Speaker 1: I am the Yamla. I've been very open about the
Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my
Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from
Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a
Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I
Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along
Speaker 1: the way because I did take copious notes. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with our Heart Radio. How do we attract and connect
Speaker 1: to other people? It's called bonding patterns and bonding patterns
Speaker 1: or something I don't think we talk enough about when
Speaker 1: it comes to our relationships. Now, these relationships can be friendships,
Speaker 1: love shifts, or even family ships. You know, I make
Speaker 1: all relationship a ship, and each one of them teach
Speaker 1: us something that we create and attract over and over
Speaker 1: and over in all relationships. That's what a bonding pattern is.
Speaker 1: Something we've learned that we subconsciously hold that becomes the
Speaker 1: attraction mechanism or what we search for in our relationships.
Speaker 1: And let me tell you, most of the time, the
Speaker 1: bonding patterns we develop naturally are not healthy. It takes
Speaker 1: work to identify how your bonding pattern is working, and
Speaker 1: whether or not it's working for you, then you must
Speaker 1: do the work to heal it, change it, correct it.
Speaker 1: So in today's episode, both of my callers are facing
Speaker 1: their bonding adams head on, and we are going to
Speaker 1: support them in identifying and correcting those patterns. So let's
Speaker 1: get started. Good afternoon, my beloved. How are you? I'm
Speaker 1: doing well, How are you? How are you? I am
Speaker 1: blessed and I welcome you to the art spot. So
Speaker 1: what is your challenge, issue, dilemma, upset, breakdown so that
Speaker 1: we can have a breakthrough today. Okay, So essentially young
Speaker 1: like my pain point in life has been like my
Speaker 1: friendships with women, and essentially like you know, I've had
Speaker 1: a friend that just has decided to no longer be
Speaker 1: a friend and it's been years now. We stopped being friends,
Speaker 1: we came back together, and then just haven't really been
Speaker 1: able to reconnect. And now I see like her daughter's
Speaker 1: growing up and how I was like, you know, just
Speaker 1: so close with them and now not really having that relationship.
Speaker 1: You know, it just brings the sadness up. And so
Speaker 1: I guess for me, it's like do you just let
Speaker 1: things go or do you just allow things to just
Speaker 1: come back in its time, or do you try to reconcile.
Speaker 1: That's kind of just where I've been with it. Wow,
Speaker 1: So very often people forget that friendships are intimate relationships.
Speaker 1: When we're not having SAgs, so we're not sharing money
Speaker 1: or households, we forget and we also forget that there's
Speaker 1: a protocol and there's a practice in the process for
Speaker 1: dissolving a friendship. So I heard you say that you
Speaker 1: separated and you came back together. When you came back
Speaker 1: together that first time, what was the conversation about the separation.
Speaker 1: We didn't have a conversation about the separation. It was
Speaker 1: just a conversation problem, right, m M. So in the
Speaker 1: first time, did she walk away? Did you walk away?
Speaker 1: Did you just lose contact? What happen? So she walked
Speaker 1: away and unaware to me, so, and I just knew
Speaker 1: something was wrong. So I kept reaching out to figure out, okay, like,
Speaker 1: is everything okay? I wasn't sure. And then she just
Speaker 1: sent me like a long email of just saying that
Speaker 1: she was offended by something that I said to her,
Speaker 1: and she didn't necessarily know how to come back from it.
Speaker 1: So she just decided to separate herself. Did she tell
Speaker 1: you what it was? Yes? I yes, I remember telling
Speaker 1: her that I felt like she changed, like the season changed,
Speaker 1: and um, it was the truth that I had realized
Speaker 1: and I was It wasn't something that I was being like, Uh,
Speaker 1: I wasn't saying in a hurtful way. Um, it was
Speaker 1: just an observation that I had made about her, and
Speaker 1: from that point on, she was just like, I can't
Speaker 1: deal with it. And what was your intention in making
Speaker 1: that statement? Was that I was still getting to know
Speaker 1: her and I was still like our our friendship was
Speaker 1: like maybe two or three years, and but I guess
Speaker 1: I was just trying to communicate that in one season
Speaker 1: she'll be one way and then the next season she'll
Speaker 1: be another, and you just gotta keep up with her.
