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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with bec At, Tilly and Tanya rad and

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Speaker 1: I Heart Radio and two time People's Choice Award winning podcast.

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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, We're scrubbing in. We have a very exciting

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Speaker 1: show today because, um, we have a guest and Tanya

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Speaker 1: is his number one fan. That's true. I don't like

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Speaker 1: I'd be interested to ask him if he like who

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Speaker 1: his number who he thinks his number one fan is.

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Speaker 1: You think you you'd win? I think I'd win. But

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Speaker 1: I'm curious to see his wife. Right, he is a

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Speaker 1: married man. It's all with respectful admiration. Um, But we

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Speaker 1: have Devone Franklin joining us later on today. I'm super

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Speaker 1: excited because I've never gotten to talk to him and

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Speaker 1: you speak about him as if he is he's like

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Speaker 1: the version of Oprah or something, right, right. I feel

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Speaker 1: like he inspires and brings wisdom into people's lives in

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Speaker 1: a very calm and insightful way. Yeah. And honestly, he's

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Speaker 1: one of those people that he doesn't just talk the talk.

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Speaker 1: He walks the walk. And that's something that I really

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Speaker 1: admire about him because he doesn't just say these things

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Speaker 1: like about you know, how to improve and how to

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Speaker 1: you know, keep yourself in checking accountable. But he actually

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Speaker 1: does all of these things, and he has such a

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Speaker 1: good way of putting things where you're like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like I never thought of it that way, and it's

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Speaker 1: almost like lightbulbs just kind of go off all the time.

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Speaker 1: And I know him personally, I've i've um done some

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Speaker 1: events with him before and he's just such a lovely

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Speaker 1: human and so willing to like help, and I just

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Speaker 1: I adore him so much. So I'm really excited. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm super excited too. Um. So he'll be on later

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Speaker 1: in this show. But right now, what's going on? What's

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Speaker 1: going on with you? So this has been a, I

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Speaker 1: guess over a month long process, and the only reason

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Speaker 1: I haven't talked about it much was because it was

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Speaker 1: so stressful that like talking about it almost put more

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Speaker 1: pressure on the situation. But I bought a house that

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Speaker 1: I got the keys today this morning, so it's officially official.

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Speaker 1: And it was honestly probably the most stressful process I've

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Speaker 1: ever gone through. Um, the markets just the craziest, and

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Speaker 1: I have never been through this the real estate market.

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Speaker 1: I've never been through this before, so this is my

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Speaker 1: first time. And apparently it's like the craziest market there's

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Speaker 1: ever been, and I haven't. I have friends that have

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Speaker 1: also been trying to buy homes in this market, as

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Speaker 1: they say, you know, these are these are the big

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Speaker 1: kid terms of people. You know, okay market, I go

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Speaker 1: to the grocery store and that's about the extent of

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Speaker 1: my market. But that I've tried to also buy houses

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Speaker 1: and they put in these offers and they go to

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Speaker 1: that next step, but then there's thirty other offers and

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Speaker 1: they don't get their homes. So I I understand why

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Speaker 1: you were hesitant to talk about it, because you get

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Speaker 1: your hopes up about something and then they just kept falling, falling, falling,

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Speaker 1: falling through. Yeah. So I have been, you know, pretty

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Speaker 1: much since the beginning of the year, I've been kind

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Speaker 1: of looking to buy a house. And as I was

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Speaker 1: going through the process, I realized how incredibly intense and

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Speaker 1: just like an absolute frenzy it is out there. Um,

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Speaker 1: and it just feels really meant to be because of

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Speaker 1: how it happened in the sense of like timing and

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Speaker 1: location and just it's everything I want and um, it's

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Speaker 1: beautiful and do you know what the best part is

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Speaker 1: she lives even closer to me. I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I'm even closer, but I did. I did. I got

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Speaker 1: to get that security gate up. Pretend she didn't map

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Speaker 1: it before she actually bought it. She knew what she

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Speaker 1: was doing in a general area. I knew. I was,

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Speaker 1: you know, still relatively close. But I could run to

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Speaker 1: your house and back like ten times. That'd be a

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Speaker 1: pretty be a distance and I'd be like five miles. Anyways,

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Speaker 1: I'm super excited. It's like a dream come true. I

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Speaker 1: cannot believe, Like I still I have the keys, and

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Speaker 1: I still am like, I can't believe I have a house.

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Speaker 1: So I think maybe until I'm actually sleeping in there,

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Speaker 1: I won't actually believe it. But can I tell you,

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Speaker 1: so you haven't officially moved in yet, right, can I

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Speaker 1: tell you something I didn't. I move into this apartment

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Speaker 1: that actually kind of worked for me. So this was

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Speaker 1: my first apartment, This is my first time living alone.

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Speaker 1: And somebody told me, whatever you really want in life,

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Speaker 1: right now, write it down on a piece of paper

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Speaker 1: and have that be the first thing that you move

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Speaker 1: into your home. The piece of paper, yeah, or that

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Speaker 1: piece of paper, and whatever it is that you want,

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Speaker 1: you write on that piece of paper, and that's the

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Speaker 1: first thing you move in. So when I moved in here,

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Speaker 1: I wrote the word love with the heart for the oh,

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Speaker 1: and I put it in my kitchen drawer, which you know,

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Speaker 1: like that junk drawer, just like your tape and stuff. Um,

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Speaker 1: so I moved it in. There's the first thing I

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Speaker 1: moved into my apartment. And I fell in love in

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Speaker 1: this apartment. That's cool. And so you just wrote one

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Speaker 1: thing though, yeah, oh, so I just need to write

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Speaker 1: one thing. I mean, you can do whatever you wants

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Speaker 1: your it's your thing. But I thought it was pretty cool.

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Speaker 1: I still have that piece of paper. It's still in

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Speaker 1: that junk drawer somewhere in the back. Wow, that's cool.

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Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah. I was gonna go over and

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Speaker 1: just kind of like put on some music and walk

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Speaker 1: around and like too. Yeah, so it's I'm so happy

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Speaker 1: there is like uh I did. So there's like a

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Speaker 1: little pond in the back and there were two koi

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Speaker 1: fish and I went over there today and there's only

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Speaker 1: one koi fish. The other one has got caught in

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Speaker 1: the filter because someone left it open. So I now

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Speaker 1: have two pets to take care of. My Phoebe and

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Speaker 1: then a lone Koi fish, which I actually think I

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Speaker 1: have to I'm gonna. I've been thinking about him since

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Speaker 1: I left the house because they had food, but we

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Speaker 1: fed him during our walk through, and then they checked

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Speaker 1: the so they came back and checked the filter because

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Speaker 1: I was like, I think there's there's a dead fish

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Speaker 1: in there, and one that was alive was stuck in

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Speaker 1: the filter too, so he could have died too. So

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Speaker 1: after they have to go to the pet store and

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Speaker 1: get some fish food. I know what I'm getting you

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Speaker 1: as a house forming gift. What another Coi fish? I know.

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Speaker 1: I was so upset thinking about like him, trying to

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Speaker 1: find him, and then to the front emotional, We're doesn't

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Speaker 1: buy a koi fish at the I'm not sure where

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Speaker 1: do you get a fish? And my Amazon I have

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Speaker 1: a feeling I'm gonna. I'm very like attentive and attached

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Speaker 1: to the fish, and whenever I leave town in someone's

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Speaker 1: house sitting for me and not like a freak, but

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Speaker 1: I really care. I'm realizing. I think I've always been

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Speaker 1: very sensitive towards animals, but lately, like there was a

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Speaker 1: worm the other day and I went to try and

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Speaker 1: save it because I it was stuck and by the

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Speaker 1: time I realized I needed to save it, it was dead.

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Speaker 1: And I felt a lot of guilt for a worm. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just gonna so and like I don't

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Speaker 1: I guess when you have a dog that you love

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Speaker 1: so much, like thinking of anything like hurting it or

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Speaker 1: suffering just like makes makes you dark. So I can't

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Speaker 1: with the fish. Um anyway, So yeah, cooy fish, Congratulations.

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Speaker 1: You can get fish at any pet store telling you

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Speaker 1: a pet smart pettish, have one down the street. Pass

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Speaker 1: up my summons. I don't know if Amazon sells them,

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Speaker 1: but they might. Um uh, this is a Becca thing, right,

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Speaker 1: This is not beca No, this is a Becca thing.

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Speaker 1: It might it could go into Becca thing, but this

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Speaker 1: is just like a Becca thing which felt really important

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Speaker 1: to me, you know, Like I think doing this on

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Speaker 1: my own felt like a huge step in my life.

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Speaker 1: And I think, um, maybe eventually it'll be a dual situation.

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Speaker 1: But how soon do you think that happened? Like realistically,

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Speaker 1: like two months, four months, six months. We basically spend

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Speaker 1: almost every single night together, so it's not that we're

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Speaker 1: I mean, we basically lived together but have two places,

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Speaker 1: so that's not living together, right, But it's I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: it's not not that far off of that possibly happening.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't even asking that, I was just asking Tom

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Speaker 1: was taken it to when you were Yeah, when you

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Speaker 1: signed that mortgage? Is it Rebecca Penelope? It's not, well,

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Speaker 1: it's nothing, says Rebecca Penelope, but it is. It is

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Speaker 1: just my name. But yeah, it feels like a real,

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Speaker 1: like boss move. Honestly, Yes, for sure. So major. It's

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Speaker 1: so major. I'm so excited for you. Thank you. I'm

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Speaker 1: just curious as a as a homeowner myself in southern California,

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Speaker 1: did you have to go over asking was there a

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Speaker 1: big kind of a price baddly with other suitors? So

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Speaker 1: this one? So I had seen a house kind of

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Speaker 1: at the beginning of my search, and I fell in

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Speaker 1: love with it and it was huge, like it was

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Speaker 1: way too big for me. But I was in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and I think I could raise

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Speaker 1: a family here, and I'm like, I don't even want kids,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I really got ahead of myself. Um,

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Speaker 1: and I put an offer on it and there were

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Speaker 1: twenty three offers on it, and they countered every single

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Speaker 1: offer and so at that point, I think it went

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Speaker 1: like three hundred thousand dollars over the listing price. So

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Speaker 1: at that point I was a little defeated because I

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Speaker 1: was like, am I really going to be able to

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Speaker 1: find a house in this market that you know I

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Speaker 1: can afford and that I really love? Um? And so

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Speaker 1: then when I found this one, it just happened to

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Speaker 1: work out with the timing when we saw it that

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Speaker 1: I didn't end up having to go over the asking price.

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Speaker 1: But it was like a miracle, like I've not heard

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Speaker 1: of anyone not having to go over the asking price

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Speaker 1: to be that was your home. Yeah. So um, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: I would say. And the thing is, I thought it

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Speaker 1: was only in l A where it was like this,

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Speaker 1: but apparently, according to people's messages I get about the

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Speaker 1: home buying process, this is happening everywhere where. It's just

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Speaker 1: a frenzy to buy a home. So I just want

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Speaker 1: to encourage any of you who are going through this

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Speaker 1: to stick with it, because so many times during at

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Speaker 1: a few months, I've been like, what am I doing.

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing. This is too stressful. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to do I'm not gonna lie like watching your watching

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Speaker 1: you go through the process has made me really I

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Speaker 1: mean I'm not currently looking, but has made me pump

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Speaker 1: the brakes on wanting to well. I will just say this,

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Speaker 1: make sure you have all of your finances and everything

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Speaker 1: as ordered as you can, because that will make your

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Speaker 1: life so much easier. That's the problem. I just I'm

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Speaker 1: so disorganized with that stuff. I'm shocked. It's like weird.

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Speaker 1: You're almost like Monica with her weird messy close It's

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Speaker 1: my weird, messy closet. Like I'm so o c D

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Speaker 1: about everything, and I get things done and make a

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Speaker 1: checklist data. For some reason, financial stuff is so hard

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Speaker 1: for me to like grasp and and and be organized with,

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Speaker 1: Like I've come up with these plans that I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: do and I'm gonna color code and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: only use this credit card for this stuff, and then

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Speaker 1: I just never do it. And I'm still getting to

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Speaker 1: my tax stuff together and taxes are doing like two weeks,

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Speaker 1: I'm still doing it, and I've been working on it

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Speaker 1: for like the past few week. I'm telling you what

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Speaker 1: I found this out about Tanny. I felt like there

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Speaker 1: was like I was talking to a different person because

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Speaker 1: I'm like you are it's very on brand that I

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Speaker 1: would be on organizing that stuff, but it's not on

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Speaker 1: brand pro organized that and drop Box I just can't.

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Speaker 1: Those are the two things. It's just like we were

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Speaker 1: just I seriously every time I almost feel embarrassed because

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Speaker 1: every time I have to do anything with Dropbox, I

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Speaker 1: have to ask for help or like Google how to

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Speaker 1: help because I just cannot figure it out. And I

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Speaker 1: got here in Tanny was trying to send something. She

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Speaker 1: was like, do you get drop Box? And I'm like no,

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Speaker 1: but I'm so relieved to hear you say that. It's

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Speaker 1: a headache. We did. So I did a Instagram live

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Speaker 1: last week and I don't even know because everyone on

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Speaker 1: Instagram Live is like, get Tanya to come on, because um,

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Speaker 1: I got my box of notes from you and Becky

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Speaker 1: because I was watching your lives. So it's so funny

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Speaker 1: because I was talking about you and I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, Becca had a oh yeah, my head of

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Speaker 1: photo shoot. You had like a swim shoe, and so

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Speaker 1: I was like trying to go on Instagram to show

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Speaker 1: red star photos or videos from your shoe. And then

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Speaker 1: we saw that you were going live and so we

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Speaker 1: started watching it alone. Wonder what she's talking about, I know.

