WEBVTT - Dramatic with Becca Tilley 0:00:01.040 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:10.119 Chris Harrison here coming to you from the home office 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:14.240 in Austin, Texas. So excited to be talking to a 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.160 good friend of mine today, Becca Tilly. You guys might 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:20.759 remember her from her appearances on well two seasons of 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:23.000 The Bachelor. She was on Chris Soul's season where she 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:25.520 was the runner up, and then she had a bit 0:00:25.520 --> 0:00:29.080 of a crush on Ben Higgins and asked to be 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.920 on that show, and she went through seven weeks on 0:00:31.960 --> 0:00:38.120 Ben Higgins show. And Becca is a fascinating figure, especially 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:42.560 in light of Colton Underwood's transition that we just followed 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:45.200 him on where he is now in a same sex 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:51.440 marriage and very publicly went through what he went through. Well, 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:56.480 Becca went through all this before Colton, although it was 0:00:56.520 --> 0:00:59.480 a little bit quieter and not as much was made 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:01.840 of it. I find it fascinating and I want to 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:06.039 talk to her about why she came on the show, 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:10.559 what her thought process was in that. Becca is now 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:14.800 in an unbelievably loving same sex relationship with singer Hayley Kyoko. 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:17.560 This was a relationship that well, she's been it for 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:20.400 five years. Much of that was kept in the dark, 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:24.480 very secretly. A lot of us knew behind the scenes, 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:28.120 but she hadn't really come out. She hadn't embraced who 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:32.360 she was and who she discovered that she was. She 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:36.440 is now, and the transformation that I have witnessed that 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:41.280 many of us have witnessed with Becca Tilly is incredible. 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:48.400 It's inspirational, it's brave, and more than anything, she's just happy. 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:50.200 She really seems like she is in a place in 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:54.240 her life where she is ready to embrace life. And 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:56.880 I want to talk to her about being on the Bachelor. 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:02.120 It is I think it incredibly timely and important conversation 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:04.000 to have, and I can't think of anybody better to 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:07.400 have it with than with my good friend Becca Tilly. Becca, 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:09.880 it is so good to talk to you. It's good 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:11.280 to see you. You look beautiful. 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:13.760 Thank you so much. It's good to see you. I 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.160 was trying to think of the last time I saw you, and. 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:18.920 We were on a rooftop at some event. I just 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.120 remember that, I know. 0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:22.720 I was like, I'm pretty sure that's the last time 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:23.440 we saw each other. 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:26.639 I am excited about this conversation, and apparently it's been 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:29.600 in my subconscious I don't ever remember my dreams. But 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:34.359 last night, in my dreams, it wasn't you, but oddly 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:38.839 it was your partner, Tanya Rad from your podcast, who 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:40.520 was in my dream. She showed up at my house 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:43.080 with all her equipment because she needed to do a podcast. 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:47.680 So you guys have taken over my subconscious you. 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:51.520 Know, I'm I feel flattered to know that you think 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:54.000 of us when you think of podcasts. 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.920 Y'all are haunting me to you and Tanya Rad. But 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:58.880 Tanya obviously a very good friend of mine as well, 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:01.600 and one of your best friends. She would like to 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.440 think she is your best friend. That's a whole nother 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:06.359 subject for a whole other podcast. It is an obsessive 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:09.919 relationship we should dive into. But I want to talk 0:03:09.919 --> 0:03:15.360 to you because I am so fascinated by your story 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:20.760 because I think it is so beautiful. It is brave, courageous, wonderful, 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:23.720 and it's so timely. And you and I have been 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.800 friends for a long time, but we've really never had 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.000 this discussion where we really dive into your relationship and 0:03:30.080 --> 0:03:33.480 being on the Bachelor twice and what that experience was 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.680 like for you. So I want to start at the 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:40.160 beginning Chris Sol's season of The Bachelor, you decide to 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:42.280 come on? Why and how did that happen? 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.800 So my best friend Laura from high school had been 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.640 for instance, freshman year of high school. She would always say, 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.160 we should make an audition tape for you to go 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:59.040 on The Bachelor. And I was raised like very traditional 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:03.360 in the South Christian, Like everything that The Bachelor was 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:06.840 in my mind was like the opposite of what I 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:11.160 stood for, which is fighting, fighting other women to get 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:12.480 the attention of a man. You know. 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:14.520 I was just like, can the fantasy suite? 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:17.320 Yeah? Yeah, I mean we can get into that later, 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.000 but yeah, everything about it. I was just kind of like, 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:25.039 I don't think that it is for me, you know. 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.120 And so this would go on, like every season she 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:32.839 would suggest it, and finally, one day, I guess it 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:37.560 was twenty fourteen, she I got it. I was flying 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:39.280 to Chicago and I got off the plane. I had 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:41.840 a voicemail and he was like, Hi, this is Scott 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:46.880 from The Bachelor casting and your best friend nominated you. 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:49.599 And I was just, you know, calling a chat and 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.880 so I was like, what in the world we hadn't 0:04:52.920 --> 0:04:55.400 talked about this. So I call her and I'm like, 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:57.920 I just got a call from the Bachelor casting department, 0:04:58.000 --> 0:04:59.760 and she was like, are you kidding me? I just 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:02.800 admitted I just nominated you like a couple of days ago. 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:06.240 I can't believe they already called you. So I was like, 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:07.560 I don't know if I'm going to do that, and 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:09.280 she's like, you have to call them back. So I 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.359 just went through that whole process, and in my mind, 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:17.040 I thought, worst case scenario, maybe I get to travel 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:19.360 somewhere really cool, because in my mind what I knew 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:23.080 about The Bachelor was like helicopter ride tropical islands. 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:23.719 Totally. 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.279 I had no idea I was going on the season 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:28.960 where we stayed in the Midwest. 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:32.240 Crystal season of the Bacheler, which we really embraced the 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:36.159 farm land and the and the heartland of America. We 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.240 went to what we were in what Dubuque, We were 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:43.240 in Iowa. We were in South Dakota, South Yes, Deadwood, Deadwood, 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:43.880 South Dakota. 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:45.440 Yeah, that's right, that's right. 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:47.480 And then will Whitefish, Montana. 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:49.760 Maybe no, No, we didn't go there. That would have 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:50.160 been great. 