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Speaker 1: Call It what it Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Lettington,

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Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast. Well, hello, call it crew.

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Speaker 2: I call it crew. We decided today's episode we're just

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Speaker 2: gonna We're just gonna jump right in.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna go into it. We got excited about this topic.

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Speaker 2: I don't even care about your week.

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Speaker 1: Just nope, don't care about your week. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: hope it was good, but I don't care about what

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Speaker 1: happened in it.

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Speaker 2: Don't care, don't need to know. Yep, help the family goes.

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Speaker 1: Just when this topic, I have to say, I've been

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Speaker 1: sometimes I I just you know, with some with a

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Speaker 1: close group of friends or family, I just sort of

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Speaker 1: throw out some topics that we've been talking about talking about.

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Speaker 1: And this one lit up a dinner table the other night.

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Speaker 1: The idea of talking about are you ready for it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Of course?

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Speaker 1: Competition within friendships.

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Speaker 2: Well, this one can get spicy, It can get real spicy.

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Speaker 1: People have feelings. People also have feelings about competition in general,

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Speaker 1: like where competition exists, and where is it healthy for

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Speaker 1: competition to exist? And where is it not healthy, not helpful, unwanted?

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Speaker 1: And friendship would be one of them.

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Speaker 2: You know what's funny is my very first friendship memory

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Speaker 2: is from elementary school and understanding that the dynamics between

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Speaker 2: and I was young, like eight, understanding the dynamics of

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Speaker 2: that friendship, and even though I would have had a

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Speaker 2: word for it was so toxic at the time that

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Speaker 2: I remember thinking, this is not a real friendship. This

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Speaker 2: was my best friend in elementary school. And I remember

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Speaker 2: every time that I got something good, I would be

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Speaker 2: punished for it. She would silent treatment me and exclude me,

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Speaker 2: and I was very, very confusing. And then the truth

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Speaker 2: is that there are versions of this that still happen

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Speaker 2: in adulthood. Yeah, have you had friends in your life

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Speaker 2: that have been competitive with you that have actually ruined

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Speaker 2: the friendship from being competitive soured?

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Speaker 1: No? No. And during this during the talking about this subject,

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Speaker 1: it was very interesting how differently people feel about it

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Speaker 1: who have had real life experience with it. So, No,

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Speaker 1: I have not. I have not had. I have not

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Speaker 1: had friendships where competition was an aspect or part of

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Speaker 1: the personality of our friendship. And it's funny because I

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Speaker 1: am a competitive person. I like to do well. It's

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Speaker 1: important to me. It's important to me to perform well.

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Speaker 1: It's important for me to do well, to have studied,

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Speaker 1: to have done the thing, to have done the research,

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Speaker 1: to do the work. It's very important to me. And

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Speaker 1: yet I have never in my life wanted to compare

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Speaker 1: how I do on something or how well I do

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Speaker 1: something or don't do something. I've never wanted to compare

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Speaker 1: it to a friend. And I've not had friends compete

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Speaker 1: with me in close friendship. Do I have friends and

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Speaker 1: maybe we're you know, on the periphery or you know,

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Speaker 1: silly about this that or the other, probably, but not

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Speaker 1: in not not friendships that meant something to me.

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Speaker 2: Now your well, I want to ask you one more

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Speaker 2: question because you're very but I don't like to talk

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Speaker 2: about it. But Jess is very, very very very best friend.

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Speaker 2: Whatever is Sasha Alexander, who is a wonderful actress. You

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Speaker 2: guys are similar ages you've even like talked about when

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Speaker 2: you were younger, and I believe you met because you

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Speaker 2: were auditioning against each other. Right, yeah, okay, So have

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Speaker 2: you two been up against each other for the same

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Speaker 2: role and has one of you ever gotten it over

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Speaker 2: the other?

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Speaker 1: Interestingly enough, because for those who don't know, I think

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Speaker 1: that we have been. There are so many things about

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Speaker 1: us that are similar, even like we absolutely look at

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Speaker 1: we'd be sisters. No, no, we were, we sort of

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Speaker 1: were not sort of we were not up for the

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Speaker 1: same things, and so we were not. No, we were

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Speaker 1: not in competition with each other for jobs.

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Speaker 2: Also, I feel like at this point, you guys love

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Speaker 2: each other so much. Yeah that if someone you would

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Speaker 2: anybody else getting a job over you, That's when I

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Speaker 2: feel like, you know you love someone because you're like,

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Speaker 2: if I don't get it, I want you to get it. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely,

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Speaker 2: Like if I don't, you better get it.

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Speaker 1: Exactly. Oh, but definitely. I mean I also think that

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Speaker 1: there's different you know, there's different points in your career

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Speaker 1: where you're up or down. That's just having a career,

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Speaker 1: you know, or having a long career. Is that sometimes

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Speaker 1: you're doing well, sometimes you're not. And we've had different

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Speaker 1: moments where she's been crushing it and I might not

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Speaker 1: have been or you know, and I there's still just

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Speaker 1: total complete allegiance to h friendship and connection and support

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Speaker 1: and all that. No, never, you know, one time I

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Speaker 1: was and now now I'm remembering, Okay, so one time

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Speaker 1: I was against Oh, looks. See you look at the

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Speaker 1: word I just chose interesting. This is how competition is born.

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Speaker 1: I was up for the same role as Carrie Russell,

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Speaker 1: and Carrie and I had just done a movie together

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Speaker 1: in Calgary where we were in the middle of nowhere.

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Speaker 1: It was a western very I mean, no makeup, no fuss,

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Speaker 1: no frills, early wake ups underneath like whirlybird rain machines.

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Speaker 1: We were like frontier women. We were in it and

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Speaker 1: I didn't know her before, and we became very fast

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Speaker 1: friends and very close friends, and I just adore her.

