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Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight. From Coast to Coast am on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: And welcome back George Noory with you. Brenda Night with

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Speaker 2: Us began her career at HarperCollins Publishing, working with luminaries

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Speaker 2: such as Palo Koelow, Mary Ann Williamson, His Holiness, the

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Speaker 2: Dalai Lama. She was awarded the Indie FABS Publisher of

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Speaker 2: the Year Award in twenty fifteen and is the author

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Speaker 2: of Random Acts of Kindness, The Gratitude, The Grateful Table,

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Speaker 2: and The Women of the Beat Generation, which won an

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Speaker 2: American Book Award. She's the publisher at Books that Save

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Speaker 2: Lives and also teaches at the San Francisco Writers Conference.

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Speaker 2: After nearly twelve years from Coast to Coast, she's back, Brenda.

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Speaker 2: Where have you been?

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Speaker 3: I don't now. I guess I was out doing so

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Speaker 3: many acts of kindness. But I can't think of a

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Speaker 3: better way to celebrate the first day of Spring that

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Speaker 3: being here with you.

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Speaker 2: This is great. Can you believe almost twelve years?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I've been listening and like you guys are

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Speaker 3: just keep being incredibly awesome and I love what you're doing.

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Speaker 2: When you were on we talk about your book, The

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Speaker 2: grateful table, right.

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Speaker 3: Yes, exactly.

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Speaker 2: Now we've got random acts of kindness. Well, what what

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Speaker 2: is so important of kindness and gratitude.

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Speaker 3: Kindness and gratitude really go hand in hand. And if

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Speaker 3: you're sort of feeling sorry for yourself or down in

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Speaker 3: the dumps, like, the first thing you should do is

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Speaker 3: something kind for others, like even if it's just like

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Speaker 3: opening a door for a stranger or just some simple

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Speaker 3: active goodness and kindness, and it gets you out of

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Speaker 3: your own head and back into your heart. And the

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Speaker 3: practice of gratitude also can very much help you just

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Speaker 3: in like just your daily existence and help you with

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Speaker 3: your mood and staying upbeat. I often find that even

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Speaker 3: I need a gratitude adjustment.

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Speaker 2: Is this like karma?

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, it is. One of my favorite of the

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Speaker 3: practices of kindness is what they do in Hawaii, but

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Speaker 3: it's spreading, is called living a Loha, and it's simple

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Speaker 3: acts of goodness that you do for strangers. Again, it

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Speaker 3: can be something just very simple, like helping an elderly

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Speaker 3: lady at the grocery store and like you know, lifting

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Speaker 3: her groceries like into her trunk of her car. Just

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Speaker 3: really simple acts of goodness. I think more of that

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Speaker 3: can bring the world together, which is needed right now.

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Speaker 2: I had a friend of mine who every once in

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Speaker 2: a while would look at somebody in the checkout line

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Speaker 2: of a food supermarket and go up and pay the bill.

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Speaker 3: I love that. That's a beautiful act of kindness. And

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Speaker 3: there's what I love about random acts of kindness is

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Speaker 3: that it is a global movement and it's sort of

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Speaker 3: it's still easy to do. Like you can, you know,

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Speaker 3: pay for somebody. If you're in a toll bridge, you

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Speaker 3: can pay for somebody behind you. You can if you're

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Speaker 3: in like a drive through at Starbucks, you can pay

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Speaker 3: for somebody's coffee order behind you. And those things like

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Speaker 3: bring us together and we really need that. But it

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Speaker 3: also really is uplifting. It just it just you know,

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Speaker 3: can just change your whole attitude for the day, week, month,

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Speaker 3: and sometimes we all need that.

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Speaker 2: I think he always looked at how full the basket was,

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Speaker 2: but he paid for it. Nonetheless, he's a good man. No,

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Speaker 2: gratitude and kindness are they two different things? Shore are

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Speaker 2: they the same?

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Speaker 3: Well, they're two different things, but they do go nicely together.

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Speaker 3: And I'll focus on gratitude for a minute, which is

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Speaker 3: a sense of thankfulness. I mean, I think we live

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Speaker 3: in a stressed out world. I think there's no denial

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Speaker 3: of that. Instead of focusing on like how bad things

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Speaker 3: are or how scary the news is, which can scare

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Speaker 3: you to death, Like just just turn tune all that out,

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Speaker 3: turn all that off, and think about what you have

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Speaker 3: and and then just be grateful for that and then

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Speaker 3: so that that is the transformation that can be so

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Speaker 3: easy with a sense of gratitude and practicing that. Whereas

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Speaker 3: kindness is giving to others, it's selfless acts and it

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Speaker 3: can be you know, small or large, but no matter

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Speaker 3: what the size, it will it will mean a lot

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Speaker 3: to the other person, the recipient. And it's true that

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Speaker 3: like whatever you give will come back to you tenfold.

