Speaker 1: If there was a problem, where to your mother?
Speaker 2: Welcome everyone to two Cool Moms with Joe Gado and
Speaker 2: Steve Burn.
Speaker 3: How are you doing today, Steve?
Speaker 1: Wonderful, It's great to be here. Nice to see you, Mommy,
Speaker 1: good to see you.
Speaker 2: Question is what people are gonna ask, why why?
Speaker 3: Why?
Speaker 1: First off, why another podcast? There's over two hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty thousand podcasts in the world right now. Why does
Speaker 1: the world need this one?
Speaker 3: But we think we think we finally cracked it.
Speaker 1: I think we cracked it. Yeah, this is this is
Speaker 1: an original premise, So do you want to explain the premise.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, the idea was, I love Steve Burn and
Speaker 2: I love to talk with him and chat with him,
Speaker 2: and we always find each other giving each other motherly advice,
Speaker 2: like he's one of my trusted confidants vice versa. Right,
Speaker 2: So we've bonded this way over that and we've we've
Speaker 2: tracked down and just talking normally.
Speaker 3: That we both had.
Speaker 2: Very strong moms, very strong mom loved our dads too,
Speaker 2: but our moms when it came to like advice and whatever,
Speaker 2: they always shot straight gave the advice.
Speaker 3: And we feel like we've inherited that.
Speaker 1: Yes, because mothers I think have obviously the bond of
Speaker 1: a child, and they are more apt to listen. They're
Speaker 1: more apt to listen and then disseminate the information and
Speaker 1: dispel it as opposed to a station wagon pulling it
Speaker 1: at five oh one.
Speaker 3: Like today was awful. Where's my food?
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, we don't want to talk to them,
Speaker 1: you know, right, So.
Speaker 2: We consider ourselves very mommy like in the way that
Speaker 2: we have inherited that from our mothers, so we.
Speaker 1: Don't quite I've always said you're very mommy like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you were mostly talking about my men books,
Speaker 2: my physique.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So so, so we decided, you know what, we're gonna
Speaker 2: be a.
Speaker 3: Couple of cool moms on here, and what we're gonna
Speaker 3: do is go out, don't choke to.
Speaker 1: The Sorry, Yeah, we're going to some cool moms. We
Speaker 1: got to get over the title. Yeah, I gotta get
Speaker 1: over the t You're very you're very accepting. I'm still like, okay,
Speaker 1: we're really calling this two cool moms.
Speaker 3: We were really doing this because we want to help
Speaker 3: the world.
Speaker 2: That's when we come down to this is why we
Speaker 2: both got in the comedy, is we like to make
Speaker 2: the world laugh, that's right. We want to people to
Speaker 2: forget that bullshit problems, that's right, and we want to
Speaker 2: lend a helping hand.
Speaker 1: We want to And we have no professional experience whatsoever
Speaker 1: in this. We've never studied psychology. We're just you know what,
Speaker 1: We've come from the school of hard knocks. Our school
Speaker 1: colors are black and blue. So we're here to help anyway.
Speaker 1: We again, so if things get too scientific or medical,
Speaker 1: we'll student.
Speaker 2: We'll do our best, right, We'll try, Yeah, we will
Speaker 2: try our due diligence.
Speaker 1: We will try.
Speaker 2: There will be an ounce of we're just shooting from
Speaker 2: the hip, but we're going to try to be a
Speaker 2: little bit of research.
Speaker 3: Possibly, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I might, I might google a term if I don't
Speaker 2: understand when people are asking right.
Speaker 1: Right, But we're gonna be It could be called to
Speaker 1: two cool moms that really try hard.
Speaker 3: But it's too long. So it was too with Joe
Speaker 3: and Joe. Yeah, it's a long title.
Speaker 2: We are, So we put a call out to action.
Speaker 2: It's going to be an interactive podcast. We're going to
Speaker 2: have people send in anonymously because we don't want to
Speaker 2: out people.
Speaker 3: Yes, so we will announce.
Speaker 2: Anonymously help solve people's problems. We're solving the world world's
Speaker 2: problems one of the time.
Speaker 1: And you actually came up with a theme song. If
Speaker 1: I'll just snap you well, I thought.
Speaker 3: I would have played already. Oh yeah, yeah, okay, whoops,
Speaker 3: Well it's the inaugural issue. Ready, I'll do that. I'll
Speaker 3: do the beat box, and then you need the second part. Help.
Speaker 2: Yo, you got a problem, Two cools BOMs will solve it,
Speaker 2: check it out while Steven Joe revolve it go so bad?
Speaker 3: Two cool bombs subscribe. We're gonna wait right now as
Speaker 3: the world subscribes.
Speaker 2: Okay, now those two people, those two listeners subscribe, So
Speaker 2: let's move on.
Speaker 3: What do you think? What are you looking for to get?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 1: Look, I truly, I truly, in all sincerity. I love
Speaker 1: hanging out with you first and foremost. I love shooting
Speaker 1: the breeze with you. And like you said, there have
Speaker 1: been a few times where I've been in a pickle
Speaker 1: I've reached out to you. You offer great advice vice versa.
Speaker 1: So I'm looking forward to the interactivity of this and
Speaker 1: getting to know people via social media and them communicating
Speaker 1: their problems to us and we're like literally trying to
Speaker 1: do our best.
Speaker 3: We're trying our We're trying now.
Speaker 1: I'm sure some of the advice is gonna be pretty bad.
Speaker 1: But I think we're both we both are cut from
Speaker 1: the same cloth. I think we both have pretty decent
Speaker 1: moral compasses, and I think from there we will disseminate
Speaker 1: some hopefully good advice.
Speaker 2: I think I think that this is this is fake
Speaker 2: This is veneer it pdf p what is pfd pdf?
Speaker 2: What is that the fake wood PDF is? Where PDF
Speaker 2: is an Adobe Acrobat format?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: What is what is the fake wood? Compressed wood?
Speaker 1: This?
Speaker 3: This is a self center for a long time.
Speaker 1: This is what's gonna end up ruining our oceans.
Speaker 3: I think about another thirty years. That's what this is. Yeah, right,
Speaker 3: it's gonna wash up on shore in Jersey somewhere. We
Speaker 3: should also say that this is a comedic podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's not gonna be heavy listening. It's gonna be fun.
Speaker 3: It's gonna be it's gonna be We're gonna try to
Speaker 3: make it as fun as possible. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Look, if you're on a bridge and it's come to that, like,
Speaker 1: definitely don't reach out to us.
Speaker 2: No, because also we can This takes us about a
Speaker 2: week to film, a week to record.
Speaker 1: If you got seven days to kind of chill out
Speaker 1: until you get the answer, then you probably shouldn't be
Speaker 1: on the bridge.
Speaker 3: In the first place.
Speaker 2: It's a very good point that this is your problems
Speaker 2: will be solved. But according to our timeline of available.
Speaker 1: Elevation, now this is this is uh. This is an
Speaker 1: example of where we're at. Joe. Joe put out a
Speaker 1: call to action and reached out to his fans and
Speaker 1: instantly had.
Speaker 3: Like, quite a you got one hundred requests a lot, yeah,
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 1: I did the same and let's get the ghost.
Speaker 3: So Steve, you have you you vetted these?
Speaker 1: Yes, I have vetted these, and look, some of these
Speaker 1: are hilarious. Some of these are really you know, I
Speaker 1: think more on the serious side. But we'll we'll do
Speaker 1: our best.
Speaker 3: We're not afraid to tackle anything.
Speaker 2: Here on Cool Moms, we just a couple of cool
Speaker 2: moms trying to help out the world.
Speaker 1: That's great now as too cool Moms. I think this
Speaker 1: is very relatable. This is coming to us from a
Speaker 1: very sweet young lady and her question is my husband.
Speaker 1: Right away, I'm like, okay, I'm listening It's like we're
Speaker 1: just three girls of brunch.
Speaker 3: Here we go. What did he do?
Speaker 1: So my husband is okay, ready, my husband is always
Speaker 1: asking me to smell his finger as a joke. And
Speaker 1: how how do I get him back?
Speaker 3: This is the first problem that we're solving.
Speaker 1: This is our first problem. This is the first I
Speaker 1: wanted this one to be the first case because there's
Speaker 1: some there's some rare ones. But I thought, let's let's let's.
Speaker 3: Dip our toe in the water first. Okay, you know,
Speaker 3: let's let's let's dip our finger in the water.
Speaker 1: That's right, Yeah, and then and have our wife smell it.
Speaker 3: So how do we get? How do we get?
