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Speaker 1: M from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in

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Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers

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Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you

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Speaker 1: will fired, you will pass through centuries on the hands

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Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the

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Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who groomed into hymnals

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Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments

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Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored ALCHEMYO chariots to keep

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Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood, be wise, be smart, being black,

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Speaker 1: opal brown parts, bloodstone, and prayer. Be every form of

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Speaker 1: Jim see king told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,

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Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the ant this

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Speaker 1: is And the ancestors told me that you would come

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Speaker 1: to give you wisdom. Thousands they said you would come

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Speaker 1: Dropping Dropping the Jam. Hey, welcome to episode five of

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Speaker 1: The Dropping Jim's Podcast. As always, I'm your host, Debbie Brown. Now,

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Speaker 1: recently I had the really amazing opportunity to speak at

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Speaker 1: the omened War Retreat in Tucson, Arizona. That little background

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Speaker 1: on omn War. It's a wellness lifestyle brand for women

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Speaker 1: of color that's founded by amazing, amazing woman named Christina Rice, who,

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Speaker 1: besides being a PR and events maven, she's also a

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Speaker 1: certified yoga instructor and like me, is wildly passionate about

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Speaker 1: sharing tools for healing and self discovery through content and experiences.

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Speaker 1: So for four days I stayed at the Mirror Val

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Speaker 1: Resort in Tucson, Arizona. Now I've been to Arizona quite

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Speaker 1: a bit. I love Sedona, I've been to Phoenix, but

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Speaker 1: I've never been to Tucson yet. And Mirror Val Resort

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Speaker 1: has a huge reputation for just really being about all

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Speaker 1: things mindfulness while also being very five stars. So it's

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Speaker 1: this cool kind of rustic experience. Lots of amazing spa

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Speaker 1: treatments that were geared towards energy healing, a lot of

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Speaker 1: outdoor activities. We weren't even allowed to have our cell

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Speaker 1: phones out, which was hard at first but then felt amazing,

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Speaker 1: and we shared roughly space with roughly seventy five women

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Speaker 1: from all over the world and other speakers at the

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Speaker 1: event included dynamic ladies like Brandy Harvey, Allison Bird, Zara Barnes,

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Speaker 1: Danielle Cadet, Dmitria Lucas, Dr Kiera king Laschelle Wooten, Brandy Victorian,

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Speaker 1: Angela Benton, and Sadara Furlow. This Any Retreat is actually

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Speaker 1: featured right now too, and I believe it's either the

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Speaker 1: May or June issue of Essence magazine. It's the really

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Speaker 1: beautiful one that's purple with Alicia Keys on the cover,

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Speaker 1: So make sure you check that out, and also check

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Speaker 1: out their instagram, which is Own New War that's O

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Speaker 1: M N O I R E. And I put a

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Speaker 1: ton of links and pictures from my perspective video to

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Speaker 1: on my blog that's on my website. So check out

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Speaker 1: my whole experience at the Own New World Retreat on

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Speaker 1: Debbie Brown dot com. So for my part of the event,

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Speaker 1: I let a sunrise meditation in this beautiful outdoor labyrinth,

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Speaker 1: and I also did a Q and A session with

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Speaker 1: the amazing and witty Danielle Cadet, who is the editor

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Speaker 1: of Refinery twenty nine Unbothered. She is a bar too.

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Speaker 1: She's a really really dope chick, brilliant, really fun and

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Speaker 1: had beautiful insight about things that we all really really

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Speaker 1: want to know when it comes to taking care of yourself.

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Speaker 1: So we delved into what does self care really look

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Speaker 1: like in the real day to day lives that we have, Specifically,

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Speaker 1: what are tools that are needed outside of the very

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Speaker 1: overused go to of positive thinking. I did air quotes

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Speaker 1: there to enhance the quality of your day to day

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Speaker 1: life and lead you to a better relationship with yourself.

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Speaker 1: Y'all know I live for conversations like that. Also, for

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Speaker 1: the first time, shared a little bit about recent loss

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Speaker 1: of faith that I experienced when I found out that

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Speaker 1: my friend Nipsey Hustle was murdered um and what I've

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Speaker 1: just been kind of doing to navigate that grief and

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Speaker 1: find light. So between the talk she and I shared

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Speaker 1: and the questions from the audience, it was a really

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Speaker 1: special and insightful conversation. So instead of just letting it

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Speaker 1: live in the moment in Arizona, I decided, with permission

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Speaker 1: from Own New War, that I wanted to share it

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Speaker 1: with you here as well on the podcast. So this

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Speaker 1: episode is the very special conversation between Danielle Cadet and

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Speaker 1: myself at the Own New War retreat. I hope you

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Speaker 1: like it. Please share thoughts with me on social media

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Speaker 1: whether you did or did it By tagging me at

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Speaker 1: Debbie Brown. That's d E v I Brown. So here

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Speaker 1: we go, much love, good morning, where everybody is looking

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Speaker 1: that meditation was I'm so sad because I missed meditation

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Speaker 1: this morning, And I'm sad, but did everyone looks bright

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Speaker 1: eyed and bushy tails, So I know Debbie got you

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Speaker 1: all together this morning. I hope everybody has some probiotic

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Speaker 1: juice because it's delicious, clearly a drink online. U. I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited to chat with you, Debbie. And I know

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Speaker 1: we spoke a little bit on the phone, and honestly

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Speaker 1: I could have been on the phone with you all day,

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Speaker 1: so I don't feel like we really got into it.

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Speaker 1: So I'm really excited to just chat real self care,

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Speaker 1: um and to really get real about wellness right. And

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Speaker 1: you know, when we were talking, we talked about how

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Speaker 1: white the wellness spaces and how self care can oftentimes

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Speaker 1: just the idea of self care. Sometimes does it seem

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Speaker 1: like as as women of color, as black women, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't feel like we can relate to that. It doesn't

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Speaker 1: feel like there's a space for us there um. And

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Speaker 1: so I want to jump in with you and just

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Speaker 1: talk about wellness specifically for women of color and how

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Speaker 1: stress affects us differently and therefore we have to exercise

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Speaker 1: wellness differently. Yeah, can you guys hear me? Okay, okay, uh,

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Speaker 1: you know it's so interesting and anybody else that is

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Speaker 1: done like maybe some of this experiential spiritual journey. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure you recognize that when you are typically somewhere, you

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Speaker 1: are the only personal color, and you are more than

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Speaker 1: likely the youngest. Like it's really a space of like

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Speaker 1: older white people like in the sunset of their life,

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Speaker 1: or you know, really just white women. Like it's become

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Speaker 1: very very on trend. You know, positive hashtag positivity, hashtag

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Speaker 1: blessed are too deleting hashtags on social media right, like

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Speaker 1: up to a billion chimbined of people putting that on

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Speaker 1: literally everything, you know, so in positivity and being blessed

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Speaker 1: and being grateful, like they're all so completely unique to

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Speaker 1: you in your worldview. So you'll see those hashtags on

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Speaker 1: a Bible verse or on a car, right, like you'll

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Speaker 1: see like you just pours on what your value system. Um.

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Speaker 1: So kind of just a little backstory, like when I

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Speaker 1: was like working in media, like I shared earlier meditation,

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Speaker 1: I had a burnout and I felt like I was

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Speaker 1: tired of talking about things that ultimately didn't matter, Like

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Speaker 1: did I want my legacy to be that I was

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Speaker 1: commenting on who had hip hop beef with who? And

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Speaker 1: who was breaking up with who? You know? Um, and

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Speaker 1: I started to feel like I was doing a disservice

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Speaker 1: to my listeners and a disservice to the world by

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Speaker 1: even talking about those things in an enthusiastic way like

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Speaker 1: they mattered, you know. Um. And as I kind of

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Speaker 1: like journey deeper into myself and working through my trauma

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Speaker 1: and wanting to just deepen my relationship with me, I

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Speaker 1: just deeply, deeply and desperately wanted that so badly for

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Speaker 1: everyone I encountered. You know, I'm a I'm a huge believer,

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Speaker 1: and if you've listened to my podcast, I probably said

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Speaker 1: this on every episode. But I'm a huge believer that

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Speaker 1: healing trauma and seeking wholeness is the only only way

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Speaker 1: for real generational change, for us to really see our

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Speaker 1: futures change and the trajectory of our family has change.