Speaker 1: So I'm just trying to still get an understanding of
Speaker 1: who she is and how she operates. Mm hmm. And
Speaker 1: if you had instead of making that statement, if you
Speaker 1: could have made a request, because so very often instead
Speaker 1: of making a request of the person, we will make
Speaker 1: a statement and it can be off putting or offensive
Speaker 1: or or hurt phone what was the request that you
Speaker 1: wanted to make and didn't make I made it. After
Speaker 1: I made the statement, my request was that if that
Speaker 1: if she needed she was the type of person that
Speaker 1: would just go in a cave, right, she would go
Speaker 1: in a cave, be quiet, and then come back out.
Speaker 1: And because it's been a pain point of friendships in
Speaker 1: my life, I was trying to always be cautious about
Speaker 1: it in the first place. But my request of her
Speaker 1: was just let me know that you're you're not talking
Speaker 1: to the people right now, and not to bother you.
Speaker 1: So I don't reach out, I don't call so going forward,
Speaker 1: just let me know that you're in that space and
Speaker 1: you don't want any contact with anybody. So I'm gonna
Speaker 1: ask you a question that will probably seem totally unrelated
Speaker 1: to this, okay, just looking at the pattern, looking at
Speaker 1: the pathology, looking at the possibilities. So, who did you
Speaker 1: lose early on in life? Mother? Father, younger sibling, older sibling, grandparents.
Speaker 1: Who did you lose early in life? My father? How
Speaker 1: old were you? I was seventeen going on? Oh I
Speaker 1: just turned eighteen, Okay, but he wasn't there even when
Speaker 1: I was younger, all right, So abandonment, yes, abandonment present
Speaker 1: in the consciousness. So you may have, could have probably,
Speaker 1: we do have a pathology that will attract people to
Speaker 1: you who will abandon without conversation or explanation. Just because
Speaker 1: she's a woman doesn't mean she doesn't have the capacity
Speaker 1: to trigger the bonding pattern. The bonding pattern is who
Speaker 1: you attached to, how you attached to them, and what
Speaker 1: you will do to remain attached to them. So this
Speaker 1: is an issue of abandonment. So I would invite you
Speaker 1: to go back and check in with your three year old,
Speaker 1: five year old, nine year old, ten year old to
Speaker 1: find out key periods in your life when you may
Speaker 1: have said, if my father were here, this would be different,
Speaker 1: if my father were here, this would be better if
Speaker 1: my father were here, this or that or the other,
Speaker 1: or how you felt about not having your natural father
Speaker 1: in your life, so that you can dissolve that pathology
Speaker 1: of bonding with people who abandoned without conversation or explanation.
Speaker 1: That's all that's going on here. Take a breath. Take
Speaker 1: a breath. Okay, tell me what what you're thinking, what's
Speaker 1: going through your mind right now? Uh, well, what's going
Speaker 1: through mama right now is you know I experienced um
Speaker 1: domestic balance and the child in the home from five
Speaker 1: and up. And you know, it wasn't from my father,
Speaker 1: was on my stepfather, and so I've always wanted my
Speaker 1: dad to come by. My dad never came and so
Speaker 1: that is that, that's what's ringing in my ears right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: five is key. This If my father were here, this
Speaker 1: wouldn't be happening. If my father would get me, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to go through this. And also domestic violence,
Speaker 1: particularly when it happens and then the perpetrators back in
Speaker 1: the home, that's a form of self abandonment because you
Speaker 1: have to abandon your need for safety, for protection, you
Speaker 1: have to abandon your thoughts and your feelings to still
Speaker 1: be present with the person who's in the home. Does
Speaker 1: that make sense? Do you understand what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So there's ways that you abandon yourself which then reinforces
Speaker 1: the bonding pattern. Because I'm sure she's not the only one.
Speaker 1: Look at other people and places in your life. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: where you have a band. So you've got an abandonment
Speaker 1: Take a breath. Take a breath. You've got an abandonment pathology,
Speaker 1: and it's not fatal. It can be cleared. That's the
Speaker 1: good news. Okay, So again, go back to five age five,
Speaker 1: because there's a part of you that has never progressed
Speaker 1: beyond that maybe the first time it happened, the first
Speaker 1: time you heard it, the first time you saw it,
Speaker 1: what did it feel like? What did you tell yourself?