Speaker 1: I haven't done smell my finger since eighth grade?
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably is the last time, you know.
Speaker 1: So, first off, this guy's really immature, right, and I
Speaker 1: like him.
Speaker 3: It doesn't mean a bad person as a cool mom. Yes,
Speaker 3: I like this dad, you don't if they have children.
Speaker 3: You're putting that out there on him.
Speaker 1: So he's jamming his fingers in his wife's face. He
Speaker 1: thinks it's funny.
Speaker 3: Well, there is a thing that.
Speaker 2: She wrote into a strangers Instagram to out him to
Speaker 2: talk about on the podcast.
Speaker 3: I think she's over it. I think it's safe. This
Speaker 3: is really over and she's still looking to talk to anybody. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The thing that the thing that this breaks down to, though,
Speaker 2: is when one party thinks something is funny and the
Speaker 2: other party has stopped a long time ago.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: My wife had that thing where, for some reason when
Speaker 1: we first started dating, I would flick her Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd flick her in the arms, just like ah, that's
Speaker 1: you know whatever, and and she was like, she was
Speaker 1: like stop. And it took like three months and then
Speaker 1: she's like, seriously, I don't like it. And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, wow. And it was one of those things.
Speaker 3: Where I do I have to break up with this bitch? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But no, of course not. I think she's she's the best.
Speaker 3: She's ended up.
Speaker 2: Don't called her a bitch. Classic backpedaling. We know you
Speaker 2: love her.
Speaker 1: You have to edit at four minutes thirty seconds.
Speaker 3: Please, no thing about cool moms.
Speaker 1: We we don't edit, We don't edit. No, this is
Speaker 1: gonna keep. This is We're just cool moms, just too
Speaker 1: cool moms. Well, we're too busy, we're too busy and
Speaker 1: yogurt and hanging out at Lane Bryant.
Speaker 3: Hey, but I'm not gonna commit that. We're not gonna edit.
Speaker 3: We're straight.
Speaker 1: We might have to add well, I'll be coupon clipping,
Speaker 1: so I won't have time.
Speaker 3: Very true. Yeah, I got to go.
Speaker 1: I got a roller blade and I got a water
Speaker 1: aerobics with the seniors that are teacher at the y
Speaker 1: on the weekend.
Speaker 3: I don't get time.
Speaker 2: Aerob I have a thing with my wife where I
Speaker 2: used to open mouth sneeze on her all the time.
Speaker 3: No, yes, Joe, yes, she inherited.
Speaker 2: That because I used to do that to annoy my
Speaker 2: older sister, Carla open mouthed.
Speaker 3: I know who took that joke was pre COVID, but
Speaker 3: COVID took that joke for me.
Speaker 1: No, so this happened just as COVID.
Speaker 2: The last time I opened mount sneeze on her was
Speaker 2: February fourth of twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: So fucking gross, dude.
Speaker 2: It's so funny at the same time, but she's so
Speaker 2: over it, and I would do it every time.
Speaker 1: That is, you'd be driving and just yeah, yeah, and
Speaker 1: just the mist of mucus.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm working. I got a big nose.
Speaker 2: It's like a dumble It's just like a shotgun, right,
Speaker 2: but yes, but I would make it mouthy on purpose.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want any snock, so I would just like
Speaker 2: make sure that it was more spittle than anything else.
Speaker 1: Dude, that's fucking disgusting. She had to be outraged, was
Speaker 1: she not outraged? So, man, you get a missed of
Speaker 1: if you get a missed on you, dude.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, it's that there's at the
Speaker 2: same time, so grol mom, it's.
Speaker 1: What I'm listening. I just don't agree. I don't like it.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I'm just I have a point counterpoint at
Speaker 2: the same time.
Speaker 1: A woman, I don't listen.
Speaker 3: You just need to anything that far.
Speaker 1: You're not a cool mod At the same time.
Speaker 2: We like she would you know that thing when something
Speaker 2: angers you and you hate that it happened, but you
Speaker 2: also laugh.
Speaker 3: So she makes the mistake of always laughing. So like
Speaker 3: your wife when you flicked her, she got she stopped
Speaker 3: laughed the first few times, but then she laughing.
Speaker 1: She snapped on me.
Speaker 2: Okay, see, Bessie has not reached that point yet. So
Speaker 2: I think I think more sneezes in the bout COVID.
Speaker 3: I haven't done this post COVID. COVID took this joke
Speaker 3: from me. Yeah, okay, a.
Speaker 2: World pandemic, I will I will bow to the world
Speaker 2: pandemic when she's vaccinated.
Speaker 3: Though that game then games on games, she came back
Speaker 3: with a vack shot.
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, baby, I was sniff and pepper
Speaker 2: just to get her.
Speaker 1: So was there something though that that that she did
Speaker 1: literally build the wall and say enough, enough's enough.
Speaker 3: No, I don't think so. Maybe I'm just not a
Speaker 3: good listener.
Speaker 1: But that sounds like a bad dad.
Speaker 3: That's like a bad dad. Hey, this is about being
Speaker 3: cool mom. This is about cool mom. Has nothing to
Speaker 3: be doing about our dad and cool momps man, cool
Speaker 3: momps wear cool moms. We fish pop.
Speaker 2: So that that all brings us to the point of
Speaker 2: our friend here trying to solve the smell my finger joke.
Speaker 3: This is coming from a place where the husband thinks
Speaker 3: it's funny.
Speaker 1: The husband thinks it's funny. She obviously does not. And
Speaker 1: I understand. I think you just got it. I mean
Speaker 1: it worked for me, right, you just got to snap
Speaker 1: it's gonna go. I don't think that's funny, yes, And
Speaker 1: I think that'll.
Speaker 2: Work if you're laughing you're being like my wife and
Speaker 2: you're gonna live a life of being sneezed on.
Speaker 3: So I think that's it. So see, now we've go
Speaker 3: Do we just solve our first problem? Yeah? Fucking cool, mom.
Speaker 2: That ship.
Speaker 1: Let us know if it works, dude.
Speaker 3: It feels great.
Speaker 2: If not, I will say, if it doesn't work, open
Speaker 2: moutha sinneez in his face and say every time you
Speaker 2: do that to me, I'm going to seize in your face.
Speaker 3: And there you go. Right, So we've given it back.
Speaker 3: We've webon was full circle. Oh that's great, all right.
Speaker 1: That was our first one. That was our first one.
Speaker 1: That feels good. We're going good in the world. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me let me take a look.
Speaker 3: At this next one where we're we're not to help people.
Speaker 1: Okay, uh hi, Joe and Steve. While I'm not a parent,
Speaker 1: I'm actually dealing with one of my parents. I got
Speaker 1: sick in twenty seventeen at the age of twenty five
Speaker 1: with a virus that attacked my brain and spinal cord.
Speaker 1: Learning to walk again the past two years or so,
Speaker 1: my dad says that I am not working hard enough
Speaker 1: to get fully mobile again. How do you go about
Speaker 1: interacting with family who isn't willing to compromise on their beliefs.
Speaker 3: So that has a different vibe. Let's go back.
Speaker 1: My husband asked me to smell his His finger is
Speaker 1: a joe.
Speaker 3: So okay, So this guy uh a man? Was it
Speaker 3: a guy at man guy? He said, I yes, it's
Speaker 3: a dude. Okay. So he had an accident or yeah,
Speaker 3: or he got sick. He got sick, got his spine
Speaker 3: aft up, can't walk.
Speaker 1: At a virus in twenty seventeen. This virus attacked his
Speaker 1: brain and spinal ward.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's rough.
Speaker 1: So that's a double whammie. And he's just now learning
Speaker 1: to walk again.
Speaker 3: Oh, so good on him.
Speaker 2: All right, he's coming back, he's trying to make it back,
Speaker 2: but he's not going as fast as his dad would like.
Speaker 3: It seems what we're.
Speaker 2: Sees, what we're doing, that seems more like the dad's
Speaker 2: problem than it does to the guys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, who's to say. It's like when you
Speaker 1: get into an argument, like, for example, when I get
Speaker 1: in an argument with my wife, it's so easy for
Speaker 1: me to be dismissive to her, like it's not that
Speaker 1: big of a deal. What the fuck, let's just move on,
Speaker 1: let's get past it. But you know what, it's a
Speaker 1: pretty big deal to her. And in the last few
Speaker 1: years I realized, Okay, when something means something to her,
Speaker 1: who am I to say or negate that feeling or emotion.
