Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: On day three of Sarah Palin's One Nation Bus tour,
Speaker 2: she met with Donald Trump on his home turf right
Speaker 2: here in New York City.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, she's here, She's in the house with him. Wow.
Speaker 3: This brings up so many questions.
Speaker 4: Whose name will they put on the vehicle they travel in?
Speaker 4: Will they call it trailing plump? What will they call it?
Speaker 1: So Trump's showing pale in the town.
Speaker 4: I'm sure he took her to the best of the best,
Speaker 4: some classy place like the Trump All you Can Eat
Speaker 4: Fuegra and caviar Etheria, Trump fog Wah and Cabetheria, where
Speaker 4: you are guaranteed to contract gout, the Disease of Kings,
Speaker 4: and the two Broke Bread.
Speaker 2: They went out for a slice of pizza in New
Speaker 2: York's Times Square.
Speaker 1: Oh you know what, huh? Slice of pizza?
Speaker 4: Respect The place is called Famous Familia Pizza.
Speaker 3: It is an Albanian chain of pizzerias.
Speaker 4: What Famous Familiars have Fiftieth and Broadway. I mean, I've
Speaker 4: eaten the pizza's you know fine. I used to there
Speaker 4: a lot when I was working next door Caroline's Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: It's a good convenience pizza.
Speaker 3: It's uh.
Speaker 4: You know, back in the eighties, there weren't a lot
Speaker 4: of food options in Times Square. It was either familiar
Speaker 4: pizza or scar pronounce some edible underwear from one of
Speaker 4: the porn shops.
Speaker 1: And then Giuliani took that option away.
Speaker 3: You know, Donald, I don't want.
Speaker 4: To say anything, but if you're taking an esteemed visitor
Speaker 4: to get real New York pizza, familiars, ain't it?
Speaker 3: Dinner was great?
Speaker 1: We had great pizza.
Speaker 3: Wasn't that good?
Speaker 1: It was real New York pizza.
Speaker 4: No, no, it's not unless a real, authentic New York
Speaker 4: pizza can also be found in Terminal four of the
Speaker 4: Phoenix sky.
Speaker 3: Harbrand National Headport.
Speaker 4: It's familiar, it's a chick and Governor Palin by the way,
Speaker 4: no disrespect, no disrespect to you.
Speaker 1: You're a guest in our city.
Speaker 4: We should offer you the finest that our hospitality has
Speaker 4: to offer you. I just would have thought Captain Combover
Speaker 4: could have pulled that one off. I mean, for sake,
Speaker 4: it's New York City. I mean, I hate to use
Speaker 4: this term, this close to ground zero, but we're a
Speaker 4: bit of a pizza mecca. I mean you know you got,
Speaker 4: you got Lombardy's, honestly Lombardy.
Speaker 1: Go down to Lombardi's.
Speaker 4: All this pizzer in town. Little literally found that in
Speaker 4: nineteen oh five. They make their own pork sauceage. You
Speaker 4: go to Grimaldi's under the Brooklyn Bridge, a brick oven,
Speaker 4: but go there early by four o'clock. The lines out
Speaker 4: to the East River. Totano's, Coney Island, mott Own, thin
Speaker 4: crust with sweet sauce. Toros on Houston Street co love
Speaker 4: and lightly charred crust. Go to John's, Oh John's, go
Speaker 4: to the one on Bleeker if that's full. Go to
Speaker 4: the John's on the Upper West Sits not the same vibe.
Speaker 4: But the pides Deninos on Staten Island they got the
Speaker 4: breadcrumbs on the bottom.
Speaker 3: Go Joe's on Carmine Street.
Speaker 1: Just get a slice.
Speaker 5: Go to Joseph Gary Donald.
Speaker 6: Familia in Broadway.
Speaker 3: Now, I get it, I get it. You're in a hurry.
Speaker 4: Maybe they're security concerns. I'll forgive you this selection. I
Speaker 4: apologize it. Let's just go to the content of your
Speaker 4: meeting and then we'll.
Speaker 3: Just shut off a bitch.
Speaker 7: Love and you stack your slices Donald with all due respect,
Speaker 7: you stacked slices a pizza. The steam from the bottom
Speaker 7: of the slice is gonna make the top crust set
Speaker 7: you pieces.
Speaker 4: Maybe all those years, all those years of making your
Speaker 4: hair do whatever it is that it does. You think
Speaker 4: you can go around layering anything you want to layer
Speaker 4: and no one's gonna say anything about it.
Speaker 3: But you cannot.
Speaker 4: You know something, I apologize, I apologize, no disrespect.
Speaker 1: I apologize. Let's let's continue with the meeting.
Speaker 8: Is are you waiting with a form and for no
Speaker 8: lah for sat donaka ah at tol ded de bey
Speaker 8: ab diablo.
