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Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

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Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it

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Speaker 1: all and her words come from her head, her heart,

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Speaker 1: and often out of her ass. His podcast should not

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Speaker 1: be misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a

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Speaker 1: huge strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

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Speaker 2: These you need help, You're the problems.

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Speaker 3: Come on, come, don.

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Speaker 4: Go cleamb take a pill. I think you're insane.

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Speaker 2: Do what I said, dumb ass, listen to me. Hey, everybody,

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Speaker 2: it's your old ball. Licia Lisa Lampernel is here to sado.

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Speaker 2: I'm here on Shrink this podcast with my good friend

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Speaker 2: and what's your name again?

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Speaker 3: Side howdy? My name is Italian gay boy Joe.

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Speaker 2: Are you? It's Nick Scope, a laddie everybody.

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Speaker 3: Neck?

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Speaker 4: Where can people find you? On social medal?

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Speaker 3: You can follow me Nick Scopes on Instagram. I have

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Speaker 3: a really cute headshot.

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Speaker 4: It is ok there, It is really cute.

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Speaker 3: Little gay. But it's good because it hides the rest

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Speaker 3: of my sloppy body.

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Speaker 4: No, you know what it is.

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Speaker 2: It's an acting headshot. It's really good and Nick, this

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Speaker 2: is what I hate. Nick's stupid comedy. Friends are being like, oh,

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Speaker 2: nice head shot, a whole f word for gay, and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, no, like, it's just a good acting headshot.

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Speaker 4: Don't be stupid. They're just jealous.

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Speaker 3: It's funny. No, it's funny.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: I don't even really care because they're like, oh, what

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Speaker 3: is his headshot? Dude? I'm like, who cares?

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Speaker 2: This is what I resent is when you complain to

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Speaker 2: me and now you're acting like it's okay Stephanie.

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Speaker 4: What I'm speaking?

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Speaker 2: There's no speaking over there. I get charged up on

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Speaker 2: your behalf. We talked about any of you, Graham in the

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Speaker 2: last episode. I'm very protective, so I'm like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 2: defending your headshot.

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Speaker 4: Well, fuck you. I don't care. I am sick of you.

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Speaker 2: Also, I am sick of our next person here, Stephanie.

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Speaker 4: It's been two episodes.

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Speaker 2: I already want to kill myself, just kidding. Thank you

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Speaker 2: for filling in for the poor, dead departed Celia.

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Speaker 4: It's not dead, she just is sick.

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Speaker 2: So this is our Stephanie Lane with the worst fucking

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Speaker 2: Instagram handle, but I'm going to promote it anyway. It's

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Speaker 2: Steph Lane with an additional E and an underscore, am,

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Speaker 2: I correct s te p h l A n ee underscore?

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Speaker 4: Is that what it is?

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's fine, it's fine. She has like shots on

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Speaker 2: there versus a ten year old which we were taken

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Speaker 2: last week.

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Speaker 3: Nick.

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Speaker 2: You know, I've been thinking a lot about resentment because

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Speaker 2: I know we're in like almost the month of Love February.

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Speaker 4: However, people in the middle of no in the beginning.

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Speaker 2: Of January like it's time to let go of resentments,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, we already did an episode on resentments.

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Speaker 2: But as someone who now has a spiritual practice of

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Speaker 2: one of my practices journaling every day to get out

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Speaker 2: the junk, They're like, do you have any resentment still

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Speaker 2: rattling around down there? And the answer was yes.

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Speaker 4: Do you know why I came up?

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Speaker 2: It never stopped, And I was like, these have got

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Speaker 2: to be let go, These have got to happen, So

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Speaker 2: don't judge me. Stephanie won't judge me because she's fucking call.

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Speaker 2: But I had to write this list of resentments over

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Speaker 2: a week because as I'm journaling every day, different things

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Speaker 2: are coming up. Ex boyfriends, family members who I no

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Speaker 2: longer talk to, who are long dead, like literally you know,

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Speaker 2: I won't say who, but grandparents on a certain side

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Speaker 2: who weren't great, people from my past, friends that didn't

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Speaker 2: work out, or just resentments about myself, things I've done

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Speaker 2: wrong and I judge myself still.

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Speaker 4: So I wrote this list.

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Speaker 2: It was probably like twenty things, and they said you

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Speaker 2: should burn each one individually outside, because I was trying

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Speaker 2: not to set my house on fire because.

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Speaker 4: As you know, there would be three.

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Speaker 2: Homeless dogs, including me. So I was like, okay, so burn.

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Speaker 2: And I don't think like a ceremonial burning is a

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Speaker 2: magical thing, but I do think it kind of releases something.

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Speaker 2: There's something about just watching it in flames and then

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Speaker 2: hit the bottom of this metal box and going okay.

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Speaker 2: Metal box also is my name on grinder, so it

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Speaker 2: helped it. I would just say it loosened those resentments

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Speaker 2: up a little. So I felt I went into twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty six with no resentments, or at least very few,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, let's see.

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Speaker 4: If anyone in there.

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Speaker 2: Well, this morning, as you know, I got a new phone,

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Speaker 2: so all these Instagram dms come in that I didn't

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Speaker 2: know about because my old phone, I guess, was not

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Speaker 2: letting me see them, and these were from like literally

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Speaker 2: twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen, the crazy times that I wasn't

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Speaker 2: even on Instagram. And one was this kid who's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: you used to date my uncle and he used to

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Speaker 2: speak very fondly of you and how nice and funny

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Speaker 2: you were. He's passed away, but just figured i'd say hi.

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Speaker 2: So I deleted it because this was the guy who

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Speaker 2: was not a good guy. He was an alcoholic. He

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Speaker 2: is an active alcoholic. I couldn't deal with it, and

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Speaker 2: not a good person. Well, I didn't know I had

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Speaker 2: a resentment to this guy till his fucking.

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Speaker 4: Little jerk has to tell me. And now I'm like,

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Speaker 4: he's dead good.

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Speaker 2: There was a great quote for him. I think it

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Speaker 2: was Betty Davis where he.

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Speaker 4: Says, mother, then never speak good about the dead. She's

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Speaker 4: dead good. I love that.

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Speaker 2: I think it was like Betty Davis or some old

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Speaker 2: battle axe. But it's funny how you think you're kind

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Speaker 2: of not carrying anything in. But I'm like, I secretly

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Speaker 2: still have a resentment, and I'm glad of the death.

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Speaker 2: I didn't cause the death of this guy. I didn't

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Speaker 2: kill him. I have nothing to feel guilty about. Do

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Speaker 2: you think you have any resentment still rattling around down

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Speaker 2: there that you have to unearth and get rid of

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Speaker 2: as we go into the second part of this year.

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Speaker 3: Actually had something happen recently, not not specifically, but just

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Speaker 3: overall resentments. And I was talking to someone and the

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Speaker 3: joke that I always make with our buddy Bow he

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Speaker 3: always makes about me is that I'm a scorekeeper. Oh okay,

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Speaker 3: which is like annoying, but I'm very much the person

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Speaker 3: like someone says some to me that I don't like,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh, interesting.

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Speaker 4: Interesting, and like I'll start in the old filing cabinet.

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Speaker 3: I'll come back to that again. Parts of me I

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Speaker 3: really don't like. But recently I was someone was saying

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Speaker 3: something to me and I just went, oh, like a

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Speaker 3: joking manner, I remember that. And then the person goes,

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Speaker 3: why don't you take notes? On the fact that I'm

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Speaker 3: not taking notes, I'm just and I was like, that's

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Speaker 3: really good, and I was like, yeah, I probably.

