Speaker 1: Funk and jewels, second d D Second Date? Am I late?
Speaker 1: Maybe I am? But I tried it and I cried
Speaker 1: and you lied. Now I vape flavors, grape, so desperate,
Speaker 1: so sexless. In fact, I'm so whack fade to black.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you very much, everybody poetry.
Speaker 1: Why did I start today's second date update with a
Speaker 1: beautiful poem? Well because I'm a poet, obviously, and also
Speaker 1: so is Mark, who's on the line for a second
Speaker 1: date update today. That's how he says he met the
Speaker 1: girl that he wants to call today at a poetry reading. Mark,
Speaker 1: were you impressed by my work? Sir? You know what?
Speaker 1: Not half bad? Thank you very much, and you're a
Speaker 1: liar already. Um so yeah, your email said that you're
Speaker 1: a poet. Huh yeah, yeah, i'd like to think so.
Speaker 1: At least that's awesome. Are you able to make a
Speaker 1: living doing that? Oh no, not at all. But I
Speaker 1: got open mic shows and whatnot. You know, get to
Speaker 1: meet new people. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: Most of us, really artistic poets aren't recognized until after
Speaker 1: our death. Exactly. We've got plenty at time, so, you know,
Speaker 1: so how did you meet the girl that you want
Speaker 1: to call today? You met her out of poetry reading. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was up an open mic and I was reading
Speaker 1: a few poems and one of them, the last one,
Speaker 1: got really well received. You know, I got a really
Speaker 1: great applause from its A lot was exciting cool. What
Speaker 1: was it about? Well, the one that people really liked
Speaker 1: was about a break up I had a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago that was more of an event really than
Speaker 1: a breakup. Was it sad or was it empowering? What
Speaker 1: was the tone of your breakup poem? It was sad
Speaker 1: from my end, but you know, she came over livid,
Speaker 1: and I guess the climax of it was that I
Speaker 1: had a large like candle in the middle of my
Speaker 1: coffee table that was lit, and she was still mad.
Speaker 1: But she took it and threw it across the room
Speaker 1: and smash on the wall. WHOA, that's crazy. You'll realize
Speaker 1: this wax is really hard to clean up. So you
Speaker 1: read a poem about this breakup, and that's what attracted
Speaker 1: the girl to you, I guess. So she came up
Speaker 1: to me at the bar and said, you know, I
Speaker 1: really really enjoyed it, and I thought that was great,
Speaker 1: but she liked it. Hey, there's nothing better than bonding
Speaker 1: over some crazy X stories because that's just what it
Speaker 1: sounds like to me, exactly exactly. What better way to
Speaker 1: talk about it than through poetry? Yeah, all right, so
Speaker 1: do you guys hang out at the bar for a
Speaker 1: little while? And yeah, we hung out there for a
Speaker 1: little while, and I asked her if she wanted to
Speaker 1: grab drinks somewhere else. We went across the street to
Speaker 1: a bar that she liked and had a couple of
Speaker 1: drinks and it was going really well until I was
Speaker 1: trying to compliment her. You know, but it's so boring
Speaker 1: to hear like, oh, you're gorgeous, so you're so smart,
Speaker 1: you know. I feel like women hear that all the time. No,
Speaker 1: not enough, never enough enough, yep, but continue should I
Speaker 1: should have gone simply because the compliment I went with,
Speaker 1: and I stand by it. I'll let me stay first.
Speaker 1: I stand by it. I told her that she is
Speaker 1: beautiful like a snail. That yeah, that doesn't sound like okay,
Speaker 1: but with I explained myself. I said, snails, in my
Speaker 1: mind are beautiful creatures because they have this, you know,
Speaker 1: gorgeous like exterior that like keeps them protected, but on
Speaker 1: the inside they're very like soft and vulnerable and beautiful
Speaker 1: in a way. Yeah, I think maybe you could have
Speaker 1: gone with something else, man, like, you don't know her
Speaker 1: well enough to know that she's vulnerable on the inside either.
Speaker 1: Well aren't we all? That's what I was going with it,
Speaker 1: I think. So, Yeah, we all have a very deep,
Speaker 1: tough outer shell and then once you get through that,
Speaker 1: we have these slimy little insides that if you sprinkle
Speaker 1: some salt on it, we with her up and die. Exactly,
Speaker 1: I see, where are you going? But that's because we
Speaker 1: connect on a different level because we're poets. Absolutely. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So she wasn't wooed by you comparing her to a snail.
