1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:09,400 Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hello, everyone, 2 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. Okay, So caregiving can be overwhelming, 3 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: but you don't have to do it alone. In today's 4 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: special I Choose Me episode, Debbie Matinopolis is going to 5 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:25,599 Speaker 1: share the tools and support systems and the mindset shifts 6 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: that can make all the difference. So happy to have 7 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 1: you with us again. Thank you so much. Our episode 8 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: that we did a couple of days ago, it was 9 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: very emotional. 10 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, we left. 11 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: It all there, but right now I just want to 12 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: deliver people some information and you are the perfect person 13 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: to lay that out for us. So can we just 14 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: jump right in? 15 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:45,840 Speaker 2: Yes, thank you so much. 16 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: How can someone prepare emotionally and logistically before stepping into 17 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: the role of caregiver? 18 00:00:54,640 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 2: Okay, emotionally logistical, I think emotionally you need to be 19 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 2: very be prepared about what you're about to do and 20 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 2: be completely honest, rudely honest with yourself of how it's 21 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 2: all going to go down. And that means what the good, 22 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 2: the bad, and the ugly, because it's going to be hard. 23 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 2: I'm not gonna sugarcoate it at all. It's going to 24 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,000 Speaker 2: be very difficult. The more you care about someone, the 25 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:27,840 Speaker 2: more difficult it is to be their caregiver. Yeah, so 26 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,680 Speaker 2: be prepared for that. 27 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,119 Speaker 1: Just know, just know that gives some thought. 28 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, give it some thought and understand this is what 29 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 2: you're stepping into. 30 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: Prepare yourself. 31 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 2: Prepare yourself mentally. With that, I had to do that 32 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 2: mentally and emotionally. I'd always prepare myself. Even when I 33 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,679 Speaker 2: like go out for a minute and come back, I'd 34 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 2: be like, Okay, I'm going to step back into the house. 35 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 2: I need I need to be strong for this person, 36 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 2: because this person cannot be strong for themselves. That's number one. 37 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,160 Speaker 2: Number two. I think we talked about this in the 38 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 2: last episode as well. You have to be an advocate 39 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 2: for that person that you are the caregiver for because again, 40 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 2: they don't have a voice, So you are the voice 41 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,760 Speaker 2: for them, whether that's the doctors that they're seeing every day, 42 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:12,680 Speaker 2: the hospital, if they're in a hospital, if you have 43 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,920 Speaker 2: help and there's caregivers at the house too, So you 44 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 2: have to be the voice for them. They're also an 45 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:23,720 Speaker 2: advocate for yourself. That's why I am the ambassador for 46 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:27,840 Speaker 2: National Family Caregivers Month this November because I feel so 47 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 2: strongly about the fact that having been in a caregiving 48 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 2: position and not at that time, not knowing you're in 49 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 2: a caregiving position, you're just being a good daughter. You 50 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:40,639 Speaker 2: realize if you don't put the defibrillator on yourself, everyone 51 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,320 Speaker 2: else around you's gonna die. So you have to make 52 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 2: sure that you are taking care of yourself. You have 53 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 2: to make sure you're eating, to make sure that you're 54 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 2: taking even if it's five or ten minutes of just 55 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 2: some peace and quiet for yourself, to quiet your brain 56 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 2: and try to get back to your center, because you 57 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:00,120 Speaker 2: have to be at your center to be good for 58 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,959 Speaker 2: the person that you are caring for. 59 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:06,119 Speaker 1: Very good advice. What about like healthcare directives or power 60 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: of attorney. 61 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 2: Well, you have to accept what they want, as difficult 62 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 2: as it is for you, and find some peace in 63 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 2: it and find that you were able to. 64 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 1: I think it's important too that you get you know 65 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: that in enough advance before things get to the point 66 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: where they aren't able to either clearly articulate it or 67 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: even think it through themselves. If you know my mom's 68 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: situation with Alzheimer's and dementia, you got to get ahead 69 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: of that and get all your ducks in a row 70 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: like legally to make sure that what they do want 71 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 1: ultimately is what. 72 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 2: Happens exactly, and also to you also, having said that, 73 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 2: as difficult and as dark as it is, I would 74 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 2: suggest having arrangements planned for the funeral. Do you want 75 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 2: to be cremated? Do you want to be buried? Do 76 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 2: you want to be and musleium? What exactly do you 77 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 