Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 1: Chris Harrison here coming to you from the home office
Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas. So excited to be talking to a
Speaker 1: good friend of mine today, Becca Tilly. You guys might
Speaker 1: remember her from her appearances on well two seasons of
Speaker 1: The Bachelor. She was on Chris Soul's season where she
Speaker 1: was the runner up, and then she had a bit
Speaker 1: of a crush on Ben Higgins and asked to be
Speaker 1: on that show, and she went through seven weeks on
Speaker 1: Ben Higgins show. And Becca is a fascinating figure, especially
Speaker 1: in light of Colton Underwood's transition that we just followed
Speaker 1: him on where he is now in a same sex
Speaker 1: marriage and very publicly went through what he went through. Well,
Speaker 1: Becca went through all this before Colton, although it was
Speaker 1: a little bit quieter and not as much was made
Speaker 1: of it. I find it fascinating and I want to
Speaker 1: talk to her about why she came on the show,
Speaker 1: what her thought process was in that. Becca is now
Speaker 1: in an unbelievably loving same sex relationship with singer Hayley Kyoko.
Speaker 1: This was a relationship that well, she's been it for
Speaker 1: five years. Much of that was kept in the dark,
Speaker 1: very secretly. A lot of us knew behind the scenes,
Speaker 1: but she hadn't really come out. She hadn't embraced who
Speaker 1: she was and who she discovered that she was. She
Speaker 1: is now, and the transformation that I have witnessed that
Speaker 1: many of us have witnessed with Becca Tilly is incredible.
Speaker 1: It's inspirational, it's brave, and more than anything, she's just happy.
Speaker 1: She really seems like she is in a place in
Speaker 1: her life where she is ready to embrace life. And
Speaker 1: I want to talk to her about being on the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: It is I think it incredibly timely and important conversation
Speaker 1: to have, and I can't think of anybody better to
Speaker 1: have it with than with my good friend Becca Tilly. Becca,
Speaker 1: it is so good to talk to you. It's good
Speaker 1: to see you. You look beautiful.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. It's good to see you. I
Speaker 2: was trying to think of the last time I saw you, and.
Speaker 1: We were on a rooftop at some event. I just
Speaker 1: remember that, I know.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm pretty sure that's the last time
Speaker 2: we saw each other.
Speaker 1: I am excited about this conversation, and apparently it's been
Speaker 1: in my subconscious I don't ever remember my dreams. But
Speaker 1: last night, in my dreams, it wasn't you, but oddly
Speaker 1: it was your partner, Tanya Rad from your podcast, who
Speaker 1: was in my dream. She showed up at my house
Speaker 1: with all her equipment because she needed to do a podcast.
Speaker 1: So you guys have taken over my subconscious you.
Speaker 2: Know, I'm I feel flattered to know that you think
Speaker 2: of us when you think of podcasts.
Speaker 1: Y'all are haunting me to you and Tanya Rad. But
Speaker 1: Tanya obviously a very good friend of mine as well,
Speaker 1: and one of your best friends. She would like to
Speaker 1: think she is your best friend. That's a whole nother
Speaker 1: subject for a whole other podcast. It is an obsessive
Speaker 1: relationship we should dive into. But I want to talk
Speaker 1: to you because I am so fascinated by your story
Speaker 1: because I think it is so beautiful. It is brave, courageous, wonderful,
Speaker 1: and it's so timely. And you and I have been
Speaker 1: friends for a long time, but we've really never had
Speaker 1: this discussion where we really dive into your relationship and
Speaker 1: being on the Bachelor twice and what that experience was
Speaker 1: like for you. So I want to start at the
Speaker 1: beginning Chris Sol's season of The Bachelor, you decide to
Speaker 1: come on? Why and how did that happen?
Speaker 2: So my best friend Laura from high school had been
Speaker 2: for instance, freshman year of high school. She would always say,
Speaker 2: we should make an audition tape for you to go
Speaker 2: on The Bachelor. And I was raised like very traditional
Speaker 2: in the South Christian, Like everything that The Bachelor was
Speaker 2: in my mind was like the opposite of what I
Speaker 2: stood for, which is fighting, fighting other women to get
Speaker 2: the attention of a man. You know.
Speaker 1: I was just like, can the fantasy suite?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean we can get into that later,
Speaker 2: but yeah, everything about it. I was just kind of like,
Speaker 2: I don't think that it is for me, you know.
Speaker 2: And so this would go on, like every season she
Speaker 2: would suggest it, and finally, one day, I guess it
Speaker 2: was twenty fourteen, she I got it. I was flying
Speaker 2: to Chicago and I got off the plane. I had
Speaker 2: a voicemail and he was like, Hi, this is Scott
Speaker 2: from The Bachelor casting and your best friend nominated you.
Speaker 2: And I was just, you know, calling a chat and
Speaker 2: so I was like, what in the world we hadn't
Speaker 2: talked about this. So I call her and I'm like,
Speaker 2: I just got a call from the Bachelor casting department,
Speaker 2: and she was like, are you kidding me? I just
Speaker 2: admitted I just nominated you like a couple of days ago.
Speaker 2: I can't believe they already called you. So I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm going to do that, and
Speaker 2: she's like, you have to call them back. So I
Speaker 2: just went through that whole process, and in my mind,
Speaker 2: I thought, worst case scenario, maybe I get to travel
Speaker 2: somewhere really cool, because in my mind what I knew
Speaker 2: about The Bachelor was like helicopter ride tropical islands.
Speaker 1: Totally.
Speaker 2: I had no idea I was going on the season
Speaker 2: where we stayed in the Midwest.
Speaker 1: Crystal season of the Bacheler, which we really embraced the
Speaker 1: farm land and the and the heartland of America. We
Speaker 1: went to what we were in what Dubuque, We were
Speaker 1: in Iowa. We were in South Dakota, South Yes, Deadwood, Deadwood,
Speaker 1: South Dakota.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 1: And then will Whitefish, Montana.
Speaker 2: Maybe no, No, we didn't go there. That would have
Speaker 2: been great.
Speaker 1: That was another season.
Speaker 2: We were in New Mexico.
Speaker 1: You met Oh, that's right, in Santa fe Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you really went to the hotspots. We had a good time,
Speaker 1: but not exactly Bora Bora, Tahiti.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's okay, though it was an experience.
Speaker 1: You got that on Ben's season a little bit more
Speaker 1: a little bit yeah, But so for Chris's season, you
Speaker 1: come on and that's where I first met you. I'm
Speaker 1: not involved in casting. By the time I get to
Speaker 1: know you, you are already cast on the show. You're getting
Speaker 1: out of the limo in night one and you make
Speaker 1: a huge impression, and your story was essentially this wholesome
Speaker 1: southern virgin mm hmm. And was that something you knew
Speaker 1: coming in? Is that something they had talked to you about?
Speaker 2: No, I didn't even bring that up in the prom.