Speaker 1: I guess not. It's better than a slug, I think,
Speaker 1: but not that different. Really did her mood change after that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd say so. The conversation got a little more difficult
Speaker 1: after that. And then at the end of the night,
Speaker 1: I just said, you know, I had a great night,
Speaker 1: and she immediately stuck out her hands for a handshake. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was it. Huh. Well, she did give you a number,
Speaker 1: which was you know, encouraging, right, But that was that
Speaker 1: was before I called her a snail, she was a
Speaker 1: beautiful like snail, beautiful like Okay, so you ended it
Speaker 1: with a handshake. Yeah, Well, okay, we're gonna play a song, Mark,
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna come back. Okay, Still I got nothing, Mark,
Speaker 1: did you have anything that will rhyme for me? Bong
Speaker 1: song bong, We'll come back and write the wrong. That's
Speaker 1: good like that? All right, We're gonna play a song, Mark,
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna come back and write the wrong
Speaker 1: off the top of my head, brilliant. All right. Hold on, man,
Speaker 1: we'll be back right after the fucking jubil in the morning.
Speaker 1: Hold on, let's try this again. If you're just tuning
Speaker 1: in second date, big mistake. Mark's I rate date is
Speaker 1: a flake, so gone, so bad. Never any encouragement from dad.
Speaker 1: Why Mark's dad? Was it so hard to care? Instead?
Speaker 1: You were careless? And now Mark's in deep stress? Hold him?
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you very much. I don't know that
Speaker 1: chills down my spine, very deep, very deep, Mark's dad.
Speaker 1: That's what a real mystery we should be solving right now,
Speaker 1: not this date thing. What it all came down to,
Speaker 1: I think in that poem right there, if you're just
Speaker 1: tuning in for today's second date update. Mark is on
Speaker 1: the phone and Mark is a poet. He met the
Speaker 1: girl that he wants to call today at one of
Speaker 1: his poetry readings. He goes to open mic nights a lot,
Speaker 1: and she came up to him after he was done
Speaker 1: and really liked one of the poems that he read
Speaker 1: about his crazy ex girlfriend. They talked at the bar
Speaker 1: for a little while and then went somewhere else to
Speaker 1: hang out, and he says that her mood kind of
Speaker 1: changed when he said that she was as beautiful as
Speaker 1: a snail. He was trying to say that she was
Speaker 1: like hard on the outside but soft on the inside,
Speaker 1: like everybody, but he thinks she didn't really like that
Speaker 1: very much. He ended the date with a handshake, but
Speaker 1: has her phone number and tried to reach out to
Speaker 1: her and she hasn't responded to anything. Mark. Do we
Speaker 1: need to talk about those issues with your dad first
Speaker 1: or you want to just do the second date? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think that's a longer show than this. Okay, I
Speaker 1: just thought he's in tears over the whole thing. Well,
Speaker 1: dollar phone number right now, get her on the phone
Speaker 1: and see if we can figure out what we're wrong.
Speaker 1: All right, great, and I'll stop with all the bad poetry,
Speaker 1: will you? Though I don't think you will. I don't
Speaker 1: trust you at all. I can't make that promise. I
Speaker 1: found a new passion Mark because of you, Bernie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna dollar Phoneimercy. We get her on
Speaker 1: the phone. Here we go, Oh, Mark, I never even
Speaker 1: asked what her name is? What's her name? Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I was so wrapped up in my own poetry I
Speaker 1: forgot to ask. All right, I'll die Lizzie's phone of
Speaker 1: her right now we go? Hello, Hi, can I speak
Speaker 1: to Lizzie? Please? This is her speaking. He's calling Hi, Lizzie.
