1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:00,720
Speaker 1: This is John.

2
00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:04,680
Speaker 2: This is your og okay Storytime podcast hosts, and we have.

3
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,840
Speaker 1: Some rocking stories for you coming up.

4
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:09,639
Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

5
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,479
Speaker 2: got a quick tum in an ad break from a

6
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,520
Speaker 2: sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling.

7
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,640
Speaker 1: My fiance had unfair financial demands, so I gave back

8
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,880
Speaker 1: the ring, not my precious. My fiance Tom thirty seven male,

9
00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,600
Speaker 1: and I twenty eight female, have been together for two years.

10
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,720
Speaker 1: He moved into my house six months ago and proposed

11
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,559
Speaker 1: one month ago. I thought things were solid, but now

12
00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,960
Speaker 1: I'm questioning everything. By the way, this comes from user

13
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,519
Speaker 1: independent b eighty five seventeen and if you want to

14
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,600
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the hert slash Showcase

15
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:44,080
Speaker 1: story Times subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, I'm Carly, and

16
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:48,479
Speaker 1: we'll try to give our best advice. But no many's perfect.

17
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,360
Speaker 1: But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

18
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:52,800
Speaker 1: if you have, let us know what you do in

19
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:56,040
Speaker 1: the comments. I inherited a fortune three years ago. It

20
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,920
Speaker 1: changed my life, but I live below my means. I

21
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,600
Speaker 1: work part time as a tea tature, travel and have

22
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,440
Speaker 1: a nonprofit in the works. I budget carefully so the

23
00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,160
Speaker 1: money lasts. Only my dad and sister know the full amount.

24
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:12,280
Speaker 1: When Tom moved in, I paid everything except mostly grocery.

25
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,639
Speaker 1: He wanted us to eventually buy a bigger house together

26
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,160
Speaker 1: so his dad could move in. I said no to

27
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,199
Speaker 1: living with in laws, but suggested maybe a separate unit someday.

28
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,520
Speaker 1: He pushed back, but agreed we needed to discuss finances first.

29
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,160
Speaker 1: Tom earns about ten thousand a month and has one

30
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:31,520
Speaker 1: hundred thousand save. I have millions invested in about forty

31
00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,200
Speaker 1: thousand a month income from it. When I told him,

32
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,559
Speaker 1: he was shocked. He said, if I had so much,

33
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,039
Speaker 1: why not just buy the house and cover everything. I

34
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:43,240
Speaker 1: explained that just because I can doesn't mean I should.

35
00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,640
Speaker 1: I proposed separate finances, a joint account for expenses, and

36
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:50,200
Speaker 1: splitting costs proportionally to income. I also told him I

37
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,960
Speaker 1: wanted a prenup. That's when things blew up. He argued

38
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,000
Speaker 1: we should be equal partners, meaning I buy the house

39
00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,360
Speaker 1: in both our names, even if he doesn't contribute. Thought

40
00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,200
Speaker 1: about this for days. Eventually he gave me an ultimatum,

41
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,360
Speaker 1: final offer, you buy the house, we each owned fifty percent.

42
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,720
Speaker 1: I'll sign the prenup, take it or leave it. I

43
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,800
Speaker 1: asked if that meant breaking up if he said no.

44
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,640
Speaker 1: He hesitated but said yes, So I left it. I

45
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,960
Speaker 1: took off the ring, told him it was over and

46
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:21,839
Speaker 1: that he needed to move out. He backtracked. Wait wait, wait, wait, wait,

47
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,720
Speaker 1: it was all a joke. I am a comedian. I

48
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,200
Speaker 1: was just joking, saying he didn't want to end things,

49
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,720
Speaker 1: he just wanted me to agree. He accused me of

50
00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,040
Speaker 1: throwing away our relationship for money. I told me he

51
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,080
Speaker 1: threw it away by demanding I fund our life and

52
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,639
Speaker 1: give him half of the assets I worked to protect.

53
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,919
Speaker 1: Now I'm wondering if I sabotaged my relationship. I love him,

54
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:44,880
Speaker 1: but I don't think it's fair to bankroll a grown

55
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,760
Speaker 1: man or accept ultimatums about my own money. Am I

56
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,280
Speaker 1: the a hole? And there are some comments come at one.

57
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,480
Speaker 1: I learned a long time ago that if a couple

58
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,680
Speaker 1: can't agree on how to handle money, they should not

59
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,200
Speaker 1: be together. It's one of the biggest stressers in a relationship. Also,

60
00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want and in law living with us either,

61
00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,280
Speaker 1: guests who would probably be saddled with the majority of

62
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:08,680
Speaker 1: father in law's care it's almost always the woman not overreacting,

63
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,960
Speaker 1: not the a hole coment to, and not the a hole.

64
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:16,000
Speaker 1: He's sabotaged the relationship by holding it hostage to guilt

65
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,720
Speaker 1: you into funding his lifestyle. A reply to that says

66
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 1: he just had the wrong mindset completely. If you're married,

67
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,320
Speaker 1: you're a team. If the house is in her name,

68
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,880
Speaker 1: your name, y'all's name, you're both living there and intend

69
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,560
Speaker 1: to stay together. So when she told him the extent

70
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,080
Speaker 1: of her wealth roughly twelve million, if she's following the

71
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,120
Speaker 1: four percent rule, his first thought should have been expecting

72
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,320
Speaker 1: a prenup. You don't marry into money and expect to

73
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 1: have half of it. You can reasonably expect to benefit

74
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,720
Speaker 1: from it, but only as a result of the wealthy

75
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,240
Speaker 1: person loving your broke butt. What do you bring to

76
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:48,360
Speaker 1: the table, buddy? Comment three. He already shifted from dating

77
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:52,680
Speaker 1: you to dating your money. Emotionally, he left the relationship first. Sadly,

78
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 1: some of his words cannot be taken back and will

79
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,280
Speaker 1: change the way you feel about him. It is okay

80
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,520
Speaker 1: to be sad and regret the loss of what could

81
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:03,920
Speaker 1: have been. Life is an effing adventure. Time to go

82
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,240
Speaker 1: live A new chapter not the a hole and there's

83
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,320
Speaker 1: an edit. When we first started dating, he understandably questioned

84
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:12,880
Speaker 1: how I managed my lifestyle on a teaching salary. I

85
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,320
Speaker 1: explained that I had a small inheritance which allowed me

86
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,520
Speaker 1: to buy my house and have some savings to live on.

87
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,800
Speaker 1: I admit I may have been wrong to be vague,

88
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,280
Speaker 1: but at the time we were just starting to date

89
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,680
Speaker 1: and I wasn't comfortable sharing all the details yet. My

90
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,919
Speaker 1: house is nice, but nothing extravagant, and during our relationship

91
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,800
Speaker 1: we always split expenses fifty to fifty, dates, trips, everything.

92
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,120
Speaker 1: When he moved in, I offered to keep covering the

93
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,960
Speaker 1: utilities since I was already paying them, and he would

94
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,600
Speaker 1: handle groceries. Things were fine until after we got engaged.

95
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,839
Speaker 1: I pushed for us to discuss everything openly before marriage,

96
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:47,120
Speaker 1: and we agreed on most things. About his father moving in,

97
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,600
Speaker 1: this isn't something he wants right away, but he says

98
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,200
Speaker 1: eventually his dad would move in so he can take

99
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,560
Speaker 1: care of him. I adore his father, but I personally

100
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,240
Speaker 1: don't want to live within laws. His solution was that

101
00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,039
Speaker 1: we should buy another house together would feel like it's

102
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,600
Speaker 1: our home instead of him living in my house. I

103
00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,520
Speaker 1: understood that perspective, but the new house would also have

104
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,440
Speaker 1: to be larger if his dad were to move in,

105
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,919
Speaker 1: which I'm not comfortable with. Regarding finances, Initially, when we

106
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,679
Speaker 1: discussed buying another house, the plan was to contribute together,

107
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,040
Speaker 1: but once we started looking at what we could afford,

108
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,000
Speaker 1: we had to lay our finances on the table. When

109
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,120
Speaker 1: he found out my net worth, everything shifted. He said

110
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,119
Speaker 1: that if we split fifty to fifty, we couldn't afford

111
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,039
Speaker 1: a bigger house, and since I had the means, I

112
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,320
Speaker 1: should buy the house myself, but it would still be

113
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:32,720
Speaker 1: our house. I told him that whatever amount he contributes

114
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,360
Speaker 1: would equal his share of equity in the property. Maybe

115
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,479
Speaker 1: I was naive, but until this point I never saw

116
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,159
Speaker 1: signs of him being a gold digger. He never pressured

117
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,840
Speaker 1: me to pay for things and always split expenses fairly.

118
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,920
Speaker 1: That's why this change has been such a shock. Right now,

119
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,159
Speaker 1: I'm locked in my bedroom and I told him he

120
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,919
Speaker 1: can sleep in the guest room tonight, but that he

121
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,440
Speaker 1: needs to move out tomorrow. We haven't spoken since, and

122
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,320
Speaker 1: that's where things stand. We got an update here this morning.

123
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,200
Speaker 1: I woke up and Tom had made breakfast and asked

124
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,880
Speaker 1: if we could talk. He said things got out of

125
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 1: control last night and he wanted to explain his side.

126
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,480
Speaker 1: It's nothing that you say any more can have any

127
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,760
Speaker 1: meaningful way, because it's clear that you are just obsessed

128
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:10,239
Speaker 1: with the money.

129
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,960
Speaker 3: Bottom line is it's about the money, spider Man.

130
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,720
Speaker 1: He told me he was upset that I had lied

131
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:18,800
Speaker 1: about my finances and felt like I didn't trust him.

132
00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,200
Speaker 1: He said the money difference made him feel that I

133
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,919
Speaker 1: would always have more power in the relationship and that

134
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,560
Speaker 1: he might be vulnerable to financial He insisted that he

135
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,479
Speaker 1: wasn't interested in my money, but wanted to feel that

136
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:33,880
Speaker 1: I would choose him over money. He admitted that he

137
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,000
Speaker 1: handled things badly and should never have reacted the way

138
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,560
Speaker 1: he did or given me an ultimatum. He said he

139
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,040
Speaker 1: felt lost and frustrated. The only thing he emphasized really

140
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,960
Speaker 1: matters to him is his father eventually moving in. They're

141
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,960
Speaker 1: very close and he wants to take care of him

142
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,920
Speaker 1: as he gets older. He apologized, said he didn't want

143
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,919
Speaker 1: to lose me, and told me he was willing to

144
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,760
Speaker 1: accept my conditions. I apologized for not being upfront about

145
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,160
Speaker 1: my inheritance, but I also told him I wasn't sure

146
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:03,000
Speaker 1: I could continue relationship. His reaction last night felt entitled

147
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,159
Speaker 1: and manipulative, and I'm afraid he was showing me who

148
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,200
Speaker 1: he really is. I told him I love him, but

149
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,040
Speaker 1: I'm worried money will always be an issue between us.

150
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:14,360
Speaker 1: If he's already pushing for a house before marriage, what

151
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,400
Speaker 1: else might he push for later. I explained that the

152
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,640
Speaker 1: only way I could even consider continuing is if he

153
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,280
Speaker 1: agreed to a bulletproof prenup, stating that in case of divorce,

154
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,120
Speaker 1: he only leaves with what he contributed and nothing more.

155
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,320
Speaker 1: Agreeing to buy a house together, but his equity would

156
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,400
Speaker 1: only reflect his contribution. I also suggested options like a

157
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,880
Speaker 1: guest house for his father or a condo nearby but

158
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,880
Speaker 1: not living directly with us, creating a monthly budget where

159
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,160
Speaker 1: we both contribute proportionally to our incomes into a joint

160
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,360
Speaker 1: account for shared expenses, while keeping our separate accounts for

161
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:50,080
Speaker 1: personal money, and going to counseling together. He agreed to

162
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,520
Speaker 1: all of these points. Still, I told him I don't

163
00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,560
Speaker 1: know if I can trust him again, and need time

164
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: to think. He agreed to go stay in a hotel

165
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,119
Speaker 1: for a few days to give us both space. Right now,

166
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,640
Speaker 1: I honestly don't know what to do. Bartime sees his

167
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,040
Speaker 1: point and wonders if he just overreacted. But another part

168
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 1: of me is afraid that if I ignore his behavior,

169
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,000
Speaker 1: I'll be setting myself up for bigger problems in the future.

