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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 1: My father tried to trick my step mother, so I

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Speaker 1: exposed him.

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Speaker 2: What why would you do that?

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Speaker 3: My seventeen female stepmother, Jane, is a wonderful, wonderful woman.

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Speaker 3: She and my father got married when I was four

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Speaker 3: and she's been a rock in my life ever since.

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Speaker 3: My mother was always my primary caregiver, but up until

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Speaker 3: that point, her relationship with my father was acrimonious and

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Speaker 3: I basically never saw him. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 3: from user whole Pomegranate five three four two, And if

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Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 3: r slash okay story Time subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie,

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Speaker 3: and I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice goofully,

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 3: what we would do, So if you'd do something different,

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Speaker 3: let us know in the comments. Op says Jane was

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Speaker 3: the reason they developed a stable code parenting relationship. She

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Speaker 3: encouraged everyone having a good relationship with each other and

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Speaker 3: was always there to support me and my mom when

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Speaker 3: things got rough. Jane was always a really hard worker.

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Speaker 3: When she met my dad, he was living out of

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Speaker 3: a hotel and my mother was doing everything in her

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Speaker 3: power to keep me away from him because she was

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Speaker 3: petty and angry that their relationship didn't work out. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 3: Jane had a great job, a nice house, and helped

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Speaker 3: my dad get back on his feet. She negotiated a

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Speaker 3: visitation schedule with my mom, who did admittedly hate her

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Speaker 3: for a long time, and made sure my dad sent

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Speaker 3: us money every week because neither one of them could

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Speaker 3: afford an attorney to negotiate child support payments. Okay, so Jane,

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Speaker 3: very quickly, here is the MVP of this entire dynamic.

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Speaker 2: Jane is pulling everyone together.

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Speaker 3: Jane had no reason to do any of these things,

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Speaker 3: but as I got older, she made it clear that

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Speaker 3: she loved me as much as she loved my half brothers,

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Speaker 3: who were born a few years later. I even had

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Speaker 3: my own room in her house because at the time

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Speaker 3: we lived with my grandparents and various boyfriends of my mom,

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Speaker 3: and Jane felt that I needed a more stable environment

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Speaker 3: than that. She is like the opposite of the evil

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Speaker 3: stepmom trope. When I was fifteen, Jane won a big

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Speaker 3: lawsuit against an airline company and got awarded upwards of

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Speaker 3: a million dollars.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, whoa no wonder these airline took a trigger

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Speaker 1: and show eck'sprench.

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Speaker 2: E Van, it's all going towards Jane.

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Speaker 3: It's all going a change pocket book. I'm just kidding, Jane,

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Speaker 3: get your money up, girl. She used the money to

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Speaker 3: build sizable trust funds for me and my brothers so

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Speaker 3: that we would be taking care of later in life.

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Speaker 3: Jane is just the best Jane.

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Speaker 4: We love.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Despite having a lot more money, she still wanted to

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Speaker 3: live a fairly modest life, so she paid off the

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Speaker 3: house she has and has been living there ever since

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Speaker 3: with my dad. Sure, she bought a new car and

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Speaker 3: they went on a few nice vacations, but she didn't

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Speaker 3: blow all her money on stupid things, which I respected.

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Speaker 3: About a year ago, things started getting really weird. Whenever

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Speaker 3: I saw Jane, she seemed to look sicker and sicker,

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Speaker 3: but no one would tell me or my brother's why,

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Speaker 3: even though I knew they all knew. All we knew

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Speaker 3: was that she was at the hospital a lot.

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Speaker 1: This is awful news.

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Speaker 2: How old is Opie in all of this?

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Speaker 1: It's like sixteen seventeen.

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Speaker 2: Ah, that's old enough to tell them.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, come on.

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Speaker 3: Around this same time, my mom started coming around my

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Speaker 3: dad a lot more and acting really strange, basically like

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Speaker 3: she was trying to romance him. Whenever Jane was in

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Speaker 3: the hospital, my mom would insist on spending the night

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Speaker 3: at their house and playing mom to my brothers, which

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Speaker 3: was so weird to me because she never liked them

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Speaker 3: or Jane. She'd be the perfect little housewife, and my

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Speaker 3: mom is not like that at all. It was super fake.

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Speaker 1: Worst of all, my dad started falling for it. I'm

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Speaker 1: not stupid. I'm pretty sure they were sleeping together. I

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Speaker 1: tried to shield my brothers from it, but they're not

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Speaker 1: dumb either. I tried talking to my dad too, but

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Speaker 1: he insisted it wasn't like that. Then a few weeks ago,

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Speaker 1: my mom started talking about all the places she'd like

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Speaker 1: to visit, how she wanted a new car and was

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Speaker 1: looking to invest, which was weird because my mom had

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Speaker 1: been a bartender her whole life and has lived paycheck

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Speaker 1: to paycheck since before I was born. She was acting

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Speaker 1: like she was about to get a lot of money,

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Speaker 1: which started.

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Speaker 3: To make me really suspicious. Between Jane being sick and

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Speaker 3: my mom acting all nouveau riche, I had a lot

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Speaker 3: of questions. Finally, I decided to visit Jane in the

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Speaker 3: hospital and ask her about my trust fund. I found

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Speaker 3: out that if anything happened to her, my dad would

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Speaker 3: inherit all the money, including full control of the trusts

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Speaker 3: for me and my brothers. She asked me why I

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Speaker 3: was so interested in the trust fund, so I told

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Speaker 3: her what was going on with my parents, and now

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Speaker 3: my mom had been acting with my dad. I didn't

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Speaker 3: want to, but after everything she did for me, she

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Speaker 3: deserved the truth. It really hurt me to break her

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Speaker 3: heart like that, especially once I found out that she

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Speaker 3: was basically in hospitle this point because of irreversible kidney failure.

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Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, that is terrible, so awful.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, and sorry, Op, it's terrible, terrible, terrible

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Speaker 1: situation to be dealing with. Apparently she's only got a

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Speaker 1: few more months. We both cried so much. Then two

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Speaker 1: days ago everything came to a head. My mom stormed

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Speaker 1: in furious and started arguing with my dad. Apparently Jane

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Speaker 1: had met with her lawyer and changed the trust so

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Speaker 1: that my dad would get nothing and all of the

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Speaker 1: trust would be controlled by my step aunt. She demanded

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Speaker 1: to know how Jane found out about their relationship, and

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Speaker 1: I came out and told them that I told Jane everything.

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Speaker 1: I told them that if they wanted to play stupid games,

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Speaker 1: they would win stupid prizes, and that I wasn't going

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Speaker 1: to let them screw Jane over after all the help

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Speaker 1: she gave my family when she didn't have to. My

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Speaker 1: mom gave me a smack and my dad just looked

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Speaker 1: so defeated. Sorry, but your mom is a garbage bag.

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Speaker 2: She really just nailed that in with a little for.

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Speaker 3: Her to be acting like this after Jane went out

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Speaker 3: of her way to not only help you, her daughter,

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Speaker 3: but her to have a relationship with you, a co

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Speaker 3: parenting relationship that would be you know, copasetic for everyone

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Speaker 3: involved in the family.

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Speaker 1: It's just such a trash trash move. Yeah, absolutely, not

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Speaker 1: to mention that those trusts are made for the kids,

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Speaker 1: not your mom.

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Speaker 3: Your dad and your mom were just gonna take that

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Speaker 3: money and use it for fun, right, They deserved to

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Speaker 3: have the rug pulled out from under them.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, op was right when plays good games

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Speaker 6: win stupid prizes. They had it all set up for

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Speaker 6: them and then they just messed it up and then

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Speaker 6: are mad at everyone else for that.

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Speaker 1: It's like, guys, what are you doing? You gotta own it,

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Speaker 1: own it. You messed up. God, you're being bad people bad.

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Speaker 6: Ugh.

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Speaker 3: Then my mom told my dad that she didn't really

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Speaker 3: love him, that she was just pretending so that he

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Speaker 3: would marry her and she could get all of the money. Well,

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Speaker 3: at least she came out and said it and stopped

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Speaker 3: wasting everyone's time.

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Speaker 2: Cool.

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Speaker 3: The worst part about this is that my brother's witnessed

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Speaker 3: the whole thing, and now, on top of their mom

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Speaker 3: passing away, they have to deal with a cheating dad

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Speaker 3: and his.

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Speaker 1: Vindictive ex wife.

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Speaker 3: Our whole family is in ruins, and I feel like

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Speaker 3: it's my fault, even though I know it's not. Yesterday,

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Speaker 3: I visited Jane again and told her about the fallout.

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Speaker 3: She apologized and said that she had to dissolve my

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Speaker 3: trust fund to make sure my mother didn't get a

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Speaker 3: hold of the money, but that as her oldest I

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Speaker 3: will inherit the house and property after she's gone, and

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Speaker 3: that's worth more than the other two trust funds combined.

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Speaker 3: My father won't get anything because she's going to divorce

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Speaker 3: him before she passes away, and honestly, I'm happy for her.

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Speaker 3: She made me promise to take care of my brothers

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Speaker 3: and told me that once I turn eighteen this summer,

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Speaker 3: I can get my dad out of the house legally

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Speaker 3: if I want to, and I fully planned to do that.

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Speaker 3: By the way, I haven't talked to my dad since,

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Speaker 3: and I can't even look at my mom. I can't

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Speaker 3: believe they would conspire to do this to Jane after

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Speaker 3: all this time. It's just proof that they deserve each other,

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Speaker 3: and I'm embarrassed that they're my parents. I'm sorry, Op,

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Speaker 3: this is such a rough situation. Yeah, well, we don't

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Speaker 3: have to let our parents define us.

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Speaker 1: That is the truth.

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Speaker 3: There's truth that once I turn eighteen, I'm gonna cut

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Speaker 3: my dad out as much as I can and cut

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Speaker 3: my mom out completely personally.

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Speaker 1: I hope she rots. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to

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Speaker 1: be at the hospital as much as I can until

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Speaker 1: Jane passes away. I just needed to vent.

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Speaker 3: I'm really messed up about the whole thing, and I

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Speaker 3: feel super betrayed. Although I can't even begin to imagine

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Speaker 3: how Jane feels. I'm gonna be so messed up when

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Speaker 3: she passes. I can't even think about that right now, though,

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Speaker 3: But at least she's not surrounded by people who just

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Speaker 3: want to bring her down. My plan is to use

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Speaker 3: some of the estate money to fight for guardianship of

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Speaker 3: my twin brothers so that they can live in the

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Speaker 3: house while I remove my dad. From what I understand,

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Speaker 3: my brothers will inherit one third each of the estate,

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Speaker 3: and the remaining one third will be used to keep

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Speaker 3: the house running until they turn eighteen. After that, it

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Speaker 3: will be up to me if I want to keep

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Speaker 3: the house or sell it. Jane dissolved my third and

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Speaker 3: switched it over to take care of the house maintenance,

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Speaker 3: and instead put the house in my name so my

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Speaker 3: dad wouldn't get it. By doing that, at least financially,

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Speaker 3: I would be getting a much bigger share, because the

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Speaker 3: house is worth about one point five times the amount

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Speaker 3: of money in my brother's trusts. I just wouldn't be

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Speaker 3: able to do anything with it until my brothers are eighteen,

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Speaker 3: which I'm totally cool with. And there is an update,

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Speaker 3: and I feel like we did have some comments being like,

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Speaker 3: is there poison?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Some people were wondering I would be

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Speaker 1: suspicious given how they're moving. Yeah, if that is the case, horrific, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: but I hope not. I think you're on the right track. Ope.

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Speaker 3: I think I would definitely definitely look into therapy for sure.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure exactly what specialized kind of therapy you

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Speaker 3: would want to get into, but definitely the grief of

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Speaker 3: losing Jane and then everything going on with your family.

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Speaker 1: I think maybe like a therapist who specializes in toxic parents, yeah,

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Speaker 1: would be pretty helpful for you, or.

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Speaker 2: Grief something just all of that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that's just so complicated because grief is just hard

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Speaker 6: in general. But if this is basically like your best parent,

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Speaker 6: you know, right, then it's like, oh, well, I'm too

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Speaker 6: young to know how to deal with that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's lovely.

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Speaker 1: There's an update though, and let's get into it. Hi, guys,

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Speaker 1: it's me again.

