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Speaker 1: What's up you guys. It is Kelly. It is Wednesday,

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Speaker 1: the day of our Velvet episodes. It's April tenth. It's

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Speaker 1: the month of the solar eclipse. I mean, we have

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Speaker 1: been through. It is what I feel, and I am sick.

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Speaker 1: And I was sitting here and I've been trying to

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Speaker 1: prep my Taker Toss episode all day today and my

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Speaker 1: brain is just not with me. And that's just the truth.

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Speaker 1: And I don't feel good. So I have decided that

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Speaker 1: I'm going to take a lesson that I learned three

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Speaker 1: years ago, and it is the lesson of the pause,

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Speaker 1: because so many of the conversations that I have had

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Speaker 1: over the last couple of weeks with friends or colleagues

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Speaker 1: or just people that I've talked to, is just like

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Speaker 1: this energy of exhaustion. And I don't know if you're

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Speaker 1: feeling it or not. If you are, it is highly

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Speaker 1: possible it is from all of the crazieststrology that we

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Speaker 1: have had and the changes that our culture is going through.

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Speaker 1: This month we had a lunar eclipse, a solar eclipse,

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Speaker 1: mercury retrograde. So if you're into astrology and you haven't

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Speaker 1: listened to my episode with Marvin Wilkerson, the master astrologer

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Speaker 1: that's on the podcast every month, yet for April, he

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Speaker 1: did give a lot of insight into that and also

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Speaker 1: some of the other things that are going on. There's

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Speaker 1: even more energy than all the things that I just mentioned.

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Speaker 1: But I was thinking, you know, like that's what I'll

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Speaker 1: talk about, Like I'll talk about all the energy and

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Speaker 1: we're all feeling exhausted. And then I thought, wow, well,

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Speaker 1: you're really not setting a very good example for yourself.

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Speaker 1: And the lesson that I think I learned a couple

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Speaker 1: of years ago that was a really really tough one

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Speaker 1: for me to get and to accept and to let

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Speaker 1: go was just that it's okay to be human and

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Speaker 1: it's okay to pause. And I didn't really fully comprehend

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Speaker 1: the pressure that I've put on myself, probably since childhood,

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Speaker 1: to continue to show up, to continue to fight through,

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Speaker 1: to hold your responsibilities very seriously and very tightly. But

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize that I was neglecting my own self

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Speaker 1: and my own health, and so I had just like

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Speaker 1: a breakdown, Like I hit a point where COVID was happening,

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Speaker 1: and I had some public things going on, I had

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Speaker 1: some private things going on, and it all just became

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Speaker 1: way too much for me and I had to finally stop.

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Speaker 1: And as hard as it was and as much as

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Speaker 1: I don't like to relive those moments, it was honestly

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Speaker 1: one of the greatest gifts of my life to have

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Speaker 1: those moments of truly breaking down and truly just going

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Speaker 1: I can't and I need to take care of myself

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Speaker 1: and I need to get my life back on track.

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Speaker 1: I have and I feel great about where I am now.

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Speaker 1: And again, like I said, that was such a gift

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Speaker 1: ultimately because it's really brought me to me and I

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Speaker 1: have a whole different relationship with myself and with work

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Speaker 1: and all those things. But as I was driving myself

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Speaker 1: to force the work today, I thought, wow, I'm right

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Speaker 1: back in that thing. That's kind of what happens, or

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Speaker 1: I'm doing that thing again. So I am going to

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Speaker 1: rest and I'm going to take care of myself so

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Speaker 1: I can give you back with you guys on Friday

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Speaker 1: with a new episode of the Edge of Chip Dorsh

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Speaker 1: But in the meantime, I wanted to bring this conversation

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Speaker 1: that I had with Fred and Farr founder and author

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Speaker 1: Melody Godfred. She's become a really good friend of mine,

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Speaker 1: and she was the one who told me about her

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Speaker 1: breakdown with starting her own business and when she had

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Speaker 1: to stop and take care of herself too. And she

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Speaker 1: really taught me the importance of the pause. And it's

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Speaker 1: definitely a lesson that I have to keep reminding myself of,

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Speaker 1: but that I'm so grateful for. And I thought this

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Speaker 1: conversation was very just relevant with what's going on right now.

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Speaker 1: So if you're feeling at all exhausted or drained and

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Speaker 1: you just need a little bit of grace and you're

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Speaker 1: having a hard time giving it to yourself, me and

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Speaker 1: Melanie Melody are here to give that to you today.

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Speaker 1: And like I said, I'm doing the same thing for myself.

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Speaker 1: So I think it's time that we all really just

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Speaker 1: acknowledge our humanness and it's okay to pause. So I'm

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Speaker 1: going to pause today. I hope you guys enjoyed this

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Speaker 1: conversation and I will be back with you Friday. On

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Speaker 1: the Edge, here's my conversation with.

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Speaker 2: Melody conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The

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Speaker 2: Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson.

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Speaker 1: I was just telling you when you messaged me last

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Speaker 1: week about doing another podcast. I was like, and you said,

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Speaker 1: I think the last moment. It was right after my

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Speaker 1: mental health break, and I was like, wait, what's a

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Speaker 1: mental health break, because maybe that's what I need in

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Speaker 1: my life right now. I think it was definitely a

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Speaker 1: universe thing. I was. I just hit a wall finally,

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Speaker 1: I think, and kind of the world felt like it

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Speaker 1: was collapsing, and I have had a hard time working.

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Speaker 1: I am just like completely, it's like almost feeling like

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Speaker 1: brain dead in some capacity. So will you just share

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Speaker 1: with us? And I mean I told you too. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I just want to record our phone conversation.

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Speaker 1: If it's good, I want to I want to put

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Speaker 1: it out to the listeners because I'm about to take

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Speaker 1: a mental health break. I didn't know that was the

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Speaker 1: name of it, but that I'm going to be doing.

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Speaker 1: And thank you for giving me that verbiage. And I

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Speaker 1: didn't really know what to say to people about where

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Speaker 1: I'm going, like I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going

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Speaker 1: to be in Nashville at my house doing some inner work.

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Speaker 1: But I need to take a break period.

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Speaker 3: That's just relations. Thank you, You're giving yourself a gift

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Speaker 3: and when I found myself feeling very much like what

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Speaker 3: you described, I didn't really have a game plan either.

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Speaker 3: I didn't know it was something we were allowed to do,

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Speaker 3: Like wait, what You're allowed to stop because you don't

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Speaker 3: feel good? Like it's not something we are taught to

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Speaker 3: allow ourselves, Like God forbid. If I'd been diagnosed with

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Speaker 3: some physical ailment, maybe then I would have given myself

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Speaker 3: permission sooner, like oh, no, I'm sick, I have to stop.

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Speaker 3: But when it's your mental health that's suffering, I think

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Speaker 3: we all quietly endure as long as we can until

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Speaker 3: one day we can't, and that's when the break comes in.

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Speaker 3: And for me, it changed my life for the better

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Speaker 3: in so many ways. But it takes a lot of

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Speaker 3: courage to even just say those words, like I'm taking

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Speaker 3: a break.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean, you are a business owner. You've

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Speaker 1: been on the podcast before. Everyone knows about my peaky ring.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe I forgot to put it on for

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Speaker 1: this podcast, but obviously I'm on a break, so even

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Speaker 1: I don't even get dressed anymore, but yeah, I wear

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Speaker 1: it all the time. It's become kind of one of

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Speaker 1: my staples that everyone knows it's my little diamond peaky ring.

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Speaker 1: I wore it on TV. Everyone was like, where'd you

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Speaker 1: get that?

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Speaker 3: Are you engaged?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no to myself. But you have an amazing

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Speaker 1: company called Friend and Farr, and you've also you're an author,

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Speaker 1: and you've written all these amazing words about self love

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Speaker 1: and the ABC's of self love? Like how do you

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Speaker 1: do that? And to me, when I hear about achieving

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Speaker 1: like that, I'm like, you don't take a break, like

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Speaker 1: that is what we're programmed to believe, right, Like when

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Speaker 1: you were just talking, I was thinking to myself, I

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Speaker 1: literally still don't know that it's okay to take a break,

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Speaker 1: and that is such an odd feeling, and especially like

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Speaker 1: when you tie it into business, because you're just afraid

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Speaker 1: it's all going to go away.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And for me, I looked up the date you

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Speaker 3: and I did our podcast episode at the beginning of January.

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Speaker 3: I think it was January eighth, twenty nineteen, okay, And

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Speaker 3: at that time, during that call, I knew I was

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Speaker 3: burnt out, but I had no plans to stop, because

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Speaker 3: who stops. Nobody stops. So we had this amazing podcast

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Speaker 3: episode and if people go back and listen to it.

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Speaker 3: They'll be like, no, she sounds perfectly normal, like full

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Speaker 3: steam ahead. I had plans. I had all these things

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Speaker 3: we talked about. I was so proud of everything that

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Speaker 3: this self love movement has accomplished so far. I had

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Speaker 3: no plans of stopping. And then later that month, it

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Speaker 3: was a full moon and it was like a super

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Speaker 3: moon or something, and I don't know why. That night

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Speaker 3: I went outside and I sat under the moon with

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Speaker 3: my journal, something I've never ever done before in my

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Speaker 3: life life, and I said, please tell me what to do,

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Speaker 3: like I can't continue like this anymore. And I'm crying

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Speaker 3: right now because that feeling is still in my body.

