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Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 1: Chris Harrison here coming to you from the home office

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Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas. So excited to be talking to a

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Speaker 1: good friend of mine today, Becca Tilly. You guys might

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Speaker 1: remember her from her appearances on well two seasons of

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Speaker 1: The Bachelor. She was on Chris Soul's season where she

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Speaker 1: was the runner up, and then she had a bit

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Speaker 1: of a crush on Ben Higgins and asked to be

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Speaker 1: on that show, and she went through seven weeks on

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Speaker 1: Ben Higgins show. And Becca is a fascinating figure, especially

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Speaker 1: in light of Colton Underwood's transition that we just followed

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Speaker 1: him on where he is now in a same sex

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Speaker 1: marriage and very publicly went through what he went through. Well,

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Speaker 1: Becca went through all this before Colton, although it was

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Speaker 1: a little bit quieter and not as much was made

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Speaker 1: of it. I find it fascinating and I want to

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Speaker 1: talk to her about why she came on the show,

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Speaker 1: what her thought process was in that. Becca is now

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Speaker 1: in an unbelievably loving same sex relationship with singer Hayley Kyoko.

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Speaker 1: This was a relationship that well, she's been it for

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Speaker 1: five years. Much of that was kept in the dark,

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Speaker 1: very secretly. A lot of us knew behind the scenes,

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Speaker 1: but she hadn't really come out. She hadn't embraced who

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Speaker 1: she was and who she discovered that she was. She

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Speaker 1: is now, and the transformation that I have witnessed that

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Speaker 1: many of us have witnessed with Becca Tilly is incredible.

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Speaker 1: It's inspirational, it's brave, and more than anything, she's just happy.

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Speaker 1: She really seems like she is in a place in

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Speaker 1: her life where she is ready to embrace life. And

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Speaker 1: I want to talk to her about being on the Bachelor.

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Speaker 1: It is I think it incredibly timely and important conversation

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Speaker 1: to have, and I can't think of anybody better to

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Speaker 1: have it with than with my good friend Becca Tilly. Becca,

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Speaker 1: it is so good to talk to you. It's good

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Speaker 1: to see you. You look beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much. It's good to see you. I

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Speaker 2: was trying to think of the last time I saw you, and.

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Speaker 1: We were on a rooftop at some event. I just

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Speaker 1: remember that, I know.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm pretty sure that's the last time

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Speaker 2: we saw each other.

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Speaker 1: I am excited about this conversation, and apparently it's been

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Speaker 1: in my subconscious I don't ever remember my dreams. But

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Speaker 1: last night, in my dreams, it wasn't you, but oddly

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Speaker 1: it was your partner, Tanya Rad from your podcast, who

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Speaker 1: was in my dream. She showed up at my house

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Speaker 1: with all her equipment because she needed to do a podcast.

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Speaker 1: So you guys have taken over my subconscious you.

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Speaker 2: Know, I'm I feel flattered to know that you think

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Speaker 2: of us when you think of podcasts.

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Speaker 1: Y'all are haunting me to you and Tanya Rad. But

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Speaker 1: Tanya obviously a very good friend of mine as well,

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Speaker 1: and one of your best friends. She would like to

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Speaker 1: think she is your best friend. That's a whole nother

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Speaker 1: subject for a whole other podcast. It is an obsessive

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Speaker 1: relationship we should dive into. But I want to talk

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Speaker 1: to you because I am so fascinated by your story

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Speaker 1: because I think it is so beautiful. It is brave, courageous, wonderful,

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Speaker 1: and it's so timely. And you and I have been

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Speaker 1: friends for a long time, but we've really never had

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Speaker 1: this discussion where we really dive into your relationship and

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Speaker 1: being on the Bachelor twice and what that experience was

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Speaker 1: like for you. So I want to start at the

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Speaker 1: beginning Chris Sol's season of The Bachelor, you decide to

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Speaker 1: come on? Why and how did that happen?

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Speaker 2: So my best friend Laura from high school had been

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Speaker 2: for instance, freshman year of high school. She would always say,

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Speaker 2: we should make an audition tape for you to go

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Speaker 2: on The Bachelor. And I was raised like very traditional

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Speaker 2: in the South Christian, Like everything that The Bachelor was

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Speaker 2: in my mind was like the opposite of what I

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Speaker 2: stood for, which is fighting, fighting other women to get

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Speaker 2: the attention of a man. You know.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, can the fantasy suite?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I mean we can get into that later,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, everything about it. I was just kind of like,

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Speaker 2: I don't think that it is for me, you know.

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Speaker 2: And so this would go on, like every season she

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Speaker 2: would suggest it, and finally, one day, I guess it

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Speaker 2: was twenty fourteen, she I got it. I was flying

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Speaker 2: to Chicago and I got off the plane. I had

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Speaker 2: a voicemail and he was like, Hi, this is Scott

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Speaker 2: from The Bachelor casting and your best friend nominated you.

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Speaker 2: And I was just, you know, calling a chat and

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Speaker 2: so I was like, what in the world we hadn't

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Speaker 2: talked about this. So I call her and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I just got a call from the Bachelor casting department,

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Speaker 2: and she was like, are you kidding me? I just

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Speaker 2: admitted I just nominated you like a couple of days ago.

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Speaker 2: I can't believe they already called you. So I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm going to do that, and

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Speaker 2: she's like, you have to call them back. So I

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Speaker 2: just went through that whole process, and in my mind,

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Speaker 2: I thought, worst case scenario, maybe I get to travel

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Speaker 2: somewhere really cool, because in my mind what I knew

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Speaker 2: about The Bachelor was like helicopter ride tropical islands.

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Speaker 1: Totally.

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Speaker 2: I had no idea I was going on the season

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Speaker 2: where we stayed in the Midwest.

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Speaker 1: Crystal season of the Bacheler, which we really embraced the

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Speaker 1: farm land and the and the heartland of America. We

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Speaker 1: went to what we were in what Dubuque, We were

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Speaker 1: in Iowa. We were in South Dakota, South Yes, Deadwood, Deadwood,

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Speaker 1: South Dakota.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, that's right.

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Speaker 1: And then will Whitefish, Montana.

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Speaker 2: Maybe no, No, we didn't go there. That would have

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Speaker 2: been great.

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Speaker 1: That was another season.

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Speaker 2: We were in New Mexico.

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Speaker 1: You met Oh, that's right, in Santa fe Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you really went to the hotspots. We had a good time,

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Speaker 1: but not exactly Bora Bora, Tahiti.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's okay, though it was an experience.

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Speaker 1: You got that on Ben's season a little bit more

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Speaker 1: a little bit yeah, But so for Chris's season, you

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Speaker 1: come on and that's where I first met you. I'm

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Speaker 1: not involved in casting. By the time I get to

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Speaker 1: know you, you are already cast on the show. You're getting

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Speaker 1: out of the limo in night one and you make

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Speaker 1: a huge impression, and your story was essentially this wholesome

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Speaker 1: southern virgin mm hmm. And was that something you knew

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Speaker 1: coming in? Is that something they had talked to you about?

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Speaker 2: No, I didn't even bring that up in the prom.

