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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: I asked to be a stay at home mother for

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Speaker 2: our newborn. My husband exploded.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna be married to no treadwife.

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Speaker 2: I had afraid no ghosts. Posting from a throway just

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Speaker 2: in case my husband or any of my family and

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Speaker 2: friends reads this. I'm going to change a few details

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Speaker 2: because I'm paranoid, but the story is the same. I

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Speaker 2: am a saleswoman and I do very well for myself

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Speaker 2: with my ways. This comes from box fish fan and

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: our slash ooka Storytime separate at it so it goes around.

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Speaker 2: So my husband and I have been married for two

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Speaker 2: years now and together for five. This is my first

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Speaker 2: marriage and my husband second. He has an eight year

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Speaker 2: old daughter from his previous relationship and has always had

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Speaker 2: full custody of her. Our dating life was tricky, with

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Speaker 2: him being a full time single dad and having to

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Speaker 2: work long hours, but we make it work. I met

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Speaker 2: his daughter when she was four, after we had been

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Speaker 2: dating for a year. I liked her very much and

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Speaker 2: have always done my best to be the best step

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Speaker 2: mommy ever. She calls me mom, and I have done

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Speaker 2: all the mom things for her. I've helped her get

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Speaker 2: dressed and ready for school, done her hair, cooked her meals,

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Speaker 2: helped with homework and soccer practice, taken her for ice

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Speaker 2: cream dates, tucked her into bed, redder stories, etc. Dany,

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Speaker 2: so you are you're putting the mom work, man, That.

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Speaker 3: Is some mom work.

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Speaker 2: I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes, but overall, we've

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Speaker 2: been a very happy family. When my husband and I

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Speaker 2: got engaged, he asked if I would like to be

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Speaker 2: a stay at home mom for Lizzie and any future

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Speaker 2: children we had. At the time, I politely declined. I

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Speaker 2: was doing well in my career, loved going to work,

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Speaker 2: and the thought of being home all day with a

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Speaker 2: kid and doing nothing but housework and typical stay at

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Speaker 2: home mom things didn't really tickle my fancy. My then

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Speaker 2: fiance was gracious, and we both assumed that was how

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Speaker 2: it would be for any future children we had. Fast

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Speaker 2: forward to now, and I am now six months pregnant

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Speaker 2: with our son. I am on cloud nine.

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Speaker 3: I was or I am.

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Speaker 2: Always in a permanent state of bliss, and something in

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Speaker 2: me changed. I started thinking about being a stay at

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Speaker 2: home mom, and suddenly it didn't seem so bad. I'm

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Speaker 2: in love with my son and want to spend as

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Speaker 2: much time with him as I can. I know it's

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Speaker 2: not all roses and champagne. There's actually actually a lot

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Speaker 2: of poop, drool, screaming, and exhaustion involved. But I really

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Speaker 2: can't stand the thought of having two weeks of maternity

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Speaker 2: leave and then handing my son to a stranger in daycare.

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Speaker 2: I've been thinking about this for months because I wanted

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Speaker 2: to make sure this was something I really wanted and

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Speaker 2: not wishful thinking. I weighed the pros and cons and

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Speaker 2: spoke to my supervisor. I'm at the point in my

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Speaker 2: career where I could work from home full time and

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Speaker 2: stay with my son and pick my stepdaughter up from school.

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Speaker 2: I certainly wouldn't mind watching her and doing more things

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Speaker 2: with her too. The more I think about it, the

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Speaker 2: more I want to try this, So pausing really quick

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Speaker 2: before we get into more of it. Olpi doesn't seem

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Speaker 2: like she's even saying that she wants to quit her job.

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Speaker 2: She just wants to work from home. So like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know what the issue here would be.

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Speaker 3: I don't know neither. Maybe something's not working out, maybe

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Speaker 3: communication isn't happening. Maybe there's a resentment in the air.

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Speaker 4: The husband getting jealous that opca to be spending more

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Speaker 4: time with their kid.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but he asked her to do this originally.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah, Oh Mingming says, husband's jealous because

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Speaker 2: she doesn't want to be stay at home mom for

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Speaker 2: the stepdaughter, but wants to be a stay home mom

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Speaker 2: now she's pregnant.

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Speaker 3: That is a good good oh Leiria, that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: So after I put little Lizzie to bed tonight, I

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Speaker 2: asked my husband if we could talk and excitedly broached

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Speaker 2: my idea. I was very unprepared for his reaction. My

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Speaker 2: husband is furious. He yelled that we had agreed I

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be a stay at home mom before we got married,

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Speaker 2: and it was bs I was changing my mind now, Mingming,

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Speaker 2: you were right on the dot. He said, I was

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Speaker 2: a rotten stepmother and I clearly loved our son more

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Speaker 2: than Lizzie, and it was disgusting the obvious favoritism. I

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Speaker 2: was showing him's Louise.

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Speaker 3: He also, yeah, low key, dude, you gotta you gotta

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Speaker 3: see it from her perspective. She hasn't really been a

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Speaker 3: mom before. Now she is now an act like you know, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: she's going through that swing of things, so you gotta

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Speaker 3: you gotta see it from her side. You're married. Why

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Speaker 3: are we against each other? This should be a problem.

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Speaker 3: You guys are both against like you can say your problems,

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Speaker 3: but what's where does this coming from?

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Speaker 2: It's it's like a non problem because also she would

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Speaker 2: be taking care of your daughter as well, So what's

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Speaker 2: the issue here?

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Speaker 3: It just takes people time to realize what they like

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Speaker 3: and people change, right.

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Speaker 2: She's allowed to change her mind again. She's the only

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Speaker 2: thing that she's changing is that she's working from home now,

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Speaker 2: or she would want to work from home. He also

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Speaker 2: said I shouldn't be allowed to stay at home with

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Speaker 2: our son if his daughter didn't get to experience it

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Speaker 2: with me. For the record, Lizzie is very excited about

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Speaker 2: her little brother and can't wait for him to be born.

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Speaker 2: She's never expressed any kind of anxiety, sadness, or jealousy

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Speaker 2: towards him or me. I I was shocked and stunned.

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Speaker 2: My husband is on the couch his choice, and I'm

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Speaker 2: here crying in our room. I'm so very hurt by

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Speaker 2: what my husband said. I know I'm not perfect, but

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Speaker 2: I really have done the best for Lizzie that I could.

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Speaker 2: I never thought I changed my mind about being a

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Speaker 2: stay at home mom when I got pregnant, but now

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Speaker 2: I really truly want to do this. And I wouldn't

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Speaker 2: have quit my job either, which is a double bonus.

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Speaker 2: Or I wouldn't have to quit my job either, which

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Speaker 2: is a double bonus. I am very hurt by what

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Speaker 2: my husband said, and frankly a little angry at his accusation.

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Speaker 2: I do not love the baby more than Lizzie. I

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Speaker 2: do love Lizzie, and while I admit I feel a

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Speaker 2: deeper connection to this baby, I feel that is due

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Speaker 2: to the fact that I'm going through the experience of

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Speaker 2: pregnancy and it's really hitting home for me. This baby

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Speaker 2: is half me. But that doesn't mean I love Lizzie

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Speaker 2: any less. It's just different.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Is that really so wrong? Am I really a bad stepmom?

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Speaker 2: I didn't plan on changing my mind, and again, I

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Speaker 2: still plan to keep my job, and I don't mind

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Speaker 2: taking extra care of Lizzie in addition to the baby.

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Speaker 2: In fact, I think it my be a chance for

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Speaker 2: us to grow closer and bond over the baby real quick.

