Speaker 1: It's not that scrubbing in with that, Tilly and Tanya
Speaker 1: rad and iHeartRadio and two times People's Choice Award winning podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everyone, We're scrubbing and oh wait, hello everyone, we
Speaker 2: are scrubbing it.
Speaker 3: Just take you just take. I give you half the
Speaker 3: line and then you just take the whole line.
Speaker 1: I know, so give it. Give a mouse a little cheese,
Speaker 1: the whole brick.
Speaker 3: About the bus, struggle bus, It's a new day.
Speaker 1: The podcast, am I Being punked Your face was so fun.
Speaker 1: It's not often that Becca comes.
Speaker 4: It's very musical, very musical this week.
Speaker 1: And yaws, you want to share?
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Well okay, so take the stars by the way.
Speaker 3: Okay, I was about to say, so we I've been
Speaker 3: wanting to learn that dance so bad, but in my
Speaker 3: mind dance that one that we did, the one that
Speaker 3: you posted. Yeah, there's not many like you know here
Speaker 3: and there. I'll try to learn. But I was so
Speaker 3: obsessed with the dance, and I kept sending it to Haley,
Speaker 3: like do you think I can learn this? Because she
Speaker 3: knows my skill level, you know, And she's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I think so. She watches the tutorial and she learns it.
Speaker 3: In literally like five minutes. She's like, Okay, got it,
Speaker 3: so this and then she's able to teach me. It
Speaker 3: takes me a little bit longer. But what I've realized
Speaker 3: is I'm coordinated enough and like have enough rhythm memory
Speaker 3: and enough rhythm and learn the dance.
Speaker 1: I feel like your body kind of like moves in
Speaker 1: like the way that a dancer does.
Speaker 3: No, So that's what I was gonna say. I don't
Speaker 3: have like the swag of the dancer. I really don't. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, if you watch me and Haley us both,
Speaker 3: you can you can see the difference. Though there's just me.
Speaker 1: In there those videos with the two of you, you
Speaker 1: would see the difference between Okay, the nom swagger and
Speaker 1: the swagger.
Speaker 3: But it's so fun to learn. Oh it's so fun
Speaker 3: to dance. But it's also so fun to learn and
Speaker 3: dance with her because she's very she's when she's in
Speaker 3: coach mode teaching me, she's like very coach. She's like
Speaker 3: a coach to me. And then I'm like what am
Speaker 3: I doing wrong? And she's like, let's watch it back.
Speaker 4: Did she do the like five? Six, seven eight?
Speaker 3: Always tries to go okay, do you hear this beat,
Speaker 3: boom boom, and then she'll do the dance math. But
Speaker 3: I'm like, Babe, I don't That's not how I learn.
Speaker 3: So I just need to see it with the music
Speaker 3: and then that's how I'm gonna pick it up.
Speaker 1: I find dancing so hard. I don't have rhythm, I
Speaker 1: don't have swagger like and I my parents never had
Speaker 1: me in any sort of dance classes, and I really
Speaker 1: regret that as a child, not like pushing to be
Speaker 1: in any sort of like dance because I feel like
Speaker 1: I have the rhythm in me.
Speaker 3: I think you have rhythm. I think you I think
Speaker 3: that you get overwhelmed with learning the dance. But I
Speaker 3: think if you just like locked in, I think you
Speaker 3: have the rhythm to learn to dance. If not, now,
Speaker 3: when why not take some dance classes?
Speaker 5: Me?
Speaker 3: We could go take howl would that be? Go take
Speaker 3: some you know the studios where they film on like
Speaker 3: the cool VIDEOSHM Millennial.
Speaker 1: Or Millennial Dance studio.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, it's really fun. I love music and
Speaker 3: I love dancing. I'm just like, it's not a natural
Speaker 3: thing for me. I did do cheer in fifth grade,
Speaker 3: so that probably just set me up for success. Wow,
Speaker 3: any of that foundation.
Speaker 1: You know how like people say like when they have kids,
Speaker 1: they like they do all the stuff that they wish
Speaker 1: that they had when they were a kid. If I
Speaker 1: end up having a girl dance, they're going to be
Speaker 1: in ballet, hip hop, like ballroom, you name it, they're
Speaker 1: going to be in it.
Speaker 3: Well, we went to Haley's. Her niece is did dance
Speaker 3: and she had her like recital or whatever, and she
Speaker 3: was in Hers was hip hop. But the whole thing
Speaker 3: was like a two hour thing and it was like
Speaker 3: kids from three and four to you know, high school.
Speaker 3: It's a long, long performance. Yeah, but you know you
Speaker 3: see the stars, like you can say you can be
Speaker 3: like that one's gonna pursue this, that could pursue this
Speaker 3: as a long term career. And I would say majority
Speaker 3: are just there for the fun and learning and dancing vibes.