2: want us to do? Where do you want to be? 78 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 2: Go get that plot of land, make sure it's all 79 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: sort of buttoned up ahead of time. Because what happens 80 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 2: is when someone does pass and listen, not everybody is 81 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:13,880 Speaker 2: an opportunity is given that kind of possibility. But if 82 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 2: you have the option to do this, do it because 83 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 2: as soon as someone's passes you, even no matter how 84 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 2: prepared you are for this person to pass, it's your 85 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 2: brain does crazy things and everybody is scrambling and everybody 86 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 2: is heartbroken, and you're almost living in you're almost watching 87 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 2: yourself live and go through the motions, and so it 88 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 2: can be very difficult to plant yeah or you know, 89 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 2: something like that. So just try to have as much 90 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 2: of that as possible already set up. 91 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 3: God advice, if you've been ghosted, divorced, or left for 92 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 3: someone else, Snap out it. It's not for you to give 93 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 3: some help by listening to us that I Do Part two. 94 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 3: Listen to I Do Part two on the iHeartRadio app, 95 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 3: Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. 96 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: What do you tell people, like, what's the first thing 97 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:22,280 Speaker 1: that they should do when they decide that they're going 98 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,360 Speaker 1: to become a full time caregiver for their person? 99 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 2: Well, I would tell you this what I have done, 100 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 2: what I have learned from the past of my father. 101 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 2: There's so many different technologies out there now, there's a 102 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 2: million different technologies that can help us that weren't around 103 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:42,080 Speaker 2: when you know, even ten years ago with my dad, 104 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 2: they just weren't there. And every day there's a new app, 105 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 2: there's a new like some sort of texting, there's cameras, 106 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,360 Speaker 2: there's this or that. There's something that I have been 107 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 2: using that has been incredible, Jenny. It's called no most 108 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,679 Speaker 2: smart care, and it is it's non invasive because, for instance, 109 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 2: with somebody like your mom who is and now your 110 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 2: mom and now my mom, but your mom who's suffering 111 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 2: from dementia and Alzheimer's is they don't want cameras in 112 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 2: their house if you haven't noticed, they're not a big 113 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 2: fan of having cameras. And when you get to that place, 114 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 2: a lot of times you think people are spying on you. 115 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 2: Not a good thing for somebody who may be having 116 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 2: some sort of you know, memory loss. They're not into it. 117 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 2: So with this, it's so non invasive. And my mom, 118 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 2: who is thank goodness, she's still well, but she's older 119 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 2: and she lives by herself. And now having lived having 120 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 2: experienced that with my dad, I'm trying to get ahead 121 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,200 Speaker 2: of the game, like you said. So with no Moah 122 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 2: Smart Care, they have these like tags and these these 123 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 2: little satellites that they're basically like little plugins and you 124 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 2: plug them into your wall, just like you would plug 125 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,160 Speaker 2: anything else in Okay, and a hub that's connected to them. 126 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 2: And so it's like a it's emotion sensor. And there's 127 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,720 Speaker 2: an app on my phone where me and my sister 128 00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,919 Speaker 2: and my brother all connected this app and we know 129 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 2: what's happening inside of my mother's house and we this 130 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,359 Speaker 2: the the technology learns your loved ones behaviors, and the 131 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 2: routines say, you have this tag on your mom's door, 132 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 2: which is it's this big you can't see it. It's 133 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 2: the same, the same sticker. It's like a sticker exactly. Okay, 134 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 2: And you can put one on the refrigerator. You can 135 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 2: put one on a pill box, you can put one 136 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 2: on the bathroom door. You put the plugins like wherever 137 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 2: she passes and walks by. Most of the time there 138 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 2: you don't see them at all. But I know, like 139 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 2: it'll it learns her patterns and it'll say, okay, mom 140 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 2: got up to date at eight thirty. Tomorrow, Mom got 141 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 2: up at eight thirty, and it goes, okay, well, what 142 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:39,200 Speaker 2: if Mom's starting to get up at nine thirty, which 143 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 2: is going up at ten thirty. What if she didn't 144 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 2: open the refrigerator to eat. That's weird. 145 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,119 Speaker 1: You're seeing all that like happen. 146 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 2: So you're seeing that perhaps she's slowing down and you're like, okay, Mom, 147 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 2: You're okay, it's weird. You're getting up later and later. 