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Speaker 1: She's just one of the best. I love, love, love

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Speaker 1: me some Carrie Russell, and so we do the show

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Speaker 1: and we finish, and then we go back to She

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Speaker 1: was living in New York, I was living in Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: and both of us went back to not having jobs,

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Speaker 1: and she and I both were interested in doing theater,

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Speaker 1: and not even having talked to each other, we both

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Speaker 1: end up being up for this Neil Lebute play that's

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Speaker 1: going to be at the lu Sale Lortel Theater in

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Speaker 1: New York City, and we make it to you know,

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Speaker 1: it's between she and I. We make it to the end,

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Speaker 1: and so I call her. She calls me, however it is,

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Speaker 1: and we know that we have to go to this

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Speaker 1: casting office. We're just right after each other. She went first,

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Speaker 1: I went second. But we decided that we were going

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Speaker 1: to dinner that night no matter what. And it's my

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Speaker 1: memory that we decided that whoever got the part had

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Speaker 1: to pay for dinner.

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Speaker 2: So that's cute. Did you find out that day?

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Speaker 1: We actually did? We did, and I think we knew

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Speaker 1: that we were going to find out, or manam, maybe

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Speaker 1: we had a contingency plan. I don't know. But anyways,

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Speaker 1: I get there thankfully she'd already gone in, but I

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Speaker 1: heard it was one of those audition rooms where the

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Speaker 1: walls were super thin and I could hear her whole audition,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh man, like pacing out in

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Speaker 1: the hallway, trying not to you know, listen.

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Speaker 2: Did you change if you heard it? And because she's

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Speaker 2: a fantastic act if you heard it and you were like,

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Speaker 2: this is amazing, is there anything that made you suddenly

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Speaker 2: go well, I should have I should play it like

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Speaker 2: that a little bit, just do exactly what she's doing.

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Speaker 2: It's so similar. I need to change mine up. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: did it throw you in any way?

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Speaker 1: You remember this. It's at that point again you're not

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Speaker 1: really in your body, your nerves of taking it, you're

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Speaker 1: not processing. I just remember her being done and the

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Speaker 1: character was really hot headed, so there's a lot of screaming,

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Speaker 1: so I really did hear every single word. But I

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Speaker 1: went in after her, and I was just proud of myself.

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Speaker 1: I did I did what I came to do, and

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Speaker 1: we got a phone call a couple I don't know,

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Speaker 1: a little bit of time later and she got the part.

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Speaker 1: And it's not to say I wasn't disappointed, because this

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Speaker 1: is a big distinction, right, not feeling your feelings would

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Speaker 1: not be honest. I was very disappointed. I really wanted

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Speaker 1: that part, and she got the part. But I wasn't

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Speaker 1: upset with her. I wasn't upset. Yeah, she got it.

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Speaker 1: I was just disappointed that I didn't. And they felt very,

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Speaker 1: very separate to me. So we absolutely then went out

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Speaker 1: to dinner in downtown New York City and had a

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Speaker 1: fantastic meal, and she went on to absolutely crush that show,

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Speaker 1: and interestingly enough, just to file in the column of

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Speaker 1: things actually really do work out since I say it

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Speaker 1: so often, she opened up that show. It was a

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Speaker 1: huge success. They extended the show and she couldn't do

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Speaker 1: the extension, and the director called me and said, well,

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Speaker 1: you do the second part of the show, and so

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Speaker 1: we both got to do the show. It was one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite jobs I've ever had in my whole life.

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Speaker 1: It was so formative in so many ways. And I

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Speaker 1: love that show, love that show. So yeah, but we

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Speaker 1: were for each other. We were absolutely for each other.

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Speaker 2: I think that what I hear a lot that. I mean,

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Speaker 2: obviously I asked you about that because I feel like

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Speaker 2: in our particular world, we are forced to go and

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Speaker 2: the verbiage is up against each other. That is what

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Speaker 2: you say, right, Yeah, But I hear a lot. Actually

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of competitiveness between people within relationships, So

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Speaker 2: your relationship versus mine. Am I getting engaged? Are you

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Speaker 2: getting engaged now? Getting married around the same time? What

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Speaker 2: are you doing with your babies? What's your wedding? Like?

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Speaker 2: I hear that a lot. I have a couple friends

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Speaker 2: that kind of got married around the same time as

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Speaker 2: each other, and I don't even know if they were

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Speaker 2: aware of it, but it felt like there was a

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Speaker 2: little bit of one of thing, you know, bachelorette party,

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Speaker 2: like what are they doing. I'm gonna do something different,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna do something similar, but like kind of And

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Speaker 2: so I don't know if it's like the time and

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Speaker 2: you're you know that you're getting married. But I think

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Speaker 2: that I've experienced that between friends. It's very tricky there,

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Speaker 2: and you're happy that the friends are happy for each other,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like you can get a little competitive

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Speaker 2: and and in so many ways when you have a

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Speaker 2: friend that is competitive with you, I think that it

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Speaker 2: can really sour a friendship. Yeah, for sure, because then

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Speaker 2: you start to hold when you're very aware of this.

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Speaker 2: And again, this is what happened to me even back

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Speaker 2: in elementary school. I started to be very aware of

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Speaker 2: not sharing my wins or trying to sort of dull

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Speaker 2: them in order to save that friendship. Yeah, and that

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Speaker 2: will never work. It'll kill us breast. It might kill

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Speaker 2: it slowly, but it'll kill a friendship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, So Okay, I know what I think

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Speaker 1: my answer is. But this is something that came up,

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Speaker 1: and I think that it's a really deciding factor in

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Speaker 1: whether people feel competitive or not. Exactly what you were

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Speaker 1: just saying, which is like relationships, because I mean, let's

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Speaker 1: be honest, you can't control when someone gets engaged or

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Speaker 1: when they don't, or when they get pregnant or when

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Speaker 1: they don't, or if they make money or they don't.

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Speaker 1: These are things that are completely outside of you know,

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Speaker 1: your power in any way, shape or form. But what

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Speaker 1: I think is interesting is that when you have someone,

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Speaker 1: I think mindset matters. I think that people who experience

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Speaker 1: the scarcity mindset like they often feel they don't have enough,

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Speaker 1: or they wish they had more, or the world doesn't

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Speaker 1: treat them favorably, or it's just another day in which

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Speaker 1: they don't get what they want. If they don't feel confident,

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Speaker 1: if they don't feel enough, if they don't feel worthy,

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Speaker 1: if they don't feel like they have that sense of belonging,

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Speaker 1: they in my observation, become competitive. The people who feel

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Speaker 1: like they do have enough, that they do feel confident,

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Speaker 1: that they're exactly where they're supposed to be, that they're

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Speaker 1: in the relationship that they want, that they work for.