Speaker 1: I was listening to this podcast though, and they were
Speaker 1: talking about how they prefer to have children that aren't
Speaker 1: that don't like excel in those types of things, because
Speaker 1: then they like they know how to experience like not
Speaker 1: being so good. You know, like there's like some people
Speaker 1: that are just like naturally just like good at everything
Speaker 1: and then they kind of have this like false sense
Speaker 1: of reality because they're just so good at everything, and
Speaker 1: then they enter the real world and they're like, oh wait,
Speaker 1: I'm actually not really good at everything. Yeah, how it's
Speaker 1: like better or like you you you gain like grit
Speaker 1: and you learn adversity by like not being good at
Speaker 1: things as a kid.
Speaker 3: I think that's true.
Speaker 1: I do so to get horrible at everything I wasn't.
Speaker 3: But do you know what happened is that when I
Speaker 3: try something that I'm not good at now, I don't
Speaker 3: want to do it. I don't want to have to learn.
Speaker 3: So it's easier for me to just not do things
Speaker 3: that I don't feel comment doing, which I think holds
Speaker 3: me back a lot of the time. So I do
Speaker 3: think there's something to that. But I also think you
Speaker 3: you learn quickly if you're surrounded by people who are
Speaker 3: good at things if you're not, Like I can tell when,
Speaker 3: like even I'm self aware enough with Haley to know
Speaker 3: that I am not good. I'm good enough to do
Speaker 3: a TikTok dance, but I'm not going to try and
Speaker 3: be a touring dancer.
Speaker 1: You know, she made you a backup dancers. She wouldn't
Speaker 1: I would ever.
Speaker 3: No, No, it's so intense and hard.
Speaker 1: But maybe not like a full on backup dancer.
Speaker 3: But it just come out for one performance where I yeah.
Speaker 1: Like you're on tour, you're part of the tour.
Speaker 3: I just do like a compilation of the TikTok dances
Speaker 3: we've learned together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or like she has that like what's the moment
Speaker 1: where it was it one less lonely girl justin bib moment? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's like you every time.
Speaker 3: One time she had a song called pretty Girl, and
Speaker 3: she would bring up a fan and saying I got
Speaker 3: to do it one time in London.
Speaker 1: Anyways. Good for thought, Good for thought.
Speaker 3: But I was gonna say something about oh, just as
Speaker 3: just total shift. So you post it today you have
Speaker 3: a new hyper fixation breakfast. I don't know if you
Speaker 3: saw this.
Speaker 6: I've not seen this yet.
Speaker 3: And there's a picture of said breakfast. Yeah, and in
Speaker 3: my mind I thought, those are those just three fried
Speaker 3: eggs like that like a very standard breakfast for most people, right,
Speaker 3: which is like three bright eggs, And I go, maybe
Speaker 3: there's something new that has them being a fixation.
Speaker 1: Fixation have to be new.
Speaker 3: I just I thought you ate eggs every day.
Speaker 6: So I sat very funny, three regular looking fried eggs.
Speaker 2: I'm sorryalted pepper, Yeah, deliciously salted and deliciously peppered.
Speaker 1: And somehow Robbie makes them to where they're like they're
Speaker 1: like a little bit gooey on the inside, but like
Speaker 1: not too runny, Like they're very cooked, but like just
Speaker 1: the right amount of gooey.
Speaker 4: An over easy egg.
Speaker 1: I had this aversion to scrambled eggs, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I cannot eat another scrambled egg. I just can't do it.
Speaker 1: And Robbie's like, let me try making you a different way.
Speaker 3: I was like, over medium, this is what they look like.
Speaker 1: Is that what that is? I think it is delicious
Speaker 1: when I tell you I had it for the first
Speaker 1: time two days ago, and I was like, can you
Speaker 1: make me this every day for the rest of my life?
Speaker 3: It is? So that was your first time having a
Speaker 3: Friday like an over medium egg.
Speaker 1: Usually have them scrambled or hard boiled.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yes, I think we pitched the suggestion when you said
Speaker 3: you were having the egg ache, like, maybe try a
Speaker 3: different form.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I did. Spoiler alert, and it is good.
Speaker 1: It's so good, and.
Speaker 3: I am welcome to the new this new journey.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm really happy with it. I'm really happy with it.
Speaker 3: I you know, what I've been really into is like
Speaker 3: scrambled eggs but with like we order fresh bread from
Speaker 3: this bakery and it's this honey wheat toast with the
Speaker 3: egg on top of it. Buttered toast with eggs on top.
Speaker 3: So good. Anyways, we have a Dear Bondia episode. So
Speaker 3: is out he is on Baca, So he is. I
Speaker 3: ever wanted.
Speaker 1: Vacation? All I ever wanted.
Speaker 4: Vacation had to get away.
Speaker 1: You don't know that song, I don't think so what
Speaker 1: is the go gos or yeah, googles?
Speaker 3: The tone they.
Speaker 4: Already nineteen eighty two so called vacation.
Speaker 3: Oh, speaking of before we begin, Dear Bonnya, I've been
Speaker 3: seeing all this stuff about we were liars being like
Speaker 3: super emotional and like good. Yeah, so I'm ready to
Speaker 3: beinge it.
