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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to

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Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, on listeners or wherever you are

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Speaker 2: in the world. We have a special guest on for

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Speaker 2: this episode, and I'm going to say I've been This

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Speaker 2: is one of the first content creators slash podcasters. I

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Speaker 2: ever was a huge fan of back in the day

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Speaker 2: of the early stages of YouTube, so it feels like

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Speaker 2: a full circle moment to bring her on to talk

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Speaker 2: everything dating, moving to a big city, work life, relationships

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Speaker 2: in our twenties. She has an amazing perspective, so welcome Katie.

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Speaker 3: Hello everyone, Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I feel like this is obviously a show about

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Speaker 2: our twenties and your like content really, I think encapsulates

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Speaker 2: a lot of what we're going through. If you don't

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Speaker 2: know who Katie is, she is a YouTuber, podcaster, content creator,

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Speaker 2: also freelance graphic designer. Is that correct?

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Speaker 3: Yep, Yes, that's what I studied in college. That's what

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Speaker 3: I'm like technically trained to do, but I do a

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Speaker 3: lot of other things too.

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Speaker 2: On top of that, Yeah, which we like, you've got

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Speaker 2: to have like diversity, You've got to diversify the career

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Speaker 2: portfolio when you're young. And so the reason I really

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Speaker 2: wanted to bring you on, like I said before, is

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Speaker 2: you know, you really a lot of your content has

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Speaker 2: for me really highlighted what my twenties should be like

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Speaker 2: as someone who's also highlighting that for other people. So

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Speaker 2: it's like really interesting to see, how you know, even

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Speaker 2: when you talk about this every single day, you still

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Speaker 2: sometimes need like other people to look to to be like,

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Speaker 2: am I doing this? Ray? Like should I be doing something?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Of course, what's going on in imposter syndrome? One

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Speaker 3: oh one? Right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, have you? I'm sure you've experienced that so much,

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Speaker 2: given you've been like on the internet since you were

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Speaker 2: like fourteen.

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Speaker 3: Fourteen two thousand and nine, made my first YouTube video.

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Speaker 3: It's still up somewhere in the depths of the internet.

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Speaker 3: But oh, of course I've gone through so many phases

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Speaker 3: with this, and I think, especially with the emergence of TikTok,

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Speaker 3: that really threw me for a loop, Like I entered

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Speaker 3: that and it's been a while since I was just

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Speaker 3: extremely bad at social media. Like I always thought of

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Speaker 3: myself as being the one that's good at social media,

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Speaker 3: you know, like I've you know, grown this audience on

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Speaker 3: YouTube and it translated into Instagram and I even got

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Speaker 3: a corporate job for a hot second. That really was

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Speaker 3: you know, the reason for that job was because I

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Speaker 3: was well versed in social media. And then TikTok comes along.

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Speaker 3: I start my account thinking, oh, I'm going to be

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Speaker 3: not you know, shoot my own horn, but I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'm good at creating content. Oh my god. It took

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Speaker 3: me probably a good six months just to learn how

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Speaker 3: to use the app and be able to do like,

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Speaker 3: you know, the sounds and line up my mouth with

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Speaker 3: the words and oh my god. Perhaps to everybody who

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Speaker 3: like starts on TikTok, it's such a craft like that.

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Speaker 3: I'm still learning. So yeah, impastor synd them to the

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Speaker 3: max always.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I can absolutely imagine, because I'm in the same boat.

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Speaker 2: I cannot stand. Well, I love TikTok as a user,

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Speaker 2: but I absolutely hate it as like a content creator.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, And so I don't even I it's I

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Speaker 2: just feel such like a pressure, like a pressure and

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Speaker 2: a sense of dread and like, oh, if I'm not

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Speaker 2: if I'm not doing, if I'm not on TikTok, like

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna get as many opportunities. And for me,

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Speaker 2: it's been like this whole mentality of being like, actually,

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Speaker 2: you know what you're good at. You do this thing

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Speaker 2: that's you do well, and you really like doing it,

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Speaker 2: and you don't like making tiktoks and you don't like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: being too out there on social media. So it's like,

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Speaker 2: how about you just focus on that and not trying

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Speaker 2: and be like in everything, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Right? I think we struggle with that as people that

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Speaker 3: are like multi hyphenit types that consider themselves to be

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Speaker 3: more than just one thing, like I'm not, you know,

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Speaker 3: an architect or a lawyer, like I'm the social media creator.

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Speaker 3: There's so many different kinds of social media that you're

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Speaker 3: working on it, and so it feels like you have

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Speaker 3: to do it all all the time.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, yeah, and you can't just be like

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Speaker 2: it's so interesting if you I was like at this

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Speaker 2: party the other day and someone was like, what do

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Speaker 2: you do for work?

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Speaker 3: What do you say to that? What do you say

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Speaker 3: to that, Well, this.

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Speaker 2: Was like everyone in the room was like a finance bro.

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Speaker 2: Every single one of them was worked for like an

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Speaker 2: investment capital. I don't even know what it's called. And

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Speaker 2: so I say one of two things. Either I say

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Speaker 2: I work in radio, because that's right, like people could

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Speaker 2: people have like a relational narrative around what radio is

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Speaker 2: and radio presenters. Or I just say that I'm an entertainer.

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Speaker 2: But then I realized that that has other connotations the

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Speaker 2: other day.

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Speaker 3: Uh yeah, like a vague and it's a bit vague.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's like, so you're not a musician, you're

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Speaker 2: not an actor, you're an entertainer.

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Speaker 3: Are you a clown?

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Speaker 2: Like yeah, because when you say like I'm I'm a

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Speaker 2: content creator, you say I'm a podcasta Yeah, people don't

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Speaker 2: know how to respond.

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Speaker 3: It's one of those things where like I said, multi

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Speaker 3: hyphen it. It's like I'm a podcaster, YouTube or instagrammer,

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Speaker 3: occasional TikToker tried threads for two days. You know, it's

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Speaker 3: like you just dip your toe. You're a multi hyphenit

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Speaker 3: like so many hyphens. So I actually said, like, I

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Speaker 3: mean I think about it as far as like what's

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Speaker 3: on or what was on my hinge profile? I said

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Speaker 3: social media occupations, social media. I work in social media.

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Speaker 3: Typically when you say that, there aren't too too many questions,

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Speaker 3: like it's like, oh, okay, she probably works for an agency,

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Speaker 3: or like with people I hardly know, I'm like, I

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Speaker 3: don't really need to give you the whole spiel unless

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Speaker 3: you care to know more, you know, it's like, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: The other thing that I think you talk about, which

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Speaker 2: I found really relatable, which I said to you before,

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Speaker 2: I know, has now changed, is your kind of approach

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Speaker 2: to dating slash. I would say some of the milestone

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Speaker 2: anxiety around the fact that you hadn't really ever had

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Speaker 2: a boyfriend until very recently. Can you talk us through those?

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Speaker 2: A few stages to this that I think are really fascinating,

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Speaker 2: because I think that a lot of people message me

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Speaker 2: and they're like, how do I deal with this stigma,

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Speaker 2: this anxiety, this desperation almost that I've never dated someone

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Speaker 2: everyone around me has, and I'm lonely and i feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm missing out and I feel like there's something

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Speaker 2: wrong with me. Can you kind of talk through what

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Speaker 2: that If you had that experience, maybe you.

