things. There are plenty of things 146 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,600 Speaker 1: that I'm like, I actually don't wouldn't know how to 147 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 1: treat that. This whole thing is interesting though, because we're 148 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,840 Speaker 1: talking about eating disorders and that's just what you need. 149 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 1: Disorders do. They tell us to show up differently than 150 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,840 Speaker 1: who we really are, and they tell us what our 151 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: authentic selves believes is wrong, which is why I was like, well, 152 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 1: what's the most authentic thing? Like? I was struggling with that. 153 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 1: They tell us that the outside is more important than 154 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,479 Speaker 1: the inside, and they make us insanely worried and concerned 155 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: about what people think. For example, if I was going 156 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: to make an episode that was going to be good 157 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 1: enough for Need a week, and I've decided there's actually 158 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,400 Speaker 1: no such thing as an episode that's good enough for 159 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: Need a week, And so I'm sitting here thinking to myself, 160 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: what is the most authentic thing to talk about today? 161 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: What do I want people to hear or know or 162 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: feel this week? Now, if we get really basic, what 163 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 1: I want everyone to know is that eating disorders are 164 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 1: not one size fits all. I cannot explain every eating 165 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: disorder by talking about one person's eating disorder. And they're 166 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: not always about control, often they are. They aren't always 167 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: about looking like a certain body, often they are. Some 168 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 1: of them are connected to sexual traumas, some of them 169 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: are connected to emotional wounds, emotional trauma. Some are about 170 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 1: lack of emotional regulation. Some are about over regulation. So 171 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: one thing I can't do here is sit and tell 172 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: you exactly what they are and how to treat them, 173 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: though we do know some things that generally influence them, 174 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: one being value culture. What I think people failed to 175 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: realize is, despite the intricacies of eating disorders, they are 176 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,680 Speaker 1: the leading cause of death in the mental field. These 177 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: are very dangerous, deadly things. So when I get fired 178 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 1: up about them, it's because this isn't just about someone 179 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: being worried about someone who wants to look like a 180 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: fitness influencer who's skipping meals every now and then. It 181 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: is about that, but it's about what doing that can 182 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: turn into. And I want people to know that what 183 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 1: we eat and how we move as an extreme result 184 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: in the rest of our body, and what we say 185 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: to ourselves about how we do those things matters a lot. 186 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 1: Eating disorders are also usually co occurring, meaning something else 187 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: pops up in conjunction or as a result of, many 188 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: of those things being drug addiction, depression, and anxiety. So 189 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: for a second, just imagine trying to manage all of 190 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: that on your own, Like that's a lot, But when 191 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 1: it comes down to it, there's something more I want 192 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 1: to put out into the world than just talking about 193 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: these facts, although I do love talking about the facts. 194 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,200 Speaker 1: Last night, I was spending some time with a friend 195 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 1: and I men Schoen something about my history with an 196 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 1: eating disorder, and he said, I didn't know you had 197 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,880 Speaker 1: an eating disorder. Internally, I had this moment of, Oh, 198 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 1: my gosh, how doesn't he know? I feel like everybody 199 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: knows this about me, especially these days. And then I 200 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:15,199 Speaker 1: did a quick check on myself, because we survivors over 201 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 1: here have to be very careful not to tie our 202 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: pain and struggles to the entirety of our identity. And 203 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: that right there is what I really want to drive 204 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,839 Speaker 1: home this week in this episode. You know, ever since 205 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 1: I watched Burne Brown's first Ted Talk, I've always been 206 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: pretty enthralled in how people are introduced, and if you 207 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: haven't seen it, i'll give you cliff notes. Basically, they 208 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 1: were trying to figure out what she would be introduced 209 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: as because she's a shame researcher, and they were like, well, 210 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,959 Speaker 1: I think that we're going to go with storyteller because 211 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 1: that sounds better, you know. And then I also was 212 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 1: listening to a podcast a couple of years ago um 213 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 1: with John Acough who is a writer and a speaker, 214 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 1: and the host asked him what he introduced himself as, 215 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 1: and he said, well, actually I like to go more 216 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: with writer because it sounds cooler and sex yeer than speaker, 217 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: but like he's both of them. And I think it's 218 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: so interesting how we get caught up in what our 219 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,080 Speaker 1: title is. And I think that titles can be specific 220 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 1: and broad, but at some point the titles we create 221 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,080 Speaker 1: for ourselves turn into our identities. Think about it, how 222 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 1: would you introduce yourself? Like? What would you say? And 223 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: when it comes down to it, I think it comes 224 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: down to the need, I think to feel validated, to 225 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 1: feel value, to feel important, to feel wanted, desired, any 226 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: of those things. That's what our introduction comes down to. 227 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 1: And we have this innate desire as a human to 228 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: be desirable, So we create huge steaks and who we are, 229 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: but who we are is what I am to other people. 230 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: That's what we base our identities off of. So growing 231 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: up for me at times was hard, and not in 232 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: the way that I had a hard life, but because 233 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,880 Speaker 1: it's to the naked eye, like I had a very 234 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:51,080 Speaker 1: easy life. I think like I grew up in a 235 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: middle class family and Williamson County. My parents are still 236 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,240 Speaker 1: married today. They're very much in love. Like if we 237 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,839 Speaker 1: had problems with money or issues with money, I never 238 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: knew about it growing up, like, so obviously wasn't a 239 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,959 Speaker 1: huge issue. And I always seem to have friends, and 240 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,559 Speaker 1: I was athletic, and I was smart, and I liked school. 241 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 1: Not like going to school, I mean like I liked academics, 242 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: and I was a pretty normal kid for the most part. 243 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 1: And then something started to happen. And I can halfway 244 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: laugh about this now, but it really isn't that funny 245 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: when I look back on how it actually ultimately affected me. 246 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 1: So in fifth grade, I was bullied by some girls 247 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:28,760 Speaker 1: that were previously my friends. And the most distinct memory 248 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 1: I have is that one day I was playing kickball 249 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: with my class at recess and this girl we will 250 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:36,439 Speaker 1: call her Molly. That is not actually her name, but 251 00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 1: we're going to call her Molly. Um, this girl yelled 252 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: out in front of everybody, my whole class, actually the 253 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,720 Speaker 1: whole grade, whoever was around to hear it. Hey, Catherine, 254 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,239 Speaker 1: maybe you should stop drinking strawberry milkshakes and more strawberries 255 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: slim fasts. Yeah. So here's the thing. Kids don't know 256 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 1: there's something wrong with them until someone tells them. And 257 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,319 Speaker 1: an easy way to explain that is think about babies 258 00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: and kids and toddlers, and they just walk around naked 259 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: belly out all day along thinking that they're so cute, 260 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 1: and we smile at them and tell them that they're 261 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: so cute, We squeeze their roles and they're great. They 262 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 1: think that they're the center of the world. I didn't 263 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: know there was something wrong with me until people like 264 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 1: Molly told me. And I bet some of you guys 265 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:17,240 Speaker 1: have those experiences too. And humans are story making things, 266 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: meaning we make sense out of life using stories. We 267 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: need beginnings, we need middles, and we have to have 268 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: an ending. When we have endings, when we get those 269 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 1: light bulb complete finishes on things, we get dopamine in 270 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,199 Speaker 1: our body. And this comment Molly made was the middle 271 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 1: of my story and I needed to find an ending. 272 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 1: I need to know why she was mean to me. 273 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 1: And Berne Brown talks about this and gives a great 274 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: example of what this can look like using the example 275 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: of like, imagine you are texting somebody that you like, 276 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 1: you have a crush on, and this matter of as 277 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: a guy or girl, and you're texting them and and 278 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,880 Speaker 1: saying things back and forth, and all of a sudden 279 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: you get the dot dot dots, you know, on the 280 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 1: text messages, and then it goes away, and then you 281 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,559 Speaker 1: never hear from them, and then your mind starts going 282 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 1: because you're in the middle of that story and you're 283 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: trying to figure out why. Then it texts you, and 284 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,560 Speaker 1: it's usually something dark, like they decided they hated you, 285 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 1: or what you said was they took it the wrong way, 286 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:05,199 Speaker 1: or they started dating somebody else in that five seconds 287 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,599 Speaker 1: or something like that. And when the reality is it 288 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: could be something very small of like their phone died 289 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 1: or it fell on