WEBVTT - Second Date Update PODCAST: Poetry Slammed

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<v Speaker 1>Funk and jewels, second d D Second Date? Am I late?

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe I am? But I tried it and I cried

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<v Speaker 1>and you lied. Now I vape flavors, grape, so desperate,

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<v Speaker 1>so sexless. In fact, I'm so whack fade to black.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you, thank you very much, everybody poetry.

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<v Speaker 1>Why did I start today's second date update with a

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful poem? Well because I'm a poet, obviously, and also

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<v Speaker 1>so is Mark, who's on the line for a second

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<v Speaker 1>date update today. That's how he says he met the

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<v Speaker 1>girl that he wants to call today at a poetry reading. Mark,

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<v Speaker 1>were you impressed by my work? Sir? You know what?

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<v Speaker 1>Not half bad? Thank you very much, and you're a

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<v Speaker 1>liar already. Um so yeah, your email said that you're

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<v Speaker 1>a poet. Huh yeah, yeah, i'd like to think so.

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<v Speaker 1>At least that's awesome. Are you able to make a

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<v Speaker 1>living doing that? Oh no, not at all. But I

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<v Speaker 1>got open mic shows and whatnot. You know, get to

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<v Speaker 1>meet new people. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Most of us, really artistic poets aren't recognized until after

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<v Speaker 1>our death. Exactly. We've got plenty at time, so, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>so how did you meet the girl that you want

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<v Speaker 1>to call today? You met her out of poetry reading. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I was up an open mic and I was reading

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<v Speaker 1>a few poems and one of them, the last one,

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<v Speaker 1>got really well received. You know, I got a really

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<v Speaker 1>great applause from its A lot was exciting cool. What

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<v Speaker 1>was it about? Well, the one that people really liked

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<v Speaker 1>was about a break up I had a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>years ago that was more of an event really than

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<v Speaker 1>a breakup. Was it sad or was it empowering? What

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<v Speaker 1>was the tone of your breakup poem? It was sad

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<v Speaker 1>from my end, but you know, she came over livid,

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<v Speaker 1>and I guess the climax of it was that I

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<v Speaker 1>had a large like candle in the middle of my

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<v Speaker 1>coffee table that was lit, and she was still mad.

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<v Speaker 1>But she took it and threw it across the room

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<v Speaker 1>and smash on the wall. WHOA, that's crazy. You'll realize

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<v Speaker 1>this wax is really hard to clean up. So you

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<v Speaker 1>read a poem about this breakup, and that's what attracted

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<v Speaker 1>the girl to you, I guess. So she came up

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<v Speaker 1>to me at the bar and said, you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>really really enjoyed it, and I thought that was great,

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<v Speaker 1>but she liked it. Hey, there's nothing better than bonding

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<v Speaker 1>over some crazy X stories because that's just what it

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<v Speaker 1>sounds like to me, exactly exactly. What better way to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about it than through poetry? Yeah, all right, so

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<v Speaker 1>do you guys hang out at the bar for a

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<v Speaker 1>little while? And yeah, we hung out there for a

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<v Speaker 1>little while, and I asked her if she wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>grab drinks somewhere else. We went across the street to

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<v Speaker 1>a bar that she liked and had a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>drinks and it was going really well until I was

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<v Speaker 1>trying to compliment her. You know, but it's so boring

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<v Speaker 1>to hear like, oh, you're gorgeous, so you're so smart,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. I feel like women hear that all the time. No,

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<v Speaker 1>not enough, never enough enough, yep, but continue should I

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<v Speaker 1>should have gone simply because the compliment I went with,

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<v Speaker 1>and I stand by it. I'll let me stay first.

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<v Speaker 1>I stand by it. I told her that she is

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful like a snail. That yeah, that doesn't sound like okay,

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<v Speaker 1>but with I explained myself. I said, snails, in my

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<v Speaker 1>mind are beautiful creatures because they have this, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>gorgeous like exterior that like keeps them protected, but on

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<v Speaker 1>the inside they're very like soft and vulnerable and beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>in a way. Yeah, I think maybe you could have

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<v Speaker 1>gone with something else, man, like, you don't know her

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<v Speaker 1>well enough to know that she's vulnerable on the inside either.