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Speaker 3: Don't Oh my goodness, Yes I have, Yes, I have.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's evident in my content because I've of

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Speaker 3: course filmed my whole life for the past fourteen fifteen years,

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Speaker 3: and so like I go back and now I've been

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Speaker 3: in this relationship, new relationship for three weeks. Now I've

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Speaker 3: met him two months ago on a dating app after

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Speaker 3: twenty seven years of being single, twenty seven years of

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Speaker 3: situationships of course, you know, a few month long flings

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Speaker 3: where you know, you don't really even know what happened,

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Speaker 3: one night stands, going on a second date thinking it

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Speaker 3: went great, getting ghosted, Like I have experienced probably everything

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Speaker 3: possible in the realm of failed dating experiences. Like you know,

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Speaker 3: I've been the one to cut things off, like I

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Speaker 3: just wasn't feeling I think it's one of those things

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Speaker 3: where I grew up very This is such a great thing,

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Speaker 3: but it has definitely affected the way that I live

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Speaker 3: and love. My parents have the most beautiful love, like

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Speaker 3: the most beautiful love story, the way they met, the

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Speaker 3: way they fell in love, Like there's this whole like

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Speaker 3: fairy tale, feeling too it and growing up like my

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Speaker 3: parents never fought. They're best friends, like they make fun

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Speaker 3: of each other. They still like make out in front

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Speaker 3: of my sister and I. We think it's like the

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Speaker 3: most disgusting thing ever, but in the best way, obviously,

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Speaker 3: because we're great. We feel grateful because you know, I

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Speaker 3: have so many friends that their parents are divorced or

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Speaker 3: they have you know, there's just been problems in their parents' relationship,

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Speaker 3: and so for me, I'm like, I'm so grateful for that,

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Speaker 3: but it definitely has kind of bled into my love

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Speaker 3: life and the sense of like I'm comparing everybody like

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Speaker 3: I didn't personally have any previous relationships to compare. You know,

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Speaker 3: I'm in this new relationship now, I have nothing previous

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Speaker 3: to compare it to. The only thing that I've ever

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Speaker 3: compared anything to is my parents' love. And it's one

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Speaker 3: of those things where I'm like so grateful that I

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Speaker 3: have parents that are in love. But it also like

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Speaker 3: every time I go on a date or have gone

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Speaker 3: on dates, in the back of my mind, there's that

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Speaker 3: nagging little like, well, well, like will you love them

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Speaker 3: like your parents love each other? So then, you know,

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Speaker 3: that's definitely been in the back of my mind my

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Speaker 3: whole my whole dating journey.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's very interesting what you point to there,

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Speaker 2: which is that our first example of love is the

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Speaker 2: relationship we have with our caregivers, and if we have

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Speaker 2: parents are still together, the relationship that they have with

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Speaker 2: each other, that is like our only blueprint, our only blueprint.

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Speaker 2: Everyone is just following on from really what they saw

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Speaker 2: in their childhood. And it's interesting because we know about,

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Speaker 2: you know, attachment styles and things like that, but I

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Speaker 2: think that we often talk about you know, anxious, anxious attachment, dismissive, avoidant,

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Speaker 2: but there are elements of a secure attachment as well

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Speaker 2: that still make it hard to date and like the

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Speaker 2: fairytale narrative and not wanting to settle, but then having

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Speaker 2: everyone be like, well, you're never going to find anyone

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Speaker 2: with those standards, right. I heard that so often. I

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Speaker 2: still like, I don't hear it anymore because obviously I

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Speaker 2: have a boyfriend now, but I hear it. I used

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Speaker 2: to hear it all the time, where I'd be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: is it really that much to us that this person

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Speaker 2: like treats me really really well? Yeah, and it's it, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: is it really that much to us that like I

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Speaker 2: get flowers every now and again?

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Speaker 3: Like what, Yeah? I mean I think I'm definitely in

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Speaker 3: terms of just how I love, even in my platonic relationships,

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Speaker 3: like I love hard, like I love. I don't love halfway,

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Speaker 3: like if I you know, if I meet someone and

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Speaker 3: I don't particularly mesh well with them, Like it's pretty

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Speaker 3: obvious from the get go, because I, you know, when

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Speaker 3: I like really latch onto someone, and like, I definitely

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Speaker 3: have one of those types of attachment styles where like

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Speaker 3: I'm always thinking about everybody that I love, like at

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Speaker 3: all times of the day. Like a close friend of

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Speaker 3: mine first day of work today, I think she thought

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Speaker 3: everyone forgot I'm texting her first thing. And it's not

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Speaker 3: not trying to say like, oh, I'm such a great

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Speaker 3: person like whatever, that's just the way I love. And

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Speaker 3: so it's tough when you you know, you go into

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Speaker 3: situationships or we're in you're ghosted, and you don't receive

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Speaker 3: that back like the reason why I chose or you know,

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Speaker 3: of course he chose me mutual choosing me being in

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Speaker 3: this new relationship with this guy that I met on

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Speaker 3: the stating app I haven't I'm not disclosing his name yet.

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Speaker 3: That's like the one that.

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Speaker 2: Keep it to.

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Speaker 3: So so i'mon referred him as my boyfriend. But it's

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Speaker 3: also so weird saying that, Like I haven't you know,

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Speaker 3: twenty seven years, I have never said, oh, my boyfriend,

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Speaker 3: like this is so and so my boyfriend's so weird.

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Speaker 3: But the reason why I've decided to finally choose him,

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Speaker 3: like after years of being picky, years of not settling,

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Speaker 3: even though people are like, hey, your your standards are

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Speaker 3: too high, is because he gives me back, like he

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Speaker 3: gives me what I need. I give him what he needs,

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Speaker 3: and we have this like it it feels like a friendship,

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Speaker 3: but just like times a million. It's like we have

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Speaker 3: this great banter all the time. It's not just like

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Speaker 3: when we're drinking, you know, which I feel like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I was stating it was, you know, a lot easier

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Speaker 3: after a few like gin and tonics like in the beginning,

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Speaker 3: but no, I like, I feel like we have this

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Speaker 3: like kindred spirits vibe that is the kindred spirits Like

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Speaker 3: I feel like I've known him forever and I've never

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Speaker 3: felt that before. And I see parts of that like

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Speaker 3: in my parents' love, which is comforting. But I also

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Speaker 3: I think through the years of doing this, have realized, like,

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Speaker 3: my love is not going to be the same as

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Speaker 3: my parents' love because you know, I don't I didn't

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Speaker 3: grow up in the eighties this, you know, the seventies,

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Speaker 3: the eighties, and times are different. Like I was really

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Speaker 3: beating myself up for a minute there. When I met

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Speaker 3: this guy on this on a dating app, I was like, no, no,

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Speaker 3: I didn't want to do it that way. I wanted

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Speaker 3: to meet him in person. I wanted to be at

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Speaker 3: a coffee shop, and he asked me what book I'm reading,

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Speaker 3: Like That's what I wanted. But you know, we live

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Speaker 3: in a different age now, so the fairy tale story

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Speaker 3: is going to look a little different, but it doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean that it doesn't feel the same.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think it's like I know, I do

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Speaker 2: know what you mean. It's like having a good story.

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Speaker 2: Like I think me and my ex had a great story.