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Speaker 3: And I just was looking for permission, I guess, and

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Speaker 3: that night, in the light of the moon, I gave

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Speaker 3: it to myself. And the next day I went into

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Speaker 3: work and I decided, I'm going to sell all my inventory,

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Speaker 3: whatever I have, and come hell or high water at

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Speaker 3: the end of March. I'm taking a break and I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to explain anything to anybody. I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to say when I'm going to come back. I don't

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Speaker 3: know if I'm going to come back. All I know

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Speaker 3: is I need a break and That's exactly what I did.

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Speaker 3: I sold whatever I could. I was very transparent with everybody,

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Speaker 3: like I'm going on a mental health break. And then

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Speaker 3: I allowed the wheels of my life to stop turning

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Speaker 3: at a million mile of an hour, and I started

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Speaker 3: creating space for myself to be in my body, to rest,

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Speaker 3: to heal, to not have an agenda every single minute

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Speaker 3: of the day. And you know, part of the reason

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Speaker 3: I wanted to have this call with you is to share,

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Speaker 3: like how much was born during that time period. And

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Speaker 3: you know, I've written several books and I'm working on

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Speaker 3: a new one right now that's coming out in the fall.

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Speaker 3: And this poem, I haven't even written the poem yet,

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Speaker 3: but this is the line. Right to pause is power.

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Speaker 3: Pausing is your power. And I have experienced that firsthand,

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Speaker 3: and I hope that for you, Kelly, Like what comes

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Speaker 3: of this period is exactly that. Recognizing that you pausing

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Speaker 3: isn't weakness, it's exactly the opposite.

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Speaker 1: I'm like losing it because I'm so emotional, but everything

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Speaker 1: you're saying is exactly what I'm feeling. You know, Like

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Speaker 1: it's been this whole three years of just shit and

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Speaker 1: like a lot and I don't think I realized for

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Speaker 1: how many years I've been just gripping and trying to

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Speaker 1: hold everything up. And it's so hard because externally, a

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Speaker 1: lot of times that's when people think, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you're killing it, you know, and look at this, look

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Speaker 1: at all the stuff you've built, or oh my god,

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Speaker 1: look at this podcast that's doing amazing, or look you're

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Speaker 1: on TV, like, look at all this stuff. And for me,

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Speaker 1: it took it all kind of crashing to the point

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Speaker 1: where I and the pandemic and things that I literally

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Speaker 1: genuinely couldn't control. I went through fertility stuff, and that's

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Speaker 1: been the first time in my life I have not

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Speaker 1: been able to work hard enough to get something. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what that means, like that I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: that that I will do whatever I need to do,

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Speaker 1: regardless of my health, in order to achieve the things

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Speaker 1: that I want. And unfortunately, it feels like our culture

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Speaker 1: just applauds that, you know, like and it's just the

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Speaker 1: scariest thing for me. But then last week happened and

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Speaker 1: I got to the place where I'm like, I'd had

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Speaker 1: some feedback from some podcast stuff that I did, and

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Speaker 1: someone said I just didn't even that was so funny.

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Speaker 1: You said that I didn't even like recognize that in you,

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Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, I don't recognize that in me,

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Speaker 1: Like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing things out of emotion or like like going through

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Speaker 1: the motions, knowing certain things too that like numbers wise

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Speaker 1: can work, or you know, following a storyline or trying it.

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Speaker 1: It's just like there's so much out there that you

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Speaker 1: just start going with the things that you know people.

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Speaker 1: It's what's going to get people. And that's not who

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Speaker 1: I am from what I used to know of me

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Speaker 1: at least. But I've gotten so off track that I'm

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Speaker 1: having a hard time even getting in touch with what

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Speaker 1: I enjoy doing, what fills me up? What is my purpose?

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Speaker 1: Like why am I here? I have no idea? And

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Speaker 1: so it literally just I woke up morning and had

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Speaker 1: a hard conversation with someone who was listening to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: And it was the perfect conversation though, because it finally

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Speaker 1: got me to the place of like, I can't fucking

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Speaker 1: do this anymore. I just can't. I sat in my

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Speaker 1: backyard all day and listened to a playlist like that's

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Speaker 1: really soothing for me, and I just sobbed and stared

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Speaker 1: at nature and I was like, yeah, this, I'm unwell,

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Speaker 1: this is not good. Did you ever have just like

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Speaker 1: a moment like that.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm telling you it was under the moon.

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Speaker 3: I lost my shit. Yeah, I literally lost it. And

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Speaker 3: what I have learned, at least for me, and it's

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Speaker 3: you're echoing it right back to me right now, is

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Speaker 3: that ego driven productivity, Like productivity that's driven by your

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Speaker 3: need to achieve and to validate your worth through some

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Speaker 3: external means. It kills your intuition, Like it literally dulls

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Speaker 3: it to the point where you no longer know who

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Speaker 3: you are, why you're here, what you're supposed to do,

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Speaker 3: or how to feel good. Like your intuition is the

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Speaker 3: answer to all of those things. Your intuition helps you

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Speaker 3: know who you are, why you're here, what you're supposed

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Speaker 3: to be doing, and how to feel good. And when

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Speaker 3: you fill up all the space in your life with

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Speaker 3: this conquest of like more likes, more follows, more episodes,

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Speaker 3: more sales, more networking, more and more and more, you're

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Speaker 3: actually giving up a lot and you end up with

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Speaker 3: a lot less because you end up with no space

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Speaker 3: for yourself, and what you did in the backyard, listening

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Speaker 3: to music and looking to nature and allowing yourself to

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Speaker 3: feel was probably like the most intuitive thing you've done

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Speaker 3: in a really long time. And even though it's hard,

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Speaker 3: like that's you being reborn and coming home to yourself,

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Speaker 3: and I think that's so beautiful, like for you to

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Speaker 3: share that with me.

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Speaker 1: Well, the truth is is I had been on the

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Speaker 1: phone with my best friend. I'm sorry, my voice is

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Speaker 1: so shaky. This is very emotional for me. But she

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Speaker 1: was like, you know everyone, it was the middle of

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Speaker 1: the work week. It was like a Wednesday, and she

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Speaker 1: said to me like, okay, could you just maybe put

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Speaker 1: on your shoes and go for a walk, try to

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Speaker 1: clear your head, like and let's figure out like next

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Speaker 1: right step kind of stuff, you know, Like I had

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Speaker 1: a podcast scheduled that day, and she was like, first things, first,

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Speaker 1: you gotta cancel that podcast, like you can't do this

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Speaker 1: to yourself today, and then cancel the one you have tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: And for me, you know, I had an artist booked too,

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Speaker 1: and I just was like I can't, I can't do that,

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Speaker 1: Like I just and I'm like, that's how I've been

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Speaker 1: operating though, is I'm literally having what I would call

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Speaker 1: a somewhat nervous breakdown. And I was so concerned about

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Speaker 1: losing that guest or offending someone's schedule that I couldn't

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Speaker 1: even formulate that. And she was like, no, you're doing that,

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Speaker 1: and then call me back. And then she was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: now maybe you should go for a walk or something.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I'm really lucky that I have really

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Speaker 1: good friends like this, but I realized it was almost

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Speaker 1: two in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten a bite

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Speaker 1: of food and I couldn't even get the energy to

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Speaker 1: go on a walk. Like that's how out of touch

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Speaker 1: I had gotten. And that just like for me when

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Speaker 1: she said that, I was just again hitting these places

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Speaker 1: and so the best I could do was go sit

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Speaker 1: in my backyard, and like you said, it was, it

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Speaker 1: did bring me peace, and eventually a couple of my

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Speaker 1: friends showed up at my house. I felt like an

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Speaker 1: episode of the Intervention or something, But in some ways

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Speaker 1: it is, you know, and I don't. Again, I think

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Speaker 1: it's a hard thing, this achieving piece and this perfectionist piece,

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Speaker 1: and especially in a culture that's just so driven by

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Speaker 1: success and like you said, the likes and all of

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Speaker 1: that stuff, to set it down or to say to yourself,

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Speaker 1: maybe this needs a pause, Maybe this needs something, it

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Speaker 1: needs to shift it and not to have the an

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Speaker 1: there yet, and just to sit in a stillness can

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Speaker 1: be both extremely freeing and extremely terrifying all at the

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Speaker 1: same time.

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Speaker 3: Because and by the way, like you said, the name

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Speaker 3: of my book that's coming out in September, the shift.

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Speaker 3: That's what this Everything I do now is about that,

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Speaker 3: Like how do we create the shift? Okay, like you

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Speaker 3: are in my brain and it's crazy.

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Speaker 1: We've always been that way, I know.

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Speaker 3: Crazy. But here's the thing. The reason taking a pause

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Speaker 3: is scary is because from the minute we're born, we

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Speaker 3: are taught to focus on what comes next. At least

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Speaker 3: for me, Like it was like, Okay, I'm going to

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Speaker 3: be an elementary school, but then I'm going to apply

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Speaker 3: to prep school and then from there I'm going to

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Speaker 3: apply to college and I'm going to pick a major,

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Speaker 3: and then I'm going to go to graduate school and

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Speaker 3: then I'm going to have a career, and then I'm

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Speaker 3: going to get married and get a dog and get

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Speaker 3: a house and have kids, and like everything is already planned.

