Speaker 1: Previously on Suburban Knight.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: Welcome back.
Speaker 3: I'm your handsomer than a sex demon host, Bobby Joe Williams.
Speaker 2: And this is Terror Vision.
Speaker 3: And we are watching the soon to be cult classic,
Speaker 3: Suburban Knight.
Speaker 2: Boy, and Walter thought those things couldn't get any worse, huh?
Speaker 3: Boy, after he finds out his next door neighbor is
Speaker 3: a full frontal demon from hell, he still gets dragged
Speaker 3: to dinner with the guy. I tell you, those suburban
Speaker 3: niceties will get you every time. And that's why I
Speaker 3: live exclusively in trailer parks. Anyway, seems like Richard doesn't
Speaker 3: really feel the need to hide his secret.
Speaker 4: From Walter at the barbecue.
Speaker 3: Seems kind of like a cat playing with its food
Speaker 3: before it, well, fucks it and eats its soul.
Speaker 4: Regardless, Walter realizes.
Speaker 3: He's out of his depth and needs to consult a professional.
Speaker 4: And who does he turn to?
Speaker 3: Well, none other than your favorite redneck with the highest
Speaker 3: rated cable access late night horror movie review show for.
Speaker 4: Viewers 18 to 49 at 8 p.m.
Speaker 5: In the greater Milwaukee region.
Speaker 4: And parts of Spokane.
Speaker 3: But my feet was too high for Walt, and because
Speaker 3: I wasn't there to stop him, Richard tried to put
Speaker 3: the whammy on Walter's wife, Samantha. But seems like their
Speaker 3: marriage is a lot stronger than Walter realized. Maybe Samantha
Speaker 3: really does love him unconditionally. And the real problem in
Speaker 3: their marriage wasn't his beer belly or his thinning hair
Speaker 3: or his fallen business or all the junk in their house.
Speaker 3: Or even his flaccid member. No, maybe the real issue
Speaker 3: all along was his self-confidence. And he sure seemed to
Speaker 3: have plenty when he put on that suit of armor.
Speaker 3: It wouldn't have fit Mia anyway. My biceps are too big.
Speaker 3: Of course, this is all after Mia, their daughter, was
Speaker 3: kidnapped by Richard. It's really great to see those kids
Speaker 3: working together after all this time. We'll have to wait
Speaker 3: and see if they're tough enough to get the job done.
Speaker 3: Though I tell you, I wouldn't want to get on
Speaker 3: Samantha's bad side.
Speaker 5: I can tell you that much.
Speaker 2: All right, let's do those Terror Vision totals.
Speaker 4: We got three dead husbands.
Speaker 3: That's one video game murder, one golf club murder, and
Speaker 3: even one boiling cauldron murder.
Speaker 4: We got one severed.
Speaker 3: Wiener, One charred wiener, one eaten wiener.
Speaker 4: Hold on to your wieners.
Speaker 3: We got two demon breasts, one severed demon head, and
Speaker 3: one absolutely fucking impractical suit of armor.
Speaker 2: We're going to find out how that works out next.
Speaker 4: Stay tuned.
Speaker 1: Exterior, Richard's house, night. Walter, Sam, and Bobby Joe Williams
Speaker 1: approach Richard's front door. Bobby Joe reaches into his inside
Speaker 1: jacket pocket and removes a flask. He gulps down a mouthful.
Speaker 1: He offers a sip to Walter and Sam. Walter struggles
Speaker 1: in the suit of armor, but manages to take a
Speaker 1: sip and hands it back. It's smooth. Walter's suit creaks
Speaker 1: loudly with each step.
Speaker 3: You think he knows we're coming?
Speaker 1: Walter's every step creaks and grinds. Bobby Joe looks him
Speaker 1: up and down sideways.
Speaker 2: Probably.
Speaker 1: They approach Richard's front door. Walter reaches out to ring
Speaker 1: the doorbell, but Bobby Joe grabs his arm. What the
Speaker 1: hell do you think you're doing?
Speaker 6: Ringing the doorbell.
Speaker 4: We can't go through the front. That's just what he'd expect. Well,
Speaker 4: what then? We'd go through the back door. He'd never
Speaker 4: expect that.
Speaker 6: What if he knows that we know not to go
Speaker 6: in the front, so he sets us up to go
Speaker 6: in the back?
Speaker 1: Oh, you're right.
Speaker 5: All right, we go through the front.
Speaker 2: He'd never expect us to do something so stupid.
Speaker 1: Sam looks at Walter.
Speaker 7: So he's an idiot.
Speaker 1: Walter raises his hand to knock, but the door creaks
Speaker 1: open on its own.
Speaker 3: You know, in my movies, that's always a really bad sign.
Speaker 1: They head inside. Interior, Richard's house, night. Walter closes the
Speaker 1: door behind them. There is the faint sound of music inside.
Speaker 6: Shh.
Speaker 8: You hear that?
Speaker 1: Walter's armor clangs loudly with every step.
Speaker 4: Walk louder. I'm not sure he can hear all the
Speaker 4: noise you're making.
Speaker 1: They round the corner. In the main part of the house,
Speaker 1: they find the source of the music and lights. An orgy. Like,
Speaker 1: a giant fucking orgy. Bathed in music and neon, the
Speaker 1: whole neighborhood is here. Diane, Nancy, and Karen, and their husbands, Andy, Steve, Bill,
Speaker 1: and Alan. And more, more couples we haven't met before.
Speaker 1: Dozens of them. Holy shit.
Speaker 2: Oh man, this takes me back.
Speaker 1: The trio walk through the sea of entangled bodies. Richard
Speaker 1: sits in an ancient throne-like chair at the top of
Speaker 1: the stairs. His face remains hidden, only the hint of
Speaker 1: his more demonic features. But his eyes glow red in
Speaker 1: the darkness. Smoke billows around him, bathed in red and
Speaker 1: pink light.
Speaker 5: Walter, Samantha, see anything you like?
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe looks at the orgy surrounding him. Only now
Speaker 1: does he see everyone is covered in blood. Walter and
Speaker 1: Sam follow his gaze. Crash zooms. Female sex demons. Succubi.
Speaker 1: Feast on their male victim's corpses while others fuck the male... parts.
Speaker 2: What the fuck? You people were real.
Speaker 3: I just thought that was some fantasy foreplay thing.
Speaker 2: Keep your fucking money.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe throws the mace to the floor and runs
Speaker 1: for the exit. What the?