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Speaker 4: Shouldn't so them saying they do not scorekeep.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's just it's not it's not good.

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Speaker 4: What does the process look like?

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Speaker 2: So you're this person says something you don't like, you're

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Speaker 2: kind of making a little fucking note of it made

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Speaker 2: pretty obvious in the conversation, even if it's not out loud.

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Speaker 4: Hey I'm keeping score. What then do you do with that?

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Speaker 3: Just lay in the grass and wait, yeah, wait.

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Speaker 2: To strike yep, So that you would then next time

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Speaker 2: be like, oh yeah, well that time you dot dot dot.

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Speaker 3: Well just yeah if they say something, do something like

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Speaker 3: really because if they contradict how they were the first.

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Speaker 4: Time, yep.

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Speaker 3: I like, I hate that about myself, Like I have

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Speaker 3: to hold everyone to like, oh really, I don't you

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Speaker 3: sent this, No, this is happening. I've done that at uh.

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Speaker 3: I would say at work probably the most right right

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Speaker 3: easily with with like coworkers and things like that, where

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, okay.

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Speaker 4: It's at yeah yeah, like your fucking mattlock or some shit.

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Speaker 2: But not the Kathy Bates version because she lost weight

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Speaker 2: and you're still misshapen.

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Speaker 3: Yeah I'm fat.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Stephanie high five because she hates fat too.

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Speaker 4: Are you a bit of a do you?

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Speaker 2: Do you have any resentments in your heart for things

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Speaker 2: that you should or could have let go of years

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Speaker 2: ago or months ago or maybe days ago, other than

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Speaker 2: us Uh?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I have a lot, but twenty six is my

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Speaker 5: year to get rid of the Okay.

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Speaker 2: Sir, So what do you think your process might look like?

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Speaker 2: What would a practice look around that well.

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Speaker 5: I mentioned in the last episode about this like ex

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Speaker 5: guy friend of mine. The only reason why I answered

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Speaker 5: his text was because I was like, okay, like, let's

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Speaker 5: get this done with. Let's not have any more like

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Speaker 5: resentment or built up anger about it. Let's just deal

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Speaker 5: with it and then go on with my life. So

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Speaker 5: I feel like it's been going well.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I like how she's like very to the point she's like, look,

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Speaker 2: we are not carrying resentment anymore, like we are doing it.

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Speaker 4: I hope it does.

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Speaker 2: I hope that could get dislodged as easily for some others,

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Speaker 2: because it is hard to like be like that person

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Speaker 2: really did me wrong, Like how am I supposed to

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Speaker 2: let it go? I obviously feel like I win with

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Speaker 2: this guy who from my past kind of resurface the

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Speaker 2: memory because I win because I'm alive. He's dead, right,

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Speaker 2: that's fucking hilarious, But I do. Most of my ex

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Speaker 2: boyfriends are dead, which is like a blessing to the world.

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Speaker 2: So one guy, though I really had resented him. It

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Speaker 2: was this guy Andy that I dated when I was

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Speaker 2: in my twenties. It was like emotional torture. This is

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Speaker 2: a different guy. Emotional back and forth broke up like

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Speaker 2: a hundred times. And I remember getting an email from someone, Oh,

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Speaker 2: I think you used to know Andy, so and so

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Speaker 2: he died a few years ago, blah blah blah, and

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Speaker 2: I was like happy, Like I don't even get it,

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Speaker 2: Like we're gonna have listeners, Like that's so mean to

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Speaker 2: be happy someone's dead. Well, you know what, Okay, so

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Speaker 2: you're better than me. But if someone's a scourge on

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Speaker 2: the planet, like, I'm not gonna be sad they're dead.

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Speaker 4: Like Jeffrey Epstein, I was so happy when he was dead.

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Speaker 4: So this guy Andy dies and I was gleeful. I

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Speaker 4: would dare say gleeful. And I said, let me look

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Speaker 4: up how.

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Speaker 2: This fucker died, because let me see if it was painful.

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Speaker 2: So most of my other ex boyfriends hadn't been that rotten,

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Speaker 2: so I didn't want them in pain. It would have

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Speaker 2: been nice if it was in their sleep whatever. Most

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Speaker 2: of them just died from complications of fat So I

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Speaker 2: was like to go, let's like, I mean you're one

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Speaker 2: foot on the old banana people. So I looked it

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Speaker 2: up and I could not find an obituary for this guy.

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Speaker 2: I could not find any, but what came up instead,

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Speaker 2: because he was about I guess sixty when he died.

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Speaker 2: A guy came up who with the same name, who

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Speaker 2: was twenty eight and died an obituary and I read

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Speaker 2: it and it was super sad because he had a

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Speaker 2: little kid and a w and I resemble, excuse me,

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Speaker 2: I remember saying, holy shit, I'm going to not I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna make an effort not to be gleeful about this

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Speaker 2: other guy's death because this guy's death is so sad

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Speaker 2: to me. So it's almost like it took a little

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Speaker 2: wind out of that. It took a little of the

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Speaker 2: resentment and anger, because I go, it's just a sadder

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Speaker 2: thing to think about that someone's life was grabbed away

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Speaker 2: from him like that, this twenty eight year old. Sure

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Speaker 2: he could have been another alcoholic, abusive pothead, but probably not,

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Speaker 2: you know. So I think sometimes it's just rejiggering how

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Speaker 2: we think of, like something jogs us out of, like

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Speaker 2: the staying in, the hate and the resentment.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I don't know if anything's ever jogged

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Speaker 3: me out of anything, but we're just I haven't jogged

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Speaker 3: much in a life, I know. Hey, he laugh really

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Speaker 3: hard at that stuff. I don't like that. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: don't know. It's funny. We had we kind of had

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Speaker 3: this combo in the car on the way down of

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Speaker 3: like I know, for me, I like teeter back and

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Speaker 3: forth where like I don't know if you've ever felt

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Speaker 3: this way, but I know I have where like I

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Speaker 3: feel that I have to hold on to resentments or

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Speaker 3: things because they fuel me to do shit or do

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Speaker 3: better at work, or do better in the gym, or

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Speaker 3: do better at common and like so I think sometimes

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Speaker 3: I hold onto it because I don't know how to

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Speaker 3: positively motivate myself sometimes more positively just you know, doing

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Speaker 3: the work and just normal stuff and getting better. It

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Speaker 3: always has to be like this fight or flight, like

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Speaker 3: I have to fucking kill this person and they said this,

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Speaker 3: and fuck you for making me feel this, I'll kill you. Know. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think it's it's.

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Speaker 4: Exhausting, that's the thing. It ends up like hurting us

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Speaker 4: more by the energy.

252
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Speaker 3: No idea, that's the word. They really have no idea

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Speaker 3: some of these people about the resentments us. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: you're just like, what what happened? Yeah?

255
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Speaker 4: I mean that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, my bad girl, you know, but now I

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Speaker 2: fall on the other side of like before resentment even

258
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,760
Speaker 2: has a chance to happen, I just say the truth

259
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,160
Speaker 2: all the time and trying to say it nicer, like,

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Speaker 2: for instance, like instead of sitting in the I brought

261
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,720
Speaker 2: this up in a different episode, sitting in the restaurant

262
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Speaker 2: and it's cold and not moving the seat or not

263
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,280
Speaker 2: bringing in like a sweater or not saying hey, could

264
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,360
Speaker 2: you turn down the a sea it's really cold in here,

265
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Speaker 2: Like I can't let anything go or else. I know,

266
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Speaker 2: it's just gonna build and build, and it's gonna be

267
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Speaker 2: this rock internally.

