Speaker 1: Welcome back to the final episode of alchemy This. I'm
Speaker 1: your host, Kevin Pollock. Yes that Kevin Pollock? What's that? Yes?
Speaker 1: This is the final roundup of Alchemyist that features all
Speaker 1: the founding members and you can't believe it or stop us,
Speaker 1: but I digress. Let's meet. Well, let's say hello to
Speaker 1: our alchemist, shall we? In no particular order, Let's quickly
Speaker 1: check in with Craig Atkowski. Cocow, how are you doing today?
Speaker 1: Bitter sweet? I am bitter sweet. Actually, I think I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sweet. General, I'm not I'm not very bitter about anything. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've never seen sour occasionally, but I'm rarely, rarely bitter. Um.
Speaker 1: I think you guys have to have thick skin in
Speaker 1: this biz. Bitter this, but occasionally and rarely bitter. That's
Speaker 1: not only a great forecast, but a good name for
Speaker 1: your book. And sometimes salty sometimes, I'll be I right,
Speaker 1: you some salty language today, so I like it are accordingly.
Speaker 1: Oh my, there's Vanessa raglan Venete. Hi, my, oh my,
Speaker 1: how are you? And what the hell? Oh? What the hell? Indeed?
Speaker 1: I am mommy, yeah, yeah, yeah, good state. It's a
Speaker 1: great place to be and I love the mouth feel
Speaker 1: of my life mouth life at another great book title.
Speaker 1: I'm so uh sweet to be with these faces at
Speaker 1: this time. It is so I'm having very weird um yeah,
Speaker 1: deja vu of like, oh, this is the rhythm and
Speaker 1: these are the thing. This isn't it feels really? I'm yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a happy person to be with these people. Yea.
Speaker 1: Was it two eighteen or nineteen that we started James Well,
Speaker 1: two thousand eight teens when I believe it started releasing,
Speaker 1: but we started well, it was two thousand and eight
Speaker 1: teen when we started recording too, but that we started
Speaker 1: recording in like February two thousand. Yeah, I feel like
Speaker 1: March October was the Yeah, two eighteen. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it seems like a world ago. Hey, there's Chris Alvarado,
Speaker 1: Mike Pal Chris thoughts going into today, given our three
Speaker 1: plus year run coming to a logical end, same same, same, same, same,
Speaker 1: bitter sweet. I was pouring my coffee this morning and
Speaker 1: I was I was thinking, like, huh, this is a
Speaker 1: this is a bummer, but it's like it's a good bummer. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We we want, we want this, and there's plenty opportunity
Speaker 1: for us to perform together in other capacities or as
Speaker 1: alchemy this we ever want to do a festival somewhere
Speaker 1: and that type of stuff. That makes me happy. But
Speaker 1: you know, we do have a standing standing invitation to
Speaker 1: Sketch Fest as a as a group, so we could
Speaker 1: technically do that San Francisco Scotch Fest. Thank you. Um,
Speaker 1: just fucking just like just like Vanessa said, happy, happy
Speaker 1: to be here with this, with this group of just
Speaker 1: fucking murderers and lovers. Oh now look out there's James
Speaker 1: Z and sweet James, how are you feeling. I am
Speaker 1: like the longest box of hash brows you could fit in.
Speaker 1: I mean you probably have to crack that in half
Speaker 1: and put it on two different shelves in the freezer
Speaker 1: because it's long and they're frozen so they're hard to
Speaker 1: vs threw up. For Joey, I just get such a
Speaker 1: like an intestinal feeling from those words. That's how they
Speaker 1: sell it at Costo. Yeah, feel like contest packaging. Thank
Speaker 1: you James. And uh last, but I promise you he
Speaker 1: will stop drinking his own power jars if you think
Speaker 1: him least. It's Joey Greer chim chump tell us in
Speaker 1: four thousand words or less. What all you've seen? What
Speaker 1: all you've seen since last time you were with us? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What all you've seen since last time you were with us?
Speaker 1: Well you've seen? Yeah, well you've seen. First off, I
Speaker 1: don't like coming in with a constraint. No one else
Speaker 1: had that kind of qualifier. Four thousand words or less.
Speaker 1: Number two. All right, if I'm gonna be able to
Speaker 1: say something, I should be able to use all the
Speaker 1: words I know, and as many of them as I
Speaker 1: need be. Okay, that's a fact. Now everyone's talking about
Speaker 1: how they're feeling. Let me tell how I'm feeling. I
Speaker 1: feel like shit. I'm sick, all right, I'm sick as hell.
Speaker 1: This is the last episode. Alright, I'm disgusted. I got
Speaker 1: body aches, I got chills, a fever, I gotta running,
Speaker 1: a sore throat, I can't. I haven't pooped in like
Speaker 1: two days. What what else? It's coming out the top,
Speaker 1: there's nothing coming out at the bottom. Nothing. It's all steam.
Speaker 1: All my urine's coming out of my hand like steam, steaming,
Speaker 1: steve steering. I don't know how to pronounce it, but
Speaker 1: it's a medical term, and it's just like just releasing
Speaker 1: from the top. So that's that's how I'm a feeling.
Speaker 1: That's where I meant mentally, physically, spiritually, I am transcendent.
Speaker 1: I do think I am part of the three Angels.
Speaker 1: I am a Harold too to God's thrown and uh,
Speaker 1: I will see you all in times. Okay, that's good.
Speaker 1: That means you believe in us, right, Yeah, of course
Speaker 1: that's very cool. There will be there will be a
Speaker 1: baptism of fire. Well hold up, Uh, I'll take this
Speaker 1: opportunity for all the scene suggestions over these last many
Speaker 1: years from all of our listener emails and our patron
Speaker 1: v I P S. We thank you all. James has
Speaker 1: sent a lovely note to all the Patron subscribers letting
Speaker 1: them know how much we appreciate their love. Um. He
Speaker 1: did a great job with that letter, So thank you
Speaker 1: James and his own his own upcoming project, which I
Speaker 1: thought was really cool. James, Yeah, I thought, yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to, you want to. I don't know if it
Speaker 1: was a plug as much as it was. He offered
Speaker 1: everyone to just move their subscription. Yeah, never stop hustling,
Speaker 1: never stop girl, But thank you all. You were ultimately
Speaker 1: the reason we kept gathering to do this as much
Speaker 1: as we love to see each other, we were driven
Speaker 1: by the notion that someone was out there listening. So
Speaker 1: I didn't. I thought you meant James, and I was like,
Speaker 1: we had to keep James by the way. As soon
Speaker 1: as I started to talk about possibly giving into the
Speaker 1: notion that this was coming to an end, everyone asks James,
Speaker 1: gonna be okay, there's nothing to stuff that anyway. You
Speaker 1: are loved the most. It is clear. It is crystal clear,
Speaker 1: and that is my point. But aside from James, yes,
Speaker 1: thank you all listeners, and thank you for telling everyone
Speaker 1: you've ever known, and all the great reviews that James
Speaker 1: love to read someone and so forth. A big thank
Speaker 1: you to you. Our last three scenes were selected by me.
Speaker 1: They were, uh, I'm gonna say randomly. I was trying
Speaker 1: to get precious with it, and I thought, thankfully, there
Speaker 1: are too many to choose from, so there's no reason
Speaker 1: to be precious. Let's just move forward, shall we. This
Speaker 1: first one comes from patron v I p Andy Montoya,
Speaker 1: who wrote scene suggestions see no preamble, no life story,
Speaker 1: just scene suggestions. Now I'm gonna start criticizing. I think
Speaker 1: that's a compliment when clear and to the points the thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah mm hmm. Scene suggestion a writer attempts to write
Speaker 1: a romance novel. Thanks and take care, Andy Montoya, order up.
Speaker 1: And this is the old point man like because it's
Speaker 1: like not even like at the beginning of It's like
Speaker 1: when you think of the world as the world, man,
Speaker 1: it's like it's always something that's like, it's always bigger
Speaker 1: than it is. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's coming to it's going across. This is pornography.