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Speaker 3: It's all about what is next step. We've never allowed

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Speaker 3: for the next step to be joyfully unknown. It's always

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Speaker 3: fearfully planned, like that's God, that's so good, that's the best, right,

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Speaker 3: instead of joyfully unknown, it's fearfully planned. And we chain

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Speaker 3: ourselves to these like hamster wheels, and we just think,

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Speaker 3: if we run fast enough, then we will prove that

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Speaker 3: we're going to get everything we deserve. And we lived

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Speaker 3: up to our potential and we were perfect enough, and

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Speaker 3: we made an impact enough, and we were liked enough,

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Speaker 3: and we were generous enough, and so on and so on.

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Speaker 1: What I am.

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Speaker 3: Curious about is like, what if we all just collectively

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Speaker 3: decided that being here, alive, in this moment and breathing

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Speaker 3: is enough. Like what if that's what the past two

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Speaker 3: years we're here to teach us that we can plan

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Speaker 3: and we can be strategic, and then something can come

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Speaker 3: and take it all away from us. And if we

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Speaker 3: are not in tune with ourselves, if we are not

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Speaker 3: joyfully present in the here and now, there will be

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Speaker 3: nothing for us because everything can get taken away. And

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Speaker 3: that happened, right, and we're all still living the stress

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Speaker 3: of it. I went to a restaurant last night, and

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Speaker 3: everyone around me was eating and drinking and joyful, and

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Speaker 3: all I could think was like, am I going to

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Speaker 3: get COVID tonight? Like I could not get that thought

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Speaker 3: out of my mind. And we all live with that

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Speaker 3: collective trauma of feeling totally unsafe, But there is a

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Speaker 3: liberation in it, right, Like there is also this great

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Speaker 3: awakening that like a lot of the things that we

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Speaker 3: thought mattered really didn't. A lot of the stuff we

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Speaker 3: were accumulating we didn't really need, and maybe it's time

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Speaker 3: for us to be ourselves and choose to be deliberate

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Speaker 3: about how we spend our time and live our lives

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Speaker 3: without it being in design to achieve something like maybe

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Speaker 3: it's about reclaiming that space for ourselves. And that's what

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Speaker 3: the paw is, right, it's reclaiming your space, your time,

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Speaker 3: your energy, your attention, your love, And it's I mean,

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Speaker 3: it's ironic. Like I started a self love movement in

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Speaker 3: twenty fifteen, is when I came up with this idea

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Speaker 3: for the self Love Pinky Ring, because I had this

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Speaker 3: idea back then that like, shouldn't I be a priority

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Speaker 3: in my life? Shouldn't I make space for my mental

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Speaker 3: health and my physical health. And here i am, like

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Speaker 3: over five years later, and I'm still struggling with the

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Speaker 3: same thing because it is so hard to do. You know.

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Speaker 3: I get met all the time with this outpouring of

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Speaker 3: applause for being a superwoman, and I cringe now when

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Speaker 3: people say that I don't want to be a superwoman.

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Speaker 3: There's a huge toll that I am experiencing, being a

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Speaker 3: mom of three kids, writing these books, having this company,

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Speaker 3: having very little help, carrying all this around, Like I

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Speaker 3: don't want to be super I'm like crumbling over here,

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Speaker 3: Like this morning, I have a thyroid ultrasound because my

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Speaker 3: thyroids totally messed up. And it's not for nothing, Like

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Speaker 3: we run ourselves into the ground, and even though we

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Speaker 3: seem like perfectly polished and capable and everything's going great,

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Speaker 3: and I got a three book deal and that was

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Speaker 3: my greatest ambition in life, by the way, Like I

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Speaker 3: am faced with my mortality now every single day because

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Speaker 3: for so long I completely neglected myself in service to

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Speaker 3: my ambition and now I have to pay for that.

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Speaker 3: And I see your paying for that, Like how much

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Speaker 3: have you sacrificed in service to ambition?

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Speaker 1: Myself would be my answer. I mean, you said so

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Speaker 1: many good things in there. I want to touch on

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Speaker 1: two of them that really popped out to me. But

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Speaker 1: speaking of the pandemic, when you said, you know, there's

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Speaker 1: so much that we realized we didn't need that for

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Speaker 1: me in in a very startling way, was my job,

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Speaker 1: And my job was one of the ones that disappeared.

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Speaker 1: You know, the music industry went away, so that aspect

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Speaker 1: of my job disappeared. I was not on TV anymore.

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Speaker 1: There was a whole falling out with the show that

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Speaker 1: I was on, and then like even Instagram going down

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Speaker 1: the other day. But I mean it was like the

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Speaker 1: silliest things, right, But I thought to myself in the

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Speaker 1: four hours that it was down, I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, all of a sudden, that blue check mark

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Speaker 1: means nothing.

401
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Speaker 3: Like who cares?

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden, you know, swipe up is even

403
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Speaker 1: different now, like nothing is the same. And I can't

404
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Speaker 1: control it. I can't control the algorithm. I can't control

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Speaker 1: that a show might get canceled on the weekend, and

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Speaker 1: my artists aren't going to be doing the same things

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Speaker 1: they were doing. And all of it happened all at

408
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Speaker 1: the same time to this to push me to this

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Speaker 1: place where I didn't have the things that I used

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Speaker 1: to grip to, Like like if I would be going

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Speaker 1: through a breakup, I throw myself into work, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it was like I got the validation I needed

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Speaker 1: to feel what I thought back to myself looked like.

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Speaker 1: And the truth was is amongst all of that, I

415
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Speaker 1: created this false self. Like I mean, sure, those are

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Speaker 1: parts of me and there are things that I love,

417
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Speaker 1: but the reality of all of that is that I've

418
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Speaker 1: gotten so lost from myself that now I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm going through my life chasing, like you said, and

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Speaker 1: also just like filling it with all these things that

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Speaker 1: in the root of all of it are really not

422
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Speaker 1: mine to hold on to, and they're just for me

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Speaker 1: to create this ego version of myself so that I

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Speaker 1: look really, you know, nice and cool on the outside.

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Speaker 1: And sure, I'm trying to do good in there too, because.

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Speaker 3: That is my heart.

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Speaker 1: I try. But like the reality of all of it

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Speaker 1: is it's the chasing and the striving. And sure, I mean,

429
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Speaker 1: like maybe those things can come back, but like I

430
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Speaker 1: just have realized that that is not who I am. Ultimately,

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Speaker 1: it can be things that I do, but like, if

432
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:05,639
Speaker 1: I'm missing the piece of who I am and in

433
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: that connection to myself, it's always going to end this

434
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,479
Speaker 1: way for me with the meltdown, you know. I mean,

435
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 1: I literally wrote when I was singing in the backyard,

436
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: I took a journal out there to see if I

437
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: wanted to write anything down, and all I wrote on

438
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 1: this one piece of paper was who the fuck am I?

439
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 1: And I just stared at that for hours and I

440
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 1: could not answer, like I have. I think I've gotten

441
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 1: to a better place in a week of where I

442
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: could answer a few more questions, but it was just

443
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,040
Speaker 1: so jumbled in my head and I was like, I

444
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 1: don't I don't even know. So anyway, there was that

445
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 1: what was the other thing you said? I wish I

446
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: should have taken a note so that you said so

447
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: many good things in there. And I do, like I do,

448
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: really appreciate hearing about the fact that you're still on

449
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:58,080
Speaker 1: a journey, like you started in this place five years

450
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,200
Speaker 1: ago where you were like I are six years ago

451
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: almost I guess, or you had this idea, but that

452
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that like we do it perfectly or that

453
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 1: it just gets figured out. Because you started a business

454
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: around self love. You're like the master of self love.

455
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 3: Now no quite the opposite, And like that break I

456
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 3: took was proof of that back in twenty nineteen, Like

457
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:24,479
Speaker 3: I took six months off and then now here we

458
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 3: are like a few years after that, and like I

459
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 3: might need another one, Like I feel overwhelmed, Like there's

460
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,199
Speaker 3: just too much. There's too much. I don't think I

461
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 3: give myself even an hour a day of like quiet reflection.

462
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 3: And that's also because I've developed some really bad pandemic habits.

463
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 3: I'm like super addicted to my phone. It's almost as

464
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 3: though like if I'm like reading a news article or

465
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 3: going on Facebook or doing those things, like I'm constantly

466
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 3: searching for something that i know I'm never going to find.

467
00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 3: I'm like trying to scratch a niche that i know

468
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 3: I'm never going to scra but it keeps me from

469
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 3: being lonely. And I think that's why I do it.

470
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 3: Like I keep filling my space because I feel so

471
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 3: alone sometimes even though I'm surrounded by a lot of people,

472
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,160
Speaker 3: and like that's just a bad habit. Like I need

473
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 3: to have a digital detox and just commit to creating

474
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 3: space to like think, to breathe, to move. But it's

475
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 3: not easy when your world is moving like a bullet

476
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 3: train and you feel like either you have to stay

477
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 3: on it or the opposite of staying on it is

478
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 3: like giving it all up. And that's been my challenge

479
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,199
Speaker 3: is I was very peaceful during my break. I was

480
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 3: so intuitive that during that period, like crazy magical things

481
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 3: started happening. I would have like visions of things they

482
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 3: would happen. I mean, I felt like a witch. I

483
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 3: was so in touch with myself. But inevitably, like the

484
00:25:54,119 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 3: wheels started moving again and me being me, I started

485
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 3: doing like way more than I should have. And here

486
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 3: I am again, like all over again, another three years later,

487
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 3: trying to figure out how do I maintain that beauty

488
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 3: that I was able to nurture when I was still

489
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 3: and bring that stillness into what is like an incredibly

490
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 3: busy life. And that's a formula I'm going to have

491
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 3: to probably keep working on for the rest of my life.