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Speaker 1: The only way to really really do that in a

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Speaker 1: significant way is to work on healing yourself to choose

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Speaker 1: you first, because when you heal yourself, you have the

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Speaker 1: opportunity to extend that light to anyone that you touch

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Speaker 1: or come across. And obviously you know better access to

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Speaker 1: education and academics, financial literacy, having the ability to earn more,

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Speaker 1: all of those things are wildly important as well and

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Speaker 1: play a part. But you can have money and be

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Speaker 1: a shitty person, right, Like you can have money and

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Speaker 1: still harm your family is a well. Um, so it's

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Speaker 1: just it's just really important that we recognize, like when

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Speaker 1: we talk about self care, when we talk about positivity,

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Speaker 1: when we talk about purpose, we're really understanding, like let's

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Speaker 1: make sure that we're not trying to do it from

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Speaker 1: a comparative place like, oh you're good, Well, I want

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Speaker 1: to be good too, you know, like, oh, you're living

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Speaker 1: your best life. I'm living my best life. You know.

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Speaker 1: We really want to always stay centered in the idea

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Speaker 1: that we have to choose ourselves first. And that is

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Speaker 1: so counterintuitive to anything that we were ever taught as women.

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Speaker 1: The second we are old enough to hold something, as

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Speaker 1: babies were given a baby to play with, Like how

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Speaker 1: insane is that when you really think about it, Why

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Speaker 1: as a baby am I playing with a baby and

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Speaker 1: learning how to nurture as a child, and you know

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Speaker 1: it does obviously it is very serving. I mean, women

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Speaker 1: are such magnificent, magnificent creatures. Like we have discernment in

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Speaker 1: a way that it is not possible for men. We

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Speaker 1: have nurturing and care. We have depth in our relationships

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Speaker 1: that is not typically seen and the relationships men have

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Speaker 1: with one another. So I do understand a certain level

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Speaker 1: of kind of our programming for nurturing. It also is

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Speaker 1: our superpower. But it also gives us this pressure and

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Speaker 1: this expectation that everything in our world comes before us,

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Speaker 1: you know, and so real self care. But we want

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Speaker 1: to dig into it, like yes, like the baths are great,

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Speaker 1: the trip so great, like all of the all of

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Speaker 1: the little touches you can do that provide care for

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Speaker 1: yourself are incredible. But we have to stay grounded and

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Speaker 1: centered in the root of I am choosing me because

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Speaker 1: I deserve to be whole, I deserve to have peace,

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Speaker 1: and when I have those things, me just being who

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Speaker 1: I am effortlessly will extend that to other people as well.

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Speaker 1: I love that so much. Oh my gosh, yeah, we're

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Speaker 1: in for it today. I want to touch on Gooden.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know, I don't like already like so

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Speaker 1: much to talk about. I want to touch on something

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Speaker 1: you just said, burnout. There's a couple of things, um,

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Speaker 1: just what you just said. But the first thing I

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Speaker 1: really want to start with is what you do when

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Speaker 1: you feel burnt out. I've definitely felt burnt out. And

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Speaker 1: you know, working in the news can be really difficult. Um,

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Speaker 1: But just in any industry in general, especially as women,

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Speaker 1: as women of color, we tend to give so much

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Speaker 1: of ourselves. Talk to me about your journey and about

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Speaker 1: you know, feeling burnt out, but then having the energy

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Speaker 1: and the courage to make a transition and to make

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Speaker 1: a change and to prioritize yourself. Yeah. Um, part of

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Speaker 1: it was a natural blessing, and that I was raised

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Speaker 1: as an only child to a single parent. By nature

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Speaker 1: of that, you spend so much time in your own head,

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Speaker 1: you know, you spend so I had a very isolated

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Speaker 1: childhood and that you know, I was a latchkey kid,

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Speaker 1: so I had to come home by myself sometimes, right,

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Speaker 1: And then you can't go out and play because you

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Speaker 1: don't want people to know that your home alone. Um.

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Speaker 1: And just you know, my natural kind of um wiring

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Speaker 1: is just as extroverted as I am. It's to go

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Speaker 1: inside more often than not and to really like analyze

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Speaker 1: myself and think about my feelings. And I'm one of

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Speaker 1: those people very email right, um by nature of that,

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Speaker 1: that was always kind of like my first response to

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Speaker 1: anything is to go inside. But then life teaches you different.

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Speaker 1: You know, you forget things that you inherently knew, You

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Speaker 1: forget the way you're hard wired, and you get it

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Speaker 1: sometimes very obsessed with other definables of yourself. And a

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Speaker 1: big shift for me was just you know, and Allison

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Speaker 1: talked about this last night, calling it like the nudge.

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Speaker 1: For me, it was like the gnawing in the pit

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Speaker 1: of my stomach, like it literally felt like something was

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Speaker 1: right here that said, what else? What else? You know? Okay,

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Speaker 1: I got the career, I make really good money, I

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Speaker 1: got the car. You know, some people know who I am.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing good for my all before the age of this,

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Speaker 1: you know, And then you get all of that which

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Speaker 1: society told you your whole life, that's the point of

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Speaker 1: being here, right, And you're like, but what else? This

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Speaker 1: is it just so? I mean, you could buy a

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Speaker 1: new car after a couple of months, it's still gonna

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Speaker 1: be a car, you know, like it wears Like anything

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Speaker 1: that is like not inherent to who you are, it's

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Speaker 1: gonna wear off, you know. And I started really taking

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Speaker 1: a hard look at myself and realizing that working in entertainment,

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Speaker 1: having to be on all the time, it was also

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Speaker 1: you know, fun became the distraction of my life, you know, working,

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Speaker 1: being a boss, being successful, like it all really became

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Speaker 1: a distraction for me. Meeting me Wow, when your time

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Speaker 1: is filled, right, when you're constantly looking for things to do,

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Speaker 1: when you're constantly out, or if you were like me

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Speaker 1: as well, if you're a fixer, who's the fixer in

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Speaker 1: their lives? Right? Always solving everybody's problem, Always has a

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Speaker 1: bit of advice to give somebody, Always this, always that,

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Speaker 1: And we feel great in that because that's also one

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Speaker 1: of our gifts. Um. But we do two things when

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Speaker 1: we do that. We deny ourselves the ability to focus

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Speaker 1: on us because we're so righteously taking care of other people.

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Speaker 1: And then we also rob other people of their ability

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Speaker 1: to learn resilience and their ability to connect with their

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Speaker 1: sacred higher power and figure out what their journey is.

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Speaker 1: We're all here with our own curriculum. We're all here

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Speaker 1: with our lessons to learn, and we rob other people

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Speaker 1: of their right to connect with God when we are

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Speaker 1: trying to do everything for them or take on their brokenness.

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Speaker 1: You know, Um, sometimes we have and I might be

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Speaker 1: going way. Of course You're sorry, keep going, keep going,

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Speaker 1: But you know that was like a big for me.

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Speaker 1: That was one of the biggest things in self care

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Speaker 1: was I do not have to take on everyone's load.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't mean that I don't send them love,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that I don't deeply want their healing.

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Speaker 1: I just also recognize that I am depriving myself when

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Speaker 1: I do that, and I'm depriving them. So just slowly,

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Speaker 1: just in small ways, I started giving myself that time back,

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Speaker 1: reclaiming my time right. I started giving that shout out. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I started, you know, um, just respectfully disengaging, you know,

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Speaker 1: like being detached from this like response to always fix people,

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Speaker 1: to always give them advice and sometimes just listen and

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Speaker 1: wish them well and then use that energy for myself. Um.