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<v Speaker 1>Well aren't we all? That's what I was going with it,

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<v Speaker 1>I think. So, Yeah, we all have a very deep,

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<v Speaker 1>tough outer shell and then once you get through that,

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<v Speaker 1>we have these slimy little insides that if you sprinkle

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<v Speaker 1>some salt on it, we with her up and die. Exactly,

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<v Speaker 1>I see, where are you going? But that's because we

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<v Speaker 1>connect on a different level because we're poets. Absolutely. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>So she wasn't wooed by you comparing her to a snail.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess not. It's better than a slug, I think,

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<v Speaker 1>but not that different. Really did her mood change after that? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd say so. The conversation got a little more difficult

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<v Speaker 1>after that. And then at the end of the night,

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<v Speaker 1>I just said, you know, I had a great night,

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<v Speaker 1>and she immediately stuck out her hands for a handshake. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that was it. Huh. Well, she did give you a number,

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<v Speaker 1>which was you know, encouraging, right, But that was that

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<v Speaker 1>was before I called her a snail, she was a

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful like snail, beautiful like Okay, so you ended it

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<v Speaker 1>with a handshake. Yeah, Well, okay, we're gonna play a song, Mark,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we're gonna come back. Okay, Still I got nothing, Mark,

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<v Speaker 1>did you have anything that will rhyme for me? Bong

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<v Speaker 1>song bong, We'll come back and write the wrong. That's

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<v Speaker 1>good like that? All right, We're gonna play a song, Mark,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we're gonna come back and write the wrong

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<v Speaker 1>off the top of my head, brilliant. All right. Hold on, man,

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<v Speaker 1>we'll be back right after the fucking jubil in the morning.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold on, let's try this again. If you're just tuning

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<v Speaker 1>in second date, big mistake. Mark's I rate date is

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<v Speaker 1>a flake, so gone, so bad. Never any encouragement from dad.

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<v Speaker 1>Why Mark's dad? Was it so hard to care? Instead?

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<v Speaker 1>You were careless? And now Mark's in deep stress? Hold him?

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you very much. I don't know that

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<v Speaker 1>chills down my spine, very deep, very deep, Mark's dad.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what a real mystery we should be solving right now,

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<v Speaker 1>not this date thing. What it all came down to,

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<v Speaker 1>I think in that poem right there, if you're just

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<v Speaker 1>tuning in for today's second date update. Mark is on

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<v Speaker 1>the phone and Mark is a poet. He met the

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<v Speaker 1>girl that he wants to call today at one of

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<v Speaker 1>his poetry readings. He goes to open mic nights a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>and she came up to him after he was done

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<v Speaker 1>and really liked one of the poems that he read

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<v Speaker 1>about his crazy ex girlfriend. They talked at the bar

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<v Speaker 1>for a little while and then went somewhere else to

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<v Speaker 1>hang out, and he says that her mood kind of

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<v Speaker 1>changed when he said that she was as beautiful as

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<v Speaker 1>a snail. He was trying to say that she was

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<v Speaker 1>like hard on the outside but soft on the inside,

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<v Speaker 1>like everybody, but he thinks she didn't really like that

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<v Speaker 1>very much. He ended the date with a handshake, but

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<v Speaker 1>has her phone number and tried to reach out to

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<v Speaker 1>her and she hasn't responded to anything. Mark. Do we

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<v Speaker 1>need to talk about those issues with your dad first

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<v Speaker 1>or you want to just do the second date? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's a longer show than this. Okay, I

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<v Speaker 1>just thought he's in tears over the whole thing. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>dollar phone number right now, get her on the phone

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<v Speaker 1>and see if we can figure out what we're wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, great, and I'll stop with all the bad poetry,

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<v Speaker 1>will you? Though I don't think you will. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>trust you at all. I can't make that promise. I

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<v Speaker 1>found a new passion Mark because of you, Bernie. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, I'm gonna dollar Phoneimercy. We get her on

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<v Speaker 1>the phone. Here we go, Oh, Mark, I never even

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<v Speaker 1>asked what her name is? What's her name? Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I was so wrapped up in my own poetry I

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<v Speaker 1>forgot to ask. All right, I'll die Lizzie's phone of

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<v Speaker 1>her right now we go? Hello, Hi, can I speak

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<v Speaker 1>to Lizzie? Please? This is her speaking. He's calling Hi, Lizzie.

