WEBVTT - Dear Banya: Hyper Fixation Eggs 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:09.760 It's not that scrubbing in with that, Tilly and Tanya 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:14.600 rad and iHeartRadio and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast. 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:25.520 Hello everyone, We're scrubbing and oh wait, hello everyone, we 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:29.120 are scrubbing it. 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:32.279 Just take you just take. I give you half the 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:34.040 line and then you just take the whole line. 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:38.680 I know, so give it. Give a mouse a little cheese, 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:40.440 the whole brick. 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:47.880 About the bus, struggle bus, It's a new day. 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:57.280 The podcast, am I Being punked Your face was so fun. 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:01.880 It's not often that Becca comes. 0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:04.720 It's very musical, very musical this week. 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:06.360 And yaws, you want to share? 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:07.560 Oh my gosh. 0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:09.800 Well okay, so take the stars by the way. 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:12.200 Okay, I was about to say, so we I've been 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.200 wanting to learn that dance so bad, but in my 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:16.920 mind dance that one that we did, the one that 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:20.360 you posted. Yeah, there's not many like you know here 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:22.840 and there. I'll try to learn. But I was so 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:25.000 obsessed with the dance, and I kept sending it to Haley, 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:26.480 like do you think I can learn this? Because she 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:28.240 knows my skill level, you know, And she's like, yeah, 0:01:28.280 --> 0:01:31.480 I think so. She watches the tutorial and she learns it. 0:01:31.520 --> 0:01:35.080 In literally like five minutes. She's like, Okay, got it, 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:37.399 so this and then she's able to teach me. It 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:39.840 takes me a little bit longer. But what I've realized 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:45.280 is I'm coordinated enough and like have enough rhythm memory 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.480 and enough rhythm and learn the dance. 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:51.360 I feel like your body kind of like moves in 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:53.480 like the way that a dancer does. 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:55.160 No, So that's what I was gonna say. I don't 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.120 have like the swag of the dancer. I really don't. Yeah, 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:00.760 you know, if you watch me and Haley us both, 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:04.960 you can you can see the difference. Though there's just me. 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:07.160 In there those videos with the two of you, you 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:11.160 would see the difference between Okay, the nom swagger and 0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:11.760 the swagger. 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:15.079 But it's so fun to learn. Oh it's so fun 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.360 to dance. But it's also so fun to learn and 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:20.960 dance with her because she's very she's when she's in 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:24.920 coach mode teaching me, she's like very coach. She's like 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.520 a coach to me. And then I'm like what am 0:02:27.560 --> 0:02:29.440 I doing wrong? And she's like, let's watch it back. 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.600 Did she do the like five? Six, seven eight? 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.200 Always tries to go okay, do you hear this beat, 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:37.000 boom boom, and then she'll do the dance math. But 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:40.000 I'm like, Babe, I don't That's not how I learn. 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:41.919 So I just need to see it with the music 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:43.240 and then that's how I'm gonna pick it up. 0:02:43.360 --> 0:02:47.200 I find dancing so hard. I don't have rhythm, I 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:51.119 don't have swagger like and I my parents never had 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:53.240 me in any sort of dance classes, and I really 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:56.840 regret that as a child, not like pushing to be 0:02:56.919 --> 0:02:58.880 in any sort of like dance because I feel like 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:01.040 I have the rhythm in me. 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:05.320 I think you have rhythm. I think you I think 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:08.840 that you get overwhelmed with learning the dance. But I 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:11.320 think if you just like locked in, I think you 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:13.639 have the rhythm to learn to dance. If not, now, 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:16.680 when why not take some dance classes? 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:16.840 Me? 0:03:17.440 --> 0:03:19.480 We could go take howl would that be? Go take 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:24.040 some you know the studios where they film on like 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.280 the cool VIDEOSHM Millennial. 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:27.520 Or Millennial Dance studio. 