Speaker 2: Get back here, you coward!
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe slams the door behind him. Sam turns to Richard.
Speaker 6: Where's my fucking daughter?
Speaker 1: Richard stomps down the stairs as he speaks. Close up.
Speaker 1: His cloven hooves pound the wooden stairs.
Speaker 4: Oh, she's here.
Speaker 5: Somewhere.
Speaker 8: You know, I've been so busy with all the unsatisfied
Speaker 8: housewives in this neighborhood, I had forgotten.
Speaker 5: Oh, what's the word? The stanima of youth. Did you
Speaker 5: say Stanima?
Speaker 1: The Stanina.
Speaker 7: The pronunciation.
Speaker 4: The Stamanina.
Speaker 5: Wait a second. What's happening? Is that really Stamina?
Speaker 1: What did I say?
Speaker 4: You said Stamina.
Speaker 7: You said Stamina. It's Stamina.
Speaker 1: You said Stanima.
Speaker 4: You basically said Panama. Yes, you did.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: We're looking to recast. Stamina. Stamina.
Speaker 6: Full circle.
Speaker 4: Stamina. All right. Jim, where's that bagel plate?
Speaker 5: Oh! Oh, she's here. Somewhere.
Speaker 8: You know, I've been so busy with all the unsatisfied
Speaker 8: housewives in this neighborhood, I had forgotten.
Speaker 1: Oh, what's the word?
Speaker 5: The stamina of youth. You piece of shit.
Speaker 1: Richard stands before the three of them. Samantha fires the
Speaker 1: crossbow at near point-blank range, right through Richard's arm. He
Speaker 1: spins once, then collapses. Walter blinks in surprise.
Speaker 5: Well, that was easy.
Speaker 1: Richard stirs. He rises to his feet and yanks out
Speaker 1: the arrow from his eye. Walter and Sam watch, horrified,
Speaker 1: at the grotesque hole where his eye used to be.
Speaker 5: That wasn't very neighborly.
Speaker 1: The house goes completely dark, silent. The smoke around Richard glows.
Speaker 1: His eyes pop open in the darkness. His red eyes glow.
Speaker 1: He growls. Walter? The lights come back up. Richard is gone,
Speaker 1: as are many of the succubi surrounding them and their
Speaker 1: male victims. Music and neon lights blast through the house.
Speaker 1: They look around, disoriented. Richard is behind them. Sam fires
Speaker 1: the crossbow. The arrow hits Richard straight in the chest.
Speaker 1: It doesn't faze him at all. He yanks the arrow
Speaker 1: out with a slurp.
Speaker 5: Ouchie.
Speaker 1: He smiles and pokes at it, sticks his finger in
Speaker 1: the hole seductively and wiggles it around. Walter yells and
Speaker 1: charges at Richard with a sword. But he trips running
Speaker 1: up the stairs in the suit of armor. Richard graciously
Speaker 1: helps Walter back to his feet.
Speaker 4: There you go, buddy. Look at you.
Speaker 5: You're doing so well.
Speaker 1: Richard casually pushes Walter backwards with one finger. Oopsie. Walter
Speaker 1: tries to balance, waves his heavy metal arms... before he
Speaker 1: slowly tilts backwards and tumbles down the long flight of stairs,
Speaker 1: losing several pieces of the armor on his way down.
Speaker 6: Walter!
Speaker 1: Richard stomps down the stairs towards Sam, his one demon
Speaker 1: eye glowing red. He smiles to reveal the row of
Speaker 1: pointed fangs. Sam loads and quickly fires the crossbow again.
Speaker 1: Richard catches the arrow, indifferent. He breaks it with one hand.
Speaker 5: Please, Samantha.
Speaker 1: She backpedals. Richard stalks after her as she loads another arrow.
Speaker 1: He rushes at Sam. In the blink of an eye,
Speaker 1: both hands are on the crossbow.
Speaker 5: I thought we really had something, Samantha.
Speaker 1: A connection.
Speaker 6: The only thing I'd like to connect is my fist
Speaker 6: to your face.
Speaker 1: Sam swings the crossbow and catches the butt of it
Speaker 1: on Richard's jaw. He rolls his eyes. Richard grabs the
Speaker 1: crossbow and tosses it across the room. It slides under
Speaker 1: a chair in the living room. Walter gets to his feet,
Speaker 1: charges with the sword raised high. Richard turns and faces
Speaker 1: Walter as he brings the sword down. Richard dodges the
Speaker 1: slow swing easily. Richard punches Walter in the chest. Walter
Speaker 1: flies down the entire flight of stairs. Bits of his
Speaker 1: suit break off and scatter across the floor on impact.
Speaker 1: The chest piece has a huge dent in the center
Speaker 1: from the blow. Walter lies there for a moment, motionless.
Speaker 4: Walter!
Speaker 1: Walter groans and tries to stand, but can't.
Speaker 5: That blow should have stopped your heart, Walter. Those medieval iron.
Speaker 1: Workers really knew their shit. Walter lies with a bloody nose.
Speaker 1: The helmet spins on the ground beside him. Concussed, the
Speaker 1: world goes fuzzy as time slows down. Walter.
Speaker 9: I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1: Walter. Walter collapses, unconscious. Sam rushes to his side.
Speaker 6: Walter. Walter.
Speaker 1: She shakes him, but he's out.
Speaker 5: Samantha.
Speaker 1: Interior, 80s dance club, night. Samantha looks up and realizes
Speaker 1: Richard is gone, and that she's no longer in the house. Instead,
Speaker 1: she's in the middle of a dance club, but it's
Speaker 1: a modern-day Elizabethan masquerade ball. Well-dressed aristocrats wear 80s workout
Speaker 1: gear and masks, but dance like they're in a Jane
Speaker 1: Austen movie. Sam looks down. Walter is gone. Her clothes
Speaker 1: are also different. Nightclub attire. Samantha looks around, confused. She's
Speaker 1: surrounded by dozens of dancing people, A dense crowd, difficult
Speaker 1: to get through. Their identities remain hidden. Walter? Richard moves
Speaker 1: through the crowd, wearing a mask of his own, watching her.
Speaker 1: He's normal again, human. Finally, her eyes find Richard. He
Speaker 1: removes his mask so she can see him. Their eyes
Speaker 1: lock for a long moment. A dancer moves in front
Speaker 1: of Richard, and he vanishes. Sam looks everywhere. She fights
Speaker 1: through moving bodies. Richard circles her. hidden among the crowd.