170
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,480
Speaker 1: I would really appreciate your help in figuring out where

171
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,800
Speaker 1: to go from here. And there are some comments. Number

172
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 1: one says money doesn't change people, but it exposes their

173
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,880
Speaker 1: true self. Take that information as you will, comment too.

174
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,920
Speaker 1: When he said she quote lied about her finances, it

175
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,680
Speaker 1: rubbed me the wrong way too. She didn't lie. She

176
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,200
Speaker 1: told him she received an inheritance. She just wasn't detailed

177
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,199
Speaker 1: about the size of the inheritance she received. Not giving

178
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,280
Speaker 1: every detail is not lying. The other thing that's annoying

179
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:42,640
Speaker 1: me is Tom's concerns about financially. He makes his own

180
00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:46,320
Speaker 1: money that he keeps. She suggested separate accounts with one

181
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,439
Speaker 1: for shared expenses, and she did so before his ultimatum.

182
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,280
Speaker 1: I'm failing to see how op is going to financially

183
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:57,040
Speaker 1: obsem when he has access to his own money. Reply,

184
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,720
Speaker 1: and now he's manipulating again because he's still the money.

185
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,640
Speaker 1: I agree, it sounds like a lot of his things

186
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,240
Speaker 1: where he was like, all right, what's like the most

187
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,680
Speaker 1: bulletproof like things that I can say? What are the

188
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,000
Speaker 1: buzzwords that I can throw in there that'll make her

189
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:11,040
Speaker 1: sympathetic and make her forgive me.

190
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,319
Speaker 3: In My favorite part is that Okay, honey, I'll give

191
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,760
Speaker 3: you just a couple days to figure it out. You

192
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,040
Speaker 3: should be okay that does that couple days is all

193
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:18,400
Speaker 3: we need.

194
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,000
Speaker 1: Fundamentally, it's over. As soon as you're like gonna be

195
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:23,240
Speaker 1: like yeah, no, then we'll just call the whole thing

196
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:23,920
Speaker 1: off unless you.

197
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 3: Do this, he tripled down. You're like, wait, say that

198
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,960
Speaker 3: one more time. You want to do this? Yeah, but

199
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,000
Speaker 3: like I'm altering to plan a little bit more, but

200
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:33,760
Speaker 3: still same plan. And you're like, no, okay, if I

201
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,640
Speaker 3: don't agree with you, then you're giving me an ultimatum,

202
00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:36,880
Speaker 3: and if I say no, we're breaking up.

203
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,199
Speaker 1: He literally said yeah, And I feel like he did

204
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,680
Speaker 1: that because you got to catch twenty two in his

205
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:42,920
Speaker 1: own brain where he's like, well, if I said that

206
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,199
Speaker 1: and now I say no, then it'll almost confirm that

207
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:49,439
Speaker 1: I won't split us up because I want the money,

208
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,200
Speaker 1: so I have to say yes. But then as soon

209
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,480
Speaker 1: as she agreed and was like, all right, then we'll

210
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,120
Speaker 1: split up. He's like, no, wait, that's not how it

211
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,959
Speaker 1: went in my brain. That's not how it played.

212
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,880
Speaker 3: You were supposed to say, Okay, dang, and that's the

213
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:04,760
Speaker 3: end of this story.

214
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,120
Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one.

215
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,280
Speaker 4: My cousin pestered my sister in law at my wedding,

216
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,520
Speaker 4: and my parents defended him. Well, get all of them

217
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:17,160
Speaker 4: out of there. Parents included trigger warning threats of physical altercations.

218
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:20,320
Speaker 4: So I twenty eight female, just Mary the love of

219
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:24,200
Speaker 4: my life, thirty male congrats, and my wedding was two

220
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,280
Speaker 4: weeks ago, and I feel like I'm living in the

221
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,120
Speaker 4: wreckage of a bomb I set off myself. I'm so

222
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,680
Speaker 4: lost and I need to know if I'm the monster

223
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,760
Speaker 4: my family is making me out. By the way, this

224
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,800
Speaker 4: comes from Better Jellyfish And if you want to spit

225
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,840
Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

226
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:38,320
Speaker 4: severed it.

227
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,640
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia, Hi'm Angie, an opie says.

228
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 4: My husband's family is Arab Muslim and they are, without exaggeration,

229
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,960
Speaker 4: the best people I have ever known. I'm an only

230
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:53,800
Speaker 4: child and my own family is really complicated. My husband's

231
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,760
Speaker 4: family welcomed me with open arms from day one, so

232
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,840
Speaker 4: for the first time, I felt like I had a

233
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:03,720
Speaker 4: real portive family unit. My half brother from my dad's

234
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,920
Speaker 4: side is much older and he currently lives in Japan.

235
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,800
Speaker 4: Even though we don't talk much, he still called me

236
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:13,400
Speaker 4: to congratulate me. As for my parents, they weren't supportive

237
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,600
Speaker 4: of my marriage until I told them i'd cut them

238
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,719
Speaker 4: off if they keept pushing. I already knew going in

239
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,640
Speaker 4: that I couldn't count on them for anything but drama.

240
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,800
Speaker 4: The wedding itself was perfect for a while, everyone was happy.

241
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:29,840
Speaker 4: Even my parents were smiling at some point. Then there's

242
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:34,040
Speaker 4: my cousin, Mark, thirty five male. My aunt begged me

243
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,199
Speaker 4: to invite him, and honestly and yes, I regret this,

244
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,800
Speaker 4: I couldn't really say no because I didn't want any drama.

245
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,720
Speaker 4: Bark is a walking disaster. He is a womanizer, has

246
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,600
Speaker 4: three children with three different women. He abandoned yikes, and

247
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,280
Speaker 4: his own father is the one sending the money. Ooh,

248
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,800
Speaker 4: he's just a user. But for my aunt, the sun

249
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,960
Speaker 4: shines out of his butt. The night was winding down

250
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,480
Speaker 4: when I heard a scream, not a half happy one.

251
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:05,240
Speaker 4: I turned and saw my youngest sister in law, Layla,

252
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:08,600
Speaker 4: backed against a wall. My cousin Mark was standing in

253
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,400
Speaker 4: front of her, and he was dripping wet. She was

254
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,600
Speaker 4: the one who was screamed, and she was holding an

255
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,720
Speaker 4: empty water glass. Backstory, my sister in law had a

256
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:20,160
Speaker 4: traumatic accident years ago, and ever since then she's been

257
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,960
Speaker 4: uncomfortable around men. Even hugging her own dad and brother

258
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,120
Speaker 4: took years of patience and trust. So for her to

259
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,040
Speaker 4: be cornered at my wedding by my cousin telling her

260
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,480
Speaker 4: to take off her job, saying she was too pretty

261
00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:34,920
Speaker 4: to be covering her hair and pushing her like that,

262
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,439
Speaker 4: she was literally shaking. I mean, like even worse that

263
00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:40,600
Speaker 4: she's gone through a traumatic experience.

264
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, to be.

265
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,600
Speaker 4: Clear, that would be bad for literally anyone, so even

266
00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,800
Speaker 4: of course for this poor woman. Yes, absolutely, Like that's

267
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,360
Speaker 4: already just like he's trying to attack her.

268
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, just terrible, terrible situation.

269
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:53,560
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness.

270
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,040
Speaker 4: My older sister in law, who is a force of nature,

271
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,000
Speaker 4: was already there and getting in his face. It was

272
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,600
Speaker 4: about to get physical. My father in law calmly stepped

273
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,320
Speaker 4: between them, looked at Mark and said, quietly, but with

274
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,600
Speaker 4: absolute finality, it's time for you to leave my son's wedding.

275
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,160
Speaker 4: I thought that would be the end of it and

276
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:16,160
Speaker 4: was ready to console Laylah, but then my aunt, Mark's

277
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,800
Speaker 4: mother stormed over. You can't punt him out. He was

278
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,280
Speaker 4: just joking with her. She's being too sensitive. First it

279
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,079
Speaker 4: was he was complimenting her, and then it became he

280
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,520
Speaker 4: was just joking. Before I could even speak up, my

281
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:33,000
Speaker 4: own mother piped up, I'm sorry, but she's right. This

282
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,480
Speaker 4: is a huge overreaction. Mark didn't mean any harm. That's

283
00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,000
Speaker 4: just how he is. You're all gone, Well, you're literally

284
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:39,600
Speaker 4: all gone.

285
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,680
Speaker 5: What if how he is is the type of person

286
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,679
Speaker 5: to cause harm?

287
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,439
Speaker 1: Yeah? What if how he is he's a predator? Yeah.

288
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:49,000
Speaker 4: Seeing Leila still shaking and looking so scared and hearing

289
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,720
Speaker 4: my own mother defend this creep who had just pestered

290
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:56,520
Speaker 4: my new sister, a switch flipped inside me and I snapped.

291
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,160
Speaker 4: I looked straight at my aunt and said, no, he

292
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,439
Speaker 4: needs to leave now. She started up again. Oh pie,

293
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,160
Speaker 4: you're not gonna disrespect your family like this, and I just.

294
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:06,840
Speaker 1: Let her have it.

295
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,400
Speaker 4: My family, You don't get a lecture me about family.

296
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:14,160
Speaker 4: This is actually why your own is broken. This blind

297
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:18,120
Speaker 4: worship of your useless, good for nothing son is the

298
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,640
Speaker 4: reason you have one child who ruins every event he

299
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,600
Speaker 4: attends and another one who hasn't spoken to you in

300
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,680
Speaker 4: five years. And you dare wonder why your own daughter

301
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,400
Speaker 4: went no contact. It's because of this, because you will

302
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,640
Speaker 4: always choose him over the people he hurts. So yes,

303
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,480
Speaker 4: he's leaving, and you can leave with him if you want.

304
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,200
Speaker 4: The entire area went silent. Then my aunt started crying

305
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,440
Speaker 4: and stormed out, with my cousin and my parents trailing behind,

306
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,640
Speaker 4: after they gave me one of their classic You're a

307
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:51,320
Speaker 4: disappointment looks. My phone has been a nightmare since, texts

308
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 4: from my parents calling me cruel, vicious and saying I

309
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:58,360
Speaker 4: used a family tragedy my other cousin leaving as a weapon.

310
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 4: They told me how my aun has been sending them

311
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:04,360
Speaker 4: messages about how I broke her heart. My husband has

312
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,920
Speaker 4: been supportive, telling me I was just defending Leyla and

313
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:10,080
Speaker 4: that my family showed their true colors. But I can't

314
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,280
Speaker 4: get rid of these moments of guilt. Mark was one

315
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,360
Speaker 4: hundred percent in the wrong. I've already cut him off.

316
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,800
Speaker 4: I don't want him anywhere near me or my husband's

317
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,880
Speaker 4: family again. The part I keep thinking about is what

318
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,720
Speaker 4: I said to my aunt. I don't regret defending my

319
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,080
Speaker 4: sister in law. She was scared out of her mind

320
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,320
Speaker 4: and I will always pick her over him. But maybe

321
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,680
Speaker 4: I went too far bringing up her daughter leaving. I

322
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,480
Speaker 4: know that's a sore spot. And I basically twisted the knife.

323
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,520
Speaker 4: I feel like I dropped a nuke to win a fistfight,

324
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 4: and now my entire family is radioactive?

325
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:47,080
Speaker 5: Am I the a hole? And there is an update? No? Yeah,

326
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:51,080
Speaker 5: I get what you're saying, but like, eh, you don't care.