Speaker 2: Like I I remember being at the grocery store when
Speaker 2: Sean Lowe was the Bachelor, yeah, and seeing like the
Speaker 2: headlines like born Again Verge, like all the stuff, and
Speaker 2: like I'd see kind of i'd see conversations about it
Speaker 2: where I was like, you know, what, if I'm doing this,
Speaker 2: I don't want that to be my whole storyline. So
Speaker 2: I intentionally went in saying I'm not even going to
Speaker 2: bring this up, like I will have a conversation when
Speaker 2: I felt right for me, but I'm not gonna I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna give them this information.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that nugget. You know, it'll be used against you
Speaker 1: in the court of reality TV.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and not even used against I just didn't want
Speaker 2: it to be something that was made like a mockery,
Speaker 2: and so it was something that I was very proud of.
Speaker 2: So I wanted it to be something that was anytime
Speaker 2: I had that conversation, I wanted it to be something
Speaker 2: that was celebrated and respected. And you know, when you
Speaker 2: when you're giving production and editors and a story, they
Speaker 2: can do whatever they want with it. So I went
Speaker 2: in cautiously not going with that. So when it came out,
Speaker 2: I was just I was talking to Ashley I, who
Speaker 2: was on my season, and she had just told him
Speaker 2: that she was a virgin, and she was crying and
Speaker 2: she was like, I don't know how it went. And
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, what happened, and she goes, I
Speaker 2: just told him I'm a virgin. I don't know what
Speaker 2: he thought about it, and just without just like being
Speaker 2: someone who was trying to comfort someone else, and I go, oh,
Speaker 2: me too. And then I had this moment where I
Speaker 2: was like I felt my mic on and I felt
Speaker 2: I looked up and I saw the cameras and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh no, immediately immediately like Becca interview, you know,
Speaker 2: I don't whatever. So that's how that happened.
Speaker 1: But you you ended up going very far in that
Speaker 1: season with Chris Soles. You were the runner up. Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean that was so you did get to the
Speaker 1: Fantasy Suites. Yeah, what what was that like for you?
Speaker 2: Well, I think the Fantasy Suite was finally like an opportunity. Well,
Speaker 2: and you know, it was so interesting because I kept
Speaker 2: having these like invasive conversations with producers of like it's
Speaker 2: tonight the night, and I'm like, you think I've waited
Speaker 2: this long to have sex with a man that I
Speaker 2: have spent maybe a.
Speaker 1: Total two hours on national television. This is what this
Speaker 1: was My dream as a young girl was to first
Speaker 1: have sex on ABC.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yes, So for me, I just went into it
Speaker 2: going like I finally get to have conversations without having
Speaker 2: a microphone. I might get to know this guy and
Speaker 2: have like time where there's not cameras on. And it
Speaker 2: was like we were both so exhausted that like I
Speaker 2: feel like we talked, and then by the time like
Speaker 2: we finally went to bed, and then it was like
Speaker 2: we were up and I was leaving, and it was
Speaker 2: like I am a Crystals fan, and I too was
Speaker 2: so respectful to me, and I knew that we had
Speaker 2: very different paths, especially in that area, but I felt
Speaker 2: like he never made me feel insecure or you know,
Speaker 2: ashamed of it.
Speaker 1: So did you have genuine feelings for him? Did you
Speaker 1: honestly think I might be falling in love with this guy?
Speaker 1: Or was it just the momentum of the show when
Speaker 1: you're in it.
Speaker 2: I think I think it was the momentum of the show.
Speaker 2: I think I had never been in love before, so
Speaker 2: everyone kept saying like, you'll know, you'll know, you'll know,
Speaker 2: But I had never experienced that, so I was kind
Speaker 2: of like, oh, you know, is this what it feels
Speaker 2: like being in this like weird bubble of a TV
Speaker 2: show and having these experiences. And I never I never
Speaker 2: got to the point where I would confidently say that
Speaker 2: I was in love with him. I think that was
Speaker 2: the battle with me and production, the.
Speaker 1: Whole saying that, yeah, saying I love you, And obviously
Speaker 1: there was probably some inner turmoil that we will talk
Speaker 1: about here in just a minute of trying to figure
Speaker 1: things out. But we fell in love with you, and
Speaker 1: I say we, the collective we of America and the
Speaker 1: television viewing audience. We loved back at Tilly. We couldn't
Speaker 1: get enough of you, hence the she comes back on
Speaker 1: Ben Higgins season. But that was partly you. You you
Speaker 1: liked Ben. I mean I of the two guys, obviously,
Speaker 1: I like Chris. He is a good man. I think
Speaker 1: you and Ben were more aligned. I'm like, okay, he's
Speaker 1: a very conservative Christian guy. Becca's very much along those
Speaker 1: same lines. I could really see this happening. I actually
Speaker 1: thought that might work.
Speaker 2: Me too, And that was the only reason I put
Speaker 2: myself back in that position, because I was like, maybe
Speaker 2: this the first experience led to this experience, and like
Speaker 2: it was all like kis met and meant to be.
Speaker 2: And so when I went back on like I was
Speaker 2: there to meet Ben, like there was no because you know,
Speaker 2: the first time, it was like, well, I don't know
Speaker 2: this guy. He's cute. I've seen photos, I've seen videos,
Speaker 2: but like, I don't know much about him aside from
Speaker 2: him being a farmer. And it could be an experience,
Speaker 2: whereas the second time, it was like, I'm going to
Speaker 2: meet this guy and I will never forget getting out
Speaker 2: of the limo. Yeah, thinking I was going to see
Speaker 2: Ben and you were standing there.
Speaker 1: What a buzzkill?
Speaker 2: Well just more so like, oh my god, they're gonna,
Speaker 2: They're gonna this is gonna be Yeah.
Speaker 1: I did a because I kind of did a pre
Speaker 1: interview with you of like, are you sure you want
Speaker 1: to do this? Because this was the interesting thing Becca,
Speaker 1: who is the angel of the show, who we all
Speaker 1: just love so much, for the first time entering into
Speaker 1: probably what was a difficult moment an arena where you
Speaker 1: weren't going to be looked upon so favorably mm hm.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I just need to prepare her
Speaker 1: mentally that she's not going to just skate in so easily.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't. But I will say I mean the girls,
Speaker 2: considering the circumstances, were very warm and welcoming. I mean
Speaker 2: there were a few that were like what the heck
Speaker 2: is going on? But I was very lucky with the
Speaker 2: group of girls that I walked into that room.
Speaker 1: Or in the house with and you went seven weeks
Speaker 1: I think on Ben show, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I he sent me home right before Hometowns, which
Speaker 2: I think, you know, I think he knew that I
Speaker 2: wasn't the one, or I wasn't at that point his
Speaker 2: feelings for me, and so I think he didn't want
Speaker 2: to put me through the family portion and put my
Speaker 2: family through through the Hometowns again again. So it was great,
Speaker 2: I mean it hurt. It was a lot more emotional
Speaker 2: that season because I was like, my feelings were more invested.