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Speaker 2: How like first time meeting was like was out of

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Speaker 2: a fairy tale, and like I've talked about it before,

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Speaker 2: but like I was his waitress at a bar on

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Speaker 2: his twenty first birthday and he was there with his mom,

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Speaker 2: and his mom ended up giving me his number when

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Speaker 2: they left, and I was like to be content like

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Speaker 2: ran back in and gave me the number, and he

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Speaker 2: didn't know. And basically it was this whole beautiful story

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Speaker 2: that didn't change the trajectory of our love, right, which

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Speaker 2: is so interesting it actually it it was a nice

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Speaker 2: story and it was nothing more because if the relationship

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Speaker 2: isn't good, you know, a story's only as good as

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Speaker 2: long as you can tell it, and once you've broken up,

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Speaker 2: you can't tell it anymore because do you know what

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Speaker 2: I mean, the content of the relationship isn't great.

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Speaker 3: I just got chills like hearing that. You're so right,

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Speaker 3: really yeah, it's like at some point, you know, the

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Speaker 3: story ends, and it's not something you talk about. It's

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Speaker 3: either Yeah, there's this Taylor Swift song the Story of Us,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, you know, kind of discussing like what

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Speaker 3: will our story be? Will it be like love or

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Speaker 3: an end? And you know that was song was made

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Speaker 3: so long ago. I wonder if she even thinks about

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Speaker 3: that story anymore. You know, it's interesting.

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Speaker 2: That's a really good question. Let's give her a call

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Speaker 2: her up.

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Speaker 3: Why don't you just call Taylor out?

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Speaker 2: I was like, is she gonna say it? Am I

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Speaker 2: going to say it? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: One of us.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like, and I think it's interesting because our

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Speaker 2: stories now have a lot of parallels. And I really waited,

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Speaker 2: like after my last relationship ended, I was like, I'm

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Speaker 2: not doing this anymore. I'm not doing situationships anymore. I'm

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Speaker 2: not doing one side of anything.

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Speaker 3: And I made like.

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Speaker 2: This list of like what I was looking for. Did

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Speaker 2: you have a list of like non negotiables or did

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Speaker 2: you just know them?

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Speaker 3: I just know them. I there was a point living

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Speaker 3: in New York. I mean, there's a lot of opportunities

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Speaker 3: here because there's a lot of people here and a

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Speaker 3: lot of single people here, especially in your twenties. I

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Speaker 3: feel like people oftentimes don't settle down here till they're

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Speaker 3: in they're like mid thirties, and it's completely natural and normal.

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Speaker 3: Like in the city. It just kind of it's not

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Speaker 3: like a shocking thing to hear. Oh, like, yeah, they're

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Speaker 3: getting married at thirty six, like you know, and that

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Speaker 3: not to say that's old, but you know, my mom

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00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 3: and dad got married at twenty seven, twenty eight, so

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Speaker 3: you always kind of have this like freak out moment

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Speaker 3: because I'm twenty seven now, turning twenty eight in October,

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Speaker 3: so I'm like, oh my god. I but New York

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Speaker 3: does give you that comfort of like, oh, I have time,

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Speaker 3: so that's like a plus of living here. I feel

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Speaker 3: like people, you know, career first having fun first, which

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Speaker 3: can always you know, can be a positive or negative

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Speaker 3: depending on how you look at it.

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Speaker 2: But I know, but I it's this thing of like

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Speaker 2: milestone anxiety where it's heat yes, right, and it's so

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Speaker 2: cultural and like societal and contextual, because I like, it's

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Speaker 2: so interesting that you're talking about how in New York

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Speaker 2: it's like everyone they commit a little bit later they

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Speaker 2: have they feel like they have more of this this

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Speaker 2: this like time copped out for freedom. But like, amongst

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Speaker 2: the people that I'm around, I would say the majority

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Speaker 2: of them are in their early twenties and either live

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Speaker 2: with or have a very serious partner, especially like in

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Speaker 2: Australia I think, but also in the places outside of

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Speaker 2: the major cities. Yeah, I have friends who like moved

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Speaker 2: in with their boyfriends at like twenty two, got engaged

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Speaker 2: at like twenty three, twenty one.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah. People from my hometown absolutely Facebook was a

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Speaker 3: scary place like for a few years there for me,

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Speaker 3: I mean even still like it's like I open it up.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, another baby, another engagement, and look at me.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, New York definitely has that element of I

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Speaker 3: think people, you know, there's not as much of a rush.

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Speaker 3: Granted I always, as a woman, feel like there's a

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Speaker 3: bit of a rush, like you know, you always I'm

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00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,800
Speaker 3: already looking into you know. Maybe when I turned thirty,

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00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,560
Speaker 3: that's what I freeze my eggs, like I I'm not

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Speaker 3: ready for that right now. But your question about like

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Speaker 3: did I have like a checklist or something when I

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Speaker 3: was going on dates. No, but there was a point

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Speaker 3: there when I was going on like actually two potentially

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Speaker 3: three days a week, like I was plowing through it.

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Speaker 3: I mean not that I was like desperate to find

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Speaker 3: him or whatever, but mostly because everyone's doing it.

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Speaker 2: Which I think is like really really quite like valuable,

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Speaker 2: right because I feel like when I was single, I

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00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,200
Speaker 2: always felt this pressure to like to meet someone and

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00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,440
Speaker 2: to be like and to be like my friends, right,

349
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 2: to be like happily with someone at twenty three. But

350
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Speaker 2: then I also had this mentality of like, is that

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00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,960
Speaker 2: actually what I want right now? Because I really like

352
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:32,719
Speaker 2: being single and I like that I have my independence

353
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Speaker 2: and I like that I'm able to do my own thing,

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Speaker 2: and it wasn't that like someone's going to detract from that.

355
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Speaker 2: But it's like if I'm going to add another person

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Speaker 2: in here, they better be really really worth it. And

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00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 2: it's like interesting that I think from a lot of

358
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Speaker 2: those experiences I had where I was dating people who

359
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 2: like wouldn't commit, or who were like quite awful, or

360
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 2: who you know, would ghost me like you said, after

361
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,439
Speaker 2: like a couple of dates, or I would you know,

362
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,600
Speaker 2: unfortunate ghost them, or and it was like I'm kind

363
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,200
Speaker 2: of sick of being traded like a second option, or

364
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 2: I'm sick of being traded poorly. And I took like

365
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:13,959
Speaker 2: six months. I took six months off from dating, and

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00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,800
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm going to give the dating apps

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Speaker 2: one more try at like I'm just gonna do it

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00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 2: one more time. And I was like, you know when

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00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,119
Speaker 2: you like are on dating apps and you're like I

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Speaker 2: don't actually really want to talk to anyone, yep.

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Speaker 3: Yep, I just feel like I need to be that

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00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:29,280
Speaker 3: I wanted. Yeah, I've been in that realm as well,

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Speaker 3: where I just like want like a little confidence boost.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, all these people like me, amazing. I'm

375
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Speaker 3: gonna do nothing with this. I'm not going to reach

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00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:40,119
Speaker 3: out to a single person. Wait are you? Are you

377
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,919
Speaker 3: seeing up the fact that was the last date you

378
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,720
Speaker 3: went on like this the last date in your mind

379
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:46,239
Speaker 3: You're like, oh, this is my last one was when

380
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:47,080
Speaker 3: you met your boyfriend.

381
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't saying it up. Oh my god?

