1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: I am the Yamla. I've been very open about the 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my 3 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a 5 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along 7 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: the way because I did take copious notes. Welcome to 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: with our Heart Radio. How do we attract and connect 10 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: to other people? It's called bonding patterns and bonding patterns 11 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: or something I don't think we talk enough about when 12 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: it comes to our relationships. Now, these relationships can be friendships, 13 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:08,560 Speaker 1: love shifts, or even family ships. You know, I make 14 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: all relationship a ship, and each one of them teach 15 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:18,400 Speaker 1: us something that we create and attract over and over 16 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: and over in all relationships. That's what a bonding pattern is. 17 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: Something we've learned that we subconsciously hold that becomes the 18 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: attraction mechanism or what we search for in our relationships. 19 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,399 Speaker 1: And let me tell you, most of the time, the 20 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 1: bonding patterns we develop naturally are not healthy. It takes 21 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: work to identify how your bonding pattern is working, and 22 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: whether or not it's working for you, then you must 23 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: do the work to heal it, change it, correct it. 24 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: So in today's episode, both of my callers are facing 25 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: their bonding adams head on, and we are going to 26 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: support them in identifying and correcting those patterns. So let's 27 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 1: get started. Good afternoon, my beloved. How are you? I'm 28 00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:18,239 Speaker 1: doing well, How are you? How are you? I am 29 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: blessed and I welcome you to the art spot. So 30 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,079 Speaker 1: what is your challenge, issue, dilemma, upset, breakdown so that 31 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: we can have a breakthrough today. Okay, So essentially young 32 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: like my pain point in life has been like my 33 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 1: friendships with women, and essentially like you know, I've had 34 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 1: a friend that just has decided to no longer be 35 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,240 Speaker 1: a friend and it's been years now. We stopped being friends, 36 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,440 Speaker 1: we came back together, and then just haven't really been 37 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: able to reconnect. And now I see like her daughter's 38 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: growing up and how I was like, you know, just 39 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: so close with them and now not really having that relationship. 40 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 1: You know, it just brings the sadness up. And so 41 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: I guess for me, it's like do you just let 42 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: things go or do you just allow things to just 43 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: come back in its time, or do you try to reconcile. 44 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,639 Speaker 1: That's kind of just where I've been with it. Wow, 45 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 1: So very often people forget that friendships are intimate relationships. 46 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: When we're not having SAgs, so we're not sharing money 47 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,960 Speaker 1: or households, we forget and we also forget that there's 48 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: a protocol and there's a practice in the process for 49 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: dissolving a friendship. So I heard you say that you 50 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: separated and you came back together. When you came back 51 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: together that first time, what was the conversation about the separation. 52 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: We didn't have a conversation about the separation. It was 53 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 1: just a conversation problem, right, m M. So in the 54 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: first time, did she walk away? Did you walk away? 55 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: Did you just lose contact? What happen? So she walked 56 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: away and unaware to me, so, and I just knew 57 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: something was wrong. So I kept reaching out to figure out, okay, like, 58 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: is everything okay? I wasn't sure. And then she just 59 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: sent me like a long email of just saying that 60 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 1: she was offended by something that I said to her, 61 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 1: and she didn't necessarily know how to come back from it. 62 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: So she just decided to separate herself. Did she tell 63 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:29,040 Speaker 1: you what it was? Yes? I yes, I remember telling 64 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: her that I felt like she changed, like the season changed, 65 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 1: and um, it was the truth that I had realized 66 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,719 Speaker 1: and I was It wasn't something that I was being like, Uh, 67 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: I wasn't saying in a hurtful way. Um, it was 68 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: just an observation that I had made about her, and 69 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,720 