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Speaker 1: I don't find to be as competitive.

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Speaker 2: No, But I will say that what we're dealing with

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Speaker 2: now that me and you did not deal with growing up,

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Speaker 2: and I think it's so hard, is that social media

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Speaker 2: feels like it's set up to be competitive. It almost

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Speaker 2: feels like the algorithm is I have this, what do

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Speaker 2: you have?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? This?

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Speaker 2: What do I have?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: So even though you love your friend, now they're post

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Speaker 2: now it's like they're posting the picture of the giant

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Speaker 2: diamond on the hand or the new job. And now

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Speaker 2: I get to travel and and even I find myself

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Speaker 2: people I don't know. I'm like, oh man, I want

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Speaker 2: to yes, where are you? I don't even know them.

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Speaker 2: I don't care.

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Speaker 1: I'm fine.

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Speaker 2: You were like, wait would they have that? I need

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Speaker 2: that necklace?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I need that.

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Speaker 1: Wait until I.

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Speaker 2: Get that, you're so and it's it's we're being fed competition.

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Speaker 2: You're so right. So when you're following your friends, it's

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Speaker 2: like the algorithms like compete, compete, compete, can be post compete,

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Speaker 2: who's winning, who's losing, Who's who has this? Who is that?

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Speaker 2: And just it sucks and we didn't we didn't grow

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Speaker 2: up with that.

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Speaker 1: But again, I mean, okay, okay, I see that completely.

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Speaker 1: I experienced that more with total strangers. So I remember, no,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have to fact check here because I don't

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Speaker 1: you know me, I don't have the names that comes

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Speaker 1: straight to the tip of the tongue. So it's golden

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Speaker 1: globes time I'm watching it. Taylor Swift is there.

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Speaker 2: Obviously she has my attention, and obviously.

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Speaker 1: Kelly Tellor, Miles Teller's wife is I don't know, and

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Speaker 1: maybe in the pictures with her they came together somehow.

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Speaker 1: There's there's Kelly Teller, and I had not known who

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Speaker 1: she was until that moment. I go to Instagram because

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Wow.

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Speaker 2: She's beautiful.

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Speaker 1: So who is she?

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Speaker 3: What?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Competitive where why?

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Speaker 4: I was like, I'm part of the circle and I'm

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Speaker 4: wondering who she's getting close to exactly I need to know.

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Speaker 4: So cut to and by the way, it's funny because

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Speaker 4: I was explaining this to my daughters because they were

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Speaker 4: saying to me, you know, another case for Instagram that

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Speaker 4: we want to have Instagram blah blah blah blah. I said, no, no,

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Speaker 4: this is why you cannot, this is why it's so dangerous.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I go looking up Kelly Teller and I spend

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Speaker 1: fifteen minutes on Instagram, a deep dive into Kelly tell

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Speaker 1: her life, and by the end of this fifteen minute dive,

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Speaker 1: I have convinced myself that everything I have is nothing

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Speaker 1: compared to what Kelly tell her has. I am no amazing,

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Speaker 1: I'm not even I'm not even kind of cute. I

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Speaker 1: don't go on any vacations. I don't know I was

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Speaker 1: on vacation. By the way, Kelly brings beautiful clothes on vacation.

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Speaker 1: I just want to shout out, Kelly, you're crushing it.

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Speaker 1: You're doing vacation very well. Yeah, she's worthy of a

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Speaker 1: deep dive all of it. I was just convinced of it,

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Speaker 1: and only because I don't know because other people have

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Speaker 1: told me this or I've learned this lesson once I

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Speaker 1: unplugged from the Instagram machine, once I've unplugged from the matrix. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I woke myself up and slapped myself around a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Yeah, did I come back to No, no, no, no, No,

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Speaker 1: Kelly can have all that Kelly has and be awesome,

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Speaker 1: and so can I. Yeah, when Kelly has has nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with what.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, one hundred percent. But this is what I'm

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Speaker 2: saying with the competition can competitive algorithm feed He's not

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Speaker 2: helping these friendships.

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Speaker 1: When you're talking about competition in friendships where someone might

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Speaker 1: be feeling like they're doing better or might be perceived

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Speaker 1: of as doing better, and someone else might be struggling.

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Speaker 1: I think it's important to remember the whole two things

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Speaker 1: can be true thing, yes, which is that your friend

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Speaker 1: can be doing really well and you can be really

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Speaker 1: happy for them, and your life can be challenging and

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Speaker 1: you can be disappointed with where you're at. They don't

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Speaker 1: cancel each other out. And when you're in a strong friendship,

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Speaker 1: you can say that to a friend like, I'm so

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Speaker 1: excited for you. I'm so excited you just got engaged.

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Speaker 1: I am so excited. I love your person. Your person

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Speaker 1: is great for you. I see a very happy life ahead.

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Speaker 1: There's me so many exciting things that you start planning,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not there yet. So my feelings about where

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Speaker 1: I am will sometimes creep into things. And I want

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Speaker 1: you to just know that that's where I'm at and

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Speaker 1: it doesn't have anything to do with you. So it

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Speaker 1: might come up and I and I don't want it to.

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Speaker 1: I want you to. I want to be in conversation

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Speaker 1: with you about it because I don't want you to

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Speaker 1: ever perceive my feelings about where I'm at as how

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Speaker 1: I feel about where you're at. It doesn't take away

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Speaker 1: from my happiness for you. It doesn't know take away

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Speaker 1: from how awesome it is that what's happening for you

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Speaker 1: is happening. It just is where I'm at, and I

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Speaker 1: need to be able to have the two things be true,

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Speaker 1: which is that I'm super happy for you and I'm

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Speaker 1: having a hard time.