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Speaker 2: Like I I remember being at the grocery store when

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Speaker 2: Sean Lowe was the Bachelor, yeah, and seeing like the

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Speaker 2: headlines like born Again Verge, like all the stuff, and

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Speaker 2: like I'd see kind of i'd see conversations about it

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Speaker 2: where I was like, you know, what, if I'm doing this,

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Speaker 2: I don't want that to be my whole storyline. So

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Speaker 2: I intentionally went in saying I'm not even going to

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Speaker 2: bring this up, like I will have a conversation when

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Speaker 2: I felt right for me, but I'm not gonna I'm

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Speaker 2: not gonna give them this information.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that nugget. You know, it'll be used against you

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Speaker 1: in the court of reality TV.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and not even used against I just didn't want

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Speaker 2: it to be something that was made like a mockery,

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Speaker 2: and so it was something that I was very proud of.

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Speaker 2: So I wanted it to be something that was anytime

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Speaker 2: I had that conversation, I wanted it to be something

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Speaker 2: that was celebrated and respected. And you know, when you

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Speaker 2: when you're giving production and editors and a story, they

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Speaker 2: can do whatever they want with it. So I went

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Speaker 2: in cautiously not going with that. So when it came out,

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Speaker 2: I was just I was talking to Ashley I, who

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Speaker 2: was on my season, and she had just told him

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Speaker 2: that she was a virgin, and she was crying and

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Speaker 2: she was like, I don't know how it went. And

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh, what happened, and she goes, I

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Speaker 2: just told him I'm a virgin. I don't know what

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Speaker 2: he thought about it, and just without just like being

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Speaker 2: someone who was trying to comfort someone else, and I go, oh,

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Speaker 2: me too. And then I had this moment where I

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Speaker 2: was like I felt my mic on and I felt

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Speaker 2: I looked up and I saw the cameras and I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh no, immediately immediately like Becca interview, you know,

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Speaker 2: I don't whatever. So that's how that happened.

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Speaker 1: But you you ended up going very far in that

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Speaker 1: season with Chris Soles. You were the runner up. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I mean that was so you did get to the

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Speaker 1: Fantasy Suites. Yeah, what what was that like for you?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think the Fantasy Suite was finally like an opportunity. Well,

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Speaker 2: and you know, it was so interesting because I kept

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Speaker 2: having these like invasive conversations with producers of like it's

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Speaker 2: tonight the night, and I'm like, you think I've waited

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Speaker 2: this long to have sex with a man that I

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Speaker 2: have spent maybe a.

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Speaker 1: Total two hours on national television. This is what this

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Speaker 1: was My dream as a young girl was to first

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Speaker 1: have sex on ABC.

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Speaker 2: Yes. Yes, So for me, I just went into it

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Speaker 2: going like I finally get to have conversations without having

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Speaker 2: a microphone. I might get to know this guy and

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Speaker 2: have like time where there's not cameras on. And it

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Speaker 2: was like we were both so exhausted that like I

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Speaker 2: feel like we talked, and then by the time like

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Speaker 2: we finally went to bed, and then it was like

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Speaker 2: we were up and I was leaving, and it was

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Speaker 2: like I am a Crystals fan, and I too was

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Speaker 2: so respectful to me, and I knew that we had

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Speaker 2: very different paths, especially in that area, but I felt

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Speaker 2: like he never made me feel insecure or you know,

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Speaker 2: ashamed of it.

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Speaker 1: So did you have genuine feelings for him? Did you

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Speaker 1: honestly think I might be falling in love with this guy?

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Speaker 1: Or was it just the momentum of the show when

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Speaker 1: you're in it.

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Speaker 2: I think I think it was the momentum of the show.

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Speaker 2: I think I had never been in love before, so

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Speaker 2: everyone kept saying like, you'll know, you'll know, you'll know,

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Speaker 2: But I had never experienced that, so I was kind

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Speaker 2: of like, oh, you know, is this what it feels

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Speaker 2: like being in this like weird bubble of a TV

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Speaker 2: show and having these experiences. And I never I never

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Speaker 2: got to the point where I would confidently say that

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Speaker 2: I was in love with him. I think that was

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Speaker 2: the battle with me and production, the.

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Speaker 1: Whole saying that, yeah, saying I love you, And obviously

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Speaker 1: there was probably some inner turmoil that we will talk

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Speaker 1: about here in just a minute of trying to figure

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Speaker 1: things out. But we fell in love with you, and

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Speaker 1: I say we, the collective we of America and the

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Speaker 1: television viewing audience. We loved back at Tilly. We couldn't

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Speaker 1: get enough of you, hence the she comes back on

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Speaker 1: Ben Higgins season. But that was partly you. You you

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Speaker 1: liked Ben. I mean I of the two guys, obviously,

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Speaker 1: I like Chris. He is a good man. I think

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Speaker 1: you and Ben were more aligned. I'm like, okay, he's

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Speaker 1: a very conservative Christian guy. Becca's very much along those

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Speaker 1: same lines. I could really see this happening. I actually

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Speaker 1: thought that might work.

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Speaker 2: Me too, And that was the only reason I put

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Speaker 2: myself back in that position, because I was like, maybe

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Speaker 2: this the first experience led to this experience, and like

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Speaker 2: it was all like kis met and meant to be.

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Speaker 2: And so when I went back on like I was

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Speaker 2: there to meet Ben, like there was no because you know,

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Speaker 2: the first time, it was like, well, I don't know

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Speaker 2: this guy. He's cute. I've seen photos, I've seen videos,

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Speaker 2: but like, I don't know much about him aside from

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Speaker 2: him being a farmer. And it could be an experience,

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Speaker 2: whereas the second time, it was like, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: meet this guy and I will never forget getting out

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Speaker 2: of the limo. Yeah, thinking I was going to see

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Speaker 2: Ben and you were standing there.

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Speaker 1: What a buzzkill?

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Speaker 2: Well just more so like, oh my god, they're gonna,

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Speaker 2: They're gonna this is gonna be Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I did a because I kind of did a pre

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Speaker 1: interview with you of like, are you sure you want

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Speaker 1: to do this? Because this was the interesting thing Becca,

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Speaker 1: who is the angel of the show, who we all

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Speaker 1: just love so much, for the first time entering into

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Speaker 1: probably what was a difficult moment an arena where you

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Speaker 1: weren't going to be looked upon so favorably mm hm.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I just need to prepare her

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Speaker 1: mentally that she's not going to just skate in so easily.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't. But I will say I mean the girls,

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Speaker 2: considering the circumstances, were very warm and welcoming. I mean

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Speaker 2: there were a few that were like what the heck

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Speaker 2: is going on? But I was very lucky with the

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Speaker 2: group of girls that I walked into that room.

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Speaker 1: Or in the house with and you went seven weeks

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Speaker 1: I think on Ben show, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I he sent me home right before Hometowns, which

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Speaker 2: I think, you know, I think he knew that I

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Speaker 2: wasn't the one, or I wasn't at that point his

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Speaker 2: feelings for me, and so I think he didn't want

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Speaker 2: to put me through the family portion and put my

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Speaker 2: family through through the Hometowns again again. So it was great,

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Speaker 2: I mean it hurt. It was a lot more emotional

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Speaker 2: that season because I was like, my feelings were more invested.

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Speaker 2: So I remember. I remember the first season being like

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Speaker 2: I would hear about all the girls dates. I was

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Speaker 2: like unfazed by it. And then Ben's season, it was

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Speaker 2: like so complicated because Jojo and I were best friends

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Speaker 2: and roommates, and she would come home and it was like,

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Speaker 2: you want to hear about your best friend's date, but

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Speaker 2: it's the guy that you're dating.