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:51.080 That was another season. 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:52.200 We were in New Mexico. 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:55.279 You met Oh, that's right, in Santa fe Yeah. Yeah, 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:57.479 you really went to the hotspots. We had a good time, 0:05:57.520 --> 0:05:59.839 but not exactly Bora Bora, Tahiti. 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:04.560 Yeah. Yeah, it's okay, though it was an experience. 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:08.080 You got that on Ben's season a little bit more 0:06:08.200 --> 0:06:10.640 a little bit yeah, But so for Chris's season, you 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.520 come on and that's where I first met you. I'm 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:16.159 not involved in casting. By the time I get to 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.560 know you, you are already cast on the show. You're getting 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:20.599 out of the limo in night one and you make 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:26.400 a huge impression, and your story was essentially this wholesome 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:32.600 southern virgin mm hmm. And was that something you knew 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:35.440 coming in? Is that something they had talked to you about? 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:39.200 No, I didn't even bring that up in the prom. 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:42.760 Like I I remember being at the grocery store when 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:45.920 Sean Lowe was the Bachelor, yeah, and seeing like the 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:49.040 headlines like born Again Verge, like all the stuff, and 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:53.800 like I'd see kind of i'd see conversations about it 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.120 where I was like, you know, what, if I'm doing this, 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:58.400 I don't want that to be my whole storyline. So 0:06:58.960 --> 0:07:02.800 I intentionally went in saying I'm not even going to 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:05.000 bring this up, like I will have a conversation when 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:07.480 I felt right for me, but I'm not gonna I'm 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:10.480 not gonna give them this information. 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:12.480 Yeah, that nugget. You know, it'll be used against you 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:13.880 in the court of reality TV. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:16.920 Yeah, and not even used against I just didn't want 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:18.800 it to be something that was made like a mockery, 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:21.160 and so it was something that I was very proud of. 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.880 So I wanted it to be something that was anytime 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:26.960 I had that conversation, I wanted it to be something 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:30.560 that was celebrated and respected. And you know, when you 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:34.440 when you're giving production and editors and a story, they 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:37.240 can do whatever they want with it. So I went 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:42.400 in cautiously not going with that. So when it came out, 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:45.720 I was just I was talking to Ashley I, who 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:47.960 was on my season, and she had just told him 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.560 that she was a virgin, and she was crying and 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:52.120 she was like, I don't know how it went. And 0:07:52.160 --> 0:07:54.560 I was like, oh, what happened, and she goes, I 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:56.320 just told him I'm a virgin. I don't know what 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:59.080 he thought about it, and just without just like being 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:01.760 someone who was trying to comfort someone else, and I go, oh, 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.800 me too. And then I had this moment where I 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:07.800 was like I felt my mic on and I felt 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:10.000 I looked up and I saw the cameras and I 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:16.120 was like, oh no, immediately immediately like Becca interview, you know, 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:20.280 I don't whatever. So that's how that happened. 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:23.960 But you you ended up going very far in that 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:27.240 season with Chris Soles. You were the runner up. Yes, 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:30.080 I mean that was so you did get to the 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:34.440 Fantasy Suites. Yeah, what what was that like for you? 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:40.880 Well, I think the Fantasy Suite was finally like an opportunity. Well, 0:08:41.200 --> 0:08:43.760 and you know, it was so interesting because I kept 0:08:43.760 --> 0:08:48.080 having these like invasive conversations with producers of like it's 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:50.720 tonight the night, and I'm like, you think I've waited 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:55.400 this long to have sex with a man that I 0:08:55.440 --> 0:08:56.600 have spent maybe a. 0:08:56.600 --> 0:09:01.000 Total two hours on national television. This is what this 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:03.880 was My dream as a young girl was to first 0:09:03.920 --> 0:09:05.079 have sex on ABC. 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:09.240 Yes. Yes, So for me, I just went into it 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:13.800 going like I finally get to have conversations without having 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.360 a microphone. I might get to know this guy and 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:21.719 have like time where there's not cameras on. And it 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:24.839 was like we were both so exhausted that like I 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:28.520 feel like we talked, and then by the time like 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:30.800 we finally went to bed, and then it was like 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:32.480 we were up and I was leaving, and it was 0:09:32.520 --> 0:09:36.680 like I am a Crystals fan, and I too was 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:40.559 so respectful to me, and I knew that we had 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:44.439 very different paths, especially in that area, but I felt 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:49.000 like he never made me feel insecure or you know, 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:50.480 ashamed of it. 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.120 So did you have genuine feelings for him? Did you 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.120 honestly think I might be falling in love with this guy? 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:58.839 Or was it just the momentum of the show when 0:09:58.840 --> 0:09:59.360 you're in it. 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.120 I think I think it was the momentum of the show. 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:05.360 I think I had never been in love before, so 0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.640 everyone kept saying like, you'll know, you'll know, you'll know, 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:10.760 But I had never experienced that, so I was kind 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:13.120 of like, oh, you know, is this what it feels 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:16.120 like being in this like weird bubble of a TV 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:21.760 show and having these experiences. And I never I never 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:24.320 got to the point where I would confidently say that 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:25.680 I was in love with him. I think that was 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.079 the battle with me and production, the. 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:33.120 Whole saying that, yeah, saying I love you, And obviously 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:35.280 there was probably some inner turmoil that we will talk 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.199 about here in just a minute of trying to figure 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:40.800 things out. But we fell in love with you, and 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:44.520 I say we, the collective we of America and the 0:10:44.559 --> 0:10:47.320 television viewing audience. We loved back at Tilly. We couldn't 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:50.320 get enough of you, hence the she comes back on 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:54.719 Ben Higgins season. But that was partly you. You you 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:58.040 liked Ben. I mean I of the two guys, obviously, 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:00.920 I like Chris. He is a good man. I think 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:04.280 you and Ben were more aligned. I'm like, okay, he's 0:11:04.320 --> 0:11:08.640 a very conservative Christian guy. Becca's very much along those 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:11.120 same lines. I could really see this happening. I actually 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:13.319 thought that might work. 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.400 Me too, And that was the only reason I put 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:22.439 myself back in that position, because I was like, maybe 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:27.200 this the first experience led to this experience, and like 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:29.320 it was all like kis met and meant to be. 