WEBVTT - Don't Make Out with Your Brother w/ 23andMe 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:07.800 Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea Hi. Tell USA. Today, we teamed 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:10.959 up with twenty three in Me and we're doing a 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:14.200 very special episode with them. We're gonna talk about some 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:16.279 of the discoveries we made as far as our health 0:00:16.280 --> 0:00:19.239 reports and our ancestry goes. We're going to talk to 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:23.599 some colors and answer some advice emails. We had so 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:28.160 many crazy responses. This is gonna be so much fun. Yes, 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:30.720 we both did our twenty three in Me and to 0:00:30.800 --> 0:00:34.800 find out, it covers a bevy of things, right, your ancestry, 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.080 your health markers, if you have a slightly increased risk 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:42.160 for something or increased likelihood, or if there's a variant detected, 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.880 or if you have irritable bowel syndrome, which apparently there's 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:49.080 an increased likelihood that I will have that. And that's 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:52.879 my result summary irritable bowel syndrome. That explains a lot. Actually, 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:56.160 is that something you feel like you have? I don't know. 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.200 I mean I've had episodes. I'm not sure I have 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:02.880 LDL lesterral increased likelihood. I definitely have an issue with that. 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:07.000 It says I have a slightly increased risk for Celiac disease, 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.960 but I was comparing my results with my sisters this 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:13.840 weekend in San Francisco, and I was under the impression. 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:16.480 When we were in Mariamorica, we were talking about how 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:20.839 much Ashkenazi jew I was, what the percentage of Ashkenazi 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:24.039 jew I was, and I remember the number sixty four percent. 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:26.360 And then when I told Simone that, she says, that's 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:28.959 impossible because our father was Jewish and our mother was 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:32.840 Western European. And I was like, no, I'm sixty And 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:34.840 then when I pulled up my results on my app, it' 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:37.760 said fifty percent Oshkenazi. So I want to know who 0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:41.320 put that sixty into my head or where I read 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:44.920 that number. Yeah, I I also wonder, I mean, can 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:47.560 your ratios be a little bit different for siblings of 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:50.160 their full siblings? Well, you can't get sixty four percent. 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.480 When I realized form my sisters that you can't get 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:56.000 sixty percent Oshknazzi from one parent when the other parents, 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.640 it's like straight down the middle fifty fifty. So the 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:03.280 g is meat and then whichever the stronger genes are 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:08.120 the dominant gene, we'll take over. But you're never going 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:11.480 to get more than fift from one parent, is the 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:13.880 way that. My sister explained it to me. She's a 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:17.680 health attorney and works for Genentech, so I'm gonna I'm 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:20.720 gonna believe her. I mean, I don't know that that's right, 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:24.200 but I think that makes sense because we were both 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:28.080 exactly Fiftysnazi. But I had different sides of my mother 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:33.560 than she did. I have like part Scandinavian and part German, 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:36.560 and more German than she has, which explains my good looks. 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:42.320 I was actually pretty surprised by mine. I thought I 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:45.280 definitely take after my like the side of my family 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:48.760 that's very British, very Irish, I'm very fair, have a 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:51.200 little British turned up nose, all of that kind of stuff. 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:54.160 But I was actually surprised to find I'm very heavily German, 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:58.160 which I knew, but also French, which I guess that's 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.240 a nice little touch. Yeah, that makes me feel fancy. 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:04.440 I'm like a little bit French. French is good. I 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:08.720 thought I was Safartic Jewish, which doesn't make any sense 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:10.920 at all, because, as my sister also explained to me, 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:16.120 Ashkenazi are like lighter skinned and you know, more blonde hair, 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:19.960 blue eyed, where Safartic is darker skinned, dark hair, dark eyes, 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:23.320 and so I don't know why I had that confusion. Also, well, 0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:25.640 because you got all that German blood, So maybe that's 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:28.560 where the blonde and everything that comes from, right, I 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:31.240 mean it wouldn't be great though, like to do it 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.920 and find out you have like ten percent Japanese or 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:38.200 something like that would be something like WHOA, I have 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:45.040 a very small percent of Senegambian and Guinean. So I 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:50.320 think that's black. Yeah, that's African. And I do know 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:53.920 that I have one ancestor who was like several generations back, 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:57.120 who was passing quote unquote as they used to say, 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:01.440 for white, both he and his sister, and so that's 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:04.480 part of our ancestry. And I thought that was really interesting. 