Speaker 1: So it's like, I want to give her her credence,
Speaker 1: her opportunity and respect exactly what it is she's dealing with,
Speaker 1: and eventually hopefully things come to pass. Uh, usually with
Speaker 1: the help of boxed wine.
Speaker 3: The finest wine. Yea, the finest box wine.
Speaker 1: But uh, but I think I think the father needs
Speaker 1: to be a hell of a lot more sympathetic, especially
Speaker 1: considering that your your baby, your child had a debilitating
Speaker 1: virus that attacked your brain and spinal cord. It's like,
Speaker 1: who you did?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it seems like we need to talk to the
Speaker 2: father in the situation, not necessarily the person that wrote
Speaker 2: in to speak to cool moms.
Speaker 3: So the problem is there's only so much a good do.
Speaker 1: He's like, listen, listen, dad, I don't appreciate the way
Speaker 1: you you've been treating me.
Speaker 3: Now, two guys on a podcast called Two.
Speaker 5: Cool Moms gave me this advice. This is what up
Speaker 5: gave you. This advice two cool moms? And who who's
Speaker 5: the two cool moms? Stephen Johnson? What the heck is
Speaker 5: going on? How bad is your brain being attacked? So
Speaker 5: I would say this, I would.
Speaker 3: Say, but how is he going to commute communicate it?
Speaker 2: That's That's what it all comes down to it, right,
Speaker 2: So this situation is just someone not understanding the implications
Speaker 2: of their let's call it ignorance or.
Speaker 3: Mindset sympathy. Yes, there's a lack of sympathy. Yeah. Also
Speaker 3: maybe has a point. Maybe this guy is not recovering
Speaker 3: fast enough. Is he being lazy? Is this something he
Speaker 3: could do? I'm just playing, I'm playing Devil's advocate.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, Well is he going to physical.
Speaker 3: Therapy once a month when he should be going every week? Like,
Speaker 3: we don't have all the details here. It seems a
Speaker 3: little bi Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sounds like he spent some time in the hospital
Speaker 1: with brain and spinal cord being attacked by a virus.
Speaker 3: I mean that sounds pretty severe, right, But I'm just saying,
Speaker 3: what is Dad's POV here? Is Dad? Like, Dad's got
Speaker 3: to have some AMMO to be like, you're not doing
Speaker 3: your you're not doing your part here?
Speaker 1: Ted, Well, yeah, that's true. We don't know what his
Speaker 1: track record is. Before this was he kind of a
Speaker 1: little more lax.
Speaker 2: He sounds like a gamer. He sounds like, Yeah, maybe
Speaker 2: smokes the marijuana. What is it called the marijuana?
Speaker 3: Marijuana? Well, we're cool moms. We probably we probably tooke.
Speaker 3: Isn't that what they say? I've never tried drug? About life?
Speaker 3: It's terrible.
Speaker 2: No, of course I'm joking. What I'm saying to this
Speaker 2: guy's I don't think it's our problem. And what I
Speaker 2: think you need to do is remember that sometimes you
Speaker 2: can't adjust people's perspective and you either have to deal
Speaker 2: with them and this unfortunate situation.
Speaker 3: It's your parents are They're going to be in your life.
Speaker 2: You can't just get rid of them, and you just
Speaker 2: have to communicate as best you can that what they're
Speaker 2: doing is making you upset.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and if things get really, really bad, my advice
Speaker 1: to is just get up and walk out. Although you
Speaker 1: are I had to, I couldn't.
Speaker 3: I had to do it. I appreciate it. I'm sure
Speaker 3: he's probably laughing. He's got to be laughing. He's got
Speaker 3: to be. I'm sure, yeah, he's got to be. But
Speaker 3: look in all sinceritority. You know he's not going to
Speaker 3: stand for that, so oh we double him down? What
Speaker 3: are we doing?
Speaker 1: Well, he's starting to sound like a daddy.
Speaker 3: You're right, this guy, this guy, this is what I
Speaker 3: appreciate about this guy.
Speaker 2: Though he is reaching out to two comedians to help
Speaker 2: to just to discuss this. Yes, you know, so he
Speaker 2: knows he's gonna be humored to all this. Of course
Speaker 2: we feel for him, and of course we want the best,
Speaker 2: nothing but the best. First segment.
Speaker 3: I love how you're doing this, I am, but I
Speaker 3: will also say at.
Speaker 1: The same thing you are cleaning up with him up
Speaker 1: like a good momy.
Speaker 3: I'm also gonna say he needs to stand on his
Speaker 3: own two feet for three. Hey, listen, we love you.
Speaker 3: If your dad's gonna be a dick about it, you
Speaker 3: know what fun him?
Speaker 1: That's what You're on your own timetable. Do you know
Speaker 1: that the effort you're putting into all of this is
Speaker 1: your own.
Speaker 3: You're the only one that could be the barometer for
Speaker 3: if you think you do enough work. That's the baxactly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, the temperance of pain, the temperance of
Speaker 1: what it is you need to do to get to
Speaker 1: where you're going. So he's either going to be supportive
Speaker 1: or he's not. And I would hope as somebody that
Speaker 1: is your father, I hope he would be supportive if
Speaker 1: I was in your situation. Go, Look, you don't know
Speaker 1: exactly what I'm going through, So you're either going to
Speaker 1: be supportive or not. You make that decision. But I
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day, this kid needs
Speaker 1: to do what's best for him.
Speaker 3: I agree. I agree. And surround yourself with people that
Speaker 3: will support you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and whenever I'm in town doing stand up, you
Speaker 1: DM me and I'll get your tickets to a show
Speaker 1: and would love to have you.
Speaker 3: Come out to call. You had to call it stand up.
Speaker 3: Excuse me? You had to call it stand up? You
Speaker 3: can just say when I'm doing comedy it's not nice.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm an artist, joke, got the art of stand
Speaker 1: up comedy.
Speaker 3: Okay, Okay, here we go the next one. I feel
Speaker 3: good about that one too. I still feel good.
Speaker 1: I feel good.
Speaker 2: I feel like we got lost in the weeds a
Speaker 2: little bit, but we came out of the jung really
Speaker 2: pulled it out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we came out of the jungle without getting eaten
Speaker 3: by a python.
Speaker 1: No, and we came out with some with some chuckles,
Speaker 1: we got some giggles.
Speaker 3: It's a comedy podcast, I hope.
Speaker 1: So okay, this one, I think you're gonna enjoy.
Speaker 3: We should be sitting right Tofandel's.
Speaker 1: Should have hold it like this and like have some
Speaker 1: yogurt and like an sa e bowl. We should always
Speaker 1: be in yoga pants when we should be.
Speaker 2: We should get a sponsored by speaking of which two
Speaker 2: cool mom sponsored by Lululemon.
Speaker 3: All right, here we go. I love this one.
Speaker 1: I have like I love how he's typing, like he's talking.
Speaker 1: I have like four great different girls who would like
Speaker 1: to date me, but I don't really want to be
Speaker 1: with anyone. I honestly feel happier alone. But everyone is
Speaker 1: pressuring me to choose a girl so you can get married.
Speaker 3: What do I do? Wow?
Speaker 1: Spoil of riches, A spoiler riches, Save some woman for
Speaker 1: the rest of us.
Speaker 3: Man, not two, not three?
Speaker 1: I have like four, so there could be a fifth.
Speaker 2: It could be five, could be could be five because
Speaker 2: when you say, you would have said at least so
Speaker 2: like makes me think it's three.
Speaker 3: And he's trying to bump up the numbers. But he's
Speaker 3: still impressive.
Speaker 1: He's pretty impressive.
Speaker 3: Jury is two more than you need.
Speaker 1: This guy's got a good head of hair. He probably
Speaker 1: works out. Yeah, he's in his early twenties.
Speaker 2: Okay, so he doesn't want to settle down. Do you
Speaker 2: know he's in his early twenties by fact?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm just guessing, got it. The fact
Speaker 3: that he's, uh, he'll be great if he was like
Speaker 3: sixty eight.
Speaker 1: He's getting pressure. Everyone is pressuring me to choose a girl.
Speaker 1: So I don't know where he's growing up, because I
Speaker 1: think most people would be like, he's got to be younger.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's got to be for sure. Did you talk
Speaker 3: to me a little bit about Steve Burns's history? Did
Speaker 3: you horrible late bloomer?
Speaker 2: Were you locked down at any time in your mid
Speaker 2: twenties to because let's say he's mid twenties, twenties to
Speaker 2: thirties when people start thinking about it's time too.
