1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:04,240 Speaker 1: I'm Manny Noah, and this is no such thing. The 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:07,600 Speaker 1: show where we settle our dumb arguments and yours by 3 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: actually doing the research. On today's episode, we're asking why 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: men don't ask follow up questions. We're gonna be talking 5 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,919 Speaker 1: to masculinity expert Liz Plank, who helps Noah, Devon and 6 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: I figure out how much we actually know about each other. 7 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 2: You should know who their axes like, who their like 8 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 2: last breakup was with. 9 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: That's interesting and gives us a very special assignment. There's 10 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: no no such thing such thing. All right, boys, I 11 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: think we're all congested up today. Apologies to the listeners. 12 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 3: Sounds sexy today, sound a little nasty. 13 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: It is funny. We're all how did this happen? At 14 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: the same time. I haven't seen you guys. 15 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 3: In a while, and then it's been a minute. 16 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 1: I wanted to start off this episode by playing a TikTok. 17 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,199 Speaker 3: I'm going to order a beerd woman. 18 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:12,000 Speaker 1: Now, I'm good. 19 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 4: I just got out of rehab, right, Okay, So how Samantha, 20 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 4: how's married life? 21 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 2: Oh? 22 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 4: I didn't tell you we got divorced. 23 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,120 Speaker 5: You want to put together like a little parlay for 24 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 5: this weekend? 25 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 2: Hell? Yes? 26 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 4: What do you want to do It's like fifty dollars something. 27 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 4: I just got fired from the firm last week. Maybe 28 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 4: it was two twenty five. Fuck it, Fuck it, dude, 29 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 4: I got hit by a city bus last month. 30 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 3: All had the settlement. 31 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 1: Money just came in. 32 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 5: I got you. 33 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: Yeah. So that video is a joke, obviously it's hyperbolized. Yeah, 34 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 1: but it's still resonated with me because I've definitely been 35 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 1: there before, Like I've like we have male friendships like this. 36 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: I would like to think that the three of us 37 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: are like a different breed of man, like a morse, 38 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: like a like more sensitive, I think than the average person. 39 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: Who we do ask each other follow up questions. We 40 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: care about what's happening in our lives. But I do 41 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,160 Speaker 1: have friends like friends I would consider close friends, and 42 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,840 Speaker 1: I know what they do in work, but I don't know, 43 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: I couldn't name like the name of their company, for example, 44 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,639 Speaker 1: do you guys run into this, Like what what's your 45 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,359 Speaker 1: experience with this kind of phenomenon? 46 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 6: Watching that video, I was thinking, like last week I 47 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 6: was I had a call with a friend of ours 48 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 6: that we used to work with, and you know, then 49 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 6: we're just chatting and and he was like, oh yeah, 50 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 6: like you know, like my wife's having our second kid 51 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 6: in April. And it was like he was like, oh yeah, 52 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 6: I wasn't sure if I mentioned that or not. And 53 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 6: it was like, oh, like that's a pretty big big 54 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 6: thing for me to not know and happening soon. And 55 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,959 Speaker 6: you know, to be fair, it's not like we I 56 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 6: don't chat with him every week or as frequently, like, yeah, 57 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:52,920 Speaker 6: that was one of you guys having a. 58 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 5: Kid in three months. 59 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 6: Yeah, I'd be shocked for It's like, oh, yeah, I 60 00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,959 Speaker 6: guess it just means we don't really talk that much. 61 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, do you guys have like close friends who you 62 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 1: think this kind of applies to this, this phenomenon, I 63 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: guess you'd call it. 64 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,880 Speaker 3: I don't like the prize, so I think it's different. 65 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 7: If it comes up in conversation, I will ask follow 66 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,960 Speaker 7: up questions if that person brings it up themselves, yeah yeah. 67 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 7: But if someone doesn't come to me with the information, 68 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 7: I'm not someone who's gonna ask that question. That's like 69 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,120 Speaker 7: going to make somebody uncomfortable. 70 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 6: That that's exactly how I feel, And I think that's 71 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 6: to me, that's what it is, Like, I'm. 72 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,720 Speaker 5: Overall a pretty live and let live sort of. 73 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 6: Yeah, guys, So it's like if someone wants to talk 74 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 6: to me about something serious or whatever, like whatever, Like 75 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 6: I hope I'm receptive and you know, someone they'd feel 76 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 6: comfortable talking to me about anything. Yeah, but like, yeah, 77 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 6: I don't want to put someone on the spot in 78 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 6: that way if they don't want to open up to 79 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 6: me in that way, because that's how I kind of 80 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 6: feel where and sometimes there's things where it is helpful 81 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 6: for someone to kind. 82 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 5: Of push you, yeah, to be like it. 83 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean this is just it is good usually 84 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 6: to listen, yeah, be pushed into maybe an uncomfortable conversation 85 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 6: of course, and open. 86 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 5: Up in that way. 87 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 6: But yeah, like in a normal setting, it's it is uncomfortable, 88 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,160 Speaker 6: and I don't want to put that on someone else. 89 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,240 Speaker 5: To do it, like if they don't want to naturally. 90 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 1: You know, how much of this do you think is gendered? 91 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: Like the other day, I was listening to my girlfriend 92 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: talk on the phone with her sisters about I don't know, 93 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: like our week, and she was really going into detail 94 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,679 Speaker 1: about certain things that I was like, no, not nothing 95 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,599 Speaker 1: like offensive, but no, no, it was just like oh wow, 96 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 1: And then I thought about if I talked to my 97 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 1: siblings and they asked me how my week went, I'd 98 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: be like, it was good, it went to work, Yeah, yeah, 99 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 1: everything was fine. 100 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:41,799 Speaker 5: Oh yeah. 101 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 3: I noticed this all the time. 102 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 7: When I talk to my mom, she tells details about 103 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 7: like what she's done for today, or just like a 104 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 7: story at least sometimes I'm like, okay, I don't even. 105 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 3: Know that level of detail. 