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Speaker 2: I think that's so amazing, by the way, I would

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Speaker 2: appreciate that in a friendship so much more than someone

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Speaker 2: not even having that conversation with me, even if it's

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Speaker 2: a hard conversation and just swallowing those feelings, because if

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Speaker 2: I love you, I want to know that too. I

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Speaker 2: want to know, like, she's feeling not great right now,

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Speaker 2: she's feeling insecure about shit.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that communication is what makes friendships really

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Speaker 2: solid and beautiful, and because, by the way, at some

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Speaker 2: point it'll flip. It always does, it always does. And

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Speaker 2: then you've had that, You've opened up the door to

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Speaker 2: have that kind of correspondence with your buddy and you

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Speaker 2: can be like, you know what, I feel kind of

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Speaker 2: shitty right now too. I'm feeling this way now, and

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Speaker 2: you have a baby and I'm trying and I love it,

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Speaker 2: but I'm you know it's hard for me. I love you.

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Speaker 2: I just want you to know that that's where those

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Speaker 2: feelings are coming from.

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Speaker 1: Yes, especially especially within I do think female to female

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Speaker 1: friendships because there's this really old and gross idea that

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Speaker 1: women should be in competition with women more than anything,

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Speaker 1: or that there is this idea that because I'm a woman,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be competitive with another woman for the

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Speaker 1: things that she has or doesn't have. And I think,

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Speaker 1: you know, I mean, I think it happens a lot

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Speaker 1: in It can happen in friendship. I think it happens

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Speaker 1: a lot in business and in work. Right, Like when

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Speaker 1: you hear a lot of people say, like when a

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Speaker 1: woman's really successful, that you know she might have a

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Speaker 1: harder time in friendships because of her success, Like that,

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Speaker 1: how awesome is it to have a friend who's successful?

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Speaker 1: How awesome is it to be able to be with

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Speaker 1: someone who's excited about what they do? How hopefully that

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Speaker 1: would be contagious. Hopefully whatever she's doing right that's getting

356
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Speaker 1: her in that position is going to row off on me,

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Speaker 1: is going to be inspiring to me, is going to

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Speaker 1: motivate me, is going to make me understand that absolutely

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Speaker 1: there's only twenty four hours in a day, but somehow

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Speaker 1: she's figuring out a twenty fifth. I want your secrets,

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Speaker 1: you know, like, like I think that that is, you know,

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Speaker 1: ultimately exactly the best thing that can come from friendship

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Speaker 1: is that kind of is that kind of motivation and

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Speaker 1: that inspiration. And I get really really irritated and tired

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Speaker 1: of hearing people try to say things about women that

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Speaker 1: are like that we're in competition with each other or

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Speaker 1: that we want to take each other down. I just

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Speaker 1: think that that's just fucking nuts.

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Speaker 2: It is crazy, But I think it comes from that place.

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Speaker 2: And I know people talk about the seat of the table,

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Speaker 2: a seat at the table, but I think that we

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Speaker 2: have been told that there's like one or two seats

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Speaker 2: at the table for women in scarcity, and so it's like, well,

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Speaker 2: she got the seat, is our seat left? And that's bullshit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna build out that table.

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Speaker 2: You can have all the injured, I mean exactly.

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Speaker 1: And it's it's that zero sum game mindset. It's that

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Speaker 1: there's a winner and a loser, that someone wants the

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Speaker 1: place at the table, so there's no room for anyone else. Well,

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Speaker 1: guess what news alert getting that seat at the table

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Speaker 1: might mean that that person can make room for another

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Speaker 1: chair to come up to the table. Maybe there's gonna

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Speaker 1: need to be company there, there's gonna need to be

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Speaker 1: perspective there, there's gonna need to be understanding and again community,

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's not I find it so upsetting when

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Speaker 1: people get into that one up, one down mindset where

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Speaker 1: it's like I I like one person's above and one

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00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 1: person's below. It's like, no, we are all in relationship

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Speaker 1: with each other. And it may certainly be you know,

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Speaker 1: a journey, but you're all going to go up and

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Speaker 1: you're all going to go down, and the way that

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Speaker 1: you weather that is super super important. Yeah, by the way,

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Speaker 1: I was a big fan. Also, just just again in competition,

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Speaker 1: it just reminded me of something I do remember making.

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Speaker 1: I actually made a couple of friends in audition waiting rooms.

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Speaker 1: But I remember one time there was a part that

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Speaker 1: I didn't get and I did not know the girl

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00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 1: who got it, but I actually made a point. We

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00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 1: had a friend in common. I made a point of

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00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:51,959
Speaker 1: reaching out and congratulating her and we ended up becoming friends.

401
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 1: And I think, again, like that's it's sometimes And it

402
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,199
Speaker 1: actually took away my bad feeling. I didn't feel as

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00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,760
Speaker 1: bad about not getting it when I am becoming friends

404
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,760
Speaker 1: with her. I was actually happy for her. So I

405
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Speaker 1: don't know if that's worth anything.

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Speaker 2: Okay, is there such thing as a healthy competition between friends?

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be honest, and I think no.

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Speaker 1: I said no too. I said no too. I don't

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Speaker 1: think so either. I think there's there's a there's a

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Speaker 1: time and place for competition. It's not in friendship. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna actually be as bold as to

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Speaker 1: say just that there is there is a place for competition,

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Speaker 1: but it's not in friendship. And if you feel that

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Speaker 1: there is, simply I think it's pretty simple.

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Speaker 2: I do.

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Speaker 1: I think it's actually I don't always think that it is.

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00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 1: You know me, she's gray, but I think that this

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00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:58,639
Speaker 1: one's pretty simple. Okay. So Heather has written in and

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00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 1: she says, my best friend of fifteen years and I

420
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 1: both had babies around the same time. She has her

421
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,880
Speaker 1: baby in competition with mine. Every time I tell her

422
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,359
Speaker 1: my baby did something, she one ups my baby. I

423
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 1: don't want to throw away this friendship, but it's making

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Speaker 1: me mental, and I don't want our kids to grow

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Speaker 1: up competing. Help. Oh, it's serious talking.

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Speaker 2: Oh, this is hard, and the tract is my My

427
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 2: immediate instinct is that her friend is insecure. You know again,

428
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 2: scarcity completely comes from insecurity. But that's difficult.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's why I'm saying, serious talk time. You gotta

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00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 1: have a serious talk. You gotta do you get it?