Speaker 1: from that point on, she was just like, I can't 70 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:52,120 Speaker 1: deal with it. And what was your intention in making 71 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 1: that statement? Was that I was still getting to know 72 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: her and I was still like our our friendship was 73 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 1: like maybe two or three years, and but I guess 74 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 1: I was just trying to communicate that in one season 75 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: she'll be one way and then the next season she'll 76 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 1: be another, and you just gotta keep up with her. 77 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,480 Speaker 1: So I'm just trying to still get an understanding of 78 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 1: who she is and how she operates. Mm hmm. And 79 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: if you had instead of making that statement, if you 80 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: could have made a request, because so very often instead 81 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: of making a request of the person, we will make 82 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 1: a statement and it can be off putting or offensive 83 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 1: or or hurt phone what was the request that you 84 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,239 Speaker 1: wanted to make and didn't make I made it. After 85 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:44,279 Speaker 1: I made the statement, my request was that if that 86 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 1: if she needed she was the type of person that 87 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,160 Speaker 1: would just go in a cave, right, she would go 88 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: in a cave, be quiet, and then come back out. 89 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: And because it's been a pain point of friendships in 90 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: my life, I was trying to always be cautious about 91 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 1: it in the first place. But my request of her 92 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 1: was just let me know that you're you're not talking 93 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: to the people right now, and not to bother you. 94 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: So I don't reach out, I don't call so going forward, 95 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: just let me know that you're in that space and 96 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: you don't want any contact with anybody. So I'm gonna 97 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: ask you a question that will probably seem totally unrelated 98 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: to this, okay, just looking at the pattern, looking at 99 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 1: the pathology, looking at the possibilities. So, who did you 100 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:34,679 Speaker 1: lose early on in life? Mother? Father, younger sibling, older sibling, grandparents. 101 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: Who did you lose early in life? My father? How 102 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: old were you? I was seventeen going on? Oh I 103 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: just turned eighteen, Okay, but he wasn't there even when 104 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:55,039 Speaker 1: I was younger, all right, So abandonment, yes, abandonment present 105 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: in the consciousness. So you may have, could have probably, 106 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:06,160 Speaker 1: we do have a pathology that will attract people to 107 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: you who will abandon without conversation or explanation. Just because 108 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 1: she's a woman doesn't mean she doesn't have the capacity 109 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 1: to trigger the bonding pattern. The bonding pattern is who 110 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 1: you attached to, how you attached to them, and what 111 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: you will do to remain attached to them. So this 112 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: is an issue of abandonment. So I would invite you 113 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: to go back and check in with your three year old, 114 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 1: five year old, nine year old, ten year old to 115 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 1: find out key periods in your life when you may 116 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: have said, if my father were here, this would be different, 117 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: if my father were here, this would be better if 118 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: my father were here, this or that or the other, 119 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: or how you felt about not having your natural father 120 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 1: in your life, so that you can dissolve that pathology 121 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: of bonding with people who abandoned without conversation or explanation. 122 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:14,240 Speaker 1: That's all that's going on here. Take a breath. Take 123 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 1: a breath. Okay, tell me what what you're thinking, what's 124 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 1: going through your mind right now? Uh, well, what's going 125 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,760 Speaker 1: through mama right now is you know I experienced um 126 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: domestic balance and the child in the home from five 127 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 1: and up. And you know, it wasn't from my father, 128 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 1: was on my stepfather, and so I've always wanted my 129 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: dad to come by. My dad never came and so 130 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 1: that is that, that's what's ringing in my ears right now. Yeah, 131 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 1: five is key. This If my father were here, this 132 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: wouldn't be happening. If my father would get me, I 133 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:56,199 Speaker 1: wouldn't have to go