106 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:58,160 Speaker 7: Yeah, but she yeah, she'll go into she'd be like, oh, yeah, 107 00:04:58,240 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 7: you know, I pulled them in the park lot and 108 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 7: then this thing happened, and then I was talking to 109 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:05,280 Speaker 7: this person and they said this thing. And to your point, 110 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 7: when I'm talking to people, like if people are I'm 111 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,279 Speaker 7: like kind of straight into the point because I'm always 112 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:12,720 Speaker 7: thinking they don't care about this. Yeah, let me just 113 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,359 Speaker 7: say what's essential. I think you know, this is you know, 114 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:21,840 Speaker 7: broad strokes. We understand stereotyping, but I think women generally 115 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 7: are more specific in their storytelling and and the questions 116 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 7: that they asked, the follow ups that sort of thing, 117 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 7: and guys are just short of what what what do 118 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 7: I need to know? 119 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, and contextualizing things before the story even begins. 120 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,840 Speaker 3: Yes, So like I run into this a lot with my. 121 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 1: Sister or with me, where like there's a lot of 122 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,080 Speaker 1: like lore that happens first and then you get the 123 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 1: story that whereas I would just start for exactly the 124 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: beginning of the story before we. 125 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,760 Speaker 3: Even get into it. You got to know that, like. 126 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,799 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but then it's ends up being helpful. 127 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 7: It's like much better storytellers that. 128 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 2: No. 129 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 6: Yeah, I've definitely had a like similar situations where you know, 130 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 6: I'm hanging out with some guy friend and then I 131 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 6: go home and you know, I'm talking to my girlfriend 132 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 6: and I'm you know, say, oh, like he told me 133 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 6: this about X y Z. And then she's like, oh, 134 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 6: and what about you know, a normal follow up and 135 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 6: it's like, yeah, I don't know, I didn't ask kind 136 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 6: of none of my business, I guess, but. 137 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,839 Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe you can find out when he's. 138 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,799 Speaker 3: Maybe you can ask the followup questions. 139 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 6: We all getdrinks together, and yeah, we can get to 140 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,920 Speaker 6: the bottom of Yah, it's like didn't come up. 141 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: So you know, it's not just a meme, right, there's 142 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: like a lot of a lot of literature on this. 143 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: As a few examples, Bustle dot com head why don't 144 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 1: men ask me more questions on dates? So there we've 145 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: been talking about conversations with friends, but a lot of 146 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,960 Speaker 1: this phenomenon seems to be in the dating world. Uh, 147 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: San Diego Magazine, Why don't men ask questions on apps? 148 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 5: Courts? 149 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 1: The gendered way we ask questions is terrible for both 150 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: men and women. And so it's definitely something that's like 151 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 1: real and happening. 152 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 7: I feel most of the conversation or literature I've seen 153 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,239 Speaker 7: around this has been more so in terms of dating. 154 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,480 Speaker 3: I've seen less sort of. 155 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 7: Conversations around well until more recently friendships, which I find 156 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 7: to be more interesting. 157 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:28,280 Speaker 2: I think. 158 00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 3: I don't know. For me, it's like the. 159 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 7: Dating thing is just so many, so easy to ask 160 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,680 Speaker 7: follow us because you don't know anything about this person. 161 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 5: That's all you have. 162 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: Yes, that's more confusing to me. 163 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 6: So you're you're either monologuing yes and not asking anything 164 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 6: about the other person or yeah, I mean yeah, it's 165 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 6: like there's not really much else you can do, and 166 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 6: one person is just gonna literally talk the entire time, 167 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,600 Speaker 6: which happens, I suppose. 168 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 7: And look, and maybe we should get people who have 169 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 7: dated or went on dates of all of us. Yeah, response, 170 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 7: because obviously we're biased, because we're saying. 171 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:05,400 Speaker 3: Oh, on dates, we all ask follow up questions. 172 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's us. Well, I certainly remember, like years ago, 173 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: I was we didn't even go on a date, but 174 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: I was we were like kind of it was leading 175 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 1: to a date, I think. And I remember, uh, that 176 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: woman telling a friend of mine that I talked too 177 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,000 Speaker 1: much or something in our in our interaction. Oh, but 178 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: then I remember, I just remembered it totally differently. So 179 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: just to your point about like the bias that we 180 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,640 Speaker 1: have in our own heads, we're probably so interesting to 181 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,199 Speaker 1: ourselves in our heads. 182 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,440 Speaker 7: Maybe the people were dating or like these dudes don't 183 00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 7: ask any following Yeah. 184 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 6: Yeah, And I think there's probably something to it where 185 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 6: in a dating scenario where you don't know the other person, 186 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 6: I can think of dates I've been on where I 187 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 6: think I've overtalked in a way because the other person 188 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:52,439 Speaker 6: seems to not be maybe giving me anything. So it's like, well, 189 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 6: that's just what it is, and then got nothing you know, spoiler, 190 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:59,839 Speaker 6: that's not the my girlfriend. Yeah, so you know it's 191 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,839 Speaker 6: you know, and like or it's like you're so worried 192 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 6: about not about being the person who doesn't talk that 193 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,080 Speaker 6: then you go too much in the other direction. 