327
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I literally don't care what your family has to

328
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:59,120
Speaker 4: say because your cousin mark try to literally attack someone

329
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:04,760
Speaker 4: like that is that is like religiously just like okay,

330
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,680
Speaker 4: even like if you're thinking about it from let's just

331
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:08,400
Speaker 4: say she.

332
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,000
Speaker 1: Was wearing like, I don't know, any other piece of clothing.

333
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, if he tries to take that off, that is

334
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,320
Speaker 5: a sult. Yeah so, and I mean I don't know

335
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,040
Speaker 5: if he actually did take it off.

336
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,240
Speaker 1: He tempted.

337
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, he was saying like you should take it off

338
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,160
Speaker 5: and like cornering her for that. It's like that is

339
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,600
Speaker 5: like you know, physically, you know, I don't know if

340
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,240
Speaker 5: he would like fight her, but I don't know if

341
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 5: he was going to do that, but like but I like,

342
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,440
Speaker 5: I don't think it would be fight, but I think

343
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,360
Speaker 5: he would have still said in other ways, if you

344
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,320
Speaker 5: know what I'm talking about, I think it's very possible.

345
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 1: So this was so dangerous in so many ways.

346
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,800
Speaker 5: Cornering a woman is saying that you know, you're too

347
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 5: pretty for this, if it was even if it was

348
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 5: anything else. Yeah, just on one hand, is at the

349
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,520
Speaker 5: very least, it's at the very worst, it's you know sure,

350
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,240
Speaker 5: but like that's just already so uncomfortable and scary as

351
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,800
Speaker 5: a woman, and to be saying like, oh, like you're

352
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,080
Speaker 5: your face, what does that even mean? Like so what

353
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,560
Speaker 5: what is he gonna do with you know what I mean?

354
00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:08,480
Speaker 5: But then the fact that it's her hit job too,

355
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,919
Speaker 5: which is like you're the importance of that and like

356
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,320
Speaker 5: the I mean like taking that down around a man.

357
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 1: Yes, like it's.

358
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 5: Shows it's show extremely like not what you're you know,

359
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 5: supposed to do.

360
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,000
Speaker 1: If that's what you like, that's so you put out

361
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 1: you abide by.

362
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, then so that's like even more the fact that

363
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 5: they're one just like as a woman not supporting her

364
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 5: and not defending her, but then as like, uh, they're

365
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:39,880
Speaker 5: not defending her culture too. It's like that's I think

366
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:45,080
Speaker 5: you're totally fine to be this harsh with them, because yeah,

367
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,160
Speaker 5: I mean it's true, you didn't say anything that wasn't true.

368
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 1: They did do that.

369
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 5: They they lost their daughter by you know, her cutting

370
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,359
Speaker 5: them off. It was their fault that they did that

371
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,639
Speaker 5: or that that happened, right, Like I'm assuming anyway, So

372
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,000
Speaker 5: it's not like it's something it's like, oh, you know,

373
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,880
Speaker 5: you brought up the fact that they can't have kids

374
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 5: or something like that. You know, it's like, this is

375
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,679
Speaker 5: their fault. They need to come to terms with.

376
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,200
Speaker 1: It for real.

377
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,920
Speaker 4: And I did think he was trying to take it off.

378
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,920
Speaker 4: It's yeah, I look back at it. It is a

379
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 4: little bit unclear, but at the very least it said

380
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 4: he was pushing her, oh and telling her to take

381
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:18,719
Speaker 4: it off.

382
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:19,960
Speaker 1: So yeah, clearly her.

383
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean if she felt they need to throw

384
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,320
Speaker 5: water in his face, yea at all a wedding, like

385
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 5: clearly that was you know, she feared escalation.

386
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, so you're good.

387
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,840
Speaker 4: OPI Yeah, update, I'm trying to write this without getting emotional,

388
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,639
Speaker 4: but I'm failing. I've just been sitting here with tears

389
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,719
Speaker 4: in my eyes watching this post blow up. It might

390
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,399
Speaker 4: sound small, but seeing this level of support, even from

391
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,560
Speaker 4: strangers on the internet, has genuinely helped me see this

392
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 4: whole situation with so much more clarity. Thank you from

393
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,440
Speaker 4: the bottom of my heart. For those who thought it

394
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,360
Speaker 4: was fake, I get it, but all I can say

395
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,240
Speaker 4: is this is my life. I know it's obvious. I'm

396
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,320
Speaker 4: not the knucklehead for defending Layla. She deserves the world,

397
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,160
Speaker 4: and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

398
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,040
Speaker 1: No regrets.

399
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,920
Speaker 4: I just wanted advice because when you grow up a

400
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 4: certain way, it's hard to trust your own judgment. My

401
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 4: parents are masters of making you feel like you're the

402
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,040
Speaker 4: crazy one. Meeting my now husband was the turning point.

403
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 4: He's so kind, respectful, and supportive, and he showed me

404
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 4: what a healthy family dynamic actually looks like. I really

405
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,119
Speaker 4: can't wait for a future full of him and our

406
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,880
Speaker 4: shared happiness. Now, for the important part, Leila is doing better.

407
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,399
Speaker 4: I called her a few hours after the post, and

408
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:35,119
Speaker 4: she immediately started apologizing and saying she felt bad for

409
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,120
Speaker 4: ruining the night. I immediately shut that down and told

410
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 4: her what happened was one hundred percent Mark's fault. His

411
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,520
Speaker 4: behavior was awful, and she did nothing wrong. I actually

412
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 4: apologized to her for him even being there and for

413
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 4: him putting her through that. At my wedding, we talked

414
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:52,640
Speaker 4: for a while and she told me she's been seeing

415
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,000
Speaker 4: a therapist for a while now to work through her trauma,

416
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,439
Speaker 4: which I think is incredible of her. She's so strong

417
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 4: and amazing. There is a li little bit laughed to

418
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 4: the story, but yeah.

419
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 5: I'm glad she's doing better. I'm glad she's going to

420
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,880
Speaker 5: go to therapy. Yeah that's super nice.

421
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 4: Because you know this clearly was I mean, she went

422
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 4: through traumatizing event, and then you know it has to

423
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 4: be re traumatized by.

424
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:15,040
Speaker 1: Mark, right.

425
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, if anyone in your family defends this, it's just

426
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,800
Speaker 4: I mean, I would not want them around exactly.

427
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 1: But there's a little I laughed.

428
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,560
Speaker 4: Wow, I got some vile dms. The overwhelming majority has

429
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 4: been incredible. I especially want to thank the Hijabi and

430
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,479
Speaker 4: Arab women who messaged me. Hearing your stories and how

431
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,680
Speaker 4: you felt for Leila and understood her experience just made

432
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 4: me tear up. It's painful, but the support I saw

433
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,920
Speaker 4: gave me so much hope for a world where girls

434
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 4: everywhere can just exist without being pestered. As for my parents,

435
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,880
Speaker 4: I took your advice. I sent a final, very short

436
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 4: message and blocked them. The only response was a predictable

437
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 4: email from my dad saying he'd be ready to listen

438
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,600
Speaker 4: when I was ready to apologize. Yeah, he'll be waiting

439
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 4: a long time. Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

440
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 5: Oh my goodness.

441
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 1: Yeah wow. And that's the end of this story.

442
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 5: We're going on to the next one. My family wanted

443
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,879
Speaker 5: my estranged brother at my wedding, but I refuse to

444
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:11,240
Speaker 5: give in.

445
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,920
Speaker 1: You're to stay as strange.

446
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 5: For context, my brother twenty six male and I thirty

447
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,399
Speaker 5: one female, have been estranged for years. He has always

448
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 5: been arrogant, self absorbed, and unapologetic about past behavior. Growing up,

449
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,639
Speaker 5: our mother sixty two female, constantly played favorites. He was

450
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 5: the golden child and he thrived in that role.

451
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,960
Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Chili Tomato cup Noodle.

452
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 5: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

453
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 5: to the hour slash Okay, storytime separated it and I'm Angie,

454
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia.

455
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 1: No peace says.

456
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 5: Last time we spoke, we had a major argument. He

457
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 5: has never shown any remorse, and I've made peace with

458
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 5: not having a relationship with him. I am a foreign

459
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 5: MD working in the US and getting married to my

460
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 5: American fiance, thirty three male in early twenty twenty six.

461
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 5: My family lives in my home country, and we are

462
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 5: finalizing our guest lists. Since it will be a destination wedding.

463
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 5: Insists on letting my brother come along. When she found

464
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 5: out that he did not know that I was already

465
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 5: getting married, she then insisted that I invite him to

466
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,680
Speaker 5: the wedding, not sure if this was his idea or

467
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 5: purely hers, even asking me to provide an invitation letter

468
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 5: to help his chances of getting a tourist visa, I respectfully.

469
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,399
Speaker 1: Told her no.

470
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 5: Aside from our personal history, the reality is that he

471
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 5: is still a student with very few ties to home,

472
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 5: so I doubt he would even qualify for a visa

473
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 5: on his own. My parents, who already have valued visas

474
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 5: and have visited been before, offered to be his guaran

475
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 5: tour saying that my invitation letter would help him out. Personally,

476
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 5: I don't want him to have access to me, and

477
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,520
Speaker 5: I refuse to let him benefit from me. My mom

478
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 5: argued that he could stay at a separate hotel and

479
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 5: that she just wanted the whole family together. I explained

480
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 5: that I don't feel comfortable with him being at my

481
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 5: wedding and that I don't want to deal with that

482
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 5: stress on what should be a special day. I told

483
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,960
Speaker 5: her that by insisting on his presence, she was only

484
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 5: reinforcing my feel that she prioritizes his feelings over mine.

485
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 5: She kept pressing, saying that relatives would talk badly if

486
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,359
Speaker 5: my brother wasn't invited. I finally told her that if

487
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 5: she insisted, then she could also consider herself uninvited. That

488
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 5: led to a blow up where she accused me of

489
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 5: being ungrateful. We Asians are a big on indebtedness to family.

490
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 5: She even reminded me that she and my father helped

491
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,000
Speaker 5: pay for my exams, which were expensive as an international

492
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 5: medical graduate. She said the least I could do was

493
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 5: grant her this one wish, and I then exasperatedly told

494
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 5: her that I would think about it. Am Ida hole

495
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 5: for refusing to invite my brother. Is there a reasonable

496
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 5: compromise here or should I stand my ground? There are

497
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 5: some comments? But what do you think, Sophia?

498
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 4: Well, I think if you have a terrible relationship with

499
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 4: your brother and don't want them at your wedding, then

500
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 4: don't have them at your wedding.

501
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:53,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're wedding. Yeah.

502
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 5: I feel like, you know, maybe you know, you can

503
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 5: still keep your parents inviting, Like you could still invite

504
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 5: your parents, but like, yeah, I think if this is.

505
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,919
Speaker 1: Really a big deal, I don't know if you need

506
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 1: to go.

507
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 5: Into more detail to your parents about why you're still

508
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 5: out at him or something like, I don't know, but

509
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 5: I think, like, you know, they're obviously trying to guilt

510
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 5: trip you. Yeah, so I think that's the only reason

511
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 5: why that thought is in your head of like that

512
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 5: you're the a whole.

513
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 1: So I feel like I do think it.

514
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 4: Makes sense why your mom is, you know, trying to

515
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 4: get you to invite your brother. Sure, like she wants

516
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 4: it's her son, she wants them to be there, she

517
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,160
Speaker 4: wants them in the country, right, I get it. However,

518
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 4: doesn't mean that you have to, you know, do what

519
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 4: she says and write them.

520
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, after your wedding exactly. Some of Opie's comments responding

521
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,280
Speaker 5: to who is paying for the wedding, Opie says that

522
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 5: me and my fiance would be paying for the wedding,

523
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 5: no financial help from either of our families. Another commentary says,

524
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 5: there's a lot of cultural stuff here that I'm not

525
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 5: sure how to deal with. I know just enough about

526
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 5: Asian family culture to know that I don't know enough

527
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 5: to comment on it. If you were one of my

528
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,760
Speaker 5: friends in my culture, the answer would be not the

529
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 5: a whole.