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:32.800 And so when I went back on like I was 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:36.640 there to meet Ben, like there was no because you know, 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:38.520 the first time, it was like, well, I don't know 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:41.160 this guy. He's cute. I've seen photos, I've seen videos, 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:43.840 but like, I don't know much about him aside from 0:11:43.920 --> 0:11:46.840 him being a farmer. And it could be an experience, 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:49.400 whereas the second time, it was like, I'm going to 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:53.200 meet this guy and I will never forget getting out 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.480 of the limo. Yeah, thinking I was going to see 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.520 Ben and you were standing there. 0:11:58.440 --> 0:11:59.240 What a buzzkill? 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.480 Well just more so like, oh my god, they're gonna, 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:06.800 They're gonna this is gonna be Yeah. 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:08.680 I did a because I kind of did a pre 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:12.080 interview with you of like, are you sure you want 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.680 to do this? Because this was the interesting thing Becca, 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:16.680 who is the angel of the show, who we all 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:20.120 just love so much, for the first time entering into 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.920 probably what was a difficult moment an arena where you 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:27.160 weren't going to be looked upon so favorably mm hm. 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:29.959 And I was like, I just need to prepare her 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:33.199 mentally that she's not going to just skate in so easily. 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:38.439 Yeah, it wasn't. But I will say I mean the girls, 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:42.960 considering the circumstances, were very warm and welcoming. I mean 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:44.680 there were a few that were like what the heck 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:48.640 is going on? But I was very lucky with the 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.280 group of girls that I walked into that room. 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.240 Or in the house with and you went seven weeks 0:12:53.280 --> 0:12:54.600 I think on Ben show, right. 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:58.679 Yeah, I he sent me home right before Hometowns, which 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:01.120 I think, you know, I think he knew that I 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:06.679 wasn't the one, or I wasn't at that point his 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:08.560 feelings for me, and so I think he didn't want 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.600 to put me through the family portion and put my 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:17.360 family through through the Hometowns again again. So it was great, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.040 I mean it hurt. It was a lot more emotional 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:24.320 that season because I was like, my feelings were more invested. 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:27.720 So I remember. I remember the first season being like 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.680 I would hear about all the girls dates. I was 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.320 like unfazed by it. And then Ben's season, it was 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.840 like so complicated because Jojo and I were best friends 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:39.080 and roommates, and she would come home and it was like, 0:13:39.480 --> 0:13:41.560 you want to hear about your best friend's date, but 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:43.560 it's the guy that you're dating. 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:46.000 To such such an awkward thing. 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:47.880 It's so strange. 0:13:48.040 --> 0:13:50.440 Do you look back at that time fondly of being 0:13:50.480 --> 0:13:52.640 on the show. You do both. 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:58.560 Seasons because I felt, honestly like I learned so much 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:01.800 about myself and I I got to meet other people 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:05.480 I would never meet in any other circumstance, and I 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.720 mean everything, like even just sitting here having this conversation. 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:14.200 Like everything that has come from those experiences, Like everything 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.560 that I have done work wise, career wise, has come 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:20.240 because of that. So I'm I feel grateful because I 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:24.600 look back on it with just like the fondest memories. 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.080 Well, it is amazing to see you know, you were 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:39.600 this young girl from the South who I believe was 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:44.120 working at a chiropractor and you know, wasn't quite sure 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:48.000 of the direction of her life. Flash forward to you 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:54.440 are this amazing influencer and this person that stands for 0:14:54.560 --> 0:14:58.760 so much good. It's just to have watched this, I 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:02.880 don't know, this metamorphosis, this change in this woman, the strength, 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:05.520 the power of the independence, it's all there now and 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:08.880 that smile on your face. I'm glad you don't regret 0:15:08.920 --> 0:15:11.360 that journey and how you got there. And I hate 0:15:11.400 --> 0:15:13.520 to use that word because we beat it to death 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:18.040 on the show, but if anybody personifies a journey, your 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:19.600 life really is. 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:26.560 Yeah, it was. I think that part of my life 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:32.200 in a certain way, also made this new part of 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:34.840 my life complicated, you know, like it was. It was 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:40.680 a journey of navigating what will people say? What will 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.960 people think? Having all so many eyes on me, I've 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:47.960 never been someone who wanted a lot of attention on me, 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.680 So that part of the Bachelor, And I mean, I've 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:53.760 been really grateful because people have been so gracious and 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:57.800 like kind and loving towards me. But I've always been 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:02.200 like a severe people please so like making sure Ione 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.160 likes me. Yeah, everyone likes me. Everyone's proud of me, 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:11.760 everyone's like happy with me. And that made it complicated 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:13.880 in a sense. When I met. 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.920 Haley, you are what we're referring to, and I talked 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:19.600 about this at the top before your interview. You were 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:23.560 in a same sex relationship with singer Haley Kyoko. You've 0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:25.880 been in this relationship since twenty eighteen. This is not 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:30.400 something new. It might be new to you listeners because 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:34.640 it you know, essentially Becca and Haley have just come 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:38.560 out publicly together. They took their time. It's something I've 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:41.400 watched behind the scenes and knew about for quite some time. 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:45.680 And so before we jump into what that looks like now, 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:50.920 I want to go back to Bachelor world. When did 0:16:51.000 --> 0:16:54.640 you know was their confusion even while you were on 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:56.560 the Bachelor about these feelings. 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:02.120 To be honest, it didn't that my attraction towards women 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:07.240 didn't have clarity until I met Hayley. So while I 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.600 was on the Bachelor, I think I had I now 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.520 that I'm looking back, I think hindsight's twenty twenty where 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:16.560 I go, oh, like, you know, I always had close 0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:20.480 connections with women, but it was never in a way 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:23.800 of like I want to kiss you. 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:25.760 Yeah. 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.520 I think that because even I was talking to I 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:30.919 was on Caitlyn's podcast, Kleen Bristow, because we were on 0:17:30.960 --> 0:17:34.679 Chris's season together and we were roommates and had like 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:37.560 a really close friendship and we were like so close 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.680 and it was like, by no means was it sexual 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:44.359 or you know, intimate, but there was a deep love 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:46.920 and connection with each other. And we were laughing because 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:50.199 we were both like, yeah, was there like you know, 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.560 was there a moment looking back where we were like, oh, 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:56.800 I really like her? Is this more than friends? But 0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:02.200 I never had like the feeling that I felt when 0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:04.760 i met Hayley. It was like very different than anything 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:07.880 I'd ever experienced with anyone. 