Speaker 1: The crowd parts like a wave. Richard is there. Their
Speaker 1: eyes meet again. He approaches Sam and wraps his arm
Speaker 1: around her waist. Without words, they speak volumes with their eyes.
Speaker 1: They dance to the song, never breaking eye contact, their
Speaker 1: faces inch closer, nearly close enough to kiss. Somewhere deep
Speaker 1: in the crowd, Sam sees Walter standing in the crowd,
Speaker 1: but in an instant, he's gone. Sam looks around. as
Speaker 1: the undulating bodies that surround her begin to enclose tighter.
Speaker 1: Samantha becomes more and more disoriented by the world she
Speaker 1: is in. All these people, and Richard front and center.
Speaker 1: She breaks free, swims through the sea of people. Richard
Speaker 1: is there again. She turns, runs now. Still, he is there.
Speaker 1: In his human form, his eyes begin to glow that
Speaker 1: demonic red, but now they pulse, growing brighter each time.
Speaker 1: The dancers surrounding the pair stop and stare The club
Speaker 1: grows darker and darker. The music fades until only Richard
Speaker 1: and Samantha remain in silence. Richard becomes a shadow before
Speaker 1: the intensity of his glowing eyes. Samantha's face is awash
Speaker 1: with the color red. Her eyes glaze over like milky cataracts.
Speaker 1: The glowing red embers get brighter and more intense until
Speaker 1: it is all that remains. Exterior, Bobby Joe's van, night.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe scrambles to his van but stops when he
Speaker 1: sees the hood The steel is mangled.
Speaker 4: What the shit?
Speaker 1: He raises the hood. The starter cables have been ripped out.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's just great.
Speaker 1: Interior, Walter's house, night. Bobby Joe races through the front
Speaker 1: door in Walter's house and bolts it behind him.
Speaker 2: Jesus, tap, dance, and fuck.
Speaker 3: You're racing through the front door, so maybe a little
Speaker 3: more energy, a little more hurry, a little more.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 2: Jesus, tap, dance, and fuck.
Speaker 1: He panics.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay. Think, BJ, um... You're Bobby Joe fucking Williams.
Speaker 2: You beat herpes. Twice. How are you going to get out.
Speaker 4: Of this one?
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe looks up, sees something we don't.
Speaker 2: What the?
Speaker 1: Inside Walter's living room, all the junk from the shop
Speaker 1: has been cleared away, and Bobby Joe's Terror Vision Studio
Speaker 1: has taken its place. Interior, Terror Vision Studio. The busted
Speaker 1: old RV, the fake grass and television set, the case
Speaker 1: of beer, the torn up old couch... It's all here.
Speaker 1: The studio is alive with crew. The normal hustle of
Speaker 1: a TV set full of activity. A female PA grabs
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe by the elbow and leads him onto the set.
Speaker 4: Mr.
Speaker 2: Williams, there you are.
Speaker 5: You're due on set.
Speaker 6: Rolling in five, four, three.
Speaker 2: Wait, what?
Speaker 4: We're not shooting today.
Speaker 1: She plops him down on the lawn chair and backs away.
Speaker 7: Action.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe stares blankly at the camera.
Speaker 6: Uh... Cut. Perfect.
Speaker 1: The female PA returns as the director ushers the rest
Speaker 1: of the crew off set. She leans in close to
Speaker 1: his ear.
Speaker 9: That was the most amazing performance I've ever seen.
Speaker 2: I mean, it was nothing.
Speaker 1: She pushes him back and climbs on top of him.
Speaker 2: I don't know why, but your acting, it just makes
Speaker 2: me so hot.
Speaker 1: She kisses him passionately.
Speaker 2: Well, I do have that effect on people sometimes.
Speaker 1: Still on top of him, the director comes over and
Speaker 1: looks down at Bobby Joe.
Speaker 2: That was great.
Speaker 1: Your best work yet. A group of beautiful female fans
Speaker 1: comes over and leans down to talk to him.
Speaker 2: Oh, Bobby Joe. That was incredible.
Speaker 4: I'm your biggest fan.
Speaker 3: I want you so bad.
Speaker 1: Their faces fill his view.
Speaker 2: All right, all right. Which turn, ladies? There's plenty of
Speaker 2: BJ to go around.
Speaker 1: The studio lights pop off one at a time as
Speaker 1: the rest of the crew abandons the set. The girls
Speaker 1: on top of him take off their shirts.
Speaker 4: Well, hey now.
Speaker 1: They kiss his neck and chest, swarm him.
Speaker 2: Hold on a sec. There was something I was supposed
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 1: Fuck me, Mr.
Speaker 3: Williams.
Speaker 7: Me first.
Speaker 1: They continue to kiss him all over. Their hands run
Speaker 1: all over his face and through his hair. It's overwhelming.
Speaker 1: I want you. I want you more.
Speaker 2: Okay now, just Come on!
Speaker 1: Don't you want us? We want you so bad.
Speaker 2: Okay, cut it out, girls.
Speaker 1: Please, Bobby.
Speaker 4: I said stop!
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe pushes the girls off himself and leaps out
Speaker 1: of the chair. Interior, Walter's house, night. Bodies fly off
Speaker 1: of him and hit the floor, hard. Three female succubi
Speaker 1: skitter backwards up the walls into the shadows until they've
Speaker 1: all vanished, save but one. A young woman in a
Speaker 1: silk dress curled up in paint on the floor. It's
Speaker 1: only now Bobby Joe realizes he's back in Walter's living room.
Speaker 2: What the fuck was that?
Speaker 4: And who the fuck are you?
Speaker 1: Mia. She wears a new outfit, something silky that shows
Speaker 1: off her curves. My name's Mia.
Speaker 2: Mia.
Speaker 4: You're the kid.
Speaker 1: Where are my mommy and daddy?
Speaker 2: Oh, kid, I got bad news for you.
Speaker 4: They're over there with that thing.
Speaker 8: You mean you're alone?
Speaker 4: Hey, what are you doing here? How'd you escape?
Speaker 1: She climbs to her feet, still turned away from him.
Speaker 1: He can't see the calculating look in her eyes.
Speaker 7: I ran.
Speaker 1: She moves about the house, runs her fingers along the
Speaker 1: piles of junk.
Speaker 4: Listen, we gotta get out of Dodge. Calling the boys
Speaker 4: in blue, the National Guard, Marines, something. Where's your phone?
Speaker 1: She finds the landline and tips it over onto the floor.