382
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:54,600
Speaker 3: Really yeah? So actually crazy enough. I don't know if

383
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,639
Speaker 3: I like fully believe in all of this, But a

384
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 3: year ago May twenty twenty two, I went to see

385
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,040
Speaker 3: a psychic with my friend Colby, who you know from

386
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 3: the podcast from Match Made. Went to see a psychic

387
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:09,640
Speaker 3: like we were just having a drunk night, got pizza.

388
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 3: Psychic was right there. You know, why don't we just

389
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 3: pop in see what she has to say? Got my

390
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 3: palm Red did. The whole thing, was giggling the whole time.

391
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,439
Speaker 3: She goes, in a year's time, you were going to

392
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,879
Speaker 3: meet the love of your life. And I'm like, okay, lady,

393
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 3: sure like sure. That was May twenty twenty two. May

394
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 3: twenty twenty three, not too long ago. I said on

395
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,879
Speaker 3: my podcast, guys, I'm so sick of the dating apps.

396
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:41,000
Speaker 3: I'm so sick of situationship after situationships, So sick of

397
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 3: me even going on dates to meeting like I am,

398
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 3: I'm just like not clicking with people, Like I'm so

399
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 3: sick of this, Like I it's summer, I'm going to

400
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 3: go on one last hinge date of summer. I'm deleting

401
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 3: the app after that, Like I just need a break.

402
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 3: I wasn't like this is when I'm going to meet

403
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,879
Speaker 3: the person. I was like, I just seed a break.

404
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 3: I matched with my now boyfriend May twenty twenty three,

405
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,719
Speaker 3: a year after I saw the Psychic And it's crazy

406
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,480
Speaker 3: because I didn't even remember this. A podcast listener pointed

407
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 3: this out to me. I completely forgot about this psychic experience.

408
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,200
Speaker 3: I mean I was like drunk and it was a

409
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,120
Speaker 3: year ago, and like you know, time flies a lot

410
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,720
Speaker 3: a lot of dates since then. But yeah, and now

411
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 3: we're official and I'm dating him. Isn't that crazy? It is?

412
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 2: I actually shows when you said that like a year later,

413
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 2: and the fact that you're like, ugh, like this lady,

414
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 2: she just wants to sell, you know, the extended package

415
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 2: for more palm ratings.

416
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 3: I mean she probably did, but like alas it ended

417
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 3: up being kind of cute.

418
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like it's so funny when You're like,

419
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 2: you have that skepticism, and I think it's really so.

420
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 2: I have this theory, right, is that when you are

421
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,360
Speaker 2: finally at your wits end slash like highly skeptical, your

422
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 2: guard is most up, and so you're better able to

423
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 2: actually discern someone's character and also you're not looking for it.

424
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 2: When I was single, I absolutely hated the phrase it

425
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 2: will come when you least expect it.

426
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 3: Oh my god, don't even get me started on that one.

427
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 3: Don't even get me started. I was like, I am

428
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,200
Speaker 3: all love to say that. Yeah, I'll love to say that.

429
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 3: I will never say that to any one of them

430
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 3: because I remember how it felt to hear that twenty

431
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 3: seven years of being single, Like, oh my god, you know, yeah,

432
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 3: it's a tough one.

433
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,399
Speaker 2: Also, when people say that, they're like, you know, what

434
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 2: happened when you least expect it? It's like, I'm a

435
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 2: very anxious person. I'm always expecting everything like that is

436
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 2: the Nope.

437
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 3: I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm always expecting a love startapp

438
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,440
Speaker 3: and every day in my life I fall in love

439
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 3: six times a day with people on the street. So like, no,

440
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 3: I'm always expecting it. So am I just never going

441
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 3: to find love like is that you know exactly?

442
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 2: And I'm also like that is ridiculous because you can

443
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,880
Speaker 2: be very intentional and meet someone amazing, like you can

444
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 2: be set up like.

445
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 3: It's I hate it's a numbers game.

446
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 2: It is a numbers game. Like we were talking about

447
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,080
Speaker 2: it's a numbers game. It's interesting because like when we

448
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 2: were just when you were just discussing your new boo

449
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: and how you were like, I'm gonna go on one

450
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 2: more date, same thing. This is this is kind of crazy.

451
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,560
Speaker 2: And also I have not really spoken about this on

452
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,640
Speaker 2: the podcast. I'm kind of like hard launching here.

453
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,240
Speaker 3: Oh okay, but.

454
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 2: He's I've talked to him about it, so like I

455
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 2: know he's fine with it, and he's probably listening right

456
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: now because he's a good boy and listens to all

457
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 2: my episodes. But it was really interesting because I had

458
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: been in Bali actually, and while I was in Bali,

459
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 2: which is like the Australian version of going to like

460
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,479
Speaker 2: Mexico like or going to like Kankun like you go

461
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:39,159
Speaker 2: to Bali. Yeah, And I was there with like a

462
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 2: bunch of people who were like freshly single, i mean,

463
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: like straight out of relationships and they were like ready

464
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 2: to get it on essentially, and they were like, we're

465
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,119
Speaker 2: in Bali, let's like have heaps of sex and go

466
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 2: on heaps of dates. And I was like, oh my god,

467
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 2: I feel really left out. I was like, I've got

468
00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,399
Speaker 2: phimo here. I want to do that, and so I

469
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 2: downloaded it and I matched with one person and that

470
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 2: was him.

471
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 3: And then chills, chill, chills, chills.

472
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 2: But then I ghosted him, which is yeah, because I

473
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 2: was in Bali and I had lost my phone and

474
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm having the best time.

475
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 3: I actually find ghost How long it was like two days?

476
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 3: Three days?

477
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 2: Oh? And he'd like asked, well, it wasn't great, and.

478
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 3: I like, it's a soft ghost.

479
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 2: It's a soft ghost. And it was interesting as well. Yeah,

480
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 2: because you technically ghosted your your man as well.

481
00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 3: Oh for a full week he spelled my name wrong.

482
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,680
Speaker 3: Of course I did.

483
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,800
Speaker 2: Oh.

484
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,399
Speaker 3: I said, you come back. I'd like send him to

485
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 3: time out. You come back. I'm going to give you

486
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 3: a no reply. Come back when you've learned your lesson

487
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 3: and you can spell my name right, because I'm not

488
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 3: going on a date with someone who doesn't know how

489
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 3: to spell my name.

490
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

491
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:51,199
Speaker 2: No, that's absolutely the bare minimum, the bare minimum. But

492
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 2: I like, I like, yeah, I ghosted him and he

493
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:55,679
Speaker 2: to like ask me this amazing question, and he like

494
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 2: he came. He was like, I don't like small talk.

495
00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask you ten questions about like yourself.

496
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 3: Wow, how thrilling.

497
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:05,640
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, but I'm going to say best dating advice ever.

498
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 2: If you're a guy listening to this, which I'm guessing

499
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 2: there's not many of you, but if there are, you

500
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 2: getting a really amazing golden nugget of.

501
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,760
Speaker 3: Advice here, do that.

502
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 2: Ask the question straight away, cut through the small talk,

503
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 2: and it was so impressive, and then we went and

504
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 2: then I came back and I was like, I'm so sorry.

505
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 2: It goes to do all this thing's happened. I also

506
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 2: ran into an X while I was over there, which

507
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 2: was actually it was closure, though I was like, oh

508
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,479
Speaker 2: my god. I think it was like the final thing

509
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 2: because I hadn't really been committed to dating because I

510
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: was still so upset and hurt by what this person

511
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 2: had done to me. And then I saw him again

512
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, right, we're done with that.