Speaker 3: Because there is a point when you're alone and everybody's like,
Speaker 3: he's still not well.
Speaker 1: I think that that happens probably in your like forties. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe early forties, mid forties.
Speaker 2: I think in our lifetime it's moved late sure, Like
Speaker 2: in our parents' lifetime. It was like, by thirty if
Speaker 2: you are married, yeah, you're an old hag my thirty.
Speaker 3: True.
Speaker 1: Then you look at like I saw this thing where
Speaker 1: I saw like halle Berry is fifty five and Jennifer
Speaker 1: instance fifty two.
Speaker 3: You're like, what are we the same species?
Speaker 1: Like they look phenomenal, right, phenomenal.
Speaker 3: Those are some cool moms. How about you?
Speaker 2: When did you because you well, I was in this
Speaker 2: situation where I didn't want to settle down and people
Speaker 2: will telling me that I should.
Speaker 3: For I'm very much in these shoes. And how old
Speaker 3: were you when that? When that? When? When that started
Speaker 3: catching up?
Speaker 1: And it was resonating because it's resonating with him right now.
Speaker 1: Early thirties, early thirties, thirty two ish? But were most
Speaker 1: of your other friends married? I assume his are, But I.
Speaker 3: Had a couple. I had a couple that were not
Speaker 3: a lot, but I did have a couple.
Speaker 2: But I would say I did have a lot of
Speaker 2: girl friends that fell off to marriage more than my
Speaker 2: guy friends.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: I think he lives probably somewhere in the South, in
Speaker 1: the Midwest, you know what I mean, where it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like all my buddies in college that were dating in
Speaker 1: their twenties, they got married out of the shoot, like
Speaker 1: out of the gates. They had kids quickly, and a
Speaker 1: lot of them are divorced now because I don't think
Speaker 1: they got to kick some tires. I don't think they
Speaker 1: got to have some experiences. I think there needs to
Speaker 1: be some self discovery. I would say to this guy,
Speaker 1: get on a plane, get in your car, go to Vegas, like,
Speaker 1: have some adventures before you because you're feeling like you
Speaker 1: haven't gotten that out of your system. Once you get
Speaker 1: out of your system, I think that's when you're open to,
Speaker 1: you know, drop an anchor.
Speaker 3: Got it.
Speaker 2: So if he is, well, it sounds like he's dropping
Speaker 2: lots of anchors, if you like three or four anchors.
Speaker 2: So if you well, that's interesting because you're putting it
Speaker 2: on him that he needs to get ready to do it.
Speaker 1: But no, I'm putting on him to get out of
Speaker 1: his system, to get out of it, to do it
Speaker 1: when you want to do it. But the way you
Speaker 1: do it is to have some life experience.
Speaker 3: But think, don't you think he's doing that now by
Speaker 3: playing the field.
Speaker 1: Uh, I don't think he is. Because I think I
Speaker 1: think he's sitting there and he's just getting bombarded with
Speaker 1: with ass right, which is a really tough problem to
Speaker 1: have up problem.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'd like to go back to the problem we
Speaker 2: had earlier, but he coming forward. I'm just saying the
Speaker 2: the the thing for me is like he needs to
Speaker 2: be also.
Speaker 3: You need to be ready, right, you need to you
Speaker 3: need to be ready. Yeah, and nobody's gonna put tell
Speaker 3: you in that time is you feel you feel that
Speaker 3: you are.
Speaker 1: I think it's the old adage you got to love
Speaker 1: yourself before you can love somebody.
Speaker 3: And I think.
Speaker 1: It's part and parcel with that. It's like I really
Speaker 1: do think like when I decided to to like look
Speaker 1: for a real partner, I was at a point in
Speaker 1: my life where I was like I felt like I
Speaker 1: got it all out of my system, Like I did
Speaker 1: everything I wanted to do, and you know, in terms
Speaker 1: of like being by myself and knowing that now I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have an obligation to somebody else, so I need
Speaker 1: to be selfless as opposed to selfish, right. And I
Speaker 1: think if I was this guy, I would go to
Speaker 1: those three or four girls and I'd make them smell
Speaker 1: my fingers.
Speaker 3: Right exactla was put up with it. So it's a
Speaker 3: callback to in the biz we called a call. You
Speaker 3: don't have to explain comedy to them.
Speaker 2: These are all they're all comedy e the five people
Speaker 2: listening are comedy heroes. But what what for me is
Speaker 2: that I live that and I don't regret because people
Speaker 2: would be saying that stuff to me, and I don't
Speaker 2: regret that it took me so long. So I would
Speaker 2: tell our friends here, don't don't put a stopwatch on it.
Speaker 2: Don't feel the pressure of other people. You have to
Speaker 2: be ready what you're saying as well.
Speaker 1: But I said it first.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think what you're where you're wrong is.
Speaker 2: I'm a bad mom whatever where I think it's just
Speaker 2: don't feel the pressure that you have to figure it out.
Speaker 2: You'll figure it out when you're ready to. Like I
Speaker 2: figured it out when when I met the right person.
Speaker 2: So get My point is one of these people is
Speaker 2: probably not the right person.
Speaker 3: Oh for sure.
Speaker 1: Probably the chances of any one of the three or
Speaker 1: four being the right person or five probably isn't going
Speaker 1: to be the person. Because you think mathematically of all
Speaker 1: the people you've interact with, flirted with, had a thing with,
Speaker 1: first date with dated. Actually, all those people, you know,
Speaker 1: there's usually only you know you're looking for the one,
Speaker 1: and odds are it's not going to be the one,
Speaker 1: so you know, when it happens, it happens. And most
Speaker 1: of the people I know that have met their significant
Speaker 1: other always say I hear it all the time. The
Speaker 1: minute I met her, I just knew, I think that
Speaker 1: there is something to that.
Speaker 3: I agree. I agree, cool mom. So but I gotta
Speaker 3: tell you, we are three for three.
Speaker 1: This is pretty awesome, and we like you high five
Speaker 1: like a mom.
Speaker 3: You you snapped like a commercial man, like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 3: not afraid.
Speaker 2: I'm embracing my cool mom. You know, my mom had
Speaker 2: a great high five. By the way, my mom was
Speaker 2: known for her high five. She was a small woman.
Speaker 3: Yeah, five foot tall. My dad was six three. Your
Speaker 3: mom could dunk on my mom.
Speaker 1: Okay, they would high five well.
Speaker 2: Together that we would have both low sentence of gravity.
Speaker 2: But my mom used to snap that ship. She was great, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're a great high hoot.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Because she was like a sports mom, like she
Speaker 3: would like, well when I say, it's a sports mom.
Speaker 2: She she coached the bowling teams, but everybody when they
Speaker 2: got a strike, she would give highive and you hear
Speaker 2: that shit echo?
Speaker 1: Is that a Is that a sports mom?
Speaker 3: Sports? Don't you dad? Judge bowling? By the way, it's
Speaker 3: not a soccer mom. There are.
Speaker 1: There's another podcast. But the numbers of bowling have declined
Speaker 1: so significantly that a lot of bowling hours are closing down.
Speaker 1: And they're saying, it's like the sense of American is
Speaker 1: slowly dissipating in this country because the lack of enrollment
Speaker 1: in bowling leagues. And part of me was thinking, I
Speaker 1: want to I kind of want to get a team together,
Speaker 1: and man, you are such a supportive mom. All right,
Speaker 1: here we go, Okay, cool moms.
Speaker 3: I love this. I love it, love it.
Speaker 1: I just relocated to Edinburgh, Scotland from the USA.
Speaker 3: Now I love it here.
Speaker 1: But I'm struggling building a social circle. My friends from
Speaker 1: the US say I'm good, but I think I'm just
Speaker 1: awkward and I'm in my forties. How do you make
Speaker 1: friends outside of work in school? Also, I should note
Speaker 1: I work from home, so I have work friends, but
Speaker 1: none that live nearby.
Speaker 3: Thanks, cool moms. The dilemma, the dilemma of adulthood friends. Yes,
Speaker 3: it's a real problem.
Speaker 1: It's a problem when you're young.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 1: I remember when I first moved to New York City.
Speaker 1: I used to walk up and down the street the
Speaker 1: first week I lived here, going this is a city
Speaker 1: of eight million people and I don't have a single friend.
Speaker 3: Give me, ah, how old are you?
Speaker 1: I was twenty three.
Speaker 3: It's okay, Steve, all right, letting it out. Cool mom.
Speaker 2: So here's the thing, I where we can get emotional.
Speaker 2: I will say I consider you friendly. Yes, friendly person.