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:32.080 Yeah, but yeah, it's really fun. I love music and 0:03:32.080 --> 0:03:34.120 I love dancing. I'm just like, it's not a natural 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.280 thing for me. I did do cheer in fifth grade, 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:38.800 so that probably just set me up for success. Wow, 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:41.480 any of that foundation. 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:44.360 You know how like people say like when they have kids, 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:46.480 they like they do all the stuff that they wish 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:48.280 that they had when they were a kid. If I 0:03:48.440 --> 0:03:50.640 end up having a girl dance, they're going to be 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:56.040 in ballet, hip hop, like ballroom, you name it, they're 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:56.640 going to be in it. 0:03:56.680 --> 0:03:59.800 Well, we went to Haley's. Her niece is did dance 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.960 and she had her like recital or whatever, and she 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:06.240 was in Hers was hip hop. But the whole thing 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:08.880 was like a two hour thing and it was like 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:12.800 kids from three and four to you know, high school. 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:16.840 It's a long, long performance. Yeah, but you know you 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:19.279 see the stars, like you can say you can be 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:22.520 like that one's gonna pursue this, that could pursue this 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.359 as a long term career. And I would say majority 0:04:25.960 --> 0:04:30.160 are just there for the fun and learning and dancing vibes. 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:32.960 I was listening to this podcast though, and they were 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:38.719 talking about how they prefer to have children that aren't 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:43.000 that don't like excel in those types of things, because 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:47.240 then they like they know how to experience like not 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:49.560 being so good. You know, like there's like some people 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:51.280 that are just like naturally just like good at everything 0:04:51.760 --> 0:04:53.800 and then they kind of have this like false sense 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:55.520 of reality because they're just so good at everything, and 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:56.880 then they enter the real world and they're like, oh wait, 0:04:56.880 --> 0:05:01.200 I'm actually not really good at everything. Yeah, how it's 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:04.640 like better or like you you you gain like grit 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:07.920 and you learn adversity by like not being good at 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:09.680 things as a kid. 0:05:09.760 --> 0:05:11.160 I think that's true. 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:14.920 I do so to get horrible at everything I wasn't. 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:17.080 But do you know what happened is that when I 0:05:17.200 --> 0:05:20.400 try something that I'm not good at now, I don't 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:22.240 want to do it. I don't want to have to learn. 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:24.719 So it's easier for me to just not do things 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:27.000 that I don't feel comment doing, which I think holds 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:28.360 me back a lot of the time. So I do 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:31.680 think there's something to that. But I also think you 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.360 you learn quickly if you're surrounded by people who are 0:05:34.360 --> 0:05:37.000 good at things if you're not, Like I can tell when, 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:39.479 like even I'm self aware enough with Haley to know 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:42.360 that I am not good. I'm good enough to do 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:44.400 a TikTok dance, but I'm not going to try and 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:46.120 be a touring dancer. 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:52.240 You know, she made you a backup dancers. She wouldn't 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:53.960 I would ever. 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:57.800 No, No, it's so intense and hard. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.320 But maybe not like a full on backup dancer. 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:01.719 But it just come out for one performance where I yeah. 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:03.919 Like you're on tour, you're part of the tour. 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.000 I just do like a compilation of the TikTok dances 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:07.800 we've learned together. 0:06:08.279 --> 0:06:11.479 Yeah, or like she has that like what's the moment 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.560 where it was it one less lonely girl justin bib moment? Yeah, 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:17.039 but it's like you every time. 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:19.279 One time she had a song called pretty Girl, and 0:06:19.320 --> 0:06:21.160 she would bring up a fan and saying I got 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:22.400 to do it one time in London. 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.360 Anyways. Good for thought, Good for thought. 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:29.280 But I was gonna say something about oh, just as 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:34.159 just total shift. So you post it today you have 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:37.000 a new hyper fixation breakfast. I don't know if you 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:37.440 saw this. 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:38.839 I've not seen this yet. 