Speaker 1: That might be my next bin.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Same watch our girl Candae, Yeah, gotta support well
Speaker 3: watch it, Dear Bonnya.
Speaker 6: Let's go, here we go. This is from Charlotte High
Speaker 6: Scrubbing and FAM. I'm so thankful for this podcast in community.
Speaker 6: I've been a fan of Becca since her bachelor days,
Speaker 6: and I'm so happy to now know Tanya Mark Easton.
Speaker 6: Thank you and the rest of the scrubbers. You've kept
Speaker 6: me company on so many cross country flights, laughing out
Speaker 6: loud on planes and in cars. I'm writing because I'm
Speaker 6: pretty sure my boyfriend of over a decade just picked
Speaker 6: up my engagement ring yesterday. Yes, I checked his location.
Speaker 4: I'm a Tanya.
Speaker 6: I'm so excited to start this next chapter. Here's my dilemma.
Speaker 6: I have a friend, Carrie, who I've known since we
Speaker 6: were teens. We've all been friendly, though I think she
Speaker 6: felt closer to me than I did to her. Back
Speaker 6: in twenty twenty one, I was one of three maids
Speaker 6: of honor in her wedding, alongside her other friend Samantha.
Speaker 6: But since then life and distance got in the way.
Speaker 6: We haven't seen each other in almost two years, and
Speaker 6: we barely text, just occasional likes and replies on social media.
Speaker 6: I know she'll expect a text when it happens, maybe
Speaker 6: even a wedding or bridesmaid invite, but honestly, I don't
Speaker 6: think i'd even invite her, her husband, or other friend
Speaker 6: Samantha to the wedding at this point, it feels like
Speaker 6: we're basically strangers now, and I'm feeling some guilt about that.
Speaker 4: So I need help.
Speaker 6: Do I send Carrie and Samantha a group text with
Speaker 6: an engagement pick? Or let them find out with everyone
Speaker 6: else on social media? How do I handle my messages
Speaker 6: about the wedding knowing they probably won't be invited? Thank
Speaker 6: you for the advice, love and support, XO, Charlotte.
Speaker 4: PS.
Speaker 6: The names were inspired by in just like That's return
Speaker 6: in honor of Easton. Thank you so much, Charlotte.
Speaker 1: I was like, well these names, Yeah, yeah, I was like,
Speaker 1: that's weirdh where's Miranda weird? I watched a lot of
Speaker 1: Sex in the City on my fight home by the way, Yeah,
Speaker 1: seven episodes to be exact.
Speaker 4: One what season four? Nice?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's pretty iconic.
Speaker 4: Yeah, always good.
Speaker 3: My instant gut was like, just let them find out
Speaker 3: on social media.
Speaker 1: Because of one word she used? What guilt? So do
Speaker 1: anything because of guilt? No crew guilt. We're done with it.
Speaker 3: Also, twenty twenty one was four years ago. If you
Speaker 3: haven't had any deep conversations or connections in four years on,
Speaker 3: if they haven't initiated it, or if you haven't initiated it,
Speaker 3: then you don't owe them anything celebrating one of the
Speaker 3: most exciting points of your life.
Speaker 1: I think also too, I think there is this like
Speaker 1: expectation of like I was a bridesmaider, I was a
Speaker 1: maid of honor of her wedding, so she needs to
Speaker 1: come to mine was made I was in weddings ten
Speaker 1: years ago, five years ago, and I didn't invite any
Speaker 1: of them to my wedding because none of them had
Speaker 1: even met Robbie. Yeah, And so it's like, you can't
Speaker 1: have that be like the caliber of like I was
Speaker 1: in their wedding or I was this because things change
Speaker 1: and you can't. It shouldn't be a guilt thing. If
Speaker 1: you're texting anybody to tell them that you're engaged, should
Speaker 1: because you want to tell them and you're excited to
Speaker 1: tell them, not because you feel this like need or pressure.
Speaker 3: And it also should be people that have known you
Speaker 3: and your relationship. I feel like people who have been there,
Speaker 3: been with you and yeah, and know about your relationship
Speaker 3: with your fiance, and like, I think you post something
Speaker 3: and if they're like, oh my, they're probably going to
Speaker 3: respond and text you. They'll probably text you, maybe and
Speaker 3: then you can maybe send them close up photos of
Speaker 3: the ring whatever you want to do. But I don't
Speaker 3: think you owe them anything if you don't feel inspired
Speaker 3: to do so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm done with guilt.
Speaker 3: Follow inspiration, not not guilt.
Speaker 6: Amen.
Speaker 1: Guilt has been like a very interesting theme in my
Speaker 1: family lately because my dad, as as he retired, he's
Speaker 1: having these like crazy like life thinking back on his
Speaker 1: life was like I did so much like I was
Speaker 1: raised out of, like through guilt, and like guilt was
Speaker 1: like such a thing in our culture that he also
Speaker 1: did to like us. And he's so now he's like
Speaker 1: trying to like right his wrongs. Wow, that is, I know,
Speaker 1: an evolved man.
Speaker 3: That is so impressive.
