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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea Hi. Tell USA. Today, we teamed

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Speaker 1: up with twenty three in Me and we're doing a

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Speaker 1: very special episode with them. We're gonna talk about some

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Speaker 1: of the discoveries we made as far as our health

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Speaker 1: reports and our ancestry goes. We're going to talk to

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Speaker 1: some colors and answer some advice emails. We had so

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Speaker 1: many crazy responses. This is gonna be so much fun. Yes,

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Speaker 1: we both did our twenty three in Me and to

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Speaker 1: find out, it covers a bevy of things, right, your ancestry,

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Speaker 1: your health markers, if you have a slightly increased risk

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Speaker 1: for something or increased likelihood, or if there's a variant detected,

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Speaker 1: or if you have irritable bowel syndrome, which apparently there's

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Speaker 1: an increased likelihood that I will have that. And that's

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Speaker 1: my result summary irritable bowel syndrome. That explains a lot. Actually,

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Speaker 1: is that something you feel like you have? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I mean I've had episodes. I'm not sure I have

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Speaker 1: LDL lesterral increased likelihood. I definitely have an issue with that.

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Speaker 1: It says I have a slightly increased risk for Celiac disease,

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Speaker 1: but I was comparing my results with my sisters this

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Speaker 1: weekend in San Francisco, and I was under the impression.

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Speaker 1: When we were in Mariamorica, we were talking about how

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Speaker 1: much Ashkenazi jew I was, what the percentage of Ashkenazi

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Speaker 1: jew I was, and I remember the number sixty four percent.

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Speaker 1: And then when I told Simone that, she says, that's

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Speaker 1: impossible because our father was Jewish and our mother was

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Speaker 1: Western European. And I was like, no, I'm sixty And

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Speaker 1: then when I pulled up my results on my app, it'

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Speaker 1: said fifty percent Oshkenazi. So I want to know who

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Speaker 1: put that sixty into my head or where I read

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Speaker 1: that number. Yeah, I I also wonder, I mean, can

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Speaker 1: your ratios be a little bit different for siblings of

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Speaker 1: their full siblings? Well, you can't get sixty four percent.

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Speaker 1: When I realized form my sisters that you can't get

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Speaker 1: sixty percent Oshknazzi from one parent when the other parents,

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Speaker 1: it's like straight down the middle fifty fifty. So the

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Speaker 1: g is meat and then whichever the stronger genes are

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Speaker 1: the dominant gene, we'll take over. But you're never going

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Speaker 1: to get more than fift from one parent, is the

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Speaker 1: way that. My sister explained it to me. She's a

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Speaker 1: health attorney and works for Genentech, so I'm gonna I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna believe her. I mean, I don't know that that's right,

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Speaker 1: but I think that makes sense because we were both

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Speaker 1: exactly Fiftysnazi. But I had different sides of my mother

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Speaker 1: than she did. I have like part Scandinavian and part German,

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Speaker 1: and more German than she has, which explains my good looks.

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Speaker 1: I was actually pretty surprised by mine. I thought I

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Speaker 1: definitely take after my like the side of my family

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Speaker 1: that's very British, very Irish, I'm very fair, have a

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Speaker 1: little British turned up nose, all of that kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1: But I was actually surprised to find I'm very heavily German,

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Speaker 1: which I knew, but also French, which I guess that's

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Speaker 1: a nice little touch. Yeah, that makes me feel fancy.

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Speaker 1: I'm like a little bit French. French is good. I

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Speaker 1: thought I was Safartic Jewish, which doesn't make any sense

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Speaker 1: at all, because, as my sister also explained to me,

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Speaker 1: Ashkenazi are like lighter skinned and you know, more blonde hair,

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Speaker 1: blue eyed, where Safartic is darker skinned, dark hair, dark eyes,

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Speaker 1: and so I don't know why I had that confusion. Also, well,

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Speaker 1: because you got all that German blood, So maybe that's

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Speaker 1: where the blonde and everything that comes from, right, I

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Speaker 1: mean it wouldn't be great though, like to do it

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Speaker 1: and find out you have like ten percent Japanese or

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Speaker 1: something like that would be something like WHOA, I have

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Speaker 1: a very small percent of Senegambian and Guinean. So I

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Speaker 1: think that's black. Yeah, that's African. And I do know

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Speaker 1: that I have one ancestor who was like several generations back,

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Speaker 1: who was passing quote unquote as they used to say,

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Speaker 1: for white, both he and his sister, and so that's

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Speaker 1: part of our ancestry. And I thought that was really interesting.

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Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, it's actually real, it's true. Wow, that

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Speaker 1: it is cool. I think it's interesting that you can

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Speaker 1: test for things like irritable bowel syndrome, like that's a

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Speaker 1: genetic marker. I would not have thought that, Like I

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Speaker 1: get the cholesterol, I get heart disease. Did you what

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Speaker 1: about the bcr age a gene? Then mine did not

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Speaker 1: show that. And this test it tests for a couple

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Speaker 1: of the variants that you know lead to the b

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Speaker 1: R C aging, but not all of them. So you know,

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Speaker 1: one of the things they said is if you do

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Speaker 1: see stuff like that, go talk to your doctor and

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Speaker 1: like check that out. I have also, this is a

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Speaker 1: good one to highlight increased likelihood for gout. That sounds

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Speaker 1: about right. That sounds like something I would come across

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Speaker 1: and at some point in my life I just associate

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Speaker 1: gout with like Henry the Eighth and like eating a

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Speaker 1: lot of roast chicken. This one says drug metabolism predicted

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Speaker 1: rapid metabolizer. That makes a lot of fun. I mean,

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Speaker 1: that is very on the nose. I had something. I

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Speaker 1: have a slightly increased risk for macular degeneration, which makes

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Speaker 1: sense with my family history. Oh yeah, I have that too,

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Speaker 1: And I think that's just isn't that age related? Like

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Speaker 1: most people have that? Yeah, But you know, it's this

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Speaker 1: sort of thing that makes it a little easier to say, like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: here's something for me to watch out for, here's something

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Speaker 1: to talk to my my eye doctor about, and that

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Speaker 1: sort of thing. I was less likely to have a

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Speaker 1: fear of public speaking. I thought that was interesting. Are

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Speaker 1: you serious the stuff that it's crazy? Yeah? Do you

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Speaker 1: have a fear of public speaking. Uh not really, no, oh,

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Speaker 1: here he is speaking to us. And then you can

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Speaker 1: also find your Neanderthal and do you have some Well,

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Speaker 1: let's look. I bet that makes a lot of sense too.