Speaker 1: And what was the decision that you made? Um. It
Speaker 1: installs a bonding pattern, So you will have a propensity
Speaker 1: to attract people who will abandon you mentally, physically, emotionally.
Speaker 1: But the part that I'm really concerned about is that
Speaker 1: they will inspire and motivate you to abandon yourself. Because
Speaker 1: if I was on the streets of Brooklyn, where I
Speaker 1: come from, I would say this, biddy, I don't need
Speaker 1: to be bothered with this. She ain't no friend. Now
Speaker 1: let me leave her alone. So the question becomes, why
Speaker 1: is your relationship with her an important relationship in your life? Why? Now? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why why is it important for you to be in
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody? Okay? Okay? Well, so is her number
Speaker 1: still in your phone? So I have a solution for you,
Speaker 1: and you are probably not going to like it. Are
Speaker 1: you ready? Okay, we'll do it right after this break.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the our spot. My caller today has
Speaker 1: a pattern of relationships and friendships that seemed to be
Speaker 1: built around abandonment, and we're going to interrupt that pattern
Speaker 1: right now. Could do me a favor, get your phone
Speaker 1: and delete her now, right now, Do it right now.
Speaker 1: I'll hold on. Go ahead, get your phone, Okay, delete,
Speaker 1: Tell me when you're done. Okay, delete it? Okay? Do
Speaker 1: you have text from her? Check? Go over there to
Speaker 1: the tech side, Go go ahead. I'll hold on. I
Speaker 1: want to give you back your power, and I want
Speaker 1: to interrupt the pattern of bonding with people wanting to bond,
Speaker 1: needing to bond, having to bond with people that abandon you. No,
Speaker 1: I don't have any checks. Okay, excellent. So now this
Speaker 1: is no longer an issue. Bless her, don't be mad,
Speaker 1: don't be upset, don't wonder. She's not the issue. She
Speaker 1: is the trigger. The issue is abandonment, and she triggers
Speaker 1: that for you. So you just took back a little
Speaker 1: bit of your power. And anybody else you're here's your homework.
Speaker 1: Go through your contacts, and anybody else in your contact
Speaker 1: that has abandoned you, rejected you, and you're wondering why
Speaker 1: delete they? But delete them? Then you don't have to
Speaker 1: wonder why they're not reaching me, Oh because I deleted them.
Speaker 1: That's the ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, the co worker, whoever.
Speaker 1: Because the issue is you have a pathology or a
Speaker 1: pattern of abandonment, and you will attract people that will
Speaker 1: abandon you and trigger up that stuff with Daddy. So
Speaker 1: your work is Daddy forgiveness, Mommy forgiveness, Stepdaddy forgiveness, and
Speaker 1: self forgiveness. M hmm. Okay, suff you were mistaken. You
Speaker 1: were mistaken, and it's not fatal. It's not fatal. And again,
Speaker 1: everybody who comes into your life comes to support your growth,
Speaker 1: your healing, you're learning. So sometimes they come to reveal
Speaker 1: an issue to us. Sometimes they come to trigger up
Speaker 1: an issue. Sometimes they come to bring us an issue.
Speaker 1: And everybody, they love you so much at the soul level.
Speaker 1: I love you so much that they take time out
Speaker 1: of their life to come into your life to help
Speaker 1: you heal. So we're very grateful for her and we
Speaker 1: are complete. How about that? How about that? Wow? Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I got hold do some forgiveness work and also be
Speaker 1: mindful of how you bond with people. If you've got
Speaker 1: to chase them down, if you've got to do all
Speaker 1: the calling, if you've got to do all the paying,
Speaker 1: if you've got to do all of this and that,
Speaker 1: if you have questions that you won't ask them, then
Speaker 1: you then your bonding pattern has been triggered. Back up,
Speaker 1: slow down, pivot, do something else. Okay, Well, you know
Speaker 1: what I've been doing though, I've been resistant to letting
Speaker 1: new people in. Oh no, let him in and see
Speaker 1: how it feels. Here's the question, Oh this feels familiar?