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Speaker 3: If you are a step mom right now, can you

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Speaker 3: give us some frameworks or some lenses to look through

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Speaker 3: on the situation, to kind of gather the differences of

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Speaker 3: becoming an actual like like, you know, being a mom

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Speaker 3: with your own child versus being a mom of a

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Speaker 3: step kid, and like, what to look through here? I

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Speaker 3: would like to see that insight, Justine says. Plus, she

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Speaker 3: hasn't been able to work from home back then, but

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Speaker 3: is now exactly it was a new thing.

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Speaker 2: She would have had to quit her job and become

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Speaker 2: like a full time mom, which is fine, but like

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Speaker 2: it's not something that she wanted to do.

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Speaker 3: Dude, I can't wait till I can be a work

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Speaker 3: at home streamer dad with my kids too.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, I'm actually really excited for that.

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Speaker 3: Dude. Low key, we could just keep doing this. Our

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Speaker 3: kids will be doing whatever.

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Speaker 2: They'll be like, they'll be coloring on the floor and

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Speaker 2: we're like, and we don't bring him on camera.

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Speaker 5: And we'll teach them how to read camera. Come on,

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Speaker 5: stop I'm doing that, and you're like, he's op to ajole.

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Speaker 2: They can only read off camera.

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Speaker 3: They were cool little masks.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they'll wear a mask every time they're on camera.

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Speaker 3: No, we can get we can get Keon Keanu babysit them. Honestly,

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Speaker 3: ke On baby system, dude, you'd be a.

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Speaker 5: Great baby So I'm actually a really good babysitter.

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Speaker 3: I called it.

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Speaker 2: We'll just take turns. I don't know what to say

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Speaker 2: to my husband. I tried telling him all the things

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Speaker 2: I've said here, including spending more time and growing closer

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Speaker 2: to Lizzie, but all he did was yell louder and

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Speaker 2: say more awful things about my parenting. I'm pretty crushed

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Speaker 2: and honestly growing more angry by the minute. I feel

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Speaker 2: that I am a good step mom to Lizzie and

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Speaker 2: she seems to think so too. The only one who

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Speaker 2: seems to have a problem is my husband. And there

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Speaker 2: is an update, but like huge yeah, as miss jay

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Speaker 2: Bird says, huge red lag. What's wrong with the husband

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Speaker 2: not being able to communicate in a mature, calm manner.

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Could you?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely?

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Speaker 3: Onion says, see if she was fully rejecting her and

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Speaker 3: not doing what she said she was I'd get it,

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Speaker 3: but that's not the case. Okay, and that Brittany, I

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Speaker 3: see you, Lynn says, approach it it. Approach it as husband.

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Speaker 3: My job is going to let me work from home

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Speaker 3: once we have the baby, and I'm going to keep

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Speaker 3: the baby and stopped at our home conversation over different framework.

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Speaker 3: But still he's not.

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Speaker 2: Pretty much the same as what she's already been saying.

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Speaker 2: And he's not even listening to her. The fact is,

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Speaker 2: it's not that he's saying, no, I don't want to

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Speaker 2: do that, that doesn't work out. He's screaming at her crazy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah that I don't like that part. Scholl says. My

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Speaker 3: stepsons were treated as my own children. They introduced me

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Speaker 3: as mom. It took some adjustment, but I love them

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Speaker 3: all more than life. Yeah, it is really weird that

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Speaker 3: he's not able to communicate correctly.

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Speaker 2: I feel like there's something else that's going on here

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Speaker 2: that he's Yeah, Meming says conspiracy. He's cheating, isn't he?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: I feel like there's I don't know if it's cheating,

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Speaker 2: but I feel like there is something that is bothering him.

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Speaker 3: Dude. The mom, the mom, the mom, the mom. Yes,

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Speaker 3: his mother in law has been.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh, this spring in his ear.

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Speaker 3: Been worm tongue in your dad's e or the husband's

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Speaker 3: ear this whole time. And that's why he feels this

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Speaker 3: way towards you, because all this resentment is built up

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Speaker 3: and now boom, he's gonna hit you with it like

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Speaker 3: a brick loaded full of trucks.

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Speaker 2: True, an awkward cosplay chick, how old is a stepdaughter?

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Speaker 2: I think she was for. I don't know if she's

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Speaker 2: still for. She was for.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, I'm sorry, but you just saying worm tongue in

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Speaker 4: I got a tongue in your dad's ear was kind

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Speaker 4: of insane. I know, I know you, I know what

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Speaker 4: we're talking about here, but like, making that a verb

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Speaker 4: is crazy work, dude.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes you gotta make nouns verbs.

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Speaker 2: It's true. Thank you for all the kind and supportive

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Speaker 2: messages on the last post. It was really helpful, as

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Speaker 2: well as some of the possible suggestions as to why

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Speaker 2: my husband suddenly blew up at me. I did get

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Speaker 2: some nasty messages from what sounded like bitter single dads,

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Speaker 2: which only further convinced me my husband was being an

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Speaker 2: absolute rational clown. To address some of the questions that

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Speaker 2: were asked in the last post. At the time my

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Speaker 2: husband asked me to be at stay at home mom,

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Speaker 2: we were not married, nor was I at a place

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Speaker 2: in my career where I could have worked from home.

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Speaker 2: I would have had to quit my job, which I

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Speaker 2: did not want to do, to be a parent to

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Speaker 2: a child that wasn't mine to a man I wasn't

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Speaker 2: married to, but would have full financial dependence on. So

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Speaker 2: that was a huge no go for me. But even

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Speaker 2: after we were married, it took a while to still

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Speaker 2: get to a place where I wouldn't have to quit

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Speaker 2: my job to be a stay at home parent. To

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Speaker 2: those who were saying I couldn't expect to work full

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Speaker 2: time from home and take care of an infant in

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Speaker 2: grammar school girl, you're right. Maybe I worded it wrong

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Speaker 2: or just didn't go into full details in my post,

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Speaker 2: But while I would be working from home and I

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Speaker 2: can do it without having to quit, I would be

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Speaker 2: working part time instead of full time. Ah, my supervisor

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Speaker 2: is one hundred percent fine with this. So basically I

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Speaker 2: would have two weeks maternity leave and then I would

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Speaker 2: be working from home part time. Two weeks maternity leave

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Speaker 2: is crazy.

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Speaker 3: To me, dude, she's got sales to make.

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Speaker 2: That is crazy.

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Speaker 3: She's a business woman.

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Speaker 2: She's a busy businesswoman.

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Speaker 3: Low key. Depending on how your payment is structured, you

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Speaker 3: could get eight months of attorney to leave if you

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Speaker 3: work the system, that's true. And if she's in sales

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Speaker 3: and she meets with people, yeah, maybe that helps her.

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Speaker 3: She's like, oh, I just have my baby, and they're

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Speaker 3: like more implied by oh.

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Speaker 2: We want to we want to spend money on this now.

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Speaker 2: Uh wow, I will take a cut in my pay.

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Speaker 2: My company is great and is letting me keep full

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Speaker 2: benefits despite part time hours. That's amazing. I know my

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Speaker 2: husband isn't worried about finances because even if I quit,

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Speaker 2: he makes more than enough to be comfortably to comfortably

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Speaker 2: support us. I just love working too much to completely quit,

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Speaker 2: but my son is definitely a priority for me. Lizzie's

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Speaker 2: mom is in the picture, but just barely. She has

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Speaker 2: borderline personality disorder, drinks like a fish, and is just

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Speaker 2: basically an irresponsible party animal. She sees Lizzie maybe one

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Speaker 2: week and a month if she isn't too hungover or

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Speaker 2: baked to make an effort. The only nice thing I

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Speaker 2: can say about her is that at least she makes

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Speaker 2: child support payments on time, minuscule as they are. Lizzie

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Speaker 2: doesn't like her very much and has made it clear

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Speaker 2: she prefers me to her mother. I can't say I

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Speaker 2: blame her, poor dear. So I went to bed that

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Speaker 2: night very angry after my crying Jack what Because I

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Speaker 2: love Lizzie and I've been a great mom to her.