431
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's a we gotta sit down.

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Speaker 1: I love you to the ends of the earth. Fifteen

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00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: years of friendship. I could not love you more. We

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00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 1: are so lucky that we get to have children at

435
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 1: the same time, and we get to experience this and

436
00:22:57,359 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: be together in this, and I think that things have

437
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 1: gone a little sideways, and I want to kind of

438
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 1: hit the reset button. I love the reset button, you

439
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,639
Speaker 1: know I do. I want to hit the resetton. And

440
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about what my baby does

441
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 1: in comparison to your baby, or vice versa. I want

442
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,240
Speaker 1: for us to bring our experiences to each other, and

443
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 1: I want to talk about them. But I don't want

444
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 1: to feel like it's a competition. I want to feel

445
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 1: like we're just in it together. I think you can

446
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 1: name it. I think you name it.

447
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 2: I think you do. Here's the response, though, to that,

448
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 2: the response, this is how I would play this conversation

449
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,919
Speaker 2: in my head. The response, though, is you're saying what

450
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 2: your baby did, and I'm just saying what my baby did,

451
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 2: and you're taking it that way, and so it gets complicated.

452
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 1: Well, but that's when you just have to say, this

453
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: is how it feels to me, because no one can

454
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,680
Speaker 1: ask with how it feels. It feels to me like competition.

455
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 2: And I think that you can even say to soften

456
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 2: it a little bit. I don't think you're meaning to

457
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,919
Speaker 2: do this. Yeah, And because I know you love me,

458
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 2: I know you love my baby. When I'm talking about

459
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 2: my baby, sometimes I just want to talk about the

460
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,360
Speaker 2: baby and it not necessarily feel a little bit competitive.

461
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 2: And sometimes I don't think you're realizing it, or it

462
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 2: feels to me like it gets a little competitive. I

463
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:14,480
Speaker 2: just wanted to be so careful of that because I

464
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 2: think it can, you know, not help friendships. I mean, listen,

465
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,679
Speaker 2: she's worried about the babies growing up together, and you know,

466
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 2: now they're on sports teams or now they're in school together,

467
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 2: and it's like, well, great, did your baby git get

468
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 2: And I understand that that's really hard. I have to

469
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,639
Speaker 2: say that when I first had my Hayden, I do

470
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 2: not feel this way about Lucas. But you're you're given

471
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 2: all the milestones when it's your first baby, right and

472
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,880
Speaker 2: you I was paranoid about the milestones, and so it

473
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 2: wasn't even coming from a place of competition. I just

474
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 2: needed to hear that my baby was like doing okay.

475
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 2: So it's like when did your baby talk? When did

476
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 2: your baby walk when? And so it may not even

477
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: be coming from a place of competition. It may just

478
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 2: be her talking out loud, reaffirming that her baby's also

479
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 2: on the right track.

480
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:05,640
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?

481
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 2: It's hard. I mean by the way your hormones are crashing. Yeah,

482
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 2: it's it's a lot. But I think if you guys

483
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 2: have been best friends with this song, you're able to

484
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 2: have this conversation and you bring it up because the

485
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,959
Speaker 2: worst thing you can do in a friendship is letifester

486
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 2: because then explodes.

487
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and again, I don't think you can misstep when

488
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 1: you have that much history, And I think that there's

489
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: sometimes we just have to go headlong into it again

490
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 1: the only way that goes through and you just name

491
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: it and say like this is how I feel and

492
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,199
Speaker 1: that might be wild to hear, and I'm sure it

493
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:47,199
Speaker 1: might also, you know, help you understand how I'm feeling.

494
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: So on the subject of competing, because it really does happen.

495
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 2: And by the way, I don't know I really are friends.

496
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: I don't know. They listed the ten signs Jessica that

497
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 2: your friend is secretly competing with you, and I'm going

498
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,639
Speaker 2: to read some of them. They seem to delight in

499
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 2: your misfortune. No, well that's that's not a sign. That's

500
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 2: a bye. That's a goodbye. They copy your every move,

501
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 2: I mean we like they've skinned you, they're wearing you.

502
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 2: Like how extreme is this single white female? Because by

503
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 2: the way, anytime I see Jessica, I want to steal

504
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 2: all of her everything and all copy it.

505
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I won your hey, I mean again, Kelly Teller,

506
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 1: you're you're my real life Kelly Teller.

507
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 2: I'll send it to you in the meg. Yes, they

508
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 2: don't celebrate your victories. Not a friendship. Get rid of it.

509
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 1: Go through this list again, because I have to say,

510
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: this list is really just like the list, Okay not

511
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: this is how you know that they suck.

512
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 2: Just how you know they suck? Ready, they downplay your accomplishments.

513
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 2: They try to one up you, they brag in your presence,

514
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,920
Speaker 2: they try to keep tabs on you. This is actually

515
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 2: a stalking situation. They attempt to sabotage your success, They

516
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 2: dwell on the negative aspects of your life. And the

517
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 2: last thing is they kill you. I'm kidding. The last

518
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 2: thing is they try to discredit you in front of

519
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,719
Speaker 2: other people. Well, I think the problem with this article

520
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,239
Speaker 2: is that they said ten signs your friend. This is

521
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 2: not a friend, this is a psychopath. This is a psychopath,

522
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 2: and you need a restraining order. Yeah, anyway, Sorry, moving on.

523
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 2: That was not helpful.

524
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 1: No, that was not helpful. Moving on. Okay, So do

525
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 1: you want to go into anonymous.

526
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: Let's do anonymous. My parents got divorced two months ago.

527
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 2: We found out my dad has had a girlfriend on

528
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 2: the side for a while. My mom is devastated and

529
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 2: they are both competing from mine and my brother's good side.

530
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,639
Speaker 2: It's very awkward. I feel betrayed and it's making me

531
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,880
Speaker 2: scared of a romantic relationship in the future. Any advice

532
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 2: on how to handle it.

533
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this is terrible.