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:07.760 It's like, Okay, it's actually real, it's true. Wow, that 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:11.680 it is cool. I think it's interesting that you can 0:04:11.720 --> 0:04:15.280 test for things like irritable bowel syndrome, like that's a 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:18.440 genetic marker. I would not have thought that, Like I 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:21.039 get the cholesterol, I get heart disease. Did you what 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:25.360 about the bcr age a gene? Then mine did not 0:04:25.920 --> 0:04:29.200 show that. And this test it tests for a couple 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.000 of the variants that you know lead to the b 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.919 R C aging, but not all of them. So you know, 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:36.440 one of the things they said is if you do 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:38.960 see stuff like that, go talk to your doctor and 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:42.919 like check that out. I have also, this is a 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:48.240 good one to highlight increased likelihood for gout. That sounds 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:50.800 about right. That sounds like something I would come across 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:54.960 and at some point in my life I just associate 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:57.440 gout with like Henry the Eighth and like eating a 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:02.839 lot of roast chicken. This one says drug metabolism predicted 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:06.880 rapid metabolizer. That makes a lot of fun. I mean, 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:12.000 that is very on the nose. I had something. I 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:15.839 have a slightly increased risk for macular degeneration, which makes 0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:18.800 sense with my family history. Oh yeah, I have that too, 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:21.800 And I think that's just isn't that age related? Like 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:25.159 most people have that? Yeah, But you know, it's this 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:28.159 sort of thing that makes it a little easier to say, like, Okay, 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:30.279 here's something for me to watch out for, here's something 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.320 to talk to my my eye doctor about, and that 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:35.200 sort of thing. I was less likely to have a 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:37.600 fear of public speaking. I thought that was interesting. Are 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:44.280 you serious the stuff that it's crazy? Yeah? Do you 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:48.560 have a fear of public speaking. Uh not really, no, oh, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:50.840 here he is speaking to us. And then you can 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:54.400 also find your Neanderthal and do you have some Well, 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:56.760 let's look. I bet that makes a lot of sense too. 0:05:56.800 --> 0:06:01.360 I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. You have ship. Hey, Chelsea, 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:06.680 you have more Neandrethal DNA than of other customers. What 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:09.320 the fund does that mean? I have more Neanderthal than 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:13.400 Thank god? Okay, okay, so I'm on the lower end 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:18.560 of Neandrethal here, let's remember that. Okay, okay, okay. I 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:22.240 inherited a small amount of DNA from your Neandrethal ancestors. 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:25.360 Out of the seven thousand, four hundred variants we tested, 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:27.679 we found two hundred and twenty variants in your DNA 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:32.520 that traced back to Neadrethal's. Wow, I know. Brad's markers 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:36.039 said something along the lines of his bloodline could be 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:38.800 traced back to a single male two hundred and fifty 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:43.080 thousand years ago, like single males. Well, obviously there was 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.320 a woman involved after that, but like they could trace 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:47.800 his lineage back two hundred and fifty thousand years I 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:52.480 don't know how, wow, but they did. That's it's crazy. 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:54.880 You know what I just can't believe that so many 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:57.960 people are able to I guess you can opt to 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:01.400 be public on this right and way. I have an 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:05.320 increased likelihood for roseatsia. That's true. My whole family has rosasia. 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:07.840 Actually not my whole family, but both of my brothers 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:11.800 have it. Oh, here was another very interesting one from Brad's. 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.880 So Brad by trade as a drummer. He's a musician. 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:18.160 He's also constantly shaking his leg, just like when we're 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:20.160 sitting at the dinner table. I always think there is 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:25.880 a random earthquake. He has a gene that is common 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:30.200 in people who have fast twitch muscle fibers, So it's 0:07:30.240 --> 0:07:35.160 like he was born to be an amazing drummer. That's like, 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:40.040 is that restless legs syndrome also? Or no, maybe it's related. 