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:11.080 It was the person, it was the person. 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.320 And it was the connection and it was not something 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.800 I could have ever prepared for planned. 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:22.200 So because after the Bachelor, second Bachelor stint with Ben Higgins. 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:25.239 You dated Robert Graham, who was on the show, but 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:27.399 it wasn't part of the show, but you guys dated 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:29.959 for quite some time, and I remember seeing you guys, 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:34.880 and again, hindsight, I definitely would not say I'm so 0:18:34.960 --> 0:18:37.040 smart that I saw this at the time, but thinking 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:40.000 back on it, it seemed like you guys were going 0:18:40.040 --> 0:18:42.520 through the motions. Y'all would do the right things. But 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:46.399 I never felt that spark and that energy and that 0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:49.400 chemistry is that fair And that's nothing against Robert, It's 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:51.800 just that's what I felt from you guys. 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:57.000 Yeah, I think that my relationship with Robert, we were friends, 0:18:57.359 --> 0:19:01.600 turned like our friend turned into relationship, and it was 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:04.760 one of those things. So I don't know, I talked 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:06.840 about this on the show, but like I had never 0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:11.280 been in a serious relationship, like I I would have 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:15.280 feelings for people who weren't available for me, which almost 0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:18.520 felt like a safety mechanism. And I think growing up 0:19:18.560 --> 0:19:22.520 in like purity culture and you know what, just like 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:25.119 the Christian world of like what dating looks like and 0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:28.560 saving yourself, like I had a lot of fear around 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:35.159 like intimacy and attraction and like letting myself, Like I 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:40.119 was almost I was like proud of almost being closed off, 0:19:40.240 --> 0:19:42.600 Like I was almost proud of having walls up, you know, 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:45.159 like it felt like I was like Kanye always is 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:47.320 like how did you always? How are you so cool? 0:19:47.359 --> 0:19:48.960 How do you not care about anything? And there was 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.080 like I had a lot of pride in that. And 0:19:51.160 --> 0:19:54.560 so I think when Robert and I started, you know, 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.520 when it became more than friends, I was kind of 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:01.280 in this limbo of being amendments. I did not want 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:03.240 to commit to anything. It felt like a trap. I 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:06.760 felt like tied down. And it got to a point 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:08.760 where we were kind of you know, hookup buddies, and 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:12.160 he's like, hey, I have feelings for you. I want 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:13.840 to be with you in a relationship, but if you 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:16.960 don't want that, like I need to move on because 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:19.200 I can't do this in between things. And I didn't 0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:21.840 like the idea of him being with someone else, and 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:23.520 so I was like, okay, I've never done this. I'm 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:26.399 just I'm just gonna go for it. But I never 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:32.280 let myself relax in that relationship. 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:35.359 So do you think again, you're in such a healthy 0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:39.000 place that you can look back in thinking back, do 0:20:39.040 --> 0:20:45.080 you think a there was this war of your religion, 0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:50.200 being so conservative, not really wanting to give in to 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:53.880 maybe how you really felt. And at the same time, 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:56.760 maybe that was also a protective shield of well, I 0:20:56.800 --> 0:20:59.240 don't really have to deal with these confusing feelings I'm 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:02.200 having because I'm just gonna save myself. I'll kind of 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:05.080 block people out. I'll never really have a serious relationship. 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:08.480 It makes sense now looking back to me anyway. 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:11.000 Totally, and I, you know, part of me because I 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.520 still would consider I'm still I guess if I were 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:16.800 to put a label on myself, it would be bisexual. 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:23.560 But so I think I was always attracted to men, 0:21:23.840 --> 0:21:27.080 Like there was always a physical attraction towards men, And 0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:30.280 I think anything that where I was attracted to women, 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:33.480 I was like, I can't do that, that's not allowed. 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:37.040 So like there was never even when I look back, 0:21:37.080 --> 0:21:38.919 I don't have any memories of like, oh I have 0:21:38.960 --> 0:21:41.560 a crush on my best friend or anything like that, 0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:45.640 because that part of me was like, that's wrong, that's bad, 0:21:45.840 --> 0:21:46.399 don't do that. 0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:48.439 I wouldn't go there. But I wonder, so did you 0:21:48.520 --> 0:21:51.480 have a feeling of that's wrong, that's bad, Like you 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:53.160 had those cognitive thoughts. 0:21:53.600 --> 0:21:56.439 I think in terms of just like, in general, what 0:21:56.560 --> 0:22:01.280 my beliefs were. I think I was just like gay bad. Yeah. 0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:04.200 That's that's why I find fascinating is there was this 0:22:04.280 --> 0:22:07.640 war going on, maybe before you knew you were even 0:22:07.680 --> 0:22:10.160 having this internal fight, if that makes sense. 0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:16.440 I think that a lot of people who eventually come 0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:22.879 out and allow themselves to be themselves have that thought 0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:27.080 of was this this internal war that I was that 0:22:27.160 --> 0:22:30.840 I was battling, or was there this internal homophobia that 0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:36.240 I was projecting, Like it's almost like you're a little 0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:39.639 bit louder about the things that you're battling, right of course. 0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:43.439 So I think that, and when I look back on 0:22:43.480 --> 0:22:45.840 my relationship with Robert, I think there was a lot 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:50.600 of a lot of all of those things. I think 0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:53.320 it was that that thought of, like if I just 0:22:53.359 --> 0:22:56.720 stay closed off, I don't have to deal with hard things. 0:22:56.760 --> 0:22:58.600 I don't even know if I was aware of it 0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:00.480 at that moment. I just know I was off. And 0:23:00.560 --> 0:23:04.040 I've had conversations with Robert where I'm like, I'm sorry 0:23:04.160 --> 0:23:08.879 because I now know how good of a partner I 0:23:08.880 --> 0:23:11.000 can be to someone, and I did I wasn't able 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:12.000 to get that, Oh that's nice. 0:23:12.040 --> 0:23:13.399 You've actually said that to him. 0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:16.399 Yeah, and of course he's just the best, and he's like, 0:23:17.000 --> 0:23:21.760 I loved you for who you were and like he's wonderful. 0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:24.520 And so I think that being able to recognize that, 0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:28.440 even to be honest, like, even if for whatever reason 0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:31.040 Haley and I didn't work out and Robert and I reconnected, 0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:33.760 I think that just in general, I would be able 0:23:33.840 --> 0:23:36.440 to be a better partner to him. Whether you know 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:38.680 what that means, yeah, because I know what it means 0:23:38.680 --> 0:23:39.560 to show up for someone. 0:23:39.680 --> 0:23:42.240 As Robert reached out to you, did he say anything 0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:43.520 once you came out? 0:23:43.880 --> 0:23:49.240 Oh? Yeah, He's like, he's amazing, He's honestly. We talked 0:23:49.359 --> 0:23:52.160 like pretty early on in mine in Haley's relationship about it, 0:23:52.240 --> 0:23:55.400 and he was like, I just want you to be happy, 0:23:55.600 --> 0:23:59.960 and he's a wonderful human being. 