Speaker 1: This is Jewel from brook and Jewel in the Morning. Okay,
Speaker 1: what is it? It's a radio show. That's a I've
Speaker 1: never been called by radio before. Well cool, there's a
Speaker 1: first for everything. Any idea why I'm calling you? No idea? Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: contemplating hanging up? No, please don't please don't hang up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: don't hang up. You're going to be very interested in
Speaker 1: this phone call, okay, because it involves I'm sure one
Speaker 1: of the many men that's vying for your attention beating
Speaker 1: down your door. I guess you're implying that I go
Speaker 1: on lots of awesome dates. Well, I heard you're as
Speaker 1: beautiful as a snail, so I figured probably going out
Speaker 1: on a lot of dates sounds vaguely familiar. Does it
Speaker 1: remind you of somebody named Mark? Yeah? Actually it's not
Speaker 1: a bad giggle. That is kind of a positive giggle
Speaker 1: that you have right there. Well, I mean that was
Speaker 1: kind of cute. It was cute, okay. So yes, Mark
Speaker 1: is the guy that asked us to call you. He
Speaker 1: says that you met after one of his poetry readings
Speaker 1: and he really enjoyed spending time with you. But now
Speaker 1: you're not answering any of his phone calls or text messages,
Speaker 1: and he was hoping we could find out why. Well,
Speaker 1: it wasn't like the best date ever. Okay, Okay. He
Speaker 1: said he thought that you liked him until he said
Speaker 1: the line about being as beautiful as a snail. I mean,
Speaker 1: the snail thing. I was like, what, it's weird, But
Speaker 1: it was like, I don't know. I guess he was
Speaker 1: just trying to be like dorky and poetic and I
Speaker 1: find meaning and nothing and then make at something okay,
Speaker 1: So I was like, I was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: like he's trying. So that's nice. But so it wasn't
Speaker 1: the snail line. No, it wasn't the snail One got
Speaker 1: me was the date already bad before the snail line
Speaker 1: because he thought that that was the turning point? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I mean he made fun of me, what, like how
Speaker 1: well we were just talking about poetry and stuff, you know,
Speaker 1: like you do it places where people will go and
Speaker 1: talk about poetry and makes sense. So he asked me,
Speaker 1: you know who my favorite poet was? And I told
Speaker 1: him and he just laughed at me. He just made
Speaker 1: fun of me and for it. So I thought, wow,
Speaker 1: this guy is kind of a joke. Oh wow, so
Speaker 1: you brought up your favorite poet and he laughed at
Speaker 1: your taste? Yeah, just shot me down, Like did you
Speaker 1: tell him that? We talked about it, and we kind
Speaker 1: of felt like we were arguing and going back and
Speaker 1: forth and it was just not comfortable. And I like
Speaker 1: how he asks your opinion and then says, oh, that's
Speaker 1: a bad opinion. Yeah, maybe he thought I was joking,
Speaker 1: but I definitely wasn't because my answer was one of
Speaker 1: my biggest inspirations. So when he shot me down, I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, it was guy's gonna wah yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: well who's your biggest inspiration? So I said that my
Speaker 1: favorite poet was doctor SEUs and he laughed at that.
Speaker 1: That's awesome though, And now the guy in the backgrounds laughing. Great,
Speaker 1: you don't expect like people to talk about great poets.
Speaker 1: And then I mean, maybe you do. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm not a big poetry guy, but I wouldn't think
Speaker 1: doctor Seuss like we'll see you. I mean, like it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, Like any time I bring it up, everyone's
Speaker 1: gonna think that I'm kidding, like it's a joke. And
Speaker 1: see he's laughing again. I can tell you you're getting upset.
Speaker 1: And Jose laughs at everything, so don't worry about that. Okay,
Speaker 1: he laughs at everything. But I will tell you this
Speaker 1: Mark is actually on the other line listening and wants
Speaker 1: to talk to you. Oh my god, are you serious?
Speaker 1: Sorry if that makes you even more upset, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: doctor SEUs, that's what this is about. Well, yes, that's
Speaker 1: what offended me, Like you really hurt my feelings because
Speaker 1: I vulnerable, like a little smell opened up and told
Speaker 1: you something that I like, and then you just like
Speaker 1: shoved it right back in my face, and it was
Speaker 1: it was rude. I genuinely thought you were No, no, no,
Speaker 1: you haven't. You have no respect for me? Say, why
Speaker 1: would I call you Mack. It's not that I don't
Speaker 1: respect for you, Lizzie. We have a great time. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, doctor Seuss, who inspired you to be a
Speaker 1: I mean? What? Well? Yeah, I mean obviously you can
Speaker 1: not get past that. Then, like, if you can't, you know,
Speaker 1: deal with the real meeds and you don't deserve it.
Speaker 1: So one fish, two fish, Red fish, blue fish is
Speaker 1: not a poem I think it is. Yeah, yeah, it
Speaker 1: definitely is a poem. It's a pole for children. I
Speaker 1: thought we were talking about real poets. I thought we
Speaker 1: were having a grown up conversation. And then you start
Speaker 1: talking about you know, everyone loves the Grinch. But I'm
Speaker 1: not ten years old anymore. Mark. You need to back
Speaker 1: off right now? Well am I offending you right now?
Speaker 1: Does anyone else there actually think doctor Seuss is a
Speaker 1: real poet? Well? Oh, come on? Children truly? And maybe
Speaker 1: there are people that bought the over six hundred million
Speaker 1: copies of his work that was sold. Yeah, maybe that
Speaker 1: counts for something. What have you sold? Okay, well maybe
Speaker 1: I haven't sold anything. But did Doctor SEUs go to
Speaker 1: open mics every weekend trying to like perfect the craft?