534
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 2: This is hard. You know what, though, I think we

535
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,200
Speaker 2: have the same advice as we did for Heather, which

536
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 2: is you got to sit down and say, have a

537
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,199
Speaker 2: really frank conversation and just say, like, I don't know

538
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 2: if you know that you're doing this, This is very

539
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 2: painful for us, and there's competitiveness and it's not helping,

540
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 2: and you pull them aside individually, I think, is what

541
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: you do.

542
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, absolutely, I agree with that. And also I

543
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: would say, you know, in terms of feeling in terms

544
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: of feeling scared for your own romantic relationship in the future,

545
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 1: I would be I would be very careful to make

546
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: sure that you understand.

547
00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:36,160
Speaker 2: That that's them.

548
00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: Yes, you're in charge of you. And sometimes having a

549
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 1: front row seat to the devastation that can roll out

550
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 1: after betrayal is a pretty good cautionary tale. It's pretty

551
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: much a really good indication and a really good real

552
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: life experience that that's not something that you want to

553
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,959
Speaker 1: be a part of. So I actually think that sometimes

554
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 1: these really horrible and very tough things to bear witness

555
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: to can help make us better and help us understand,

556
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: you know, what the real consequences to that kind of

557
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: behavior are.

558
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 2: I like to think, and this is something I'm working

559
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 2: through in one of my many therapy sessions that you

560
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:25,200
Speaker 2: don't inherit your parents' history. And that is something I'm

561
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 2: learning because if you took two people that absolutely should

562
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 2: not have been together, probably not even have shared a

563
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,320
Speaker 2: bus seat, it's my mom and dad. They did they

564
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,120
Speaker 2: should they really should not have been together. It was

565
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 2: it should have I don't even know, I mean maybe

566
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 2: even friends. And they were, and they were together for

567
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 2: a long time. And I have learned that you don't inherit.

568
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 2: You don't inherit like the mistakes of your parents. You don't.

569
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 2: It didn't make me more afraid of getting divorced. It

570
00:29:56,400 --> 00:30:00,240
Speaker 2: actually made me a lot pickier when it came to

571
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 2: picking a partner because I thought, I don't want to

572
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: end up like my parents' relationship and these are things

573
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 2: that are really important to me before I have kids

574
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:12,959
Speaker 2: with somebody, and so I would not worry about that.

575
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: Very exciting. We have our first ever voicemail. Very excited

576
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 1: to introduce this. I cannot wait and I love it,

577
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: love it, love it. We get to hear you in

578
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: your own voice. Hit it than.

579
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 3: Noah, Hi Jessica.

580
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 1: My name is Cush I'm twenty seven.

581
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,800
Speaker 3: I am an Indian American gay man who's also a

582
00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 3: huge fan of both of you. So I just moved,

583
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 3: actually for work, to the suburbs of Philadelphia from New

584
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 3: York City. I was living in Manhattan, and I'm having

585
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 3: a really hard time making friends, Like I don't think

586
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 3: enough people talk about how hard it is to make

587
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 3: friends as an adult, and I'm really kind of just

588
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 3: struggling to meet people and just connect with people. So

589
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 3: any advice that you two have on how to make

590
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 3: friends is, like a young professional, be very appreciated. Thank

591
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 3: you very much, and love you both.

592
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 1: Hope you're doing well. Okay, number one, I want to

593
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: be his friend. I just heard his voice and I

594
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 1: would like to be his friend.

595
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're well, you're part of this community, so

596
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 2: you have everybody here listening.

597
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 1: So we're count us as your friends. You know what

598
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: it made me think of that? I actually I correct

599
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 1: me if I'm mistaken. I feel like it might have

600
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: started last year. So Bumble has a friendship component, so

601
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 1: you can go on and hook up with some friends.

602
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that that would be a great

603
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: place to start, especially in a new locale.

604
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 2: It's called Bumble BFF or Bumble Friendship Mode. And you

605
00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 2: can seek out friendships in the city because, by the way,

606
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 2: I agree, it's really hard to make friends as an adult.

607
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and I think, I mean, I think that

608
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 1: that's obviously a very practical way to go about it,

609
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 1: which I think is right there at your fingertips and

610
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: could be something you just do right away. In the

611
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 1: longer game aspect of it. I'm a big fan of

612
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: if you're I mean, listen, as long as you're not

613
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 1: just sitting in your apartment, if you're going out and

614
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: doing the things that you love doing, if you look

615
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 1: up and don't look at your phone, so don't bumble

616
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: bff or bumble friendship mode in this moment. If you

617
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 1: are engaging with your environment and you're looking around and

618
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 1: everything else you're you're likely going to find people who

619
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: like to do the same things as you. So I

620
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 1: don't know what that is for you, right It might be,

621
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 1: might be going to the movies. It might be I

622
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,760
Speaker 1: want to sound like the oldest lady in the world

623
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: right now.

624
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 2: Just go to the ladies.

625
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 1: If you could go to your local needle movies and

626
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: talk to the person next to you.

627
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 2: Strike up a conversation in the middle of you know,

628
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:48,920
Speaker 2: sailing private rhyme? How are you doing? Do you have

629
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 2: any friends? Just I'm not you know, I don't like

630
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 2: to disagree with you, Jess, but I feel like I'm not.

631
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to figure out the whole movie theater

632
00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,000
Speaker 2: friendship part.

633
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,720
Speaker 1: Also, you shouldn't talk.

634
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm gonna I'm gonna call what it is. I

635
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,200
Speaker 2: think that's the worst place.

636
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 5: It's the worst advice, the worst Maybe banging on about

637
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 5: a movie theater you're lying at getting some popcorn, go

638
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 5: to the library where you're supposed to be really quiet.

639
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 2: And just start shouting on everybody.

640
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,120
Speaker 1: Oh well, I don't know. Maybe we don't have the

641
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: answer for this.

642
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 2: Cush is like, what the heck is this advice?

643
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 1: Okay, let's go back to the app.

644
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 2: Okay, no, I know, but listen I on the app

645
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 2: there I do agree with you in that you can

646
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 2: you can find like a sip and paint or something

647
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,240
Speaker 2: like that that's in your area. Go have a glass

648
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 2: of wine paint. It feels a little bit more community based.