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<v Speaker 1>This is Jewel from brook and Jewel in the Morning. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>what is it? It's a radio show. That's a I've

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<v Speaker 1>never been called by radio before. Well cool, there's a

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<v Speaker 1>first for everything. Any idea why I'm calling you? No idea? Okay, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>contemplating hanging up? No, please don't please don't hang up. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>don't hang up. You're going to be very interested in

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<v Speaker 1>this phone call, okay, because it involves I'm sure one

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<v Speaker 1>of the many men that's vying for your attention beating

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<v Speaker 1>down your door. I guess you're implying that I go

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<v Speaker 1>on lots of awesome dates. Well, I heard you're as

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<v Speaker 1>beautiful as a snail, so I figured probably going out

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<v Speaker 1>on a lot of dates sounds vaguely familiar. Does it

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<v Speaker 1>remind you of somebody named Mark? Yeah? Actually it's not

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<v Speaker 1>a bad giggle. That is kind of a positive giggle

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<v Speaker 1>that you have right there. Well, I mean that was

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<v Speaker 1>kind of cute. It was cute, okay. So yes, Mark

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<v Speaker 1>is the guy that asked us to call you. He

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<v Speaker 1>says that you met after one of his poetry readings

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<v Speaker 1>and he really enjoyed spending time with you. But now

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<v Speaker 1>you're not answering any of his phone calls or text messages,

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<v Speaker 1>and he was hoping we could find out why. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>it wasn't like the best date ever. Okay, Okay. He

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<v Speaker 1>said he thought that you liked him until he said

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<v Speaker 1>the line about being as beautiful as a snail. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>the snail thing. I was like, what, it's weird, But

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<v Speaker 1>it was like, I don't know. I guess he was

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<v Speaker 1>just trying to be like dorky and poetic and I

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<v Speaker 1>find meaning and nothing and then make at something okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So I was like, I was like, oh, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like he's trying. So that's nice. But so it wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>the snail line. No, it wasn't the snail One got

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<v Speaker 1>me was the date already bad before the snail line

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<v Speaker 1>because he thought that that was the turning point? No, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean he made fun of me, what, like how

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<v Speaker 1>well we were just talking about poetry and stuff, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like you do it places where people will go and

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<v Speaker 1>talk about poetry and makes sense. So he asked me,

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<v Speaker 1>you know who my favorite poet was? And I told

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<v Speaker 1>him and he just laughed at me. He just made

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<v Speaker 1>fun of me and for it. So I thought, wow,

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<v Speaker 1>this guy is kind of a joke. Oh wow, so

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<v Speaker 1>you brought up your favorite poet and he laughed at

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<v Speaker 1>your taste? Yeah, just shot me down, Like did you

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<v Speaker 1>tell him that? We talked about it, and we kind

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<v Speaker 1>of felt like we were arguing and going back and

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<v Speaker 1>forth and it was just not comfortable. And I like

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<v Speaker 1>how he asks your opinion and then says, oh, that's

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<v Speaker 1>a bad opinion. Yeah, maybe he thought I was joking,

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<v Speaker 1>but I definitely wasn't because my answer was one of

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<v Speaker 1>my biggest inspirations. So when he shot me down, I

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<v Speaker 1>was like, wow, it was guy's gonna wah yeah, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>well who's your biggest inspiration? So I said that my

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<v Speaker 1>favorite poet was doctor SEUs and he laughed at that.

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<v Speaker 1>That's awesome though, And now the guy in the backgrounds laughing. Great,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't expect like people to talk about great poets.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I mean, maybe you do. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not a big poetry guy, but I wouldn't think

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<v Speaker 1>doctor Seuss like we'll see you. I mean, like it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't matter, Like any time I bring it up, everyone's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna think that I'm kidding, like it's a joke. And

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<v Speaker 1>see he's laughing again. I can tell you you're getting upset.

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<v Speaker 1>And Jose laughs at everything, so don't worry about that. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>he laughs at everything. But I will tell you this

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<v Speaker 1>Mark is actually on the other line listening and wants

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<v Speaker 1>to talk to you. Oh my god, are you serious?