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Speaker 3: A lot of you ask me for an update on

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Speaker 3: my situation with Jane and my family, so I've come

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Speaker 3: back with a few things that have happened since I

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Speaker 3: initially posted. Jane is still alive, oh phenomenal and doing

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Speaker 3: surprisingly well considering the circumstances. She's always been a fighter,

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Speaker 3: and although her disease has been progressing, she's keeping a

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Speaker 3: positive attitude with everything that's going on. She says she's

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Speaker 3: grateful that she was able to see everyone's true colors

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Speaker 3: before she passed, so she could go into the next

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Speaker 3: life knowing the truth. We have become so unbelievably close

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Speaker 3: in the past few months, and it's getting harder and

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Speaker 3: harder to know that she's getting close to the end.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't ever talk about it, though, and I know

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Speaker 3: it's because she doesn't want to hurt me. But we

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Speaker 3: both know the situation, so we're just making the best

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Speaker 3: of our time. We did end up having that surprise

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Speaker 3: celebration of life that I planned. A lot more people

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00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,599
Speaker 3: showed up than I thought, but they all got in

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Speaker 3: Airbnb near the hospital where Jane is and we were

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Speaker 3: able to take her out and spend some time at

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Speaker 3: the lake near the facility. It was super low key,

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Speaker 3: which I know Jane preferred, and I was even able

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Speaker 3: to get her old college friend to come after I

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Speaker 3: found him on LinkedIn. We had food, there was music,

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Speaker 3: we played games, and it was overall really great time,

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Speaker 3: except Jane started crying at the end, but she promised

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Speaker 3: me it was just because she was grateful.

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Speaker 2: Oh oh, this is so sad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's a silver lining. You did absolutely crush

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Speaker 1: the celebration of life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Tears of yeah, sadness and joy and appreciation and just

256
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Speaker 3: an overwhelming thing to exp experience.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure right. My brothers are also doing okay.

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Speaker 3: My aunt Jane's sister is currently paying for them to

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Speaker 3: go to therapy, and they've become a lot more open

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Speaker 3: about talking about the situation. They just turned thirteen, but

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Speaker 3: a lot of the time it feels like I'm talking

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Speaker 3: to actual adults. They've become really independent lately, and aside

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Speaker 3: from me driving them places, I don't really have to

264
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Speaker 3: do much for them anymore. Their grades aren't super great,

265
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Speaker 3: but they're not failing, and considering the circumstances.

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Speaker 1: It could be a lot worse. The situation with.

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Speaker 3: My mom is as funny as it is embarrassing. She

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Speaker 3: spent a few weeks ignoring us, and then she tried

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Speaker 3: to crawl back into my life, basically begging me to

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Speaker 3: let her move in because her lease is about to

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Speaker 3: expire and she has nowhere to go. That convo went

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Speaker 3: about as well as you'd think, and she ended up

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Speaker 3: calling me an ungrateful witch and said I couldn't just

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Speaker 3: ignore her because she's my mom.

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Speaker 2: Watch me though, yeah, it says, who says, who watch me?

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Speaker 1: Ignore you? Good luck figuring it out.

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Speaker 3: You can't leach all of Jane's goodness out of me.

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Speaker 1: If anyone's my real mom, it was her. Yep, and

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Speaker 1: yeah at awesome, Ashley says, trigger warning.

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Speaker 2: Sad, sad. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I told her to get out of the house before

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Speaker 3: I call the cops and to go back to my dad.

283
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Speaker 3: After that, she tried coming by a few times, and

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Speaker 3: when I wouldn't open the door, she would lose her

285
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Speaker 3: mind and start yelling through the neighborhood. After three instances

286
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Speaker 3: of this, I finally called the cops, but because I'm seventeen,

287
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Speaker 3: they told me there's a possibility that I would have

288
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Speaker 3: to go home with her since technically I'm a miner

289
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Speaker 3: and need to be with the custodio parent. I told

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Speaker 3: them no way, because I was the only one watching

291
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Speaker 3: my brothers. My dad basically showed up and I was

292
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Speaker 3: allowed to stay there because there was finally an adult present,

293
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Speaker 3: and I'd.

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Speaker 1: Basically lived there for over a year. I gotta say

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Speaker 1: that's rich that the cops are like, So, I know

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Speaker 1: you called us to get your mom out of the house,

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Speaker 1: but now you actually have to go with her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's insane.

299
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Speaker 1: The most backward situation.

300
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Speaker 2: Yeah, just because you're not technically eighteen.

301
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Speaker 3: Year after that, the cops firmly told my mom that

302
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Speaker 3: if she keeps showing up and causing drama, they would

303
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Speaker 3: arrest her for trespassing since technically it was Jane's house

304
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Speaker 3: and not hers. She left and hasn't tried coming to

305
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Speaker 3: the house anymore.

306
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Speaker 1: But for a while she would call me constantly telling

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Speaker 1: me I owed her and all kinds of stuff. She's

308
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,560
Speaker 1: now blocked on everything and anything she needs to say

309
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:26,239
Speaker 1: to me gets filtered through my dad. As for my dad, well, since.

310
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Speaker 3: He's basically required to be here for another two months

311
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Speaker 3: until I turn eighteen, we've been essentially avoiding each other.

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Speaker 3: It's not too bad, though, because I've been heavily relying

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Speaker 3: on guilting him for everything to get my way. For example,

314
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Speaker 3: he was going to contest the divorce, but I threatened

315
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Speaker 3: to just evict him when I turned eighteen if he

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Speaker 3: did that, So he just signed all the paperwork for

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Speaker 3: a quickie divorce and is basically doing whatever Jane tells

318
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Speaker 3: him to do. I don't openly disrespect him or anything.

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Speaker 3: He is still my dad, but I've made it clear

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Speaker 3: that I have no intentions of doing anything he says

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Speaker 3: ever again, and he doesn't fight me on it. Most

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Speaker 3: of the time, he's just in his room, and sometimes

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Speaker 3: he'll go back to my mom's, but only for a.

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Speaker 1: Day or two before they argue and she boots him

325
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Speaker 1: out again.

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Speaker 3: I haven't decided what I'm gonna do with him yet,

327
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Speaker 3: and we haven't talked about it either, so I'm kind

328
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Speaker 3: of playing it by year. As for me, I'm handling

329
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 3: everything as good as I can. I found a new

330
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Speaker 3: job where I make a little more money, so I've

331
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Speaker 3: been focusing on saving as much as I can and

332
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Speaker 3: just being there for my brothers. Between working school and

333
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Speaker 3: visiting Jane, I've been so busy i haven't really had

334
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,880
Speaker 3: time to stop and think about everything, but I know

335
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Speaker 3: it'll come. One of my friends has really stepped up

336
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,320
Speaker 3: and helped me manage everything, and I'm super grateful to

337
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,480
Speaker 3: him for being there for me and my brothers. So

338
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,800
Speaker 3: we'll see how that goes. And there's a second update.

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Speaker 1: My gosh, Yeah, I think regardless of what happens, I'm

340
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Speaker 1: getting my dad out of that house as soon as

341
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Speaker 1: I turn eighteen.

342
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you know, so's you can. Yeah, because it's

343
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Speaker 2: technically Jane's husband, it will be yours.

344
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Speaker 3: I just think, after everything Jane did not only to

345
00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:00,520
Speaker 3: help you, but also your father and your mom, it's

346
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:05,120
Speaker 3: just like their behavior is so utterly disgusting. It's time

347
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,240
Speaker 3: for them to learn the hard way. It's like, hey,

348
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,400
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to figure out how to exist without

349
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,840
Speaker 3: any help now, because I don't want to use any

350
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,880
Speaker 3: of Jane's assets to help you when you were so

351
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 3: easily able to betray her. Not only just betray her

352
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,960
Speaker 3: and cheat on her with your ex wife, but do

353
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Speaker 3: it while she was literally in hospice.

354
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just disgusting.

355
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Speaker 6: Yeah, it's an insane, insane, insane situation. People were saying

356
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,880
Speaker 6: that op could file for emancipation. Possibly someone is asking,

357
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,360
Speaker 6: how do you file for emancipationient with no financial reason.

358
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Speaker 1: There's only a couple months left.

359
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Speaker 3: I think just you know, talking out the next two

360
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 3: months to your eighteen and then the house gets transferred

361
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Speaker 3: to you.

362
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,120
Speaker 2: That's a good point.

363
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 6: I forgot about emancipationient though, but yes, he can hang

364
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:55,680
Speaker 6: in there.

365
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,600
Speaker 3: Yes, Update number two. Hello everyone, it's me again. I've

366
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,720
Speaker 3: gotten I had a few messages in the past months

367
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,040
Speaker 3: asking for an update, so I'm going to post my

368
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 3: final update here and hope that it's enough to answer

369
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,200
Speaker 3: the questions everyone's been asking. As many of you may

370
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 3: already assume, Jane passed.

371
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,320
Speaker 1: Away early fall of this year.

372
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Speaker 3: It was very traumatic and sudden, but the silver lining

373
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,679
Speaker 3: is that she exceeded every doctor's expectation for her life,

374
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 3: and when she did go, she was surrounded by family,

375
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,159
Speaker 3: including me, my brothers, and my dad. She was on

376
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,639
Speaker 3: pallative care and felt no pain except for a brief

377
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,880
Speaker 3: moment right at the end, and we are all very

378
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,680
Speaker 3: grateful for that. Towards the end, Jane was physically pretty

379
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 3: much done, but her mind was as sharp as ever.

380
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,479
Speaker 3: I took the advice of many of you here and

381
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,800
Speaker 3: recorded some voice notes for my brothers. She also wrote

382
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,960
Speaker 3: many letters for her friend's family and even for me

383
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,199
Speaker 3: to open when I reached certain milestones. She gave me

384
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 3: one to open right away after she passed, and while

385
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,359
Speaker 3: I won't share too many details, I can say with

386
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,040
Speaker 3: absolute certainty that she is and forever will be who

387
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,200
Speaker 3: I consider.

388
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 1: My mother without question. It was very, very.

389
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,200
Speaker 3: Emotional for everyone, and although it's been a few months,

390
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,280
Speaker 3: I am still very heartbroken about her no longer being

391
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 3: with us. She was a kind, gentle woman, and in.

392
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 1: My heart, she is who I aspire to be. Yeah,

393
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,479
Speaker 1: I think one thing about grief is that it doesn't

394
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,040
Speaker 1: ever go away, you know, It's.

395
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 2: Like, especially someone like that in your life, it.

396
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,199
Speaker 1: Just changes the way that you interact with it. The

397
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,879
Speaker 1: way that you interface with the grief that you carry

398
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,919
Speaker 1: changes over time and it becomes maybe not easier, but

399
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 1: less oppressive. And I got to give all the props

400
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,120
Speaker 1: in the world to Op for handling it the way

401
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: that you are at your age.

402
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:47,680
Speaker 6: Taking care of your brothers so young, she's so so young.

403
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,679
Speaker 3: You've been put in a very unfair, very difficult position,

404
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 3: and I don't think anyone could ever say that you

405
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,440
Speaker 3: haven't handled it with flying colors given all the circumstances.

406
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,000
Speaker 1: Absolutely, OPI says.

407
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:02,840
Speaker 3: My brothers are obviously very hurt about our mom passing away,

408
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 3: but just like before, they are taking it surprisingly well,

409
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 3: and I hope that they still continue that therapy. They

410
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,960
Speaker 3: are still going to therapy, both together and separately, and

411
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 3: we have a lot of conversations whenever they feel like talking.

412
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,520
Speaker 1: We've always been close, but I feel like we're closer now.

413
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,480
Speaker 1: Even though I work.

414
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 3: We hang out as often as we can, and I'm

415
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,639
Speaker 3: doing everything I can to be the support that they need.

416
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,879
Speaker 3: They don't know it, but I definitely need them as

417
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 3: much as they need me, because they're the only ones

418
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 3: I can really talk to about anything. Now that the

419
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,639
Speaker 3: quote unquote family glue is gone, we're pulling together stronger

420
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,359
Speaker 3: than before. My dad and I mended fences, so to speak.

421
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 3: We went to a few therapy sessions together where he

422
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,560
Speaker 3: took full responsibility for his behavior, and I've forgiven him

423
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 3: as much as I can, especially since he eventually started

424
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 3: doing everything he could to be there for Jane at

425
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 3: the end. Even though they still went through with the divorce.

426
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 3: He's still living with us and things are a little tense,

427
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,439
Speaker 3: but they're much better than before. He's my dad and

428
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,719
Speaker 3: I love him, but he was also broken by Jane's condition,

429
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 3: and he wasn't able to cope in a healthy manner.

430
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 1: Her passing really.

431
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,640
Speaker 3: Brought some light into his eyes, so to speak, and

432
00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 3: now he's really stepping up to be the man he

433
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 3: was supposed to be. A lot of people commented saying,

434
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 3: too little, too late, But again, he's my dad, and

435
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,680
Speaker 3: for my own mental health, I have chosen to forgive him.