Speaker 1: What does it remind me of? Okay, Because here's the truth,
Speaker 1: my love. It what God has for you, It is
Speaker 1: for you. And so as you go through this work
Speaker 1: and your own healing, you you won't lose anything that's
Speaker 1: for you. And the only thing you're gonna gain is
Speaker 1: what God has for you. Sometimes that's healings, sometimes that's
Speaker 1: release relief. It's all sorts of good stuff. But you're
Speaker 1: doing good. You're doing good. Delete Yes, ma'am, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. I appreciate you, y'all. I appreciate you. Do
Speaker 1: some forgiveness work. Okay, yes' alrighty bye bye love, okay,
Speaker 1: bye bye. Do you know your bonding pattern, how you
Speaker 1: bond with people, how you are attracted to people and
Speaker 1: the people that you attract to you. I don't know
Speaker 1: any place in society where we talk about bonding patterns
Speaker 1: and how things and people come into our life to
Speaker 1: trigger up are broken places. Yes, you will bond with
Speaker 1: people in a way that supports you and recognizing, identifying
Speaker 1: and healing your broken places. But when you don't know
Speaker 1: that and there's a breakdown in the relationship, you get
Speaker 1: busy trying to fix the relationship instead of looking at
Speaker 1: how you bond in the first place. Again, it's important
Speaker 1: for us to understand that while there may be no
Speaker 1: sharing of household, there may be no sharing of money,
Speaker 1: there may not be sex or intimacy, that a friendship
Speaker 1: is a relationship, and many of the issues that show
Speaker 1: up in a marriage or a cohabitation relationship also show
Speaker 1: up in friendships, and when they do, we have to
Speaker 1: deal with them in the very same way we would
Speaker 1: if the the person were a lover or wild for
Speaker 1: a spouse. Friendship princip relationship and the same principle supply.
Speaker 1: Let's into my next guest. Good afternoon, beloved, welcome to
Speaker 1: the art spot. Thank you for joining us today. And
Speaker 1: what is the challenge issue? Dilemma problem concerned that you
Speaker 1: have that we can dish up on the table. Well, um,
Speaker 1: my concern is that I'm in business and I've been
Speaker 1: entering there for like almost seventeen years, and and sometimes
Speaker 1: I get my heart caught up in business and then
Speaker 1: my my I guess you could say, my tones get
Speaker 1: hurt real easily. Or I know that they get what
Speaker 1: they need from me and then they move on to
Speaker 1: what they think is better. And so, you know, sometime
Speaker 1: you see things on social media where people that used
Speaker 1: to do business with and now they're doing business people
Speaker 1: that you're still friends with, and sometimes you feel like
Speaker 1: that whole like you're being left out, you know. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I need you to break this down for me
Speaker 1: into an experience you had or are having, because right
Speaker 1: now you are externalizing this. You're talking about this enough
Speaker 1: third person you and they and UHM no, no, no,
Speaker 1: not on the our spot. We're going to the care.
Speaker 1: So what happened with you specifically? Mm hmmm, wow, what happened? Ah?
Speaker 1: That's hard, Inanna, you know, I know it is. That's
Speaker 1: why I want you to talk about it. It's hard.
Speaker 1: What happened is I was doing business with let's break
Speaker 1: it down, bite size piecias. Come on, Okay, I was
Speaker 1: doing business with a client, and I worked really hard
Speaker 1: on helping them, you know, do events, you know, and
Speaker 1: producing different things, and then um, they had um not
Speaker 1: I guess, decided that they wanted to move forward in
Speaker 1: um you someone else to do different things I've already
Speaker 1: been doing with them for like a number of years,
Speaker 1: you know. Um it's because of that. Instead of just
Speaker 1: coming out and just telling me, oh, I think I'm
Speaker 1: gonna move it forward on this and do it this way,
Speaker 1: they kind of like with slowly give me signs they
Speaker 1: no longer wanted me to do certain things because this
Speaker 1: person seemed like they said, well I could do this
Speaker 1: better now. M And my feelings that really really hurt
Speaker 1: because I was very involved. What does that mean my
Speaker 1: feelings got hurt? Let me tell you what I've heard,
Speaker 1: because I want you to know. I heard you that
Speaker 1: you were working with a client, You worked really really hard,
Speaker 1: you gave your all to this client, and then without
Speaker 1: a clear conversation or request, this person moved on and
Speaker 1: the business that you were doing with them they began
Speaker 1: to do with someone else and kind of cut you
Speaker 1: out of the picture. Is that accurate? Yeah, that's very accurate.