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Speaker 1: And I have no idea what the original questions, and

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Speaker 1: I hope that somewhat kind of you did. We were

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Speaker 1: talking about burnout and how you claim not. So I

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Speaker 1: was burned out from career, and then I was burned

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Speaker 1: out from being everybody's everything right, you know, And I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, this is not sustainable, especially not if

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Speaker 1: I want to have the life I've always dreamed of.

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Speaker 1: This is not This isn't going to get me there,

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Speaker 1: you know. Um, So just kinda And I said this

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Speaker 1: earlier meditation. It's that idea of just relinquishing control, just

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Speaker 1: surrendering even when you don't know how, you don't know

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Speaker 1: what to do, you know. And one of my most

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Speaker 1: broken moments in life, about five years ago, I was

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Speaker 1: in a significantly deep, deep, deep depression that I was

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Speaker 1: trying to claw my way out of. And you know,

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Speaker 1: every anybody that's living has experienced depression at some point

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Speaker 1: in their life, So it's not a feeling I had

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Speaker 1: never had before. At different moments in your life, you

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Speaker 1: have depression. It can last for an afternoon, it can

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Speaker 1: last for a year for some people much more, you know.

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Speaker 1: Um But this particular one was a mixture of a

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Speaker 1: depression from circumstances I couldn't control, and then also a

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Speaker 1: depression because I knew I wasn't being the best version

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Speaker 1: of me. For me, I knew that I needed to

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Speaker 1: have more in my life. I knew that I needed

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Speaker 1: to stretch to grow. So in that moment, instead of

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Speaker 1: focusing or being down on myself for being down, I

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Speaker 1: just said, I surrender. I surrender. And it started out

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Speaker 1: as a scream with like tears right like falling to

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Speaker 1: my knees and yelling at God. And it started out

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Speaker 1: being angry at him, you know, and just like, what

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Speaker 1: do you want? What do you want for me? What?

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Speaker 1: I'm a good person. I don't do bad stuff. I

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Speaker 1: treat people well, What the hell do you want from me?

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Speaker 1: You know? And then I started like releasing that energy.

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Speaker 1: And God's not gonna get mad at me because he

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Speaker 1: made me, so he knows I'm gonna get angry. And

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Speaker 1: then I started, you know, opening that up into I

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Speaker 1: give it away, I give it to you. I surrender,

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Speaker 1: and I started screaming, I surrender, and then it came

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Speaker 1: into the most resounding piece I've ever felt, and I

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Speaker 1: just said, m hmm, I surrender. That is powerful. And

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Speaker 1: from that moment on, I feel that very synchronistically, all

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Speaker 1: the tools I needed started coming to me really effortlessly.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have to search online. I didn't have to

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Speaker 1: do all of this research and study. You know, Um,

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Speaker 1: it all just started. I started paying attention to the

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Speaker 1: queues and it all just started coming my way, and

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Speaker 1: I just started saying, Okay, Okay, I'm gonna try that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna read that. Okay, I'm gonna do that. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna open myself to this conversation happening right now.

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Speaker 1: Um yeah, So all of that is self care too.

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Speaker 1: But all of that, for me is what was really

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Speaker 1: the catalyst for my journey. And and just to me,

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Speaker 1: the best self care tool a person could ever have

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Speaker 1: is self inquiry. The best free thing you can ever

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Speaker 1: ever do for yourself is to just ask yourself questions

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Speaker 1: about how you feel. M that easy and then keep asking.

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Speaker 1: You know, your first response, you know, I'm angry. Why

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Speaker 1: are you angry because so and so did this? Is

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Speaker 1: that true? Well yeah they did that, Well, but is

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Speaker 1: that why you're angry? Well? Kind of what else you know?

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Speaker 1: And then you kind of end up going down this

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Speaker 1: rabbit hole where you're you know, just pulling the yarn.

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Speaker 1: You're pulling the string and it's slowly unraveling. And then

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Speaker 1: before you know it. You know, you remember something a

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Speaker 1: lie you told yourself when you were too because you

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Speaker 1: didn't know how to process life or experience at that time,

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Speaker 1: and you kept building upon that untrue thing, and then

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Speaker 1: you know, before you knew it, you were this grown

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Speaker 1: woman that had this secret feeling of not being worthy

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Speaker 1: or not being lovable. And it's all a lie, you know.

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Speaker 1: But you don't get to get to that truth until

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Speaker 1: you start getting real with yourself and asking yourself questions. Gems,

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Speaker 1: gems being dropped. I want to talk about something that

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Speaker 1: we talked about on the phone that you know, really

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Speaker 1: stuck with me. Um. You know, like you said to

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Speaker 1: your point about being a fixer, how much black women

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Speaker 1: take on? And you know, you said, black women are

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Speaker 1: the mules of the world, Like we do everybody's work,

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Speaker 1: We fix things for everyone. We are constantly putting everybody

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Speaker 1: before ourselves. And you know when you touched on it

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Speaker 1: a little bit with this idea of fixing, but just

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Speaker 1: this idea of taking on people's work and doing work

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Speaker 1: for others, how does that affect you know, women of

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Speaker 1: color specifically, and how much we take on and how

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Speaker 1: we find ourselves at these places where we eventually have

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Speaker 1: to surrender. Yeah. Oh, it's so madening, isn't it. Like

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Speaker 1: the thought like black women are the most oppressed people

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Speaker 1: in the world, Like when you really think of it,

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Speaker 1: bar for bar. You know, it's so interesting because when

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Speaker 1: Christina was talking previously about feeling that heart pain, right

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Speaker 1: and not taking care of herself. I think that so

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Speaker 1: many of us, like we have aches, we have pains,

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Speaker 1: and we don't get them looked at. You know, I've

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Speaker 1: been needing to go get something looked at for two years, right.

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Speaker 1: But on the flip side of that, like we have

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Speaker 1: such a because of all the generational trauma, because of

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Speaker 1: the current way the world works, because of the way

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Speaker 1: women in general are treated, we all have um such

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Speaker 1: a high threshold for pain, such a high threshold for

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Speaker 1: emotional pain and physical pain that goes on dealt with.

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Speaker 1: But then on the flip side of that, you have

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Speaker 1: these studies coming out, right, and people coming out with

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Speaker 1: the stats that black women die the most in hospitals

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Speaker 1: because doctors don't believe their pain. Like, like, imagine that

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Speaker 1: for a second. We speak our pain the least until

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Speaker 1: it becomes literally unbearable, and then when it's unbearable, it's

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Speaker 1: not believed. Right, Like, our existence as black women is

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Speaker 1: one of being gaslet constantly, oh my gosh, constantly in

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Speaker 1: relationships with our partners, right in family interactions, in the workspace,

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Speaker 1: walking outside. You know, like you're constantly being gas lit

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Speaker 1: to the point where you really don't know in my

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Speaker 1: in pain or not or right you start right, you

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Speaker 1: start second everything, it don't hurt, you know. Um. So

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Speaker 1: in something we talked on the phone, and I just

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Speaker 1: have to say, like, I loved our first meeting on

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Speaker 1: the phone so much because you just had so many

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Speaker 1: incredible thoughts and you said them in a way that

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Speaker 1: I was like, I had been thinking that but didn't

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Speaker 1: realize I had been thinking that, And it was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like yeah, yeah, yeah, um but you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of what we talked about on the phone. And

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Speaker 1: I'm still wrapping my head around this. But as Black

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Speaker 1: women in wellness and as black women on spiritual journeys,

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00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 1: our work is always going to be different. It's not

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Speaker 1: going to line up with the very on trend surface

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00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: positivity that is in the world right now, that is

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Speaker 1: on Instagram right now. It can't and it sucks, But

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Speaker 1: we just have more work to do. We have more trauma,

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Speaker 1: and we have to be not not in a pitiful

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Speaker 1: kind of way. We just have to be cognizant of it,

395
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Speaker 1: you know, because it's also easy in this new purpose

396
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Speaker 1: positivity culture to feel less than because I don't know

397
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Speaker 1: my purpose or oh no, I had a bad thought,

398
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Speaker 1: so I'm not really positive like you're now. Now you're

399
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Speaker 1: comparing yourself in a space that's supposed to be about right.