Speaker 4: Donald Trump, why don't you just take that orc and
Speaker 4: stick it right in New York's eye?
Speaker 5: Donald Trump?
Speaker 1: We work hard and you do this.
Speaker 4: You disrespect us in our own house, Scott a gucc
Speaker 4: You can put your name on everything. You can build
Speaker 4: your glass and gold painted buildings to the sky blocking
Speaker 4: out the Central Park sun. It's fine, it's fine, but
Speaker 4: you invite an important visitor at our house, to our
Speaker 4: town and eat your pizza with a.
Speaker 1: Fork right in front of us.
Speaker 3: Hold off, do you take you you know what?
Speaker 4: Hey, why don't you take a Fiorella La Guardian's hat
Speaker 4: and feed it to Jodamaggio's crying ghost on Liberty Island.
Speaker 3: You son of a bitch, You son of a bitch.
Speaker 3: Watch and learn, Watch and learn, for God's sakes, watch
Speaker 3: and learn. You fold up for real? You're folded. You folded,
Speaker 3: You eat it one hand, you got the other hand free?
Speaker 5: You bull up, barmejan little regno, little red pepper.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're a point of your friend Agoli.
Speaker 3: That is, maybe you guy.
Speaker 1: You're walking in to go ahead to take care of that.
Speaker 5: That all right, don't very nice?
Speaker 6: Or maybe you just use your other hand to take
Speaker 6: and irresponsible non anabkins bab it on there and maybe
Speaker 6: a few minutes later you can throw them the cow,
Speaker 6: you can throw them out, or you leave them on
Speaker 6: the table and go.
Speaker 3: You want to tip yours tip? What do I look like?
Speaker 3: A bus boy?
Speaker 4: Hold?
Speaker 1: This is fact. Actually I was a bus boys? Would
Speaker 1: My point is this? Donald, I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell your stories.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell your stories.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna tell your story, Donald Trump.
Speaker 1: My grandparents immigrated to this country.
Speaker 4: My grandfather worked as a taxi driver in Brooklyn.
Speaker 1: My other grandfather worked as a dry cleaner in Washington Heights.
Speaker 1: I do not come from successful stuff.
Speaker 4: But every day they work their fingers at a bone
Speaker 4: to a bone because it was their dream that someday
Speaker 4: their grandson could afford some DVDs of all of Robert.
Speaker 1: De Niro's movies.
Speaker 3: So that he could, little Jewish.
Speaker 4: Boy of Latvian, Lithuanian and Mongolian blood could one day,
Speaker 4: one day, god willing, huh, pretend to be Italian on television.
Speaker 1: And now you have the ball stayed pizza with a fork.
Speaker 4: You know what, based on how you with pizza, Donald,
Speaker 4: I want to see your long form birth certificate.
Speaker 1: I don't think you were really born in like many
Speaker 1: of you.
Speaker 4: I heard some interesting let's call it news today about.
Speaker 1: A certain let's say give from Heaven.
Speaker 4: Entering the presidential race because apparently Huckabee.
Speaker 1: Santorum wasn't far fetched enough.
Speaker 4: I gotta tell you the world right now has brought
Speaker 4: whites are black Trump's running for president? Like does gravity
Speaker 4: still work? Because I mean it's yeah, a billionaire vanity
Speaker 4: candidate taking me escalator to the White House.
Speaker 1: Hey, only losers walk.
Speaker 4: Presidents take stair force one.
Speaker 1: What an entrance an escalator down?
Speaker 4: I haven't seen an entrance that majestic since my friend
Speaker 4: met me at the gap after grabbing an orange Julius, Wow,
Speaker 4: come on, let's dance, clown stick.
Speaker 3: I am offacially running.
Speaker 9: For president of the United States, and we are going
Speaker 9: to make our country great again.
Speaker 4: I scored his own presidential announcement.
Speaker 1: Hey hey, I'm gonna run for president.
Speaker 4: Kyle in the sound booth, Neil young meek Yeah, rocking
Speaker 4: in the okay cut done, and what followed was over
Speaker 4: half an hour the most beautifully ridiculous gibber jabber ever
Speaker 4: to pour forth from the mouth of a back billionaire.
Speaker 10: The US has become a dumping ground.
Speaker 11: For everybody else's problems.
Speaker 3: They're laughing at us.
Speaker 11: How stupid are our leaders?
Speaker 3: We have losers. We have losers.
Speaker 9: When did we beat Japan at anything? China has our
Speaker 9: jobs and Mexico has our jobs. When Mexico sends his people,
Speaker 9: they bring in drugs, they're bringing crime. They're rapists, and
Speaker 9: some I assume are good people.
