Speaker 1: I just felt like I was so addicted to this
Speaker 1: kind of false version of my life that it was
Speaker 1: just taking over. And the thing that really upset me
Speaker 1: is the press ran with that. They were saying, Oh, look,
Speaker 1: he's not the perfect, happy, go lucky.
Speaker 2: Kids you think he is.
Speaker 1: He's having a nervous breakdown in New York. If I
Speaker 1: was having a mental breakdown.
Speaker 2: That's not for you to report on.
Speaker 1: They took the story in the wrong direction, and they
Speaker 1: kind of painted people looking for help in the wrong life.
Speaker 2: The best selling are during Post, the number one health
Speaker 2: and wellness podcast, and.
Speaker 3: Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose,
Speaker 3: the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to
Speaker 3: each and every one of you that come back every
Speaker 3: week to listen, learn, and grow. Now I'm so grateful
Speaker 3: and so excited because I get to sit down with
Speaker 3: people that I find fascinating, incredible, thoughtful, insightful, and people
Speaker 3: who allow me into their lives and into their minds.
Speaker 3: And today's someone who I've wanted to sit down with
Speaker 3: for a long long time, and I'm so grateful that
Speaker 3: in his busy schedule he's been able to carve out
Speaker 3: some time to sit down with me today. I'm talking
Speaker 3: about the one, the Only, Tom Holland Tom. It is
Speaker 3: so great to be with you, mate, Thank you, mate. Thanks,
Speaker 3: I'm genuinely grateful that you're here. I know we've just
Speaker 3: been casually catching up before this, and it's already been
Speaker 3: so fun. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I'm excited.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to listen to you and learn from you
Speaker 1: and speak about mindfulness. And I love you know that
Speaker 1: your programs about health. I'm going through a little bit
Speaker 1: of like a health journey right now, which I'm loving,
Speaker 1: so I can't wait to dive into that.
Speaker 2: And thanks for having me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. Man. Well, I've always really appreciated how much
Speaker 3: you've opened up about that journey in your own way,
Speaker 3: And I think what's really interesting for me is a
Speaker 3: lot of people open up after it's solved, sure, whereas
Speaker 3: you've kind of been telling us as things are going on.
Speaker 3: And I think that's actually quite rare because usually when
Speaker 3: you're going through something, it's kind of harder to articulate
Speaker 3: it and explain it and have people understand it. Sure,
Speaker 3: And the fact that you're doing that, I think takes
Speaker 3: a lot of courage. So I just wanted to point
Speaker 3: that out straight off the bat, that that's really tough
Speaker 3: and people don't do that. People kind of wait till
Speaker 3: they're out of it. And again I'm not judging either
Speaker 3: a pro because it's up to the individual, but I
Speaker 3: do think it takes a lot of strength to do
Speaker 3: what you're doing. So thank you for that, but.
Speaker 2: May thank you for saying now, I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, But let's dive in. I wanted to talk about
Speaker 3: I know that your family is very close to you,
Speaker 3: and you're very close to family, very close. We're just
Speaker 3: talking about your living in Kingston, which is I believe
Speaker 3: where you grew up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right down the road.
Speaker 3: Yeah, amazing. And what's really interesting is that a lot
Speaker 3: of studies show that how we were loved or unloved
Speaker 3: between the ages of zero to five impact the next fifteen,
Speaker 3: twenty five, fifty years of our life and how we
Speaker 3: give love to ourselves and how we give love to others.
Speaker 3: And so I was thinking, do you have a core
Speaker 3: memory or an experience with your family from childhood that
Speaker 3: kind of embodies the feeling you have about them now
Speaker 3: or that keeps you tied close to them.
Speaker 1: I'd say sort of more than a memory, is just
Speaker 1: a feeling that we I could say, all of my
Speaker 1: brothers and I had was that Because our dad's a comedian,
Speaker 1: his job only ever existed once we had gone to bed,
Speaker 1: and our mum worked from home, she was a photographer.
Speaker 1: So to us as kids, our parents didn't really work.
Speaker 1: They just were always home. So we had this amazing
Speaker 1: foundation where no matter any time of the day, either
Speaker 1: mum or dad would be at the house and we
Speaker 1: felt so kind of solid as a family, which is why,
Speaker 1: like I kind of have this dream of one day
Speaker 1: having kids and putting my work to bed and just
Speaker 1: kind of being there as a dad, because I really
Speaker 1: admire how my dad was around. You know, being a
Speaker 1: comedian is a very very volatile job. The highs and
Speaker 1: lows are so extreme, and as kids we never saw that.
Speaker 1: The only version of my dad I ever saw was
Speaker 1: the happy dad. Let's go to the park. We used
Speaker 1: to play this game called golf Goals where we.
Speaker 2: Would go down to the park.
Speaker 1: There's like this big blue metal goal and we would
Speaker 1: just fire golf balls into that goal every day, and
Speaker 1: he would give us ten p every time a ball
Speaker 1: went in. The goal, and that was kind of the
Speaker 1: foundation of our golf and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: So for me, broad than a core memory, was the
Speaker 1: idea of always feeling connected and safe within my family unit.
Speaker 1: And I think a large portion of that is that
Speaker 1: my mum and dad have always been such a solid
Speaker 1: team and they've always been there for us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, wow, have they? As you've grown older, have they
Speaker 3: kind of opened up about some of the challenges that
Speaker 3: they were going through that they obviously didn't show you
Speaker 3: and your family when you were kids, Because I can
Speaker 3: imagine we always talk about this, right, like being a
Speaker 3: comedian is extremely difficult because you're making everyone else laugh
Speaker 3: at the same time. It's a career path that, like
Speaker 3: you said, is completely volatile. Sure have they opened up?
Speaker 3: Has times gone on? And how has that felt when
Speaker 3: you've gone from like seeing your parents always been happy
Speaker 3: to being like, oh wait, there was all this other
Speaker 3: stuff going on.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, they have.
Speaker 1: And it's not even sometimes things that they've told us,
Speaker 1: it's just things that we've grown up to recognize. As
Speaker 1: a young kid, you know, you're not looking to how's
Speaker 1: my mom feeling, how's my dad feeling? And now as
Speaker 1: an older person, you know those are things I care about.
Speaker 1: I want to call my mom because I know it
Speaker 1: all brighton a day. So that's all part of growing up,
Speaker 1: I guess. So seeing the way in which my dad's
Speaker 1: job affects him, or my dad's job affects my mum
Speaker 1: is something we've all sort of come to terms with.
Speaker 1: And he's amazing at it. I mean, to be honest,
Speaker 1: I say, effect it doesn't really affect anyone. He's so
Speaker 1: good at handling it, which is.
Speaker 2: A lot of why I feel like I am the
Speaker 2: way I am.
Speaker 1: For example, the Crowded Rooms come out, the critics absolutely
Speaker 1: hated it. They thought it was the worst thing they've
Speaker 1: ever seen, and it doesn't really upset me. And I
Speaker 1: think a large part of my feeling towards that has
Speaker 1: come from my dad being able to do a gig,
Speaker 1: the gig not going well, him brushing it off his
Speaker 1: shoulder and just right onto the next one.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, and first of all, I want to point
Speaker 3: out as well, so I've been watching The Crowded Room, right,
Speaker 3: and me and my wife been watching it together, and
Speaker 3: we're actually really enjoying.
Speaker 2: It, thank you.
Speaker 3: We're actually loving it because I love a show that
Speaker 3: has mystery. Sure that's trying to like get me to
Speaker 3: figure it out and get me to think about it.
Speaker 3: I'm kind of confused, and I love stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Like I'm a massive Christopher Nolan. Yeah, but all my
Speaker 3: favorite movies and Nolan movies, and the reason why I
Speaker 3: love them is because I have no idea what's going on? Sure,
Speaker 3: And that's you've got to figure it out, and you've
Speaker 3: got to figure it out. And I love puzzles and
Speaker 3: I love escape rooms and I love anything escape room. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I love anything that's got me thinking, what is going
Speaker 3: on here? And why can't I figure it out?
Speaker 2: Mate? Do you know what you should watch?
Speaker 1: I admittedly watch it to go to sleep if I'm
Speaker 1: ever feeling stressed or like over stimulated.
Speaker 2: I watched this guy.
Speaker 1: Called Chris Ramsey. He's like a YouTube guy. He's a magician,
Speaker 1: but I just watch him solve puzzles. He like buys
Speaker 1: these Japanese like handcrafted puzzle boxes and he just solves them.
Speaker 1: And I've started buying them. And they come to the
Speaker 1: house and you sit down for four hours, put it down,
Speaker 1: pick it up, and try and solve this puzzle.
Speaker 2: And it's amazing.
Speaker 3: Have you are you good at them.
Speaker 1: No, I'm terrible, absolutely terrible. I've had an unsolved rube
Speaker 1: excuse since i was like eleven. But I but yeah,
Speaker 1: So I watch his videos because there's just something about
Speaker 1: like the sound of the wood. I'm a carpenter, so
Speaker 1: I love like craftsmanship and that sort of stuff. So
Speaker 1: I love the way that these pieces are put together.
Speaker 1: So watching him solve the puzzles I find so relaxing.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think for so many of us, you know,
Speaker 3: getting bad reviews, perceptions, people talking about us, whatever, that
Speaker 3: maybe whatever scale we live at can actually affect us. Sure,
Speaker 3: and you're saying that actually seeing your dad, letting him,
Speaker 3: seeing him shrug it off, and seeing him move on
Speaker 3: actually really helped him. Do you think that you've been
Speaker 3: able to create a bit more of a skill around
Speaker 3: that now or is it something that happens naturally for you,
Speaker 3: Because I'm guessing that there's a lot of people who
Speaker 3: are listening and watching going Tom. That's pretty amazing that
Speaker 3: you can do that at your scale and your level.
Speaker 3: But you know, I'm still affected by that, or I
Speaker 3: really struggle when my mates says something like I know
Speaker 3: the number one thing I hear is like most people
Speaker 3: don't chase their dreams because they're scared of what their
Speaker 3: mates will say, let alone what.
Speaker 2: The world in the world will say.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had this late. I was I was flying
Speaker 3: back last night. As I was telling you, so, I
Speaker 3: was on a plane from DC to London last night
Speaker 3: and the air hostess, who's wonderful when EMA's Jeanette. She
Speaker 3: said to me, she was like, do I really want
Speaker 3: to start a YouTube channel? But you know, you just
Speaker 3: got to block out what your friends are going to say, right,
Speaker 3: And she was just worried about it, so that it's
Speaker 3: a very real thing. So I guess have you kind
Speaker 3: of figured out a little formula for it or is
Speaker 3: it just natural because you saw your dad and it's
Speaker 3: become easier that way.
Speaker 2: I think it's a little bit of both.
Speaker 1: Really, you know, I think it's something you definitely get
Speaker 1: better at. I'm really lucky that I have an incredibly
Speaker 1: strong group of friends. Like one of my best mates
Speaker 1: just called me up earlier to say'd seen the fifth
Speaker 1: episode and it's like, I know what happens in the
Speaker 1: show and I'm still loving it. The people I'm watching
Speaker 1: it with have no idea what's going on, but they
Speaker 1: can't wait for the next one. So you know, I
Speaker 1: really really hold high the opinions of people that I
Speaker 1: really care about. I'm also really lucky to have an
Speaker 1: amazing group of fans who are so supportive. They are
Speaker 1: die hard, they are their day one and that makes
Speaker 1: me feel really good. But I do think a lot
Speaker 1: of my lessons in life have come from my dad
Speaker 1: and the ways that he can deal with things, things
Speaker 1: that he hasn't done very well in the past that
Speaker 1: he has passed on to me, and I sort of
Speaker 1: I live by this really. I don't actually know if
Speaker 1: Christian Bale did say this, but I but I think
Speaker 1: the quote is if you have a problem with me,
Speaker 1: text me, and if you don't have my number, you
Speaker 1: don't know me well enough to have.
Speaker 2: A problem with me.
Speaker 1: It's so good And I think that that is such
Speaker 1: a great piece of advice because as a celebrity, you
Speaker 1: live on this stage, you live out there. You kind
Speaker 1: of give out a version of yourself that you want
Speaker 1: people to see, and that can be the version of
Speaker 1: yourself that they can have a problem with or they
Speaker 1: can love. And there is a you know, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm quite authentic in my public persona. But I
Speaker 1: just try to really care about what my family thinks,
Speaker 1: what my friends think, what the people in my local
Speaker 1: community think. I live in Kingston, I know everyone that
Speaker 1: lives there. I can't walk five feet without bumping into
Speaker 1: one of my mum's friends. So yeah, so it's something
Speaker 1: I've been working on. I try my best to not
Speaker 1: let that stuff affect me.
Speaker 2: It does. Yeah, of course I'm not cold hearted or
Speaker 2: anything like that.
Speaker 1: It does affect me, but I just tried to move
Speaker 1: on and focus on the positives.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely absolutely. What was a Did you ever see
Speaker 3: your dad deal with everything and you thought, wow, that
Speaker 3: was incredible. Was there anything specific that you remember that,
Speaker 3: like seeing him like tackle something and you thought, wow,
Speaker 3: that really impressed me, even if it was something really small.
Speaker 1: In hindsight, I think the thing I admire most about
Speaker 1: my dad is his resilience. You know, he's someone who
Speaker 1: has had an incredibly successful career in his earlier life,
Speaker 1: and then later in life his career sort of plateaued
Speaker 1: and he struggled, and he's never stopped. He's never given up.
Speaker 1: He's still gigging to this day. He's still writing books.
Speaker 1: He has a patron, he has a podcast. He's constantly
Speaker 1: grafting to get to where he wants to be. And
Speaker 1: I think being a young kid and seeing your dad
Speaker 1: continually working as hard as he can to kind of
Speaker 1: put his best foot forward. For me, has been a
Speaker 1: huge drive for my work ethic I'll give it one
Speaker 1: hundred percent or I'll give it nothing, And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of that has come from my dad and
Speaker 1: seeing him deal with that. The funny thing about my dad,
Speaker 1: as you talk about doing a bad gig, I must
Speaker 1: have seen him twenty times. I've never seen him do
Speaker 1: a bad gig. He always seems to absolutely rip it.
Speaker 1: But maybe that's just because we're in the audience. He
Speaker 1: But no, I owe a lot to my dad, and
Speaker 1: a lot of the teachings are thinks he's told me
Speaker 1: and things I've just witnessed him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And was there ever a piece of feedback or
Speaker 3: a rumor or something you saw that did affect you
Speaker 3: where you actually thought, well, at least made you stop
Speaker 3: and go, God, I'm trying to see the positives, but
Speaker 3: this one's tough, Like this actually made me have to
Speaker 3: pause and figure it out.
Speaker 1: Something that did really upset me. I was in New York,
Speaker 1: I was shooting the Crowning Crowded Room, and I was
Speaker 1: having a really hard time with the job just because
Speaker 1: of how taxing it was, the emotional capacity that I
Speaker 1: was having to get to every day. And I decided
Speaker 1: to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I
Speaker 1: was so addicted to this kind of false version of
Speaker 1: my life that it was just taking over. I would
Speaker 1: be on set working, I'd come and sit in my
Speaker 1: chair and just scroll, scroll, scrolls, CROs scroll, and it.
Speaker 2: Was becoming a problem.
Speaker 1: I was just obsessed with it, and I was obsessed
Speaker 1: to find out what people were saying and how people
Speaker 1: what they thought about me. So I decided to make
Speaker 1: an announcement, which unfortunately we have to do, and say
Speaker 1: that I'm taking a break from social media. And I
Speaker 1: tried to position myself and say like, I'm taking a
Speaker 1: break from social media because I feel like my mental
Speaker 1: health will benefit from it. And the thing that really
Speaker 1: upset me is the press ran with that and they
Speaker 1: tried to make out that I was having this mental breakdown,
Speaker 1: and what upset me was if I was having a
Speaker 1: mental breakdown, that's not for you to report on. They
Speaker 1: took the story in the wrong direction. And they try,
Speaker 1: they painted again this negative light on mental health. Rather
Speaker 1: than saying, oh, he's doing it, it's okay that he's
Speaker 1: doing it, so we should all feel okay to do
Speaker 1: it too, they were saying, Oh, look, he's not what
Speaker 1: the perfect, happy, go lucky kid you.
Speaker 2: Think he is.
Speaker 1: He's having a nervous breakdown in New York. And I
Speaker 1: think that that was a really unfair line of journalism.
Speaker 1: Let's say he because I just think it again kind
Speaker 1: of painted people looking for help in the wrong light,
Speaker 1: if you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely, it almost sounds like you were
Speaker 3: actually preemptively going, I'm doing this so that I don't
Speaker 3: go in that direction.
Speaker 2: Totally, at least I'm not.
Speaker 3: Trying to put words in your mouth, but absolutely, it's
Speaker 3: almost like I'm proactively seeing that I could end up
Speaker 3: in a position where sure I might have a breakdown.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be in that position, and so
Speaker 3: I'm responsibly saying, guys, I'm taking a break right in
Speaker 3: order to protect myself.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which makes a lot of sense and actually is
Speaker 3: quite admirable.
Speaker 1: Again, totally, and that's kind of what the message of
Speaker 1: the show is about. Like the message of our show
Speaker 1: is that asking for help should be something that we celebrate.
Speaker 1: If you're struggling, if you need help, if you feel
Speaker 1: bad and you wake up and you go to a friend,
Speaker 1: a therapist, a teacher, an employee, or a colleague and
Speaker 1: say I'm really struggling, I need some help. That should
Speaker 1: be something that we give you a pat on the back,
Speaker 1: like I would love to help you. I'm delighted that
Speaker 1: you asked me, and that for me, that announcement was
Speaker 1: kind of my olive branch. And the press ran with
Speaker 1: it how they ran with it, But to be fair,
Speaker 1: it kind of gave me a great drive to finish
Speaker 1: the crowded room in the way that we did, to like,
Speaker 1: if you're not going to listen to my personal message,
Speaker 1: then you have to listen to the message of my show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it kind of went hand in hand.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely. You've reminded me actually when you said that,
Speaker 3: because I think we naturally today think of therapists or doctors,
Speaker 3: but you mentioned teacher there, and I was thinking when
Speaker 3: I was going through a really rough time at school.