Speaker 2: I would say you're an extrovert. Yes, I would say
Speaker 2: to a degree I want to be. Yes, you put you,
Speaker 2: you have you have a you have an egg timer
Speaker 2: on it.
Speaker 3: There's a ding ding day. And then when the turtle
Speaker 3: goes in there, Yeah, that's a you're gone. We've seen
Speaker 3: it all. I will say, it is hard in your.
Speaker 2: Adult life, and it has a lot to do with
Speaker 2: phasing as well, like where you are in your life
Speaker 2: when you are moved to a new neighborhood or now.
Speaker 3: Then you become a parent, or you get divorced or
Speaker 3: you you know, a.
Speaker 2: Lot in your life defines if the type of friends
Speaker 2: you're going to make and how you're going to make friends. Yes, agree,
Speaker 2: So the relocation is tough, new city during a pandemic,
Speaker 2: working from home.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say it, but this guy's fucked.
Speaker 3: What's a lady? Okay, Well, I won't say that about her, but.
Speaker 1: I will say that I do. I think that what's
Speaker 1: great for her, what bodes well for her, dependent on
Speaker 1: how people feel about our country, is knowing that you
Speaker 1: do stand out.
Speaker 3: You're an American.
Speaker 1: Yes, the minue you start talking, people are gonna, oh,
Speaker 1: you're an American.
Speaker 2: And I think most people I hate you automatically or hey,
Speaker 2: you're pretty cool, depending.
Speaker 1: On who's in office and who their political leanings are.
Speaker 1: But I think that you instantly have an icebreaker the
Speaker 1: minute you just say, hello, how are you? Oh, you're
Speaker 1: an American. I think that a lot of people over
Speaker 1: there most likely have not ventured over here to this country. Uh,
Speaker 1: and and look we're constantly in the news or bad
Speaker 1: and so I think that you instantly have that talk.
Speaker 3: A talking point.
Speaker 2: For sure, icebreakers are huge, ice prakers, huge, But the
Speaker 2: problem is you need to be a little bit extrovert
Speaker 2: in the situation, even if you're not. So my advice
Speaker 2: first off would be, like, so, when I moved to LA.
Speaker 2: I moved to La and three didn't know anybody. I
Speaker 2: moved there and the first thing I did was I
Speaker 2: knew I liked comedy. I knew improv and I didn't
Speaker 2: need classes. But I joined an improv comedy class and
Speaker 2: I started at level one where I've already been performing
Speaker 2: for five or six years. And it was just to
Speaker 2: meet people, just to burn everybody out.
Speaker 4: It was like, yes, and soccer, you know, like here's
Speaker 4: a gun, gotta use it. But that guy let one
Speaker 4: level one, he's an all star.
Speaker 3: Let's skip him to two.
Speaker 2: But I think just but finding people with common interest
Speaker 2: is huge, and getting out of putting yourself in situations
Speaker 2: where you're able to make friends is huge.
Speaker 1: I think that's really smart. Being proactive, Yeah, and finding
Speaker 1: something that you're passionate about and then going towards whatever
Speaker 1: that might be.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's that's that's smart. I will also say work
Speaker 3: friends don't last. That's very true.
Speaker 2: Work friends don't worry about the work thing, don't worry
Speaker 2: about working from home or whatnot. That's an acquaintances. You'll
Speaker 2: meet people maybe one or two, it's not the rule.
Speaker 2: I do probably have a couple of work friends, but
Speaker 2: more from outside of life. Definitely, if you compare, it's
Speaker 2: the experiential friends.
Speaker 3: Now would you and I be considered work friends?
Speaker 1: Uh, I don't think so. I think we met via our.
Speaker 3: Occupation, right, but we weren't working together.
Speaker 1: No, Yeah, so I think we through natural osmosis became
Speaker 1: friends via you know, proximity. But I would never consider like,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, you're at the comedy store. You know,
Speaker 1: you're at these comedy clubs all the time, and I've
Speaker 1: never had a click, you know, even with I say
Speaker 1: hi to everybody. I'm respectful everybody, but I've never been
Speaker 1: a part of like there's these click or bubbles of
Speaker 1: friends that always do things together and create things together.
Speaker 1: I think that's great, but you know, even in high school.
Speaker 1: I remember in high school when I graduated, you know,
Speaker 1: everybody's as soon as the ceremony is over, everybody's getting
Speaker 1: together with the groups taking pictures. And it was it
Speaker 1: was then that I realized it was like, holy shit
Speaker 1: on friends with everybody. But I was never part of
Speaker 1: that group, part of that group, or part of that group.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I think I'm kind of like
Speaker 1: maybe a bit more of a loaner, but friendly with everybody.
Speaker 3: It was weird. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, middleman, if you will, If you look at a wheel,
Speaker 2: all the spokes go out and there's Steve Burne in
Speaker 2: the middle, just holding the whole thing together, holding it
Speaker 2: all again.
Speaker 3: There was like one cool mom. That's right.
Speaker 1: I didn't even get in their pictures.
Speaker 3: It just went over them.
Speaker 1: I said, you're welcome, You're welcome, and you're well a
Speaker 1: cool mom.
Speaker 2: We were taking everybody's picture, like, get a camera, get together,
Speaker 2: silly face. Everybody say cheerleading, all right, everybody say chess club.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's great advice.
Speaker 3: Man.
Speaker 1: I again, I think we're Yeah, we're crushing this, dude.
Speaker 3: I would say that.
Speaker 2: I would say, get a list of interests that are
Speaker 2: interesting to you, find groups of people that do the
Speaker 2: same thing, and just.
Speaker 3: Get out there and try. Okay, ready for this next one.
Speaker 3: This is a good one. You're excited. You've been waiting
Speaker 3: on this one.
Speaker 2: Here he goes, He's all, he's got the cool mom giggles.
Speaker 2: He's already got the cool mom giggles.
Speaker 3: Just here we go.
Speaker 1: Ready, my roomba keeps getting stuck on my shoelaces.
Speaker 2: Help nothing, No problem is too big, it too small
Speaker 2: for too cool moms. We said that from the beginning.
Speaker 2: So here's what we'll do.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you get a tomahawk's steak. Sometimes you get some
Speaker 1: avocada rolls. Is not avocada roll This is easy.
Speaker 3: It is easy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, r do you want to say it?
Speaker 3: Tie your shoes, your animal.
Speaker 1: Pick your shoes up off the floor.
Speaker 2: You have eyes here, get a shoe rack like an adult.
Speaker 2: Your shoes are just out in a bout where your
Speaker 2: room was going. Animal, show some respects to the podcast. Okay,
Speaker 2: please please let me ask you something. Yes, are you
Speaker 2: the type of person doesn't slip on and off and
Speaker 2: or you're the person that unties and ties his shoes
Speaker 2: every time?
Speaker 1: Off?
Speaker 3: Right? So what kind of person is this that's and
Speaker 3: animals untying and tying your shoes? You know when minutes
Speaker 3: of your life you're wasted.
Speaker 1: This is this person ends up on dateline.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: This is their neighbors are gonna have chalk outlines, that's right.
Speaker 3: I never really pictured them as a person who's untied
Speaker 3: his shoes all the time, never or.
Speaker 1: Stand people in the face. My time, my shoes when
Speaker 1: it comes on least and I double knock on the
Speaker 1: King of the double knot for another six.
Speaker 3: I don't even know the last time I tied a
Speaker 3: shoe that I had bought. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Never, I'll jam my foot until it's hurting the leaning
Speaker 2: until I want to get that fucking foot in nare
Speaker 2: I'm shoving that, you know, I'm shoving out of And
Speaker 2: even if it's.
Speaker 3: A nine, I'm just I'm just getting it in there.
Speaker 1: If the tongue gets if the tongue gets weathered down there,
Speaker 1: I go, fuck it, It'll work out.
Speaker 3: You work.
Speaker 2: You do this thing down do that dance where you
Speaker 2: swing your ankle around right your toe touch like a ballerina.
Speaker 3: And I'm fucking pirouetting to get that to work. I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna tie in my shoe, so my roomba. Yeah,
Speaker 3: by the way, who Okay, that's our answer.
Speaker 1: He's got he's got more issues in that act like.
Speaker 3: A grown up. Yeah, get a shoe rack and we've
Speaker 3: give you multiple answers here. I feel like we really
Speaker 3: crushed that one.
Speaker 1: This is this is the easiest podcast I've ever done
Speaker 1: in my life. Guys, bring it on.