Speaker 2: So I remember. I remember the first season being like
Speaker 2: I would hear about all the girls dates. I was
Speaker 2: like unfazed by it. And then Ben's season, it was
Speaker 2: like so complicated because Jojo and I were best friends
Speaker 2: and roommates, and she would come home and it was like,
Speaker 2: you want to hear about your best friend's date, but
Speaker 2: it's the guy that you're dating.
Speaker 1: To such such an awkward thing.
Speaker 2: It's so strange.
Speaker 1: Do you look back at that time fondly of being
Speaker 1: on the show. You do both.
Speaker 2: Seasons because I felt, honestly like I learned so much
Speaker 2: about myself and I I got to meet other people
Speaker 2: I would never meet in any other circumstance, and I
Speaker 2: mean everything, like even just sitting here having this conversation.
Speaker 2: Like everything that has come from those experiences, Like everything
Speaker 2: that I have done work wise, career wise, has come
Speaker 2: because of that. So I'm I feel grateful because I
Speaker 2: look back on it with just like the fondest memories.
Speaker 1: Well, it is amazing to see you know, you were
Speaker 1: this young girl from the South who I believe was
Speaker 1: working at a chiropractor and you know, wasn't quite sure
Speaker 1: of the direction of her life. Flash forward to you
Speaker 1: are this amazing influencer and this person that stands for
Speaker 1: so much good. It's just to have watched this, I
Speaker 1: don't know, this metamorphosis, this change in this woman, the strength,
Speaker 1: the power of the independence, it's all there now and
Speaker 1: that smile on your face. I'm glad you don't regret
Speaker 1: that journey and how you got there. And I hate
Speaker 1: to use that word because we beat it to death
Speaker 1: on the show, but if anybody personifies a journey, your
Speaker 1: life really is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. I think that part of my life
Speaker 2: in a certain way, also made this new part of
Speaker 2: my life complicated, you know, like it was. It was
Speaker 2: a journey of navigating what will people say? What will
Speaker 2: people think? Having all so many eyes on me, I've
Speaker 2: never been someone who wanted a lot of attention on me,
Speaker 2: So that part of the Bachelor, And I mean, I've
Speaker 2: been really grateful because people have been so gracious and
Speaker 2: like kind and loving towards me. But I've always been
Speaker 2: like a severe people please so like making sure Ione
Speaker 2: likes me. Yeah, everyone likes me. Everyone's proud of me,
Speaker 2: everyone's like happy with me. And that made it complicated
Speaker 2: in a sense. When I met.
Speaker 1: Haley, you are what we're referring to, and I talked
Speaker 1: about this at the top before your interview. You were
Speaker 1: in a same sex relationship with singer Haley Kyoko. You've
Speaker 1: been in this relationship since twenty eighteen. This is not
Speaker 1: something new. It might be new to you listeners because
Speaker 1: it you know, essentially Becca and Haley have just come
Speaker 1: out publicly together. They took their time. It's something I've
Speaker 1: watched behind the scenes and knew about for quite some time.
Speaker 1: And so before we jump into what that looks like now,
Speaker 1: I want to go back to Bachelor world. When did
Speaker 1: you know was their confusion even while you were on
Speaker 1: the Bachelor about these feelings.
Speaker 2: To be honest, it didn't that my attraction towards women
Speaker 2: didn't have clarity until I met Hayley. So while I
Speaker 2: was on the Bachelor, I think I had I now
Speaker 2: that I'm looking back, I think hindsight's twenty twenty where
Speaker 2: I go, oh, like, you know, I always had close
Speaker 2: connections with women, but it was never in a way
Speaker 2: of like I want to kiss you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think that because even I was talking to I
Speaker 2: was on Caitlyn's podcast, Kleen Bristow, because we were on
Speaker 2: Chris's season together and we were roommates and had like
Speaker 2: a really close friendship and we were like so close
Speaker 2: and it was like, by no means was it sexual
Speaker 2: or you know, intimate, but there was a deep love
Speaker 2: and connection with each other. And we were laughing because
Speaker 2: we were both like, yeah, was there like you know,
Speaker 2: was there a moment looking back where we were like, oh,
Speaker 2: I really like her? Is this more than friends? But
Speaker 2: I never had like the feeling that I felt when
Speaker 2: i met Hayley. It was like very different than anything
Speaker 2: I'd ever experienced with anyone.
Speaker 1: It was the person, it was the person.
Speaker 2: And it was the connection and it was not something
Speaker 2: I could have ever prepared for planned.
Speaker 1: So because after the Bachelor, second Bachelor stint with Ben Higgins.
Speaker 1: You dated Robert Graham, who was on the show, but
Speaker 1: it wasn't part of the show, but you guys dated
Speaker 1: for quite some time, and I remember seeing you guys,
Speaker 1: and again, hindsight, I definitely would not say I'm so
Speaker 1: smart that I saw this at the time, but thinking
Speaker 1: back on it, it seemed like you guys were going
Speaker 1: through the motions. Y'all would do the right things. But
Speaker 1: I never felt that spark and that energy and that
Speaker 1: chemistry is that fair And that's nothing against Robert, It's
Speaker 1: just that's what I felt from you guys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that my relationship with Robert, we were friends,
Speaker 2: turned like our friend turned into relationship, and it was
Speaker 2: one of those things. So I don't know, I talked
Speaker 2: about this on the show, but like I had never
Speaker 2: been in a serious relationship, like I I would have
Speaker 2: feelings for people who weren't available for me, which almost
Speaker 2: felt like a safety mechanism. And I think growing up
Speaker 2: in like purity culture and you know what, just like
Speaker 2: the Christian world of like what dating looks like and
Speaker 2: saving yourself, like I had a lot of fear around
Speaker 2: like intimacy and attraction and like letting myself, Like I
Speaker 2: was almost I was like proud of almost being closed off,
Speaker 2: Like I was almost proud of having walls up, you know,
Speaker 2: like it felt like I was like Kanye always is
Speaker 2: like how did you always? How are you so cool?
Speaker 2: How do you not care about anything? And there was
Speaker 2: like I had a lot of pride in that. And
Speaker 2: so I think when Robert and I started, you know,
Speaker 2: when it became more than friends, I was kind of
Speaker 2: in this limbo of being amendments. I did not want
Speaker 2: to commit to anything. It felt like a trap. I
Speaker 2: felt like tied down. And it got to a point
Speaker 2: where we were kind of you know, hookup buddies, and
Speaker 2: he's like, hey, I have feelings for you. I want
Speaker 2: to be with you in a relationship, but if you
Speaker 2: don't want that, like I need to move on because
Speaker 2: I can't do this in between things. And I didn't
Speaker 2: like the idea of him being with someone else, and
Speaker 2: so I was like, okay, I've never done this. I'm
Speaker 2: just I'm just gonna go for it. But I never
Speaker 2: let myself relax in that relationship.