Speaker 6: Oops. Hey.
Speaker 4: What are you doing?
Speaker 1: Mia finds an old record player. She sets the needle
Speaker 1: down on the spinning record.
Speaker 2: Hey, kid, there's no time for a dance party.
Speaker 4: We gotta.
Speaker 1: Mia turns to him and dances seductively to the music.
Speaker 1: She runs her hands over her hips, along her breasts,
Speaker 1: and up her neck. She unties her dress and lets
Speaker 1: it fall to the floor, barely able to conceal her
Speaker 1: breasts with her arms.
Speaker 4: Well, we might have a little time.
Speaker 1: Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! He tries to shake
Speaker 1: the cobwebs loose. No, you can't.
Speaker 4: I mean, I can. I definitely can. Countless times.
Speaker 2: But no, you're just a.
Speaker 1: She moves closer to him, wraps her arms around his neck,
Speaker 1: presses her breasts against him. He turns his face away
Speaker 1: from her. She turns it back and kisses him passionately.
Speaker 4: No, we... you.
Speaker 1: Mia pushes him against the wall, wraps her bare leg
Speaker 1: around him. She kisses down his neck. He doesn't notice
Speaker 1: as she takes his gun and tosses it behind her.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe turns his head, deep in the throes of passion,
Speaker 1: and sees a large, ornate mirror propped amidst a junk pile.
Speaker 1: His eyes widen in shock as he sees the reflection
Speaker 1: in it. Pressed against his body, a demon covered in
Speaker 1: black fur and pointed barbs, horns hidden amidst a head
Speaker 1: of matted hair. Bobby Joe is horrified. He pushes her
Speaker 1: off him.
Speaker 9: What's the matter?
Speaker 4: Don't you want me?
Speaker 2: I got paper cut on my dickhole, lady.
Speaker 1: He points to the mirror and the succubus inhabiting Mia's
Speaker 1: body quickly becomes infatuated with its own reflection. It turns
Speaker 1: from side to side, checks out all its features, runs
Speaker 1: its hands over every inch of its body. Mia screams.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe looks from the demon's reflection in the mirror
Speaker 1: to the naked girl that stands in front of it.
Speaker 1: The reflections don't sink. What's happening? The demon realizes something.
Speaker 1: It bangs against the glass of the mirror, trapped. It
Speaker 1: screams and howls. Eyes glow bright red. It claws at
Speaker 1: the glass.
Speaker 4: What's this?
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe grabs something off one of the shelves and
Speaker 1: throws it at the mirror. The mirror shatters into a
Speaker 1: million pieces. The screams of the demon fly through the
Speaker 1: quiet house. house before it dies off somewhere in the distance.
Speaker 1: Bobby throws a blanket around Mia.
Speaker 7: Who are you?
Speaker 1: His big moment.
Speaker 4: I'm Bobby Joe fucking Williams, demon hunter.
Speaker 6: Aren't you the guy on that shitty TV show?
Speaker 1: His bubble bursts.
Speaker 5: Come on.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe grabs her by the arm. Exterior, Walter's house, night.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe leads Mia out of the house, now with
Speaker 1: clothes on. He pulls her towards a shitty van parked
Speaker 1: at the curb.
Speaker 7: What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Get the hell out of here.
Speaker 4: What do you think?
Speaker 6: You can't.
Speaker 1: My parents are still in there.
Speaker 2: Hold on.
Speaker 4: Wait a minute.
Speaker 2: You want to go back in there. You're Looney Tunes, kid.
Speaker 2: He'll kill both of us.
Speaker 1: Well, he'll kill my parents if we don't.
Speaker 2: Kid, ain't enough money in the world to.
Speaker 4: Get me to go back in there.
Speaker 1: She yanks her hand free.
Speaker 6: Well, I'm going.
Speaker 4: Alone, if I have to.
Speaker 1: She marches toward Richard's house. She pauses, turns.
Speaker 4: Loser.
Speaker 1: Mia stomps off.
Speaker 4: Wait!
Speaker 1: She turns back to him.
Speaker 2: If we do this, we need to go in prepared.
Speaker 2: I got some stuff in the van.
Speaker 1: He opens the van's rear doors. Mia walks back and
Speaker 1: checks it out. She sees it's just a mattress, some
Speaker 1: empty Red Bull cans, and porno magazines. There's nothing in here.
Speaker 1: Bobby pushes her into the back of the van and
Speaker 1: closes the door. He shoves a tire iron into the handles,
Speaker 1: seals it shut.
Speaker 7: You fucking dickhole!
Speaker 1: Mia bangs on the doors. Bobby Joe turns back to
Speaker 1: the house.
Speaker 4: Don't worry, kid.
Speaker 2: BJ will handle this. And ignore those magazines. They're just
Speaker 2: research for a part.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe walks on while Mia continues to slam her
Speaker 1: fists against the van doors. Exterior, Richard's house, night. Bobby
Speaker 1: Joe stands in front of Richard's house. It's even creepier
Speaker 1: than before. Fog rolls over every corner. A biting wind
Speaker 1: sways branches that scratch at the windows like claws.
Speaker 4: What the hell are you doing, Bobby?
Speaker 1: He takes the flask out of his inside jacket pocket
Speaker 1: and takes a big drink.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 2: Time to punch the clock.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe forges on, up the porch and inside Richard's house.
Speaker 1: The door slams shut behind him and seals him in.
Speaker 1: Fade to interior, Richard's house, night. Walter stirs at the
Speaker 1: foot of the stairs. He groans loudly, holding the back
Speaker 1: of his head. Samantha glides to where he lies.
Speaker 6: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't say Sam.
Speaker 1: I just was groaning. That was my bad.
Speaker 5: It was so dramatic.
Speaker 1: Walter stirs at the foot of the stairs. He groans loudly,
Speaker 1: holding the back of his head.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 2: Sam?
Speaker 1: Samantha glides to where he lies. She wears different clothes now,
Speaker 1: a flowy black nightgown.
Speaker 6: Shh.
Speaker 5: Walter, it's all right.
Speaker 1: She holds his head tenderly, rests his head against the
Speaker 1: floor again.
Speaker 4: Sam, you're all right.
Speaker 1: Richard, is he.
Speaker 6: Shh.
Speaker 1: Walter, you don't need to worry about him anymore.
Speaker 4: What do you mean?
Speaker 3: I'm here, baby.
Speaker 5: You don't have to worry about anything anymore.