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Speaker 1: I sometimes feel like a Neanderthal. You have ship. Hey, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: you have more Neandrethal DNA than of other customers. What

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Speaker 1: the fund does that mean? I have more Neanderthal than

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Speaker 1: Thank god? Okay, okay, so I'm on the lower end

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Speaker 1: of Neandrethal here, let's remember that. Okay, okay, okay. I

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Speaker 1: inherited a small amount of DNA from your Neandrethal ancestors.

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Speaker 1: Out of the seven thousand, four hundred variants we tested,

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Speaker 1: we found two hundred and twenty variants in your DNA

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Speaker 1: that traced back to Neadrethal's. Wow, I know. Brad's markers

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Speaker 1: said something along the lines of his bloodline could be

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Speaker 1: traced back to a single male two hundred and fifty

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Speaker 1: thousand years ago, like single males. Well, obviously there was

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Speaker 1: a woman involved after that, but like they could trace

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Speaker 1: his lineage back two hundred and fifty thousand years I

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Speaker 1: don't know how, wow, but they did. That's it's crazy.

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Speaker 1: You know what I just can't believe that so many

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Speaker 1: people are able to I guess you can opt to

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Speaker 1: be public on this right and way. I have an

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Speaker 1: increased likelihood for roseatsia. That's true. My whole family has rosasia.

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Speaker 1: Actually not my whole family, but both of my brothers

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Speaker 1: have it. Oh, here was another very interesting one from Brad's.

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Speaker 1: So Brad by trade as a drummer. He's a musician.

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Speaker 1: He's also constantly shaking his leg, just like when we're

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Speaker 1: sitting at the dinner table. I always think there is

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Speaker 1: a random earthquake. He has a gene that is common

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Speaker 1: in people who have fast twitch muscle fibers, So it's

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Speaker 1: like he was born to be an amazing drummer. That's like,

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Speaker 1: is that restless legs syndrome also? Or no, maybe it's related.

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Speaker 1: It said something about the muscle fibers and the way

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Speaker 1: that it's common in people who are athletes and runners

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Speaker 1: and that kind of stuff. Mine says I have an

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Speaker 1: increased likelihood for resting bitch face. Wow, they can tell

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Speaker 1: so much. That's amazing. Do either of you have the

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Speaker 1: increased likelihood to hate the sound of chewing? No, that's

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Speaker 1: the thing I can hate that what's it called misoponia?

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Speaker 1: That is a really gross sound chewing that's in one

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Speaker 1: of my results. It's amazing, that's so funny. I can't

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Speaker 1: believe they can measure things like that and that or

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Speaker 1: that that stuff is genetic. I mean it should should

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Speaker 1: be measurable. What about the sound of forks and knife

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Speaker 1: scraping on a plate. That's worse than chewing, but usually

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Speaker 1: the to go hands in hand. Katherine's dad likes to

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Speaker 1: cut his eggs with a steak knife. So yeah, so

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Speaker 1: it's just like it's terrible, it's terrible, so annoying. Yes,

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Speaker 1: but Chelsea, we actually have a ton of amazing questions

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Speaker 1: for today. We're callers some emails. I had the hardest

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Speaker 1: time picking which emails to use. Yeah, we did a

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Speaker 1: call for submissions for twenty three and me or you know,

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Speaker 1: other genetic testing things people found out, and we've got

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Speaker 1: some crazy responses. So should we launch in after Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: All right, Chelsea, are you ready for some email? We bean? So.

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Speaker 1: Our first email comes from Kyle Elizabeth. She says, good morning.

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Speaker 1: My name is Kyle Elizabeth. I'm a thirty two year

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Speaker 1: old woman living in Austin, Texas. I was gifted a

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Speaker 1: twenty three and me test in October, and when the

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Speaker 1: results came back, the surprises started. I'm the child of

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Speaker 1: lesbian mothers, so I've known since I was eleven that

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Speaker 1: my father was a sperm donor. But I was told

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Speaker 1: that he was Puerto Rican and in med school at

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Speaker 1: the time he donated. I was also told that he

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Speaker 1: had only donated enough for one family, mine, so I

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Speaker 1: was the only child created with his seamen. Well turns

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Speaker 1: out he was not Puerto Rican, not a med student,

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Speaker 1: and quote donated a lot. My father is actually an

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Speaker 1: ashke Nazi Jewish Man who dropped out of college and

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Speaker 1: donated once a week for ten years. So far, I

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Speaker 1: have connected with my new siblings, seventeen of them, to

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Speaker 1: be exact, I'm the third oldest. One is six weeks

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Speaker 1: older than me, and another is less than twenty four

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Speaker 1: hours older than me. Oh my god. All of our

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Speaker 1: parents were lied to by the clinic we were created

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Speaker 1: in and told different stories about our father. We also

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Speaker 1: have many siblings that didn't know they were donor conceived

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Speaker 1: until they tested their DNA. Wait wait, wait, she said,

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Speaker 1: we all were lied to about the clinic, just like

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Speaker 1: told them all different stories about this dad. Who oh,

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Speaker 1: the clinic lie because don't you pick who you're getting

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Speaker 1: your sperm from? Guess and maybe not in those days.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you right, you flipped through a book and you're like,

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Speaker 1: this one looks nice. So they were lied to. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I see so many of them didn't know they were

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Speaker 1: donor conceived until they tested their DNA, which is so

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Speaker 1: important because we had a couple other people email in

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Speaker 1: like I thought I was one race and I'm another one,

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Speaker 1: and for you know, family health history, that's super important

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Speaker 1: to know. So great to have a bunch of white

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Speaker 1: racist find out that they're black, you know, or any

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Speaker 1: sort of minority do their twenty three in me and

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, whoopsie doodle looks like you know that.

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Speaker 1: Actually that actually kind of happened with one side of

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Speaker 1: my family besides you, and you're besides you and your heritage.