0:24:00.560 --> 0:24:06.000 What was the response from fans, from Bachelor fans and 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:08.560 people that have watched you on this journey and wished 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:10.840 you had fallen in love with Chris sir Ben and 0:24:11.320 --> 0:24:14.639 then they find out, well, she's bisexual, she's now in 0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:18.639 a relationship with a woman. Has that response been positive, negative, 0:24:18.640 --> 0:24:19.399 A little bit of both. 0:24:22.200 --> 0:24:27.480 The overwhelming response has been supportive and positive. I was 0:24:27.520 --> 0:24:33.880 always prepared to have backlash in some sort, and not 0:24:33.920 --> 0:24:36.600 even backlash, but just have people who didn't get it. 0:24:37.359 --> 0:24:40.800 And I think when I finally made the decision to 0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:44.959 come out publicly with our relationship, my thought was, I 0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:47.119 don't need everyone to get it. But it took me 0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:50.480 four years to get to that point because being a 0:24:50.520 --> 0:24:53.600 people pleaser, my job in my head was to make 0:24:53.640 --> 0:24:57.520 sure that everyone understood what anything that I did. So 0:24:57.640 --> 0:25:00.439 for me, I was like, Okay, I know that Bachelor 0:25:00.520 --> 0:25:03.040 has a very conservative fan base, you know, and I 0:25:03.119 --> 0:25:07.159 know that people specifically who follow me are conservative and 0:25:08.080 --> 0:25:11.560 know me as a virgin who was saving herself for marriage. 0:25:11.600 --> 0:25:16.960 And I was so scared. I was so scared of 0:25:17.080 --> 0:25:19.280 what the reaction was going to be. And they surprised 0:25:19.320 --> 0:25:21.639 me in the best way, to be honest. It gave me. 0:25:21.800 --> 0:25:26.920 It gave me a It gave me a perspective shift 0:25:27.040 --> 0:25:29.960 of like giving the people the chance to show up 0:25:30.040 --> 0:25:33.959 for you, because my instant reaction was like, it's going 0:25:34.000 --> 0:25:38.199 to be negative, and they they showed me that that 0:25:38.280 --> 0:25:42.119 I can trust that people can can be gracious and kind. 0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:46.040 Well, you just celebrated a year of being out in public, 0:25:46.680 --> 0:25:49.240 and I was looking at your post, and there's something 0:25:49.240 --> 0:25:52.040 you wrote on there that I found very interesting. A 0:25:52.080 --> 0:25:53.600 couple of things that stood out to me, and one 0:25:53.640 --> 0:25:57.280 of them was something you just mentioned. There are some 0:25:57.320 --> 0:26:00.240 people that just will not get it, and that's okay. 0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:04.280 I don't need you to get it. To be empathetic, 0:26:04.520 --> 0:26:07.119 to still show love and grace, you don't have to 0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:09.919 understand this. This isn't for you, that's not your life. 0:26:10.880 --> 0:26:14.480 I thought that was a very interesting, very healthy take 0:26:14.520 --> 0:26:14.840 on it. 0:26:15.400 --> 0:26:23.399 Yeah, I've been to a lot of therapy, but I 0:26:23.440 --> 0:26:26.480 you know, I think about how I look at other 0:26:26.520 --> 0:26:31.080 people and when when something makes me uncomfortable or it's 0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:34.280 not familiar to me, and my first reaction is like 0:26:34.320 --> 0:26:38.119 I don't understand to be able to know like what 0:26:38.280 --> 0:26:40.600 to do with that thought of like I don't understand, 0:26:40.600 --> 0:26:44.040 and then going that's not my business to understand. It 0:26:44.200 --> 0:26:48.119 doesn't matter. I don't need to. And I think some 0:26:48.280 --> 0:26:55.679 people are emotionally mature enough to have that understanding. And 0:26:55.680 --> 0:26:57.920 then I think there's people who just need to get 0:26:57.960 --> 0:27:01.520 their opinion out there, whether it means anything, you're not 0:27:01.960 --> 0:27:04.600 And I get those every now and then, which is okay. 0:27:05.000 --> 0:27:08.280 I'm able, you know, if I feel like it's worth 0:27:08.320 --> 0:27:11.960 a conversation to engage with. I'll have the conversation because 0:27:12.000 --> 0:27:16.919 I think that's healthy and I think that's how people 0:27:17.000 --> 0:27:19.240 can be exposed to things that maybe they don't get 0:27:19.320 --> 0:27:20.399 or they've never seen before. 0:27:20.520 --> 0:27:23.359 That is a brilliant take. And I've in a completely 0:27:23.359 --> 0:27:27.399 different universe went through something and felt the same way. 0:27:27.480 --> 0:27:29.879 I always said, if you want to talk to me 0:27:30.160 --> 0:27:34.480 about how I feel about anything, and I feel like 0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:36.560 we're actually going to have an honest give and take 0:27:37.240 --> 0:27:39.520 and we don't have to agree, but we're going to 0:27:39.640 --> 0:27:43.880 talk and have that conversation. I'm all in. I love that, 0:27:44.000 --> 0:27:46.119 I relish it, I welcome. I don't want to live 0:27:46.160 --> 0:27:48.800 in a vacuum or an echo chamber where I only 0:27:48.840 --> 0:27:52.040 hear my own thoughts repeated back to me. I'm all 0:27:52.080 --> 0:27:54.600 for that, but to what you just said is so true. 0:27:54.640 --> 0:27:58.439 Some people just want to spew their own venom, spew 0:27:58.440 --> 0:28:01.160 their own thoughts, hear themselves talk, and then move on. 0:28:01.800 --> 0:28:04.040 I don't have time for that anymore. I don't take 0:28:04.160 --> 0:28:06.640 my energy with that anymore because it's just not worth it. 0:28:07.920 --> 0:28:12.960 No, I just can't imagine myself being old and looking 0:28:13.040 --> 0:28:18.440 back going I just I remember having this moment when 0:28:18.680 --> 0:28:21.800 we hadn't been we weren't public yet, And I read 0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:24.160 this book it's Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, and it's 0:28:24.760 --> 0:28:27.080 it's an amazing book. But she kind of at the 0:28:27.200 --> 0:28:29.840 end is like it is to sum it up, like 0:28:30.119 --> 0:28:34.000 we get this one precious life, and am I going 0:28:34.080 --> 0:28:37.480 to look back and go like, oh, I wish that 0:28:37.600 --> 0:28:40.960 I had been myself or been comfortable being myself. But 0:28:41.000 --> 0:28:44.240 I was so scared of what strangers were going to think. 0:28:44.480 --> 0:28:46.680 Like it feels so silly when I can put into 0:28:46.720 --> 0:28:50.760 perspective of like how how massive and short and fast 0:28:50.840 --> 0:28:53.920 and like a whirlwind this life we have, and that 0:28:54.080 --> 0:28:58.080 I could spend it worrying about everyone else's views on 0:28:58.120 --> 0:28:59.040 it just felt. 0:28:58.840 --> 0:29:01.640 And those people don't care about you. 0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:04.560 No, that's the other thing I go. If they if 0:29:04.560 --> 0:29:07.040 they want to be in my life, great, If they don't, 0:29:07.600 --> 0:29:08.400 it's it's great. 0:29:08.480 --> 0:29:10.560 You're going to lie on your deathbed and you're not 0:29:10.600 --> 0:29:13.320 going to you're not going to want to say I'm 0:29:13.320 --> 0:29:15.840 so glad I kept my relationship secret and I didn't 0:29:15.880 --> 0:29:19.240 live it my best life publicly with Haley or whoever 0:29:19.320 --> 0:29:22.600 you spend the rest of your life with what a waste. 0:29:22.600 --> 0:29:25.040 And my mom always said this, and I truly believe 0:29:25.520 --> 0:29:30.120 life is equally too short but also too long to 0:29:30.240 --> 0:29:32.840 waste because you still have to live it and it 0:29:32.880 --> 0:29:34.800 feels like a long time even And I agree with 0:29:34.840 --> 0:29:36.480 what you're saying, life is too short, but it's also 0:29:36.520 --> 0:29:38.840 too long to just sit there in silence and not 0:29:38.880 --> 0:29:40.400 be happy and not live your life. 0:29:41.480 --> 0:29:45.840 Well, what a I mean, how you're only making it 0:29:45.960 --> 0:29:48.520 longer and more miserable when you're when you're living for 0:29:48.640 --> 0:29:53.080 other people. What an exhausting experience to have? Or we 0:29:53.160 --> 0:29:56.760 can look back and only say that you weren't there 0:29:56.800 --> 0:29:57.760 to please other people. 0:29:57.840 --> 0:30:00.600 And it's look, and I know the way you say that, 0:30:00.920 --> 0:30:03.080 I feel the same way. It doesn't mean you're not 0:30:03.120 --> 0:30:05.400 a good citizen. It doesn't mean you're not a good friend, 0:30:05.760 --> 0:30:07.800 and you're and you welcome strangers and all that. It's 0:30:07.800 --> 0:30:09.840 just I get what you're saying. It's the people that 0:30:09.880 --> 0:30:11.440 are going to be angry, the people that want to 0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:14.480 yell at you, the people that want to take you down. 0:30:14.920 --> 0:30:18.040 And then again, this is something I'm very connected to. Now, 0:30:19.560 --> 0:30:22.320 they're going to do that anyway. They don't care about you, 0:30:22.320 --> 0:30:25.920 they don't even care about the cause of the getting 0:30:25.920 --> 0:30:29.960 to a better place. They just want to spew that 0:30:30.280 --> 0:30:32.960 venom and they just want to take somebody down. It 0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:34.800 could be anybody. It doesn't even have to be you. 0:30:34.920 --> 0:30:38.239 So remove yourself from that and it looks like you 0:30:38.320 --> 0:30:39.560 have which is wonderful. 0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:45.640 Yeah, I've done a lot of work of I still 0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:48.320 am working very hard on that. I think it's one 0:30:48.320 --> 0:30:53.400 of those things when it's and that's a good point. 0:30:53.440 --> 0:30:56.200 I think that sometimes our society is like me, me, me, 0:30:56.800 --> 0:30:58.920 only do me, only focus on me? And I think 0:30:58.960 --> 0:31:01.600 that there is so much beauty and like showing up 0:31:01.640 --> 0:31:05.360 for other people, and like being selfless and like giving 0:31:05.400 --> 0:31:08.160 to other people. But I do think when it's just 0:31:08.320 --> 0:31:11.640 the core of living your life, like you have to 0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:14.560 let go of the outside opinions. 0:31:14.640 --> 0:31:16.560 Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish. I know 0:31:16.600 --> 0:31:19.080 it gets a negative connotation, but you got to be 0:31:19.160 --> 0:31:33.600 selfish sometimes and take care of yourself. One thing I 0:31:33.640 --> 0:31:37.080 really wanted to talk to you about was Colton Underwood, 0:31:37.760 --> 0:31:43.040 who very publicly was the bachelor and then now is 0:31:43.120 --> 0:31:44.880 married to a man. I was at the wedding. It 0:31:44.920 --> 0:31:50.920 was a beautiful wedding to Jordan and interesting to watch 0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:54.760 your journeys. Y'all are very different, very different human beings, 0:31:54.760 --> 0:31:57.160 and you went through very different journeys to get where 0:31:57.160 --> 0:31:58.960 you are. But at the same time, I was just 0:31:59.040 --> 0:32:03.400 curious if you who stayed in touch with that story, 0:32:03.440 --> 0:32:05.520 if you followed it in what your thoughts were. 0:32:07.040 --> 0:32:10.840 Yeah. I stayed in touch with it. And I can't 0:32:11.160 --> 0:32:15.200 imagine in his position, being the bachelor and going on 0:32:15.320 --> 0:32:22.440 and knowing this whole time his truth and navigating finding 0:32:22.480 --> 0:32:25.120 someone and in the breakup and the panic of like 0:32:25.920 --> 0:32:28.160 this is all going to come out? Yeah, you know. 0:32:29.080 --> 0:32:34.680 And I've gotten to meet his husband and he is wonderful. 