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Speaker 2: The next couple of days were very quiet. It was

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Speaker 2: distant but polite to my husband, and still warm and

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Speaker 2: cuddly with Lizzie. I didn't really want anything to do

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Speaker 2: with him. My husband started picking on everything I did

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Speaker 2: for Lizzie around the house and started saying more things

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Speaker 2: like why are you bothering? And that's not how this

283
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Speaker 2: should be done? And I'll bit that makes you feel

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Speaker 2: just great? Who is this man?

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Speaker 4: Bro?

286
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Speaker 2: You gotta why is your partner being rude?

287
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Speaker 3: You gotta view this as a partnership, not a You're

288
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Speaker 3: not it's not a competition. You haven't been slided, You're

289
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,040
Speaker 3: not been betrayed. Nope, we gotta go to therapy asap

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Speaker 3: right now. Ape.

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Speaker 2: I had had enough. After I put Lizzie to bed,

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Speaker 2: I told my husband I was sick of his nasty

293
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Speaker 2: attitude and he was setting a toxic environment for his daughter,

294
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Speaker 2: and that if he had something to say, he should

295
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Speaker 2: say it. He started to yell and scream again, but

296
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Speaker 2: I put my foot down this time. I said, I

297
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,640
Speaker 2: want to work through whatever problems we have and get

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Speaker 2: this issue resolved because I love you and care about you,

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Speaker 2: but I will not take toxic, abusive behavior. I will

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Speaker 2: not talk to you until you are ready to be

301
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Speaker 2: respectful and kind. Good on you, Opie, Good on you

302
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,800
Speaker 2: setting your boundaries and not allowing him to freakin talk

303
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Speaker 2: to you like that. Yeah, and to yell at you.

304
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Speaker 2: He's a baby, He's a literal toddler. My husband lost

305
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Speaker 2: it even more and screamed, I'm sleeping on the couch,

306
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Speaker 2: So I said, excuse me, Or oh, maybe scream that

307
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Speaker 2: he wants ope to sleep on the couch. So I said,

308
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Speaker 2: excuse me. I am heavily pregnant with your son, and

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Speaker 2: every part of me hurts. I need access to the bathroom.

310
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Speaker 2: When I wake up at night, I will be sleeping

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Speaker 2: in the bed. You can either join me if you

312
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,440
Speaker 2: can be quiet, or you can sleep out here. He

313
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,120
Speaker 2: seemed kind of taken aback, and I just left and

314
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,400
Speaker 2: went to bed. I guess he slept on the couch.

315
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,760
Speaker 2: The next day, after Lizzie went to bed, I said

316
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,440
Speaker 2: that I think we need to set up an appointment

317
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:16,319
Speaker 2: with a marriage counselor good. Oh, he's the only one

318
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,000
Speaker 2: who is acting like an adult here, like literally has

319
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:23,680
Speaker 2: done nothing wrong. I brought up literally brought up working

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Speaker 2: from home, and that's it.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why. This is a very big reaction,

322
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Speaker 3: huge reaction.

323
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Speaker 2: It doesn't make sense. Something is afoot. My husband said,

324
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 2: I'm the only one with a problem, so he won't go.

325
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,240
Speaker 2: I asked him to please tell me what was bothering

326
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,640
Speaker 2: him then so we could work through it. In a nutshell,

327
00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:44,600
Speaker 2: he is pissed. I didn't want to quit my job

328
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Speaker 2: and be a stay at home mom for Lizzie, but

329
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,200
Speaker 2: I do for our son, so therefore I love our

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Speaker 2: son more and that makes me a terrible person. This

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Speaker 2: man is making a lot, a lot, a lot a

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Speaker 2: lot of just assumptions and he needs to stop.

333
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Speaker 3: Absolutely.

334
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,320
Speaker 2: I explained, like I had before, I didn't want to

335
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,560
Speaker 2: quit my job and be dependent on a man I

336
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,520
Speaker 2: wasn't married to. He got very defensive and said It's

337
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 2: clear I never trusted him then, and that makes me

338
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:14,000
Speaker 2: a bad wife and mother. I asked, why didn't he

339
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:15,960
Speaker 2: quit his job then and be a stay at home dad.

340
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,080
Speaker 2: He blustered a bit, then responded, he makes more true

341
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,480
Speaker 2: and children need a mom during the early years more

342
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 2: than a dad. That's what you're dumb. It feels like

343
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,360
Speaker 2: he just wants op to be like a full like

344
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Speaker 2: doesn't want her to have a job and wants her

345
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,840
Speaker 2: to be a full stay at home mom, and like

346
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 2: want and wants to have this level of control, and

347
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:37,120
Speaker 2: he's just kind of kept it in until now. Dude,

348
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,239
Speaker 2: if he's yelling.

349
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Speaker 3: If my wife was in sales and then she was like,

350
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Speaker 3: I'm gonna stay at home and take care of the kids,

351
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 3: still gonna make money, I'm gonna be like, dude, we

352
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,320
Speaker 3: could use that money for trips. We can use this

353
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,680
Speaker 3: money for X y Z. Since already make enough to

354
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,840
Speaker 3: provide for everything, we can invest this, dude. We can

355
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,800
Speaker 3: get a we can get lake house pretty soon in

356
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,080
Speaker 3: eight years if we invest this, right. Why me not

357
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,480
Speaker 3: thinking like that, dude.

358
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 2: Just think, just think, honestly. He also said that since

359
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,040
Speaker 2: Lizzie never had the experience of a stay at home mom,

360
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 2: and then our son shouldn't have the favoritism of getting

361
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,640
Speaker 2: it either, because it wasn't fair to Lizzie. She will

362
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,920
Speaker 2: though she literally is going to have the experience of

363
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,160
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom. Yeah, she's still a child, yep.

364
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,680
Speaker 2: I said it was ridiculous to punish me and her

365
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,120
Speaker 2: son for being unable to travel back in time and

366
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 2: to change the uterus Lizzie was conceived in. I also

367
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,160
Speaker 2: said infants need a lot more care than pre ca keds.

368
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:33,080
Speaker 2: That opened a whole leather can of worms with my

369
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,720
Speaker 2: husband resenting me for not quitting work and being a

370
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,600
Speaker 2: full time stay at home mom, and that if I'm

371
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,720
Speaker 2: going to do something, I should do it fully engaged.

372
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:43,120
Speaker 2: There it is he wants you to fully quit your

373
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,720
Speaker 2: job because he wants a level of control over you

374
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Speaker 2: that he doesn't have right now.

375
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Speaker 3: Seems like a trap.

376
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he's upset that you're trying to make decisions

377
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:54,480
Speaker 2: for yourself that are good for you. Uh. And uh,

378
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 2: he's trying to assert dominance, dude.

379
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 3: I remember reading a story about this couple that didn't

380
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 3: get married. Her boyfriend girlfriend for a very long time,

381
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:05,440
Speaker 3: had four kids. Her husband one day was like, you're out,

382
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 3: she canna do a thing?

383
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:07,760
Speaker 2: Oh I remember that one.

384
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, she canna do a single thing. Yeah, it's

385
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:11,720
Speaker 3: the territory go.