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Speaker 4: That people like, well, why didn't you just say something?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like sometimes I'll say to you or

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Speaker 2: the guys at the diner or whatever, uh, okay, you're

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Speaker 2: paying tonight because part of me like, well, my presence

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Speaker 2: is a gift, so you're paying, Like, am I right?

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Speaker 4: Am I wrong? It doesn't matter. I for some reason

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Speaker 4: feel like I want you to pay, and then it

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Speaker 4: would be up to you guys to be like why.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know, I just feel that way.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, just like it worries me.

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Speaker 2: Because Ginsburg Andrew he one of my good friends. He

279
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Speaker 2: I helped him write this one person show that he

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Speaker 2: did about a year and a half ago. I did

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Speaker 2: it for free because we're friends, and also because you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm flush, I'm wealthy, pay off mortgage. Come on, no,

283
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Speaker 2: but what's I was just like, oh, it's it's a

284
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Speaker 2: definitely a help or trade.

285
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Speaker 4: It's out of love.

286
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Speaker 2: And I didn't want anything in return. But we go

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Speaker 2: out to lunch every Tuesday and he will never let

288
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Speaker 2: me pick up the check, like he always is like nope, nope, nope, nope.

289
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Speaker 2: And one day it was his birthday on the day

290
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Speaker 2: and I was like, no, I get it.

291
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Speaker 4: It's your birthday. It's like no, and I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 4: doing it today. So he has an I owe it

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Speaker 4: to you thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I think maybe someone in my position

295
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Speaker 2: who had helped someone would feel resentment if the guy

296
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Speaker 2: didn't grab it every time, And I honestly I probably would,

297
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Speaker 2: or at least I'd add it up in my head. Dude,

298
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Speaker 2: I'd be like this where I'd go all right, let

299
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,880
Speaker 2: me see. So it would probably be like twenty grand

300
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 2: for help on that show. How much is twenty grand's

301
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 2: worth of breakfast ten years?

302
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,040
Speaker 4: Stephanie?

303
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:46,840
Speaker 2: What is twenty thousand divided by twenty go? If you

304
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:50,320
Speaker 2: can't do twenty thousand divided by it's a thousand, you're Asian?

305
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:55,160
Speaker 4: Like even Hi, she is not a thousand breakfasts? How many?

306
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Speaker 4: That's three years of breakfast?

307
00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 2: Is? So I'll allow it for three years. I think

308
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,359
Speaker 2: it's a year and a half so far. So, but

309
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Speaker 2: I think I think I probably.

310
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Speaker 4: Would resent it a little if he didn't grab that check?

311
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, what would have to be the frequency every

312
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,440
Speaker 3: time or every other what?

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Speaker 2: What do you mean like if oh oh, if he no,

314
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 2: if he didn't grab it for three years, I'd be

315
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,919
Speaker 2: pissed because that's twenty grand. I figure shit out in

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00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,639
Speaker 2: my head, like I'm fucking really. What's weird is my

317
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,160
Speaker 2: mother always says rich people are rich because they keep

318
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 2: their money. It doesn't mean you're cheap or cheap with

319
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 2: yourself or with others, but it means he don't mistake

320
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,480
Speaker 2: me for a fucking fool, Like I'm the type. Right now,

321
00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:43,680
Speaker 2: there's this, I'm an idiot. I ordered some fucking four

322
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,679
Speaker 2: items of clothing from some shady Chinese place.

323
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Speaker 4: I don't know.

324
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,879
Speaker 2: It was advertised on TikTok. I thought it was reliable.

325
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:54,640
Speaker 2: I'm stupid. They said they sent the package. It's mark delivered,

326
00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:57,560
Speaker 2: but no photo. I'm stupid because they go, well, we

327
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,560
Speaker 2: can refund you seventy percent and way, I want a

328
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,399
Speaker 2: few props right now for not doing a Chinese accent.

329
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,640
Speaker 2: You're welcome, so thank you all.

330
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 3: So so I'm stupid.

331
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 2: I go to go, we can give you a partial

332
00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 2: refund or send them again, and I go, you know

333
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 2: what they mean, Well, sends it again.

334
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,920
Speaker 4: Of course it never arrives.

335
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,200
Speaker 2: Now we're at the point of like, dudes, you fed

336
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,520
Speaker 2: me seventy percent. Come on, I'll take the refund. It's fine.

337
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:28,360
Speaker 4: So who do I have to resent? There?

338
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:34,200
Speaker 2: Pretty much myself because I fed up with this company

339
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:40,800
Speaker 2: by even trusting them. But there's also the thing of like, wow,

340
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:46,119
Speaker 2: I the whole rich people thing. It's like, does that

341
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 2: money count? Is it life changing money? Is it even

342
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:50,640
Speaker 2: enough to argue over?

343
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:51,400
Speaker 3: No?

344
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 4: But also, don't.

345
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,480
Speaker 2: Make me into a fool, because then my resentment will grow.

346
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,760
Speaker 2: I just don't like people making me into a fool.

347
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?

348
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 3: Do you ever see a retaliation, So that's most of

349
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:05,560
Speaker 3: my retaliation.

350
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 2: So it makes you feel like, yeah, So I think

351
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,880
Speaker 2: we have to always draw the line between Okay, when

352
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 2: do we sense it start to build and when are

353
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 2: we just not giving people any chance whatsoever to make.

354
00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 4: A mistake at all?

355
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 2: Because I don't really like mistakes. Why does everybody make mistakes?

356
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,400
Speaker 3: And I'm not We're perfect?

357
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 2: I say, we motherfucker we Yeah, no, I I.

358
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 4: Am because I imagine. Okay, so this is how we work it.

359
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,960
Speaker 2: Nick drives into the city and he drives both of

360
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 2: us and I then venmo him money.

361
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 4: So I often wonder myself. I wonder if I never.

362
00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 2: Started doing that, how resentful he would have grown, and

363
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,399
Speaker 2: when he would have brought it up, Like would it

364
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 2: have been like a year, would it be two years?

365
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 2: Would it be like oban jokey joking Nick, you know,

366
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,400
Speaker 2: was sending me some scratch for that buck? It wouldn't

367
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,040
Speaker 2: kill me, you know what I mean?

368
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 4: So, like would it have eventually been like what's going

369
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 4: on here?

370
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:17,280
Speaker 3: It's funny with money, I am a little different where

371
00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 3: like probably it would build up. But also I'm the

372
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 3: type like even in relationships and things like that like

373
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,920
Speaker 3: I just pay and I don't ask for anything from anyone,

374
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 3: or like I'll just do and go. Nope, I'm not

375
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 3: gonna because because I came from ah, you know, my

376
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 3: dad didn't me went bankrupt twice and that money so

377
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 3: like to me, like asking for money or being like whatever,

378
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 3: it's like a sign of like weakness. I could take

379
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 3: care of myself. I don't need to fucking do that.

380
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 3: So like it would definitely after a while, I'd be like,

381
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 3: you got a few mortgages, throw me some guess money,

382
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 3: all this throw.