0:32:35.120 --> 0:32:37.120 But you know, it's interesting. We talked about you being 0:32:37.160 --> 0:32:41.440 the bachelorette, and I know you remember those conversations where 0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:44.440 we had talked about bringing you back as you were 0:32:44.520 --> 0:32:48.760 kind of just America's sweetheart at the time. Think about 0:32:48.840 --> 0:32:52.120 if that had happened and then you end up where 0:32:52.160 --> 0:32:54.400 you are today, it really would have been a different path. 0:32:56.360 --> 0:33:00.280 Absolutely. I mean, my life would be totally different, and 0:33:00.320 --> 0:33:02.800 I don't or maybe it wouldn't. I don't know, Maybe 0:33:02.840 --> 0:33:05.320 it wouldn't, you know, like maybe there would be differences 0:33:05.360 --> 0:33:09.080 and maybe there would be some terms that I didn't have. 0:33:09.280 --> 0:33:13.680 But I always wonder, like what would have happened if 0:33:13.760 --> 0:33:18.080 if Chris or Ben had chosen me, or like what 0:33:18.080 --> 0:33:20.320 would my life look right? And I always think like 0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:29.520 I think certain people are aligned no matter what the 0:33:29.600 --> 0:33:30.840 journey looks like to get there. 0:33:31.640 --> 0:33:34.600 Have you been able to maintain your faith and live 0:33:34.680 --> 0:33:36.960 this life? And do you find or do you find 0:33:36.960 --> 0:33:37.800 those at odds? 0:33:39.560 --> 0:33:45.720 It's complicated because my relationship with God is I've found 0:33:45.720 --> 0:33:48.960 the separation in my relationship with God versus religion like 0:33:49.000 --> 0:33:52.600 a practice religion, And I think I've seen a lot 0:33:52.640 --> 0:33:59.800 of things in uh Christianity. I guess that hurt me 0:34:00.520 --> 0:34:05.920 and I have had a really hard time navigating that. 0:34:06.000 --> 0:34:11.520 It's been a journey of like trying to keep something 0:34:11.640 --> 0:34:16.640 that is so special and valuable to me, but also 0:34:16.719 --> 0:34:19.160 not wanting to be associated with something that causes a 0:34:19.200 --> 0:34:20.240 lot of pain for people. 0:34:20.719 --> 0:34:23.440 So you've been able to grow your spirituality? 0:34:24.840 --> 0:34:29.040 Yes? Like I think, Yeah, I think there's so much 0:34:29.080 --> 0:34:33.440 beauty and faith and spirituality and having a relationship for me, 0:34:33.560 --> 0:34:37.359 like a relationship with God like that to me is 0:34:37.680 --> 0:34:41.960 a foundation where I find peace and hope. And I 0:34:41.960 --> 0:34:45.319 think there's so much beauty in that. I and and 0:34:45.880 --> 0:34:49.560 people are imperfect, and I don't expect that religion is 0:34:49.600 --> 0:34:52.239 supposed to be perfect because it's it's a lot of 0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:59.920 human error and humans in general. But it's definitely oh 0:35:00.080 --> 0:35:05.200 in my eyes to question things that I never felt 0:35:05.280 --> 0:35:11.040 like I had the freedom to question. And it's been hard. 0:35:11.120 --> 0:35:15.800 I think a lot of people assume that questioning a 0:35:15.920 --> 0:35:19.200 religion or stepping back from a religion is easy, like 0:35:19.200 --> 0:35:22.280 it's the easy way out. But I think it's actually 0:35:22.320 --> 0:35:27.359 been maybe the most challenging thing that I've navigated in 0:35:27.400 --> 0:35:28.680 my life, to be honest. 0:35:28.920 --> 0:35:33.319 Wow. Yeah, I think if we've learned anything through the 0:35:33.360 --> 0:35:37.959 pandemic and COVID and all this stuff, if we don't 0:35:38.040 --> 0:35:43.640 question things, and it's not being a naysayer or anti 0:35:43.719 --> 0:35:46.760 this or pro this, it's just if you're not allowed 0:35:46.760 --> 0:35:49.560 to question things and look at it honestly and have 0:35:49.640 --> 0:35:54.440 that debate, then it's probably not good. 0:35:55.320 --> 0:35:56.560 Yeah. 0:35:57.280 --> 0:36:01.040 If you're just expected to just excep something, whether it's 0:36:01.080 --> 0:36:05.160 religion or anything, it's scary, that's probably not good. If 0:36:05.200 --> 0:36:07.720 I can't go whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA? I have a question. 0:36:08.560 --> 0:36:13.680 Yeah, And it always felt like it was a negative 0:36:13.680 --> 0:36:16.319 thing to question, and I was now when I look 0:36:16.320 --> 0:36:18.760 at him, like, I think we should we should be questioned. 0:36:18.760 --> 0:36:22.120 If you're taught something and you have a question about it, 0:36:23.239 --> 0:36:26.160 you have every right to ask that question. Raise your hand, 0:36:26.239 --> 0:36:29.880 ask the question, like stand up, like speak up, because 0:36:30.719 --> 0:36:37.400 I think that there's fear in questioning something that feels 0:36:37.400 --> 0:36:40.359 so big, and a lot of things that I have 0:36:40.480 --> 0:36:45.800 questions in terms of religion don't have a secure answer. 0:36:45.920 --> 0:36:48.480 There's no answer aside from like you just have to believe. 0:36:48.520 --> 0:36:51.520 And sometimes that's like I need something. 0:36:52.040 --> 0:36:54.640 I need something tangible, I need some science. But then 0:36:54.680 --> 0:36:56.880 you get into faith and what, yeah, what is faith 0:36:56.920 --> 0:37:00.000 and all of that and believing in just a higher 0:37:00.400 --> 0:37:03.120 higher being whatever that means for you and your faith 0:37:03.160 --> 0:37:06.359 and your religions. It is a fascinating conversation. And I 0:37:06.440 --> 0:37:09.680 was just curious, growing up one way now living a 0:37:09.680 --> 0:37:13.000 different way if those things can come together for you, 0:37:13.040 --> 0:37:15.319 and I hope they still do. It sounds like it's 0:37:15.320 --> 0:37:18.400 going to be a constant battle for quite some time. 0:37:19.320 --> 0:37:22.279 I've fought really hard to maintain my faith, so it's 0:37:22.280 --> 0:37:25.080 something that will always be important. My relationship with God 0:37:25.239 --> 0:37:28.160 feels like it well, it is the constant in my life, 0:37:28.200 --> 0:37:31.160 like no matter what people do or say or thingth we. 0:37:31.120 --> 0:37:33.680 Will continue to have those conversations and continue to ask 0:37:33.719 --> 0:37:36.600 those questions. And it was funny. I was thinking about 0:37:36.719 --> 0:37:41.600 Lauren and I, who you know, my fiance, and we 0:37:41.719 --> 0:37:44.680 kept ours private as well for quite some time. As 0:37:44.680 --> 0:37:46.200 you know, you knew we were dating, but we were 0:37:46.239 --> 0:37:50.200 private for like six seven months for our own reasons 0:37:50.480 --> 0:37:54.880 and it was just time. And another thing I wanted 0:37:54.880 --> 0:37:57.920 to bring up about your message on social media about 0:37:57.960 --> 0:38:01.920 being out, your celebrating your one year anniversary, something that 0:38:01.960 --> 0:38:06.760 really hit me was whatever time frame you're on, whenever 0:38:06.840 --> 0:38:08.759 you come to your truth, whenever you want to talk 0:38:08.800 --> 0:38:10.719 about it, if you ever want to talk about it, 0:38:11.400 --> 0:38:14.960 that's okay, that's your time. It's your life and in 0:38:15.000 --> 0:38:19.000 your journey. And I really I bet that those are 0:38:19.080 --> 0:38:20.879 wonderful words for people to hear. 0:38:21.840 --> 0:38:27.960 I thank you. I feel like I get so many 0:38:28.000 --> 0:38:30.759 messages from people and they're like, I'm so scared to 0:38:30.840 --> 0:38:34.640 come out, and I don't know what people are going 0:38:34.719 --> 0:38:36.919 to say or think. And one of the biggest things 0:38:36.960 --> 0:38:39.480 for me when I finally felt ready was that I 0:38:39.680 --> 0:38:42.960 had a support system, Like I had people surrounding me 0:38:43.239 --> 0:38:47.000 that I knew love me and support me and I 0:38:47.040 --> 0:38:49.320 could do anything and they would say, we all. 0:38:49.200 --> 0:38:51.359 Just loved you just the same. It didn't matter. 0:38:51.600 --> 0:38:55.400 I had that knowing no matter what happens, from like 0:38:55.480 --> 0:38:59.000 strangers on the internet, like I have my I have people, 0:38:59.440 --> 0:39:02.040 and so I always try to tell people, like, take 0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:05.200 your time and make sure that you you have even 0:39:05.200 --> 0:39:07.239 if it's one person, even if it's a ride or 0:39:07.280 --> 0:39:09.799 dia best friend, make sure that you have someone in 0:39:09.840 --> 0:39:13.120 your corner, because it can be a very lonely space 0:39:13.200 --> 0:39:16.760 for people. And I think that a lot of people 0:39:16.760 --> 0:39:19.600 feel rush to be proud and it's like we're celebrating 0:39:19.600 --> 0:39:21.799 Pride Month and it's like, be proud of who you are. 0:39:21.840 --> 0:39:25.040 And I also think that you should do it on 0:39:25.120 --> 0:39:28.279 your time because there's there can be a lot of 0:39:28.560 --> 0:39:31.640 hate and negativity associated with it, and it's a beautiful 0:39:32.280 --> 0:39:34.840 it's a beautiful part of yourself to be able to 0:39:34.880 --> 0:39:37.640 accept that, and it's a it's a beautiful part to 0:39:37.640 --> 0:39:39.400 be able to be out and open about it. But 0:39:39.480 --> 0:39:44.680 it's also beautiful to have safety around it. And I 0:39:44.800 --> 0:39:48.360 just always it felt very important to me that people 0:39:48.440 --> 0:39:50.640 know that they don't need to rush or like if 0:39:50.640 --> 0:39:53.440 they have a partner who's who's already out. You know, 0:39:53.440 --> 0:39:58.640 Haley has been out for years and she waited, well. 0:39:58.520 --> 0:40:00.920 And what was it like for or now you know, 0:40:00.960 --> 0:40:04.680 with Haley's you're not just dating somebody. You're dating someone 0:40:04.680 --> 0:40:07.840 who was a bit of an icon in the LGBTQ community. 0:40:08.200 --> 0:40:12.880 So there is this I'm sure there was this battle 0:40:12.880 --> 0:40:14.839 where she's she's kind of living this life where she's 0:40:14.920 --> 0:40:17.840 kind of already out and proud, and you're like, was 0:40:17.880 --> 0:40:20.919 that difficult on your relationship because she is that icon. 0:40:22.120 --> 0:40:24.440 Yeah, I mean there were definitely at the beginning some 0:40:24.680 --> 0:40:28.480 very hard conversations that we had to navigate because I 0:40:28.719 --> 0:40:31.040 so that was the whole like private, verst secret thing. 