148 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 2: Now you can see if she's eating, you can see 149 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 2: she picked up her pill box and took her pill, 150 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 2: or if she didn't take her pill, or if she 151 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 2: took her pill twice. Because if you have memory loss 152 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 2: and you forget these things, you can put them on 153 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,640 Speaker 2: the front door on the back door in case they 154 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 2: walk out of their house and you're like, oh my gosh, 155 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 2: she left the house at such and where is she? 156 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 1: Where is she? Yeah, it gets wild when you can't 157 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: you can't really trust the person, you know, you can't 158 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: put your full belief in what they're telling you, because 159 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: sometimes they don't. They're making it up or they thought 160 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: they did it, or so. This sounds like a game 161 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: changer for people who are at that phase where they're 162 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: not ready their parents, not ready to not live the 163 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 1: way they've. 164 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 4: Always lived exactly. It's like a little buffer before the 165 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:38,800 Speaker 4: next exactly. And Okay, also it keeps you if something 166 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 4: were to happen that hub that it's connected to that 167 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:42,439 Speaker 4: that kind of looks like. 168 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 2: A Alexa thing. 169 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: Uhh it. 170 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,360 Speaker 2: You can talk through it. So I could get on 171 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 2: my app and be like mom, Mom, are you there? 172 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 2: Which is cool. 173 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 1: My mom would be like, what the hell? 174 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 3: I know? 175 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,880 Speaker 2: Where are you? I know? It's that is you know? 176 00:08:59,000 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 2: Is everything? Okay? 177 00:08:59,840 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: Like. 178 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 2: The reason this was so important to me when when 179 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,080 Speaker 2: I heard about it and I wanted to partner with 180 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 2: them is because being far away and not being able 181 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,880 Speaker 2: to be there with her was one of the reasons 182 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,440 Speaker 2: I didn't see my dad slipping, Like when my brother 183 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 2: and sister were like, oh, he's getting old, I said, 184 00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 2: he's not getting old. He's sixty eight years old. Why 185 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 2: is he losing his gait? Why is he slurring? But 186 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 2: I was across the country, so if I'd had something 187 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,680 Speaker 2: like this, I would have been alerted, like always getting 188 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 2: up slower? 189 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 3: Ah, is this that? You know? 190 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 2: What I mean? I'm like, what's going on? And look, 191 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:34,720 Speaker 2: it was als Was it going to do anything? Likely not, 192 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 2: because there's very little out there to even slow the progression, 193 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,599 Speaker 2: and certainly not a cure. So in my case, I 194 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 2: would have just known earlier when I put him to 195 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 2: the doctor earlier. 196 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 1: But that's all great technology thought, that's exciting. 197 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, there are other cases where you do know if 198 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,319 Speaker 2: you know someone's health is starting to deteriorate a little bit. 199 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 2: So I just you know, I wish I had had 200 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 2: it then, But now I am all about it, and 201 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 2: I am the biggest cheerleader of this, And I got 202 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 2: to tell you, I'm gonna send it for your mom 203 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 2: because you should have it on your mom's bedroom door, 204 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:10,079 Speaker 2: you should have in her pill case, have it on 205 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 2: the fridge, because it still gives her anconomy because a 206 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 2: time where you're not breathing down her neck and oh 207 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 2: did you do this? Mom? Did you do that? Just 208 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,439 Speaker 2: check the check your you know app. 209 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: Because she doesn't like that. Yeah, no, she wants to 210 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: fill independent, even though it's not really realistic. We talked 211 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,559 Speaker 1: about this a little bit ago. Or caregiving can be 212 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: very isolating, and you said that being your own advocate 213 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: is really important. How what are like a couple of little, 214 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: tiny ways that we can remember to take care of 215 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 1: ourselves while we're also caring for our parents. 216 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 2: Well, I think even look, it's hard. It's easy to say, 217 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 2: get some time away for yourself, but it's also really 218 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 2: difficult to actually do. Like we were talking about, I 219 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 2: was on shifts, I was taking care of my dad. 220 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 2: My mom would come home. Then I would go and 221 00:10:56,679 --> 00:11:01,480 Speaker 2: do something. If you can't leave the house, take a bath, 222 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 2: get in the bathtub, just sit there with yourself, sit 223 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 2: there for a moment. Go outside and sit in the 224 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,080 Speaker 2: grass ground yourself. Take off your shoes and sit in 225 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 2: nature in the sun. If you can't. Also, you know 226 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,960 Speaker 2: what else is interesting that my body started to really 227 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 2: fall apart because I had to lift him so many times. 