Speaker 1: Yeah, really, I know, like he could just not care
Speaker 1: or like whatever, Like being self aware to know it, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then saying it out loud and then trying to
Speaker 1: correct it is Wow. Yeah, it's an evolved man. It's evolved.
Speaker 1: But it's made me super hyper aware of like the
Speaker 1: guilt too, because I was raised a lot with it.
Speaker 1: I also can use it a lot in my relationship
Speaker 1: and I can now I'm like hyper aware of Like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't guilt him into anything. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I I I'm very just hyper aware of that word.
Speaker 1: So when she used in this email, I was like, no, no, period.
Speaker 6: I've been talking a lot about guilt with my therapists
Speaker 6: and that's something. Yeah, it's it's we leave it behind.
Speaker 6: We don't need guilt anymore.
Speaker 1: I think it was like our generation, like our ars
Speaker 1: led alot by guilt. Maybe not everybody's, but like.
Speaker 3: I've done so much for you, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or like in different there's there's other like so
Speaker 1: many different ways that you can guilt too.
Speaker 3: By the way, Charlotte, Charlotte, we're so excited for you.
Speaker 3: We can't know. Yes, maybe it's been an update. Once
Speaker 3: it happens, give us a story. We can't wait. Okay,
Speaker 3: here we go with.
Speaker 6: This is from Kate uh Dear Banya and Nieston. I'm
Speaker 6: having some WLW trouble and I need advice. I'm twenty
Speaker 6: nine and the last October I went on my very
Speaker 6: first date with a woman. I've known him a lesbian
Speaker 6: for about five years. Shout out to beca mentioning untamed,
Speaker 6: which I'll make it click for me. But I've been
Speaker 6: avoiding dating out of fear of coming out. I finally
Speaker 6: gave Hine a try, and I totally didn't expect to
Speaker 6: connect with the first person I met, but I did.
Speaker 6: We clicked instantly. The date lasted for over three hours,
Speaker 6: no awkwardness. We even had similar religious backgrounds that both
Speaker 6: left and had both left that behind. After that, I
Speaker 6: came out to people in my life because I didn't
Speaker 6: want to hide. We dated for two months, but then
Speaker 6: my mental health tainked unrelated to her, and I got
Speaker 6: super anxious I were to be too needy or scare
Speaker 6: her off. So I panicked and shared all of that
Speaker 6: with her. We decided to stop dating, and not as
Speaker 6: a pause, but more leaving the door open for the
Speaker 6: potential to reconnect in the future. Since then, I've dated others,
Speaker 6: but nothing has come close. She's still on my mind
Speaker 6: all the time. She's kind, goes to therapy, and genuinely
Speaker 6: wants to grow. She has no red flags. We've stayed
Speaker 6: in light contact. I usually initiate, and we recently caught
Speaker 6: up again in person. It was a little awkward, bit nice.
Speaker 6: So now we're hanging out again this week. How do
Speaker 6: I bring up asking if she's seeing anyone and we're
Speaker 6: considered dating again. I have to ask, otherwise I'll keep wondering,
Speaker 6: and I don't want to put her on the spot
Speaker 6: or feel like I'm forcing anything. I just don't know
Speaker 6: how to say it without making it weird or crushing
Speaker 6: myself if she says no, any advice would mean the world.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's important that you are taking care
Speaker 3: of your own mental health and your anxiety, because I
Speaker 3: think that no matter where she is in her life
Speaker 3: and her relationship, I think if you're not taking care
Speaker 3: of yourself and and working on the thing that that
Speaker 3: made you separate in the first place, or take a break,
Speaker 3: I think that it's gonna you're gonna fall back into
Speaker 3: the same patterns of like anxiety and mental struggles. But
Speaker 3: I think if you'll hang out again, just be like, Hey,
Speaker 3: so are you seeing anyone else? Like, what's what's going
Speaker 3: on in your dating life? I'm still interested in you,
Speaker 3: but I'm you know, want to be respectful to see
Speaker 3: where you're.
Speaker 1: At what I'm still interested in you? Yeah, just be direct.
Speaker 3: I think I think so too.
Speaker 1: I think if you go on and you don't scratch
Speaker 1: this itch, you're gonna always live in the what if yes,
Speaker 1: and you don't want to live in that.
Speaker 3: But I do think that it's not fair to her
Speaker 3: if you haven't worked on the things that you need
Speaker 3: to work on, Like if you took a break because
Speaker 3: of your mental health, but you haven't done anything to
Speaker 3: improve your mental health. I don't think it's fair to
Speaker 3: try and start something else up because I think you're
Speaker 3: going to end up in the same space. So I
Speaker 3: think if you have done that and you're ready to
Speaker 3: pursue something, I think you just are direct. I always
Speaker 3: think if if I was in a situation of limbo
Speaker 3: with someone, all I would want for them is to
Speaker 3: be direct with me. Whether my reaction was like I
Speaker 3: don't think I'm ready for that or whatever, it would
Speaker 3: be so refreshing for someone to just be like, hey,
Speaker 3: I'm still interested in you. Where are you at as
Speaker 3: opposed to kind of just tiptoeing around it. So maybe
Speaker 3: she's waiting for you, since you're the one who needed
Speaker 3: a break, Maybe she is waiting for you to bring
Speaker 3: it up. So I would just be doing other say hey,
Speaker 3: I like you. I've been working on myself. Where are
Speaker 3: you in terms of where we left off?