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Speaker 1: Of yes it there, of yes, is that Papa New

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Speaker 1: Guinea or Guinea? I think Guinea. I think just playing

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Speaker 1: Guine because otherwise you would be Papa New Gay in

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Speaker 1: which I like the sound of that. But no, this

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Speaker 1: side of the family, they had been. I mean they're

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Speaker 1: a little more open now, but I bet they are

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Speaker 1: sucking assholes. Yeah. Now, I mean to the point where,

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Speaker 1: like one of my uncles was dating a woman who

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Speaker 1: had a biracial child and they didn't want them to

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Speaker 1: get married. Like really a shitty stuff. And so we

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Speaker 1: found out a few years ago that we had this

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Speaker 1: ancestor who is you know, only a few great greats back,

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Speaker 1: but they were passing for white and you know, had

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Speaker 1: to sort of exist in the world in that way.

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Speaker 1: And turns out we all have that ancestry. So you know,

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Speaker 1: you learned some new things. Well, Kyle Elizabeth says, being

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Speaker 1: an entirely different race than previously thought changes our medical

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Speaker 1: history and that's incredibly important. Best, Kyle Elizabeth. So we

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Speaker 1: do have a caller calling in. Her name is Molly.

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Speaker 1: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a very weird situation,

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Speaker 1: and I hope you can help. To start from the beginning,

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Speaker 1: my mother was told by my grandmother that her biological

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Speaker 1: father was a certain someone from their hometown and that

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Speaker 1: he had left when my grandmother found out she was pregnant.

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Speaker 1: This was fifty plus years ago. About five years ago,

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Speaker 1: my mom knowing that her biological father had died years prior,

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Speaker 1: decided that if she couldn't meet him, she'd like to

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Speaker 1: meet her siblings. She reached out to the oldest, a woman.

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Speaker 1: My new aunt had no idea her father had another child,

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Speaker 1: and took a little while to warm up to the idea,

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Speaker 1: but eventually they decided to meet. My mother asked me

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Speaker 1: to come with her as a buffer. I'm hilarious and friendly.

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Speaker 1: We all hit it off, and my new aunt was

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Speaker 1: thrilled to have a sister and my mother and a

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Speaker 1: new niece in me. We have made it a priority

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Speaker 1: to have Girl's Weekend at least once a year. Ever since,

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Speaker 1: I can't deny there were things that made us question

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Speaker 1: if we were in fact related to this family, but

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Speaker 1: mom and my new aunt were growing closer and closer.

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Speaker 1: Two years ago, while having dinner with my grandmother, my

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Speaker 1: mother asked her again and again, are you sure that

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Speaker 1: man is my father? There wasn't anyone else. After a while,

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Speaker 1: my grandmother shared that there was one other person who

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Speaker 1: it could be. After investigating and a DNA test, my

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Speaker 1: mother found she was in fact fathered by another person

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Speaker 1: and had an additional totally different sibling. So this like

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Speaker 1: nu aunt was like not an aunt at all. She's

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Speaker 1: just a random woman. The issue is, we have a

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Speaker 1: girl's weekend coming up with this new aunt. My mom

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to cancel, and also doesn't want to tell

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Speaker 1: her what she's found out. She fears because this formerly

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Speaker 1: nu aunt has little to no family, that this would

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Speaker 1: shatter her. I, on the other hand, feel like she

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Speaker 1: should be honest with her, not only because she should know,

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Speaker 1: but because I have a busy enough schedule as it is,

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Speaker 1: and finding time to do these trips has become difficult.

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Speaker 1: It's once a fucking year. What's so difficult about that?

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Speaker 1: I'll go on vacation with this woman to keep her happy?

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Speaker 1: What should I do? I don't feel like it's right

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Speaker 1: for me to break the news to the woman who's

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Speaker 1: no longer my aunt, but my mother won't help help. Chelsea, Hi, Molly,

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Speaker 1: how are you? Yeah? Were you nice? We're good, We're good.

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Speaker 1: We're just reading your submission, right. I just reread that

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Speaker 1: and saw all the typos, so sorry, it's all right.

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Speaker 1: Don't worry. I didn't see the typos, otherwise we wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be talking right now. Catherine reads all the submission, So

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Speaker 1: she takes care of that for us. Thank god. I

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Speaker 1: know where are you? Well, we can't give away her

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Speaker 1: precise location, but she is in the Midwest. Oh. I

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Speaker 1: was gonna say, it looks so pretty outside. I know

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Speaker 1: it is. It's like sunny and beautiful, nice, nice windows.

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Speaker 1: It's like the three days we have where it's it's

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Speaker 1: like pretty and yeah, and then it all goes to

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Speaker 1: hell in a handbasket, really does for the rest of

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Speaker 1: the year. So your new aunt, that's not really your aunt?

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Speaker 1: How old is she? I think like, and you feel

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Speaker 1: like and okay, So I have a couple of things

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Speaker 1: to say. How many times have you guys had your

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Speaker 1: girls weekends together? Like multiple? Okay? I mean they like

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Speaker 1: came to my wedding. I feel honestly, in this instance,

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Speaker 1: if this is making this woman happy, why take that

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Speaker 1: away from her? Like if she doesn't have a lot

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Speaker 1: of family and this gives her comfort and they've you've

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Speaker 1: developed this relationship. You saying that you're busy, like you said,

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Speaker 1: you go away on a week like once a year

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Speaker 1: with her, that's not that much you can suck that

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Speaker 1: up in the name of giving off good vibes to somebody,

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Speaker 1: and you know, like she doesn't need to know the truth.

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Speaker 1: It's not like it's going to have any impact, really

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Speaker 1: no good impact anyway, And so I don't know, I

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Speaker 1: just think of it as being I always like to

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Speaker 1: be honest about most things. But there's really no harm

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Speaker 1: being done, and it sounds like they've developed this really

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Speaker 1: nice relationship. And if your mom also feels like she

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to tell her, why burst her bubble? Well, right,

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Speaker 1: And I don't know if I would tell her without

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Speaker 1: my mom's permission or anything like that, but I just

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Speaker 1: feel weird about it. I don't know why. I just

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Speaker 1: feel weird about being dishonest. I feel like, if anything,

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Speaker 1: Mom just tell her. Hey, So, actually I found out

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Speaker 1: that we're not biologically related. I still want you in

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Speaker 1: my life, and I think that's fine, But I don't know,

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Speaker 1: there's kind of like this pressure on me anyway that

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Speaker 1: once a year doesn't sound like that big of a deal,

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Speaker 1: but it's always like something that we have to travel for.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know. I would look at it as