383
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 2: All this shows me is that I could have gone

384
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 2: for like a year now and not given you you

385
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 2: Would you be the type to bring it up calmly

386
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:02,040
Speaker 2: or would you have to joke your way into it?

387
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,560
Speaker 4: I don't really know talk into the MICI dumb ass.

388
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:12,879
Speaker 3: I don't, I don't, I don't really know. I think

389
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 3: it would have depended on a few things. It would

390
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,159
Speaker 3: have maybe gotten to a boiling point.

391
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, so you would have let it go too long.

392
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 4: It's okay, you're young.

393
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 3: Yeah am I Well?

394
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,880
Speaker 2: No, I mean that these are hard things, like it's

395
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 2: hard to say somebody to somebody, hey, you know.

396
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 4: What I've been driving for a while and like that's hard.

397
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is hard. I think I eventually would have

398
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 3: been able to. But like even again in relationships, like

399
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 3: even things that should be split in or fair, I

400
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 3: will never ask that person to like split or whatever,

401
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 3: like no, I just just eat it. I'm like, no,

402
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 3: I'm just gonna.

403
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 2: Pay, and nothing builds up inside or it kind of

404
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 2: does a little bit, you score, keep.

405
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,640
Speaker 3: It a little No, I think I think a tiny bit.

406
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,639
Speaker 3: But also when it comes to that, it's like the

407
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 3: I know if it's the fear or the wanting to

408
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 3: not be like people I grew up with, Yeah, with

409
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,040
Speaker 3: the money thing that overrides everything where it's like, no,

410
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 3: I'm not like I have I like the one thing

411
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 3: that drives me nuts. And maybe I've spoken about it

412
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,199
Speaker 3: in the past, but like if you're going out with

413
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,399
Speaker 3: a group of people and you're eating, you split the

414
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 3: check evenly.

415
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:20,840
Speaker 4: See I don't like that.

416
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 3: See it's not I don't know, but like if you're

417
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:24,360
Speaker 3: all eating the same food, like oh.

418
00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're eating the same food, but sometimes we're

419
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 2: at the diner, you've smells and I call you you odors.

420
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 4: Order these big things.

421
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 3: Yo.

422
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:35,399
Speaker 4: The one day I'll get a cappuccino.

423
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,080
Speaker 2: I'll fucking uh black and white cookie, and they want

424
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:40,360
Speaker 2: me to get forty I.

425
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 3: Said, Andrew gives a hundred joy is.

426
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 2: Such a people pleasing nine peacemaker. Listen to our enneagram

427
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 2: issue if you don't know what that means that he

428
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,439
Speaker 2: always orders the same thing because he has crones and

429
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 2: he's eating disordered, and he'll always get this dopey chicken

430
00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 2: wrap and give me half of it for my dog

431
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 2: and always put in like fifty and I'm just like, wow.

432
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's too much. No, no, no. I think when

433
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 3: you go out to like a dinner like we all

434
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 3: went to tow Yeah, like if someone.

435
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 4: At that table, oh, I would kill them right.

436
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,000
Speaker 3: If they wouldn't be invited, all right, But if someone

437
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 3: at the table was like, well I didn't drink, nope

438
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: that I don't drink, me and you both, yeah, But

439
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 3: if you and I were like, well the drink. I've

440
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 3: been out because nothing, almost nothing will bring me to

441
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,439
Speaker 3: murder faster than that, like the whole well, I'm just

442
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 3: paying my thing. It's like no, no, no, you're out. You're

443
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 3: with everybody. You split it, that's it, don't fucking plan.

444
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 4: I remember once.

445
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 2: This is when I was first friends with my friends

446
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: Bonnie and Bobby, and there were several other people at

447
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 2: this dinner we went to in of all places in

448
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: New Hampshire because we went to see a friend's show. Okay,

449
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,919
Speaker 2: Bonnie sent us all and this is not her fault.

450
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 2: This is because she knew there'd be pushedback from some

451
00:23:55,359 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 2: of these people at this table. A literal spreadsheet, an

452
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 2: Excel spreadsheet, of every single item on what people owed.

453
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 2: And the next time we're out to dinner and I said,

454
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 2: and by the way, there's no fucking spreadsheet. We're all adults.

455
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 2: It all evens out in the end, everyone's splitting. It

456
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 2: is that okay, And they knew better because I'm an

457
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 2: eight and I'm gonna fucking yell at you.

458
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 4: But be a fucking adult, dude, you know.

459
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 2: I just think it's if somebody is in financial hardship,

460
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: should they.

461
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:27,640
Speaker 4: Be going to town.

462
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,320
Speaker 2: No, they should just be like, you know what, I'm

463
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 2: going to take so and so out to celebrate a

464
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 2: different night at a place we can all afford. But

465
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 2: for the most part, the people you're with have the

466
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:41,200
Speaker 2: same level. It should just be split without a resentment.

467
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 2: But yeah, resentment's like tough.

468
00:24:44,119 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, so hey.

469
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,639
Speaker 2: At this point, the only person I resent is you

470
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 2: for taking that money for parking, even though I could

471
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 2: have gotten away with it. And I resent Stephanie for

472
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: having a really shitty Instagram handle.

473
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 3: That's right, it's really bad. Also, since it's twenty twenty

474
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,240
Speaker 3: six now, the the cost has gone up. Oh I

475
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 3: don't know if you've heard of that. I'm not talking

476
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:05,680
Speaker 3: about my tis No.

477
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 4: Luckily the tariffs kept it down.

478
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 3: Dear Lisa. Yeah, I'm sixty five years old.

479
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 4: Disgusting, gross, gross. I hate it.

480
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 3: My mom died last year. I'm very close and she

481
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:23,040
Speaker 3: had a necklace. My three sisters all knew I wanted,

482
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 3: oh no, but my oldest sister was like a vulture

483
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 3: and grabbed it. And where is it to family functions? Now?

484
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 3: It makes me sick to my stomach. I hate her

485
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 3: for it.

486
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

487
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 3: She always gets what she wants. And I know if

488
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 3: I confront her and she'll say, I'm acting like a baby.

489
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 3: How do you handle this? Thanks? G J E A

490
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 3: N n E.

491
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: Janine Jean wait j wait, hold on, hold on see

492
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 2: I resent that she has a shitty name.

493
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,640
Speaker 4: J E N J And I'm sorry.

494
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,960
Speaker 3: J E A right and n E.

495
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 4: That's gene. Oh yeah, I believe it or not.

496
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 3: It is Florida anyway.

497
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 4: That makes sense.

498
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 2: Well, you know what, This is what I always say.

499
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 2: It's not the thing. Is never about the thing. This

500
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 2: is not about a did you do to preach sister? Yes,

501
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 2: the thing is about the thing. It's not about the necklace.

502
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:24,159
Speaker 2: Because she said something like she always gets what she wants.

503
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 2: This is clearly someone who she has resentment with and

504
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,400
Speaker 2: anger with for years. And if they just would tweeze

505
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 2: it apart, they'd find out the real issue.

506
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 4: It's not the freakin necklace. Why the sister took the necklace.

507
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,640
Speaker 2: The sister might have a resented the sister's the oldest one.

508
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:44,440
Speaker 4: The oldest sister took the necklace.

509
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she might resent that from birth she got

510
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 2: ignored because this new baby was born. She might the

511
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 2: younger sister might resent that they always trusted the oldest

512
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 2: daughter to do more adventurous things because she was the

513
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: golden child, and I didn't trust her to go out

514
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 2: on her own or whatever it is. It all comes

515
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 2: back to deeper shit. It's never about the one thing.