513
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,159
Speaker 2: I was like done moving on and then I was

514
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 2: like all right, let's go on a date. And I

515
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 2: went on the date and I was like, same reaction.

516
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, this is such bad

517
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 2: timing for this to be happening right now, because I

518
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 2: was like, this is this is what it's going to be,

519
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 2: and I was like, this is just terrible timing, Like

520
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 2: I'm about to move. All this stuff is happening. But

521
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 2: I think in terms of your story, I really find

522
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 2: that it would be highly relatable to people who message.

523
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 3: Me in and like, I've never had a boyfriend, right.

524
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 2: And we feel a lot of pressure around that which

525
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,880
Speaker 2: we've spoken about what kind of advice would you give

526
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 2: to them now? Kind of on the other side, right,

527
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 2: it's such a thrilling story to be like to see

528
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 2: that transition.

529
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I mean, of course I've struggled with it.

530
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 3: You know, it's been twenty seven years of occasionally feeling like, wow,

531
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,639
Speaker 3: look at me. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of

532
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 3: myself for not settling. I'm proud of myself for not

533
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 3: entering a relationship with someone that I just knew in

534
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 3: my bones was not right. I'm proud of myself for

535
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 3: sticking to my guns. But then Valentine's Day rolls around

536
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 3: or you know, you see a TikTok of people who

537
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 3: met when they were twenty two and then fell in

538
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 3: love and already have three babies by twenty seven where

539
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,760
Speaker 3: I am now and you start comparing yourself and you know,

540
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 3: it's one of those things where it's there's really good

541
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 3: days of like wow, look at me, go I'm proud

542
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 3: of myself, Like, you know, I have this epic career

543
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,479
Speaker 3: that I've crafted from the ground up. You know, this

544
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,639
Speaker 3: job that I have that has like been my life

545
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 3: that I'm so passionate about. And yet I get like

546
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,880
Speaker 3: into this this funk of like, oh, but I'm single,

547
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 3: but like it's like, oh, I'm like, oh, one day

548
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 3: my life will be complete when I have everything, when

549
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,480
Speaker 3: I have it all, And of course, you know, you

550
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 3: lean on like the TV shows, Carrie Bradshaw said, like

551
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: in New York, you're always looking for three things a boyfriend,

552
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 3: an apartment, or a job, and I'm like, well, I

553
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,439
Speaker 3: have too. I have a fabulous West Village department that

554
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,439
Speaker 3: I'm like so proud that I'm and happy with myself

555
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 3: that I'm able to live here, and I have a

556
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 3: great job. But then there's always that missing piece, and

557
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 3: I always of course, you know, I'm one of those

558
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,359
Speaker 3: types of thinkers. I like to look into the why.

559
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 3: I'm very curious, have always been. I'm assuming a lot

560
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,160
Speaker 3: of people listen to your podcast also are very curious.

561
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:05,239
Speaker 3: And it's a blessing but also a curse because you

562
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 3: tend to want to know the reason for everything. So

563
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 3: I looked at myself of you know, a single girl

564
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 3: at twenty seven, and I'm like, okay, let's just go

565
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 3: through all the things that must be wrong with me,

566
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 3: because like there has to be. I'm like, I you

567
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,199
Speaker 3: know there has to be because I look at my

568
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,439
Speaker 3: friends and I'm like, oh, well, you know they have

569
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 3: a boyfriend, but this is how they are different than me,

570
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 3: and this maybe I should be less present on social media.

571
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,400
Speaker 3: Maybe that's a turn off, like I've and you also

572
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 3: like kind of take with you every negative thing that's

573
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 3: ever been said about you, especially by a man, if

574
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 3: you are interested in men, like I, everything, every negative

575
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 3: thing a guy has ever said to me, like lives

576
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 3: on me, like you know, a tattoo, like I haven't

577
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 3: forgotten third grade Harry Arms. That was like my biggest

578
00:27:54,640 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 3: really insecurity that grade, someone like yes, or pointed out

579
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 3: the hairy arms, and so you know, of course I'm like, Mom,

580
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 3: I need to shave. I need to shave, and she's like,

581
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 3: you know, shavingr arms. Years later, I do shave my

582
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:10,719
Speaker 3: arms now, and I'm like, it's like it was one

583
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 3: of those things I made the decision in college. But

584
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 3: of course, like I still remember all of that. So

585
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 3: it's one of those things where you never forget and

586
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 3: you use those things to hurt yourself when you're in

587
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 3: those moments of like maybe I'm not the most powerful,

588
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 3: most amazing girl in New York. Maybe I'm just there's

589
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 3: something wrong with me and you feel lonely. But I

590
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 3: have to say, like being on quote the other side

591
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 3: of it now, like oh you know I am. I'm

592
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 3: twenty seven with my first boyfriend. It's all very new

593
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 3: and very exciting, but also very much like I still

594
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,800
Speaker 3: think to myself, you know, did I make the right decision?

595
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 3: Like did I? But then I remind myself, I'm like,

596
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 3: I'm not getting married. Oh no, no, So it's like

597
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 3: there is you know, you get into the relationship and

598
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 3: it's not like all of your worries end, you know,

599
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 3: I think that's the one takeaway that I'm feeling. It's like,

600
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,360
Speaker 3: be picky, don't settle, don't listen to people that are like,

601
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 3: your standards are too high. Not true. I mean, you're

602
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 3: not going to find a perfect person. I think we're

603
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 3: all aware of that. And being someone that was told

604
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 3: that don't settle, like you know, don't or do settle

605
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 3: pretty much like you know, you need some experience on

606
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 3: your belt, no bs. Like I my boyfriend now has

607
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 3: had girlfriends in the past, not super recently, but like

608
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 3: in the past, and I think the best thing has

609
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 3: just been super honest, like being super honest, upfront with him,

610
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 3: being like, hey, he was fully aware before he asked

611
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 3: me that this was gonna be my first. He's taken

612
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,479
Speaker 3: it very seriously but been very like gentle with it.

613
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 3: And he's like, so find someone that's like that. Oh yeah,

614
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 3: because they're out there. They exist, they really do. I

615
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,200
Speaker 3: don't know the ones that like want they want to commit,

616
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 3: they want the commitment from you, like they want, you know,

617
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 3: to have that like label, but not for the wrong reasons.

618
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 3: And yeah, it's just been it's been a learning experience

619
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 3: all of it. He knows everything, everything that I've always

620
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 3: been insecure to share, especially having this career where my

621
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 3: life is my job and posting about it. And he's

622
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 3: been so great with that, like with not worrying. Last

623
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 3: night he was like, so, I think some of your

624
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 3: followers found me on LinkedIn. I'm like, I follow about

625
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 3: three thousand people on Instagram. I also don't even like

626
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 3: use my LinkedIn, so I don't. I don't know how

627
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,719
Speaker 3: they could possibly do it, but people are very smart anyway.