492
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 3: But I will say that the difference between how I

493
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 3: used to carry it before and how I carry it

494
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 3: now is now I'm learning to course correct a little

495
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 3: bit sooner. Like my therapist said this to me last week,

496
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,879
Speaker 3: I hadn't had a session with her in a couple

497
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 3: of years and my husband and I were having like

498
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 3: a very hard week and I was like, I need therapy,

499
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 3: like I need to go and figure this out. And

500
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 3: she said to me, God bless her. She goes melody,

501
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:51,440
Speaker 3: here's what I've learned about you. You wait too long

502
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,800
Speaker 3: to course correct, Like when something feels off, you wait

503
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 3: until like the building is on fire to do something

504
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,399
Speaker 3: about it. And she's like, that's what I want you

505
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 3: to work on. And it's only been a week and

506
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 3: it's still very fresh, but she's kind of like blown

507
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 3: my mind with this idea that I can course correct

508
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:10,679
Speaker 3: sooner and if I feel off in my body, if

509
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 3: I feel off in my mind, like I can start

510
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 3: making changes sooner and it doesn't need to get to

511
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 3: such an extreme place before I feel like I deserve

512
00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 3: an hour of my time every day, which really I

513
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 3: wasn't even getting an hour, and even for you, like

514
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 3: you're going And then the other thing, sorry I was

515
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 3: going to say, is I used to be really fearful

516
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,680
Speaker 3: about what was on the other side of everything, and

517
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 3: now I'm like curious, and even for you when you

518
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 3: stare down at that page that says who the fuck

519
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 3: am I like, maybe there's like a who the fuck am? I? Like,

520
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 3: there's a little curiosity and joy and willingness to like

521
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 3: embrace this opportunity for self discovery. Like I have a

522
00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 3: feeling you're gonna like what you find.

523
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 1: Thank you for saying that, because the truth is, too

524
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 1: is the person that I am has evolved and changed,

525
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 1: and especially through some pretty tough situations the last couple

526
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 1: of years. And so, like you said, you're getting better

527
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 1: at the course correction even in a week. And you know,

528
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 1: I've noticed with myself, I'm such a perfectionist that it's

529
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: hard for me to give myself any credit because I'm like, oh,

530
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this right, or like, oh, I still

531
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,239
Speaker 1: don't have this figured out, you know, and instead of

532
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 1: looking at oh wow, in the past, this would have

533
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: taken me five years to figure out and now it's

534
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: taking me a year or you know what I mean.

535
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 1: Like it's just it can be even the small things

536
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: like that or noticing, oh, you know what, I'm doing

537
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 1: that thing again, or just kind of like having the

538
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 1: progress be the goal versus the perfection is typically where

539
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: I can get when I'm in a better place, but

540
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 1: when I am in my other headspace, the striving headspace.

541
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: It is like, no, you better be perfect, you better

542
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,400
Speaker 1: be perfect, You've got to do this, You've got to

543
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 1: do this, and it's it's where I just end up

544
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 1: losing myself. And so maybe it is it's like a

545
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: new awakening to a deeper version of myself, even or

546
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 1: a version I haven't met yet.

547
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 3: And exactly like there's so much there waiting for you.

548
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 3: And I'll say, like what helps me And I think

549
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 3: part of the reason why I write is because having

550
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 3: little like mantras really helps me get my head right

551
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 3: when I'm spinning. And so for you, like one of

552
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 3: the things that I've learned that's really helped me because

553
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 3: I'm also a perfectionist, is I have kind of put

554
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 3: perfectionism on one side and I've put authenticity on the other.

555
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 3: So when I'm facing a choice, I'm in a moment,

556
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 3: I ask myself, do I want to be perfect or

557
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 3: do I want to be true? And when you have

558
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 3: something really simple and clear like that, you know, like,

559
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 3: I don't want to be perfect when I'm faced with

560
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 3: that choice, I would much rather be real. And that's why, like,

561
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 3: even in talking to you, like I'll tell you I

562
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 3: had marriage struggle. I'll tell you I have a thyroid

563
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 3: health issue. I'll tell you like that, I'm scared about

564
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 3: the future of my business because I really don't know,

565
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 3: like what it's going to look like. It's been such

566
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 3: a brutal, brutal year. But the old me wouldn't have

567
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 3: shared any of that with you. I would have loossed

568
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: over it. I would have been, like, you know, I'm

569
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 3: like married to the love of my life. We've been

570
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 3: together for over ten years with three kids, and it's

571
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 3: so amazing how supportive he is of my self. Love

572
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 3: and all of that is true, but it's not the

573
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 3: whole picture. It's a perfect version of the picture.

574
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: The best thing when of my therapist told me was

575
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: to use the word and instead but you know and like,

576
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,320
Speaker 1: because they can both be true. It's like, you're married

577
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 1: to the love of your life and it's a relationship

578
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: and there's two people with two personalities, and there's going.

579
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 3: To be issues hard.

580
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just reality, though, you know, and I don't

581
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 1: think we do each other any sort of service by

582
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: doing this half version of ourselves. And I think that's

583
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: been one of the things that I've learned about social

584
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: media is I really do want to try to be

585
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: this authentic version of myself, and that's really hard publicly,

586
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: and especially when you've been exposed or shamed publicly or

587
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 1: any sort of like negativity has come your way, I

588
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 1: think that it makes it even harder to be like, wait,

589
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: but no, here's the real me, because I think we

590
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:25,000
Speaker 1: all ultimately really do just want acceptance and validation and

591
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: connection with people, and those things can be really hard

592
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: when you're in your vulnerability completely because we're all human.

593
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think especially as women, shame is such

594
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 3: a big part of the equation. Like I grew up

595
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 3: in a very shame based culture. Yeah, And the great

596
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 3: irony is that like all the things I was ashamed

597
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 3: about back then, like being young and like curious about

598
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: sex and having sexual feelings and being told like I

599
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 3: have to say a virgin until I'm married and you

600
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 3: can't even use a campon because you're going to be damaged.

601
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 3: Like these were very strong messages growing up with and

602
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 3: I had so much vivaciousness and sexual energy and like

603
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 3: what I wouldn't give for a vile of what I

604
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 3: had in me in my twenties and now that I'm

605
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,720
Speaker 3: approaching forty, and it's because now I'm shameful about the opposite.

606
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 3: And now I'm like, like, why don't I want to

607
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 3: have sex anymore? Like why is this part of me broken?

608
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 3: Like I spent half my life being ashamed for having it.

609
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 3: Now I'm feeling ashamed for not having it. And I

610
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 3: feel that are often put in these really terrible positions

611
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 3: where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

612
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 3: Like my whole life, I thought like the end all

613
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,920
Speaker 3: be all of my identity was having a family, and

614
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 3: now I have this beautiful family. And there are some

615
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 3: days where I cry because I'm like, who signs up

616
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:48,719
Speaker 3: for this? To give up your life an identity for

617
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 3: twenty years and not belong to yourself? Like I literally

618
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 3: I could cry because it's something I'm really struggling with

619
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 3: because I live and breathe for these other people and

620
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 3: they're the best thing that ever had to me, And

621
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 3: to use your therapist's word, and I feel like this

622
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 3: complete loss of autonomy and identity and fun and youth

623
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,480
Speaker 3: because I'm constantly worried about them twenty four hours a day.

624
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 3: I don't know how to reconcile those things I feel

625
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 3: like and I'm not alone. Everyone has these dualities that

626
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 3: they're faced with where they are shamed one way and

627
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 3: shamed the other way. And if we all were as

628
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 3: brave as you're being today, because this is for your audience,

629
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 3: like they all know you, they all know the absolute knockout, gorgeous, flawless, funny,

630
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 3: caring person you are, right like, this is what you

631
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 3: present to the world. For you to be brave enough

632
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 3: to show them that you're also struggling, especially now when

633
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 3: you have so much that you've built, right, it's so

634
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 3: scary to be like, okay, like I'm not even though

635
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 3: you think I'm perfect, I'm not. There's a lot of

636
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 3: risk in that, but they're going to love you for

637
00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 3: it even more. I promise you you're going to save

638
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,359
Speaker 3: a life because there is a girl somewhere who's been

639
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 3: watching you and every day thinking like, am I ever

640
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 3: going to be that perfect? And today's she's going to

641
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 3: realize that you and her are both whole, and wholeness

642
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 3: requires embracing even the hard parts. And she's going to

643
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 3: feel better about herself today because she will stop pursuing

644
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 3: perfection that was never attainable for either of you, nor

645
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:35,879
Speaker 3: should it have been, because you're far more special than

646
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,680
Speaker 3: perfection could ever afford you.