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Speaker 1: To such such an awkward thing.

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Speaker 2: It's so strange.

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Speaker 1: Do you look back at that time fondly of being

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Speaker 1: on the show. You do both.

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Speaker 2: Seasons because I felt, honestly like I learned so much

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Speaker 2: about myself and I I got to meet other people

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Speaker 2: I would never meet in any other circumstance, and I

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Speaker 2: mean everything, like even just sitting here having this conversation.

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Speaker 2: Like everything that has come from those experiences, Like everything

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Speaker 2: that I have done work wise, career wise, has come

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Speaker 2: because of that. So I'm I feel grateful because I

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Speaker 2: look back on it with just like the fondest memories.

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Speaker 1: Well, it is amazing to see you know, you were

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Speaker 1: this young girl from the South who I believe was

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Speaker 1: working at a chiropractor and you know, wasn't quite sure

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Speaker 1: of the direction of her life. Flash forward to you

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Speaker 1: are this amazing influencer and this person that stands for

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Speaker 1: so much good. It's just to have watched this, I

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Speaker 1: don't know, this metamorphosis, this change in this woman, the strength,

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Speaker 1: the power of the independence, it's all there now and

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Speaker 1: that smile on your face. I'm glad you don't regret

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Speaker 1: that journey and how you got there. And I hate

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Speaker 1: to use that word because we beat it to death

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Speaker 1: on the show, but if anybody personifies a journey, your

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Speaker 1: life really is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. I think that part of my life

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Speaker 2: in a certain way, also made this new part of

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Speaker 2: my life complicated, you know, like it was. It was

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Speaker 2: a journey of navigating what will people say? What will

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Speaker 2: people think? Having all so many eyes on me, I've

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Speaker 2: never been someone who wanted a lot of attention on me,

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Speaker 2: So that part of the Bachelor, And I mean, I've

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Speaker 2: been really grateful because people have been so gracious and

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Speaker 2: like kind and loving towards me. But I've always been

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Speaker 2: like a severe people please so like making sure Ione

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Speaker 2: likes me. Yeah, everyone likes me. Everyone's proud of me,

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Speaker 2: everyone's like happy with me. And that made it complicated

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Speaker 2: in a sense. When I met.

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Speaker 1: Haley, you are what we're referring to, and I talked

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Speaker 1: about this at the top before your interview. You were

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Speaker 1: in a same sex relationship with singer Haley Kyoko. You've

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Speaker 1: been in this relationship since twenty eighteen. This is not

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Speaker 1: something new. It might be new to you listeners because

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Speaker 1: it you know, essentially Becca and Haley have just come

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Speaker 1: out publicly together. They took their time. It's something I've

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Speaker 1: watched behind the scenes and knew about for quite some time.

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Speaker 1: And so before we jump into what that looks like now,

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Speaker 1: I want to go back to Bachelor world. When did

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Speaker 1: you know was their confusion even while you were on

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Speaker 1: the Bachelor about these feelings.

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Speaker 2: To be honest, it didn't that my attraction towards women

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Speaker 2: didn't have clarity until I met Hayley. So while I

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Speaker 2: was on the Bachelor, I think I had I now

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Speaker 2: that I'm looking back, I think hindsight's twenty twenty where

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Speaker 2: I go, oh, like, you know, I always had close

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Speaker 2: connections with women, but it was never in a way

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Speaker 2: of like I want to kiss you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think that because even I was talking to I

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Speaker 2: was on Caitlyn's podcast, Kleen Bristow, because we were on

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Speaker 2: Chris's season together and we were roommates and had like

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Speaker 2: a really close friendship and we were like so close

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Speaker 2: and it was like, by no means was it sexual

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Speaker 2: or you know, intimate, but there was a deep love

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Speaker 2: and connection with each other. And we were laughing because

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Speaker 2: we were both like, yeah, was there like you know,

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Speaker 2: was there a moment looking back where we were like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I really like her? Is this more than friends? But

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Speaker 2: I never had like the feeling that I felt when

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Speaker 2: i met Hayley. It was like very different than anything

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Speaker 2: I'd ever experienced with anyone.

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Speaker 1: It was the person, it was the person.

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Speaker 2: And it was the connection and it was not something

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Speaker 2: I could have ever prepared for planned.

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Speaker 1: So because after the Bachelor, second Bachelor stint with Ben Higgins.

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Speaker 1: You dated Robert Graham, who was on the show, but

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Speaker 1: it wasn't part of the show, but you guys dated

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Speaker 1: for quite some time, and I remember seeing you guys,

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Speaker 1: and again, hindsight, I definitely would not say I'm so

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Speaker 1: smart that I saw this at the time, but thinking

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Speaker 1: back on it, it seemed like you guys were going

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Speaker 1: through the motions. Y'all would do the right things. But

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Speaker 1: I never felt that spark and that energy and that

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Speaker 1: chemistry is that fair And that's nothing against Robert, It's

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Speaker 1: just that's what I felt from you guys.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that my relationship with Robert, we were friends,

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Speaker 2: turned like our friend turned into relationship, and it was

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Speaker 2: one of those things. So I don't know, I talked

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Speaker 2: about this on the show, but like I had never

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Speaker 2: been in a serious relationship, like I I would have

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Speaker 2: feelings for people who weren't available for me, which almost

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Speaker 2: felt like a safety mechanism. And I think growing up

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Speaker 2: in like purity culture and you know what, just like

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Speaker 2: the Christian world of like what dating looks like and

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Speaker 2: saving yourself, like I had a lot of fear around

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Speaker 2: like intimacy and attraction and like letting myself, Like I

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Speaker 2: was almost I was like proud of almost being closed off,

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Speaker 2: Like I was almost proud of having walls up, you know,

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Speaker 2: like it felt like I was like Kanye always is

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Speaker 2: like how did you always? How are you so cool?

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Speaker 2: How do you not care about anything? And there was

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Speaker 2: like I had a lot of pride in that. And

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Speaker 2: so I think when Robert and I started, you know,

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Speaker 2: when it became more than friends, I was kind of

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Speaker 2: in this limbo of being amendments. I did not want

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Speaker 2: to commit to anything. It felt like a trap. I

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00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 2: felt like tied down. And it got to a point

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Speaker 2: where we were kind of you know, hookup buddies, and

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Speaker 2: he's like, hey, I have feelings for you. I want

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Speaker 2: to be with you in a relationship, but if you

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Speaker 2: don't want that, like I need to move on because

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Speaker 2: I can't do this in between things. And I didn't

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Speaker 2: like the idea of him being with someone else, and

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Speaker 2: so I was like, okay, I've never done this. I'm

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Speaker 2: just I'm just gonna go for it. But I never

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Speaker 2: let myself relax in that relationship.

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Speaker 1: So do you think again, you're in such a healthy

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Speaker 1: place that you can look back in thinking back, do

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Speaker 1: you think a there was this war of your religion,

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Speaker 1: being so conservative, not really wanting to give in to

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Speaker 1: maybe how you really felt. And at the same time,

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Speaker 1: maybe that was also a protective shield of well, I

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Speaker 1: don't really have to deal with these confusing feelings I'm

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Speaker 1: having because I'm just gonna save myself. I'll kind of

385
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Speaker 1: block people out. I'll never really have a serious relationship.

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Speaker 1: It makes sense now looking back to me anyway.