Speaker 1: I I hear what you're saying. You're saying, my napkin
Speaker 1: draw into pornography. Well, can I I'm so sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry to interrupt. Um, Can I see the napkins? See
Speaker 1: my porno? This is for work? Okay, ms. I know
Speaker 1: we're having lunch, but I'm stuck and I need something
Speaker 1: and I heard there's napkins pornography. Can give me one second.
Speaker 1: I love you. I love you so much. Okay, Hi,
Speaker 1: So can I see the napkins. My name is Denise
Speaker 1: and my partner's name is Dennis. Dennis. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to leave you out of this, and it is funny
Speaker 1: Denise and Dennis. Um, I mean what you're working with.
Speaker 1: This is some John just made up right now, took
Speaker 1: it out. Well, I'm as literary agent. High, I'm I'm Jerry. Uh.
Speaker 1: But what we asked for was a romance novel. And
Speaker 1: what he's giving me a napkins that you tell me
Speaker 1: what they look like? Part of me? This is my
Speaker 1: I'm also my partner's literary agent. And she is a
Speaker 1: famous romance novelist. This is too weird. This is but babe,
Speaker 1: tell him, tell him what your nome to plume is.
Speaker 1: Raba Beenah, sorry you're looking at her. This is beef,
Speaker 1: holy ship, It's beef and the flesh. I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: this I would have wore a different suit. This is
Speaker 1: not the one I would have chose for today. A
Speaker 1: collaboration between these two artists. Dennis Dennis never stopped working.
Speaker 1: I like you, Tennis, I like you, Jerry. Hi. Sorry
Speaker 1: to keep you waiting. Who had the cod guilty? Okay?
Speaker 1: And who had the scrod on Dennis guilty? I don't
Speaker 1: like saying guilty. She always makes me say guilty, like
Speaker 1: we did something wrong. Oh well, we're about you, so
Speaker 1: I like to confess ahead of time? And did you
Speaker 1: want to a Ford top for the four of you,
Speaker 1: because oh my god, yes, yes, yes, yeah, Jerry, what
Speaker 1: if Jerry, what if you and I went over there
Speaker 1: and talk some business and let we let the artists
Speaker 1: do an artists do. I like what you're putting out there,
Speaker 1: all right, So I'm gonna go over there with my scrid. Dylan,
Speaker 1: did you give out that scrawd yes, well that's our
Speaker 1: last scrat. They ordered a scrid. I was telling you
Speaker 1: to see it. I got some big wi coming in
Speaker 1: here to god, menu review of it. Okay, the scrub,
Speaker 1: the scra goddamn sing song with a menu. Well, I
Speaker 1: can't take scrawed off the menu. If somebody tells me
Speaker 1: that they want scrawed, I can't say we're out of
Speaker 1: scrawed when we're not out of Yeah. Yeah, welcome to
Speaker 1: the fish market. I'm gotta help you. We got we
Speaker 1: got daily fish, daily catches. What what do you need?
Speaker 1: Hurry talk to me. What do you need? Um? Scrodrod?
Speaker 1: Who the hell are you? Excuse me? Scrod Hey, you
Speaker 1: want some scrite? Dude, just want some scrite? Okay, look look,
Speaker 1: look I know I this is select. This is a
Speaker 1: life fish. I only give it to my to my
Speaker 1: personal cut to any scribe. What then, is it with
Speaker 1: scrab today? I heard you say you have daily fishes? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I was wondering if you have any scried
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm closed today. I'm closed today.
Speaker 1: Hell is happening? What are you gonna do with all
Speaker 1: those fish bodies? I'm gonna take them somewhere where they're
Speaker 1: going to be used and maybe, you know what helpful?
Speaker 1: I think the fish bodies can be very helpful for me. Well,
Speaker 1: what are we gonna do with all these fish bodies
Speaker 1: in the children's hospital? That's not I'm I'm donating to
Speaker 1: you guys. Okay, I don't know. I'm the I'm the
Speaker 1: good guy. Here. Does anyone have any gills? What? Does
Speaker 1: anyone have any gills? Yes, we actually do right here.
Speaker 1: What do you what do you need? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I think this is crazy, but I think it might work.
Speaker 1: We have a kid whose lungs are overflowing. But I
Speaker 1: think if I could get some gills in there, we
Speaker 1: could make this work. Lungs you're filling with fluid. If
Speaker 1: we get the kills there, he can breathe the fluid.
Speaker 1: That's my idea. And I know I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's okay. Hey, everybody, Tommy's back from his little hospital visit,
Speaker 1: but he's back in class and wanted to ask him
Speaker 1: a few words he was feeling, and um, you know,
Speaker 1: you know what what what he's looking forward to for
Speaker 1: the rest of the school year, Tommy welcome. Can I
Speaker 1: ask Tommy why he looks weird? Um, I'm amphibious? Now,
Speaker 1: what what does that mean? Explain? I'm equally comfortable on
Speaker 1: land and in sea. You have a penis and a vagina?
Speaker 1: Good what I do? But that I do? But that's
Speaker 1: not That's not germane to this conversation. It has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with being amphibious. How are you bringing Germaine
Speaker 1: into this Germaine sit down? Sit down? You don't want
Speaker 1: to start something with Germaine, Amphibian. This is bullshit, Dennis.
Speaker 1: I just feel like, let's just swap for a while.
Speaker 1: I've been working with my client for so long and
Speaker 1: I feel like I could do something special with from
Speaker 1: from from with with with Denise. Sorry, I'm just so excited.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. I don't know if I'm terribly sorry
Speaker 1: to interrupt. I need to rescind that Scrod I haven't
Speaker 1: even had a bite of it yet. Good, good, good.
Speaker 1: I can replace it with any other fish, literally, any
Speaker 1: any other fish, all right, starfish. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's actually a fish. I think that's more of a
Speaker 1: colloquialism most of the scientific. Yeah, the one with the
Speaker 1: five points that looks like a star. I'll take that,
Speaker 1: thank you. Now. I don't pretty well. It takes a
Speaker 1: lot of cuts. I would never I would have never
Speaker 1: what part of that was gutsie? Do you? I don't.
Speaker 1: I think he's right. It might not be a fish,
Speaker 1: but I think he got him on a technicality. Jerry, Jerry,
Speaker 1: how are we gonna work together? So you gotta use
Speaker 1: my prize starfish? And that's what we're doing, my prize
Speaker 1: pet starfish. How am I supposed to go that? I
Speaker 1: can't serve starfish? I got you. I got your scrad Todd,
Speaker 1: I got your scrawd Todd. Any fish, any fish? Why
Speaker 1: don't you see the fish that we have? I don't
Speaker 1: know what's the first thing he came out of my mouth? Okay,
Speaker 1: but yeah, he wants a starfish. Uh, he wants abraised
Speaker 1: abraise starfish. Okay, you're not gonna serve me. Are you sorry?
Speaker 1: So that's okay? I love you. I love you too.
Speaker 1: Sist seriously, Dot Jerry, what I'm saying? Where do they go?
Speaker 1: Where do they they? Probably one went to the bathroom
Speaker 1: and thought, as will make use of time both one
Speaker 1: at the same time. Yeah, I mean it would make sense.
Speaker 1: You don't want to sit by yourself at a table
Speaker 1: that makes sense? Oh? Here it comes here it lightly
Speaker 1: braised starfish with star fruit. Thank you? Can I get
Speaker 1: to ranch on the side. Don't want to dip it
Speaker 1: and suck on the I'm sorry. The chef is kind
Speaker 1: of a stickler for you know. It only comes the
Speaker 1: way it comes. No, I just want to suck on
Speaker 1: the spokes dipped in ranch, You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like a cr to choke essential. It's
Speaker 1: not a lot of me, but you just suck it.
Speaker 1: Chef Todd prides himself on the way he cooks the spokes,
Speaker 1: so it should be enough with its own juices to
Speaker 1: whet your chef Todd, Let me see the spokes. Let
Speaker 1: me see, let me see, let me see. Oh those
Speaker 1: look delicate? Yes, yes, slightly better, very nice? Nice. Okay,
Speaker 1: Now you take a back to you spoke. Let me
Speaker 1: see what do you think it needs more salt, doesn't he? Yes?