toilet, or they went out for 290 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: a run, or they're in the shower where they're like 291 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: getting gas at a gas station and are on the phone, 292 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 1: like something very small. But the bigger and the more 293 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 1: dramatic the ending, the more dopamine we get. So what 294 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: did I do as a kid? I created a very 295 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: large belief, very large ending to my story in my head, 296 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:31,840 Speaker 1: and that was that I was not enough, I was 297 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,080 Speaker 1: not desirable, and there was something wrong with me, and 298 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: I also wanted to fix this. So my attempts to 299 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,720 Speaker 1: fix not being enough were kind of all over the place, 300 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: and I developed beliefs about myself from those experiences that 301 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,319 Speaker 1: I held onto until my early twenties. I spent the 302 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:51,679 Speaker 1: majority of my adolescence in team years, being extremely insecure. 303 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 1: And the thing is I was never the worst at things, 304 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,959 Speaker 1: but I also was never the best at anything either. 305 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: And you could say that I didn't have a good introduction, right, like, Hi, 306 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: this is Catherine. She is okay at a lot of things. 307 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 1: She also doesn't really know what she wants to do 308 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 1: with her life. There's nothing like eye catching in that. 309 00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: So I had what I would call low fluctuating self esteem. Now, 310 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 1: I talked about this on the podcast last week with 311 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 1: Kenzie about the self esteem epidemic kind of thing. How 312 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 1: in the past ten or twenty years, there's been a 313 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: huge shift in motivating kids through giving them an inflated 314 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 1: sense of self esteem. This is happening as I'm growing up, 315 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 1: And let's talk about what self esteem is. So it's 316 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: a global evaluation of your self worth. It's outside source, right, 317 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 1: It's finding self worth through outside circumstances. This is a judgment. 318 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 1: I am a good person or I'm a bad person. 319 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: There's not any gray middle area here. Self esteem is 320 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: created by doing works and keeping up. Like I said 321 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 1: last week, it's like it's by being the best team 322 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: or having the highest grade or getting this affirmation or 323 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: this validation. And high self esteem can be problematic, but 324 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: it's not because you have it, it's how you get it. 325 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: And this is why well you to use it as 326 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 1: the ultimate maker of self worth. So if I have 327 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: high self esteem, I have self worth. This is why 328 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: we have that rise in narcissism. If I'm doing these things, 329 00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 1: I am a better person. In our culture, you have 330 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: to feel special and above average to have that self esteem, 331 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 1: and if we all need to feel above average, we 332 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: find ways to either puff ourselves up or put others down. 333 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: The huge issue here is that not everybody can be 334 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: the best. Only one person can be the best. So 335 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 1: that's why we have this issue with bullying, because we 336 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: have to find a way to puff ourselves up, and 337 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: a lot of times that's by pushing people down. Being 338 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: average becomes an insult. Nobody wants to be Okay, I 339 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 1: didn't want to be okay at anything. So self esteem 340 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 1: is contingent on our success. And the issue with that 341 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: is because what happens when we fail or do not 342 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 1: meet ideal standards because in life we are guaranteed to fail. 343 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,840 Speaker 1: We actually have to fail. We need to fail in 344 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: order to grow. But there was no room for that 345 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,640 Speaker 1: or there's none in this area. Now here's the other thing. 346 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: What do you think the number one way women find 347 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,480 Speaker 1: self esteem is to give you a second to think 348 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: about it, um, even though it's probab we obvious it 349 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 1: is how we look. That is why that comment on 350 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 1: the playground meant so much to me. And also how 351 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 1: are we as women supposed to feel above average or men? 352 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 1: In a world where standards of looks are unattainable, most 353 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: of us end up having low selves. Team the average 354 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: women woman like this is I don't know if these 355 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 1: are like updated stats are like don't like totally quote 356 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:22,360 Speaker 1: me on this, but like the average size of a 357 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 1: woman the last time I researched this twenty years and 358 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: above was a hundred and seventy pounds and a waste 359 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: of thirty eight point five which is a round of 360 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,680 Speaker 1: size fourteen sixteen and pants. But also like, I don't 361 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 1: know if that size thing really is relevant because we 362 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:37,160 Speaker 1: all