WEBVTT - #184 20 Years of Abusive Marriage 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.880 Just one of these examples of just a tough situation, 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:05.560 and I'm so sorry that you're in it. 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:20.919 What's up, everybody? Welcome to the podcast, Episode one eight four. 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:24.560 Thanks for being here. It's been a crazy week for me. 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:27.840 I have announced to the world something that I've known 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:34.160 for a while now, that I am leaving touring country music, 0:00:34.720 --> 0:00:39.520 getting out of touring completely and focusing on ministry. 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.000 What does that mean for me exactly? 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:44.840 Well, that doesn't mean that I'm starting a church tomorrow 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:49.920 or I'm starting a revival on What it does mean 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:53.400 is that I'm going to serve my local church lower case, 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:58.080 with my family and sit under the teaching of my pastors, 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:02.960 have them disciple me and pour into me. I'm currently 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:07.479 attending seminary and so as I continue to learn and 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.640 grow in knowledge, then then that the pastors around me 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:13.160 at our local church, which is a pretty small church, 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:18.480 they can then affirm for me around me the next 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:25.880 steps in glorifying God best from my platform that way, 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:27.360 and the reason I say it that way is so 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:31.720 important to articulate it that way so that I'm not 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.600 being self deceived, right, so that so that I'm not 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:39.480 I'm just not just announcing my calling from God that 0:01:39.560 --> 0:01:42.959 I'm I'm going to the ministry now, and and so 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:45.400 I'm gonna go and start the yeee church or whatever. 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:49.919 Come come one and come all, yeee church is now open. 0:01:50.080 --> 0:01:51.440 You know, it's not it's not what I'm to do. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:56.680 That to me, that's equivalent to a young freshman football 0:01:56.720 --> 0:02:00.240 player on a college team declaring for the draft, the 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:03.560 NFL draft, and everyone thinks, no, don't, you're don't go 0:02:03.600 --> 0:02:06.400 into the draft. You're not ready yet. You need to 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:10.240 learn under this the current quarterback or the current coach, 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:12.840 and you need to learn how to how to be 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:19.200 under leadership, how to serve. And that's similar to what 0:02:19.440 --> 0:02:22.400 is happening here. So that that might take ten years 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:25.400 of me just serving the local church or more. That 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:29.560 time is not up to me. And I believe that 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:33.799 God provides us with local churches with pastors and elders 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:41.160 so that he could equip the believers for ministry through that, 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:45.800 so that he's not writing messages on a cloud or 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:49.800 shooting lightning down and writing in the sand saying you 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:54.960 are called no offense to Moses here, you know, but 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:58.600 I don't think the burning bush doesn't happen anymore. Okay, 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:01.800 all that being said, this is the most elaborate intro 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:04.120 I've ever done for the podcast, but I felt like 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.919 I need to say it because a lot's been going 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:09.239 on this week, and this is the first podcast I've 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:14.360 done since that announcement. Here's something interesting though, Now that 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:15.400 music touring will. 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:16.640 Go away, this will be the last tour. 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:19.200 I'll fulfill the rest of the dates and play the 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:21.200 rest of the tour dates out and then when they 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.919 finish up around Labor Day, I have a book coming 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:27.520 out called Like a River, comes out August first, so 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:30.440 then so then my focus will be on that and 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:33.320 I'll have all that time freed up from music touring. 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:37.080 What if during that time we do some kind of 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:42.080 minimal city podcast tour, get out to your town, do 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:45.920 a live podcast, you know, to a live audience, and 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.040 you ask questions from the audience. 0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:50.800 I think that'd be pretty cool. 