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry if that makes you even more upset, Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>doctor SEUs, that's what this is about. Well, yes, that's

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<v Speaker 1>what offended me, Like you really hurt my feelings because

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<v Speaker 1>I vulnerable, like a little smell opened up and told

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<v Speaker 1>you something that I like, and then you just like

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<v Speaker 1>shoved it right back in my face, and it was

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<v Speaker 1>it was rude. I genuinely thought you were No, no, no,

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<v Speaker 1>you haven't. You have no respect for me? Say, why

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<v Speaker 1>would I call you Mack. It's not that I don't

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<v Speaker 1>respect for you, Lizzie. We have a great time. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just saying, doctor Seuss, who inspired you to be a

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<v Speaker 1>I mean? What? Well? Yeah, I mean obviously you can

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<v Speaker 1>not get past that. Then, like, if you can't, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>deal with the real meeds and you don't deserve it.

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<v Speaker 1>So one fish, two fish, Red fish, blue fish is

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<v Speaker 1>not a poem I think it is. Yeah, yeah, it

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<v Speaker 1>definitely is a poem. It's a pole for children. I

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<v Speaker 1>thought we were talking about real poets. I thought we

0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:44.960
<v Speaker 1>were having a grown up conversation. And then you start

0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:48.199
<v Speaker 1>talking about you know, everyone loves the Grinch. But I'm

0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:51.000
<v Speaker 1>not ten years old anymore. Mark. You need to back

0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:54.800
<v Speaker 1>off right now? Well am I offending you right now?

0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:57.719
<v Speaker 1>Does anyone else there actually think doctor Seuss is a

0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:02.400
<v Speaker 1>real poet? Well? Oh, come on? Children truly? And maybe

0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:04.600
<v Speaker 1>there are people that bought the over six hundred million

0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.520
<v Speaker 1>copies of his work that was sold. Yeah, maybe that

0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:12.040
<v Speaker 1>counts for something. What have you sold? Okay, well maybe

0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:14.400
<v Speaker 1>I haven't sold anything. But did Doctor SEUs go to

0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:18.360
<v Speaker 1>open mics every weekend trying to like perfect the craft?

0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:22.720
<v Speaker 1>Do we know that for sure? I don't know. Maybe

0:12:22.760 --> 0:12:25.720
<v Speaker 1>Doctor SEUs did go to open mics. I guarantee Doctor

0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.760
<v Speaker 1>SEUs never opened up to a live audience and to

0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:32.120
<v Speaker 1>die far. I bet he was at home scribbling down

0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:36.600
<v Speaker 1>children's writing. I can't believe how ignorant you are right now.

0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:38.959
<v Speaker 1>He went to Dartmouth College. I'm sure he had to

0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.120
<v Speaker 1>speak in front of many people. How do you know

0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:45.360
<v Speaker 1>so much about him? Like I told you, he didn't

0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:49.240
<v Speaker 1>listen to me before. He is one of my biggest inspirations.

0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:51.280
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I'm gonna know some stuff about him. And like,

0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.880
<v Speaker 1>you don't even have a clue what you're talking about.

0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.679
<v Speaker 1>You're the one that called me, Well, if I want

0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.319
<v Speaker 1>to be a hack like doctor SEUs and write about

0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:03.000
<v Speaker 1>cat in the Hat and bat, then I could, And

0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:05.199
<v Speaker 1>you know what, I could probably sell a million copies.

0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:07.960
<v Speaker 1>But I don't. I go up there and I talked

0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.839
<v Speaker 1>about my feelings in the world around me like a

0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.520
<v Speaker 1>real poets supposed to I find it harder. I even

0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:16.920
<v Speaker 1>have to defend myself in regard to doctor SEUs other

0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:20.320
<v Speaker 1>than writing children's books and poems. I mean, he's very political,

0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:22.920
<v Speaker 1>and he has all kinds of hidden symbolism and green

0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:27.599
<v Speaker 1>eggs and ham and oh no, no, that's not what is.