436
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 3: That is the biggest, biggest mature move you can make,

437
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 3: is realizing that even if you know in our lives,

438
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 3: these you know, situations, and it's not every situation deems forgiveness,

439
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,440
Speaker 3: but like for.

440
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:42,399
Speaker 1: Our own peace and for our own mental well being, Yeah,

441
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 1: sometimes finding forgiveness is the best thing we can do.

442
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:50,800
Speaker 6: Yeah, especially after a tragedy like this too, and with family,

443
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 6: I feel like that's kind of like in a lot

444
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 6: of situations, especially this one, it's like, yeah, even if

445
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 6: they have been crappy in the past, then it's like, well,

446
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 6: your family, And it's obviously that's not always just a

447
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,120
Speaker 6: thing to bring you closer to someone, but it makes.

448
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 2: It a lot easier to forgive sometimes.

449
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 6: So yeah, Yeah, and as long as you're doing it

450
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,120
Speaker 6: for yourself too, that's that's great.

451
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, being able to see that that's the long term

452
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 3: good move for you. Yeah, it's brilliant op he continues.

453
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: My bio mom pretty much vanished off the face of

454
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,440
Speaker 1: the earth when I turned eighteen. She tried a few

455
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 1: times to convince me to let her live with us,

456
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 1: but I wasn't having any of it. Even my dad

457
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 1: told her he is officially done with her, and after

458
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:32,880
Speaker 1: we all blocked her on everything, she stopped reaching out.

459
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,919
Speaker 1: She doesn't have any relatives who talk to her, so

460
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about that. But I did

461
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 1: hear from.

462
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 3: People who follow her on Facebook that she has a

463
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,119
Speaker 3: new boyfriend that she's living with. I don't want to

464
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 3: stalk her or anything. I really don't care. She hasn't

465
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 3: come to me with any kind of apology, so we'll

466
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 3: leave it at that. It's a little hard for me

467
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 3: to think that she just walk away the second I

468
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 3: turned legal, just because she didn't get any of Jane's money.

469
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 3: But oh well, true colors and all that. I guess

470
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 3: eighteen years was too long long to pretend to care.

471
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 3: I'm just so angry with her. I don't want anything

472
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 3: to do with her anymore. Maybe that will change one day,

473
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,400
Speaker 3: but I'm not holding my breath. As for me, I'm

474
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 3: doing pretty Okay. I decided to take a year before

475
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 3: I start college to handle all of this, and I'm

476
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 3: still at my same job, so I'm saving up money

477
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 3: wherever I can.

478
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 6: I mean, I think that you're doing everything right. I

479
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 6: think taking that year off is a great idea. Yeah,

480
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,400
Speaker 6: before going into college.

481
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 3: One hundred percent, especially you know, taking care of your

482
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: brothers and stuff.

483
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 1: That's yes, huge, yes, Okay.

484
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 3: My friends have all been great supporters, and I'm so

485
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 3: grateful for everyone who has been checking in on me

486
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 3: and making sure I'm okay. I'm taking things one day

487
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 3: at a time and that's been working great to keep

488
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 3: me focused. My goal is to go to college next

489
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 3: year and study journalism, but I'm playing.

490
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 1: It by ear.

491
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 3: I can always go back to school, but right now

492
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 3: my family needs me, and if that takes longer than

493
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,080
Speaker 3: a year, then so be it. Thank you everyone. This

494
00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 3: will be my last update, and I very much appreciate

495
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 3: all the love and support you've showed our family. Jane,

496
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,440
Speaker 3: I know was very grateful for all of you two,

497
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 3: and all I can say is hold your loved ones

498
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 3: tight and be careful of anyone who seems too good

499
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 3: to be true. Much love and blessings.

500
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: To you all.

501
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 3: We have some comments right here. Just to finish it up,

502
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 3: Hill Mickelson says, who has control over the money Jane

503
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 3: left for her children?

504
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,360
Speaker 1: Does your father have access to it?

505
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 3: Is it possible that his attitude only changed because he's

506
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 3: expecting to gain access to the money Jane left. He

507
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,439
Speaker 3: might still be secretly involved with your bio mom and

508
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 3: only pretending to change his behavior as a way to

509
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 3: get closer to Jane's money, which is a good point.

510
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 3: If he ever ever brings up the money again, Yeah,

511
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 3: then you know for a fact that's really all he's

512
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 3: looking for, right OPI replies, for a while, I did

513
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 3: honestly think this. However, shortly after Jane passed, I found

514
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 3: out he was looking into apartments to move into. When

515
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,919
Speaker 3: I confronted him about it, he said that he was

516
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,280
Speaker 3: trying to be respectful and assumed I wouldn't want to

517
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 3: have anything to do with him, so he was preparing

518
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 3: just in case. I think the fact that he wasn't

519
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 3: parade his playing around in front of me to try

520
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 3: and get Brownie points says a lot. That and the

521
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 3: fact that he's been very involved in our therapy gives

522
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 3: me a lot of hope. I understand a lot of

523
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 3: people have had bad experiences, but like I've been saying,

524
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 3: my dad isn't a bad person.

525
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: He's just stupid. But that is the end of that story.

526
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 6: My parents said I shamed our culture by moving out

527
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,200
Speaker 6: before marriage.

528
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 1: Oh it's also arbitrary.

529
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 6: So I lived with my parents up until the age

530
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,879
Speaker 6: of twenty three. Now I know that's late, but I

531
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,200
Speaker 6: live in an Indian household and usually.

532
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 2: You don't move out until you're married.

533
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 6: Now, I don't mind this, or I should say I

534
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 6: wouldn't mind this if that house wasn't a total hellul

535
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:43,640
Speaker 6: there's a total of eight.

536
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 2: People living in that house with only three rooms.

537
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 1: Oh lord, oh man.

538
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 6: My dad decided that we should bring our grandparents to

539
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 6: this country, and he hasn't told me why. By the way,

540
00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 6: this comes from am I the a hole moved out

541
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 6: And if you want to submit your own stories, go.

542
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 2: To the yrs lash Okay story timus Reddit. And I'm Angie,

543
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, and I'm key On and.

544
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 6: We're here to give good advice goofully, but we don't

545
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 6: have all the answers, so we're just gonna guess what

546
00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 6: we would do in this situation. But if you would

547
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 6: do something different, let us know down below. So Opie says,

548
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 6: I have to share my room with two adult cousins

549
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 6: who decided to immigrate to this country to get a

550
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,120
Speaker 6: better job, but they don't seem to want to move

551
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:25,719
Speaker 6: out anytime soon. And let's not forget that it is

552
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:29,000
Speaker 6: so loud. I'm a nurse and when I come home,

553
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 6: I like to relax, but I can't when there are

554
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 6: two very loud people entering and leaving my room whenever

555
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,719
Speaker 6: they feel like it, with no courtesy of being a

556
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 6: little bit quiet. So I decided I had enough. I

557
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 6: searched for an apartment near my workspace and found a

558
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 6: really nice two bedroom apartment. I told my parents I'm moving.

559
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 2: Out, and they flipped.

560
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,919
Speaker 6: My dad started yelling at me that I'm not married

561
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 6: yet and it would be rude for me to move

562
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 6: out before I'm married. My mom started crying, telling me

563
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 6: how could I just leave her like that. I tried

564
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,679
Speaker 6: to ignore them, but they kept trying to stop me.

565
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 6: So I told them that I just can't live in

566
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 6: a place where I do not get any respect.

567
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 2: I've been living in my apartment for just a little

568
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 2: over a.

569
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 6: Week and let me tell you, this was the best

570
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 6: decision I have ever made. My brain is no longer

571
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 6: exploding from being in such a loud house because I

572
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,200
Speaker 6: get to control the noise that goes around in my apartment.

573
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 2: I can't believe I didn't move out sooner.

574
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,159
Speaker 6: My relatives keep telling me that my parents are heartbroken,

575
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,360
Speaker 6: especially my mom, that I don't care about their feelings.

576
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,719
Speaker 6: How am I supposed to care about their feelings if

577
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 6: they can't understand mine?

578
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 4: But I won't lie.

579
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 6: I am feeling just a little bit of a guilt

580
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 6: for leaving out of the blue. Did I make the

581
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 6: right decision? Was it okay for me to do that?

582
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 6: There is a little bit of an edit for those

583
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 6: of you asking no, I will not be giving them

584
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 6: a spare key, because that would literally turn my life

585
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 6: into my god.

586
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 1: Dear, that would be the worst movie you could possibly make.

587
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 2: Very bad idea.

588
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: I think whenever there's like you know, clearly it's like

589
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 1: a cultural issue. It's like your parents feel like it's

590
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 1: culturally wrong for you to move out because you're not married.

591
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,240
Speaker 1: But like, honestly, I think what trump's all of that

592
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 1: stuff is always going to be like your own mental

593
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: and physical well being. Yeah, and living in that space

594
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 1: where you're sharing a room with two people who are

595
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: extremely inconsiderate. I mean, like, yeah, you don't have to

596
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 1: be like in the Charlie Bucket House, right, you know,

597
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 1: everybody's sleeping in the same bed in the same room.

598
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 4: Lah bah blah blah blah.

599
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 3: But even that was more doable, yeah than what it

600
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 3: sounds like you're doing. And they had a hole in

601
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 3: the roof.

602
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: Okay, So like, straight up, you made a call that

603
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: was best for you and you're looking out for yourself totally,

604
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 1: that is, there's nothing wrong with that, totally totally.

605
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, And like you said, I mean, how are you

606
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,679
Speaker 6: supposed to care about their feelings when they won't care

607
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 6: about yours?

608
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 2: What's up with that?

609
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: Exactly?

610
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 6: They already know my address, but the apartment complex is gated,

611
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 6: so they can't come in without my say so. And

612
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 6: we do have some comments. So missus Johnson eight says, not.

613
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 2: The a hole.

614
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,720
Speaker 6: If she is that heartbroken, she can punt the cousins

615
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,400
Speaker 6: out so you can have your room back. Oh, he responds,

616
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,959
Speaker 6: that was actually the first thing I mentioned. They strugg

617
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 6: it off, saying that they've only been working a few

618
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 6: months and need time to settle. But I think they've

619
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 6: had more than enough time to do that. Deleted says,

620
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 6: not the a hole. You need space and quiet, firstly

621
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 6: because you're your own person, and secondly because you're a

622
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 6: nurse in this pandemic.

623
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 2: Oh wow, this is the time of the.

624
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,160
Speaker 1: Pandemic gotten DEMI time, boy.

625
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: They should doubly respect you for that.

626
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,640
Speaker 6: Try inviting your parents, specifically your mom over to your

627
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 6: new place. That might help her feeling. Opie says, thank

628
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 6: you for this wonderful advice. I'll try speaking to them

629
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 6: personally in my apartment and show her how much better

630
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,200
Speaker 6: I am doing since I moved out.

631
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 2: Deleted says, Opie, that's terrible advice. Don't let them know

632
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: where you live yet.

633
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 6: They'll drop unexpected every chance they have, and it will

634
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 6: be like being at.

635
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 2: Your folks all over again. Opie says, they know where

636
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 2: I live.

637
00:28:48,880 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 6: It's a gated community with the watchman, part of the

638
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 6: reason why it's so expensive, and if they try to

639
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,800
Speaker 6: get in without my say so, they'll be charged with trespassing.

640
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 6: They know this and wouldn't dare to try to enter

641
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 6: because it is Indian families Getting arrested is worse than

642
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 6: passing away, at least in my experience. Sweeper nineteen eighty

643
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 6: five says, not the a hole. There are cultural differences

644
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 6: that play here. Your parents are obviously still abiding by

645
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 6: Indian cultural norms, and you are more aligned with norms

646
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 6: in the country that you immigrated to. In my opinion,

647
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 6: it's perfectly all right to say that you need more

648
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 6: space and quiet if the crowded conditions are impacting on

649
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 6: your work and your overall well being.

650
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 2: Opie says.

651
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:26,479
Speaker 6: I would say that it was affecting my work because

652
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 6: I had to get my out of the hospital work

653
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 6: done before I got home. But now I can calmly

654
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 6: do it in the comfort of my new apartment without

655
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 6: any problems. Moving out has helped to my mental health

656
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 6: in so many ways, and hopefully my parents are willing

657
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 6: to see how much better their son's health is.

658
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 1: Great.

659
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, me, personally, I think we should normalize breaking away

660
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 3: from tradition when the biggest aspect of the tradition is

661
00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 3: just you being miserable for no good reason.

662
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd be okay with that.

663
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 3: Sometimes you gotta sacrifice certain things for others or for

664
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 3: you know whatever. Yeah, But when it's just situation, like, yeah,

665
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 3: you should be living in this house because it would

666
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 3: be embarrassing for you not to because you're not married.