Speaker 1: She kisses him deeply.
Speaker 6: Sam?
Speaker 1: Another Sam appears in Walter's view as he lies on
Speaker 1: his back. What? The second Sam kisses him, then a third,
Speaker 1: a fourth. The four Sams caress and fondle him. It's overwhelming,
Speaker 1: but Walter is confused, lost in the embrace. His eyes
Speaker 1: start to go fuzzy, nearing unconsciousness again. Suddenly, the front
Speaker 1: door slams open. A towering figure stands in the entryway.
Speaker 1: The spell is interrupted. The four demons on top of
Speaker 1: Walter look up and screech at the man.
Speaker 4: Hey, sea bitches!
Speaker 1: The four demons scurry away, crawling along the walls before
Speaker 1: they disappear into the dark corners of the house. Bobby
Speaker 1: Joe runs to Walter's side. Hey, kid!
Speaker 4: Kid!
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe smacks him once, then very hard a second time.
Speaker 8: Ow!
Speaker 4: Oh, good, you're not dead. Well, I wouldn't go that far.
Speaker 1: Walter struggles to his feet with Bobby Joe's health. Walter
Speaker 1: grabs the sword off the floor.
Speaker 5: Where's Sam?
Speaker 4: I thought you had her. I don't.
Speaker 1: She was here. Walter remembers what really happened.
Speaker 5: Wait.
Speaker 2: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Speaker 1: He took her.
Speaker 6: Okay, we have to find her.
Speaker 1: Walter looks around while Bobby Joe helps him to his feet.
Speaker 1: You good? Walter's legs go wobbly, but he catches himself.
Speaker 5: No, no, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: I'm fine. You check upstairs.
Speaker 5: I'll check down.
Speaker 2: Why do we have to split up?
Speaker 5: It's faster.
Speaker 1: It's a good way to get me killed.
Speaker 6: Okay, fine.
Speaker 1: Fine.
Speaker 4: We'll stick together. downstairs work for you?
Speaker 1: The two of them searched carefully through the house, ready
Speaker 1: for something to jump out and kill them any moment.
Speaker 6: That book you showed me, it tell you how to
Speaker 6: kill this thing?
Speaker 4: Yeah, about that.
Speaker 1: Walter stops.
Speaker 4: You don't know how to kill.
Speaker 2: It was a book on movie monsters. I just really,
Speaker 2: really need the money, all right?
Speaker 4: You washed up.
Speaker 2: Hey, you dragged me into this, man.
Speaker 4: I never said I was some kind of monster expert.
Speaker 1: Walter blinks.
Speaker 6: Yes, that's exactly what you've been saying the whole damn time.
Speaker 2: I just say what they tell me to say. I
Speaker 2: don't even watch the movies.
Speaker 1: They continue to argue. Cut away. A clawed finger flips
Speaker 1: a switch on an amplifier. Disorienting synth music blares through
Speaker 1: the house. The lights shut off, replaced by pink and
Speaker 1: purple strobe lights.
Speaker 4: What the hell?
Speaker 1: Nancy, Diane, and Karen appear before the duo. Demons in
Speaker 1: pastel active wear. shrouded in fog and gelled lighting. Walter
Speaker 1: and Bobby Joe feel their presence. They glare at each other,
Speaker 1: then slowly turn around. But they've vanished. The jogger demons
Speaker 1: appear behind the two men again. Their demon eyes glow
Speaker 1: red in the dark. Bobby Joe reaches in his pants
Speaker 1: for the gun. Walter clutches the large sword tighter. Bobby
Speaker 1: Joe draws the gun, but Demon Karen backhands him across
Speaker 1: the face before he can fire. He hurtles backwards. The
Speaker 1: gun sails across the room. Bobby Joe groans and rolls over.
Speaker 1: He notices the crossbow that slid under there, grabs it.
Speaker 1: Demon Nancy grabs Walter by the throat and lifts him
Speaker 1: in the air.
Speaker 2: Where's Sam?
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe stands and fires the crossbow at Demon Nancy.
Speaker 1: It sails right through her throat. Blood gushes as she chokes.
Speaker 1: She turns and looks at Bobby Joe before she collapses
Speaker 1: to the floor, dead, back in her human form. Walter
Speaker 1: rushes to Bobby Joe's side. Karen and Diane see Nancy's corpse.
Speaker 1: They hiss at Walter and Bobby Joe. Bobby Joe chucks
Speaker 1: the crossbow and picks up the mace he dropped earlier.
Speaker 2: Not my first four-way.
Speaker 6: Really?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: You take the ugly one.
Speaker 1: Before the men get their bearings, the demons attack. Karen
Speaker 1: tosses Walter aside, then rushes at Bobby Joe. He avoids
Speaker 1: a swipe of her claws and swings the mace. It
Speaker 1: annihilates Karen's face. She collapses, back in her human form,
Speaker 1: her jaw ripped off.
Speaker 3: Stunt training for my film Redneck Zombies 3, The South's Revenge.
Speaker 2: Not the time!
Speaker 1: Diane, alone now, screams. She grabs Bobby Joe by the throat,
Speaker 1: wrenches his wrist until he drops the... Bobby Joe punches
Speaker 1: her in the face, but she barely feels it. He
Speaker 1: smiles apologetically. She digs her sharp claws into Bobby Joe's shoulder.
Speaker 1: The pain shocks him. He screams as blood flows down
Speaker 1: his shoulder.
Speaker 2: Son of a bitch! I like that shirt!
Speaker 1: Walter charges, brings the heavy sword down. Her arm is severed.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe falls to the floor, the hand still wrapped
Speaker 1: around his throat. He tosses it aside. Diane looks at
Speaker 1: the bloody stump as it gushes black ooze. She looks
Speaker 1: at Walter and screeches. He winds up again and swings
Speaker 1: the heavy sword before she can attack. Her head goes flying.
Speaker 1: It hits the floor and rolls a few times before
Speaker 1: it lands right side up. It blinks a few times
Speaker 1: and looks at the duo. Screeches again. Spits up and
Speaker 1: more black ooze. Bobby Joe drops the mace and looks
Speaker 1: around for something. He finds it and picks up his gun.
Speaker 1: Diane screeches again. Bobby Joe silences her, blowing a hole
Speaker 1: in her demonic head. Her skull explodes. Messy. Are you alright?
Speaker 4: Fine, kid. Just a flesh wound.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe notices the bloody gash on his shoulder.
Speaker 4: Oh, okay, yeah. I need to go to the hospital.