through this. And also domestic violence, 134 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 1: particularly when it happens and then the perpetrators back in 135 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: the home, that's a form of self abandonment because you 136 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:08,000 Speaker 1: have to abandon your need for safety, for protection, you 137 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: have to abandon your thoughts and your feelings to still 138 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: be present with the person who's in the home. Does 139 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: that make sense? Do you understand what I'm saying. Yeah, 140 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: So there's ways that you abandon yourself which then reinforces 141 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: the bonding pattern. Because I'm sure she's not the only one. 142 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:31,960 Speaker 1: Look at other people and places in your life. Yeah, yeah, 143 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,319 Speaker 1: where you have a band. So you've got an abandonment 144 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 1: Take a breath. Take a breath. You've got an abandonment pathology, 145 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: and it's not fatal. It can be cleared. That's the 146 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 1: good news. Okay, So again, go back to five age five, 147 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,479 Speaker 1: because there's a part of you that has never progressed 148 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: beyond that maybe the first time it happened, the first 149 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,320 Speaker 1: time you heard it, the first time you saw it, 150 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: what did it feel like? What did you tell yourself? 151 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 1: And what was the decision that you made? Um. It 152 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:15,559 Speaker 1: installs a bonding pattern, So you will have a propensity 153 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: to attract people who will abandon you mentally, physically, emotionally. 154 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: But the part that I'm really concerned about is that 155 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,319 Speaker 1: they will inspire and motivate you to abandon yourself. Because 156 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: if I was on the streets of Brooklyn, where I 157 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 1: come from, I would say this, biddy, I don't need 158 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 1: to be bothered with this. She ain't no friend. Now 159 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: let me leave her alone. So the question becomes, why 160 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: is your relationship with her an important relationship in your life? Why? Now? Yeah? 161 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: Why why is it important for you to be in 162 00:10:53,800 --> 00:11:01,280 Speaker 1: relationship with somebody? Okay? Okay? Well, so is her number 163 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: still in your phone? So I have a solution for you, 164 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 1: and you are probably not going to like it. Are 165 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 1: you ready? Okay, we'll do it right after this break. 166 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the our spot. My caller today has 167 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: a pattern of relationships and friendships that seemed to be 168 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 1: built around abandonment, and we're going to interrupt that pattern 169 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:43,000 Speaker 1: right now. Could do me a favor, get your phone 170 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 1: and delete her now, right now, Do it right now. 171 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:51,239 Speaker 1: I'll hold on. Go ahead, get your phone, Okay, delete, 172 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: Tell me when you're done. Okay, delete it? Okay? Do 173 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: you have text from her? Check? Go over there to 174 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 1: the tech side, Go go ahead. I'll hold on. I 175 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 1: want to give you back your power, and I want 176 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:14,199 Speaker 1: to interrupt the pattern of bonding with people wanting to bond, 177 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 1: needing to bond, having to bond with people that abandon you. No, 178 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: I don't have any checks. Okay, excellent. So now this 179 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 1: is no longer an issue. Bless her, don't be mad, 180 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 1: don't be upset, don't wonder. She's not the issue. She 181 00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: is the trigger. The issue is abandonment, and she triggers 182 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: that for you. So you just took back a little 183 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: bit of your power. And anybody else you're here's your homework. 184 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:47,319 Speaker 1: Go through your contacts, and anybody else in your contact 185 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,680 Speaker 1: that has abandoned you, rejected you, and you're wondering why 186 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: delete they? But delete them? Then you don't have to 187 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:58,400 Speaker 1: wonder why they're not reaching me, Oh because I deleted them. 188 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 1: That's the ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, the co worker, whoever. 189 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 1: Because the issue is you have a pathology or a 190 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: pattern of abandonment, and you will attract people that will 191 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:17,080 Speaker 1: abandon you and trigger up that stuff with Daddy. So 192 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: your work is Daddy forgiveness, Mommy forgiveness, Stepdaddy forgiveness, and 193 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 1: self forgiveness. M hmm. Okay, suff you were mistaken. You 194 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 1: were mistaken, and it's not fatal. It's not fatal. And again, 195 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:44,199 Speaker 1: everybody who comes into your life comes to support your growth, 196 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: your healing, you're learning. So sometimes they come to reveal 197 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 1: an issue to us. Sometimes they come to trigger up 198 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 1: an issue. Sometimes they come to bring us an issue. 