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Speaker 1: Spiritual space is a very can be a very damaging

401
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Speaker 1: and very comparative space because it requires so much vulnerability

402
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Speaker 1: and transparency. Um, So we have to just be very

403
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Speaker 1: intentional about our healing in a way that maybe not

404
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 1: everyone has to be, which is unfortunate that we have

405
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: yet another thing to put on our shoulders, but that

406
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:31,760
Speaker 1: is how we're going to have the biggest breakthroughs. So

407
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,719
Speaker 1: sometimes we have to say to ourselves, we we just

408
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,159
Speaker 1: have to be more deliberate with what our planet action

409
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Speaker 1: is going to be right, and also understand that it

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Speaker 1: is in the great words of the incredible Nipsey Hustle,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's a marathon. It's a marathon. We're in

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Speaker 1: it for the long run. Finding your purpose is very

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Speaker 1: literally the purpose of life, why we're here at all.

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Speaker 1: So if you didn't get it this year or by

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Speaker 1: thirty or by forty, well good it because you're alive,

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Speaker 1: like you still have never time, thank god, you know. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And it really drives me a little bit crazy when

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00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 1: people are always like, yeah, gir, I'll just find your purpose.

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Speaker 1: Well done what I'm here to do? Yes, So just

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00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: be really deliberate with our healing. So you know, we

421
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 1: might initially get a lurt in with the great positive

422
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: quote or you know, doing the yoga or doing meditation

423
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 1: um or doing some type of spiritual exercise, and then

424
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 1: it's like, okay, but now you gotta go a little

425
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 1: deeper because we don't just have ourselves to heal. We

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00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 1: have our ancestors and our to heal, and we have

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00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 1: our future generations to heal. And that was a big

428
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 1: thing for me. How do I not pass on all

429
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 1: the things that hurt me? How do I not give

430
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 1: that to my Yes? Absolutely, generational trauma is real. Absolutely,

431
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 1: And I love what you're saying about, just like wellness

432
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 1: looks different for us, and I don't know that that

433
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: message is often communicated, right, you know, And I love

434
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: you're touching on this so much. I'd love to dig

435
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: into it more. Social media, you know, can really bog

436
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: down a space and the wellness basic especially um you

437
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: know the fact that there are billions of hashtag blessed,

438
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: hashtag positivity or whatever it is. There's a lot of buzzwords, right,

439
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: There's a lot of sexy terms, cute pictures, beautiful quote

440
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 1: y'all know, y'all see them. You get on and it's like, oh,

441
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: double tap, this is I should be feeling this way.

442
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 1: But as black women, as women of color, we're dealing

443
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 1: with different things. Wellness looks differently for us, differently for us,

444
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 1: and I think social media can really um can can

445
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 1: skew that, and and can skew what we see in

446
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 1: other people. We can see we can become about comparison

447
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: rather than about being inquisitive, like you said about yourself.

448
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: How do you combat that? How do you combat constantly

449
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: being bombarded with everybody's highlight reel? Social media is everyone's

450
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 1: highlight real. So what do you do when you're constantly

451
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 1: bombarded with everyone's highlight reel and you're working through your

452
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: own stuff, but you're existing in this world where social

453
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,879
Speaker 1: media is important. I can't sit here and pretend like

454
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:29,720
Speaker 1: it isn't. How how do you find a balance? Um?

455
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 1: So me personally, I'm in a place right now in

456
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 1: my life where nothing anybody else is doing shakes me

457
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: or makes me question myself or makes me not feel good,

458
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: because I just also have the understanding that what's for

459
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 1: me is for me as long as I'm giving life

460
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 1: my best effort. So then I check in with myself.

461
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,879
Speaker 1: Am I giving life my best effort and the answer

462
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 1: is yes, I'm not going to feel comparative If the

463
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: answer is no. I need to look at me. I

464
00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: need to look at what am I not nourishing in me?

465
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 1: What am I not recognizing me? What am I not

466
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: trying hard enough that? Where am I not working enough?

467
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:09,640
Speaker 1: You know? Because I think any anything that we feel

468
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,959
Speaker 1: about another person, good or bad, is always a projection

469
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: of how we feel about ourselves and how we see

470
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 1: the world. Always. Always anybody here that looks at me

471
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,840
Speaker 1: and thinks, wow, she looks like a great person because

472
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 1: you're a great person. It's because the light in me

473
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 1: reminds you of the light you have in yourself. That's it,

474
00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 1: you know, if you're looking at me and thinking, you know,

475
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: oh she looks like X, Y, and Z. That's also

476
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 1: how you see the world from a negative standpoint, and

477
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: maybe you feel judged, so you feel the need to

478
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: put forth the judgment. All of it is okay because

479
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: none of it has anything to do with me. So

480
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 1: I'm not going to take it on. If you like

481
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:50,879
Speaker 1: me awesome, if you don't awesome, I like me, you know.

482
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: So that's kind of how I feel about, you know,

483
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 1: the conversations around being comparative. Everyone's heard of this quote.

484
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: Comparison is the thief of joy. I don't want to

485
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 1: for anymore in my life than I have to a

486
00:28:03,480 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: lot of things are going to be thrown my way

487
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: that I do not ask for that are going to

488
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,320
Speaker 1: be very challenging. Do I want to also give myself

489
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 1: daily doses at that I don't want to suffer? And

490
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: so you know, when I kind of look at you know,

491
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: if I do feel a tension, that right, I go

492
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,360
Speaker 1: through the process. I just explained um, and I say, well,

493
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 1: am I giving life my best? I'm always going to

494
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: find a way to stop feeling that way through asking

495
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 1: that question. But then also it's like, you know, that

496
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 1: is for that person, and that's okay because I am

497
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: who I am, and I'm going to get lead where

498
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be. We don't have to be angry

499
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: at people for having things or getting things or looking

500
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: like they have it all together. Stop comparing in general,

501
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 1: whether that person is doing well in life or whether

502
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 1: they're doing bad in life. How you feel about yourself.

503
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: Shouldn't it be swayed either way based on that. We

504
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,280
Speaker 1: shouldn't get a little pet when we see that someone

505
00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: else has been chicked or doesn't have it as together

506
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: as they made it. See, why would that make you

507
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 1: feel good? And in the same way, if somebody is

508
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: living their best life, why should that make me feel upset?

509
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 1: I think the real thing is to just let's not

510
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 1: compare at all, and let's always just seek with it.

511
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 1: Let's always just take that moment to take a breath.

512
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: We're human. We're gonna feel it. We're gonna feel jealousy.

513
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: It's a natural trait, you know. But when we do,

514
00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: don't let it stay there. Take a breath and try

515
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 1: to work through the thought. You know, if you have

516
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: a negative thought, really spent some time to try to

517
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: work through that so you don't carry it and you

518
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: help change your perspective, and then it becomes effortless. I

519
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: want to talk about grief and trauma. And we talked

520
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,240
Speaker 1: about this a bit on the phone, and and as

521
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: you've said today, is we we carry so much trauma.