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.880 And there's a picture of said breakfast. Yeah, and in 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:45.880 my mind I thought, those are those just three fried 0:06:45.920 --> 0:06:52.840 eggs like that like a very standard breakfast for most people, right, 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.160 which is like three bright eggs, And I go, maybe 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:58.880 there's something new that has them being a fixation. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:01.200 Fixation have to be new. 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:04.080 I just I thought you ate eggs every day. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:11.320 So I sat very funny, three regular looking fried eggs. 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:19.160 I'm sorryalted pepper, Yeah, deliciously salted and deliciously peppered. 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:22.880 And somehow Robbie makes them to where they're like they're 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:24.560 like a little bit gooey on the inside, but like 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:27.280 not too runny, Like they're very cooked, but like just 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:28.559 the right amount of gooey. 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:29.840 An over easy egg. 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:33.560 I had this aversion to scrambled eggs, and I was like, 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.440 I cannot eat another scrambled egg. I just can't do it. 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:39.320 And Robbie's like, let me try making you a different way. 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:41.520 I was like, over medium, this is what they look like. 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:45.520 Is that what that is? I think it is delicious 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:46.920 when I tell you I had it for the first 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:48.680 time two days ago, and I was like, can you 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:50.760 make me this every day for the rest of my life? 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:53.440 It is? So that was your first time having a 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:55.760 Friday like an over medium egg. 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.120 Usually have them scrambled or hard boiled. 0:07:58.880 --> 0:07:59.240 Wow. 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.080 Yes, I think we pitched the suggestion when you said 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:03.760 you were having the egg ache, like, maybe try a 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:04.440 different form. 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:07.720 Yeah, well I did. Spoiler alert, and it is good. 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:13.000 It's so good, and. 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.840 I am welcome to the new this new journey. 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:20.640 Yeah, I'm really happy with it. I'm really happy with it. 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:23.640 I you know, what I've been really into is like 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:27.960 scrambled eggs but with like we order fresh bread from 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:31.440 this bakery and it's this honey wheat toast with the 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:35.480 egg on top of it. Buttered toast with eggs on top. 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:39.880 So good. Anyways, we have a Dear Bondia episode. So 0:08:41.000 --> 0:08:45.360 is out he is on Baca, So he is. I 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:46.800 ever wanted. 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.920 Vacation? All I ever wanted. 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:54.880 Vacation had to get away. 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:56.840 You don't know that song, I don't think so what 0:08:56.960 --> 0:09:01.000 is the go gos or yeah, googles? 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.600 The tone they. 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:07.280 Already nineteen eighty two so called vacation. 0:09:08.720 --> 0:09:12.200 Oh, speaking of before we begin, Dear Bonnya, I've been 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:14.480 seeing all this stuff about we were liars being like 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.680 super emotional and like good. Yeah, so I'm ready to 0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:19.600 beinge it. 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:21.040 That might be my next bin. 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:25.080 Yeah. Same watch our girl Candae, Yeah, gotta support well 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:26.560 watch it, Dear Bonnya. 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:30.080 Let's go, here we go. This is from Charlotte High 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:33.520 Scrubbing and FAM. I'm so thankful for this podcast in community. 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:35.720 I've been a fan of Becca since her bachelor days, 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:38.280 and I'm so happy to now know Tanya Mark Easton. 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.400 Thank you and the rest of the scrubbers. You've kept 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:42.640 me company on so many cross country flights, laughing out 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.520 loud on planes and in cars. I'm writing because I'm 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:47.720 pretty sure my boyfriend of over a decade just picked 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:50.760 up my engagement ring yesterday. Yes, I checked his location. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:51.960 I'm a Tanya. 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:56.200 I'm so excited to start this next chapter. Here's my dilemma. 0:09:56.400 --> 0:09:58.720 I have a friend, Carrie, who I've known since we 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.280 were teens. We've all been friendly, though I think she 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:03.600 felt closer to me than I did to her. Back 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:05.559 in twenty twenty one, I was one of three maids 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.160 of honor in her wedding, alongside her other friend Samantha. 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:11.040 But since then life and distance got in the way. 