667
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: Get all the way out of here.

668
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 3: Embarrassment is a construct that's born in your brain, exactly,

669
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 3: it's not real.

670
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, And it all just goes back to like, well,

671
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 6: the mom is so heard by this, but like what

672
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 6: about op being so heard by the living situation these

673
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 6: past three months? You know, So it's all just rough,

674
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 6: exactly as a fellow is. Unfortunately normal. I just moved

675
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 6: out after family conflict, and it's so much better.

676
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: Okay, Hey, good for you, Yeah, good for you.

677
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:39,000
Speaker 2: Good for you for sure.

678
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 6: But we do have another comment. D eleven thirty three says,

679
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 6: not the whole. You have a right to live your

680
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 6: life your way, just as they had a right.

681
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 2: To make the decision they did in their lives.

682
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 6: I understand your feelings, and that fact that you are

683
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 6: feeling guilty to me shows that you didn't do it

684
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 6: out of disrespect or despite them. Your guilt is coming

685
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 6: from a place of love for them. That's a great

686
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 6: way to put it. Of course, you don't want to

687
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 6: hurt their feelings, and that's why you feel bad. Continue

688
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 6: to love them and do the best you can to

689
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 6: mitigate the way you feel. You may not be able

690
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 6: to change their minds on your decision, but you can

691
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 6: continue to show them how much they mean and that

692
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 6: you love them, allow them to have their opinion.

693
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 2: Stand by yours.

694
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,959
Speaker 6: Congratulations on a milestone in your life, and thank you

695
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 6: for the service you do in your job. Opie says,

696
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 6: thank you so much for this comment. Yes, I do

697
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 6: love my parents, and I hope they can see that

698
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 6: moving out has truly helped me and my mental health

699
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 6: in so many ways that even therapy could not. I'll

700
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 6: have a talk with them soon and I'll update you

701
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 6: guys if anything happens, And we do in fact have

702
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 6: that updates.

703
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 1: All right, So things have been happening.

704
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 2: I guess they have. Do we think good things are

705
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:41,400
Speaker 2: bad things?

706
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 1: I would hope good things. We always hope good things.

707
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 2: You hope for the best, come on for the worst.

708
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 3: I think it might be like a trickle situation where

709
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 3: it's like op left now some of the other people

710
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: in the house are like, oh, wait, we can do that.

711
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 1: Oh I'm going to do that.

712
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 2: That would be interesting. Come on, Angie here, okay, story time.

713
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,360
Speaker 1: We want the bar to be really hi.

714
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 2: Of course, but it's so low. It is always so low.

715
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:09,080
Speaker 2: We do have an updates, So this is four weeks later.

716
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 6: A while ago, I made a post talking about how

717
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 6: I moved out of my parents' house because the living

718
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,280
Speaker 6: situation was just not livable for me anymore. Well, some

719
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 6: time has passed now, and I can't say that things

720
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 6: have gotten better exactly.

721
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 2: Wompom No way.

722
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 6: I invited my parents over to my new apartment and

723
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 6: how to talk with them about how this apartment is

724
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 6: the best thing that's ever happened to me and I

725
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,080
Speaker 6: don't plan on moving back into the old house anytime soon.

726
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 6: They remained calm, but after about ten minutes of talking,

727
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 6: they suggested something that I hoped they would never suggest.

728
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 6: They suggested that I let my cousins, who were a

729
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 6: massive part of the reason I moved out, move in

730
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 6: with me because frankly, there's no room left in the house.

731
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 6: I never thought that I would do something like this,

732
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 6: but after they suggested that, I exploded. I yelled at them,

733
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 6: saying that they should have thought about that before I

734
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 6: was forced to move out due to my mental health deteriorating.

735
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 6: I told them that they are never allowed to move

736
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 6: in with me, and I don't have any room for

737
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 6: them either. They yelled back, saying that I'm being way

738
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 6: too disrespectful and I should watch my tongue around them.

739
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 6: My mother started tearing up. But I don't care about

740
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 6: that anymore. All the guilts that had built up on

741
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 6: me for moving out had disappeared in that moment. I

742
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 6: had them leave and told the watchmen to never let

743
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 6: them in without my approval.

744
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: I don't blame you, hope. He pretty valid crash out,

745
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: given you know the situation.

746
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, Like, sure, we never want to yell at

747
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 6: people whatever. But at the same time, that's a crazy

748
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:39,480
Speaker 6: thing for them to suggest to you.

749
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,320
Speaker 2: Crazy thing because yeah, op he didn't just up and leave.

750
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 6: Opee did talk about how there was no space and

751
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 6: how their mental health was deteriorating, and they were just like.

752
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 1: Eh man, Yeah, but I don't care take these cousins away.

753
00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: They they're in our way, so they should be in

754
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: your way. It's like, it's not clicking with you.

755
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:01,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's not clicking with you now.

756
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: I left because they were in my room all the time.

757
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, but there is a little bit more to the story. So, yeah,

758
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 6: while the situation did not get better at all. The

759
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:13,320
Speaker 6: guilt I had in my heart and mind from the

760
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 6: last post is now completely gone because I've realized that

761
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 6: Indian parents care not about their children's health but their

762
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 6: status in their families. And cousin's parents suggested that they

763
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,399
Speaker 6: move in with me and they agreed. Oh wow, now

764
00:34:25,440 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 6: we have some info about the cousin's age from op so.

765
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 6: They are twenty five male and thirty four male, and

766
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 6: I am twenty two male. Thirty four male has two

767
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:36,960
Speaker 6: daughters back in India. Twenty five mail was chill and

768
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 6: he sided with me, but couldn't say it in front

769
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 6: of my parents. Did you have some relevant comments? The

770
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:44,720
Speaker 6: Amazing Daisies says, good for you. I know things didn't

771
00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 6: completely work out for you, but frankly, your health and

772
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 6: peace of mind is far more important than sharing your

773
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 6: space with others. Enjoy your newfound freedom. Greenhouse five says OPI,

774
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 6: you are wrong that your situation didn't get better.

775
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 2: It absolutely did.

776
00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 6: It's your apartment, your food in the fridge, except mutable

777
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 6: noise levels, your TV, your mess. Enjoy it and don't

778
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,439
Speaker 6: look back. And these are all just people cheering on Ope.

779
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: And Ay we're here too, we're some of them.

780
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well, good job.

781
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:14,479
Speaker 6: Op.

782
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 2: That's the end of that story.

783
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

784
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: But here's three of us of ads from our sponsors

785
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 1: that keep the show alive. My mother accused me of

786
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:26,839
Speaker 1: letting my wife parent alone, so I snapped at her.

787
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 4: How dare you say that?

788
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 1: I thirty five mail went on a family outing over

789
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 1: the weekend with my wife, kids, mother in law, father

790
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: in law, and my own parents. My mother said something

791
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,760
Speaker 1: that didn't sit right with me, and I'm not sure

792
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: I handled it well. By the way, this comes from

793
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: user throw away no respect wife, And if you want

794
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the art slash

795
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: Showcay Storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm.

796
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 2: Sophia, I'm Carly, and we'll.

797
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:55,800
Speaker 4: Try to give our best advice.

798
00:35:56,080 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 1: But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so

799
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,480
Speaker 1: if you have, let us know your take in the comments.

800
00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: Oh P says Okay, I know I didn't handle it

801
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: well since I snapped at her in the Zoo food

802
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: court and took my son and walked off, But I'm

803
00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 1: not sure if not well equates to being the A hole.

804
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 1: My wife, in laws, and parents all seem to think so,

805
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 1: but I hope some unbiased opinions might see it differently. Brother,

806
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: if your wife is already on team a hole, just

807
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,320
Speaker 1: listen to your wife. Yeah, there's a lot I'm dealing

808
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: with at the moment in terms of my marriage, and

809
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,360
Speaker 1: a divorce is a possibility.

810
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 4: Okay, Now I don't fully trust your wife anymore, Laura,

811
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 4: maybe you're still the ale.

812
00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, long story short. I lost my job when my

813
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: wife was pregnant, leaving her as the sole breadwinner. She

814
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 1: punted me out for six months.

815
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 2: WHOA.

816
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 1: I moved back in after eating three jobs, all of

817
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 1: which I still have. But I'm living in the basement

818
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 1: with no intimacy or physical contact of any kind, and

819
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:01,320
Speaker 1: we're starting marriage counseling. This week. I posted on Reddit

820
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,680
Speaker 1: for anonymous feedback, most of which was solidly in the

821
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 1: She's being abusive and I'm being a simp slash martyr category.

822
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,919
Speaker 1: As a result, I've been taking a long, hard look

823
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: at all the relationships in my life. This brings us

824
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 1: to last weekend, when my wife made plans to take

825
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 1: both our kids, five male and infant daughter, to a

826
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 1: pool party event at our local zoo with her parents

827
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,799
Speaker 1: and mine, but not me. I mentioned my exclusion, and

828
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: she had several reasons for not inviting me, which aren't

829
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 1: really relevant here. But when I pushed and asked to

830
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 1: be included, she relented and invited me along, and that

831
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: was the start of the issue. Imagine. One of the

832
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: issues was she was just like, I just don't like

833
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: the way you stare at the apes.

834
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 4: Something about it freaks me out.

835
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:47,479
Speaker 1: Her parents are not that fond of me right now

836
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,319
Speaker 1: or ever, and my own parents are more concerned with

837
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: keeping the peace with my wife so as to not

838
00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,680
Speaker 1: risk losing contact with my kids if divorce comes to pass.

839
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 1: So my joining the zoo trip up the tension immediately,

840
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: as my in laws assumed, I pressured my wife into

841
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 1: letting me come along. Aren't you a grown man who

842
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,880
Speaker 1: can like do what he wants? I'm sorry, can't you

843
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 1: also just be like I want to go to the zoo.

844
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just going to the zoo, man.

845
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:13,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to the zoo.

846
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 4: Zoo's not private property.

847
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: Well, I mean the zoo is probably, I would think

848
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:20,680
Speaker 1: some of them are private.

849
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, it might be, but more so, you can't I

850
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 4: bought a ticket. I can come to the zoo.

851
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 1: I bought a ticket. I'm here at the zoo.

852
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 4: You can't at the zoo. You don't own the zoo.

853
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: They were barely civil, and my parents were clearly worried

854
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: I was going to cause some sort of argument or

855
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,760
Speaker 1: blow up, which in hindsight, was probably a valid concern.

856
00:38:39,040 --> 00:38:42,200
Speaker 1: It started off with little things. My wife was carrying

857
00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: the baby, and my mother insisted on holding my son's

858
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: hand and walking as far on the other side of

859
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:50,280
Speaker 1: the group from me as possible. My son was playing

860
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,360
Speaker 1: in the animal themed bouncy house and had long exceeded

861
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,840
Speaker 1: the allowed time. When I tried to get him, my

862
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,400
Speaker 1: mom told me to let him have his fun and

863
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: stop wrecking the mood. When we all went for a

864
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 1: rack on the little train that goes around the zoo,

865
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: I was in the last car by myself while the

866
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 1: grandmas each had a kid. The only time anyone actually

867
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 1: talked to me was to ask me for something out

868
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:14,240
Speaker 1: of the diaper bag, send me off to buy waters

869
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 1: and sodas, or tell me to lighten up. Everything came

870
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 1: to a head when we went to the food court

871
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 1: to enjoy the air conditioner. It was like one hundred

872
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 1: degrees outside and enjoy some snacks. My wife is usually

873
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: very anti sugar, so no candy or cookies, but my

874
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 1: mother brought my son two bags of skittles. Anyway. When

875
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,360
Speaker 1: I tried to tell her not to, she gave me

876
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: some line about grandma knowing best and getting special privileges.

877
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: The problem really came when we all sat down and

878
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 1: my mother started talking with my wife about what it

879
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 1: was like to have two kids, both so young. For context,

880
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,360
Speaker 1: I'm an only child, and my parents have said repeatedly

881
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 1: over the years that this is by design. They only

882
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 1: ever wanted one kid. They've also mentioned more than once

883
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:57,400
Speaker 1: that my mom had lost a pregnancy before she had me,

884
00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: So there's a layer of I was the second choice

885
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: crab in there for me to deal with. That's maybe

886
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: one of the most selfish ways I've ever seen someone

887
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 1: internally digest that happening to someone. Yeah, that's that you're

888
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:11,280
Speaker 1: the second choice.

889
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 4: I don't know if I would.

890
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: I'm immediately not a fan of you. Yeah, for describing

891
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 1: your mother's miscarriage as you being the second choice, You're

892
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 1: actually trash for that.