516
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: I notice anytime I get a resentment. I had something

517
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 2: happen where someone didn't thank me on my timeline. They

518
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 2: just didn't say thank you quick enough, And it was

519
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 2: like I was fucking pissed, like I was screaming about

520
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 2: it to my shrink. And then I remembered the saying,

521
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,920
Speaker 2: which we've said many times. If it's hysterical, it's historical.

522
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,919
Speaker 2: Clearly this isn't about so and so not thanking me.

523
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 2: This is about me feeling unseen, not cared about, not heard.

524
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 2: Not that I don't count from childhood. We all have

525
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,239
Speaker 2: those things from childhood. A parent turned away at an

526
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 2: inopportune time, and suddenly we fucking feel unseen. It's to

527
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: unearth that stuff and work on that. So if she

528
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 2: and her sister had any fucking brains, which they don't

529
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 2: because they live in Florida, they would look into what

530
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 2: over the history of their life has led to this resentment.

531
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,920
Speaker 2: And you know what, I bet at the end, these

532
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 2: four fucking hicck daughters would end up sharing this stupid necklace.

533
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 2: Who cares did you say? There's a dollar amount on

534
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 2: this thing, like ten grand?

535
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 4: I don't know where. Why did I make that up?

536
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:21,719
Speaker 4: I act like they were really rich or something.

537
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know you can how and you're gonna think

538
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 2: this is corny, But I don't care. How beautiful would

539
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,360
Speaker 2: be to be like, Okay, your season of wearing this

540
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 2: is winter or MindSpring. The other one gets into the

541
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 2: summer the other. It's just it would be so equal,

542
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 2: or they could be like, you know what, this is

543
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 2: a beautiful necklace, but I bet it would be better

544
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 2: to sell it. I'm gonna make up ten grand sell

545
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: it for that and we each buy something we like

546
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 2: in remembrance a mom. Yeah, but they're never going to

547
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 2: come to that solution or a good solution that And

548
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 2: let's let's say figure out the underlying resentment and the

549
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 2: issues that's going on. Does that make resonate with you?

550
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 3: I think so? Yeah. I mean, I it's funny. As

551
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 3: I was reading this, I thought about when my grandmother

552
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 3: died and she was the oldest, and she had three sisters. Wow,

553
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 3: and they were the worst about everything because I was

554
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:22,400
Speaker 3: handling the estate.

555
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,479
Speaker 4: All three of those goals were alive.

556
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, she was my grandmother was the oldest. H.

557
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm waiting for two of them to go.

558
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 3: I can't wait.

559
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 4: But we're love death hair.

560
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I do, we really do. I'm like, oh, I'll

561
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 3: be sad for my cousins. But other than that, Yeah,

562
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 3: it's I read this and I literally think of my

563
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 3: three I guess great aunts that's what they're called. And

564
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 3: for me, it brings up like you know, sometimes people

565
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 3: in your family are just assholes. But I don't have

566
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 3: it was in that particular moment for me, because that's

567
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 3: when they became shitty. They were just like my great aunts,

568
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 3: who were like whatever, and then in that moment they

569
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 3: became shitty. When you're talking about how the if it's

570
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 3: if it's you're hysterical, it's historical. Right, they grew this

571
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 3: is the sisters, they grew up together, right, she's the oldest,

572
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 3: so like there has to be something, something deeper. Yeah,

573
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 3: and uh, you know she should look at that and like,

574
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 3: I guess they could sell the necklace. I mean that

575
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 3: would be it is Florida. They could probably sell it

576
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 3: for math or whatever the fuck they're doing.

577
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,280
Speaker 2: I mean they all do math, the flora that they

578
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 2: all do it everyone And.

579
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 3: It's how she stays so small.

580
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 4: Yeah when she was ten and she's a.

581
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 3: But yeah a little bit. I mean I could definitely

582
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 3: similar to what we were talking about. Yeah, I could

583
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 3: definitely see how it would. It's something maybe she needs

584
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 3: to look at.

585
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 5: Well.

586
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, because the whole thing is like with I've preached

587
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 2: to the choir about this freaking somatic therapy.

588
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,600
Speaker 4: I truly feel talk therapy is great.

589
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,240
Speaker 2: It's just not enough because it doesn't get it out

590
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 2: of our boy is where we.

591
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 4: Hold on to it.

592
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,920
Speaker 2: So that being said, she could take this issue to

593
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 2: a somatic therapist, which sounds like a big word, but

594
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 2: it's not. It just means in the body, someone who

595
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 2: does body practices and be like, I'm very upset over

596
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 2: this and I hate my sister. I'm charged up, and

597
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 2: she gets every thing want. They'd figure out where that

598
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 2: comes from pretty easily, pretty quick. Yeah, and that once

599
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 2: that gets dismantled, the hysterical part goes away and then

600
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,479
Speaker 2: you can come up with the solution. But the solution

601
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: isn't going to find itself with this resentment. Like I know,

602
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 2: the more they say the more generous people are with us,

603
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 2: the more generous we are with other people. That is

604
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 2: so true with me, Like you, I was resentful of

605
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 2: someone for a while because I didn't feel they were

606
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 2: pulling their weight when it came to bringing things to

607
00:31:55,360 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 2: someone's house during a party or whatever. They one day

608
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 2: brought something to an event. I can't remember what it was,

609
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 2: but it was very small, and I was like, oh

610
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 2: my god, I love them.

611
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 4: They did it. They brought something. I wasn't the only

612
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 4: one who brought an item to.

613
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 2: This person's house. I'm like, oh shit, Now I feel

614
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 2: more generous towards my feelings for them. So I think

615
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,520
Speaker 2: it's just it really opens us up. And I bet

616
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 2: if she'd uncover what's really going on, she'd be generous

617
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 2: with them and find out a solution to this necklace thing,

618
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 2: because it's.

619
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 4: Not about the fucking necklace. Nobody gives a shit.

620
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably not. Or you just beat the fuck out

621
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 3: of your oldest system.

622
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 4: See it always comes down to that, doesn't it.

623
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 3: I think. So I need more people. We need physical

624
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 3: justice in.

625
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, fucking action Jackson over there, freaking idiot,

626
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 2: All right, next letter.

627
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 3: All right, man, Dear Lisa. I'm a married mother of

628
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 3: three and gave up my career as a social worker

629
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 3: so my husband could work and I could stay home

630
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 3: and take care of the kids. Even though this was

631
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 3: discussed ahead of time. I still resent him for having

632
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,920
Speaker 3: a fulfilling career while I'm stuck at home with the kids.

633
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 3: First of all, you're a social worker.

634
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 4: And stop it.

635
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 3: That is awesome? How awesome?

636
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:19,239
Speaker 2: Well, shut up, it's not like it's awesome. It's a

637
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 2: soul's work. It sounds to me like the hardest job

638
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 2: in the world because you're seeing such sadness all the time.

639
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 3: I would never be able to do it. Do you

640
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: think this is something I should discuss with him or

641
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 3: just with my therapist as I've been doing.

642
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 2: No, get your ass into a somatic therapist, meaning yeah,

643
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,800
Speaker 2: you and your freaking therapist. That big Yenta could go.

644
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 4: Around and around and around about then man? Should I say?

645
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 4: He's a man? How about a little action here.