Speaker 1: So do you think again, you're in such a healthy
Speaker 1: place that you can look back in thinking back, do
Speaker 1: you think a there was this war of your religion,
Speaker 1: being so conservative, not really wanting to give in to
Speaker 1: maybe how you really felt. And at the same time,
Speaker 1: maybe that was also a protective shield of well, I
Speaker 1: don't really have to deal with these confusing feelings I'm
Speaker 1: having because I'm just gonna save myself. I'll kind of
Speaker 1: block people out. I'll never really have a serious relationship.
Speaker 1: It makes sense now looking back to me anyway.
Speaker 2: Totally, and I, you know, part of me because I
Speaker 2: still would consider I'm still I guess if I were
Speaker 2: to put a label on myself, it would be bisexual.
Speaker 2: But so I think I was always attracted to men,
Speaker 2: Like there was always a physical attraction towards men, And
Speaker 2: I think anything that where I was attracted to women,
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't do that, that's not allowed.
Speaker 2: So like there was never even when I look back,
Speaker 2: I don't have any memories of like, oh I have
Speaker 2: a crush on my best friend or anything like that,
Speaker 2: because that part of me was like, that's wrong, that's bad,
Speaker 2: don't do that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't go there. But I wonder, so did you
Speaker 1: have a feeling of that's wrong, that's bad, Like you
Speaker 1: had those cognitive thoughts.
Speaker 2: I think in terms of just like, in general, what
Speaker 2: my beliefs were. I think I was just like gay bad. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That's that's why I find fascinating is there was this
Speaker 1: war going on, maybe before you knew you were even
Speaker 1: having this internal fight, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2: I think that a lot of people who eventually come
Speaker 2: out and allow themselves to be themselves have that thought
Speaker 2: of was this this internal war that I was that
Speaker 2: I was battling, or was there this internal homophobia that
Speaker 2: I was projecting, Like it's almost like you're a little
Speaker 2: bit louder about the things that you're battling, right of course.
Speaker 2: So I think that, and when I look back on
Speaker 2: my relationship with Robert, I think there was a lot
Speaker 2: of a lot of all of those things. I think
Speaker 2: it was that that thought of, like if I just
Speaker 2: stay closed off, I don't have to deal with hard things.
Speaker 2: I don't even know if I was aware of it
Speaker 2: at that moment. I just know I was off. And
Speaker 2: I've had conversations with Robert where I'm like, I'm sorry
Speaker 2: because I now know how good of a partner I
Speaker 2: can be to someone, and I did I wasn't able
Speaker 2: to get that, Oh that's nice.
Speaker 1: You've actually said that to him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and of course he's just the best, and he's like,
Speaker 2: I loved you for who you were and like he's wonderful.
Speaker 2: And so I think that being able to recognize that,
Speaker 2: even to be honest, like, even if for whatever reason
Speaker 2: Haley and I didn't work out and Robert and I reconnected,
Speaker 2: I think that just in general, I would be able
Speaker 2: to be a better partner to him. Whether you know
Speaker 2: what that means, yeah, because I know what it means
Speaker 2: to show up for someone.
Speaker 1: As Robert reached out to you, did he say anything
Speaker 1: once you came out?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, He's like, he's amazing, He's honestly. We talked
Speaker 2: like pretty early on in mine in Haley's relationship about it,
Speaker 2: and he was like, I just want you to be happy,
Speaker 2: and he's a wonderful human being.
Speaker 1: What was the response from fans, from Bachelor fans and
Speaker 1: people that have watched you on this journey and wished
Speaker 1: you had fallen in love with Chris sir Ben and
Speaker 1: then they find out, well, she's bisexual, she's now in
Speaker 1: a relationship with a woman. Has that response been positive, negative,
Speaker 1: A little bit of both.
Speaker 2: The overwhelming response has been supportive and positive. I was
Speaker 2: always prepared to have backlash in some sort, and not
Speaker 2: even backlash, but just have people who didn't get it.
Speaker 2: And I think when I finally made the decision to
Speaker 2: come out publicly with our relationship, my thought was, I
Speaker 2: don't need everyone to get it. But it took me
Speaker 2: four years to get to that point because being a
Speaker 2: people pleaser, my job in my head was to make
Speaker 2: sure that everyone understood what anything that I did. So
Speaker 2: for me, I was like, Okay, I know that Bachelor
Speaker 2: has a very conservative fan base, you know, and I
Speaker 2: know that people specifically who follow me are conservative and
Speaker 2: know me as a virgin who was saving herself for marriage.
Speaker 2: And I was so scared. I was so scared of
Speaker 2: what the reaction was going to be. And they surprised
Speaker 2: me in the best way, to be honest. It gave me.
Speaker 2: It gave me a It gave me a perspective shift
Speaker 2: of like giving the people the chance to show up
Speaker 2: for you, because my instant reaction was like, it's going
Speaker 2: to be negative, and they they showed me that that
Speaker 2: I can trust that people can can be gracious and kind.
Speaker 1: Well, you just celebrated a year of being out in public,
Speaker 1: and I was looking at your post, and there's something
Speaker 1: you wrote on there that I found very interesting. A
Speaker 1: couple of things that stood out to me, and one
Speaker 1: of them was something you just mentioned. There are some
Speaker 1: people that just will not get it, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: I don't need you to get it. To be empathetic,
Speaker 1: to still show love and grace, you don't have to
Speaker 1: understand this. This isn't for you, that's not your life.
Speaker 1: I thought that was a very interesting, very healthy take
Speaker 1: on it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been to a lot of therapy, but I
Speaker 2: you know, I think about how I look at other
Speaker 2: people and when when something makes me uncomfortable or it's
Speaker 2: not familiar to me, and my first reaction is like
Speaker 2: I don't understand to be able to know like what
Speaker 2: to do with that thought of like I don't understand,
Speaker 2: and then going that's not my business to understand. It
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. I don't need to. And I think some
Speaker 2: people are emotionally mature enough to have that understanding. And
Speaker 2: then I think there's people who just need to get
Speaker 2: their opinion out there, whether it means anything, you're not
Speaker 2: And I get those every now and then, which is okay.
Speaker 2: I'm able, you know, if I feel like it's worth
Speaker 2: a conversation to engage with. I'll have the conversation because
Speaker 2: I think that's healthy and I think that's how people
Speaker 2: can be exposed to things that maybe they don't get
Speaker 2: or they've never seen before.
Speaker 1: That is a brilliant take. And I've in a completely
Speaker 1: different universe went through something and felt the same way.
Speaker 1: I always said, if you want to talk to me
Speaker 1: about how I feel about anything, and I feel like
Speaker 1: we're actually going to have an honest give and take
Speaker 1: and we don't have to agree, but we're going to
Speaker 1: talk and have that conversation. I'm all in. I love that,
Speaker 1: I relish it, I welcome. I don't want to live
Speaker 1: in a vacuum or an echo chamber where I only
Speaker 1: hear my own thoughts repeated back to me. I'm all
Speaker 1: for that, but to what you just said is so true.