386
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,840
Speaker 2: I mean, being a stay at home mom is like

387
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,800
Speaker 2: a great you know, it's a great thing to do. Uh,

388
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 2: And it is one path in life for people, or

389
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,439
Speaker 2: a stay at home parent in general. But if you like,

390
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 2: you have to be on the same page with your

391
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:29,199
Speaker 2: partner so like so much because you don't have a

392
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:33,160
Speaker 2: job and you were ring on your partner for support,

393
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,199
Speaker 2: and so you have to make sure that that is

394
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 2: a good partner you know that you picked. He then

395
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,520
Speaker 2: went on and on about how I'm breaking our agreement

396
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,040
Speaker 2: for me to not be a stay at home parent

397
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 2: and how that makes me unstable. I pointed out, I

398
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,679
Speaker 2: have a right to change my mind. She's allowed to

399
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,200
Speaker 2: change her mind, and I won't give my baby to

400
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 2: a stranger to raise while fretting about him all day

401
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,199
Speaker 2: at the office. I said, I was very willing to

402
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,119
Speaker 2: do more things with Lizzie, like taking her to the

403
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,880
Speaker 2: zoo and museums with the baby, get involved at pet

404
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,040
Speaker 2: at her school, and go to her sporting events so

405
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,240
Speaker 2: me and her brother can watch her while she practices.

406
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 2: I said, this is healthy for all the children, and

407
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 2: he had a warped view of justice and fairness by

408
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:15,640
Speaker 2: depriving our children of a healthy environment because Lizzie's mom

409
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,480
Speaker 2: was an unfit parent. I said his guilt won't go

410
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,679
Speaker 2: away by taking opportunities away from our kids, and that

411
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,240
Speaker 2: I was willing to work out whatever issues there were

412
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 2: and to go to a counselor and speak to a

413
00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 2: child psychologist and other professionals that could give him an

414
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:35,720
Speaker 2: unbiased professional opinion. No, he became violently angry again and

415
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 2: said I was going back to work two weeks after

416
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,480
Speaker 2: the birth, and that was the end of the discussion.

417
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,640
Speaker 2: That I had had my chance to be a stay

418
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,800
Speaker 2: at home mom, and since I didn't take it for

419
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,679
Speaker 2: Lizzie when I could, I wasn't allowed to do it

420
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:51,360
Speaker 2: now since he wouldn't let me. And the wouldn't let

421
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:56,200
Speaker 2: me is a big old red flag, big glaring red

422
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,879
Speaker 2: flag that you need to look at and be like,

423
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,199
Speaker 2: oh wow, this man is trying to literally control me.

424
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,240
Speaker 2: This is not a relationship that is going to work. Yeah,

425
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,639
Speaker 2: either you go to marriage counseling or you have to

426
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:10,679
Speaker 2: leave this relationship.

427
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 5: Because I'm so tunnel vision on so touttle visions. Oh,

428
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 5: it's gross, awkward.

429
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,640
Speaker 2: Causby Chick says, he sounds like he will only get

430
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 2: worse from here. He will then try to control your spending,

431
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 2: who you talk to, hang out with, et cetera. Frank

432
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,919
Speaker 2: the Pug says, is this even considered changing her mind?

433
00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:32,679
Speaker 2: They're having another child. It's changing the situation, which requires

434
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 2: a new look and new decisions to be made. Exactly

435
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 2: now they have two children. It's just a different situation now.

436
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:40,560
Speaker 2: As much as I love my husband and our children,

437
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,400
Speaker 2: I will not be controlled. I will not be told

438
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 2: where I can and can't work. I will not be

439
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 2: told if I can or can't work. I am not

440
00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:50,359
Speaker 2: a dog. I am not a slave. I will not

441
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 2: be told to deny my own baby as mother and

442
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,879
Speaker 2: hand him to a stranger because his sister got a

443
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:59,000
Speaker 2: bad start in life. Purposely neglecting your own child opportunities

444
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 2: in the name of fairness is insane. That is being

445
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,439
Speaker 2: a bad parent. The fact that my husband wanted to

446
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,520
Speaker 2: do this to me and my son flipped a switch

447
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 2: in me. I stood up calmly and told my husband

448
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,639
Speaker 2: I was leaving, that he had crossed the line and

449
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 2: I needed space from him, and that I would not

450
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 2: subject any child of mine to this kind of abuse

451
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,520
Speaker 2: of controlling environment. I said, when things calm down, we

452
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 2: can go to marriage counseling because he clearly has deep

453
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,480
Speaker 2: seated issues that need to be worked out. He became

454
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,120
Speaker 2: hysterical and said I can't leave, that we have a family,

455
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:34,280
Speaker 2: that I can't take his son, etc. Etc. I was

456
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 2: just done by that point. I said that for once,

457
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 2: he will take Lizzie to school and I will leave.

458
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,360
Speaker 2: During that time, I went to our room and started packing.

459
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 2: He started throwing my clothes out of the suitcase and

460
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:50,160
Speaker 2: screaming at me. I was honestly pretty terrified. I had

461
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,959
Speaker 2: never seen my husband like this. I told him if

462
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,199
Speaker 2: he tries to prevent me from going or touches me

463
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 2: in any way, I would be calling the police. I

464
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,439
Speaker 2: also said I was calling my mother to get me.

465
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 2: Maybe it was an overreaction, but I was scared, senseless,

466
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 2: and I just wanted to get myself and my son

467
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 2: away from it. He started crying really hard, just sobbing,

468
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,000
Speaker 2: and walked away. I called my mother and said she

469
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,399
Speaker 2: did she needed to come and get me immediately, and

470
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 2: that I didn't feel safe and I needed to stay

471
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,040
Speaker 2: with her for a bit really quick, pausing, Wow, I'm

472
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,119
Speaker 2: so scared for Lizzie because like, presumably she's still in

473
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 2: this house hearing all of this screaming, and it doesn't

474
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 2: seem like it seems like every time she goes to

475
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 2: bed or like she's just in the other room, he's

476
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 2: just starts screaming, which she can obviously hear.

477
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 3: Was there. It doesn't sound like there's been a history

478
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,719
Speaker 3: of this. This just all of a sudden happened.

479
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,200
Speaker 2: Now, that is my question. I wonder, Oh, he hasn't

480
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,120
Speaker 2: really said whether or not this has been his style

481
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 2: of kind of arguments or arguing. So I am wondering

482
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,359
Speaker 2: if this is just out of the blue.

483
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 3: I remember watching in a podcast if we watching this?

484
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 3: One guy recently he had a divorce attorney come on

485
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,720
Speaker 3: and one of the big questions before people get married

486
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 3: that he was like, you should figure out how do

487
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,160
Speaker 3: you like to fight, and like, whenever you have a disagreement,

488
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:11,480
Speaker 3: do you need space to figure out your thoughts before

489
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 3: you come back? Do you want to talk it out

490
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,159
Speaker 3: right now? Do we go to sleep mad? Do we

491
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 3: not go to sleep mad? What does that look like

492
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:21,640
Speaker 3: that may help you. I'm just don't I just can't

493
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 3: get a vibe on this guy. This guy just is

494
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 3: all over the place having a breakdown.

495
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 2: Something. Something's got to be going on, having a breakdown.

496
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if that's even it. I don't know.

497
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 2: Dutchess Cassanda says she did say she'd never seen her

498
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 2: husband act this way, okay, and Persa Grieba says, if

499
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 2: you're scared it's over, your partner should never make you

500
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 2: feel unsafe. Absolutely, I agreed. I quickly packed what I needed,

501
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,280
Speaker 2: and my mom came and got me. I've been with

502
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,679
Speaker 2: her for about five days now, and I feel just numb.