530
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 1: So I'm going with that. Opie says I. I agree.

531
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 5: That's why I chose to seek opinions here on amid

532
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 5: a hole. Cross Posting this to a sab with mostly

533
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 5: people from my country would likely invite backlash and pressure

534
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 5: me into compromising, since many there are deeply religious and

535
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 5: family oriented. I really appreciate the validation of my decision.

536
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 5: It's difficult to untangle ourselves from cultural influences, but being

537
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 5: in the US has definitely opened my eyes. Another commentary says,

538
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 5: not the ahole. Just reimburse her for your testing fees.

539
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 5: You will never be out of her debt. Otherwise the

540
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 5: next will be your brother needs financial help, so you

541
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 5: need to help him because I spent so much money

542
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 5: in paying for your exams.

543
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 1: Your brother needs a job.

544
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 5: Maybe you can help him go to the US nip

545
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 5: all of this in the butt. You don't have to

546
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 5: explain much at the wedding. Brother doesn't have a visa,

547
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 5: so he's not here. Opie says, yep, I'm in the

548
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 5: process of paying the exam fees back. This whole situation

549
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 5: has really opened my eyes to its gravity, and I

550
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,840
Speaker 5: don't like having that fact constantly dangled over my head.

551
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 5: As for the second part about the job, I can

552
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 5: absolutely see that happening, and honestly, as the older sibling,

553
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 5: I'm exhausted from always being expected to bail out someone

554
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 5: who is so blatantly disrespectful and unappreciative every single time.

555
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 5: Uh the top commenter says, uh, no, you don't.

556
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: Think about it.

557
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 5: No is no, she doesn't get to hold the exams

558
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,239
Speaker 5: over your head. That was a decision they made as

559
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,679
Speaker 5: adults and as your parents, not leverage so they can

560
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 5: boundary stomp you. This is not your mom's day. Who

561
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 5: gives it f If she just wants her family together.

562
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: Your wedding isn't about her. She can take it as

563
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: it is or leave it.

564
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 5: Not the a hole don't bend, Opie says, I agree.

565
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 5: I've decided to firmly say no in our next conversation. Okay,

566
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 5: I don't owe this to her or anyone, and certainly

567
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 5: not to the brat that she raised. I don't want

568
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 5: him creating problems for me, and knowing how spiteful he is,

569
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 5: I'm sure he'll find a way to violate the trip

570
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 5: and drag me into trouble. Another commentarer says, not the

571
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 5: a hole. If your brother decides to outstay his visa,

572
00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 5: your parents and you might be well on the hook

573
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 5: for fines and whatever else the US governments think is

574
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 5: a fitting punishment.

575
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I pot if you vouch for him, if you're

576
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 1: the guaranteur. Yeah, not a good look for you. Not

577
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:11,400
Speaker 1: a good look.

578
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,760
Speaker 5: Any invites you extend in the future would also be

579
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 5: looked at with extra sharp eyes. He doesn't care about that,

580
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 5: So the answer is no and no again. Too much risk,

581
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 5: Opie says, I agree. I remember during my application they

582
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 5: asked whether I had family living in the country, and

583
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,640
Speaker 5: I think they run background checks. A lot of people

584
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 5: for my country tend to overstay, and applications can be

585
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 5: denied for far less. Knowing how vindictive he is, I'm

586
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 5: as certain he'd find a way to get me into trouble,

587
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 5: and we do have an update. But yeah, I think

588
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 5: those are all very good points. Yeah, I think it's

589
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 5: just gonna go wrong, and I somehow right and like

590
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 5: that one commenter said, it's like it's definitely gonna be

591
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 5: more than this one last wish exactly. They're gonna keep

592
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 5: asking you for things.

593
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 4: It's probably gonna keep, you know, keep you on the

594
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 4: hook forgetting him in the country.

595
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: Right.

596
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 4: I think it's best, especially because you don't have a

597
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 4: relationship with this guy.

598
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, your brother absolutely just best to let them figure

599
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,119
Speaker 5: it out exactly. But we do have an update. So

600
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 5: just got off the phone with my mother. I respectfully

601
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,399
Speaker 5: told her that she needs to respect my decision not

602
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 5: to bring him around, that if he were genuinely interested

603
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 5: in reconciliation, he would have reached out himself, not as

604
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,879
Speaker 5: a grown man hiding behind his mommy. Thank you, by

605
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 5: the way for helping me realize this. I also made

606
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 5: it clear that if she was even considering doing something

607
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 5: behind my back or to try to spring a nasty

608
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 5: surprise on the day of I would not hesitate to

609
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 5: exclude her entirely. To no one's surprise, this was met

610
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 5: with a screaming match, followed by the classic religious guilt trip.

611
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: Do you want an awful marriage?

612
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 5: How can it be blessed by God if both parents

613
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 5: aren't there to give their blessing?

614
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: YadA YadA.

615
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 5: Then came the lecture about what I'd tell my future

616
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,720
Speaker 5: children if their uncle was out of the picture, and

617
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 5: of course the accusation that living in the US has

618
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 5: changed my on family. As for my father, I don't

619
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 5: think he's aware of all this yet, but I'm sure

620
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 5: he'll hear about it soon. Never had an issue with him,

621
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 5: though he's always supported me, even with being no contact

622
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 5: with my brother. I know he'd disapprove, but ultimately he

623
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 5: would understand.

624
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: What I expect.

625
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 5: Next is her tried and true stonewalling routine. That's fine,

626
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 5: I've seen this pattern countless times. Never resolve in conflicts,

627
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,000
Speaker 5: just freezes me out until she feels like pretending nothing happened.

628
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 5: Textbook emotionally immature parent. Even if she decides to patch

629
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 5: things up later, it won't be by acknowledging her mistakes,

630
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 5: just by softening the silent treatment, and in her eyes,

631
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 5: this will always be my wrongdoing. Whatever her refusal to

632
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 5: respect my boundaries and her continued treatment of me only

633
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 5: confirm what I already know. Going no contact with her

634
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 5: is the healthiest choice. I can understand to an extent

635
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 5: why she favors the younger sibling. There are plenty of

636
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 5: factors I've reasoned with myself over the years. He's male,

637
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 5: following their footsteps as at still lives with them, and

638
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 5: his backstory as a child was marked by sickness and

639
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 5: multiple brushes with passing. So yes, I get the overprotectiveness.

640
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 5: But even on our last get together trip Overseas a

641
00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 5: few years ago, I recall having to consciously remind myself

642
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 5: not to roll my eyes every time she babied him

643
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 5: into oblivion as if he isn't a full grown man.

644
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 5: And there is a little bit more to the story,

645
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 5: but yeah, it sounds like she knows what she wants,

646
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,360
Speaker 5: and I'm glad that she's standing her ground.

647
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 4: And the parents are gonna try and bully you, you know,

648
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 4: into doing what they want because they got their little

649
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 4: golden child son.

650
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 5: But exactly do what you want your wedding.

651
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, it'll.

652
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 5: It'll maybe higher security for the wedding too, Yeah, see case,

653
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 5: just in case someone shows up unexpected. When I raise

654
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 5: concerns to her about him, and during one instance his

655
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 5: arrogance and toxic self centered behavior, she just brushed it

656
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 5: off in her defense that he needs to be so

657
00:30:57,040 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 5: and so and develop a thick scin and develop bus

658
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 5: thick skin because he's in a high stress, competitive environment.

659
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 5: So aren't doctors also in high stress environments?

660
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,960
Speaker 1: Do we also? Do we all have to behave that way?

661
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 5: Que silence? Of course, I know there are cultural nuances

662
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 5: and complexities here with us being Asian and a glimpse

663
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 5: of our family dynamics that.

664
00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: Are complicated as all.

665
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 5: Heck, thank you for all of your insights and rest

666
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 5: assured on the day of my wedding there will be

667
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 5: plenty of security measures in place.

668
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story. There you go,

669
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: well good, that's good.

670
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam.

671
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories. But here's three

672
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: bits of ads from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

673
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 4: My mother in law kept insulting me, so I cut

674
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 4: off her access to my baby.

675
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 5: You insult the mother, You insult the baby, get away

676
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 5: from my son.

677
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 4: I twenty six female, have been married to my husband,

678
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 4: twenty seven male, for a little over a year now.

679
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 4: We met four years ago when I was a student

680
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 4: teacher and college student near's favorite pizza place, and we

681
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 4: literally met walking on the same street. By the way,

682
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 4: this from Remarkable p. Twenty one seventy and if you

683
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 4: want to smit your own stories, go to the r

684
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 4: slash Okay storytime severed it.

685
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 5: I'm Sophia and I'm Angie.

686
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 4: An no p says I've always loved my husband, but

687
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 4: the problem is that we were in two different tax

688
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 4: brackets before getting married. He comes from a family of money,

689
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 4: and my mom worked two.

690
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 5: Jobs grown up.

691
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,120
Speaker 4: It's literally luck that we met because if the system

692
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 4: either way, I'd be relying on government assistance to live.

693
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 4: No offense to anyone who does, considering that's how it

694
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 4: was for my mom her entire life. Despite our different backgrounds,

695
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 4: he never made me feel less than Even before we

696
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 4: got married. He made me feel like his money was

697
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 4: also my money from the moment I met his mom.

698
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 4: She never directly made me feel unwelcome like in the movies,

699
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 4: but the way she looked at me or the way

700
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 4: she'd make comments disguised as jokes about my college choice

701
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 4: really made me uncomfortable. I never brought it up, but

702
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 4: as my husband and I got more serious. She got

703
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:03,120
Speaker 4: worse soon. She started making outright rude comments against me,

704
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 4: like saying I was stupid for going to college for

705
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 4: early education because they don't make much money, or comparing

706
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 4: me to her other daughter in laws who were nurses

707
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 4: or in the business field. My husband has confronted her

708
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 4: about it multiple times, but even then her behavior would

709
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,959
Speaker 4: only change for a few weeks before she slowly started

710
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 4: the process again. Anyways, my husband proposed early last year,

711
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 4: and we got married six months later at a beautiful

712
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 4: vineyard with.

713
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 5: My dream dress.

714
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:36,320
Speaker 4: The entire day was perfect until she made her speech,

715
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 4: which she started off with she is not the woman

716
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 4: I had in mind, but she's the woman he loves.

717
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 4: In contrast, my mom's speech was about how happy I

718
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 4: am and how she cries happy tears every night because

719
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 4: I found true love. My mother in law's speech ruined

720
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 4: my whole night, But when my husband confronted her after

721
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 4: our honeymoon, she apologized over the phone and sent flowers

722
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 4: to our house. Three months ago, I found out I

723
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 4: was pregnant. Congrat and I'm so excited for this chapter

724
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 4: in my life. My husband has already wanted to be

725
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 4: a father, so he's already begun buying baby stuff and

726
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,759
Speaker 4: sending me pictures of what he wants the nursery to

727
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 4: look like.

728
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: We told his.

729
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,839
Speaker 4: Family during their bi weekly family dinner last week. While

730
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 4: everyone seemed happy, we all held our breath waiting for

731
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 4: his mother's reaction play the happy grandmother to be facade.

732
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 4: But two days ago, my brother in law's wife, who

733
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 4: I'm close to, sent me the message that another brother's

734
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 4: wife had forwarded to her. They showed my mother in

735
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 4: law stating that she's disappointed in him and that now

736
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 4: I'm stuck in their family and you suck.

737
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's stuck and you suck. Yeah, exactly.

738
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: Almost cried, but I didn't. It goes well.