Speaker 1: Period? But good luck new thing, Kate.
Speaker 3: We'll be excited to hear an update, hopefully a positive one.
Speaker 1: Yeah do it? Kate go, Kate go go.
Speaker 3: Should we take a break?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I should take a break. Just love these
Speaker 4: emails so much.
Speaker 1: All right, we're back.
Speaker 3: This next one feels like some advice that Tanya can answer.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, it's from a confused bride to be overwhelmed
Speaker 6: with wedding planning beck at Tanya, Mark and Easton. First,
Speaker 6: I just have to say how much I love your podcast.
Speaker 6: I've been listening for years and I genuinely feel like
Speaker 6: I know the four of you. I truly trust your perspective.
Speaker 6: So I want to reach out for some advice. I'm
Speaker 6: in the thick of wedding planning and honestly, it's starting
Speaker 6: to feel like too much. Financially, it's overwhelming. My fiance
Speaker 6: and I sat down or crunch the numbers, and the
Speaker 6: amount we need to save each month to pull off
Speaker 6: this wedding without going into debt is daunting. What makes
Speaker 6: it harder is that while everyone seems excited, no one
Speaker 6: is really showing up in a meaningful way. I have
Speaker 6: a very complicated relationship with my mom and special events.
Speaker 6: This bring up a lot of emotions for me because
Speaker 6: we're not close. I'm paying for my own wedding dress.
Speaker 6: No one has offered a host a bridal shower. I
Speaker 6: constantly feel like people don't want to come celebrate with me,
Speaker 6: and there's just this sense that we're doing all this alone.
Speaker 6: I've been struggling with anxiety, and I'll be honest, the
Speaker 6: whole process is starting to feel more draining than joyful.
Speaker 6: We already put down a deposit on a venue, and
Speaker 6: now we're thinking of canceling. We're seriously considering an elopement
Speaker 6: or a microwaiting with about thirty of our closest friends
Speaker 6: and family, people we actually feel connected to and supported by.
Speaker 6: But even that comes with hard decisions and a little guilt.
Speaker 6: There are parts of wedding planning that genuinely excite me,
Speaker 6: and I do want to celebrate this huge milestone with
Speaker 6: the people I love, But I can't shake this nagging feeling.
Speaker 6: What if we sacrifice and save for the next year
Speaker 6: and a half only to feel anxious, unsupported, and like
Speaker 6: we didn't even enjoy the day. And I guess my
Speaker 6: question is, how do I let go of what this
Speaker 6: should look like and do it actually feels good and
Speaker 6: right for us without guilt. How do I find peace
Speaker 6: with pulling back on expectations and still finding joy in
Speaker 6: what this moment represents. Thank you for listening. I truly
Speaker 6: love any advice you have from a confused bride to be.
Speaker 1: I want to say that if you don't consider eloping
Speaker 1: at some point in your engagement, then you're not doing
Speaker 1: it right, because I like everybody I feel like goes
Speaker 1: through that point, even I, somebody who's dreamed of my
Speaker 1: wedding my whole life, got to a point where I
Speaker 1: was just like, I had this exact same feeling. It
Speaker 1: was like, should we just go to Italy elbe, take
Speaker 1: some pretty photos and call it a day. So I
Speaker 1: feel like everybody goes so that it feels like you
Speaker 1: are hitting that point right now. So I just want
Speaker 1: you to know that I think that's super common. I
Speaker 1: felt that. I know every bride that I've talked to
Speaker 1: in the last year has also hit that point, So
Speaker 1: that's very common. I also think the the expectations that
Speaker 1: you're talking about and feeling like you're doing it alone.
Speaker 1: I was so supported and I had people in my
Speaker 1: life that wanted to do so much for me, and
Speaker 1: I still had that feeling too, and I think it's
Speaker 1: because of social media, Like we're constantly fed all this stuff,
Speaker 1: and like, I didn't even realize it until I had
Speaker 1: this like Eureka moment. I was talking to Raquel and
Speaker 1: she was like, you're seeing all that. You're seeing these
Speaker 1: crazy things on social media. You're seeing these like rainbow
Speaker 1: fireworks on the Amalfi Coast and like these sculptures and
Speaker 1: people doing all the having bridal showers and multiple bachelorette
Speaker 1: parties and people just are doing the most. And I
Speaker 1: feel like it, for some reason, just infiltrates our feeds,
Speaker 1: especially when you're a bride. For some reason, the algorithm
Speaker 1: just feeds you all of this stuff. And so I
Speaker 1: feel like the feeling that expectation like you're doing it
Speaker 1: alone is also very common because of everything that you're consuming.