Speaker 1: I'm saying benefit of the doubt.
Speaker 3: Huh, they can't all be rapist.
Speaker 5: It's not probable.
Speaker 4: This guy just no disrespect in our southern neighbors.
Speaker 1: At his presidential announcement, You're.
Speaker 4: A bunch of drug dealers in rapists, no disrespect.
Speaker 5: It was amazing. America's ID is running for president.
Speaker 4: Trump is the part of your brain that's like at
Speaker 4: three am, going, let's go take it.
Speaker 1: In a mailbox.
Speaker 5: Come on, io's gonna know.
Speaker 4: Now. Every candidate uses their announcement speech to reel off
Speaker 4: a litany of the valley that to find them.
Speaker 3: So did the Donald. I'm really rich.
Speaker 10: I'll show you that, And I said the time, I've
Speaker 10: done an amazing job. A total net worth of eight billion,
Speaker 10: net worth, not assets.
Speaker 3: I have the best courses in the World's a.
Speaker 10: Grand Hyatt hotel, the Convention Center on the west side
Speaker 10: of Trump Tower, Bank of America building in San Francisco.
Speaker 10: I just sold an apartment for fifteen million dollars to
Speaker 10: somebody from China.
Speaker 4: Hey, fifty million to a Chinese guy who's better than me.
Speaker 3: Hey, Kyle Neil Youngmi boom. This speech was socked up.
Speaker 4: That in the middle of it all the liquid in
Speaker 4: his body tried to escape through the corner of his mouth.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Donald, Thank you Donald Trump for making my
Speaker 4: last six weeks my best six weeks. No, he is
Speaker 4: putting me in some kind of comedy hospice Claire.
Speaker 3: We're all I'm getting is just straight morphie.
Speaker 4: Donald Trump, the patron saint of topical comedians who are
Speaker 4: just running out the clock.
Speaker 3: I mean, look, we did just have two.
Speaker 4: Weeks off from talking about Trump.
Speaker 3: A dumb springer.
Speaker 1: I called it just out of curiosity. What it is?
Speaker 12: He at again, unleashing his latest political firestorm on a
Speaker 12: new target, this time John McCain.
Speaker 1: He's a war hero.
Speaker 12: Trump in Iowa, going directly after the Arizona senator and
Speaker 12: former Navy fighter pilot who spent five and a half
Speaker 12: years as a POW two.
Speaker 1: Is a war herope as he was captured. I like
Speaker 1: people that weren't captured. Okay, I hate to.
Speaker 3: Tell you, hey, hey hey, no hey hey not. Let
Speaker 3: me just hold on just.
Speaker 4: And you know what else, if I may just a moment,
Speaker 4: and cancer survivors too, let me tell you something.
Speaker 3: No hey, let me just say this, no please.
Speaker 5: I like people who don't get cancer.
Speaker 3: I like, let me tell you something. I like.
Speaker 5: I like winners. Those are the people whose.
Speaker 4: Bodies don't suffer from an uncontrollable division of abnormal self
Speaker 4: attacking the organs.
Speaker 3: Those are the people.
Speaker 4: We should be making wishes and running marathons for winners, winners, winners, winners, winners, Boom.
Speaker 5: Trump twenty sixteen. Trump's bold.
Speaker 4: POWs, Oh we're going out baby on a my note.
Speaker 4: Trump's bold POWs aren't heroes raised questions of what is
Speaker 4: wrong with him.
Speaker 2: When you're criticized or attacked, you often respond with name calling,
Speaker 2: using terms like dummy, loser, total losers on Twitter and elsewhere.
Speaker 2: You even demean some people's physical appearance. Is that something
Speaker 2: you would continue doing if you were president?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 11: I don't think it. Look when people attack me, I
Speaker 11: let them have it back. You say physical appearance, So
Speaker 11: you know it's my hair, But people are constantly attacking
Speaker 11: my hair. I don't see you coming to my defense.
Speaker 11: You know my hair is just fine.
Speaker 4: First things first, your hair's not fine. Now, I agree,
Speaker 4: megaphone of someone's physical.
Speaker 3: Appearance is a cheap blow. But that hair.
Speaker 4: That is comedy entrapment. People are not attacking your hair.
Speaker 4: They are defending themselves from something that appears like it's
Speaker 4: about to attack them.
Speaker 3: I smell a new Pixar movie.
Speaker 5: Trump's comments clearly caught on tape.
Speaker 4: Trump had no choice but to recognize that he had spoken,
Speaker 4: and take the honorable way out.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 11: I'm just.
Speaker 3: Here's what he did.
Speaker 11: Why did Savannah start off by saying, I said that
Speaker 11: he was not a warrior. I never said that. I
Speaker 11: said he was a war hero, Matt. Savannah started it
Speaker 11: up by saying, I said that he wasn't a war hero.