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you for and your artistry
Speaker 1: and your honesty. Thank you. No your Hey, guys, where
Speaker 1: were you jeering at? We're just talking about our collaboration.
Speaker 1: Let me fix you real quick. Okay, what I got
Speaker 1: some ideas? I got some ideas. It's beautiful ahead. This
Speaker 1: is a cause for celebration. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You don't have to use the holes you were given
Speaker 1: as a concept as a concept. Can we get can
Speaker 1: we get a sea horse cocktail? Please? I'll check with
Speaker 1: the chef. Doesn't see your horse just hanging over it?
Speaker 1: Just what we have on the scene. One scene too
Speaker 1: comes from listener email from Nicole, who wrote, Hello Alchemists.
Speaker 1: Every time I listened to your episodes, I tell myself,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'd love to hear them do x
Speaker 1: Y or Z so I can piss myself at work again?
Speaker 1: Yes again, thanks. Every time I finished an episode, I
Speaker 1: forget or I'm too pleasantly toasted legally of course, to
Speaker 1: right you guys, or I think to myself, I'm not
Speaker 1: a patron subscriber. I have no right to suggest something
Speaker 1: self esteem issues much so today I said to myself,
Speaker 1: stopping a pussy and email them. Damn it. Anyway, I
Speaker 1: have a list of ideas, but here is just one.
Speaker 1: A teenage boy is given advice from a sketchy man
Speaker 1: in an Apple's apple Bee's Thanks Apple Apple, Applebee's Restaurants, Applebee's,
Speaker 1: thanks for the embarrassing workplace story that I will last.
Speaker 1: That will last until I leave. Nicole from Maryland. Okay,
Speaker 1: so that those are the specials? Uh, do you need
Speaker 1: a minute or two? Or do you want to order?
Speaker 1: I mean I'm fine, just waiting for an Anthony Uncle Ralph.
Speaker 1: Do you want to doing order? Or I mean I
Speaker 1: can come back. I'm pretty committed to getting something for
Speaker 1: the two from the two for twenty on you. So
Speaker 1: if we can't, if we can't decide on something to
Speaker 1: go other than I don't know if we're actually gonna
Speaker 1: get it on trade. We might just get appetizers. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you a couple of minutes and come back,
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. To drink while I'm gone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: another ultimate margharita. Okay, okay, tomorrow huggies Okay, hey, come on,
Speaker 1: pull yourself together like these are the options, just two
Speaker 1: for twenty, just any of these. When you sent me
Speaker 1: that weird what's app to meet you here? I agreed reluctantly. Okay,
Speaker 1: but here I am so sorry. I have an internet
Speaker 1: phone on way now right, so it's what's app or nothing?
Speaker 1: All right? We're family, so thank you for I feel
Speaker 1: like we've been family for a long time. To be honest,
Speaker 1: the rest of the family thinks that you are still
Speaker 1: living in the woods, so yeah, we don't. Don't. Don't
Speaker 1: fucking say anything about this. I'm in the woods and
Speaker 1: off the grid. I want to look like, is that
Speaker 1: a gun in your belt? I mean, yeah, I live
Speaker 1: in the woods. Like, just because I'm out of Apple
Speaker 1: piece doesn't mean I don't live in the woods. Okay,
Speaker 1: So what's this about? What do you is somebody to
Speaker 1: tell me? Uh, well, really are you? We got a
Speaker 1: new service. It's gonna be shott you today. His name
Speaker 1: is Dylan, so just like take him around the ropes,
Speaker 1: all right. I've worked at several restaurants, so I know
Speaker 1: the routine, but I just don't know the specific routines.
Speaker 1: Have you worked on Apple based before? I've worked at
Speaker 1: a chili's, I've worked at a Ruby Tuesdays. I've worked
Speaker 1: at a Bennigan's. You know, I find that the shortest
Speaker 1: answer is the right answer, which is no, you haven't
Speaker 1: worked that in Apple. Okay, so we do think a
Speaker 1: little different. I worked at TJ Fridays as well. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you still have not worked on is gonna show
Speaker 1: you around? You see what we do around here? All right?
Speaker 1: So this is your home, what you treated as your home. Okay, welcome,
Speaker 1: welcome home. Is it Bianca or Bianca? And it Spianca
Speaker 1: like he said it and like everyone says that name. Um,
Speaker 1: that's the first question though. I mean, you know it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not. Okay, and with me already he sucks with people,
Speaker 1: Just so you know, welcome home. This is your fucking
Speaker 1: annoying brother. I'm gonna call you Bianca. Oh go ahead,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you coming upon Jesus. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it means. So I wanted to I wanted to
Speaker 1: ask you a favor and also give you some life advice. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's you want to ask you for a favor and
Speaker 1: then you want to give me a life advice. It's honestly,
Speaker 1: the favor you're doing for me is the favor you're
Speaker 1: doing for yourself In the end. It's lonely in the woods,
Speaker 1: all right, there's nobody to talk to, but it's changed
Speaker 1: my life for the better. You get your ultimate Margarita's Bhi, Guys,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling I'm shadowing Bianca and coming apot today. My
Speaker 1: name is Bianca, and I'm just gonna be keeping an
Speaker 1: eye on him. Let me know if he does anything
Speaker 1: bad or wrong. He's never worked at an Applebee's before
Speaker 1: I heard you guys are having a little trouble figuring
Speaker 1: out your two for twenty. Can I help you? Yes, yes, please, yes, please.
Speaker 1: So the thing is, I like something kind of spicy,
Speaker 1: but he's more of like a vegetable guy, is there?
Speaker 1: What about the chicken sticken, chicken, that's not that's not
Speaker 1: even here. Sorry, wait that sounds that's not an option.
Speaker 1: It's so good, I mean it's it's it's slimed in
Speaker 1: a sticky sauce. Oh my god, and that's a kick
Speaker 1: to it. So I think that's the kicking stick chicken
Speaker 1: like that that's not here. Just to reiterate what I've
Speaker 1: been saying so you out loud, is that is not
Speaker 1: an option here, um, and so you'll have to look
Speaker 1: at our menu to see our option. Can I speak
Speaker 1: to your boss? Please? Are you talking to me? Yes? Please? Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not her boss. It's my first day. Okay,
Speaker 1: who did you think he was my boss? Well, he's
Speaker 1: wearing a full suit, a three piece suit. I assume
Speaker 1: that's how I work. He's dressing for the job he wants,
Speaker 1: not the idiot he is. I am. I am a
Speaker 1: floor manager. I've been working here for three years. I'll
Speaker 1: just I'm gonna bring you some free apps and and
Speaker 1: also I know this is your second margarita, but can
Speaker 1: I see an I d Thank you so much. We're
Speaker 1: ever looking forwards it for those apps. Don't be uncool,
Speaker 1: don't Yeah, we were told this Applebee's was cool. You're
Speaker 1: cool Applebee's. Thank you? All right? So a favorite and advice.
Speaker 1: I need you to come out to with me and
Speaker 1: love with me. Out there. It's lonely. No no, no,
Speaker 1: don't say no. Don't say no. It's lonely up her,
Speaker 1: but with another person will be great. But I need
Speaker 1: to first gather some things from your house. No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm in a serious relationship. I'm about to propose to
Speaker 1: my girlfriend. Oh well, thank god I caught you. She's
Speaker 1: not She's not good for you. She's gonna try to
Speaker 1: control you. You've never met her, Yeah, but I've met
Speaker 1: a lot of I was engaged once. Now you probably
Speaker 1: don't know this, but you almost had an aunt. What. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank god I moved on to the woods. Wait, my
Speaker 1: mother's brother almost had I don't even give a shit
Speaker 1: about that, you know what I mean, because it's just
Speaker 1: for me. It's all. It's all about this mood smoke,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, yeah, and it's just good. When the
Speaker 1: fuck is my goddamn boyfriend, like sixty minutes ago, a bitch,
Speaker 1: Let borrow my truck, Let borrow all my extra wood,
Speaker 1: borrow all my extra nails, should everything else. I haven't
Speaker 1: seen him at days? What's that? Of course? I wanted
Speaker 1: to say, are you gonna be yes? My ass is
Speaker 1: so itch. It's okay. It comes with you know you
Speaker 1: you have ass play. It's gonna get itched. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: only thing she was good for was the gathering that
Speaker 1: I did before I left her. We were six months
Speaker 1: maybe it was six weeks. We were close to getting married.