739
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:52,240
Speaker 4: I was disappointed, I wasn't surprised. I told my husband

740
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 4: about it, and he's already confronted her again. She once

741
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 4: again apologized. My husband and I agree that if we

742
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 4: hear anything else from her against my pregnancy, then we'll

743
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 4: go no contact, which I think is needed.

744
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

745
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 4: Necessary, Yeah, I mean just like if your husband every

746
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 4: time is confronted her and you guys have seen no

747
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,239
Speaker 4: actual change, then relationship is it's over.

748
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 5: There's nothing else you could do about that.

749
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

750
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

751
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 4: Since my husband is the oldest and we'll be giving

752
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 4: her the first grandchild and starting the newest generation of

753
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 4: their immediate family, we knew this would cause issues. After

754
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 4: telling my sister in law about our decision, she said

755
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 4: I should distance myself, but keeping a grandchild from her

756
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,960
Speaker 4: might not go over well. Still, both my husband and

757
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:35,880
Speaker 4: I have already agreed.

758
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: Now I don't know.

759
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 4: Am I the a hole since she already apologized. There

760
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,439
Speaker 4: are some comments and an update, But you haven't done

761
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 4: it yet.

762
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:45,720
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly.

763
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 4: Because you haven't done it yet, you're still giving her

764
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 4: an opportunity, right, she just probably won't take it.

765
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly.

766
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: So, No, you're not the ahle. Yeah, definitely not.

767
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 4: Commoner, one says, not the a hole. Check with the

768
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:00,960
Speaker 4: lawyer about parental versus grandparent rights in your local jurisdiction.

769
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 4: If there are no grandparent rights, she can sue for

770
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,640
Speaker 4: prep to blocker and anyone else that she sends your

771
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 4: info to be prepared on both of you. Make sure

772
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 4: there is nothing she can do to you or children,

773
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,320
Speaker 4: Op says. Fortunately, we live in Florida, so according to

774
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 4: my Google searches, that gave that you gave me the

775
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 4: idea for she can only really do anything if we're

776
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 4: unfit or absent. If I'm reading it correctly, of course,

777
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 4: common or two not the Ahle. She made a meaningless

778
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 4: apology and has continued to bad mouth you to the

779
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 4: rest of the family. Restricting her access to your child

780
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 4: is the way to go. Your mother in law is

781
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:38,480
Speaker 4: a toxic in law to you read the book by

782
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 4: Susan Ford, and your husband might want to read her

783
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 4: book about toxic parents too. You have to understand how

784
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 4: damaging a mother in law like this can be to

785
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,480
Speaker 4: a child. Since you and your husband are on the

786
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 4: same page here, you may want to spend some time

787
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,880
Speaker 4: with a therapist to help you with your strategy to

788
00:36:54,960 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 4: avoid having her as a malevolent influence in your lives. Says,

789
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 4: I only feel bad because my relationship with my grandmother

790
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 4: really shaped me, even when she and my mother weren't

791
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 4: on the same page all the time, And all I

792
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,359
Speaker 4: want is for them to have that same relationship. Where

793
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 4: is Opie's father in law in this whole situation and

794
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 4: can he intervene? Opie says he is here and he's

795
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 4: a decent guy, but he's more of a happy wife,

796
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 4: happy life type of person. So the most he does

797
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 4: is change the subject. If a joke gets too bad

798
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,959
Speaker 4: and there is an update folks two days later, Wow

799
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 4: fac I just I mean, I don't really like know

800
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 4: what else there is to do? Really, Yeah, honestly, so

801
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 4: I feel like, I mean, especially since you're pregnant.

802
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 1: You're pregnant, like you got you're busy.

803
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can't risk like if this is causing you

804
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 5: so much stress, like that stress. If it gets too bad,

805
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,480
Speaker 5: it can complicate the pregnancy. So I feel like, you know,

806
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 5: even if it's just for a little bit or something

807
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 5: that you like, don't talk to her, like, maybe do that,

808
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 5: I while you're pregnant. While you're pregnant, you don't want

809
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 5: to stress.

810
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: Update.

811
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 4: Since my post, my mother in law has spoken against

812
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 4: me again. This time she commented. This time, she commented

813
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,320
Speaker 4: that I will be slowly endangering my baby because I

814
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 4: told my sister in law about the vaccines doctors recommended

815
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 4: during pregnancy. My mother in law overheard and decided it'd

816
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 4: be a good idea to gossip about me on the

817
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 4: phone with her sister. Word got around, and eventually my

818
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 4: sister in law told me what was said. This did

819
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 4: hurt a bit because as a first time mom, I

820
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 4: just want to do anything to help my baby. My

821
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 4: mother wholeheartedly disagrees with her, and said that she got

822
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 4: every vaccine that was recommended when she was pregnant with

823
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 4: both me and my siblings, and I got every vaccine

824
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 4: grown up, including my flu shot. I'm perfectly healthy. I

825
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 4: told my husband about it, and he officially sat his

826
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 4: mother down today and told her what would be happening.

827
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,600
Speaker 4: He explained that her actions have been unacceptable for far

828
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 4: too long, and that she'd have no access to me

829
00:38:58,120 --> 00:38:59,919
Speaker 4: or our baby until further notice.

830
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 1: Yes we go.

831
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 4: That means no more attending family dinners, vacations, events, etc.

832
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 4: I told her that any information she gets about the

833
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 4: baby will only be because I agreed to give it

834
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,399
Speaker 4: to her, and it'll go through my husband or sister

835
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:17,319
Speaker 4: in law. She did not react very well and said

836
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,800
Speaker 4: that we were very selfish for cutting off the relationship

837
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,400
Speaker 4: between a child and their grandmother, claiming a grandmother is

838
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 4: just as important as a mother. I reminded her that

839
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 4: my mother is still alive and only lives an hour

840
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 4: and a half away, so my child will still have

841
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 4: a relationship with their grandmother. We've since come home and

842
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 4: my sister in law told me that my mother in

843
00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 4: law has already told both her and a few other

844
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:43,360
Speaker 4: family members. Well she her husband, my husband's brother, and

845
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,200
Speaker 4: another sister in law have attempted to defend me. It's

846
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 4: not a lot of people in my corner. There is

847
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:49,720
Speaker 4: a little bit left of the story.

848
00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 5: But do you have any final thought, Glad that the

849
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:55,400
Speaker 5: husband sat down with her. Yeah, glad that she is

850
00:39:55,560 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 5: finally like understanding. Well, I mean hopefully she's understanding. Yeah, Like, yeah, no,

851
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 5: that's like, actually, what's going to happen. It's not something

852
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 5: that we're just saying.

853
00:40:04,560 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: And then well, you will lose contact with your grandchild.

854
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,240
Speaker 1: This is literally this is happening.

855
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 5: And you can apologize to make it better maybe yeah,

856
00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 5: and maybe act differently, but otherwise we're not gonna forget.

857
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:20,200
Speaker 1: So you know, that's how it is.

858
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 4: Glad that that was said me too. I'm glad your

859
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 4: husband's on your side. Yeah, because we don't get a

860
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 4: lot of stories better that happens exactly, Opi continues. My

861
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 4: husband's father has since called him and said that while

862
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,399
Speaker 4: he isn't required to always get along with his mom,

863
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 4: we're all still family, and he shouldn't take her only

864
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 4: grandchild away from here because of a disagreement. As family

865
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,640
Speaker 4: argues all the time. It's very hectic right now, but

866
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 4: I'm sure everyone will recover. Thanks everyone for your advice

867
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 4: and words, and ope on her sister in law's thoughts

868
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 4: on the situation. My sister in law is a rich

869
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 4: My sister in law is a registered nurse after studying

870
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:00,800
Speaker 4: nursing during college, and one of her professors a retired

871
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 4: pediatric nurse. She has so many horror stories that are

872
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 4: prof told her about children who came in with horrible diseases.

873
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,440
Speaker 4: She has so many horror stories that our professor told

874
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 4: her about children who came in with horrible diseases that

875
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 4: would have been avoided with just one vaccine. She's one

876
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 4: thousand percent on board with me, which is why, no,

877
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 4: I'm not as crazy as my mother in law wants

878
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 4: it to seem. Opie shares thoughts on differing opinions regarding

879
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:30,280
Speaker 4: raising the kids in today's generation. Opie says differing opinions

880
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,439
Speaker 4: are fine about things like whether or not a child

881
00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 4: should have an iPad, bedtimes, and clothes, but to me,

882
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 4: vaccines aren't in Agreed to disagree things as it directly

883
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 4: impacts the health of my baby. Even if she didn't

884
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 4: agree with me, the reason she was cut off was

885
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,239
Speaker 4: because of the fact that she quite literally said, I'm

886
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 4: slowly unliving my baby. Uh what first time mother or

887
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 4: any type of mom wants to be told that. Opie

888
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 4: explains the relationship between her mother and law and her

889
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 4: husband's paternal grandma. Obie says, the crazy part is that

890
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:06,799
Speaker 4: her mother in law, God rest her soul, was her

891
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 4: worst enemy. I only met the woman maybe once or twice,

892
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,839
Speaker 4: and then went to her funeral just three weeks after

893
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 4: my husband and I's first year anniversary. She hated her

894
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 4: so much that she didn't even seem remotely sad from

895
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:23,040
Speaker 4: her passing and just stroked her husband's hair as he cried.

896
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 4: They had a family meeting at granny's house after the funeral,

897
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 4: and when everyone was sharing moments, she had nothing nice

898
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 4: to say other than the basics generational trauma. I guess

899
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,840
Speaker 4: and commenter says a grandmother is just as important as

900
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 4: a mother, not at all. Good grandparents are a bonus.

901
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 4: Bad grandparents are how generational trauma is carried on. You

902
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 4: are not keeping your child away from her. You are

903
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 4: protecting your child from her. Glad you and your husband

904
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,239
Speaker 4: are on the same page. And that is the end

905
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:58,080
Speaker 4: of that story. My mother spent my tuition money.

906
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 1: Now I want to expose her to my father. Tell

907
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 1: the truth.

908
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 5: I twenty female, have always supported my mom forty three female,

909
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,879
Speaker 5: even financially, and I usually try to understand her side.

910
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 5: My dad, forty four male, works overseas and sends me

911
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 5: money twice a month for groceries, bills, and school. He

912
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 5: usually sends it to my mom, who then distributes it.

913
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,320
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from it, men loves the scenery.

914
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 5: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

915
00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 5: to the hour slash okay story time and separate it.

916
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 5: And I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon, and we're

917
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 5: here to give good advice goofily, but we are definitely

918
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:35,080
Speaker 5: not experts, so Op says. Earlier this month, my dad

919
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 5: came home after working abroad for six months. He had

920
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 5: all our expenses mapped out, including my tuition. Since I'm

921
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 5: an incoming second year aeronautical engineering student, which is really

922
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 5: expensive where I live. He gave my mom around one

923
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:51,320
Speaker 5: thousand dollars for my enrollment fee. And that is like

924
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 5: sixty percent of the whole tuition fee. What my dad

925
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 5: didn't know was that I still had a three fifty

926
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:01,600
Speaker 5: dollars balance for my previous semester. My mom used part

927
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,800
Speaker 5: of the one thousand dollars for that balance, and I

928
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 5: agreed not to tell my dad because I trusted that

929
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:08,479
Speaker 5: she'd figure out a way to cover the rest. Fast

930
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 5: forward to last week. I finished my documents, reserved my enrollment,

931
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 5: and was waiting for the tuition payment. That's when I

932
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 5: found out that my mom had already used the remaining

933
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 5: money for reasons that she won't explain. Oh, she's been

934
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 5: trying to recoup it, but nothing has come through. Prior

935
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 5: to that, she told me that she'll never touch my

936
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 5: enrollment money since it'll be hard to recover.

937
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 1: She's a liar.

938
00:44:30,920 --> 00:44:34,720
Speaker 5: She's a liar. Today is the last day of late enrollment.