503
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 2: I can't believe how fast this all happened, and how

504
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 2: my family and marriage got turned upside down in just

505
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 2: a few days. I wish I had never brought up

506
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 2: being a stay at home parent. If I had, this

507
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: never would have happened. Oh, Pie, you need to know.

508
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 2: If this specific scenario hadn't happen, it would have been

509
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 2: something else. Yeah, this man, if this is how he's

510
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 2: reacting to a question to a to you guys trying

511
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 2: to figure out how you're going to parent your kids,

512
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 2: and this is how he's reacting. He would have found

513
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 2: something else to blow up over.

514
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

515
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 2: My husband and I were no contact for a couple

516
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 2: of days, and then he started texting and calling on

517
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 2: day three, saying, Lizzie's been crying for me and misses me.

518
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 2: I've ascertained that Lizzie is safe. I know my husband

519
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 2: would never mistreat her, but I spoke to her yesterday anyways,

520
00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 2: and made sure she's being fed, going to school, and

521
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 2: doing her homework. She was crying and asking me when

522
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 2: I'd come back, and I didn't know what to say

523
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 2: to that, so I said I didn't know, but that

524
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 2: I love her very much. I told my husband to

525
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 2: stop using Lizzie as a pond to manipulate me into

526
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 2: coming back, because it won't work. He actually said, I'm

527
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 2: proving I'm a terrible step parent by not coming back

528
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 2: and being there for her. Man has not learned anything

529
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 2: in the five days. I said that if I'm so terrible,

530
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:05,920
Speaker 2: you shouldn't want me back then and do not speak

531
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 2: to me again until he is ready to go to

532
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,080
Speaker 2: counseling and leave Lizzie out of our problems. I said.

533
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 2: If Lizzie is mentioned in any text or email, I

534
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,159
Speaker 2: will delete it without reading the rest of it. I

535
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 2: set any phone call where he tries to bring her

536
00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: up outside of the context of her being safe and

537
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 2: taken care of, I will immediately hang up. I said,

538
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 2: I do not want to talk to him right now,

539
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,119
Speaker 2: and he should figure out what he wants because I

540
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 2: am ready to file for divorce if he doesn't pull

541
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 2: it together soon.

542
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,719
Speaker 3: I thought they were married there, although she said she

543
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 3: wasn't married.

544
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 2: No, she's married, she said. Oh. Earlier, she said that

545
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 2: he had originally asked her to become a stay at

546
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 2: howned parent and quit her job when they first started dating,

547
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 2: got it, or maybe not first started dating, but like

548
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,679
Speaker 2: we had gotten serious but weren't married, and she was

549
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 2: saying that she didn't want to get She didn't want

550
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,639
Speaker 2: to do that because she didn't have the security of

551
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:55,360
Speaker 2: being married him.

552
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 3: God, So I just now when I mentioned about the

553
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 3: boyfriend and girlfriend, yeah, I thought they weren't. The reason

554
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 3: I brought that up is because I thought they weren't married.

555
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 2: Oh no, they're married. Well, I'm glad that it was

556
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 2: relevant to her first point.

557
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, okay, okay.

558
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 2: He's been silent since except for one text I got

559
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,400
Speaker 2: today saying he wants me back and misses me this man,

560
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,399
Speaker 2: stop stop, You're.

561
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 3: Exhausting these mind games.

562
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,120
Speaker 2: I really don't know where to go from here. I'm

563
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 2: still trying to process all of it, although writing it

564
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 2: down here helps. I just can't believe my husband did

565
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,919
Speaker 2: all this, and I'm wondering if he just had a

566
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 2: psychotic break, that's what it sounds like. I'm wondering what

567
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 2: Fred flaggs I've missed all this time, and why I

568
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,439
Speaker 2: was stupid enough to marry and have a family with

569
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 2: this guy, and how could I've been so blind. I

570
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 2: want to divorce him, but I'm not ready to head

571
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 2: for the divorce court yet. I want some space and

572
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 2: time to process it all and see if my husband

573
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: shows signs of wanting to go to counseling or trying

574
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 2: to repair the damage done, if this was just a

575
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,959
Speaker 2: one time thing, or if this is who he really is.

576
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,159
Speaker 2: I feel terrible for Lizzie, but I can't put myself

577
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 2: or my son in jeopardy by moving back out of guilt.

578
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 2: I'm being selfish right now and saying that my son

579
00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 2: and I are priorities. Right now, I have to do

580
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 2: what's best for my son. And there is a second.

581
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 3: You go, girl, you're you do, You're doing it.

582
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 2: You were in an unsafe situation where your husband was

583
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 2: screaming and yelling at you, yeah, and just not listening

584
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:24,840
Speaker 2: at all, and it still seems like he is not

585
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 2: capable of listening to you or understanding what needs to

586
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 2: be done. And so right now, it's just it's the best.

587
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 2: You know, the best thing for you is to stay

588
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,880
Speaker 2: with your mom, stay with a safe person with your

589
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 2: child until you're able to have an actual conversation with him.

590
00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 3: And maybe that is never goodness, gracious, dode, go get

591
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 3: your brain scanned. What I Yeah, I don't really have

592
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 3: anything else to say. I'm just more worried about her

593
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,159
Speaker 3: after divorce. Could she get could she go back to

594
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 3: full time with her sales job and be okay, get

595
00:26:57,760 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 3: child support? All these kind of things.

596
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 2: I mean, I think I'm sure Like it seems like

597
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 2: her work would be fine with her going back to

598
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 2: full time. Of course, it would be tricky because she's

599
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 2: you know, having to take care of the kid and stuff.

600
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 2: But yeah, we'll see. But there is a second update, truthfully,

601
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,439
Speaker 2: Oh whoa I do? Oh Sarah Montrass's if it's a

602
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 2: medical concern, he definitely needs help. But I've dealt with

603
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 2: too many narcissists and they can hide their true selves

604
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 2: for a very long time. Could go either way, but

605
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 2: medical testing couldn't hurt oh man. But let's get into

606
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 2: this update. Hi everyone, I know it's been a long time,

607
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: but I just wanted to give a brief update while

608
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 2: I still have time. I put small whales to shame

609
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 2: with my current size, and my baby is ready to

610
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 2: burst out of me in just a few weeks, although

611
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 2: he technically could come any day now. So after my

612
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 2: last post, my husband's brother and best friend went over

613
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: there to figure out what the heck was going on.

614
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, more answers.

615
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 2: Finally, my boss was gracious and let me start maternity

616
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 2: leave early, saying to take my time and figure out

617
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 2: what I'm going to do, and my job is ready

618
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,200
Speaker 2: for me when I come back, so they are taking

619
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 2: really good care of me. I also got a personal therapist,

620
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 2: because obvious reasons are obvious. I was a numbshell for

621
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 2: a while, and one day I just broke and started

622
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,399
Speaker 2: crying and crying and crying and could not stop for

623
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 2: the life of me. I don't think I've cried that

624
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 2: hard ever in my life. My therapist has been a

625
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 2: great part of my support system and guiding me through

626
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 2: my issues and supporting my decisions. So, as I said,

627
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 2: my husband's brother and friend went over there to talk

628
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 2: to him, and they told me that he told them

629
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 2: he was pissed off I was breaking our previous agreement

630
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 2: and that he couldn't help but feel I didn't love

631
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 2: Lizzie or that I loved our son more, and that

632
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 2: maybe he made a mistake marrying me because now I

633
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 2: was picking sides and being unstable, and that I had

634
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 2: left when he told me to treat the children fairly

635
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 2: because he didn't think our son should get a stay

636
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 2: at O mom because Lizzie didn't.