Speaker 1: Thank god I got away and without her, I was
Speaker 1: finally able to quit smoking. Hi. Hi, So have we
Speaker 1: decided on the two for twenty? What you guys are
Speaker 1: gonna share? Because the one thing that he said is
Speaker 1: we don't starve here. We wanted those free apps first,
Speaker 1: really to help us decide, okay, foods? I thought, I
Speaker 1: love that be right back. I was pretty smooth you
Speaker 1: getting those free apps. That's the kind of thing we
Speaker 1: need out in the woods. What the hell is three apps?
Speaker 1: One app? One apps? There's an Yeah, I think at
Speaker 1: least two you implied at least two apps. No, at
Speaker 1: least two. We're doing six apps. We're doing six hats
Speaker 1: we're gonna do. This is crazy. I know we're full Apple.
Speaker 1: That is too cool. What's app? Oh? My god? At
Speaker 1: Benegin's we called them starters. Uh, this isn't began. What's app?
Speaker 1: I have this app short a shortened form of the
Speaker 1: word appetiser, which is a small what like a snake? Us,
Speaker 1: Mr Apataw, thank you so much for meding us here. Um,
Speaker 1: we are a huge fan of your work, right, thanks, So,
Speaker 1: we were thinking a comedy just a second, let me
Speaker 1: read this text, Tolma, you were thinking of comedy, Yeah,
Speaker 1: a comedy um, you know, set in a place. Let's
Speaker 1: not set it yet. What's it about? People? Uh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Because it's such a it's
Speaker 1: such a it's such a relatable topic, right, yeah, well
Speaker 1: people would relate to other people. Sure, sure, yes, see
Speaker 1: you look at that. We were so excited. Let me
Speaker 1: ask a different questions since I got nowhere with what's
Speaker 1: it about? Um? Why do you need to tell this story? Well?
Speaker 1: My wife is, um, a romance novelist. You might not
Speaker 1: recognize her in person because she's a writer. Um, but
Speaker 1: we were thinking of adapting I know who wife? Thank you.
Speaker 1: I was going to try Denise and that would have
Speaker 1: been my mistake. Thank you? All right, you want can
Speaker 1: we get two more waters? Please? Do we get two
Speaker 1: more waters? Ms? Barbarina? So what when? Uh? When does
Speaker 1: this story take place? Mm hmm, Well it takes place
Speaker 1: in a void and it and it avoid is filled
Speaker 1: with body you know, you know, why don't we do this?
Speaker 1: Why don't why don't me? And Dannis is there? Right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: All right? Why don't mean? You? And what were the
Speaker 1: two creatives? Honey, it'll be fine, it'll be fine. A
Speaker 1: booth for two with this Applebie's so you're saying, hi, top,
Speaker 1: what do you want? Excuse me? Can you bring over
Speaker 1: a small bat of warm cream? So? What what do
Speaker 1: you do? What do you like to put on your skin?
Speaker 1: What do I like to put on my skin? Sure? Hi, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm Dylan. I'm shadowing. Uh. Some have some complimentary asked
Speaker 1: poppers from the asp ASP poppers. Sorry, I really gotta
Speaker 1: hit both of those peas to make that clear. These
Speaker 1: are asp ASP poppers. You've had Alipino poppers. These are
Speaker 1: these are poppers with asph the poisonous snake. Chop up,
Speaker 1: chop up one snake into little bites, and we deep
Speaker 1: fry those bites, uh in breading with cream cheese. Look,
Speaker 1: Uncle Patrick, I don't know. This sounds like a weird idea. Um,
Speaker 1: don't look right now, but I think that's jut Apatow
Speaker 1: even in the woods. You know who that is. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I went to the woods not ten years ago, but
Speaker 1: like five years ago, so you would be able to
Speaker 1: recognize what he looks like. It's shut at over there. Listen.
Speaker 1: The device you've been given me all day has been
Speaker 1: a little sketchy, you know. Come on, come on, it's
Speaker 1: not it's it's from the heart. You're telling me to
Speaker 1: leave my girlfriend. And do you live with you? You
Speaker 1: have your own noution the woods. You don't have to
Speaker 1: share a place to me. I built my place. Yours
Speaker 1: might be started small to start, but like, give us
Speaker 1: some time, a couple of years, you'll have a Bianca's
Speaker 1: looking at you. Oh yeah, I'm sorry, I got all
Speaker 1: over me by guys. Thanks for your patients. I have
Speaker 1: your complimentary appter here for you. Oh dude, that's nice,
Speaker 1: but that's only one we were told apps. Okay, they
Speaker 1: didn't know if you're gonna be nice or just literalist jerks,
Speaker 1: but will be no biondo Where do you do you
Speaker 1: live in the in the area? Why? I mean I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't live far from you from here. We've noticed
Speaker 1: you've been checking me out, and you don't have to
Speaker 1: worry about it. You got worry about I've been checking
Speaker 1: you out too, And if you live in the area,
Speaker 1: then it's not far from the woods, you know. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm so sorry. I don't think I was.
Speaker 1: I don't think I was checking you out. Um, And
Speaker 1: if I gave that impression, I really do sincerely want
Speaker 1: to apologize. It's that you seem to have some sort
Speaker 1: of weeping lesions that are really cleaning your shirt. And
Speaker 1: I was concerned, honestly about the booth um and I
Speaker 1: was just trying to see if they are getting on
Speaker 1: the pas. But it's poisonal. It's pis before you leave,
Speaker 1: Before you leave? Is that? Is that Robina and Ja
Speaker 1: Throbbina and and I think they're it's about to get
Speaker 1: hot and heavy in here. She comes in here every
Speaker 1: it's in a while, and then her I think it's
Speaker 1: her clock. I don't know her that she comes in
Speaker 1: with they go he goes to a different table and
Speaker 1: then stuff goes down. But this is a cool Applebee's,
Speaker 1: So just be cool and don't don't talk about it. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: thank you. Did you guys want the ces lime chicken
Speaker 1: that's your two for twenty? Is that similar to the
Speaker 1: chicken chicken? I think it is. Yeah, it's analogous to that. Okay.
Speaker 1: And if you decided which of our forty cheesecakes you'd
Speaker 1: like for dessert? Uh wow, we didn't even think about
Speaker 1: the Do we have to choose? Now? You? Do? You do?
Speaker 1: They take to prepare so yeah, I'll don't take New
Speaker 1: York style, right, I'll take the Scott the Scott cheese cake. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll do that to the Scott cheesecake. Did you write
Speaker 1: that on the menu? I did. We don't have Scott
Speaker 1: cheesecaket in Sharpiet the most special we should have Scott cheesecake.
Speaker 1: And that is in too our very last scene. Suggestion
Speaker 1: comes from our most prominent patron alchomaniac, Nicholas Mackauer to
Speaker 1: Joey and Vanessa. We actually invited a couple of Alchemniacs
Speaker 1: into the zoom for a little chat beforehand, and then
Speaker 1: they could hang in the zoom on on mute but
Speaker 1: watch and and so on, and we finally got to
Speaker 1: meet this long time fans supporter. I feel like from
Speaker 1: day one this guy was writing in and he was
Speaker 1: delightful and charming. Um and uh. I just wanted to
Speaker 1: give a special shout out to him. Yeah, he really
Speaker 1: was a hero, I would say of Alchemy list, thank you, Nicholas,
Speaker 1: And he wrote, Chris, sorry to bring this up, but
Speaker 1: ever since your marriage vows every day has been considerably
Speaker 1: worse than the last on a global scale. I mean,
Speaker 1: technically that's true ship has fallen apart, Chris, since you
Speaker 1: said yes all over the world. Yeah, yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: know why he'd felt the need to draw a connection.