646
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 2: Lady, How about taking some action and get this thing

647
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 2: out and to figure out why you volunteer for something

648
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 2: that ultimately you don't feel you can change, which, by

649
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 2: the way, you can change. You can't have a discussion

650
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: with him, why you're afraid, why your conflict avoid and

651
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 2: why you don't say something. Trust me, he knows. Like

652
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 2: we've I've lived with guys, Nick, you've lived with Have

653
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 2: you lived with a girl. Yet No, Okay, walking around

654
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:19,839
Speaker 2: the house, they're gonna know some resentment be bruin because listen,

655
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 2: they don't.

656
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 4: Want the East infection's brewing.

657
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 2: They're gonna So this guy already knows, and he's probably

658
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 2: too much of a pussy to say anything. So first

659
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 2: of all, the question should I talk to my husband

660
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: is I duh? Yeah, you dumb con like you can't

661
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 2: hold it from him because guess who suffers then him,

662
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,840
Speaker 2: the kids and you. Yeah, So how can we take

663
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:48,399
Speaker 2: out the resentful attitude? Because as much as I never

664
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 2: had kids, I knew I didn't want I would never

665
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,919
Speaker 2: want kids to sense unease around a house I grew

666
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 2: up in, you know, a family where my mother was

667
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 2: a yeller. You know, she loved yelling, or at least

668
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 2: cheap looked like she was having a good time. You

669
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 2: don't want to inflict that on the kids. It's gonna

670
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 2: come out sideways. You're gonna lose your temper with them.

671
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:13,279
Speaker 2: So first of all, you're allowed to no longer just.

672
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 4: Want to stay home.

673
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people think, well, I decided

674
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 2: this forty years ago, so now I can't change dreams

675
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 2: change you know, maybe it doesn't work out. Hey, I

676
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,720
Speaker 2: thought I'd love staying home with the kids. Now I don't.

677
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 2: It's now that they're off to school. I kind of

678
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 2: resented a little. What can we do if you don't

679
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 2: have a husband you can talk to like that. That's

680
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 2: something to look at too. But you got to be

681
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 2: able to share this stuff.

682
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, that I mean for me, that is especially in

683
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 3: romantic relationships in particular, speaking your truth can save you

684
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 3: from so many resentments, which is something. Even when I

685
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 3: have spoken the truth, I could something happens and I've

686
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 3: done this, and I could, literally I've done a million times.

687
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 3: Something happens in the moment I know I should speak

688
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 3: my truth, but I go no, and I hold on,

689
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 3: and it turns into resentment without doubt. Within minutes, it

690
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 3: turns out the resentment. A handful of times out of

691
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:16,080
Speaker 3: the million times this has fucking happened, I've stopped myself,

692
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 3: calmed myself down, and go, hey, I really don't appreciate

693
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 3: X y Z. Here's what's going on with me. I

694
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 3: just want to let you know. And guess what. Almost

695
00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:27,360
Speaker 3: every time I've done that, it has been accepted yep,

696
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 3: and everything's fine and we avoid all the fucking dumb shit.

697
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:31,960
Speaker 5: Ye.

698
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 3: And even though I know, oh wow, that's historically gone

699
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 3: very well for me and it works, I still will

700
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 3: opt for the other, which is something I think is

701
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 3: probably one of my number one focuses for this year,

702
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 3: and just in general my life is like just saying

703
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 3: here's what I'm feeling, yep, and making it go away,

704
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 3: versus me just spiraling and holding on to it and

705
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,320
Speaker 3: then waiting in the fucking wings for something to happen

706
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 3: and then oh, what about this or what about that?

707
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 3: So like, yeah, you gotta well first of all, and

708
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 3: if you can't do it with that person, if you

709
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 3: do speak your truth and they're like, well, fuck you,

710
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 3: it's the.

711
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 2: Wrong person, right, And that's something you learn early on

712
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,759
Speaker 2: in life of how to keep yourself safe. So she,

713
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 2: as a kid may have learned if I tell my truth,

714
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get yelled at, or I'm gonna be punished,

715
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 2: or I'm gonna be in trouble.

716
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 4: Well, that's honest, and that's.

717
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 2: What you work through with the therapist of like, wait,

718
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 2: I'm with a safe enough guy, hopefully that I can

719
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 2: say this and it won't be met with fury and

720
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:46,439
Speaker 2: rage and yelling well, once that's on earth, and it's

721
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 2: like ooh, I can experiment and like you said, tell

722
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 2: the truth and then you're not carrying it around and

723
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 2: it does work out, and then it stops being a

724
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 2: million times I didn't say something and ten times I

725
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 2: did to that number of saying it and being safe,

726
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 2: growing and being that normal way of life. Oh, talking

727
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 2: to that mic, what are you afraid of here? No,

728
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 2: you're supposed to have it right in front of you.

729
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 2: If I didn't say something, no, if I didn't say so,

730
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 2: mine have resentment. I wouldn't have resent man I read no, gross,

731
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: I wouldn't resent it now. I'd resent it next week

732
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 2: when I had to listen and go, could you pump

733
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 2: up his mic?

734
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 4: Because you.

735
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 3: Anyway? What was saying?

736
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 4: No, it probably didn't count.

737
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 3: No, I was just saying, I've even the hardest thing

738
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 3: right now. I'm sitting here thinking about like the like

739
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 3: been given opportunities to speak my truth by mostly romantic partners,

740
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:47,480
Speaker 3: and still my stubbornness in that moment, I've still been like, well, no,

741
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 3: I'm fine, everything's fine.

742
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 4: But I don't think it's stubbornness. It is not.

743
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 2: It is that you learned that was the way of

744
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:57,440
Speaker 2: surviving as a kid. Yeah, and but remembering you're not

745
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 2: in survival mode anymore. You're with safe people and you're

746
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 2: not gonna die. If you bring something up and it

747
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 2: doesn't land perfectly, you will survive it. That's really that's

748
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 2: that's hard to learn. But the more times you do it,

749
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 2: the easier it gets.

750
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would love for it to get soon.

751
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 2: Well fucking practice it, you fat there doesn't have a

752
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 2: mic in your mouth?

753
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 3: One more letter right? Number three here?

754
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 4: Number three is number three, like doing a.

755
00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 2: Number one and a number two at the same time,

756
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,799
Speaker 2: like shitting and peeing at the same time.

757
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 4: Do you ever do that?

758
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: Stephanie, She's like, you don't talk to me the whole time.

759
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,160
Speaker 4: Now involved in this. I hate you all both right now.

760
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 3: Dear Lisa, what when I married my wife, I expected

761
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 3: to split holidays equally.

762
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 2: By this repect, you gotta not expect that ship. You

763
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 2: gotta have the talk.

764
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 4: That's a big one. That's a big one.

765
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 3: Oh God, Wait with our respective family. Since her family

766
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 3: is fancier, oh and slightly closer in distance, she hardly

767
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,800
Speaker 3: ever wants to see my family. I know my family

768
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 3: is angry at me for disappearing. But I'd rather have

769
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 3: them angry at them angry at me than her.

770
00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 2: Then oh then then them being mad at him being

771
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:22,080
Speaker 2: mad at her.

772
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 3: Do I have to choose between my wife or my family?

773
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 3: Or can I have both?

774
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 4: Oh my god?