Speaker 2: Here we go rewind to thirteen minutes and we started
Speaker 2: talking about the guy with the spinal Injuri.
Speaker 3: Christ. Here we go.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is this is a little broad, but I
Speaker 1: do think this is pretty applicable. Okay, I have a
Speaker 1: spending problem. Any advice, Okay, now that I've gone through
Speaker 1: ebbs and flows where I'm like, I'm just free wheeling
Speaker 1: and just blowing money, blowing.
Speaker 2: Cats, just green paper. Yeah, but I can't take it
Speaker 2: with you, that whole thing, right, You're like, fuck it.
Speaker 2: I'll there's always ways to make money. Carpe d exactly right,
Speaker 2: carpaid that dam. Yeah, whatever it is that I mean,
Speaker 2: I put I made.
Speaker 3: It street if you want to carpet that dim if
Speaker 3: you want, Yeah, I grabbed that day yo. Uh just
Speaker 3: a cool mom. I'm out of here.
Speaker 1: You know. I'm adapting in your station wagon anytime.
Speaker 3: Thanks. But I have a minivan fresh juice boxes right
Speaker 3: in the side and the auto doors.
Speaker 2: It's fantastic. I will say this, you got a carpet
Speaker 2: that dim. But you need to be responsible because.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, look my wife. My wife's reined in and
Speaker 1: on me. What she does is because I have a
Speaker 1: spending problem. I'll go out at night after a show
Speaker 1: and I've known to uh throw the credit card down
Speaker 1: on the bar to say so me. And then what
Speaker 1: she did was as these bar bills got excessively larger
Speaker 1: and larger. My biggest one was that Jake saloon I
Speaker 1: think was for twelve hundred dollars, you.
Speaker 3: Know, oh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 1: And my wife did never let me forget. Now she
Speaker 1: puts spending caps on the alerts on the bank account.
Speaker 3: Got it. So anytime I'm over one hundred and twenty
Speaker 3: five dollars, she knows that's drop your text, honey.
Speaker 1: So what I do is I go to one twenty,
Speaker 1: I cash it out, drop another card.
Speaker 3: And oh no, who doesn't listen? Now she knows the answer,
Speaker 3: she knows the hack.
Speaker 1: That was the hack, But it doesn't solve the problem.
Speaker 1: The problem was, you know, like, what what is it
Speaker 1: you're spending money on? And why are you ultimately spending
Speaker 1: the money on it? Because most of the times were
Speaker 1: if you have a spending problem, you're spending money on
Speaker 1: things you don't necessarily need. There's need versus wants.
Speaker 3: You know, so I personally live a life of want.
Speaker 3: You have you live a life.
Speaker 2: Well, the problem is I spend I spend money and
Speaker 2: I married a woman who spends money, so I don't
Speaker 2: have any sort of alerts. So I had to become
Speaker 2: the responsible one. I'm not make sure we clarify that
Speaker 2: I'm not very responsible with money.
Speaker 1: But we got two free wheeling mommies.
Speaker 3: What we do we call her? We call her aunt
Speaker 3: to Cart. This is my wife's nickname, Anti Cart. There's
Speaker 3: always just whatever ant to cart somebody home. My family
Speaker 3: calls it anti cart affectionately. But we and we call
Speaker 3: you delete. We call me maybe like prime but want so.
Speaker 2: I've I've come to respect money, of course, and all
Speaker 2: that as you get older, and especially I think the
Speaker 2: thing that changes the most is having.
Speaker 3: A family and people dependent on you.
Speaker 2: But when I was if you go back to Joe
Speaker 2: Gado seven eight years ago, when I was just worried
Speaker 2: about me, no way blowing it, no spending this fest,
Speaker 2: I got it always being like you know, it didn't
Speaker 2: matter because you never know when the candle's gonna get
Speaker 2: blown out, Like you can't take it with you, Like
Speaker 2: that's the way we thought about it. Now you have
Speaker 2: a responsibility to other people, I think really kicks in.
Speaker 2: So my assumption is that this person maybe doesn't have
Speaker 2: people depending on that income it's only on themselves. And
Speaker 2: what I will say is just check yourself before you
Speaker 2: wreck yourself, because spend too much money as bay for
Speaker 2: your health.
Speaker 3: But you need to carve it. That dam is really
Speaker 3: the walk away. You need to carve that dam. You know,
Speaker 3: have a good time, but you know, don't put yourself
Speaker 3: in a situation.
Speaker 2: Where you're, yeah, you're you're behind the eight ball and
Speaker 2: you've got dec collectors coming, because that's that's no way
Speaker 2: to live.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I think always do I need this
Speaker 1: or do I want this? Exactly good question say to
Speaker 1: yourself whenever you make these purchases. And there's plenty of
Speaker 1: things I want. I want a ton of things, but
Speaker 1: only in the last few years I've restrict myself. But
Speaker 1: you said something I thought was really smart too, is
Speaker 1: that it does. I think as you get older you
Speaker 1: have a deep appreciation for money as well, for sure,
Speaker 1: and I think there is a sense of maturity that
Speaker 1: comes along with it as well. But being knowing others
Speaker 1: are dependent on you, or you're part of a family,
Speaker 1: that is, you know, if the wife is working as
Speaker 1: much as the husband. Uh, yeah, you want to you
Speaker 1: want to?
Speaker 3: Do you have you ever? Have you ever had a
Speaker 3: four O one K. By the way, thank you for
Speaker 3: bailing on it was running. I'm talking the cool mom.
Speaker 3: I'm right here for you. We bounced back and forth
Speaker 3: as a ping pong. I am the coolest. So if
Speaker 3: you have, have you ever had a four to one K?
Speaker 3: Ever had a job that had a four A one
Speaker 3: K before? Like no common detirement for the package.
Speaker 1: Now that I've I've been putting money into the last
Speaker 1: like got it ten years so.
Speaker 2: I've had corporate got married, I've had corporate jobs before this,
Speaker 2: had two or three corporate jobs, two of them had
Speaker 2: four one ks, which I've cashed out both times, so
Speaker 2: I had saved money and cashed down, took the and
Speaker 2: took the penalties on for what did you do? The
Speaker 2: first time I moved to l Ah so that was
Speaker 2: one and the second time I just spent it. I
Speaker 2: just was like have was like in between jobs and
Speaker 2: have one as I was catched out with four one
Speaker 2: K and I spent it.
Speaker 3: I can't even tell you.
Speaker 1: I remember this episode of The Drew Carey Show, and
Speaker 1: I think it was like an episode I'm gonna butcher this,
Speaker 1: But the premise basically was somebody won a million dollars
Speaker 1: via the lottery, and you're thinking all these things, and
Speaker 1: I believe the individual bought the batmobile for a million dollars.
Speaker 3: That's something they have to show for it, got it.
Speaker 1: And I just thought, that's that's a guy.
Speaker 3: That's a bad dad. That's not what a cool mom's. Cool.
Speaker 3: Cool mom's gonna suck it away rainy day, get some groceries. Maybe,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, even when, even when you could go out and
Speaker 1: it's like, let's get a stick dinner, it's like, no,
Speaker 1: we're having raminton.
Speaker 3: Yes, this is because this is what a cool mom does.
Speaker 2: She plants for rainy days, that's right, But she also
Speaker 2: spends some sometimes because she's fun, she wants to, she deserves.
Speaker 2: This isn't too responsible moms. This is too cool months
Speaker 2: two cool moms. That's right, we're cool.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: This is a cool question for two cool moms. You ready,
Speaker 1: how long?
Speaker 3: How long do I cook an egg for to make
Speaker 3: it dippy? Now?
Speaker 1: I don't even know what youven know what any of
Speaker 1: that is.
Speaker 3: I don't want dippy means how long do I cook
Speaker 3: an egg? Okay, so here's what the first thing that
Speaker 3: came to my mind is and the way I used
Speaker 3: to like.
Speaker 2: I don't eat eggs anymore, but I used to love
Speaker 2: them sunnyside up because you could dunk the toast in them,
Speaker 2: break it up with the toast. I would consider that
Speaker 2: dipping the toast into it. And for me, that's one
Speaker 2: minute and fifty seconds.
Speaker 3: Oh, you really know it.
Speaker 2: And you got down to fifty in a hot pan
Speaker 2: just under two minutes. And hot thing is the media.
Speaker 2: You make sure the pan is hot when you put
Speaker 2: the egg in. Okay, that's how I that's how this
Speaker 2: cool mom does a sunny side up. If I mean
Speaker 2: you're gonna put it on the streets, it's different story.