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Speaker 1: like your community service, you know what I mean. I

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Speaker 1: would look at it as a gift that you're giving

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Speaker 1: to another person, because yeah, if your mom does decide

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Speaker 1: to be honest with her, that's her prerogative and like, great,

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Speaker 1: and yes, of course you can continue a relationship with

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Speaker 1: her without being biologically related. But I don't think you

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Speaker 1: should let it bother you that much, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. You're not fronting this, you're not being You're

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Speaker 1: not in charge of the relationship, you know, and it's

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Speaker 1: giving people pleasure. I don't know, I don't feel strongly

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Speaker 1: about the dishonesty of it. Okay, okay, yeah, And that's

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Speaker 1: what my mom stances us too. She was like, she

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Speaker 1: needs us, she loves us. I don't know, I'm just

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Speaker 1: an asshole. No, well, yeah, what about we are? So

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Speaker 1: are you now? Is your mom gonna go find the

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Speaker 1: other one? So they've talked and the father is alive

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Speaker 1: and he has her contact information and it's like the

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Speaker 1: balls in his courtground. Wow, so her your mother father

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Speaker 1: is alive? Yes? Oh interesting twist? Well right, And so

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Speaker 1: that's another thing my mom my mom is like so

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Speaker 1: fearful that my new aunt is going to be furious

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Speaker 1: with my grandmother, who was just having fun is an

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Speaker 1: eighteen year old like whatever, and couldn't name who were

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Speaker 1: the father of her baby was and she so she

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Speaker 1: was like, so weorried that this new aunt is going

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Speaker 1: to be upset that you know, they like went through

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Speaker 1: all of this, but like you said, maybe she wouldn't

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Speaker 1: because of the relationships that we've made upset. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think it sounds like a nice relationship. I don't know,

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Speaker 1: some people need you. There are a lot of people

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Speaker 1: in our lives that aren't family, but our family. I

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Speaker 1: know in my life there were always people either living

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Speaker 1: with us or who were just very close friends, who

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Speaker 1: were kind of always around for a long time or

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Speaker 1: a period of time, and we can sort of them

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Speaker 1: like family. I like to think of that, and like

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Speaker 1: a lot of people in my life, like I just

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Speaker 1: feel like, oh they need me. I'm there for them

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Speaker 1: because that's my giving back giving to someone. And so

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Speaker 1: I think look at it like that, don't worry about

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Speaker 1: the morality of the lie because you're not doing anything bad.

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Speaker 1: It feels like a white lie. Yeah, well, big white lie,

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Speaker 1: A big white lie. I would you say, you know,

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Speaker 1: if this grandfather of yours contact your mother, you better

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Speaker 1: open up your travel schedule, sister, because it looks like

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have a lot more trips coming up. I know. Well, luckily,

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure he's in the same state, so okay,

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Speaker 1: oh that's great. The other family, the new not family,

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Speaker 1: is somewhere else. I'm like, just think about it as

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Speaker 1: pretty funny. Actually, if you think about it, it would

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00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,119
Speaker 1: make a really good sort of story. You know, you've

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Speaker 1: participating in a fake relationship for the next fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: We'll have to like sit with our parents sometimes when

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Speaker 1: they're like with their friends, and maybe think of it

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Speaker 1: that way. It's your mom's friend, so I do. I

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Speaker 1: guess that's maybe why I've been dragging my feet because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I have another sister who like doesn't

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00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 1: have to do these things, and it's only because she's

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Speaker 1: not as fun as me. And I'm like, mom, why

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00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 1: do you sometimes like take her take somebody else? But

361
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 1: but that's the burden you carry by being fun, you

362
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:19,840
Speaker 1: know what I mean, You're carry more responsibility, it really is. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so suck it up. I guess I'll make people laugh

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Speaker 1: and feel loved. All right, Well, thanks for calling in,

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Enjoy your sunny weather. Thank you

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Speaker 1: all right, by ladies, She's exhausted from being fun. I'm sure.

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Speaker 1: You feel this way a lot too, because it is

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Speaker 1: hard to be the fun one in the group all

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Speaker 1: the time, you know, sometimes you just want to be Yeah,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you're just like, fuck off. That's when my New

371
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 1: Jersey comes out, fuck off. Did you have to overcome

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Speaker 1: an accent? Uh? Yeah, I mean sometimes I have an

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Speaker 1: accent and I say all our talk or something of that,

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00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 1: drinking especially, it comes out interesting. But no, I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a bad New Jersey accent. No, but my brother does.

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Speaker 1: One of my brothers, which is weird. Yeah, it's like

377
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Speaker 1: randomly has Mormon accent. Well. Our next email comes from Sylvan.

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Speaker 1: Sylvan says, my story is a little different. And then

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Speaker 1: I knew that my biological father had another family. My

380
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Speaker 1: entire life. It had been made clear to me that

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Speaker 1: both he and his wife didn't want my mother or

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Speaker 1: me intruding on their perfect families lives. This caused me

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Speaker 1: a great deal of pain and affected how I felt

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Speaker 1: about myself for as long as I can remember. In

385
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Speaker 1: two thousand five, shortly after Hurricane Katrina, I briefly got

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Speaker 1: in touch with my father and stepfather. I also met

387
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 1: an emailed most of my siblings. One of my half

388
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 1: sisters told me her version of the story that she

389
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: had found a baby picture of me and had been

390
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,119
Speaker 1: shocked when her mother told her I existed. However, we

391
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 1: really never got to know each other because of the

392
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 1: geographic distance. A couple of weeks ago, my half sister

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00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: facebooked me to let me know she'd be passing through

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Speaker 1: my area and asked if I would her, her boyfriend,

395
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 1: and my two year old niece for dinner. I eagerly

396
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: agreed and couldn't believe it when they told me they

397
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 1: were planning to sleep in their car that night. I

398
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 1: insisted that they come to my place, and we had

399
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 1: the start of a good conversation, but it wasn't enough

400
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 1: time to really start unpacking our separate histories and our

401
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:18,639
Speaker 1: desire to know each other. They unfortunately had to keep

402
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,919
Speaker 1: driving back to Louisiana and I needed to get to

403
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 1: work the next day. I want to get to know

404
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: my family, but I'm so afraid of doing or saying

405
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 1: the wrong thing. I'm wondering if you have any ideas