194 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 1: And the other reason I'm more interested in this dynamic 195 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: when it comes to friends than dating is because dating 196 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 1: it there's so many variables of like people are nervous 197 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,760 Speaker 1: on dates, they might be doing things they wouldn't normally 198 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,559 Speaker 1: do when you're when if it's your friend who you've 199 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 1: known for years and you still aren't asked follow up questions, 200 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: it becomes a little more interesting. There's certainly, like I'm 201 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: sure we all have this where we have different like 202 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,319 Speaker 1: tiers of friends or like caliber friend Like there are 203 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: friends you have where you go for a drink and 204 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,960 Speaker 1: get into deep stuff. You have other friends where you're like, 205 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: I want to want to watch the game tonight or 206 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 1: something like that, and so you know, there's all these 207 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: different roles in dynamics being played. 208 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 6: Well, yeah, there's a time and place for things too. 209 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 6: I mean that's a lot of it too, where it's like, yeah, 210 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 6: of course it's great to everyone should have some people 211 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 6: they can open up to and talk to. At the 212 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 6: same time, you don't want to be the guy who 213 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 6: every time you're getting dinner, now it's like you're hearing 214 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 6: all my drama and my deep. 215 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 5: You know, it's like not everyone needs to be that 216 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,319 Speaker 5: for every person, or should. 217 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: Be so as a little as a little uh game. 218 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,719 Speaker 1: I guess if I told you, guys, uh that I 219 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:21,280 Speaker 1: just got out of the hospital, what would you what 220 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: would your reaction be? 221 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 5: Damn? 222 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I'm doing all right. 223 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 5: What happened? 224 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:29,640 Speaker 2: Uh? 225 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 1: Got in a car accident? 226 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 2: Yeah? 227 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: So these are you guys are close enough to asking 228 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: follow up questions? You're not just like, damn, I'm sorry. 229 00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: And then that's where the conversation ends. I just wanted 230 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:42,839 Speaker 1: to test. 231 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 5: You, guys. 232 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 1: Great does I'll be throwing a real one out in 233 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 1: real life somewhere. Yeah. 234 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, in a while, do a project veritasas. 235 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,000 Speaker 1: All right, we will be talking to Liz Plank. 236 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 2: Uh. 237 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: She's an expert in many things, but for the purposes 238 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 1: of this episode today, she's an expert on men in masculinity. 239 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,360 Speaker 1: She's got a famous book, I would consider it famous 240 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: by now, called for the Love of Men From Toxic 241 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:14,880 Speaker 1: to a More Mindful Masculinity. And she's gonna hopefully break 242 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,959 Speaker 1: this down for us. That's after the break. 243 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,040 Speaker 2: Can you guys hear me? Now? 244 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,760 Speaker 3: Hey, good you too. 245 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 1: First of all, thank you for doing this. Huge helps us. 246 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: We brought you on for this central question why don't 247 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: men ask follow up questions? But first, I was curious 248 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: in your experience, how have you dealt with this? Have 249 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 1: you run into this in your personal life? Are there 250 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,360 Speaker 1: any notable incidents that you can remember? 251 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 2: Like far too many probably to recall, if I'm gonna 252 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 2: be honest, if you're a woman going on. 253 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,920 Speaker 8: Dates with men, I think particularly it is just yeah, 254 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:01,719 Speaker 8: part of a part of the ex I think, to 255 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 8: become like a late night host, like where you're just like, okay, 256 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 8: I guess I'm David Letterman, like I'm just gonna ask 257 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,319 Speaker 8: you questions and make you feel great about your life, 258 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 8: and while I just entertain an audience that doesn't exist and. 259 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 2: Get absolutely nothing in return. I think in terms of 260 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:25,319 Speaker 2: first dates, it is just so rampant. I think it's 261 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 2: it's a real epidemic of like going on a date 262 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 2: and then leaving and being like, Wow, this man does 263 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 2: not know a thing about me and like and and 264 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 2: had a great time, which which you would have a 265 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 2: great time, right if if you just talk about yourself, 266 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 2: I'm sure you'd all have a great time. But who Yeah, 267 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,839 Speaker 2: when they want to go on a second date, you're 268 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,680 Speaker 2: like that was great. You're like, what was it? 269 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 5: Do you like? 270 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,640 Speaker 2: Tell me one thing? Like you want to quiz them 271 00:12:52,920 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 2: you get one reason why they like you? Do guys 272 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 2: think about that on dates. 273 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: I've been out of the game, so to speak, for 274 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 1: a while, but yeah, like back in, you know, in 275 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: that time. I think I would notice on the few 276 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: occasions where I felt like I've talked too much, I 277 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 1: would notice, like when it was too late, I guess, 278 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: like towards towards the end of a spiel or something 279 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: like that. I'd be like, oh, wait a second, I 280 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,960 Speaker 1: gotta take a step back. For anyone who's listening, who 281 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 1: would like to hear like a bit of advice about 282 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 1: what to do if they're in that situation, if they're 283 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: on a date with a guy and they just are like, 284 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't believe this. What should they do? 285 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:33,839 Speaker 1: What should they say? 286 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 2: Something that I think women, you know, could do better, right, 287 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,680 Speaker 2: and and sort of practice is like being being less 288 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 2: people pleasing, right, and being less focused on making the 289 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 2: other