522
00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 1: We carry generational trauma, we carry our ancestors energy, um,

523
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: and we deal with grief differently. And we talked a

524
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: bit about your friendship with the Great Nipsey Hustle and

525
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 1: how his death. I'm sorry now I'm not I'm gonna girl,

526
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: I do his death affected us so differently. It just

527
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 1: hit everybody. People who did not know him said, it

528
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: hits so differently. As a friend of his, why do

529
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:35,959
Speaker 1: you think that is take your time for no, no,

530
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: please take your time. So really new at be for Nipsey,

531
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: at least speaking for myself. What was really difficult? Does

532
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: he see someone who is being the best version of themselves, right,

533
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:14,000
Speaker 1: like giving of themselves, learning, growing, like positively impacting people's lives.

534
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: And I think for Nipsey it was the cruelty of

535
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:23,920
Speaker 1: the way that he passed that makes it difficult, you know, Um.

536
00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 1: I think also were the exact same age. You know,

537
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: we met when we were in our early twenties and

538
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 1: maintained a friendship throughout the years, and so it also

539
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: calls into question your own mortality, right, like your own

540
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: understanding of this life cycle. But violent deaths are very difficult. Um,

541
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: They're really as deep of a faith as you may have.

542
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: It's really difficult to wrap your mind around someone else

543
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 1: having the power to take a life and being sanctioned

544
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:59,719
Speaker 1: by God, you know. Um, he was such a good man,

545
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: such an inspiring person, and the thought of him the

546
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: world being robbed of him at the hands of someone

547
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 1: who had hate for him, it's just really hard to grasp,

548
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 1: you know. And I think that that's what really hit

549
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 1: a lot of people, like you know, you see, you

550
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: just see somebody given life their best, you know, which

551
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: is and and we have come to think that when

552
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: we do that will be absolved of having challenges and

553
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: will be absolved of having issues. And so when something

554
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 1: like that happens, it really questions, you know. And maybe

555
00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: and I can be completely speaking for myself right now,

556
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 1: but you know, for the past couple of weeks, I

557
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: have had a real, real reckoning with my faith and

558
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: what I believe in my belief system and how I

559
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 1: believe it right, um, and that's part of like my process.

560
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 1: Like when I was a young person and I heard

561
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: the Golden the golden rule, you know, do onto others

562
00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 1: as you'd have done onto you, I thought it was

563
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, where I was like, ah,

564
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:04,320
Speaker 1: of course that's how to live, right, But you're not

565
00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: guaranteed reciprocity in that right. It's just saying do that,

566
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: but it's not saying do that that it will be

567
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 1: done onto you, you know. And that was kind of

568
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: heartbreaking when I first realized that, because I kind of

569
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 1: thought that there was like some semblance of sadness and life,

570
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: you know. Um, so a big challenge in our journey.

571
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 1: And some of this is like I mean, you know,

572
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: this is like Dalai Lama stature understanding. So I'm just

573
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: gonna say it and know that I'm grappling with it myself.

574
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 1: The real thing to deepen our spiritual understanding is to

575
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: understand that there is no good or bad and be

576
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 1: in full acceptance of every single thing that comes our way,

577
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: which does not mean to be in agreement with it

578
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 1: or to like it. That's preference based, but we have

579
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: to accept every thing and find a way to self

580
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: nurture on our own. You know that the doing onto

581
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 1: others as you'd have done onto you is for you.

582
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,880
Speaker 1: It's because that's the quality of person you want to be,

583
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 1: that's the type of energy you want to carry. But

584
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 1: you also have to be in full alignment with the

585
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: fact that you are not being promised that you will

586
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: be treated well, that you will be treated with love,

587
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: that you will be treated fairly. That's a really hard

588
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:30,320
Speaker 1: lesson to grapple with, right, Like it's really and it'll

589
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: be called into question time and time again. Like the

590
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: last five years, I was standing fully in that understanding,

591
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 1: right like I don't I don't take anything personally. I

592
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: don't get aside from maybe getting cut off in traffic

593
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: if I got my kid in the car, I'm not

594
00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 1: getting mad about anything. Like I can't think of the

595
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 1: last time I got angry or stressed out or like,

596
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 1: it's just not how I operate right now, Which is

597
00:34:54,960 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 1: not to say that terrible stuff doesn't happen sometimes, right terrible, um,

598
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: but now you know, I found in the last two

599
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: to three weeks that I am having to really relearn

600
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,919
Speaker 1: that understanding because something has come up for me that

601
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: I can't wrap my head around with yeah, you know. Um,

602
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: so when it comes to grieving, I say all that

603
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: to say it is okay not to know what the

604
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,920
Speaker 1: hell to do. You know. That's how I am right now.

605
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,759
Speaker 1: I am not in a place in this moment to

606
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: say that, you know, um, God does everything for a

607
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,440
Speaker 1: reason or I understand, or it was for the greater good.

608
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 1: Like it's not how I feel. I do feel like

609
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: this was a glitch of matrix. You know, I do

610
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 1: feel like she should not be dead. Um, But I'm

611
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: staying open to the fact that there are so many

612
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 1: things I don't know and understand yet, you know. So

613
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 1: I'm not angry at God. I don't agree right now,

614
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 1: but I'm staying open to him showing me a better

615
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,880
Speaker 1: understanding for how life works that I don't yet know.

616
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 1: That's so beautiful and so honest. Um, And thank you,

617
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 1: thank you, because that's kind of leads me to my

618
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:21,240
Speaker 1: next question. Sorry, oh you really thank you in the journey,

619
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 1: right in the up and down and the fact that

620
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 1: it's not always going to be perfect, and that you know,

621
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: you've told us so much about about your journey and

622
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: about how where you've come from, and even saying you

623
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 1: know there's not a lot that you let stress you

624
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: out or that you like get you angry, but the

625
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: fact that it's not every single day isn't the highest

626
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 1: of highs um. And I do think that for me,

627
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: and I don't know if this happens to anybody else,

628
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 1: but for me, one thing I struggle with with wellness

629
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,839
Speaker 1: is like feeling like I'm almost not allowed to have

630
00:36:55,960 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 1: bad days, feeling like, you know, I've achieved this wellness

631
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 1: and so or I've achieved this state of mind and

632
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 1: I have to be there all the time, and I

633
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 1: have to And you've talked about a lot, especially working

634
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 1: in media, you have to be on, you have to

635
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 1: you know, be ready, and you're oftentimes I don't know

636
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: if y'all heard, I worked at ESPN. I was in

637
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: a lot of rooms with a lot of white men

638
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 1: all the time, and you have to be you have

639
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 1: to be this person that you don't always feel like

640
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 1: you are. UM And I you're very you're being very

641
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: honest about the fact that like it doesn't have to

642
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 1: be every day, doesn't have to look like that. UM.

643
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,279
Speaker 1: I'd love for you to expand on that a little

644
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 1: bit more about just like how do you maintain your

645
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 1: peace of mind while also just riding the waves of

646
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: the ups and downs. I think it's also just being

647
00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:51,840
Speaker 1: an acceptance of what the reality of being a human

648
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 1: being on earth is. There will never, for any reason

649
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,080
Speaker 1: be what we deem to be perfect. A lot of

650
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:05,040
Speaker 1: what society has taught us is an actually direct contrast

651
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: with the way natural law actually works. Right with the

652
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 1: understanding of day tonight sells regenerating life to death, you know, um,

653
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 1: needing to feed on other things, you know, to keep nourishment.

654
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 1: And there's so much about, specifically in America, the way

655
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 1: that we have taught people to feel about themselves and

656
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: to understand about the world that is just truly not

657
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 1: in alignment with actually what I believe to be the

658
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:37,480
Speaker 1: reason God put us here. I believe God put us

659
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: hereous souls and his spirits to remember who we are

660
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:46,120
Speaker 1: in circumstances, to remember Him in circumstances, to have the

661
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: experience of being in a very imperfect place and still

662
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: be connected to who we are and what our sacred

663
00:38:55,080 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: energy is. So with that understanding, you know that thing

664
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: ever will be fair, nothing ever will be perfect um.