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.800 It said something about the muscle fibers and the way 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:47.280 that it's common in people who are athletes and runners 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:50.040 and that kind of stuff. Mine says I have an 0:07:50.040 --> 0:07:54.120 increased likelihood for resting bitch face. Wow, they can tell 0:07:54.200 --> 0:07:58.200 so much. That's amazing. Do either of you have the 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:02.960 increased likelihood to hate the sound of chewing? No, that's 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:09.320 the thing I can hate that what's it called misoponia? 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:13.840 That is a really gross sound chewing that's in one 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:19.440 of my results. It's amazing, that's so funny. I can't 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:21.560 believe they can measure things like that and that or 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:24.080 that that stuff is genetic. I mean it should should 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:26.880 be measurable. What about the sound of forks and knife 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:30.760 scraping on a plate. That's worse than chewing, but usually 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.960 the to go hands in hand. Katherine's dad likes to 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:37.760 cut his eggs with a steak knife. So yeah, so 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:42.480 it's just like it's terrible, it's terrible, so annoying. Yes, 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:47.040 but Chelsea, we actually have a ton of amazing questions 0:08:47.120 --> 0:08:52.160 for today. We're callers some emails. I had the hardest 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:56.319 time picking which emails to use. Yeah, we did a 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:58.960 call for submissions for twenty three and me or you know, 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.800 other genetic testing things people found out, and we've got 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:07.760 some crazy responses. So should we launch in after Yeah, 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:09.720 we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back. 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:20.480 All right, Chelsea, are you ready for some email? We bean? So. 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:24.600 Our first email comes from Kyle Elizabeth. She says, good morning. 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.080 My name is Kyle Elizabeth. I'm a thirty two year 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:29.800 old woman living in Austin, Texas. I was gifted a 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:32.920 twenty three and me test in October, and when the 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:37.120 results came back, the surprises started. I'm the child of 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.440 lesbian mothers, so I've known since I was eleven that 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:41.480 my father was a sperm donor. But I was told 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.920 that he was Puerto Rican and in med school at 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:46.720 the time he donated. I was also told that he 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:49.960 had only donated enough for one family, mine, so I 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:53.560 was the only child created with his seamen. Well turns 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:56.520 out he was not Puerto Rican, not a med student, 0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:01.200 and quote donated a lot. My father is actually an 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:04.160 ashke Nazi Jewish Man who dropped out of college and 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:09.920 donated once a week for ten years. So far, I 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.400 have connected with my new siblings, seventeen of them, to 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:18.800 be exact, I'm the third oldest. One is six weeks 0:10:18.800 --> 0:10:21.439 older than me, and another is less than twenty four 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:25.600 hours older than me. Oh my god. All of our 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:28.280 parents were lied to by the clinic we were created 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:31.400 in and told different stories about our father. We also 0:10:31.480 --> 0:10:34.520 have many siblings that didn't know they were donor conceived 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:37.280 until they tested their DNA. Wait wait, wait, she said, 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.720 we all were lied to about the clinic, just like 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.720 told them all different stories about this dad. Who oh, 0:10:43.840 --> 0:10:47.520 the clinic lie because don't you pick who you're getting 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:49.839 your sperm from? Guess and maybe not in those days. 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.120 Yeah you right, you flipped through a book and you're like, 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:55.080 this one looks nice. So they were lied to. Okay, 0:10:55.120 --> 0:10:58.560 I see so many of them didn't know they were 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.880 donor conceived until they tested their DNA, which is so 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:04.720 important because we had a couple other people email in 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.560 like I thought I was one race and I'm another one, 0:11:08.040 --> 0:11:11.720 and for you know, family health history, that's super important 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:14.280 to know. So great to have a bunch of white 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:17.640 racist find out that they're black, you know, or any 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:19.840 sort of minority do their twenty three in me and 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.840 be like, oh, whoopsie doodle looks like you know that. 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:26.000 Actually that actually kind of happened with one side of 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:30.839 my family besides you, and you're besides you and your heritage. 