person comfortable over their own comfort. Right. So I 290 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,640 Speaker 2: think that if you're not having a good time, if 291 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 2: you're bored, don't hide it, you know, because I think 292 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 2: so many times, especially with think when I was younger, 293 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,680 Speaker 2: I would just kind of like still keep like a 294 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 2: smile and like just again keep throwing questions even though 295 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 2: I was pissed. And Yeah, like I noticed that with 296 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 2: age and with time, Like if I did act the 297 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 2: way that I felt, which was like I'm a little 298 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,199 Speaker 2: bored right now, I'd like look down at the menu 299 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 2: or look at my I wouldn't look at my phone, 300 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 2: like I wouldn't do something as rude as that, but 301 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 2: sort of like not act super interested if I'm not 302 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 2: super interested in your answer at this point, I think 303 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 2: that would be like my recommendation of just being like truthful. 304 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,800 Speaker 1: We've established that this is happening in like people's dating lives, 305 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: but it also seems to be a phenomenon in conversations 306 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 1: from one man to another man like who are friends? 307 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: And I'm curious do do men and women behave differently 308 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: in conversation? Like do we have different goals? 309 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:00,320 Speaker 2: Goals? 310 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 3: What? 311 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 1: What has your experience and your expertise told you about 312 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,120 Speaker 1: that kind of dynamic. 313 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's this you know concept that women tend to 314 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 2: have face to face friendships and men have uh sort 315 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 2: of side to side friendships. So it's the idea that 316 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 2: you know, women usually will tend to go to brunch together, 317 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:31,680 Speaker 2: go to dinner, you know, do get smoothie and be 318 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,000 Speaker 2: face to face and really be connecting, I think in 319 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 2: a more intimate way. And men tend to go see 320 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 2: you know, like a basketball game, or they go to 321 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 2: the bar and they're sitting at the bar right so 322 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 2: they're not facing each other. They're actually like shoulder to shoulder. 323 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 2: And so the yeah, level of intimacy I think is 324 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 2: is very often different if you're engaging from that, you 325 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 2: know perspective. So I think that it is harder for 326 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,880 Speaker 2: men to go deep, you know, with other men. 327 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: One thing you said that kind of blew my mind 328 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 1: is that concept of face to face versus side by side, 329 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: because now I'm like thinking back on like most of 330 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 1: my friendships with men, and it is like we're always 331 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: there's like some central thing happening that we're both experiencing 332 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: versus you know, sitting across from each other at a 333 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: table and talking. We'll be seeing it watching a game 334 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: or a movie or something like that. 335 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 2: Do you think it would be weird if you were like, 336 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 2: do you want to get dinner instead? Like, do you 337 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 2: think that that would be difficult? 338 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,120 Speaker 1: There are a few people, a few men in my 339 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: life who I could go to dinner with or go 340 00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 1: grab a drink where we're sitting across from each other, 341 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 1: but like the vast majority, you know, I would be like, yeah, 342 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:53,040 Speaker 1: there needs to be a basketball game. Why? 343 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 2: Why? Why? I think is it safer? 344 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 7: Like when you're at a dinner, it's like you and 345 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 7: the other that is the entertainment for tonight. And if 346 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,200 Speaker 7: you don't have anything to say, you can't just be like, well, 347 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 7: we're just going to be silent and watch this thing happening. 348 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:13,440 Speaker 6: I can't just like list basketball players. Yeah, well you can. 349 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 5: Yeah. 350 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. There's this sort of ranking, right that is inherently 351 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 2: there in all of these conversations that somehow like female 352 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,439 Speaker 2: friendship is sort of better than that male friendship, right 353 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,000 Speaker 2: because it's more intimate because it's face to face. And 354 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 2: I think that there are also downsides to some of 355 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 2: the I think female friendships are like very intense. I 356 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 2: don't want to say I don't want to talk about 357 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 2: how I'm feeling right now, Like there's a lot of 358 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,399 Speaker 2: heavy things going on and I don't really and I 359 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 2: know that if I meet up with a female friend, 360 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,120 Speaker 2: she's going to ask me how I'm doing, She's gonna 361 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,439 Speaker 2: ask me follow up questions. She's if I just like 362 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 2: brush it off and give her a vague, you know, 363 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 2: superficial answer, like it's probably not going to be enough. 364 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 2: And I think that there are also downsides to the intensity, 365 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:03,920 Speaker 2: where you know, they're like there's way more friendship breakups 366 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 2: with women, like you'll very rarely, like like there's a 367 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 2: whole Roman Empire friend right that men think about the 368 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 2: Roman Empire like so often. And this guy like asked 369 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 2: his girlfriend, like, what's your Roman Empire? And she was like, 370 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 2: my ex best friend, and like every woman was like, yes, 371 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 2: like god's my Roman Empire because we all And I think, 372 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,440 Speaker 2: like men don't necessarily like have an ex best friend, 373 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 2: but like almost every woman does. 374 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, there's this kind of consensus that it's a lot 375 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,359 Speaker 1: easier for two men to become friends than it is 376 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:38,520 Speaker 1: for women. But that actually makes sense if the depth 377 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,879 Speaker 1: of that friendship is very surface level. It feels like 378 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: Toddler's becoming friends versus a very intentional interaction that you 379 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:48,159 Speaker 1: want to have. 380 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 7: It's like you're at the you know, like you're at 381 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,879 Speaker 7: the park and you're like, well, we both like this 382 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 7: slide friends, Yeah, let's meet up and like go down 383 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,679 Speaker 7: the slide. And then sometimes we won't like go down 384 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 7: the slide for you know, a couple of months. But 385 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,439 Speaker 7: that's fine because I don't expect to do anything with 386 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 7: you besides like going down the slide, Whereas. 