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.720 The format of this podcast, by the way, if you're 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:56.280 new to it, is I answer your questions, you email 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:59.680 me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and I walk 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:05.280 through without notes without reading your email beforehand, which, by 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.440 the way, would That's why it would be interesting to 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:09.960 have a live one where you just stand up, we 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:13.080 hand you the microphone and you tell me your story, 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:18.240 and then I could ask another question, because like one 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:20.200 of my problems here with reading your emails is I 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:23.600 don't get to ask the follow up question like how 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.560 old are you? A lot depends on how old you are, 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:31.120 you know, something like that. Enough of this intro, Let's 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.520 get to the meat of this podcast, what you came for, 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.440 and that is answering your questions. Let me get to 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:38.360 the first one, the subject line, which I have not 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:40.240 read any of these yet. The subject line on this 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:44.560 first one says I need some advice, says Granger. I've 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.600 been married for twenty years. I've given everything i've got 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:50.400 to try and make this marriage work, but I just 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:53.600 can't do it anymore. Since the first few months of marriage, 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:59.240 my husband has been abusive physically and verbally. Let me 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:01.640 read that again. Since the first few months of marriage, 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:06.400 my husband has been abusive both physically and verbally. The 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:11.920 physical abuses have only happened a handful of times, but 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:14.400 the verbal abuse has gotten worse and worse over the years. 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:18.400 At first, he would apologize and vow to change. Now 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:21.640 he doesn't even bother to do that. On a good day, 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:24.560 I'm ignored and it's like I don't even exist. But 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.359 on a bad day, the verbal assaults, the put downs, 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:32.040 hateful talk is almost unbearable. For years, I have stayed 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:36.279 in this marriage because God hates divorce. I also got 0:05:36.279 --> 0:05:39.040 married when I was eighteen, so I have never been 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:41.360 out on my own. I finally got to the point 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:44.080 that even if I have to get out because this 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:47.480 isn't sustainable, I feel like I am trapped. 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:51.840 He controls all the money and I can't even afford 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:52.640 a lawyer. 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:58.440 The abuses left me with diagnosed PTSD depression and anxiety, 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:01.440 and a myriad of others their health issues which have 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:04.320 left me unable to work outside of the home for years. 0:06:04.760 --> 0:06:08.159 I'm trying to push past my anxiety and get out 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:12.080 in public more and more, doing some instacart orders, et cetera. 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:15.080 But I'm not even making a dent in the cost 0:06:15.320 --> 0:06:18.440 to retain a lawyer. Part of me just wants to 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:21.880 leave and figure it out later, but I have kids 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.160 and I don't want to make a quick decision that 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:26.480 will leave us in a worse scenario, So I'm trying 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:29.239 to wait until I can save up for a lawyer, 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:32.080 but I don't know how much longer I could do this. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:38.160 Any advice message comes from anonymous, and so I will 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:44.400 keep it anonymous. And and all of us listening right now, 0:06:44.720 --> 0:06:47.280 me and then everyone listening to this podcast are just 0:06:47.360 --> 0:06:52.520 kind of giving that resounding sigh for you, because this 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:56.719 is just one of these examples of just a tough situation. 0:06:56.839 --> 0:07:01.040 And I'm so sorry that you're in it, and and 0:07:01.080 --> 0:07:03.119 I'm glad that you emailed. I'm glad that you feel 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.919 like you could have this podcast to grab an email. 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:08.720 Maybe maybe you're desperate, maybe you've emailed a bunch of people, 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:12.840 But I am honored in a way that you have 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.680 shared and been so vulnerable. And I want to back 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:19.960 you up on your thoughts here. I mean, you're not crazy. 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:24.280 The thoughts you're having about this are normal. I think 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:28.360 it's an appropriate reaction in every way to everything you're 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:30.800 going through. I think you're kind of processing this and 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:33.120 you're saying I was young when I got married. I've 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:34.960 been married now for twenty years. I've never been on 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:38.960 my own. He abuses me physically a handful of times, 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:41.480 verbally all the time. But I've got a lot to 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:44.240 think through. I don't have much money. I don't have 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:46.679 any skills to have a job. I can't afford a lawyer. 