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Speaker 1: And then someone asked in the like someone said, do

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Speaker 1: you like Red Star? Like are you happy that Red

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Speaker 1: Star and Tanya are back together? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't even remember what how the question was. I

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Speaker 1: like Red Star, but most importantly Tanya's happy. And then

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Speaker 1: Tanya's like hi in the comments, and so I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get her to come on here with me.

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Speaker 1: So she she accepts the request to come on live,

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Speaker 1: and she's at dinner with Red Star just like they're

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Speaker 1: both chat with me and everyone was My views went

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Speaker 1: skyrocketed like it was funny because I was just going

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Speaker 1: to join by myself, and then he put his hand

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Speaker 1: in the things. I was like, all right, he's just

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's very It's interesting because it feels just

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Speaker 1: very normal, do you know what I mean? Like this

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Speaker 1: is like what a normal couple would do you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? It's not so I don't want to

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Speaker 1: say secretive, because it wasn't secretive, but it was just

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Speaker 1: like it just feels speaking of living free, just feels

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Speaker 1: like a lot more free um this time around. And

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Speaker 1: it's it's interesting because after last week's podcast, I got

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Speaker 1: so many beautiful messages from you, from you guys, Like honestly,

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Speaker 1: this community of Scrub sisters is unparalleled like any other.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like people could tell that I was

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Speaker 1: just feeling some type of way and so they were

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Speaker 1: coming to encourage me and say that like they've learned

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Speaker 1: like X y Z because of me, and like stuff

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Speaker 1: just basically like validating me and trying to encourage me,

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Speaker 1: saying that I have more to offer or than like

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Speaker 1: my dating life, you know, like us feeling just very

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Speaker 1: deflated and like that's all I offered, you know. And

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Speaker 1: so I I never get messages like that. I mean

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Speaker 1: they're nice occasionally, I'll get like a nice one here

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Speaker 1: and there, but like I'm happy that you but it

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Speaker 1: made me, I don't know, like it just made me

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Speaker 1: feel really good inside. Um. And so thank you guys

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Speaker 1: for the people that did reach out. It really means

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Speaker 1: a lot. And it's weird because it's going at like

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Speaker 1: I feel like we try to start over this time around,

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Speaker 1: and and we're going at like a normal pace that

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Speaker 1: a normal couple would go through, and like we're kind

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Speaker 1: of coming out of the pandemic, and so it's like

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Speaker 1: things are starting to, I don't know, just feel more

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Speaker 1: normal again. Yeah, I guess yeah, because y'all just kind

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Speaker 1: of started dating when we went into the pandemic. Huh.

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Speaker 1: It was like new It was like newly dating, and

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Speaker 1: then pandemic hit and it was just like quarantine, lockdown,

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Speaker 1: you know, navigating a new relationship fun. Yeah. Um, so yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's going good. We have our matching keys, we have

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Speaker 1: our why are they matching? They're not matching? They're like, um,

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Speaker 1: you know me, I'm very intentional and I really need

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Speaker 1: to just that's what I like, that's where I thrive.

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Speaker 1: So we have these I don't want to share the

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Speaker 1: words just because they're words. Are you giving? Yeah? I

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Speaker 1: thought you met your house Okay, no, no, no, but

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Speaker 1: we we do have each other's house keys. Whicheah. I

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Speaker 1: mean that's normal. But matching field a little. But that's

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Speaker 1: actually a cute idea, like a little thing to put on,

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Speaker 1: like you know those things that you can put on

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Speaker 1: the keys that are rubbery. Maybe I get matching ones,

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Speaker 1: like for each of us, or you can just know

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Speaker 1: which ones which like most people. I don't have it

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Speaker 1: on right now. But that's actually kind of a cute idea.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you can go to the home depot and

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Speaker 1: you can make it a pink Hello kitty, here butterfly,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Danny's eyes the Tanya faces fully, And

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Speaker 1: that's actually a really cute idea. I don't hate it.

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Speaker 1: But that's not what I was talking about. I was

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Speaker 1: talking about the Yeah, the giving of the giving key necklaces.

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Speaker 1: So they go together because each of them have two words.

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Speaker 1: So I have two words and he has two words,

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Speaker 1: and they go together to make the four pillars of

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Speaker 1: our relationship. And we wear our keys whenever we're popping

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Speaker 1: around town and it feels good. It's a requirement that

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Speaker 1: you have your keys on. No, it's not requirement, but

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Speaker 1: it's just like cute. And I'm still trying to be

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Speaker 1: cautious just because of, you know, my heart. But it's

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Speaker 1: also so hard for me to do that, but I'm

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Speaker 1: like trying to. You know. The other day, when Right

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Speaker 1: Star came to the Summer or the Cruel Summer premiere,

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Speaker 1: he had his key on, but it was like under

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Speaker 1: his shirt, it wasn't out, and she was she was like,

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Speaker 1: you'll have your key on and he was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I do, what's under here? And She's like I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, relax, he's got it on. We don't

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Speaker 1: have to wear all that. I'm not wearing mine right now,

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Speaker 1: you know, but when we're together, it's fun to have them. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: explore red story. That's what I was thinking. But I

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Speaker 1: thought I get yelled at if I said that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it might be different coming from you versus, but I say,

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Speaker 1: I think to myself often. But I told Tanya, you know,

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Speaker 1: she'll tell me something that's bothering her, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: dear god, Red Star, I know, it's really funny. I

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Speaker 1: got these matching sweatshirts that say, um, what does the

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Speaker 1: first one say? It says She's my sweet potato and

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Speaker 1: the other one says yes I am or whatever am

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Speaker 1: each one. Red Star thought that I bought it for him.

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Speaker 1: Becca thought I bought them for her, and I was like, little,

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Speaker 1: do either of you know who's going to have to

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Speaker 1: wear I knew you bought it for him, and I said,

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Speaker 1: poor Red Star. Oh and then he said pour Becca,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, and she goes, she goes, no,

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00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,879
Speaker 1: it's cute or something, and I was like god, I

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Speaker 1: was like, honestly, or she goes, you should be thankful

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Speaker 1: because it would have been you if it wasn't him,

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Speaker 1: And I was like, you're right, I am super grateful

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Speaker 1: for him because do you know they're actually I watched

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Speaker 1: him and they're ready. They're hanging up in my closet,

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Speaker 1: ready to go. I can't wait to see the photo

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Speaker 1: of you two in them No, you and I Red Star.

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Speaker 1: It looks so cute. It feels like more of a

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Speaker 1: couple things. They're actually smaller in real life. So I

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Speaker 1: feel like it's by default it's mine. I don't think

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Speaker 1: you're either one of your sweet potatoes. I don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't think that works for you too. Yeah, I agree,

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Speaker 1: she's oh you think has me Red Star? Yes, I

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Speaker 1: think it does. I don't think Becca is your sweet

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Speaker 1: potato or vice versa. On to wear it for an occasion,

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Speaker 1: and so I feel like, what's an occasion? Thanksgiving? I mean,

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Speaker 1: he wears you're sure with your face all over it,

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Speaker 1: so it's not like he's not that's a vacation to

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Speaker 1: do something that's a vacation. So the occasion, maybe it's

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Speaker 1: a vacation. Um. I love that shirt. By the way,

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Speaker 1: that's literally my favorite thing ever. Because people when they

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Speaker 1: realize that it's me. It's so fun, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean, Because we walked by and they'll be like

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Speaker 1: or like if we're if we're apt to lunch or whatever,

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00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,639
Speaker 1: and the server will be like is that her? And

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00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 1: he's like yeah. It's always like a fun talking point,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Do you think they're like

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Speaker 1: kind of worried though, Yeah, they're like, wow, she really

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Speaker 1: runs a tight chef around here. Like we're leaving the house,

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Speaker 1: put your shirt on. Actually outside of the shirt, the shirt,

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Speaker 1: I don't make it. The shirt he actually like, actually likes.

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Speaker 1: He thinks it's like cool. It was like a cool shirt.

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Speaker 1: Sweet guy. Yeah, Um, did you end up watching Grey's Anatomy?

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Speaker 1: I'd watched the episode, but there wasn't a new one

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Speaker 1: last week. No, no, no, but I'm talking about the

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Speaker 1: one that I did. And you know what, it brought

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Speaker 1: up a lot of scuttle in my Instagram because I oh,

377
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Speaker 1: because you were like, are you team Meredith and Derek

378
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Speaker 1: or are you did you ever feel like he always

379
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Speaker 1: kind of wasn't great good enough for Meredith? A lot

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Speaker 1: of people have some thoughts about Derek Shepard that are

381
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Speaker 1: not nice. I mean, did we forget that he cheated

382
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Speaker 1: on her right before he died. I hated that story,

383
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Speaker 1: like I right, yeah, right, I hated it. And did

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Speaker 1: we not forget that he wouldn't move for Meredith to

385
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Speaker 1: get her dream job, but then he whatever, these are

386
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 1: good points, No, they're good points. But I'm like, what

387
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:06,200
Speaker 1: if we did that for everyone? Danny didn't, Dinny, we

388
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 1: stall for two seconds and he was unfortunately in the hospital, right,

389
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Speaker 1: He's gonna give it everything to be with Izzy. Then

390
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: that moment put her first. Okay, even like hers Elba wire. Regretfully,

391
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Speaker 1: I'm sure. I'm just saying that did not work out

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Speaker 1: for anyone. I'm just saying. All I'm saying is that

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Speaker 1: if we looked at every single person, especially they're in,

394
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: just that industry seems so like it's egotistical, it's cut throat.

395
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Speaker 1: Even if they bickered, because they kind of were like

396
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 1: after the same thing and had the same talent, there

397
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,719
Speaker 1: was like this level of competition, you know, between them,

398
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 1: because she was going to be like the up and

399
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: coming and then the only thing I am having a

400
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: hard time like even remotely defending as the cheating because like,

401
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 1: I hate that. I needed that storyline so bad. I

402
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: was like, why it ruined something that, in my opinion,

403
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 1: was so perfect. That's what happens when you lack character.

404
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 1: But anyways, he said in an interview that he cried.

405
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 1: They cried when they saw each other in films. That's fantastic.

406
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 1: When it wasn't when he said goodbye right when he finished,

407
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: or when he rapped, Yeah, when he rapped, Yeah, when

408
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: he rapped. Oh you know what, I actually had a

409
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,479
Speaker 1: question for you guys. This is off topic, but I

410
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Speaker 1: was on my son run yester or the other day,

411
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 1: and I was like thinking, I always like think about

412
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Speaker 1: one thing usually when I'm on my sun run, and

413
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Speaker 1: this was, Um, I was thinking about this trip that

414
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Speaker 1: I want to take with one of my girlfriends for

415
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: Memorial Day weekend, because hold on, do you plan ahead

416
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,199
Speaker 1: of time what you're going to think about on that

417
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 1: day's sun run? Usually yeah, you're like write it down

418
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: or do you have a Like I just think about

419
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Speaker 1: things that I need to do that are like, so

420
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 1: I have it to do list that's a daily to

421
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Speaker 1: do list, and then I have like a rolling to

422
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Speaker 1: do list, And so you'll usually look at my rolling

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00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,160
Speaker 1: to do list at things that I need to think

424
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:08,959
Speaker 1: about or start, you know, because Memorial days like right

425
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: around the Bob Warner. I don't know what to say.

426
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: What is it, Bob cornerber? No, Okay, so Ryan says

427
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 1: right around the corner Bob Horner, but nobody else says that.

428
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,560
Speaker 1: That's just the Ryan thing. Because Bob Horner played for

429
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: the Atlanta Braves when he was a kid and when

430
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: he was watching baseball with his dad when he was young,

431
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 1: Bob Horner was a player. It's not like an expression.

432
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 1: I've used that all the time. Mike's right around the

433
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 1: Bob Horner. I don't even think you're saying it right,

434
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,959
Speaker 1: but it's right around the Bob Horner. Yeah, Bob Horner

435
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: is correct, and you're right it is, I believe, four

436
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,920
Speaker 1: weeks from today's Memorial Day. Yeah. So so I'm thinking

437
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 1: about this as that was my son run right, because

438
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 1: it's me and one of my girlfriends will be fully like,

439
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: you know, ready to go, like good to go on

440
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 1: a plane, et cetera, and I running and this tree

441
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: just falls like I'm not talking like a tree branch,

442
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: like this tree falls like right in front of me,

443
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 1: like almost literally almost hits me. Oh my god. Wow,

444
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 1: like I'm telling you, if I was maybe five seconds

445
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: quicker on my run, I would have been underneath this MM.