649
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 2: There's also cooking classes in every city where you go,

650
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 2: you learn to cook together. I feel like it's you're

651
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,840
Speaker 2: you're doing an activity that also at the same time

652
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 2: as being with other people. And I feel like sometimes

653
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 2: doing an activity makes it feel less pressure of like you.

654
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: Know, yeah, yeah, like a parallel friend.

655
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly right, That's that's what I would do.

656
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 1: I also think that if you got into uh, like,

657
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 1: obviously gyms are great places to meet people, or classes,

658
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 1: yoga classes, well.

659
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 2: Hang on, hang on though, the gym is gonna this

660
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 2: is gonna that's gonna be a controversial. Take my online.

661
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 2: I see people that are very unhappy.

662
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,800
Speaker 1: When people talk to you at the gym, at the gym.

663
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 2: At the gym, they're filming other people trying to talk

664
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 2: to them. What yeah, because you could you could end

665
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 2: up going viral because of Capshaw's all of capshaw suggestions,

666
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 2: because I guy talking the movie there and that he's

667
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 2: getting filmed at the gym. No, I want you to

668
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 2: keep going because this is really entertaining.

669
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: Let me just give her more fuel for the fire. Listen.

670
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 2: Awesome, So you have to be tricky. But just when

671
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 2: I met in the workplace, and sometimes your workplace buddies

672
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 2: are great, and yeah, it's like let's just say, hey,

673
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 2: this is a really rough day. Is anyone available to

674
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 2: go grab a drink like or just go let's go

675
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 2: to lunch right now. Anyone want to get lunch and

676
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,760
Speaker 2: strike up conversations in the workplace because those are definitely

677
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 2: people in your world every single day.

678
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think that you might just

679
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: have to get it, definitely. I think bottom line, and

680
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 1: you're already there. You have to want it, and you

681
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 1: have to know that getting it means leaving your apartment

682
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 1: or leaving your comfort zone and asking someone to go

683
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 1: do something or whatever. And also, by the way, you're

684
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 1: not going to always you know, get the right person

685
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 1: right away. So that doesn't mean to stop trying. Just

686
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 1: keep going. Remember I didn't even like Camela when I

687
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,719
Speaker 1: met her. Keep trying, keep trying. Just if you work

688
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 1: a little bit harder, you'll start to like her.

689
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, might take months for someone to even like you.

690
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 2: Just keep going, keep going.

691
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,800
Speaker 1: See I pushed through with Camilla and it's all paid off.

692
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 2: Oh my god. They might find you absolutely intolerable. To

693
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 2: keep at it.

694
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,280
Speaker 1: You'll get to some kind of gold at some point.

695
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 2: I also think that don't forget that there's other people

696
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 2: feeling it's not because it feels very lonely. I had

697
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 2: this one I moved to Los Angeles. I felt very lonely,

698
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 2: and it feels really vulnerable to have that feeling. And

699
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,760
Speaker 2: I would by the way I would go to lunch

700
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 2: sometimes that I would see groups of girlfriends and I

701
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 2: would just stare at them, like WHOA, what's that like?

702
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 2: And I'd be by myself and it was hard. But

703
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 2: there are so many people feeling that way. There are

704
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 2: people moving all the time as adults, and so you

705
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 2: kind of have to shake off the vulnerability of it

706
00:36:49,520 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 2: in order to get out there. Yeah, on the subject,

707
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 2: someone asked, with both of us being on a TV

708
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:14,839
Speaker 2: show together, did we ever feel competition with each other?

709
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: And this can happen in shows, and this can definitely

710
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 2: happen in big ensemble shows, and that people feel like, well,

711
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 2: maybe I want more storyline. I'm you know how many

712
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 2: I'm saying one line this episode or this person's more

713
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 2: with the focus. I think that first of all, I

714
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 2: have to say that I never felt competition with Jessica Capshaw.

715
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 2: But I think it's also because like when I got

716
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:43,920
Speaker 2: on the show she played Arizona Robbins, I had there

717
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 2: was no part of I couldn't even compete. What was

718
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: the point there was no like she was one of

719
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 2: the most beloved characters ever. They were so different and

720
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 2: I just did not feel that way at all ever

721
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 2: with No. I really, I really honestly haven't felt that

722
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,839
Speaker 2: way on the show No.

723
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 1: And I also I think I do have to say

724
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: I think that I think that, you know, I think

725
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: that that can I have had. I have had that

726
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 1: at work, not on that on not on gras, on

727
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: a different show I had. I worked with a woman

728
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: who was incredibly competitive with me, like nasty competitive, but

729
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 1: just do nasty things like you get out of makeup

730
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 1: and she'd look at you and be like, are you done?

731
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 3: Did you?

732
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 1: Did you? Are you going back in? Or you're done?

733
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 1: You know, my makeup's done? E fal No. It was

734
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 1: just like things she can do to make you feel insecure.

735
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 1: That's I mean, that's on her and I actually I

736
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 1: did kind of know it then, so that was grateful

737
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: to not take it personally. Again, don't ever take it personally.

738
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 1: I never felt competitive with you. I do think when

739
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:55,440
Speaker 1: you're on a show or when you're in a regular job,

740
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 1: you know, when someone is you know, got more to do,

741
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 1: more responsibility, more chances to shine if you will if

742
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: that's what you're if that's how you're oriented, Yeah, for

743
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,320
Speaker 1: sure that can be you know, you can be aware

744
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,959
Speaker 1: of it. I think that that's that's what I think

745
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 1: that I feel the most in friendships. Again, two things

746
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 1: can be true. You can be getting more storylines, and

747
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,879
Speaker 1: I can be disappointed about that and be happy for you,

748
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,319
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, like one has nothing to do

749
00:39:20,360 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: with the other.

750
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 2: Yes, the only other time I've the only time I

751
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 2: felt jealous on our show is when someone's been given

752
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: just the best storyline and you're like, oh my god,

753
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 2: I would love to play that. Like it comes from

754
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,799
Speaker 2: an artistic thing. You're so happy for them because you're

755
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 2: like this is gonna be great TV and they're gonna

756
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 2: have a blast. But like you can't help artistically being like,

757
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 2: oh I would love to you know, I'd love to

758
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 2: like get in on this storyline. But that's you know,

759
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 2: that's life when it happens. I actually think being on

760
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 2: a big ensemble show is fantastic because it ends up

761
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 2: being very humbling.