Speaker 1: So I just want you to know that the things
Speaker 1: that you're feeling are super I think normal. But I
Speaker 1: also think if you give into those feelings and you
Speaker 1: don't go through with having your wedding, I think you're
Speaker 1: gonna ultimately regret it. Because I feel like you're going
Speaker 1: to push through, You're going to figure it out, and
Speaker 1: it's gonna be the best day of your life and
Speaker 1: you're not gonna have regrets.
Speaker 3: My only advice because I think I would do that.
Speaker 3: That's I think that's a really great advice, But I
Speaker 3: would I would say we talked about guilt earlier, and
Speaker 3: I think the inviting people to what's supposed to be
Speaker 3: one of the best days of your life or even
Speaker 3: just like, let's not even put the pressure of the
Speaker 3: best day of your life, but something that's so special
Speaker 3: and that you've been looking forward to and spending money on.
Speaker 3: Why I just am like, And maybe it's just because
Speaker 3: I'm in a place where when the Halen and I
Speaker 3: think about our wedding and who we would invite, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm not like, I don't care if they're family, close friends,
Speaker 3: If they haven't supported our relationship or like have any
Speaker 3: negativity or homophobic thoughts towards our relationship, they're not coming
Speaker 3: to our wedding.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: So, if there's people who haven't felt like they've been
Speaker 3: supportive of your relationship or been there for you through
Speaker 3: things like, let go of the guilt, Because if they
Speaker 3: haven't been there through through up until that point, why
Speaker 3: do they get an invite to be there to celebrate
Speaker 3: on the day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do feel like it maybe is like a
Speaker 1: point in your life when that starts to shift, because
Speaker 1: I feel like in my twenties I would have probably
Speaker 1: felt the same way of like I need to invite
Speaker 1: everybody who invited me to their wedding and like have
Speaker 1: that mentality like if.
Speaker 3: Their family they have to come.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally Yeah, And like I could not have been
Speaker 1: farther from that mentality when I was planning my wedding. YEA,
Speaker 1: our guest list was like so it was like one
Speaker 1: of the easiest things. We had a couple, like I
Speaker 1: would say maybe like two or three couples that we
Speaker 1: regretted not inviting. Other than that, we were like our
Speaker 1: invite and our wedding was like exactly what we wanted
Speaker 1: it to be.
Speaker 3: But that's what I'm saying. I would go, I would
Speaker 3: make a list of all the people that you're even
Speaker 3: thinking of inviting, like even if you're on the fence
Speaker 3: on it, And when you see their name, what feeling
Speaker 3: do they evoke? Do they make you feel like I
Speaker 3: want them to be a part of this day or
Speaker 3: will I be okay if they're not there?
Speaker 1: And do you want these people a part of your future.
Speaker 1: That was like the whole thing too, because like you
Speaker 1: have so much guilt and pressure from your past, but
Speaker 1: your pass is your past. Like it's like thinking about
Speaker 1: the couples and the people that you want in your future.
Speaker 1: M hmm.
Speaker 6: Yeah, these people are going to be in the photos
Speaker 6: that you'll be looking at forever, you know. That's something
Speaker 6: I was thinking about, like who want Who's face? Do
Speaker 6: I want to look at him?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And if they want to celebrate you and and be
Speaker 3: a part, then they'll show up before the day where
Speaker 3: you're spending all their your saved money to feed them
Speaker 3: and entertain them.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's also the price. It's not even
Speaker 1: the pressure of like the best day of your life.
Speaker 1: It's like the price tag. You're spending so much and
Speaker 1: I want it to be just snowballs too.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like I was talking to one of my girlfriends who's
Speaker 1: like thinking about it, and she's like, I just don't
Speaker 1: think I want to even go there because I don't
Speaker 1: want to open that door. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe we could just do like a release intimate dinner
Speaker 1: and you can get like a really pretty dress. And
Speaker 1: then she's like yeah, but if I'm doing all that
Speaker 1: and I'm bringing everybody over here, I'm going to want
Speaker 1: to do like a rehearsal dinner, and then you're gonna, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna want a photographer, and it just all starts
Speaker 1: to snowball on that up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I would just really think of who who
Speaker 3: has made you feel loved and support it as a couple,
Speaker 3: and and don't let the guilt take over what is
Speaker 3: best for you and your fiance. We love you and
Speaker 3: you really wish you the best, and I hope this
Speaker 3: is a is a love letter experience.
Speaker 1: Yes, are you proud of me that I didn't dive
Speaker 1: into questions about your wedding because you kind of went
Speaker 1: there about your wedding, You and Handel.
Speaker 3: We want to invite people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like I feel like that shows evolvement that
Speaker 1: I just let it go.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: What wasn't about me?
Speaker 4: I was just tiptoeing on the edge of not letting
Speaker 4: it go.
Speaker 5: Yeah, you almost did it, you almost got there, but
Speaker 5: just miss I'm perfect perfection, just improved.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you?
Speaker 4: Alrighty.