446
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,439
Speaker 1: And so now I'm like, is my trip should I

447
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: not be taking it? Like you know me, I took

448
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 1: it as a sign, and I'm like, is this trip

449
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,679
Speaker 1: a bad idea? Let me look at that, because you

450
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: were thinking about your thinking about this trip. Yeah, so

451
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: I just felt nobody was cutting that down. Nobody literally

452
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 1: just fell out of nowhere because the weather was fine

453
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 1: here today in Los Angeles. It wasn't today, this was yesterday,

454
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: but it wasn't nothing. That's terrifying. Yeah. Well, I don't

455
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 1: know what advice to give you about if it's a

456
00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:02,639
Speaker 1: sign or not, but maybe maybe you just weren't supposed

457
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 1: to go down that direction, that path. I think I

458
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: think that's a better Like I'm not a big signed guy,

459
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,880
Speaker 1: but I think that's it. If you would continued down

460
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: that path, you'd have been hit by a bus or something.

461
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 1: I don't think. I think going from the thoughts in

462
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: your head to a tree branch, probably, I think that's

463
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 1: one leap too far from me to make. Got it?

464
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,159
Speaker 1: So you think that tree branch actually is protecting me

465
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,199
Speaker 1: some from something watched down the line. I think that

466
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: makes more sense to me. All right, that makes it

467
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 1: actually makes me feel better because I was like, oh

468
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,919
Speaker 1: my gosh, this this trip cursed, like should not be

469
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: doing this. How do you live? Like how do you

470
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,440
Speaker 1: live your life? And like things? It's very hard. Like honestly,

471
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: if you spent a day in my brain, you'd be

472
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: exhausted because like over analyzing everything, wondering we have been

473
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: designed for something else makes me feel exhausted, exhausted. Yeah,

474
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: so take a day trip in my brain and you'll

475
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:57,640
Speaker 1: come out like me a ham what good soccer player?

476
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: Because there's a lot of balls in there, you know,

477
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 1: I know who related to that one. Balls to kick around,

478
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: a lot of balls to kick around, and I do it,

479
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,719
Speaker 1: but I'm exhausted. Oh I see. So you're just like kicking,

480
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 1: like there's just balls and you're like you're kicking and

481
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: then you're running to the next one. Yeah, it's like, okay,

482
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 1: this one's good, all right, cool, I'll shooting shooting in

483
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: the goal. This one's not going to try and kick

484
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: it out. Wow, that is a tiring that just that

485
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: story about the tree just gave me an insight into

486
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 1: you it's also shocking how little ton you grasped the

487
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: game of soccer. But still it's you know, still fun.

488
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:44,879
Speaker 1: What do you mean that makes it you kick the

489
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 1: ball in the goal, or if you don't analyze the ball,

490
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 1: like that's a good one that go in the goal,

491
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: that's a bad one that should go the other way.

492
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: There's that all kinds of balls all over the place happening.

493
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 1: That's when you're like scrimmaging. I feel like they're always

494
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 1: just throwing balls that you have to kick them. No, well,

495
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 1: there's only one ball when you're playing soccer, right when

496
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 1: you're on the field, not when you're like scrimmaging. Okay,

497
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 1: well you didn't specify that you were scrimmaging, right, And

498
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 1: I have a about yea soccer, Thank you so much.

499
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 1: So last week Tanya had me and Sophia on her

500
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,920
Speaker 1: radio show for The Vibe, and Tanya and I are

501
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 1: talking and then I'm literally like Tanya had an earlier

502
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: spot and she was trying to help me with my schedule,

503
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 1: so she was like, can you jump on now? And

504
00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 1: I was like disgusting and like sweats, my hair was

505
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:41,000
Speaker 1: up in a butt. I just like looked gross and

506
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, sure, whatever I can do now.

507
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 1: So we're talking and then she's like, okay, I'm gonna

508
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 1: bring Sophia into do like a part together. And Sophia

509
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: comes in and she's like glammed do impressed day. Like

510
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: I'm talking like a metallic gown on with like hair

511
00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: and makeup beautifully done. I was like, what in the

512
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: heck this is offensive at this point. It was so

513
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: funny because we really had just like every it was

514
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: like glam I feel like I was in between because

515
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 1: I had some makeup on, but I was looking a

516
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: little scruffy kind of like I usually do. And then

517
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: you who were like just rolled out of bed. It

518
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:20,400
Speaker 1: was literally like every type of person. I hadn't just

519
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 1: rolled out of bed. But it was so funny because

520
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 1: we also had her on the Morning show that same weekend.

521
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 1: I feel like Ryan made the same comment where he

522
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: was like, Sophia, you look so like nice and we

523
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: all looked like and we're in hoodies. She was. She

524
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 1: was completely done up, her hair was not a not

525
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 1: a follical was out of place. No, no, you know,

526
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: it was funny. That's totally her though, you know, like

527
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 1: she's always she's on it. She shows up. Her zoom

528
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 1: time is twelve thirty. She's on the zoom at like

529
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: she is that it's similar to myself. I would just

530
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 1: like to put together right on the dot. Yeah, earl.

531
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: My softball coach in high school said if you're not early,

532
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: you're late, or if you're all in time, you're late. Yeah,

533
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 1: And ever since then it was like I didn't listen.

534
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 1: Ever since then, I've only been late. My kids don't

535
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,239
Speaker 1: listen to either. I tell them that all the time.

536
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: If you're not early, you're late. If you're not five

537
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,160
Speaker 1: minutes early for whatever it is, you're late. But they

538
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: don't like that. They're like, I don't want to be early,

539
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: so they'll be bored for five minutes. Well, you know what,

540
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 1: be bored. I find that so interesting too, in terms

541
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: of just like appointments, like everybody just wants to get there,

542
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 1: Like if your appoints at two thirty for your guy

543
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 1: now or whatever, people show up right at two thirty,

544
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, that's really when you're supposed to

545
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: be like going back into your room, like you should

546
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 1: show up. Like I like getting there to fifteen because

547
00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: then I got some time. I can just go through

548
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 1: my phone, right, and if they can take you early,

549
00:30:54,720 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: then they take you early, right, Like, no downside, no downside? Agree? Yeah,

550
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 1: I mean listen, some people are good at that and

551
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: some people are not. Some people like to just get

552
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: in and be rushed back and be like mildly stressed

553
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:17,240
Speaker 1: out the whole time, trying to calm down. You know,

554
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: that just seems like stress. I don't want to add

555
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 1: to my life. That's fair. I get it, I get it.

556
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 1: It's just not something I've been able to fix. Wait,

557
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 1: there was something else that I wanted to tell you too. Oh,

558
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 1: game night, So we're gonna make it. We're gonna do

559
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: a fun game night. Okay. Have you seen the movie

560
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: Game Night? No? Should I I loved it. There's there's

561
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: some darker elements of it, but it's a it's a comedy,

562
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 1: so it's not it's not too heavy. We just watched

563
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 1: it the other night. That's what made me think of it.

564
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: My daughter is very into it. She's going through a

565
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 1: Jason Bateman phase. It's very good. It's very funny as

566
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 1: we all go through a Jayson Baby Horrible Bosses and ah,

567
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: he's great and Horrible Bosses. Yeah, interesting is he married,

568
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,400
Speaker 1: Yeah to um, Paul Anker's daughter. You don't know who

569
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: Paul Anka is probably, but anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah,

570
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: he's married a couple of kids. Great, God, let's hear it.

571
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,360
Speaker 1: He's great. He's great, nos Ark, he's great in Arrested Development.

572
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: I feel like he doesn't get the credit he deserves.

573
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: I agree. And his podcast SmartLess is great. He's just good.

574
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 1: What's it about is him and Will Arnette and Sean

575
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 1: Hayes from Will and Grace and there you're not a

576
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: Will Arnett fan? Yeah? Anyway, they have celebrities on for interviews.

577
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: But the hook of the show is that one of

578
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: them knows who the guest is going to be. The

579
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 1: other two don't know who it's going to be, and

580
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: though so they're surprised by whoever they have to interview

581
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 1: that and it's great. I love it. How do they

582
00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: what if it's someone they know nothing about they needed

583
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: to like kind of you know, that's happened. They've had

584
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 1: like an astronaut they didn't know much about. But that's

585
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 1: they can come at it from that way. If they

586
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 1: don't know the person in the listener point doesn't know

587
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:11,960
Speaker 1: much about that person and they can come at it

588
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: from that angle. That's cool. And I mean a national

589
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 1: Whether I knew about them specifically, I'd have a lot

590
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: of questions. Did you guys hear the story about the

591
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: woman who they sent to space and they sent her

592
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 1: she was on her period and they gave her a

593
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: hundred tampons? Oh yeah, I heard about what if that

594
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: was her? One of that was the guests they had

595
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: on because it was a female last or not? I wonder. Anyway,

596
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 1: I totally derailed this conversation. You were going to talk

597
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: about game night. I apologize. Yeah, okay, So we're going

598
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 1: to do a game night and we want to set

599
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: up just a bunch of different games such as Jana prosecco, pong,

600
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:54,479
Speaker 1: ping pong, bocci ball, there was one other, uh, there

601
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: was one other one and just kind of have these

602
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,959
Speaker 1: little games and then just have some of our friends

603
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: over to play in the back yard. And I think

604
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: that sounds that sounds so fun. It sounds so what

605
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 1: are we doing them? I don't know. I gotta get

606
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,799
Speaker 1: that in the calendar. I gotta get that set up.

607
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 1: We're gonna get that schedule in the calendar. It's a

608
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 1: great idea. We just had. My oldest had her birthday

609
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: party a few weeks ago, she's fifteen now, and my

610
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: wife set up a whole bunch of minute to Win

611
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: It games. You know, remember that game show, Like like

612
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 1: you have a bowl of ping pong balls and then

613
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: an empty bowl and you have to use a spoon

614
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 1: in your mouth to get as many ping pongs from

615
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: one bowl to the other in a minute game. And

616
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,520
Speaker 1: then there was we got We had eight of them,

617
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: and the general feeling was like other teenagers, they're gonna

618
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 1: hate this, they're gonna think it's lame. They loved it.

619
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 1: They totally got into it. They split up into teams

620
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,239
Speaker 1: and they were very competitive. It was really really fun.

621
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: So all credit to my wife for that idea. It

622
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: really worked. You know, what I'm realizing about teenagers is

623
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:58,439
Speaker 1: that you're like one, well yeah, but also that like

624
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,919
Speaker 1: the thing is to be cool and like not get

625
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,759
Speaker 1: excited about certain things. But in truth, they're all the

626
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: same as we all were as teenagers. They still get excited.

627
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 1: I mean, I love games, like any competition, I'm like

628
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: totally down for. But the image that they have to

629
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:19,239
Speaker 1: portray is way cooler than they really are. On the inside.

630
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 1: Very true, and that was true of us as well.

631
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 1: We're not trying to cool had that chip though, Like

632
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 1: I didn't have that, that's true, and you still don't

633
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 1: that I didn't have it. I didn't have it in

634
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 1: high school, Like I was just like I wanted to

635
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: like be the nerd that started the nerdy class or

636
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: the nerdy club and where my John Mayor shirts to

637
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,359
Speaker 1: school when nobody was doing that, you know, like, so

638
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,640
Speaker 1: you want to do a trend setter though that was

639
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: like I think that's a compliment to that. You are

640
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 1: not too cool for anything that's cool or is it

641
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: not cool enough? No, no, no, I think because there'

642
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 1: because there's no such thing as being too cool, right,

643
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,359
Speaker 1: And that's an image it we put forth like no, no no, no,

644
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: I'm too cool for that. That's just kind of as

645
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 1: a construct. It's not a real thing. But you don't

646
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 1: have that. You're not too cool for anything. If you

647
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,360
Speaker 1: love it, you love thank you so much, you know what.

648
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 1: That's true. And I also realized that for the month

649
00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 1: of May because I've been kind of like letting my

650
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 1: brain go to this negative space a lot lately, and

651
00:36:18,040 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: I've just been like kind of I don't know, just

652
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: being a little bit like poor me, and I don't

653
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: like being in that headspace. And so I decided for

654
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 1: the month of May that I'm going to literally purge

655
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: these negative thoughts. Like I'm literally doing a full on

656
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,320
Speaker 1: detox in addition to sugar. But that's for another reason, um,

657
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: because sugar really doesn't make me feel good, like I

658
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: love it when it hits my lips, and the next

659
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: day I just feel sluggish. So I'm going to do

660
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 1: a full detox of refined sugar and getting rid of

661
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: all these negative thoughts in my head. And how I'm

662
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 1: doing it. Every day, I'm going to be sending a

663
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: video to somebody in my life, um, telling them the

664
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:57,239
Speaker 1: positive things I love about them. That's that's great. So

665
00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 1: that's what I'm gonna do for the month of May,

666
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,839
Speaker 1: and then home June, I'm going to create some sort

667
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 1: of like fitness to get my physical body into like shape,

668
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,280
Speaker 1: and I'm going to have it end like end June

669
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:14,480
Speaker 1: with some sort of like triathlon, end June with a triathlon.

670
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 1: Well it's probably gonna be man made, Like I'm not

671
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: gonna sign up for one of those things, like I'm

672
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 1: gonna a manmade triath, I make it myself. So whatever triath,

673
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 1: I don't know the details. Yeah, but let's say how

674
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 1: many miles of the run is. I will like map

675
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:33,799
Speaker 1: out where I'm going to run and I will complete that.

676
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: And then however, however long the swim is, I will

677
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 1: find a pool and I will do the you know,

678
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 1: and the bike. Yeah, so I'm gonna it's gonna be

679
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: man made, but everything I do in June is going

680
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: to kind of lead me to be able to do that.