Speaker 3: But it's got to be a hot pan. It's got
Speaker 3: to be well buttered, well buttered, hot pan, first sunny
Speaker 3: side up.
Speaker 1: I hate eggs, Okay, I don't eat eggs. I don't
Speaker 1: like eggs Like French toast is as close as I'll
Speaker 1: get to eating an egg. I fucking hate them. I
Speaker 1: don't like the smell of it, hard boiled. I don't
Speaker 1: like the texture of egg salad. If you gave me
Speaker 1: a hard boiled egg, I would throw up. Really, the
Speaker 1: scent of it makes me sick to my stomach.
Speaker 3: I don't like it.
Speaker 1: I don't know what happened when this kid.
Speaker 2: Okay, well that's not these eggs you are, you're great.
Speaker 2: These eggs can't come get you here. It's a safe place.
Speaker 2: It's no egg zone, so no ex zone.
Speaker 3: You're fine. Can't get you here, get you.
Speaker 2: Uh, that's what I that's how I interpreted that, that
Speaker 2: dippy question. And thank god I had an answer, because
Speaker 2: your a version to eggs, we would have been in
Speaker 2: a real pickle.
Speaker 3: Okay, you ready, pickled egg ready. I love when you
Speaker 3: I love when you have them t up. I love
Speaker 3: I love that you know, I don't. This is five
Speaker 3: five words, that's it. And this made me so happy
Speaker 3: when I rather.
Speaker 2: This came in via the internet from fans of two
Speaker 2: cool moms that are just submitting questions, and this person said,
Speaker 2: we said, you know, if you have queries or you
Speaker 2: need probably have problems that need to be solved, We're
Speaker 2: here to help.
Speaker 3: Big or small, doesn't matter. We just want to try
Speaker 3: to help out. Ready, yes, this person submits, Okay, here
Speaker 3: we go, I ship myself. Please help. Oh honey, been
Speaker 3: there done that?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: Who hasn't ship there?
Speaker 3: I mean in so many inopportune moments.
Speaker 1: But well, there's never a good time to ship you.
Speaker 1: I've never been home and it happens like, well at
Speaker 1: least i'm here, like that's never happened, never happened.
Speaker 2: Oh man, Well, I think the first thing is damage control.
Speaker 2: It's damage control.
Speaker 1: Let's let's walk through the protocol. Okay, okay, we've all
Speaker 1: been here.
Speaker 3: We know what to do. It's as it starts as
Speaker 3: a fart. Let me ask you this. It starts as
Speaker 3: a fart. You think it's gonna be Okay, it's not.
Speaker 3: That's the scenario.
Speaker 1: Please do Gary Cannon name drop Gary Cannon.
Speaker 3: Okay, he doesn't care.
Speaker 1: He's a comedian. He did, he'd warm up for Conan.
Speaker 1: We're in an elevator, we're at the hotel. We're going
Speaker 1: up and he's talking ship the whole time. He's making
Speaker 1: fun of me all this stuff. And as he gets
Speaker 1: off on his floor, he lifts his leg and farts.
Speaker 1: He goes, oh no, shut.
Speaker 3: Like pants just like all over. Oh god, oh no.
Speaker 3: Try to do that as a joke. See, that's that's
Speaker 3: an opportune time. That made that joke the next level.
Speaker 3: So to answer your first question, that was Gary Davion.
Speaker 1: We get to this, let me ask you a question.
Speaker 3: How many times have you shoot your pants? Not that
Speaker 3: not as many as you would think.
Speaker 2: Really yeah, yeah, not as many I have, but it
Speaker 2: all is never It's never been a full blowout situation.
Speaker 2: I've had friends and I've been witnessing around them when
Speaker 2: that's happened, But I've never had a full blowout that
Speaker 2: is coming among kind of like squeaked it out. It
Speaker 2: was like a sharp plus I would call it. I've
Speaker 2: had plenty of sharks with like a little so much
Speaker 2: came out and it's a little wet, but like a
Speaker 2: plus situation where it's like, oh, I need to go
Speaker 2: do something with this.
Speaker 3: That the sharp plus situation has happened to me plenty
Speaker 3: of times. A full blown ship my pants maybe once. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I didn't realize that the stomach flew. Then I found
Speaker 3: out in the hard way.
Speaker 1: See, I've done it twice, and both times it has
Speaker 1: been a complete yard sale.
Speaker 3: Have you done it everything? Was it from drinking both times?
Speaker 3: Both times? Okay? So sure?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: So was it the day after or adoring the drinking
Speaker 3: the day after?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm over and and you sit there and you
Speaker 1: here's the thing, Like, when you're in your twenties. Okay,
Speaker 1: so anybody in your twenties, you're gonna go, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: a cool mommy, I'm a cool daddy.
Speaker 3: There's no way I'm gonna show my pants. Let me.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you, you will shot your pants once
Speaker 1: you turn thirty. There's gonna come a moment after your
Speaker 1: after your thirtieth birthday, somewhere within the first two or
Speaker 1: three years, it's gonna happen. Yeah, And somebody had warned me,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no way, I've never done it,
Speaker 1: it's never gonna happen me.
Speaker 3: And it happened.
Speaker 1: And I remember when it was happening. I was in
Speaker 1: an elevator.
Speaker 2: Really, that's there's not a worst place for it to happen. Oh, airplane,
Speaker 2: I take it back. Airplane, that's the worst place for
Speaker 2: it to happen, very very well. Trans Continental flight is
Speaker 2: the worst. You're going to Australia two hours in your shade.
Speaker 3: Up, that's the worst place. You see it. Dude pulling
Speaker 3: out the overhead baggage.
Speaker 1: Some underwear, Yeah, put some pants, shit himself and give
Speaker 1: him some grace. But uh, but I think when it happens.
Speaker 1: What I did was I was recollecting as it's going on, Like,
Speaker 1: how could this happen? It's like, let me see four
Speaker 1: hours of drinking whiskey, going to Denny's getting a French
Speaker 1: onion soup on buffalo wings, chocolate milkshake, and some flap
Speaker 1: checks and a sausage.
Speaker 3: You're just you just put a.
Speaker 1: Bomb ticking time bomb in your tomue tumb and you
Speaker 1: know it's gonna blow it.
Speaker 3: Let me like a cool mom.
Speaker 2: You called it a tom tumb Let me ask you
Speaker 2: query for you, cool mommy. Steve the at the altar
Speaker 2: or on the trans continental flight? Excuse me, at the
Speaker 2: altar or at the on the trans continental flight.
Speaker 3: Which is the worst place to shit yourself.
Speaker 1: You're talking at the altar?
Speaker 3: You mean, yeah, get married on your wedding day.
Speaker 1: Oh god, your wedding day, So you think that's worse,
Speaker 1: Oh on your wedding day? Or a trans continental flight,
Speaker 1: because again I would hope that you have carry on luggage.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well your checking bags. You're going for a minute,
Speaker 3: that's true too. But let's say you can change yourself.
Speaker 1: But you got a you got a bathroom, and you
Speaker 1: don't have the spectacle. A lot of people are sleeping,
Speaker 1: spends time of day.
Speaker 3: It's very true, very true. It could be an overnighter.
Speaker 3: I like the way you think of You're right, you're
Speaker 3: breaking this down for us. It's good.
Speaker 1: If you're a night hell, then you're in luck. Yes,
Speaker 1: at the Altar the worst place, the worst. Everybody's there,
Speaker 1: I will say. And you're in a house of God,
Speaker 1: house of oh God, I will say. I will say
Speaker 1: this there, I will. I was trying to calculate what
Speaker 1: is the worst place.
Speaker 3: And I think at the Altar might be the worst place.
Speaker 2: I'm going through a bunch of things. Job interviews not
Speaker 2: as bad transcendents. That you're trapped is bad. So I
Speaker 2: think it's there. I think it's the Altar.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: Colin Joe s has a great book called A Very
Speaker 1: Punishable Face, and there's a chapter dedicated to shitting his pants.
Speaker 1: This is the one human being you'll see on television.
Speaker 1: Go oh, this guy's got it all together. He went
Speaker 1: to Harvard, he's got great hair, he's married at Scarlett Johansson.
Speaker 1: There's no this guy. By the way, those are just
Speaker 1: the greatest hits. Those aren't the the.
Speaker 3: B sides.