199 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:59,560 Speaker 1: And everybody, they love you so much at the soul level. 200 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 1: I love you so much that they take time out 201 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 1: of their life to come into your life to help 202 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: you heal. So we're very grateful for her and we 203 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:17,440 Speaker 1: are complete. How about that? How about that? Wow? Okay, okay, 204 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: I got hold do some forgiveness work and also be 205 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 1: mindful of how you bond with people. If you've got 206 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: to chase them down, if you've got to do all 207 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: the calling, if you've got to do all the paying, 208 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: if you've got to do all of this and that, 209 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: if you have questions that you won't ask them, then 210 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 1: you then your bonding pattern has been triggered. Back up, 211 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: slow down, pivot, do something else. Okay, Well, you know 212 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: what I've been doing though, I've been resistant to letting 213 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: new people in. Oh no, let him in and see 214 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: how it feels. Here's the question, Oh this feels familiar? 215 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 1: What does it remind me of? Okay, Because here's the truth, 216 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 1: my love. It what God has for you, It is 217 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: for you. And so as you go through this work 218 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 1: and your own healing, you you won't lose anything that's 219 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 1: for you. And the only thing you're gonna gain is 220 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 1: what God has for you. Sometimes that's healings, sometimes that's 221 00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: release relief. It's all sorts of good stuff. But you're 222 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 1: doing good. You're doing good. Delete Yes, ma'am, thank you 223 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,640 Speaker 1: so much. I appreciate you, y'all. I appreciate you. Do 224 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:36,480 Speaker 1: some forgiveness work. Okay, yes' alrighty bye bye love, okay, 225 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 1: bye bye. Do you know your bonding pattern, how you 226 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:49,240 Speaker 1: bond with people, how you are attracted to people and 227 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 1: the people that you attract to you. I don't know 228 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: any place in society where we talk about bonding patterns 229 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: and how things and people come into our life to 230 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 1: trigger up are broken places. Yes, you will bond with 231 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:10,760 Speaker 1: people in a way that supports you and recognizing, identifying 232 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: and healing your broken places. But when you don't know 233 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 1: that and there's a breakdown in the relationship, you get 234 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: busy trying to fix the relationship instead of looking at 235 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 1: how you bond in the first place. Again, it's important 236 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: for us to understand that while there may be no 237 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,840 Speaker 1: sharing of household, there may be no sharing of money, 238 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: there may not be sex or intimacy, that a friendship 239 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 1: is a relationship, and many of the issues that show 240 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: up in a marriage or a cohabitation relationship also show 241 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: up in friendships, and when they do, we have to 242 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: deal with them in the very same way we would 243 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: if the the person were a lover or wild for 244 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: a spouse. Friendship princip relationship and the same principle supply. 245 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:06,840 Speaker 1: Let's into my next guest. Good afternoon, beloved, welcome to 246 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,359 Speaker 1: the art spot. Thank you for joining us today. And 247 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:14,280 Speaker 1: what is the challenge issue? Dilemma problem concerned that you 248 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: have that we can dish up on the table. Well, um, 249 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,199 Speaker 1: my concern is that I'm in business and I've been 250 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 1: entering there for like almost seventeen years, and and sometimes 251 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 1: I get my heart caught up in business and then 252 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 1: my my I guess you could say, my tones get 253 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,000 Speaker 1: hurt real easily. Or I know that they get what 254 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 1: they need from me and then they move on to 255 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,680 Speaker 1: what they think is better. And so, you know, sometime 256 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,920 Speaker 1: you see things on social media where people that used 257 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 1: to do business with and now they're doing business people 258 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 1: that you're still friends with, and