647
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, And I actually like I'm starting to

648
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: get to this place. First of all, thank you for

649
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: saying all that stuff, But I'm starting to get to

650
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 1: this place where I'm like, I don't want to be

651
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: that person, and that puts that out there, you know,

652
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: like I have a lot of programming to maybe untangle

653
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: to get out of that role, but and to really

654
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: fully embrace authentically who I am, maybe which first takes

655
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 1: getting to know that version of myself. But I do

656
00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: think that there's something in me and I'm actually feeling

657
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: it on a bigger scale, maybe happening a little more

658
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:23,480
Speaker 1: in our society of just like we're all sick of that,

659
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: like we're all sick of this like picture perfect. And

660
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: especially I love hearing your version of like talking about

661
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 1: a family, because as a woman, you are immediately programmed

662
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 1: from a little girl. I was reading this meme today

663
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 1: that was like all these Disney princesses, and it was

664
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 1: this picture of a cartoon therapist being like, wait, so

665
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: you gave up your entire life, like to you completely

666
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: neglected who you were to fit into his life like

667
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 1: he was talking to maybe like Cinderella or something. And

668
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 1: it's just like all these versions of things that we

669
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 1: are programmed from like birth, basically to believe that unless

670
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: we do those things, than we are not successful. And

671
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: I mentioned the imfertility stuff earlier. The biggest thing I

672
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,880
Speaker 1: faced with that was like, I feel like a failure

673
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: as a woman, and it's not anything I can control.

674
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 1: I mean, it is like the universe's plan in that

675
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,799
Speaker 1: and maybe I have a baby one day or maybe not,

676
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: but I know that like I did everything I could do,

677
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: and I'm still you know, doing the things that I

678
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:30,319
Speaker 1: can do, but like at some point that's okay if

679
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,960
Speaker 1: that's not my journey or my path. And it's been

680
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: a huge process of letting go and letting go of

681
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 1: that feeling of being a failure or just like to

682
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 1: even say that out loud. You know a lot of

683
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 1: people would never say, like, I love being a mom,

684
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: And there are days where I'm like, ah, I don't

685
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: I feel trapped. And that's why why are we not

686
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:53,359
Speaker 1: talking like that with each other?

687
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 3: Because we're all terrified. We're all living in perpetual fear

688
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 3: of what life on the other side of asking questions,

689
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:07,080
Speaker 3: and I really think that right now is a time

690
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 3: And I keep coming back to this like joyful curiosity,

691
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 3: like maybe it's good for me to have these feelings

692
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: and honor them because it will allow me to create

693
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 3: more space to do what I need to do to

694
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 3: feel really good, you know, Like I want to plan

695
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 3: a writing retreat and go and get some words on

696
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 3: paper and that makes me feel really like connected with

697
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 3: myself and then I can come back and be like

698
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 3: a happier, less burnt out version, like they will be

699
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 3: fine if I leave for a week I mean even,

700
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 3: I mean, like, let's drill it down. This weekend, I

701
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 3: had plans to take my kids to this like farm

702
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 3: thing with my husband. I got tickets for all of us,

703
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 3: and then my best friend had a baby and she's

704
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,680
Speaker 3: having a celebration on Sunday. At the same time, I've

705
00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,200
Speaker 3: been running circles in my brain like how am I

706
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 3: going to do both? Like I can't miss the farm thing,

707
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 3: And my husband was like, I can take them by myself.

708
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 3: I'm like, no, what if one of them needs something

709
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 3: and you're stuck with the other two, Like you can't

710
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 3: do it? And then finally I was like, why am

711
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,840
Speaker 3: I doing this? I can miss the farm thing, he

712
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 3: can be with the kids. I cannot break myself in

713
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 3: a million pieces to make everyone else comfortable, Like I

714
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 3: don't need to plan it for him. He's the grown man.

715
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 3: My kids will be fine. They see me every day.

716
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:29,360
Speaker 3: But I carry around guilt every day that I'm not

717
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 3: doing enough for the people in my life. But for

718
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,279
Speaker 3: some reason, I never carry that guilt around not doing

719
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,439
Speaker 3: enough for myself. And that's the shift, Like I don't

720
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 3: want to want to feel guilty. I don't want to

721
00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 3: ever feel guilty, but I do think it's time for me,

722
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,799
Speaker 3: for you, for anyone who's listening who feels burnt out,

723
00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 3: to embrace the fact that you do actually deserve your

724
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 3: own love and attention, and that there's nothing wrong to

725
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 3: carve out it with carving out time to pause, to

726
00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 3: be filled, to reflect, to redirect, to you discover, and

727
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 3: to really ask yourself like this this very simple question,

728
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 3: like who the fuck am I? What is this life

729
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 3: I'm living? We only get one, Like how often do

730
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 3: we stop and recalibrate and ask yourself like is my

731
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 3: life in service to me? Or am I in service

732
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 3: to my life.

733
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:24,399
Speaker 1: Oh God, that's so good. I'm gonna write that one down.

734
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 3: It seems like that's what you're doing, you know, and

735
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:29,839
Speaker 3: only good comes from that.

736
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 1: I love that you brought up the shift of the

737
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 1: mindset going into more curiosity, because you know, that was

738
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 1: one of the things my best friend said to me.

739
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 1: She was just like, I think, if you pause for

740
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,760
Speaker 1: just a second, and first of all, even ask yourself

741
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,880
Speaker 1: these questions like what in my life do I enjoy

742
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,359
Speaker 1: doing when I don't even know when the last time

743
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: I asked myself that was, you know, like I just

744
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 1: do at this point. And it's become such a survival mechanism,

745
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:02,399
Speaker 1: especially with the endemic happening. I think, you know, I've

746
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 1: always worked for myself, so that was a survival thing.

747
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: I've also never been married or had, you know, any

748
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: anyone else to rely on financially, and so I've just,

749
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 1: you know, I've gotten into this mentality of well, I'm

750
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: gonna just if I want this kind of life, like,

751
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to make it happen myself. And so

752
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,640
Speaker 1: I've been in that program for so long that I

753
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,840
Speaker 1: think I was like a yes person to yes. This

754
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 1: looks like a good opportunity for X, Y and Z.

755
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 1: But it's like, do I actually want to do that

756
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 1: or is that in line with who I am? I

757
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: have not asked myself those questions. I can't even remember

758
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 1: the last time. And I mean, I'm ashamed to say that,

759
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,320
Speaker 1: but that's just the truth, because it's it has become

760
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: such a survival thing of if I'm gonna make this work,

761
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,720
Speaker 1: you know, just the pressure that I put on myself

762
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:49,959
Speaker 1: for that, or like if I'm gonna buy the house

763
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:51,239
Speaker 1: that I want to buy, or if I'm gonna be

764
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:52,719
Speaker 1: able to go on these trips that I don't you know,

765
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 1: all the stuff just stuff, And that was one thing

766
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: in the pandemic. I was like, all of this can

767
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 1: get stripped way down. And I realized how little I

768
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 1: actually need to live with. And I still was able

769
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 1: to pay my bills, and you know, it's like I

770
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: still have plenty of clothes, like I'm good, you don't

771
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,560
Speaker 1: need that extra pair of shoes their sister like there's

772
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 1: just a lot. Yeah, And it's and it also.

773
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 3: Did it for me that the extra pay I like

774
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,600
Speaker 3: literally threw up one day because I saw I had

775
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 3: two three pairs of boots next to each other in

776
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,360
Speaker 3: the entryway. They were all black, and there were boots

777
00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:29,280
Speaker 3: I had bought like over the course of ten years,

778
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 3: so it wasn't like an extravagant thing. But I almost

779
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:36,280
Speaker 3: got sick. I'm like, why do I need three pairs

780
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 3: of black flat boots? It makes no sense? Like when

781
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 3: does this happen? I'm like, I feel stifled by all

782
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:47,320
Speaker 3: the stuff around me, and I didn't feel that way before,

783
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,760
Speaker 3: because stuff my eco feel good.

784
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:53,680
Speaker 1: Right, you know, the more the better, or like newer

785
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 1: the better, or let me get that new version of that,

786
00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 1: or like a new black boot, anything like that. I mean,

787
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:03,720
Speaker 1: I even I remember we first started like cooking at home,

788
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 1: and I did not realize how much I enjoyed food

789
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 1: from home, like I actually know what's going in my food,

790
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: or I feel better, like I feel healthier. Postmates is

791
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 1: really fucking expensive after a while, although you just don't

792
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: realize it. And it's like, I don't want to put

793
00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 1: those companies out of business either, But at the same time,

794
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:26,439
Speaker 1: I think when you break it down a little bit, yes,

795
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: it is lovely to get to go to dinner with

796
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 1: friends every now and again. Do I need to be

797
00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: doing it every night. No, And do I need to

798
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 1: be eating, you know, at these extravagant places every night. No,

799
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: It's like you can just strip it all down so

800
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:43,319
Speaker 1: much more. And for that I've been very grateful, But

801
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,959
Speaker 1: I think it's just now that it's shifting back, it's like, wait,

802
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 1: I can't, Like I can't actually go back. I've learned

803
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 1: too much. It's like once you know, you can't unknow something,

804
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 1: and like there's too much that I know now yet

805
00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: I haven't quite figured out the new path. And so

806
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 1: it's some my nervous breakdown because it's just not in

807
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: line anymore.

808
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 3: It's so hard, it's so hard to it becomes almost

809
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 3: like a side hustle, right, Like everyone says like have

810
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 3: a day job, but then also have a side hustle.