628
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 3: So I was like in horror sitting at this bar

629
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 3: listening to him talk about, oh, like, I think a

630
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 3: couple of people like found me on LinkedIn. But he's

631
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 3: not saying it in like a proud way. He's saying

632
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 3: it in just a matter of fact, like this is

633
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 3: what happened. And I was waiting for him to be

634
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 3: like mad about it or like any sort of like anger,

635
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 3: because I've experienced that in the past with people that

636
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 3: I've been in like situationships with and I've talked about

637
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 3: on the internet. And he goes, oh, I think it's

638
00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:57,959
Speaker 3: you know, it is what it is. These people are

639
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 3: super sleuths. Like he's like just you know, treating everything

640
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,760
Speaker 3: like it's just another day. I don't have to worry

641
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 3: about that with him, which has always been something that

642
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 3: I've held my breath like. I went on a date,

643
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: actually very conveniently, very funny, at the exact same bar

644
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 3: that I went on my first date with my boyfriend,

645
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 3: in same bar, with a guy who I met actually

646
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 3: in a more you know, romantic way, like we met

647
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 3: out and he came up and asked for my number,

648
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 3: and you know, did that whole thing. And we went

649
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 3: to this bar, had drinks, and we're talking about other things,

650
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden he's like, oh, so,

651
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 3: what do you do for work? And I was like, oh,

652
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 3: explaining my career, and he goes, oh, I'm sorry. You

653
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 3: were perfect till he said that you're an influencer. I

654
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 3: can't date an influencer. He pays the check, walks out, literally,

655
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 3: but how it's so interesting. So it's the same bar

656
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 3: that I met my now boyfriend in like a year later,

657
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 3: a year and a half ish later. Yeah, yeah, So

658
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 3: of course that's something that I'm guarded in that way.

659
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,040
Speaker 3: You know, I'm like, oh, I don't I want to

660
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 3: protect that my one first love, my first love being

661
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 3: the podcast. Yeah yeah you too. YouTube Actually YouTube being

662
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 3: the first love because podcast is more recent. But yeah,

663
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 3: same thing.

664
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,920
Speaker 2: The community almost.

665
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 3: Like because no, yes, like my girls, you know my people,

666
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 3: My people are like, come on, you think that you'll

667
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 3: ever come first. I have all these girls that have

668
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 3: been with me since two thousand and nine, Like, yeah,

669
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 3: absolutely not, honey, it's.

670
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 2: Not nothing so interesting though, Like we're gonna refer to

671
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 2: another I'm going to refer to a now the tailor

672
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 2: Swift song here, which is Invisible String, which is like,

673
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,040
Speaker 2: how interesting that you went on that date with that

674
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 2: person who, by the way, dodged a bullet, Because if

675
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 2: anyone ever said that to me, I would be incredibly upset.

676
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 2: But also actually I would just lose all respect for them,

677
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: like like, what do.

678
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 3: You near re minded? I mean he was a finance

679
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 3: finance bro classic, just like thinks that all influencers are

680
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,360
Speaker 3: like bone heads, which come on, Actually we have a

681
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 3: lot of street smarts and book smarts to be able

682
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: to do something like this.

683
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're running your own like you're running your own business.

684
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 2: You are entirely you're paying your own bills. You have

685
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 2: to think about brand management, marketing, the future. If you

686
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 2: work in finance, someone's going to tell you what to

687
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 2: do day in and day out, like I'm sorry to

688
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 2: say it, and I think that's.

689
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: I wish you were there to tell that. I would have.

690
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 2: And I know that your current boyfriend works in finance,

691
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 2: but he does not count. He is.

692
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's different, Oh he's he is different in many ways.

693
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 2: Yeah ways. But it's that invisible stream right where it's like,

694
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 2: only in hindsight can you look back and be like,

695
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 2: all of those things that felt really terrible at the

696
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 2: time and that we're really disappointing had to happen to

697
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 2: get me to this point. And so I really think

698
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 2: that when I think in this, you know, when we're

699
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 2: talking to when I'm talking to people who have never

700
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,480
Speaker 2: had a relationship, had the hearts broken a lot of

701
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 2: times wonder if they ever find someone. It's only with

702
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 2: hindsight that you see how everything and I know it

703
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 2: sounds awful, but does happen for a reason. All that

704
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 2: if you're happy with your current self, you can't be

705
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 2: mad at your past self because that all of those

706
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,320
Speaker 2: things needed to happen.

707
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 3: To get you there.

708
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 2: You would be a completely different person, perhaps a lot

709
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:25,839
Speaker 2: less happy if those painful things maybe hadn't happened previously.

710
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 3: I completely agree, Like every past version of myself has

711
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 3: kind of been like I picture it being like, you know,

712
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 3: when you put your hands together and someone you can

713
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 3: like launch someone up over a fence like that, Like

714
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 3: that's I picture it like a chain of like katies

715
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 3: with different hair colors, because I've gone through many phases

716
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,200
Speaker 3: just like boosting me up until I've gotten to meet

717
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 3: this incredible guy that I know, you know, and it's

718
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 3: it's been a journey because I just have trusted my

719
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,080
Speaker 3: gut the whole time, even if even in the time

720
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 3: where like it's been kind of hard, like I've let

721
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 3: people go that ended up being like you know, I

722
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 3: think back to this one particular, which was kind of

723
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 3: like my first I have never been in love like

724
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 3: to this at this point in time, like I feel

725
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 3: like I could get there with this current guy. I'm

726
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 3: not rushing things. I really like him a lot, but

727
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 3: of course I'm like, you know, I'm trying to be

728
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,239
Speaker 3: slow and steady and listen to myself and not rush

729
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 3: into things. But my first like time getting close to

730
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 3: feeling that way was with this situationship guy that I

731
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 3: you know, started in college met this guy in high

732
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,399
Speaker 3: school and it ended up being one of those things

733
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 3: where like he was a few years younger than me,

734
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 3: but in college we like continue to talk every time

735
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 3: I come home. It was like one of those like

736
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 3: hometown romances, and I was the one, long story short,

737
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 3: I was the one to end that because I just

738
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,439
Speaker 3: didn't feel like there was a spark, Like I didn't

739
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 3: feel like we had chemistry. I mean, he was like

740
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 3: a he was a really interesting guy, very cool guy,

741
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 3: but I felt like specifically sexual, we just didn't have chemistry,

742
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 3: like it just it always felt like wrong and awkward

743
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 3: and just not like loving at all. So I ended

744
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 3: that with him like kind of slow faded him out

745
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 3: to be honest with you. And of course I opened

746
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 3: Facebook like a year ago, and he proposed to his

747
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 3: current girlfriend in Paris, And there's that moment where you're like,

748
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,800
Speaker 3: that could have been me, you know, if I wasn't

749
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,640
Speaker 3: so darned picky. Yeah, And then you start to second

750
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:28,880
Speaker 3: guess your decisions and I'm like, wow, like if I

751
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 3: had only But then you think, no, no, no, you

752
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 3: got to trust that past version of yourself because she

753
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,879
Speaker 3: knew what she was doing and for her in that

754
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 3: moment and it's all led you here, even if you

755
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:41,439
Speaker 3: feel like you're, you know, sitting here empty handed. No,

756
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,080
Speaker 3: like it's it's for the best, Like that could have

757
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 3: ended in you know what if we were getting engaged

758
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 3: in Paris right now, like we could get divorced next year. Yeah,

759
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 3: that's not what I want to set myself up for.

760
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 3: I mean, it happens inevitably sometimes, but like, you don't

761
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 3: want to set yourself up for that just by settling, you.