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Speaker 2: Totally, and I, you know, part of me because I

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Speaker 2: still would consider I'm still I guess if I were

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Speaker 2: to put a label on myself, it would be bisexual.

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Speaker 2: But so I think I was always attracted to men,

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Speaker 2: Like there was always a physical attraction towards men, And

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Speaker 2: I think anything that where I was attracted to women,

393
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Speaker 2: I was like, I can't do that, that's not allowed.

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Speaker 2: So like there was never even when I look back,

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Speaker 2: I don't have any memories of like, oh I have

396
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Speaker 2: a crush on my best friend or anything like that,

397
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Speaker 2: because that part of me was like, that's wrong, that's bad,

398
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Speaker 2: don't do that.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't go there. But I wonder, so did you

400
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: have a feeling of that's wrong, that's bad, Like you

401
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 1: had those cognitive thoughts.

402
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Speaker 2: I think in terms of just like, in general, what

403
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Speaker 2: my beliefs were. I think I was just like gay bad. Yeah.

404
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 1: That's that's why I find fascinating is there was this

405
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Speaker 1: war going on, maybe before you knew you were even

406
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 1: having this internal fight, if that makes sense.

407
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Speaker 2: I think that a lot of people who eventually come

408
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Speaker 2: out and allow themselves to be themselves have that thought

409
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Speaker 2: of was this this internal war that I was that

410
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Speaker 2: I was battling, or was there this internal homophobia that

411
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 2: I was projecting, Like it's almost like you're a little

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Speaker 2: bit louder about the things that you're battling, right of course.

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Speaker 2: So I think that, and when I look back on

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Speaker 2: my relationship with Robert, I think there was a lot

415
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Speaker 2: of a lot of all of those things. I think

416
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Speaker 2: it was that that thought of, like if I just

417
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Speaker 2: stay closed off, I don't have to deal with hard things.

418
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Speaker 2: I don't even know if I was aware of it

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Speaker 2: at that moment. I just know I was off. And

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Speaker 2: I've had conversations with Robert where I'm like, I'm sorry

421
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Speaker 2: because I now know how good of a partner I

422
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 2: can be to someone, and I did I wasn't able

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Speaker 2: to get that, Oh that's nice.

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Speaker 1: You've actually said that to him.

425
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Speaker 2: Yeah, and of course he's just the best, and he's like,

426
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Speaker 2: I loved you for who you were and like he's wonderful.

427
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Speaker 2: And so I think that being able to recognize that,

428
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Speaker 2: even to be honest, like, even if for whatever reason

429
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Speaker 2: Haley and I didn't work out and Robert and I reconnected,

430
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Speaker 2: I think that just in general, I would be able

431
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Speaker 2: to be a better partner to him. Whether you know

432
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Speaker 2: what that means, yeah, because I know what it means

433
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Speaker 2: to show up for someone.

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Speaker 1: As Robert reached out to you, did he say anything

435
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Speaker 1: once you came out?

436
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, He's like, he's amazing, He's honestly. We talked

437
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 2: like pretty early on in mine in Haley's relationship about it,

438
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,400
Speaker 2: and he was like, I just want you to be happy,

439
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 2: and he's a wonderful human being.

440
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: What was the response from fans, from Bachelor fans and

441
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: people that have watched you on this journey and wished

442
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 1: you had fallen in love with Chris sir Ben and

443
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 1: then they find out, well, she's bisexual, she's now in

444
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,639
Speaker 1: a relationship with a woman. Has that response been positive, negative,

445
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 1: A little bit of both.

446
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 2: The overwhelming response has been supportive and positive. I was

447
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 2: always prepared to have backlash in some sort, and not

448
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,600
Speaker 2: even backlash, but just have people who didn't get it.

449
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: And I think when I finally made the decision to

450
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,959
Speaker 2: come out publicly with our relationship, my thought was, I

451
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 2: don't need everyone to get it. But it took me

452
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 2: four years to get to that point because being a

453
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 2: people pleaser, my job in my head was to make

454
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 2: sure that everyone understood what anything that I did. So

455
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 2: for me, I was like, Okay, I know that Bachelor

456
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 2: has a very conservative fan base, you know, and I

457
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 2: know that people specifically who follow me are conservative and

458
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: know me as a virgin who was saving herself for marriage.

459
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 2: And I was so scared. I was so scared of

460
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 2: what the reaction was going to be. And they surprised

461
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,639
Speaker 2: me in the best way, to be honest. It gave me.

462
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:26,920
Speaker 2: It gave me a It gave me a perspective shift

463
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: of like giving the people the chance to show up

464
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,959
Speaker 2: for you, because my instant reaction was like, it's going

465
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 2: to be negative, and they they showed me that that

466
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 2: I can trust that people can can be gracious and kind.

467
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: Well, you just celebrated a year of being out in public,

468
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: and I was looking at your post, and there's something

469
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: you wrote on there that I found very interesting. A

470
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: couple of things that stood out to me, and one

471
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 1: of them was something you just mentioned. There are some

472
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,240
Speaker 1: people that just will not get it, and that's okay.

473
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: I don't need you to get it. To be empathetic,

474
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: to still show love and grace, you don't have to

475
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: understand this. This isn't for you, that's not your life.

476
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: I thought that was a very interesting, very healthy take

477
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 1: on it.

478
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:23,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been to a lot of therapy, but I

479
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: you know, I think about how I look at other

480
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 2: people and when when something makes me uncomfortable or it's

481
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 2: not familiar to me, and my first reaction is like

482
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:38,119
Speaker 2: I don't understand to be able to know like what

483
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 2: to do with that thought of like I don't understand,

484
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 2: and then going that's not my business to understand. It

485
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 2: doesn't matter. I don't need to. And I think some

486
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:55,679
Speaker 2: people are emotionally mature enough to have that understanding. And

487
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,920
Speaker 2: then I think there's people who just need to get

488
00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 2: their opinion out there, whether it means anything, you're not

489
00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 2: And I get those every now and then, which is okay.

490
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 2: I'm able, you know, if I feel like it's worth

491
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 2: a conversation to engage with. I'll have the conversation because

492
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 2: I think that's healthy and I think that's how people

493
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 2: can be exposed to things that maybe they don't get

494
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 2: or they've never seen before.

495
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 1: That is a brilliant take. And I've in a completely

496
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 1: different universe went through something and felt the same way.

497
00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:29,879
Speaker 1: I always said, if you want to talk to me

498
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 1: about how I feel about anything, and I feel like

499
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 1: we're actually going to have an honest give and take

500
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 1: and we don't have to agree, but we're going to

501
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,880
Speaker 1: talk and have that conversation. I'm all in. I love that,

502
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 1: I relish it, I welcome. I don't want to live

503
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: in a vacuum or an echo chamber where I only

504
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: hear my own thoughts repeated back to me. I'm all

505
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: for that, but to what you just said is so true.

506
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: Some people just want to spew their own venom, spew

507
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: their own thoughts, hear themselves talk, and then move on.

508
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: I don't have time for that anymore. I don't take

509
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,640
Speaker 1: my energy with that anymore because it's just not worth it.

510
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 2: No, I just can't imagine myself being old and looking

511
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 2: back going I just I remember having this moment when

512
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 2: we hadn't been we weren't public yet, And I read

513
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 2: this book it's Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo, and it's

514
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: it's an amazing book. But she kind of at the

515
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: end is like it is to sum it up, like

516
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 2: we get this one precious life, and am I going

517
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 2: to look back and go like, oh, I wish that

518
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 2: I had been myself or been comfortable being myself. But

519
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 2: I was so scared of what strangers were going to think.