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:51.000 I've got kids. You're thinking through all this, and that's good, 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:55.920 and that's good. As you know, there's not a quick 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:59.560 answer to this, so me just telling you that I 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:03.000 agree with everything you've said is a good starting point. 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:05.080 But I'm gonna tell you something. 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:12.040 It's ironic that I started this podcast by talking about 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:19.280 my plans to go into ministry. And it's important that 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:21.600 we could relate my story to your story. 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:28.840 In one way. We need community, we need wise counsel 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:30.440 around us. 0:08:31.480 --> 0:08:33.640 I heard a very interesting thing. I was visiting my 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:38.400 younger brother, Parker, who is an intern at HBC in Washington, 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.760 d C. That's Capitol Hill Baptist Church, and he's working 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.640 as an intern under Pastor Mark Dever, and I was 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:46.760 sitting in for the week with them, and I sat 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:50.360 in on an elders meeting. And in this elders meeting, 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:56.560 they have a church body where membership is looked after, 0:08:56.679 --> 0:09:02.439 intended like a flock of sheep, and they guard the 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:07.280 defenses of their sheep, of their flock, and the elders 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:12.040 sit like under shepherds and watch the flock and help 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:14.400 the flock, and encourage the flock, and protect the flock, 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:19.439 and rebuke the flock when necessary. But it is a family. 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:23.640 And I heard a conversation in the elders meeting as 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:28.560 they're going through conversations about people struggling in marriage, and 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:32.600 I heard something said that I thought was so profound. 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:35.600 But I heard them say. One of the elders said, 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:40.600 when you're a Christian, divorce is not. 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.000 A private matter. Wow. 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:50.560 That's so profound and so provocative, and in some circles 0:09:50.640 --> 0:09:58.960 disturbing and intrusive, and in other circles it's so comforting 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:04.880 and so fulfilling knowing that we don't have to walk 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:07.280 through this kind of stuff alone. All that you're going 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:11.280 through right now is indications that you are alone, and 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.560 you're needing to make decisions alone. And I'm here to 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:18.720 tell you I don't think you could do it. Sure 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:20.640 I could. I can encourage you to be strong and 0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:26.320 and and stand boldly against your husband and find a 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:30.240 way out, or you stop this abuse and find an attorney. 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:33.960 I could say all that, it's just meaningless if I 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:37.079 say it, First of all, it's not true. And second 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:42.440 of all, it's just not It's not possible without me 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.439 knowing you and hearing your story and walking through this 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:48.560 with you, side by side with you like an elder 0:10:48.600 --> 0:10:53.120 would or a pastor. I can't speak into it, but 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.200 what I can say is that wherever you are doesn't 0:10:56.280 --> 0:11:02.240 say there's a local church. And this is when it 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:04.720 gets This is the most difficult part of the conversation 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:05.240 right here. 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:08.199 It needs to be a faithful church. 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:14.199 Faithful in the sense of what they teach, how they 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:18.719 teach it, and how they shepherd their flock, Like is 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.880 the flock too big for anybody to shepherd it? Do 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:23.240 they guard the fences? 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:23.800 Like? 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:27.359 Just thinking metaphorically on this, do they guard the fences 0:11:27.400 --> 0:11:31.280 of their flock at your church? Or do cheap just 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:35.040 roam to and fro however they want? Can they come 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:38.800 and go? Can they disappear? Can they do good things 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.880 and never be rewarded? Can they do bad things and 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:45.199 never be rebuked? Is that just how it works? Or 0:11:45.200 --> 0:11:49.120 are they closely guarded? Which one do you think is biblical? 