0:40:31.080 --> 0:40:32.719 I was like, I never want you to feel like 0:40:32.719 --> 0:40:35.480 a secret. So when we were out or like if 0:40:35.480 --> 0:40:38.160 we met people or you know, someone came up to 0:40:38.200 --> 0:40:42.120 me to say hey, I always introduced her as my 0:40:42.200 --> 0:40:44.800 girlfriend or said Haley. I never said like, this is 0:40:44.880 --> 0:40:48.759 my friend, you know. And so it was just kind 0:40:48.760 --> 0:40:52.319 of like finding the places where I could show up 0:40:52.360 --> 0:40:55.480 for her and still take care of myself and like 0:40:55.680 --> 0:40:57.840 do it the way I needed on my timeline, but 0:40:57.840 --> 0:41:01.319 also make sure that she felt secure in the relationship 0:41:01.320 --> 0:41:04.040 because she's like I don't want to feel like I'm 0:41:04.080 --> 0:41:06.560 back in the closet, and I'm like, yeah, that's fair, 0:41:06.880 --> 0:41:12.359 but this is this is big, this is big. I'm 0:41:12.400 --> 0:41:15.360 trying to show up for you, but like not abandoned myself. 0:41:16.080 --> 0:41:19.200 And there were definitely hard conversations, but I was I 0:41:19.640 --> 0:41:22.960 will forever be grateful at how we were able to 0:41:23.040 --> 0:41:26.960 navigate that and her like patience and love and how 0:41:27.000 --> 0:41:29.840 she navigated that with me. 0:41:41.640 --> 0:41:45.680 You were just so happy now. I mean even when 0:41:45.680 --> 0:41:48.160 I see you sitting in front of me right now, 0:41:48.920 --> 0:41:52.360 this smile on your face, this ease about you. What 0:41:52.440 --> 0:41:54.759 was it and what is it about Hayley that just 0:41:55.040 --> 0:41:58.760 blew you away and made you fall in love probably 0:41:58.760 --> 0:42:01.279 for the first time in your life. 0:42:01.440 --> 0:42:07.200 Yeah, definitely for the first time. I I don't know 0:42:07.280 --> 0:42:10.720 if there's words for I always when I think about 0:42:10.719 --> 0:42:13.480 when I met her, it was a night of her 0:42:13.560 --> 0:42:16.120 album release party and I just showed up with I 0:42:16.120 --> 0:42:19.960 went with a friend and I remember seeing her get 0:42:19.960 --> 0:42:22.360 out of the car and I didn't I knew what 0:42:22.480 --> 0:42:25.680 she did for a career. Because my sisters, my younger 0:42:25.719 --> 0:42:27.279 sisters lived with me at the time, and both of 0:42:27.280 --> 0:42:30.120 my sisters are gay, and so they were watching her 0:42:30.200 --> 0:42:32.640 music video. That's all I had seen of her at 0:42:32.640 --> 0:42:38.200 this point. And I remember this like I would never 0:42:38.280 --> 0:42:40.080 call it love at first sight, because that feels so 0:42:40.200 --> 0:42:43.560 silly to me. But I remember this like instant curiosity 0:42:43.600 --> 0:42:47.320 about this person that I had never met, and I 0:42:47.360 --> 0:42:49.880 will always like hold onto that feeling because I remember 0:42:49.880 --> 0:42:51.680 watching her get of the car. She came and she 0:42:51.719 --> 0:42:53.520 said hey to my friend, but she didn't like say 0:42:53.520 --> 0:42:55.560 hey to any of us, and I was like, oh, 0:42:55.640 --> 0:42:59.839 she's like too cool. And I remember her walking up 0:43:00.040 --> 0:43:03.960 and it was just something that I don't think I 0:43:04.000 --> 0:43:09.200 could describe about someone or put into words or figure 0:43:09.200 --> 0:43:12.000 out how the feeling happened or what it was. 0:43:12.080 --> 0:43:16.840 It was just instant, instant chemistry, instant connection. Yeah, and 0:43:16.880 --> 0:43:18.440 then you figured out it was real. 0:43:19.480 --> 0:43:23.080 And then yeah we had We went and got drinks 0:43:23.120 --> 0:43:25.400 and talked for like four hours. 0:43:24.960 --> 0:43:27.479 And so it was instant on her side as well. 0:43:28.560 --> 0:43:31.920 Oh yeah she would That night, she was like flirting 0:43:31.960 --> 0:43:35.160 with me so hardcore that we were like, hey, you know. 0:43:35.239 --> 0:43:38.280 She kept asking my friend Brittany, like is back into girls, 0:43:38.280 --> 0:43:40.239 and she's like no, but her sister is. So we 0:43:40.239 --> 0:43:41.120 were trying to set up. 0:43:41.000 --> 0:43:43.879 With my sister and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, 0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:44.799 there might be something here. 0:43:44.880 --> 0:43:48.360 Hold on. Yeah, Like I was like in denial. I 0:43:48.400 --> 0:43:50.319 was like, oh, this girl's flirting with me, but like, 0:43:50.560 --> 0:43:54.279 you know, not wrong girl. And then I think it 0:43:54.320 --> 0:43:56.920 was like two days later and realized it was the 0:43:57.040 --> 0:43:57.560 right girl. 0:43:58.120 --> 0:43:59.440 It was so I was gonna say it was that 0:43:59.480 --> 0:44:04.680 instantane is where you met this person that just blew 0:44:04.719 --> 0:44:07.160 you away, and she just kind of got in your 0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:09.800 head and got in your soul, and two days later 0:44:10.840 --> 0:44:15.360 you're thinking, I am really interested. I am very curious 0:44:15.400 --> 0:44:16.160 about this woman. 0:44:17.480 --> 0:44:22.040 Yeah. We had a day in between when we met 0:44:22.080 --> 0:44:23.920 and then when we got drinks, and the day in 0:44:23.960 --> 0:44:28.000 between I had a date with a guy, and I 0:44:28.080 --> 0:44:34.240 remember getting in the car and checking my Instagram DMS 0:44:34.560 --> 0:44:36.879 and I was just like wanting to talk to her. 0:44:37.360 --> 0:44:38.520 Did not care about the guy. 0:44:38.640 --> 0:44:41.680 Yeah, sorry buddy. 0:44:41.440 --> 0:44:44.399 Wasn't a great date anyway. But I just remember being like, oh, 0:44:44.520 --> 0:44:47.319 instantly wanting to see if she had messaged me, which 0:44:47.360 --> 0:44:50.200 I was like, why would I care. I wasn't interested. 0:44:51.280 --> 0:44:53.680 And then the next day you guys talked or went 0:44:53.719 --> 0:44:54.200 out again. 0:44:54.600 --> 0:44:56.520 We were all supposed to get drinks for her to 0:44:56.520 --> 0:44:59.239 meet my sister and everyone bailed and she was like, 0:45:00.120 --> 0:45:01.960 would you and would you want to get drinks? And 0:45:01.960 --> 0:45:05.440 I was like, hmm, you know, I knew she was interested, 0:45:05.480 --> 0:45:07.000 so I was like, of course you would want to 0:45:07.040 --> 0:45:10.239 get of course she wants to get drinks alone. And 0:45:11.440 --> 0:45:14.000 we talked for four hours and shut the bar down, 0:45:14.080 --> 0:45:18.480 and I remember leaving being like, I didn't sleep that night, 0:45:18.680 --> 0:45:20.520 you know, is the whole thing that everyone told me, 0:45:20.600 --> 0:45:24.000 like that you feel and it just hit me and 0:45:24.040 --> 0:45:29.080 I was like, what is this? So it was fast. 0:45:29.640 --> 0:45:31.400 That's amazing, though, what a beautiful story. 0:45:32.120 --> 0:45:32.560 Thank you. 0:45:32.960 --> 0:45:35.120 Do you guys, do you think you'll ever get married? 0:45:37.000 --> 0:45:40.279 I you know, I didn't realize this obviously going on 0:45:40.280 --> 0:45:44.320 the Bachelor, but I think that I just always assume 0:45:44.400 --> 0:45:46.480 that's what I had to do, you know. And so 0:45:46.600 --> 0:45:52.200 I think this relationship, I've learned so much about having 0:45:52.320 --> 0:45:58.319 choices and wonder it's wonderful. And I think that both 0:45:58.320 --> 0:46:00.160 of us are on the same page of wanting to 0:46:00.200 --> 0:46:02.680 be together whatever that looks like, whether it's a wedding. 0:46:02.800 --> 0:46:07.920 I think, like, I'm not someone who's like pictured myself 0:46:07.920 --> 0:46:10.879 in the white dress, Like I don't have that. I've 0:46:10.880 --> 0:46:13.120 never had that like vision for myself, like when you 0:46:13.120 --> 0:46:15.719 talk to Tanya rad She's got it all long. 0:46:15.840 --> 0:46:19.000 That vision board has been built for decades. 0:46:22.040 --> 0:46:24.520 So yeah, I think we're just kind of like on 0:46:24.560 --> 0:46:26.399 the same page of what we want. And I always say, 0:46:26.440 --> 0:46:29.680 you know, Paileey was like, this is my dream and 0:46:29.719 --> 0:46:32.279 this is what I want. I would be happy to 0:46:32.560 --> 0:46:36.560 but I think it's it's kind of been nice going like, oh, 0:46:37.040 --> 0:46:40.200 we can just be together without that pressure or like. 0:46:40.280 --> 0:46:43.960 Me a wedding, but whatever it is. I totally understand 0:46:43.960 --> 0:46:47.240 that as I have gone through this for the second 0:46:47.239 --> 0:46:50.400 time with Lauren, and the first time I was young, 0:46:50.600 --> 0:46:52.759 and I was I was, you know, Southern like you 0:46:52.840 --> 0:46:55.920 and conservative, and I was going through the motions of Okay, 0:46:55.960 --> 0:46:57.800 you go to college and then you have a girlfriend, 0:46:57.800 --> 0:47:00.120 and then you get married and this is what you do. 0:47:00.680 --> 0:47:06.200 And now circling back living life with choices and really 0:47:06.239 --> 0:47:10.200 living life truly for the joy of it, of what 0:47:10.320 --> 0:47:13.719 is this relationship. We'll define it, we'll figure it out 0:47:13.800 --> 0:47:15.640 and if and again, if if I wanted to or 0:47:15.640 --> 0:47:18.960 she wanted to do something, great, let's do that. But 0:47:19.120 --> 0:47:22.040 in the meantime we just slowly let it evolve into 0:47:22.040 --> 0:47:25.560 whatever we wanted it to be, which is such a wonderful, 0:47:25.719 --> 0:47:26.759 happy thing to do. 0:47:28.440 --> 0:47:33.760 I mean, I didn't know the joy in that until 0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:37.160 I experienced it. And I don't know if, like I 0:47:37.160 --> 0:47:40.560 don't know if people know the joy of just letting 0:47:40.640 --> 0:47:47.200 life happen without needing to have it all planned out 0:47:47.320 --> 0:47:49.239 or change a lot of yeah, or change that. 0:47:49.360 --> 0:47:53.440 What is the the interesting urge? And again, maybe it's 0:47:53.480 --> 0:47:58.080 just programmed in us. Okay, we're happy. Now, we need 0:47:58.080 --> 0:48:01.040 to change it. We need to we need to label 0:48:01.080 --> 0:48:04.520 it and change it. And that's so counterintuitive to everything 0:48:04.560 --> 0:48:06.960 else in our life. Say you were running a business 0:48:07.000 --> 0:48:10.120 and you were incredibly successful, you'd be like, Okay, let's 0:48:10.200 --> 0:48:13.640 rename this and change it. You just don't do that 0:48:13.719 --> 0:48:15.560 in other facets of our life. Yet we do it 0:48:15.640 --> 0:48:17.360 constantly with our relationships. 0:48:18.560 --> 0:48:21.919 That's so true. Yeah, I think we're just programmed that 0:48:21.920 --> 0:48:26.160 that's the next It's like, there's the next step, what's 0:48:26.239 --> 0:48:29.239 the next label. It's like you get, you get, you 0:48:29.280 --> 0:48:33.080 answer one question and then it's like, well what's next, Yeah, 0:48:33.120 --> 0:48:33.680 what are you doing next? 0:48:33.760 --> 0:48:37.560 Let's call it something different. You have to change rank. 0:48:37.800 --> 0:48:40.880 I know it's it's it is, it's interesting, But I 0:48:40.880 --> 0:48:44.400 don't think. I don't know that you know, the freedom 0:48:44.440 --> 0:48:46.400 of not having to do that until you live it. 0:48:46.600 --> 0:48:50.520 Yeah, how has it been for you to not just 0:48:50.560 --> 0:48:52.439 come out but also be a bit of an icon 0:48:53.160 --> 0:48:59.719 as well? As I've been overwhelming pressure welcome pressure because 0:48:59.719 --> 0:49:01.359 I know people look to you and at the same 0:49:01.400 --> 0:49:03.960 time you're just a woman trying to figure things out 0:49:04.000 --> 0:49:04.399 as well. 0:49:06.040 --> 0:49:09.000 I definitely want to consider myself an icon. But I 0:49:10.920 --> 0:49:17.279 you know, I'm very I get very like emotional and 0:49:17.400 --> 0:49:21.839 humbled by the messages and stories that I hear of 0:49:22.000 --> 0:49:27.400 people navigating the same things that I've navigated and saying 0:49:27.400 --> 0:49:29.520 that I made them feel brave like that to me 0:49:29.640 --> 0:49:34.160 feels like almost so it's so much bigger than me 0:49:34.320 --> 0:49:37.960 that it's like sometimes a lot to take in. But 0:49:38.040 --> 0:49:44.759 I feel I don't feel pressure. I just feel like 0:49:45.120 --> 0:49:48.799 grateful that something that felt so scary for me is 0:49:48.800 --> 0:49:52.240 something that makes other people feel brave. 