811
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:15,800
Speaker 3: And I'm like, hey, people have more hours in the

812
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 3: day than I do. Because that's not really a recipe

813
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 3: for success. It's a recipe for running yourself into the ground.

814
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 3: And why aren't we instead saying to people like if

815
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 3: you are financially able. And I know that this comes

816
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 3: from like a very privileged place, because not everyone can

817
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 3: take a break, and not everyone has the means to

818
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 3: get off the hamster. Wheel. But assuming that you do,

819
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 3: assuming that you've worked hard enough and you have a

820
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 3: little nest egg, Like why instead of saying get a

821
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 3: side hustle, do we not say, like you've earned time

822
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,879
Speaker 3: to not be doing two things at once, Like why

823
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 3: not just try taking care of yourself for a little

824
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 3: while and see what's born of that space instead of

825
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:58,040
Speaker 3: urging everyone to like find their purpose and have their

826
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 3: income and you know, present perfectly to the outer world,

827
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 3: like it's everything is always multitasking. And for me, at least,

828
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 3: my brain used to operate really well as a multitasker.

829
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 3: It would be I would have said, like on my

830
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 3: life resume, like top five skills, one would be googling

831
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 3: what would be multitasking. I can't do it anymore.

832
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:22,840
Speaker 1: It's reallywhelming.

833
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:27,239
Speaker 3: The gears are not grinding the way they used to.

834
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:29,560
Speaker 3: I need to do one thing at a time in

835
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:34,360
Speaker 3: order to feel safe and sane and peaceful, and that

836
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 3: sometimes that comes out as at an expense, because that

837
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 3: train of yes is that you were describing earlier, where

838
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 3: something came in you said yes to it, Like I

839
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 3: operated from that place for a really long time, and

840
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 3: now I'm claiming a lot more of my power by

841
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 3: being like no, like I'm saying no to this so

842
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 3: that I could create space for myself. And I think

843
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 3: that's really hard for people. It's hard for people to

844
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 3: set boundaries because they're always looking at it through the

845
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 3: lens of like what am I saying no to? For me?

846
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 3: One of the big shifts has been like, boundaries aren't

847
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 3: about what you say no to, They're about what you

848
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:14,240
Speaker 3: make space for. And I think we all deserve, especially

849
00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 3: after the past few years, to really make some space

850
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 3: for ourselves and as you said, like recalibrate and achieve

851
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 3: a new alignment within ourselves with our world, because it's

852
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 3: not the same world anymore more, and we are not

853
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:32,399
Speaker 3: the same people, So don't we a minute, I think.

854
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 1: So it's also like we've all had so much trauma

855
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:44,040
Speaker 1: in some capacity in the last couple of years, and

856
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:47,799
Speaker 1: so anything that I know from doing trauma work in

857
00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 1: my past is like, that's exhausting, and the grief that

858
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: comes from that alone is such a wait, you know,

859
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 1: And so like we again, we're doing ourselves this is

860
00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 1: a service by being like, well, let's just get back

861
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,800
Speaker 1: to normal. Let's just like go back, And it's like whoa,

862
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: but like, let's what about the processing, like what happened

863
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 1: to you and like how did that affect how you

864
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: operate now or like how you see the world or

865
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 1: how you see people. And I mean, I've lost friendships

866
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,840
Speaker 1: over all the political stuff, I've lost relationships at work.

867
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 1: I've lost like all these things that they really hurt.

868
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 1: And there's a lot that goes into that. And I

869
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 1: am a type of person where I want to kind

870
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 1: of look into the whys. And I know not everybody

871
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 1: operates that way, but that's exhausting. And so I've been

872
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:37,360
Speaker 1: trying to do that and heal myself and get back

873
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 1: to work in the multitasking way that you're talking about.

874
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 1: And I should be clear too, like I still have

875
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:44,600
Speaker 1: to work, and I'm still going to go do my

876
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 1: day job, which is you know, hair and makeup and

877
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,919
Speaker 1: styling because I have to pay my bills. But it's

878
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: the side hustles and all that stuff that I'm like,

879
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:55,720
Speaker 1: do I have to do this right now?

880
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:56,399
Speaker 3: Yes?

881
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 1: They bring an income. Yes, it scares the fuck out.

882
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,879
Speaker 1: I mean to put it down, and like what if

883
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 1: I come back and everyone's like, wait, who, why do

884
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: we care what you say anymore? You know, that's really

885
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:08,239
Speaker 1: scary to me because I've worked really hard to build this.

886
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,879
Speaker 1: But I also have to say to myself, if you're

887
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 1: performing at this like less than half capacity that you

888
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: have been and continue to do that, what kind of

889
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: product are you even? Like, what are you even giving people?

890
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:22,839
Speaker 1: Because I'm not.

891
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 3: That's what I was going to say, Like, Yeah, there's

892
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 3: a lot of integrity in what you're doing right now.

893
00:47:28,280 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 3: This decision you're making comes from a place of integrity.

894
00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:35,719
Speaker 3: And people these days, especially consumers, whether it's consumers of

895
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:41,040
Speaker 3: products or services or content, they can sniff out when

896
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 3: someone's not being authentic and they are off it and

897
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 3: in the same vein like when they see that someone's

898
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 3: acting from a place of integrity, they celebrate it, they

899
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 3: support it, They hold you up, and they wait for you.

900
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 3: That's like, that's what I experience with my business is

901
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 3: like I just didn't sell anything for six months, and

902
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 3: I would get emails from people saying, like I would

903
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:09,120
Speaker 3: tell them, I'm not selling the self left pinky ring.

904
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:11,720
Speaker 3: Why don't you go buy a ring from someone else

905
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 3: and make this commitment to yourself. It's about the commitment,

906
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,000
Speaker 3: it's not about the ring. And they would literally say

907
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 3: to me, no, it's okay. I'll wait. I'll wait just

908
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 3: in case you open up again. I want one of yours.

909
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 3: And I attribute that to the fact that I acted

910
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:32,240
Speaker 3: with integrity, Like it takes integrity to pause, it takes

911
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:36,240
Speaker 3: integrity to tell somebody like, go get it from somewhere else,

912
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:39,839
Speaker 3: and people feel that. And I think for you, as

913
00:48:39,880 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 3: long as you're honest about what's going on to the

914
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,239
Speaker 3: degree that you want to be, like, you don't owe

915
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 3: anybody anything. You don't owe anybody this explanation. But you know,

916
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 3: the future holds unlimited and infinite possibility for us, and

917
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 3: the only thing that stands in the way of that

918
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:01,760
Speaker 3: is our fear. Like when we are fearful and limited

919
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 3: in our thinking, doors closed that we otherwise may have

920
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 3: had open for us, but we can't even see them

921
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 3: because we're so fearful. And I think that's you know,

922
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:16,600
Speaker 3: it's all energetic, Like if the energy you put out

923
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 3: is no one's going to wait for me on the

924
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 3: other end of this, then no one will wait for you.

925
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 3: But if the energy is like the right, people will

926
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:28,160
Speaker 3: reconnect with me when I'm ready. They will reconnect with

927
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,319
Speaker 3: you when you're ready. And what you will create will

928
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,440
Speaker 3: be even more profound because it will come from a

929
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 3: place of wellness and truth instead of burnout and obligation.

930
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: God. The fear place is definitely the place I think

931
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: I've been operating from for I don't even know how

932
00:49:45,280 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: long anymore. So I think that that is completely accurate.

933
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: And when I really think about it, I'm like that

934
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:56,160
Speaker 1: goes for relationships, like jobs I've taken, things I've undertaken,

935
00:49:56,280 --> 00:50:00,400
Speaker 1: just in general, And it's like, you're right, think the

936
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 1: universe always does for me maybe what I can't do

937
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,800
Speaker 1: for myself until I finally get the picture of like, oh,

938
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 1: that wasn't meant for me, and it feels so harsh

939
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 1: at the time. But I think that when I'm making

940
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,720
Speaker 1: decisions out of fear, I will always bump up against

941
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: this isn't in line, Like it's just not in line,

942
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: and so that door is going to close because the

943
00:50:20,680 --> 00:50:25,240
Speaker 1: foundation is faulty, like it's not actually rooted in something

944
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: that is meant for me and in line, and just

945
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 1: like the flow is not there and I can't even

946
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 1: remember the last time I felt the flow because I've

947
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 1: been operating from fear for so long.

948
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 3: Because of the flow it's like I said earlier, like

949
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 3: that flow, that creativity, it's born of your intuition. And

950
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:45,719
Speaker 3: right now your intuition has no breathing room. You know,

951
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 3: all the oxygen in the room is being sucked up

952
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 3: by fear or ego or burnout, you know. And the

953
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 3: good thing is, like you never lose your intuition, the

954
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:59,919
Speaker 3: same way you never lose your true self. It's always there.

955
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 3: It's just hidden right now under a lot of dust.

956
00:51:03,239 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 3: And what you need is, you know, some joyful spring cleaning.

957
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 3: And I think that I don't know, I'm happy for you.

958
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:17,040
Speaker 3: I know it's really scary like that you've put your

959
00:51:17,040 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 3: heart and soul into and you've done really well with

960
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 3: because even your like operating at fifty percent is so incredible,

961
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 3: Like I don't think anybody would have known that you

962
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 3: were not operating at one hundred percent. But you'll never

963
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:35,799
Speaker 3: know like how good you can feel, like how much

964
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 3: better you can feel than the way you feel now

965
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 3: if you don't create space for that.