sometimes you feel like 259 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 1: that whole like you're being left out, you know. Okay, 260 00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,880 Speaker 1: So I need you to break this down for me 261 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:55,920 Speaker 1: into an experience you had or are having, because right 262 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: now you are externalizing this. You're talking about this enough 263 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,919 Speaker 1: third person you and they and UHM no, no, no, 264 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,400 Speaker 1: not on the our spot. We're going to the care. 265 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:18,360 Speaker 1: So what happened with you specifically? Mm hmmm, wow, what happened? Ah? 266 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,560 Speaker 1: That's hard, Inanna, you know, I know it is. That's 267 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,960 Speaker 1: why I want you to talk about it. It's hard. 268 00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 1: What happened is I was doing business with let's break 269 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 1: it down, bite size piecias. Come on, Okay, I was 270 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 1: doing business with a client, and I worked really hard 271 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,639 Speaker 1: on helping them, you know, do events, you know, and 272 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:45,360 Speaker 1: producing different things, and then um, they had um not 273 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,200 Speaker 1: I guess, decided that they wanted to move forward in 274 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: um you someone else to do different things I've already 275 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: been doing with them for like a number of years, 276 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,399 Speaker 1: you know. Um it's because of that. Instead of just 277 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: coming out and just telling me, oh, I think I'm 278 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: gonna move it forward on this and do it this way, 279 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 1: they kind of like with slowly give me signs they 280 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,479 Speaker 1: no longer wanted me to do certain things because this 281 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,119 Speaker 1: person seemed like they said, well I could do this 282 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,520 Speaker 1: better now. M And my feelings that really really hurt 283 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: because I was very involved. What does that mean my 284 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,400 Speaker 1: feelings got hurt? Let me tell you what I've heard, 285 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,320 Speaker 1: because I want you to know. I heard you that 286 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:27,920 Speaker 1: you were working with a client, You worked really really hard, 287 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:32,400 Speaker 1: you gave your all to this client, and then without 288 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:39,439 Speaker 1: a clear conversation or request, this person moved on and 289 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 1: the business that you were doing with them they began 290 00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:46,439 Speaker 1: to do with someone else and kind of cut you 291 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: out of the picture. Is that accurate? Yeah, that's very accurate. 292 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,760 Speaker 1: And that made me feel what it made me feel? What? 293 00:19:54,960 --> 00:20:00,600 Speaker 1: How did you feel when that happened? A feel almost 294 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:04,120 Speaker 1: portrayed in a sense, okay, because the fact that they 295 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: didn't say that thing, they acted, Oh, this person is 296 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,440 Speaker 1: just doing this for me only, you know, I saw 297 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,640 Speaker 1: that certain things were being taken away from me here 298 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 1: I am doing social media marketing for them. But also 299 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,719 Speaker 1: I've seen, um that the other person they're working with 300 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,240 Speaker 1: is now advertising on social media. Oh um, we needed 301 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,439 Speaker 1: social media person. And I'm like, okay, isn't that what 302 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: I do? You know? Or working on event? And also 303 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 1: I'm not including certain meetings anymore, okay. And that made 304 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:40,719 Speaker 1: me feel when I saw someone else doing what I 305 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: had been doing and there was no clear conversation about it, 306 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: that made me feel what very very hurt, very hurt, 307 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:56,800 Speaker 1: take hurt deeper, rejected, abandoned, like a failure sad? What 308 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,440 Speaker 1: mm hmm? I felt rejected be checked in. I felt 309 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:04,800 Speaker 1: very very rejected and like thrown away in a sense, 310 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 1: like like everything I've done didn't mean anything anymore, you know, um. 311 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: And I felt like my time was not usualized right 312 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 1: and I felt like I had made a mistake again, 313 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: you know, because I didn't juice route before where I 314 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 1: go all in and then someone makes changes and they 315 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,720 Speaker 1: don't notify me and so and I felt like I 316 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: wasn't protecting my heart, you know. Okay, So Beautiful made 317 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:36,159 Speaker 1: a mistake again. M hmm, yeah, okay. So were you 318 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:40,680 Speaker 1: raised in a single a single parent household. I about 319 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 1: both of my parents, and who played the dominant role 