893
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 4: That doesn't make sense.

894
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 1: I understand that they didn't actually make a choice, but

895
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 1: there have been more than a few incidents in my

896
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 1: life where they took someone else's side over mine, including

897
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:34,840
Speaker 1: when my wife punted me out and they refused to

898
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: let me stay with them. That feeling of being second

899
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,280
Speaker 1: best is sort of baked into my DNA. My mom

900
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 1: told my wife that she's always impressed by parents who

901
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: can handle multiple kids, because she knew right from the

902
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: beginning that she couldn't do it. She said it was

903
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 1: especially impressive when those kids are both so young and

904
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: such a handful. All good, all true, no issue so far. Then,

905
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: my mother said to my wife, it must be even

906
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 1: more difficult doing it as a single parent with ope there.

907
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 1: It's one of those things you just got to pretend

908
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 1: you didn't hear. Dan Op continues, I swear that even

909
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 1: though I'm not my wife's favorite person right now and

910
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: her parents really don't like me, everyone's head snapped up,

911
00:41:15,800 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 1: staring at her with almost coordinated WTF looks. To her credit,

912
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 1: my wife tried to save my mom from herself by

913
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 1: pointing out she wasn't in any way single, and no

914
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:30,239
Speaker 1: matter what's going on between us, I've always contributed to

915
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 1: taking care of the kids, which is the most credit

916
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: she's given me for anything in a year and a half.

917
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 1: My mom nodded along and said, of course, you're not

918
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 1: actually single, and everyone tensed because we knew the butt

919
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 1: was coming. I'd left my wife alone for six months,

920
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:47,200
Speaker 1: and even I've admitted that I failed here as a partner.

921
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 1: So even though I was back in the house now,

922
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,720
Speaker 1: my mom could only imagine that my wife probably felt

923
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:53,399
Speaker 1: like she was still doing it all on her own.

924
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 1: No one spoke up for me at that time. What

925
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 1: do you I'm sorry you.

926
00:41:57,600 --> 00:41:59,479
Speaker 4: Left your wife alone for six months?

927
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you mean? I thought the whole story.

928
00:42:02,239 --> 00:42:04,399
Speaker 2: Was that she punted you out, So she kicked you out?

929
00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 4: What do you mean by that?

930
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: Did she tell you like leave for today? Was she

931
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 1: was just like, please just get out of my side.

932
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: I just can't deal with you right now. And you

933
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 1: took that as what I'll get out of your site

934
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: for six months.

935
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:16,719
Speaker 4: But I don't understand what he means by that.

936
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 1: We're missing something there, And also very weird of you

937
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 1: to just like expect someone to speak up for you

938
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 1: in that moment. Incredibly socially awkward, incredibly socially uncomfortable. This

939
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 1: is not a day for everyone to like defend you

940
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:32,439
Speaker 1: as a husband. This is supposed to bet a nice

941
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: family trip to the zoo.

942
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

943
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 1: No one's gonna get up on their soapbox for you

944
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,960
Speaker 1: right now, dude. And that's okay.

945
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 4: Just let mom say crazy stuff and then talk to

946
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 4: her later and be like, hey, Mom, yeah cool.

947
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,480
Speaker 1: You really harsh to the mellow in the zooed court.

948
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, runs of the family.

949
00:42:47,160 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 1: My emotions have been right below the surface for months,

950
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: and I couldn't tell if I was going to cry

951
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,080
Speaker 1: or throw one of the bags of skittles at my

952
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: mom or both. I usually favor a shutdown completely kind

953
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 1: of conflict avoidance, but I just couldn't do it. I

954
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: stood up, probably more forcefully than I needed to, as

955
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: my chair almost tipped over. I stepped around my mom,

956
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 1: collected my son from his seat with his bag of candy,

957
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 1: and started walking away. Someone asked me where I was going,

958
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 1: and I snapped, without even looking back, that I was

959
00:43:15,239 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 1: taking my son to see the penguins and we'd meet

960
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:19,239
Speaker 1: everyone back up the cars. I said it would be

961
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,439
Speaker 1: good for me to get some practice as a single parent,

962
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 1: so I don't fail at that too. It sounds way

963
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: more intense than it was, since I had started crying

964
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,360
Speaker 1: by them and my voice cracked, making me sound like

965
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: a whiny teenage boy. But it made the point. I

966
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:35,720
Speaker 1: don't think that's better, dude.

967
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 4: I don't know if that made the point that you

968
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:38,959
Speaker 4: wanted it to make, but I hope.

969
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: So my parents left while my son and I were

970
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,720
Speaker 1: at the Penguin habitat, leaving it to my in laws

971
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:47,800
Speaker 1: to drive the rest of us home. My father in

972
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: law pulled me aside when they dropped us off to

973
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:52,240
Speaker 1: talk to me privately. He told me that my mother

974
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 1: had left in tears and that she clearly hadn't meant

975
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 1: what she said in that way.

976
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 4: No she did, she clarified.

977
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: Oh, I know, but no, I don't think there was

978
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: a bud oh Op said everyone was waiting for the butt.

979
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: I don't think there was one. So it really could

980
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:10,440
Speaker 1: have been a situation where she was just making a

981
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 1: joke at Opie's expense. I mean, like, man, how are

982
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 1: you doing this? Like elbow like, how are you doing this?

983
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 1: As a single parent?

984
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 4: Feel the very didn't feel like that.

985
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,279
Speaker 1: At the very best. It's a bad joke, and maybe

986
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 1: the reason it didn't feel like that, though, because it's

987
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 1: how Opie's writing.

988
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 4: It's true, could just be Opie's interpretation.

989
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 1: I still think she did immediately go yeah, no, of course,

990
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 1: of course you're not actually, but it is just like

991
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:34,840
Speaker 1: a dude, like I'd be like, Mom, why are you

992
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 1: making that joke? Why are you making the joke that

993
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 1: my wife is leaving me when we're like not in

994
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: a great place. Not a great joke to make. Kind

995
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: of adds a little tension to the air. Father in

996
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 1: law said, I shouldn't be so sensitive about things, since

997
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: I was the one who ft up in the first

998
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,279
Speaker 1: place and even opened the single parent door. What did

999
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 1: you do he opened the single parent door? My wife

1000
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 1: said much the same after we got the kids to

1001
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 1: bed before I went to the bay to work my

1002
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,839
Speaker 1: online job. I've gotten four or five. I'm sorry you

1003
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,959
Speaker 1: feel that way. But text from my mother and one

1004
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:10,439
Speaker 1: apologies heel. Text from my dad a little bit more

1005
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: story here.

1006
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 4: I think Opie's mom was over stepping all day. I

1007
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 4: think she was trying to push the boundaries because I

1008
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 4: don't think she respects op anymore, and we don't really

1009
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 4: know what he did. There might be a reason for it.

1010
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 4: I don't think it's right, regardless of what the reason is,

1011
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 4: because Op and his wife are trying to fix the relationship. Yeah,

1012
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 4: so I feel like, just regardless of it, whether he

1013
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,120
Speaker 4: was in the wrong or not, you can't really be

1014
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 4: saying and doing those things. But I think because of

1015
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 4: whatever he did, his mom no longer respects him and

1016
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:42,320
Speaker 4: now try to insert herself into his parenting and stuff.

1017
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 1: When parents overstep or when people do whatever, I always

1018
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: just go, silly baby. You got to treat your parents

1019
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 1: like they're just little silly babies doing silly baby stuff.

1020
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: Don't let them have all of the power in the

1021
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 1: world over you. Let's see how this story ends. I

1022
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:58,600
Speaker 1: dropped the kids off at their house every morning before

1023
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 1: I had to work, and yesterday and today my dad

1024
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 1: was the only one who came out to greet me.

1025
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: My mom is still texting my wife pictures of the

1026
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:08,840
Speaker 1: kids throughout the day, but she never sent them to me,

1027
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,320
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't have noticed it as a silent treatment.

1028
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 1: So have at it.

1029
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 2: Read it.

1030
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for snapping at my mother

1031
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 1: and clearly hurting her feelings? And there is an edit.

1032
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:20,719
Speaker 1: I thought I wrote it clearly enough, but I guess not.

1033
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: My wife punted me out because I lost my job

1034
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 1: and didn't get a new one immediately. That left the

1035
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 1: financial burden on her and she felt betrayed and wanted space.

1036
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,240
Speaker 1: We've got some comments here. I wonder what the internet

1037
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,480
Speaker 1: has to say. Come at one. I think your wife

1038
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,280
Speaker 1: has already mentally checked out of this relationship at this point.

1039
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,520
Speaker 1: Her asking to go part time or totally be a

1040
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:41,880
Speaker 1: stay at home mom while you keep three jobs is

1041
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 1: for a bigger alimony. You've done the work, pull your

1042
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: share of the load, and seem to be trying to

1043
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 1: fix this. To me, it sounds like everyone finds it

1044
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,800
Speaker 1: easier to crap on you instead of calling your wife

1045
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,279
Speaker 1: out for her current behavior because they don't want to

1046
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,960
Speaker 1: lose the grand kids. Your parents and in laws are

1047
00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:00,239
Speaker 1: being a holes. I would suggest individual therapy to dart.

1048
00:47:00,239 --> 00:47:02,359
Speaker 1: Rebuilding your own spirit sounds to me like you need

1049
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 1: more help than you're letting on. Focus on the marriage

1050
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 1: counseling and be open and honest there. Your wife may

1051
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: just be very angry and resentful still and she won't

1052
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:13,080
Speaker 1: admit it. At the same time, discreetly speak with an

1053
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: absolute shark of a divorce attorney to get all your

1054
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,400
Speaker 1: legal options figured out for the best and fairest outcome.

1055
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 1: It is possible that if your marriage ends, your wife

1056
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 1: will do her best to make it as ugly as possible,

1057
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: and your parents and in laws will be of zero support.

1058
00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 1: What a great comment from someone who really doesn't have

1059
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: your best interest at heart at all. Maybe not with

1060
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: your best interest, but like the relationships.

1061
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like to say, oh, she clearly has

1062
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 4: checked out.

1063
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,799
Speaker 1: Is kind of not true. True, based on what I've read.

1064
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 4: I mean, they're actively going to therapy. And again, we

1065
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 4: don't know why she kicked them out, so it could be.

1066
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 4: You know, we don't know exactly whose fault all of

1067
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 4: that stuff was, but it seems like she's actively going

1068
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:55,480
Speaker 4: to therapy to fix the relationship and also defended you,

1069
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:57,960
Speaker 4: which like a person who did not like you wouldn't

1070
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 4: really have the desire to do that usually.

1071
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just don't like speaking out of both sides

1072
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 1: of your mouth like that. Yeah, guys, like really just

1073
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 1: buy into the marriage counseling and can be committed to

1074
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:13,760
Speaker 1: rebuilding your relationship, but get a divorce, but also secretly

1075
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:16,560
Speaker 1: talk to the best divorced lawyer in town and get

1076
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 1: all your duction a row. It's like, what happens after

1077
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:20,880
Speaker 1: you've done all that rebuilding and she finds out you

1078
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:22,280
Speaker 1: were talking to a divorce attorney.

1079
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:22,799
Speaker 4: All of that.

1080
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,520
Speaker 1: Rebuilding goes out the window. Yeah, it's crazy. The more

1081
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 1: prepared you are for any outcome, the better you'll come

1082
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 1: out of it. At the end of it. It's very ugly,

1083
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: but take it one day at a time, and there's

1084
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: an edit to document everything her behavior, your solutions, steps

1085
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 1: you've taken, measures implemented to earn her trust, et cetera.

1086
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 1: Be as detailed as possible. You will need it, hope.

1087
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 1: He replies. I did therapy for a year after I

1088
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:47,360
Speaker 1: lost my job, not currently seeing anyone. As with three jobs,

1089
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:48,880
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of time for it, and

1090
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 1: now that time needs to be devoted to marriage counseling.

1091
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:53,800
Speaker 1: But I know I need help. I need to figure

1092
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,600
Speaker 1: out what's legit and reasonable guilt that I should be feeling,

1093
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,920
Speaker 1: and what's my personal history making me feel like I

1094
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: deserve continuous comment to said, should have told mom you

1095
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,879
Speaker 1: wanted a little more practice raising the kids solo because

1096
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,439
Speaker 1: you didn't want to f him up like she did hers. Oh,

1097
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 1: I know, I know. I'm a monster, but sometimes the

1098
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 1: world needs monsters to scare over confident, brazen people back

1099
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: into their tiny little corners of existence. I hate that

1100
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:18,839
Speaker 1: that was bad, like either of those comments. Hey, it's

1101
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,359
Speaker 1: John here. We're gonna get back to the stories. Put

1102
00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:22,279
Speaker 1: a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors that

1103
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: keep the show going.