520
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 2: Like it feels so silly when I can put into

521
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 2: perspective of like how how massive and short and fast

522
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 2: and like a whirlwind this life we have, and that

523
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: I could spend it worrying about everyone else's views on

524
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 2: it just felt.

525
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: And those people don't care about you.

526
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 2: No, that's the other thing I go. If they if

527
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 2: they want to be in my life, great, If they don't,

528
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 2: it's it's great.

529
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: You're going to lie on your deathbed and you're not

530
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: going to you're not going to want to say I'm

531
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: so glad I kept my relationship secret and I didn't

532
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 1: live it my best life publicly with Haley or whoever

533
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: you spend the rest of your life with what a waste.

534
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 1: And my mom always said this, and I truly believe

535
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: life is equally too short but also too long to

536
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: waste because you still have to live it and it

537
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: feels like a long time even And I agree with

538
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 1: what you're saying, life is too short, but it's also

539
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: too long to just sit there in silence and not

540
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 1: be happy and not live your life.

541
00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 2: Well, what a I mean, how you're only making it

542
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 2: longer and more miserable when you're when you're living for

543
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 2: other people. What an exhausting experience to have? Or we

544
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,760
Speaker 2: can look back and only say that you weren't there

545
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 2: to please other people.

546
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 1: And it's look, and I know the way you say that,

547
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: I feel the same way. It doesn't mean you're not

548
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: a good citizen. It doesn't mean you're not a good friend,

549
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: and you're and you welcome strangers and all that. It's

550
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 1: just I get what you're saying. It's the people that

551
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 1: are going to be angry, the people that want to

552
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,480
Speaker 1: yell at you, the people that want to take you down.

553
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: And then again, this is something I'm very connected to. Now,

554
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: they're going to do that anyway. They don't care about you,

555
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: they don't even care about the cause of the getting

556
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 1: to a better place. They just want to spew that

557
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: venom and they just want to take somebody down. It

558
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 1: could be anybody. It doesn't even have to be you.

559
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,239
Speaker 1: So remove yourself from that and it looks like you

560
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: have which is wonderful.

561
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've done a lot of work of I still

562
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 2: am working very hard on that. I think it's one

563
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 2: of those things when it's and that's a good point.

564
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 2: I think that sometimes our society is like me, me, me,

565
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 2: only do me, only focus on me? And I think

566
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 2: that there is so much beauty and like showing up

567
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 2: for other people, and like being selfless and like giving

568
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 2: to other people. But I do think when it's just

569
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 2: the core of living your life, like you have to

570
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 2: let go of the outside opinions.

571
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:16,560
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish. I know

572
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: it gets a negative connotation, but you got to be

573
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: selfish sometimes and take care of yourself. One thing I

574
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: really wanted to talk to you about was Colton Underwood,

575
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 1: who very publicly was the bachelor and then now is

576
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 1: married to a man. I was at the wedding. It

577
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: was a beautiful wedding to Jordan and interesting to watch

578
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: your journeys. Y'all are very different, very different human beings,

579
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: and you went through very different journeys to get where

580
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 1: you are. But at the same time, I was just

581
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 1: curious if you who stayed in touch with that story,

582
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: if you followed it in what your thoughts were.

583
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. I stayed in touch with it. And I can't

584
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 2: imagine in his position, being the bachelor and going on

585
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 2: and knowing this whole time his truth and navigating finding

586
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 2: someone and in the breakup and the panic of like

587
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: this is all going to come out? Yeah, you know.

588
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 2: And I've gotten to meet his husband and he is wonderful.

589
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 1: But you know, it's interesting. We talked about you being

590
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: the bachelorette, and I know you remember those conversations where

591
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: we had talked about bringing you back as you were

592
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 1: kind of just America's sweetheart at the time. Think about

593
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:52,120
Speaker 1: if that had happened and then you end up where

594
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 1: you are today, it really would have been a different path.

595
00:32:56,360 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I mean, my life would be totally different, and

596
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 2: I don't or maybe it wouldn't. I don't know, Maybe

597
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 2: it wouldn't, you know, like maybe there would be differences

598
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 2: and maybe there would be some terms that I didn't have.

599
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: But I always wonder, like what would have happened if

600
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 2: if Chris or Ben had chosen me, or like what

601
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 2: would my life look right? And I always think like

602
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 2: I think certain people are aligned no matter what the

603
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 2: journey looks like to get there.

604
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 1: Have you been able to maintain your faith and live

605
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: this life? And do you find or do you find

606
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: those at odds?

607
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 2: It's complicated because my relationship with God is I've found

608
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 2: the separation in my relationship with God versus religion like

609
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 2: a practice religion, And I think I've seen a lot

610
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 2: of things in uh Christianity. I guess that hurt me

611
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 2: and I have had a really hard time navigating that.

612
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: It's been a journey of like trying to keep something

613
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 2: that is so special and valuable to me, but also

614
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:19,160
Speaker 2: not wanting to be associated with something that causes a

615
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:20,240
Speaker 2: lot of pain for people.

616
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 1: So you've been able to grow your spirituality?

617
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 2: Yes? Like I think, Yeah, I think there's so much

618
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 2: beauty and faith and spirituality and having a relationship for me,

619
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,359
Speaker 2: like a relationship with God like that to me is

620
00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 2: a foundation where I find peace and hope. And I

621
00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 2: think there's so much beauty in that. I and and

622
00:34:45,880 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 2: people are imperfect, and I don't expect that religion is

623
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 2: supposed to be perfect because it's it's a lot of

624
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 2: human error and humans in general. But it's definitely oh

625
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 2: in my eyes to question things that I never felt

626
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 2: like I had the freedom to question. And it's been hard.

627
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:15,800
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people assume that questioning a

628
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 2: religion or stepping back from a religion is easy, like

629
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,280
Speaker 2: it's the easy way out. But I think it's actually

630
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 2: been maybe the most challenging thing that I've navigated in

631
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 2: my life, to be honest.

632
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:33,319
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I think if we've learned anything through the

633
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:37,959
Speaker 1: pandemic and COVID and all this stuff, if we don't

634
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: question things, and it's not being a naysayer or anti

635
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,760
Speaker 1: this or pro this, it's just if you're not allowed

636
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 1: to question things and look at it honestly and have

637
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 1: that debate, then it's probably not good.

638
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

639
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 1: If you're just expected to just excep something, whether it's

640
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: religion or anything, it's scary, that's probably not good. If

641
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,720
Speaker 1: I can't go whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA? I have a question.

642
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it always felt like it was a negative

643
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 2: thing to question, and I was now when I look

644
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,760
Speaker 2: at him, like, I think we should we should be questioned.

645
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 2: If you're taught something and you have a question about it,

646
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 2: you have every right to ask that question. Raise your hand,

647
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,880
Speaker 2: ask the question, like stand up, like speak up, because

648
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 2: I think that there's fear in questioning something that feels

649
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 2: so big, and a lot of things that I have

650
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:45,800
Speaker 2: questions in terms of religion don't have a secure answer.

651
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 2: There's no answer aside from like you just have to believe.

652
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 2: And sometimes that's like I need something.