966
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:43,200
Speaker 1: Well, we keep using the term mental health break, which

967
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 1: actually you gave me and you didn't even know you

968
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 1: gave me, but you said that in a message, and

969
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that yes, that is what I need.

970
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: And I was actually listening to a podcast today. I

971
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 1: was on Oprah podcast. I'm always like such a fan

972
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,640
Speaker 1: of hers. But they were talking about just kind of

973
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 1: what you mentioned earlier. Maybe this was the point that

974
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:03,320
Speaker 1: I forgot to mention, but you had said something about

975
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 1: when it's a physical ailment, like we go to the doctor,

976
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,240
Speaker 1: we pause, if you're not feeling well, you get in bed,

977
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:14,879
Speaker 1: and you nurse yourself back to health, and why they

978
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 1: were saying, like, we never consider that with our mental health,

979
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,359
Speaker 1: and like the reality is is when your mental health

980
00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:23,680
Speaker 1: starts to go, we don't even realize how many physical

981
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: ailments are tied into that. And so I mean, if

982
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: a break is what you need, that's what you need.

983
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: If you need therapy, that's what you need. It's like

984
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:34,439
Speaker 1: figuring out what it is that you need to get

985
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,359
Speaker 1: in touch with what you're feeling so that we can

986
00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 1: perform at our higher capacities. But I wanted to ask you, like,

987
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 1: what does a mental health break look like? Like what

988
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: you know, because that's such a vague term, but like

989
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:47,799
Speaker 1: what does it look like for you?

990
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 3: I'll tell you I'm someone who it's really easy for

991
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,080
Speaker 3: me to get in this cycle where all I do

992
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:58,399
Speaker 3: is check emails, work. Yeah, and in this like very

993
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 3: matrix like exit where I'm not moving my body, I'm

994
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 3: not disconnected from electronics. I'm like just go, go, go

995
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:09,799
Speaker 3: all the time. And so for me, a mental health

996
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 3: break meant getting off the computer, getting off my phone,

997
00:53:13,880 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 3: not having emails to check, not having work. That was

998
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:20,800
Speaker 3: due to other people where I felt like this pressure

999
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 3: like someone's waiting for something, and then being a therapist

1000
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:31,360
Speaker 3: eating completely differently, and I can, we can do a

1001
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 3: whole episode about the food piece of mental health because

1002
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 3: I have recently been diagnosed with hashimotos, which is an

1003
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:43,200
Speaker 3: auto disorder. And I thought that all these years that

1004
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 3: I had slight depression or brain fog or body pain,

1005
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 3: like I just thought like that's just my status quo.

1006
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 3: And I'm realizing now that I've been making myself sick

1007
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 3: because of all the food I've been eating. So like

1008
00:53:56,719 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 3: all those comfort foods that I thought were making me

1009
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 3: feel better, like cheeseburger or spaghetti bollonaise, were actually like

1010
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 3: slowly like robbing me of my zest for life, my energy,

1011
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 3: my joy, my sex drive, my mental acuity. And I

1012
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 3: think so many of us have probably eaten really poorly recently,

1013
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:17,879
Speaker 3: And I wonder if that's another reason why we all

1014
00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 3: feel like shit, is we're all inflamed and we're all sluggish,

1015
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 3: and it's not just about waking Like I'm happy to

1016
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 3: gain weight if I'm happy, but I just feel like

1017
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 3: heavy in my soul. And ever since I've changed my

1018
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 3: diet because of this diagnosis, I feel like the electricity

1019
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:41,760
Speaker 3: is starting to come back, and my brain and my body,

1020
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 3: like even my desire, like it's all waking up. So

1021
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:49,399
Speaker 3: for me, I did this back in twenty nineteen when

1022
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 3: I went on that mental health break, like I ate better.

1023
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 3: During that time, I walked more, I started working out

1024
00:54:56,920 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 3: with a trainer, Like I never invested in my wellness

1025
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,920
Speaker 3: the way I invested, for example, in my house, Like

1026
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:07,840
Speaker 3: if my sink breaks in the kitchen, you better believe

1027
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 3: the plumbers here within two hours. If I feel like

1028
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 3: I've lost my mobility after giving birth, Like how long

1029
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:16,439
Speaker 3: do you think it took me to actually go see

1030
00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 3: a doctor to talk about the fact that I have

1031
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 3: lost the mobility, Like it didn't even dawn on me

1032
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:25,600
Speaker 3: until I took that break to like do it just

1033
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,719
Speaker 3: like a head to toe assessment, I'd be like, how

1034
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,360
Speaker 3: am I doing? Am I happy? Do I even know

1035
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,960
Speaker 3: what makes me happy? I literally had to start writing

1036
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,359
Speaker 3: a list in my phone called my joy List, so

1037
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 3: that when I felt even sparks of happiness, I would

1038
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 3: write down what caused it, because I could not answer

1039
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 3: the question at that time, what makes you happy? What

1040
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:50,320
Speaker 3: makes you joyful? I'd be like, crickets, I have no idea.

1041
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 3: So I started this list, and it's something you could

1042
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,760
Speaker 3: do too, my joy list, and it would be things

1043
00:55:55,840 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 3: like my rip jeans like that made me joyful, or

1044
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 3: having someone give me a cup of coffee in the

1045
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 3: morning like that made me joyful. You know, really mundane things.

1046
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,319
Speaker 3: But there were glimmers throughout my day where I did

1047
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 3: feel moments of joy, and until I documented them, I

1048
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 3: didn't even know that they were happening. So, for me,

1049
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 3: my mental health break was being here now in my body,

1050
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 3: in the present moment and feeling what needed to be felt,

1051
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 3: and healing what needed to be healed, whether it was

1052
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:34,439
Speaker 3: emotional or physical or spiritual. And I started writing and

1053
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:37,840
Speaker 3: honoring that, like honoring what I was feeling in the

1054
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:40,600
Speaker 3: moment and getting it on paper is what has truly

1055
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:43,879
Speaker 3: changed my life in a way that I never could

1056
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,800
Speaker 3: have anticipated if I had stayed on the hamster wheel forever.

1057
00:56:49,160 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 3: And I think my hope is that by sharing all

1058
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:54,799
Speaker 3: of this and like being candid about what I've been

1059
00:56:54,840 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 3: through and what I've discovered, I can help other people

1060
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:02,120
Speaker 3: take the pause, like take that powerful pause, make that shift,

1061
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:05,880
Speaker 3: and reclaim themselves and feel at home in their bodies

1062
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,360
Speaker 3: instead of feeling like in prison.

1063
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you're already helping me. I mean, he gave it.

1064
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 1: It was just I'm telling you, these are the moments

1065
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:20,440
Speaker 1: where you're like, thank you, Universe, and I remember that

1066
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:22,960
Speaker 1: someone else is working for me and I don't need

1067
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:26,600
Speaker 1: to work so hard, like it's it's literally I was

1068
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: having that moment. My friends had convinced me finally that

1069
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 1: I needed to take a break and a pause and

1070
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 1: it was gonna be okay. But I was like, oh,

1071
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 1: maybe I'll just do like a week or two or

1072
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't know. I just didn't And

1073
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 1: then you messaged me out of the blue, like I

1074
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 1: haven't talked to you in a while, and it just

1075
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 1: was the exact right message for me to get to

1076
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 1: let myself off the hook and be like, wait, Melody

1077
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 1: has this business and it's amazing, and she comes back

1078
00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:58,080
Speaker 1: and like you left, you leave it for a minute,

1079
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 1: and you come back and it's there, I know, and

1080
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:04,960
Speaker 1: still thriving. And then you've got another book that you

1081
00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 1: wrote and it doesn't like I even just in the

1082
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:10,919
Speaker 1: hearing of what you did during your time, I'm intuitively

1083
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 1: or instinctually doing those things. Like someone asked me this morning,

1084
00:58:14,080 --> 00:58:17,480
Speaker 1: what does your day look like? And I actually, for

1085
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 1: the first time, felt really great to be like, well,

1086
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:22,400
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to this yoga class. And then I

1087
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: was like and then I'm talking to a friend later,

1088
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 1: like I had this call scheduled and that was pretty

1089
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 1: much about it. A couple invoices I still need to

1090
00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:32,160
Speaker 1: send out, you know, but like I'm gonna do those

1091
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 1: throughout the week, and I don't feel this like my

1092
00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:37,840
Speaker 1: day isn't so stacked back to back to back. And

1093
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 1: I used to feel shame about that, Like if someone

1094
00:58:41,200 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 1: would ask me and I didn't have a lot going on,

1095
00:58:43,640 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 1: I felt embarrassed. And it's like we just glamorize that

1096
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: or just praise that, like it's so great that you're

1097
00:58:50,880 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 1: so back to back to back, that you don't have

1098
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:54,680
Speaker 1: a chance to eat, or you're eating in your car

1099
00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 1: between meetings, and I'm like, why why are we saying

1100
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,200
Speaker 1: that that is the way to live, Because it's the

1101
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 1: way to get a lot of stuff done until you

1102
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 1: get to where I got or where you sound like

1103
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,880
Speaker 1: you got, and you can't do anything anymore.