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:13.440 We haven't seen each other in almost two years, and 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.880 we barely text, just occasional likes and replies on social media. 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:20.000 I know she'll expect a text when it happens, maybe 0:10:20.040 --> 0:10:23.080 even a wedding or bridesmaid invite, but honestly, I don't 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:25.880 think i'd even invite her, her husband, or other friend 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.360 Samantha to the wedding at this point, it feels like 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.080 we're basically strangers now, and I'm feeling some guilt about that. 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:32.120 So I need help. 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:34.400 Do I send Carrie and Samantha a group text with 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.960 an engagement pick? Or let them find out with everyone 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:39.400 else on social media? How do I handle my messages 0:10:39.440 --> 0:10:41.880 about the wedding knowing they probably won't be invited? Thank 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:44.680 you for the advice, love and support, XO, Charlotte. 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:45.040 PS. 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.360 The names were inspired by in just like That's return 0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.040 in honor of Easton. Thank you so much, Charlotte. 0:10:50.160 --> 0:10:52.800 I was like, well these names, Yeah, yeah, I was like, 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:57.439 that's weirdh where's Miranda weird? I watched a lot of 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.760 Sex in the City on my fight home by the way, Yeah, 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:01.959 seven episodes to be exact. 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:06.120 One what season four? Nice? 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:07.560 Yeah, it's pretty iconic. 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:08.960 Yeah, always good. 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.480 My instant gut was like, just let them find out 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:19.560 on social media. 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:21.440 Because of one word she used? What guilt? So do 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:25.800 anything because of guilt? No crew guilt. We're done with it. 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:28.960 Also, twenty twenty one was four years ago. If you 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:32.880 haven't had any deep conversations or connections in four years on, 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:36.079 if they haven't initiated it, or if you haven't initiated it, 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:39.680 then you don't owe them anything celebrating one of the 0:11:39.679 --> 0:11:41.600 most exciting points of your life. 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:43.760 I think also too, I think there is this like 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:46.080 expectation of like I was a bridesmaider, I was a 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:47.640 maid of honor of her wedding, so she needs to 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:51.280 come to mine was made I was in weddings ten 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.480 years ago, five years ago, and I didn't invite any 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:55.800 of them to my wedding because none of them had 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:59.319 even met Robbie. Yeah, And so it's like, you can't 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.160 have that be like the caliber of like I was 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:04.839 in their wedding or I was this because things change 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.480 and you can't. It shouldn't be a guilt thing. If 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:10.920 you're texting anybody to tell them that you're engaged, should 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:12.520 because you want to tell them and you're excited to 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.640 tell them, not because you feel this like need or pressure. 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:18.000 And it also should be people that have known you 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:21.160 and your relationship. I feel like people who have been there, 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.440 been with you and yeah, and know about your relationship 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:27.240 with your fiance, and like, I think you post something 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:29.280 and if they're like, oh my, they're probably going to 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:32.320 respond and text you. They'll probably text you, maybe and 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:35.040 then you can maybe send them close up photos of 0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:36.680 the ring whatever you want to do. But I don't 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:40.640 think you owe them anything if you don't feel inspired 0:12:40.679 --> 0:12:41.120 to do so. 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.000 Yeah, I'm done with guilt. 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:45.800 Follow inspiration, not not guilt. 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:46.880 Amen. 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.440 Guilt has been like a very interesting theme in my 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:54.600 family lately because my dad, as as he retired, he's 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:59.480 having these like crazy like life thinking back on his 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.000 life was like I did so much like I was 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:04.200 raised out of, like through guilt, and like guilt was 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:06.520 like such a thing in our culture that he also 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:08.600 did to like us. And he's so now he's like 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:12.800 trying to like right his wrongs. Wow, that is, I know, 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:13.800 an evolved man. 0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:15.920 That is so impressive. 