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:53.199 Out of those two scenarios, one of those churches, there 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:56.920 is a church like this with a tightly guarded fence, 0:11:57.880 --> 0:11:59.880 And that does not mean that they don't accept people 0:11:59.880 --> 0:12:01.679 to come in the door. That is not what we're 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:04.440 talking about. We were talking about the members that are 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:06.800 that are the good standing members that have that have 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:09.760 invested in the church and gone through membership with the 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:12.560 church that are then could be protected by the church 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:15.760 body itself. I'm not talking about people walking in on 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:18.280 Sunday morning and they're not allowed in there. It's not 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:21.839 what we're saying. Okay, So there is a church like 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:24.400 this in your town. Maybe you go there, But if you, 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:26.440 I don't think you do, because I don't think you 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:28.960 would have said this in your email. You would have 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:31.480 acted so alone. But there is a church that I 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.920 would encourage you to go to and lean into and 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.440 tell them this and walk through this with them. Don't 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:39.720 walk through this alone. Don't walk through this. I gotta 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:41.920 find a lawyer's thing. I gotta figure out what I'm 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:44.400 gonna do with the kids. Maybe I was too young. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:48.320 Is this abuse verbally or is it not. Don't walk 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:49.400 through that stuff alone. 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:53.080 Walk through it with with your elders, walk through it 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.199 with your your church congregation, with the members around you. 0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:59.480 And the only reason I'm saying all this is because 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.560 you said one little sentence and it mentioned God. It 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:04.679 said for years I stayed because God. You put quotes 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:09.000 around this, God hates divorce. You mentioned that God is 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:11.319 involved somewhere. That's all I'm saying about it. I'm not 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:13.240 gonna I'm not gonna comment on whether or not God 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:16.480 hates divorce, but I'm gonna I'm gonna lean into the 0:13:16.520 --> 0:13:20.960 fact that you believe he's involved. You believe he has 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:26.080 a say in this, and I believe you're right, and 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:27.959 I would lean in through the body that He has 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:31.920 ordained that He has given us the lower case. See 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:37.520 church in your town. Lean into that walk with them. 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:38.959 If you don't know him yet, if you haven't met 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.600 him yet, now's a good time. It wouldn't be a 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:44.600 bad thing to just meet him and then go right 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:45.640 into your problems. 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:47.280 It's okay, did you know? 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:51.120 That's why they exist to walk through brothers and sisters, 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:56.760 walk through life with them together, finding out finding out 0:13:56.760 --> 0:13:59.640 how you can best glorify God from your position in. 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:00.200 Your life life. 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:04.960 Do the good and the bad. That's what I'm gonna 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:16.559 recommend here. Let's go to another another email. Subdecline on this. 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:19.680 This is interesting. Subdecline says allergies. Hello Granger, Please keep 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.560 me anonymous. For all of my life, allergies have been 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:28.400 a part of me. I always have egzema, hives, stomach aches, 0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:31.400 and reaction to gluten and dairy. I'm fifteen years old. 0:14:31.440 --> 0:14:33.840 My brother has had the same allergies as me, and 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:36.320 my mom is even more sensitive than both of us. 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:39.760 Last August, someone from my church told me that when 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:42.200 he was a kid, he had the same problem, but 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.440 he prayed to God to take it away and it worked. 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:46.040 He told me that if. 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:49.160 I truly believed that God could take away my allergies, 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.280 and if I truly wanted them gone, I could ask 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.280 God and if it was in his plan, he would 0:14:56.320 --> 0:15:00.240 take them away. In the end, I was completely healed 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:04.200 of my allergies, Thank the Lord. Now I'm wondering if 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.280 I should tell my mom, whose reaction to gluten are 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:11.120 much worse than mine, or should I just not tell 0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:13.920 her as she thinks that I have grown out of 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:18.800 them me personally, would I be hating her not to 0:15:18.880 --> 0:15:21.400 tell her about what truly took. 0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:22.080 My allergies away? 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:24.200 I love my mom so much and I would like 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:28.560 to see her react to gluten and be and it 0:15:28.680 --> 0:15:29.600 be my fault. 