Speaker 3: Once I remember my walk to school from the bus stop,
Speaker 3: I'd see a teacher every day that I was really
Speaker 3: close with that school. But you never talk to your
Speaker 3: teachers walking to.
Speaker 2: School, crazy person, Yes, but.
Speaker 3: I was so lonely at the time that I remember
Speaker 3: like almost thinking like, well, he's the only person I
Speaker 3: can talk to because of other stuff that I was
Speaker 3: going through at school. And I remember I started talking
Speaker 3: to him on the way to school. His name is
Speaker 3: mister bucker Is. He knows I go on about him
Speaker 3: everywhere and he avoids it because everyone's always like, oh, day,
Speaker 3: he's been talking about it. But it was it was
Speaker 3: that exact feeling where it's like he was someone that
Speaker 3: I felt I could open to it, that open up
Speaker 3: to at that point in my life without feeling judged,
Speaker 3: without feeling like he was going to see me through
Speaker 3: another lens, and just having that space to be seen
Speaker 3: for as a human who is going through stuff by
Speaker 3: a teacher was a huge, huge win. And so you know,
Speaker 3: it's you are right that that help can come in
Speaker 3: all different forms, and it doesn't It doesn't have to
Speaker 3: come in the ways that we expected to come in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't have to be a professional. H I
Speaker 1: go to my friends a lot, and and you know,
Speaker 1: some friends are better than others in certain situations. I've
Speaker 1: got some friends that are very much like, pull your
Speaker 1: socks up and get on with it, and then other
Speaker 1: friends who are like, come here and have a cry
Speaker 1: on my.
Speaker 2: Shoulder, but like it. It varies.
Speaker 1: So I just really hope that that's what the show
Speaker 1: could do is sort of paint this positive picture of
Speaker 1: asking for help is something to be proud of.
Speaker 3: But that's a great message, and I think we all
Speaker 3: need to hear it. And I want to go back
Speaker 3: a little bit because there's a lot of interviews that
Speaker 3: you've done, and I've watched a lot of stuff over
Speaker 3: the time, but like we were talking about a lot
Speaker 3: of its soundbites because it's quick and short and the entertainment,
Speaker 3: you know, interviews, and that's why I was really grateful
Speaker 3: that you took out the time to do this. But
Speaker 3: you were diagnosed as far as I read, with dyslexia
Speaker 3: at age seven, yes, And I was wondering, how, you know,
Speaker 3: a lot of our community and our audience is diagnosed
Speaker 3: as well, or some of them are not, but they're
Speaker 3: finding out later on in life. How did that affect you?
Speaker 3: How were you set up for success with that from that?
Speaker 3: Because as an actor, you've got to learn lines, You've
Speaker 3: got to read lines. There's a lot of activities that
Speaker 3: people would assume are quite challenging. Sure you found a
Speaker 3: way and walk us through that a little bit.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: My mum has always been really hands on with our education. She,
Speaker 1: you know, really wanted us to just do our best.
Speaker 1: Our dad always said like, look, I don't care what
Speaker 1: grades you get, as long as you try your best.
Speaker 1: You try your best, and that's all that we can
Speaker 1: ask for. But yeah, Mike, dyslexia, it's really just my spelling.
Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, it's just that. You know those sort
Speaker 1: of games that you play at Christmas? Have you ever
Speaker 1: played the one we have to write down the answers
Speaker 1: that such a good game?
Speaker 3: Is it? Bolderdash? I don't know. Bolderdash? Is it?
Speaker 1: It's basically a game where someone will read out a
Speaker 1: scenario or ask a question, and then you have to
Speaker 1: answer the question.
Speaker 2: To the best of your ability. But you can also
Speaker 2: bluff and lie.
Speaker 3: I've never played this, and if.
Speaker 1: You write somewhat a believing answer and people vote for
Speaker 1: your answer, you win.
Speaker 3: Oh cool, Okay, I've never played it, which.
Speaker 2: Is great, But when I play it, Everyone's like, what
Speaker 2: does that say? That is definitely not spelt right?
Speaker 3: Good?
Speaker 1: But yeah, so my spelling was really the biggest heardle.
Speaker 1: I worked really hard at school. I didn't do particularly well,
Speaker 1: but again my parents said, as long as you try
Speaker 1: your best, then that's all we can ask for.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and acting you started early too, age nine, right,
Speaker 3: Like that was something that you started pursuing really early
Speaker 3: on in life. And I feel was that something that
Speaker 3: you were always sure about. There's that famous viral TikTok
Speaker 3: that always goes around with you. You know, I can't.
Speaker 3: I don't know how old you were being asked you
Speaker 3: know what superhero would you play? Maybe Spider Man? Right?
Speaker 3: And I wonder, like, how much of your acting career
Speaker 3: do you feel like you've manifested or there was a
Speaker 3: vision or a focus or is it more just like
Speaker 3: this was naturally what you were into in it and
Speaker 3: it grew? Where Where did that come from?
Speaker 1: I do believe in manifesting, actually, I really do. I
Speaker 1: think what's interesting about my career is this was never
Speaker 1: something I wanted. I just was a young kid. I
Speaker 1: loved dancing.
Speaker 2: My mum would take me to a dance class every Saturday.
Speaker 1: And I got spotted through that dance class to audition
Speaker 1: for a show on the West End.
Speaker 2: I ended up doing the show.
Speaker 1: I loved it, Billy Elliott, it was the top of
Speaker 1: my life, you know, it was such a cool experience.
Speaker 1: I'm just by complete fluke. An agent came to see
Speaker 1: the show the night that I was on. She signed me.
Speaker 1: She sent me to an audition for a film. I
Speaker 1: was lucky enough to get the part. All of a sudden,
Speaker 1: I was on set with You McGregor and Naomi Watts
Speaker 1: and we made the impossible. And to be perfectly honest
Speaker 1: with you, it was it was just a hobby. It
Speaker 1: was something that my mum would let me do on
Speaker 1: the summer holidays. She was very keen that I kept
Speaker 1: my schooling up. And there sort of came that time
Speaker 1: in England where you were in between gccs and A
Speaker 1: levels and you're trying to figure out when I was
Speaker 1: going through that you could still drop out.
Speaker 2: Her A levels.
Speaker 1: Obviously now you have to do A levels. And I
Speaker 1: had that moment where I was like, what do I
Speaker 1: want to do? I could try and stay at school
Speaker 1: and figure out what I want to do or this
Speaker 1: thing that's been a hobby for my sort of summer
Speaker 1: holiday activity, which is acting. I could try and do
Speaker 1: that for a living, and I've been so lucky that
Speaker 1: i've been you know, offer jobs and all that sort
Speaker 1: of stuff. I decided to go with it. I joined
Speaker 1: the brit School because, you know, my mum was keen
Speaker 1: that I didn't go for school for an education, but
Speaker 1: went to school to expand my social skills and meet
Speaker 1: kids my own age. All my friends when I was
Speaker 1: fifteen were like thirty year old people because they're all
Speaker 1: adults from the business. So I think my mum was
Speaker 1: keen that I had some friends that are my ag
Speaker 1: who are now my best friends today. So I never
Speaker 1: really wanted this. I just sort of never stopped doing it.
Speaker 1: And I love it.
Speaker 2: I absolutely love it. I love the creativity.
Speaker 1: I love the building blocks that are required to put
Speaker 1: a film together. I love the collaboration on set between
Speaker 1: people from all different walks of life. You know, a
Speaker 1: film set is a melting pot of all sorts of
Speaker 1: different people.
Speaker 2: So I love it. I absolutely love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Wow, And I read something that you said you
Speaker 3: were bullied for like doing ballet, which obviously got you
Speaker 3: into the playing the role of Billiyellick because it's ballet
Speaker 3: and tap, right, sure, it's both. So was that tough
Speaker 3: at the time or like, were you trying to hide
Speaker 3: it and then you end up on you know, you
Speaker 3: end up at the west end and you're on the
Speaker 3: main stage and everyone's seeing it or was it kind
Speaker 3: of easy to navigate and how did that go down?
Speaker 3: Because I feel like as a kid, doing ballet and
Speaker 3: tap must have been a little challenging.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, it wasn't easy, but it also wasn't tough.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I went to a rugby school, so you can imagine,
Speaker 1: like the one kid in the school that does ballet,
Speaker 1: there's going to be comments here and there.
Speaker 2: It wasn't the easiest thing in the world. There were
Speaker 2: kids that.
Speaker 1: Didn't understand why I was doing it or what I
Speaker 1: was doing it for, no matter how many times I explained,
Speaker 1: like I'm the only guy in a class of thirty
Speaker 1: girls in tights. I was like, guys, this is what
Speaker 1: you want to be doing, Like rugby is not it.
Speaker 1: But I know it was tough, but again, like it
Speaker 1: goes back to what we were saying about resilience and
Speaker 1: keeping your head down and crowded room was the hardest
Speaker 1: job I've ever had for all sorts of different reasons.
Speaker 1: And there was a point in time where we were
Speaker 1: talking about do we shut this down and walk away
Speaker 1: from it because of how challenging it was, And you know,
Speaker 1: I dug my heels in, I put my head down
Speaker 1: and was like, now I'm going to finish this.
Speaker 2: I'm going to see it through.
Speaker 1: And I think, you know, you learn from past experiences
Speaker 1: like that, So I really am proud of the way
Speaker 1: everyone handled the crowded room, and I think that stems
Speaker 1: from my childhood, my dad's experiences and all that sort
Speaker 1: of stuff.
Speaker 3: Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce
Speaker 3: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can
Speaker 3: see my arm Burpose podcast live and in person. Join
Speaker 3: me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations
Speaker 3: with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert,
Speaker 3: or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences
Speaker 3: designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections.
Speaker 3: I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on
Speaker 3: cell now, Head to Jay Shetty dot me and get
Speaker 3: yours today. Well, so I've got a confession as well tonight.
Speaker 3: Go on. So I went to rugby school as.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, and I played.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I played for my A team and I was
Speaker 3: I was pretty that was pretty good, okay because blindside flanker. Okay,
Speaker 3: so I was. I was really into rugby because I
Speaker 3: went to rugby school and I loved football. But my
Speaker 3: school didn't play football, and so I was like, no,
Speaker 3: I've got to be on the school's main team. So
Speaker 3: I worked really hard to get on the team. But
Speaker 3: after we played rugby on a Saturday, my mom forced
Speaker 3: me to go to dance class and part of it
Speaker 3: was ballet and taff as well. Although I did not
Speaker 3: end up at the West End, and because I don't
Speaker 3: think Billy Elliott was brown, so that wasn't going to happen.
Speaker 3: It wasn't the same path as you. But I also
Speaker 3: had that experience. That's why I had to ask you about.
Speaker 2: Did you enjoy it?
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed it for the community aspect for it,
Speaker 3: Like I love all the lads that I was there
Speaker 3: with it, and they were just they were just a
Speaker 3: great laugh and it was really interesting because we'd go
Speaker 3: from I'd literally go from playing rugby straight to class
Speaker 3: on a Saturday, and I'm going there with all my
Speaker 3: bruises exhausted and all the rest of it. But everyone's
Speaker 3: just so much fun. Sure, And it's almost like the
Speaker 3: rugby pitch was more stressful because everyone was, like, you know,
Speaker 3: trying to be intense and trying to be this and that,
Speaker 3: whereas everyone just having a laugh at the dances. So
Speaker 3: we do everything from hip hop to street to whatever.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I remember never telling I think this is
Speaker 3: the first time I've ever smoke about in a safe
Speaker 3: space with you.
Speaker 2: But it's interesting because rugby is regimented, isn't it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love rugby.
Speaker 1: You play a position that is as specific as saying
Speaker 1: the blied side flanker. You know, when you're a dancer,
Speaker 1: you're just a dancer. You can fit in however you
Speaker 1: want to it in. The teacher can ask you how
Speaker 1: are you feeling about that, rather than like you need
Speaker 1: to get your head down to the left to make
Speaker 1: a proper tackle. I did love playing rugby when I
Speaker 1: was smaller. Yeah, well not when I was smaller, when
Speaker 1: all the kids were smaller. And then there was that
Speaker 1: time where I came back to school after Billy Elio
Speaker 1: and everyone had just become a man, and I was
Speaker 1: still very much a child. I remember we played this
Speaker 1: school called Trinity College and it was my first game back,
Speaker 1: and I was playing scrum half. I came on the
Speaker 1: second half and it was a violent game. It was
Speaker 1: not a gentleman's game of rugby. And I was standing
Speaker 1: there were kicking to us, we receiving, and I remember thinking,
Speaker 1: as long as the ball doesn't come to me, offer
Speaker 1: the kick, I'll be fine. I need the game to
Speaker 1: get going and then I'll be fine. I'm scrum half,
Speaker 1: relatively safe position, a good playmaker. As soon as he
Speaker 1: kicked the ball, it's coming straight towards me. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to catch it. I can hear the boots running towards me.
Speaker 1: I fumble it, knock on. The game goes on, I
Speaker 1: start playing well. I assisted a try and then I
Speaker 1: don't remember what happened or how it happened, but there
Speaker 1: was a really tough kid on our team who will
Speaker 1: remain nameless.
Speaker 2: I haven't spoken to him since.
Speaker 1: I don't know what he's doing, but he got into
Speaker 1: a fight with some kid on the opposing team, and
Speaker 1: it was really quite ugly, and then the kid's dad
Speaker 1: came on the pitch to tell off this boil that
Speaker 1: was on my team, and the kid on my team
Speaker 1: knocked out his dad no proper, like it's the first
Speaker 1: time I've ever seen someone hit someone, and I couldn't
Speaker 1: believe that a kid who was hold are you? He
Speaker 1: must have been sixteen at the time. He's one of
Speaker 1: those sixteen year olds that would look older than I
Speaker 1: do now when he was sixteen, and I just remember
Speaker 1: hearing the noise. He'd like, crack this dad on the
Speaker 1: draw hit the floor. Then this whole big fight broke out.
Speaker 1: I'm not a fight, so I stepped away and was
Speaker 1: sort of like, what's going on?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was wild.
Speaker 1: And that was the last game of rugby I ever played.
Speaker 1: It was against Trinity College. Oh my god, it was
Speaker 1: really intense.
Speaker 3: Wow was intense. That's how intense he got. My last
Speaker 3: game was similar, but not not watching a fight. So
Speaker 3: someone ran I had. It was a big game and
Speaker 3: it's I was playing really well that season and everything
Speaker 3: was going really well and someone ran into a rock
Speaker 3: but with their elbow, which is obviously illegal. Totally they
Speaker 3: ran in and they elbowed me right there like right
Speaker 3: blends it's on this side and right below there. And
Speaker 3: the next thing I know, I get up and I'm
Speaker 3: like kind of feeling a bit aggressive.
Speaker 2: You cut as well well.
Speaker 3: I didn't notice, and then blood starts to drip, and
Speaker 3: I was like, that's when you freak out, because oh god,
Speaker 3: I'm like and there's a lot of blood just dripping.
Speaker 3: So I get subbed off and the nurse on the
Speaker 3: side just puts a bit of glue there, like just
Speaker 3: stick it together, and at that time you don't really notice,
Speaker 3: and you think you're all right, and then literally an
Speaker 3: hour later, it's just getting thicker and thicker and thicker,
Speaker 3: and I'm ending up with this run to the hospital
Speaker 3: on the way home because my coach was just like,
Speaker 3: suck it up, it's fine, fine, run there. They're like,
Speaker 3: if you were any later, you would have had nerve
Speaker 3: damage and like personally potentially lost your eyes out whatever
Speaker 3: it was, and they had to like glue it and
Speaker 3: a little bit of stitches or whatever it was. And
Speaker 3: I for the for the rest of the month, I
Speaker 3: walked around with my like, you know, I literally hanging
Speaker 3: over and I looked like I got into like the
Speaker 3: worst fight I walked into a store and everyone kind
Speaker 3: of back off and stuff, and it was just really uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: That was my last game of rug with us. I
Speaker 3: just remembered that. But yeah, it was it was intense.
Speaker 3: It was it was intense, but it was great, Like
Speaker 3: you said, it was great regimented discipline training. I loved
Speaker 3: training with my mates. I love playing. I loved as
Speaker 3: a young man as well. Like having a outlet to
Speaker 3: release the energy that I had was good in obviously
Speaker 3: in a way that wasn't trying to hurt others.
Speaker 1: That's what's so great about boxing. Yeah, It's like boxing
Speaker 1: is such a great release. You know, you see these
Speaker 1: young kids, like young kids who are angry. You need
Speaker 1: to let something go, like go and punch your bag
Speaker 1: for an hour. That will make it, that will carm
Speaker 1: you down. I love how boxing is such a great
Speaker 1: thing for young for young people to release that sort
Speaker 1: of endery you boxing, do you But.
Speaker 2: I love boxing.
Speaker 1: I spent a few years since I've done any sort
Speaker 1: of training. I used to go to this great gym
Speaker 1: in New York called Church Street Boxing.
Speaker 2: Just love it.
Speaker 1: There had a great pro You could sort of spar
Speaker 1: with him because you know, that he wouldn't batter you
Speaker 1: because he could control himself. I went to a one
Speaker 1: sparring session, just a general session, and I got.
Speaker 2: Absolutely Yeah, it was tough, but I love it. I
Speaker 2: love the sport.
Speaker 1: I'm a little bit sad as to like how the
Speaker 1: sport is being run right now, but I do love
Speaker 1: the sport and I admire the athletes.
Speaker 2: I think they're amazing.