know sizes everywhere different every store you go to. 363 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: So whatever the point is six or eight percent of 364 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: Americans where if we're using sizes above a fourteen, the 365 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,760 Speaker 1: average model weighs less than twenty than the average woman 366 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,480 Speaker 1: in America, and we are all chasing after the model, right, 367 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 1: that's what we're going for. So here's where I have 368 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 1: an issue. If I find my identity and being desired 369 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:01,000 Speaker 1: and feeling desired rides on self esteem, and self esteem 370 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: is highly based off of how I look, and how 371 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,200 Speaker 1: I look is dependent on being smaller than the minority 372 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,360 Speaker 1: of others. I think that we are all screwed except 373 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,200 Speaker 1: like one person. By the way, after third grade, women's 374 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 1: perception of how attractive they are and their self seem 375 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 1: takes a no stive third grade very sad. So if 376 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: this is the truth, if this is where we are, 377 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: what ends up happening. If we're in this self esteem 378 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,199 Speaker 1: at epidemic, we're like, we can only one person give 379 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,199 Speaker 1: you this, Well, this is what ends up happening. We 380 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,720 Speaker 1: start self criticizing, and I think some people look at 381 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: criticism as something good because it can help motivate us, 382 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,199 Speaker 1: and sure some people can hold that belief. I do 383 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 1: not believe that criticism is very helpful because of this 384 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 1: research actually shows that self criticism undermines our motivation because 385 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: we tap into our threat defense system when we are criticizing, 386 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 1: and our threat defense system is that fight, fight, are freeze. 387 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: This system is evolved for threats to our body, but 388 00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: now it happens when we have a threat to our 389 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,160 Speaker 1: self concept. So when we feel threatened, we attacked the problem. 390 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,879 Speaker 1: The issue is we're the problem because we're criticizing ourselves, 391 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: so we attack ourselves. So adrenaline and quarters all are 392 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 1: released when this happens in both areas, So now we're 393 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 1: the attacker and we're being attacked, So you're releasing extra 394 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:19,880 Speaker 1: cortissoul and becoming immensely stressed regardless of other things. That 395 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,720 Speaker 1: leads to severe depression and anxiety. We have heightened levels 396 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: of our stress hormones. So self criticism actually really does 397 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,440 Speaker 1: not help us. I will say, in my eating disorder, 398 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: what the world thought about my body became the only 399 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,760 Speaker 1: thing I cared out. I thought that that was going 400 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: to be the thing that like gave me what I needed, 401 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 1: and I lost friends. I became a kind of shitty friend. 402 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,439 Speaker 1: I started acting outside of my moral compass, and I 403 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 1: became very tired, which, if you know me, I'm a 404 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,959 Speaker 1: ball of energy most times. And I didn't actually need that. 405 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: I didn't what I didn't need the validation that my 406 00:18:52,119 --> 00:18:54,479 Speaker 1: eating disorder was telling me that it was giving me 407 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,200 Speaker 1: what I needed in those moments of fear and sadness 408 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 1: and feeling like I didn't have an identity and nothing 409 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,520 Speaker 1: worthy of being introduced for. What I need in those 410 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:06,200 Speaker 1: moments was some compassion. I needed to acknowledge my pain, 411 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: because ignoring pain, as we know, just turns pain into suffering. 412 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 1: I needed to feel safe and secure with myself so 413 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 1: that the opinions of others in society didn't have the 414 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: ability to dictate my opinion of myself. And to do that, 415 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,680 Speaker 1: I needed to sit down with myself and figure out 416 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: all my parts rather than just trying to fix the 417 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 1: parts I didn't like. I really also needed to stop 418 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 1: trying to be the best at something, and I need 419 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 1: to learn to just enjoy something. And I look at 420 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,399 Speaker 1: my history, and I look at the history of so 421 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 1: many clients I work with and people in my life, 422 00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,439 Speaker 1: and a lot of times looks like we have this 423 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: trajectory of we're fighting this battle of trying to create 424 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: a desirable identity our whole lives, when really like we 425 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,000 Speaker 1: don't even really know who we are because we don't 426 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,119 Speaker 1: even know what who we are even means. So how 427 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: do I battle this? Well, for one, this is huge. 428 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: We actually have to stop making about what we look like. 429 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 1: That is not the most important part of anybody. We 430 00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:58,119 Speaker 1: instead start spending time getting to know ourselves and figuring 431 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,960 Speaker 1: out more about how we show up. We need to 432 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,479 