665
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 1: And there's so much freedom in that because when you

666
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 1: take away that expectation, when you take away the feeling

667
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 1: of being less than if it's not this, you open

668
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 1: yourself up to just accept things as they're happening and

669
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:26,520
Speaker 1: to choose your responses to them. Um. In the first

670
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,720
Speaker 1: episode of my podcast, a dear friend of mine worded

671
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: it perfectly. He said, you know, he he experienced. He

672
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: grew up in Uganda during the genocide right under dam

673
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: means regime. He's the only living member of his family,

674
00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 1: every single member of his family, his parents, his siblings,

675
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: his parents, siblings, and each of his parents had like

676
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: ten siblings. There there's no one, there's no one but him,

677
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: right Can you imagine walking around every day with that

678
00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: depth of sorrow like that? Like it's not even conceivable,

679
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 1: Like right now, we couldn't even try to put ourselves

680
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: into the mind frame of what that would feel like.

681
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 1: It's not conceivable. But he is the most joyous, kind, brilliant,

682
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: wonderful human soul I've ever met. And I asked him,

683
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 1: how do you manage to be so kind with a

684
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 1: life filled with unbelievable hardship, you know? Um? And something

685
00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 1: he said was really beautiful. He said, he wakes up

686
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 1: every day and dedicates the day to one of his

687
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 1: ancestors and that brings him a lot of strength. Um.

688
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 1: He also said, it's not that I don't feel the feelings.

689
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 1: It's just I don't let them stay. I allow them

690
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: to visit for the night, but they don't get to stay.

691
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I need to write that down and

692
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 1: that and that's really how I look at my own

693
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 1: day to day. Your life will absolutely never be without challenge,

694
00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,520
Speaker 1: a hardship. Sorry to break it to you, it won't.

695
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: You can live your best life. You can read every book,

696
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: you can meditate every day, do yoga, you can do

697
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 1: all the therapy in the world. Right. It's helping you

698
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: learn how to better heal and serve yourself. But it

699
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: is not telling you that once you reach a certain point,

700
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: you won't have to go through anything. It's just not

701
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: how it works. We're living in a world with many

702
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 1: broken people. That we're in a school, right and you

703
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: may be in a graduate program, but that person is

704
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 1: in kindergarten. But we all got to live together and

705
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: we all got to study together, you know. But so

706
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: in that, in that understanding, when you have the freedom

707
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 1: of that, you can allow yourself to feel things you're

708
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 1: human being, sit in it. I didn't get out of

709
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: bed for days after nipcy that I cried every single

710
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 1: day for the past couple of weeks. And that's okay,

711
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 1: that's a moment. I'm not gonna live in it, though

712
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 1: I do understand at this point, even if I don't

713
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 1: understand it, think it's right, think it's fair, Even if

714
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:03,520
Speaker 1: it hurt, it's me. I still have to move forward

715
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:06,080
Speaker 1: in my own life. I still have to choose to

716
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: make the best choices for me, and like you know,

717
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 1: another another great way to kind of be on this

718
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:14,080
Speaker 1: well in this journey and really navigate you're not good days.

719
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 1: It's just understanding life is all about your personal best,

720
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 1: which from day to day is going to be different,

721
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: which from person a person is going to be different. Right,

722
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 1: But are you making the most serving choices for yourself

723
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,840
Speaker 1: to the best of your ability given your life history

724
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: right now? That could mean you woke up, That could

725
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: mean you walked outside. That could mean you are, you know,

726
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 1: doing doing the mantras every morning, doing affirmations doing it?

727
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: Could you know? It could mean whatever it means for

728
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 1: you in that moment um. So that's how I self

729
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 1: check and navigate. Am I doing the best I am

730
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:57,720
Speaker 1: able in this moment. If the answer is yes, okay,

731
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:01,560
Speaker 1: then fine, this will pass. If the answer is no,

732
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: what can I change? Because I don't want to cause

733
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:07,839
Speaker 1: my own suffering. So that honesty though, right, because when

734
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: you're asking that yourself, that question, you have to be

735
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: able to be honest with yourself. Because there are times

736
00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 1: where I'm asking where I know I'm not doing the

737
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 1: best right, but I'm like, shoot, right, I'm gonna well,

738
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm there are definitely days where I

739
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:26,399
Speaker 1: know I'm not at you know, you know, and I'm

740
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,000
Speaker 1: just tired. But I'm going to tell myself I'm doing

741
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: the best, even when that's not true. And and sometimes

742
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 1: that's a that's a defense mechanism, and sometimes that's just

743
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 1: me hiding from my own self. But how do you

744
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: push yourself to be honest with yourself. It's a practice,

745
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 1: It's something that you have to learn. We spend our

746
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 1: lifetimes denying ourselves. We spend our lifetimes lying to ourselves

747
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: about our feelings about many things, all the time, staying

748
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: stuck in certain relationships, staying at a job you don't like,

749
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: having to smile when you want to cry, Like, our

750
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: whole life is based around a lot of self denial

751
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: and a lot of intuitive repression. You know. Um So,

752
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,520
Speaker 1: it's gonna take practice. This isn't gonna happen overnight, you know,

753
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,840
Speaker 1: you and you have to be really gentle with yourself

754
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:14,320
Speaker 1: and the understanding that everything that you're cultivating it's the

755
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: in practice type of thing. You know. It's you don't

756
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 1: work out one time and have a six pack, you know, like,

757
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: you gotta keep going, you gotta keep doing it. Um So,

758
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: it's just really it's finding the comfort and standing in

759
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 1: your truth. It's knowing that even your worst behavior doesn't

760
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: make you unworthy. Even the worst thing you've ever done

761
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 1: does not define what the value of your life is

762
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 1: or what the purpose of your life is, especially if

763
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 1: you choose to think another thought and to be another

764
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: way and to behave differently you know, um suggest Like,

765
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 1: really it's about extending self compassion and slowly being as

766
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 1: honest with yourself as you can, and then also acknowledging

767
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: if you're not I'm choosing to lie to myself right now,

768
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 1: because even that teaches you honesty. You know, if you

769
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 1: can say I know that this is not the best decision.

770
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,640
Speaker 1: I know I'm not being honest about with myself about

771
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 1: how I feel, But in this moment, I'm going to

772
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:21,320
Speaker 1: choose to lie. Even that recognition is honesty, and that

773
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: will slowly show you how to start being more real

774
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 1: and honest and in alignment with who you are. Right,

775
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 1: I'm over here losing track of time. Do we have time?

776
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,680
Speaker 1: Because some questions? I just want to we do okay,

777
00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,439
Speaker 1: because I'm Chasina. I will be up here all day

778
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,640
Speaker 1: like there will be no other sessions if you just

779
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:46,759
Speaker 1: let okay, perfect, okay, great, okay, let's take some questions. Questions, questions. Oh,

780
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: thank you deel with being in a relationship with solf career.

781
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:07,879
Speaker 1: That is a great question. Yeah, um, well that's that's

782
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:12,320
Speaker 1: like you read my mind question for me too. Well.

783
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: At first I wanted a divorce. At first, I wanted

784
00:46:17,080 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 1: to run. At first, I wanted to not have to

785
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 1: take care of anybody and their issues, you know, and

786
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 1: I just wanted to be with myself and work on myself. Um,

787
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,600
Speaker 1: when you're kind of especially when you're in that really

788
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: restless place, in that bird out place where you have

789
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 1: just reached your limit, it really is important to give

790
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: yourself space and time, you know. Around that time, Luckily

791
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,799
Speaker 1: I had some vacation time start up at work. I

792
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 1: was able to just disappear for a couple of weeks.

793
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 1: You know. I did a mini eat, pray, love. You know.

794
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,120
Speaker 1: I found much like what everyone is doing here, I

795
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,680
Speaker 1: went on a retreat. You know, I went on a retreat.