406
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 1: of how we can try to get to know each other,

407
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,800
Speaker 1: Whether we can start in the present, or if the

408
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 1: only way to proceed is to address the past. Chelsea,

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00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 1: I know you're a compassionate person and you're also a

410
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 1: lot braver than me, So I'm reaching out to you

411
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: about this. I'm attaching a picture of me, my sister,

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00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 1: her boyfriend, and their daughter. Thanks for any advice you

413
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 1: can offer. Sylvan, Oh, that is sweet. Yeah. I mean,

414
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: I don't think you have to rehash the past, especially

415
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: if it's uncomfortable for any of anybody. It's about being related, right,

416
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: It's about having a blood relation and then working off

417
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 1: of that and building off of that. And I think

418
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: that you should start from the present and just getting

419
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 1: to know each other, and you know, not being overbearing

420
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 1: about it, but being giving people space to warm up

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00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 1: to the idea, and also just being available for when

422
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 1: there is space and meeting the moment when the appropriate

423
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: moments arise, and also just keeping an open door letting

424
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,920
Speaker 1: them know that you're always available. They're welcome to stay

425
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,399
Speaker 1: with you if you're comfortable with that and getting to

426
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: know them in that way. But yeah, I guess I

427
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,919
Speaker 1: wouldn't push it too hard. Yeah, I think it's just

428
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: a natural progression. You know, it's not something you can

429
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,919
Speaker 1: like instantly change and have a relationship with someone like

430
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: that when there's that kind of history, but it's obviously

431
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 1: so many people do it, so like use that as

432
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: your compass, like it's been done so many times, where

433
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: people can have relationships with other family members they hadn't

434
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 1: known about or had it known about them, or you know,

435
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 1: all of the circle stances that are kind of encapsulated

436
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: in these kinds of things. Yeah, I agree. I think

437
00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 1: I would treat it just like you're getting to know anybody,

438
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 1: just like a normal friendship. Of course, you're going to

439
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 1: touch on like where did you go to high school?

440
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: And what was your favorite type of music, those sorts

441
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 1: of things from the past. But I don't necessarily think

442
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: unless she brings it up, it's necessary to like really

443
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 1: dive into family drama stuff. Just treat it like a

444
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: normal friendship. And I also think this is sort of

445
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: echoing what Chelsea said, but sort of bite sized interactions

446
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 1: might be good so that you can like have a

447
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: little time together, maybe go to dinner or coffee, and

448
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: then like you know, maybe in a few weeks or

449
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 1: a month you see them again, depending on how far

450
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 1: away they live. Yeah, yeah, take it slow, Yeah, take

451
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: it slow, just like you're getting to know anybody, But

452
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: I do think there's an interesting connection that sisters can have,

453
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,760
Speaker 1: and it's really exciting that you got to meet a

454
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 1: niece as well. Very cute little baby niece. While Sylvan,

455
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes, and thank you for

456
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 1: emailing in. Our next question comes from Katie. Katie says,

457
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,959
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea. About two years ago, my dad told me

458
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: that when he was a teenager, one of my uncles

459
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: had a baby that got put up for adoption. No

460
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 1: one in the family knows about this. This past spring,

461
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,879
Speaker 1: my dad's youngest sister did twenty three and me and

462
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: found a DNA match with a woman that puts her

463
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 1: in the realm of a niece. No one in the

464
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 1: family said anything about this, but my dad is positive

465
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: this is the daughter that was put up for adoption.

466
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: My uncle went on to Mary and have three kids,

467
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: one of whom is my cousin who I'm very close

468
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: with and I consider her a sister. I'm going to

469
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: be a bridesmaid in her wedding in a few weeks,

470
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,000
Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if you think I should tell her

471
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 1: about this half sister she has. On the one hand,

472
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: I feel guilty keeping something so big from her. On

473
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: the other hand, I don't want to be the one

474
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,399
Speaker 1: that spills the beans and causes the family drama, especially

475
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,959
Speaker 1: right before her wedding. I don't know if it's necessarily

476
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 1: my place to tell her. What are your thoughts and advice?

477
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 1: Katie Hi, Katie Hi? Chelseae? How are you good? How

478
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: are you her good? Thanks? So when does the wedding?

479
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,560
Speaker 1: It's in a week and a half now, so it's

480
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 1: coming up. Yeah. I definitely would not tell her before

481
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,000
Speaker 1: the wedding. Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea

482
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: because the half sister is a big deal. And I

483
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: don't know, Katherine, what do you think, Like, I don't

484
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,320
Speaker 1: know if that's your place to tell her. Is there

485
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,679
Speaker 1: anyone else in the family who feels like a natural

486
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: fit for the person to tell her, Like, maybe it's

487
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: your dad, maybe it's the uncle sort of thing. Yeah,

488
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,440
Speaker 1: So it's funny you mentioned that because my dad has

489
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 1: been meaning to have a conversation with the uncle, especially

490
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 1: since my aunt found out about this on the DNA thing,

491
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 1: got it, So, but they haven't had that conversation yet. Yeah,

492
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 1: I would encourage them to have that conversation after the

493
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,919
Speaker 1: wedding and after everything's died down, I would encourage your

494
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: dad to do it, and you know, and also let

495
00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,679
Speaker 1: him know, like if he doesn't, you will. I like,

496
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 1: I like the threatening people. I think that's a great approach.

497
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 1: That's a good tactic. Yeah, it's just threatened them into action. No,

498
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: but I mean I understand like it can feel a little,

499
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 1: you know, guilt inducing to you're so close with her

500
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 1: and you have this enormous secret that you know, you

501
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 1: just probably is at the front of your brain all

502
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,400
Speaker 1: the time when you're talking to her lately. But are

503
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: you in the wedding? I am, Yeah, I'm a bridesmaid.

504
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: Oh that's wonderful. That's wonderful. It is annoying to know,

505
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 1: like I don't like that burden that you know, something

506
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: that she doesn't like. That's not fair either, you know.

507
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: And that's what you have to impress upon your father

508
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: that that's why he's got to like pull the trigger

509
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 1: and have the conversation either with his brother or with

510
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 1: your cousin. Yeah. I think it's good to push them,

511
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 1: but like let them get through the honeymoon and everything

512
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: first and get settled. And one thing about these sorts

513
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:52,840
Speaker 1: of revelations is that they seem urgent, but they're actually

514
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: not as time sensitive as we maybe think that they are.