Speaker 6: Yeah, look, you don't have to stay.
Speaker 5: This is my fight.
Speaker 4: Oh, shut up, kid. We're almost at the big climax.
Speaker 1: Walter extends his hand. Bobby Joe takes it.
Speaker 4: And I know something about climaxes.
Speaker 1: They look at their handiwork, see two corpses.
Speaker 4: Hey, where's the ugly one?
Speaker 1: Interior, kitchen, night. Walter and Bobby Joe follow a trail
Speaker 1: of blood into the den. They approach the door under
Speaker 1: the stairs.
Speaker 4: Yahtzee!
Speaker 1: Walter counts down quietly.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 1: Three, two.
Speaker 2: Wait!
Speaker 4: Are we doing this on one, like it's three, two, one, go?
Speaker 1: No, on one.
Speaker 4: Okay, so just so I'm sure... It's three, two, go.
Speaker 2: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Speaker 1: One! Walter throws open the door, expecting a fight. But
Speaker 1: the room is empty. What? Bobby Joe points at the floor.
Speaker 1: A trail of dark blood leads into the closet and
Speaker 1: disappears under the back wall. Look! Walter and Bobby bend
Speaker 1: down to get a closer look. From this angle, they
Speaker 1: see a cloud of dust illuminated by a faint light
Speaker 1: that emanates from behind the wooden slats of a false back.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe pokes at the DIY back. It gives a little.
Speaker 1: Walter pushes it back further and slides it behind the
Speaker 1: false backing, revealing an ancient stone-walled stairwell lined with lit torches.
Speaker 4: Creepy basement. Check.
Speaker 1: Walter and Bobby Joe head down to the stone-walled stairwell.
Speaker 1: Interior stairwell. At the bottom is an ancient wooden door.
Speaker 1: Beneath it, a new doormat that reads, Live. Laugh.
Speaker 4: Love.
Speaker 1: Interior underground tunnel. The door opens to an underground chamber.
Speaker 1: Lit torches line the walls. Walter grabs one and carries
Speaker 1: it with him. This is new. No, this is old.
Speaker 4: Very old.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe runs a finger across the stone.
Speaker 4: Old as ball.
Speaker 6: I am definitely bringing this up at the next HOA meeting.
Speaker 1: Walter and Bobby Joe head slowly down the long chamber.
Speaker 1: Along the corridor, every few feet, hang various oil paintings,
Speaker 1: from centuries old up to more recent. Walter approaches the
Speaker 1: first one. The painting is of a well-dressed gentleman of
Speaker 1: European nobility in parade armor, cloaked in a green velvet cape,
Speaker 1: his arm resting on his gold and silver adorned helmet
Speaker 1: that rests on a table covered in more velvet. The
Speaker 1: man in the painting, it's Richard, looking as young as
Speaker 1: he does today. Walter looks at the nameplate, Portrait of
Speaker 1: Richard Lancaster III, 1574. Jesus. Hey, beat your feet. A
Speaker 1: light comes from the end of the chamber. I see something,
Speaker 1: come on. Interior, underground chamber, night. Walter and Bobby Joe
Speaker 1: enter the underground church in awe. Walter sees Samantha on
Speaker 1: the altar.
Speaker 4: Sam!
Speaker 1: Walter hands Bobby Joe the torch and runs to Samantha.
Speaker 1: He lifts her head up, but she remains unconscious. Bobby
Speaker 1: Joe searches the chamber.
Speaker 2: Grab her and let's get her out of here.
Speaker 6: We can't.
Speaker 2: Look!
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe takes a stock or he takes a stock
Speaker 1: of Samantha and Walter. Bobby Joe takes stock of Samantha
Speaker 1: and Walter.
Speaker 4: Is she all right?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Samantha.
Speaker 1: Richard's voice seems to come from everywhere in the chamber. Awake.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe and Walter stand ready.
Speaker 4: Awake.
Speaker 1: Samantha's eyes pop open. They glow red.
Speaker 5: Where the hell is he?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: While Walter and Bobby Joe search for Richard in the
Speaker 1: dark chamber, Samantha rises behind them. She stalks toward them.
Speaker 1: Her teeth grow into long fangs. Bobby Joe and Walter
Speaker 1: feel something behind them. They turn. Samantha snarls at them.
Speaker 1: They both scream.
Speaker 5: I might have jumped that.
Speaker 1: Samantha swipes her claws at Bobby Joe, tears into his chest.
Speaker 1: He falls backwards. Walter stumbles backwards, bumps into the stone altar.
Speaker 1: Sam pushes him into it. Sam push... You like that?
Speaker 1: Into it. It was a choice. Sam pushes him.
Speaker 1: Sam pushes his stamina into it. No.
Speaker 2: Just about. I was this close. I was just about
Speaker 2: to sit.
Speaker 4: You beat me to it. Beautiful callback.
Speaker 6: Always, always appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank God. Sam pushes him onto it, then jumps
Speaker 1: on top of him.
Speaker 4: Sam, you're alive.
Speaker 2: More than I have been in a long time, Walter.
Speaker 1: She leans back, still straddles him on top of the
Speaker 1: stone altar, runs her palms along her hips and breasts.
Speaker 1: What has he done to you? Sam leans in closer
Speaker 1: to Walter. He gets an up-close view at her demonic visage.
Speaker 5: Opened my eyes.
Speaker 1: She grabs Walter by the shirt. Sam lifts him up.
Speaker 1: His feet drag the floor between her legs until they
Speaker 1: hang above the floor. She walks Walter back and throttles
Speaker 1: him against the stone wall. The sword clangs to the floor.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe, still on the ground, clutches the wound on
Speaker 1: his chest. A shadow looms above. Hooves stomp over to him.
Speaker 1: He looks up to see Richard standing over him.
Speaker 5: Howdy.
Speaker 4: Oh, shit.
Speaker 1: Richard grabs him by the hair, yanks him to his feet,
Speaker 1: and throws him across the chamber. He stands and watches
Speaker 1: Sam and Walter.
Speaker 5: You should be proud of yourself, Walter. Few can resist
Speaker 5: me as long as hers. Her love for you is
Speaker 5: stronger than I expected.
Speaker 1: Well, we do go to therapy. Samantha squeezes Walter's throat.
Speaker 4: What have you done to her?
Speaker 7: I only gave her what she wanted, Walter. These women,
Speaker 7: their desires, they're so unfulfilled. I merely filled them, if
Speaker 7: you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Oh, you asshole! Sam squeezes his throat tighter.