Speaker 1: You aren't the anti Christ, right, totally cool if you
Speaker 1: were just asking for anyhow a scene to remember, suspecting
Speaker 1: your husband is in fact bills above. I want James
Speaker 1: for this. Fuck it, Nick, m hmm, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for for for for all the gifts and all that.
Speaker 1: I think my folks should be getting in sometime next week.
Speaker 1: But when they do, you know, popping it down. I'd
Speaker 1: love to get dinner with everyone again. Um. And of
Speaker 1: course you know, Marie, thank you so much for the wine,
Speaker 1: and that's no problem I'm making myself. She does in fact, yeah,
Speaker 1: you haven't seen toilet wine and teas, saying her, I
Speaker 1: haven't drank it till you drank it, and standing. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much again for the meal. It's been fantastic.
Speaker 1: So we will. I'll hit you up next week or whatever,
Speaker 1: my folks to It feels like you're short of wrapping up.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that was time for that. Uh are
Speaker 1: we to go? Is that what's happening? This is I'm leaving?
Speaker 1: Oh you're leaving because we could go, we could go
Speaker 1: with right, Yeah, I don't think so. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: we're leaving. Okay, it's just that the party's pretty much
Speaker 1: so for in what way is this party over? Marty?
Speaker 1: You see how much it's left in the jug? Marty?
Speaker 1: Did you call her a bitch? Yeah? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess I was feeling triggered by when she said
Speaker 1: that bitchy country thing it was. And here we're going
Speaker 1: to get out of here, Okay, you know you could
Speaker 1: just go. You don't have to keep announcing it. And
Speaker 1: also where to come with us? That's why I gotta
Speaker 1: keep doing that. That's why worried. We are you scared?
Speaker 1: Just it seems more as less with the toilet wine.
Speaker 1: I feel like maybe we should have stopped one cup.
Speaker 1: Should we walk you to your cars? I mean, how
Speaker 1: bad are you feeling? We just took one car. Here,
Speaker 1: we're good, We'll carry him. Let's carry him to their car.
Speaker 1: Hop on, No, I'm not getting on his back. Hop
Speaker 1: on so hot? Oh my god, it's been just pushed
Speaker 1: into flames. What in the hell it's going on here?
Speaker 1: That was sucking? Weird? You want me to fill up?
Speaker 1: A cantego with some wine for you. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. I haven't let leaving and leave me.
Speaker 1: Hold down, hold down, you ain't leaving. Uh, tell me
Speaker 1: what your seventh seal of worry is about the future. Oh,
Speaker 1: I would hate to see myself spontaneously combust like what
Speaker 1: if my husband? Well, you don't have to manifest it
Speaker 1: right to me. You could just keep that to yourself.
Speaker 1: I don't just please let me go, Please let me leave.
Speaker 1: We have rabbits at home, rabbit count nobody nobody said
Speaker 1: anything about rabbits. You mean like bunnies. Yeah, let's go
Speaker 1: to your place and see the funny. Please don't go
Speaker 1: to my place. We'll carry you hop on. Damn, this
Speaker 1: is getting easier every day. You ain't it. Uh, let's
Speaker 1: head on over of this apple base here. See what happens. Okay,
Speaker 1: I want some pots stickers, right. I just want to
Speaker 1: let you know this establishment is closed. Are you open it? Yeah? Well,
Speaker 1: I mean it's you can see it's open quote unquote,
Speaker 1: but I am personally boycotting it, so I would appreciate
Speaker 1: the support in Oh, you don't work here, Well, well
Speaker 1: I did you did? You did work here? And they don't.
Speaker 1: They don't treat us well. And you know, plus in
Speaker 1: what way do they they not treat you well? Just
Speaker 1: curious people are generally shitty in there, right, and I'm
Speaker 1: boycotting it, and I appreciate the support if you two
Speaker 1: with boycotting your boy scout there was could you feed us?
Speaker 1: I didn't see that coming. I mean she was hoping
Speaker 1: to get some pots stickers, So I just wanted some
Speaker 1: pots stickers. But you're telling that if everybody's boy scouting this, yeah,
Speaker 1: does that mean we have to build a camp fires?
Speaker 1: There's or there's certain knots involved and we should know
Speaker 1: about what's your story? What? What's your story? What? Who's
Speaker 1: asking me? I mean we're just we're getting to know
Speaker 1: each other here. I'm a discussing employee who's boycotting this
Speaker 1: established me and and and you get a local patrons
Speaker 1: of this establishment. We live in the area. So when
Speaker 1: we are hungry and we did not want to cooking
Speaker 1: in our kitchen and we venture out the grocery store,
Speaker 1: we'll come here and sometimes we did. Hello Fresh, they
Speaker 1: bring it right to the door. You know, when you
Speaker 1: can cook it up in your town? Are you talking?
Speaker 1: You gotta get the hell out of your buddy. Get off.
Speaker 1: You gotta get the hell out of here. Okay, off me,
Speaker 1: I'll no, no, no, that's all right. It's I don't
Speaker 1: worry to worry. Please come in. Uh. He's a local cook,
Speaker 1: so he just gets cooked. Uh every restaurant that he
Speaker 1: gets cooked. You're saying, he's not a cut from out
Speaker 1: of town. No, he's a local car that local cut.
Speaker 1: Come on it, come on it. Can I get you
Speaker 1: a free drink? Maybe a free advertiser? I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: for the convenience. Can we start with the table, of course? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Both low top the top, It is both for lower
Speaker 1: like some I know, I've been out in the woods
Speaker 1: for a long time, but I know him when I
Speaker 1: see him. Look over your left shoulder. See the horns
Speaker 1: and that guy those a little tiny horns on his head.
Speaker 1: You're saying that. You're saying that guy's a is a
Speaker 1: is a devil or a demon of some kind. You
Speaker 1: see it, You see it too, you see it too? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: any who, thanks, I'm lost. I'm lost in these woods.
Speaker 1: I'm certainly distressed by the by the horns. But I
Speaker 1: don't know if you law so I feel like you
Speaker 1: found something in the woods, would be you should stay.
Speaker 1: You should stay and hang up for a while. I've
Speaker 1: got an extra room in the police that built and
Speaker 1: you can keep this. You can keep this painting at me?
Speaker 1: Who this is? Uh? This is experimental. Well, honestly, that
Speaker 1: was my first attempt at doing the Devil. It didn't
Speaker 1: turn out good. I like, I want to keep the
Speaker 1: real one with me. Well, there's kind of a ramshackle
Speaker 1: place there. You've got room for me, well for now,
Speaker 1: but if you stay with me, you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: build your own place. And I'm expecting my nephew to
Speaker 1: come out here soon. I think eventually it's gonna it's
Speaker 1: gonna give the bug the bug bite to come on out.
Speaker 1: It's not the little a bug bite, but it's gonna
Speaker 1: start nipping out him. Well, I could be handy in
Speaker 1: a pinch, I'll tell you that much. Well, that's good.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you found me, Marvin. This is really wonderful.
Speaker 1: I mean, my husband were just taking a stroll through
Speaker 1: the woods. I couldn't help am not as you're beautiful, hotty.
Speaker 1: He don't don't let them in. We were just don't
Speaker 1: give him permission, vampires could come on in and say, howdy, neighbor.
Speaker 1: Oh are we neighbors? Did you live out here in
Speaker 1: these woods? We're local, local, local, not loco. Say local.
Speaker 1: I said local. Well, it's kind of difficult to understand
Speaker 1: what you're saying, sir. Maybe if we came in we
Speaker 1: could hear you better. I've been advised not to invite
Speaker 1: you guys in for fear of possibly being vampires. Vampires
Speaker 1: they ain't real because of my husband's school powers. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just Jewish. That's why those are there.