1104
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 4: I told my wife to choose our family first after

1105
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 4: she took away the kids.

1106
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 1: Well, it feels like she chose that part of the

1107
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 1: family first.

1108
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 4: My wife and I are in the middle of a

1109
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:37,880
Speaker 4: really rough patch in our marriage. We separated for six months,

1110
00:49:37,920 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 4: and even when we ended the separation, the issues that

1111
00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 4: caused it weren't fixed. Long story short, I lost my

1112
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,479
Speaker 4: job when she was pregnant. She asked me to move out,

1113
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 4: and when I moved back in, I was sleeping in

1114
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 4: the basement for quite a while. She has refused any

1115
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:54,520
Speaker 4: sort of physical contact, and we've just started marriage counseling.

1116
00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 4: We had our second session last night. By the way,

1117
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:59,520
Speaker 4: this comes from throwing no respect wife. And if you

1118
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 4: want us ma your own stories, go to the r slush. Okay, storytime,

1119
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:06,439
Speaker 4: separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and We

1120
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,720
Speaker 4: try to give our best advice, but we haven't experienced

1121
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 4: most of these situations ourselves. So if you have, let

1122
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 4: us know your take in the comments and op says.

1123
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 4: In marriage counseling, I've come to learn that our family

1124
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 4: more or less hates me, or at the very least,

1125
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 4: they don't trust me, like not at all. During our

1126
00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 4: session last night, our therapist said that it was important

1127
00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 4: for us to start spending more time together, both as

1128
00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 4: a family with our two kids and as a couple.

1129
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 4: My wife was resistant to the idea of date nights,

1130
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:39,239
Speaker 4: so the counselor reframed it as exposure therapy.

1131
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 1: I think it's time to call it, buddy, your wife

1132
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:43,880
Speaker 1: needs exposure therapy too.

1133
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 4: To you. Basically, she said that neither of us will

1134
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 4: ever get past the barriers that have built up in

1135
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 4: our relationship if we continue to essentially live separate lives.

1136
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,400
Speaker 4: My wife seems to understand that and was fairly receptive

1137
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 4: to the idea, at least while we were in the

1138
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 4: counselor's office, which us to this weekend. In America, It's

1139
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 4: a holiday weekend, and our family is a long standing

1140
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,960
Speaker 4: tradition of spending the three day weekend at my in

1141
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 4: law's camp on a lake, My sister in law and

1142
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 4: her family come, and most of my wife's extended family

1143
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 4: pops in for at least an afternoon or evening or two,

1144
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 4: even if they don't spend the night. Some of her

1145
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 4: and my sister in law's friends from high school usually

1146
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 4: drop by for a catch up too. I know my

1147
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 4: wife has been trying to reconnect with friends in an

1148
00:51:23,600 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 4: effort to find an identity outside of just being a

1149
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 4: mom and a wife. But given our current marital strife,

1150
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:32,200
Speaker 4: the knowledge that my mother in law has actively and

1151
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 4: repeatedly tried to convince my wife that we should not

1152
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:38,759
Speaker 4: be together, which I've only known about for barely a week,

1153
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 4: and my new and growing worry that my mistakes are

1154
00:51:41,280 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 4: now a black cloud hanging over my relationship with all

1155
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 4: my wife's family and friends, it seems to me like

1156
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 4: heading to camp should be a no go, And in

1157
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 4: the fact that, due to space constraints, we'd not only

1158
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:53,920
Speaker 4: have to share a room, but also a bed, and

1159
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 4: it felt like too much. Okay, so he's saying, because

1160
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 4: I was confused why it would be a problem for

1161
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 4: them to share a bed, But I guess because they're

1162
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:04,280
Speaker 4: still having to do exposure therapy. Probably wouldn't it'd probably

1163
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 4: be too fast to have to share a bed.

1164
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:09,319
Speaker 1: Ope, he is looking at the exact solution to their

1165
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 1: problem and being like, no, we can't do it.

1166
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 4: There's only one bed.

1167
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 1: No, I mean we'd be in a place for a

1168
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:16,920
Speaker 1: whole weekend where we'd have to be exposed to each

1169
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 1: other and hang out, be in the same room. I mean,

1170
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,839
Speaker 1: that's what are we doing. We can't do that?

1171
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:24,439
Speaker 4: What do That's literally what your counselor told you to do. Oh,

1172
00:52:24,800 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 4: my wife didn't agree. In fact, fifteen minutes after we

1173
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 4: got home from our first marriage counseling session last night,

1174
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:33,200
Speaker 4: she started packing up for the weekend, but she was

1175
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 4: only packing for her and the kids. She didn't come

1176
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 4: right out and say it, but it was pretty obvious,

1177
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 4: even to usually oblivious me, that the plan was for

1178
00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 4: my family to go to the lake without me. This

1179
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:46,280
Speaker 4: was less than an hour after we had been told

1180
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 4: we needed to spend more time. Did you not just.

1181
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 1: Say you didn't? You were not down? I'm sorry? Am

1182
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: I crazy?

1183
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:56,439
Speaker 4: I think he just didn't want them to go at all?

1184
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 1: So okay, solutions, So you were like, we're actually not

1185
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 1: gonna to do this, and she went, oh, we oh,

1186
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: we are not going to do this because you don't

1187
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 1: want to.

1188
00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 4: He did great actually ask her though, no, he just

1189
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 4: assumed he was. It was pretty clear I wasn't going.

1190
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: No, never said but I'm saky. Right before that comes back,

1191
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:17,359
Speaker 1: he had already told her we just read. Was that

1192
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 1: an inside thought when he was like, yes, oh, like

1193
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 1: we shouldn't do this, it's too soon.

1194
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:23,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was an insight.

1195
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 1: That was an inside thought.

1196
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 4: I tried pointing that out in a calm and as

1197
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 4: non comportational a way as I could, using the I

1198
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 4: feel statements are therapists suggested. I said to my wife,

1199
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 4: I feel like this weekend is a really good opportunity

1200
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:38,839
Speaker 4: for us to spend time together as a family, and

1201
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 4: I really feel like if three fourths of us go

1202
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:44,359
Speaker 4: to camp, that isn't just living separate lives, but making

1203
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,799
Speaker 4: a point of living separate lives. At first, she thought

1204
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 4: I was trying to be included in the trip and

1205
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 4: go with her and the kids. I quickly explained that no,

1206
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,960
Speaker 4: that was one hundred percent not what I wanted, without

1207
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 4: even mentioning that being around my mother in law for

1208
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,800
Speaker 4: an entire weekend would have required my entire bottle of

1209
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 4: What I was hoping for was that she and the

1210
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 4: kids could stay home with me. There are a whole

1211
00:54:04,400 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 4: bunch of picnic, barbecue, and block party events going on

1212
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,839
Speaker 4: in and around our neighborhood, and I thought we could

1213
00:54:09,840 --> 00:54:11,920
Speaker 4: go to some of those and spend time as a family.

1214
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:14,360
Speaker 4: In my head, starting off by doing something as a

1215
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 4: whole family instead of just as a couple would build

1216
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 4: in a buffer for her and would give me a

1217
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 4: chance to show that I can be a real partner

1218
00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:23,799
Speaker 4: in parenting, and would let her see me in what

1219
00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 4: I know is my best light as a dad. That

1220
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 4: was what I thought in my head. But apparently my

1221
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,840
Speaker 4: head and my wife said we're not on the same page,

1222
00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 4: and she said no to that idea by saying I

1223
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 4: want to spend the weekend with my family. One thing

1224
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:39,480
Speaker 4: our therapist stressed repeatedly was that to have any chance

1225
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 4: at productive conversations, we both need to avoid any kind

1226
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,600
Speaker 4: of escalation in our communication. So I took a deep

1227
00:54:45,600 --> 00:54:48,240
Speaker 4: breath and did not point out that spending the weekend

1228
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 4: with me and the kids would be spending it with

1229
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 4: our family.

1230
00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:53,720
Speaker 1: No stupid that she's talking about her whole family.

1231
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,640
Speaker 4: That's like needlessly misinterpreting what she just said.

1232
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:57,920
Speaker 1: You know what you're doing.

1233
00:54:58,040 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 4: You know what she meant. If I were in a

1234
00:55:00,040 --> 00:55:01,719
Speaker 4: partnership and I was like, yeah, I really want to

1235
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:03,439
Speaker 4: like spend some time with my family. I don't see

1236
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:07,040
Speaker 4: them a lot. This weekend at the freaking the year

1237
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,160
Speaker 4: or whatever, yeah year where we get to see all

1238
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 4: of the big family stuff.

1239
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: I've been looking forward to it, so all of the

1240
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: kids maybe, and.

1241
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:17,040
Speaker 4: It would be like, I'm your family'd be like yeah, okay,

1242
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:18,280
Speaker 4: I didn't say you weren't.

1243
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:20,319
Speaker 1: And honestly, it sounds like your wife is like yeah,

1244
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:21,360
Speaker 1: and you can come.

1245
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 4: To the lake also. And despite what many redditors have

1246
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 4: said I should do, I didn't lay out any ultimatums

1247
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 4: or ask her to cut back on contact with her family,

1248
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 4: because that would be not good of you to do,

1249
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 4: or suggest that she was planning some kind of lakeside

1250
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:37,439
Speaker 4: hookup with some guy my mother in law might better

1251
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,239
Speaker 4: approve of. But this is where I might have been

1252
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:41,720
Speaker 4: the a hole, or definitely was according to my wife.

1253
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 4: I tried sticking to the I feel idea and told

1254
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:47,120
Speaker 4: her that I felt like if you took the kids

1255
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:49,440
Speaker 4: and went to camp without me, especially if you only

1256
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 4: went less than a day after our counselor said we

1257
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 4: need to make more time together, that you were making

1258
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 4: a choice at that point, that's no longer an I

1259
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,400
Speaker 4: feel statement. That's a I think that you which you

1260
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 4: can't make up what other people are doing because.

1261
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: I feel like you're excluding me.

1262
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:04,960
Speaker 4: Like that doesn't work, that's not when and I feel statement.

1263
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:08,359
Speaker 1: This so clearly reads like you're excluding yourself and then

1264
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 1: making it her fault.

1265
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,480
Speaker 4: Well, just also like when therapists recommend I feel statements,

1266
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 4: it's supposed to be I think from what I understand,

1267
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 4: it's supposed to be. I feel hurt, I feel excluded,

1268
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:20,440
Speaker 4: all right.

1269
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 1: The whole point is so that it's not you going

1270
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 1: well you need to do.

1271
00:56:24,719 --> 00:56:26,960
Speaker 4: I feel like you are making a choice, which is

1272
00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 4: you didn't use it right put to you in.

1273
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 1: The ice TAGA.

1274
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that choice was clearly not us so in

1275
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:34,839
Speaker 4: her mind, for all intents and purposes, I gave her

1276
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:37,000
Speaker 4: an ultimatum. Do you think she took that well? And

1277
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:38,840
Speaker 4: we were able to have a calm and productive and

1278
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 4: healthy conversation about it and maybe even come to some

1279
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:44,239
Speaker 4: sort of compromise. Do you think i'd be posting this

1280
00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:47,320
Speaker 4: at almost midnight on the friday of a holiday weekend

1281
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 4: because my blood pressure is the rough roof and I

1282
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 4: can't sleep. If she did, she told me, and no

1283
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:56,040
Speaker 4: uncertain terms, that I was the a hole for laying

1284
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 4: that all on her. She reminded me that it was

1285
00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 4: my choices that got us here in the first place.

1286
00:57:00,480 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 4: What did you do? She stopped packing, and after making

1287
00:57:03,520 --> 00:57:06,280
Speaker 4: sure both kids were asleep, she went into our bedroom,

1288
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 4: which has been only her bedroom for the last year,

1289
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:11,640
Speaker 4: shut the door and locked it. Now, I have no

1290
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,759
Speaker 4: idea if I'm going to wake up to my wife

1291
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 4: and kids waiting to hang out with me and spend

1292
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 4: the next three days together, or a they'll be on

1293
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 4: the road to camp before the sun is even up.

1294
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,200
Speaker 4: I do know that she thinks I'm absolutely the ale,

1295
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 4: and I kind of think she might be right. Yeah,

1296
00:57:26,160 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 4: so my wife has already told me that I'm the

1297
00:57:27,920 --> 00:57:30,200
Speaker 4: ale in the situation, even if she didn't use those

1298
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 4: exact words, and I know nothing Reddit would have to

1299
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 4: say about it would change her mind, especially since I

1300
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 4: won't or can't tell her that I'm even posting about it.