Speaker 1: I've never heard so many. Yeah, I shait my pants
Speaker 1: there like he shipped his pants during final exams. Really,
Speaker 1: it's unbelieva. On a first date, he was putting jackets
Speaker 1: on top of himself and just sitting there and let
Speaker 1: it marinate. It was, Oh god, did you ever hear
Speaker 1: that story? It was really popular. I think Sarah Silverman
Speaker 1: had made it popular. But a comedian was on a
Speaker 1: date with a girl.
Speaker 3: Do you ever hear the story? I haven't. Okay, this
Speaker 3: is fantastic story.
Speaker 1: This comic is on a date with a girl. She
Speaker 1: gets out of the subway. He's walking over towards her,
Speaker 1: and as he's walking towards her, he shits his.
Speaker 3: Pants on meeting her for like this, Like literally the
Speaker 3: date has not even started.
Speaker 1: It they're walking towards each other. He shits his pants, like,
Speaker 1: oh my fucking god. They're in front of a gap.
Speaker 3: He looks in the window. He goes, that sweater. That's
Speaker 3: what I gotta get that sweater.
Speaker 1: Will you come in with me?
Speaker 3: Like get this sweater?
Speaker 1: So so they go inside, right he finds the sweater.
Speaker 1: He's like, why don't you look around on come beat
Speaker 1: with the registering.
Speaker 3: So he gets the sweater. He grabs a pair of
Speaker 3: pants and some boxers.
Speaker 1: Okay, he puts the sweater on the counter, and then
Speaker 1: he puts the stuff over and they're making small talking
Speaker 1: and he's saying, I wanted the sweater. I've seen the
Speaker 1: sweater for so long. I just want the sweater. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you have the sweater and stock and he's
Speaker 1: just talking about the sweater. So they go, they go, great,
Speaker 1: put it in the bag, walk over the restaurant. They
Speaker 1: go to the restaurant. He's like, excuse me, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go use the restaurant.
Speaker 3: I'll be right back. She goes great.
Speaker 1: He goes into the bathroom, opens the window, takes his
Speaker 1: pants off, throws his pants out the window, opens the bag.
Speaker 1: What do you think?
Speaker 3: In the bag? Just the sweater?
Speaker 1: And and in retrospect, he was talking about the sweater
Speaker 1: so much. He was he must have sublimately subconsciously said
Speaker 1: to the woman, it's just like a.
Speaker 3: Sweater, sweater, sweater.
Speaker 1: So she's like, just the sweater, completely.
Speaker 3: Forgot about it. Wow, Oh my god, isn't that that's fantastic?
Speaker 3: Oh god? And then what do you do? That guy
Speaker 3: has a bigger problem than this.
Speaker 1: One much bigger problem.
Speaker 3: Yeah, person, you've gotta wear you gotta you gotta swear
Speaker 3: a sweater. What do you think one more? I think
Speaker 3: we got talk for one more. Do we got to
Speaker 3: talk for one more? Let's see, Yeah, we got to
Speaker 3: talk for one more. Okay, this is two coms.
Speaker 1: Okay, Now you're a dog person. That's why I picked
Speaker 1: this one.
Speaker 3: Okay, great, all right, I just got bit? Did he really? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh ship? Is it bad? What do you do when
Speaker 3: a dog bite you?
Speaker 4: Are?
Speaker 3: I buy it right back?
Speaker 1: Okay, Joe, my dog keeps humping my leg and refuses
Speaker 1: to stop unless I hang her from the Christmas tree
Speaker 1: using the leash. Unfortunately, that's how I've been solving most
Speaker 1: of my problems with her, because when I hung her
Speaker 1: from the fan, she almost flew out the window when
Speaker 1: my uncle turned it on. I'm trying to play Clash
Speaker 1: Royale on my phone, but I'm getting humped. Do you
Speaker 1: have any ideas other than hanging the dog? Please help me?
Speaker 1: So obviously they're not hanging the dog, but the dog
Speaker 1: is legitimately humping this individual's leg. I'm not a dog person.
Speaker 1: I love dogs, I just don't own one. I've seen videos.
Speaker 1: Anytime a dog's humping a pillow, I'm on board. I
Speaker 1: will fucking cry laughing. You're more of a dog person
Speaker 1: than I am.
Speaker 3: Do you have of you? How many dogs do you
Speaker 3: have now? Right today? I have nineteen? Yeah, but I'm
Speaker 3: pretty sure one's going I'm going to be put down
Speaker 3: a little while.
Speaker 1: Are you putting together like a doggy football team for
Speaker 1: this halftime Super Bowl? The puppy bawl?
Speaker 3: We have? But who has nineteen nineteen dogs? Yeah? I
Speaker 3: don't have many humpers in the nineteen back? How do
Speaker 3: we get to nineteen? We got a bunch.
Speaker 2: I think last time I saw you, I had fourteen? Right,
Speaker 2: we had fourteen I think or thirteen thirteen? One Die
Speaker 2: took me to twelve, then found a couple of couples,
Speaker 2: and then I got in three weeks, I got a
Speaker 2: dog each week.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we're a nineteen right now?
Speaker 1: Want versus need, want versus it's a cart.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Well, you do have a big yard, and I know
Speaker 1: that you give a lot of love.
Speaker 3: For sure, for sure, for sure. Most of them are
Speaker 3: old and small?
Speaker 1: How many of them are humpers?
Speaker 3: Humpers?
Speaker 2: There's one that's a really bad humper. But it only
Speaker 2: humps Bessie when she gets in the blanket in our bed.
Speaker 2: It's Napoleon and he just likes the blanket, so he
Speaker 2: just it's.
Speaker 3: Only when Bessie.
Speaker 2: When you see it, you go, I say, you know,
Speaker 2: there is a saying it says let them finish, because
Speaker 2: it's not really a way to.
Speaker 3: Stop a dog. That's that's really there's a saying out there.
Speaker 1: I don't know if what they're saying, like if a
Speaker 1: dog shits on your rug, you rub the face in
Speaker 1: the carpet, is that I was like, that sounds horrible.
Speaker 3: No, you just let them know it's wrong, and you
Speaker 3: put them right outside. You yell at them with no.
Speaker 2: You hold them by it so I know you don't
Speaker 2: have to put their nose in it. You say no
Speaker 2: when you put them outside. But for the humping, I
Speaker 2: have seen people it's all about diversion. So you have
Speaker 2: to get a treat. That's got to be a good treat.
Speaker 2: It's got to be it's got to be what they
Speaker 2: call a high profile treat. So we're talking like slice
Speaker 2: its cold cut a turkey. Slice a turkey, not like
Speaker 2: a storeboard like something a piece of bacon, or something
Speaker 2: that when they're humping you tell them to stop.
Speaker 3: When they do, you give them the high end treat.
Speaker 3: It's riding night. He just got it. But then you know,
Speaker 3: then they think I want to get some turkey and
Speaker 3: they just start humping your leg. You gotta have your carevel.
Speaker 3: You need a high end treat to help. Like, that's
Speaker 3: how I've solved other problems. Not the hump.
Speaker 2: I let the hump happen because it's quick. Bessie doesn't
Speaker 2: care if he's just getting comfortable.
Speaker 1: It's not to dog rub its pink thing on you
Speaker 1: and you're like.
Speaker 3: He doesn't get pink. He doesn't get pink.
Speaker 2: We had one dog that was there was one schatan
Speaker 2: who's gone now, but he got full pink and he.
Speaker 3: Was old too. It was so funny. I was like,
Speaker 3: and it was like not proportioned to his body. It
Speaker 3: was very weird, like a bad way. No, like in
Speaker 3: a healthy way. Yeah. Yeah, like good for your still
Speaker 3: got it. Yeah. So that's that's what I would say.
Speaker 3: That would be my advice from this cool mom.
Speaker 1: So well, I think we uh, we cracked a lot
Speaker 1: of cases.
Speaker 3: We did very well.
Speaker 2: We done we did better. If we're gonna hold ourselves honest.
Speaker 2: We did better with some, but I think we did
Speaker 2: good enough on all.
Speaker 3: I would give In terms of being cool moms.
Speaker 1: I would say this is probably an a minus in
Speaker 1: terms of all the advice we gave. I want every
Speaker 1: I want every episode to be an a plus. But
Speaker 1: there were some d rumba threw me for a loop.
Speaker 3: Loop you got loop. Yeah it was a curveball, but
Speaker 3: but I think we really did.
Speaker 2: We're a couple of cool moms and I appreciate you.
Speaker 2: So thanks every out there for interacting with two cool moms.
Speaker 2: I've been Joe Gatto the cool mom.
Speaker 3: I'm Steve Byrne and I'm a cool mom too. And
Speaker 3: we'll see you next time. We'll see you next time.