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:35.440 Of yes it there, of yes, is that Papa New 0:11:35.440 --> 0:11:38.080 Guinea or Guinea? I think Guinea. I think just playing 0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:40.320 Guine because otherwise you would be Papa New Gay in 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:44.040 which I like the sound of that. But no, this 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:47.640 side of the family, they had been. I mean they're 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:50.440 a little more open now, but I bet they are 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:54.040 sucking assholes. Yeah. Now, I mean to the point where, 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:57.840 like one of my uncles was dating a woman who 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:01.680 had a biracial child and they didn't want them to 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:05.520 get married. Like really a shitty stuff. And so we 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.000 found out a few years ago that we had this 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:13.199 ancestor who is you know, only a few great greats back, 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:16.319 but they were passing for white and you know, had 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:18.079 to sort of exist in the world in that way. 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:21.760 And turns out we all have that ancestry. So you know, 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:26.679 you learned some new things. Well, Kyle Elizabeth says, being 0:12:26.720 --> 0:12:29.840 an entirely different race than previously thought changes our medical 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:35.280 history and that's incredibly important. Best, Kyle Elizabeth. So we 0:12:35.320 --> 0:12:38.440 do have a caller calling in. Her name is Molly. 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.959 She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a very weird situation, 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:44.559 and I hope you can help. To start from the beginning, 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.719 my mother was told by my grandmother that her biological 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:50.600 father was a certain someone from their hometown and that 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:53.120 he had left when my grandmother found out she was pregnant. 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.240 This was fifty plus years ago. About five years ago, 0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:00.000 my mom knowing that her biological father had died years prior, 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.360 decided that if she couldn't meet him, she'd like to 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.560 meet her siblings. She reached out to the oldest, a woman. 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:09.200 My new aunt had no idea her father had another child, 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:11.480 and took a little while to warm up to the idea, 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:14.640 but eventually they decided to meet. My mother asked me 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.360 to come with her as a buffer. I'm hilarious and friendly. 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:19.880 We all hit it off, and my new aunt was 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.080 thrilled to have a sister and my mother and a 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:24.680 new niece in me. We have made it a priority 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:27.600 to have Girl's Weekend at least once a year. Ever since, 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.400 I can't deny there were things that made us question 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:33.000 if we were in fact related to this family, but 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:35.880 mom and my new aunt were growing closer and closer. 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.160 Two years ago, while having dinner with my grandmother, my 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:41.960 mother asked her again and again, are you sure that 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:45.640 man is my father? There wasn't anyone else. After a while, 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:48.960 my grandmother shared that there was one other person who 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:53.160 it could be. After investigating and a DNA test, my 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.520 mother found she was in fact fathered by another person 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:00.640 and had an additional totally different sibling. So this like 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:02.920 nu aunt was like not an aunt at all. She's 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.440 just a random woman. The issue is, we have a 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:10.320 girl's weekend coming up with this new aunt. My mom 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:12.840 doesn't want to cancel, and also doesn't want to tell 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.840 her what she's found out. She fears because this formerly 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:18.840 nu aunt has little to no family, that this would 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:21.600 shatter her. I, on the other hand, feel like she 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.360 should be honest with her, not only because she should know, 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:26.960 but because I have a busy enough schedule as it is, 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.760 and finding time to do these trips has become difficult. 0:14:29.840 --> 0:14:33.040 It's once a fucking year. What's so difficult about that? 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.720 I'll go on vacation with this woman to keep her happy? 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:40.400 What should I do? I don't feel like it's right 0:14:40.480 --> 0:14:42.440 for me to break the news to the woman who's 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:47.240 no longer my aunt, but my mother won't help help. Chelsea, Hi, Molly, 0:14:47.280 --> 0:14:51.560 how are you? Yeah? Were you nice? We're good, We're good. 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:56.000 We're just reading your submission, right. I just reread that 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.960 and saw all the typos, so sorry, it's all right. 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:01.720 Don't worry. I didn't see the typos, otherwise we wouldn't 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:05.400 be talking right now. Catherine reads all the submission, So 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:07.960 she takes care of that for us. Thank god. I 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:10.720 know where are you? Well, we can't give away her 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.200 precise location, but she is in the Midwest. Oh. I 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.760 was gonna say, it looks so pretty outside. I know 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:20.320 it is. It's like sunny and beautiful, nice, nice windows. 