637
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 3: WHOA, my dude, that is some reach in here.

638
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:03,960
Speaker 2: Wow, he is just totally manipulating or just like lying

639
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 2: about the situation.

640
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 3: I know, OPI He's gonna find more red flags of

641
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 3: what happened in this relationship.

642
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 2: This is just the tip of the iceberg. Oh yeah,

643
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 2: and they completely ripped into him. His best friend, Craig

644
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: asked him what the f was he on to come

645
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 2: to such a ridiculous conclusion, he pointed out all I

646
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 2: had ever done for Lizzie and that me being a

647
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 2: part time working, stay at o mom would benefit her

648
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 2: too because I would be able to do more things

649
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 2: with her and spend more time with her, and also

650
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 2: that he was a moron and I was smart and

651
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 2: clearly not after his money, because I could have been

652
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom just for her and let

653
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 2: him be the sole financial provider, but I didn't. His brother, Daniel,

654
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 2: was even more blunt. Daniel called my husband an ale

655
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 2: and douchebag and said point blank he didn't deserve me.

656
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 2: He said, my husband was being a controlling knucklehead and

657
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 2: punishing me for his witch of an ex wife he

658
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: shouldn't have married and reproduced with in the first place.

659
00:29:57,720 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 2: You're I mean, at least you know he's got some

660
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 2: people in his life. I'm telling him, telling him things straight.

661
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 3: That's that's nice. That's nice.

662
00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 2: Apparently there is a lot of family anger on my

663
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: husband's side for him marrying and having a kid with

664
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 2: his ex wife, and I won't go into it anyway.

665
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 2: Daniel said, I was the best thing to ever happen

666
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 2: to him, my husband and Lizzie, and he was ruining

667
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 2: it with his own two hands, and he better manned

668
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: the f up and get over his ex and start

669
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 2: treating me better and appreciating me more, and that he

670
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 2: was being a crap parent to Lizzie and our son

671
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 2: by thinking that forcing me to return to work was

672
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 2: okay because that made it fair, and that I was

673
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 2: a far better mother to Lizzie than his ex ever was.

674
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 2: And I did a dang good job of showing my

675
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 2: love for I wrote that my husband started texting me

676
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 2: in my last post, and then he started blowing up

677
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 2: my phone begging me to come back, that he couldn't function,

678
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 2: et cetera. He also broke my rule and said Lizzie

679
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 2: wasn't doing well without me, which really angered me and

680
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 2: broke my heart because I loved that little girl. But

681
00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 2: it felt so manipulative.

682
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I see he's weaponizing.

683
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,760
Speaker 2: He's using Lizzie to uh to, you know, get you

684
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 2: to do what he wants. She misses you, she wants

685
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 2: you to come back. Yeah. I feel like I look,

686
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 2: I look more pale now, ISN'TM I crazy? I basically

687
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 2: told my husband, if he continues to use Lizzie as

688
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 2: a reason, I should come back. I would be filing

689
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 2: for divorce because I would not be with someone who

690
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 2: uses a child as a manipulative tool, and that I

691
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 2: didn't want to be a replacement mom for Lizzie. I

692
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 2: wanted to be his wife and have a family with

693
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 2: him that included Lizzie. I said, get a therapist and

694
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 2: into couples counseling with me, or he would be getting

695
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 2: divorce papers because I will not have my son in

696
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 2: a toxic, controlling environment. Good on you. My husband agreed

697
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,479
Speaker 2: to both, saying he couldn't live without me and he

698
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 2: knew he needed help. I just still don't trust this.

699
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 3: Friends. You guys gotta, like I don't know, band together

700
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 3: and track this man of therapy or something. Yeah that,

701
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 3: but he's gonna go. I want this to work out

702
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 3: in the aspect that they have a kid, grabbing a

703
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 3: kid together, having a kid together, OHPI solid, Lizzie has

704
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 3: a good mom influencing her life. I just want this

705
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 3: man to fix whatever's going on in his head so

706
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 3: that he can like make this happen. Yeah, like I agree.

707
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 3: I do think it could still work out, but this

708
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,040
Speaker 3: behavior has got to get out, has got to go.

709
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 3: You gotta get to the root of it as fast

710
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 3: as you possibly can, my dude, and get rid of it.

711
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 3: You gotta, you gotta, you gotta weed eat that thing.

712
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: Please.

713
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam, your og host.

714
00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 3: Here.

715
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

716
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

717
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: Our couple's therapist was great. She touched on all the

718
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 2: issues I wrote about and tried to get my husband

719
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 2: to see he was being unfair and controlling. While it

720
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 2: was understandable he would have a lot of fear and

721
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 2: pain from his previous marriage, it was cruel to take

722
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 2: out his issues on me because I had never wronged

723
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,720
Speaker 2: him and was not his ex wife, So why was

724
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,440
Speaker 2: he making me pay for what she did to him.

725
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 2: It basically boiled down to my husband being afraid of

726
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 2: me becoming like his ex and I would favor our

727
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 2: son and hurt his daughter, or love her or not

728
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 2: love her anymore. The therapist touched on the issue of

729
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 2: his kids versus my arkids. She said my husband needed

730
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 2: to keep in mind that it is natural to feel

731
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 2: more connected and attached to biological children as opposed to

732
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 2: step children. She told my husband that while both Lizzie

733
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 2: and our son were his children. This was not the

734
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 2: case for me, and not only was that natural and expected,

735
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 2: it was okay. She asked, Had I not been loving

736
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 2: and kind with Lizzie? Had I not taken care of her?

737
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 2: Did I go out of my way and sacrifice her

738
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 2: for her as would any other parent do? My husband

739
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 2: replied hesitantly but positively to all the questions. So she said,

740
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 2: then there was nothing wrong with my feelings or changing

741
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 2: my mind. As long as I continue to treat Lizzie

742
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 2: with love, respect and kindness, that there wasn't a problem.

743
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 2: She also pointed out that while he might be affronted

744
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 2: because Lizzie is also his biological child, it was not

745
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 2: fair of him to expect I feel the same love

746
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 2: and connection to her as he did. As he did,

747
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 2: that it was in fact impossible because I had not

748
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:06,480
Speaker 2: carried her, gave birth to her, nursed her, and didn't

749
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 2: come into my life until she was already a little girl.

750
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 2: She said. There are many kinds of love, and me

751
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 2: having this special bond with the baby and wanting to

752
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 2: stay home and nest was not only natural. It didn't

753
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 2: mean I had lost any maternal love for Lizzie. That

754
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 2: I wasn't less or wrong or unfair, just different, and

755
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 2: that one of the biggest mistakes biological parents make with

756
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: the stepparent is guilting or bullying them about their feelings

757
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 2: towards step children versus biological children and insisting it has

758
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,120
Speaker 2: to be the exact same way. Good on this, good

759
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,799
Speaker 2: on this therapist, good point gets it.

760
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's not one of the red pill. Imagine

761
00:34:42,680 --> 00:34:44,320
Speaker 3: they went to a red therapist.

762
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 2: And they're like, uh D, maybe you should just quit

763
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 2: your domb and be a staidle mom. Did you not

764
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 2: think that?

765
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 3: Yeah? I don't like that, and.

766
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: Now I'm real tan, She said, while that is also

767
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 2: a natural and protective instinct, that the biological parent actually

768
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 2: ends up being the one causing freetion and tension, making

769
00:35:02,040 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 2: both stepparents and child feel inferior, and if care isn't taken,

770
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 2: the stepchild can end up being the favored one because

771
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 2: the biological parent tries to make up for a favoritism

772
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 2: they believe exists. This was starting to be my feelings.