Speaker 3: What's your take on YouTubers boxing and all that kind
Speaker 3: of stuff, And because it's obviously bringing a lot of
Speaker 3: attention to.
Speaker 1: The sportest with you. I don't really mind it. I
Speaker 1: think it's quite fun. I think if you're doing it
Speaker 1: for the right reasons, you know, there's a great opportunity
Speaker 1: to raise some money for amazing charities, and I think
Speaker 1: a few of them have done a lot for charity.
Speaker 1: I think it's really great. I think, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: my brother Paddy would never have been watching boxing, and
Speaker 1: now he loves his favorite YouTubers are boxing. So if
Speaker 1: it's good for the sport, it's good for the sport.
Speaker 1: I sort of don't really mind. I think it's funny,
Speaker 1: to be honest. Yeah, because you sit at home watching it,
Speaker 1: I could do that can get in there and do that.
Speaker 2: You're like, well, I don't you And you're like, well, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't really want to do.
Speaker 3: That, so we might see you in Creed Forward then yea,
Speaker 3: yeah we do. We do the acting boxing.
Speaker 2: I'd love to do a boxing movie.
Speaker 1: I think it would be cool to do a boxing movie,
Speaker 1: but where the fighting is real. I wouldn't necessarily be
Speaker 1: in that right, but I do think that you could
Speaker 1: make a really interesting film where the outcome of the
Speaker 1: film is determined on the outcome of the real fight.
Speaker 3: Has anything like that ever been done, like racing or
Speaker 3: any can you I'm just trying to not that I
Speaker 3: know of, I know that's what I'm trying to think.
Speaker 2: It could be really cool. Yeah wow, but yeah, I
Speaker 2: love I love boxing movies. I'm a sucker for it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which ones? Which one's your favorite?
Speaker 2: I think Rocky two is probably my favorite.
Speaker 1: I remember when we were in Billy Elliott, we had
Speaker 1: this room called the Billy Room, and there was always
Speaker 1: a Billy backstage while the show was going on. Because
Speaker 1: the show was so labor intensive, it was very dangerous.
Speaker 1: There's lots of moving parts, there's lots of acrobatics. It
Speaker 1: wasn't too uncommon for a billy to get injured, and
Speaker 1: then there would be someone upstairs who would replace that billy,
Speaker 1: and we would just hang out upstairs, and there was
Speaker 1: an Xbox and a television and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: And one of the DVDs that we had, the two
Speaker 1: DVDs we had was Step Up to the Streets, my
Speaker 1: favorite film of all time, and Rocky two.
Speaker 2: And I must have seen that film forty times.
Speaker 3: How many times did you practice the dance in the mirror.
Speaker 1: I've got the whole dance down right, can we see it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? No, I love that film. I absolutely love that film.
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd say I'd say my favorite. So Rocky was
Speaker 3: my favor because I'd watched it with my dad and Rocky.
Speaker 3: I struggled between Rocky three and Rocky four because I
Speaker 3: love mister T and four three, that's three three. I
Speaker 3: loved Ivan Drago as well, which was four and they
Speaker 3: were both just such great movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 3: just yeah, it's such great entertainment, even though it's nothing
Speaker 3: like real boxing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, nothing, nothing real box.
Speaker 3: But then I remember watching real boxing when I was
Speaker 3: growing up. It was printing the scene. Yeah, yeah, my
Speaker 3: dad was a big fan of his, so I remember
Speaker 3: watching him a lot.
Speaker 2: I love his style.
Speaker 1: There's a video of him working with the I guess
Speaker 1: it's just a swinging bag. And he is so effortless
Speaker 1: because Canelo's got a great head movement, but he looks
Speaker 1: like he's thinking about it, whereas Ziem is just living
Speaker 1: the dream.
Speaker 2: Just he's so fluid.
Speaker 1: And I love the way he used to move, and
Speaker 1: I love how we would enter the ring. Me I
Speaker 1: would overrotate and this slam on my face or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was brilliant wrestling meets boxing. He must have been
Speaker 1: a nightmare to fight. It must have been like he's
Speaker 1: beating me and he's embarrassing me. This is really tough, terrible.
Speaker 1: What do you think of Lemachenko? Did you see his
Speaker 1: last fight?
Speaker 3: I haven't. No, I didn't see it. I didn't see it.
Speaker 2: That's an interesting one.
Speaker 3: Go and tell me I didn't see it at all. Well.
Speaker 1: I think the general consensus is that he won, but
Speaker 1: it was given the other way. He is my favorite
Speaker 1: boxer because of his history, his background in dance. He
Speaker 1: was like, I guess, a really talented boxer, and then
Speaker 1: I get I don't know if this is true, but
Speaker 1: his dad sent him to go and study dance for
Speaker 1: sort of five years or something like that.
Speaker 3: For his boxing.
Speaker 1: For his boxing, which is why his footwork is like
Speaker 1: on another planet. There's loads of examples of where he's
Speaker 1: fighting people and they look up and he's just gone.
Speaker 1: He's behind them. So I really admire him. But his
Speaker 1: most recent fight he lost.
Speaker 3: How did it go against him? Was it vote?
Speaker 2: It was a vote? Yeah, yeah, they went against him.
Speaker 2: So I wonder whether they'll fight again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess I'll have to if there's it seems
Speaker 3: like this isn't a conspiracy theory.
Speaker 1: That's the problem with boxing though, like will they fight again?
Speaker 1: You know, because it's a tricky it's a tricky business,
Speaker 1: unlike the UFC, where you know, if they want to fight,
Speaker 1: they'll fight. That's what I love about it. I took
Speaker 1: my brother and my cousin to the UFC the other night,
Speaker 1: and that is such a savage sport.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 2: That is Yeah, it's terrifying.
Speaker 3: We don't want that to be a movie, and a
Speaker 3: real one talk about so good. The Warrior is one
Speaker 3: of the most underrated movies. That good.
Speaker 2: It's a little ridiculous.
Speaker 1: The idea that they have like six fights a night
Speaker 1: getting ready for one final.
Speaker 2: But I do love that film.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's a really brilliant it's a really good movie.
Speaker 3: Oh well, okay, all right, so we know there's a
Speaker 3: boxing movie become in somewhere. Yeah, it's got to be
Speaker 3: one down the way.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And we want to see you work your way
Speaker 3: up and I mean we might see you, like, you know,
Speaker 3: actually go do it for real.
Speaker 2: Sound yeah, imagine for charity.
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Speaker 3: the UK, select countries in the EU and Australia. One
Speaker 3: of the things that you mentioned recently was that you
Speaker 3: gave up drinking about a year and a half ago. Yes,
Speaker 3: and you said it was the hardest thing you ever did. Yes,
Speaker 3: And I wanted to know what was so hard about
Speaker 3: it for you? Why was it so hard?
Speaker 1: It's interesting I didn't one day wake up and say
Speaker 1: I'm giving up drinking. I just like many Brits, had
Speaker 1: had a very very boozy December Christmas time. I was
Speaker 1: on vacation. I was drinking a lot. And I've always
Speaker 1: been able to drink a lot. I think I get
Speaker 1: my genes from my mom's side in that thing that
Speaker 1: I can I can drink, and I decided to just
Speaker 1: give up for January. I just wanted to do dry January,
Speaker 1: and all I could think about was having a drink.
Speaker 1: It's all I could think about. I was waking up
Speaker 1: thinking about it. I was checking the clock, when's it twelve,
Speaker 1: and it just really scared me. I just was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing.
Speaker 1: So I sort of decided to punish myself and say
Speaker 1: I'll do February as well. I'll do two months off.
Speaker 1: If I can do two months off, then I can
Speaker 1: prove to myself I don't have a problem. Two months
Speaker 1: go by and I was still really struggling. I felt
Speaker 1: like I couldn't be social. I felt like I couldn't
Speaker 1: go to the pub and have a lime soda. I
Speaker 1: couldn't go out for dinner. I was really really struggling,
Speaker 1: and I started to really worry that maybe I had
Speaker 1: an alcohol problem. So I decided that I would wait
Speaker 1: until my birthday, which is June first. I said to myself,
Speaker 1: if I can do six months without alcohol, then I
Speaker 1: can prove to myself that I don't have a problem.
Speaker 1: And by the time I had got to June first,
Speaker 1: I was the happiest I had ever been in my life.
Speaker 1: I could sleep better, I could handle problems better. Things
Speaker 1: that would go wrong on set that would normally set
Speaker 1: me off, I could take in my stride. I had
Speaker 1: so much, such better mental clarity. I felt healthier, I
Speaker 1: felt fitter, and I just sort of said to myself, like,
Speaker 1: why am I enslaved to this drink? Why am I
Speaker 1: so obsessed by the idea of having this drink? And
Speaker 1: I would look back and recognize that I would go
Speaker 1: to events for work and be like, I can't enjoy
Speaker 1: myself until I've had a few beers, and I just.
Speaker 2: Felt so much pressure.
Speaker 1: And this is one of the things where I've sort
Speaker 1: of distanced myself from the rugby community because so much
Speaker 1: of it is about how much can you drink. Let's
Speaker 1: get you as drunk as possible, and it's honestly been
Speaker 1: the best thing I've ever done. I'm a year and
Speaker 1: a half into it now, it doesn't even cross my mind.
Speaker 1: I've found amazing replacements that I think are fantastic, ones
Speaker 1: that are also really healthy. I found this one beer
Speaker 1: that it's full of electrolytes and it's you know, the
Speaker 1: carbohydrates in it are long lasting energy. So like having
Speaker 1: a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing.
Speaker 1: I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive
Speaker 1: about it. I've never run into that scenario where my
Speaker 1: friends are like, oh god on, just have a beer,
Speaker 1: like you're fine. They've always sort of really supported me,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be that person that's saying
Speaker 1: to people you should get sober, you should get sober.
Speaker 1: If I get encouraged someone to drink less, then that's great,
Speaker 1: But I don't want to start getting into the world
Speaker 1: of you need to stop drinking, because I just it's
Speaker 1: not for me to say. I went on my own
Speaker 1: little journey. I'm really enjoying it. I'm delighted that my
Speaker 1: mum's as also given up. She's loving it and it's
Speaker 1: been amazing. I can't believe the difference that I feel
Speaker 1: from not drinking. Yeah, I feel amazing.
Speaker 3: That's amazing, man. I love hearing that, and I love
Speaker 3: hearing that it's been great for you, right, I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: that's the point. Not everything has to be like, look
Speaker 3: what I did, you can do it too. It's kind
Speaker 3: of like, no, this is just what's been great for me.
Speaker 3: Do you think it was partly that attitude for you,
Speaker 3: at least in the beginning, where it's like, well, look
Speaker 3: I can drink. I drink a lot, comes from my
Speaker 3: mum jeans and it doesn't affect me, and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden you realize, well, wait a minute, it's
Speaker 3: more than that, Because I think there is that, Like
Speaker 3: I was like that as a young man as well.
Speaker 3: Like for me it was it was easy to drink.
Speaker 3: I didn't drink daily. For me, I drank a lot
Speaker 3: more socially, sure, and I love playing drinking games with
Speaker 3: my mates. Yeah, that was really what I enjoyed the most, probably,
Speaker 3: and for me when I quit, I could just quickly
Speaker 3: see how it just got me into doing things I
Speaker 3: would never do if I wasn't drunk. So for sure,
Speaker 3: for me it was more that. But yeah, I wonder
Speaker 3: for you. Did you find that. It's there's a really
Speaker 3: fine line between like, I know, I can drink a lot,
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden you're kind of not
Speaker 3: addicted beyond.
Speaker 2: That, I'm happy to say a lot.
Speaker 1: I was definitely addicted to alcohol, not suit away from
Speaker 1: that at all. I think anyone that wakes up and
Speaker 1: has not wakes up, anyone that has a beer every day,
Speaker 1: it's probably got a little bit of a problem.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you're right.
Speaker 1: I would drink and drink and drink and drink, and
Speaker 1: then you would just reach that moment where you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have had that last beer, and you wake
Speaker 1: up the next day and you have a terrible headache
Speaker 1: and you're suffering.
Speaker 2: I bought one of those rings that will.
Speaker 1: Tell you about your sleep, yeah, or a ring yeah,
Speaker 1: and it was amazing because I couldn't sleep.
Speaker 2: I was like, why can't I sleep?
Speaker 1: I'm working fourteen hours a day, I'm doing two hours
Speaker 1: in the gym, I'm eating really healthily, and I can't sleep.
Speaker 1: What's wrong with me? I bought this ring and it
Speaker 1: was booze. It just it was completely affecting my sleep.
Speaker 1: And since I've given it up. I can sleep anywhere,
Speaker 1: you know. It's also interesting as well, going on nights
Speaker 1: out and having a great time as the sober person
Speaker 1: and then getting to that point in the night where
Speaker 1: people start, you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's
Speaker 1: I love you, man, I love you so much, and
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, brilliant, I love you too. I see
Speaker 1: tomorrow I'm going to bed. I love being that person now.
Speaker 1: I love seeing my friends on the golf course at
Speaker 1: eight am in the morning feeling and ready to go
Speaker 1: and they're sort of crawling out their car. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm over the moon to be sober.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah. For anyone who is listening right now and is
Speaker 3: going Tom, I love that for you. I want to
Speaker 3: do it too. Like they're listening, going, I'm having too
Speaker 3: much every day. I can notice some of those things,
Speaker 3: but I'm just stuck. And it's hard because we know
Speaker 3: that addictions that way, we know that this is heavy.
Speaker 3: It's not easy. But if someone is watching, going Tom,
Speaker 3: tell me what did you do to even get started?
Speaker 3: How did you have that courage to say I'm going
Speaker 3: to do January. I'm going to stick at it. Were
Speaker 3: there any moments where you actually fell back and then
Speaker 3: I had to get back on the horse again, Like,
Speaker 3: we'll just walk us through that a little bit more
Speaker 3: for anyone who is watching, going, tom mate, I want
Speaker 3: to be in your position in like six months.
Speaker 2: I didn't fall back on it. I have done in
Speaker 2: the past.
Speaker 1: I've had periods of my life where I'd given up
Speaker 1: drinking and then gone back to drinking.
Speaker 2: But this time, I don't know, it was just different.
Speaker 1: I really worked to sort of change my mindset. I
Speaker 1: really asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are
Speaker 1: you drinking? And a lot of the time my answer
Speaker 1: would be to feel more comfortable in the social environment,
Speaker 1: and I just put myself in those environments and just
Speaker 1: would force myself to be there. I'd force myself to
Speaker 1: hang out and go to a club, or go to
Speaker 1: a bar, go to a dinner.
Speaker 3: As we went avoiding those places.
Speaker 1: I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like
Speaker 1: I could go and not have a drink because of
Speaker 1: the stress of it. But then after a while I
Speaker 1: sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your
Speaker 1: socks up here, and you can't just live in your
Speaker 1: house all the time.
Speaker 2: You've got to go out and enjoy yourself. And if
Speaker 2: you're only.
Speaker 1: Enjoying yourself because you're drinking, then you really do have
Speaker 1: a problem. But I just changed my mindset. I found
Speaker 1: really good replacements. Things that I could sort of attribute
Speaker 1: to having a beer I often found with me. Most
Speaker 1: of it is just the ritual of cracking something open
Speaker 1: and sharing it with friends and drinking it. Whether it's
Speaker 1: sparkling water or a beer. I now can't I don't
Speaker 1: associate like I don't see a difference, but I think
Speaker 1: it's different for everyone. I had a great support system.
Speaker 1: Jack is one of my best mates and we travel
Speaker 1: all over the world. Doesn't drink, and doing it with
Speaker 1: him was a really helpful experience for me.
Speaker 2: My brother is always on the road with me. He
Speaker 2: was very supportive, and.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just really set my mind to it. I
Speaker 1: was like, I really want to do this. I want
Speaker 1: to prove to myself I can do it. And then
Speaker 1: once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling
Speaker 1: like my full self, it was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is this is the best.
Speaker 2: But do you not drink?
Speaker 3: I haven't drank for seventeen years. No way, amazing, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was it's incredible.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: So one of the best feelings in the world, and
Speaker 3: it's my biggest like worry when I was about to quit,
Speaker 3: was like, how am I going to hang out with
Speaker 3: my mates? I was like, my mates knew me as
Speaker 3: the guy who was like first of the game, last
Speaker 3: to get out. That was me, you know, the clown
Speaker 3: when I got drunk, like life of the party, kind
Speaker 3: of like that kind of guy. And then all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, I decided I wasn't gonna drink anymore. I
Speaker 3: was like, crap, I'm going to fit in. And then
Speaker 3: I remember I went into the corporate world for a
Speaker 3: bit and I didn't drink, and I was like, God,
Speaker 3: am I going to miss out on opportunities and networking?
Speaker 3: Like you know, all the guys afterwards are like going
Speaker 3: to get drinks and I'm like, oh, but I'll have
Speaker 3: a water or I'll have a soda, whatever it is.
Speaker 3: And what was really interesting for me is not relying
Speaker 3: on drinking made me rely on qualities and skills I
Speaker 3: had sure that were actually better. So now that I
Speaker 3: couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads,
Speaker 3: I was bringing out parts of my personality that I
Speaker 3: probably would have just hidden away. Yeah, surpressed, and all
Speaker 3: of a sudden you were actually getting respected and liked
Speaker 3: for who you were rather than the person who you
Speaker 3: were when you were drunk. Sure, and actually that worked
Speaker 3: in the workplace, and there was no one at the
Speaker 3: workplace going RJ doesn't drink, so he's not getting promoted.
Speaker 3: It wasn't like that. People were like, oh, yeah, hanging
Speaker 3: out with J, or he's a really good guy, or
Speaker 3: whatever it may be. And I was still getting the
Speaker 3: same opportunities, and I was still getting promoted at work
Speaker 3: and whatever it was. And I think that's what I'd
Speaker 3: like to remind people that don't feel like your career
Speaker 3: or your work is going to suffer even for you
Speaker 3: like you've I'm sure as a you know, with your
Speaker 3: career path, you have to be at parties, you have
Speaker 3: to be at events co And the fact that you're
Speaker 3: able to do that now without having alcohol and you don't,
Speaker 3: it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career. If anything,
Speaker 3: it is the opposite.