0:49:52.440 --> 0:49:55.440 You know, absolutely well. I know Clinton, I've talked to 0:49:55.480 --> 0:49:57.680 Colton about this too, and I know you guys are 0:49:57.719 --> 0:49:59.440 in the same boat as far as that goes. Because 0:49:59.440 --> 0:50:02.360 you were so public and because people have feel like 0:50:02.400 --> 0:50:04.319 they've kind of lived this journey with you, and you 0:50:05.320 --> 0:50:10.000 represent them and you resemble them. It's a powerful thing, 0:50:10.040 --> 0:50:11.239 and it is a wonderful thing. 0:50:12.480 --> 0:50:17.160 Thank you. Yeah, it was. You nailed it. It's been 0:50:17.200 --> 0:50:17.800 a journey. 0:50:18.080 --> 0:50:20.640 It hasn't been a journey. We will use that word 0:50:20.760 --> 0:50:23.839 in the best of terms this time. Yes, Yes, I'm 0:50:23.880 --> 0:50:26.320 just so happy that you are happy. And I'm just 0:50:26.680 --> 0:50:29.720 I feel like you are just a different woman and 0:50:29.920 --> 0:50:31.560 the woman you were always meant to be, and I 0:50:31.640 --> 0:50:35.799 just I get so much joy in that. And when 0:50:35.840 --> 0:50:38.680 I see you and Haley together, I'm like, yep, that's 0:50:39.280 --> 0:50:41.800 that's a no brainer, Like, how did this not ever happen? 0:50:43.200 --> 0:50:44.920 You guys just look like you're meant to be, look 0:50:45.000 --> 0:50:46.120 like you were so in love. 0:50:46.960 --> 0:50:51.480 Thank you, we are. I feel very grateful. And you know, 0:50:52.920 --> 0:50:57.920 every part of my story led me to this, you know, 0:50:58.000 --> 0:51:02.719 it's it was Hailey was a Bachelor fan, Hailey's a 0:51:02.760 --> 0:51:05.279 Bachelor fan. She knew who I was when I came 0:51:05.320 --> 0:51:07.920 to the party. You know, It's like everything led to 0:51:09.920 --> 0:51:12.400 where it was supposed to be, and that that that 0:51:12.480 --> 0:51:13.759 part of it's really cool to me. 0:51:15.239 --> 0:51:19.279 You have the podcast going on, yes, scrubbing in you 0:51:19.280 --> 0:51:23.799 and Tanya rad check it out. It's really good. What 0:51:23.960 --> 0:51:26.839 else is on your plate these days? I know you're 0:51:26.880 --> 0:51:30.400 an influencer. I see all the ads going what else 0:51:30.560 --> 0:51:32.920 because you always have so many good side hustles. 0:51:33.719 --> 0:51:37.120 Yeah, honestly, that's been like my focus is just like 0:51:37.160 --> 0:51:41.640 the podcast, and I think that the influencer world is 0:51:41.680 --> 0:51:43.440 still one of those things where like when you tell 0:51:43.480 --> 0:51:45.680 people what they what you do, they're like, I don't 0:51:45.760 --> 0:51:48.920 get it. It's a lot of work. It's so fun, 0:51:49.080 --> 0:51:50.160 but like it's a you. 0:51:50.040 --> 0:51:52.240 Know, you eat Taco Bell breakfast wraps. 0:51:52.520 --> 0:51:54.239 I mean, that was a dream come true. I think 0:51:54.320 --> 0:51:56.400 I peaked at this point. I don't know where to 0:51:56.480 --> 0:51:59.080 go from here. I don't know where to go after 0:51:59.120 --> 0:52:03.920 the Taco Bell collab, but I yeah, that's kind of 0:52:03.920 --> 0:52:04.800 been my focus. 0:52:04.840 --> 0:52:07.200 And well, I know your time is precious too, because 0:52:07.239 --> 0:52:11.680 you have something that I found I struggled with, which 0:52:11.760 --> 0:52:15.160 was trying to find time with Haley, who's on the 0:52:15.200 --> 0:52:18.879 road a lot. She tours, she's traveling. And I went 0:52:18.920 --> 0:52:24.320 through this in my first marriage of trying to make life, love, kids, 0:52:24.360 --> 0:52:27.879 all these things a priority while you're being successful. It's 0:52:27.920 --> 0:52:28.440 not easy. 0:52:29.480 --> 0:52:34.240 It's it's very hard, and I think the pandemic really 0:52:34.280 --> 0:52:38.480 made it hard because we were always go, go go, 0:52:38.719 --> 0:52:42.640 and then I think the pandemic. It was like I 0:52:42.680 --> 0:52:44.560 could be around you twenty four seven and never get 0:52:44.600 --> 0:52:47.399 tired of you. And then and we had that for 0:52:47.440 --> 0:52:50.279 a couple of years, and then life starts back up 0:52:50.360 --> 0:52:54.520 and she's gone and touring, and it's been an adjustment. 0:52:54.600 --> 0:52:55.680 It takes work, for sure. 0:52:55.880 --> 0:52:58.040 It takes a lot of work. And it's like takes 0:52:58.080 --> 0:53:02.400 both parties having to put in the work. And it's 0:53:02.440 --> 0:53:06.920 it's definitely you know, I feel like you. There's like 0:53:07.040 --> 0:53:10.200 this glamorous idea of what it's like to date someone. 0:53:10.400 --> 0:53:13.160 Yeah, you know, No, it's I totally get that. People 0:53:13.200 --> 0:53:14.440 thought it the same thing. It's like, oh, he has 0:53:14.480 --> 0:53:16.840 this great job, he travels the world. He's in South Africa, 0:53:16.880 --> 0:53:20.799 he's in Australia. It's like, yeah, but you're I'm not 0:53:20.880 --> 0:53:23.040 there with the people I love. My kids aren't there, 0:53:23.120 --> 0:53:27.040 my wife's not there, And it's a very lonely existence, traveling, 0:53:27.280 --> 0:53:30.399 living out of a suitcase and just different airports, and 0:53:30.480 --> 0:53:32.960 that it is a it's a very tough thing when 0:53:32.960 --> 0:53:35.560 all you want to do is have that opportunity to 0:53:35.640 --> 0:53:37.799 be home and go coach soccer, or be at the 0:53:37.840 --> 0:53:40.279 dance recital, or be with the woman you love. 0:53:40.960 --> 0:53:45.239 Yeah, Yeah, it's it's I think for both both parties, 0:53:45.320 --> 0:53:49.279 like me being home and and her, you know, out 0:53:49.320 --> 0:53:53.160 there doing and pursuing a dream that's you know, she's 0:53:53.160 --> 0:53:58.000 been working towards it. Yeah. But yeah, we just like 0:53:58.080 --> 0:54:02.000 everything else that we've navigated, we are navigating at all. 0:54:02.880 --> 0:54:05.000 When you bring up a good point, because I've been 0:54:05.040 --> 0:54:06.799 on both sides of the spectrum now where I've been 0:54:06.840 --> 0:54:10.120 the one traveling and you think, oh, that's the hard part. 0:54:10.719 --> 0:54:13.520 I didn't quite really understand what it was like to 0:54:13.560 --> 0:54:17.960 be home and to be left at home. In the 0:54:18.000 --> 0:54:20.600 beginning of my relationship with Lauren. She was traveling a 0:54:20.680 --> 0:54:24.360 ton for entertainment tonight, and I'm like, oh, this is 0:54:24.880 --> 0:54:27.120 a taste of what it was like. I get this 0:54:27.280 --> 0:54:30.000 of being kind of lonely in a quiet house when 0:54:30.040 --> 0:54:31.919 you want it to be filled with the person you love. 0:54:33.200 --> 0:54:35.840 I don't know which one's tougher, easier, whatever, but it 0:54:35.880 --> 0:54:38.120 is something you have to work on and communicate because 0:54:38.520 --> 0:54:40.320 it can really tear you apart. 0:54:41.280 --> 0:54:44.640 Yeah. I was going to say, I remember when I 0:54:44.719 --> 0:54:47.759 think I was traveling a lot more when we first 0:54:47.800 --> 0:54:52.000 started dating, and I think being the one traveling if 0:54:52.000 --> 0:54:54.600 you're busy and you're surrounded by people, you're a little 0:54:54.680 --> 0:54:57.920 less inclined to feel the loneliness, whereas when you're the 0:54:57.920 --> 0:55:00.920 person at home, you're right, it's like quiet and you're 0:55:00.960 --> 0:55:03.600 all because you know, she's like, you know, go hang 0:55:03.600 --> 0:55:06.520 out Tanya Alley, and I'm like, they have their own 0:55:07.120 --> 0:55:10.440 just be like, hey, guys, I'm crashing. I'm coming in, 0:55:10.480 --> 0:55:14.040 which they probably all welcome me. But you know, in 0:55:14.080 --> 0:55:16.760 her life, being she's on a tour bus with sixteen people, 0:55:16.840 --> 0:55:19.240 it's like she's never not with people. 0:55:19.600 --> 0:55:21.440 And then they come home and they like kind of 0:55:21.520 --> 0:55:24.880 reintegrate into your life, and it's like almost a disruption. 0:55:25.000 --> 0:55:26.520 You're like, who whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not what 0:55:26.560 --> 0:55:29.960 I do in the morning, but it is something that 0:55:30.000 --> 0:55:30.839 you have to work at. 0:55:31.440 --> 0:55:35.799 Yeah. Yeah, I mean every relationship there's I think that 0:55:35.960 --> 0:55:37.879 the thing that I realized with Haley is that I'm 0:55:38.080 --> 0:55:43.279 so willing and happy to work at it. Yeah, you know, 0:55:43.719 --> 0:55:46.719 it doesn't feel like work work. 0:55:46.840 --> 0:55:52.719 Yeah. Yeah, Becca, I love you. I appreciate you, thank 0:55:52.719 --> 0:55:54.960 you for being here. I could talk to you for 0:55:55.120 --> 0:55:59.400 hours on end. I just I appreciate your honesty on 0:56:00.320 --> 0:56:04.600 level of what you have done publicly and this journey 0:56:04.600 --> 0:56:07.000 that you've taken. Thanks for taking us along for the ride. 0:56:07.680 --> 0:56:09.640 Thank you for having me. Was so great seeing you 0:56:09.680 --> 0:56:11.799 and chatting with you. I'm so happy for you too. 0:56:12.000 --> 0:56:17.800 Thank you. Maybe a double wedding. We'll just knock it 0:56:17.840 --> 0:56:20.640 all out, all right, BECA you take care? 0:56:21.360 --> 0:56:22.840 All right? You too? Bye. 0:56:23.280 --> 0:56:27.520 I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Beckatilly. There was 0:56:27.560 --> 0:56:30.120 a lot to cover, a little bit longer interview than 0:56:30.120 --> 0:56:32.399 we usually do, but there was just so much to cover, 0:56:32.440 --> 0:56:36.440 from her bachelor days to you know, finding out that 0:56:36.560 --> 0:56:38.680 she was in love with Haley and what that meant, 0:56:38.719 --> 0:56:42.400 and just so many interesting things to cover. So I 0:56:42.440 --> 0:56:44.560 hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And 0:56:44.600 --> 0:56:47.600 again my thanks to my good friend Beckatilly. Love her 0:56:47.600 --> 0:56:49.960 to death and just wish her the very best, as 0:56:50.000 --> 0:56:52.600 I do for all of you. And I so appreciate 0:56:52.680 --> 0:56:55.880 you tuning in to the most Dramatic podcast Ever. I'll 0:56:55.920 --> 0:56:58.160 talk to you next time because we have a lot 0:56:58.200 --> 0:57:00.920 more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on 0:57:00.960 --> 0:57:03.879 Instagram at the Most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure 0:57:03.880 --> 0:57:06.040 to write us a review and leave us five stars. 0:57:06.520 --> 0:57:07.560 I'll talk to you next time.