515
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: I know, when my dad found out that the man

516
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: he thought was his dad was not his biological father,

517
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 1: he actually figured it out on his own and went

518
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 1: back out into the other room where his family was

519
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 1: and didn't say a word. And in fact, he didn't

520
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 1: say a word to my mom for a full year

521
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: because he needed time to process things and deal with

522
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,400
Speaker 1: this new information in this new discovery before he could

523
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 1: really like talk to other people about it. And I

524
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,719
Speaker 1: know the situation is a little bit different than that.

525
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 1: But you know, this information feels so big because it

526
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,159
Speaker 1: is such a big thing, but it's not actually something

527
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: that's super super urgent. Right. That's a good point. But

528
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: we're also talking about men, and men take a much

529
00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: longer time to process things than women. We're like fax

530
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: machines and they're like fucking meat lockers. I guess that

531
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: is true. Have a good time at that. That sounds fine, Yeah, absolutely,

532
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us. Keep us posted. M okay. Dear Chelsea, Hello,

533
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:07,959
Speaker 1: when I heard you were looking for people who done

534
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: genetic testing and ended up with a unique finding, I

535
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: started laughing out loud. I was adopted at birth by

536
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 1: the doctor who delivered me. His best friend at the

537
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: time was an attorney, and hey, it was seventy three,

538
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 1: so I guess that's just how ship got done. Anyhow,

539
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 1: I always knew I was adopted, and don't ever remember

540
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 1: being sat down for the talk. It was just common

541
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: knowledge in my family, no big deal. I didn't really

542
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,480
Speaker 1: think much of it until one night my dad was

543
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 1: bourbon drunk and told me my birth mother's name. I

544
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: was probably about ten at the time and never forgot it.

545
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: I always wondered what my birth parents were like, what

546
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: kind of music they listened to, was it a one

547
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: night stand, etcetera. Flash forward to the day I decided

548
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: to take a twenty three and me test. I spit

549
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: into the test tube, which took me a couple hours

550
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: to fill because it was fucking gross and I kept gagging.

551
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: As a nurse, I'd rather have someone vomit on me

552
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 1: than deal with flegm and spit. But hey, we all

553
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 1: have our thing. It's weird that it took her that

554
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 1: long to do it, because I was able to do

555
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: this in like five minutes, and I have no patience

556
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 1: for anything. Yes, she's a nurse. I'm a barbacologist. I'm

557
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:15,200
Speaker 1: a guynecologist, as you spent right and to that too.

558
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: I it took me, like, I don't know, maybe ten

559
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 1: fifteen moves to like get this because you haven't had

560
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 1: anything to drink, so you're kind of dry, brad like

561
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 1: filled it all the way up and want ago horrified

562
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: and impressed. But so then she says, a few weeks later,

563
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: I got an email and my results were in within days.

564
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: My biological aunt reached out to me. She was convinced

565
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 1: I was a child of her other sister she had

566
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: three and told me all about when I was born

567
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: in this big, dramatic story that didn't align with what

568
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 1: my parents had told me. Again it was the seventies.

569
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:51,200
Speaker 1: She also said that I would not be hearing from

570
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,719
Speaker 1: my birth mother because she wasn't in great health mentally

571
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 1: or physically. I was a bit shocked, but relieved. I

572
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: didn't want to have a big, weird reunion. Then she

573
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: told me about another child. I had an older brother,

574
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: so she reached out to him to see if he

575
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 1: wanted to connect. She sent me his name and number,

576
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 1: and I nervously planned to text him the next day.

577
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: It sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place it. I

578
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: was laying in bed that night and almost asleep when

579
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: I suddenly sat up in bed and realized, Oh, my

580
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: fucking god, that's the guy I met at Jason Davidson's

581
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 1: party in high school and drunkenly made out with on

582
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 1: Jason's mom's new couch. But then I somehow talked myself

583
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 1: out of it being the same guy, even though his

584
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: last name is not very common. It's fine, it's fine,

585
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 1: it's fine. The next day I texted him and I

586
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 1: just said, hey, there, this is crazy but pretty interesting.

587
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: If you ever want to catch up, let me know. Immediately,

588
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 1: the three dots pop up and I wanted to die.

589
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 1: He texted, I'm available right now if you are so.

590
00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 1: I paced around saying funk like seventeen times and just

591
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: called him. You know when you can hear in someone's

592
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: voice that they're smiling so uncomfortably and awkwardly because they

593
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: have no idea what to do, That's how Chad sounded.

594
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: I asked stuff we had friends in commons since we

595
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: went to rival high schools, and he simply blurted out

596
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,760
Speaker 1: Jason Davidson is my best friend. And then we both

597
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: sat in silence for what seemed like forever, and then

598
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: I blurted out, oh, my God, did we make out

599
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: at that party? He uncomfortably said, yeah, we did, and

600
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 1: I asked, oh Jesus, was that all God? He reassured

601
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 1: me that that was all we did. The next few

602
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: weeks consisted of us calling each other and just laughing

603
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: uncomfortably on the phone together. He told his wife, who

604
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: thought it was hilarious, and we both did as well.

605
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 1: Turns out, he was born almost three hours away from

606
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 1: our hometown, was adopted and brought back to live about

607
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 1: four miles away from me. One summer in high school,

608
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: we had both loosely hung around in the same circle

609
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,200
Speaker 1: of people. It was so bizarre. We finally did meet

610
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 1: up and have a beer when he came back to

611
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 1: our hometown to visit at Christmas. Thank god his wife

612
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 1: came to break the ice. We had a great time

613
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: and both decided that even though it was super weird

614
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: to say, things really couldn't have turned out better because

615
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 1: we already knew each other and didn't have to worry

616
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 1: about some crazy half siblings showing up in the middle

617
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: of the night asking for money. If you're still reading this,

618
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 1: thank you. I tried for brevity, but it didn't happen.