939
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,399
Speaker 5: If my tuition isn't paid by six pm, I lose

940
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,280
Speaker 5: my slot. I've already missed two weeks of classes, including

941
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 5: major and lab subjects, and I completely broke down. I

942
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 5: told my mom, I'm tired of always having to compromise

943
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,600
Speaker 5: because she borrows or misuses the money. I told her,

944
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 5: if this continues, I'll have no choice but to tell

945
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:53,839
Speaker 5: my dad everything, not just about my tuition, but also

946
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 5: about her gambling and borrowing habits that I've helped cover

947
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 5: up for years. The problem is if I tell him,

948
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,839
Speaker 5: my parents will have a huge fight and he'll never

949
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 5: trust her with money again. But I'm exhausted, and now

950
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 5: my education is on the line.

951
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: Am I the A hole? If I finally tell my

952
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:11,600
Speaker 1: dad the truth? That's easy?

953
00:45:11,719 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 5: Now tell your dad now, yeah, because I mean, I

954
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 5: feel like an easy solution. He just sends the money

955
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 5: to you, and yeah, and then you get to go

956
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 5: to college.

957
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

958
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 4: You are not helping your mom by not telling your

959
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 4: dad that she is gambling. It mm hmmmmm, like you're

960
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 4: only making that worse. Honestly, Yeah, by covering ittely.

961
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 5: Absolutely. There are some comments, though one commentary says, Honestly,

962
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 5: I know it's difficult supporting someone when you know you shouldn't.

963
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: I've been here.

964
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 5: I don't think your mom will pay until the line,

965
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,600
Speaker 5: and even if she will, what about next semester or

966
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 5: something else important. You're not the a hole for telling

967
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 5: your dad, but you are one for not telling him sooner.

968
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:54,800
Speaker 5: If he finds out you covered for your mom. He

969
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 5: might be mad at you too, rightly, so be completely

970
00:45:57,480 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 5: honest to him and prepare for a changed relationship with

971
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,160
Speaker 5: both parents. Opie says, not gonna lie. She already did

972
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,720
Speaker 5: this too last year, even using the money I earned

973
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 5: from doing art commissions to lay her debts. The only

974
00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 5: time I managed to use that money for myself was

975
00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 5: when I bought a gaming keyboard. I didn't really tell

976
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 5: them at first, since before she managed to recover it.

977
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,120
Speaker 5: It's just now I can't really tolerate it because I

978
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 5: benefited from it before, though I know my faults. Another

979
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,080
Speaker 5: commentary says that doesn't surprise me at all. Mind explaining

980
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 5: how you benefited. I don't get that part, but maybe

981
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 5: it's just my tired brain. Opie says, I'm not actually

982
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 5: sure if this is called benefiting, but like her borrowed money,

983
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 5: it makes me buy stuff which I actually need, but

984
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,840
Speaker 5: still borrowed money she can't pay on time. Nonetheless, that

985
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 5: didn't make sense.

986
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're earning these little weird herope, but that's what

987
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 4: you mean by that.

988
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 5: I think what she's saying is that like the mom

989
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 5: would borrow money from the dad, and like it would

990
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 5: be like fortuition or something like that, but it would

991
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 5: be used for more fun things, and some of those

992
00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 5: fun things would be for op Like, I mean, yeah,

993
00:46:59,480 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 5: kind of back.

994
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, but bro, pay your tuition.

995
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 5: Tell your dad. Yeah, I think tell your dad. If

996
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 5: you get in a little bit of trouble, then you

997
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 5: get in a little bit of trouble. At least she

998
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:10,840
Speaker 5: can go to school.

999
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:11,399
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1000
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 5: I think your mom is definitely a more up fall here,

1001
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:17,400
Speaker 5: So absolutely, I think you'll generally be fine. Yeah, and

1002
00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 5: it come to him with solutions of like, yeah, just

1003
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 5: give it to me instead, because you know, if he

1004
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 5: has to make a solution, then he might choose to

1005
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 5: not give it to it all. Another commentary says, I

1006
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 5: wouldn't call that benefiting. If she was responsible with the money,

1007
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 5: she would buy it without problems. She spends the family

1008
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 5: money on gambling and god knows what Opie says. Before

1009
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 5: the VID, it wasn't like this though. It was only

1010
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 5: after the VID that money problems started happening. She borrowed

1011
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 5: money from online lending apps who have a huge interest

1012
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 5: and pestman since she had the VID, and things went

1013
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:49,920
Speaker 5: down from there. Another commentary says, sorry that happened to her.

1014
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 5: I can only guess here, but maybe spending money is

1015
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 5: a coping mechanism after all the stress that has happened.

1016
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 5: If your dad's income would be enough to support the family,

1017
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 5: of course, Opie says, the come was more than what

1018
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 5: our family needed, with a few excess for personal spending

1019
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 5: and such. But the reason why it doesn't seem like

1020
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 5: enough is because she's been using our budgets to pay

1021
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 5: the money that she borrowed, and hence why I'm having

1022
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 5: this problem now. Another commenter says, tell your dad. It

1023
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:21,720
Speaker 5: sounds like she may have a gambling regular use problem.

1024
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 5: Either way, it's financial abus In my opinion, your dad

1025
00:48:25,200 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 5: has a right to know what's happening with their money

1026
00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:29,240
Speaker 5: and to not be lied to. Opie says, I actually

1027
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 5: considered telling him multiple times, but I'm just afraid of

1028
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 5: what the consequences will be. As the last time this happened,

1029
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 5: they had a huge fight and Dad wanted an itemized

1030
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 5: list of expenses. It was only recently that he went lax,

1031
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 5: and this is what happens. And then, in response to

1032
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 5: another comment urging op to tell her dad, I actually

1033
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 5: gave her until five pm to settle it, though I

1034
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,839
Speaker 5: don't know if she'll be able to. I just want

1035
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 5: to cry thinking about it. Another commenter says, not the

1036
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,320
Speaker 5: a hole. Talk to your college see if they have

1037
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 5: any aid or emergency fees. Opie says, I don't accept

1038
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 5: promissory notes, and I've actually reserved the enrollment last week.

1039
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 5: We're given a week to settle that and the spot

1040
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 5: will be given to others. And now we have a

1041
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 5: flown update. Whoo.

1042
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like just tell him.

1043
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 5: Maybe there's some sort of guilt there to try to

1044
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,359
Speaker 5: like protect her mom in a way she feels bad

1045
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 5: that she's like kind of having this problem or something. Yeah,

1046
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 5: or maybe the mom is like guilting her.

1047
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,560
Speaker 1: Into helping out, but you're not actually.

1048
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:29,920
Speaker 5: Helping by doing this. No, it doesn't help anyone. Yeah exactly.

1049
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 5: So now we have an update thirty minutes later. Oh wow,

1050
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 5: that's the fastest update I think I've everden We already went. Oh.

1051
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,120
Speaker 5: He was like, okay, you guys are right one sec.

1052
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:40,879
Speaker 5: I'll be right back.

1053
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. We told my dad.

1054
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 5: So now my mom threatened me by saying that if

1055
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 5: I tell my dad there would be a huge fight

1056
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,920
Speaker 5: and they might separate, and that Dad won't want to

1057
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 5: see mom again. Oh, and there are some more. You

1058
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 5: don't listen to your mom, She's tricking you.

1059
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, Wow, that was just a tiny ba be

1060
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 1: a little.

1061
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 4: Update, but I guess not much can happen in thirty minutes.

1062
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess. So. We do have some comments.

1063
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:09,240
Speaker 5: Commenter says, definitely not the a whole. Your father deserves

1064
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 5: to know the truth. Your mother definitely means to be

1065
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,680
Speaker 5: held accountable for her actions. If it means he'll never

1066
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 5: trust her with money ever again, then so be it.

1067
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 5: If your mother complains, tell her actions have consequences. Opie says,

1068
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 5: it's kind of hard to say that to mom, since

1069
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 5: I'll be labeled as an ungrateful child. I live in

1070
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 5: a very religious Asian country. I don't want my family

1071
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:29,359
Speaker 5: to be broken, but at the same time, I can't

1072
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 5: tolerate this anymore. And we do have another update update

1073
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 5: number two. This is the next day Dad was doing

1074
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,680
Speaker 5: his medical earlier in contract signing, hence why I wasn't

1075
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 5: able to tell him didn't want to talk about it

1076
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 5: on the phone. The moment he got home, I immediately

1077
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 5: told about the situation, and while he was not mad

1078
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 5: at me, I could sense his disappointment, which I understand.

1079
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 5: I explained the whole situation, and after that he went

1080
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,960
Speaker 5: to confront my mom via the phone, since we're in

1081
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,680
Speaker 5: the city and my mom is at our hometown. After

1082
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,799
Speaker 5: a bit of grilling, Mom eventually confessed that, aside from

1083
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 5: using the money to pay back the money that she

1084
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 5: owed other people, she did use some for gambling in

1085
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:07,799
Speaker 5: hopes of having a higher return, which unfortunately did not happen.

1086
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 5: They had to talk about it. I could sense the

1087
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 5: Dad was holding back, and Dad is now requesting a

1088
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 5: list of all the people that she owed and how much,

1089
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 5: though she has yet to reply. Dad also managed to

1090
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,280
Speaker 5: find a way to get the funds for my enrollment.

1091
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 5: Fortunately it didn't become a reason for them to separate,

1092
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 5: though he has told me that he'd be sending the

1093
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 5: money directly to us, my siblings and I from now on,

1094
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:32,720
Speaker 5: especially our allowances. I have no idea regarding the bills

1095
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:36,320
Speaker 5: and groceries anyway. Thank you all so much for your insights,

1096
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 5: as it has helped me make the right choice, which

1097
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 5: I did, and hopefully it helps Mom to overcome her

1098
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 5: gambling and tendency to borrow from other people. I'd be

1099
00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 5: reporting to school tomorrow and appeal if they could still

1100
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 5: slip me in available slot and it will update. And

1101
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:52,879
Speaker 5: we've got some comments. But see, this is what we're saying,

1102
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 5: op It's gonna be good, saying it's gonna be fine.

1103
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 1: Be fine.

1104
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:57,399
Speaker 5: You're gonna get the money.

1105
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:00,680
Speaker 4: Your dad your mom are going to figure it out

1106
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 4: because that's their relationship and.

1107
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:05,839
Speaker 5: Has nothing to do with you, exactly, exactly. So now

1108
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 5: we have two Opie's comments. One commentary says, by any

1109
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 5: chance are you Filipino? I know some people like your

1110
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,800
Speaker 5: mom who end up in huge debt from gambling and

1111
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 5: borrowing money for gambling. So the point that they'll lie

1112
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 5: about what they need the money for when borrowing, they

1113
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 5: won't stop, they'll manipulate, and they won't care about the consequences,

1114
00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,839
Speaker 5: even if it affects their loves ones. It's good your

1115
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 5: dad will now be sending the funds to you and

1116
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 5: your siblings, but just make sure the money is sent

1117
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 5: or kept safely in your own bank account that your

1118
00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 5: mom has no access to, and to only give her

1119
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 5: what she needs. It sucks that the responsibility to pay bills,

1120
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:38,759
Speaker 5: buy groceries, and everything else will fall on you guys.

1121
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: While juggling school. But I hope this will help.

1122
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 5: Keep your mom from borrowing if she ever tries to again,

1123
00:52:45,040 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 5: learn to say no, and if possible, try to have

1124
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 5: her blacklisted from lending apps. Though I know this is difficult,

1125
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 5: she might end up making you or your siblings co

1126
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 5: borrowers without knowing. Opie says, actually, yeah, I am Filipino.

1127
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:01,239
Speaker 5: Regarding the other responsibilities, I have no worries since I

1128
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 5: can handle it. I'm used to paying my own bills

1129
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 5: since I started earning from digital art. It's only recently

1130
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 5: that I can't since I have no commissions. Additionally, Dad

1131
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 5: told me to tell him if Mama ever asks for

1132
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 5: money so he can monitor her. So regarding the lending apps,

1133
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 5: it's kind of difficult since pestermint and all, and they'll

1134
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 5: contact everyone in her contacts. I'm one of those, unfortunately.