775
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 2: That is so hard, because honestly, I don't know why

776
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 2: couples don't just split up and go to their own

777
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 2: families of origin, because I never wanted to be with

778
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 2: my partner's family. Every boyfriend I ever had, I was like, Eh.

779
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:50,080
Speaker 4: First of all, it was Big Fat Frank.

780
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 2: His mother and father had rheumatoid arthritis and all they

781
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,240
Speaker 2: did was complain in their little, tiny apartment in Yonkers.

782
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 4: It was a lot.

783
00:40:57,120 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 2: So I'm like, what am I? That's festive, isn't it.

784
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:03,399
Speaker 2: Then there's like, oh, you were Actually my ex husband

785
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 2: Jimmy's parents were really fun.

786
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:05,919
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

787
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, his father, especially Big Frank, like he could you

788
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 2: just give it back to him? You know? So I

789
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,480
Speaker 2: did enjoy them, So that was the one relationship I

790
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:14,799
Speaker 2: didn't mind splitting them on.

791
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 4: But all the others I dated.

792
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 2: Were just a bunch of crazies, And I was like,

793
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 2: can't I just go to mind and you go to yours,

794
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 2: which people obviously can't, especially when they have kids. But

795
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 2: the fancier thing is weird.

796
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, like is he? I mean there's so many questions

797
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 3: I have. Does your family suck? Are they poor? And

798
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 3: your wife doesn't like them because she came from money? Oh?

799
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 3: How many factors? I don't know. There's so many questions

800
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 3: to be asked. I feel like, well, I feel like, also, fancy,

801
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 3: what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

802
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 2: Also, when I think sometimes your family of origin is

803
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,799
Speaker 2: the place for some lucky people where they could be

804
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 2: more themselves and let their hair down. Yeah, and then

805
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 2: the other person wants to be with their people where

806
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,359
Speaker 2: they can let their hair down and be more themselves.

807
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,239
Speaker 2: I haven't had to deal with this a lot, thank god,

808
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 2: but pardon me, is like, thank god, I just have

809
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 2: my family and that's it.

810
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: I could just go there.

811
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh god, I do love. I gotta tell you,

812
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 3: being having no family almost.

813
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the best.

814
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,399
Speaker 3: I don't know, man, you're a fucking free agent, dude.

815
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:24,319
Speaker 3: You know, like a friend's houses I've gone to, and

816
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 3: I guess I have my small group that I don't

817
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 3: have no family, but it's just my dad and I

818
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 3: so like we get the small thing going, but then

819
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,399
Speaker 3: we see our cousins and the aunts and we get

820
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 3: together once. But it's like twelve people. That's great. No,

821
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 3: but that's fine, Yeah, that's fine. But like these people

822
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 3: with like the we have to go to my aunt Marie's,

823
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 3: there's forty seven people that come and we have to

824
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 3: do all the things and all the well.

825
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: See, the worst is I feel for my nieces and

826
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: nephews because like my niece, let me see, they go

827
00:42:56,160 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 2: to our families, like our family in the morning, and

828
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,480
Speaker 2: then they got to go to hers or the spouses

829
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 2: in the afternoon. They're the ones running and being on

830
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 2: this weird time schedule, Like when do you just sit

831
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 2: and relax, Like to me, that's a real hard thing.

832
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 2: And you're running out in the cold and you're driving

833
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 2: in the car and probably fighting. So I'm like, thank god,

834
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 2: I'm not in that position. So I feel for this person.

835
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 4: Maybe it's the thing of you.

836
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 2: I always like that model of we did your family

837
00:43:32,200 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 2: last year on Thanksgiving. This year's are with my family

838
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 2: on Thanksgiving. Same with Christmas. Like that flopping instead of

839
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 2: driving around sounds better, but it sounds like his wife

840
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 2: doesn't want to go to his clammy poor family's house.

841
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's something else going on here. It's not just

842
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 3: the but her family's fancy and they live closer. But like,

843
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 3: I mean, how far is your family? Is it twenty

844
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 3: minutes versus an hour?

845
00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 4: That's true?

846
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 3: Is it twenty minute drive versus a plane ride? Okay,

847
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 3: a little different, but still like to have a set tradition,

848
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 3: like even with me, like with my you know, no family,

849
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 3: but I knew, like I went to my mother's side Christmas,

850
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 3: even Christmas Day, I was with my dad's side.

851
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 4: I know.

852
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 3: That was like ever since I was a kid, that

853
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 3: was it. And then now it's changed, but like that's

854
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,319
Speaker 3: how it was. You just know what to do. So, yeah,

855
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 3: there's there's other shit happening here that we don't wear.

856
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 2: Because when you call your other side fancier, it's almost

857
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 2: an insult. Yeah, it's saying they're rich, bitch snobs or something.

858
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:32,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, it don't like like who knows. I'm I'm thinking

859
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 3: his family or her family probably was like why are

860
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 3: you marrying this? Fucking Look at the family he comes from,

861
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 3: I know, and he's just like a you know, he's

862
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 3: an enneagram nine and he's big pussy. He's like and

863
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,839
Speaker 3: he's just like, yeah, I'll do it, but like, yeah,

864
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 3: there's there's more.

865
00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:48,359
Speaker 4: There's always more to it.

866
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 2: Man.

867
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 4: Why didn't everybody just stay single and then you just

868
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 4: do what you want?

869
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, bro, I.

870
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:56,320
Speaker 4: Don't get this marriage stuff, dude.

871
00:44:57,239 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 2: Although I have to be honest, I will see couples

872
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 2: that I'm like, ooh, they got it down. They do

873
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 2: this family Thanksgiving, they do the other side Christmas, they

874
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:09,720
Speaker 2: do this on New Year's for just themselves.

875
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 4: They do this.

876
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 2: So I'm like, oh there. But again, every couple I

877
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,359
Speaker 2: think of, because I could think of three right now, who,

878
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 2: in my opinion, do it without conflict or as seemingly

879
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 2: no conflict, I'm like, ooh, they talked about it before,

880
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,319
Speaker 2: they really got it straight before. So this whole like,

881
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 2: we're not going to really talk about it. I'm just

882
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 2: gonna be resentful of the fancier relatives. It's not their

883
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 2: fault they're fancier. Some of us just got a lot

884
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,319
Speaker 2: of fucking money, Okay, all right, some of the us some.

885
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 4: Made a killing calling people cuns. Okay.

886
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 2: They say it's not an honest way to live it.

887
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 2: It's a fucking best right, Stephanie, Of course I'm right.

888
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 4: Don't even let it talk. It don't matter.

889
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 2: Let's hear from Stephanie. What do you think if you

890
00:45:58,160 --> 00:45:59,879
Speaker 2: got married to some asshole?

891
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 4: Would you how would you?

892
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: Wait?

893
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 4: You got how would you spit? Split your holidays?

894
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 5: I am so far removed from that thought because I

895
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:08,640
Speaker 5: can't even get a boyfriend?

896
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 4: Wait? Wait, wait wait?

897
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 2: What is wrong with all these young, available, hot girls

898
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 2: not having boyfriends?

899
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 4: How does that not happen? Because you're inarguably cute, You're smart,

900
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,720
Speaker 4: you have a good job. You get to work with talent.

901
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 4: What is yeah? And Nick lose? All right? You get

902
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:36,879
Speaker 4: to do charity work by working with Nick?

903
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 2: What's with the no boyfriend? Why is it difficult? Tell us?

904
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 5: I don't know, but some people have called me intense,

905
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 5: which is the eight UFA.