Speaker 1: Our score, pappas. Those things that they're deep fried with
Speaker 1: cream cheese, those are good, asked papas as. Papa Lewis Um.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to say this, but your uncle
Speaker 1: Um was found completely drained of all fluid in his
Speaker 1: home in the woods. And I'm still going all right,
Speaker 1: we're still broken up. I know, You're just I'm still unpacking,
Speaker 1: you see, my bags are packed. I know, but I
Speaker 1: just found this out about your uncle, and I know
Speaker 1: more stuff. Well, it just feels to me like what's
Speaker 1: happening is my girlfriend is upset that I'm leaving her
Speaker 1: because I'm moving to the woods. And now she's making
Speaker 1: up a lot. Yeah, well your uncle was found drained
Speaker 1: of all fluids because he gets damp. Heard you're gonna
Speaker 1: go out there and get You're gonna get sucked off
Speaker 1: in a bad way. You like that? You off fine?
Speaker 1: You know, I didn't want to say this, but yeah,
Speaker 1: oh really, right on my way out, you listen to
Speaker 1: me go to the woods. I'm gonna I'm gonna miss
Speaker 1: you when i'm out there. Okay, And what are you doing?
Speaker 1: We were about to get we were about to get proposed,
Speaker 1: do you I'm gonna miss you when I'm out there, Baby, Marty,
Speaker 1: I don't understand why you won't publish a story on
Speaker 1: all these this this local rash of fluid drainings. Well,
Speaker 1: it's rather simple. We've had this story in here before,
Speaker 1: so it's not fresh exactly. It's a pattern of deaths
Speaker 1: that are affecting this entire community. My story local cuc
Speaker 1: drained of all fluids. I'm sorry, it just feels tired.
Speaker 1: You know, from like two years two years ago, the
Speaker 1: beginning of the pandemic, everybody was drained, you know, the
Speaker 1: fluids they're going and how is this my my conserstus, Well,
Speaker 1: you haven't reported any mass shooting since Columbine. Yes, a B.
Speaker 1: When the story is covered, you don't want to repeat it.
Speaker 1: I watched the point, We've we've we've read it, we've
Speaker 1: seen it, we published it, and now people want to
Speaker 1: move on. All right, baby, I'm glad he chose to
Speaker 1: come come with me. I think we're gonna find a
Speaker 1: really nice community out here in the woods. Baby, it's
Speaker 1: just your uncle. I don't know. I get the feeling
Speaker 1: more people will be there. You know, how did you
Speaker 1: get that feeling? Look around? Your looking your uncle was
Speaker 1: strained of all. What the hell? What are you? I'm
Speaker 1: a lady. Hell, I'm just a lady. I'm a lady,
Speaker 1: and you're welcome to the woods. We're glad to have
Speaker 1: you come on. This is what I'm talking about. Isn't
Speaker 1: this your uncle's place? Are you two kids? An item?
Speaker 1: What they call all in the paper. I'm not a child.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty four. Okay, you're aggressive too, are you and Adam?
Speaker 1: Are you hitched? Yes? Yes we are. Well we're kind
Speaker 1: of like we're kind of in the well. We'll see. Okay,
Speaker 1: say I've been their sister. You know what you have
Speaker 1: to do? Looking for. You gotta first survey here. So
Speaker 1: I let me give a piece of advice to the young, beautiful,
Speaker 1: fleshy woman. Listen when them when the fella says he's
Speaker 1: not sure, he's dragging his feet, do you know what
Speaker 1: you gotta do, your sister. No, you gotta take his feet.
Speaker 1: You gotta you aint him up on top of your shoulders,
Speaker 1: and you gotta gobbling with you, gobbling with you. Take
Speaker 1: your feet on top of my shoulders and then go
Speaker 1: with you, gobble him with you, so you it's a
Speaker 1: goblin with me. Thank you everyone who's gathered here as
Speaker 1: we watch our dear friend Marvin mceugh take his last breath.
Speaker 1: We're live streaming this right Okay, how do we know
Speaker 1: when it's the last one. I'll let you know. He'll
Speaker 1: he'll let us know. Um. He requested all of you, specifically,
Speaker 1: all the characters he's meant in his life to be
Speaker 1: in this room with him today. People, people would say,
Speaker 1: People people comment, I think I like to make doubt
Speaker 1: she's real. College you ought to be dealt with. Did
Speaker 1: you want to say something? I just so I feel
Speaker 1: like it was inappropriate to invite me. I only had
Speaker 1: him at my hotel one time, and honestly I didn't
Speaker 1: enjoy his company. Do you remember what room he was?
Speaker 1: I think it was fourteen twelve or something. There's no
Speaker 1: way to find out. You can't do even a search
Speaker 1: without specifics, basically a ship this time. You know he's
Speaker 1: a bad guy. Yeah, he's not a bad guy. Remember
Speaker 1: remember when he was on that TV show with that kid.
Speaker 1: It's like a reality show. Yeah, what was that? I
Speaker 1: don't know, he doesn't remember, squat. This might be the last.
Speaker 1: This might be the last one. No, damn. I was
Speaker 1: just about to hey you too, the Australians back there.
Speaker 1: Your way through, but your way through. I know you
Speaker 1: had some interactions with Mr MQ. I'm going to say something.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, yeah, I I mean I think we did.
Speaker 1: Not Hans are preceen if we did. But regardless, I
Speaker 1: want to be here if it's someone's final death breath
Speaker 1: and uh just happy to be here. Right. It feels
Speaker 1: like it could be a good times so that maybe
Speaker 1: he'll go up or maybe he'll go under a sorry
Speaker 1: no are and are are? It's not to be invoted.
Speaker 1: We you know, eats said, but it's all sorry maybe
Speaker 1: not said. I don't really nice, so good to see
Speaker 1: so many old friends and uh and have so many
Speaker 1: stream Oh shame, it's got a lot of viewers. I
Speaker 1: think we gotta keep it going till that less. I
Speaker 1: think someone's stuck on an elevator. Hold on, what's what's yeah? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, marm, marm. Yeah. Well we're gonna keep this
Speaker 1: dream going. What do you want to say? I was
Speaker 1: gonna say this place used to be a brothel years ago,
Speaker 1: but no, there haven't been this many pimps since since then.
Speaker 1: Uh but uh oh, so so many callbacks, I mean memories.
Speaker 1: Uh but yes, Uh, I'm I've lived a good, good life.
Speaker 1: I'm a hundred and twenty two years old and I've
Speaker 1: I've done so many things, lived so many lives. What
Speaker 1: was the third thing you did? What it was? Booked
Speaker 1: my pants? Right, we're not gonna end on that. I
Speaker 1: was just backing. I was the machine the hell out
Speaker 1: of me. I'm sorry, you're a little you're a little pitchy.
Speaker 1: You might want to work on that. I guess you here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to be rude, But is there a reason to believe
Speaker 1: that ms mcugh is dying? That's a valid question. That
Speaker 1: was the only information I had. Yeah, and and technically
Speaker 1: we're all dying. But Marvin, how do you feel? I
Speaker 1: feel fine because you look like a hundred damned dollars.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. Well, that's good to hear. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what happens when I pinched sprinkle up? Wrinkle up and green?
Speaker 1: That's wrinkled up and it's a joke. I'm a character.
Speaker 1: Oh she's a card, real cut up. But how what
Speaker 1: happens when I pinched this tube? Well? Nothing, nothing, nothing,
Speaker 1: I'm hard to kill, you know, that's just one of
Speaker 1: my two Sorry my back. I don't think he's dying.
Speaker 1: I think anyone watching the stream. Yeah, but they're all
Speaker 1: really upset now that there's no death. People did tune
Speaker 1: in for death. You're not wrong. I mean one of
Speaker 1: us could volunteer. I suppose volunteer. Yeah, yeah, we need
Speaker 1: someone on camera. I think, oh, well, listen, we could
Speaker 1: also wait for one of them nurse people to come
Speaker 1: in and just snuff them out as a group. As
Speaker 1: a group, I mean it's for the fans, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't listen to the guy with the horns. That's
Speaker 1: anti semitic, right there, Marvin Well, I I didn't mean
Speaker 1: to be. I'm I'm Jewish myself. Are you do you? Guys?
Speaker 1: Put the camera on the elevator. That guy's head is
Speaker 1: caught in that. Don't hold the door, let it go.
Speaker 1: Hold Look it looks like he's holding some pumper nickel.