387 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 2: With women, it's like, why haven't you gone down the slide? 388 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,520 Speaker 2: Why aren't you here? Like are you mad at me? Like, 389 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,360 Speaker 2: let's talk about it, let's meet up outside of the slide, 390 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 2: like it just would be Again, it's very I would 391 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:24,240 Speaker 2: never like ever want to trade places, but I like, 392 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 2: I really value those friendships. They're so they're so intimate, 393 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:31,720 Speaker 2: and I think sometimes actually like female friendships are so 394 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:38,199 Speaker 2: rich and so intimate and you feel so supported that 395 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 2: it can make relationships with men harder because you're like, 396 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,960 Speaker 2: no man will ever compare right, And in a way, 397 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,120 Speaker 2: I think that it's important for women to not compare 398 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 2: right like that. We I think we do again not 399 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 2: to generalize it all men are one way or all 400 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 2: women are one way, but I do think that men, yeah, 401 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,679 Speaker 2: relate in different ways and will provide, you know, different 402 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 2: things to women. In our relationships than like female friendships 403 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 2: are supposed to. 404 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. So when it comes to kind of this central question, 405 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: there is this socio linguist named Deborah Tannen who kind 406 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,920 Speaker 1: of offers up one explanation, which is that the goals 407 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,679 Speaker 1: that men have in conversation are different than the goals 408 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,679 Speaker 1: that women have in conversation. And you touched on this 409 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 1: a little bit, but she she mentions that men are 410 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 1: trying to exhibit knowledge and skill storytelling, joking, or imparting information, 411 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: whereas women are more often trying to develop connections and 412 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 1: discover similarities. I wanted to ask you, like, how accurate 413 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,199 Speaker 1: does that sound to you? Is that that? Has that 414 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 1: been your experience in your in your research? 415 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love I love her as a researcher, I think, yeah, 416 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 2: she provides really interesting insights and and certainly yeah, like 417 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:58,119 Speaker 2: and again, if you think about how we reward women 418 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:02,119 Speaker 2: and men in our society, men are rewarded by, you know, 419 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 2: against status, right, like how much money do you have 420 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 2: or how successful are you? How much knowledge do you have? Right? 421 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 2: So in conversations, of course you're going to be focused 422 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 2: on providing that, right or that will be a priority, Right, 423 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,640 Speaker 2: when you're entering conversations, and for women, you know, it's 424 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 2: it's not as much status but more Yeah, are you 425 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,480 Speaker 2: nurturing right? Are you able to care for people? Are 426 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,960 Speaker 2: you able to connect with people? Or do people like you? Right? 427 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 2: And I think that that is why we come into 428 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 2: conversations very differently. And actually men and women can be punished, 429 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,360 Speaker 2: right if they do what is expected of the opposite gender. Right, 430 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,639 Speaker 2: if I were to come into a conversation and just 431 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 2: talk about all my accomplishments and like try and prove 432 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:49,679 Speaker 2: that I'm. 433 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:50,119 Speaker 5: Better than you. 434 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 2: Again, I'm not saying that when men do that it's 435 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:59,960 Speaker 2: like super attractive to everybody, but it's definitely of transgression, 436 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 2: right of how women are supposed to act. So yeah, 437 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 2: it's not just that we have those like proclivities, but 438 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:13,159 Speaker 2: that we are rewarded, right socially for you know, indulging 439 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 2: in those proclivities and like and sort of engaging in 440 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 2: those dynamics. I think that we're moving towards definition of 441 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:23,720 Speaker 2: masculinity that is like much more empathetic and or just 442 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,479 Speaker 2: in general, I think our society is more interested in 443 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 2: like EQ than IQ. Our workplaces certainly reward EQ more 444 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 2: than IQ, and so I do think we're moving in 445 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 2: that direction, but I think men are still, you know, 446 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 2: sort of stuck between an old and a new model 447 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 2: and like adjusting to that. 448 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: So we've learned that men, or heterosexual men at least, 449 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 1: are simply kind of socialized to extract certain things from conversations, 450 00:22:55,560 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: and those things differ greatly to what women are trying 451 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: to extract from conversations. But one thing that Noah mentioned 452 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 1: earlier in this episode that struck me is that sometimes 453 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,840 Speaker 1: when he's talking to another man, he doesn't necessarily want 454 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:17,880 Speaker 1: to put that person into this vulnerable situation where where 455 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: they feel like they should share something even if they 456 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: don't want to. 457 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,119 Speaker 6: I think that's what it is, where it's like, I 458 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 6: don't want to put you in a position where you 459 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 6: feel weird or like I'm trying even though it's like 460 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:32,560 Speaker 6: normal information and't I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if you asked 461 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 6: that follow up upon me, But I don't want to 462 00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 6: be the person putting you there. 