Speaker 1: Mate, I honestly cannot believe like the amount of times
Speaker 1: I've sat down with an actor that I've really admired
Speaker 1: or sat down with the producer or director and being like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, well, I don't drink anymore, and they go, I.
Speaker 2: Don't drink ten years and you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And I've had so many insightful conversations with people like
Speaker 1: yourself where you've heard their story, their reason for giving up,
Speaker 1: and there is a wonderful community of people and I
Speaker 1: love it. I love being a part of that community.
Speaker 1: I'm really proud to be a part of it. I
Speaker 1: hope that, you know, I can meet other people and
Speaker 1: chat them about it, because it's really nice.
Speaker 2: It's lovely to be like, let's go to get a
Speaker 2: lime cioner together, you know, yeah.
Speaker 3: Let's get a juice, let's get a smooth Yeah. Yeah, No,
Speaker 3: it is true. It's true, and it's really interesting because
Speaker 3: they I can't remember. I'm trying to remember. There was
Speaker 3: this blog that came out years ago. I can't even
Speaker 3: remember it now, and there was this girl on Instagram
Speaker 3: who was getting a lot of likes and a lot
Speaker 3: of comments and a lot of attention, and one day
Speaker 3: she just disappeared, like she stopped posting, and everyone's just
Speaker 3: like all the comments were like, where are you? What happened?
Speaker 3: Are you okay, like what happened to you? You know,
Speaker 3: everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to
Speaker 3: her because they loved her, they were following her and
Speaker 3: all the rest of it. And what they didn't know
Speaker 3: is that it was built by a team that was
Speaker 3: trying to show that. What people didn't notice is that
Speaker 3: in every picture she posted, she was drinking and it
Speaker 3: was a made up It was almost like original AI
Speaker 3: that was made up to prove the point that you
Speaker 3: can love someone and you can think you're really close
Speaker 3: to them, and you you could think their lifestyle looks amazing,
Speaker 3: but actually they've got a drink in every picture they post,
Speaker 3: and you didn't realize that an alcohol problem. So there
Speaker 3: was no real person who died. But the point was
Speaker 3: that this your friends could be struggling even when they're
Speaker 3: posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures. But are you aware, wow,
Speaker 3: and are you conscious of how much it affects you?
Speaker 3: And I can't can't remember who built that. Well.
Speaker 1: I think that's one of the problems with alcohol, is
Speaker 1: that if you came out with alcohol right now, if
Speaker 1: alcohol wasn't a thing, and you like, I've invented this
Speaker 1: drink that is going to make you like, either really
Speaker 1: happy or really aggress If we're really stupid and we're
Speaker 1: going to just sell it to the masses, people be like, now, mate,
Speaker 1: keep your funky juice, Like we don't want that.
Speaker 2: That sounds terrible.
Speaker 1: And it's one of those things because it is so
Speaker 1: socially acceptable that the addiction side of it, the bad
Speaker 1: sides of it, really do fly under the radar. And
Speaker 1: that's really interesting. I'd say something I do love about
Speaker 1: being a non drinker. I love being the designated driver.
Speaker 1: I love being that person that makes sure that everyone
Speaker 1: gets home. I don't know, I just I like being
Speaker 1: a dependable person. I think I'm quite dependable, and I
Speaker 1: really like that that thing. And I saw this crazy
Speaker 1: YouTube video once, This was years ago, of a guy
Speaker 1: that went to a bar, he got drunk, and he
Speaker 1: drove home and he.
Speaker 2: Crashed his car.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if this is real. It could
Speaker 1: have been fake, but it's really impactful. Basically, what his
Speaker 1: friend had done was set up the room as if
Speaker 1: he had been in a coma for like ten years.
Speaker 1: And his friend wakes up hours after the crash and
Speaker 1: his friend is there and he had all like old
Speaker 1: makeup on to make him look older, and now I'm
Speaker 1: thinking about it, there's no way this could have been real,
Speaker 1: because how would they have been able to pull that off?
Speaker 1: But he basically is saying to him, like, you've been
Speaker 1: asleep for ten years. Everyone's missed you, Like we can't
Speaker 1: believe you're awake. This is amazing and it shows like
Speaker 1: how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the
Speaker 1: future of your life. So I do love being the
Speaker 1: designated driver. That is something I enjoy seeing my friends
Speaker 1: have a good time and being like, don't worry, Tom
Speaker 1: will take you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I used to love being the designated driver until
Speaker 3: I realized that next girlfriend just had me do that
Speaker 3: because I was the one who didn't do that right,
Speaker 3: That wasn't a fun design driver. Yeah, but I've always
Speaker 3: been that guy since. Because so I lived as a
Speaker 3: monk for three years. Yeah, and when I came back
Speaker 3: after that, obviously I never went back to drinking alcohol
Speaker 3: and everything, and so but I went back into the workplace,
Speaker 3: and I remember everyone would always open up to me
Speaker 3: and give me advice. But it's what you're saying. When
Speaker 3: someone was drunk, they tell me their whole life story.
Speaker 3: Next day, they'd come and go, Jay, you'd actually remember
Speaker 3: what I said. I remember everything, like, please don't tell anyone. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know. I loved that part where I was like
Speaker 3: I was able to be there for people to hear
Speaker 3: their stories and someone that had context the next day,
Speaker 3: because if they told someone else who was drunk, you'd
Speaker 3: both not remember then it'd be gone.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 3: I think the benefits that you've just pointed out of
Speaker 3: good sleep, good health, mental clarity huge. But there's a
Speaker 3: couple of things I want to point out for everyone
Speaker 3: who's listening, just as takeaways, because Tom makes it so
Speaker 3: seamless when you're talking about it's really beautiful as well.
Speaker 3: But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives.
Speaker 3: And during my month life, we always talked about how
Speaker 3: there was there was something that we called the higher taste,
Speaker 3: and it was saying you can never give up a
Speaker 3: lower taste unless you had a higher taste, sure, and
Speaker 3: so there has to be a switch, there has to
Speaker 3: be a replacement. And the fact that you found alternatives,
Speaker 3: I think that's half the battle, because most of us
Speaker 3: are trying to take something out of our lives and
Speaker 3: then you're just trying to fill it and then you
Speaker 3: have to go back to what you had before because
Speaker 3: you're not finding a replacement. So that was beautiful. And
Speaker 3: the second thing you said, which I loved, which was
Speaker 3: having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone who's
Speaker 3: one year ahead of you, someone who's ten years ahead,
Speaker 3: someone's twenty year ahead, who's gone through that process, and
Speaker 3: they're open and honest and vulnerable about well, you know,
Speaker 3: I did have a week moment or you know what.
Speaker 3: This was really tough for me, and I think having
Speaker 3: those communities where you can talk about these things makes
Speaker 3: a massive difference. So if anyone struggling, I hope then
Speaker 3: those two things can kind of, you know, give you
Speaker 3: the support you need.
Speaker 1: And again it goes back to the message of the
Speaker 1: show is that like, you should ask for help, and
Speaker 1: you should feel in powered to do so, but tell
Speaker 1: me about.
Speaker 2: Your monk life. Like that must have been amazing.
Speaker 1: Respect, I've always been so tempted to go away and
Speaker 1: do one of those retreats where you know, you go
Speaker 1: to somewhere like India and you go to those places
Speaker 1: we don't speak for a month or something like that,
Speaker 1: Like that must have just been the most enlightening experience.
Speaker 3: Mate, Now that you've said that, when you want to go,
Speaker 3: I'm going to take you.
Speaker 2: Please, I absolutely love to go.
Speaker 1: I met a guy I was on holiday earlier this year,
Speaker 1: and he had just got back from a retreat he
Speaker 1: did two weeks where he didn't make a sound and
Speaker 1: was just explaining to me how eye opening it was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, I mean to me, it was one
Speaker 3: of the best the experiences of my life because even
Speaker 3: the stuff that I did then, I was twenty two
Speaker 3: years old when I did it. Even the stuff that
Speaker 3: I did then, I don't even know if I'd be
Speaker 3: able to do it anymore now. But there was such
Speaker 3: a like energy you had as a twenty two year
Speaker 3: old just opened to any experience and wanting to try
Speaker 3: it all out amazing. And I think for me it
Speaker 3: was because and it comes back to the people that
Speaker 3: have done things. When I was eighteen was when I
Speaker 3: first met a monk. I never really knew what monks
Speaker 3: did or any of their practices, but I met a
Speaker 3: monk who I write about in my book, who just
Speaker 3: blew my mind because he was the first person I
Speaker 3: met that I felt was at ease with himself. And
Speaker 3: when I was eighteen. I'd met people who were like
Speaker 3: rich and famous and you know, beautiful and powerful and
Speaker 3: all this type of stuff, but I don't think i'd
Speaker 3: met anyone who was truly happy and content with themselves.
Speaker 3: Not happy like, oh I'm so happy, Life's amazing. I
Speaker 3: mean more like happy with who they who they were.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 3: And for some reason at eighteen, that kind of like
Speaker 3: was an arrow straight to my heart where I was like,
Speaker 3: that's that's real, Like I want that, And it just
Speaker 3: it's so hard to explain because everyone's like, well, how
Speaker 3: did you know that eighteen? I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: It must have been how powerful he was. It's kind
Speaker 3: of like it's kind of like you wake up when
Speaker 3: when the sun's out and the lights out, and you
Speaker 3: just wake up because you feel that energy. And I
Speaker 3: felt it through him. And then I went to university
Speaker 3: and i'd talk to him and i'd meet him in
Speaker 3: the summers and Christmases. But I just decided, I was like,
Speaker 3: I want to do this because I'd met someone who
Speaker 3: I felt had emotional and mental mastery in a way
Speaker 3: that I'd never seen before. Wow. And so when I
Speaker 3: went out there and whether it was the meditation training,
Speaker 3: or whether it was the simplicity training of the lifestyle,
Speaker 3: or whether it was the teachings and the values that
Speaker 3: you had to live by. I just got so I
Speaker 3: got so much from it that I honestly believe that
Speaker 3: anything that I'm good at doing today is because of
Speaker 3: what I learned during that time. And so anything I'm
Speaker 3: good at today is because of that.
Speaker 2: Do you think that you found what he had?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I believe so, And I would say that or
Speaker 3: hasn't Yeah, yeah, And I still see him every year,
Speaker 3: amazing and he still has it. Yeah, it's like swag,
Speaker 3: like it doesn't go. Yeah, he still has it. And yeah, definitely, definitely.
Speaker 3: I got a glimpse into it. Obviously he's been doing
Speaker 3: it for you know, nearly thirty years, and yeah, I
Speaker 3: only did it for three. But you still get to
Speaker 3: a glimpse of it and you get an experience of it,
Speaker 3: so you know that it exists. And I think that's
Speaker 3: half the battle too, Like even with your sobriety, it's
Speaker 3: like you just need to know it exists totally and
Speaker 3: then you're like, wow, there's this other side. And even
Speaker 3: though it's a challenge, and even though I'm still trying
Speaker 3: to be more mindful every day, and I'm still working
Speaker 3: on myself because it's I know, yeah, it's ending going yeah,
Speaker 3: I know, I know. And I take a lot of
Speaker 3: friends and people I know on retreats there because just
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago, I took someone that I
Speaker 3: love to one of the caves in Rishi kish. So
Speaker 3: one of the things I love about caves is that
Speaker 3: they're equally dark and silent. So it's almost like the
Speaker 3: first time, like we could be silent in this room
Speaker 3: and it would be silent, but the silence of a cave.
Speaker 2: Is just a different level.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so when you go then you can't see
Speaker 3: anything either, so you can't even see yourself.
Speaker 1: So you're so deep into the cave that there's no
Speaker 1: light from the mouth of the caves.
Speaker 3: There's no light from the mouth of the cave, no
Speaker 3: your hold hands. But it's just it's one of those
Speaker 3: experiences that you actually get to experience real stillness and
Speaker 3: real silence and real disconnection sure from everything around you,
Speaker 3: and then you can actually listen to yourself.
Speaker 2: That it's interesting.
Speaker 1: I would love to do something like that, something that
Speaker 1: I find myself doing a lot is if I see
Speaker 1: a beautiful landscape or something, I will try and see
Speaker 1: if I can find an angle of it where there's
Speaker 1: nothing man made in the view, because you know what
Speaker 1: it's like, like you see a beautiful heel or something
Speaker 1: and there's a telephone pole in the middle of it
Speaker 1: or a lamp post or something. So doing something like
Speaker 1: that where there is nothing but just mother nature and
Speaker 1: the silence and being with yourself. I'm obsessed with nature.
Speaker 1: It's one of my biggest passions. I'm absolutely like this
Speaker 1: new Our Planet show has just come out. One sitting,
Speaker 1: I've done the whole thing. So I would love to
Speaker 1: do something like that. So the next time you go in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, figure it out. No, Where's Where's the place I
Speaker 3: love nature too. I just took me and my wife
Speaker 3: just went to Bali, Yeah, and it was unbelievable. We
Speaker 3: went whitewater rafting and it almost felt like Jurassic Park.
Speaker 3: I was just waiting for a dinosaur head and it
Speaker 3: was just beautiful. It's so lash, it was so natural,
Speaker 3: that waterfalls everywhere. And another place that I've loved nature wise,
Speaker 3: India of course we mentioned, but Iceland. I would love
Speaker 3: to go to Iceland A few years ago, and my
Speaker 3: friend was filming a documentary out there, and so I
Speaker 3: got to experience it with the documentary travelers, and we
Speaker 3: went to a real glacier and we went to amazing
Speaker 3: you know, and it was incredible to just it was
Speaker 3: the first time I felt like I'd landed on another planet. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: it was just I literally I was like, this looks
Speaker 3: like nothing I've ever seen before in my life. Like
Speaker 3: I'm on another Like I I could have I could
Speaker 3: have gone into outer space and landed.
Speaker 1: There's a reason why every single space film Iceland is
Speaker 1: the first on the list for locations. And I don't
Speaker 1: know that everyone think Interstellar probably, I'm sure all of
Speaker 1: those films, you know, because you could do you could
Speaker 1: do Mars, you could do Venus all in you know,
Speaker 1: in Iceland.
Speaker 2: I would love to go. I don't know. We were thinking.
Speaker 1: About doing some climbing, and I'm not sure about how
Speaker 1: I feel about glaciers and walking across them and just
Speaker 1: falling and never being found.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we we walked across them, and obviously there were
Speaker 3: teams there, and then they had an expert and they
Speaker 3: went down into the glacier like they went into one
Speaker 3: like and it was, and it was really scary because
Speaker 3: while we were walking on the glacier, we've got that
Speaker 3: I forgot the those little boots are called the ones
Speaker 3: with the kind of like.
Speaker 2: The little prongs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I forgot what they called. But anyway, we
Speaker 3: had those on and crapons crampons, Jack, and so we're
Speaker 3: wearing these cramp and literally it was like three steps
Speaker 3: further and you're you would have fallen and you don't see.
Speaker 2: It, and you would never be found.
Speaker 3: You would never be found and you never know, and
Speaker 3: it would be like that movie, was it, one hundred
Speaker 3: and twenty six hours? Yeah, the guy had to saw
Speaker 3: off his own arms one.
Speaker 1: Hundred and twenty six hours, mate in ten minutes. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: that that's a bit too far for me.
Speaker 3: Well, if you went with a group of you know,
Speaker 3: experts and all the rest of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you've seen the documentary.
Speaker 1: Sometimes the experts go out and it's it's a one
Speaker 1: way story. They don't ever come back, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, you got You've got to be careful.
Speaker 3: I agree. I agree. I'll show you some videos later there.
Speaker 3: Because it was pretty love to Yeah, it was pretty spectacular.
Speaker 3: It was really amazing. No, I love I loved that
Speaker 3: with your journey with Sobrite. And and again, the other
Speaker 3: thing we were talking about this earlier, going back to it,
Speaker 3: was you decided to take a break from acting. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because you were doing this role it was really tough
Speaker 3: and challenging, and you're like, you need some time. And
Speaker 3: again you were saying that that was misconstrued, and just
Speaker 3: before we dive into why you needed to take a
Speaker 3: break and what was challenged about it, I just wanted
Speaker 3: to just if you wanted to give context to that,
Speaker 3: and you don't have to, but if you want it
Speaker 3: ures to clarify what you meant and what was going
Speaker 3: on there.
Speaker 1: It's only a break from acting because I'm an actor.
Speaker 1: It's not like the acting itself. I just have been
Speaker 1: so lucky that in my life I've been working so much.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to take a break. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to be in one place for a while. I wanted
Speaker 1: to be with my friends, be with my family, move
Speaker 1: into my house. So it wasn't necessarily oh my god,
Speaker 1: I need to have a break from acting because it's
Speaker 1: too much. I just needed to have a break from
Speaker 1: traveling and working. And also I've done so much of
Speaker 1: my growing up on the road. I needed to do
Speaker 1: a lot of growing up at home, paying my water bill,
Speaker 1: pay in my council tax, and sorting out my bins
Speaker 1: and all that sort of stuff that they don't teach
Speaker 1: you at school, which I think there should be a lesson.
Speaker 1: I think there should be a lesson at school that's
Speaker 1: called life, which is like laundry, basic cooking. Like I
Speaker 1: didn't realize you have to pay for your water. I
Speaker 1: just thought that was a luxury of living in England.
Speaker 1: What comes out the sky and then it comes out
Speaker 1: your tap.
Speaker 2: I was so behind on my water bill. I didn't realize.
Speaker 1: I'm up to date now, don't worry. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to take this break. And it's a shame
Speaker 1: again talking about the press and how they can spin things.