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.720 It's like the three days we have where it's it's 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:26.920 like pretty and yeah, and then it all goes to 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.720 hell in a handbasket, really does for the rest of 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:33.560 the year. So your new aunt, that's not really your aunt? 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:38.520 How old is she? I think like, and you feel 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:40.640 like and okay, So I have a couple of things 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:42.600 to say. How many times have you guys had your 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:47.360 girls weekends together? Like multiple? Okay? I mean they like 0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:52.800 came to my wedding. I feel honestly, in this instance, 0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:56.040 if this is making this woman happy, why take that 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:57.760 away from her? Like if she doesn't have a lot 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:00.200 of family and this gives her comfort and they've you've 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:03.760 developed this relationship. You saying that you're busy, like you said, 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:05.680 you go away on a week like once a year 0:16:05.720 --> 0:16:08.960 with her, that's not that much you can suck that 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:12.000 up in the name of giving off good vibes to somebody, 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:15.040 and you know, like she doesn't need to know the truth. 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:17.480 It's not like it's going to have any impact, really 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.280 no good impact anyway, And so I don't know, I 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:23.800 just think of it as being I always like to 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:26.680 be honest about most things. But there's really no harm 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:29.440 being done, and it sounds like they've developed this really 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:31.960 nice relationship. And if your mom also feels like she 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:35.080 doesn't want to tell her, why burst her bubble? Well, right, 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:37.960 And I don't know if I would tell her without 0:16:38.040 --> 0:16:41.440 my mom's permission or anything like that, but I just 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.040 feel weird about it. I don't know why. I just 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:46.880 feel weird about being dishonest. I feel like, if anything, 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:51.160 Mom just tell her. Hey, So, actually I found out 0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:54.800 that we're not biologically related. I still want you in 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:57.600 my life, and I think that's fine, But I don't know, 0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:59.840 there's kind of like this pressure on me anyway that 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.400 once a year doesn't sound like that big of a deal, 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:04.240 but it's always like something that we have to travel for. 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:07.520 And I don't know. I would look at it as 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:09.600 like your community service, you know what I mean. I 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:11.200 would look at it as a gift that you're giving 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:13.800 to another person, because yeah, if your mom does decide 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:16.320 to be honest with her, that's her prerogative and like, great, 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:19.239 and yes, of course you can continue a relationship with 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:22.600 her without being biologically related. But I don't think you 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.159 should let it bother you that much, you know what 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.960 I mean. You're not fronting this, you're not being You're 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:29.800 not in charge of the relationship, you know, and it's 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:32.760 giving people pleasure. I don't know, I don't feel strongly 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:37.200 about the dishonesty of it. Okay, okay, yeah, And that's 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:39.159 what my mom stances us too. She was like, she 0:17:39.280 --> 0:17:42.479 needs us, she loves us. I don't know, I'm just 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:45.679 an asshole. No, well, yeah, what about we are? So 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:47.359 are you now? Is your mom gonna go find the 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:52.560 other one? So they've talked and the father is alive 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:56.639 and he has her contact information and it's like the 0:17:56.640 --> 0:18:00.480 balls in his courtground. Wow, so her your mother father 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:05.880 is alive? Yes? Oh interesting twist? Well right, And so 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:09.080 that's another thing my mom my mom is like so 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:12.200 fearful that my new aunt is going to be furious 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:16.160 with my grandmother, who was just having fun is an 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:19.120 eighteen year old like whatever, and couldn't name who were 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:22.720 the father of her baby was and she so she 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:24.800 was like, so weorried that this new aunt is going 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:27.800 to be upset that you know, they like went through 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.200 all of this, but like you said, maybe she wouldn't 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:33.359 because of the relationships that we've made upset. Yeah, I 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:35.560 think it sounds like a nice relationship. I don't know, 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.280 some people need you. There are a lot of people 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:42.600 