Speaker 1: And that made me feel what it made me feel? What?
Speaker 1: How did you feel when that happened? A feel almost
Speaker 1: portrayed in a sense, okay, because the fact that they
Speaker 1: didn't say that thing, they acted, Oh, this person is
Speaker 1: just doing this for me only, you know, I saw
Speaker 1: that certain things were being taken away from me here
Speaker 1: I am doing social media marketing for them. But also
Speaker 1: I've seen, um that the other person they're working with
Speaker 1: is now advertising on social media. Oh um, we needed
Speaker 1: social media person. And I'm like, okay, isn't that what
Speaker 1: I do? You know? Or working on event? And also
Speaker 1: I'm not including certain meetings anymore, okay. And that made
Speaker 1: me feel when I saw someone else doing what I
Speaker 1: had been doing and there was no clear conversation about it,
Speaker 1: that made me feel what very very hurt, very hurt,
Speaker 1: take hurt deeper, rejected, abandoned, like a failure sad? What
Speaker 1: mm hmm? I felt rejected be checked in. I felt
Speaker 1: very very rejected and like thrown away in a sense,
Speaker 1: like like everything I've done didn't mean anything anymore, you know, um.
Speaker 1: And I felt like my time was not usualized right
Speaker 1: and I felt like I had made a mistake again,
Speaker 1: you know, because I didn't juice route before where I
Speaker 1: go all in and then someone makes changes and they
Speaker 1: don't notify me and so and I felt like I
Speaker 1: wasn't protecting my heart, you know. Okay, So Beautiful made
Speaker 1: a mistake again. M hmm, yeah, okay. So were you
Speaker 1: raised in a single a single parent household. I about
Speaker 1: both of my parents, and who played the dominant role
Speaker 1: with you? I said, my my father dominant role about
Speaker 1: his expectations, I mean his expectations. M. Did he have
Speaker 1: clear conversations with you about that? No, you had to
Speaker 1: literally trying to figure out on your own. Even you'd
Speaker 1: be like, would I do I do? Yeah? Yeah, there
Speaker 1: you go. Because the key piece here is no clear
Speaker 1: conversation about expectations, No clear conversations about desires, no clear
Speaker 1: conversations about roles, no clear conversations and beloved, no clear
Speaker 1: conversations about expectations. Expectations are very important because you expected
Speaker 1: I can't talk about your clients. You expected that if
Speaker 1: I work hard and I give you my best and
Speaker 1: I do what you request or require, that you're going
Speaker 1: to stay with me and that we're friends. And that
Speaker 1: this is gonna be good. Those were your expectations. But
Speaker 1: was there a clear conversation about I'm going to do this,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that, and we're gonna be together forever
Speaker 1: and you can't change your mind and whatever whatever. Was
Speaker 1: there a clear conversation about that. No, I always say no,
Speaker 1: oh okay, So you're just repeating a pattern which says
Speaker 1: to me, my love, this is no heat, no judgment,
Speaker 1: not a criticism that you may not be clear about
Speaker 1: your role and your position in other people's dreams. Mm hmmm,
Speaker 1: mm hmm. There's a distinction that I want to encourage
Speaker 1: you to make between the vision and the visualizer, or
Speaker 1: the vision and the visionary, because the vision is the
Speaker 1: thing that you are working on. You're working on the
Speaker 1: vision or the dream, but it doesn't belong to you.
Speaker 1: It belongs to the visionary mm hmmm. And the visionary
Speaker 1: has a right to say, you do this, you do this,
Speaker 1: you do this, and when you have served my purpose,
Speaker 1: I'm moving on. That's the visionary is right. It's not
Speaker 1: your vision, it's their vision, and you come in to
Speaker 1: play a role. Now, it would be nice if the
Speaker 1: visionary would say, our time together is over. You've served
Speaker 1: me well, I'm very grateful to you. I'm moving on.
Speaker 1: But chances are you wouldn't be able to hear that
Speaker 1: either because you aren't clear about your role. You're the
Speaker 1: worker be. You're not the visionary. You're the worker be.