463 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 2: But it's also that putting a man into in a 464 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:43,679 Speaker 2: vulnerable quote unquote position has different implications than putting a 465 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 2: woman in a vulnerable position. Right, if I were to 466 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:50,920 Speaker 2: see yeah, female friend cry or tell me that she's 467 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,360 Speaker 2: yeah hurting, and for me to'd be like, oh my god, 468 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,439 Speaker 2: what's going on? Like, you know, and for her to 469 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 2: be emotional or be vulnerable like that's not a threat 470 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:03,160 Speaker 2: to her gender identity. It's not a threat to it's 471 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,239 Speaker 2: it's not transgressive, right, like in a way that it 472 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,439 Speaker 2: is for men right to be vulnerable. And so I 473 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 2: think that a lot of men. I really appreciate you 474 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:16,120 Speaker 2: saying that, because I hear that a lot. Right. If 475 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,439 Speaker 2: I did that to a female friend, it's because I 476 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 2: don't give a shit, Like it literally would just be 477 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:24,120 Speaker 2: like mean, right, Like I would have to like literally 478 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 2: hate her do that. But when a guy does it, 479 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 2: it has a whole there's a whole other intention there behind, 480 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,359 Speaker 2: or a whole other like motivation, and uh, it's and 481 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 2: it's a different thing, you know, because of how honestly 482 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,840 Speaker 2: like dangerous it can be for a guy to be 483 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 2: vulnerable in uh you know, and and that men don't 484 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 2: men don't necessarily want to put another man in that situation, 485 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 2: not because they don't care, because they care about them, right, 486 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,880 Speaker 2: So it's out of love sometimes that I think you 487 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 2: pull back. 488 00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:00,879 Speaker 1: So that's actually a perfect segue into this segment that 489 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 1: we want to do after the break. Basically, Devin, Noah 490 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 1: and I would like to think that we know each 491 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: other pretty well, partially because we do ask each other 492 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: follow up questions. But we want to put that to 493 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 1: the test, and so, Liz, we're gonna ask you to 494 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,040 Speaker 1: come up with three things that you think good friends 495 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:24,919 Speaker 1: should know about each other, and then the three of 496 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 1: us are going to take that quiz and see how 497 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:36,919 Speaker 1: we fare. Okay, but that's after the break. Welcome to 498 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,800 Speaker 1: a game show titled do Manny, Noah and Devin know 499 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,480 Speaker 1: literally one single thing about each other? 500 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 8: Live? 501 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,480 Speaker 1: We're here with special guests Liz Plank. Why don't we 502 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 1: go ahead and get started with question number one? 503 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,400 Speaker 2: I feel like you should know your best friend's middle name. 504 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,959 Speaker 1: I think, yes, we're already losing. 505 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm thinking of. 506 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 1: I'm sweating basic. So why don't we start in the 507 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 1: in the order of how we say the name show? Yeah, 508 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: So I'll go first. You guys gotta have to guess 509 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,600 Speaker 1: my middle name, okay, or do you know my middle name? 510 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,000 Speaker 3: I thought I did, but now I don't. 511 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,160 Speaker 1: Well, this one's already hard because my family is from Eritrea, 512 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,439 Speaker 1: and the naming convention there is so much different than 513 00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,440 Speaker 1: it is in the Western world. Basically, you don't have 514 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,760 Speaker 1: a family name necessarily, you do like your lineage. 515 00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:33,800 Speaker 5: You get your name. 516 00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:36,320 Speaker 1: Your middle name is your dad's name, and your last 517 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: name is your grandfather's name. And so my dad's name 518 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: is blank blank Fidel, and growing up, we were hanging 519 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:50,119 Speaker 1: out at his auto repair shop, Fidel Auto Repair, and 520 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,040 Speaker 1: I've been using that as kind of my professional stage name, 521 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: even though the way it works in Eritrea is that 522 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: my middle name is my dad's name and my last 523 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,480 Speaker 1: name is my grandfather's name, which is Oakbosgi. But take 524 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: all of that and throw it out the window, because 525 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,760 Speaker 1: my dad decided to buck the lineage trend and give 526 00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,320 Speaker 1: me a middle name. I'm not sure if I've ever 527 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,440 Speaker 1: told you guys this. It starts with a B. 528 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,240 Speaker 3: Benjamin Yeah, yeah, Well it's. 529 00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,440 Speaker 1: Pronounced differently exactly ben yam. 530 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 5: Okay, Well yeah, we had no shot. 531 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: That Yeah all right, No, uh, isn't it something like 532 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,440 Speaker 1: Clark or something like that. It's something that's way more. 533 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,119 Speaker 9: Let's just start with I don't want to say it, 534 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,200 Speaker 9: but b oh is it also it's. 535 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:43,040 Speaker 1: Not Benjamin, is it? Holy shit? All right, we are 536 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:44,080 Speaker 1: failing terribly. 537 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,400 Speaker 3: I know that's funny. 538 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,280 Speaker 1: Damn all right, Devin. 539 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 5: Devon's already got two first names. 540 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:54,040 Speaker 3: You guys should kind of notice one. I know. 541 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,480 Speaker 6: I feel like I definitely will have known it once 542 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:56,919 Speaker 6: I hear it. 543 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 7: There's a I will say there's a celebrity connection, not 544 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,320 Speaker 7: actually not why actually yes, but why we've talked about it. 545 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:07,400 Speaker 1: Devin James. 546 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, I like Jordan. 547 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 1: Devin James, and just for the listeners, the three of 548 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 1: us are huge fans of Kevin James. 549 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,880 Speaker 3: We've seen him live and. 550 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,959 Speaker 1: So wow, that's hilarious. I don't think I knew that, 551 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: all right, So Liz would be pretty disappointed in us 552 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: so far. 553 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,040 Speaker 3: Hey, we got it right, Yeah. 554 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 1: No, no, no, but now I'm actually gonna remember this. 555 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:31,879 Speaker 1: The problem is we just didn't know that. 556 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 3: But it's like middle names are tough. 557 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:40,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't come up really no, okay. 558 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:45,600 Speaker 2: Number two, they're astrological signs, like I feel like you 559 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 2: need to know which kails it, you know their birthday. 560 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 5: I don't know. 561 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: I don't know the signs either, but vague I think 562 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,480 Speaker 1: I can get your guys' birthday. So let's let's start 563 00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:57,880 Speaker 1: with mine. 564 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 3: Yours is this is kind of She's unfair. 