1104
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 3: Oh you, because you if you don't take up space

1105
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 3: in your life, your life will kick you out. And

1106
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:18,800
Speaker 3: that's what happened to me. I felt like, okay, like

1107
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 3: I've constructed this beautiful world and then I woke up

1108
00:59:22,520 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 3: one morning and I didn't see myself in it. And

1109
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 3: I keep having this happen like every few years, and

1110
00:59:27,880 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 3: I have to do the work and I have to

1111
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 3: do the check in. So, like you said earlier, it's

1112
00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:35,080
Speaker 3: a journey. And it doesn't mean like self love is

1113
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:39,960
Speaker 3: not a destination. It's not something you suddenly recognize you

1114
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,440
Speaker 3: feel and then you're healed forever. But for me, like

1115
00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 3: the words self love have become like a compass, And

1116
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 3: as long as I remember those that phrase, like am

1117
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,600
Speaker 3: I practicing self love? That's how I know, Like, okay,

1118
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 3: like am I taking up space for myself? Am I joyful?

1119
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:59,840
Speaker 3: Am I enjoying this very limited time we have on

1120
00:59:59,880 --> 01:00:02,920
Speaker 3: that planet, or am I just going through the motions

1121
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,160
Speaker 3: and then waking up two years later, because that's what

1122
01:00:05,200 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 3: I don't want. I'm also someone who like, when I

1123
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:12,560
Speaker 3: am experiencing trauma, I forget, like that's how I heal

1124
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:17,320
Speaker 3: as I just like shut off those memories. And there

1125
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 3: are so many years that I just are hazy for me,

1126
01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 3: and I don't want to go through that anymore, Like

1127
01:00:23,280 --> 01:00:26,560
Speaker 3: I want a course correct sooner. To use that phrase again.

1128
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 3: And it sounds like for you, like this might be

1129
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 3: the first time you're doing this. Now that you've done it,

1130
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 3: maybe next time you'll be like feeling a little off.

1131
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 3: I'm going to like plan a week off and maybe

1132
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 3: at that time even just having a finite week off

1133
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:47,080
Speaker 3: will be enough. But for now, like I would urge

1134
01:00:47,080 --> 01:00:50,080
Speaker 3: you not to put an end mark on it, Like

1135
01:00:50,200 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 3: don't say this is for a week, or for a

1136
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 3: month or for two months. Allow yourself the opportunity to

1137
01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 3: go into the unknown with joy and see what happens.

1138
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for giving me that permission. Sometimes I

1139
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:07,800
Speaker 1: need it for my friends. Yeah, I need y'all to

1140
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 1: say it first so that I can go wait, oh,

1141
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 1: that's an option, you know, like I just won't give

1142
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 1: myself those options. But okay, tell us about because you

1143
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 1: mentioned you wrote a new book, and he's got really excited.

1144
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 1: Can you tell us.

1145
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm going to give a very abbreviated version, and

1146
01:01:23,320 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 3: we're going to I have to pick this up because

1147
01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,480
Speaker 3: my son's school gets out in one minute.

1148
01:01:27,520 --> 01:01:27,920
Speaker 1: Figured.

1149
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,880
Speaker 3: But the story is that during that time in twenty nineteen,

1150
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 3: when I took that time off, I was really drawn

1151
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:37,880
Speaker 3: to write poetry. When I was a kid, I always

1152
01:01:37,880 --> 01:01:40,320
Speaker 3: wrote poetry, and I, you know, after I went to

1153
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,160
Speaker 3: law school and I started working like that part of

1154
01:01:43,200 --> 01:01:45,600
Speaker 3: me kind of died and it was during the break

1155
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:48,760
Speaker 3: that it was reborn. So I started writing poetry. And

1156
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:52,520
Speaker 3: then when the pandemic started at that same time, I thought,

1157
01:01:52,520 --> 01:01:54,240
Speaker 3: you know what, I'm going to turn this poetry I've

1158
01:01:54,280 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 3: been writing over the past few years into a book.

1159
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 3: And that book has called Self Lift Poetry for Thinkers

1160
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:03,200
Speaker 3: and Feelers. It's one hundred pairs of poems, each on

1161
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,800
Speaker 3: a central theme related to self love. And what's cool

1162
01:02:05,840 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 3: about the book is that the left side of every

1163
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:11,240
Speaker 3: page is for left brain thinkers, and the right side

1164
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:14,840
Speaker 3: of every page it's for right brain feelers, and so

1165
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:20,320
Speaker 3: you get this dual experience. And I self published this

1166
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 3: book a year ago in October, and it did so

1167
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 3: well that a publisher reached out to me and acquired

1168
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:29,640
Speaker 3: it along with two other books. And we just republished

1169
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:33,800
Speaker 3: Self Love Poetry this past week. And it's a dream

1170
01:02:33,840 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 3: come true, Like I'm going to be able to go

1171
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:38,280
Speaker 3: into a bookstore and get my book off a shelf.

1172
01:02:38,360 --> 01:02:42,960
Speaker 3: So I'm pinching myself. But the true gift in it

1173
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 3: is that this is the truest version of me, like

1174
01:02:46,720 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 3: what you see on these pages, and even the dedication

1175
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 3: in the book. I'll read the dedication because it kind

1176
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:55,120
Speaker 3: of tells you everything you need to know. It says,

1177
01:02:56,160 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 3: dedicated to my childhood self, a thoughtful, heart forward girl

1178
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 3: who wrote poetry to make sense of her outer and

1179
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:05,240
Speaker 3: inner worlds. Melody, we did it, We did it.

1180
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:07,240
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't gonna cry.

1181
01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:12,200
Speaker 3: I'm like carry because and you know, when I wrote

1182
01:03:12,240 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 3: this book, like I really there was no ego in

1183
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,560
Speaker 3: any of it, Like I didn't really care anymore, Like

1184
01:03:17,640 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 3: I didn't wait for a publisher, I didn't care who

1185
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:23,480
Speaker 3: was going to buy it. I was so proud of

1186
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 3: the parts of me that are reflected in this book

1187
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 3: that I just knew I had to get it out there,

1188
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 3: and the universe was kind of like high five, like

1189
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:34,280
Speaker 3: you did this for the right reasons, and we're going

1190
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 3: to reward you. And now like the publisher is going

1191
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:39,200
Speaker 3: to come to you. Because ten years ago, when I

1192
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 3: wrote my first book, it was a spy thriller. I

1193
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,800
Speaker 3: sent it out to seventy five agents and publishers and

1194
01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 3: no one cared. And because no one external validated me,

1195
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:50,400
Speaker 3: I thought that that chapter of my life was over.

1196
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:52,760
Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, well, I guess I'm not a writer.

1197
01:03:54,120 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 3: And this my self love journey has been about realizing

1198
01:03:57,600 --> 01:04:00,160
Speaker 3: like I don't need anyone's validation to write, like I

1199
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:05,959
Speaker 3: do this for me. And this book, you see it, right,

1200
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 3: it's just like a heart forward, like it's my heart

1201
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:12,840
Speaker 3: and two hundred pages and my only hope is that

1202
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:15,600
Speaker 3: when people read it, it brings them home to themselves.

1203
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 3: And I am really excited because the ABC's of Self Love,

1204
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:22,520
Speaker 3: which I had also previously self published, a new edition

1205
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:26,720
Speaker 3: is coming out in January. It's illustrated, it's a full journal.

1206
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 3: It's so beautiful and it's like the fullest realization of

1207
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:32,920
Speaker 3: what I try to do when I first wrote it

1208
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:36,880
Speaker 3: in twenty eighteen. And then The Shift, which I'm currently writing,

1209
01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 3: is a poetry book that's all about the old way

1210
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 3: of thinking versus the new way of thinking about all

1211
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:47,360
Speaker 3: different things. And the Pause, you know, is something that

1212
01:04:47,560 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 3: I am definitely going to be talking about in there.

1213
01:04:49,640 --> 01:04:52,080
Speaker 3: That's going to come out in September. So three books

1214
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:56,360
Speaker 3: in one year next September. Yeah, that one, okay, The

1215
01:04:56,440 --> 01:05:00,280
Speaker 3: Self Love Poetry is out now, These comes out in January,

1216
01:05:00,320 --> 01:05:02,040
Speaker 3: and then that one will come out next year. But

1217
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 3: the totality of all of that, and the reason that

1218
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:10,040
Speaker 3: I share it is that it was all born during

1219
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 3: a time of incredible stillness and authenticity. It was only

1220
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:17,520
Speaker 3: when I was willing to give up everything that I

1221
01:05:17,640 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 3: thought I needed that I discovered what I actually have

1222
01:05:21,280 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 3: within myself. And I think that's my parting message to

1223
01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:27,760
Speaker 3: you is you have a lot right now that you've

1224
01:05:27,760 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 3: built that you think you need, but you don't have yourself,

1225
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:35,240
Speaker 3: And that is the true gift is can you give

1226
01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:38,720
Speaker 3: yourself to you and see what you can create from

1227
01:05:38,720 --> 01:05:41,600
Speaker 3: that space of self love and wholeness.

1228
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 1: That's what I need.

1229
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:44,760
Speaker 3: Thank you.

1230
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:48,400
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson,

1231
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:51,120
Speaker 2: where we believe everyone has a little velvet and a

1232
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:55,280
Speaker 2: little edge. Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty

1233
01:05:55,360 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 2: and relationships. Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.