906
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,920
Speaker 2: You are an enneagram A. Listen to la episode and

907
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:54,919
Speaker 2: you are intense? Yes, but no, I don't think it's

908
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: you because I'm not saying what's wrong with you? Because

909
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 2: you have many things right with you. But Celia too

910
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 2: is like, oh god, I'm getting a boyfriend.

911
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:06,919
Speaker 4: It's so hard? Is this a generational thing? In my day?

912
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 2: You just put out and you had a boyfriend boom

913
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 2: done pegging? What And that wasn't a thing I don't

914
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,280
Speaker 2: think anyway. So what why is it difficult for women

915
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 2: your age to get these boyfriends to nail it down?

916
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,280
Speaker 5: People just are not initiating. They're looking at their phones.

917
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:26,360
Speaker 5: It's not like, oh, I'm going to ask this person

918
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,520
Speaker 5: for directions because like I have maps on my phone.

919
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 5: So nobody talks anymore. There's no small conversations like there

920
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 5: used to be.

921
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 4: Damn.

922
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no like bid for connection they call it,

923
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 2: So there's no reason And are you someone because of

924
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 2: your intensity if somebody did try to try to strike

925
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 2: up a conversation of like a sweet nature, you'd be like, oh,

926
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 2: that's so stupid.

927
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:55,360
Speaker 4: I know, because yeah, I forget it.

928
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 2: No, because there's this relationship expert couple who is just

929
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 2: the best gotmans and they talk about things called bids

930
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 2: for connection, which is say there's like a cute guy

931
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:12,960
Speaker 2: in the hall and you're kind of out there too.

932
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 4: And he goes, oh my god, look like you can

933
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 4: see the.

934
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:18,200
Speaker 2: Statue Liberty from here, the Empire State Building, or it's

935
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 2: say you're in the suburbs and he's like, oh my god,

936
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 2: look at a blue Jay.

937
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 4: Wow cool, and like that's a bid for connection.

938
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 2: He's trying to connect and it would take literally five

939
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 2: seconds for the person to be like, oh my god,

940
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,480
Speaker 2: wow that is true, and then the conversation goes from there.

941
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 4: They feel seen, you feel valued all that.

942
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,359
Speaker 2: But you're a little toughye, So I wonder if you'd

943
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 2: be like, oh, yeah it is yeah, I see the

944
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 2: Empire State building, Homo. I know you wouldn't say the day,

945
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 2: but I wonder if you have a little bit of

946
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,719
Speaker 2: a do you have a little edge to you, a

947
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:52,799
Speaker 2: little wall up with that?

948
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 5: Yeah? I think so, but in my head, like I'm

949
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 5: not going to act that way towards them.

950
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 2: Right, but they sense it probably yeah, because you have

951
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:01,719
Speaker 2: that abrupt You have sort of an abruptness in a

952
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 2: way you speak, and it's like, oh god, that's so steady.

953
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 2: That's my that's my Stephanie voice in my head. Like

954
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,920
Speaker 2: when I text her, I know she's thinking, Lisa is

955
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:15,080
Speaker 2: so too bad. I know, I know, I got Stephanie down.

956
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 2: I know she's talking about us in her head. Yeah,

957
00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 2: she's like Nicks, the good one, Lisa is so needy.

958
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 4: I need everything by Thursday. You've God forbid. I worked

959
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:30,520
Speaker 4: on the weekend Boundaries. Boundaries you know, but nobody it is.

960
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 2: We have to do an episode sometime on dating, because

961
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 2: that is hard. I do not envy anyone, and anytime

962
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 2: one of my students at this college I teach you say,

963
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 2: oh my boyfriend this, I'm almost like, oh, man, have

964
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 2: you found a guy who will commit and you.

965
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,800
Speaker 4: Also like him? Like it almost seems like a miracle.

966
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, those guys are all usually.

967
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:51,760
Speaker 4: Gay, though, what at my school?

968
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 3: Yeah?

969
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 4: Oh, Guarantee College.

970
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 5: That's why I couldn't find anyone for those four years.

971
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 2: Wait wait, wait, you went to lord them there. It's

972
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 2: not an art I teach at an acting school, so

973
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 2: you I.

974
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 3: Mean girls forming arts school. There's the musical theatermeators, you're

975
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 3: telling me at Fordham in the Bronx, Yes, you couldn't

976
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:09,120
Speaker 3: find a guy that wanted to go downtown.

977
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,359
Speaker 2: Well sort of, so she found a sex play but

978
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 2: not a lot of commitment.

979
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 3: College guys in the Bronx.

980
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 2: Oh my god, we got to do an episode on Stephanie,

981
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 2: the emotionally invulnerable Fordham graduate who somehow only found gay

982
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 2: guys at Fordham. You have a special sense of sniffing

983
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:34,160
Speaker 2: people out for that. Yeah, well we'll be back with

984
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:35,240
Speaker 2: her at some point.

985
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,320
Speaker 4: Nick, where can people hear the podcast?

986
00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 3: Guys?

987
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 4: Guy, you know what you keep forgetting you're supposed to go?

988
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 4: Thanks for listening. Oh my god.

989
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 3: Guys, if you want to reach out to us, please

990
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:53,760
Speaker 3: email emails email us at shrink This Show at gmail

991
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 3: dot com. That is Shrink the Show at gmail dot com.

992
00:50:57,600 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 3: Also listen to us wherever you get podcas cast, but

993
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 3: especially your iHeart Radio app.

994
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:03,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

995
00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 2: iHeart radio, the place where dreams go to and where

996
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:13,760
Speaker 2: Stephanie never goes to get lades?

997
00:51:15,120 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 4: Does your mother listen to this? Stephanie?

998
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,760
Speaker 5: Sometimes?

999
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,080
Speaker 4: Is your mom Puerto Rican.

1000
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,759
Speaker 5: Or Whiteto Rican? Yeah?

1001
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 4: I know your father. It's a poppy tudle.

1002
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 5: He's Irish?

1003
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:29,800
Speaker 4: Oh god? Really?

1004
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 2: Okay, so you got an Irish donkey on one side,

1005
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 2: yet it's half a Porto Rican on the other side.

1006
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:40,800
Speaker 4: That's well, she has half Irish and Puerto Rican. That's intense.

1007
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 4: She's tough, right, She's a tough little lady.

1008
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 2: Is she a tiny, tiny dancer like you? Oh?

1009
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:54,839
Speaker 4: My dad? Taller guy? Okay? So normal ish?

1010
00:51:55,520 --> 00:52:00,240
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Stephanie, you have our utmost sympathy.

1011
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:01,760
Speaker 4: She's an only child.

1012
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 2: If if you want to get into Stephanie, not to

1013
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 2: date her or to date her, send her an email

1014
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,320
Speaker 2: at s T E p h l A n E

1015
00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:14,360
Speaker 2: E underscore correct and by the way, don't be coming

1016
00:52:14,400 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 2: out to do what the black people say when they

1017
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:17,520
Speaker 2: say come on her.

1018
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:19,880
Speaker 4: Correct. You gotta come correct.

1019
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 2: You can't be coming with the d ms of like

1020
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 2: hey girl, he don't do nothing like that. Just say ham,

1021
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:30,359
Speaker 2: I'm a respectful, nice guy. I'd like to go and

1022
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,839
Speaker 2: watch a bluebird with you, and she will roll her

1023
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 2: eyes secretly and think you're gay.