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Speaker 2: There's no question, Brenda that people who lack empathy lack

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Speaker 2: the ability to do this, don't they?

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Speaker 3: Yes, But I think they can learn it. I think

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Speaker 3: I think it can be a learned skill. And that's

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Speaker 3: why it's a good idea, George, for us to model

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Speaker 3: that to just like, you know, to just be an example.

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Speaker 3: And it doesn't have to be preachy or doesn't have

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Speaker 3: to be showy. It can just be simple and sometimes

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Speaker 3: the simpler the better, and I think other people will

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Speaker 3: pick it up, especially if if you do that for them,

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Speaker 3: somebody that might be lacking empathy, like, go ahead and

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Speaker 3: be kind, but go ahead and be generous to them,

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Speaker 3: go ahead and find something to be grateful for about them.

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Speaker 3: They'll pick it up eventually, and it's worth the effort.

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Speaker 2: It's incredible what the simple task of opening a door

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Speaker 2: for somebody would do.

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Speaker 3: Brenda, I agree. I agree, and I do it when

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Speaker 3: I can, especially for elder people, and they deserve that

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Speaker 3: respect and honor. And when somebody does it for me,

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Speaker 3: I am very grateful and I make sure to say

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Speaker 3: thank you.

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Speaker 2: I love going to the post office box looking for

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Speaker 2: somebody getting out of their car holding the boxes and

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Speaker 2: boxes of stuff, and you know they can't open the door,

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Speaker 2: and you just stand by the door and open it

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Speaker 2: up for them when they go in, and they're in shock, right.

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Speaker 3: But good for you for modeling that, And then you've

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Speaker 3: said an example, and they'll probably do that for somebody

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Speaker 3: the next time. Because I think people are innately inherently good.

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Speaker 3: I do believe that, and I think sometimes we all

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Speaker 3: just need a little reminder.

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Speaker 2: Now you grew up poor, didn't you?

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Speaker 3: I sure did. I grew up on a haller in

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Speaker 3: West Virginia, on a farm, but I didn't know what

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Speaker 3: we didn't have. I mean, I didn't realize that we

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Speaker 3: were like you know, Hillbilly's or Hicks or whatever. You know.

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Speaker 3: I had no idea of that, because like my mom, Helen,

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Speaker 3: like you know, set an example of being grateful and

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Speaker 3: being modest and being a good person. Like she's ninety eight,

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Speaker 3: still lives in West Virginia and is very healthy. I

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Speaker 3: think her attitude of gratitude and kindness is keeping her

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Speaker 3: here with us, and I hope she's here for a

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Speaker 3: long long time. But yeah, I grew up poor, but

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Speaker 3: I didn't know it. It was only when I moved

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Speaker 3: to California that I realize, like, oh I was that

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Speaker 3: I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't.

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Speaker 2: My mother's like yours. She's going to be ninety six

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Speaker 2: in May, and she's one of the most generous, nice

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Speaker 2: people I've ever known.

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Speaker 3: Well, she did a good job with raising you.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you, Brenda. I think she did. Dad did two.

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Speaker 2: Both good people be awesome. When you do something unexpectedly

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Speaker 2: for somebody, it generally comes back in some form or

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Speaker 2: fashion of goodness for you. I've seen it happen time

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Speaker 2: and time again, haven't you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I have. And uh and I think actually the Bible,

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Speaker 3: like you know, even like mentions that like the good

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Speaker 3: Samaritan parable and things like that. And but what I

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Speaker 3: love about it is that people that are giving in

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Speaker 3: that way, people are generous and good Samaritans, like they're

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Speaker 3: not doing it, you know, for that karmic you know,

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Speaker 3: boomerang or whatever. They're not thinking about that at all.

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Speaker 3: They're in the moment. You know, they're just doing what

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Speaker 3: they feel called to do in the moment. But it

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Speaker 3: definitely does come back. And I have seen that, and

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Speaker 3: I've experienced it too, where you know, a friend was

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Speaker 3: like really in trouble and you know, I went out

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Speaker 3: of my way, you know, went to their house, like

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Speaker 3: stayed with them. In fact, like a girlfriend of mine,

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Speaker 3: her boyfriend passed away very unexpectedly. I mean, he was young.