653
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: I need something tangible, I need some science. But then

654
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,880
Speaker 1: you get into faith and what, yeah, what is faith

655
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:00,000
Speaker 1: and all of that and believing in just a higher

656
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: higher being whatever that means for you and your faith

657
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,359
Speaker 1: and your religions. It is a fascinating conversation. And I

658
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: was just curious, growing up one way now living a

659
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 1: different way if those things can come together for you,

660
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,319
Speaker 1: and I hope they still do. It sounds like it's

661
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,400
Speaker 1: going to be a constant battle for quite some time.

662
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:22,279
Speaker 2: I've fought really hard to maintain my faith, so it's

663
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 2: something that will always be important. My relationship with God

664
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 2: feels like it well, it is the constant in my life,

665
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 2: like no matter what people do or say or thingth we.

666
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 1: Will continue to have those conversations and continue to ask

667
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: those questions. And it was funny. I was thinking about

668
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 1: Lauren and I, who you know, my fiance, and we

669
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 1: kept ours private as well for quite some time. As

670
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: you know, you knew we were dating, but we were

671
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 1: private for like six seven months for our own reasons

672
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 1: and it was just time. And another thing I wanted

673
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 1: to bring up about your message on social media about

674
00:37:57,960 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 1: being out, your celebrating your one year anniversary, something that

675
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,760
Speaker 1: really hit me was whatever time frame you're on, whenever

676
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: you come to your truth, whenever you want to talk

677
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: about it, if you ever want to talk about it,

678
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 1: that's okay, that's your time. It's your life and in

679
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 1: your journey. And I really I bet that those are

680
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:20,879
Speaker 1: wonderful words for people to hear.

681
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 2: I thank you. I feel like I get so many

682
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,759
Speaker 2: messages from people and they're like, I'm so scared to

683
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,640
Speaker 2: come out, and I don't know what people are going

684
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:36,919
Speaker 2: to say or think. And one of the biggest things

685
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 2: for me when I finally felt ready was that I

686
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 2: had a support system, Like I had people surrounding me

687
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 2: that I knew love me and support me and I

688
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:49,320
Speaker 2: could do anything and they would say, we all.

689
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 1: Just loved you just the same. It didn't matter.

690
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 2: I had that knowing no matter what happens, from like

691
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,000
Speaker 2: strangers on the internet, like I have my I have people,

692
00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 2: and so I always try to tell people, like, take

693
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 2: your time and make sure that you you have even

694
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 2: if it's one person, even if it's a ride or

695
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 2: dia best friend, make sure that you have someone in

696
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 2: your corner, because it can be a very lonely space

697
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,760
Speaker 2: for people. And I think that a lot of people

698
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 2: feel rush to be proud and it's like we're celebrating

699
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 2: Pride Month and it's like, be proud of who you are.

700
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: And I also think that you should do it on

701
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 2: your time because there's there can be a lot of

702
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 2: hate and negativity associated with it, and it's a beautiful

703
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,840
Speaker 2: it's a beautiful part of yourself to be able to

704
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 2: accept that, and it's a it's a beautiful part to

705
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,400
Speaker 2: be able to be out and open about it. But

706
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 2: it's also beautiful to have safety around it. And I

707
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:48,360
Speaker 2: just always it felt very important to me that people

708
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 2: know that they don't need to rush or like if

709
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 2: they have a partner who's who's already out. You know,

710
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:58,640
Speaker 2: Haley has been out for years and she waited, well.

711
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: And what was it like for or now you know,

712
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 1: with Haley's you're not just dating somebody. You're dating someone

713
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: who was a bit of an icon in the LGBTQ community.

714
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: So there is this I'm sure there was this battle

715
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: where she's she's kind of living this life where she's

716
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 1: kind of already out and proud, and you're like, was

717
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,919
Speaker 1: that difficult on your relationship because she is that icon.

718
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean there were definitely at the beginning some

719
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 2: very hard conversations that we had to navigate because I

720
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 2: so that was the whole like private, verst secret thing.

721
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 2: I was like, I never want you to feel like

722
00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:35,480
Speaker 2: a secret. So when we were out or like if

723
00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 2: we met people or you know, someone came up to

724
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 2: me to say hey, I always introduced her as my

725
00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 2: girlfriend or said Haley. I never said like, this is

726
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 2: my friend, you know. And so it was just kind

727
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 2: of like finding the places where I could show up

728
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 2: for her and still take care of myself and like

729
00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 2: do it the way I needed on my timeline, but

730
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 2: also make sure that she felt secure in the relationship

731
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,040
Speaker 2: because she's like I don't want to feel like I'm

732
00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 2: back in the closet, and I'm like, yeah, that's fair,

733
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:12,359
Speaker 2: but this is this is big, this is big. I'm

734
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 2: trying to show up for you, but like not abandoned myself.

735
00:41:16,080 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 2: And there were definitely hard conversations, but I was I

736
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 2: will forever be grateful at how we were able to

737
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 2: navigate that and her like patience and love and how

738
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:29,840
Speaker 2: she navigated that with me.

739
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: You were just so happy now. I mean even when

740
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: I see you sitting in front of me right now,

741
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 1: this smile on your face, this ease about you. What

742
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,759
Speaker 1: was it and what is it about Hayley that just

743
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,760
Speaker 1: blew you away and made you fall in love probably

744
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 1: for the first time in your life.

745
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely for the first time. I I don't know

746
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,720
Speaker 2: if there's words for I always when I think about

747
00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 2: when I met her, it was a night of her

748
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 2: album release party and I just showed up with I

749
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 2: went with a friend and I remember seeing her get

750
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 2: out of the car and I didn't I knew what

751
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 2: she did for a career. Because my sisters, my younger

752
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:27,279
Speaker 2: sisters lived with me at the time, and both of

753
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 2: my sisters are gay, and so they were watching her

754
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 2: music video. That's all I had seen of her at

755
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 2: this point. And I remember this like I would never

756
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 2: call it love at first sight, because that feels so

757
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:43,560
Speaker 2: silly to me. But I remember this like instant curiosity

758
00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 2: about this person that I had never met, and I

759
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,880
Speaker 2: will always like hold onto that feeling because I remember

760
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 2: watching her get of the car. She came and she

761
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 2: said hey to my friend, but she didn't like say

762
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 2: hey to any of us, and I was like, oh,

763
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 2: she's like too cool. And I remember her walking up

764
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 2: and it was just something that I don't think I

765
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 2: could describe about someone or put into words or figure

766
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 2: out how the feeling happened or what it was.

767
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 1: It was just instant, instant chemistry, instant connection. Yeah, and

768
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 1: then you figured out it was real.

769
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 2: And then yeah we had We went and got drinks

770
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 2: and talked for like four hours.

771
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,479
Speaker 1: And so it was instant on her side as well.

772
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 2: Oh yeah she would That night, she was like flirting

773
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 2: with me so hardcore that we were like, hey, you know.

774
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,280
Speaker 2: She kept asking my friend Brittany, like is back into girls,

775
00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 2: and she's like no, but her sister is. So we

776
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 2: were trying to set up.

777
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:43,879
Speaker 1: With my sister and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait,

778
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:44,799
Speaker 1: there might be something here.

779
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 2: Hold on. Yeah, Like I was like in denial. I

780
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 2: was like, oh, this girl's flirting with me, but like,

781
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 2: you know, not wrong girl. And then I think it

782
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 2: was like two days later and realized it was the

783
00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 2: right girl.