762
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:00,919
Speaker 2: Know, I totally agree. And it's also I think about

763
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 2: the people who when you said that story, Like I

764
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 2: think about the people who who I really mourned and

765
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 2: who moved on, and I wish that I had been

766
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 2: with and I wish that they'd loved me, and I

767
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,440
Speaker 2: wish that I hadn't let them go. And now I'm like,

768
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:15,319
Speaker 2: and at the time, I was like, oh my god,

769
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,720
Speaker 2: like I missed them so much. Now I think about

770
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 2: them in hindsight, and I'm like, can you imagine having

771
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 2: children with those people? Can you imagine imagine having to

772
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 2: manage finances with them? Imagine taking them on a family vacation,

773
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 2: like absolutely not imagine having sex with them for the

774
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 2: rest of your life.

775
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,800
Speaker 3: Literally, that's what I was thinking of. I'm like, but Katie,

776
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:41,680
Speaker 3: remember why you left, Remember why it didn't work out?

777
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 3: And that's that. Yeah, you do find yourself mourning because

778
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,399
Speaker 3: you selectively forget all the bad stuff. Oh yeah, it's

779
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:55,919
Speaker 3: like again Taylor Swift. She's like, she's like, I'm over

780
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: you until I forget why I needed to be over

781
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 3: you or whenever that line is yeah, yeah, all right,

782
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 3: like I stopped calling you and then I forget why

783
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:07,280
Speaker 3: I needed to stop. You know, you forget, but you don't,

784
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 3: but you do. You know. It's one of those things.

785
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 2: It's like, actually the thing it's called like positive retrospection.

786
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 2: So like when we look back at our past, our

787
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:21,080
Speaker 2: brain often like suppresses the bad things and keeps all

788
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 2: the good stuff because it wants us to like, yeah,

789
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:26,280
Speaker 2: it wants us to be optimistic, it wants to protect

790
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,319
Speaker 2: our self esteem, it wants to protect our mood. And

791
00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 2: so when you look back at a relationship and you

792
00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 2: can only remember the good things, that is that is

793
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 2: that is why, that is why, because your brain is

794
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,239
Speaker 2: like playing tricks on you to make sure that you

795
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 2: continue to be positively reinforced and don't like end up

796
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 2: in a.

797
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 3: Deep duck give up. Yeah. Yeah, literally, I mean it's

798
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 3: a blessing and a curse. Huh.

799
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:50,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

800
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 3: Absolutely might repeat past mistakes, but yeah.

801
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 2: You learn them a few times over then they're really

802
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:00,839
Speaker 2: reinforced double dip.

803
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

804
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 2: Literally, you live in New York. I feel like that's

805
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 2: a dream for a lot of people. You work for yourself,

806
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,280
Speaker 2: you have the three things. Carrie Bradshaw was always looking

807
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 2: for an apartment, a boyfriend, a job. But I think

808
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 2: it's really interesting. Another thing in our twenties that people

809
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: ask me about quite a bit is moving to a

810
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 2: new city and how to build community. And I'm wondering

811
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:30,480
Speaker 2: if you could speak to that, especially since you're in

812
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 2: one of the biggest cities in the world. How do

813
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 2: you build community, how do you make new friends? How

814
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,720
Speaker 2: do you find a home in any place?

815
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I definitely consider myself to be one

816
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 3: of those like introverted extroverts where I'm good with people,

817
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 3: I'm good with like with with new people, but I

818
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,840
Speaker 3: have to be in the mood and my battery dies quick.

819
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 3: It's like that's how I feel. And so moving to

820
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 3: New York I was actually the first of I very

821
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 3: fortunately a lot of my friends also ended up getting

822
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 3: jobs here right out of college. I moved here a

823
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,759
Speaker 3: month after I graduated college. I'd gotten a corporate job.

824
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 3: They wanted me here, so it actually worked out perfectly.

825
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 3: But a bunch of my friends lived in New Jersey,

826
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,839
Speaker 3: so they were just commuting in taking the ferry into

827
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:21,319
Speaker 3: the city, still living at home, saving money. But I

828
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 3: am from Maryland, so it's a little bit too far

829
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 3: of a commute. So I just I needed to move here,

830
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 3: and I need to move here fast. So I picked

831
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 3: like the cheapest, you know, decently close to my my

832
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 3: job apartment I could find in Hell's Kitchen ended up

833
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 3: being mouse infested, coffers infested.

834
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:38,480
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh yeah.

835
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 3: But I grew in Like if that didn't scare me

836
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 3: out of New York, like you know, you know you

837
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,840
Speaker 3: belong here. If that that was my first I felt like,

838
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,360
Speaker 3: you know, I was in never grow up, Taylor Swift,

839
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 3: Like I tuck myself in and turned the night light

840
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,040
Speaker 3: on like that was me like every night for like

841
00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 3: the first like three months, until like people started visiting

842
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 3: me at least, so I had to you know, cultivate

843
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 3: a sort of community fast because I being this like introverted,

844
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 3: extroorted person, like I definitely need people or I tend

845
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:12,600
Speaker 3: to go insane, especially I mean this was when I

846
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 3: was still at my corporate job, so I had like

847
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,879
Speaker 3: a bunch of I had coworkers. Thank god. I don't

848
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 3: know how I would have done this, like this current

849
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 3: freelance life that I live in my first year, like

850
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 3: it was tough because I was also young. I was,

851
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,399
Speaker 3: you know, fresh out of college, like I had lived

852
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 3: with in my sorority house, like really recently, Like I

853
00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 3: was just used to having like girls around all the time,

854
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 3: so it was hard to adjust. But I think my

855
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:41,839
Speaker 3: biggest piece of advice or like strategy, I did a

856
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 3: lot of sliding into people's dms on Instagram.

857
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 2: Interesting and I still do.

858
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 3: And I have no shame, Like I find people in

859
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 3: so many different ways. I mean TikTok makes it so

860
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,359
Speaker 3: easy now because also they give you like they kind

861
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,839
Speaker 3: of feed you people in your area. Like I get

862
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 3: a lot of New York content on TikTok. I don't

863
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 3: know if everyone gets that, but like I think, like

864
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 3: when I'm home in Maryland, I get Maryland content. I

865
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:08,920
Speaker 3: get tis right, so like you can kind of find

866
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:11,200
Speaker 3: and especially With TikTok, you can find kind of like

867
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 3: you know, micro creators as well, like people that are

868
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:18,080
Speaker 3: just you know, everyday people that are just posting their outfits,

869
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 3: which like I love that. I follow a ridiculous amount

870
00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 3: of people on TikTok now that just for like outfit

871
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:27,879
Speaker 3: content that aren't like your typical influencer, but are they're

872
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 3: influencing me. So I would I would find someone like that.

873
00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 3: I mean back then, you know, just on Instagram whatever,

874
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,279
Speaker 3: and I would just like DM and be like, hey,

875
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 3: like I love your outfit here, I love your vibe whatever,

876
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 3: literally slide it ANDD be like do you want to

877
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 3: get coffee or drinks and whatever. The worst thing they

878
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 3: can do is like open it, not reply, you know,

879
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 3: just say yeah sure, but never coordinate a time. It's

880
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 3: kind of like dating app, like you're not always going

881
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 3: to get a hit, but you actually you might. I

882
00:42:56,120 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 3: mean I've actually met people recently that have told me

883
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 3: that they've used bumble bff as well to do a

884
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 3: very similar thing. It's like, if you don't want to,

885
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,760
Speaker 3: if you don't feel comfortable doing it over on TikTok,

886
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 3: on Instagram, bumble bff, like you can find friends that way.