565 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,760 Speaker 1: It did just happen, but the party was not on 566 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,160 Speaker 1: the day. 567 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:05,040 Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, the eleventh. 568 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,640 Speaker 1: Al right, so we got Manny all right. Noah is 569 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 1: August the first, who almost aid third? And Devin is 570 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 1: September seventh. 571 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:16,200 Speaker 3: That's correct. 572 00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: Wow, killed it all right? Liz not happy for question 573 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: number one. Liz very happy for question number two. Question 574 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,440 Speaker 1: number three is kind of spicy. 575 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 2: You should know who their exes like, who their like 576 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 2: last breakup was with. You should be able to give 577 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 2: a one line at least about why the breakup happened. 578 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:45,400 Speaker 2: That's If you can't, I'm gonna die. Are you serious. 579 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,240 Speaker 1: Previous breakup and why? 580 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 5: And why? So? 581 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: And now are we considering literally the last person you 582 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 1: called a partner? 583 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 3: Or that's what I was going to ask. Is this 584 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 3: a situationship? 585 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,960 Speaker 6: Very based on you know, I would say more serious? 586 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: All right, so we'll start with me. 587 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,960 Speaker 3: I have no idea. 588 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: It's not a trick question, it's it should be easy. 589 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,960 Speaker 7: Yeah, wow, I thought there had to be someone someone else. 590 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, okay, why I have no idea? 591 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 1: I mean this one, this one's hard too, because it's 592 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:25,959 Speaker 1: like there's not one reason. 593 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, why where do I beg give? 594 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: It's actually one hundred. I mean, I don't think that 595 00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: it was one person not a good match. Yeah, I 596 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 1: think for a long we were young and stupid. 597 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:38,280 Speaker 3: What year was that? 598 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 1: Actually I remember it vividly because it was during the 599 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: World Cup, so it's twenty eighteen, broken, I remember, Holy shit, 600 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 1: I remember the eighteen Yeah, whoa. 601 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 6: I guess that makes sense if then you had a 602 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 6: couple of years of nothing and COVID. 603 00:30:55,480 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 1: It wasn't nothing, it was Yeah. I remember of the 604 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: World Cup being like kind of saving my ass in 605 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: terms of just like, oh, a big breakup happened. But 606 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:11,880 Speaker 1: now I'm yeah, I'm a huge fan of the beautiful game. 607 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:18,040 Speaker 1: All right, all right, Noah, is this the obvious one? 608 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 3: Probably? 609 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 610 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:21,560 Speaker 3: Now I'm blinking on her name. 611 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,240 Speaker 1: And I'm kind of blinking on her name is Yeah. 612 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:30,160 Speaker 1: The why, to the best of my recollection, I don't know. 613 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 1: She just kind of didn't seem about it that life. 614 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, I don't think we saw an eye on 615 00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 9: what we wanted at the time. 616 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 3: So, yeah, it ran its. 617 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 1: Scores as well. Fair fair enough, Devin, We all know 618 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:45,640 Speaker 1: this one because it was big news. 619 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 2: This is. 620 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,840 Speaker 1: Correct, Okay, the reason why though, I mean, I guess 621 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 1: there's a couple of reasons. 622 00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,160 Speaker 3: There wasn't like a big fight or anything, so it's 623 00:31:59,200 --> 00:31:59,720 Speaker 3: not as fun. 624 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 5: Yeah, that was a good one, because this is the issue. 625 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 7: I think the issue with this is we're we gave 626 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:08,280 Speaker 7: ourselves the easy way out. What do you mean because 627 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,560 Speaker 7: we said relationships in that situationships? 628 00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,720 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, situationships. 629 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 7: I think if we asked, she would know all her 630 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 7: friends sitationships. 631 00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:19,240 Speaker 1: Yep, yep, that's true. 632 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 6: And I'll also say it's interesting because like we're saying 633 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 6: things but like that was never a conversation we had. 634 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:26,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Like I remember. 635 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 5: You texted us, Yeah, you told us he broke up. 636 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,840 Speaker 9: Yeah, And I think we were both like, oh, damn, 637 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 9: that's crazy. 638 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,880 Speaker 1: That's crazy. I think in the text I remember saying 639 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,720 Speaker 1: something stupid like damn end of an era or something. 640 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 3: That was pretty good. Season finale. 641 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: Just when you thought this episode was over, Liz had 642 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 1: one more challenge for us. 643 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,720 Speaker 2: When's the last time that like one of you three 644 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:05,680 Speaker 2: shared uh difficulty, like a challenging situation, a relationship issue, 645 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:06,920 Speaker 2: a work issue. 646 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 1: Well, it's Funny you mentioned earlier that men don't give 647 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,760 Speaker 1: themselves a chance to go deeper because they're always watching 648 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,040 Speaker 1: like a basketball game. Because Noah and I literally made 649 00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,640 Speaker 1: plans to watch the Lakers at a bar after this. 650 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:20,840 Speaker 5: Yeah, I won. 651 00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 6: Not be sharing any personal information out there. 652 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,200 Speaker 2: Why don't you guys share a personal each share a 653 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 2: personal struggle that's going on for you, and then you 654 00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,360 Speaker 2: can talk about how it felt. 655 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 1: All right, well, then I can go first. Mine is 656 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,959 Speaker 1: this this medicine I've been taking? 