Speaker 1: Some people just want to spew their own venom, spew
Speaker 1: their own thoughts, hear themselves talk, and then move on.
Speaker 1: I don't have time for that anymore. I don't take
Speaker 1: my energy with that anymore because it's just not worth it.
Speaker 2: No, I just can't imagine myself being old and looking
Speaker 2: back going I just I remember having this moment when
Speaker 2: we hadn't been we weren't public yet, And I read
Speaker 2: this book it's Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, and it's
Speaker 2: it's an amazing book. But she kind of at the
Speaker 2: end is like it is to sum it up, like
Speaker 2: we get this one precious life, and am I going
Speaker 2: to look back and go like, oh, I wish that
Speaker 2: I had been myself or been comfortable being myself. But
Speaker 2: I was so scared of what strangers were going to think.
Speaker 2: Like it feels so silly when I can put into
Speaker 2: perspective of like how how massive and short and fast
Speaker 2: and like a whirlwind this life we have, and that
Speaker 2: I could spend it worrying about everyone else's views on
Speaker 2: it just felt.
Speaker 1: And those people don't care about you.
Speaker 2: No, that's the other thing I go. If they if
Speaker 2: they want to be in my life, great, If they don't,
Speaker 2: it's it's great.
Speaker 1: You're going to lie on your deathbed and you're not
Speaker 1: going to you're not going to want to say I'm
Speaker 1: so glad I kept my relationship secret and I didn't
Speaker 1: live it my best life publicly with Haley or whoever
Speaker 1: you spend the rest of your life with what a waste.
Speaker 1: And my mom always said this, and I truly believe
Speaker 1: life is equally too short but also too long to
Speaker 1: waste because you still have to live it and it
Speaker 1: feels like a long time even And I agree with
Speaker 1: what you're saying, life is too short, but it's also
Speaker 1: too long to just sit there in silence and not
Speaker 1: be happy and not live your life.
Speaker 2: Well, what a I mean, how you're only making it
Speaker 2: longer and more miserable when you're when you're living for
Speaker 2: other people. What an exhausting experience to have? Or we
Speaker 2: can look back and only say that you weren't there
Speaker 2: to please other people.
Speaker 1: And it's look, and I know the way you say that,
Speaker 1: I feel the same way. It doesn't mean you're not
Speaker 1: a good citizen. It doesn't mean you're not a good friend,
Speaker 1: and you're and you welcome strangers and all that. It's
Speaker 1: just I get what you're saying. It's the people that
Speaker 1: are going to be angry, the people that want to
Speaker 1: yell at you, the people that want to take you down.
Speaker 1: And then again, this is something I'm very connected to. Now,
Speaker 1: they're going to do that anyway. They don't care about you,
Speaker 1: they don't even care about the cause of the getting
Speaker 1: to a better place. They just want to spew that
Speaker 1: venom and they just want to take somebody down. It
Speaker 1: could be anybody. It doesn't even have to be you.
Speaker 1: So remove yourself from that and it looks like you
Speaker 1: have which is wonderful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've done a lot of work of I still
Speaker 2: am working very hard on that. I think it's one
Speaker 2: of those things when it's and that's a good point.
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes our society is like me, me, me,
Speaker 2: only do me, only focus on me? And I think
Speaker 2: that there is so much beauty and like showing up
Speaker 2: for other people, and like being selfless and like giving
Speaker 2: to other people. But I do think when it's just
Speaker 2: the core of living your life, like you have to
Speaker 2: let go of the outside opinions.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish. I know
Speaker 1: it gets a negative connotation, but you got to be
Speaker 1: selfish sometimes and take care of yourself. One thing I
Speaker 1: really wanted to talk to you about was Colton Underwood,
Speaker 1: who very publicly was the bachelor and then now is
Speaker 1: married to a man. I was at the wedding. It
Speaker 1: was a beautiful wedding to Jordan and interesting to watch
Speaker 1: your journeys. Y'all are very different, very different human beings,
Speaker 1: and you went through very different journeys to get where
Speaker 1: you are. But at the same time, I was just
Speaker 1: curious if you who stayed in touch with that story,
Speaker 1: if you followed it in what your thoughts were.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I stayed in touch with it. And I can't
Speaker 2: imagine in his position, being the bachelor and going on
Speaker 2: and knowing this whole time his truth and navigating finding
Speaker 2: someone and in the breakup and the panic of like
Speaker 2: this is all going to come out? Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: And I've gotten to meet his husband and he is wonderful.
Speaker 1: But you know, it's interesting. We talked about you being
Speaker 1: the bachelorette, and I know you remember those conversations where
Speaker 1: we had talked about bringing you back as you were
Speaker 1: kind of just America's sweetheart at the time. Think about
Speaker 1: if that had happened and then you end up where
Speaker 1: you are today, it really would have been a different path.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I mean, my life would be totally different, and
Speaker 2: I don't or maybe it wouldn't. I don't know, Maybe
Speaker 2: it wouldn't, you know, like maybe there would be differences
Speaker 2: and maybe there would be some terms that I didn't have.
Speaker 2: But I always wonder, like what would have happened if
Speaker 2: if Chris or Ben had chosen me, or like what
Speaker 2: would my life look right? And I always think like
Speaker 2: I think certain people are aligned no matter what the
Speaker 2: journey looks like to get there.
Speaker 1: Have you been able to maintain your faith and live
Speaker 1: this life? And do you find or do you find
Speaker 1: those at odds?
Speaker 2: It's complicated because my relationship with God is I've found
Speaker 2: the separation in my relationship with God versus religion like
Speaker 2: a practice religion, And I think I've seen a lot
Speaker 2: of things in uh Christianity. I guess that hurt me
Speaker 2: and I have had a really hard time navigating that.
Speaker 2: It's been a journey of like trying to keep something
Speaker 2: that is so special and valuable to me, but also
Speaker 2: not wanting to be associated with something that causes a
Speaker 2: lot of pain for people.
Speaker 1: So you've been able to grow your spirituality?
Speaker 2: Yes? Like I think, Yeah, I think there's so much
Speaker 2: beauty and faith and spirituality and having a relationship for me,
Speaker 2: like a relationship with God like that to me is
Speaker 2: a foundation where I find peace and hope. And I
Speaker 2: think there's so much beauty in that. I and and
Speaker 2: people are imperfect, and I don't expect that religion is
Speaker 2: supposed to be perfect because it's it's a lot of
Speaker 2: human error and humans in general. But it's definitely oh
Speaker 2: in my eyes to question things that I never felt
Speaker 2: like I had the freedom to question. And it's been hard.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people assume that questioning a
Speaker 2: religion or stepping back from a religion is easy, like
Speaker 2: it's the easy way out. But I think it's actually
Speaker 2: been maybe the most challenging thing that I've navigated in
Speaker 2: my life, to be honest.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I think if we've learned anything through the
Speaker 1: pandemic and COVID and all this stuff, if we don't
Speaker 1: question things, and it's not being a naysayer or anti
Speaker 1: this or pro this, it's just if you're not allowed
Speaker 1: to question things and look at it honestly and have
Speaker 1: that debate, then it's probably not good.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: If you're just expected to just excep something, whether it's
Speaker 1: religion or anything, it's scary, that's probably not good. If
Speaker 1: I can't go whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA? I have a question.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it always felt like it was a negative
Speaker 2: thing to question, and I was now when I look
Speaker 2: at him, like, I think we should we should be questioned.