320 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 1: with you? I said, my my father dominant role about 321 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:52,280 Speaker 1: his expectations, I mean his expectations. M. Did he have 322 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: clear conversations with you about that? No, you had to 323 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: literally trying to figure out on your own. Even you'd 324 00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 1: be like, would I do I do? Yeah? Yeah, there 325 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: you go. Because the key piece here is no clear 326 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 1: conversation about expectations, No clear conversations about desires, no clear 327 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:25,520 Speaker 1: conversations about roles, no clear conversations and beloved, no clear 328 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 1: conversations about expectations. Expectations are very important because you expected 329 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 1: I can't talk about your clients. You expected that if 330 00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:44,359 Speaker 1: I work hard and I give you my best and 331 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: I do what you request or require, that you're going 332 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 1: to stay with me and that we're friends. And that 333 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: this is gonna be good. Those were your expectations. But 334 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:00,399 Speaker 1: was there a clear conversation about I'm going to do this, 335 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that, and we're gonna be together forever 336 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,560 Speaker 1: and you can't change your mind and whatever whatever. Was 337 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: there a clear conversation about that. No, I always say no, 338 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 1: oh okay, So you're just repeating a pattern which says 339 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: to me, my love, this is no heat, no judgment, 340 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,439 Speaker 1: not a criticism that you may not be clear about 341 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:31,920 Speaker 1: your role and your position in other people's dreams. Mm hmmm, 342 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: mm hmm. There's a distinction that I want to encourage 343 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:41,639 Speaker 1: you to make between the vision and the visualizer, or 344 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:47,000 Speaker 1: the vision and the visionary, because the vision is the 345 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 1: thing that you are working on. You're working on the 346 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: vision or the dream, but it doesn't belong to you. 347 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 1: It belongs to the visionary mm hmmm. And the visionary 348 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,439 Speaker 1: has a right to say, you do this, you do this, 349 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,480 Speaker 1: you do this, and when you have served my purpose, 350 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 1: I'm moving on. That's the visionary is right. It's not 351 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 1: your vision, it's their vision, and you come in to 352 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 1: play a role. Now, it would be nice if the 353 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: visionary would say, our time together is over. You've served 354 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,360 Speaker 1: me well, I'm very grateful to you. I'm moving on. 355 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,440 Speaker 1: But chances are you wouldn't be able to hear that 356 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 1: either because you aren't clear about your role. You're the 357 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: worker be. You're not the visionary. You're the worker be. 358 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:44,520 Speaker 1: That's your business. And the client you said. I heard 359 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:48,200 Speaker 1: you very early on. I wrote it down. You said, 360 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: the client. Don't make your clients your friends. Yes, and 361 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:59,080 Speaker 1: if they are your friends, stop being their worker. You 362 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:04,479 Speaker 1: either work for people or with people. If it's a client, 363 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:09,240 Speaker 1: you're working for them. If it's your friend, you're working 364 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:14,800 Speaker 1: with them, and they owe you certain things, you know. 365 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 1: I used to have a cable company, had him forever 366 00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: and ever and ever, and then another cable company ran 367 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,720 Speaker 1: a sale and it was about money. So I left 368 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,880 Speaker 1: that first cable company and went to the second one. 369 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 1: I didn't owe the first cable company no explanation. I 370 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: didn't have to call him and say, I love your service, 371 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: I've been with you for nineteen years, but this other 372 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,320 Speaker 1: company has a cheaper rate. I'm leaving. I didn't know 373 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: than that because I was their client, I was their customer. 374 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 1: I have a right to change my mind. Can you 375 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 1: hear me, Yes, I hear you that, and that's a 376 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,679 Speaker 1: very good point. You're not the visionary, you're the worker 377 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:53,399 Speaker 1: be However, however, let's go back and let's tie it 378 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:59,320 Speaker 1: to Daddy. You're still trying to get acceptance, validation, and approval. 379 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 1: And the way get it is that they see you 380 00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 1: and they'll acknowledge you, and they'll reward you for all 381 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 1: that you've given, all that you do. But if that 382 00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 1: he didn't do it, they ain't gonna do it either. 