784
00:43:58,120 --> 00:43:59,440
Speaker 1: It was so I was gonna say it was that

785
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: instantane is where you met this person that just blew

786
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 1: you away, and she just kind of got in your

787
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,800
Speaker 1: head and got in your soul, and two days later

788
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 1: you're thinking, I am really interested. I am very curious

789
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 1: about this woman.

790
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 2: Yeah. We had a day in between when we met

791
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 2: and then when we got drinks, and the day in

792
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 2: between I had a date with a guy, and I

793
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 2: remember getting in the car and checking my Instagram DMS

794
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,879
Speaker 2: and I was just like wanting to talk to her.

795
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 2: Did not care about the guy.

796
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry buddy.

797
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,399
Speaker 2: Wasn't a great date anyway. But I just remember being like, oh,

798
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:47,319
Speaker 2: instantly wanting to see if she had messaged me, which

799
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,200
Speaker 2: I was like, why would I care. I wasn't interested.

800
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,680
Speaker 1: And then the next day you guys talked or went

801
00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 1: out again.

802
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 2: We were all supposed to get drinks for her to

803
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,239
Speaker 2: meet my sister and everyone bailed and she was like,

804
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 2: would you and would you want to get drinks? And

805
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 2: I was like, hmm, you know, I knew she was interested,

806
00:45:05,480 --> 00:45:07,000
Speaker 2: so I was like, of course you would want to

807
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 2: get of course she wants to get drinks alone. And

808
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 2: we talked for four hours and shut the bar down,

809
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 2: and I remember leaving being like, I didn't sleep that night,

810
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 2: you know, is the whole thing that everyone told me,

811
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 2: like that you feel and it just hit me and

812
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 2: I was like, what is this? So it was fast.

813
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,400
Speaker 1: That's amazing, though, what a beautiful story.

814
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 2: Thank you.

815
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 1: Do you guys, do you think you'll ever get married?

816
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 2: I you know, I didn't realize this obviously going on

817
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:44,320
Speaker 2: the Bachelor, but I think that I just always assume

818
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 2: that's what I had to do, you know. And so

819
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:52,200
Speaker 2: I think this relationship, I've learned so much about having

820
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 2: choices and wonder it's wonderful. And I think that both

821
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 2: of us are on the same page of wanting to

822
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 2: be together whatever that looks like, whether it's a wedding.

823
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 2: I think, like, I'm not someone who's like pictured myself

824
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,879
Speaker 2: in the white dress, Like I don't have that. I've

825
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 2: never had that like vision for myself, like when you

826
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 2: talk to Tanya rad She's got it all long.

827
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,000
Speaker 1: That vision board has been built for decades.

828
00:46:22,040 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think we're just kind of like on

829
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,399
Speaker 2: the same page of what we want. And I always say,

830
00:46:26,440 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 2: you know, Paileey was like, this is my dream and

831
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 2: this is what I want. I would be happy to

832
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 2: but I think it's it's kind of been nice going like, oh,

833
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 2: we can just be together without that pressure or like.

834
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 1: Me a wedding, but whatever it is. I totally understand

835
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,240
Speaker 1: that as I have gone through this for the second

836
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:50,400
Speaker 1: time with Lauren, and the first time I was young,

837
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 1: and I was I was, you know, Southern like you

838
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 1: and conservative, and I was going through the motions of Okay,

839
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:57,800
Speaker 1: you go to college and then you have a girlfriend,

840
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:00,120
Speaker 1: and then you get married and this is what you do.

841
00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: And now circling back living life with choices and really

842
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 1: living life truly for the joy of it, of what

843
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,719
Speaker 1: is this relationship. We'll define it, we'll figure it out

844
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: and if and again, if if I wanted to or

845
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: she wanted to do something, great, let's do that. But

846
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: in the meantime we just slowly let it evolve into

847
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 1: whatever we wanted it to be, which is such a wonderful,

848
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:26,759
Speaker 1: happy thing to do.

849
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:33,760
Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't know the joy in that until

850
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 2: I experienced it. And I don't know if, like I

851
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,560
Speaker 2: don't know if people know the joy of just letting

852
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 2: life happen without needing to have it all planned out

853
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 2: or change a lot of yeah, or change that.

854
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: What is the the interesting urge? And again, maybe it's

855
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 1: just programmed in us. Okay, we're happy. Now, we need

856
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: to change it. We need to we need to label

857
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: it and change it. And that's so counterintuitive to everything

858
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 1: else in our life. Say you were running a business

859
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 1: and you were incredibly successful, you'd be like, Okay, let's

860
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: rename this and change it. You just don't do that

861
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 1: in other facets of our life. Yet we do it

862
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 1: constantly with our relationships.

863
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:21,919
Speaker 2: That's so true. Yeah, I think we're just programmed that

864
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 2: that's the next It's like, there's the next step, what's

865
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 2: the next label. It's like you get, you get, you

866
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 2: answer one question and then it's like, well what's next, Yeah,

867
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 2: what are you doing next?

868
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 1: Let's call it something different. You have to change rank.

869
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 2: I know it's it's it is, it's interesting, But I

870
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 2: don't think. I don't know that you know, the freedom

871
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 2: of not having to do that until you live it.

872
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:50,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, how has it been for you to not just

873
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 1: come out but also be a bit of an icon

874
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 1: as well? As I've been overwhelming pressure welcome pressure because

875
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,359
Speaker 1: I know people look to you and at the same

876
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 1: time you're just a woman trying to figure things out

877
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:04,399
Speaker 1: as well.

878
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 2: I definitely want to consider myself an icon. But I

879
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 2: you know, I'm very I get very like emotional and

880
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:21,839
Speaker 2: humbled by the messages and stories that I hear of

881
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 2: people navigating the same things that I've navigated and saying

882
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 2: that I made them feel brave like that to me

883
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 2: feels like almost so it's so much bigger than me

884
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:37,960
Speaker 2: that it's like sometimes a lot to take in. But

885
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:44,759
Speaker 2: I feel I don't feel pressure. I just feel like

886
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 2: grateful that something that felt so scary for me is

887
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:52,240
Speaker 2: something that makes other people feel brave.

888
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 1: You know, absolutely well. I know Clinton, I've talked to

889
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: Colton about this too, and I know you guys are

890
00:49:57,719 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 1: in the same boat as far as that goes. Because

891
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,360
Speaker 1: you were so public and because people have feel like

892
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:04,319
Speaker 1: they've kind of lived this journey with you, and you

893
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 1: represent them and you resemble them. It's a powerful thing,

894
00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 1: and it is a wonderful thing.

895
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, it was. You nailed it. It's been

896
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:17,800
Speaker 2: a journey.

897
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: It hasn't been a journey. We will use that word

898
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 1: in the best of terms this time. Yes, Yes, I'm

899
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 1: just so happy that you are happy. And I'm just

900
00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:29,720
Speaker 1: I feel like you are just a different woman and

901
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 1: the woman you were always meant to be, and I

902
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:35,799
Speaker 1: just I get so much joy in that. And when

903
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: I see you and Haley together, I'm like, yep, that's

904
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 1: that's a no brainer, Like, how did this not ever happen?

905
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 1: You guys just look like you're meant to be, look

906
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 1: like you were so in love.