Speaker 1: be able to differentiate our feelings about ourselves from the 433 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,199 Speaker 1: messages we're getting from other people. I am not what 434 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 1: you say I am. I am what I say I am. 435 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,399 Speaker 1: We need to create beliefs about ourselves separate from others, 436 00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 1: is what I'm saying. And yeah, it can feel good 437 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,000 Speaker 1: when someone agrees and bad when somebody disagrees, but either 438 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 1: one of those things doesn't make our truth anymore or 439 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,800 Speaker 1: less true. We get to decide that we are our 440 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 1: own truth tellers. We have to create a sense of 441 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,240 Speaker 1: self rather than placing our identity in something which for 442 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 1: women is usually our looks, and basing everything off of 443 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,239 Speaker 1: that external global self esteem, identity. I think in our 444 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 1: culture really waters who we are down like I am 445 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: my job, I am my body, I am my religion. No, 446 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,400 Speaker 1: you're none of those things. Those are things that make 447 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: up the parts of how you understand who you are. 448 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,200 Speaker 1: Your identity is how you show up in the world. 449 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,239 Speaker 1: And as we do this work on ourselves, we can 450 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: also help others do the work too, And a simple 451 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,679 Speaker 1: way to do that is to be careful and intentional 452 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,640 Speaker 1: with the kinds of affirmations we give other people. While yes, 453 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,080 Speaker 1: we don't want our friends to use our affirmation and 454 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 1: as the fuel their body runs off of, we can 455 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 1: support the truth of one's identity by affirming how people 456 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,320 Speaker 1: show up and not as much around what they show 457 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,920 Speaker 1: up as Lastly, I kind of want to close with this. 458 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 1: Last year, this exact week, I had a session with 459 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,119 Speaker 1: a client who had finally made the decision to do 460 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,040 Speaker 1: the very hard, scary work that is eating disorder recovery. 461 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: This week, a year ago, she came in my office 462 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,400 Speaker 1: and said, now that I'm actually doing this, I realized 463 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: how much information is out there that tells my eating 464 00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,199 Speaker 1: disorder that it is right. This is like fighting an 465 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 1: upheld battle. Do you realize that. And I looked at 466 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 1: her and I just said, yes, I realized that. But 467 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: every single time somebody joins our side, we get a 468 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 1: little bit stronger. Which reminds me of one of my 469 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 1: favorite Margaret Mead quotes, and she said, never doubt that 470 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: a group of small, committed citizens can change the world. 471 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: In fact, they're the only ones who ever have. And 472 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,080 Speaker 1: I guess my point here is that I want you 473 00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: guys to know that this stuff is hard. Finding out 474 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 1: who you are as hard. It's not easy. It's not 475 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: as easy as I make it sound in this podcast. 476 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,640 Speaker 1: At times I find it to be quite the pain 477 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 1: in the ass, but it is what we need. And 478 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,000 Speaker 1: if it takes one person at a time to get 479 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,960 Speaker 1: on this train, so be it. I'll take it. And 480 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: I do want to say I'm grateful for the influx 481 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: of the awareness and that people promoting anti diets and 482 00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,360 Speaker 1: all the resources and all the things. I am grateful 483 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,440 Speaker 1: for that. But in that we remember that getting attention 484 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,160 Speaker 1: for the promotion isn't the point. It is showing up 485 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:20,879 Speaker 1: where we show up as authentic, that is the point. 486 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: Because the more people who can show up as authentic, 487 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,480 Speaker 1: that's going to create a ripple effect for the rest 488 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 1: of us. When we put so much steak in our 489 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 1: introduction and how people see us, what ends up happening 490 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: is we get on this race that I just have 491 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: been talking about, this hamster wheel of trying to keep 492 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: up with what other people are going to think is 493 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,640 Speaker 1: good and cool and whatever, and that is so much 494 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,880 Speaker 1: not what we need right now because that's not ever 495 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 1: gonna be satisfying. You're going to forever be on that train. 496 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: But when we get to just breathe a lot o 497 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:54,400 Speaker 1: sus to be ourselves and that not be shaken by 498 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 1: if other people think it's cool enough to be pre 499 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: posted or not, that is where like real life released arts, 500 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,640 Speaker 1: I think so this week, pay attention to the why 501 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: behind your what's why are you doing the things you're doing, 502 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,439 Speaker 1: because if it's to curate an introduction that is sexy 503 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: and cool, I would say you've got some work to do.