Speaker 1: It's a shame that this year off has come after
Speaker 1: this incredibly hard job, and that they kind of ran
Speaker 1: with this idea that yes the show did break me,
Speaker 1: and yes it was difficult, but I could have gone
Speaker 1: back to work. I was always planning on taking this
Speaker 1: break after this job. So thank you for giving me
Speaker 1: the time to sort of clarify that I am loving
Speaker 1: having time off and going back to work is something
Speaker 1: that isn't.
Speaker 2: Really on my radar yet.
Speaker 1: I'm just loving being with my family and my friends
Speaker 1: and enjoying, you know, the fruits of my labor a
Speaker 1: little bit.
Speaker 2: And traveling and seeing.
Speaker 1: The world because you know, we get to see the
Speaker 1: world for work, but it's different. Yeah, you know, going
Speaker 1: off of your own accord and seeing these places and
Speaker 1: meeting people is what I love. I'm very social, which
Speaker 1: is one of the things I found so difficult about
Speaker 1: giving up alcohol is because I was like, that's my
Speaker 1: key to my social life, and then I really I
Speaker 1: was like, no, you're just actually naturally a really social person.
Speaker 1: The alcohol is just an additive to that, so we
Speaker 1: get rid of it. So yeah, so my year off
Speaker 1: has been amazing. I'm loving it. I'm six months, seven
Speaker 1: months into it now. I have a job to go to.
Speaker 1: But you know, obviously we're going through this writer's strike
Speaker 1: right now. We're unsure as to where we are. I'm
Speaker 1: hoping that, you know, the writers can make a deal
Speaker 1: and we'll be looked after as they.
Speaker 2: Should be, because it'd be great to get back to work.
Speaker 2: But I'm in no rush. I'm really loving some time
Speaker 2: at home. Yeah, because how old are you now, twenty seven?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so if you've been working since you're nine
Speaker 3: or at least later on into your teens, I think, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I think people forget that. And I coach personally a
Speaker 3: lot of musicians and who go on tour a lot. Sure.
Speaker 3: And I just finished a forty city world tour for
Speaker 3: my second book, and we did like forty cities maybe
Speaker 3: in like seventy five eighty days maybe, Like it was intense,
Speaker 3: and we went all over the world.
Speaker 2: So we did like fifty done anything like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, did fifteen cities in the US and then twenty
Speaker 3: five cities around the world. And so we did everyone
Speaker 3: from in Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Melbourne, we did three shows
Speaker 3: at the Sydney Opera House, Brisbane, did Singapore, did five
Speaker 3: shows in India, did Dubai and it was amazing. I
Speaker 3: had one of the best experiences of my life. At
Speaker 3: the same time, I was reflecting on my music clients
Speaker 3: who have to do one hundred hundred and fifty shows.
Speaker 3: A lot of them pull out of doing their tours.
Speaker 3: A lot of them announce kind of like you're saying,
Speaker 3: I took a break. Sure, a lot of them will
Speaker 3: announce and say, you know what, guys, I can't I
Speaker 3: can't finish, I can't do it anymore. And it's really
Speaker 3: interesting because I messaged some of them straight away saying
Speaker 3: I always could understand why you needed that. Sure, now
Speaker 3: I actually have actual empathy for you because now I'm
Speaker 3: on the road and I can see how displacing it is. Sure,
Speaker 3: and I'm older and I have a certain set of
Speaker 3: skills that helped me with that, based on my monk
Speaker 3: life and all the rest of it. But I can
Speaker 3: imagine if you've been touring since you were fifteen years old,
Speaker 3: which is what a lot of these artists have done,
Speaker 3: Like you just said, you grow up on the road, sure,
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden you're like, well, who
Speaker 3: am I? Who are my friends? And what is my life?
Speaker 3: And now everyone that I pay is my friend and
Speaker 3: that's the only friends I have, and you know, and
Speaker 3: so it's really interesting how when you get a little
Speaker 3: glimpse into someone's life. And then on the last show
Speaker 3: I had was in Barcelona and then yeah it was amazing.
Speaker 3: And the night before my last show, Live Nation, who
Speaker 3: was doing my show there. They also do a cold
Speaker 3: place tour and they were like, do you want to
Speaker 3: come to cold watch Copla? I'd love to watch Coplash.
Speaker 3: So when the night before to watch Coplex Unbelievable. They
Speaker 3: did four sold out shows of sixty five thousand people
Speaker 3: each night in Barcelona and Chris. I went towards the
Speaker 3: fourth night and Chris Martin and the crew were just unbelievable.
Speaker 3: And then I found out as the eighty ninth show
Speaker 3: and I was thinking, gosh, like it is so hard,
Speaker 3: Like it's just so hard, and all their families are
Speaker 3: with them and traveling with them and all the rest
Speaker 3: of it. And so I want to touch on that
Speaker 3: with you as well, that walk us through, because I've
Speaker 3: talked about this with actors offline, and I don't think
Speaker 3: I've fully done it online, And so if you're willing
Speaker 3: to go there, I'd really appreciate it. When you're playing
Speaker 3: a role, I think as a viewer we massively underestimate
Speaker 3: how hard acting is, especially when the role is the
Speaker 3: kind of role that you're playing in the crowded room. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think we just underestimate as a viewer. And I'm
Speaker 3: fortunate enough to know enough actors offline where I've had
Speaker 3: these conversations before, whether whether it's people who do method
Speaker 3: acting or whether it's people who you know, really try
Speaker 3: and get into character, Like you always hear about the
Speaker 3: stories of like how Jared Letto already was becoming the
Speaker 3: Joker was sending people rats and human feces in their
Speaker 3: male Like literally, like, what if.
Speaker 2: You send me human feces in my mail? There'd be trouble.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be putting up with that.
Speaker 3: You and Jared Letter in a boxing man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, boxing movie then.
Speaker 3: But but you know the idea of like I think,
Speaker 3: I think as viewers, we don't. It's what I'm saying
Speaker 3: is like when I went on tour, I was like,
Speaker 3: I get it. I get it. Now, as viewers, we
Speaker 3: don't get it because we don't really hear about the
Speaker 3: deep process that actors go through of getting into a
Speaker 3: role playing someone with multiple personalities, Like you know that
Speaker 3: I don't know. Is that is that tough? For? Is
Speaker 3: Is that not? Am I getting it wrong? And that's
Speaker 3: not actually the tough part.
Speaker 1: You're definitely not getting it wrong. I think it's just different.
Speaker 1: It's case by case. You know, there are people like
Speaker 1: Jared who dive into their roles and they do things
Speaker 1: like sending people dead rats and stuff like that, and
Speaker 1: they think that that's what they need to do. I've
Speaker 1: always been really good at separating my onset emotions from
Speaker 1: my personal life emotions. As a young kid, I used
Speaker 1: to really heavily rely on my personal emotions to get
Speaker 1: them to come across on screen, and I just found
Speaker 1: it really unhealthy. I just found that the line between
Speaker 1: my life and my character's life would be blurred, and ultimately,
Speaker 1: at the end of the experience of making the film,
Speaker 1: I would be a very different person, but not because
Speaker 1: of my experiences as Tom. It would be because of
Speaker 1: my experiences as my character. So I decided very early
Speaker 1: on to find certain techniques in certain ways to get
Speaker 1: into those emotions from a sort of technical point of view.
Speaker 1: I never sit on set and think about my mum
Speaker 1: getting sick, or or speaking to my brothers again, or
Speaker 1: something like that. I never blur the lines with my
Speaker 1: personal life and my work life. I always leave work
Speaker 1: at work. There are jobs like the crowded room that
Speaker 1: are particularly taxing. Getting to those emotions on a daily
Speaker 1: basis is really difficult and really tiring, but you know,
Speaker 1: it's probably somewhat like Coldplay on the eighty ninth show,
Speaker 1: you just dig your heels in. You realize you've got
Speaker 1: a job to do. We're all wonderfully well paid. There
Speaker 1: are people that work far harder for far less. I
Speaker 1: recognize how lucky I am, so I'm like, if I
Speaker 1: need to cry today and tomorrow and the next fifty
Speaker 1: days in a row, I'll do so. Yes, it's difficult,
Speaker 1: but I think your question, I'm probably the worst person
Speaker 1: to ask that, because I think I have like a
Speaker 1: really healthy outlook on how I achieved my emotions on set.
Speaker 1: But I have worked with people that shut their bedroom
Speaker 1: door and just dive into the character and are pouring
Speaker 1: through the script every night and are in character all
Speaker 1: the time, and I admire them. I don't necessarily think
Speaker 1: it's the healthier way to go about it, But yeah,
Speaker 1: I've always been really strict on myself to leave my
Speaker 1: work at work. Obviously, I come home and read the
Speaker 1: script and do all of my prep work, but I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm leaving the character at work because it's too
Speaker 1: it's too much, especially when you're playing a character like
Speaker 1: Danny from the crowded room, like you can't bring that
Speaker 1: into your personal life.
Speaker 2: It's tough.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean that. But I'm actually glad I
Speaker 3: asked it to you the way, because what I'm actually
Speaker 3: hearing is you did it early on and you saw
Speaker 3: it wasn't healthy, sure, and so you actually found another way. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And it's really interesting because a lot of people may
Speaker 3: not have found another way, or that is their way
Speaker 3: and that is their method, and so it actually is
Speaker 3: interesting hearing it from your perspective because you're actually saying, yeah,
Speaker 3: I could have gone down that road, so I could
Speaker 3: see the dangers with it, right, And obviously depends on
Speaker 3: the roles too. Sorry you're going to.
Speaker 1: Say no, it's just it's my acting coach. Ben Perkins
Speaker 1: was my acting coach on my first film, and that
Speaker 1: film's really really emotionally intense, and we started off by
Speaker 1: doing things like can you imagine you know your mum passing?
Speaker 1: Or can you imagine things like that, and I would
Speaker 1: cry instantly, and he was the one that actually recognized
Speaker 1: at a point, this is too much for this young
Speaker 1: kid to kind of take. So he devised these exercises
Speaker 1: where him and I could kind of have these fake
Speaker 1: arguments where I was as a twelve year old, Oh,
Speaker 1: maybe I was older than that thirteen year old could
Speaker 1: recognize that they were exercises, and I would allow the
Speaker 1: emotion to kind of come from these kind of acting techniques,
Speaker 1: let's call it. So it's actually Ben that was the
Speaker 1: one that switched my mindset.
Speaker 2: I can't take credit for that. Yeah, so you live
Speaker 2: in LA.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I moved to LA five years ago and
Speaker 3: I moved to the state seven years ago. So I
Speaker 3: was in New York for the first two.
Speaker 2: Whereabout to New York.
Speaker 3: I was on twenty third Street near Flat Eye in Okay, nice. So, yeah,
Speaker 3: it was good in Manhattan, and moved with my wife
Speaker 3: Wemain married for seven years for ten fantastic And yeah,
Speaker 3: it's just been really interesting mate. It's like, did you
Speaker 3: ever end up moving, did you ever live in LA
Speaker 3: or a tall or in the US at all? Or
Speaker 3: have you always been in London.
Speaker 2: Sort of what we were talking about earlier. I've kind
Speaker 2: of lived all over the place.
Speaker 1: I've lived in LA, I've lived in New York, I've
Speaker 1: lived in Atlanta, you know, I've lived in Cleveland, which
Speaker 1: was amazing. So I really liked spending time in the States. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is obviously crowded room. We did a year in
Speaker 1: New York. We moved to dry Beeker. We started off
Speaker 1: in Midtown, and Midtown for me was a bit of
Speaker 1: a nightmare. It's all the schools are so I come
Speaker 1: home from work and I come outside and it's like
Speaker 1: all the biggest Spider Man fans you've ever seen you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like the worst.
Speaker 1: We moved out to Tribeca to this amazing apartment, which
Speaker 1: was really lovely.
Speaker 2: We're very lucky to be down there. But where, so
Speaker 2: how do you find LA? I?
Speaker 3: So, you know what it's really interesting is when I
Speaker 3: moved to New York first, Yeah, and I loved it.
Speaker 3: I found New York to be just a bigger, crazier London,
Speaker 3: a bit more intense. Yeah yeah, yeah, And I love London.
Speaker 3: I'm a London boy through and through. I went to
Speaker 3: university here, and my family's still here, my wife's family
Speaker 3: is here. Everyone's amazing and so but I enjoyed New York.
Speaker 3: My wife didn't love New York. And also at the
Speaker 3: same time, I started spending more time in LA for work,
Speaker 3: and my wife and I just like fell more in
Speaker 3: love with each other when we were there, And so
Speaker 3: that's what it was that drew us there. It wasn't
Speaker 3: really everyone's as like, ah, I was it career, and
Speaker 3: I was like, to be honest, we went there for
Speaker 3: a month for work, and we rented an apartment because
Speaker 3: we're going to be there for a month and we're
Speaker 3: living together there, and we just loved living with each
Speaker 3: other there. Home is heart, yeah exactly, and so we were like,
Speaker 3: all right, we love it here, why don't we pack
Speaker 3: our bags and move across And so we went back
Speaker 3: in New York. Two months later we moved over to
Speaker 3: La So it wasn't even you know, and now we've
Speaker 3: been there for five years. And the truth is that
Speaker 3: I was really intentional when I moved somewhere. So while
Speaker 3: I'm building my purpose and my work and my career,
Speaker 3: which I absolutely love what I get to do every
Speaker 3: day and I could never have dreamed of doing what
Speaker 3: I do to them, super grateful, but at the same time,
Speaker 3: I was really intentional about building community and family and
Speaker 3: it was like an actual like thought process sure where
Speaker 3: I was like, as well, as you're always building the
Speaker 3: people you know at work, you always building relationships, you're
Speaker 3: hiring employees and team members and everything. At the same time,
Speaker 3: I've got to think about actually making friendships. Because in London,
Speaker 3: I've got all my mates. So I've got my best
Speaker 3: man at my wedding, I've been mates with Rods for
Speaker 3: like seventeen years, like I've got people around me. But
Speaker 3: in la I don't have that. I don't have any family,
Speaker 3: any friends, I don't know anyone, and so I've really
Speaker 3: made an effort. And now after five years, I can
Speaker 3: honestly say, you know, obviously not in a wonderful way,
Speaker 3: but the pandemic did help deepen some of those friendships
Speaker 3: because I was stuck with those people, so I only
Speaker 3: could go deeper, made some really good friends nice and
Speaker 3: so I feel happy there and I feel really connected
Speaker 3: to my purpose there. And at the same time, I
Speaker 3: love coming back to London right and hanging out with
Speaker 3: my mates. And so I've and me and my wife
Speaker 3: made a decision when we moved that we would never
Speaker 3: say we lived anywhere. We would just be allowed to
Speaker 3: go wherever we wanted to go. So whenever my wife
Speaker 3: missus London, she's back on a flight to London. She'll
Speaker 3: come live here for two months and come back whenever
Speaker 3: she wants. Amazing, and it's the same for me, and
Speaker 3: that kind of like not having a rule around. You know,
Speaker 3: obviously we're lucky to have that choice.
Speaker 2: That's an amazing luxury to have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And but yeah, I share the same kind of
Speaker 1: outlook on it. You know, I couldn't really say I
Speaker 1: live anywhere. I sort of live where the work is,
Speaker 1: and when I'm not working, I'm either here or in
Speaker 1: la And I'm so lucky to be able to sort
Speaker 1: of call the world my home.
Speaker 2: I just go wherever the wind takes me, I guess exactly.
Speaker 2: But that's glorious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, Yeah, it's been good. It's been good for me.
Speaker 3: It's been good to me. And I think because of
Speaker 3: the work I do, it very clearly lets people know
Speaker 3: whether I'd connect to them or not. I feel like
Speaker 3: my work is so obviously one way sure that it's
Speaker 3: very easy because not everyone wants this in their lives,
Speaker 3: So it's kind of easy for people to be like, no,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to make any efford, going to make
Speaker 3: lots of effrowidge in So it kind of makes it
Speaker 3: very easy because my work is me.
Speaker 1: Do you find because of what you do and your
Speaker 1: skill set and your experiences and your life is a
Speaker 1: monk that people unload on you a lot. Yes, Like
Speaker 1: you might meet a new person and they're sort of saying, well,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling this way and I would love to try
Speaker 1: and get to a place of enlightenment.
Speaker 2: Like that must happen to you.
Speaker 3: A lot, Yes, yeah, a lot. It can happen at
Speaker 3: the train station, having on a plane, it can happen
Speaker 3: anywhere in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And do you welcome those conversations? Do you like
Speaker 2: having those sorts of conversations?
Speaker 3: So I think it depends where we are, sure, and
Speaker 3: it depends who it is. And I always say to
Speaker 3: people as a disclaimer that I don't want to give
Speaker 3: you the belief that I can solve your life in
Speaker 3: thirty seconds, yeah right, or that I could ever solve
Speaker 3: your life for you, just to be really clear. And
Speaker 3: I always say that to people because people are like, Jay,
Speaker 3: tell me what I need to do, and I'll be like, look,
Speaker 3: I just wanted to be fully aware that I'm happy
Speaker 3: to share some insights with you, but I don't have
Speaker 3: the power or gift or magical ability right to transform
Speaker 3: your life. And nothing I can say in thirty seconds.
Speaker 3: I don't even want to take that responsibility on, because
Speaker 3: we should really think about this, like you should reflect
Speaker 3: on your life, like especially when people are making big
Speaker 3: decisions where it's like Jay, should I break up? Should
Speaker 3: I move kind we should do this? And I'm like,
Speaker 3: we're not solving this in thirty seconds.
Speaker 2: This is a bigger conversation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I like people that takes the pressure off me,
Speaker 3: but it also takes the pressure off them. Yeah, because
Speaker 3: a lot it's not even about me. This is about
Speaker 3: the fact that that person needs to make a really
Speaker 3: important decision and they're putting all the pressure of their
Speaker 3: life on that moment. And actually I'm saying, well, let's
Speaker 3: just take it off and here's a few things I
Speaker 3: want you to reflect and think about. And I know
Speaker 3: that will help you and you'll figure it out. And
Speaker 3: so yeah, I welcome them because I appreciate that. I
Speaker 3: don't feel that I'm the one holding space and I
Speaker 3: don't believe that I'm the one who has the power
Speaker 3: to hold space. I believe that the universe holds space.