1135
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,320
Speaker 5: Another commentary says, how old are you? Op It's not

1136
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:29,400
Speaker 5: your responsibility to prevent fights between your parents. Yeah, your

1137
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 5: responsibility is to study, work hard, and make sure the

1138
00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 5: money your dad is paying for your education is being

1139
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:37,280
Speaker 5: maximized by you for that purpose.

1140
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,080
Speaker 1: If they fight, it'll be because of your mom, not you.

1141
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 5: Opie says, I'm twenty and the oldest of my three siblings.

1142
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,759
Speaker 5: My sister is in grade nine and my younger brother

1143
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 5: is in elementary school. And we do have a third update.

1144
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:53,839
Speaker 5: Oh boy, this is four days later from that post.

1145
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 1: I'm I told you.

1146
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:56,759
Speaker 5: I'm glad you told your dad.

1147
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,919
Speaker 3: I didn't want to say anything whether you're like, I'm

1148
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,840
Speaker 3: from a Asian country that's heavily Catholic, and I was like,

1149
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,840
Speaker 3: and there's a lot of like gambling and stuff like that.

1150
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:06,960
Speaker 3: I was like, or not gambling, but like, you know,

1151
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,279
Speaker 3: this is part of it, yeah, part of it. I

1152
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 3: was like, it's Filipino.

1153
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:12,400
Speaker 1: Really, I saw a number.

1154
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 3: It's really bad that gam Like I think it's like

1155
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 3: at least fifty percent of Filipino's gamble wow, and like

1156
00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 3: seventy percent have a gambling agin.

1157
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 5: Oh wow, it's bad.

1158
00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 1: It's really really, really really bad.

1159
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1160
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

1161
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 5: So with update number three year, my dad managed to

1162
00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:33,399
Speaker 5: find a way to secure the funds for my tuition fee.

1163
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,440
Speaker 5: I also managed to get enrolled just this Saturday, though

1164
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 5: I missed two weeks worth of lessons as well as

1165
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 5: an assessment. I spent the following days sending emails to

1166
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 5: my professors so I could catch up. Dad had a

1167
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,839
Speaker 5: bit of a talk with Mom through a video call,

1168
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 5: since Mom is currently in her hometown while my dad

1169
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 5: and I are in the city. I study in the

1170
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 5: city while my dad was here for his documents in

1171
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 5: medical He pressed on questioning her until it was reveal

1172
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,840
Speaker 5: that she gambled the money in hopes of getting a

1173
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,480
Speaker 5: high return to pay the money she owes very people,

1174
00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:03,279
Speaker 5: as well as return the money that was supposed to.

1175
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 1: Be used for my education.

1176
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:06,799
Speaker 5: Now some of you might be wondering why my dad

1177
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 5: would finance my college. I'm actually from the Philippines, so

1178
00:55:10,440 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 5: culture here is a bit different, as there would be

1179
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 5: parents who would work so they can send their kids

1180
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 5: to college, and my dad happens to be one of those. Anyway.

1181
00:55:18,239 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 5: I also told Dad about the money that she owed

1182
00:55:20,719 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 5: to my friends as well, and he found himself questioning

1183
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 5: why my mom would borrow money when he would send

1184
00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,680
Speaker 5: most of his salary to us, which is admittedly more

1185
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 5: than enough if there had been no loans to pay.

1186
00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 5: There is a little bit more to the story, but

1187
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 5: she would borrow from her friends too.

1188
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, definitely good move in telling your dad

1189
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:42,960
Speaker 4: because this is clearly a problem that you are not

1190
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 4: equipped to handle.

1191
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, And hopefully your dad.

1192
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 4: Can kind of get a handle on this and your

1193
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 4: parents can work it out together.

1194
00:55:50,320 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

1195
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:54,279
Speaker 5: It's good that you're telling everything that you know yeah

1196
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 5: to him. Since then, however, my younger sister told me

1197
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 5: that Mom seemed down, like she has no fight left

1198
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 5: in her and gave up completely. She was unusually quiet too.

1199
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 5: I have no idea what else is happening, since she

1200
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,480
Speaker 5: hasn't talked to me or dad ever since. I did

1201
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:11,520
Speaker 5: send a message to my mom explaining why I did

1202
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,880
Speaker 5: what I did, and I do ask about her to

1203
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 5: my siblings since she had deactivated her account. Hopefully, when

1204
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,399
Speaker 5: she comes here to the city to switch with my dad,

1205
00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 5: who will then look after my siblings before he asked

1206
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,360
Speaker 5: to work again, we can at least bring back some

1207
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:28,560
Speaker 5: of that bond that we had before this entire fiasco happened.

1208
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 5: So we have one last comment here. There's a commentary

1209
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:34,799
Speaker 5: that says you are definitely not the a hole your

1210
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 5: parents are, though he knew that she had money issues

1211
00:56:37,480 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 5: and expected her to change without any help. Really, Commentary

1212
00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 5: number two says, did Opie say that the mom never

1213
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 5: had help? Mom is the only a hole here based

1214
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,840
Speaker 5: on the info that we have, Opie responds. Dad actually

1215
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 5: has reminded Mom multiple times to stop gambling, as no

1216
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 5: one ever really wins. It was only really after the

1217
00:56:56,760 --> 00:57:00,280
Speaker 5: pandemic that she started gambling more and more. She didn't

1218
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:03,320
Speaker 5: even gamble except for when it's with my aunts, and

1219
00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 5: that was in good fun and nothing serious.

1220
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:07,880
Speaker 1: And that's the end of that story.

1221
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 2: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1222
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,160
Speaker 2: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1223
00:57:12,239 --> 00:57:13,040
Speaker 2: that keep the show going.

1224
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 4: My father tried to ruin my marriage, so now I

1225
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:21,160
Speaker 4: want him gone, begone, sir. And this comes directly from

1226
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 4: the r slash Okay storytime subred it. I forty four

1227
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 4: female met my birth father sixty six mail when I

1228
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 4: was sixteen years old. Let me preface this by saying

1229
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:32,400
Speaker 4: my birth father signed his rights away to me when

1230
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:34,480
Speaker 4: I was three years old because he didn't want to

1231
00:57:34,520 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 4: pay child support. Not cool, by the way. This comes

1232
00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:40,800
Speaker 4: from no Philosopher forty four oh seven. And if you

1233
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:42,360
Speaker 4: want to smit your own stories, go to the r

1234
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:45,960
Speaker 4: slash Okay storytime subred it. I'm Sophia and I'm Angie

1235
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 4: and I'm ke On, and we try to give the

1236
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:51,520
Speaker 4: best advice that we can on these stories. But we

1237
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 4: haven't gone through all the situations that we read about.

1238
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 4: But if you guys have gone through them, let us.

1239
00:57:56,680 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 1: Know what you would do in the situation.

1240
00:57:58,080 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 5: We'll try to give our best advice.

1241
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,720
Speaker 4: But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

1242
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 4: if you have, let us know your takes in the comments.

1243
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 4: OHP says I was a complete handful at sixteen. Think

1244
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 4: rebellious behavior, skipping school, staying out late, et cetera, which

1245
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 4: I used to mask some massive pain. My mom couldn't

1246
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 4: handle me anymore, so she found my birth father and

1247
00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:20,680
Speaker 4: told him it was his turn to handle me.

1248
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 1: O my god, yikes.

1249
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:25,160
Speaker 4: I moved in with him, a total stranger and was

1250
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 4: shell shocked by the transition. I went from an upper

1251
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,120
Speaker 4: middle class upbringing to living in a rundown house in

1252
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:34,080
Speaker 4: a very rural town with a birth father who didn't

1253
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 4: work and struggled with his own issues. His troubled living

1254
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 4: girlfriend was the cherry on top. But I was happy

1255
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 4: to be there because I needed to get away from

1256
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 4: a very toxic situation with my stepfather. I lived with

1257
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 4: my birth father for a little over a year before

1258
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,960
Speaker 4: my mother realized we were living with no electricity and

1259
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 4: decided she wanted me back.

1260
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:54,120
Speaker 5: That's absolutely ridiculous.

1261
00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you didn't look into what you were

1262
00:58:56,760 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 1: sending your daughter into. Yeah, ridiculous.

1263
00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 4: The environment back home wasn't much better, so eventually I

1264
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 4: asked my birth father if I could move back in.

1265
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:08,200
Speaker 4: At this point, I had dropped out of school, so

1266
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 4: I did the best I could to work and provide

1267
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 4: food and money for electricity because my father still didn't.

1268
00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:13,919
Speaker 1: Have a job.

1269
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 4: Six months later, I moved out of his house. By

1270
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 4: this time, the girlfriend was gone and he was completely alone.

1271
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:21,600
Speaker 4: He had no one in the world but me, his

1272
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:24,840
Speaker 4: only child and his two best friends, no family as

1273
00:59:24,880 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 4: he was adopted, no wife as the two he'd had

1274
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 4: divorced him, and he started leaning heavily on me for

1275
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:34,120
Speaker 4: support and human connection. I gave him everything he needed

1276
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:36,360
Speaker 4: because he was my dad and I knew he had

1277
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 4: no one else to depend on. Over the years, my

1278
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 4: dad got his stuff together, got a job, lost the

1279
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 4: inherited house, and eventually I had to move in with me.

1280
00:59:44,040 --> 00:59:46,240
Speaker 4: When I was twenty five, I got a two bedroom

1281
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,360
Speaker 4: apartment and let him live with me for a couple

1282
00:59:48,440 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 4: of years before he got back on his feet. He

1283
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 4: moved out and got his own apartment near me and

1284
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 4: was doing good for about six years before he lost

1285
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 4: his job due to a medical issue. I didn't want

1286
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 4: him living with me again, so I I bought him

1287
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 4: a thirty five foot travel trailer and put him in

1288
01:00:03,480 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 4: an affordable RV park near his best friend who was

1289
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,040
Speaker 4: passing away. Of all he had to do was come

1290
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 4: up with three hundred dollars a month for lot rent, electricity,

1291
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:15,720
Speaker 4: and water. Guess who didn't get a job or even

1292
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 4: scrape aluminum cans to pay for that. The landlord sees

1293
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 4: the trailer and all of his belongings. I cut contact

1294
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 4: with him for a while. Two years later he messaged

1295
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 4: me saying he was living with his last friend and

1296
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 4: wanted a relationship again.

1297
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:31,000
Speaker 5: This was during the VID and I started.

1298
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,520
Speaker 4: Talking to him, but kept him at arm's length because

1299
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 4: through therapy, I realized we'd never had a normal parent

1300
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:40,040
Speaker 4: child relationship. I was always guilted into giving while he

1301
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:44,120
Speaker 4: took because I was his only child and his whole world.

1302
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 4: He frequently told me I was the only person he

1303
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 4: had on the planet, and I felt obligated to help him. Eventually,

1304
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 4: his relationship with that friend soart. He still didn't work,

1305
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 4: but was finally approved for Social Security disability, and he

1306
01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:00,520
Speaker 4: called telling me he was being verbally mistreated and needed

1307
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 4: to move out because his anxiety couldn't handle it. After

1308
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 4: talking to my husband forty eight mail of just two years,

1309
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:08,840
Speaker 4: we allowed him to move in. I felt I had

1310
01:01:08,920 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 4: no choice because his health is bad according to him,

1311
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 4: and he had too much anxiety to function. Mind you,

1312
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:17,840
Speaker 4: this man is sixty two at the time, not old,

1313
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 4: and certainly able to take care of himself. Bud. He

1314
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 4: lay the guilt on thick. Well, it feels like he's

1315
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:26,120
Speaker 4: relied on you kind of your whole life, or at

1316
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 4: least since you've been in his life.

1317
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1318
01:01:28,960 --> 01:01:30,320
Speaker 5: Exactly three years later.