773
00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 2: She wrapped up by saying parents even tend to have

774
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 2: favorites among biological children, but that the key was to

775
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 2: not act on that or make it obvious and that

776
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 2: was what I was doing, and that it sounds like

777
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,360
Speaker 2: I had done a great job so far, and that

778
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 2: we were even ahead of the game because Lizzie was

779
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,280
Speaker 2: very excited about the pregnancy and had a very positive

780
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 2: and close relationship with me. My husband tries to argue,

781
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 2: saying me staying home with our son but not her

782
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 2: was blatant favoritism. The therapist countered with many of the

783
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 2: points made in the last post, that I was not

784
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 2: in a place in my career at the time to

785
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 2: work from home. I would have had to quit my

786
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 2: job at the time in order to do so. I

787
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 2: was not in a place in our relationship to be

788
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 2: a stay at home mom. I was not yet married

789
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 2: and didn't feel comfortable giving up all my financial security

790
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 2: without being married. That Lizzie was already ready to be

791
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,919
Speaker 2: in preschool, she wasn't an infant, and that most people

792
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,799
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to give up a career they love to

793
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 2: stay full to stay home full time to a child

794
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,359
Speaker 2: that didn't need full time care, and that they had

795
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 2: no biological connection to. Lizzie wouldn't know the difference because

796
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 2: she was old enough to know I wasn't her mother

797
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:17,960
Speaker 2: and didn't come into the picture until she was just

798
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 2: past the baby toddler stage, and that even small children

799
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:25,839
Speaker 2: can understand babies need more care than preschoolers, especially if

800
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:29,480
Speaker 2: it's explained calmly to them. In short, she said, the

801
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 2: fact that I was more than happy to spend more

802
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 2: time with Lizzie, wanted her to be in the baby's life,

803
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 2: wasn't being territorial or aggressive about the pregnancy, and was

804
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 2: still taking an active role in Lizzie's life was a

805
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 2: very good sign and that we were in fact doing

806
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 2: much better than many step families in our position, except

807
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:51,120
Speaker 2: for the fact that your husband freaking sucks because says

808
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,839
Speaker 2: he's so narcissistic he won't even listen to a therapist. Ope,

809
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 2: he should just leave. I mean the fact that he's

810
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 2: still like, well it's it's favorite to zone.

811
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 3: And the therapist is like, now here's some facts, buddy. No,

812
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 3: why are we not? Why are we against the wife?

813
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 3: This marks my heart me too, Like.

814
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 2: You're ruining what seems like what seemed like a really

815
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 2: great relationship. Yeah, and family s sh, that's aio man

816
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: down the toilet. I'm sorry to say, my husband tried

817
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 2: but just couldn't accept it. We tried going on family outings,

818
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 2: more and therapy, but he backed out, saying he felt

819
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 2: he was being ganged up on and that no one

820
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 2: was on his side. He simply couldn't see why I

821
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 2: should stay home to work with the baby. I asked

822
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 2: point blank if he even wanted the baby, and seemed

823
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,280
Speaker 2: shocked and said, of course he did. He just wanted

824
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 2: to make sure his daughter got what was owed to her.

825
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 2: In the end, he refused to compromise, and frankly, I

826
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 2: saw it as being blatantly unfair and cruel to our

827
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 2: son to insist yet to be put in daycare or

828
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 2: given to a nanny or a pair, all in the

829
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 2: name of fairness, despite both his therapist and ours explaining

830
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 2: fairness does not always mean equality. It's like he didn't

831
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 2: want to see how me being a state O mom

832
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 2: would also greatly benefit his daughter. I think my husband

833
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,920
Speaker 2: expected me to cave. All it did was make me

834
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:14,720
Speaker 2: lose love and affection for him, especially when he quit therapy.

835
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 2: You know, he's just ruining his relationship. He's not gonna

836
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 2: get his way, He's just gonna lose his partner. She's

837
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 2: gonna be single.

838
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 3: Crabs and buggeted.

839
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: I warned him. If he did or tried to insist

840
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 2: on having his way, I would be filing for at

841
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 2: the very least legal separation. I think he thought I

842
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 2: was bluffing, because when nothing changed, I went straight to

843
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 2: the attorney's office. He was completely shocked when I had

844
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,720
Speaker 2: him served. I have arranged a semi formal custody arrangement.

845
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: I will keep the working from home arrangement while staying

846
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: with my parents. My husband is not allowed to be

847
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,839
Speaker 2: in the birthing room when I go into labor. Yes,

848
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 2: to stay in the waiting room. He can see and

849
00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 2: hold our son, but he will have to do it

850
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,279
Speaker 2: while I'm there with someone else there. I insisted on

851
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 2: this because I'm frankly very afraid now with my husband

852
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 2: and do not trust him at all. My husband is

853
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 2: consumed with shock and grief. His family is furious with

854
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 2: him and completely supports me, although of course they are

855
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 2: very upset by the whole thing. I have told all

856
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,839
Speaker 2: of his family they are more than welcome to come

857
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 2: to the birth and hold the baby. In fact, I

858
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 2: want them there so they can supervise my husband with

859
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 2: the baby so he doesn't do something horrible. I mean,

860
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 2: just the fact that you're even thinking that this relationship, Yeah,

861
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 2: could not work. Like if you are scared that your

862
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 2: husband will do something to the baby, you got it,

863
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 2: You got to get out of there their own son

864
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,960
Speaker 2: Mingming says he is selective hearing, meaning he only hears himself.

865
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,319
Speaker 2: M A and Miss Jaber says, since my daughter didn't

866
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 2: get it, my son shouldn't.

867
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:42,400
Speaker 5: Is not a flex it's a big whiny baby.

868
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're just a baby.

869
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 5: It's it's another are three kids in this story?

870
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't. It's that kind of logic doesn't make

871
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:51,840
Speaker 2: any sense.

872
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 3: Absolutely, it's not logical.

873
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 2: My husband texts and calls and emails me constantly. He

874
00:39:56,920 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 2: says he can't believe I'm doing this. Why can't I

875
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,440
Speaker 2: listen to him and understand him? Please come back and

876
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 2: be a family again, etc. I have told him he

877
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 2: needs to get back into therapy, and that I need

878
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 2: to be able to trust him with our son, and

879
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 2: that trust will only come when I see a change

880
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,040
Speaker 2: in his attitude for guarding our son and my stepdaughter,

881
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 2: and that I need to feel like a wife to

882
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:19,000
Speaker 2: him and not just a mom to Lizzie. I love Lizzie,

883
00:40:19,040 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 2: I truly do. I cry every day over losing her.

884
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:24,319
Speaker 2: But I didn't marry my husband to be her mom,

885
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 2: although I knew that was part of the package deal.

886
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 2: I did it because I loved my husband and wanted

887
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 2: a life with him. Lizzie calls me often, and I

888
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 2: talked to her. I've seen her a few times since

889
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,840
Speaker 2: this fiasco. Her father is not allowed to talk about

890
00:40:36,840 --> 00:40:39,400
Speaker 2: her to me because I feel he's being manipulative. But

891
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,479
Speaker 2: I don't want to cut Lizzie out cold turkey either.

892
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 2: I love that girl, I truly do, and I've cried

893
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 2: so many tears over her going through this. I tell

894
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 2: Lizzie I love her very much, that none of this

895
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 2: is her fault, and that I'm doing the best I

896
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 2: can to make things work. I tell her I still

897
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,720
Speaker 2: want to be in her life and her brother's life,

898
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 2: and that she's the best bonus daughter and sister in

899
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 2: the world. I've heard from my husband's family Lizzie is

900
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 2: not taking her separation well, and it has even screamed

901
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 2: at her dad for making both my mommy's leave.