Speaker 3: I believe that energetically that space is held for others,
Speaker 3: and I don't feel I'm this powerful human beings who's
Speaker 3: the one that everything rests on sure and has the
Speaker 3: answer to everything, and I think that's what allows me
Speaker 3: to be liberated from it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm not.
Speaker 3: Like. I also don't put the pressure on myself, going, God,
Speaker 3: I better say the most perfect thing.
Speaker 2: To this person's life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I can't and I don't. And I think
Speaker 3: once upon a time I probably did feel that way,
Speaker 3: Like when you're when you're immature and you're an amateur
Speaker 3: in your work, you almost feel like you have to
Speaker 3: have all the answers. And I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 3: I don't and it's fine, and actually people really appreciate
Speaker 3: it when you just chat to them and you know,
Speaker 3: and so yeah, and again you know, I'm always happy
Speaker 3: to listen to someone when I can. Obviously, there's sometimes
Speaker 3: when I'm like rushing late for a plane or yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: and I can't. I can't do it, sure, but I
Speaker 3: always stop and say hello, give someone a hug, and yeah.
Speaker 3: So I don't have to answers the question, but.
Speaker 2: No, absolutely it does.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I guess what's interesting what you're saying about making decisions.
Speaker 1: Something that I am constantly battling with myself is the
Speaker 1: inner battle between my gut and my brain.
Speaker 2: And that sounds really weird.
Speaker 3: No, like it's real.
Speaker 2: I go with my gut a lot.
Speaker 1: I'm very very I think a lot of the decisions
Speaker 1: I make in life are very sort of instinctual. I
Speaker 1: don't like to be bombarded with evidence and facts and
Speaker 1: all that sort of stuff. I just like to feel
Speaker 1: a certain way about how I would like something to
Speaker 1: sort of transpire. Can be taking a film, accepting a gript,
Speaker 1: doing a business deal, buying a house, like, it's all
Speaker 1: sorts of different things through your monk life. Did you
Speaker 1: feel like you would rely on your kind of inner
Speaker 1: instincts rather than like getting the evidence of this is
Speaker 1: going to make you this much money?
Speaker 2: Or if you do that, these are the risks. How
Speaker 2: do you? Where do you stand with that sort of thing?
Speaker 2: That's the most poorly worded question.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, mate, mate, I think both. I think
Speaker 3: this has been such a conversation that that is what
Speaker 3: a question sounds like in a conversation, right, And I
Speaker 3: think I've asked you fairly poorly worded questions today as well.
Speaker 3: But I think that's what real communicata. Yeah, rather than like, mate,
Speaker 3: I've got a question word like right? But no, I
Speaker 3: think I get what you're saying, and if I go
Speaker 3: on the wrong track, let me know. But living as
Speaker 3: a monk, you're trained to understand that everything exists in
Speaker 3: a certain mode. And so I'll explain what that means.
Speaker 3: And so in the monk philosophy, there are three modes,
Speaker 3: and the modes are the mode of ignorance, the mode
Speaker 3: of passion, and the mode of goodness. And it's said
Speaker 3: that every day decision, every thought, every action, every intention,
Speaker 3: every relationship can be in the mode of ignorance, mode
Speaker 3: of passion, or mode of goodness. And the mode of
Speaker 3: ignorance is where your relationships or any act is based
Speaker 3: on insecurity of fear. So when you're doing something out
Speaker 3: of fear, or you're doing it out of insecurity, or
Speaker 3: you're doing it out of pressure, that's considered the mode
Speaker 3: of ignorance. And energetically we all feel that right like
Speaker 3: you know, whether you I would know whether you were
Speaker 3: being forced to do this interview today out of out
Speaker 3: of some sort of fear or some sort of whatever.
Speaker 3: Maybe the mode of passion is where you're doing something
Speaker 3: because you want a certain result, you're doing it just
Speaker 3: for the reward, you're doing it just because it's going
Speaker 3: to get you what you want, it's going to get
Speaker 3: you to the goal, okay, And so that's considered the
Speaker 3: mode of passion. And again energetically you can tell that
Speaker 3: when someone has an agenda or someone wants something out
Speaker 3: of you, you've.
Speaker 2: Come here to get my point across on something or
Speaker 2: right totally.
Speaker 3: And then finally, the mode of goodness is the energy
Speaker 3: of like, I feel really at peace, I feel really ease.
Speaker 3: This feels aligned with my values, and therefore it feels
Speaker 3: like the right decision. And so we were trained to
Speaker 3: sense energetically whether things felt like the mode of ignorance,
Speaker 3: modi passion or mode of goodness, which was a really
Speaker 3: helpful framework because sometimes things were really hard to just
Speaker 3: sense without knowing where it sat in terms of a
Speaker 3: characteristics interesting and so that was really really helpful at
Speaker 3: the time. And so I find that I'm I'm the
Speaker 3: same as you where I make decisions energetically. But I
Speaker 3: think having moved into the real world again, I felt
Speaker 3: that I had to start getting used to understanding other
Speaker 3: elements kind of what you've mentioned earlier, which I loved,
Speaker 3: which was like I wish they had a class on
Speaker 3: life at school. Because it's like you haven't paid your bill,
Speaker 3: and you know you you know, there's football players not
Speaker 3: paying their taxes or whatever, and maybe and like that,
Speaker 3: maybe for different reasons, but anyway, you get the point
Speaker 3: that there's some things that you just don't know. And
Speaker 3: so what I've started to do, and I've I've said
Speaker 3: this a few times. So that's where it's a little
Speaker 3: formula that I use when I sit down with someone,
Speaker 3: whether it's business, whether it's relationships, whether it's work, even
Speaker 3: whether it's this. The first thing is always energy. That's
Speaker 3: my first gait that I want to get through. And
Speaker 3: if I don't feel energetically aligned with someone, then already
Speaker 3: there's no future here, like it's not going wow. And
Speaker 3: then the next thing I look at is strategically if
Speaker 3: it's business. So if it's personal, it's only energy. But
Speaker 3: if it's business, I look at, well, I like this
Speaker 3: person energetically. Do I think they're strategically aligned with where
Speaker 3: this has to go? Like, do I think they can
Speaker 3: actually implement this? Do I believe because a lot of
Speaker 3: people have great energy, but they don't have to implement anything.
Speaker 3: And then finally I look at well does the money align,
Speaker 3: does the monetary value aligned with the energy and strategy. Sure,
Speaker 3: that's been my business version of what I learned as among.
Speaker 1: So what you're saying then that is a combination of
Speaker 1: both correct allowing your gut, your energy to kind of
Speaker 1: allow yourself to pursue further the opportunity, and then you
Speaker 1: take a sort of mental look at it to be like,
Speaker 1: I'm accepting the opportunity from an emotional point of view.
Speaker 1: Now I need to see if it makes sort of
Speaker 1: logical sense.
Speaker 3: Correct, and if it doesn't, then we're going to stop
Speaker 3: there again, right, Yeah, exactly. So I've found that more
Speaker 3: useful for me because I found that energetically, I can
Speaker 3: get excited about a lot of stuff and the same yeah,
Speaker 3: and I'm that kind of person, and again, I never
Speaker 3: want to block that. At the same time, I think
Speaker 3: we have to become more selective with our opportunities and
Speaker 3: know when to say no and know how to managed stuff.
Speaker 3: And that's at least helped me.
Speaker 2: Sure.
Speaker 3: So again I'm not saying anyone else to live like that.
Speaker 2: I'm just it's interesting.
Speaker 1: It's really interesting. I am very much like go off
Speaker 1: my guar. I'll tell you what my mum is an
Speaker 1: unbelievable judge of character. Wow, And I think she might
Speaker 1: have without knowing what you're talking about, where she can
Speaker 1: pick up on people's energies because we can meet a
Speaker 1: new person. As a family, we've met this new person,
Speaker 1: three of us could love this new person and another
Speaker 1: three could not like this new person. And my mom
Speaker 1: will be like, no, no, don't like that person, And
Speaker 1: then within six months all of us like.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that person that we were really good
Speaker 2: friends with for a little bit.
Speaker 1: She's really got a keen eye for people that we
Speaker 1: would get along with.
Speaker 2: That.
Speaker 3: Moms are like that now that you say that. All
Speaker 3: my mates who let me down when I was a
Speaker 3: teenager and I was like, mom, no, they're my best friend.
Speaker 3: I'm never going to leave them. They're like a brother
Speaker 3: to me. And they're like, seven months later, the person
Speaker 3: stabbed you in the back and then you're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 1: But the good thing about mums is they wouldn't judge
Speaker 1: you for it. Yeah, they're like, look, I told you,
Speaker 1: but you have to make your own.
Speaker 3: Stead Yeah, exactly exactly. But it's interesting that you've been
Speaker 3: able to hold onto that, and I love that. Do
Speaker 3: you feel like you were asking me about moving to
Speaker 3: LA and I think, what have you felt? And there's
Speaker 3: a part of you that's obviously wanting to be back
Speaker 3: in Kingston, be back to sure have you felt that
Speaker 3: there's been parts of yourself that have been challenged? I
Speaker 3: don't feel sitting with you today that you know. I
Speaker 3: don't know you before, I don't know you after. I've
Speaker 3: only met you today, so I can't judge who you
Speaker 3: are or what you And that's all I can say
Speaker 3: is that when I'm sitting with you today, I feel
Speaker 3: like I'm sitting with an authentic individual and your energy
Speaker 3: comes across very easily.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like you've had to hold on to
Speaker 3: that at times with opportunities, challenges the industry? Or is
Speaker 3: that all stuff that we kind of make up in
Speaker 3: our heads and it's actually just be yourself and you're fine.
Speaker 2: I really don't know the answer to that question.
Speaker 1: I've definitely walked away from a lot, and I think
Speaker 1: had I not walked away from certain situations, let's just
Speaker 1: put it at that, I would be a very different
Speaker 1: person today. I've been really good at keeping in touch
Speaker 1: with my friends, keeping my family close, listening to the
Speaker 1: lessons not getting caught up.
Speaker 2: In the Hollywood hype.
Speaker 1: Like I really am a massive fan of making movies,
Speaker 1: but I really do not like Hollywood.
Speaker 2: It is not for me that the business really scares me.
Speaker 1: I understand that I'm a part of that business and
Speaker 1: I enjoy my kind of interactions with it. But that said,
Speaker 1: I am always looking for ways to kind of remove
Speaker 1: myself from it, to kind of just live as normal
Speaker 1: life as possible. Today, doing this is a very rare
Speaker 1: thing for me to do. Like in London, to come
Speaker 1: in and speak to someone about my life is something
Speaker 1: I would not typically do. But because I'm a fan
Speaker 1: of yours and I was keen to kind of hear
Speaker 1: what you had to say and chat to you today,
Speaker 1: I felt like this would be a safe space for
Speaker 1: me to do that. But yeah, I definitely think it
Speaker 1: has been an ongoing thought, which.
Speaker 2: Is don't lose yourself.
Speaker 1: I've seen so many people come before me and lose themselves,
Speaker 1: and I've had friends that I've grown up with that
Speaker 1: aren't friends of mine anymore because they've lost themselves to
Speaker 1: this business. And I just am really really keen to
Speaker 1: focus on what makes me happy, which is my family.
Speaker 1: It's my friends, it's my carpentry, my golf, the charity
Speaker 1: that my mum runs. Like that is the stuff that
Speaker 1: makes me really happy, and that's the stuff that I
Speaker 1: should protect. My relationship is the thing that I keep
Speaker 1: most sacred. I don't talk about it. I try my
Speaker 1: best to keep it as private as possible. We both
Speaker 1: feel very strongly that that is the healthiest way for
Speaker 1: us to move on as a couple, so I do
Speaker 1: try to keep as removed from it as possible. Like
Speaker 1: You'll never see me at an award show that I
Speaker 1: don't have to be at. I'm never going to a
Speaker 1: red carpet event that I'm not in the film of.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want the attention when I don't
Speaker 1: need it. I love the spotlight. I love the pressure
Speaker 1: that comes with it.
Speaker 2: Just watch that tennis documentary Breaking Point. You've got to
Speaker 2: see it.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. I never realized how brutal tennis was. I've
Speaker 1: always been a huge tennis lover. I am now absolutely
Speaker 1: in awe of what those athletes go through. But there's
Speaker 1: a quote from Billy Jean King that's on the stand
Speaker 1: at her Stadium in New York that says pressure is
Speaker 1: a privilege, and that is so true, Like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: feeling pressure on a daily basis in the capacity that
Speaker 1: we feel is such a privilege. I love feeling pressure.
Speaker 1: I feel like I thrive under pressure. The best golf
Speaker 1: I've ever played in my life is when there are
Speaker 1: cameras around and people are watching. I just think that
Speaker 1: that is a real amazing thing to be able to experience.
Speaker 1: So I enjoy it while I can, and then when
Speaker 1: it becomes a bit much, I kind of become a
Speaker 1: bit of a recluse and I disappear. I come back
Speaker 1: to Kingston. I play golf, I play tennis, So I
Speaker 1: hang out with my friends and my family, do the
Speaker 1: pub quiz and all that sort of stuff. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so it is something I actively try to do. As
Speaker 1: I get older, it only gets easier.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, And I can. I can relate
Speaker 3: to that where in my in my small way, or
Speaker 3: in my world where a lot of my friends think
Speaker 3: like I'm in La like always that events always a pies.
Speaker 3: I'm not. I'm like in bed by nine thirty pm, right,
Speaker 3: And I only live there because it works for me.
Speaker 3: In the world that I do and what I do,
Speaker 3: and I enjoy living in LA but it's it. I
Speaker 3: don't live there for Hollywood, and I think that's often
Speaker 3: the perception as well, where I was like, Oh, you're
Speaker 3: all Hollywood now, and I'm like, well, no, not really,
Speaker 3: Like I don't really I don't really go to all
Speaker 3: the events and gatherings and stuff unless I need to
Speaker 3: be there. I'm connected to a project, so so I
Speaker 3: relate to that what you mentioned a few things there.
Speaker 3: But if I had to ask you, as Tom, when
Speaker 3: do you feel most to yourself? Like when do you
Speaker 3: feel most connected or and what are you trying to
Speaker 3: reconnect to if You're like, well, I know what it is,
Speaker 3: but I'm still figuring it out. Again.
Speaker 1: I think when I feel most myself is to do
Speaker 1: my relationships. I'm going to leave that and not all
Speaker 1: about that absolutely. But I think the other thing, and
Speaker 1: this is such a stupid thing, but it's when I'm
Speaker 1: playing good golf, Like there's something about how golf is
Speaker 1: the most humbling sport in the world. I agree, who
Speaker 1: you are, it doesn't matter how much money you've got,
Speaker 1: how successful you are, Golf will batter you no matter
Speaker 1: who you are, And I love That's what I love
Speaker 1: about it.
Speaker 2: You know, it's such a leveling sport.
Speaker 1: I love going to a golf course and meeting new
Speaker 1: people that I've never played with before.
Speaker 2: Playing around the golf, I struggle when.
Speaker 1: I don't play badly, Like I've got a bit of
Speaker 1: a temper, and like you're supposed to have fourteen clubs
Speaker 1: in your bag, I currently have nine and you could
Speaker 1: probably guess why.
Speaker 3: But I.
Speaker 1: Just love being outside. I've always been an outdoorsy person.
Speaker 1: I love being on the golf course. I love my mates,
Speaker 1: they all love playing golf. There's just something about the
Speaker 1: challenge of shooting lower than your lowest score that really
Speaker 1: kind of takes my mind off of the work. The
Speaker 1: interesting thing about golf is that you could be having
Speaker 1: a terrible day, you could be really upset about something,
Speaker 1: and if you play really well, you completely forget about it.
Speaker 1: If you play really badly, you then are playing badly
Speaker 1: because of what's happening outside of golf.
Speaker 2: It's like a.
Speaker 1: Really weird kind of catch twenty two, I guess, but
Speaker 1: I love it. I think when I'm playing good golf
Speaker 1: is when I feel most like myself.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's a unique answer, but I get it. Yeah, weird, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I've only ever played golf like twice in my life, right,
Speaker 3: and I totally get the point of how humbling it is.
Speaker 3: Is horrendous. No matter how quickly you pick up other
Speaker 3: things in life, golf is not one of those things
Speaker 3: that you pick up that easily.
Speaker 2: Wet.
Speaker 1: You can sign the biggest deal of your life and
Speaker 1: go out to play golf to celebrate, and it will
Speaker 1: ruin your day, like absolutely ruined.
Speaker 3: Don't go to play golf to celebrate.
Speaker 2: No, never go to celebrate. Crazy do you play? Do
Speaker 2: you still play any sports?
Speaker 3: I love playing football when I'm back here, Okay, so
Speaker 3: that's one of the things my mates to know that
Speaker 3: when I'm back in London. Okay, we're going to play
Speaker 3: a game.
Speaker 2: Where do you play?
Speaker 3: Well, we'll just we we were just playing like a
Speaker 3: seven a side pitch, a five a side pitch, like
Speaker 3: close to northwest London, which is where most of my
Speaker 3: mates are, so like Stan Moore, Edgeware, Watford, that's like
Speaker 3: where all my mates are, and so we'll just go
Speaker 3: rent a pitch, kick a ball about. I'm not any
Speaker 3: good anymore. Sure I still got the full kit and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always.
Speaker 1: I've actually got Amar's kit like from here. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: you best believe our show to five a side in
Speaker 1: his full kit.
Speaker 3: I love it is him.