Speaker 2: If you're taught something and you have a question about it,
Speaker 2: you have every right to ask that question. Raise your hand,
Speaker 2: ask the question, like stand up, like speak up, because
Speaker 2: I think that there's fear in questioning something that feels
Speaker 2: so big, and a lot of things that I have
Speaker 2: questions in terms of religion don't have a secure answer.
Speaker 2: There's no answer aside from like you just have to believe.
Speaker 2: And sometimes that's like I need something.
Speaker 1: I need something tangible, I need some science. But then
Speaker 1: you get into faith and what, yeah, what is faith
Speaker 1: and all of that and believing in just a higher
Speaker 1: higher being whatever that means for you and your faith
Speaker 1: and your religions. It is a fascinating conversation. And I
Speaker 1: was just curious, growing up one way now living a
Speaker 1: different way if those things can come together for you,
Speaker 1: and I hope they still do. It sounds like it's
Speaker 1: going to be a constant battle for quite some time.
Speaker 2: I've fought really hard to maintain my faith, so it's
Speaker 2: something that will always be important. My relationship with God
Speaker 2: feels like it well, it is the constant in my life,
Speaker 2: like no matter what people do or say or thingth we.
Speaker 1: Will continue to have those conversations and continue to ask
Speaker 1: those questions. And it was funny. I was thinking about
Speaker 1: Lauren and I, who you know, my fiance, and we
Speaker 1: kept ours private as well for quite some time. As
Speaker 1: you know, you knew we were dating, but we were
Speaker 1: private for like six seven months for our own reasons
Speaker 1: and it was just time. And another thing I wanted
Speaker 1: to bring up about your message on social media about
Speaker 1: being out, your celebrating your one year anniversary, something that
Speaker 1: really hit me was whatever time frame you're on, whenever
Speaker 1: you come to your truth, whenever you want to talk
Speaker 1: about it, if you ever want to talk about it,
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's your time. It's your life and in
Speaker 1: your journey. And I really I bet that those are
Speaker 1: wonderful words for people to hear.
Speaker 2: I thank you. I feel like I get so many
Speaker 2: messages from people and they're like, I'm so scared to
Speaker 2: come out, and I don't know what people are going
Speaker 2: to say or think. And one of the biggest things
Speaker 2: for me when I finally felt ready was that I
Speaker 2: had a support system, Like I had people surrounding me
Speaker 2: that I knew love me and support me and I
Speaker 2: could do anything and they would say, we all.
Speaker 1: Just loved you just the same. It didn't matter.
Speaker 2: I had that knowing no matter what happens, from like
Speaker 2: strangers on the internet, like I have my I have people,
Speaker 2: and so I always try to tell people, like, take
Speaker 2: your time and make sure that you you have even
Speaker 2: if it's one person, even if it's a ride or
Speaker 2: dia best friend, make sure that you have someone in
Speaker 2: your corner, because it can be a very lonely space
Speaker 2: for people. And I think that a lot of people
Speaker 2: feel rush to be proud and it's like we're celebrating
Speaker 2: Pride Month and it's like, be proud of who you are.
Speaker 2: And I also think that you should do it on
Speaker 2: your time because there's there can be a lot of
Speaker 2: hate and negativity associated with it, and it's a beautiful
Speaker 2: it's a beautiful part of yourself to be able to
Speaker 2: accept that, and it's a it's a beautiful part to
Speaker 2: be able to be out and open about it. But
Speaker 2: it's also beautiful to have safety around it. And I
Speaker 2: just always it felt very important to me that people
Speaker 2: know that they don't need to rush or like if
Speaker 2: they have a partner who's who's already out. You know,
Speaker 2: Haley has been out for years and she waited, well.
Speaker 1: And what was it like for or now you know,
Speaker 1: with Haley's you're not just dating somebody. You're dating someone
Speaker 1: who was a bit of an icon in the LGBTQ community.
Speaker 1: So there is this I'm sure there was this battle
Speaker 1: where she's she's kind of living this life where she's
Speaker 1: kind of already out and proud, and you're like, was
Speaker 1: that difficult on your relationship because she is that icon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there were definitely at the beginning some
Speaker 2: very hard conversations that we had to navigate because I
Speaker 2: so that was the whole like private, verst secret thing.
Speaker 2: I was like, I never want you to feel like
Speaker 2: a secret. So when we were out or like if
Speaker 2: we met people or you know, someone came up to
Speaker 2: me to say hey, I always introduced her as my
Speaker 2: girlfriend or said Haley. I never said like, this is
Speaker 2: my friend, you know. And so it was just kind
Speaker 2: of like finding the places where I could show up
Speaker 2: for her and still take care of myself and like
Speaker 2: do it the way I needed on my timeline, but
Speaker 2: also make sure that she felt secure in the relationship
Speaker 2: because she's like I don't want to feel like I'm
Speaker 2: back in the closet, and I'm like, yeah, that's fair,
Speaker 2: but this is this is big, this is big. I'm
Speaker 2: trying to show up for you, but like not abandoned myself.
Speaker 2: And there were definitely hard conversations, but I was I
Speaker 2: will forever be grateful at how we were able to
Speaker 2: navigate that and her like patience and love and how
Speaker 2: she navigated that with me.
Speaker 1: You were just so happy now. I mean even when
Speaker 1: I see you sitting in front of me right now,
Speaker 1: this smile on your face, this ease about you. What
Speaker 1: was it and what is it about Hayley that just
Speaker 1: blew you away and made you fall in love probably
Speaker 1: for the first time in your life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely for the first time. I I don't know
Speaker 2: if there's words for I always when I think about
Speaker 2: when I met her, it was a night of her
Speaker 2: album release party and I just showed up with I
Speaker 2: went with a friend and I remember seeing her get
Speaker 2: out of the car and I didn't I knew what
Speaker 2: she did for a career. Because my sisters, my younger
Speaker 2: sisters lived with me at the time, and both of
Speaker 2: my sisters are gay, and so they were watching her
Speaker 2: music video. That's all I had seen of her at
Speaker 2: this point. And I remember this like I would never
Speaker 2: call it love at first sight, because that feels so
Speaker 2: silly to me. But I remember this like instant curiosity
Speaker 2: about this person that I had never met, and I
Speaker 2: will always like hold onto that feeling because I remember
Speaker 2: watching her get of the car. She came and she
Speaker 2: said hey to my friend, but she didn't like say
Speaker 2: hey to any of us, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: she's like too cool. And I remember her walking up
Speaker 2: and it was just something that I don't think I
Speaker 2: could describe about someone or put into words or figure
Speaker 2: out how the feeling happened or what it was.