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:30.720 I'm sorry. 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.080 I might have read that last part wrong, but it 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.200 says sorry for the long email, love your podcast, love 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:41.880 your music. Okay, Anonymous, fifteen years old. I'm not going 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:45.960 to go into extreme detail here, but it sounds like 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:53.359 you're you're you got this information from a maybe Pentecostal 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:58.200 church something like that, some kind of charismatic healing church 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.520 where they like fall in the carpet and get picked up. 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:08.720 You're fifteen, and so that's gonna be part of my 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:15.000 answer is based on you're fifteen and not thirty. But listen, 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:22.320 God is gonna heal when God's gonna heal, and we 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.960 should always ask, We should always pray, we should always 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.200 pour out our heart to God. 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:29.360 We should always. 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:37.560 Ask him for our request. But we don't expect healing 0:16:37.760 --> 0:16:41.520 in this kind of charismatic way, as if it's some 0:16:41.800 --> 0:16:44.440 genie in a bottle. And that's a little bit what 0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:46.960 this email feels like, like, Hey, I know a secret. 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:50.040 I prayed a secret. 0:16:49.680 --> 0:16:53.880 Prayer about my allergies, and God healed. He didn't heal 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:58.240 because he wanted to. He healed because it was a 0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:02.280 secret prayer that I truly believed that I. 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:05.000 Wanted gone or you know something. However you worded that. 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:09.439 We need we need to be very careful with stuff 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.800 like that, because it starts to get weird. It starts 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:14.439 to get a little weird, you know, it starts to 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:18.040 get like TV evangelist type stuff when we start saying that. 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:22.119 God gave me. God healed my allergies because I was 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:23.560 sincere in my prayer. 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.879 And if you do this, if you say this magic 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.640 prayer and you're sincere about it, he will heal you too. 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:29.080 Brother. 0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:32.679 It's starting to sound a little weird, and we need 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:34.600 we need to go to the Bible. And reason I say, 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.280 you're fifteen, it's this gets a little gets a little deep. 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:41.160 But you can be reading your Bible and we could 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:44.520 start to get an idea of who God is. You 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:49.720 said one little thing in here that I loved. You said, 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.640 He told me that if I truly believe that God 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:53.879 could take away my allergies, and if I truly wanted 0:17:53.880 --> 0:17:55.960 them gone, I could ask God and then this one 0:17:55.960 --> 0:17:59.119 little part right here, and if it was in his plan, 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:03.800 lean on that, lean on that effect, make the prayer 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:06.840 about that, Stop making the prayer about what I need 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:10.240 to make me breathe better. It's okay, but don't make 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:14.359 that what it's about. Instead, make it about what's in 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:17.439 his plan. God, I want to I just want to 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:18.160 live in your plan. 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:23.720 I hate these allergies. These allergies bother me. But maybe 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:25.280 these allergies are in your plan. 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.800 I don't know what, why, or what, but maybe God, 0:18:29.840 --> 0:18:31.560 maybe you need me to have allergies right now. Have 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.960 you ever thought about that, like, maybe I need to 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:38.000 have allergies for some reason. But God, let that be 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.240 your plan and not mine. If you could take them away, 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:42.720 do it. If you could take moms away, do it. 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:46.040 It's annoying and I hate it, but let me live 0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:48.160 for you. Let me live for your purpose and your plan, 0:18:48.359 --> 0:18:51.520 not mine. You know, Paul had the thorn in his side, 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:54.960 and he prayed and prayed and prayed for God to 0:18:55.000 --> 0:19:01.399 take away the thorn, but he didn't. He says, is 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:07.080 sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness, 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:12.240 So through your weakness, his power is perfected. Remember that 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:16.080 when you're praying for healing, then don't expect it. Expect 0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:18.920 his plan to happen, but not for your allergies to 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:23.480 go away. You could still ask, but remember his plan 0:19:23.760 --> 0:19:24.840 is the purpose. 