Speaker 1: We went on a lads holiday to Portugal recently to
Speaker 1: play golf and at the resort we were staying at,
Speaker 1: the people were so nice. I said, let's have an
Speaker 1: England versus Portugal football match. There was like, I think
Speaker 1: there's eight of us, and there was a bunch of
Speaker 1: Brits that were working at the resort, so they kind
Speaker 1: of joined our team and we literally did England versus Portugal.
Speaker 1: It's a full sized pitch. We did sixty minutes, thirty
Speaker 1: minutes each way.
Speaker 2: I'm fit.
Speaker 1: I train every day. I absolutely love my fitness. I
Speaker 1: really really like im into it. By the end, I
Speaker 1: could not make five paces without my legs cramping up.
Speaker 1: They are so fit, these football players. It's unbelievable. And
Speaker 1: we won, and it's so funny how the first ten
Speaker 1: minutes of the game was really friendly, like soft fouls,
Speaker 1: sorry mate, like your free kick, and by the end
Speaker 1: it was savage.
Speaker 2: It was really intense.
Speaker 3: Well at least you won there.
Speaker 2: We won.
Speaker 1: I got an assist. It was actually a glorious as well. Actually,
Speaker 1: I just I pinged the ball over the top. My
Speaker 1: brother made a run and it bounced and he managed
Speaker 1: to get his foot to it and he chipped the keeper.
Speaker 3: And scored it. There's no footage.
Speaker 2: There's no footage, which is yeah, no proof, no bruth.
Speaker 1: I sometimes think when the whole no proof thing, like,
Speaker 1: we had the craziest experience of my life the other day.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you about it because our lives are so crazy, like,
Speaker 1: there's no why would I lie. But the other day
Speaker 1: we went swimming with killer whales in Mexico.
Speaker 2: I said the other day.
Speaker 1: It was last year, and it was one of the
Speaker 1: most humbling experiences of my life. There's no proof of it,
Speaker 1: there's no evidence because it was so off the cuff.
Speaker 1: We weren't planning on doing it. So most people I
Speaker 1: tell are like, you definitely didn't do that, But we were.
Speaker 1: We were in Mexico and we were on a boat
Speaker 1: and we just so happened to see this pod of
Speaker 1: orca jack.
Speaker 2: My security guard thought it would be a good idea
Speaker 2: to jump in.
Speaker 1: He jumped straight in, flippers on, goggles on, and we
Speaker 1: were driving to keep up with the whales because they
Speaker 1: were kind of following our boat. So by the time
Speaker 1: Jack had jumped in, he was like this, He was
Speaker 1: like one hundred meters away and you could see him
Speaker 1: and the whales were like swimming around him. So I'm
Speaker 1: starting to freak out because he's a good friend of
Speaker 1: mine and he's a security and he's.
Speaker 2: My security on Jack.
Speaker 1: We got to get back to the hotel, so I
Speaker 1: said to the guy, like, excuse me, sir, can you
Speaker 1: turn around and go and get my friend because we
Speaker 1: now can't see him anymore, like he's gone. We found him,
Speaker 1: We got him back in the boat, and he sort
Speaker 1: of said, like, lads, you have to get him there
Speaker 1: is it's unlike anything you've ever seen before. My brother
Speaker 1: Harry is like googling whether or not it's safe to
Speaker 1: swim with them, and it's sort of the general consensus
Speaker 1: online is don't go swimming with killer whales. You can
Speaker 1: there's never been a recorded tack in the wild, but
Speaker 1: they are wild animal.
Speaker 2: As big as a bus.
Speaker 1: And also Jack's giving it like, don't worry time, I'll
Speaker 1: be there, I'll look after.
Speaker 2: I'm like, Jack, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 3: Bro?
Speaker 2: Like what this whale decides to eat me?
Speaker 1: So anyway, we put the flippers on, put the goggles on.
Speaker 1: We find the whales. They're sort of interacting with the
Speaker 1: back of the boat. They're clearly curious, and I just thought, like,
Speaker 1: I guess it goes back to what you're saying, the
Speaker 1: mode of ignorance. I just was like, I'm gonna try
Speaker 1: it and see what happens. I jumped in, My brother
Speaker 1: jumped in, Jack jumped in. We kind of came together.
Speaker 1: We're thirty miles out of the coast, so it's literally
Speaker 1: like dark blue water, nothing below us, and to my relief,
Speaker 1: the whales had gone. We couldn't see them. So I'm
Speaker 1: sort of thinking, oh, well, that's actually a bit of
Speaker 1: a touch. At least I can say. I in and
Speaker 1: they have gone. But then Jack said, look down, and
Speaker 1: we looked down, and it came from beneath us. And
Speaker 1: what has been such an interesting experience for me was
Speaker 1: as soon as I saw the whale, I wasn't scared
Speaker 1: anymore because I could just tell that it wasn't going
Speaker 1: to eat me. I don't know, I don't know how
Speaker 1: to explain it, but you could just see from its
Speaker 1: body language.
Speaker 2: I remember it so vividly. It swam up to us.
Speaker 1: It was maybe ten meters below us, and it was
Speaker 1: kind of motionlessly sort of just looking at us, and
Speaker 1: then it kind of rolled on its back. It did
Speaker 1: this weird thing where it kind of put its head
Speaker 1: like this and you could see its eye like we
Speaker 1: were having this crazy like moment, and then it just
Speaker 1: swam off and it was gone. And then for three
Speaker 1: hours afterwards, I couldn't speak. I had the biggest adrenaline dump.
Speaker 1: I just basically was asleep. But it was such an
Speaker 1: amazing experience to sort of meet the apex predator of
Speaker 1: the world and it kind of looked at you and
Speaker 1: just swim away. Most people don't believe me because I
Speaker 1: believe it. There's no evidence, but it was. I think
Speaker 1: about it now and then you know, it's so funny
Speaker 1: as well. I see these ice like our planet. There's
Speaker 1: there's more footage of orcas hunting and another way in
Speaker 1: which they hunt. There is no way I would do
Speaker 1: that again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no way I'd get in there again.
Speaker 3: But yeah, it was hearing you explain it is like
Speaker 3: you're so present, Yeah, that you can tell that you
Speaker 3: just you were so present in that moment that you
Speaker 3: stop thinking about like, oh, well, you know if I
Speaker 3: tell this afters and no one's gonna believe it or
Speaker 3: whatever it is. You're just like, wait a minute. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, nature makes you present like.
Speaker 1: That, and that's what I love about nature is it's
Speaker 1: completely unbiased as well, like if that whale wanted to
Speaker 1: have a snack, then you know it's not looking at
Speaker 1: you going, oh no, but that's a famous person. I've
Speaker 1: got to leave him alone. Or it just you are
Speaker 1: at one with mother nature. We're in the middle of
Speaker 1: the ocean. There's nothing we could do, and we just
Speaker 1: were able to enjoy it somewhat, maybe like being in
Speaker 1: the cave. Like you were saying, it was just about
Speaker 1: us and this whale. My brother and I were holding hands.
Speaker 1: But then as soon as it presented itself to us,
Speaker 1: any stress just dissipated. And it was just this unbelievable
Speaker 1: experience and it was so leveling. It was so humbling
Speaker 1: that it makes me feel like I can take on
Speaker 1: certain things. So honestly, even thinking about the experience down
Speaker 1: my heart is racing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I can imagine it was.
Speaker 2: It was wild.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was cool, unbelievable that that's an incredible experience,
Speaker 3: and it is different from the cave though, because I
Speaker 3: do think it's it's different when you're with another living
Speaker 3: being sure, and so that's what I found. Like my
Speaker 3: closest experience to what you're talking about is I went
Speaker 3: trekking with or looking for mounting gorilla and Rwanda. Last time,
Speaker 3: have you been.
Speaker 2: On the top of my list? I would love to.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, we should do it. I would do that
Speaker 3: again any day because it was unbelievable. So you're not again.
Speaker 3: These gorillas are not like in a park or something.
Speaker 3: They're mounting gorilla. They're in their world and you go
Speaker 3: and look for them, and there's no tagging devices or
Speaker 3: any tech. There's people who have watched the gorilla for
Speaker 3: so many years that they know where their droppings are,
Speaker 3: they know where families hang out, they know what their
Speaker 3: routines are. So depending on what time you're going out,
Speaker 3: there's someone who's just around them, who's calling their friends,
Speaker 3: calling your guide saying walk, this is where you've got
Speaker 3: to go exactly, just just to make it very very
Speaker 3: clear that you know the gorilla is being treated very well.
Speaker 3: So you're literally looking around and you could be on
Speaker 3: the lookout for them for like two to six hours.
Speaker 3: You may not find them. You're just hiking. So I
Speaker 3: love that though you might not find it, you might
Speaker 3: not find them. So we found them in two hours.
Speaker 3: One group that we heard about because you go in
Speaker 3: smaller groups of like ten. The other group that we
Speaker 3: were friends with, they took eight hours to find gorillas,
Speaker 3: but they saw them too. And when I went, I
Speaker 3: was kind of like, oh, we're going to see one
Speaker 3: gorilla whatever, like they're going to be far away. Like
Speaker 3: I was a bit skeptical because I didn't know how
Speaker 3: it was going to be. And it was incredible because
Speaker 3: we looked around for two hours and I'll show you
Speaker 3: the video afterwards, but we got and we just saw
Speaker 3: them like hanging out kind of like how I'm looking
Speaker 3: at everyone here, just hanging out still, and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden they all started walking together. There was
Speaker 3: a family have twenty gorillas and you've got two silver
Speaker 3: backs that are like, you know, they're like their fists
Speaker 3: are like, you know, just hugeah exactly. And it was
Speaker 3: really interesting because the guides who were there with us,
Speaker 3: they said to us that when you go close to
Speaker 3: them kind of like and this is why I remembered
Speaker 3: it and why I'm telling you. It's because when you
Speaker 3: were talking about the way the whale looked at you
Speaker 3: and it was kind of like you knew it wasn't
Speaker 3: going to eat you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: And so they were saying that when you get close
Speaker 3: to these gorillas, the only thing you can't do. You
Speaker 3: can't touch their kids, and you can't touch them, so
Speaker 3: you can't drop something near their kids and then try
Speaker 3: get it back because they'll think you're trying to harm
Speaker 3: their kids. But what they recommended was they said you
Speaker 3: had to make this sound when you see them, and
Speaker 3: this sound means we come in peace, and so the
Speaker 3: sound was so that's what you have to make that sound.
Speaker 3: I was, all right, there's some Disney last I'm not
Speaker 3: believing this stuff. Like whatever, I'm going to play around
Speaker 3: with it. And so I'm walking around. So we go
Speaker 3: to the gorilla and we get close to them, and
Speaker 3: I made that sound because we were told they were like,
Speaker 3: make that sound. And then the gorilla did it back
Speaker 3: and it was just unbelievable. And then there was this
Speaker 3: one moment where we were walking and we were literally
Speaker 3: surrounded by gorilla. Now I was getting it, and that's
Speaker 3: when I was like a bit scared because they were
Speaker 3: all around us and like literally, if they ran at you,
Speaker 3: like I'm done. Yeah, you know nothing, you can do nothing,
Speaker 3: nothing you can do. And so we're walking, they're walking
Speaker 3: around us, and this massive silver back came up. So
Speaker 3: my business manager was with me as well, and so
Speaker 3: he's there. He's like my godfather in la like he
Speaker 3: really looks takes care of me, so very close to him.
Speaker 3: And so this big, this big gorilla that walks behind
Speaker 3: him and I'm looking at him, going, oh man, like
Speaker 3: he stopped and we're all looking at him because he's
Speaker 3: got this massive silver back behind him and we're all like,
Speaker 3: how do we tell him to move? And the guys
Speaker 3: like just be still, like just you know, be really present,
Speaker 3: like you can't freak out, and the gorilla just went
Speaker 3: wow behind him and they moved out the way and
Speaker 3: just walked fast wow. And it was just it was
Speaker 3: that same presence that you're feeling that I felt with them.
Speaker 3: And that's what I mean. The living being with another
Speaker 3: living being is is spectacular.
Speaker 1: So do you think that level of ease comes from
Speaker 1: the helpless nature of being in the presence of an
Speaker 1: animal that could do to you whatever they want to.
Speaker 1: I think part of the reason why I felt so
Speaker 1: calm when the whale had come up was because there
Speaker 1: was nothing we could do.
Speaker 2: Should it go sideways?
Speaker 1: And I think being almost finding that kind of inner
Speaker 1: piece of like, I've made my mind, this is the
Speaker 1: choices I've made. I'm here now, there's nothing I can do.
Speaker 1: It's almost like you should make peace with your choices.
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I think that's I think you've actually
Speaker 3: taken it somewhere, really beautiful, mate. I think for me
Speaker 3: as well, it's humility.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why.
Speaker 3: And like when you when you meet someone new, rarely
Speaker 3: are we humble. Sure, we often feel the pressure to
Speaker 3: be like, well look at who I am, or like
Speaker 3: you know, or we're trying to create, even if it's
Speaker 3: not out of ego, there's a certain sense of like
Speaker 3: wanting to gain people's like and respect, and people, no
Speaker 3: matter what I do this way or Gorilla is not
Speaker 3: going to like or respect me, So I better just
Speaker 3: be humble about it and at piece, as you said,
Speaker 3: and it levels you, and it levels you and it
Speaker 3: allows that human being, that that being also of course
Speaker 3: it's not you know, of course we're not recom there's
Speaker 3: no we're not recommending that you just go into these
Speaker 3: places I want. Yeah, yeah, but the idea being that
Speaker 3: I do think there's something magical about nature where humility
Speaker 3: is kind of nature's way, and it is that what
Speaker 3: you're saying that when you're at peace with your choices
Speaker 3: and you're at peace with here, we are here, I am,
Speaker 3: I can't do anything and guess what, it's okay.
Speaker 1: Right, That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's somewhat sort of
Speaker 1: like I've made a decision. If the decision is a mistake,
Speaker 1: you've got to live with it.
Speaker 2: You made it.
Speaker 3: Yes, I want to talk about sports because I was thinking,
Speaker 3: I play a lot of tennis, play a lot of football,
Speaker 3: play a lot of pickleball now because that's become a
Speaker 3: but I'm massively more into paddle. I don't think I
Speaker 3: love love paddle. So I want that to blow up
Speaker 3: in the US, but it's not going to. So when
Speaker 3: I went to Dubai and I went to Miami and
Speaker 3: I went to Madrid because a big in Spain. Mate,
Speaker 3: are they playing it here? Yeah?
Speaker 1: My local tennis club has got two courts, like you
Speaker 1: can't book them they're so sold out, all right, honestly,
Speaker 1: paddle tennis.
Speaker 2: I love tennis.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think tennis is one of the best sports
Speaker 1: in the world, and I think that, you know, they
Speaker 1: are the highest performing athletes some of in the world.
Speaker 2: But it's really hard tennis.
Speaker 1: Like I find unless I'm playing with someone who's much
Speaker 1: better than me, I don't play well, Like I really
Speaker 1: I need to be chasing someone. Yeah, paddle tennis is
Speaker 1: so social. It's it's easy to have great rallies. You
Speaker 1: still get the satisfaction of really smacking a ball because
Speaker 1: pickle is it's all about placement and trying to kind
Speaker 1: of one up your opponent. Where it's playing at the
Speaker 1: kitchen and just exactly why is it called a kitchen?
Speaker 3: I have no idea. And that's so I played pickle
Speaker 3: like paddle right because I'm like, no, no, like.
Speaker 2: Why I do like pickle, But paddle tennis amazing.
Speaker 3: Next time, Yeah, pad was one of my favorite favorite.
Speaker 3: I was in Dubai with a client for work for
Speaker 3: months a couple of years back. I played it every
Speaker 3: day for three months. It was just Yes, it's the
Speaker 3: best workout, the most fun. Like time just flew is amazing.
Speaker 3: But I was bringing it back to sports because I
Speaker 3: was saying I was saying, you know you you personally
Speaker 3: tried to recruit Mbappe for Tottenham. I did, yeah, And
Speaker 3: I just thought that was amazing because I was like,
Speaker 3: I've never seen this ever happen before, where you know
Speaker 3: someone's using their clout in the right way.
Speaker 2: Listen, I saw him.
Speaker 1: I'm a mad tottenm fan and I just thought, now's
Speaker 1: my chance. And he said no, the deal didn't go through.
Speaker 1: No signing bonus for myself. That was a crazy trip
Speaker 1: that going to the ball on Door. Yeah, we were
Speaker 1: there for Spider Man Spider Arms coming out. I'm not
Speaker 1: really sure how that was promo for Spider Man, but
Speaker 1: like it was part of our trip for some reason.
Speaker 1: But it was amazing meeting these players and I admire
Speaker 1: them so much.
Speaker 3: It's incredible when you can notice other athletes and under
Speaker 3: greatness and I see that at the top, which we've
Speaker 3: talked a lot today about, and you're really good at this,
Speaker 3: like you really, I feel like I feel like you're
Speaker 3: quite tuned into like admiring and observing greatness and like
Speaker 3: the one percent and trying to figure out what they're doing. Differently,
Speaker 3: And I think that's one of the things I've definitely
Speaker 3: seen of the one percent, is that there's a humility
Speaker 3: and that they have the ability to appreciate other people's
Speaker 3: greatness and skills and values and purpose, Like they're not
Speaker 3: looking at it going I'm the best of all time. Sure,
Speaker 3: there's a part of that. They may have to say
Speaker 3: that for the cameras, or they may have to say
Speaker 3: that before they go on the pitch, But actually, if
Speaker 3: you talk to them and you ask them about someone else,
Speaker 3: they'll be like, yeah, best player I've ever seen, Like
Speaker 3: they're incredible. And so who did you admire growing up
Speaker 3: in acting? Who do you admire today? Like? Who have
Speaker 3: been the people that And maybe on a mindset level
Speaker 3: or maybe on a or a performance level as well.
Speaker 1: There are definitely performances of people that I look up to.