0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:33.480
<v Speaker 1>The symbolist is in green eggs and ham food poisoning. Yeah,

0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:35.880
<v Speaker 1>why don't you go back to your own apartment, is

0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.640
<v Speaker 1>write your whiny poems about your ex girlfriend, because that's

0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:44.240
<v Speaker 1>clearly the only type that you can get. Well, okay, great,

0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:46.040
<v Speaker 1>Why don't you just go back to the bookstore and

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.400
<v Speaker 1>sit in the children's section on a mini stool and

0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:54.600
<v Speaker 1>read your pop up books at more pleasant than talking

0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.079
<v Speaker 1>to you? For sure, we would get you on the

0:13:57.160 --> 0:13:59.959
<v Speaker 1>phone market you to apologize. It's say, oh my god,

0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I didn't mean to dis your inspiration. I'm sorry. I

0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:05.960
<v Speaker 1>would have if she didn't double down on it. I mean,

0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:11.080
<v Speaker 1>good lord, not, is that not what this whole phone

0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.520
<v Speaker 1>calls about? Just to make fun of me some more? No, No,

0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:15.240
<v Speaker 1>it was trying to get It was to try to

0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.319
<v Speaker 1>get you a second date with Mark, which, if you

0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:19.520
<v Speaker 1>would like a second date with Mark, Lizzie, we would

0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:20.680
<v Speaker 1>pay for it. Would you like to go out with

0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:23.800
<v Speaker 1>him again? No? Hell no, that is the last thing

0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:25.800
<v Speaker 1>that I would want to do. I'd rather go sit

0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.520
<v Speaker 1>in the children's section of the library and read pulp

0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:31.080
<v Speaker 1>up books. Thank you, it does sound pretty fun. Actually,

0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 1>never call me again, wow, he Mark? Yeah, no second

0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.400
<v Speaker 1>date for you, man, I'm sorry. Yeah, I didn't sound

0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:42.720
<v Speaker 1>like but I did in that time write a poem

0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:45.200
<v Speaker 1>about it. If you want to hear it. I no,

0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.400
<v Speaker 1>I would love to. No, don't put me on the

0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:55.800
<v Speaker 1>spot like that. I didn't actually have anything prepared. Judging

0:14:55.880 --> 0:14:57.800
<v Speaker 1>by the text messages we're getting in at seven, eight,

0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:00.480
<v Speaker 1>five nine too, it's official. Doctor SEUs is a real poet,

0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:04.160
<v Speaker 1>I think so. If you missed today's second eight update

0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:05.680
<v Speaker 1>that was taped when Brooke was still here. She's out

0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.520
<v Speaker 1>on maternity to leave. Jackie is filling in. But Mark

0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:12.080
<v Speaker 1>wanted to call Lizzie. They met at a poetry night

0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.200
<v Speaker 1>open mic night. She was there, saw him performing and

0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:17.120
<v Speaker 1>liked him. So they hung out a little bit and

0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:19.600
<v Speaker 1>she wasn't calling him back. Why wasn't she calling back? Well,

0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:23.080
<v Speaker 1>because he was very offended that she said her favorite

0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:28.920
<v Speaker 1>poet was doctor SEUs. And then yeah, just went on

0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:31.760
<v Speaker 1>to rip her about her taste and poetry, just like

0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:35.040
<v Speaker 1>you don't understand what a real poet goes through. I

0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.600
<v Speaker 1>think he even said the line, did doctor SEUs go

0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:41.480
<v Speaker 1>to open mic nights every week and work on his poetry?

0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:48.840
<v Speaker 1>I doubt it. Yeah, everybody in Textican at seven eighty

0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:50.800
<v Speaker 1>five and nine two can't stand this guy and said

0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:52.840
<v Speaker 1>he's super pretentious and she shouldn't go out with him.

0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:54.640
<v Speaker 1>And she decided to not go out with him again.

0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:58.120
<v Speaker 1>Good good, unfortunately, because I think they would have made

0:15:58.120 --> 0:15:59.760
<v Speaker 1>a great couple. He could have really taught her a

0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:03.080
<v Speaker 1>lot about poetry. Remember, if you want to do a

0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.040
<v Speaker 1>second day update, all you have to do is email

0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:07.840
<v Speaker 1>the show and we will call the person who didn't

0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:09.640
<v Speaker 1>call you back. But you should know if you're out

0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:11.920
<v Speaker 1>with someone who's a poet and you bring up doctor SEUs,

0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:13.600
<v Speaker 1>that's the reason they're not calling you. Guy,