Speaker 1: That's your business. And the client you said. I heard
Speaker 1: you very early on. I wrote it down. You said,
Speaker 1: the client. Don't make your clients your friends. Yes, and
Speaker 1: if they are your friends, stop being their worker. You
Speaker 1: either work for people or with people. If it's a client,
Speaker 1: you're working for them. If it's your friend, you're working
Speaker 1: with them, and they owe you certain things, you know.
Speaker 1: I used to have a cable company, had him forever
Speaker 1: and ever and ever, and then another cable company ran
Speaker 1: a sale and it was about money. So I left
Speaker 1: that first cable company and went to the second one.
Speaker 1: I didn't owe the first cable company no explanation. I
Speaker 1: didn't have to call him and say, I love your service,
Speaker 1: I've been with you for nineteen years, but this other
Speaker 1: company has a cheaper rate. I'm leaving. I didn't know
Speaker 1: than that because I was their client, I was their customer.
Speaker 1: I have a right to change my mind. Can you
Speaker 1: hear me, Yes, I hear you that, and that's a
Speaker 1: very good point. You're not the visionary, you're the worker
Speaker 1: be However, however, let's go back and let's tie it
Speaker 1: to Daddy. You're still trying to get acceptance, validation, and approval.
Speaker 1: And the way get it is that they see you
Speaker 1: and they'll acknowledge you, and they'll reward you for all
Speaker 1: that you've given, all that you do. But if that
Speaker 1: he didn't do it, they ain't gonna do it either.
Speaker 1: The key here is for you not to need it
Speaker 1: and not to expect it. Oh well, I lost another client.
Speaker 1: Let me move on. We'll be back with more right
Speaker 1: after this break. Welcome back to the art spot. Let's
Speaker 1: get back to our conversation about bonding patterns. Now, the
Speaker 1: good news is, and you you said this earlier. Here's
Speaker 1: the good news. You do what you do from your heart.
Speaker 1: M hm. Because you said, I've made a mistake again.
Speaker 1: I didn't protect my heart. So I want to make
Speaker 1: a slight shift of tear. Don't do it with your heart,
Speaker 1: do it with love distinction. When you do it with
Speaker 1: your heart, you're in it, you're attached to it, you're
Speaker 1: holding on to it. You're clinging to it, and when
Speaker 1: you do it with love, you're doing it with excellence
Speaker 1: because it makes you feel good no matter what happens. Mmm.
Speaker 1: That's a good way of looking at because I love
Speaker 1: I do. I love it. It's for you, Yes, it's
Speaker 1: for me, and I want to keep on having joy
Speaker 1: in it. Yeah, but you're attached to people's response to
Speaker 1: your love. Don't be attached because any time you cling
Speaker 1: hold on are attached to the outcome, you are going
Speaker 1: to suffer. M h. Now, of course there's good behavior
Speaker 1: and people could say we've done great work together. I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful for you, but I'm moving on now, I'm
Speaker 1: moving on. I thank you for what you've done, but
Speaker 1: our time together. It would be great if people would
Speaker 1: say that, even in business relationships, but they don't. And
Speaker 1: you know why they don't m Because they don't have
Speaker 1: to know, No, because they love you and they don't
Speaker 1: want to hurt you because no matter how that person
Speaker 1: would have said it, it would have hurt you, and
Speaker 1: they don't want to do that and it would have
Speaker 1: hurt you, probably because they know that you gave more
Speaker 1: than they paid for. They know that you gave more
Speaker 1: than they asked for they know that. Would that be accurate? Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: but that's because you were doing it with your heart
Speaker 1: and not with love. Your heart is your emotional being,
Speaker 1: and you're invested and you're attached. Stop that. This is business,
Speaker 1: and you go into a business with an intention and
Speaker 1: you do what you can and then it's next. Move on.
Speaker 1: You think the bus driver gets attached to every passenger
Speaker 1: that gets on the bus, Now bet your fair get
Speaker 1: off when you want to. M m hmm. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: did with a lot of folks, you know, and you
Speaker 1: can't get attached to everyone could is hard, you know,
Speaker 1: to do that. But you're still waiting for a clear
Speaker 1: conversation from Daddy. So you're gonna do more above and
Speaker 1: beyond because you want that acknowledgement, that validation that you
Speaker 1: didn't get, which is how you put your heart in it.