1319
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 1: My husband got a job abroad.

1320
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,000
Speaker 4: We moved my father with us because he was my

1321
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:38,560
Speaker 4: dependent and I felt obligated. The first year was mainly okay,

1322
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 4: he kept to himself, but his demands on me slowly increased.

1323
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:47,640
Speaker 4: I ended up doing absolutely everything, grocery shopping, making his

1324
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 4: doctor appointments, taking him to appointments, getting his meds, getting

1325
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 4: him SIGs, and everything else he wanted. I worked two

1326
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 4: jobs by choice, but I worked a lot. My husband

1327
01:01:58,640 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 4: does too. My father's behave went from asking me to

1328
01:02:01,320 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 4: run errands to demanding I do them.

1329
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 1: This got old fast.

1330
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 4: I started resenting him and being short whenever I saw him,

1331
01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 4: which was all the time, because he constantly tried to

1332
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:14,520
Speaker 4: talk to me, demanding my time when I got off work,

1333
01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 4: when I just wanted to relax with my husband, asking

1334
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 4: me to go to the store for the third time

1335
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:22,080
Speaker 4: that week. My father is on disability, but he's not

1336
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:26,960
Speaker 4: that disabled. He can walk, talk, make decisions. He's fully functioning.

1337
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 4: He's just lazy, in my opinion. The resentment built to

1338
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:34,400
Speaker 4: toxic levels recently, and we've been having verbal arguments which

1339
01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:37,080
Speaker 4: we've never had before. I finally stood up to him

1340
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:40,280
Speaker 4: and told him I'm not his babysitter or made he

1341
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 4: didn't take me telling him to take a taxi or

1342
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 4: uber to the store and handle his own business.

1343
01:02:45,040 --> 01:02:46,480
Speaker 5: Well, he went on about.

1344
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 4: How I was supposed to take care of him and

1345
01:02:48,320 --> 01:02:50,800
Speaker 4: that he doesn't know how to do things himself. Why

1346
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:54,320
Speaker 4: not like call a taxi with the phone I pay for,

1347
01:02:55,200 --> 01:02:58,040
Speaker 4: or navigate around Hello Google Maps.

1348
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 5: There's so much technology for this exact purpose.

1349
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:01,240
Speaker 1: Is to help you.

1350
01:03:01,440 --> 01:03:04,439
Speaker 4: You can watch YouTube videos about how to use technology. Yeah,

1351
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:07,919
Speaker 4: I snapped and told him I never agreed to become

1352
01:03:08,000 --> 01:03:10,120
Speaker 4: his caretaker, that I opened my home for him to

1353
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 4: live in, but I was done being taken advantage of

1354
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 4: and guilted into doing everything for him. I laughed in

1355
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:18,040
Speaker 4: his face when he told me he's taken care of

1356
01:03:18,160 --> 01:03:19,920
Speaker 4: me for years and I owe him.

1357
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:22,680
Speaker 5: He didn't handle me laughing well and got very angry

1358
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:23,000
Speaker 5: with me.

1359
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 4: A month later, we got into another huge blow up

1360
01:03:26,080 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 4: because my husband told him he had to move out

1361
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,960
Speaker 4: because of the hostile way he treats me, that living

1362
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:33,840
Speaker 4: in this toxic environment is no good for anyone. My

1363
01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:36,760
Speaker 4: father smiles at me and says, what would your husband

1364
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:39,320
Speaker 4: say if I told him what I knew? My husband

1365
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 4: immediately asks what he's talking about, and my father just

1366
01:03:42,760 --> 01:03:46,560
Speaker 4: stares at me with this evil smile. I'm feeling froggy

1367
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 4: at this point.

1368
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:48,800
Speaker 5: Froggy, I don't know.

1369
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:49,440
Speaker 1: What does that mean?

1370
01:03:49,520 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 5: Supposed to be foggy?

1371
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:51,560
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1372
01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:54,680
Speaker 4: I don't know, and said, tell my husband whatever you want,

1373
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,440
Speaker 4: but you'll be out of my house today. My husband

1374
01:03:57,560 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 4: is confused, and so am I. But my father goes

1375
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 4: back to his room without saying anything. I think he

1376
01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:03,800
Speaker 4: was just trying to start the pot.

1377
01:04:03,880 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 5: I think so too.

1378
01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,360
Speaker 1: I don't think he actually had anything to say.

1379
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:07,960
Speaker 5: That's just wild.

1380
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:09,440
Speaker 1: Hurt your relationship.

1381
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:12,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, but then he's like looking at you in some

1382
01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 5: way like, oh, but not tell your husband?

1383
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 1: Tell him what?

1384
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, go ahead say it in front of me, because

1385
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:21,880
Speaker 5: I don't know what you're talking about. Whinnie Anderson says, Nope,

1386
01:04:21,920 --> 01:04:23,960
Speaker 5: it's froggy means like ready to pounce.

1387
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:29,040
Speaker 4: Oh, I feel like I would be like I'm feeling

1388
01:04:29,160 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 4: really panthery.

1389
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:32,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like a cat.

1390
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:33,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1391
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:37,360
Speaker 4: My husband begged me to keep the door open so

1392
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 4: he could monitor what was going on, just in case

1393
01:04:39,760 --> 01:04:42,240
Speaker 4: he needed to come help me if my dad got upset.

1394
01:04:42,520 --> 01:04:44,439
Speaker 4: When I sat down to talk to him, I asked

1395
01:04:44,520 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 4: him what he meant about telling my husband something. He

1396
01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:48,760
Speaker 4: said that he would tell my husband that I've been

1397
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 4: sleeping with my male best friend and that he recorded

1398
01:04:52,080 --> 01:04:55,959
Speaker 4: proof on his phone. I was actually shocked by his words. First,

1399
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:58,960
Speaker 4: I've never done anything with my male bestie, and second,

1400
01:04:59,160 --> 01:05:02,280
Speaker 4: what's he talking about having a video? My husband came

1401
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:05,080
Speaker 4: barging in the room and demanded to see my father's

1402
01:05:05,120 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 4: cell phone as he heard the whole conversation from nearby.

1403
01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 4: My father refused to hand over the phone, and it

1404
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:13,320
Speaker 4: got tense for a bit as my husband lost his

1405
01:05:13,440 --> 01:05:16,120
Speaker 4: temper and demanded it. He finally handed over the cell

1406
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,400
Speaker 4: phone and my husband rushed out of the room. I

1407
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 4: followed kind of in a panic because my husband is

1408
01:05:21,160 --> 01:05:25,400
Speaker 4: the most mellow, non confrontational person on the planet and

1409
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:28,320
Speaker 4: I'd never seen him lose it before. He tried to

1410
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:31,120
Speaker 4: access the phone, but it was password protected. I spent

1411
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:33,280
Speaker 4: the next few minutes trying to calm him down and

1412
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:36,080
Speaker 4: reassure him that I never cheated on him. After he

1413
01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,320
Speaker 4: calmed down, I told him i'd get the phone unlocked

1414
01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 4: and went back to my father's room to demand the coat.

1415
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:43,800
Speaker 4: After threatening to throw him out of my house right

1416
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,720
Speaker 4: that second and never look back. He gave me the password.

1417
01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 4: Once I opened the phone, I started looking for videos

1418
01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 4: or voice recordings, thinking that maybe he got a hug

1419
01:05:52,920 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 4: or something on video and was going to pathetically trying

1420
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,240
Speaker 4: to blackmail me over that newsflash. I hugged my bestie

1421
01:05:59,280 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 4: off and in front of my husband. But guess what

1422
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:06,640
Speaker 4: I found nothing? No video, no voice recording. Nothing. When

1423
01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:08,960
Speaker 4: I asked my dad what he was thinking, how he

1424
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:11,640
Speaker 4: could try to do something like that to me. He said,

1425
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:13,959
Speaker 4: I laughed in his face that one time we fought

1426
01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,160
Speaker 4: and he wanted to get back at me. He was

1427
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 4: trying to blackmail me in the hopes that I was

1428
01:06:18,560 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 4: sleeping with my male best friend so that I wouldn't

1429
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:21,600
Speaker 4: punt him out.

1430
01:06:21,680 --> 01:06:23,520
Speaker 5: So he was just going out on a limb. He's like,

1431
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:27,000
Speaker 5: maybe she is, I don't know right, She's like, I'm bored,

1432
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:31,920
Speaker 5: I don't work. So I immediately started crying. My heart broke.

1433
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:35,720
Speaker 4: You guys absolutely crushed me. My own father wanted to

1434
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 4: hurt me that bad and ruin my marriage to my husband.

1435
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:41,880
Speaker 4: I haven't mentioned this yet, but every serious partner my

1436
01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,800
Speaker 4: husband has had has cheated on him. It's his biggest

1437
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:47,960
Speaker 4: fear and biggest deal breaker in a relationship, and my

1438
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:50,920
Speaker 4: father used that to try to control me. There is

1439
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 4: a little bit left to this story. Do you have

1440
01:06:53,440 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 4: any final thoughts?

1441
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:57,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like we all know this guy's gotta.

1442
01:06:57,320 --> 01:06:58,120
Speaker 1: Co he's gotta go.

1443
01:06:58,680 --> 01:07:01,200
Speaker 5: He's trying to ruin your relationship. Yeah, you have given

1444
01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:05,200
Speaker 5: him so muchty much, and it's so disappointing because, like

1445
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:08,920
Speaker 5: obviously from you know how we're hearing this story. We

1446
01:07:09,040 --> 01:07:10,360
Speaker 5: just kind of see a bunch of like kind of

1447
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:14,160
Speaker 5: bad things all lined up or kind of like awkward things.

1448
01:07:14,240 --> 01:07:16,400
Speaker 5: Not we don't see any of the good stuff really,

1449
01:07:16,680 --> 01:07:19,320
Speaker 5: So it's a lot easier for us to just be like,

1450
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:22,080
Speaker 5: get just come out, just like get him out of there.

1451
01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:25,600
Speaker 5: But you know that must be so disappointing that you've

1452
01:07:25,680 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 5: given him all these chances.

1453
01:07:26,960 --> 01:07:27,720
Speaker 1: It's not for nothing.

1454
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 5: You know, you did that for a reason, and then

1455
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,480
Speaker 5: he's just completely going against you here.

1456
01:07:32,680 --> 01:07:34,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there is a little bit left. So that

1457
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:38,200
Speaker 4: happened two days ago, and I'm still shell shocked. I'm

1458
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 4: still trying to deal with the viciousness and the hurt

1459
01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 4: he's cost both my husband and me. I want my

1460
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:46,320
Speaker 4: father out of my house immediately, but he legitimately has

1461
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:48,480
Speaker 4: nowhere to go. He should have thought about that. Yeah,

1462
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:50,960
Speaker 4: you should have thought about that. No friends, no savings,

1463
01:07:51,040 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 4: no family, just a monthly eighteen hundred dollars social Security check.

1464
01:07:54,920 --> 01:07:55,800
Speaker 5: Well, then he's fine.

1465
01:07:56,200 --> 01:07:57,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. I want to.

1466
01:07:57,160 --> 01:07:59,880
Speaker 4: Completely wash my hands of this man and never speak

1467
01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:01,880
Speaker 4: to him again. But on the other hand, I know

1468
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 4: he has no one but me on earth, and that

1469
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 4: comes with a.

1470
01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 1: Lot of guilt.

1471
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:07,120
Speaker 4: Would I be wrong if I bought him a one

1472
01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:09,880
Speaker 4: way ticket back to the States and completely wash my

1473
01:08:09,920 --> 01:08:11,720
Speaker 4: hands of him. I don't want to help him find

1474
01:08:11,720 --> 01:08:14,080
Speaker 4: a place to live because I'm sick and tired of

1475
01:08:14,160 --> 01:08:16,960
Speaker 4: doing absolutely everything for him. I just want him gone.

1476
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:18,759
Speaker 1: That is the end of that story.