Speaker 5: If their husbands could attend to them the way I do...
Speaker 5: Their flesh would never crave mine.
Speaker 1: Passion, Walter.
Speaker 5: They yearn for it.
Speaker 1: I give it to them.
Speaker 4: You want passion.
Speaker 2: I'll give you passion.
Speaker 1: Walter grabs Samantha by her demon face and kisses her deeply.
Speaker 1: She steps back, confused. Walter gasps.
Speaker 2: Remember, Sam, the night we met at that thing in college?
Speaker 6: You didn't want to go home, so we just sat
Speaker 6: in the car and we talked until the sun came up.
Speaker 6: And then my battery died and we had to call
Speaker 6: a tow truck.
Speaker 1: Walter walks toward her as she backpedals, afraid.
Speaker 6: Or when we took Mia home after she was born
Speaker 6: and you didn't sleep for a week and we thought
Speaker 6: we were going to lose our minds until we put
Speaker 6: on Pantera in her crib and she went right to sleep.
Speaker 6: I mean, really should have taken that as more of
Speaker 6: a sign, right?
Speaker 1: Demon Sam's anger fades. Confusion and tears fill her eyes.
Speaker 6: Or when Dad died and you were so amazing and
Speaker 6: you put everything else on hold so that I could
Speaker 6: I don't know, just honor his memory or whatever the
Speaker 6: hell I thought I was doing. You weren't even all
Speaker 6: that mad. I mean, you know, a justifiable amount of
Speaker 6: mad when I filled our house with his junk and
Speaker 6: I know you knew it was because, well, because I
Speaker 6: didn't want.
Speaker 4: To let him go yet.
Speaker 1: Walter looks Sam deep in her eyes as it all
Speaker 1: spills out.
Speaker 6: I know it wasn't always easy being married to me,
Speaker 6: but no one has ever meant more to me, Sam.
Speaker 6: No one has ever meant more than you do. You
Speaker 6: are my best friend. You make me want to be
Speaker 6: a better man, a better father. That's not something he
Speaker 6: could ever be.
Speaker 4: I love you, Sam.
Speaker 1: Sam looks away. When she looks up at him again,
Speaker 1: her face has returned to normal. She's back.
Speaker 6: Oh, Walter. I love you.
Speaker 1: She grabs him and makes out with him like a teenager.
Speaker 5: Touching.
Speaker 1: They make out some more. Richard clears his throat.
Speaker 5: I guess I'll just have to kill both of you then.
Speaker 6: You know what?
Speaker 1: You're a dick, dick. From behind, Bobby Joe swings the
Speaker 1: mace again. This time, however, Richard catches it.
Speaker 5: Too slow?
Speaker 2: Give me a break.
Speaker 1: Walter rushes Richard, but he brushes Walter aside like nothing.
Speaker 1: He crashes into Sam, and they both fall. Richard tosses
Speaker 1: the mace aside and grabs Bobby Joe by the throat.
Speaker 5: Don't I know you from somewhere?
Speaker 2: Oh, you're the guy on that shitty TV show.
Speaker 3: I'm Bobby Joe fucking William Stephen Hunter, monster slayer. If
Speaker 3: you kill me, you'll have to answer my millions of
Speaker 3: devoted fans and hurry up with your kid.
Speaker 1: Richard turns. Walter runs the sword through Richard's chest. He
Speaker 1: drops Bobby Joe, who grabs at his bloody wounds. Richard
Speaker 1: looks down at the sword in his chest, shocked. His
Speaker 1: face fills with anger. He howls into Walter's face.
Speaker 6: Blowing him back.
Speaker 1: Walter yanks the sword out of Richard's chest and swings
Speaker 1: it again. This time, Richard catches it.
Speaker 5: This sword's junk, by the way.
Speaker 1: Richard breaks it in half with one hand. He grabs
Speaker 1: Walter by the throat and lifts him into the air.
Speaker 2: It's not junk.
Speaker 1: It's an antique. Sam grabs the broken sword and slices
Speaker 1: off the hand holding Walter by his throat. The severed
Speaker 1: hand turns into a pile of snakes that slither away. Hey, kid.
Speaker 1: On the ground, Bobby Joe slides the revolver to Walter.
Speaker 1: Walter grabs it and unloads several shots at Richard's chest. Enough!
Speaker 1: Richard projects his energy through the entire chamber. The three
Speaker 1: of them are blown backward in gape and awe as
Speaker 1: Richard screams. Two enormous wings grow out of his back.
Speaker 1: The horns on his head catch on fire and burn
Speaker 1: like a fiery crown. His hooves stomp closer to them.
Speaker 1: His two-foot demon dick dangles between his furry's ghost legs.
Speaker 6: Perfect.
Speaker 4: Now you die!
Speaker 1: Sam grabs the gun from Walter and aims for Richard's head.
Speaker 1: The flower!
Speaker 4: The stinky flower!
Speaker 2: The what?
Speaker 1: Walter gets it. He pushes Sam's hand south a bit.
Speaker 1: She aims for his dick and fires. His giant demon
Speaker 1: dick fucking explodes. It takes a moment for the pain
Speaker 1: to register, but once it does, oh boy. Richard collapses
Speaker 1: to his knees as blood squirts out onto the floor.
Speaker 1: He moors back to his human form. Close up, Richard
Speaker 1: tries to put the mangled pieces of his blown up
Speaker 1: dick back together.
Speaker 5: Oh God, what have you done? Oh no.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe takes out his flask and gulps down another sip.
Speaker 1: Walter notices and snatches it out of his hand, douses
Speaker 1: it all over Richard. Please, Walter.
Speaker 5: I only wanted to get laid, you know.
Speaker 4: Dick, get fucked.
Speaker 1: Walter tosses the torch at his knees and gulps Richard
Speaker 1: in flames. Richard screams in agony. The walls of the
Speaker 1: chamber shake. One of the columns collapses. Bobby, Joe, Walter,
Speaker 1: and Samantha book it out of the underground chamber, into
Speaker 1: the hallway, and up the stairs into the main house.
Speaker 1: Richard continues to scream in agony. His screams echo as
Speaker 1: he transforms into his full demon self, black wings with
Speaker 1: an enormous wingspan. Black horns that curl around his head.