796
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 1: It was most of it in silence, and I just

797
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 1: focused on myself, you know. And you know, my husband

798
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:05,839
Speaker 1: and I have really really transparent conversations, and um. At

799
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,839
Speaker 1: that time, it was really difficult because he especially wasn't

800
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 1: on the spiritual journey he is on now. So it

801
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:16,160
Speaker 1: was a lot of defensiveness. It was a lot of

802
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: really not understanding and then saying, okay, I understand, but

803
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 1: I still need you to do all this for me

804
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: and be my support system it is, you know, um.

805
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:28,399
Speaker 1: And it was really just me saying, all right, well,

806
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a challenging time and it's gonna

807
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: be an uncomfortable time, and just sitting in that honest

808
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,720
Speaker 1: truth of knowing, well, this is gonna be the moment

809
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: of my life that's titled rough, you know, um, and

810
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,720
Speaker 1: just and just still choosing to stand in it. Um.

811
00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: So that's really you know, ideally we were all so

812
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 1: much younger. But you know, ideally, whoever you're in a

813
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:56,280
Speaker 1: relationship with, ideally you can have transparent conversations with and

814
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 1: and you can let them know that I need some

815
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 1: things from me right now. And this has nothing to

816
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,839
Speaker 1: do with you. This is not a reflection of how

817
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 1: you make me feel. This is not a reflection of

818
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 1: what you are doing or not doing. All of this

819
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 1: is one thousand percent about me, and I just need

820
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:15,040
Speaker 1: to tap into that, um. And you know, as life

821
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 1: would happen. If that doesn't, if you have a partner

822
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 1: that is not acknowledging of that in any way or

823
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,439
Speaker 1: even open to understand anymore, might not be the most

824
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:28,879
Speaker 1: serving relationship for your life. Great question question in the back.

825
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,240
Speaker 1: Good morning, good morning. You talk a little bit about

826
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:37,960
Speaker 1: being a fixer. Um. You know we have that Olivia Pope. Yeah,

827
00:48:38,280 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 1: I know, walk Blue purpose. You're fixing everything, you know,

828
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: I interntacting this product. Warner is asking you that they

829
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:50,800
Speaker 1: like the Olivia pol Y office. You think anything sorre

830
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 1: be all of this stuff. You know, the inside you're like,

831
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 1: oh my god, I don't want anything to break because

832
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: it's attah to mind exact nature. So can you talk

833
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 1: about navigating the Olivio Pope fixtures who are active American

834
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: women as we're climbing the core later we want to

835
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:20,839
Speaker 1: show up well, we want yes. So this is it's

836
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 1: a lot to unpack because this is hundreds of years

837
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:30,840
Speaker 1: of forced burden that we have been trained to take on.

838
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:33,399
Speaker 1: So a lot of the things that we think, well,

839
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 1: this is just how I am, I've always been this way.

840
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:39,759
Speaker 1: It's also a lot of generational um, not generational excuse me,

841
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: genetic trauma that has been implanted in us um. So

842
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 1: I say all that to say it's going to be

843
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,839
Speaker 1: a process um. In the work world, it's a little

844
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 1: bit different because when you do have things tied to

845
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: your name or tied to your brand, you want them

846
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: done well. Um and so there are you know, that

847
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 1: is a very beneficial trait to have in business. It's

848
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:03,320
Speaker 1: just important to really check in with yourself and no

849
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 1: one is too much and allow people space to fail,

850
00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 1: especially as long as it's not affecting your bottom line

851
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 1: at work, like you know, like give them give them

852
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: space to fail and figure out their own answers. A

853
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 1: little bit there I wish we had more time, because

854
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 1: there's this great exercise, UM that I've done that choosing

855
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 1: to be in the space of being an observer instead

856
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 1: of a fixer. The first few times I did this,

857
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: it was really really challenging, UM. But basically it's like,

858
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 1: you would sit and maybe you guys can do this

859
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 1: on a break later. You would sit with another person,

860
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:37,360
Speaker 1: right and they would be allowed to talk about whatever

861
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: they want to talk about, and you do not interject

862
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 1: at all. You don't make facial expressions right like. You

863
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 1: don't you don't confirm deny, you know, for everyone's reactions hard.

864
00:50:54,600 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 1: You don't offer input, not even with a glance like

865
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:00,800
Speaker 1: or or you know, not even with a with nothing.

866
00:51:00,880 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 1: You just kind of sit there and you don't allow

867
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,719
Speaker 1: any of it to take on. But you're creating this

868
00:51:06,960 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 1: beautiful space for someone else to fully be themselves. What

869
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:12,800
Speaker 1: you'll find in that. The first wee time I did that,

870
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: I was like, just do this. I was just like,

871
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't wait to this over so

872
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 1: I can tell her if she just does X, Y

873
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:20,960
Speaker 1: and Z, now how they'll fix it. But if you

874
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: just let them go and you don't say anything, you

875
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 1: just said love and create a safe space, and and

876
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 1: you know and and like at works, you can say,

877
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: you you know how to do this, You've got this,

878
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 1: you know how this works, so try and then I'll

879
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: circle back with you, you know, um, because that also

880
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: helps them grow as employees, right like and hopefully get

881
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,879
Speaker 1: out of that. But when you'll find when you're being

882
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: in this like nurture neutral observer role is by the

883
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 1: time the person is done talking safe ten fifteen minutes,

884
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:57,760
Speaker 1: they have pretty much talked themselves into a solution. Because

885
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:00,360
Speaker 1: we all inherently know what the hell to do anyway,

886
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,919
Speaker 1: we really do. We're just so disconnected from our own

887
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:07,240
Speaker 1: intuitive powers because of so many years of self denial

888
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 1: and of wanting to manifest the opposite even when we

889
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 1: know better. You know, um, But we all have all

890
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 1: the tools we need inherently inside of us. And so

891
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 1: by the end of talking, it's like, well, but I

892
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 1: really know it's because of this or I should have

893
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: done this right. So imagine we spend our whole lives

894
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:27,359
Speaker 1: not letting that person get to that moment. They're never

895
00:52:27,440 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 1: gonna learn how to be on their own journey. You know,

896
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: it's not just our journeys. That are important. It's honoring

897
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 1: and understanding that other people have them too. And you

898
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 1: can have great intentions because sometimes we'll say as fixer personalities,

899
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: as the family therapist, you know, sometimes we'll say, but

900
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:46,279
Speaker 1: I just don't want them to be in pain. I

901
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: just don't want them to hurt. Pain his life. Hurting

902
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 1: is part of life. We're all here because we've been

903
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: hurt in some way, right, Like, we all get to

904
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:58,800
Speaker 1: the best version of ourselves because we chose to walk

905
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: through pain. We chose to set ourselves on fire, you know,

906
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:07,480
Speaker 1: So why would we take someone else? Is ability to

907
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: do that away? You know, it's it's okay to hurt.

908
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 1: It sucks, it's not ideal, it's not how I want

909
00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 1: to live my best life, you know. Um. But it

910
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 1: will happen to each of us and it's okay, um,

911
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 1: And it teaches us. Pain teaches us so much if

912
00:53:24,760 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 1: we let it. Pain is really the candle, you know.

913
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: The darkness is really truly the light for you. We

914
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 1: just have to let it be, you know. We have

915
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,920
Speaker 1: to really work to try to stay open in all

916
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: moments and extend that same ability for the people that

917
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:45,800
Speaker 1: we know by not taking everything on do we have

918
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:48,920
Speaker 1: time for one more question. Okay, I see right here.

919
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 1: Thanks actually want to give a little this morning as well,

920
00:53:55,520 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 1: like you had us an invitation continue who Yeah, and

921
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 1: as someone who mystacusiness verson talk about you know my

922
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: kind of like I'm not a my foremother but olarious

923
00:54:10,600 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 1: like the first instance were like, let's get it that.