Speaker 1: Do we know that for sure? I don't know. Maybe
Speaker 1: Doctor SEUs did go to open mics. I guarantee Doctor
Speaker 1: SEUs never opened up to a live audience and to
Speaker 1: die far. I bet he was at home scribbling down
Speaker 1: children's writing. I can't believe how ignorant you are right now.
Speaker 1: He went to Dartmouth College. I'm sure he had to
Speaker 1: speak in front of many people. How do you know
Speaker 1: so much about him? Like I told you, he didn't
Speaker 1: listen to me before. He is one of my biggest inspirations.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'm gonna know some stuff about him. And like,
Speaker 1: you don't even have a clue what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: You're the one that called me, Well, if I want
Speaker 1: to be a hack like doctor SEUs and write about
Speaker 1: cat in the Hat and bat, then I could, And
Speaker 1: you know what, I could probably sell a million copies.
Speaker 1: But I don't. I go up there and I talked
Speaker 1: about my feelings in the world around me like a
Speaker 1: real poets supposed to I find it harder. I even
Speaker 1: have to defend myself in regard to doctor SEUs other
Speaker 1: than writing children's books and poems. I mean, he's very political,
Speaker 1: and he has all kinds of hidden symbolism and green
Speaker 1: eggs and ham and oh no, no, that's not what is.
Speaker 1: The symbolist is in green eggs and ham food poisoning. Yeah,
Speaker 1: why don't you go back to your own apartment, is
Speaker 1: write your whiny poems about your ex girlfriend, because that's
Speaker 1: clearly the only type that you can get. Well, okay, great,
Speaker 1: Why don't you just go back to the bookstore and
Speaker 1: sit in the children's section on a mini stool and
Speaker 1: read your pop up books at more pleasant than talking
Speaker 1: to you? For sure, we would get you on the
Speaker 1: phone market you to apologize. It's say, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to dis your inspiration. I'm sorry. I
Speaker 1: would have if she didn't double down on it. I mean,
Speaker 1: good lord, not, is that not what this whole phone
Speaker 1: calls about? Just to make fun of me some more? No, No,
Speaker 1: it was trying to get It was to try to
Speaker 1: get you a second date with Mark, which, if you
Speaker 1: would like a second date with Mark, Lizzie, we would
Speaker 1: pay for it. Would you like to go out with
Speaker 1: him again? No? Hell no, that is the last thing
Speaker 1: that I would want to do. I'd rather go sit
Speaker 1: in the children's section of the library and read pulp
Speaker 1: up books. Thank you, it does sound pretty fun. Actually,
Speaker 1: never call me again, wow, he Mark? Yeah, no second
Speaker 1: date for you, man, I'm sorry. Yeah, I didn't sound
Speaker 1: like but I did in that time write a poem
Speaker 1: about it. If you want to hear it. I no,
Speaker 1: I would love to. No, don't put me on the
Speaker 1: spot like that. I didn't actually have anything prepared. Judging
Speaker 1: by the text messages we're getting in at seven, eight,
Speaker 1: five nine too, it's official. Doctor SEUs is a real poet,
Speaker 1: I think so. If you missed today's second eight update
Speaker 1: that was taped when Brooke was still here. She's out
Speaker 1: on maternity to leave. Jackie is filling in. But Mark
Speaker 1: wanted to call Lizzie. They met at a poetry night
Speaker 1: open mic night. She was there, saw him performing and
Speaker 1: liked him. So they hung out a little bit and
Speaker 1: she wasn't calling him back. Why wasn't she calling back? Well,
Speaker 1: because he was very offended that she said her favorite
Speaker 1: poet was doctor SEUs. And then yeah, just went on
Speaker 1: to rip her about her taste and poetry, just like
Speaker 1: you don't understand what a real poet goes through. I
Speaker 1: think he even said the line, did doctor SEUs go
Speaker 1: to open mic nights every week and work on his poetry?
Speaker 1: I doubt it. Yeah, everybody in Textican at seven eighty
Speaker 1: five and nine two can't stand this guy and said
Speaker 1: he's super pretentious and she shouldn't go out with him.
Speaker 1: And she decided to not go out with him again.
Speaker 1: Good good, unfortunately, because I think they would have made
Speaker 1: a great couple. He could have really taught her a
Speaker 1: lot about poetry. Remember, if you want to do a
Speaker 1: second day update, all you have to do is email
Speaker 1: the show and we will call the person who didn't
Speaker 1: call you back. But you should know if you're out
Speaker 1: with someone who's a poet and you bring up doctor SEUs,
Speaker 1: that's the reason they're not calling you. Guy,