383 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 1: The key here is for you not to need it 384 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: and not to expect it. Oh well, I lost another client. 385 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:24,040 Speaker 1: Let me move on. We'll be back with more right 386 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 1: after this break. Welcome back to the art spot. Let's 387 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: get back to our conversation about bonding patterns. Now, the 388 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 1: good news is, and you you said this earlier. Here's 389 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: the good news. You do what you do from your heart. 390 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:53,920 Speaker 1: M hm. Because you said, I've made a mistake again. 391 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: I didn't protect my heart. So I want to make 392 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: a slight shift of tear. Don't do it with your heart, 393 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:09,600 Speaker 1: do it with love distinction. When you do it with 394 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,880 Speaker 1: your heart, you're in it, you're attached to it, you're 395 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:17,120 Speaker 1: holding on to it. You're clinging to it, and when 396 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:21,120 Speaker 1: you do it with love, you're doing it with excellence 397 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: because it makes you feel good no matter what happens. Mmm. 398 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,200 Speaker 1: That's a good way of looking at because I love 399 00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 1: I do. I love it. It's for you, Yes, it's 400 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 1: for me, and I want to keep on having joy 401 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 1: in it. Yeah, but you're attached to people's response to 402 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 1: your love. Don't be attached because any time you cling 403 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,800 Speaker 1: hold on are attached to the outcome, you are going 404 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 1: to suffer. M h. Now, of course there's good behavior 405 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,600 Speaker 1: and people could say we've done great work together. I'm 406 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,480 Speaker 1: so grateful for you, but I'm moving on now, I'm 407 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: moving on. I thank you for what you've done, but 408 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: our time together. It would be great if people would 409 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: say that, even in business relationships, but they don't. And 410 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,399 Speaker 1: you know why they don't m Because they don't have 411 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:15,720 Speaker 1: to know, No, because they love you and they don't 412 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: want to hurt you because no matter how that person 413 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 1: would have said it, it would have hurt you, and 414 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:24,679 Speaker 1: they don't want to do that and it would have 415 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 1: hurt you, probably because they know that you gave more 416 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,160 Speaker 1: than they paid for. They know that you gave more 417 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 1: than they asked for they know that. Would that be accurate? Yes, yes, 418 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: but that's because you were doing it with your heart 419 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:49,320 Speaker 1: and not with love. Your heart is your emotional being, 420 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:54,160 Speaker 1: and you're invested and you're attached. Stop that. This is business, 421 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 1: and you go into a business with an intention and 422 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,040 Speaker 1: you do what you can and then it's next. Move on. 423 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:05,000 Speaker 1: You think the bus driver gets attached to every passenger 424 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,240 Speaker 1: that gets on the bus, Now bet your fair get 425 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:12,600 Speaker 1: off when you want to. M m hmm. Yeah, I 426 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 1: did with a lot of folks, you know, and you 427 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,760 Speaker 1: can't get attached to everyone could is hard, you know, 428 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 1: to do that. But you're still waiting for a clear 429 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 1: conversation from Daddy. So you're gonna do more above and 430 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 1: beyond because you want that acknowledgement, that validation that you 431 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 1: didn't get, which is how you put your heart in it. 432 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,560 Speaker 1: Do you understand what I'm saying as opposed to doing 433 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: it with love? Because I'm good at it, because I 434 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 1: enjoy it, because it makes me feel good, and no 435 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: matter how far it goes, when I look back over 436 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,520 Speaker 1: what I have accomplished with this client, I'm gonna feel 437 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,080 Speaker 1: good about that, even if they move on to someone else. 438 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 1: That's good. Oh my God, thank you, because I don't. 439 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,560 Speaker 1: I'm tired of living in the past. Yeah, us put 440 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:05,160 Speaker 1: a sign up next whenever next comes. You know, I've 441 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 1: written nineteen books, five of which were New York Times bestsellers, 442 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: and all that means is that they sold a certain 443 00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,520 Speaker 1: amount of copies