762
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna leave you. I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna

763
00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna leave you with this when I

764
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: you ready tell me bard my memory. Okay, God, I'm

765
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,879
Speaker 1: gonna take you back. I'm going to take you back

766
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: to Yeah, skid check my facts. I think it's about

767
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 1: twenty ten. Okay, we get word that there's a musical episode.

768
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: I'm crazy.

769
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 2: It was not part of this I was not part

770
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 2: of this episode.

771
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 1: We are going, Yeah, we're gonna have a musical episode.

772
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 2: Let me guess you wanted all the solos, Jessica Capshaw.

773
00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 2: This was your this was your episode, just my time

774
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 2: to shine.

775
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: In my mind, all of my musical stylings in the shower. Yeah,

776
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: did you bring your own mind in all the ways

777
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 1: I was going to be discovered. I was going to

778
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: be discovered. So we go to this coach who's going

779
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:48,399
Speaker 1: to sing with us a little bit and like see

780
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: what we're capable of. Before they get into song selections,

781
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: you're already laughing. I don't know why. I'm already laughing

782
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,640
Speaker 1: because I'm realizing you've never told me this story.

783
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 2: So I'm so in. Okay, go we.

784
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 1: Get sent to the coach. She's definitely looking back. Now.

785
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: She's there to judge. She's there to judge what our

786
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 1: abstitute is, what we can do, what we cannot do. Yeah,

787
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: and I'm feeling confident. Yeah, I'm feeling like, yeah, sure

788
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: I can do the scales. We get la la la

789
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: la la. We're gonna have tre la la la. We're

790
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 1: gonna do all the things. It's gonna be great, and

791
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 1: we go and then I remember waiting a while because

792
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: then there were the song selections, and then everybody gets

793
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 1: you know, we get the script and in like bold

794
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 1: it was when we would sing, and so you could

795
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 1: skim through the script to see your name and what

796
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:35,800
Speaker 1: was in bold, because that meant you were singing.

797
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,360
Speaker 2: Yeah.

798
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: Real fans of the show know how much I saw

799
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: song and how much did you sing? Very little? I

800
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:49,280
Speaker 1: sang very little.

801
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 2: Were you in a coma? Did they put you in

802
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 2: on an?

803
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 1: I was on the coma. I was not CALLI was

804
00:41:54,000 --> 00:42:00,960
Speaker 1: in the coma. And Kyler Lee say like a bird

805
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 1: and yeah, I mean had so many beautiful songs. I

806
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,960
Speaker 1: mean the two am that she and she had such

807
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: she has such a beautiful voice and she crushed it.

808
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 1: And again the two things can be true. I can

809
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: have wanted to have the kind of voice that was

810
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: gonna get those songs. Yeah, And I was happy for her,

811
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: but I do remember being like, like, that's cool. I'm

812
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:30,319
Speaker 1: only singing that one those two sentences and that one song.

813
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 1: That's cool.

814
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 2: Did you have a song in mind where you're like,

815
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 2: if I could get this solo?

816
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:39,839
Speaker 1: No, because I didn't know what songs we were doing.

817
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:41,800
Speaker 2: Chasing Cars, Well.

818
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 1: We all sang on that. That was like a whole

819
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: you know, we all, we all that didn't count. I

820
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:50,840
Speaker 1: mean the real solos is what I was talking about. Yeah, yeah,

821
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: I'm really happy to love about everyone who sang for

822
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 1: a lot of time on the show.

823
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 2: There's still time, Jess. I feel like there's a musical

824
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 2: in your future. Yees full time. Don't give up on

825
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 2: that dream.

826
00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: Nope, nope, nope, nope. I'm gonna come from abundance. There's

827
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: more in the universe. For me, that was the song

828
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: I was sang too, The universe and.

829
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,680
Speaker 2: You Universe and you can you give us a little

830
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 2: no one of your lines.

831
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: No. No. It could be someone.

832
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 2: Listening that's looking for the next big Vegas residency star

833
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 2: and they're like, god, if she just sung a line,

834
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:28,720
Speaker 2: I know.

835
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 1: Well, they won't be able to tell from my one

836
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 1: line in universe and you I did a lot of

837
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,319
Speaker 1: takes the bets you did.

838
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 2: Oh oh my god, cringees and hurts all at the

839
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 2: same time, a real cringe hurt feeling.

840
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:46,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay.

841
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 2: I love that we tackled jealousy.

842
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: We have yes see. And by the way, that's why

843
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,879
Speaker 1: you need a crew, because you got to talk it out.

844
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 1: You got to talk it out to get to where

845
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 1: you need to be. So I'm very grateful for this

846
00:43:58,920 --> 00:43:59,520
Speaker 1: Call It crew.

847
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 2: I want to say before we go, it was so

848
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 2: fun getting a voicemail today being able to listen to it,

849
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,280
Speaker 2: hearing your voices. Ah, we want to hear all your voices.

850
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:13,439
Speaker 2: So should you feel like you want to, you can

851
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,120
Speaker 2: contact us at one eight three three seven call It

852
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 2: which is one eight seven seven seven two two five

853
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:24,839
Speaker 2: five four eight, and leave us a voicemail and we

854
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 2: may play it on the show.

855
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 1: I loved hearing from him, and you know what, you

856
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 1: get so much emotion from his voice, and like I said,

857
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 1: I could tell in a second that I wanted to

858
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 1: be his friend.

859
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Cush is.

860
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: Capable of making friends and he is going to And

861
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 1: if you see a Cush in the suburbs of Philadelphia,

862
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:42,359
Speaker 1: go talk to him.

863
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 2: Don't go see a movie with him.

864
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:45,880
Speaker 1: Don't go see a movie with him or try to

865
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: talk to him during the movie. Go talk to him.

866
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 2: No, no, yes, absolutely all right, so let's call it Jess.

867
00:44:54,800 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 1: The end of the episode is taping a feat