681
00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna create it myself. Yeah. Wow, that's a big,

682
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: big deal. Yeah. Sometimes you make me feel like I'm

683
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 1: just like not doing enough in my life. But then

684
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 1: I realized, like I am, it's just you go the

685
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: extra mile for um, Well, no, like I have to

686
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 1: have I have to do it. Like I've really been

687
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,160
Speaker 1: noticing this, this mindset, and so it's like I have

688
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,560
Speaker 1: to actually practice it, like I have to actually be

689
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 1: super intentional and plan these things out because that's what

690
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: helps me. And then the physical thing I've been wanting

691
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,399
Speaker 1: to do for a while and I'm just like why

692
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: not do it? And then Red Star was kind of

693
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,759
Speaker 1: into it, so we're probably gonna do it, like do

694
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: a couple's things, do it together. Yeah, but his stuff,

695
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 1: like obviously he's quicker than I am, like, uh, speed wise,

696
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: So I don't really know how that's gonna work. We're

697
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 1: going to do it in time or just to complete it?

698
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: What do you mean? Like, are you going to time it?

699
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: Just like I mean, if it's just y'all to it,

700
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:50,919
Speaker 1: maybe he could do it with you together, since y'all

701
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,040
Speaker 1: are just the goal is to complete it, accomplish it.

702
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: He's just like, but there's gonna be like the whole month.

703
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,439
Speaker 1: We're gonna have different things that we do to get

704
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: us ready for the big triathlon. We're still noodling out preach,

705
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: the kicks are still being noodled out. You know, it's

706
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 1: early May, but yeah, I think it's gonna be really fun.

707
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 1: And then your birthday is right after that. Is that

708
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 1: play into this? Like you want to be in peak

709
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:17,719
Speaker 1: physical mental condition by you know what? It didn't, But

710
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:19,600
Speaker 1: that's a great way. I want to be in peak

711
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: mental and physical condition for a brand new year of living.

712
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 1: Oh for your birthday? Yeah, oh got it. Yeah, just

713
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 1: to go into thirty four with like a strong mind,

714
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: a strong body, a sharp wit, hilarious humor. How are

715
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: you going to do that? How are you going to

716
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,720
Speaker 1: sharpen your witch? Yeah? How are you going to sharpen

717
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:43,759
Speaker 1: your witch? I don't know. I'm gonna google it. How

718
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: do I do everything? Yeah, Jenny Chan, where do you

719
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 1: get on your news? Where do you say? I was like,

720
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 1: that doesn't sound right, doesn't roll up the tongue. Weirdly,

721
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 1: it's a very similar not right. I believe that wood Veil?

722
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,040
Speaker 1: Did it come out? Yes? You can't believe it. I

723
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 1: can't because I think nine today, nine, the rerelease is

724
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: going to come first. So what's the wood Veil thing?

725
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. This is what happens when you do

726
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: your TikTok theories. They don't come to life, Tanya. What

727
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 1: you're not getting is that everything that you've gotten your

728
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 1: theories from, they got them from TikTok. I'm talking about

729
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: the same theories as you. You're just getting them from

730
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 1: Ginger Chan. I'm getting them from the source. She always

731
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 1: argues with me about this, and I'm like, we're talking

732
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:39,919
Speaker 1: about the same thing. I just got it before you,

733
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 1: the head of Ginger Ginger, it's actually Sisney that gives

734
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 1: me the news. But you know it's fine details. You're

735
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,480
Speaker 1: the one who always underst in following your lead of

736
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:57,879
Speaker 1: what you say, which is always ginger chance, g chance

737
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:03,840
Speaker 1: to me. Oh man, Well, we have Devon Franklin coming

738
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: to chat with us, which I'm so excited about. And

739
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:11,000
Speaker 1: um so we're gonna take a break and we'll be

740
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: right back with him. All right, you want to do

741
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 1: the intro, Tanya, Oh my gosh, I would love nothing more. Okay,

742
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 1: I am very excited to introduce our next guest. He

743
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 1: is You know, I don't really want to give you

744
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,840
Speaker 1: a title because you're so much more than an author.

745
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 1: You're so much more, you know what I mean, Like

746
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: you're you don't deserve a title because you are the one,

747
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 1: the only Devon Franklin. Hey, what's going on. It's so

748
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: good to see you and be here. I'm just grateful,

749
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: I'm excited. You are honestly one of my favorite people.

750
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 1: And I honestly like I call you a mentor because

751
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: I look to you and I always say that you

752
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:10,879
Speaker 1: have such great advice and little nuggets of information. But

753
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: also you don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk.

754
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:17,759
Speaker 1: And it's really awesome to see because you really just

755
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: live out your truth and you don't sugarcoat anything, you know,

756
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,319
Speaker 1: like if things are hard or if you're struggling through something,

757
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 1: you really go there. And I appreciate that so much.

758
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 1: Oh wow, no, thank you. I mean truly, it's just

759
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,160
Speaker 1: an honor to try to help in any way, and

760
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:35,240
Speaker 1: obviously it's just great to you know, be your friend

761
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: and all of that. I'm just I'm just blessed. So

762
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 1: I'm glad I can help anyway possible. Okay, So I

763
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 1: actually learned about d von Uh. We were talking. Ryan

764
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: actually brought you up on the Morning show. He'd heard

765
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:49,600
Speaker 1: something that Oprah had posted some quote of yours in

766
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 1: her book, and we started talking about your book, The Weight,

767
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,439
Speaker 1: and so I started reading The Weight, and we had

768
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,400
Speaker 1: you on the Morning show, and I had this Eureka

769
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,240
Speaker 1: moment where I realized that I was giving my body

770
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: and I was in this perpetual pattern of pain by

771
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 1: sleeping with people without getting commitment, which is what I wanted.

772
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 1: And I had this kind of light bulb moment where

773
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not having unattached sex anymore, Like

774
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:15,360
Speaker 1: I just just it just no, it wasn't happening. And

775
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,759
Speaker 1: I felt lighter, and I felt the shift in me

776
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,359
Speaker 1: and I like, we did this high five, and I

777
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: felt your do you remember that? I felt like just

778
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: my life was turning, turning a corner, like I finally

779
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:28,440
Speaker 1: saw the light. And so I started at that point,

780
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: I started reading all of your books that were coming out,

781
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: and you just are so So you have this new

782
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:37,760
Speaker 1: book that's called Live Free, and the introduction is something

783
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 1: that I feel like I was telling Becca this I

784
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 1: think everybody can relate to because we all have expectations

785
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,319
Speaker 1: that not only we put on ourselves, but we put

786
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: on our lives, like our friends put these things, our family,

787
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,960
Speaker 1: our faith, um, and there are things that we don't

788
00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: even realize. We're shifting the way that we live our

789
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:59,240
Speaker 1: lives based on these expectations. And so through your book,

790
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: I'm only through the first chapter. So I'm really excited

791
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 1: to dive in and really dig through this because I

792
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 1: think this is what everybody is going through this right now.

793
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:09,879
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean it's I mean, first of all,

794
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 1: when you look at the pandemic, um, we all are

795
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:17,879
Speaker 1: navigating the unexpected. And it's like, okay, because think about it,

796
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: many of us, who if you if you were tethering

797
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:25,800
Speaker 1: your identity to what you were doing. The pandemic hits

798
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 1: and then it's like, wait, I can't do the thing

799
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: I was doing in the way I was doing it.

800
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 1: So who am I? What is this about? What is

801
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 1: my value? And so I think most people are trying

802
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: to reassess who who am I? What do I want

803
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 1: to do? Was my life even heading in the right direction?

804
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 1: And so I wrote this book. I had sold the

805
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 1: book to set to write it before the pandemic, and

806
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 1: then I started writing it during the pandemic. And it

807
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: really informs so much of what's in the book to

808
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: really help anyone navigating the unexpected in your personal life

809
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 1: and your professional life and your relational life. Be because

810
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 1: I believe the path to living for free. And when

811
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: I say live free, this is what it means. It

812
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: means we are not under the emotional, physical, or mental

813
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 1: control of anyone or anything. We set the expectations that

814
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 1: we live by. Now. Doesn't mean that others can't have

815
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:22,360
Speaker 1: expectations of us, of course, but we resist the temptation

816
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 1: to let someone else's expectation of our life become our

817
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: expectation if it's not of our choosing. So even when

818
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: the pandemic, even though things are unexpected. Okay, the quote

819
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 1: that Ryan responded to was to quote what I said.

820
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 1: We don't get to control of things that happened. The

821
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: only thing we can control is how we prepare for

822
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:45,240
Speaker 1: what might happen and how we respond to what just happened.

823
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 1: And so this whole book is about that idea when

824
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 1: we live free, when we say, all right, you know what,

825
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: some unexpected things have happened. Okay, got it. Now what

826
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 1: am I gonna do about it? Or am I gonna

827
00:45:57,840 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 1: let what's happened dictate how I feel, how I think,

828
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: and how I become. But how do you really let

829
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 1: go of expectations that are put on you from other people,

830
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: or from your faith, or from your family. How do

831
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 1: you actually really let go? Because it's easier said than done. Okay, great, wonderful.

832
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:23,359
Speaker 1: Uh anything that's easy. Tell me if it's valuable. Usually not.

833
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,479
Speaker 1: You all have one of the top podcasts in the game.

834
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:32,399
Speaker 1: It's not easy, but it's valuable. Yeah, So you're absolutely right.

835
00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: It is not easy to resist the temptation to just

836
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: fit in to what people expected us. But so this

837
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: is why I wrote the book, because I wanted everyone

838
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 1: reading it to think for a minute, is this the

839
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,320
Speaker 1: life I want to live? And if it's not, whose

840
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,399
Speaker 1: life and my living. I'm living with my mom wants

841
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 1: me to live. I'm living where my father will was,

842
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:55,399
Speaker 1: I'm doing what my friends want me to do. I'm

843
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:58,240
Speaker 1: living with how my spouse wants me to live. Whatever

844
00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:00,919
Speaker 1: it may be. Just ask the am I actually living

845
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,680
Speaker 1: the life that I want? Now? Let's fast forward to

846
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 1: the end of your life. And at the end of

847
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 1: your life, God says you did what was expected, but

848
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 1: you did not do what was destined. There was a different, better,

849
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:23,959
Speaker 1: more fulfilling life for you. But because your mother told

850
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 1: you not to do, you didn't do. Because your spouse

851
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 1: told you not to go, you didn't go. If you

852
00:47:29,239 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 1: can't live with that, then you've got to do the

853
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 1: hard work now. And here's the thing. You don't do

854
00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 1: it out of anger or frustration. Do it in love.

855
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: It's as simple as the next time somebody asked you

856
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 1: to do something that's not in your heart. Instead of

857
00:47:44,719 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 1: doing it out of obligation, just say I love you.

858
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not being called to do that right now.

859
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:55,239
Speaker 1: They may get mad, Okay, nothing wrong with That's all right,

860
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 1: because guess what, think about how much we do out

861
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:02,479
Speaker 1: of obligations to think about how much time we of up. Well,

862
00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:05,240
Speaker 1: if I don't do this, they're gonna get mad. Okay,

863
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:10,799
Speaker 1: so they're mad, Tell me what happens next, okay, So

864
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:12,759
Speaker 1: then so then we don't want them to get mad,

865
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: and then we get mad later. How many times are

866
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 1: we committed to do something, we did it and we

867
00:48:17,120 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 1: get home when we said, well, no, we're getting ready

868
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:23,960
Speaker 1: for we're like, what I want to do this? And

869
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 1: it goes I mean to think it goes a lot bigger.

870
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 1: I think because for me, when I started going to

871
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: Christian Church, you know, I grew up serving Orthodox, like

872
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: I was going to serving Orthodox Church my entire life

873
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,400
Speaker 1: and not really understanding the language, not really understanding the

874
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: services at all, not getting anything, just going because I

875
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 1: grew up serving Orthodox and that's just what we did,

876
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 1: you know. And when I started to realize that I

877
00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 1: was really resonating and getting a lot from going to

878
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:51,759
Speaker 1: Christian Church and I wanted to pursue that, that was

879
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,720
Speaker 1: a really tough conversation to have with my parents because

880
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, you know, why what is it about?

881
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:00,800
Speaker 1: You know, the serving or like is it about the culture,

882
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 1: or like why are you turning your back all of

883
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 1: these tough weird It was a weird time, and it

884
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 1: took it took a little bit of time, but I

885
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: think eventually it kind of came back around to you're

886
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 1: getting so much more from the Christian Church and what

887
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 1: you're doing now in your adult life. But like that

888
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: shaped so much. I didn't. I didn't. This didn't start

889
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 1: until maybe, like I was tree, I was dating a

890
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:27,040
Speaker 1: guy and I wanted him to convert to Serbian Orthodox

891
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 1: when I didn't even want to be it myself. I

892
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 1: was just like, what am I doing? What am I

893
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 1: doing about living free? You started to live free? And

894
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 1: now look at your life, Yeah, how do you how

895
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: do you manage like obviously knowing that people will be

896
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,600
Speaker 1: mad or disappointed, but how do you manage like my

897
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:52,879
Speaker 1: whole life? And I'm just having this eye opening realization

898
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 1: this last year my life, realizing of how much my

899
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 1: whole life has been about pleasing other people and doing

900
00:50:01,040 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 1: what they wanted me to do and being who they

901
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:07,320
Speaker 1: wanted me to be. And I'm I've been really working.