228 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:26,960 Speaker 2: And you know, because some people, whether they're have a 229 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 2: long term illness or they're a wheelchairs or whatever it is, 230 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 2: it's it could be very physically taxing. So do stretches. 231 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:34,839 Speaker 1: Stretches. 232 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 2: Do need to stretch, because if you throw your back 233 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 2: out like I did, then you're only you're slowing everybody down. 234 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 2: Remember to you know, I don't know, jerk, meditate, eat 235 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 2: like you may, yeah, because I exactly it was hardly eating. 236 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 2: But you know something that really, something beautiful that could 237 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 2: come out of that, and that did for me was 238 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 2: journaling because I go back now and read what I 239 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 2: was writing, and you don't remember any of that, Jenny, 240 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,680 Speaker 2: because you're so amrod. You're a good idea so bad 241 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 2: and you're just trying to go through the motions. And 242 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,920 Speaker 2: when I would lay in bed after i'd know he 243 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 2: was safe and sound and he's laying there and he's 244 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 2: going to go to sleep, I would and i'd give 245 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 2: him his medicine. I'd go upstairs and I would lay 246 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 2: in bed and I would just meditate for a moment, 247 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,959 Speaker 2: just in peace, just quiet, just quiet my mind and 248 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,440 Speaker 2: my heart, and then I would I would journal about 249 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,400 Speaker 2: what happened today, How I'm feeling today, how I'm feeling 250 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 2: about things? Am I remembering my childhood and remembering this, 251 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 2: like and you go back and read it in some 252 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 2: of the most beautiful stuff that you will ever have. 253 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,199 Speaker 2: I feel so I'm so happy I did that. 254 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, but even more than just like going back and read, 255 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 1: just getting it out of you in the moment so 256 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 1: so so important. 257 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 2: It's important because you need something and if you don't 258 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 2: have anybody there to talk to, which I didn't, It 259 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 2: was me and my mom. You know the Caregiver's Action Network, 260 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 2: which is incredible. I'll give you all the information for them. 261 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 2: They are incredible. They have a twenty four hour hotline. 262 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 2: They they came to me and they said, we know 263 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,080 Speaker 2: your story. You want to partner with us? And I 264 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 2: was like, a thousand million percent. You don't have to 265 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,440 Speaker 2: ask me twice. I want nothing from you, but I 266 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 2: want to scream from the top of the mountains of 267 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 2: how great you are and how helpful you are. And 268 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 2: one of the reasons being is what I talked to 269 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:22,040 Speaker 2: you about is they are lobbying. Well, we're gonna lobby. 270 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 2: They're discussing us going to Capitol Hill, and lobbying for 271 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,680 Speaker 2: caregivers leaf. We have maternity leaf, we have praternity leaf. 272 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 2: Why don't we have caregivers leave. We've talked about it. 273 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 2: We're fifty six over fifty six million people in America 274 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,280 Speaker 2: are caregivers to someone right now. That number is going 275 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 2: to grow and as we get older, they're going to 276 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 2: be more people on the planet and it's just going 277 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 2: to continue. And we need to get ahead of this 278 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,160 Speaker 2: right now because so many people can't afford to do 279 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 2: what I did, where they just got up and left 280 00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 2: and went and took care of their their loved one. 281 00:13:57,160 --> 00:14:00,679 Speaker 2: And not only can they not afford it, but the 282 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 2: loved one can't afford to be in a living facility, 283 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 2: a living assistant living facility either. So somebody has to 284 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 2: look after these people. So why haven't we as a 285 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 2: nation come together already to say this is super important. 286 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,439 Speaker 2: It's as important at the beginning of a life from 287 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 2: maternity leave and paternity leave as it is at the 288 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 2: end of a life. And we're so wild, it's like's forgotten. Yeah, yeah, 289 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,160 Speaker 2: because this is going to happen to all of us, 290 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 2: all of us. We're all going to get there someday 291 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,760 Speaker 2: and we need to show the same amount of grace 292 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 2: and respect to our loved ones who are passing as 293 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 2: to the loved ones who are just being born. And unfortunately, employers, 294 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 2: well they don't care. We're all replaceable, all of us. 295 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 2: So when you say, hey, my mom's sick, I got it. 296 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 2: Would it be okay if I took a few weeks off? 297 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 2: They're cutting already, they're looking down on You're like, a 298 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 2: few weeks off. You know, the productivity around here is 299 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 2: gonna slip. So you go take the few weeks off. 300 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 2: A few weeks turns into three externs of four weeks. 