907
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 2: Thank you, we are. I feel very grateful. And you know,

908
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 2: every part of my story led me to this, you know,

909
00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 2: it's it was Hailey was a Bachelor fan, Hailey's a

910
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 2: Bachelor fan. She knew who I was when I came

911
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 2: to the party. You know, It's like everything led to

912
00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:12,400
Speaker 2: where it was supposed to be, and that that that

913
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:13,759
Speaker 2: part of it's really cool to me.

914
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 1: You have the podcast going on, yes, scrubbing in you

915
00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: and Tanya rad check it out. It's really good. What

916
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,839
Speaker 1: else is on your plate these days? I know you're

917
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:30,400
Speaker 1: an influencer. I see all the ads going what else

918
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: because you always have so many good side hustles.

919
00:51:33,719 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, that's been like my focus is just like

920
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:41,640
Speaker 2: the podcast, and I think that the influencer world is

921
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,440
Speaker 2: still one of those things where like when you tell

922
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 2: people what they what you do, they're like, I don't

923
00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 2: get it. It's a lot of work. It's so fun,

924
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 2: but like it's a you.

925
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:52,240
Speaker 1: Know, you eat Taco Bell breakfast wraps.

926
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 2: I mean, that was a dream come true. I think

927
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 2: I peaked at this point. I don't know where to

928
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 2: go from here. I don't know where to go after

929
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: the Taco Bell collab, but I yeah, that's kind of

930
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:04,800
Speaker 2: been my focus.

931
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,200
Speaker 1: And well, I know your time is precious too, because

932
00:52:07,239 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: you have something that I found I struggled with, which

933
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 1: was trying to find time with Haley, who's on the

934
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 1: road a lot. She tours, she's traveling. And I went

935
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:24,320
Speaker 1: through this in my first marriage of trying to make life, love, kids,

936
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,879
Speaker 1: all these things a priority while you're being successful. It's

937
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: not easy.

938
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:34,240
Speaker 2: It's it's very hard, and I think the pandemic really

939
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:38,480
Speaker 2: made it hard because we were always go, go go,

940
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 2: and then I think the pandemic. It was like I

941
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 2: could be around you twenty four seven and never get

942
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,399
Speaker 2: tired of you. And then and we had that for

943
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 2: a couple of years, and then life starts back up

944
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 2: and she's gone and touring, and it's been an adjustment.

945
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:55,680
Speaker 1: It takes work, for sure.

946
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 2: It takes a lot of work. And it's like takes

947
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:02,400
Speaker 2: both parties having to put in the work. And it's

948
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:06,920
Speaker 2: it's definitely you know, I feel like you. There's like

949
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:10,200
Speaker 2: this glamorous idea of what it's like to date someone.

950
00:53:10,400 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, No, it's I totally get that. People

951
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:14,440
Speaker 1: thought it the same thing. It's like, oh, he has

952
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 1: this great job, he travels the world. He's in South Africa,

953
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 1: he's in Australia. It's like, yeah, but you're I'm not

954
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,040
Speaker 1: there with the people I love. My kids aren't there,

955
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 1: my wife's not there, And it's a very lonely existence, traveling,

956
00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:30,399
Speaker 1: living out of a suitcase and just different airports, and

957
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:32,960
Speaker 1: that it is a it's a very tough thing when

958
00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 1: all you want to do is have that opportunity to

959
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 1: be home and go coach soccer, or be at the

960
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 1: dance recital, or be with the woman you love.

961
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:45,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, it's it's I think for both both parties,

962
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 2: like me being home and and her, you know, out

963
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 2: there doing and pursuing a dream that's you know, she's

964
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 2: been working towards it. Yeah. But yeah, we just like

965
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 2: everything else that we've navigated, we are navigating at all.

966
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: When you bring up a good point, because I've been

967
00:54:05,040 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 1: on both sides of the spectrum now where I've been

968
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 1: the one traveling and you think, oh, that's the hard part.

969
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:13,520
Speaker 1: I didn't quite really understand what it was like to

970
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 1: be home and to be left at home. In the

971
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: beginning of my relationship with Lauren. She was traveling a

972
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 1: ton for entertainment tonight, and I'm like, oh, this is

973
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,120
Speaker 1: a taste of what it was like. I get this

974
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 1: of being kind of lonely in a quiet house when

975
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:31,919
Speaker 1: you want it to be filled with the person you love.

976
00:54:33,200 --> 00:54:35,840
Speaker 1: I don't know which one's tougher, easier, whatever, but it

977
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 1: is something you have to work on and communicate because

978
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:40,320
Speaker 1: it can really tear you apart.

979
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was going to say, I remember when I

980
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,759
Speaker 2: think I was traveling a lot more when we first

981
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 2: started dating, and I think being the one traveling if

982
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 2: you're busy and you're surrounded by people, you're a little

983
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,920
Speaker 2: less inclined to feel the loneliness, whereas when you're the

984
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 2: person at home, you're right, it's like quiet and you're

985
00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 2: all because you know, she's like, you know, go hang

986
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:06,520
Speaker 2: out Tanya Alley, and I'm like, they have their own

987
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 2: just be like, hey, guys, I'm crashing. I'm coming in,

988
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:14,040
Speaker 2: which they probably all welcome me. But you know, in

989
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:16,760
Speaker 2: her life, being she's on a tour bus with sixteen people,

990
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,240
Speaker 2: it's like she's never not with people.

991
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: And then they come home and they like kind of

992
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 1: reintegrate into your life, and it's like almost a disruption.

993
00:55:25,000 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: You're like, who whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not what

994
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 1: I do in the morning, but it is something that

995
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:30,839
Speaker 1: you have to work at.

996
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:35,799
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I mean every relationship there's I think that

997
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:37,879
Speaker 2: the thing that I realized with Haley is that I'm

998
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 2: so willing and happy to work at it. Yeah, you know,

999
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:46,719
Speaker 2: it doesn't feel like work work.

1000
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Becca, I love you. I appreciate you, thank

1001
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 1: you for being here. I could talk to you for

1002
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 1: hours on end. I just I appreciate your honesty on

1003
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:04,600
Speaker 1: level of what you have done publicly and this journey

1004
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:07,000
Speaker 1: that you've taken. Thanks for taking us along for the ride.

1005
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. Was so great seeing you

1006
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 2: and chatting with you. I'm so happy for you too.

1007
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:17,800
Speaker 1: Thank you. Maybe a double wedding. We'll just knock it

1008
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:20,640
Speaker 1: all out, all right, BECA you take care?

1009
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:22,840
Speaker 2: All right? You too? Bye.

1010
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed that conversation with Beckatilly. There was

1011
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: a lot to cover, a little bit longer interview than

1012
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:32,399
Speaker 1: we usually do, but there was just so much to cover,

1013
00:56:32,440 --> 00:56:36,440
Speaker 1: from her bachelor days to you know, finding out that

1014
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 1: she was in love with Haley and what that meant,

1015
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:42,400
Speaker 1: and just so many interesting things to cover. So I

1016
00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. And

1017
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:47,600
Speaker 1: again my thanks to my good friend Beckatilly. Love her

1018
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 1: to death and just wish her the very best, as

1019
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: I do for all of you. And I so appreciate

1020
00:56:52,680 --> 00:56:55,880
Speaker 1: you tuning in to the most Dramatic podcast Ever. I'll

1021
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 1: talk to you next time because we have a lot

1022
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:00,920
Speaker 1: more to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on

1023
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,879
Speaker 1: Instagram at the Most Dramatic Pod Ever, and make sure

1024
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 1: to write us a review and leave us five stars.

1025
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you next time.