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Speaker 3: It was really really shocking. She was in shock, and

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Speaker 3: I went over there to just be with her. She

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Speaker 3: couldn't even really talk. And then you know, I just

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Speaker 3: did simple things like you know, washed the dishes, swept

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Speaker 3: the floor, went out and got groceries, just really really

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Speaker 3: basic stuff, and I and you know, I just thought

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Speaker 3: that's the least I could do. And I couldn't think

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Speaker 3: of you know, I wanted to help her in a

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Speaker 3: more profound way, but that was like what was right

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Speaker 3: in front of me, like sort of chop witho, you know,

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Speaker 3: Carrie Water. And then years later she told me that

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Speaker 3: like that like made a huge difference to her and

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Speaker 3: like sort of kept her, helped her keep it together

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Speaker 3: because she was in a lot of pain. So I

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Speaker 3: was really happy to know that that helped her. And

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Speaker 3: then actually she helped me with a similar situation.

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Speaker 2: I found all of this Brenda is to do it

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Speaker 2: without expecting anything to come back and return.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that's exactly right. That's the beauty of random acts

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Speaker 3: of kindness. Like there's no expectation. You just give it

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Speaker 3: away and just like you know, let it go and

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Speaker 3: like you know, let it go out to the universe

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Speaker 3: and spread more goodness.

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Speaker 2: And it will happen on its own.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I spent nine years with the Navy. My insurance company

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Speaker 2: is a military insurance company for people who have served

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Speaker 2: or continue to serve. It's a huge company and every

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Speaker 2: once in a while they divvy up the profits and

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Speaker 2: give you a little check. It's not huge, but they

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Speaker 2: give the members who I am, a check at the

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Speaker 2: end of the year. Well, I forgot all about it.

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Speaker 2: I gave some homeless person some money. They were holding

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Speaker 2: the sign, and I felt really sad for him and

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Speaker 2: gave them a little more than I should have. But

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Speaker 2: what the heck, But I just gave it to him,

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Speaker 2: didn't expect anything back. Went to the po box. It

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Speaker 2: was a check from my insurance company for ten times

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Speaker 2: what I gave the person. How do you explain that?

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Speaker 3: Well, I do think that the universe and whatever, like

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Speaker 3: you know, whatever big energy is. I mean, like, you know,

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Speaker 3: my mom as an evangelical Christian, so she she would

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Speaker 3: say God, you know, God had a hand in it.

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Speaker 3: Other more new age types here in California would say,

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Speaker 3: the universe has your back. But I do think that

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Speaker 3: when you put good things out, it comes back. And

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Speaker 3: so you weren't expecting anything when you gave to that

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Speaker 3: homeless guy, and then you know, the universe had your back.

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Speaker 2: Exactly. Omers Generation Y and Z are they all different?

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Speaker 3: You know, I think they are, but there's certain commonalities.

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Speaker 3: What has been interesting to I do actually like to

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Speaker 3: read about demographics. And what I had read by the

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Speaker 3: psychologists who you know, really knows his stuff, is that

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Speaker 3: Generation Z is has the most in common with the

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Speaker 3: the the great general the greatest generation, like which I

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Speaker 3: think yours and my mom and dad are like of

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Speaker 3: that of that generation, Like they're the ones that fought

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Speaker 3: World War two, Korea, et cetera. Like they they they served,

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Speaker 3: you know, when when they were needed, they served with

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Speaker 3: you know, and and proudly. And so I keep wondering

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Speaker 3: what it is that like Generation Z is going to

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Speaker 3: be called to do, to step up and serve. I'm

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm quite interested to see what they do. And

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Speaker 3: I like that that they harkened back to that greatest generation.

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Speaker 3: And according to like this you know psychologist, that there's

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Speaker 3: cycles like so there there's patterns like so you know,

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Speaker 3: so other generations like are similar to the ones that

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Speaker 3: are fifty years before.

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Speaker 2: By the way, I've got to get into what your

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Speaker 2: dad might have told you about UFOs who worked in

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Speaker 2: that area.

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Speaker 3: Didn't he Yes, he did?

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Speaker 2: He told you something, didn't he?

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Speaker 3: Yes? He did? Should we go for it?

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Speaker 2: Now, let's wait a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Okay, it's fun.

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Speaker 2: Tell me this though, were you surprised or shocked with

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Speaker 2: what he told you?