902
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:10,479
Speaker 1: I'm going to therapy, like really trying to like get

903
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:14,760
Speaker 1: to a place where I'm not living for everyone else's expectations.

904
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:19,799
Speaker 1: But I still struggle with the disappointment of people being

905
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 1: disappointed in me, or like the feeling of people being

906
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:25,839
Speaker 1: disappointed in me, which I you know, I know there's

907
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 1: a process of letting that go. But how do you

908
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,359
Speaker 1: get to a place where you're able to say this

909
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:33,840
Speaker 1: is what's best for me and I can live with

910
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 1: the disappointment. Mm hmm, yeah. You know. In the book

911
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 1: I talk about expectations are the secret software that run

912
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:45,200
Speaker 1: our life, and we don't actually react to the events

913
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 1: of life. We react to our expectations of events. We

914
00:50:48,680 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 1: don't react to people. We we react to our expectations

915
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 1: of people. We don't react to our own successes. We

916
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 1: react to what we where we thought we would be

917
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: by now or something like that. The reason why I

918
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 1: bring that up is because the programming that's that's operating

919
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:09,320
Speaker 1: in your system of pleasing and being is so strong

920
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,719
Speaker 1: that it is going to take time as you are

921
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 1: rewriting it. Like, first of all, you had to come

922
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,320
Speaker 1: into the awareness hey wait a second, Wait a minute,

923
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: I'm pleasing all these other people. And here's the irony

924
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: about pleasing people. They don't value it. They do you

925
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:26,640
Speaker 1: do it? You, You go out of your way to

926
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:28,320
Speaker 1: please them, and they say, oh, thank you, move on

927
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 1: about it. And I'm not they say thank you. Wait

928
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:33,719
Speaker 1: a second, I'm a crazy one here, oh over here

929
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 1: doing all this and they don't even care. So as

930
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: you've got that awareness starting to build that rewrite the system,

931
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,320
Speaker 1: just it takes time. It takes time, it takes practice,

932
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,480
Speaker 1: and and that other system is so strong. Those feelings

933
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 1: of guilt, those feelings of like, are you sure you

934
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 1: shouldn't do what they want to like? All those are

935
00:51:54,360 --> 00:51:57,799
Speaker 1: to be expected. Okay, it's part of the process. But

936
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 1: keep building that new habit and keep setting those expectations

937
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 1: for yourself and keep living according to what's in your heart,

938
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 1: and eventually that will become more normal, and the concern

939
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:12,879
Speaker 1: about their their disappointment or how they feel will will

940
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: become less. That's the way to doing it. It's it's

941
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 1: just it's not gonna happen magically. It's not gonna happen overnight.

942
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,319
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell you all living free. You just

943
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 1: live free right now. It's a process, and uh, but

944
00:52:26,960 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: it's a processs rewarding and it's a process that, Uh,

945
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: it's something I think we all need to commit to. Yeah,

946
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 1: I I feel I one time, I don't know where

947
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 1: I heard this quote, but it was it was like

948
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:42,280
Speaker 1: other people's expectations of you or not your responsibility, and

949
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: it like I felt like it hit me in the

950
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 1: forehead and I was like, oh my gosh, I almost

951
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: feel like me being a people pleaser has actually been

952
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: me doing something where like you said, there was no

953
00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 1: reward in it for me, it was more so like

954
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:03,120
Speaker 1: I felt like they would be disappointed if I wasn't

955
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 1: doing what they wanted to. But then once I did

956
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: what they wanted to, it wasn't like I got a

957
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 1: gold star or anything. It was almost just like they

958
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: were expected, they were used to it, and so oh which, Oh,

959
00:53:15,239 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 1: but see what you're hitting on, Beck is this is

960
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:19,280
Speaker 1: this is like why I'm so fassionate about this book

961
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 1: because think about this. What you just said is so true.

962
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:27,320
Speaker 1: So what what's a sacrifice for you to do? Goes

963
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:30,879
Speaker 1: from becoming like someone requesting something of you? Two, then

964
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:34,120
Speaker 1: you're going out of the norm. You're sacrificing, You're doing

965
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 1: what they wanted you to do, right, You're honoring their

966
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:41,240
Speaker 1: request and then that becomes expected, so it no longer

967
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 1: becomes value. Oh that's what Becca always does, so well,

968
00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,200
Speaker 1: why would I say thank you or why would I

969
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: really have a lot of consideration about that. That's just

970
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:51,920
Speaker 1: who she is, that's what she does. And but for you,

971
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 1: you're like, wait a minute, I'm being taken advantage of. Yeah,

972
00:53:55,360 --> 00:53:56,880
Speaker 1: you have no idea what I just had to do

973
00:53:56,920 --> 00:54:00,000
Speaker 1: to do this for you, and you don't even value it. Yeah,

974
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: this is why, this is why the revelation in the

975
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 1: path you're on it so beautiful and it's amazing because

976
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:09,719
Speaker 1: you're coming into a realization of your value. Oh, I'm

977
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 1: I'm actually worth more than just plead being a people pleaser.

978
00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 1: I gotta be a Becca pleaser. First. I gotta make

979
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: sure Becca feels good. And if I don't feel good,

980
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: then I may not do depending on what it is

981
00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: do you feel sometimes? And I grew up in a

982
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:29,280
Speaker 1: like Christian home. I grew up growing to church and

983
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 1: I was like Baptist, non nominational, And I feel like

984
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,000
Speaker 1: in growing up and that you're kind of taught that

985
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:39,920
Speaker 1: self pleasing is selfishness. And so now I'm like having

986
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: to rewire my brain to know that being able to

987
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:44,880
Speaker 1: take care of myself as the way I'm able to

988
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: take care of others. And it's not selfish to put

989
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 1: myself first in certain circumstances. But it's like having to

990
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:55,240
Speaker 1: rewire that part of my brain too, of being taught

991
00:54:55,719 --> 00:55:01,240
Speaker 1: my whole life of like self pleasing is selfishness. Oh boy, listen,

992
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 1: I always I've been raising it durs my whole life. Listen,

993
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 1: we all need a support group. Okay, you know, I'm Christian.

994
00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:13,239
Speaker 1: I love the Christian here's the here's but here's the thing. Um,

995
00:55:13,320 --> 00:55:15,799
Speaker 1: most people come to the Christian faith because of the

996
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:18,759
Speaker 1: love of Christ. Right, they get exposed to the love

997
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 1: of Christ, and that love is so compelling that they

998
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:23,480
Speaker 1: make the commitment that this is the life I want

999
00:55:23,480 --> 00:55:26,760
Speaker 1: to lead and I want to be a follower of

1000
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: of Christ, who completely is the definition of love. So

1001
00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 1: most people become Christian because of love. But then the

1002
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 1: way we're socialized it's very different. The way we're socialized

1003
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:45,800
Speaker 1: is through control. You can't do be careful, judgment, right, ridicule,

1004
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 1: finger pointing. So then we start to say, well, wait

1005
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:50,879
Speaker 1: a minute, there's a scripture that says who the son

1006
00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:55,880
Speaker 1: who Jesus sets free is free. Indeed, that's scripture. But

1007
00:55:56,040 --> 00:56:00,359
Speaker 1: that's not how we're socialized. We're not taught to listen

1008
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 1: to ourselves. We're not taught to listen to the voice. No, no,

1009
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 1: be careful. You don't want to do this. You don't

1010
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 1: want to do that. You don't want to do this.

1011
00:56:06,719 --> 00:56:09,399
Speaker 1: But let's go to the greatest commandment. Jesus says, here's

1012
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,879
Speaker 1: the greatest commandment. To love your the Lord, your God,

1013
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 1: with all your heart, and to love your neighbor as yourself. Now,

1014
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:24,880
Speaker 1: throughout my whole upbringing in the church, the only emphasis

1015
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:27,759
Speaker 1: is on the neighbor. Love your neighbor. Now, you better

1016
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:31,160
Speaker 1: love your neighbor now. But but it says love your

1017
00:56:31,239 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 1: neighbor as yourself. So if I don't know how to

1018
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 1: love me well, I will not know how to love

1019
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:42,719
Speaker 1: you well. So it does start with learning how to

1020
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 1: love who He created us to be. Now, there's there's

1021
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 1: two two ideas here, real quick. One is on the

1022
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:52,960
Speaker 1: plane right when when it's the you know, over the loudspeaker,

1023
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 1: when we take all you hear, Oh, in case of emergency,

1024
00:56:56,760 --> 00:56:59,080
Speaker 1: the mass is gonna fall, and you put on your

1025
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 1: mask and then you put on you help somebody else

1026
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:06,040
Speaker 1: right now. For years I thought that was the dumbest

1027
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 1: advice ever, because because Beggar like you, I was a

1028
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:13,520
Speaker 1: people pleaser, right No, I'm I'm here to please everybody.

1029
00:57:13,680 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 1: I would not put on my mask first. I'm gonna

1030
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:18,200
Speaker 1: go help everybody he's put their masks. And then as

1031
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 1: I got older, I realized I'm the crazy one. Why

1032
00:57:23,040 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: Because if something happens and that cabin pressure adjusts and

1033
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 1: I can't breathe, maybe I can go help one or

1034
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 1: two people before I die. But if I put my

1035
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 1: mask on first, then I can help the whole plane

1036
00:57:36,520 --> 00:57:38,840
Speaker 1: because I made sure that I was all right. There's

1037
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:43,400
Speaker 1: a difference between selfishness and self prioritization. In the book,

1038
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,720
Speaker 1: I talk about we have to self prioritize. When I'm selfish,

1039
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:48,960
Speaker 1: it means I want what I want and I don't

1040
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 1: care how much pain I have to inflict to get it.

1041
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 1: I look at everything as an opportunity for me. That's

1042
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 1: not what this is about. Self prioritizing says I want

1043
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:01,800
Speaker 1: to be a greater service to everyone, so I must

1044
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 1: be of service to myself. It's a great distinction. Yeah,

1045
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 1: it's about prioritizing. I want everybody else's well being to

1046
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: be great. So I gotta take care of my well being.

1047
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:15,400
Speaker 1: That's self prioritizing, and I think that's critical in order

1048
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 1: to live free. That's really good stuff I'm telling you.

1049
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 1: And I also want to touch on because I so

1050
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 1: I'm on chapter one, but I peruse I kind of

1051
00:58:24,840 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: wanted to just kind of look through and see what

1052
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:28,920
Speaker 1: the chapters were and stuff. And I saw the chapter

1053
00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 1: on relationships, and you know, you say live free and

1054
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 1: take care of yourself, but also when you're in a relationship,

1055
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 1: you need to take care of that relationship and have

1056
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: another person that you know is deals with things in

1057
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:44,640
Speaker 1: a totally different way. And so I kind of wanted

1058
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:47,480
Speaker 1: to how do you live free in a relationship? And

1059
00:58:47,480 --> 00:58:50,040
Speaker 1: then also I wanted to touch on you were talking

1060
00:58:50,040 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: about how a lot of our expectations and relationships are

1061
00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 1: you know, we learn it from movies or from TV shows,

1062
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,040
Speaker 1: or that they're really kind of unrealistic. And I'm one

1063
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: of those people or like I am, like I saw Cinderella,

1064
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 1: like where is my prince? And where is my glass slipper?

1065
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:04,919
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? And I feel like I've

1066
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:07,080
Speaker 1: seen myself going down that path for a lot of

1067
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 1: my life, and so I kind of want you to

1068
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 1: talk about, Hey, how do you live free in a

1069
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:15,760
Speaker 1: relationship when you have to, when you are not have to,

1070
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:20,320
Speaker 1: when you are lovingly with somebody else? And then how

1071
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 1: to kind of u uh control your expectations in terms

1072
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:26,840
Speaker 1: of that relationship and like you're phye the sky views

1073
00:59:26,840 --> 00:59:29,920
Speaker 1: of things? Yes, okay, great, so so on. The first

1074
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:32,640
Speaker 1: thing is how do you live free? Um? All right?

1075
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:35,880
Speaker 1: So living free just we have in order to live free,

1076
00:59:35,880 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 1: we have to set our expectations. You gotta ask the

1077
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 1: first question, what's a realistic expectation? How do I know

1078
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 1: if it's realistic? If it's in my control. If it's

1079
00:59:44,920 --> 00:59:47,800
Speaker 1: in my control, then it's realistic and I can expect it.

1080
00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:51,040
Speaker 1: If it's not, then it's unrealistic. And I argue you

1081
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: shouldn't expect it. So when we applied. And the second

1082
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,919
Speaker 1: part is is communication. If it's spoken or unspoken, does

1083
00:59:56,960 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 1: the expectation need to be communicated? If it does, great,

1084
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 1: communicated to the person and see if they agree. And

1085
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:05,000
Speaker 1: if it doesn't, no problem. So let's start with the

1086
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 1: first thing, how do you live free in a relationship?

1087
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:09,840
Speaker 1: This is why I have a whole chapter of the

1088
01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 1: book dedicated to singles. Because if you can live free

1089
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 1: as a single person, you bring that freedom to the relationship.