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:19.880 Yeah, really, I know, like he could just not care 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:23.440 or like whatever, Like being self aware to know it, yeah, 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:26.280 and then saying it out loud and then trying to 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:31.520 correct it is Wow. Yeah, it's an evolved man. It's evolved. 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:33.680 But it's made me super hyper aware of like the 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.960 guilt too, because I was raised a lot with it. 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:38.480 I also can use it a lot in my relationship 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.640 and I can now I'm like hyper aware of Like, no, 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.240 I don't guilt him into anything. You know what I mean. 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:46.560 I I I'm very just hyper aware of that word. 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:51.120 So when she used in this email, I was like, no, no, period. 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:53.800 I've been talking a lot about guilt with my therapists 0:13:53.800 --> 0:13:56.160 and that's something. Yeah, it's it's we leave it behind. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:57.320 We don't need guilt anymore. 0:13:57.440 --> 0:14:00.360 I think it was like our generation, like our ars 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.360 led alot by guilt. Maybe not everybody's, but like. 0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:07.640 I've done so much for you, yeah. 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:11.240 Yeah, or like in different there's there's other like so 0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:12.840 many different ways that you can guilt too. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:16.360 By the way, Charlotte, Charlotte, we're so excited for you. 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:19.000 We can't know. Yes, maybe it's been an update. Once 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:22.480 it happens, give us a story. We can't wait. Okay, 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:23.840 here we go with. 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:27.680 This is from Kate uh Dear Banya and Nieston. I'm 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:31.440 having some WLW trouble and I need advice. I'm twenty 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:33.000 nine and the last October I went on my very 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.280 first date with a woman. I've known him a lesbian 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:38.040 for about five years. Shout out to beca mentioning untamed, 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:40.240 which I'll make it click for me. But I've been 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:42.800 avoiding dating out of fear of coming out. I finally 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:44.920 gave Hine a try, and I totally didn't expect to 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:47.120 connect with the first person I met, but I did. 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:50.760 We clicked instantly. The date lasted for over three hours, 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:54.160 no awkwardness. We even had similar religious backgrounds that both 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:57.600 left and had both left that behind. After that, I 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.200 came out to people in my life because I didn't 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.840 want to hide. We dated for two months, but then 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:04.040 my mental health tainked unrelated to her, and I got 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:06.800 super anxious I were to be too needy or scare 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.640 her off. So I panicked and shared all of that 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.080 with her. We decided to stop dating, and not as 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.200 a pause, but more leaving the door open for the 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:16.240 potential to reconnect in the future. Since then, I've dated others, 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:18.560 but nothing has come close. She's still on my mind 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:21.160 all the time. She's kind, goes to therapy, and genuinely 0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:24.080 wants to grow. She has no red flags. We've stayed 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:27.160 in light contact. I usually initiate, and we recently caught 0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:29.400 up again in person. It was a little awkward, bit nice. 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.640 So now we're hanging out again this week. How do 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:33.960 I bring up asking if she's seeing anyone and we're 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:37.280 considered dating again. I have to ask, otherwise I'll keep wondering, 0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:39.000 and I don't want to put her on the spot 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.320 or feel like I'm forcing anything. I just don't know 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.280 how to say it without making it weird or crushing 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:46.400 myself if she says no, any advice would mean the world. 