619
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: I now refer to Chad as my makeout brother because

620
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: it sounds hilarious and inappropriate. He wasn't even a very

621
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: good kisser from what I remember, thank god. But don't

622
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: tell his wife that. Take care Hillary, You know what, Hillary,

623
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:25,640
Speaker 1: Not a lot of people can talk about what kind

624
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 1: of kiss are their brother is, so Maltov, that's a

625
00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 1: pretty funny story. You know. It's funny when you said

626
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: did anything more happen? It's like, you know, thank goodness,

627
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: you didn't have sex with your brother. I mean right, yeah,

628
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,480
Speaker 1: thank goodness, because that is disgusting and making out is

629
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: who gives a ship about that? You know, Like, I mean,

630
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: there are I would rather make out with my brother

631
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: over some men that are out there, you know. So yeah,

632
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: that's a that's a funny story. It's funny that it

633
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: didn't lead to anything else. That's almost like the universe

634
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: protecting you, especially in moments when you're drunk and you

635
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: don't remember and and things don't take that course. It's

636
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: almost like you have like a fairy godmother or some

637
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 1: someone upstairs looking at for you don't Yeah, isn't it?

638
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: Is it Iceland where they all have to have sex

639
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 1: with each other? Basically is the capital of Iceland, And

640
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: that's what Wait? Is it Iceland? Where? What? Where they

641
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: have to where they have to like follow a registry

642
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: so they make sure they don't marry their own cousins.

643
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:27,480
Speaker 1: I think it is. They're beautiful in Iceland, so it

644
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 1: would be hard not to have sex with everybody, even

645
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 1: if you're related. Yeah. Well that's a recurring theme on

646
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: this shows, you know, making out with relatives and on

647
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones and on Game of Thrones, I mean,

648
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: no spoilers, but just getting pretty hot this season. Are

649
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: you watching the new one? Oh? Oh, I haven't watched

650
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 1: it yet. Yeah. I mean it's it's good. I'm ready

651
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: for it to get even better. But I'm sticking with it.

652
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,280
Speaker 1: I'm sticking with it. My sister started watching the original

653
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones and she just started watching that and

654
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: she was telling me about it and she's like, what's

655
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: your favorite part. I'm like, all, I'm members the incest,

656
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: Like that's the one thing that I just cannot get

657
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: passed about that show. And I don't know that. I'm

658
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,760
Speaker 1: if it grossed me out or I liked it, because

659
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, why is that the one memory I have

660
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,720
Speaker 1: of that show? It's like sticks out more than anything

661
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 1: is the incests. I mean, one of the most exciting

662
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,000
Speaker 1: parts is where like two people who are related finally

663
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 1: hook up and you're like, yeah, oh God, brought to

664
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: you by So our next email comes from Lori. Lori says,

665
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,160
Speaker 1: love the show listen every week. I found out at

666
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: forty seven via twenty three and me Kit that I

667
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: did for fun that I was not my dad's biological child.

668
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: Long story short, my parents used a sperm donor and

669
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 1: kept it a secret. I've since discovered multiple donor siblings

670
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 1: or quote dipplings dim sum let's just call them dim Sum,

671
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,720
Speaker 1: and I'm quite close to two of them. In fact,

672
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: we're having our first dibbling meet up and us a

673
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: couple of weeks. I'm very nervous to meet them in person,

674
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: despite the fact that we text each other every day.

675
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: My half sister in particular looks just like me, and

676
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 1: I'm scared it will freak me out in person. I

677
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,560
Speaker 1: crave closeness with them. They're not strangers, but more than friends,

678
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 1: but not quite actual siblings. It's all very confusing. I've

679
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 1: also had to grapple with learning that my medical history

680
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 1: was not what I thought it was, specifically that there's

681
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: alcoholism and mental health issues on my paternal side that

682
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: I was completely unaware of. Unfortunately, I'm seeing some of

683
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 1: those issues play out with my older daughter, who's fifteen.

684
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 1: How should I make sense of these new relationships and

685
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 1: what do you think I should expect? Lorie? Oh? I,

686
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: first of all, I think that this is so exciting.

687
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: You already have a good attitude, and they're gonna be

688
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: just as nervous as you are, Laurie. Like, if your

689
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 1: sister half sister looks so much like you, you also

690
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 1: look so much like her. She's thinking the same thing,

691
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be weird for both of you. But like,

692
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: what a great opportunity. And you know, I mean, I'm

693
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 1: sorry about the mental health and alcoholism. A marker that

694
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 1: comes up. I do think it runs in family. Oh,

695
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 1: I don't know that it's like specifically a marker, but yeah,

696
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 1: it's it's genetic because it doesn't run in my family,

697
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 1: so I must have started it. Um. But and that's

698
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:14,959
Speaker 1: why I'm not reproducing, but I'm sorry to hear about

699
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: that aspect of things. But also that's not insurmountable either.

700
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 1: I know that you said she's having trouble with her

701
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,640
Speaker 1: own daughter. Actually, you know what, having these relationships with

702
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: your half siblings may shed some light on all of

703
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: this for you because they may have had some experiences

704
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 1: that are similar with their own children or more of

705
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 1: your you know, diblings may have had that same experience.

706
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 1: So it would be it's good to have that cohort,

707
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: you know, where you guys can discuss it together and

708
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,760
Speaker 1: and maybe like share your experience and glean some knowledge

709
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 1: from that. But I think this is a great opportunity.

710
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 1: And yeah, it's totally normal to be nervous. Nervous means

711
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: you care, that's good. Yeah. My dad always says, like

712
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,759
Speaker 1: when he was growing up, he was different than what

713
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: he now knows are his half siblings, um, and he

714
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 1: just thought he was very unique and totally his own person.

715
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 1: And then when he met his other half siblings when

716
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,440
Speaker 1: he was in his twenties, he was like, I am,

717
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 1: it's it's all. It's all nature. It's all like even

718
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,720
Speaker 1: the way we held our mugs, like our coffee mugs

719
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 1: was the same. They look the same, Like, my one

720
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 1: uncle is literally my dad but with red hair, completely

721
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 1: the same. Yeah, it's amazing. There was this Time magazine

722
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 1: cover years ago about twins where it talked about it

723
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:26,680
Speaker 1: found like successive twins that were separated at birth, and

724
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 1: like there was one set of twins that were both

725
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,239
Speaker 1: truck drivers. They were both married to a woman with

726
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 1: the same first name. They both named their baby the

727
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 1: same first name. They both watched the same television shows.

728
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: They were identical twins, and you're like, holy shit, it's

729
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: so crazy. I find twins. Yeah, and that's so fascinating

730
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 1: the difference between fraternal twins and yeah, yeah, my two

731
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:53,880
Speaker 1: cousins are identical twins. And they decided they wanted to

732
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 1: like not do the twin thing in college, so they

733
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 1: didn't talk to each other at all about what they

734
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: wanted to major in or where they wanted to go.