Speaker 1: Do you understand what I'm saying as opposed to doing
Speaker 1: it with love? Because I'm good at it, because I
Speaker 1: enjoy it, because it makes me feel good, and no
Speaker 1: matter how far it goes, when I look back over
Speaker 1: what I have accomplished with this client, I'm gonna feel
Speaker 1: good about that, even if they move on to someone else.
Speaker 1: That's good. Oh my God, thank you, because I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm tired of living in the past. Yeah, us put
Speaker 1: a sign up next whenever next comes. You know, I've
Speaker 1: written nineteen books, five of which were New York Times bestsellers,
Speaker 1: and all that means is that they sold a certain
Speaker 1: amount of copies each week. And that is not what
Speaker 1: I'm most proud of. You know what I'm most proud of.
Speaker 1: I'm most proud of that I sat down and listened
Speaker 1: to the spirit as it spoke to me to bring
Speaker 1: those books forward because that was for my healing. The
Speaker 1: fact that people buy and read the books, that is
Speaker 1: not my issue. That's God's issue. My issue is that, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I put the truth as I felt it, heard it,
Speaker 1: saw it in the moment in those books. And if
Speaker 1: nobody had bought one, I would have been okay because
Speaker 1: I didn't write the books for people to buy them.
Speaker 1: I wrote the books in obedience to the spirit of
Speaker 1: God within me. That's why I wrote the books. So
Speaker 1: you're not doing this work. You're not planning even events
Speaker 1: so that the people can acknowledge you or whatever, they're
Speaker 1: gonna pay you for your services. But you're doing this
Speaker 1: events because God has given you a gift. I can't
Speaker 1: plan my closet. Okay, that's all the fact that you
Speaker 1: can plan any event for hundreds of people working with
Speaker 1: that's a gift. Use your gift for God and not
Speaker 1: for external validation. How about that? Oh? My God? Amen?
Speaker 1: And I feel like I've been holding back because of that,
Speaker 1: because I'm I'm scared to go back out there, you know.
Speaker 1: And as part of like you said, my healing, my joy,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you this one more thing to help
Speaker 1: you elevate this. I heard you say this is my job. No, no,
Speaker 1: this is my ministry. And when you have a ministry,
Speaker 1: you don't do it for people. You do it for God.
Speaker 1: This is my ministry. So if there's a problem, if
Speaker 1: there's an upset, if there's a breakdown down, you don't
Speaker 1: go to the people. You go to God and say, Father, Mother, God,
Speaker 1: whatever it is for you, I surrender this to you,
Speaker 1: take care of everything. Tell me what to do. This
Speaker 1: ain't no job. This is a ministry. Raise it, up
Speaker 1: raise it, up raise it to a higher level. And
Speaker 1: you practice the principles of ministry and don't expect the
Speaker 1: clients to do that. That's not their responsibility because some
Speaker 1: clients are paying in the royal for tuity. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's why I feel it isntry. Yeah, we'll call it
Speaker 1: that and conducted as such. Yeah. And if in the process,
Speaker 1: as you do the work, you develop closer relationships with people, fine,
Speaker 1: but keep the lines clear. This is business, this is personal.
Speaker 1: H Okay, call me in about three months when you
Speaker 1: have sixty new clients and let me know how you're doing. Okay,
Speaker 1: Oh I will, I will thank you so much for us.
Speaker 1: Be safe out there. Okay, by thank you, I accept
Speaker 1: bye bye. When it comes to bonding patterns in relationships,
Speaker 1: it is important to identify the pattern and then interrupt
Speaker 1: the process and do the work required so that you
Speaker 1: don't recreate it. Now, that's why my first caller deleted
Speaker 1: those contacts, and why my second caller will not put
Speaker 1: her own self worth into the opinions of a client.
Speaker 1: Because we cannot improve the relationships in our lives without
Speaker 1: first understanding and then interrupting the bonding patterns we have developed.
Speaker 1: Let's turn those relationship issues into relationship blessed. Just give
Speaker 1: me a call at seven seven five three zero seven
Speaker 1: seven seven six eight. Now be sure to follow me
Speaker 1: on social media for all of the calling times and
Speaker 1: until then, stay in peace and not pieceless. The R
Speaker 1: Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with
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Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.