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:54.680 Well, I think it's important that you are taking care 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:58.120 of your own mental health and your anxiety, because I 0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:01.960 think that no matter where she is in her life 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:05.720 and her relationship, I think if you're not taking care 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.000 of yourself and and working on the thing that that 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:12.000 made you separate in the first place, or take a break, 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.800 I think that it's gonna you're gonna fall back into 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:21.560 the same patterns of like anxiety and mental struggles. But 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:23.880 I think if you'll hang out again, just be like, Hey, 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:28.200 so are you seeing anyone else? Like, what's what's going 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:30.440 on in your dating life? I'm still interested in you, 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:32.960 but I'm you know, want to be respectful to see 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:33.440 where you're. 0:16:33.280 --> 0:16:37.520 At what I'm still interested in you? Yeah, just be direct. 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:38.600 I think I think so too. 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:40.920 I think if you go on and you don't scratch 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:44.320 this itch, you're gonna always live in the what if yes, 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:45.360 and you don't want to live in that. 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:47.520 But I do think that it's not fair to her 0:16:47.600 --> 0:16:49.280 if you haven't worked on the things that you need 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:51.800 to work on, Like if you took a break because 0:16:51.800 --> 0:16:53.960 of your mental health, but you haven't done anything to 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.400 improve your mental health. I don't think it's fair to 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.240 try and start something else up because I think you're 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:01.640 going to end up in the same space. So I 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.480 think if you have done that and you're ready to 0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.800 pursue something, I think you just are direct. I always 0:17:06.800 --> 0:17:09.320 think if if I was in a situation of limbo 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.399 with someone, all I would want for them is to 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:14.520 be direct with me. Whether my reaction was like I 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:16.680 don't think I'm ready for that or whatever, it would 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.439 be so refreshing for someone to just be like, hey, 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:21.480 I'm still interested in you. Where are you at as 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:25.000 opposed to kind of just tiptoeing around it. So maybe 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:27.200 she's waiting for you, since you're the one who needed 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.080 a break, Maybe she is waiting for you to bring 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.960 it up. So I would just be doing other say hey, 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.400 I like you. I've been working on myself. Where are 0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:38.440 you in terms of where we left off? 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:45.760 Period? But good luck new thing, Kate. 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.320 We'll be excited to hear an update, hopefully a positive one. 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:52.240 Yeah do it? Kate go, Kate go go. 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:56.160 Should we take a break? 0:17:56.280 --> 0:17:58.439 Yeah, yeah, I should take a break. Just love these 0:17:58.480 --> 0:17:59.320 emails so much. 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:19.440 All right, we're back. 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:23.080 This next one feels like some advice that Tanya can answer. 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:26.800 Oh yeah, it's from a confused bride to be overwhelmed 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.639 with wedding planning beck at Tanya, Mark and Easton. First, 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.680 I just have to say how much I love your podcast. 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.080 I've been listening for years and I genuinely feel like 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:36.760 I know the four of you. I truly trust your perspective. 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:39.000 So I want to reach out for some advice. I'm 0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:41.520 in the thick of wedding planning and honestly, it's starting 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:45.119 to feel like too much. Financially, it's overwhelming. My fiance 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:46.840 and I sat down or crunch the numbers, and the 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.680 amount we need to save each month to pull off 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:52.440 this wedding without going into debt is daunting. What makes 0:18:52.440 --> 0:18:54.919 it harder is that while everyone seems excited, no one 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:57.280 is really showing up in a meaningful way. I have 0:18:57.320 --> 0:18:59.960 a very complicated relationship with my mom and special events. 0:19:00.119 --> 0:19:01.880 This bring up a lot of emotions for me because 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:04.399 we're not close. I'm paying for my own wedding dress. 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.520 No one has offered a host a bridal shower. I 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:09.119 constantly feel like people don't want to come celebrate with me, 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:12.160 and there's just this sense that we're doing all this alone. 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:15.040 I've been struggling with anxiety, and I'll be honest, the 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:17.600 whole process is starting to feel more draining than joyful. 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:20.159 We already put down a deposit on a venue, and 0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:23.480 now we're thinking of canceling. We're seriously considering an elopement 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.639 or a microwaiting with about thirty of our closest friends 0:19:25.640 --> 0:19:28.360 and family, people we actually feel connected to and supported by. 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:30.919