1090
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 1: How because you realize there's a whole section of the

1091
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 1: book that says, the only thing that you and I

1092
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 1: control is ourselves in the remote that's it. In a relationship,

1093
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 1: how much time and energy is spent trying to control

1094
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 1: somebody else and what they do most of the relationship.

1095
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 1: I want this person to do this, I want them

1096
01:00:36,640 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 1: to show up here, I want them to be this,

1097
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 1: I want them to say this, I want them to

1098
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:43,720
Speaker 1: do this. We're trying to and they were so frustrated

1099
01:00:43,840 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 1: and I'm not happy. Why because the person is not

1100
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: doing what I want. But first and foremost, you're not

1101
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:53,240
Speaker 1: living free. Why because your entire emotional well being is

1102
01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 1: completely connected to what this person does and doesn't do

1103
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 1: in a relationship. The way that we live free is

1104
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:03,320
Speaker 1: we remember that even in a union, we are still

1105
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 1: the creator and keeper of our happiness. When I realize

1106
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: that as an individual, I only have control of me. Okay,

1107
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 1: so if I don't create my own happiness. When you

1108
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:19,439
Speaker 1: talk about Hollywood, right, that whole idea, Oh you make

1109
01:01:19,480 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 1: me happy? Inherent in that in that statement is a flaw,

1110
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:29,000
Speaker 1: a fatal flaw. What is it making means creating? When

1111
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:31,160
Speaker 1: I if I say, oh, you make me happy, that

1112
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:34,480
Speaker 1: means oh, you create my happiness. That's fine as long

1113
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 1: as you keep creating happiness for me. But what happens

1114
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 1: when you don't The same person that made you happy

1115
01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 1: one day, They're gonna make you sad in the next

1116
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:47,680
Speaker 1: moment because we outsource our happiness to somebody else. So

1117
01:01:47,840 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 1: to live free in a relationship, we have to understand

1118
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:55,200
Speaker 1: I gotta give this person the space and the freedom

1119
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 1: to be who they are, not who I want them

1120
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 1: to be. So then and if I don't like who

1121
01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 1: they are, that is not their problem, it's my problem.

1122
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 1: So either I'm going to get to the place where

1123
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 1: I accept, you know, I accept who they are as

1124
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:19,080
Speaker 1: they are, and that and who they are in their

1125
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 1: current state brings me enough joy where it makes sense

1126
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 1: for me to stay in it. But if I feel like, man,

1127
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 1: I gotta change them, I gotta do this. The first

1128
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:29,640
Speaker 1: thing I would say, before you get out of any

1129
01:02:29,760 --> 01:02:34,560
Speaker 1: any relationship, look at the relationship as a mirror. It's

1130
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:40,720
Speaker 1: not them, it's you. What is this relationship trying to

1131
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 1: teach you about you. What are the areas you need

1132
01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 1: to grow, What are the areas you need to mature,

1133
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:47,720
Speaker 1: What are the areas you need to kind of say,

1134
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna let go that go because

1135
01:02:49,760 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 1: here's what I know. Whatever work we don't do in

1136
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:58,520
Speaker 1: one relationship, that uncompleted work follows us to the next one.

1137
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 1: So how we live free is we know we can

1138
01:03:03,440 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 1: control ourselves. We be the loving person that we want

1139
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: to be. We take the lessons we communicate because unspoken

1140
01:03:09,640 --> 01:03:13,920
Speaker 1: expectations are relationship killers. We communicate and then we evaluate,

1141
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 1: We evaluate, see what it is. Can you give an

1142
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:22,120
Speaker 1: example of you said something about what you can control,

1143
01:03:22,240 --> 01:03:26,240
Speaker 1: like if you can control it, then you can expect it.

1144
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:28,480
Speaker 1: Is that what you said? Can you give an example

1145
01:03:28,520 --> 01:03:34,160
Speaker 1: of something like something in a relationship of that, like, yeah,

1146
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 1: we can control how we love because see a lot

1147
01:03:37,560 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 1: of times we make love conditional. M hm. So so

1148
01:03:42,600 --> 01:03:46,640
Speaker 1: let's say you're a naturally loving person. Sometimes the relationship

1149
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:48,720
Speaker 1: you will allow it to get you out of who

1150
01:03:48,760 --> 01:03:51,919
Speaker 1: you are. Well, this person is not. This person takes

1151
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 1: me for advantage, takes advantage of me. This person takes

1152
01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:57,400
Speaker 1: me for granted, So I'm gonna stop being loving? Is that?

1153
01:03:57,520 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 1: Is that really the move? You're gonna let them alter

1154
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:05,800
Speaker 1: your DNA and you you become who they are. No. So,

1155
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:08,880
Speaker 1: what we can control is our disposition. We can control

1156
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:13,640
Speaker 1: our outlook, We can ConTroll our our understanding of what's happening.

1157
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:15,800
Speaker 1: This is why I talk about perspective in the book,

1158
01:04:15,960 --> 01:04:18,840
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to dat. Number one asset I

1159
01:04:18,880 --> 01:04:22,480
Speaker 1: believe in dating is perspective, having a to be able

1160
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:25,080
Speaker 1: to see the person clearly. This is why I talk

1161
01:04:25,120 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 1: about expectations, because sometimes our expectations of people destore our

1162
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 1: view of them. What we can control is also communicating

1163
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:37,600
Speaker 1: what our needs are. I have this need, can I

1164
01:04:37,680 --> 01:04:40,720
Speaker 1: expect you to meet that need? But what happens is

1165
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:44,040
Speaker 1: we don't do that. We buy into the Hollywood idea,

1166
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 1: Oh if they love me, Yeah, what happens We buy

1167
01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:53,880
Speaker 1: into that myth and then we get mad at them. Well,

1168
01:04:53,960 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 1: they love me, they would have known that I wanted

1169
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:57,160
Speaker 1: you know, these type of flowers, or they would have

1170
01:04:57,160 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 1: known that they should have done this or done that.

1171
01:04:59,200 --> 01:05:03,240
Speaker 1: And then we not only judge them, we then make

1172
01:05:03,280 --> 01:05:07,240
Speaker 1: a conclusion about their intent for our well being based

1173
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:11,440
Speaker 1: upon an expectation that was never communicated. Just because someone

1174
01:05:11,520 --> 01:05:13,640
Speaker 1: cares about you does not mean they can read our mind.

1175
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:18,600
Speaker 1: As somebody deeply loves you doesn't know exactly what you need.

1176
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 1: So we got to do the hard work of communicating, Hey,

1177
01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 1: here's what I need, and you gotta give the other

1178
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:33,880
Speaker 1: person the opportunity to say yes or no, SOX because

1179
01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:37,720
Speaker 1: we need it. They're going to do it. It's so true. There.

1180
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,880
Speaker 1: I want to there's another thing I like a follow

1181
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 1: up that I wanna get to um, but I feel

1182
01:05:42,640 --> 01:05:45,600
Speaker 1: like that specific topic isn't really good in terms of

1183
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:47,520
Speaker 1: the email that we got this week, and I would

1184
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 1: interested on your perspective of it, because yeah, I mean

1185
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 1: I think I think what you're talking about actually could

1186
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 1: really have some good advice. So Mark, could you want

1187
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 1: to read the email to Divon Sure? Hi, Divan, thanks

1188
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:03,080
Speaker 1: for coming not it's pleasure to miss you. This is

1189
01:06:03,080 --> 01:06:05,840
Speaker 1: from anonymous. I'm thirty three with eleven year old daughter

1190
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:08,439
Speaker 1: and in a relationship of just over three years. Things

1191
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:10,840
Speaker 1: were really great in the beginning, and after being together

1192
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:13,240
Speaker 1: for two years, my daughter and I moved in with him.

1193
01:06:13,320 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 1: Since then, things have kind of changed, and I'm realizing

1194
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:18,120
Speaker 1: that his ideal day is to be home and on

1195
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:20,840
Speaker 1: the couch, and it's like pulling teeth in an argument

1196
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,080
Speaker 1: just to go on a walk with him. I've asked

1197
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:25,400
Speaker 1: him if he's possibly depressed, and he says he's fine.

1198
01:06:25,800 --> 01:06:27,880
Speaker 1: More and more recently, I just feel like I'm alone

1199
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:30,880
Speaker 1: in the relationship. And I've also voiced these frustrations. He's

1200
01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 1: a great guy and does have many great qualities, but

1201
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:35,480
Speaker 1: I'm not so sure that the lifestyle he loves so

1202
01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:40,240
Speaker 1: much works for me. Help. Okay, alright, great, So this

1203
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 1: is the first thing. Is I talked about this in

1204
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:46,200
Speaker 1: the book. You got to ask the question, first and

1205
01:06:46,200 --> 01:06:51,600
Speaker 1: foremost where is this going? Because inherent in her tension

1206
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:54,240
Speaker 1: is that she wants to go somewhere that he may

1207
01:06:54,280 --> 01:06:57,560
Speaker 1: not be willing to go. So, first and foremost, what

1208
01:06:57,760 --> 01:07:00,040
Speaker 1: is it that you're wanting out of this relationship? It?

1209
01:07:00,560 --> 01:07:02,360
Speaker 1: You know, if you're living with him and you guys

1210
01:07:02,400 --> 01:07:04,560
Speaker 1: have this, are you do you want to get married?

1211
01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 1: Do you want more of a commitment? Like? What is

1212
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:08,880
Speaker 1: it that you want? So, first and foremost, identify what

1213
01:07:08,920 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 1: you want and then ask where this is going. The

1214
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:14,720
Speaker 1: third thing is this in that dynamic when somebody wants

1215
01:07:14,760 --> 01:07:17,360
Speaker 1: to do something other person doesn't. You got to really

1216
01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 1: ask the question, well, why do I want them to

1217
01:07:20,880 --> 01:07:24,520
Speaker 1: do that with me so badly? If there are things

1218
01:07:24,520 --> 01:07:27,360
Speaker 1: that I like to do, can I still find joy

1219
01:07:27,440 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 1: inlo and doing those things even if my partner doesn't

1220
01:07:30,120 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 1: do them with me? Or do I need my partner

1221
01:07:33,800 --> 01:07:35,240
Speaker 1: to do those things with me for me to like

1222
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:39,280
Speaker 1: to do those things? Or if there are things that

1223
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:41,320
Speaker 1: you like to do that's different than what he likes

1224
01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:44,120
Speaker 1: to do, how can you find one or two things

1225
01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 1: that you like to do together? So instead of getting

1226
01:07:46,920 --> 01:07:49,920
Speaker 1: so frustrated with him for not doing what you want,

1227
01:07:50,920 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 1: why not find some things that you both like to

1228
01:07:52,480 --> 01:07:56,240
Speaker 1: do together. Maybe he's like, I don't I'm not into walking.

1229
01:07:56,600 --> 01:08:00,520
Speaker 1: That doesn't make him lazy. Calling him lazy, that's an judgment.

1230
01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:03,400
Speaker 1: He could be very hard working just doesn't feel like

1231
01:08:03,400 --> 01:08:06,480
Speaker 1: going on walks. But if this is a relationship you

1232
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:08,960
Speaker 1: want to keep, if it's a relationship that you think

1233
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 1: has some merit, you gotta also communicate, Hey, baby, can

1234
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:16,719
Speaker 1: we sit down and talk. Let's set our expectations. I

1235
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:18,880
Speaker 1: want this to be more or I want this to

1236
01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:21,559
Speaker 1: go here? Is that what you expect? Because I actually

1237
01:08:21,600 --> 01:08:23,599
Speaker 1: want more out of a relationship. Is that what you want?

1238
01:08:24,240 --> 01:08:26,240
Speaker 1: You know, we're here, but it feels like we've plateaued.

1239
01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:28,679
Speaker 1: Where where do you want to take this? Here's where

1240
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:33,200
Speaker 1: I want to go? Is that your vision communicate, Communicate

1241
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:39,040
Speaker 1: before you evacuate a relationship. Communicate in the relationship, and

1242
01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:44,160
Speaker 1: that communication will start to reveal the information, and then

1243
01:08:44,200 --> 01:08:46,920
Speaker 1: based upon information, that's how you know what to do.

1244
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:49,360
Speaker 1: So I would encourage her before she gets out of it.

1245
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,439
Speaker 1: Ask some of these questions, do some of this seeking,

1246
01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:55,080
Speaker 1: and then see what the answers are. I like that

1247
01:08:55,200 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 1: communicate before you evacuate, because so many people are so

1248
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:03,320
Speaker 1: like they're like, they're not getting it. I'm done. I

1249
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:06,240
Speaker 1: can't handle it when they haven't even really given them

1250
01:09:06,240 --> 01:09:09,760
Speaker 1: a chance by communicating. But I do think that you

1251
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:11,479
Speaker 1: hit the nail on the head was something too. But

1252
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:13,639
Speaker 1: I think that a lot of a lot of times

1253
01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:17,760
Speaker 1: people can become very codependent in their relationships and not

1254
01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:21,120
Speaker 1: like it's like, let's just say my favorite thing is

1255
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:26,360
Speaker 1: climbing trees. It's not like whatever and I have to

1256
01:09:26,439 --> 01:09:28,960
Speaker 1: do that. I want my partner to climb trees with me.

1257
01:09:29,040 --> 01:09:31,840
Speaker 1: But I've been climbing trees for years before he even

1258
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:33,519
Speaker 1: came into my life, So why can't I just go

1259
01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:35,840
Speaker 1: and climb my trees by myself and still get joy

1260
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:37,639
Speaker 1: from it and he doesn't have to do it with me.