Speaker 1: There are the types of careers of certain actors that
Speaker 1: I really admire. They're also like the types of lives
Speaker 1: that certain people lead that I really admire and that
Speaker 1: I really aspire to sort of be. Like I tend
Speaker 1: to let all of my admiration go towards athletes. I'm
Speaker 1: just so blown away by what they can do under
Speaker 1: the pressure that they're under me As an actor, I
Speaker 1: realize that my job is a high pressure job because
Speaker 1: it reaches millions of people. But that said, there are
Speaker 1: so many people that help me get to where I
Speaker 1: need to be. I get picked up, someone makes me breakfast,
Speaker 1: someone writes the words that I'm supposed to say. Someone
Speaker 1: chooses my costume, someone does my hair and makeup, someone
Speaker 1: sets the camera up. Ultimately, I walk onto set and
Speaker 1: I do my bit. But I'm a small part in
Speaker 1: a massive machine. But when you look at someone like
Speaker 1: Djokovic or Federer, or this new Alcoraz you know, or
Speaker 1: the golfers or Lewis. Lewis is slightly different. Because Formula
Speaker 1: one is so much about the team in the car
Speaker 1: and all that sort of stuff. They have to do
Speaker 1: it themselves at a certain point, there's only so much
Speaker 1: help they can get. But then when they walk onto
Speaker 1: that court for the first time, when they walk into
Speaker 1: the ring or into the octagon, it's them by themselves.
Speaker 1: They're under that amount of pressure. It's up to them
Speaker 1: whether they deliver or not. And I just have always
Speaker 1: been admiring of seeing some of the greats lose their
Speaker 1: wind streak and come back even stronger. I've always really
Speaker 1: been an admirer of people that are able to do that.
Speaker 1: I think it's a folly when you see these wind
Speaker 1: streaks of fifty and oher and all that sort of stuff,
Speaker 1: and you're like, well, that to me, isn't what a
Speaker 1: champion is. A champion is someone who had it all,
Speaker 1: lost it all, and got it right back again.
Speaker 2: Tyson Fury's story is a crazy one.
Speaker 1: I'd love to see aj come back and be on
Speaker 1: top again because I'd love to be alive to witness
Speaker 1: that legacy that he would leave behind. You know, I
Speaker 1: feel sorry for him what happened to him when he
Speaker 1: sort of seemed to really lose it a little bit
Speaker 1: in the ring when he took the microphone, and I'd
Speaker 1: love to see him back on top and to have
Speaker 1: some clarity and to be a champion again, because I
Speaker 1: admire him as an athlete, So I save most of
Speaker 1: my admiration for athletes and musicians.
Speaker 2: I love musicians.
Speaker 1: I see someone like Ed sheeran eighty thousand people in
Speaker 1: the palm of his hand. I think comedians are equally
Speaker 1: as talented, the ability that they can just go on
Speaker 1: stage and make people laugh. That is terrifying actors for
Speaker 1: me because it's what I do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like, you.
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, I get. I get what he's saying. I
Speaker 3: got it saying. And at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: it's just it's it's taking what you can from from
Speaker 3: what you aspire for, right, Like you can take something
Speaker 3: from all these people, right. And what I love about
Speaker 3: is some of these people you know. Some of these
Speaker 3: people you don't. But I always say to people who
Speaker 3: are listening and watching that you can be mentored by
Speaker 3: people you've never met, You're right, And I think that's
Speaker 3: a really important skill to gain because I think we
Speaker 3: live in a world right now where somewhat access has
Speaker 3: become easier, and we always think we need access to
Speaker 3: people directly in order to learn from them. But you
Speaker 3: don't know everyone you've just mentioned, even though you may
Speaker 3: know a couple of them closely. And same with me,
Speaker 3: Like I was really fortunate, you know, growing up as
Speaker 3: a teenager. I got introduced to like Martin Luther King's
Speaker 3: work and Malcolm X's work, and I was reading crazy
Speaker 3: stuff at that age, but it had a massive impact
Speaker 3: on my mindset. I never met all those people, and
Speaker 3: obviously would never have got the opportunity to do that.
Speaker 3: But I feel mentored by them without ever having sat
Speaker 3: in the same room as them, because you study how
Speaker 3: they made decisions, and you study what they said and
Speaker 3: what they wrote. They stood for and they stood for
Speaker 3: and how and the parts that you don't hear through history,
Speaker 3: the parts that were actually more difficult, and the parts
Speaker 3: where they weren't the perfect hero right, and so all
Speaker 3: of that kind of stuff. But Tom, before we go
Speaker 3: to the final five, you've been so gracious with your
Speaker 3: time today, I have to ask you if you want
Speaker 3: to clarify the Harry Kane situation, because I'll tell you why.
Speaker 3: The reason why I say this is I had the dream.
Speaker 3: So I'm a Manchester United support Everyone on my community
Speaker 3: knows that very well. I have always had the dream
Speaker 3: that Harry Kane, when Wayne Rooney retired, Harry Kane was
Speaker 3: going to come to Manchester United and he was going
Speaker 3: to follow in the footsteps of all the great England
Speaker 3: forwards that have played Manchester United. That didn't happen. I'm
Speaker 3: still holding onto the that dream. But you want him
Speaker 3: to go somewhere else.
Speaker 1: Well, listen, listen. Let me just clarify right. I love
Speaker 1: Harry Kane. I love humans on human Son is my
Speaker 1: favorite foot player.
Speaker 2: He is a hero. I love Tottenham. I'm a big
Speaker 2: Tottenham fan.
Speaker 1: But I just I know that those players could thrive
Speaker 1: and have the best careers ever. Else I just want
Speaker 1: to see I want to see Harry lifting a trophy,
Speaker 1: and I want to see Son there by him, and
Speaker 1: and and I just don't think you're.
Speaker 3: Rooting for the individual.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll always be a tottenm fan. You know, I
Speaker 1: love being a Spurs fan. My brother Harry and I,
Speaker 1: you know, we've really ponded over it, but I just
Speaker 1: you know, Harry Kane is one of the best strikers
Speaker 1: in the world, and he would fit into almost any team, and.
Speaker 2: I'd love to see him on top.
Speaker 1: An interesting question, do you think he would have had
Speaker 1: a similar season to Harland had he gone to see.
Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a I personally think.
Speaker 2: Because I think Harland's amazing.
Speaker 3: I think Harland, with his age, his strength and his mentality.
Speaker 3: You know what's crazy about Harland is I saw this
Speaker 3: interview and you know, obviously it hurts me to say it,
Speaker 3: but city and all, but when Harland did this interview,
Speaker 3: he just scored like I can't remember which game.
Speaker 2: It was, He's unbelieving scored.
Speaker 3: He scored like five goals that game and he was like,
Speaker 3: I should have had seven. And the interview was like,
Speaker 3: come on, they take some credit, like he scored five goals,
Speaker 3: and he was like, yeah, I'm happy with that. But
Speaker 3: he goes, you know, there were a couple of assists
Speaker 3: that should have gone in, and I thought that mentalityts
Speaker 3: a whiner his mindset. I was like, he was he
Speaker 3: knew exactly which opportunities he missed. And I was like, so,
Speaker 3: I think it's an AIDS thing. Yeah, it's a strength thing.
Speaker 3: I feel like Harland's kind of like I've always compared
Speaker 3: Harland to like Ivan Drago, like he was made in
Speaker 3: the lab. He was made like he was manufactured this
Speaker 3: incredible talien. I think he's good with like he admitted,
Speaker 3: like he scores a lot of tappings, and I think
Speaker 3: that's his game. He's not a scorecard, you know, in
Speaker 3: a good way. I'm saying that he's been built in
Speaker 3: that way and city played that way. I don't know
Speaker 3: if Kanes are tapping guy he's got. His goals have
Speaker 3: generally been a bit more diverse in that.
Speaker 2: Magic. Yeah, magic is the way I would describe Kane.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, I love him.
Speaker 1: And obviously it's a typical thing of like the press
Speaker 1: are out saying, oh, Tom Hollands begging Kane to leave.
Speaker 2: I'm not begging him to leave.
Speaker 1: I love that he's at our club because I'd be
Speaker 1: terrified to see where we'd be without him.
Speaker 2: But I just love to see him have the career
Speaker 2: I know he could have.
Speaker 3: What do you think, dude belling him to Madrid?
Speaker 2: I think that's a great move. I love that.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 1: And what's what's interesting is that all of my friends
Speaker 1: in Spain are from Barcelona.
Speaker 2: I have one friend from Madrid.
Speaker 1: I've always been a big Bars supporter because I used
Speaker 1: to go to Barcelona all the time as a kid.
Speaker 1: I had a few weekends where I'd say to my
Speaker 1: mom and dad, I'm going to my friend's house and
Speaker 1: I would go to Barcelona.
Speaker 2: Sneaky wrote if.
Speaker 3: I don'd my Indian parents that, I was like, they
Speaker 3: know the dial tone straight away.
Speaker 2: And mate, I got caught. My mum called me up
Speaker 2: and was like, where are you.
Speaker 1: I was my friend's house. She said, no, you're not
Speaker 1: because I'm here and I was in laramblasted Barcelona, but
Speaker 1: I just I just love players. I think jud Benham's
Speaker 1: amazing and you know, I just love to see what
Speaker 1: he could do there. I think it's the thing for
Speaker 1: me is I love legacy. I love seeing what players
Speaker 1: can do. I'm less about the teams, so I love
Speaker 1: about tennants or golf.
Speaker 2: You know, it's not.
Speaker 1: About the team, it's about the player. So I would
Speaker 1: just love to see what he could do there. And
Speaker 1: you know, I'm sure one day we'll see England raizor trophy.
Speaker 1: And we've got such a great young team and.
Speaker 2: I admire them all.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think it's a great move for him.
Speaker 1: He's only nineteen or something like that.
Speaker 3: That's insane. Ye it's nineteen and that's wild incredible.
Speaker 2: He's a year older than my brother Paddy. That's mental.
Speaker 3: Mate. You've been amazing today, honestly, this is Yeah, this
Speaker 3: has been some of the most fun I've had in
Speaker 3: a long time.
Speaker 2: Yea too, thank you.
Speaker 3: I appreciate it. I went, we ask everyone the final
Speaker 3: five and so these are the fast five questions, okay,
Speaker 3: which means answers have to be one word to one
Speaker 3: sentence maximum okay, no more than that done? Okay, and
Speaker 3: you don't have to write or spell them out, so no, no,
Speaker 3: a long, none of that. All right? So Tom Holland
Speaker 3: is your final five. Question one, what is the best
Speaker 3: advice you've ever received.
Speaker 2: To turn your nerves into excitement?
Speaker 3: I like that that we've never had done this show.
Speaker 3: I loved that, all right. Second question, what is the
Speaker 3: worst advice you've ever received?
Speaker 1: Move to LA, get a marijuana license, and buy a
Speaker 1: hot tub?
Speaker 2: Who told you that Mark willwork?
Speaker 3: That's brilliant.
Speaker 1: Now he told me that honor chat shows. I don't
Speaker 1: know if that was legit advice, but I didn't take
Speaker 1: his advice.
Speaker 3: Okay, good, Well who would you have been if you
Speaker 3: took that advice?
Speaker 2: Who knows?
Speaker 3: Who knows? All right? Question number three, what's the first
Speaker 3: thing you do every morning? In the last thing you
Speaker 3: do every night?
Speaker 2: Make my bed.
Speaker 1: It's the first thing I do and the last thing
Speaker 1: I do before I go to bed. Admittedly is I
Speaker 1: check my emails, which I shouldn't do, but.
Speaker 2: That is what I do. Yeah, it's bad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we asked that just to make you aware of
Speaker 3: what you need to change.
Speaker 1: I do need to change that making my bed is
Speaker 1: a good start. I used to never do that, and
Speaker 1: now like, my first thing I do is I make
Speaker 1: my bed. That's my first challenge of the day. It
Speaker 1: is a good it's an easy one to get done.
Speaker 3: Question for what's something you're trying to learn at the moment.
Speaker 2: I'm currently taking golf lessons and we see.
Speaker 3: A trend is not going very well. Where are you
Speaker 3: at at the moment?
Speaker 1: The thing is with golf is that the golf swing
Speaker 1: is a very, very particular thing. So in order to
Speaker 1: get better, you do have to take quite a few
Speaker 1: steps backwards. I've taken maybe twenty five sets backwards, but
Speaker 1: I will I will benefit from it eventually.
Speaker 3: He did every day, every day.
Speaker 2: Every day, but I practice every day.
Speaker 3: I've always said that to my wife. I was like,
Speaker 3: I want to go away for a month and I
Speaker 3: want to get trade there. I'm going to play golf
Speaker 3: every single day any way. Yeah, that's the only way
Speaker 3: I had a really So one of my clients took
Speaker 3: me to phg in Arizona, Yeah, which is like its
Speaker 3: beautiful place, Bob Passon's place, and I had a coach
Speaker 3: there for two days and I was like half decent
Speaker 3: after two days because the coach was so good. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And when I got back to LA, I tried to
Speaker 3: get a coach and I couldn't find a good one.
Speaker 3: And then I had a coach that literally he came
Speaker 3: highly recommended, but it didn't work out for me. He
Speaker 3: didn't let me take like zero point seven of a
Speaker 3: swing before he gave me a feedback, and I was like,
Speaker 3: I just need to hit a few, like I need
Speaker 3: to kind of just and it was like every time
Speaker 3: I was about to hit the boy, but I know,
Speaker 3: I was like, I just need to kind of like
Speaker 3: get a feel for it.
Speaker 1: And so the guy I go to is a guy
Speaker 1: called James Heath, and he does most of his teachings
Speaker 1: off of feel. So it's not about numbers, it's not
Speaker 1: about results, It's more about.
Speaker 2: How do you feel?
Speaker 1: He calls it the feels, So like I'm working on
Speaker 1: twisting my hipsmore and my backswing and he will say
Speaker 1: to me, how does that make you feel? Like physically,
Speaker 1: where do you feel the stretch? Where do you feel
Speaker 1: the pain? Where do you feel the pinch? Great, that's
Speaker 1: what I need you to feel. And I coming from
Speaker 1: a dancers background, that's a really great way for me
Speaker 1: to learn because everything in dancing is about feel. So
Speaker 1: if you need a great teacher in London, James Heath
Speaker 1: is fine.
Speaker 3: Thank you, Shautow, James Heath, James. Fifth and final question,
Speaker 3: If you could create one law that everyone else in
Speaker 3: the world had to follow, what would it be.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know what one law would solve the most
Speaker 1: amount of problems.
Speaker 2: What would you say? Curious?
Speaker 3: I'd probably go to something you said earlier. If I'm
Speaker 3: giving a genuine answer, a real answer, is I really
Speaker 3: wish there was a life school like that would be it?
Speaker 3: Because I'm not saying that would solve all the problems
Speaker 3: in the world, no, but it would set people up.
Speaker 3: And when I say live school, I mean emotional mastery,
Speaker 3: I mean one hundred percent ego master I mean the
Speaker 3: ability to be kind and empathetic and vulnerable and compassionate
Speaker 3: and create safe spaces. I think a life school that
Speaker 3: taught you how to be non judgmental, sure, and non
Speaker 3: critical of others without understanding them. I think, sure, that's
Speaker 3: what I mean by life school. So not just the
Speaker 3: like paying taxes and bills and stuff, but the life
Speaker 3: school of like well, what if we didn't have to
Speaker 3: live in a world where we just said everything we
Speaker 3: wanted to and did everything we wanted to and got
Speaker 3: away with it.
Speaker 1: And you know, but I think life, the life lesson
Speaker 1: for me should be basic health and CPR and basic
Speaker 1: first aid training. It should be, like you said, creating
Speaker 1: an environment at school where young people feel more comfortable
Speaker 1: talking about themselves, what they're going through, you know, things
Speaker 1: that might be happening at home or things that are
Speaker 1: happening at school. Like I think that that would be
Speaker 1: an amazing way for us to be more expressive and
Speaker 1: more comfortable expressing. And again, like I know, I keep
Speaker 1: going back to it, but it's about what my show
Speaker 1: is about, which is you should feel empowered when asking
Speaker 1: for help. It should be something that you're proud of,
Speaker 1: Like you're recognizing that you have an issue. It might
Speaker 1: be an internal issue, it might be an external issue,
Speaker 1: but you are seeking help, which I think is very admirable.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, Yeah, I do encourage and recommend everyone go
Speaker 3: watch The Crowded Room. I personally loving it with my wife. Honestly,
Speaker 3: like I I barely watch TV shows, if I'm completely honest,
Speaker 3: and it's because I like something that makes me think
Speaker 3: and reflect and you know, and entertain me at the
Speaker 3: same time. Sure, And I think it does a brilliant
Speaker 3: job of doing all three. Like it's gripping, I'm like
Speaker 3: trying to figure out what's going on next nice at
Speaker 3: the same time, like's it's amazing watching you being able
Speaker 3: to be this very different character to what we know
Speaker 3: you as. Sure, And that's really impressive. So even even
Speaker 3: on a performance level, I'm like, I'm forgetting that you
Speaker 3: are Spider Man nice right, Like, And that's that's how
Speaker 3: I watch movies where I'm like, can I forget right
Speaker 3: who this person is and or are they playing a
Speaker 3: caricature of themselves? Obviously, And with you, I'm like, I
Speaker 3: don't even think to think it's you right right, right
Speaker 3: right now, I'm talking to you, and I've been watching
Speaker 3: the show. I'm like, oh, it's not in the same person. Sure,
Speaker 3: And that is really really impressive on a performance standpoint.
Speaker 3: So thank you so much, best, I really appreciate it. Yeah,
Speaker 3: thank you, Matte, thank you. If you love this episode,
Speaker 3: you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to
Speaker 3: be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose. Our children
Speaker 3: have become less imaginative about how the problem solve imparents
Speaker 3: and coaches have become more directive and trying to tell
Speaker 3: them how to behaviorsus teaching them how to behave