902
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:17,759
Speaker 3: No foo this man, Lizzie.

903
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 2: I've been afraid Lizzie would hate me for this, but

904
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:24,440
Speaker 2: in fact, just the opposite has happened. Her grades are failing.

905
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 2: She's depressed, and she cries all the time and has

906
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,800
Speaker 2: become very disrespectful to her dad. Why does she have grades?

907
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 2: Didn't she in preschool?

908
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 3: Do they? They gotta like test these kids all the time.

909
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 3: They got to make sure they're on track, you know,

910
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 3: they got the like academic things. Sure you don't.

911
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,240
Speaker 2: You don't remember that I was in preschool.

912
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 3: I remember in first grade. Oh, I'm sorry, this is

913
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,080
Speaker 3: gonna take a second, but it's gonna pay off. I

914
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:49,680
Speaker 3: remember going into first grade and having to read this

915
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,600
Speaker 3: like list of words, and the first two pages that

916
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 3: got right. The third page didn't get as many rights,

917
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 3: and then the fourth page that got some right, and

918
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 3: then that like the tenth page was like really hard words,

919
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 3: didn't get any of those right. That woman was testing

920
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 3: if I was going to pass first grade or not,

921
00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 3: and I knew what she was doing and I had

922
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,800
Speaker 3: to get him right. And it was kind of crazy,

923
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 3: like I felt the pressure. Like about halfway through, I

924
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 3: was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, because I

925
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 3: remember earlier this kid went into that room, came out

926
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 3: and he was had his hands on his head like

927
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 3: I didn't make it. It didn't do we're good, And

928
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 3: I was like, I was like, what do you mean

929
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 3: you didn't make it? Oh, guess who what isn't in

930
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 3: the second grade next year? That kid you were? But

931
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 3: I was there, you go.

932
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 2: And people are saying, she's eight now, so that's that's

933
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:36,160
Speaker 2: why bad.

934
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, she's third grade. That's when I forgot my

935
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 3: first C and I cried.

936
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 2: Same same in my math class because I was really

937
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 2: bad at math until like fifth grade, and then I

938
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 2: got really pretty bad math. Okay, well mental math. Once

939
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 2: we started doing algebra, I killed it. Once I got

940
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 2: a calculator, I was.

941
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 3: That was a problem.

942
00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't do mental math. I have begged my

943
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 2: husband to please get that girl counseling, and he has,

944
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:05,880
Speaker 2: which has been helping her. The guilt I feel is

945
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 2: overwhelming and crushing. I feel like I've single handedly destroyed

946
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 2: my family. But I know I'm making the right decision

947
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 2: by sticking to what I think is right and insisting

948
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 2: I be treated with love and respect, and then my

949
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:19,360
Speaker 2: husband do the same for both of the kids. I

950
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 2: can't fix him, and if he's unwilling to get help

951
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 2: for his issues, I have no future with him. I

952
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 2: am not willing to go for divorce, yet, hence the

953
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,919
Speaker 2: long separation. My husband insists he wants this to work.

954
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 2: I said, I need to see changes in his life,

955
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 2: starting with him getting back into therapy. By the way,

956
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 2: you should get back into listening to full episodes with

957
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,760
Speaker 2: stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts

958
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,320
Speaker 2: or your favorite podcast app and search a pokeas storytime

959
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 2: and there is a teenc bit left. But ope, you

960
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:52,760
Speaker 2: didn't ruin the marriage at all. You literally did zero

961
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,439
Speaker 2: to ruin the marriage. Your husband threw a hissy fit

962
00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 2: and destroyed his whole life and literally your your therapist,

963
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,879
Speaker 2: his therapist, his entire family thinks so too.

964
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 3: And you know what sucks is while he was giving

965
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,479
Speaker 3: that hissy fit, what was he doing. Here's a list

966
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 3: of options to make this work out.

967
00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he was like.

968
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:16,359
Speaker 3: No, no, pull it together, dude. Ah, dude. If I

969
00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 3: was your best friend, I would strangle you. I'd be like,

970
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 3: what is wh gop? That's what I would do. Key On,

971
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 3: if you pull this crap and you had a beautiful

972
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:29,919
Speaker 3: child and you were doing this to your lovely wife,

973
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 3: I'd be like, ke on, get it together, get it together,

974
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 3: get it together.

975
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:33,720
Speaker 2: Other man, I would.

976
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 4: I would, Yeah, I would, Honestly I would never but yeah,

977
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:38,360
Speaker 4: if I were doing that, I would.

978
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 5: I would give you consented.

979
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 3: To do that.

980
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 2: My friends, you know, snap me out of.

981
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 3: This Oh yeah behavior, Oh yeah, I hope.

982
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 2: But there's a little bit left to the story.

983
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 3: Hey, it's John you og host here. We're gonna get

984
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,479
Speaker 3: back to the stories. But he's a quick three minute

985
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 3: break of ass from our sponsors.

986
00:44:52,360 --> 00:44:55,960
Speaker 2: I want to save my marriage, but I've done all

987
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,120
Speaker 2: I can and if my husband won't do his part,

988
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 2: there's nothing I can do except move on. Exactly. You've

989
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 2: literally done everything you can possibly do to try and

990
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 2: make this relationship work. I've told my husband if he

991
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 2: has not gotten therapy by the time our son is

992
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 2: a month old, I will be filing for divorce, and

993
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: that if he abuses me, hurts me, or even thinks

994
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:17,120
Speaker 2: of dating other people again, I will be filing for divorce.

995
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 3: Ooh, a divorce on me. Definitely is thinking about it.

996
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 2: He's thinking about it. Thought crime on all. A sad update,

997
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 2: but one that is a type of Catharsis for me.

998
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 2: So I thought I would share thank you to everyone

999
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 2: who has given me such great advice and support. Before

1000
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:34,240
Speaker 2: you're all wonderful. Sorry, this was so long and couldn't

1001
00:45:34,239 --> 00:45:38,720
Speaker 2: be better news. And that is the end of that story.

1002
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, dude, figure it now.

1003
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:43,799
Speaker 2: Literally. Uh.

1004
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 3: Speaking of thought crime, I had a dream crime where

1005
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 3: recently someone has wronged one of my closest friends in

1006
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 3: a really messed up way, and I had a dream.

1007
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:54,759
Speaker 5: Tell me about it.

1008
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 3: I can't really explain it, but I had a dream

1009
00:45:56,920 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 3: that I was that this person entered my house and

1010
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 3: I yelled at him to leave.

1011
00:46:00,800 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 5: I love that that's your dream.

1012
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was my dream. I was like, I was

1013
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 3: like get out, and everyone else was like Riley's just

1014
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 3: joking around and I was like no, shut it out.

1015
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 3: And I was like so mad and like oh. And

1016
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 3: then I went to the shed and Sophia was reading

1017
00:46:18,560 --> 00:46:22,359
Speaker 3: and I left the story because I think Dakota said something,

1018
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 3: so I just left. And then I come back and

1019
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 3: Sophia found the video of me sleeping on the couch

1020
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 3: and was reading the story and acting like I was

1021
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 3: asleep so she could keep the show going. And then

1022
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 3: whenever she saw me, she was like surprise, like she

1023
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 3: hadn't seen me one hundred years. She just like, where

1024
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 3: have you been get back on on the stream. We

1025
00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:42,400
Speaker 3: gotta go, we gotta we gotta make this happen. Oh

1026
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 3: those were my dreams last night.

1027
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 2: But if you love us, make sure to subscribe. We

1028
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 2: love you and Sham