1261
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:40,800
Speaker 1: But yeah, I think there's this codependency that kind of

1262
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:43,479
Speaker 1: I think happens over time where you don't want to

1263
01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:47,639
Speaker 1: do anything separate, and I think that can become very

1264
01:09:47,720 --> 01:09:53,040
Speaker 1: dangerous time. Well, yes, I also think that sometimes you

1265
01:09:53,120 --> 01:09:56,000
Speaker 1: get into like you've been doing something alone all this time,

1266
01:09:56,080 --> 01:09:58,720
Speaker 1: and then you have someone that you enjoy doing everything

1267
01:09:58,760 --> 01:10:01,360
Speaker 1: with and like they make your life better and make

1268
01:10:01,439 --> 01:10:04,200
Speaker 1: things more fun. So it's like, oh my gosh, something

1269
01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:08,519
Speaker 1: that I love could be even better with the person

1270
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 1: that I love. But there has to be a balance

1271
01:10:11,479 --> 01:10:13,760
Speaker 1: of being able to say if they're like, I don't

1272
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:15,800
Speaker 1: enjoy that at all, and you can just feel that

1273
01:10:15,840 --> 01:10:18,679
Speaker 1: they're miserable the whole time, they don't bring any addition

1274
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:22,879
Speaker 1: to it at that point because they're complaining. So I agree,

1275
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:25,479
Speaker 1: it's more so like where can you meet in the

1276
01:10:25,479 --> 01:10:27,360
Speaker 1: middle and something you both enjoy and then you can

1277
01:10:27,400 --> 01:10:28,960
Speaker 1: do the things that you love on your own or

1278
01:10:28,960 --> 01:10:32,720
Speaker 1: with someone else that enjoys those things. And but what

1279
01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:38,679
Speaker 1: you're saying if it was communicated in that way that's

1280
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:45,040
Speaker 1: so much more positive, Like hey, babe, I love doing this,

1281
01:10:45,120 --> 01:10:46,559
Speaker 1: but when I do it with you, I love it

1282
01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:49,720
Speaker 1: even more, versus why don't you want to do this

1283
01:10:49,760 --> 01:10:53,760
Speaker 1: with me? Just framing it and like wow, this is

1284
01:10:54,520 --> 01:10:56,439
Speaker 1: you know, I like spending this time with you. It

1285
01:10:56,479 --> 01:10:59,400
Speaker 1: makes it me feel so much happier that that it

1286
01:10:59,479 --> 01:11:03,120
Speaker 1: just makes one feel wanted and needed and not like

1287
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:06,840
Speaker 1: they're not doing enough, that feeling of I'm not doing

1288
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:09,439
Speaker 1: enough and I can never do enough to please someone

1289
01:11:09,479 --> 01:11:13,360
Speaker 1: in a relationship that feeling that seat of resentment, it's

1290
01:11:13,439 --> 01:11:15,120
Speaker 1: never going to get somebody where they want to be.

1291
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:18,840
Speaker 1: That is like that is hitting the nail on the head.

1292
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:21,280
Speaker 1: I think that's a very common theme that a lot

1293
01:11:21,280 --> 01:11:23,600
Speaker 1: of people can feel like anything I'm doing is just

1294
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:25,439
Speaker 1: it's just not good enough, and that's like probably the

1295
01:11:25,479 --> 01:11:29,720
Speaker 1: worst place to be totally. It is it is. And

1296
01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:31,720
Speaker 1: so it just comes from communicating our needs in more

1297
01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:34,200
Speaker 1: of a positive way. And even again, if if that

1298
01:11:34,240 --> 01:11:37,400
Speaker 1: person doesn'ty're not obligated to meet our needs. And I

1299
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,160
Speaker 1: think this is something because I think I feel like

1300
01:11:40,200 --> 01:11:43,760
Speaker 1: I've lived my life based on expectations of how I

1301
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:45,439
Speaker 1: want things to be or how I thought that things

1302
01:11:45,520 --> 01:11:48,800
Speaker 1: would be in every aspect of my life. And I'm

1303
01:11:48,840 --> 01:11:51,040
Speaker 1: slowly starting to chip away at those things and it's

1304
01:11:51,200 --> 01:11:54,400
Speaker 1: really hard work. But even like for me as a Christian,

1305
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:56,599
Speaker 1: I always thought I was going to marry a Christian man.

1306
01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:58,920
Speaker 1: We were going to go to church together every Sunday.

1307
01:11:59,120 --> 01:12:01,840
Speaker 1: We're gonna take photos with the Easter Bunny with our kids,

1308
01:12:01,840 --> 01:12:03,200
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. Like I thought that

1309
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:06,800
Speaker 1: was gonna be my future, you know, And I met

1310
01:12:06,800 --> 01:12:09,479
Speaker 1: this I recently started a relationship again with this man

1311
01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:14,840
Speaker 1: that I dated last year and he's Jewish, and it

1312
01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:18,360
Speaker 1: was it was It's been an interesting and ongoing conversation

1313
01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:20,880
Speaker 1: because he's not like he's come to church with me

1314
01:12:21,160 --> 01:12:24,120
Speaker 1: on um online, you know, because the church was not

1315
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:27,400
Speaker 1: in person for a long time, and we've celebrated some

1316
01:12:27,439 --> 01:12:31,479
Speaker 1: of his Jewish holidays together. And I had this moment

1317
01:12:31,479 --> 01:12:33,840
Speaker 1: where I was just kind of like, would it be

1318
01:12:33,880 --> 01:12:36,559
Speaker 1: easier or would you want me to be Jewish? And

1319
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:40,280
Speaker 1: he said, he goes um the way I love the

1320
01:12:40,280 --> 01:12:42,439
Speaker 1: way that you live your life, and I love your heart,

1321
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:44,120
Speaker 1: and I think a lot of that has to do

1322
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:46,160
Speaker 1: with your faith. So I would never want to change

1323
01:12:46,160 --> 01:12:48,920
Speaker 1: that about you. And we've had that conversation of like

1324
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:53,920
Speaker 1: kind of doing a hybrid of things and celebrating both

1325
01:12:53,960 --> 01:12:56,160
Speaker 1: of our holidays, and so it's like, in my mind,

1326
01:12:56,200 --> 01:12:59,200
Speaker 1: this is not how I expected it to be at all,

1327
01:12:59,520 --> 01:13:02,760
Speaker 1: but they think that it's better. Like I've never I

1328
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:06,400
Speaker 1: celebrate Hannakah this year, Like who knew? You know? Yeah? Yeah,

1329
01:13:06,400 --> 01:13:09,439
Speaker 1: well was? I mean? Also, but here's the thing. Jesus

1330
01:13:09,479 --> 01:13:16,559
Speaker 1: was Jewish. You know, let's just start there, Okay, So

1331
01:13:16,800 --> 01:13:19,160
Speaker 1: you know, doing the things that he did on on

1332
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:21,960
Speaker 1: this earth is not it's not nothing wrong with that.

1333
01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:26,240
Speaker 1: More traditions and more you know, more things like that. Yeah,

1334
01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:28,400
Speaker 1: and this is why I wrote this book Live Free,

1335
01:13:28,400 --> 01:13:31,080
Speaker 1: because what you're doing is you're living free. You're saying,

1336
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:32,920
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm not going to live up to

1337
01:13:33,000 --> 01:13:38,519
Speaker 1: this false expectation that my idea and my ideal has

1338
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:41,120
Speaker 1: to be the reality, right, because sometimes we can become

1339
01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:44,160
Speaker 1: a prisoner to that ideal. Yeah, it has to be

1340
01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:46,080
Speaker 1: you know, this person has to share my same faith

1341
01:13:46,120 --> 01:13:51,120
Speaker 1: and this. Well, right now we're in I have no idea.

1342
01:13:51,479 --> 01:13:53,840
Speaker 1: What let's say you get married. Who knows what happened

1343
01:13:53,840 --> 01:13:56,000
Speaker 1: ten years down the road, who knows what God wants

1344
01:13:56,000 --> 01:13:58,320
Speaker 1: to do. Twenty years down row. You know my grandparents,

1345
01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:01,960
Speaker 1: when my grandmother and my grandfather got married, first of all,

1346
01:14:02,200 --> 01:14:04,000
Speaker 1: none of them, neither of them were in the church.

1347
01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:06,640
Speaker 1: And then my grandmother got in the church and my

1348
01:14:06,680 --> 01:14:09,000
Speaker 1: grandfather have one didn't wone have anything to do with it.

1349
01:14:10,280 --> 01:14:12,200
Speaker 1: But as she just kept showing up, she just kept

1350
01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:15,400
Speaker 1: living free, she kept doing what she was called to do. Eventually,

1351
01:14:15,680 --> 01:14:18,400
Speaker 1: you know, he came. Eventually he gave his heart to God.

1352
01:14:18,560 --> 01:14:21,920
Speaker 1: Eventually he became a Christian. Eventually he was more in

1353
01:14:21,960 --> 01:14:24,920
Speaker 1: the church than she was. But he was a journey.

1354
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:28,400
Speaker 1: And I think the more we just practiced that freedom,

1355
01:14:28,560 --> 01:14:30,400
Speaker 1: and the more we pray and we listen and we

1356
01:14:30,479 --> 01:14:34,080
Speaker 1: follow what we're hearing, only us and God are gonna

1357
01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:37,560
Speaker 1: know what really feels right to do. And so I

1358
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:39,960
Speaker 1: would just encourage you to keep following. You know where

1359
01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:42,880
Speaker 1: where this is going, and to see you have no idea.

1360
01:14:43,439 --> 01:14:45,040
Speaker 1: And I think too often we come with these ideas,

1361
01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:48,120
Speaker 1: especially in the Christian community. You know, I'm not saying

1362
01:14:48,120 --> 01:14:50,599
Speaker 1: that two people that have different belief system that that's

1363
01:14:50,600 --> 01:14:54,040
Speaker 1: gonna be easy. It's not, especially when it comes to spiritually,

1364
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:56,920
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean that God still can't be in it,

1365
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:59,160
Speaker 1: and it doesn't mean that God still isn't bringing too

1366
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:01,360
Speaker 1: hards together. You can have someone with the same faith

1367
01:15:01,520 --> 01:15:03,720
Speaker 1: and they can you can be the most incompatible, right you.

1368
01:15:04,080 --> 01:15:06,120
Speaker 1: So just because they share the same faith, there's a

1369
01:15:06,160 --> 01:15:08,400
Speaker 1: whole lot more that's got to be sorted out. Then

1370
01:15:08,479 --> 01:15:10,280
Speaker 1: just we go to the same church and we pray

1371
01:15:10,320 --> 01:15:12,719
Speaker 1: to the same God. There's a whole lot more in between.

1372
01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:14,800
Speaker 1: And but a lot of times people just say, oh,

1373
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:16,559
Speaker 1: as long as they're my faith and they're Christian and

1374
01:15:16,680 --> 01:15:19,160
Speaker 1: we can go singing together, it's all good. No that

1375
01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:20,960
Speaker 1: that that could be the devil sitting right next to

1376
01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:25,640
Speaker 1: you in that worship service. You still got to evaluate

1377
01:15:25,720 --> 01:15:28,360
Speaker 1: this person and see if they're the right fit, no

1378
01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:32,240
Speaker 1: matter what they profess to believe. Yeah, that's so true.

1379
01:15:32,840 --> 01:15:37,559
Speaker 1: It's so true. Like the expectation of what the ideal

1380
01:15:38,479 --> 01:15:41,640
Speaker 1: of that what you said not you're not needing the

1381
01:15:41,720 --> 01:15:48,559
Speaker 1: ideal to be the reality is so just profound, Yeah, simple,

1382
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:56,320
Speaker 1: yet so profound. Trapped by these ideals and then we say, well,

1383
01:15:56,800 --> 01:16:03,320
Speaker 1: where did that come from? And why is that the ideal? What? What? What?