Speaker 11: I didn't say that.
Speaker 4: I stand correct that I could have sworn you said it.
Speaker 4: I mean, just listen to the tape again, real quickly.
Speaker 3: He's not a war hero.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that sounded like, you know, let's let's watch it
Speaker 4: upside down, because maybe I.
Speaker 1: Didn't he's not a war hero.
Speaker 4: No, it's still I mean, the hair does look better there,
Speaker 4: but it still sounds like he said he's not a
Speaker 4: war Let me let me see it with a bit of.
Speaker 1: A sesame street vine. He's not a war hero. Oh,
Speaker 1: that appears to be brought to you by the letter.
Speaker 3: You said it, so you said it.
Speaker 11: The next sentence was, he is a war hero. I
Speaker 11: said that, but they never want to play it, and
Speaker 11: you don't want to play it. If you would have
Speaker 11: let it run just another three seconds, you would have
Speaker 11: said that. I said, very clearly, he is a war hero.
Speaker 4: He's not a war hero, war hero, he's a war
Speaker 4: half years he's a war hero because he was captured.
Speaker 1: So you said he's not a war hero.
Speaker 4: The guy next to you goes, he's a war hero,
Speaker 4: and you go, well.
Speaker 1: He's a war hero because he got captured.
Speaker 4: So really, just calling someone a war hero count if
Speaker 4: you're doing it sarcastically.
Speaker 1: He's not a war hero.
Speaker 5: All right, he's a war hero.
Speaker 4: All right, fine, you got captured.
Speaker 3: Whatever.
Speaker 4: But of course you better to talk about sacrificing war
Speaker 4: time than one Donald Trump's going to college, had student deferments,
Speaker 4: and that it's a long time ago.
Speaker 7: Had student deferments, then ultimately had a medical deferment because
Speaker 7: of my feet.
Speaker 1: I had a bone spur.
Speaker 4: Okay, I get that. As a man who is also
Speaker 4: constantly suffering from medical conditions that aren't real, I will
Speaker 4: say a bone spur is very painful. It's well, it's
Speaker 4: the kind of pain you never forget.
Speaker 3: What you foot.
Speaker 10: Did you have the bone spur?
Speaker 1: In h You'll look it up in the records. It's
Speaker 1: in the record, right or left? One of those two.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's probably the one I don't normally have in my mouth.
Speaker 4: Look, Donnie trumpsy baby, don't claim out now, listen, don't
Speaker 4: flame out now.
Speaker 5: I gotta squeeze three.
Speaker 3: More weeks of these.
Speaker 4: You're at the point where even your fellow Republican presidential candidates,
Speaker 4: the people who are trying very hard not to recognize
Speaker 4: what a terrible person you are now have to recognize
Speaker 4: what a terrible person you want.
Speaker 1: It's not just absurd, it's offensive. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 3: I denounced Donald Trump for that.
Speaker 4: Donald Trump owes every American veteran, and in particular John McCain,
Speaker 4: an apology.
Speaker 6: Jeb Bush saying, quote enough with the Slanders attacks.
Speaker 4: Senator John McCain and all our veterans, particularly POW's have
Speaker 4: earned our respect and admiration. Yes, at long last, does
Speaker 4: the man who accused the vast majority of Mexican immigrants
Speaker 4: of being drug addicted rapists.
Speaker 1: Have no sense of decency?
Speaker 3: But they're right, they're right. I so love this man.
Speaker 4: I really feel like he's some sort of Jewish holiday
Speaker 4: waiting to happen. Like we thought the craziness would only
Speaker 4: last a day, but by a miracle, it burned for
Speaker 4: eight ten.
Speaker 3: Holy that's what we should call it.
Speaker 4: HOLYA Here's the thing I don't get. Why is anyone
Speaker 4: acting surprised about Trump. The only reason you liked this
Speaker 4: guy in the first place is because of the terrible
Speaker 4: things he was willing to say about Obama. But Trump
Speaker 4: has no control over the projectile vomit of dickishness that
Speaker 4: comes out of his mouth every time he opens it.
Speaker 4: It was inevitable some of his word pupils gonna get
Speaker 4: on you. And you should have known that you've been
Speaker 4: on this road before.
Speaker 1: Well. First off, Nancy Pelosi is a Dean bat.
Speaker 12: Water guardian is how we baptize terrorists once.
Speaker 1: Once you cast a spell and to bring an internet comment.
Speaker 4: To life, it no longer belongs to you. Only this
Speaker 4: time the chat room troll emoji you've conjured has ten
Speaker 4: billion dollars of its own money.
Speaker 1: You thought was still a word salad was hard to shake.
Speaker 1: Wait till you get Trump dump on you.
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