735
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: They're like refused because they were like, let's go bear

736
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:06,200
Speaker 1: on people. And of course they both wanted to be nurses,

737
00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 1: and they picked the same college, so one of them

738
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: had to, like, you know, they decided for the benefit

739
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:13,759
Speaker 1: of being their own people, one of them would go

740
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 1: to the second choice college. But I know, I know.

741
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,239
Speaker 1: How do you decide which one gets the second choice?

742
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: I don't know. I would just say stick together. Who

743
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: gives a ship like each other? Stick together? Yeah, they're

744
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 1: both cool. Well. Our last email comes from Kra Dear Chelsea,

745
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: I had a sneaking suspicion and fear that my parents

746
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: might be related when my mom told me the story

747
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: of how right after I was born, she had my

748
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,319
Speaker 1: baby book open filling in the family tree. Both my

749
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: grandma's were there with her. When she asked, okay, great

750
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 1: great grandmother, they said the same name. Turns out or

751
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: fourth cousins don't share that much d n A whoopsie doodle.

752
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: Now that we know I'm fairly normal, I can joke

753
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 1: about this. I'm fifty three years old and just fine.

754
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,240
Speaker 1: We also discovered that one of my great uncle's apparently

755
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 1: had a baby with a woman we didn't know about.

756
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: We're now in touch with that new side of the family.

757
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: And she came to your show at the Mountain Winery.

758
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 1: She said, I can't wait to see Chelsea tonight for

759
00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: the first time at the Mountain Winery. I think she'll

760
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: truly love it there. I mean, it's a concert venue

761
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 1: on a mountain with a winery. What could be better? Kara,

762
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,359
Speaker 1: I love these happy endings. It would be nice if

763
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 1: everybody just had this happy attitude. I know it's not

764
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: easy for everybody to have a good outlook towards it

765
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 1: because sometimes it involves cheating and secrets and lies, so

766
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:35,800
Speaker 1: that adds a layer of you know, betrayal and drama. Yeah. Yeah,

767
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: but it would be nice to just kind of accept

768
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,400
Speaker 1: what the reality is because like to think about all

769
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,600
Speaker 1: the connections people get to make, and like the new

770
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 1: family members, and when you have a positive outlook towards it,

771
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 1: you can like act in love and kindness with new people,

772
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: and and then you have another person you know in

773
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 1: your corner and you can be in someone's corner. It's

774
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 1: nice when there's a happy response. Yeah, and blood, I

775
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 1: do think is thicker than water, Like they're just is

776
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:03,319
Speaker 1: something something different with a cousin or a sibling that

777
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,240
Speaker 1: you have that you know, even sometimes it might be awkward,

778
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 1: but you relate to them in a way that you

779
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 1: can't relate to any new friend. I think one of

780
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: the really interesting things that I heard when I was

781
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 1: researching this episode was the founder of twenty three and Me.

782
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:20,919
Speaker 1: She said, basically, everybody's got some mystery person in their

783
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: lineage here, there, wherever. But she said life is long,

784
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 1: and people enjoy sex, so everybody's just a random person

785
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: out there in their family. Yeah, some people enjoy sex,

786
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 1: and some people like masturbating and then artificially seminating the

787
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,920
Speaker 1: wrong women, So that's not really sex, but that's also

788
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:43,760
Speaker 1: sadistic in a sick way. Six six six. Some people

789
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: are sick, they don't forget that part. Yes, And some

790
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,120
Speaker 1: people like to make up with their own brothers. Yeah. Yeah,

791
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 1: well some people accidentally make up with their own brothers,

792
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: Like we should say, that's true, Chelsea. This was I

793
00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 1: think a very fun episode and we had there. Honestly,

794
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 1: there were so many other emails we couldn't even get to,

795
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: but it was pretty exciting to learn some different things.

796
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so I I yeah, I mean, why

797
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't anybody get this testing done? I mean, it just

798
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 1: gives you more information. Even if you don't want to

799
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: do the genealogy part, just do the health part so

800
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,040
Speaker 1: you can find out what you have a propensity for.

801
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: Here's a question, would you so this is a separate

802
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,799
Speaker 1: thing that you would have to like upload your results too.

803
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 1: It's separate from twenty three and me. But there is

804
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: a program called jet match where you can upload your

805
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 1: DNA that you've received two help with solving crimes. Is

806
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 1: that something that you would ever do? Well? What does

807
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 1: that mean? Exactly? Like so, so basically it helps law

808
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:41,800
Speaker 1: enforcement like whittled down it. Let's say they have DNA

809
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: from a rapist or a murderer, and you submit your DNA.

810
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 1: It might not be like your uncle, but it might

811
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: be your second cousin once removed, and that helps law

812
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:55,480
Speaker 1: enforcement build family trees to help solve crimes. Oh yeah,

813
00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 1: of course I would do that. I think I'm going

814
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,080
Speaker 1: to do it. Oh you are, Okay, so would a

815
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: true crime and that sort of thing. I think I

816
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 1: just have to make sure I haven't done anything like that.

817
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,359
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to murder. I mean, I've

818
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:09,479
Speaker 1: wanted to murder so many people, but I've never pulled

819
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 1: the trigger, so to speak. But who knows what my

820
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,239
Speaker 1: family has been sucking up to. But this would be

821
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 1: a good way to pin everybody in a corner exactly

822
00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 1: exactly amen to that. Yeah, okay, well this has been

823
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 1: a very informative, very nice, lighthearted episode. Yes, thanks for

824
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,080
Speaker 1: writing in everybody. Thank you guys. We'll see you next

825
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:34,239
Speaker 1: week or you'll hear us by Okay, so my stand

826
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: up dates, I have some dates coming up in California

827
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 1: October one, I'm Impassa Robels and then I'm in Vegas

828
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 1: at the Mirage Saturday October and then Wheatland, California October

829
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 1: and then you can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com

830
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:53,320
Speaker 1: for more dates when I'll be performing. And uh yeah,

831
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 1: that's pretty much what's happening right now. So if you'd

832
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 1: like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at

833
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:04,320
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea project at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is

834
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,280
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stump,

835
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 1: produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.