1301
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,200
Speaker 4: But I'm starting to question my own judgment a bit here.

1302
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 4: Maybe you all can set me straight. Am I the

1303
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 4: a hole for telling my wife she was choosing her

1304
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 4: family over her family with me and the kids. And

1305
00:57:48,640 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 4: there are some comments and I really want to read them.

1306
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, we're going to get into them.

1307
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 4: Common one. So my initial thought was that there must

1308
00:57:57,680 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 4: be some missing reasons and that you were not being

1309
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 4: on But having read all your posts, this isn't a

1310
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 4: healthy marriage. Even before your job loss, your wife doesn't

1311
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 4: seem to be able to communicate with you unless it

1312
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:11,280
Speaker 4: involves criticism. This seems to mirror your mother's behavior. So

1313
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:15,440
Speaker 4: clearly you've developed a belief that criticism equals valid communication

1314
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 4: and therefore don't see why it's a problem. You pinpoint

1315
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:21,080
Speaker 4: your job loss as the moment it all went wrong,

1316
00:58:21,280 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 4: But I saw from an earlier post in comment that

1317
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 4: your wife never wanted you to take the job and

1318
00:58:26,800 --> 00:58:29,000
Speaker 4: made it clear for two years that she disagreed with

1319
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 4: your decision. We need to go back to all of

1320
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 4: these posts. I need more context. So there's an issue

1321
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 4: with your wife's communication and treatment of you even before

1322
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 4: the job loss. I'm sure you've contributed to the issues

1323
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 4: in the marriage, which you have acknowledged yourself, but I'm

1324
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 4: just going to say something that you seem to be avoiding.

1325
00:58:45,680 --> 00:58:47,960
Speaker 4: I don't think your wife likes you. I'd probably agree

1326
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 4: with that. I don't think you guys really like that.

1327
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:51,120
Speaker 1: I would agree.

1328
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 4: I'm not talking about love or respect. She doesn't seem

1329
00:58:54,360 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 4: to like you on the basic level that a relationship

1330
00:58:56,600 --> 00:58:58,600
Speaker 4: needs to be founded upon. I don't know if she

1331
00:58:58,720 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 4: just married you because she will she was running out

1332
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:03,160
Speaker 4: of options or time to have children, But it seems

1333
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 4: like she married you even though everyone around her recognized

1334
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 4: that she was making a bad decision, and she regrets

1335
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 4: that decision ever since. You don't have to live like this.

1336
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 4: Even if you get past the issues with physical intimacy

1337
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 4: and trust and are able to live together as a

1338
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 4: couple again, she will still not like you. Don't you

1339
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:22,880
Speaker 4: deserve better. You're the only one who's talking about love.

1340
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,160
Speaker 4: She isn't. She can't even say she doesn't love you.

1341
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 4: She brushed past that entirely. Oh Pee, I don't think

1342
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:32,040
Speaker 4: anything you do will be enough. You can't fix something

1343
00:59:32,080 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 4: if you don't know what is broken. More than that,

1344
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 4: you can't fix something that isn't broken. And I'm not

1345
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 4: sure this marriage is broken so much as a mistake,

1346
00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 4: and I mean that kindly. Your wife seems to have

1347
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 4: married you for the wrong reasons and regrets it, and

1348
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:47,960
Speaker 4: nothing you do will change that. Please consider further individual

1349
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 4: counseling to see why you're letting yourself be freated like

1350
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:53,040
Speaker 4: this and why the success of your marriage is so

1351
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 4: crucial to you. Ending a marriage doesn't mean you've failed,

1352
00:59:56,200 --> 00:59:58,600
Speaker 4: and you may even find it easier to parent without

1353
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:01,320
Speaker 4: your parents and in laws tagging along. Opie says, the

1354
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 4: success of my marriage is crucial to me because I

1355
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,240
Speaker 4: love my wife and my kids, and I want my

1356
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 4: family to stay together when I thought I lost them.

1357
01:00:08,760 --> 01:00:10,360
Speaker 4: I have never been in so much pain.

1358
01:00:10,400 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 2: I get what you're.

1359
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 4: Saying about it not meaning I failed, but I have

1360
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 4: to disagree. What else could it mean? And that failure

1361
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:18,920
Speaker 4: would leave me entirely alone, and I don't know if

1362
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:22,200
Speaker 4: I could handle that. What's happening now could only be temporary.

1363
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,720
Speaker 4: That wouldn't be and there is an update. I would

1364
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 4: love to know what happened in those other posts, but

1365
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:31,040
Speaker 4: I don't think that this relationship is long lasting.

1366
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 1: I would just like to be a fly on the wall.

1367
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 4: I need more backstory. I need long story, long, I

1368
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 4: need long story even longer on Yeah.

1369
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:39,680
Speaker 1: What was your job? Why didn't she want you to

1370
01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 1: take it? Why did you lose it?

1371
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:42,919
Speaker 4: Why did you need doub for six months?

1372
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 1: I imagine this is in my head. So she didn't

1373
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 1: like the job, didn't want him to take it. Then

1374
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 1: she's pregnant with a baby, and then he quits his

1375
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:51,760
Speaker 1: job and goes.

1376
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 4: You didn't even want me to take it.

1377
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 1: I quit that job you hated so much, honey, And

1378
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:56,000
Speaker 1: she goes.

1379
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 2: Right before I have the freaking kid.

1380
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,400
Speaker 1: She's like, are you the dumbest person I've ever met?

1381
01:01:00,720 --> 01:01:00,919
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1382
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: I don't like the job, but now you needed the

1383
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 1: job because we're having a baby. What is wrong with you? Like?

1384
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 1: And then she would kick you out or you left,

1385
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:11,760
Speaker 1: or she wanted you to leave, so you left for her.

1386
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. We've never gotten a zer statement. Can

1387
01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 1: we find this six month period was about?

1388
01:01:18,520 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 4: I mentioned in a comment reply to my last post

1389
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 4: that my wife actually woke me up early the morning

1390
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 4: after I had basically given her an old's madam to

1391
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 4: choose between our family and her family. She wanted to

1392
01:01:27,920 --> 01:01:30,240
Speaker 4: talk before she and the kids left for my in

1393
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:32,880
Speaker 4: law's camp tbh. I was expecting it to be the

1394
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 4: I'm not coming back, or we should get lawyers talk,

1395
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,640
Speaker 4: but it wasn't. To my surprise, my wife, I called

1396
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 4: her Carrie on the other sub so I'll do it here,

1397
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,919
Speaker 4: actually apologized. She said the comment about wanting to spend

1398
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:46,160
Speaker 4: the weekend with her family had been out of line

1399
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:49,520
Speaker 4: and intended to hurt me. She was pissed annoyed at

1400
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 4: me because she knew I was kind of right about

1401
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,320
Speaker 4: what I was saying, and she lashed out. It's not

1402
01:01:53,400 --> 01:01:56,040
Speaker 4: the first time that's happened, so our explanation didn't shock

1403
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,520
Speaker 4: me that much. But she also said that she understood

1404
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:00,960
Speaker 4: where I was coming from. If we want to fix things,

1405
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:03,400
Speaker 4: and we both said we do, then lashing out like

1406
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 4: that needs to stop, and we do need to spend

1407
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 4: time together as a family. And she completely got why

1408
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 4: choosing to spend the entire weekend with her family, whose

1409
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 4: dislike for me had just become public knowledge, instead of

1410
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:16,800
Speaker 4: being with me, might have been upsetting for me. For

1411
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 4: a moment, I thought she was going to invite me

1412
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 4: to camp with her and I'm not gonna lie. I

1413
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:23,680
Speaker 4: was panicking. I was worried that right after I'd more

1414
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 4: or less demanded she spend time with me. I was

1415
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 4: going to have to refuse an invitation to do exactly that,

1416
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 4: but there was no chance I was going to willingly

1417
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:33,240
Speaker 4: spend three days with my mother in law or sister

1418
01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:36,800
Speaker 4: in law, particularly not after our last counseling session. Carrie

1419
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 4: didn't invite me. Instead, she offered a compromise. She and

1420
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:42,280
Speaker 4: the kids would go to camp Saturday and stay until

1421
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 4: midday Sunday, then come home and spend the rest of

1422
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 4: the weekend with me. There were some family members of

1423
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,880
Speaker 4: hers who live out in California who would be there

1424
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 4: on Saturday, and she doesn't get to see them very often.

1425
01:02:52,040 --> 01:02:54,560
Speaker 4: That actually felt really fair to me, and like Carrie

1426
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 4: was putting in an honest effort to try and meet

1427
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 4: me halfway. So I agreed, I think that's really reasonable.

1428
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:01,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it does.

1429
01:03:02,040 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 4: You know, it's good that she admitted it that she was,

1430
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 4: because I didn't realize that she was coming from that

1431
01:03:05,880 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 4: as like a I wanted to hurt him, which is

1432
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 4: why I said I'm gonna go visit my family. So

1433
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 4: it's good that they had that conversation. But h I

1434
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 4: just still don't know, if it's gonna work.

1435
01:03:15,800 --> 01:03:18,080
Speaker 1: Out, you're gonna let your mother in law and your

1436
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:20,560
Speaker 1: sister in law like scare you forever. What are they

1437
01:03:20,600 --> 01:03:22,520
Speaker 1: gonna do? Like, as we know in the previous story,

1438
01:03:22,600 --> 01:03:25,560
Speaker 1: mother in law or his wife seems to be somewhat

1439
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,919
Speaker 1: supportive of him in social settings. It's not like she's

1440
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 1: gonna just like also dunk on him. I feel like

1441
01:03:30,600 --> 01:03:32,640
Speaker 1: if you show up in a good faith gesture of like,

1442
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:34,560
Speaker 1: we're working on a marriage. We know it's not good

1443
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,120
Speaker 1: right now. It's public knowledge that it's not good right now,

1444
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:39,000
Speaker 1: but we're trying to make it better. Are you gonna

1445
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 1: dunk on us for that? Really? You're gonna you're gonna

1446
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:43,760
Speaker 1: try to make us small for that?

1447
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:46,440
Speaker 4: I someone agree in someone disagree because I feel like

1448
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:49,160
Speaker 4: if you had like a person who like actively dislike you,

1449
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,400
Speaker 4: actively are rude to you, I understand why I OPI

1450
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 4: would not want to be around them. But I also

1451
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 4: could see another world where he talks to his wife

1452
01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:57,760
Speaker 4: and is like, hey, I'm gonna need you to back

1453
01:03:57,800 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 4: me up if they say anything, because now, like I,

1454
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,440
Speaker 4: I just can't be around them if they're going to

1455
01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 4: be rude.

1456
01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:03,960
Speaker 1: And well, and it's like listen. You know you're at

1457
01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: the lake, like you're not going to be spending the

1458
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,600
Speaker 1: whole time with mother in law, sister in law. You

1459
01:04:07,640 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 1: got two kids, Go be a dad with your kids.

1460
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:12,120
Speaker 1: Yeah at the lake? Yeah? What are we talking about?

1461
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,160
Speaker 4: They left for camp that morning and came back on

1462
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 4: Sunday as planned, and we had a really nice day

1463
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 4: and a half together. There was a block party kind

1464
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 4: of thing on Monday, and we took the kids to that,

1465
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 4: and I made sure to handle baby duty with our

1466
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,960
Speaker 4: daughter as much as possible to give Carrie a break.

1467
01:04:25,040 --> 01:04:27,520
Speaker 4: She seemed pretty appreciative of that, and got to spend

1468
01:04:27,560 --> 01:04:29,480
Speaker 4: some time with a few of our neighbors that she

1469
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,800
Speaker 4: struck up friendships with and introduced me to some of

1470
01:04:32,840 --> 01:04:34,840
Speaker 4: them who I hadn't met yet. It was nice, it

1471
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,160
Speaker 4: felt normal, I guess. But as the day wore on

1472
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:39,640
Speaker 4: it got to be time to head back home, I

1473
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:42,640
Speaker 4: started getting anxious. The kids were wiped and would clearly

1474
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:45,160
Speaker 4: be heading straight to bed, which would leave me and

1475
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:47,200
Speaker 4: carry alone for more than the hour or so that

1476
01:04:47,240 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 4: we'd had on Sunday night. If we followed the counselor's advice,

1477
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:53,720
Speaker 4: we should spend that time together. Yes, I was under

1478
01:04:53,720 --> 01:04:56,080
Speaker 4: no illusion that spending time was going to result in

1479
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 4: any sort of spousal relations or anything like that, but

1480
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:00,600
Speaker 4: there would have to be talk king and I was

1481
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 4: concerned about what topics of conversation wouldn't lead us to

1482
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 4: some sort of trouble. And it felt like maybe I

1483
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:07,920
Speaker 4: was right when the first thing Carrie said was that

1484
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:10,160
Speaker 4: she wanted to talk about the possibility of her having

1485
01:05:10,160 --> 01:05:12,680
Speaker 4: those girls night with her mom and sister. We'd essentially

1486
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:15,919
Speaker 4: punted on that topic during our last counseling session. Other

1487
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,840
Speaker 4: things had come up that had escalated tensions, and the

1488
01:05:18,840 --> 01:05:21,440
Speaker 4: therapist said we probably weren't in the best place to

1489
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 4: make a good decision about any of it at the moment.