Speaker 6: This one's from anonymous as always a blast. Hello Becca,
Speaker 6: Tanya Mark in Easton. I've been a longtime listener, and
Speaker 6: I know everyone says this, but you all make my
Speaker 6: work commute so much more enjoyable. The dynamic the four
Speaker 6: you have is just incredible. So please don't switch things
Speaker 6: up on the pod too much. Let the trolls be trolls.
Speaker 6: I'm looking for some advice on a friendship situation that's
Speaker 6: been bothering me. I'm in my mid forties with kids,
Speaker 6: and over the years, my husband and I became close
Speaker 6: with one of our child's friends parents, especially the dads.
Speaker 6: My husband doesn't have a lot of close friends, so
Speaker 6: this connection is meant a lot. The mom and I
Speaker 6: also became friendly, though not quite as close. A few
Speaker 6: months ago, we saw a movie together and afterwards she
Speaker 6: expected we'd also hang out that night. I had other
Speaker 6: plans and I didn't remember any set plans for the evening,
Speaker 6: and she got really upset with me. When I look
Speaker 6: back at our texts, or had been a vague, non
Speaker 6: committal mention of doing something, but nothing was confirmed. I
Speaker 6: still felt awful. I later texted to ask if she
Speaker 6: was upset, and she's said yes, and that I had
Speaker 6: done this before, and saying it was becoming a trend.
Speaker 6: Damn and She did acknowledge that she could have communicated better,
Speaker 6: but that comment really stuck with me. Life is busy,
Speaker 6: things come up, and I'd never treat a friend poorly
Speaker 6: over a change of plans. If anything, I welcome cancelations.
Speaker 6: Since then, I've stepped way back. I still include them
Speaker 6: here and there to support my husband's friendship, but I
Speaker 6: haven't been reaching out too much. Here's where I need help.
Speaker 6: Do I just let this go and move forward like
Speaker 6: nothing happened, Or if she eventually asks why we don't
Speaker 6: hang out or grow on trips anymore? Do I tell
Speaker 6: her honestly that her expectations feel unrealistic. How can I
Speaker 6: be honest, hold my boundaries and still be graceful? Thanks
Speaker 6: so much for any insight.
Speaker 1: I got lost in that email.
Speaker 3: No, So, basically they went to She and her husband
Speaker 3: went to see a movie with their friends their couple
Speaker 3: uh huh, and they were Her friend thought they were
Speaker 3: hanging out afterwards, but she had other plans. But she
Speaker 3: had made like a loose comment about like, oh yeah,
Speaker 3: maybe we can hang out afterwards, but it was nothing set.
Speaker 3: So basically, the friend thought there was set plans for
Speaker 3: them to hang out after the movie. She thought it
Speaker 3: was a loose plan. She had made other plans after
Speaker 3: the movie. Okay, So then her friend was like, you've
Speaker 3: done this before. It's becoming a trend. When she asked
Speaker 3: if she was upset.
Speaker 1: With her, Okay, this is like a non issue.
Speaker 3: This is this is where different personalities type can can need,
Speaker 3: can clash and need extra TLC. Because what happened was
Speaker 3: you are someone like me who is very noncommittal, fine
Speaker 3: with making loose plans, welcomes cancelations, it's totally fine if
Speaker 3: things switch up. There are other people who once, once
Speaker 3: they have a loose plan or an idea of how
Speaker 3: things are going to go on their mind, that's what
Speaker 3: they have planned, and so if that goes astray, like
Speaker 3: Hailey's very much like this.
Speaker 1: Where I can't have loose plans.
Speaker 3: Hailey does not like a loose plan. So if if
Speaker 3: she has an idea of what we're doing, and then
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I I didn't know that that was
Speaker 3: a set plan. It's it's a conflict because in my mind,
Speaker 3: I'm like, but we didn't solidify, and she's like, well
Speaker 3: I did. It's on my calendar, So I think it's
Speaker 3: just a conversation of understanding that she's not like you
Speaker 3: in that and that's okay, but being respectful of both parties.
Speaker 3: But I think what she probably needs to hear from
Speaker 3: you is like, hey, I'm so sorry. Like my personality
Speaker 3: is go with the flow. I'm non committal. I didn't
Speaker 3: want I don't want to make this an issue, but
Speaker 3: I am sorry if I like change the plans for
Speaker 3: something that you had that you were set on, and
Speaker 3: just like acknowledged to her that you understand where she's
Speaker 3: coming from and I don't. I really don't think you
Speaker 3: did anything wrong. But sometimes I think that's just what
Speaker 3: people need to hear, is like, if you did something
Speaker 3: that affected how they envisioned their evening going, I think
Speaker 3: it's worth it to just go like, hey, I'm sorry
Speaker 3: I did that. I'll be more aware of it in
Speaker 3: the future because I don't want this to be a
Speaker 3: trend or how you see me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like as you get older, or or
Speaker 1: maybe because I feel like I used to be a
Speaker 1: pupil pleaser. If I if somebody said something like that,
Speaker 1: like I get it that it's stuck with you, because
Speaker 1: things would just stick with me like I would not
Speaker 1: get over things because I'd just let them sit and
Speaker 1: fester and I would think about them over and over
Speaker 1: and over again.