Speaker 1: A mouthful of long fangs. Black, spiky fur. The chamber
Speaker 1: crumbles around him. Columns fall, burying him. Interior, Richard's house, night. Upstairs,
Speaker 1: the trio race out from the basement. The house falls
Speaker 1: apart around them. Exterior, Richard's house, night. Walter, Bobby Joe,
Speaker 1: and Samantha jump out of the front door just as
Speaker 1: it collapses. A cloud of dust envelops them. They cough.
Speaker 4: I guess that's how you kill one.
Speaker 2: I guess he couldn't bear to go out living without
Speaker 2: his dick.
Speaker 4: I can't really blame him, I guess. I don't know
Speaker 4: what I'd do with that little Bobby Joe.
Speaker 1: They gape in awe at the wreckage of the house. Oh, damn.
Speaker 6: I never got to ask him the name of his
Speaker 6: interior decorator.
Speaker 1: The three of them laugh.
Speaker 5: Sam.
Speaker 1: It's cut short. There's an explosion beneath the rubble. A
Speaker 1: dark figure launches into the sky and lands in front
Speaker 1: of them. Richard. His wings outstretched but charred and burnt.
Speaker 1: His skin the same. Eyes glow with flame-red intensity. His
Speaker 1: full demonic visage. He stomps toward them. You dare!
Speaker 4: You are nothing to me, Walter.
Speaker 6: You are but a blip!
Speaker 1: On my way to eternity, once I'm... Richard's demonic face
Speaker 1: fills with shock just before Bobby Joe's white panel van
Speaker 1: plows over it. The van door pops open. Mia falls out.
Speaker 1: She gets her bearings, sees her parents. Mom! Dad!
Speaker 2: Mia!
Speaker 1: Sam and Walter race over to her.
Speaker 4: What happened to you?
Speaker 6: I don't really remember much, except I woke up naked
Speaker 6: with this guy.
Speaker 7: who saved me.
Speaker 2: I tried, I did.
Speaker 4: Possessed, she was possessed, and I saved her.
Speaker 1: Sam walks over to him. He takes a step back,
Speaker 1: fearful of a punch to the face. Instead, she wraps
Speaker 1: her arms around him, hugs him tight.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe blushes.
Speaker 4: It was nothing.
Speaker 6: Oh, ow! Okay, hospital.
Speaker 1: Sam and Mia lead Walter back towards their house. Sam
Speaker 1: and Mia help Walter. They head towards home. Sam, wait.
Speaker 6: What is it?
Speaker 1: I know how to save this door. Bobby Joe hangs
Speaker 1: back a second, watches the last bit of Richard's house crumble.
Speaker 4: Drive-in total. One dead motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Interior, Walter's Antiques and Curio, day. Superimpose, weeks later. Close-up
Speaker 1: on TV screen. Bobby Joe, back in the studio in
Speaker 1: front of his trailer, sends off another schlocky horror film.
Speaker 3: Those drive-in totals are six titties, five dead bodies, and
Speaker 3: one exploded dick.
Speaker 4: Man, my sphincter's tired just thinking about it.
Speaker 1: My ratings for tonight's.
Speaker 3: Film, Incubus of Death 3, The Reckoning, is a four
Speaker 3: out of a possible five cases of beer.
Speaker 1: Four little cases of beer appear on the screen.
Speaker 4: Oh, and one last thing.
Speaker 3: You might have heard my name in the news recently
Speaker 3: for slaying a real-life monster.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 9: I'd love to take all the credit, but the real
Speaker 9: monster slayer this time is Walter Knope. If you need anything,
Speaker 9: anything at all, to slay a monster or demon or
Speaker 9: even an incubus in.
Speaker 3: Your town, just head on over to Walt and Sam's
Speaker 3: Monster Hunt Supplies in Emporium.
Speaker 4: Use my name and I'm sure.
Speaker 2: He'll slash his prices for you.
Speaker 3: And remember, kids, the drive-in will never die and neither
Speaker 3: will I.
Speaker 1: We pull out now to see Walter's store filled with customers.
Speaker 1: Samantha takes their orders, beans with happiness. Walter leads Bobby
Speaker 1: Joe to the front door.
Speaker 6: You know, I really can't thank you enough for the ad.
Speaker 4: You saved the store.
Speaker 3: Oh, I think you saved it first, kid. Plus, your
Speaker 3: little rebranding scheme didn't hurt either.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know, I guess I never realized all the
Speaker 6: best sellers in Dad's collection were weapons.
Speaker 1: Hey, maybe you come from online or monster hunters. Walter
Speaker 1: digs in his pocket as Samantha approaches them. He hands
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe a stack of cash.
Speaker 6: Here, it's everything I owe you, plus the emergency fund.
Speaker 4: You earned it.
Speaker 1: Bobby Joe looks at both of them for a long beat.
Speaker 4: I'll keep it.
Speaker 5: Go on a second honeymoon or something. You need it.
Speaker 1: Walter and Sam smile at each other.
Speaker 4: Well, thank you, Bobby Joe.
Speaker 1: Leslie. What? Yeah.
Speaker 4: You think my real name's Bobby Joe?
Speaker 1: Leslie heads for the door.
Speaker 2: See you around, kid.
Speaker 1: Leslie grabs the mace off a shelf.
Speaker 4: I am taking this, though. Kind of liked it.
Speaker 1: He sees the crossbow and grabs it as well.
Speaker 4: This, too?
Speaker 1: He opens the door and leaves, closes it behind him.
Speaker 5: So, what do you want to do now?
Speaker 2: Hmm.
Speaker 1: I can think of a few things. Walter looks at
Speaker 1: all the customers in the store.
Speaker 4: Mia, watch the store!
Speaker 1: Walter and Sam race to the back room. The door shuts.
Speaker 1: We hear laughter and sounds of pleasure. Oh, right there.
Speaker 8: Oh, Walter.
Speaker 6: Oh, boy.
Speaker 1: Oh, Walter.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 1: That was quick.
Speaker 2: Well, it's been a minute.
Speaker 6: It's been a minute. Loaded up.
Speaker 1: Interior, Bobby Joe's van, moving. Bobby Joe drives off in
Speaker 1: his shitty white battle van. He finds some Van Halen
Speaker 1: on the radio and cracks open a beer. He sings along.
Speaker 1: Life is pretty good. We move to the back of
Speaker 1: the van slowly. Under a pile of clothes and trash
Speaker 1: and porno mags, Diane opens her red eyes and snarls
Speaker 1: with her bared fangs. The end.
Speaker 4: He's coming.
Speaker 6: Yay!