in our lives that aren't family, but our family. I 0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:46.119 know in my life there were always people either living 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:49.280 with us or who were just very close friends, who 0:18:49.280 --> 0:18:51.639 were kind of always around for a long time or 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:54.160 a period of time, and we can sort of them 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.320 like family. I like to think of that, and like 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:58.000 a lot of people in my life, like I just 0:18:58.040 --> 0:18:59.680 feel like, oh they need me. I'm there for them 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:03.679 because that's my giving back giving to someone. And so 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:05.679 I think look at it like that, don't worry about 0:19:05.680 --> 0:19:09.359 the morality of the lie because you're not doing anything bad. 0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:12.440 It feels like a white lie. Yeah, well, big white lie, 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:14.320 A big white lie. I would you say, you know, 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:18.080 if this grandfather of yours contact your mother, you better 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:20.720 open up your travel schedule, sister, because it looks like 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:25.120 you're gonna have a lot more trips coming up. I know. Well, luckily, 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:29.520 I'm pretty sure he's in the same state, so okay, 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:34.040 oh that's great. The other family, the new not family, 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:39.840 is somewhere else. I'm like, just think about it as 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.720 pretty funny. Actually, if you think about it, it would 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.119 make a really good sort of story. You know, you've 0:19:45.359 --> 0:19:48.280 participating in a fake relationship for the next fifteen years. 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:51.880 We'll have to like sit with our parents sometimes when 0:19:51.880 --> 0:19:54.679 they're like with their friends, and maybe think of it 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:57.399 that way. It's your mom's friend, so I do. I 0:19:57.400 --> 0:19:59.840 guess that's maybe why I've been dragging my feet because 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:02.800 I'm like, Okay, I have another sister who like doesn't 0:20:02.840 --> 0:20:05.680 have to do these things, and it's only because she's 0:20:05.720 --> 0:20:08.480 not as fun as me. And I'm like, mom, why 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:13.200 do you sometimes like take her take somebody else? But 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:15.840 but that's the burden you carry by being fun, you 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:19.840 know what I mean, You're carry more responsibility, it really is. Yeah, 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:24.200 so suck it up. I guess I'll make people laugh 0:20:24.240 --> 0:20:28.320 and feel loved. All right, Well, thanks for calling in, 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:33.400 Thank you so much. Enjoy your sunny weather. Thank you 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:40.120 all right, by ladies, She's exhausted from being fun. I'm sure. 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:42.080 You feel this way a lot too, because it is 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:44.800 hard to be the fun one in the group all 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:47.200 the time, you know, sometimes you just want to be Yeah, 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:51.199 sometimes you're just like, fuck off. That's when my New 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:55.639 Jersey comes out, fuck off. Did you have to overcome 0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:58.840 an accent? Uh? Yeah, I mean sometimes I have an 0:20:58.840 --> 0:21:01.399 accent and I say all our talk or something of that, 0:21:01.560 --> 0:21:04.480 drinking especially, it comes out interesting. But no, I didn't 0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:06.960 have a bad New Jersey accent. No, but my brother does. 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:09.159 One of my brothers, which is weird. Yeah, it's like 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:15.160 randomly has Mormon accent. Well. Our next email comes from Sylvan. 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:18.439 Sylvan says, my story is a little different. And then 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:21.240 I knew that my biological father had another family. My 0:21:21.440 --> 0:21:23.919 entire life. It had been made clear to me that 0:21:23.960 --> 0:21:26.040 both he and his wife didn't want my mother or 0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:29.679 me intruding on their perfect families lives. This caused me 0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:31.720 a great deal of pain and affected how I felt 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:34.280 about myself for as long as I can remember. In 0:21:34.320 --> 0:21:37.760 two thousand five, shortly after Hurricane Katrina, I briefly got 0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:40.600 in touch with my father and stepfather. I also met 0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:43.000 an emailed most of my siblings. One of my half 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:45.399 sisters told me her version of the story that she 0:21:45.440 --> 0:21:47.240 had found a baby picture of me and had been 0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:50.119 shocked when her mother told her I existed. However, we 0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:52.200 really never got to know each other because of the 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:56.040 geographic distance. A couple of weeks ago, my half sister 0:21:56.160 --> 0:21:58.600 facebooked me to let me know she'd be passing through 0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:01.080 my area and asked if I would her, her boyfriend, 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:03.800 and my two year old niece for dinner. I eagerly 0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:06.000 agreed and couldn't believe it when they told me they 0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:08.399 were planning to sleep in their car that night. I 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:10.560 insisted that they come to my place, and we had 0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:12.960 the start of a good conversation, but it wasn't enough 0:22:13.000 --> 0:22:15.880 time to really start unpacking our separate histories and our 0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:18.639