1490
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 4: But since she'd spent at day and a half with

1491
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 4: my mother in law and sister in law, I guess

1492
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have been surprised it came back up. I

1493
01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:33,880
Speaker 4: was surprised that she offered another compromise. She didn't have

1494
01:05:33,880 --> 01:05:36,360
Speaker 4: to cut her work hours down part time. She'd just

1495
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:39,040
Speaker 4: have to adjust hours on other days so she could

1496
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:41,360
Speaker 4: leave early on the girls' night days and come in

1497
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 4: late the following day. Apparently she'd already cleared that with

1498
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:46,560
Speaker 4: work and could start doing it whenever she wanted, even

1499
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:48,360
Speaker 4: as soon as this week. She hadn't been at work

1500
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 4: since her last sessions, so it was obvious that she

1501
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 4: had gotten all this clearance before we had even talked

1502
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:55,520
Speaker 4: about it with a therapist. On the one hand, I

1503
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 4: could see how it was a compromise and seemed pretty fair,

1504
01:05:58,240 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 4: which was good. On the other hand, I felt sort

1505
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 4: of misled, like she had made the compromise about the

1506
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:05,440
Speaker 4: weekend to soften me up for the possibility of agreeing

1507
01:06:05,480 --> 01:06:07,480
Speaker 4: to girls night. Is that what she said or is

1508
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 4: that what you're just assuming.

1509
01:06:08,600 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you said that yeah, because this whole

1510
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:14,160
Speaker 1: thing reads like, Oh, he constantly.

1511
01:06:13,720 --> 01:06:15,960
Speaker 4: Constants the worst yeah.

1512
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:19,520
Speaker 1: Of any given situation and then is dumbfounded when it

1513
01:06:19,600 --> 01:06:22,800
Speaker 1: is not actually the worst possible scenario that could be

1514
01:06:22,840 --> 01:06:23,200
Speaker 1: going on.

1515
01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:25,320
Speaker 4: Even in the Zoo story, he was like, Oh, when

1516
01:06:25,320 --> 01:06:27,600
Speaker 4: my wife defended me, that's the best, Like I can't

1517
01:06:27,600 --> 01:06:29,600
Speaker 4: believe she did that. That's the best thing she's ever

1518
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 4: said in months. It's like he just assumes that his

1519
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:33,400
Speaker 4: wife is gonna.

1520
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:35,840
Speaker 1: I don't know, because brothers get so true and I

1521
01:06:35,880 --> 01:06:38,480
Speaker 1: always used to like I would crap on that notion.

1522
01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:41,680
Speaker 1: That it's like, you find what you're looking for.

1523
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:43,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not looking for negativity.

1524
01:06:43,680 --> 01:06:46,400
Speaker 1: It just follows me around underware. But the more you

1525
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:50,600
Speaker 1: just are attuned to finding whatever's wrong, the quicker you're

1526
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 1: gonna be to see it. And that's all he does.

1527
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,480
Speaker 4: It feels like it's the plot of Meet the Robinson's.

1528
01:06:55,840 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 1: This guy is goob.

1529
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:57,439
Speaker 4: You're a goop.

1530
01:06:57,560 --> 01:07:00,919
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Oh he is good. He's gub.

1531
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,919
Speaker 1: Oh who nos gub.

1532
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:07,400
Speaker 4: I'll say that might be me being paranoid or overly suspicious,

1533
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:09,760
Speaker 4: and that's probably a direct result of how many she's

1534
01:07:09,760 --> 01:07:12,760
Speaker 4: planning to cheat or already is comments I've gotten here.

1535
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 4: But just because you're paranoid, that doesn't mean they're not

1536
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:16,840
Speaker 4: out to get you, right. I did my best to

1537
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:19,760
Speaker 4: ignore the paranoia but also get to what was starting

1538
01:07:19,760 --> 01:07:22,240
Speaker 4: to worry me. I asked her flat out why having

1539
01:07:22,240 --> 01:07:24,640
Speaker 4: a weekly girls' night with her mom and sister, something

1540
01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:27,720
Speaker 4: she'd never done before, was so important to her now,

1541
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 4: especially since both mother in law and sister in law

1542
01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 4: are very actively against our marriage. I said, I didn't

1543
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:36,160
Speaker 4: want to cut her off from them or prevent her

1544
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:39,240
Speaker 4: from having some fun and an escape, but the idea

1545
01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:41,760
Speaker 4: of her spending an entire night out drinking and in

1546
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:44,840
Speaker 4: situations where there's a pretty high likelihood of venting and

1547
01:07:44,880 --> 01:07:48,280
Speaker 4: complaining about relationships with two people who might be inclined

1548
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:50,720
Speaker 4: to encourage her worst instincts when it came to our

1549
01:07:50,760 --> 01:07:53,840
Speaker 4: relationship made me really anxious. I didn't suggest that she

1550
01:07:53,920 --> 01:07:56,520
Speaker 4: might be using it as an opportunity to cheat, yeh,

1551
01:07:56,680 --> 01:07:58,840
Speaker 4: because that would be bad of you to do. I

1552
01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:01,600
Speaker 4: didn't suggest that she might be using as an opportunity

1553
01:08:01,640 --> 01:08:03,560
Speaker 4: to cheat. I didn't even let on that the thought

1554
01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:06,280
Speaker 4: she might have find someone else had crossed my mind.

1555
01:08:06,520 --> 01:08:08,440
Speaker 4: I stayed as far away from any of that as

1556
01:08:08,440 --> 01:08:10,800
Speaker 4: possible and try to keep the conversation focused on my

1557
01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:12,880
Speaker 4: worries about her spending that much time with my mother

1558
01:08:12,920 --> 01:08:15,440
Speaker 4: in law and sister in law. Carrie said she understood.

1559
01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:18,080
Speaker 4: She said that was a reasonable concern, especially given all

1560
01:08:18,120 --> 01:08:20,559
Speaker 4: that she'd shared in our sessions about her mom's feelings

1561
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:24,320
Speaker 4: towards me, and she said that normally she'd probably give

1562
01:08:24,320 --> 01:08:26,559
Speaker 4: in and stay home and spend that time with me

1563
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:29,080
Speaker 4: and the kids, but she said, my sister needs me

1564
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:30,679
Speaker 4: right now. Her husband left.

1565
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:33,160
Speaker 2: Her day and day.

1566
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 4: Perhaps if we had asked, why are you reinstate in

1567
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:40,400
Speaker 4: these nights in kind of a normal tone, just a questioning,

1568
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:43,439
Speaker 4: curious tone, maybe we would have gotten that answer. Apparently,

1569
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:45,559
Speaker 4: brother in law left sister in law the day after

1570
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:48,200
Speaker 4: the family's annual Fourth of July party, and my sister

1571
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:50,439
Speaker 4: in law is not taking it well. And when sister

1572
01:08:50,520 --> 01:08:53,960
Speaker 4: in law doesn't take something well, my mother in law

1573
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,519
Speaker 4: takes it worse. And since brother in law was the

1574
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:58,720
Speaker 4: golden boy, the perfect sudden law, the one I was

1575
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,600
Speaker 4: always unfavorably compared too, there's a lot of upset and

1576
01:09:01,640 --> 01:09:04,080
Speaker 4: anger and sadness, and Carrie feels like she needs to

1577
01:09:04,120 --> 01:09:06,360
Speaker 4: spend time with her family to support her sister. She

1578
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:08,880
Speaker 4: wants to help sister in law navigate suddenly being a

1579
01:09:08,920 --> 01:09:10,960
Speaker 4: single parent, and to help her figure out if she

1580
01:09:10,960 --> 01:09:13,040
Speaker 4: can find a way to reconcile with brother in law

1581
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:15,760
Speaker 4: and basically act like sister in law's conscience and keep

1582
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,600
Speaker 4: her from making any bad choices while there's still the

1583
01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:21,800
Speaker 4: possibility of saving her marriage. Bad choices like cooking out

1584
01:09:21,800 --> 01:09:24,080
Speaker 4: with some random dudes at a bar during one of

1585
01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:26,639
Speaker 4: their girls' night which, as I found out last night

1586
01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:30,439
Speaker 4: in counseling, is the exact reason brother in law left

1587
01:09:30,479 --> 01:09:34,240
Speaker 4: her she cheated on him. So my wife is asking

1588
01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 4: me to be okay with her spending nights out with

1589
01:09:36,280 --> 01:09:39,080
Speaker 4: their mother who hates me and her sister who's a

1590
01:09:39,160 --> 01:09:41,519
Speaker 4: cheater and hates me, and not feel any kind of

1591
01:09:41,560 --> 01:09:42,280
Speaker 4: way about all that.

1592
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:46,080
Speaker 5: He is also very steadily set on the fact that

1593
01:09:46,160 --> 01:09:48,840
Speaker 5: he will not leave her unless she cheats.

1594
01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:51,320
Speaker 4: And so and he really wants her to cheat.

1595
01:09:51,439 --> 01:09:54,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, and is like pushing like and that's just something

1596
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 5: that their whole family does.

1597
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:57,960
Speaker 4: I think he really wants her to cheat. I think

1598
01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:00,439
Speaker 4: he's like I thinks she cheated because she might have

1599
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 4: a response.

1600
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:02,960
Speaker 5: I don't know if there's a point at which I

1601
01:10:03,000 --> 01:10:05,479
Speaker 5: will go ahead and call it, other than if she

1602
01:10:05,640 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 5: actually cheats or cheated, I would stick around if that happens.

1603
01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:11,280
Speaker 1: Well, it certainly doesn't feel like he wants that based

1604
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:14,559
Speaker 1: on I just wrote that he's want she expects me

1605
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:18,000
Speaker 1: to be okay with her spending time with people who

1606
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:19,719
Speaker 1: hate me and cheat on their partners.

1607
01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:22,840
Speaker 4: But I think he thinks that she already That's what

1608
01:10:22,960 --> 01:10:25,120
Speaker 4: all of those comments felt like. And even if I do,

1609
01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:27,479
Speaker 4: it doesn't really matter, as sister in law needs her

1610
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:30,120
Speaker 4: and Carrie's already made it all good with work, and

1611
01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:32,360
Speaker 4: in doing that, she was compromising on what she really

1612
01:10:32,400 --> 01:10:34,559
Speaker 4: wanted and it asked for, and that's a good thing

1613
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:37,439
Speaker 4: and a sign of progress for our own reconciliation, and

1614
01:10:37,479 --> 01:10:39,320
Speaker 4: both Carrie and our therapists think, if I can just

1615
01:10:39,360 --> 01:10:41,439
Speaker 4: see it in those terms, I'll realize that there's nothing

1616
01:10:41,439 --> 01:10:43,840
Speaker 4: to be worried or upset about, which is how I

1617
01:10:43,880 --> 01:10:46,840
Speaker 4: got here, riding an update to Reddit while my daughter

1618
01:10:46,880 --> 01:10:48,840
Speaker 4: is napping in her crib next to me, and my

1619
01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:51,240
Speaker 4: wife is on her way to mother's house for girls' night,

1620
01:10:51,280 --> 01:10:53,599
Speaker 4: which got moved to Friday night thanks to the holiday,

1621
01:10:53,760 --> 01:10:55,920
Speaker 4: so she doesn't even have to worry about work tomorrow.

1622
01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:58,800
Speaker 4: And I'm just fine with that. Really, I'm totally one

1623
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:01,439
Speaker 4: hundred percent fine with it. I even told Carrie that

1624
01:11:01,600 --> 01:11:03,960
Speaker 4: on our way out the door. I'm fine with it.

1625
01:11:04,080 --> 01:11:06,200
Speaker 4: Go ahead, read it. Tell me I'm an idiot, an

1626
01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:08,760
Speaker 4: idiot trying to cling Downny's small steps in the right

1627
01:11:08,760 --> 01:11:11,160
Speaker 4: direction for his family, but still an idiot. And that's

1628
01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:12,320
Speaker 4: the end of that story, folks,