0:19:24.560 --> 0:19:32.520 Of the prayer, not yours. Let's take a break. This 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.399 podcast is sponsored by Better Help. You Know. 0:19:35.560 --> 0:19:39.120 Getting to know how you react to certain situations, why 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:43.720 you feel certain ways, depending on certain things that you're 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:47.280 dealing with in your life can be a lifelong process. 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:48.200 In fact, it. 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:51.880 Most likely will be because we're always growing and changing, 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:55.399 and therapy is all about deepening your self awareness and understanding, 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:59.000 because sometimes we don't know what we want or why 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:01.240 we react the way the we do until we talk 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.560 through things. Better Help connect you with a licensed therapist 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:07.280 who could take on that journey with you wherever you 0:20:07.320 --> 0:20:11.359 are in life. Therapy helped Amber and I significantly just 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:13.560 being able to talk through things in a different way, 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:17.640 sometimes with a different perspective that we hadn't thought of before. 0:20:17.960 --> 0:20:21.480 That helped us communicate better after our loss, and that 0:20:21.560 --> 0:20:24.920 was a really important process for us. And if you're 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:28.359 thinking of starting therapy, you should give Better Help a try. 0:20:28.400 --> 0:20:31.240 It's entirely online, which is great. It's the designed to 0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:34.520 be convenient and flexible and suited to your schedule. Just 0:20:34.520 --> 0:20:37.040 fell out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:40.680 licensed therapist, and then you could switch therapist at any 0:20:40.720 --> 0:20:44.480 time for no additional charge. Discover your potential with better Help. 0:20:44.680 --> 0:20:48.600 Visit better Help dot com slash Granger today and get 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:51.760 ten percent off your first month. That's better h e 0:20:52.200 --> 0:21:01.199 LP dot com slash Granger. Back to the podcast, All right, 0:21:01.240 --> 0:21:03.240 back to the podcast. Thank you guys for being with 0:21:03.320 --> 0:21:06.879 us this morning. And you know, if you want to 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:08.760 know how you could help this podcast out, you could 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:11.199 just send it to a friend. You know, word of 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:13.119 mouth is so much better than anything else when it 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:14.520 comes to like marketing things. 0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:16.600 So that's all I really. 0:21:16.359 --> 0:21:18.600 Care about is if you feel like this podcast is 0:21:18.640 --> 0:21:21.240 meaningful to you, just share it with a friend, Just 0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:23.240 text him and be like, man, I get a lot 0:21:23.240 --> 0:21:26.159 out of this podcast comes out every Monday morning, and 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:28.680 you could ask a question too. Or if someone's struggling 0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:31.000 with something and you go, hey, man, I don't know, 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:34.679 but you could ask Granger Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot 0:21:34.760 --> 0:21:36.160 com and then check out his podcast. 0:21:36.840 --> 0:21:37.800 That would be helpful to me. 0:21:39.160 --> 0:21:41.800 That's all I ask, really when it comes to this podcast, 0:21:41.840 --> 0:21:44.840 that's all I ask. I'm not selling anything. I just 0:21:44.840 --> 0:21:48.480 want you to listen. Let's get to the first question here. 0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:53.320 Subject line says should I date him? Hey, Granger have 0:21:53.359 --> 0:21:55.680 been going to try. I'm going to try and keep 0:21:55.680 --> 0:21:58.359 this simple. I've been talking to this guy for five 0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:01.560 months now, and I really like him. We both mutually 0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:04.200 like each other, but his parents won't let us hang out. 0:22:05.000 --> 0:22:07.680 We've tried countless times, and his parents always say no. 0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:09.840 I don't know if I could be in a relationship 0:22:09.840 --> 0:22:14.080 with someone that I can't see them. And on top 0:22:14.119 --> 0:22:16.680 of that, let me say that again, I don't know 0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:18.639 if I could be in a relationship with someone if 0:22:18.680 --> 0:22:22.080 I can't see them. And on top of that, he's 0:22:22.080 --> 0:22:24.400 had his phone taken away for like three weeks now, 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:27.399 little to no contact, and I don't really know what 0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:33.040 to do. Any advice, Yeah, this comes from Millie and Millie. 0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:36.160 This is super easy, super simple. 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:39.560 Super super This would be the easiest answer I've ever given. 0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:45.040 If he is over the age of eighteen, then you 0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:47.800 need to have a serious conversation about this with him. 0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:52.119 If he is younger than the age of eighteen, a 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:55.760 relationship's done. 0:22:55.880 --> 0:22:58.200 Okay, that's it. 0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:02.840 He's got to honor his parents, and you have to 0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:08.040 honor that he's honoring his parents. Next question, subject line 0:23:08.080 --> 0:23:10.520 says eighteen and confused with religion. 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:14.240 There's that word religion. Hey Grande, I'm eighteen years old. 0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:16.120 I've been raised in a very. 0:23:16.119 --> 0:23:19.920