924
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 1: It's like, okay, I'm not I'm not a world like

925
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: it's getting with it, and so I think we're all

926
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: of us. I can imagine being black women who are

927
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 1: indoctrinated is to always be something for someone else. We

928
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,120
Speaker 1: don't know who who we are. So I was just

929
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:32,840
Speaker 1: curious as that because I struggled with it. But tips

930
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,080
Speaker 1: you have as far as like getting this a dig

931
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 1: deeper ourselves that question and can figure out how to

932
00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 1: answer it before we let the outside world answer it.

933
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:47,359
Speaker 1: For yeah, such a good question. Oh it's a lot um.

934
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 1: So for me, what was really important was in asking

935
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 1: myself that question, right who am I? And not allowing

936
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 1: myself to fill that space with an answer and not

937
00:54:57,719 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 1: knowing what the hell that meant um and just doing

938
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 1: it repetitively, repetitively, slowly just created more space than me

939
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:12,520
Speaker 1: to discover the stillness of who I am. And I'm

940
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 1: hoping I'm making sense because it's going to sound so

941
00:55:15,360 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: overly simplified, right, Like, there's not if I never did

942
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:24,440
Speaker 1: anything that anyone knew about. Ever again, right, if I

943
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:29,239
Speaker 1: wasn't needed by my family, I would still exist, I

944
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 1: would still have value, I would still have worth, you know, um.

945
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 1: And it's trying to find your way back to that

946
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:41,040
Speaker 1: space where you have happiness and peace that is not

947
00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:46,360
Speaker 1: reliant on having a thriving career or on being needed

948
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 1: by the people in your household. And it's not to

949
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 1: say that you can't have a wildly successful life, make

950
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:55,319
Speaker 1: lots of money, have very loving relationships with the people

951
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 1: in your life. It's just saying that with or without

952
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:04,359
Speaker 1: those things, you are enough. You love and enjoy who

953
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:08,000
Speaker 1: you are, you know, and that is a process, and

954
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:12,120
Speaker 1: I unfortunately I can't explain it, I think in better terms,

955
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 1: because it really is just a feeling an expression that

956
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 1: you eventually get to in transitioning careers. For myself, I

957
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:21,920
Speaker 1: thought a lot about that, right Like, I went from

958
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 1: being working in media, I worked from l A. I

959
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:27,320
Speaker 1: worked in l A, I worked in New York, I

960
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:31,360
Speaker 1: worked in Texas. UM. I had achieved in my field,

961
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:34,200
Speaker 1: a lot of success I had, you know, I was

962
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:36,240
Speaker 1: a mentor to a lot of people in my field.

963
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:39,200
Speaker 1: At certain points, I was an executive in my field.

964
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,960
Speaker 1: I hired people. I you know, I really worked in

965
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:46,680
Speaker 1: such a collaborative nature, and that is part of my magic, right,

966
00:56:46,800 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 1: like being in groups as part of the magic of

967
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,840
Speaker 1: who I am, brainstorming, pulling things out of people. So

968
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:58,359
Speaker 1: when I decided to take a different step and work

969
00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 1: more as an entrepreneur and bill of the business, well

970
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:03,920
Speaker 1: the business wasn't It's not highly successful at first. I

971
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 1: don't have employees. It's just me, right, it's me isolated

972
00:57:07,200 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 1: most of the time working on a computer. Um And

973
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 1: that was a big change for me because I was

974
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 1: no longer accessing facets of my personality that I really enjoyed,

975
00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 1: and that also fed my ego, you know, like getting

976
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:25,320
Speaker 1: validation feels good, getting told by your boss that you're

977
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 1: brilliant and you're getting a raise and you're the best

978
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: they've ever seen. Like what I love that. I love

979
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 1: those birds, you know, and so that like that deep

980
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 1: in my understanding of what I just explained to you too,

981
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:40,720
Speaker 1: It's like Okay, I don't have that in my life

982
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 1: right now. I'm not having those experiences, but obviously I'm

983
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: still all those things because if I once was, I

984
00:57:46,600 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 1: still am. So all of that still, all of that

985
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 1: charm ability, excellence, all of those things that people see

986
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: in me when I'm in a crowd at work still

987
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 1: live right here and they're still with me. But just

988
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: because they're not being like fond over and celebrated, doesn't

989
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: mean that I'm still not the ship, you know, like

990
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:08,360
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that I'm still not, you know, having

991
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:10,680
Speaker 1: all of this greatness in my side and inside of

992
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:13,640
Speaker 1: myself to give. So that helped me deeper understand my

993
00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 1: personal purpose as well and my personal worth as well.

994
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,200
Speaker 1: You know, I kind of identify um, and I know

995
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 1: we've got to go, but I kind of identify My

996
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,600
Speaker 1: purpose is to help people heal. My purpose is to

997
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 1: be of service to other people. With the inherent gifts

998
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 1: that God gave to me, I can do anything and

999
00:58:32,200 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 1: still be in my purpose. I can be on TV,

1000
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 1: I can be on the radio talking to listeners. I

1001
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 1: can be working in the wellness space. I can be

1002
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:42,480
Speaker 1: teaching a meditation class. I can be flipping fries and

1003
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 1: still get off the essence of who I am and

1004
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 1: what my purpose is. UM. So I hope that answered

1005
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 1: kind of okay. I just I want to say how

1006
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:57,640
Speaker 1: much how powerful the questions were, um, because it's so

1007
00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:00,560
Speaker 1: interesting hearing people ask questions and then you yourself in

1008
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 1: that right and you realize that you're not alone, like

1009
00:59:03,440 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 1: all three of those questions really, Like I was like, well,

1010
00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:08,480
Speaker 1: then I should have asked that question. I have that

1011
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 1: same question like that. It's and so it's so powerful

1012
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,000
Speaker 1: to just feel like there are other people who are

1013
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 1: going through what you're going through or who see you.

1014
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 1: And I know Christina said this last night. Just being

1015
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 1: in a room of people who say I see you, sis,

1016
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:23,680
Speaker 1: like that is just such a powerful thing. And Debbie,

1017
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 1: thank you so much. This was an incredible conversation. I'm like,

1018
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 1: I feel like we had everybody in the room on

1019
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:35,440
Speaker 1: our phone conversation. Thank you for being you, thank you

1020
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:38,680
Speaker 1: for bringing your truth honest self, thank you for giving

1021
00:59:38,760 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: us a very room conversation about wellness, and and you

1022
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 1: have made my day and I hope everybody else is

1023
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 1: so thank you so much for being here, and thank

1024
00:59:46,560 --> 00:59:48,560
Speaker 1: you so much, and thank you because you are such

1025
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: a dynamic and amazing woman, and you are sharing our

1026
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:56,080
Speaker 1: stories with the world and so many different mediums, and

1027
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 1: you're bringing the fullness of yourself in every room that

1028
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 1: you're inso in front of demographics of people, and that

1029
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,680
Speaker 1: allows other people that look like us to do the

1030
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:09,919
Speaker 1: exact same. So thank you so so much. Thank you, Rod,

1031
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 1: thank you listening, Thank you as big, thank you for

1032
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 1: listening to this episode of The Dropping Gem's podcast. This

1033
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 1: show is executive produced by Adrian Scott and me Debbie Brown.

1034
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:24,640
Speaker 1: Our theme music was created by producer Day One and

1035
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:26,439
Speaker 1: the poem that you heard at the beginning of the show,

1036
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 1: well that was created especially for us by award winning

1037
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 1: poet Nambie Okaford. If you have a quick moment right now,

1038
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 1: please hit subscribe on the show and if you like

1039
01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 1: what you heard, take it a step further and give

1040
01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 1: us a five star rating. Until next time you connect

1041
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,480
Speaker 1: with me on I g at Debbie Brown or my

1042
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: website Debbie Brown dot com. Be blessed,