1384
01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:07,160
Speaker 1: Who told me that? Where did that belief come from

1385
01:16:07,280 --> 01:16:10,639
Speaker 1: uh you know, I mean seriously, it's like, it's that's

1386
01:16:10,640 --> 01:16:13,200
Speaker 1: why I wrote this book, just to get people to think, like,

1387
01:16:13,800 --> 01:16:16,559
Speaker 1: am I actually living free? Or am I imprisoning myself

1388
01:16:16,600 --> 01:16:19,240
Speaker 1: to this ideal in this vision? And what if I

1389
01:16:19,240 --> 01:16:21,760
Speaker 1: just said I'm gonna break out. I'm gonna break out

1390
01:16:21,760 --> 01:16:23,240
Speaker 1: of this idea, I'll break out of this prison. I'm

1391
01:16:23,240 --> 01:16:24,760
Speaker 1: just gonna say, all right, well, maybe that's just maybe

1392
01:16:24,760 --> 01:16:27,800
Speaker 1: there's something different. But different isn't worse. Different is in

1393
01:16:27,920 --> 01:16:30,959
Speaker 1: most times better. So why not be free to explore

1394
01:16:30,960 --> 01:16:33,800
Speaker 1: and to live and to breathe and to see what

1395
01:16:33,880 --> 01:16:36,120
Speaker 1: it is life really has When I can take that

1396
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:39,840
Speaker 1: ideal or that expectation off of the off the table,

1397
01:16:39,880 --> 01:16:44,600
Speaker 1: so to speak. Wow, that's so good. I'm I was

1398
01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:47,240
Speaker 1: Tanya was telling me a little bit about the book

1399
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:49,800
Speaker 1: before we started the podcast, and I was like, oh,

1400
01:16:49,840 --> 01:16:53,439
Speaker 1: I'm definitely interested in now after having a conversation with you,

1401
01:16:53,520 --> 01:16:56,880
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to read the book. So thank you,

1402
01:16:56,960 --> 01:16:59,439
Speaker 1: Because like I and I have friends, I'm already thinking

1403
01:16:59,479 --> 01:17:01,559
Speaker 1: of the friends I'm going to tell, Like, I feel

1404
01:17:01,560 --> 01:17:04,280
Speaker 1: like your circumstance, what you're going through, this would be

1405
01:17:04,320 --> 01:17:07,559
Speaker 1: so helpful. Maybe we can read it together. Yeah, and

1406
01:17:07,600 --> 01:17:09,280
Speaker 1: like I think the way that you kind of um,

1407
01:17:09,600 --> 01:17:12,640
Speaker 1: I don't know if the word is uh divvied up

1408
01:17:12,640 --> 01:17:16,360
Speaker 1: the book or like U yeah, yeah, like the layout.

1409
01:17:16,360 --> 01:17:18,720
Speaker 1: The layout where like every chapter is like you know

1410
01:17:18,760 --> 01:17:20,800
Speaker 1: what you're getting with every chapter, and then you end

1411
01:17:20,960 --> 01:17:23,920
Speaker 1: each chapter with like kind of thought provoking questions that

1412
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:26,919
Speaker 1: you can ask. For me, somebody that likes homework and journaling,

1413
01:17:27,040 --> 01:17:29,519
Speaker 1: I like that I can kind of read those questions

1414
01:17:29,520 --> 01:17:31,479
Speaker 1: in journal and like really work through it. And then

1415
01:17:31,479 --> 01:17:34,160
Speaker 1: other people who don't like the homework, you can just

1416
01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:36,400
Speaker 1: think about these things and you don't have to necessarily

1417
01:17:36,439 --> 01:17:38,200
Speaker 1: feel like you're not doing the work, you know which

1418
01:17:38,240 --> 01:17:41,240
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah. No, I wanted people, you know,

1419
01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:43,640
Speaker 1: to first of all, I've always been inquisitive because I

1420
01:17:43,680 --> 01:17:45,680
Speaker 1: was a kid, I asked a lot of questions. So

1421
01:17:45,880 --> 01:17:47,840
Speaker 1: I just, you know, me asking a lot of questions

1422
01:17:47,880 --> 01:17:50,000
Speaker 1: in the book is just who I am. And I

1423
01:17:50,040 --> 01:17:52,000
Speaker 1: want people just to think and just you know, look,

1424
01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:54,920
Speaker 1: it's up for you to decide what the answer are.

1425
01:17:55,600 --> 01:17:59,240
Speaker 1: Sometimes even thinking the question will never reveal the answer. Yeah,

1426
01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:02,719
Speaker 1: just thinking the question, it's like, oh, I never asked

1427
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:06,040
Speaker 1: you thought about that? Right? I don't even like this job,

1428
01:18:06,080 --> 01:18:10,200
Speaker 1: what am I doing? You know, you know, it's the

1429
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:12,439
Speaker 1: answer can lead anywhere, But I just like asking the

1430
01:18:12,520 --> 01:18:15,160
Speaker 1: question as a catalyst for change. Yeah, I mean, I'm like,

1431
01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:19,360
Speaker 1: I literally I realized that in the beginning of my relationship,

1432
01:18:19,400 --> 01:18:21,519
Speaker 1: I was talking about marriage, like literally two or three

1433
01:18:21,520 --> 01:18:25,000
Speaker 1: months in about marriage, and I'm like, I was putting

1434
01:18:25,040 --> 01:18:28,040
Speaker 1: so much pressure on that. Okay, this poor guy just

1435
01:18:28,080 --> 01:18:31,720
Speaker 1: got divorced, so he's like feeling that pressure. And then

1436
01:18:31,720 --> 01:18:33,680
Speaker 1: in my mind I realized, I'm like, why do I

1437
01:18:33,680 --> 01:18:35,120
Speaker 1: need to think about that right now? Like I need

1438
01:18:35,160 --> 01:18:38,040
Speaker 1: to actually see if I even want that, Like, yes,

1439
01:18:38,120 --> 01:18:41,320
Speaker 1: that's something that I want in my future at some point.

1440
01:18:41,360 --> 01:18:43,559
Speaker 1: But I'm like, who knows if in six months I

1441
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:47,840
Speaker 1: even want that with you exactly instead of just you know,

1442
01:18:47,880 --> 01:18:51,160
Speaker 1: giving me the relationship time six months, Oh no, I

1443
01:18:51,320 --> 01:18:53,160
Speaker 1: don't know what I would tell about marriage it never happen,

1444
01:18:53,600 --> 01:18:55,720
Speaker 1: you know, or as the more time he speaking, like

1445
01:18:55,760 --> 01:18:57,760
Speaker 1: oh yeah, no, I could actually see this and you know,

1446
01:18:57,840 --> 01:18:59,640
Speaker 1: let me start, you know, having the conversation when it

1447
01:18:59,680 --> 01:19:02,920
Speaker 1: feels a apropriate, but just letting ourselves breathe for a minute. Yeah,

1448
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:06,599
Speaker 1: I mean, that's what unset expectations. Do they just suffocate us?

1449
01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:09,120
Speaker 1: There's so it's just you can't even enjoy. Is this

1450
01:19:09,160 --> 01:19:14,080
Speaker 1: person gonna be my husband? Person? White Time will review. Yeah.

1451
01:19:14,160 --> 01:19:16,120
Speaker 1: I feel like living free is a k a. Living

1452
01:19:16,320 --> 01:19:19,519
Speaker 1: in the present, which is so hard to do it,

1453
01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:23,760
Speaker 1: but it's a practice that's so rewarding and we'll read

1454
01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:28,920
Speaker 1: tremendous benefits. Well, yeah, thank you so much. I mean,

1455
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:30,960
Speaker 1: I feel like we could do a whole podcast and

1456
01:19:31,000 --> 01:19:35,200
Speaker 1: just talk to you. So please, whenever you have time,

1457
01:19:35,280 --> 01:19:38,040
Speaker 1: we love to have you back. Um, would love to

1458
01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,040
Speaker 1: have you back. If you ever are doing a second

1459
01:19:40,360 --> 01:19:44,280
Speaker 1: day or another day of press for something, please include

1460
01:19:44,320 --> 01:19:48,360
Speaker 1: us in the in the lineup. You are amazing. Um,

1461
01:19:48,400 --> 01:19:52,479
Speaker 1: everybody that is listening. Devon's book Live Free is coming

1462
01:19:52,479 --> 01:19:56,920
Speaker 1: out May fourth, which is tomorrow. Yeah yeah, um, so

1463
01:19:56,960 --> 01:19:59,120
Speaker 1: you can get it tomorrow. But also if you're in

1464
01:19:59,160 --> 01:20:01,080
Speaker 1: the market for a good books, all of his books

1465
01:20:01,080 --> 01:20:03,640
Speaker 1: are fantastic, So you can start with this one and

1466
01:20:03,680 --> 01:20:06,559
Speaker 1: then you can go to the Hollywood Commandments, which I loved.

1467
01:20:07,080 --> 01:20:10,439
Speaker 1: The way which I loved was what men Really think?

1468
01:20:11,120 --> 01:20:14,240
Speaker 1: The truth about the truth about men? What am I missing?

1469
01:20:14,840 --> 01:20:17,280
Speaker 1: The first one was produced by Faith produced by Faith,

1470
01:20:17,280 --> 01:20:21,320
Speaker 1: I haven't read that one. Oh yeah, you gotta read

1471
01:20:21,360 --> 01:20:27,400
Speaker 1: that one all right, that the entire I got to

1472
01:20:27,439 --> 01:20:30,400
Speaker 1: get the catalog. Thank you seriously so much for taking

1473
01:20:30,400 --> 01:20:32,559
Speaker 1: the time. You're the best. I just I admire you

1474
01:20:32,600 --> 01:20:35,760
Speaker 1: and I just think so highly abu, So thank you. Likewise,

1475
01:20:35,800 --> 01:20:37,240
Speaker 1: thank you all for having me. It's good to see you,

1476
01:20:37,320 --> 01:20:39,840
Speaker 1: and I can't wait to come back. Thanks to Von Bye.

1477
01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:47,080
Speaker 1: How amazing is Davon Franklin. I mean, just a gem

1478
01:20:47,120 --> 01:20:51,120
Speaker 1: of a human being, a gem of a human and honestly,

1479
01:20:51,160 --> 01:20:54,320
Speaker 1: he's like a nugget factory. Like I just feel like

1480
01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:56,920
Speaker 1: every time he talks, I get something out of it

1481
01:20:56,960 --> 01:20:59,640
Speaker 1: no matter where I hear him. I would love to

1482
01:20:59,680 --> 01:21:02,800
Speaker 1: be referred to as a nugget factory. That's gonna be

1483
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:06,360
Speaker 1: my new goal in life, like help people perceive me

1484
01:21:06,840 --> 01:21:09,920
Speaker 1: a nugget factor. I've read every single one of his books,

1485
01:21:10,120 --> 01:21:13,680
Speaker 1: and honestly, I highlight and I can go back to

1486
01:21:13,720 --> 01:21:16,120
Speaker 1: them and read what I've highlighted because it's just he

1487
01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:18,800
Speaker 1: really is just so good. I'm so excited to read

1488
01:21:18,840 --> 01:21:22,000
Speaker 1: this one because it really feels like basically what this

1489
01:21:22,080 --> 01:21:26,400
Speaker 1: whole past year of growing and learning has been for me.

1490
01:21:26,560 --> 01:21:30,640
Speaker 1: So I'm really excited to kind of dive in and read.

1491
01:21:30,680 --> 01:21:33,960
Speaker 1: This will be my first book of I know, I know,

1492
01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:36,320
Speaker 1: I know, I was gonna say I want to read

1493
01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,280
Speaker 1: all his books, but I specifically want to start with

1494
01:21:38,280 --> 01:21:43,320
Speaker 1: this one because it's so prevalent, prevalent to what you're experiencing. Exactly,

1495
01:21:43,840 --> 01:21:45,439
Speaker 1: start with this one and then follow it up with

1496
01:21:45,439 --> 01:21:52,840
Speaker 1: the Hollywood Commandments because it's so good. I'm telling you,

1497
01:21:52,920 --> 01:21:56,320
Speaker 1: it's just like so good. So anyways, Davon, we love you.

1498
01:21:56,400 --> 01:21:59,559
Speaker 1: Please welcome back to the o R anytime. Yeah, of

1499
01:21:59,600 --> 01:22:02,800
Speaker 1: course we say that, and I feel like he really

1500
01:22:02,840 --> 01:22:07,240
Speaker 1: will come back. He will come back. Um, as always,

1501
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:10,439
Speaker 1: we love you all so much. I'm ready for let

1502
01:22:10,479 --> 01:22:13,200
Speaker 1: me know when Game Nights happening could be this weekend? Yes,

1503
01:22:13,240 --> 01:22:18,720
Speaker 1: Mark and New Graves this week with only one episode,

1504
01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:22,439
Speaker 1: but yeah we have April Keptner Grays. We have a

1505
01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:26,920
Speaker 1: potential Game Night happening. Uh, a lot to get to

1506
01:22:27,120 --> 01:22:29,280
Speaker 1: next week. There's just gonna be a lot to catch

1507
01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:33,320
Speaker 1: up on next week. So finished this book, give you

1508
01:22:33,360 --> 01:22:39,720
Speaker 1: some nuggets and start planning your triathlon. That's right, Um,

1509
01:22:39,960 --> 01:22:42,400
Speaker 1: we love you. Wait, everyone's gonna be like, oh my gosh,

1510
01:22:42,400 --> 01:22:44,080
Speaker 1: you should totally do this thing in June and like

1511
01:22:44,920 --> 01:22:46,640
Speaker 1: share it and then people are gonna start doing it

1512
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:50,000
Speaker 1: with me. That absolutely, that'd be epic if you shared

1513
01:22:50,080 --> 01:22:53,120
Speaker 1: the like what you're doing. Yeah, I think people would

1514
01:22:53,120 --> 01:22:55,920
Speaker 1: love that. It almost give people like something where they

1515
01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:58,680
Speaker 1: felt like they were on a team doing something, you know,

1516
01:22:59,400 --> 01:23:01,519
Speaker 1: like they're not a loan. So I don't know if

1517
01:23:01,560 --> 01:23:03,200
Speaker 1: I'll do it, but I think a lot of other

1518
01:23:03,240 --> 01:23:07,320
Speaker 1: people will be fun. We'll cross that bridge when we

1519
01:23:07,360 --> 01:23:10,160
Speaker 1: get there. I hope you all have a wonderful week.

1520
01:23:10,360 --> 01:23:18,080
Speaker 1: We love you so much and we'll see you next Monday.