301 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 2: You come back, your loved ones passed away, and you 302 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 2: don't have a job. How has that help been? 303 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: Not great? Not great? We talked about that earlier, Like 304 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:09,640 Speaker 1: you said, through this organization, you can get that support 305 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 1: because what if you are doing this alone and what 306 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 1: if you don't have anybody to talk to or to 307 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 1: laugh with. You know, I think that's that's a great 308 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 1: thing that you're doing, supporting that and putting that out 309 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 1: there for people. Tell me again what it's called. 310 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,920 Speaker 2: It's called Caregivers Action Network. They are incredible. They're out 311 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 2: of DC and they're incredible. Like what they are doing 312 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,560 Speaker 2: to change the game and to change the face of caregivers. 313 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: I think for the most part, people don't think you're 314 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 2: a caregiver and I'm a caregiver. They don't look at 315 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,440 Speaker 2: you and I and go, oh, that's a caregiver. No, 316 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:45,680 Speaker 2: they think caregivers are someone who's been hired to come 317 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 2: into the house to help your loved one. 318 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 1: R and scrubs like somebody in an outfit, right that 319 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: comes with the. 320 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly who comes with the you know, the arm 321 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 2: cough to take your blood pressure, or it's the person 322 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 2: who works at a assistant living facil Those are the 323 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 2: type of people that are you know, dubbed caregivers when 324 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 2: in all actuality, caregivers are you. They're me, They're my 325 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:17,160 Speaker 2: sister or my brother. There's anybody who is looking after 326 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 2: someone who might have a terminal illness, might have you know, 327 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 2: it's just an age and loved one by a nerd divergent. Now, 328 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 2: people who have nerdivergent children, who have autistic children, they're caregivers. 329 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: I mean as moms were caregivers. 330 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 2: Caregivers for moms. So, by the way, even though the 331 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 2: smart technology that I've been using one other reason I 332 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 2: love is some moth is because the founder actually, you know, 333 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 2: out of the mother invention is necessity. And he actually 334 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 2: created this because his father passed away of a stroke. 335 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 2: Do you hear my dog work? His father passed away 336 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 2: of a stroke and had we all know the first 337 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 2: five hours of a stroke are the most important, So 338 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 2: had he had something like this in the house, he 339 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: would his dad could have pushed the panic button and 340 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,640 Speaker 2: someone would have been there. But you know, so even 341 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 2: though he created it because of for you know, terminally 342 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:17,680 Speaker 2: ill people or for aging adults, in a roundabout way, 343 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 2: it's actually now helping so many more people because it's 344 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,359 Speaker 2: also helping mothers web kids who have autism that are 345 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,360 Speaker 2: growing up, that have graduated high school and can go 346 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 2: in the workforce, and they're not They're capable enough of 347 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 2: living alone and having a job, but not capable of 348 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,480 Speaker 2: enough of not having someone also look after them. 349 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: Right. 350 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 2: So a friend of mine put it in her son's 351 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 2: house and she's like, I cannot thank you enough because 352 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 2: now it just gives me piece. 353 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: Of peace of mind. Yes, oh my gosh, you've given 354 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:53,480 Speaker 1: us so many helpful things to think about, like helpful tips, 355 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:58,479 Speaker 1: and this app and the sticker thing. I you know, 356 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,359 Speaker 1: I know you've helped me a lot with this conversation. 357 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 2: Listen, I want you to know that my phone is 358 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:08,120 Speaker 2: always on. I'm always here for you at any time, 359 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,119 Speaker 2: because it can get really heavy and when you're in 360 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 2: it and you need someone to talk to, it's much 361 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 2: easier to talk to someone who's been there and you 362 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,520 Speaker 2: can see the end of the tunnel and say, yeah, 363 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 2: got this, you're. 364 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 1: I think that's another thing that you're giving us is that, 365 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 1: you know, be that for somebody else that's about to 366 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: do it. That's really kind. Thank you so much for 367 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 1: all your time, Debbie. We really appreciate you, and I 368 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,120 Speaker 1: hope that we'll be able to link what you're talking 369 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,320 Speaker 1: about in our show notes so that people know where 370 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 1: to find this kind of help. 371 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,040 Speaker 2: I would love that we'll link the phone number and 372 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 2: we'll link the websites. I mean, they're super important and 373 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,440 Speaker 2: they're there twenty four hours a day. They're great. 374 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 1: Great. Thank you so much, Debbie. 375 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 4: Thank you, Jenny, love you, love you.