Speaker 1: Oh that is our show. Oh man, Well we tried,
Speaker 1: we tried to move. Oh manly apologies. No, that was
Speaker 1: that was perfection as we stumbled down memory lane only
Speaker 1: to be uh cuckled. Ah what a damn hell wonderful gathering.
Speaker 1: And man, oh man, we uh will say so long
Speaker 1: for now. At some point. I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: goodbye forever, but we will be allowed legally to gather
Speaker 1: again at some point should we choose to, but we will.
Speaker 1: We'll say goodbye to the to the fans of this
Speaker 1: particular podcast for now. Joey, how long do you expect for?
Speaker 1: How much longer do you expect to live? Um? A
Speaker 1: couple of thousands? Okay, all right? And uh, have you
Speaker 1: had one COVID test since you've been ill? No, I've
Speaker 1: had three, had so I've had three and then today was, uh,
Speaker 1: you're you're positive, which is so crazy because I had
Speaker 1: I was sick as you can hear, and then I
Speaker 1: took the test. So this is just a little COVID advice.
Speaker 1: Two years in. It might be sick taking a test
Speaker 1: that I'm negative, but it's gonna take a couple of
Speaker 1: days before it like pops up as possy. Uh huh.
Speaker 1: And these are the hometown Will you find the home
Speaker 1: test to be a little rinky dink? Even the alleged
Speaker 1: good ones? Did you go somewhere and have people swap
Speaker 1: you from the outdoor? No? No, I did the Uh,
Speaker 1: I did the rinky think ones. I went to the
Speaker 1: I got the CBS, not the uh not the abbot
Speaker 1: to buy the next ones with those orange ones? Uh huh,
Speaker 1: that's the one I have, all right, James settled down, James, James.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, Jamie was testing positive and then she got
Speaker 1: an antigen test because apparently can test positive also. I mean,
Speaker 1: you're only a couple of days into this, but you
Speaker 1: can you can test positive for allegedly months, So the
Speaker 1: antigen tests will tell you if you're in fact contagious,
Speaker 1: right right, Because it's all we've learned so much, haven't
Speaker 1: we go When this podcast started, we were so stupid.
Speaker 1: We didn't even know about antigen tests or PCRs and
Speaker 1: look at all this growth we've had. I feel good
Speaker 1: about that growth as well. We're still stupid technically, but
Speaker 1: we do know a lot more about viruses and how
Speaker 1: to fight them or get them, get them and survived them.
Speaker 1: Uh well, Joey, much love to your family for looking
Speaker 1: after you. I also have another podcast, yes please if
Speaker 1: people want to come hear me scream some more. It's
Speaker 1: called you Know What I Would Do. It's me and
Speaker 1: my comedy partner Mike Castle, and we just talk about
Speaker 1: different random things, from the fall of Rome to the
Speaker 1: met Gala to the naming of the hot Dog. We
Speaker 1: talk about what that is to us, all the information
Speaker 1: we know, and then we would say, well we would
Speaker 1: do if we were in charge of that situation, and
Speaker 1: folks define that wherever podcasts are available exactly and you
Speaker 1: can find it at you know, underscore pod on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Somebody had much, somebody had the other one. So that's
Speaker 1: too much. We're gonna do? What are gonna do? What's
Speaker 1: the name of the podcast again? Do you know what
Speaker 1: I would do? That's correct? And thank you? I feel better,
Speaker 1: thank you. Uh yeah, I hope you're able to poop
Speaker 1: some God, I hope I can eat something too. Let's
Speaker 1: not rush that. You're right, start with a cracker. And also,
Speaker 1: let me say this has been a blast four years
Speaker 1: right now. I mean this has been really fun. We've
Speaker 1: met so many great people, insane scenes. Vanessa, you're a
Speaker 1: thousand percent right, like it is unhinged to the max.
Speaker 1: It's been so much fun. And especially during like covid
Speaker 1: on like it was a nice retreat, you know, it
Speaker 1: was a good, fun kind of home base to come
Speaker 1: back to and performing. Yeah, in the real scary thick
Speaker 1: of it. It really became a weekly touchsnowe for for me.
Speaker 1: I don't know about the rest of you, but yeah,
Speaker 1: something I really look forward to, almost as much as today.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was once we stopped having to look
Speaker 1: at each other, I think the show really picked up
Speaker 1: person to look into the camera of the computer or
Speaker 1: device or look at each other in the boxes. That
Speaker 1: was always the difficult transition for me, what do we
Speaker 1: look at? But yeah, thank you for that, Joey, And thanks, um, thanks, thanks,
Speaker 1: thanks Vanessa. Uh the theaters coming up on five year anniversary, eiter, Um,
Speaker 1: so many extraordinary shows. Is it's still Donny C. Typewriter
Speaker 1: dot com. That's the place that is on the internet
Speaker 1: for the calendar mm hm and you can see things.
Speaker 1: And because of the pandemic, we started doing live streams
Speaker 1: and so now we're doing some hybrid shows still, which
Speaker 1: are really fun as a way to keep things out
Speaker 1: in the world. Um, and we might be doing classes
Speaker 1: and stuff soon. But yeah, this, uh, this whole journey
Speaker 1: has been so special, and the timing of alchemy this
Speaker 1: I wish I had had more bandwidth for everything. But
Speaker 1: my life is mostly the theater and then the children. Um,
Speaker 1: and it's a good life. But this is such a
Speaker 1: fun part of it. And I thank you guys for
Speaker 1: inviting me back to this episode. I'm almost gonna cry.
Speaker 1: But it means a lot to um to be with
Speaker 1: everybody because this is like such a good safe playground
Speaker 1: and I am so appreciative and it felt good to
Speaker 1: actually improvise after all these years. I imagine, yes it did, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it was. It was a bit of a
Speaker 1: departure you, um so wow, just terrific and thank you
Speaker 1: yeah yeah yeah uh. Craigkowski coming around the horn, you
Speaker 1: are headed into booking more shows that James was so
Speaker 1: close to getting. Is that what I'm sensing? Uh, Well,
Speaker 1: the Continuing Adventures Marvin mqugh will continue on the Chemistry
Speaker 1: that podcast. Oh what about The History of the World
Speaker 1: Part two? That's a television series you did? When does
Speaker 1: that drop? Yeah? You know, I've got a few things
Speaker 1: like in the books that I have no idea when
Speaker 1: they're gonna air. Like I've got got a guest spot
Speaker 1: on the History of the World the part two The
Speaker 1: mel Brooks Show. I have heard no word about when
Speaker 1: that premieres, but that's gonna be on Hulu on Hulu. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm about to shoot a a bit part in
Speaker 1: a movie that's a drama, and you're gonna see way
Speaker 1: more of me than you would like to. Oh. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm kind of moving away from the comedy, moving
Speaker 1: more into the nude drama. So you're in the new
Speaker 1: season in Bridgetain that the people have spoken and that's
Speaker 1: what they want to see. Holding over Miami, got it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but this I mean to have the original cast back
Speaker 1: today was like such a such a treat and like
Speaker 1: to to just play with everyone and like it's so
Speaker 1: joyous and and fun and I thank you for the
Speaker 1: uh for keeping it alive and for for creating it,
Speaker 1: and like what a what a great opportunity for us
Speaker 1: all to uh to have a blast and to to
Speaker 1: get closer as as friends and as collaborators. So I
Speaker 1: love to you all. Oh nice, so nice. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: you were such a corner stone Craig that um, you know,
Speaker 1: Vanessa had a contrant in the theater and the children,
Speaker 1: Joey had nineteen plates to spend, and we somehow pressed
Speaker 1: on with some amazing guest alchemists. But as soon as
Speaker 1: Craig said I think I'm a step away, Chris and
Speaker 1: I started texting each other's thing. Well that's it. Well,
Speaker 1: that's it. Cornerstone is checking out. We gotta go. So
Speaker 1: thank you for being that cornerstone, Craig, Chris Buddyo pal Um,
Speaker 1: thank you. You know you. I feel like you've been
Speaker 1: an emotional heart and uh of the whole thing and
Speaker 1: in a sense of family. Uh. Also, you were guest
Speaker 1: hosting a couple of times that I think you enjoyed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: based on some stats I saw hosts. Yeah we should
Speaker 1: should we talk about the Yeah. Also just thanks man,
Speaker 1: I'm this is the dream team. I remember when we
Speaker 1: had lunch Kevin and you talked about this idea so
Speaker 1: many years ago, and U and I just I just
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, this is it. This is the team.