887
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 3: And I think the thing about New York is people

888
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,759
Speaker 3: are always you know, I at least personally feel people

889
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 3: are always willing to expand their circle because it's not like,

890
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 3: you know, it's, oh hey, let's meet at this bar

891
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,799
Speaker 3: at seven pm or like this this restaurant. It's like

892
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:28,239
Speaker 3: not like it's easy, I think because we're all kind

893
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 3: of close together, like sandwich together here at least, but

894
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,839
Speaker 3: in any place. I mean, bumble bff is a great

895
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 3: way to do it. Just shamelessly sliding into dms, Like

896
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 3: I think it's the most fun story that like a

897
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 3: few of my friends that I'm very close with now

898
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh yeah, Katie slid in my DMS, Like

899
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 3: they're like Katie, yeah I did, no shame, absolutely no shame.

900
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 3: And then through that, I've actually I joined a book

901
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 3: club through that, like I I, yeah, you just got

902
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 3: to get your foot in the door. And it's really nice, awkward,

903
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 3: it's not like you might feel like it is, but

904
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 3: everyone everyone's just trying to like find their people, especially

905
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 3: in a big city, because like, big cities are the

906
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 3: places where you can feel the most.

907
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 2: Lonely totally people, Yeah, spot on, I think it's so

908
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 2: spot on. One more I'm going to add to that list,

909
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 2: which I'm sure you did asked to be friendship set

910
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 2: up as well, So like when ooh.

911
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, so when I know more about that.

912
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 2: This is like something that happened to me when I

913
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 2: would move to Sydney. So like Sydney is the biggest

914
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 2: city in Australia, not as big as New York, it's

915
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,719
Speaker 2: still tiny, but I moved from Canberra, which is like

916
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 2: no one knows where that is. It's like a it's

917
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 2: like our capital city. It's tiny. And I really didn't

918
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 2: know anyone, and I wasn't working and so the first

919
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 2: and I'd just gone through a breakup, so it was

920
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 2: just like I was like peak loneliness and I like

921
00:44:57,239 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 2: message one of my friends and I was like, do

922
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 2: you have any people who live in Sydney who you

923
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,840
Speaker 2: think I would like? And she was like, as a

924
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 2: matter of fact, I do, and she put us both

925
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 2: into a group chat together was like I think you

926
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 2: two would be friends, and then left the group chat

927
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,360
Speaker 2: and so we were kind of awkwardly there being like

928
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:15,719
Speaker 2: do we get a drink? And we were like, yeah,

929
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 2: let's do it. And this is like and like flash forward,

930
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 2: fast forward. I guess this like friend of mine like

931
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 2: came in my family vacation with me last year, like

932
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 2: had New Year's and Christmas at my house and I'd

933
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 2: known her for like seven months, and it was like

934
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 2: I just met like a soul mate. So you never know,

935
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,320
Speaker 2: you never know. They just come out of the woodwork

936
00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 2: and you're like, how we how come I've never met

937
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 2: you before? Like right, what was I doing?

938
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 3: When you can't imagine your life without them? Like it's

939
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,480
Speaker 3: like genuinely and you wouldn't have And then you have

940
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 3: that moment of being proud of yourself, which I think

941
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 3: life is all about just like finding reasons or creating

942
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 3: reasons for you to feel proud of yourself. Yeah, you know,

943
00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:00,160
Speaker 3: taking risks, doing things that require a lot of bravery.

944
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:02,759
Speaker 3: Life is all about just like collecting those moments. So

945
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,719
Speaker 3: like when you're at a low point, you just sit

946
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:06,760
Speaker 3: here and think, wait a second, though, like I maybe

947
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 3: I this is something bad that's happening to me, and

948
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 3: I'm like not feeling my best right now, But look

949
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 3: at all the stuff that I've done, look at all

950
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 3: the times that like I went out there and tried

951
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,399
Speaker 3: even if it wasn't reciprocated even if it didn't work out,

952
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 3: and like, look at all, look at the life that

953
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 3: I've created for mysel.

954
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 2: Feel the fear and do it anyways right like you've

955
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 2: just got to I love that saying.

956
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:30,279
Speaker 3: I know it. We're like me too. It's a pump

957
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 3: up episode.

958
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,759
Speaker 2: I'm like, live advice. You're gonna get it all even

959
00:46:33,800 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 2: if you didn't ask for it. I'm solicitous. Well, I

960
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 2: want to thank you so much for coming on the show,

961
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 2: and I would really I just want to plug all

962
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 2: your content. I'm gonna say this. I was watching Katie's

963
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 2: YouTube channel when I was in high school, and it

964
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 2: was so funny because you went to like university like

965
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,399
Speaker 2: two years before me college sorry, and I was like, ooh,

966
00:46:57,760 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 2: this looks fun Like I'm gonna go to a I'm

967
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 2: going to like go to a campus and like go

968
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 2: to a dorm and like do all these things. And

969
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,360
Speaker 2: so I feel like it's just like big sister advice.

970
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 2: You always providing me with the big sister advice. And

971
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 2: I really think that your content is so evergreen and

972
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:16,720
Speaker 2: beautiful and inclusive and warm and very like pretty.

973
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:17,880
Speaker 3: I know that sounds so weird.

974
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 2: Pretty, but I feel like I ended on a bad one.

975
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 3: Beautiful like that. I like pretty, pretty is a good word.

976
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 2: It's just yeah, it's good.

977
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 3: It's probably top of mine. Summer I turn pretty, you know.

978
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was thinking. So where can they

979
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,399
Speaker 2: find you if they want to hear more from you?

980
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 3: Sure, you can just type my name into most social

981
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 3: media platforms and I have some sort of footprint there.

982
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 3: It's Katie with a y. Don't mess it up like

983
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 3: my boyfriend did the first time. Kat Y Balladi b

984
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,080
Speaker 3: e l l o t t e Ballati pronounced like

985
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:56,279
Speaker 3: Pilates but spelled b e l l ott. Type that

986
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,120
Speaker 3: in most everywhere. I have this podcast called match Made

987
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 3: in Manhattan, which is like my newest baby with my

988
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 3: two best friends. We talk actually like in depth. We

989
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 3: share way too much on there. Every episode ends up

990
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 3: being explicit rating. We produce it self produced, self film

991
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:16,359
Speaker 3: and record in my apartment every week, and you guys

992
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 3: should definitely check it out because we talk about the

993
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:20,240
Speaker 3: ups and downs of dating.

994
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,360
Speaker 2: It's really really good. It's people always ask me what

995
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 2: podcasts I listen to. Match by to Manhattan. That's my

996
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 2: background podcast. No, it's so great it's so weird being

997
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 2: like asking you questions about yourself as if like I

998
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,760
Speaker 2: didn't hear it on the podcast, just like, it's so awkward.

999
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 2: But I want to thank you again for coming on board,

1000
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 2: and as always, if you enjoy this episode, please feel

1001
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,320
Speaker 2: free to leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

1002
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 2: wherever you're.

1003
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:46,720
Speaker 3: Listening right now.

1004
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,359
Speaker 2: If someone needs to hear this episode, if someone needs

1005
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 2: to hear Katie's wisdom, my wisdom as well, I guess,

1006
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 2: please send them this episode. And if you have an

1007
00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 2: episode's suggestion, follow us at that Psychology Podcast to send

1008
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 2: it through there. Thank you as always, and we will

1009
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 2: be back next week