Speaker 3: If I said, if I told you I was mad
Speaker 3: at you, and you've done this before and it's becoming
Speaker 3: a trend, you, what's so faster on that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would do it. But the difference is the
Speaker 1: difference is, and I think this is so important. If
Speaker 1: it's one of your best friends. I think it's something
Speaker 1: that you like. I value Becka's opinion, and I value
Speaker 1: the things that you say way more than like ninety
Speaker 1: percent of the people in my life. So if this
Speaker 1: is something that's like an acquaintance and it's just like
Speaker 1: because your husband is friends with her husband, it's like,
Speaker 1: just let that stuff roll off your back, Like you
Speaker 1: can't be so hyper fixated on it, be hyper fixated
Speaker 1: because it's just going to eat it and it's going
Speaker 1: to create like stress in your life. I think if
Speaker 1: it's somebody that's important to you in your life and
Speaker 1: they're giving you like a constructive critis and then I
Speaker 1: think you could take it into consideration and like really
Speaker 1: be mindful about it. But other than that, if it's
Speaker 1: somebody that's just like an acquaintance.
Speaker 3: I think she wants the relationship to be uh like
Speaker 3: comfortable though, because the husband's gonna really wrong. So I
Speaker 3: think it's worth just being like I wanted to apologize
Speaker 3: for you know that I made you so that way,
Speaker 3: I'm misunderstanding and I'll be better at communicating because I
Speaker 3: can just I'm totally go with the flow. I don't
Speaker 3: mind cancelations or plan shifting, and I know that's not everybody,
Speaker 3: so I acknowledge that and then just move on. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and just to acknowledge what she why she was upset. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then don't think about it again.
Speaker 1: Agreed. Yeah, period, Okay.
Speaker 3: We have one more.
Speaker 6: The Tiffany says, good morning, Becket, Tanya, Mark, and Easton.
Speaker 6: I love knowing when people write these what time of
Speaker 6: day it is. I've been listening since Tony was just
Speaker 6: a guest. My question for you is if you could
Speaker 6: live anywhere for one week, one month, and one year,
Speaker 6: where would it be. Her answer is one week Australia,
Speaker 6: one month Europe as a whole, and one year Hawaii.
Speaker 6: Love you all and hope you have a good weekend.
Speaker 3: I actually posted this on my Instagram.
Speaker 4: I did, Wow, Tiffany, you original match.
Speaker 3: No, my one week was I think I did one
Speaker 3: week Hawaii, one month Majorca, and one year Japan. Japan
Speaker 3: just has so many places to explore, and I just
Speaker 3: like think it's so beautiful and I love the people
Speaker 3: in the culture, and I would love to, Like Haley's
Speaker 3: half Japanese, so it'd be really fun to go and like,
Speaker 3: you know, live there for an extended amount of time.
Speaker 3: Or I could flop. I could flop Hawaiian Japan like
Speaker 3: I could. I could live in Hawaii for a year,
Speaker 3: in Japan for a month, or no, sorry, I could.
Speaker 3: I could do Hawaii or Japan for a year. But
Speaker 3: those are my three favorite places as of now. What
Speaker 3: about you.
Speaker 1: My one week I would do Saint Barts, it's the best.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: My one month I would do Hawaii, okay, yeah, And
Speaker 1: then my one year I would do Europe because you
Speaker 1: can really go many places period.
Speaker 6: I think my one week would be Australia the entire continent,
Speaker 6: one month would be Hawaii the Big Island specifically, and
Speaker 6: one year New York City. Baby, I want to know
Speaker 6: what that year would be like. I'm really I've been
Speaker 6: thinking about that a lot, you.
Speaker 1: Know, I thought about I thought about New York.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought, maybe you got to start your year
Speaker 3: in New York. What season would you start in? Oh?
Speaker 3: Not Now, I think I would start in the fall
Speaker 3: because I think it could be like the hype to
Speaker 3: get through.
Speaker 4: Get through the the rest of the year.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd be like, this is amazing. And then I'd
Speaker 3: be like, I just get.
Speaker 1: So tired in New York, like it has like it
Speaker 1: does have this energy, but it's like more than five days.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Mama's gotta.
Speaker 2: Go to bed.
Speaker 1: Mama.
Speaker 3: Every time I go to New York. The first two
Speaker 3: or three days, I'm like I'm move like yeah, and
Speaker 3: then by the fourth and fifth day, I'm like, I
Speaker 3: gotta get home. I gotta get back to.
Speaker 1: The West where I can go to the grocery store.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just like.
Speaker 1: Feeld not things dripping on me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the tragedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there is a vibe.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 3: Well that's all. Thank you as usual for always sending
Speaker 3: in questions if you ever want our advice. D m
Speaker 3: us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email us
Speaker 3: at scrubbing In at iHeartMedia dot com. We love you
Speaker 3: so
Speaker 1: Muchy, We love you Hell