Speaker 1: It was just instant, instant chemistry, instant connection. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then you figured out it was real.
Speaker 2: And then yeah we had We went and got drinks
Speaker 2: and talked for like four hours.
Speaker 1: And so it was instant on her side as well.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah she would That night, she was like flirting
Speaker 2: with me so hardcore that we were like, hey, you know.
Speaker 2: She kept asking my friend Brittany, like is back into girls,
Speaker 2: and she's like no, but her sister is. So we
Speaker 2: were trying to set up.
Speaker 1: With my sister and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: there might be something here.
Speaker 2: Hold on. Yeah, Like I was like in denial. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this girl's flirting with me, but like,
Speaker 2: you know, not wrong girl. And then I think it
Speaker 2: was like two days later and realized it was the
Speaker 2: right girl.
Speaker 1: It was so I was gonna say it was that
Speaker 1: instantane is where you met this person that just blew
Speaker 1: you away, and she just kind of got in your
Speaker 1: head and got in your soul, and two days later
Speaker 1: you're thinking, I am really interested. I am very curious
Speaker 1: about this woman.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We had a day in between when we met
Speaker 2: and then when we got drinks, and the day in
Speaker 2: between I had a date with a guy, and I
Speaker 2: remember getting in the car and checking my Instagram DMS
Speaker 2: and I was just like wanting to talk to her.
Speaker 2: Did not care about the guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry buddy.
Speaker 2: Wasn't a great date anyway. But I just remember being like, oh,
Speaker 2: instantly wanting to see if she had messaged me, which
Speaker 2: I was like, why would I care. I wasn't interested.
Speaker 1: And then the next day you guys talked or went
Speaker 1: out again.
Speaker 2: We were all supposed to get drinks for her to
Speaker 2: meet my sister and everyone bailed and she was like,
Speaker 2: would you and would you want to get drinks? And
Speaker 2: I was like, hmm, you know, I knew she was interested,
Speaker 2: so I was like, of course you would want to
Speaker 2: get of course she wants to get drinks alone. And
Speaker 2: we talked for four hours and shut the bar down,
Speaker 2: and I remember leaving being like, I didn't sleep that night,
Speaker 2: you know, is the whole thing that everyone told me,
Speaker 2: like that you feel and it just hit me and
Speaker 2: I was like, what is this? So it was fast.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, though, what a beautiful story.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Do you guys, do you think you'll ever get married?
Speaker 2: I you know, I didn't realize this obviously going on
Speaker 2: the Bachelor, but I think that I just always assume
Speaker 2: that's what I had to do, you know. And so
Speaker 2: I think this relationship, I've learned so much about having
Speaker 2: choices and wonder it's wonderful. And I think that both
Speaker 2: of us are on the same page of wanting to
Speaker 2: be together whatever that looks like, whether it's a wedding.
Speaker 2: I think, like, I'm not someone who's like pictured myself
Speaker 2: in the white dress, Like I don't have that. I've
Speaker 2: never had that like vision for myself, like when you
Speaker 2: talk to Tanya rad She's got it all long.
Speaker 1: That vision board has been built for decades.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think we're just kind of like on
Speaker 2: the same page of what we want. And I always say,
Speaker 2: you know, Paileey was like, this is my dream and
Speaker 2: this is what I want. I would be happy to
Speaker 2: but I think it's it's kind of been nice going like, oh,
Speaker 2: we can just be together without that pressure or like.
Speaker 1: Me a wedding, but whatever it is. I totally understand
Speaker 1: that as I have gone through this for the second
Speaker 1: time with Lauren, and the first time I was young,
Speaker 1: and I was I was, you know, Southern like you
Speaker 1: and conservative, and I was going through the motions of Okay,
Speaker 1: you go to college and then you have a girlfriend,
Speaker 1: and then you get married and this is what you do.
Speaker 1: And now circling back living life with choices and really
Speaker 1: living life truly for the joy of it, of what
Speaker 1: is this relationship. We'll define it, we'll figure it out
Speaker 1: and if and again, if if I wanted to or
Speaker 1: she wanted to do something, great, let's do that. But
Speaker 1: in the meantime we just slowly let it evolve into
Speaker 1: whatever we wanted it to be, which is such a wonderful,
Speaker 1: happy thing to do.
Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't know the joy in that until
Speaker 2: I experienced it. And I don't know if, like I
Speaker 2: don't know if people know the joy of just letting
Speaker 2: life happen without needing to have it all planned out
Speaker 2: or change a lot of yeah, or change that.
Speaker 1: What is the the interesting urge? And again, maybe it's
Speaker 1: just programmed in us. Okay, we're happy. Now, we need
Speaker 1: to change it. We need to we need to label
Speaker 1: it and change it. And that's so counterintuitive to everything
Speaker 1: else in our life. Say you were running a business
Speaker 1: and you were incredibly successful, you'd be like, Okay, let's
Speaker 1: rename this and change it. You just don't do that
Speaker 1: in other facets of our life. Yet we do it
Speaker 1: constantly with our relationships.
Speaker 2: That's so true. Yeah, I think we're just programmed that
Speaker 2: that's the next It's like, there's the next step, what's
Speaker 2: the next label. It's like you get, you get, you
Speaker 2: answer one question and then it's like, well what's next, Yeah,
Speaker 2: what are you doing next?
Speaker 1: Let's call it something different. You have to change rank.
Speaker 2: I know it's it's it is, it's interesting, But I
Speaker 2: don't think. I don't know that you know, the freedom
Speaker 2: of not having to do that until you live it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how has it been for you to not just
Speaker 1: come out but also be a bit of an icon
Speaker 1: as well? As I've been overwhelming pressure welcome pressure because
Speaker 1: I know people look to you and at the same
Speaker 1: time you're just a woman trying to figure things out
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: I definitely want to consider myself an icon. But I
Speaker 2: you know, I'm very I get very like emotional and
Speaker 2: humbled by the messages and stories that I hear of
Speaker 2: people navigating the same things that I've navigated and saying
Speaker 2: that I made them feel brave like that to me
Speaker 2: feels like almost so it's so much bigger than me
Speaker 2: that it's like sometimes a lot to take in. But
Speaker 2: I feel I don't feel pressure. I just feel like
Speaker 2: grateful that something that felt so scary for me is
Speaker 2: something that makes other people feel brave.
Speaker 1: You know, absolutely well. I know Clinton, I've talked to
Speaker 1: Colton about this too, and I know you guys are
Speaker 1: in the same boat as far as that goes. Because
Speaker 1: you were so public and because people have feel like
Speaker 1: they've kind of lived this journey with you, and you
Speaker 1: represent them and you resemble them. It's a powerful thing,
Speaker 1: and it is a wonderful thing.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, it was. You nailed it. It's been
Speaker 2: a journey.