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Speaker 3: I was? I was. I was surprised and shocked because

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Speaker 3: my dad was a marine, and so you know, he

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Speaker 3: was very disciplined and very sober and not given to

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Speaker 3: a lot of you know, chit chat or gossip or anything,

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Speaker 3: just the facts, and so I was pretty floored with

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Speaker 3: what he told me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I can't wait to get into that. Do you

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Speaker 2: talk about gratitude is more than just saying gracious thanksgiving?

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Speaker 2: I agree with that.

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Speaker 3: It sure is. I mean it has to be. It

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Speaker 3: should be, you know, not just one day a year,

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Speaker 3: but like three sixty five twenty four to seven in

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Speaker 3: my opinion. And it's easy to practice gratitude. I mean

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Speaker 3: I do something every morning. I set my morning intention.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's when I'm still laying down in bed, and

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Speaker 3: like I wake up and I feel grateful to be

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Speaker 3: alive and grateful for another day and another opportunity to experience,

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Speaker 3: and and then I will sort of go into like

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Speaker 3: what's going to happen in that day. If I have

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Speaker 3: a lot of meetings, like I will say, well, I

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Speaker 3: intend that those meetings go well. I intend that like

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Speaker 3: this meeting with this author is you know, really inspired,

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Speaker 3: and that I'm inspired and they're inspired.

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Speaker 1: And like, for.

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Speaker 3: Example, I knew I was going to be like on

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Speaker 3: Coast to coast with you, George, and so I set

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Speaker 3: my intention that we were going to have fun. There

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Speaker 3: was going to be some enlightened moments, and that like

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Speaker 3: the listeners were, you know, getting a lot out of it.

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Speaker 3: And I hope and intend all that is true.

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Speaker 2: It'll happen, to be sure, tell me one of the

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Speaker 2: most thankful things that has ever happened to you.

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Speaker 3: Well this this is a tough one, but like that,

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Speaker 3: it's an important one. So right before the pandemic, my

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Speaker 3: partner passed away very suddenly. He had cancer, but we

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Speaker 3: thought he had years to live, and then he had

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Speaker 3: a surgery to deal with it, and there was an

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Speaker 3: error that was made in the surgery and so he

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Speaker 3: passed away. So it was a sudden death that was

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Speaker 3: very very very shocking, and it was right before the pandemic.

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Speaker 3: So then when Shelter and Place happened, I was literally

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Speaker 3: all alone. But I just I kept being I you know,

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Speaker 3: I had my morning intentions that I told you about,

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Speaker 3: and I just kept hanging on to the gratitude of

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Speaker 3: the love that we shared and that there was something,

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Speaker 3: you know, that the future was still going to be

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Speaker 3: positive for me. And then and then I you know,

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Speaker 3: endeavored to handle my grief and as evolved away as

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Speaker 3: I could and heal and deal. It was very, very tough,

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Speaker 3: especially since it was shelter in place and I was alone,

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Speaker 3: but I just kept hanging on to gratitude and the

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Speaker 3: belief that good things would happen. So then I started

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Speaker 3: doing grief counseling after I was like a couple of

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Speaker 3: years into it, because I did, you know, sort of

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Speaker 3: evolve a couple of practices for me that I thought

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Speaker 3: would help other people. And so during my grief counseling,

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Speaker 3: I met a man that I was very very much

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Speaker 3: able to help him. He had lost his wife again

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Speaker 3: very suddenly, and we formed a relationship and within six

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Speaker 3: months we fell madly in love and we're now married.

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Speaker 3: And I am sure that it was because, like I am,

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Speaker 3: you know, took my because I stayed open to the possibility.

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Speaker 3: I stayed as grateful as I was able to during

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Speaker 3: that process, and then I was willing to give so

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Speaker 3: my you know, my intention with the grief counseling was

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Speaker 3: to offer kindness and soul and you know, healing for

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Speaker 3: those who were going through what I went through.

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Speaker 2: What a great story. How much of this, Brenda is

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Speaker 2: God's hand?

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Speaker 3: Well, I definitely think, I mean, I actually even feel

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Speaker 3: like there were angels like out there swirling around helping us,

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Speaker 3: like maybe my partner and my husband's wife Mary. So

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Speaker 3: I think there might be a whole crew out there

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Speaker 3: that we're helping us, because it definitely felt like there

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Speaker 3: was something magical happening and something sort of like like

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Speaker 3: a heavenly benevolence was there for us.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, listen to more Coast to Coast AM every weeknight

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