657 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, so last year. 658 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: Hey, I won't bore you guys with the actual conversation, 659 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:57,320 Speaker 1: but I will summarize it. Basically. I talked about the 660 00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:02,680 Speaker 1: complications I'm having with some medication taking. Devin shared that 661 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 1: he's trying to find a balance between work that he 662 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 1: loves and work that gets him paid, and Noah shared 663 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:14,319 Speaker 1: that he's been trying to identify what his priorities are 664 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: these days. The conversation lasted about thirty minutes, and then 665 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 1: we talked about what it felt like to share these 666 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:33,440 Speaker 1: struggles with each other. How did that feel, guys sharing 667 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,879 Speaker 1: your personal struggles with the boys. I guess I can 668 00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: go first. If obviously it's like good to kind of 669 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,800 Speaker 1: get something off your chest or say something very personal. 670 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,840 Speaker 1: It feels therapeutic, YadA YadA. What I just said wasn't 671 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,480 Speaker 1: necessarily like a secret or something that I should have 672 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,439 Speaker 1: told you but hadn't yet. So I kind of feel like, yeah, 673 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,800 Speaker 1: if we were bowling and I had a drink or something, 674 00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,360 Speaker 1: I might be complaining about that, and then yeah, it 675 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,360 Speaker 1: would have come up naturally. There can only be good 676 00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,759 Speaker 1: to gain from like sharing that with someone. But how 677 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:07,560 Speaker 1: did you guys feel? 678 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,920 Speaker 6: Obviously, because of the construction of this, it's a little 679 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,880 Speaker 6: different because like, yeah, not that we're forced to do it, 680 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,279 Speaker 6: but it's like it's being set up in a different way. 681 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 6: We're on mics, I mean, but you know, and yeah, 682 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,359 Speaker 6: I don't think it was like I'm not pouring out 683 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 6: the depths of my soul, you know. But at the 684 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:26,279 Speaker 6: same time, it's like, well, these aren't things that we 685 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 6: really would talk about normally. I don't think I would 686 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 6: want every conversation to be like this. Yeah, it's like 687 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 6: there's a balance, I guess, But I think, you know, 688 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,200 Speaker 6: sprinkling in a little bore wouldn't hurt me. 689 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 1: I guess. It's also the way you talk about something 690 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:47,680 Speaker 1: where like if I had brought up the medicine, if 691 00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: I was like a couple of beers deep or something, 692 00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:52,520 Speaker 1: I'd be talking about in a completely different way than 693 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:57,360 Speaker 1: like sharing that what I'm struggling with, right, Yeah, yeah, 694 00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,520 Speaker 1: so it does help, I guess to be like, Okay, 695 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,279 Speaker 1: here's what what's going on? Yeah, versus you know, just 696 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,040 Speaker 1: shouting at someone over loud music. 697 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,600 Speaker 5: Yeah, but it was it's nice to do. 698 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 6: Yeah, I'll probably be sharing more in MI nend or 699 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 6: trying to keep the door open a little bit, versus 700 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,200 Speaker 6: being like, oh that sucks, yeah crazy, well, like my 701 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 6: chicken tenders already, you know, like you know what I mean, 702 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:23,320 Speaker 6: Let's have some fun and try to just be a 703 00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,520 Speaker 6: little more open or receptive to that in case that 704 00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,399 Speaker 6: is what someone's looking for. 705 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,000 Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, in that moment. 706 00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:33,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, it certainly it did prove kind of Liz's hypothesis, 707 00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,000 Speaker 1: but I guess it's not necessarily hers. But she was 708 00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 1: talking about how we're just kind of socialized differently than women, 709 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,640 Speaker 1: and we're socialized to want different things from conversations. It 710 00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 1: never occurred to me to tell you guys that medicine thing, 711 00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,920 Speaker 1: because I don't know why. Maybe in my head, I'm like, 712 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,640 Speaker 1: they don't why would they care about this? Or like 713 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,920 Speaker 1: but yeah, just never occurred to me. 714 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 7: Yeah, I agree with No, this didn't feel like a 715 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,840 Speaker 7: groundbreaking like, yeah, I don't know this is their right 716 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,319 Speaker 7: circumstances for us to have. 717 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 1: Like, yeah we would, Yeah, and I don't know that 718 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,000 Speaker 1: it was of the. 719 00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:14,360 Speaker 7: I do think to Know's point, it will be in 720 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,400 Speaker 7: the back of my head now because it seems like 721 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,240 Speaker 7: we're all open to talking about stuff. 722 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, it's just like. 723 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,359 Speaker 7: We don't want to prod so it puts more of 724 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,840 Speaker 7: the like the person telling the thing just has to 725 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,960 Speaker 7: volunteer more information. Yeah, that's true in our dynamic, like 726 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 7: that's the only way we're gonna Like I think if 727 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,080 Speaker 7: one of us volunteered more information, then we would. 728 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:34,840 Speaker 3: Ask more questions. 729 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,959 Speaker 9: But pretty surface level, we're just sort of like, cool, 730 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:41,239 Speaker 9: Yeah that's all you match, mat Yeah exactly. So I 731 00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 9: think after this, yeah, I'll maybe be more proactive about 732 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,600 Speaker 9: if it's a thing I want to talk about, opening 733 00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 9: the door a bit more like. 734 00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,480 Speaker 6: Yeah, next time Devin breaks up with a girlfriend of 735 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:56,080 Speaker 6: eight years, I'm gonna ask. 736 00:37:55,960 --> 00:38:09,080 Speaker 1: Why thanks for listening to our confessions. This was no 737 00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,840 Speaker 1: Such Thing by Manny, Noah and Devin. The theme song 738 00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,319 Speaker 1: was produced by me Manny. Thank you so much to 739 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:19,600 Speaker 1: our guest Liz Plank, whose book For the Love of 740 00:38:19,680 --> 00:38:23,120 Speaker 1: Men is out everywhere. If you thought that this conversation 741 00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:26,480 Speaker 1: was even a little bit insightful, you're gonna love that book. 742 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,359 Speaker 1: If you like the show, we're asking you to give 743 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,719 Speaker 1: us a five star rating on wherever you're listening. We're 744 00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:35,480 Speaker 1: doing this show by ourselves and could use every little 745 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,480 Speaker 1: bit of help from people who enjoy it. And also 746 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:42,520 Speaker 1: be sure to subscribe to our substack at No Such 747 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:51,400 Speaker 1: Thing dot show. We'll see you next week.