Speaker 1: It hasn't been a journey. We will use that word
Speaker 1: in the best of terms this time. Yes, Yes, I'm
Speaker 1: just so happy that you are happy. And I'm just
Speaker 1: I feel like you are just a different woman and
Speaker 1: the woman you were always meant to be, and I
Speaker 1: just I get so much joy in that. And when
Speaker 1: I see you and Haley together, I'm like, yep, that's
Speaker 1: that's a no brainer, Like, how did this not ever happen?
Speaker 1: You guys just look like you're meant to be, look
Speaker 1: like you were so in love.
Speaker 2: Thank you, we are. I feel very grateful. And you know,
Speaker 2: every part of my story led me to this, you know,
Speaker 2: it's it was Hailey was a Bachelor fan, Hailey's a
Speaker 2: Bachelor fan. She knew who I was when I came
Speaker 2: to the party. You know, It's like everything led to
Speaker 2: where it was supposed to be, and that that that
Speaker 2: part of it's really cool to me.
Speaker 1: You have the podcast going on, yes, scrubbing in you
Speaker 1: and Tanya rad check it out. It's really good. What
Speaker 1: else is on your plate these days? I know you're
Speaker 1: an influencer. I see all the ads going what else
Speaker 1: because you always have so many good side hustles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, that's been like my focus is just like
Speaker 2: the podcast, and I think that the influencer world is
Speaker 2: still one of those things where like when you tell
Speaker 2: people what they what you do, they're like, I don't
Speaker 2: get it. It's a lot of work. It's so fun,
Speaker 2: but like it's a you.
Speaker 1: Know, you eat Taco Bell breakfast wraps.
Speaker 2: I mean, that was a dream come true. I think
Speaker 2: I peaked at this point. I don't know where to
Speaker 2: go from here. I don't know where to go after
Speaker 2: the Taco Bell collab, but I yeah, that's kind of
Speaker 2: been my focus.
Speaker 1: And well, I know your time is precious too, because
Speaker 1: you have something that I found I struggled with, which
Speaker 1: was trying to find time with Haley, who's on the
Speaker 1: road a lot. She tours, she's traveling. And I went
Speaker 1: through this in my first marriage of trying to make life, love, kids,
Speaker 1: all these things a priority while you're being successful. It's
Speaker 1: not easy.
Speaker 2: It's it's very hard, and I think the pandemic really
Speaker 2: made it hard because we were always go, go go,
Speaker 2: and then I think the pandemic. It was like I
Speaker 2: could be around you twenty four seven and never get
Speaker 2: tired of you. And then and we had that for
Speaker 2: a couple of years, and then life starts back up
Speaker 2: and she's gone and touring, and it's been an adjustment.
Speaker 1: It takes work, for sure.
Speaker 2: It takes a lot of work. And it's like takes
Speaker 2: both parties having to put in the work. And it's
Speaker 2: it's definitely you know, I feel like you. There's like
Speaker 2: this glamorous idea of what it's like to date someone.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, No, it's I totally get that. People
Speaker 1: thought it the same thing. It's like, oh, he has
Speaker 1: this great job, he travels the world. He's in South Africa,
Speaker 1: he's in Australia. It's like, yeah, but you're I'm not
Speaker 1: there with the people I love. My kids aren't there,
Speaker 1: my wife's not there, And it's a very lonely existence, traveling,
Speaker 1: living out of a suitcase and just different airports, and
Speaker 1: that it is a it's a very tough thing when
Speaker 1: all you want to do is have that opportunity to
Speaker 1: be home and go coach soccer, or be at the
Speaker 1: dance recital, or be with the woman you love.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, it's it's I think for both both parties,
Speaker 2: like me being home and and her, you know, out
Speaker 2: there doing and pursuing a dream that's you know, she's
Speaker 2: been working towards it. Yeah. But yeah, we just like
Speaker 2: everything else that we've navigated, we are navigating at all.
Speaker 1: When you bring up a good point, because I've been
Speaker 1: on both sides of the spectrum now where I've been
Speaker 1: the one traveling and you think, oh, that's the hard part.
Speaker 1: I didn't quite really understand what it was like to
Speaker 1: be home and to be left at home. In the
Speaker 1: beginning of my relationship with Lauren. She was traveling a
Speaker 1: ton for entertainment tonight, and I'm like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: a taste of what it was like. I get this
Speaker 1: of being kind of lonely in a quiet house when
Speaker 1: you want it to be filled with the person you love.
Speaker 1: I don't know which one's tougher, easier, whatever, but it
Speaker 1: is something you have to work on and communicate because
Speaker 1: it can really tear you apart.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was going to say, I remember when I
Speaker 2: think I was traveling a lot more when we first
Speaker 2: started dating, and I think being the one traveling if
Speaker 2: you're busy and you're surrounded by people, you're a little
Speaker 2: less inclined to feel the loneliness, whereas when you're the
Speaker 2: person at home, you're right, it's like quiet and you're
Speaker 2: all because you know, she's like, you know, go hang
Speaker 2: out Tanya Alley, and I'm like, they have their own
Speaker 2: just be like, hey, guys, I'm crashing. I'm coming in,
Speaker 2: which they probably all welcome me. But you know, in
Speaker 2: her life, being she's on a tour bus with sixteen people,
Speaker 2: it's like she's never not with people.
Speaker 1: And then they come home and they like kind of
Speaker 1: reintegrate into your life, and it's like almost a disruption.
Speaker 1: You're like, who whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not what
Speaker 1: I do in the morning, but it is something that
Speaker 1: you have to work at.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I mean every relationship there's I think that
Speaker 2: the thing that I realized with Haley is that I'm
Speaker 2: so willing and happy to work at it. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: it doesn't feel like work work.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Becca, I love you. I appreciate you, thank
Speaker 1: you for being here. I could talk to you for
Speaker 1: hours on end. I just I appreciate your honesty on
Speaker 1: level of what you have done publicly and this journey
Speaker 1: that you've taken. Thanks for taking us along for the ride.
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. Was so great seeing you
Speaker 2: and chatting with you. I'm so happy for you too.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Maybe a double wedding. We'll just knock it
Speaker 1: all out, all right, BECA you take care?
Speaker 2: All right? You too? Bye.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Beckatilly. There was
Speaker 1: a lot to cover, a little bit longer interview than
Speaker 1: we usually do, but there was just so much to cover,
Speaker 1: from her bachelor days to you know, finding out that
Speaker 1: she was in love with Haley and what that meant,
Speaker 1: and just so many interesting things to cover. So I
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And
Speaker 1: again my thanks to my good friend Beckatilly. Love her
Speaker 1: to death and just wish her the very best, as
Speaker 1: I do for all of you. And I so appreciate
Speaker 1: you tuning in to the most Dramatic podcast Ever. I'll
Speaker 1: talk to you next time because we have a lot
Speaker 1: more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on
Speaker 1: Instagram at the Most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure
Speaker 1: to write us a review and leave us five stars.
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you next time.