each week. And that is not what 444 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 1: I'm most proud of. You know what I'm most proud of. 445 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,360 Speaker 1: I'm most proud of that I sat down and listened 446 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: to the spirit as it spoke to me to bring 447 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:27,440 Speaker 1: those books forward because that was for my healing. The 448 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,880 Speaker 1: fact that people buy and read the books, that is 449 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: not my issue. That's God's issue. My issue is that, Yeah, 450 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: I put the truth as I felt it, heard it, 451 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,800 Speaker 1: saw it in the moment in those books. And if 452 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,280 Speaker 1: nobody had bought one, I would have been okay because 453 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 1: I didn't write the books for people to buy them. 454 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 1: I wrote the books in obedience to the spirit of 455 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: God within me. That's why I wrote the books. So 456 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,080 Speaker 1: you're not doing this work. You're not planning even events 457 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,480 Speaker 1: so that the people can acknowledge you or whatever, they're 458 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: gonna pay you for your services. But you're doing this 459 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: events because God has given you a gift. I can't 460 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 1: plan my closet. Okay, that's all the fact that you 461 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,960 Speaker 1: can plan any event for hundreds of people working with 462 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,600 Speaker 1: that's a gift. Use your gift for God and not 463 00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 1: for external validation. How about that? Oh? My God? Amen? 464 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: And I feel like I've been holding back because of that, 465 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 1: because I'm I'm scared to go back out there, you know. 466 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,720 Speaker 1: And as part of like you said, my healing, my joy, 467 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you this one more thing to help 468 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:43,320 Speaker 1: you elevate this. I heard you say this is my job. No, no, 469 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 1: this is my ministry. And when you have a ministry, 470 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 1: you don't do it for people. You do it for God. 471 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:58,280 Speaker 1: This is my ministry. So if there's a problem, if 472 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,960 Speaker 1: there's an upset, if there's a breakdown down, you don't 473 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 1: go to the people. You go to God and say, Father, Mother, God, 474 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 1: whatever it is for you, I surrender this to you, 475 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 1: take care of everything. Tell me what to do. This 476 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: ain't no job. This is a ministry. Raise it, up 477 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:22,120 Speaker 1: raise it, up raise it to a higher level. And 478 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: you practice the principles of ministry and don't expect the 479 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: clients to do that. That's not their responsibility because some 480 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 1: clients are paying in the royal for tuity. Yeah, and 481 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 1: that's why I feel it isntry. Yeah, we'll call it 482 00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 1: that and conducted as such. Yeah. And if in the process, 483 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:51,000 Speaker 1: as you do the work, you develop closer relationships with people, fine, 484 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: but keep the lines clear. This is business, this is personal. 485 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 1: H Okay, call me in about three months when you 486 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,640 Speaker 1: have sixty new clients and let me know how you're doing. Okay, 487 00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 1: Oh I will, I will thank you so much for us. 488 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 1: Be safe out there. Okay, by thank you, I accept 489 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 1: bye bye. When it comes to bonding patterns in relationships, 490 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:26,240 Speaker 1: it is important to identify the pattern and then interrupt 491 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:30,200 Speaker 1: the process and do the work required so that you 492 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:35,680 Speaker 1: don't recreate it. Now, that's why my first caller deleted 493 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 1: those contacts, and why my second caller will not put 494 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 1: her own self worth into the opinions of a client. 495 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:48,719 Speaker 1: Because we cannot improve the relationships in our lives without 496 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 1: first understanding and then interrupting the bonding patterns we have developed. 497 00:33:55,520 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: Let's turn those relationship issues into relationship blessed. Just give 498 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 1: me a call at seven seven five three zero seven 499 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,080 Speaker 1: seven seven six eight. Now be sure to follow me 500 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,600 Speaker 1: on social media for all of the calling times and 501 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:19,840 Speaker 1: until then, stay in peace and not pieceless. The R 502 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,840 Speaker 1: Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with 503 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:28,720 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit 504 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 505 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:34,480 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.