Speaker 1: Every one of you guys like this is incredible, and
Speaker 1: it's been incredible. I don't think I ever found my
Speaker 1: footing in the Zoom situation. Though it's a little hard
Speaker 1: for me, a little a little difficult for me, but
Speaker 1: happy to have a place to come every week. Um,
Speaker 1: and you know, we're all still doing a bunch of
Speaker 1: shows everywhere and we'll continue to do them for the
Speaker 1: rest of our lives. So you know, that's that's fun.
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm kind of building my own, uh
Speaker 1: my own improv training empire. I just sold out my
Speaker 1: first six week class, so you know, I'm trying my
Speaker 1: own stuff here. I don't have it landed on a
Speaker 1: branding name, but right now we're dealing with the Chris
Speaker 1: Verona Improv Workshops. If that's something you ever want to
Speaker 1: give it a shot. I do in person workshops, I'm
Speaker 1: having classes, and I still do online stuff. If that's
Speaker 1: I just want to say that out loud so it
Speaker 1: lives here. Yeah, I'm really I'm really proud of the
Speaker 1: work we're doing there though it's not that funny. Frankly,
Speaker 1: it's a little more dramatic. But anywhere, that's that, That's
Speaker 1: what I've got going on. I just I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: gonna see you guys forever and see you guys on
Speaker 1: TV and on stage. But yes, let's mention here real quickly. Uh.
Speaker 1: A gentleman named Jason Sura name, Yeah, but it's yes,
Speaker 1: fine morse surname which would be interesting last name right. Um.
Speaker 1: He showed us an email. I'm gonna read this real quick,
Speaker 1: he said, Hello, funny people. I hope you don't mind,
Speaker 1: but I logged every appearance of every Alchemy this across
Speaker 1: every episode y'all have made and put together this dashboard
Speaker 1: and here's a link here. Um, it's a really interesting idea.
Speaker 1: But what from what we can gather from the small
Speaker 1: amount and we've we've looked at it. It's just a way,
Speaker 1: it's a hub of way of locating every episode with
Speaker 1: every player and every combination you can think of. So
Speaker 1: if you want to see, if you want to hear
Speaker 1: a show with Vanessa hosted by Cole, I think you
Speaker 1: can find these. There's an algorithm there in place. I
Speaker 1: don't know too much about it, but check it out
Speaker 1: at public dot tableau dot com, slash views, slash alchemy
Speaker 1: this al comic tricksy. I think, I think if you
Speaker 1: go to public dot tableau dot com, I'm sure you
Speaker 1: can search alchemy this and find this really incredible, incredible,
Speaker 1: uh database of everything we've ever done. So thank you
Speaker 1: to to Jason for his contribution. Yeah, that's kind of
Speaker 1: extraordinary and just a scoche creepy, but I love every
Speaker 1: square inch of it. Um. Yeah, James, I want to
Speaker 1: reiterate that that that database is amazing. We have just
Speaker 1: gotten it, so it's kind of exciting and it's kind
Speaker 1: of mysterious still. If can't mind it there, it's on
Speaker 1: the Alchemy This pod, the Alchemy pod on Reddit, so
Speaker 1: there's a link to it there, and I'm also going
Speaker 1: to make sure that that's on the Alchemy This Patreon page,
Speaker 1: which is going to So far, everybody that I've written
Speaker 1: to has said that they're okay with it being free,
Speaker 1: which was kind of a caveat. So all of the
Speaker 1: Alchemy This Patreon stuff, the minis and the the live
Speaker 1: shows and the green room stuff is gonna be for
Speaker 1: free for anybody on the Patreon, So any of you,
Speaker 1: everyone listening can sign up to that. Anybody they can
Speaker 1: sign up. It's gonna be free. Whatever the free tier is,
Speaker 1: you take that, and I'm going to make sure that
Speaker 1: that's living there. If for some reason they're gonna make
Speaker 1: me take it down or I don't know what's gonna
Speaker 1: happen in the future, but as of now, it's free
Speaker 1: and as far as I can, as long as I
Speaker 1: can control it, it's gonna be free. Um. I don't
Speaker 1: see any reason we get taken down, and I'll have
Speaker 1: the links to the YouTube channel things with all of
Speaker 1: the zooms uh. And I've had so much fun doing
Speaker 1: the show. I love doing and honestly, zoom Improv doesn't
Speaker 1: bother me as long as it's with people that I'm
Speaker 1: connected with. I struggle with it also with people that
Speaker 1: I haven't worked with in the past. But I plan
Speaker 1: on starting another podcast which almost identical borderline thievery of
Speaker 1: the format, and it's going to be called Original Understudies, um,
Speaker 1: and kind of the idea of like, maybe this isn't
Speaker 1: the cast you expected, but these understudies, well they're pretty original,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be at Original Understudies dot com and yeah,
Speaker 1: so I would love it. My hope is is that
Speaker 1: it might not be something that you can do all
Speaker 1: the time, but maybe once in the blue moon, if
Speaker 1: I could get any of the Alchemists to join, that
Speaker 1: would be will blow my fucking mind, is what it
Speaker 1: would do. Thank you for that, James, And uh godspeed?
Speaker 1: And are you going to be okay? James? I mean
Speaker 1: I was. I was never gonna be okay. I think
Speaker 1: you guys took me from a from a pretty like
Speaker 1: I thry even this kind of world, so that it is.
Speaker 1: It is heartbreaking, honestly, but at the same time, I'm
Speaker 1: excited to see what comes next. I feel like always
Speaker 1: when one thing seems to close, I have been so
Speaker 1: lucky that there's a dozen doors that open in front
Speaker 1: of me. Fantastic When well said for a change, I
Speaker 1: uh um, well, yeah, so this was a ridiculous notion
Speaker 1: I had that I shared with Chris that day at lunch.
Speaker 1: I'd been to the West Side Comedy Theater enough times
Speaker 1: to see some brilliantly uh gifted improvisers who were fearless
Speaker 1: and fast and mostly funny, So I thought, um, what
Speaker 1: would happen right if we didn't allow people to move
Speaker 1: around while improvising and sit at a table in front
Speaker 1: of microphones. It was really stupid, uh as as that
Speaker 1: process goes, but um, everyone kind of thrived in the
Speaker 1: room and then yes, the pandemic allowed forced us to pivot.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it really became or has been through this
Speaker 1: journey an extraordinary experience in every which way. And to
Speaker 1: know whenever I had to step aside because of this,
Speaker 1: that or the other thing, that uh, not only Cole
Speaker 1: Stratton will thank him, but also members here in the Zoom,
Speaker 1: Kristen James and Craig uh could step in as as
Speaker 1: guest hosts, which empowered James to realize, oh I can
Speaker 1: fucking do this and watch him, watch him sore um
Speaker 1: as I know all of you will continue to do.
Speaker 1: And thank you for each of you for taking the journey.
Speaker 1: Um and and yeah, just on a completely selfish level
Speaker 1: that allowed me to to realize this nutty idea. And
Speaker 1: uh so yeah and thanks to all the listeners and
Speaker 1: viewers and Doug Bam and I Radio and yeah, Sophie
Speaker 1: was one of our producers early on. She was great.
Speaker 1: Balls were on the ceiling all the time, the dogs, balls,
Speaker 1: dog Anderson Cooper right, glass ceiling between us and the
Speaker 1: second floor, and her dog and it's testicles did, in
Speaker 1: fact walk over our heads several times. Thank you for
Speaker 1: that memory, James I had somehow let it go. Uh.
Speaker 1: Never again, that's what we say, never again, never again.
Speaker 1: Um yeah. God clearly don't want to say goodbyes, so
Speaker 1: we'll say so long for now to each and every
Speaker 1: one of you. And until next time we meet, be well,
Speaker 1: uh joey poop, and and thank you.