Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, it's Eric from the one you feed, and
Speaker 1: I am back yet again for better or worse, for
Speaker 1: another mini episode. So the thing I want to cover
Speaker 1: this week is why worrying doesn't work. So I think
Speaker 1: if there is one skill that we could learn in
Speaker 1: life that might bring about the most peace for us,
Speaker 1: it would probably be to learn to only worry about
Speaker 1: the things we can control. This wisdom is echoed in
Speaker 1: a couple pretty well known teachings. The first is the
Speaker 1: classic serenity prayer that is used in alcoholics Anonymous another
Speaker 1: twelve step programs, which I'm pretty sure everybody has heard
Speaker 1: at this point. However, as they say, repetition doesn't spoil
Speaker 1: the prayer, So it goes like this, God grant me
Speaker 1: the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
Speaker 1: courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom
Speaker 1: to know the difference. This was written by Reinhold Neiber
Speaker 1: and it appeared sometime around nineteen forty three in his
Speaker 1: first sermons, but I don't think it was actually published
Speaker 1: until about nineteen fifty one. But it's part of a
Speaker 1: longer prayer which is pretty interesting. But the shorter part
Speaker 1: is the one that we all know the second teaching
Speaker 1: of this comes from a more secular place, although he
Speaker 1: was also a religious man, and is Steve and our Covey,
Speaker 1: and you'll know that we have been releasing some courses
Speaker 1: on the seven habits of highly effective people, and this
Speaker 1: is part of the first habit to be proactive, where
Speaker 1: he talks about something called the circle of influence versus
Speaker 1: the circle of concern, and the idea being that there
Speaker 1: is a if you imagine two circles, the larger one
Speaker 1: being our circle of concern and the smaller one being
Speaker 1: our circle of influence. What Covey is really recommending is
Speaker 1: to stay focused in that circle of influence those things
Speaker 1: that we can control or at least influence, and leave
Speaker 1: those things that are we make care about but don't
Speaker 1: have any influence or control over alone, and spend our
Speaker 1: focus on those things that we can't control. And if
Speaker 1: we do that, then that circle of influence tends to grow,
Speaker 1: and if we don't, that circle of influence tends to shrink.
Speaker 1: So why does that Why does it work that way?
Speaker 1: Why would spending more time in our circle of influence
Speaker 1: cause it to grow? Or if we spend more of
Speaker 1: our time in our circle of concern, why would it
Speaker 1: cause our circle of influence to shrink? And I think
Speaker 1: it really comes down to the fact of the toll
Speaker 1: that worrying takes. Uh Leo Bascalia boos Galia, how do
Speaker 1: you even say that guy's name? Leo boust Gallia says,
Speaker 1: worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, It only SAPs
Speaker 1: today of its joy. Dale Carnegie says that our fatigue
Speaker 1: is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration,
Speaker 1: and resentment. Worry tends to exhault us and take away
Speaker 1: our strength and energy that we could be applying to
Speaker 1: our circle of influence. We have this tendency to think
Speaker 1: that worry is actually doing something, but the truth is
Speaker 1: it wears on us, it doesn't work for us, It
Speaker 1: steals that energy in life, and it also damages relationships.
Speaker 1: So this is a pretty straightforward concept, but I think
Speaker 1: where it gets tricky is how do we know what
Speaker 1: falls into each circle? This is that famous gray area
Speaker 1: that we talk about that is challenging, and it's the
Speaker 1: wisdom that the Serenity prayer is asking for one useful
Speaker 1: way to determine which circle our concerns are in, whether
Speaker 1: they're in the circle of concern or the circle of influences.
Speaker 1: By listening to the language that we use, we can
Speaker 1: distinguish between the use of the words have and be.
Speaker 1: Our circle of concern is full of halves, while our
Speaker 1: circle of influence is full of bees. For example, if
Speaker 1: I just had a boss that that is in our
Speaker 1: circle of concern, I can be a better is in
Speaker 1: your circle of influence. If there's an action that you
Speaker 1: can take to make the situation better, then it's in
Speaker 1: your circle of influence. However, if it was this easy,
Speaker 1: there wouldn't be an enormously popular prayer asking for the
Speaker 1: wisdom to know the difference. There's a lot of things
Speaker 1: that fall right in the middle of this. There's decisions
Speaker 1: to be made, there's options to pick from. There are
Speaker 1: situations that tend to be gray. But if we can
Speaker 1: spend less and less of our time worrying about and
Speaker 1: focusing on the things that are clearly out of our
Speaker 1: controller influence, then we're gonna have more energy and power
Speaker 1: to make the right choice on these things that are
Speaker 1: sort of in the gray area. And I think this
Speaker 1: is really the key point that I'm getting at, is
Speaker 1: that this worry We've talked about it before. We've called
Speaker 1: it rumination, where your mind spins and spins on something.
Speaker 1: And what's the difference between rumination and problem solving is
Speaker 1: usually are we sort of plowing the same same ground
Speaker 1: over and over and over again. And so it's that
Speaker 1: idea of spending less time worrying and more time on
Speaker 1: the things we can do. I personally have a rule
Speaker 1: that I've set for myself. I don't always follow it,
Speaker 1: but I try to, which says that if I am
Speaker 1: worried about something, I asked myself, is there anything at
Speaker 1: all I can do to make that situation better? And
Speaker 1: if so, then I try and take some action on
Speaker 1: that thing. So, if I'm worried about money, is there
Speaker 1: anything I can do right now about money? Is there
Speaker 1: a bill I can go pay? Is there something for
Speaker 1: my job that I'm not doing? Is there an email
Speaker 1: I've not answered about a consulting opportunity? I try and
Speaker 1: get real concrete. Is there anything I can do if
Speaker 1: I'm worried about the kids? Is there something I can
Speaker 1: do for the kids? Is there something I was going
Speaker 1: to sign them up for that I didn't or a
Speaker 1: conversation I wanted to have with them that I didn't.
Speaker 1: But I try and get away from worrying and into action,
Speaker 1: and again almost instantly, when I do that, I feel better.
Speaker 1: A quick summary is that worrying and exhausts us, It
Speaker 1: wears this out, and it's not really doing anything. The
Speaker 1: best way to get peace is to focus on these
Speaker 1: things that we can control and that observe in our life.
Speaker 1: Anguage can sometimes be helpful in understanding whether something is
Speaker 1: something we control or something we should accept. And finally,
Speaker 1: another quote from Robin S. Sharma where she says worry
Speaker 1: drains the mind of its power and sooner or later
Speaker 1: it injures the soul. Hopefully all this has been helpful.
Speaker 1: As always, we would love to hear from you. If
Speaker 1: you'd like to get our free seven Habits for Highly
Speaker 1: Effective People course, go to our website one, you feed,
Speaker 1: dot net, slash email and sign up. You can get
Speaker 1: it there and we will have another episode out on Tuesday.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening as always, and talk again soon.
Speaker 1: Bye